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Here is all the content that Harm has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Why would you DO that?!?
after a nice brunch with family on Saturday (and a quick outing to Lowes) i return home and check facebook as its Saturday and I'm procrastinating. Odd message from a friend asking i call them back ASAP. Call her boyfriend who explains how a Micro SD card ( such as one would find in their phone) was inserted, by his girlfriend Against all parties advisement - into the USB port of another friends laptop ( who has the exact same model of laptop the inserter has). it seems the card has fallen INTO the case of this laptop and is rattling around. first words out of my mouth were " WHY the HELL would you... WFT was she thinking? and she is banned from touching any electronics ever again ever" - fast forward to last night. the laptop and its owner arrive at my place ( i had promised to take a look at a slowness issue for standard barter). SD card - i can hear rattling around. Oh goody. well its still intact. pop the back of to access memory/hdd and wifi card, turn laptop in several directions, and out drops a micro SD card onto my table. Owner states " Well she found the SD card in her phone, and decided to check out what's on it.. I told her you need an adapter but she stuffed it into my USB slot? I have no idea why either.. and I'm sure she was sober at the time too. " another add to resume of accomplishments - retrieving micro cards lost in laptops through USB port.
[By: Harm]
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Like finding credit cards in floppy drives or CD's inside PC cases because user missed the drive and slid it into the slot between the drive and case... -JoeLugian
CD in cases i can understand... and stretching it a little CreditCards.. but a micro SD in a USB slot? i could undersatdnit in the SD slot.. but US fuckingB? -Harm
I hope she is an awesome lay, because brains ain't one of her outstanding attributes. - virusjtg
I've known this person for quite some time - and not always the sharpest tool in the shed, but has never demontrated this level of WTF? before. we've all done stuff in a non legal state of mind - but stone sober? it boggles the mind. -Harm
<DA>I never understood the credit card/floppy thing either until a few weeks ago I discovered that if you insert a card wide-side-first, it DOES fit neatly in a 3.5" drive. As I was doing this as an experiment and not in a drunken attempt to buy something, I didn't put it in all the way (I'm not THAT stupid), but I now have a vague understanding as to how the less clued could possibly think that to be a good idea.</DA> -Lusus
"You sodomized my dashboard!!" *winks at linkv* -Trillian
Remember, behind every urban computer legend there is a truth. (Besides the one about all Lusers being thick as a brick)</spurious Jethro Tull reference> -ecoli
Did you at least check the offending SD card for good blackmail material ? -Necros
i really wouldn't want too... i know the owner of the card too well. something.. ya just don't wanna see / know. -Harm
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2.
Good news!!! (NT/OT)
ALCOHOL DOUBLES LIFE SPAN!!! okay.. in worms but extrapolate up eh?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/01/20/alcohol_doubles_lifespan/
[By: Harm]
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Woo Hoo! more time for drinkin'!! -DedSysOp
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3.
Really? (NT/OT)
It's a sad Monday when its almost 4 PM EST and TSC still doesn't have a submission. so i did this.
[By: Harm]
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They said I could be anything I wanted. So I became a placeholder post. -AmazingKreskin
It's Monday. What else needs to be said?
-VoiceOfSanity
Maybe it's actually a happy day. No users annoying us today. -MisterCommon
Too many users too annoying. No time to breathe, let alone think. :( -reveriel
I'm still working on catching up on work and on the posts from last week. Hospital didn't have interweb. I was scared. -ravensentinel
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4.
art imitating life - exactly... (NT/OT)
http://xkcd.com/921/ -- who HASN'T had this happen with UPS? repeatedly.
[By: Harm]
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See, that I can deal with. However... dumping my expensive electronics on my APARTMENT doorstep when no one answers, instead of taking it to LEASING OFFICE, that is what pisses me off. -Aelin236
problem i have is the " I WAS HOME ALLDAY YOU #%$#$%s and you NEVER Rang, knocked or anything!" -Harm
@Harm, happens to me with the and purolator. I live in an apartment, they don't ring up they just stick it on the main building door and leave. -0gr3
@Harm- I suppose to put in in perspective, I was served court papers taped to the door of my then recently former home. The problem was for the full month leading up to then, I had a live-in moocher roommate who never left the house. But the court stooge never bothered to knock on the door, assuming that no car = no one home. -Aelin236
I once had UPS throw a Mid Tower case over my 8 foot tall fence. Thankfully it was just the case and it was well packed! -AniMaL
The hobbit hole we lived in technically had two doors, one of which opened onto the back parking area, and the other of which opened onto...the grassy side of a hill, with no sidewalk or anything. The UPS guy leaves a winter holidays box from my mother in front of--not the door with the shoveled path to it, but the door opening onto the FOUR FOOT SNOWDRIFT because obviously we used that door all the fscking time. -pixel
I had one better recently... UPS claiming to have dropped off a package at the office on the website, a sticker on my door saying a delivery was made, and the office saying that UPS never came in to deliver any packages. Needless to say, I had a few choice words with the UPS support folks that probably burned ears within range. -VoiceOfSanity
I once had Purolator decide that because they couldn't deliver my laptop on the 1st attempt, that they would randomly give it to a neighbour without my prior authorization, or indicating WHO actually had my laptop. -Caboose447
Aelin236 - in most states, taping it to the door is not considered as "serving" the person - since it avoids any proof of service. -technaround
I once watched the cul-de-sac turn in as I watched online status for a package (Laptops are the worst I think, right?) Status changed about eight PM to "Attempted to deliver!" There was no turn in by any vehicle even attempted! I was on the phone in 105% rant before the electrons even cooled from the "Attempted" message, Hot, mean, unreasonable, I had ten dollars worth of fun out of them. Made them escalate two more levels of call back to me, and didn't take any amount of apology as acceptable. "Have my box here at nine tomorrow morning or I'm doing it again!! All day long!" And they couldn't get it done then either! -jerrybear
Caboose: Had almost that same sort of scenario happen with FedEx.
-BayouTech
Purolator has several times driven by my house to the community post box at the end of the street and simply dropped off a "delivery attempt notice" without actually attempting to deliver anything. I actually sat on my porch one day and watched the driver, as I was awaiting an important package. I then got on the phone and reamed out the CS agent and made them deliver the damned package that afternoon. Now I just have things delivered to the company, as they seem to get there with no problems. -SwedishChef
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5.
Sureal MOnday morning (NT/OT)
Oh if only i could have been there tom see this - and the signes had not been carted away!
http://www.cbc.ca/news/offbeat/story/2011/06/27/nl-zombie-warning-gallery-627.html
[By: Harm]
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My brother would have enjoyed that... shame he's off in Niagara Falls just now. He's an editor on the paper in St. John's; I'll have to twit him about being conveniently out of town when the fun things happen... -chazz
Just in case anyone wants to get their BOFY on, here's how to hack the signs. http://jalopnik.com/5141430/how-to-hack-an-electronic-road-sign -edventure
"In all likelihood, the crew will not have changed it. However if they did, never fear. Hold "Control" and "Shift" and while holding, enter "DIPY". This will reset the sign and reset the password to "DOTS" in the process. You're in!" And you thought M$ security was bad. -Stryker One
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6.
after 14 years...
It finally drops. HAPPY DNF RELEASE DAY!!! I have to pick up my reserved copy after work :( EB games wasn't yet open at 6:30...
[By: Harm]
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let us know if it is worth buying, pirating, or ignoring. -gashach
Ars Technica was apparently not impressed. -AmazingKreskin
It can't be 1997 forever. -LDFeral
el reg gave it a 40% rating and panned it. I'll have it loaded later on tonigt .. leave work - get to car 0- hit up EB games.. get home - disappare into the basement play it out for a while. -Harm
Hah! My 14th wedding anniversary was yesterday. Wonder if they're connected somehow. -edventure
Joystiq gave it a 2 outta 5 -DarkRookie
given the reviews - i mat not actually NEEd to upgrade my 9800 GTX... i will anyway but the grafix reviews seem - horrible. ( hoped its just them) -Harm
When they made the announcement of this game, my kid started saving his money. He paid for the deluxe edition, and since he's at camp this week, I have to pick it up. I'm not allowed to open it nor do anything to it until he gets home. Then it's a DN party with his three best buds. I'm going to end up killing someone, I just know it. -OKTechChick
I'll be picking mine up tomorrow after work. -virusjtg
DO NOT BUY. -Tarantulus
ORLY? - details! -Harm
Duke being Duke is one thing, but getting an achievement for picking up a turd from the toilet? Come on. -AmazingKreskin
http://v.cdn.cad-comic.com/comics/cad-20110613-2a6e0.png Quoth T. Buckley: "The game is outdated, clunky. The Duke comes of as borish, sexist, immature and unlikeable. He was an outrageous parody back in the '90s, a tongue in cheek take on action heroes, even borrowing some of their one-liners. Duke was violent and crass, and I think we loved him back then because that was all new territory for a video game. Also I was ten when I first played Duke Nukem, so all the violence and swearing and "babes" was exciting, like staying up late to watch an R-rated movie I wasn't supposed to see. He hasn't aged well, and now I find Duke annoying." -MeanDean
Amateurs. I still remember when Duke was two-dimensional and awesome. -Seamus
Point being? Duke Nukem is a game of its times, as is Duke Nukem 3D and DNF. Problem is, those times have passed; gaming has moved on, and DNF is stuck firmly in the Duke Nukem milieu. PC Gamer gave it 80, based on it being a strong shooter, but went on to say that the graphics was pretty poor and the story... didn't extend through the whole game; by about the halfway point you were simply shooting aliens because they were ugly. I don't see anything there to argue against Tim's comment above, as quoted by MeanDean. -chazz
Played it for an hour. the PC version automatically links to Steam. No point buying the game stop or EB games " Cd protection". The story line is pretty much identical to the original - Aliens, kill them! Some key differentces in game play ( so far i hope to helli'm wrong) no weapon storage - weapons 1-0 are gone.. you have whatever you pick up or toss down. this sucks. if i wanna switch between shotgun, pistol or alient engery blaser.. your not going to. once you run out of Ammo on the shotgun, you switch to pistol. again -i'm barely into the game so maybe this is just a start zone thing. if NOT - then WTF are people smoking? -Harm
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7.
Survivor Sunday (nt/ot)
so, how are you spending survivor sunday?
[By: Harm]
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Resting, talking to my mother, planning an arduino shield, eating at IHOP, and building another doomsday machine with the obligatory LED countdown timer that will move slower than molasses enabling the hero to disarm it with seconds to spare. -OldScratch
Workin'. -Seamus
Installing Ubuntu Natty (and changing the UI back to classic), reading, and maybe knitting. -Seamyst
Took MIL to the mall, went food shopping, did laundry. Played with the cats...nothing abnormal. -TechieSidhe
Lets stop and give thanks, to Randy Savage, valiently giving his life, so he can elbow drop some sence into god, thus preventing the rapture. -ZombieBear
Monday morning for me. I spent the weekend with my son. He was watching Chuggington and I was playing "Close Combat Cross Of Iron" with a mod-pack installed. The simple joys of flame-thrower tanks and unprotected infantry. Ordinary tanks or assault guns will also work just fine. -Wraith556
Recovering... had one or two vodkas with some friends on Saturday, so spent most of Sunday on the sofa, not moving much... -Diptera
Worked, went home, ate, read, watched TV, did backups, surfed where you don't surf @ work, went to bed, slept, got up, shaved & bathed, ate, watched the news, got dressed & came into work again... SSDD... -MadJack
Completed rebuild of a file server @ home. -PTSTech
I finished Enslaved -DarkRookie
Well, it's Monday and I'm back on the phones. I am guessing that the rapture came and went, and instead of passing me by it sent me straight to purgatory. (I'm Jewish - we don't even believe in hell, purgatory, or the apocolypse/rapture.) -Captain Trips
No, wait! Here's what REALLY happened: Someone discovered what the universe was really for (how many times has that happened now, again?) and was immediately replaced by something even more bizarre & inexplicable. We, of course, can't tell the difference... ;) -MadJack
Oh... shit. This guy's UN-BE-LIEVEABLE!! I just heard on the radio that Camping is now saying he was off by five months. "I was wrong, it's OCTOBER 21st!!" OK, that settles it. Put this guy's picture in the dictionary next to the definition of stupid. Anyone with half a functioning brain cell would just shut their mouth & vanish with their ill gotten gains, never to be seen or heard from again; but not this fool! :roll: -MadJack
Trips, what about Sheol? -Omega
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8.
DNF!
may actually release! http://www.reghardware.com/2011/01/21/duke_nukem_forever_spring_release/ Okay we've heard this for the last.. umm.. 14 years? BUT THIS TIME IT WILL HAPPED!! ( or at least many of us will keep telling ourselves that. Given the wait - this better be one HELL of a game.. on the scale of Fallout 3 x10 providing BJ's and sammiches along with frosty drinks while playing.. ( game play may differ from hopes and dreams.. and online)
[By: Harm]
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Well, the trailer looks cool...wonder what the system requirements will be? -Captain Trips
I've been very happy with Gearbox's track record so far, so I trust them with this one. -AmazingKreskin
mim system reqs will probably be along the lines of the upper lvl shooters now.. min dualcore with 2 GB ram and a 8800 ( or ati equivalent) -Harm
ati equivalent = HD3870 -DarkRookie
About the system requirements: I know people joked that it would run on GNU/HURD... but probably it will require DOS like its predecessors... -Fortytwo
With the amount of time it's been in development they would have had to anticipate some technology. So it probably requires a quantum processor running Windows 10 (256 qubit edition). -AussieFoot
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9.
Oh THank you XKCD
http://xkcd.com/846/ - i really can't Stand that song... Thank you for correcting it!
[By: Harm]
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That's strange. I did a hypothermia demo in Boy Scouts and had both arms in ice water for 3 min, and I don't remember any pain. Once my arms went numb, it was just cold. YMMV. -docbrown01
I'm sue someone's pasted this before, but just found it: http://xkcd.com/627/ -ActingUpAgain
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10.
Scott would approve!
and in ST:V - gave us the formula! BEHOLD! http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Science/2011/01/11/16841766.html
[By: Harm]
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err - Scotty! -Harm
At first, I thought you were talking about Star Trek: Voyager, and I was confused. :)
Actually, I read another article the other day about a team that is trying to use cheaper materials to replicate paladium, using nano-tech to combine elements at a very precise level. I will see if I can find the link. -docbrown01
"Which of you danged kids bent my window? Get off my lawn!" but seriously, what happens when I start to get heavier amounts of palladium poisoning? Is Nick gonna show up with some hot little red head and inject me with something before replacing my windows? -GargoyleTS
One point hidden in the story: this metallic glass isn't transparent. It's not even translucent. It's completely opaque. And do you know what palladium costs these days? -Captain Trips
Actually it was Star Trek IV the voyage home. -Icelator
yes .. i meant 4 it came out 5 (i was looking at you, i was thinking chicken and out popped Potatoe) -Harm
This isn't the article I was trying to find but it's close enough - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium_oxynitride - This stuff would be closer to Transparent Alumnium of ST4, but not as tough as the glass in your article. -AussieFoot
Aluminium oxidises readily in open atmosphere - which is why it appears dull, the outer layer has oxidised. Transperen aluminium would be less than useless, as the outer layer would oxidise, and the metal would become cloudy, or even opaque -PoglaTheGrate
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11.
Too true
too true.. we've all been there haven't we?
http://xkcd.com/806/
[By: Harm]
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One thing I like about xkcd is that there's mouseover text on each comic that's relevant to the comic and usually funny, too. -OgdenTechGuy
@OTG: I found that out myself a couple months ago, then had to go back through the entire archive to read them all! -minchazo
Ha! I thought the password seemed familiar from somewhere: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shibboleth_(Internet2) wikilink -LDFeral
When BellSouth started rolling out DSL, I was one of the first subscribers in New Orleans. Problem was, I was running WinNT while they supported only Win95/98. Solution? Call the maker of the modem, get them to send me drivers. Later, I had to call BellSouth for a different problem, they asked what OS, and when I told them they were like 'What?' Once I got a real tech on the line, it was more like 'you're doing NT? What's the throughput with the driver?'
-VoiceOfSanity
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12.
(NT/OT) FFS! seriously?
okay what the hell was wrong with BEER and "Oregano" - http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/07/digital-drugs/ - seriousy and MP3? subliminal messaging and the effects of variouse tomes on the brin/ nervouse syetm have been know for some time now. a DRUG?! no no no - many of us have TRIED drugs, and grown out of that phase. ( been there done that got sick / enjoyed it then moved on) hell i know poepl my parents age that barely remeber the 60's or 70'S the 80 to some is a fast paced blur leaving them wiit a single sinus cavity but whats next. BLow ear drums from " drug " MP3s? these requier an INSTUCTION MANUAL! srsly? in my day you only needed a few rolling papers / rolled paper / drink / other stuff. or so i've heard...
[By: Harm]
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if you think about it - isnt ALL music designed to alter consiousness? , but a DRUG? fuck. dat. -Harm
The YouTube video the article links to is most annoying but the comments are the best part.
-Tekkie
Ipod... the bong of the future...? But that means... Steve jobs... is a drug lord. *shivers in terror* -Sagewuff
"If video games affected us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened corners, popping magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music!" That misquoted, I have "heard" that rum & Rush or Underworld, alone in a dark room I far stronger... but I wouldn't know, b/c all I see is route/NAT in my dreams ;) -objekt404
Utterly.Ridiculous. -MadJack
The guys on Metafilter were talking about this too. Just different sources. Same stupidity. http://www.metafilter.com/93768/Surprisingly-this-does-not-involve-Shpongle -LDFeral
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13.
slightly distracting? ( kinda NT/OT)
http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2010/07/08/yoda-voice-tomtom-gps.html Right Turn yo must! 500meters.
Calculating I am! lost you are.
[By: Harm]
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I'm still waiting for the realistic reaction option..."I said left, are you an idiot?" "Why have me if you're just going to drive whereever you like anyway?" "Which part of 'turn left now' didn't you understand?" "That's it, I'm turning myself off now." -ChasingPuck
"Airport. Huh. Airport. Take you to it I will. But first, we must eat. Yes, eat. Good food. Come, come." "But my plane leaves in less than an hour." "Patience, this driver has no patience. Give him directions, I cannot. My own council will I give on who is to go to airport!" -Captain Trips
lolz, cap! -MadJack
Can't be worse than the Spongebob Squarepants GPS that Nickelodeon is advertising. -linuxmatt
Just wait until they come out with the Swedish Chef GPS. -AussieFoot
Why not Animal from the Muppets... -unrenowned
When it comes to the Muppets, I'm holding out for Statler and Waldorf, instead. -Voz
I've driven with someone who had their Sat/Nav set to John Cleese's voice - we had to turn the damn' thing off after half an hour 'cos my mate couldn't drive for laughing. -Gromit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojiDtzyVrTA&feature=related -MadJack
Just yesterday I realized that my Garmin GPS's voice sounds suspiciously like GlaDOS. -Jay911
@Voz: THAT would be truly epic. I would buy one just for that. -edventure
How about Brian Blessed? -aeddan
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14.
WANT!! ( NT/OT)
http://www.reghardware.com/2010/06/16/arctic_laser/
Well - its getting closer to an actual light saber...still WANT!
[By: Harm]
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Geek toys rock! Now then, realistically, it'd be good for self-defense or close-in combat. Soldier runs outta ammo and there's enemies w/ knives closing in? Light that puppy off and watch 'em run scared. Out on the town & some tweaker pulls a shiv and says 'gimmeyafuckinmoeny, mothafucka!'? Light it up and "You don't want my money." "I don't want your money." "You want to go home and rethink your life." "I want to go home and rethink my life." (VHVEK9G) -MadJack
Didn't this get posted yesterday? It isn't really a light-saber, it's a laser beam. Very intense blue light does severe damage to the retina and skin. But it won't cut through a wooden door. -Captain Trips
Doh - missed that link even after i read it yesterday. ah well - so cool it bwas worth repeating. -Harm
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15.
NOt sure if this is good or Bad
While the advances theoretically is amazing - I don't want my computer turning into basement cat. Want to play a game? HISS NO i'm napping . *swipe* USB periferals used to maime and or extract more bandwidth NOMS . its a step towards proper AI at anyrate. if it does mimic a cat ( perfectly) eventually we will all be enslaved.
http://www.livescience.com/technology/Memristors-Cat-Brain-Computers-100416.html
[By: Harm]
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Heh - dogs have masters, cats have staff. I think they should have gone with a dog's brain as the model; we'd all be safer that way. -SalParadise
Error: kitteh needz nomz before u can get on teh interwebz to raid wif luser hooman frenz. Plz to feed meh cheezburger? -KrazerKap
Yeah, but it keeps killing the mouse and you don't want to know what it does to the development sandpit environment. -AussieFoot
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16.
Still not a holodeck
and apparently not fully tested before it was launched. - the requierment of special glasses bounced this to my DO NOT WANT! list http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2010/04/22/tv-3d-children-health.html
[By: Harm]
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I won't buy a 3D tv ever. I can't see the 3D in the theater and don't need it when watching TV. -Starfury
I tried it...nothing special...I find it just made the images really sharp but not 3-D. -0gr3
Samsung reports that 3DTV can cause headaches, epileptic seizures, and other lovely stuff. Oh, yeah, just what I want. -chazz
Urp. Projectile vomit already comes in 3-D. -Stryker One
Hmmm...watching Cloverfield in 3D?! Mind Asplode! -Biosynthetic
THe fact that you need glasses for everyone watching, is a big ass nono 200$ a pop for watching 3d? i rather stay with the cheap old movie theater 3d glasses -kuijen
When did VHS go 3D? *blink blink* -unrenowned
@Unrenowned: After Betamax invented the internet and 8track player became standard in cars. -0gr3
3D TV/Movies require that one determines depth by binocular vision. If your eyes don't track in exact parallel, it won't work for you. Same with the "Magic Eye" pictures. (My sister has that condition. When looking straight ahead, one eye goes up while the other goes to the side.) -Captain Trips
http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2813511.htm
-PoglaTheGrate
Perhaps this comes from not seeing much in a long, long long time, but I can't understand the hipe about 3d. Yes the simpsons would look spectacular if I could practically reach out and pluck that doughnut from Homer's Polish sausage fingers, but other than that I doubt it'd work for me, seeing as one eye works halfway and the other one's a lost cause. *rereads* It can cause epileptic seizures? COUNT ME OUT! -AdmiralLaurie
I tried one out yesterday for a few minutes. The effect was great, but I suspect that a headache would result from more than a few minutes. And $259 for extra glasses ain't gonna fly for my circle of friends. -ThinTheHerd
lets see... a couple K for teh TV, about 250 / glasses - min 4 ( another grand) 8 would also ensure that any company comming over can watch so lets saaayy 2 k for glasses.. and very VERY few broadcasts in 3d( like what .. maybe 2 so far?) yea... i could buy several non 3d Tv's plus a damned nace gaming rig for that kinda $$$ - or renvate the kitchen, build an uber deck, or higher a few high class hookers for a night. -Harm
Man, all the medical warnings! Anyone else flash on blipverts from Max Headroom? -sassicatz
sassicatz: ditto -unrenowned
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17.
Call you love to get from your ISP
got home today.. to find a voicemail from rogers. stating a system on our connection is suspected of being virus infected.. abd our connection will be shut off in 24 hours unless we call them. WTF?!!! neither laptop is infected. this i know. BUT, friends were over for a LAN on saturday. Call up rogers. get an agent explain the situation ( maybe slightly too well) ask what was seen and when. IRC bot type. Umm god to know.. when. Satrurady apparently.. the system automatically emails us - to our rogers account we don't use. then follwed by an automated phone call. he talks to the security people " Up late on satuirday were you? " umm yea.. till about 4 :30.. played LOTRO till round 2, then switched over to DDO" huh.. round 2 ish is when the system was triggered.. HMMM.. of the 5 people over.. 4 are techs / system admins. 1 is not... 1 dowenloads all sortsa crap... huh.. security hasnt registered anything since that night. HUH Guess whos system is infected! few calls to the others that were over.. some AVG scanns.. NOPE 1 system left... GUESS whos getting sandboxed next LAN ( and there are prommises of kikes to the nuts should any of the rest of us be even slightly infected.. i hate it when Scotty Doesn't know....
[By: Harm]
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Mini-me keeps his computer clean, Scotty don't. -drachen
Dude! Easy on the racial slurs. -Stryker One
With Harms typical spelling I assume he isn't being antisemitic and means "kicks" rather than intending to apply groups of people of the Jewish persuasion to someones genitals in a manner intended to be punishment. -AussieFoot
Oy vey! -lineswine
Aussie - thanks, I was trying to remember which group kikes applied to, without looking it up. -Seamyst
I couldnt figure out why Harm wanted Jews on his nuts.....to each their own. -burrkiss
I disabled spellcheck on FF sorry bout that! - on top of running scans, texting all who were over saturday night and touching base with the ISP to be SURE nothing was seen since the sunday 5 am ripdown. -Harm
"I want a nasty little Jewish princess, with long phony nails and a hairdo that rinses / A horny little Jewish princess, with overworked gums - who squeaks when she comes!" </F. Zappa> -MeanDean
Seamyst -- I DID know what group, being part of it myself and having had that particular word thrown at me before. (I have been known to almost rip out the vocal cords of anyone who knowingly uses it to me. It's an instinctual reaction.) However, I knew what Harm meant was "KICK" and also know his weakness with spelling, so in this instance I took absolutely no offense. -Captain Trips
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18.
well tahts just fraakin great (nt/ot)
after being screened out of several applications due to my lack of a post secondary receipt, I was advised that eventually i will be training my replacment. how nice. this will aparently be happening in the next few months.
time to start spamming my resume everywere. again. anyone know of places hiering in Ottawa? 12 years IT expirience, 7 years call center, 2 years goverment consultant.
[By: Harm]
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Sorry to hear it. Let me be the first to send the special TSC Karma your way. Make sure you "train" your replacement real well before you leave. -Crispy06
I agree with Crispy, *nudge**nudge**wink**wink* [one Keg-O-Karma on its way, good luck!] -ecoli
thanks -gona need it. i know i have employment up to the end of March, possibly beyond, just don't know when things will end. if i have to - I'll go back to call center work again. -Harm
Getting to train your replacement is a total slap in the face. Make sure they get the correct "training" too. -Starfury
Given i'm going to be replaced with a student intern - I doubt training will do any good in the first place. -Harm
You could, theoretically, get your G.E.D. (equivalency diploma)by the time your pimply-faced replacement arrives. Probably too late, but it would be fun to show H.R. on your way out. -ThinTheHerd
Training from Harm: "Mitch, we like to play a little game here...." (Too obscure?) -YourLastHope
I actually Have my highschool - Post secondary up here = College or University. I did get into S laurence for a 3 year Network admin egree - but didnt finish that year to to.. interesting circumstances. i ended up finishing at a diferent school ( same board) the next year and took time off to figure out what i wanted to do and reapply. I just never end up finiding something to take with the IT bubble burst and ended up working help desk for the next 7 years. -Harm
YourLastHope - I got that. Nice reference. -thx1138
Stryker One shows YourLastHope, "The Goat". -Stryker One
Sorry to hear that, well you can train your replacement some things that are against company policy right before your exit in hopes that they will crash and burn. -THETECHFROMHELL
Hmmm. Not hard to do. It's govmt after all. -Harm
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19.
WIN! (nt/ot)
before the holiday break ( 5 day vacation for me) there was an office draw for cash and prizes. I decided to enter cause.. well why not? the draw was teh 24th ( while i was at home.. off and recovering fomr a LAN event) apparently I won a Gift Basket... got in today - completly obliviouse to whatever is on the door - wasn't until my team lead came buy and asked me about the basket (huh? what? what basket? nope.. no email.. huh) we whent over to get my prize! 4 small bottles of wine and one of champaigne.. along with some lindor chocolates. Woot! we <3 alcohol!
[By: Harm]
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Nice! -Seamus
sweet, can you use your prize at work? :p -ZombieBear
It's a major award! -ActingUpAgain
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20.
A special place in hell(NT/OT)
THose that say " shoveling snow is GREAT exercise!" yea.. those sanctimoniouse Bastards probably own a SNOW BLOWER, have a snow contract or DON'T HAVE to shovel the white crap!!!
I'm an IT geek! MY winter outdoors activity involve running for the bus, skiing, the occatiional snow ball fight, and geting to some vehicle to get around town.. usually a warm location indoors free of snow.
Snow plows have a special place in the inferno.. as i'm sure they lay in wait.. untill the driveway is cleared.. i'm tired... then they RUSH BY fill it back in and laugh from their warm truck cabins.. only to rush by AGAIN to do the same..
I'll take the flagpoll crotch freeze over shoveling..
get home, clear off car.. go BUY shovels, realise winter tires Will be needed, clear driveway.. make dinner, eat, clear drive again,, consume many glasses of wine.. go out to clear a thirst time.. oh look - its midnight.. no borderlands for me tonight!
Fuck. Winter. i'm going to develop a nuclear powered heated driveway system...
[By: Harm]
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shoveling snow is great exercise ... (I just need a little warmth myself) -srteach
Temperature forecast here is -8C for Monday night, and -14C for Tuesday night. With snow on Tuesday, though they don't say how much. I'd better make sure my winter clothes are up to scratch, but I'm confident *this* city will keep running nicely. -Chromatix
*watches Harm set srteach on fire* How's that gonna keep you warm through all that screaming? -teivrann
Not nuclear powered, but heated sidewalks are an option. They run tubing through the concrete, and then connect it to a pump and hot water heater. Heat the water up to 40, push it through. Pricy, but you don't have to shovel. -ChasingPuck
I did shovel snow when I was younger and it will give you a good workout. But when I got older (and smarter), I bought a condo. One of the BIG reasons why I did is so I wouldn't have to worry about shoveling snow and cutting grass. -Park7
-6° F here (-21° C) -linuxmatt
"Flagpole crotch freeze:... my god, please tell me this hasn't entered into official TSC lexicon... -RiffRaff
What is this 'snow' you swpeak of. -DarkRookie
Try telling this to my parents. I'm the only IT guy in the family and yet they insist I shovel the snow all by myself on a driveway that's got a 20 degree slope to it. Oh yeah, did I mention I have a bad knee too? I'll be darned if the two people especially who tell me the most (my mom and sister) have done so even once on their own. -elcapitane
BUT a nuke powered one means that it won't affect my water, gas or leccy bills... which i have yet to receive and am now worried.. - Hasn't hit the TSC lexicon YET Riff. *warms hands by the burning corps of srteach* Condo was an option.. but i would be paying MORE when mortgage, property tax and condo fees are factored togther.. hence they were right out. -Harm
Hairspray and a match make great snow removal devices. -ActingUpAgain
Obligatory reference: http://www.salemspectator.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2467 And, I'm still in Bermuda. -Stryker One
Those radiant heat pipe setups use passive power (heat) to move the glycol. No moving parts, no energy consumption. It's the install that'll cost you. I watched them do the whole casino property here with it, to avoid lawsuits. -ThinTheHerd
Too expensive. Army Surplus store and buy a flamethrower. This is why I moved from DC to San Diego. -Biosynthetic
Sissy boys. I am a 50-year old, 130 lb. skinny-armed woman, and I LOVE to shovel snow. WITH A SHOVEL. It IS practically the only exercise I get in the winter, and I find it absolutely invigorating. I DETEST snowblowers, as they don't get the driveway clean. Now, quit yer snivelling, peel yerself off that keyboard, and GO OUTSIDE. Jeez. -figglywig
It is great exercise. Like most things that are great exercise, it sucks. -AnneBWalsh
To complete your horror, RiffRaff: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=425&start=142 -Grue
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21.
Finally!
i know its not april 01, so this can't be a joke.. but http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/20/steering_wheel_desk/ THIS shoudl get the survival of the smartest jump started! anyone playing WoW from their Car.. while DRIVING, need to be removed from the gene pool... not that they will ever procreate anyway - but just to be sure.
[By: Harm]
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I just saw this about 2 days ago on consumerist.com, please tell me that this is illegal in most countries. If I ever see anyone driving with a notebook on one of these I will be quite tempted to force them over to the side of the road for a sound beating. -AdeptusMechanis
It also showed up on thereifixedit.com
(along with a bunch of other fascinating epic kludges.) -TieDyedDinosaur
The Amazon listing is quite funny, especially the "customer photos" that are pics of car wrecks with commentary. And yes, I'm pretty sure this is real. Years ago I was working on a major office-supply chains catalog, and a laptop mount for a steering wheel was one of the items I saw. -docbrown01
<DA> I can see the usefulness of such an item, for when the car is not moving / not in traffic, for example you are parked and need to write a check for a bill that you're paying in person. Better to have that tray than try and write it on the steering wheel itself. </DA> That said I hope it kills some idiots and cleans up the gene pool a little. -OgdenTechGuy
Do a search on Amazon, it is real. I think IM going to see if I can telecomute 100% of the time now. I dont want to drive on roads where people could be using this. -Belunar
I suppose it'll be useful for signing any traffic tickets/cheques for those tickets when the cops pull you over for reckless driving because of the table/desk thing in the first place. -AdeptusMechanis
It's good see that the tradition of people writing Amazon reviews mocking stupid products continues. For more good stuff, check some of the reviews of "Family Circus" books; for example: http://www.amazon.com/What-Does-This-Say-Family/dp/0449148149/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258737779&sr=1-4 -rdwells
It does say that it's not for use when the car is moving... but I have seen pictures of someone using one of these with a laptop in traffic. And it is not specifically prohibited, no; the only law it falls under is the one about driving "without due care and attention". There used to be a law expressly prohibiting mounting televisions in places that they could be seen by the driver; even that one seems to be ignored these days... -chazz
can anyone say "three wolf, one moon t-shirt" or "whole tuscan milk"?? (Look them up on Amazon and have a chuckle) -ecoli
Gives "driving under the influence of the tablet" a total new meaning... -Dr Jerkyl
two bullets, a gun' and a shot of wisky, I'll take care of it. -virusjtg
Damn so now it won't be just the tard that can't talk on a cell phone and drive. Let alone freaking texting. Now I will have to deal with the starfish that has his laptop running and driving. Great Great! Anyone for nuke and pave that company! I can see that call now. Yes I can't get connected! okay are you at home or business? Hell no! I'm driving to a meeting and working. And I need to send this powerpoint before I get there. Ok Sir please pull over! now stick hand out the window and wave. Oh good there you are. Requires on in bound C130. Yes see that person waving? Kill it NOW!. -StarFishHearder
Ontario actually does have a distracted driving ban.. AKAS no cell phone unless its hands free.. no texting.. no fiddling with your GPS while the vehicle is moving, no applying lipstick or chapstick while driving. Laptop would fall into that catagory.. only warnings till January - unless there is a fatality proven to have been caused by distracted driving before then.. -Harm
Anyone else notice that the steering wheel in the picture is rotated 180? Pretty difficult to drive that way, unless, maybe, you're doing a skid-pad test. -Stryker One
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22.
bless me Techs, for I have sinned
I had forgot the first principal of support.. KISS. and i was the stupid. For Friday we had our net, TV and phone switched from the apartments - the the house we had "purchased" ( well teshnically the bank owns our house and souls now) - Alas.. on said fatefullday. the " wife" took the day off as she has PTO. the alarm system and rogers wre to be installed. 1 whent well and on time. however the net conection - though working, did not allow her laptop on via wireless. and this ladyes gentlement and specters.. is were i thought too highly of MS. after 4 DAYs of screwing around on software ..KNOWING hardware WAS working.. i thus came back to smple principals... PASSWORD. for low - as the connection connected.. and teried to obtain an ip address.. the fialed and repaeted itself. i thoght " hmm lets see what happens when i enter a WAP password i KNOW is wrong.. MOTHER FUV+CJER SON OF A BITCH WHORE DONKET RAPING SHIT EATER! ( insert more south parj eupahnisms here).. since WHEN Don't I USE caps in an an Apha NUmeric password?!!!.. shes connected.. everythingis working.. i can relecate the modem / router. and everyone is online again. FUCK ME BLIND!!!! you know what?! at this point it IS AN INVITATION.. BURKISS! i'm tight and drunk now.. and linning up in front of you for the ZBG andriod japaness exposition! i damn damn damn... after calling my best frined and confessing my stupid.. least HE lied about WPA hashing the password.. felt .. better in a guilty way.. OKAY .. REAM away!.. we all got bagage and i'm taking target :) .. ( may shoot back though.. you've been warned._) yes at this point I am getting drunk. may as well
[By: Harm]
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Adeptus Mechanis has heard your confession and you are absolved of your transgressions. As penance you may either be forced to set up a brand new PC for your most annoying relative, or you may spend 15 minutes on 4-chan`s /b/ board with only Norton 360 as your antivirus. Always remember Occam's Razor. -AdeptusMechanis
yea.. my main rig just when south... no post beep.. i'm going slow and figure " hmm idle for a year.. maybe its the battery.. since the ps works.. I've done my penence at this point. -Harm
$Tech_Deity works in mysterious ways. You probably know more about this kind of issue than I would, but is it possible your PC is booting fine but the monitor just isn't reading the PC and won't display anything? I had a similar issue with a PC before, s'only reason why I bring it up -AdeptusMechanis
Getting drunk huh. That explains the typing. -Stryker One
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23.
not a good sign ( NT/OT)
was just off work for 2 days ( thurs / friday) due to a high fever. whent to the clinic - no real tests but they didnt think i have H1N1 - get back to work monday morning to find out Several people end up taking thursday or friday ( usuall both ) off due to the same reason.. flu. Today its a bleeding ghost town! i no longer have a fever ( that ended friday night) so hence back to work.. but i think i should go get blood tests or whatever to make sure i'm not piggy flu'ed. Since i don't have sick days as i'm a contractor, if i'm not in theres a Good reason. looks like i'm not the only one sick- and wasn't the first one to get sick either!. not good.
[By: Harm]
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Get tested. It seems to hit different people with different severity. The new son-in-law of a friend is in the Hospital with is. He had it two days, and tried to work through it before he collapsed. Now he has pneumonia, organ failure and is in an induced coma. -CyBear
why does the swine flu sound more and more like an STD? "Get tested", "Everyone at the office got it"..... -gashach
Been home sick with the flu since Wednesday. -Stryker One
My office neighbor's daughter had H1N1 at the same time he had the flu. I now have 3 bottles of hand sanitizer (1 I provided, 1 the office provided, and a mini one in my purse) and 1 bucket thingy of sanitary wipes in my office. I may sound paranoid but as I have one of those "underlying conditions" that always makes it worse; I really don't want to get sick. -judoprincess
Hate it when the media use the designation H1N1. All it says is that the swine flu has been identified as a Influenza A infection. But everyone has started to use it to identify the swine flu exclusively. -adarklite
Welcome to The Aporkalypse... -HappyCrappy
At least when you have swine flu, your dick doesn't burn when you pee.... -vacuumtubes
HC!! You're alive! -unrenowned
As long as the fever's broken for at least 24-hours, you should be in pretty good shape, Harm. Adarklite- there were actually idiots who started saying you shouldn't eat pork because of H1N1, and some pig farmers were losing big money because people were not buying pork. I can get along with calling it "H1N1 Novel", if it means a bunch of farmers who didn't do anything wrong can avoid losing their shirts. -Voz
I supposedly had it. Not sure if I did. It was no worse than the normal flu, except there was thank $deity no snotty nose. -AdmiralLaurie
judoprincess -- those are good against bacteria, but I don't know about virii. -Captain Trips
Alcohol-based. Good against either bacteria or viruses. Recommended by the CDC and state Dept. of Health as part of the preparations. -Voz
I don't know if I had the hamthrax or not, but I certainly had a horrid few days a couple of weeks ago... *shudder* -GreyDuck
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24.
Bethseda can sux it or get GITMO'D
why in the name of ZEUS;S DISEASY RIDDEN SWAETY CHODE do i need an XBOX acount to download supposedly FREE DLC or my PC GAME? fine i get it.. you put out expansions for Fallout 3. yea cool. OH they are Free dlc for PC/ umm cool. great. login to my windows LIVE account inorder to download. UMM.. 800 XBOX LIVE pints? WTF/ I DON'T HAVE AN XBOX!! i specificaly bougt the PC version CAUSE I DON'T OWN. NOR WILL EVER OWN A CONSOLE! i don't mind paying for expansions.. given i bout the 70 bux version of the game. and the 30 bux game guide.. a 200 vid card to PLAY the game.. then a 2k laptop to play it on the go.. PLUS VISTA * Spit* WHY am i paying an xtra 70 bux for the game I BOUGHT ALREADY FOR 70 BUX with 20 bux of expansion??!! STEAM YTOU MORONS!!!! MS sucks retrarded mung choked tree raping man boobs! rant over. sorry kinda pissed.
[By: Harm]
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So. Tell us how you really feel. [runs.... Ghost, lemme in!] -ApolloSZ
VATS AllpoloZ, 95% head.. SMG, 3 bursts.. hllo points, 100% small arms. 100% large arms, enhances crits, BLOODY MESS ON! -Harm
i dont mind paying for expansions.. thats completly acceptable. i'll even give it the " shit we didnt really mean DLC was free.. just the gecks" okay sure shit hapens ppl say the wrong thisng.. but REQUIERS MS LIVE AND AND XBOX ACCOUNT! FUCK. YOU! i dont care if ther are technically free...the pricipal is beyond FUCKED. get with the program OR FEEL MY PSHYCOTIC SQUIRRELY WRATH! -Harm
Last week I ordered the Game Of The Year edition for PC for ~AU$52 (plus p&p) which includes all the expansion packs. Just waiting on delivery now that it's been dispatched. -AussieFoot
I got the DLCs on CD. I got Zeta as a gift from a friend since it doesn't come on CD. I REFUSE to mess with Games For Windows Live (GFWL), I even use a fake xlive.dll because just having the real one there slows my game to a standstill. -OgdenTechGuy
I like GFWL... it's like steam but doesn't suck balls or bitch when I don't have an active internet connection. It's always worked well for me. -LazyLemming
Wow Harm, I haven't seen a rant like that since we worked together. Awesome! - Far as the DLCs go.. yeah, not free. Someone at Bethesda needs a massive lart though for using windows live though. -wolfman
Likei said.. i thought it was free - and have no problem paying for expansions. i DO have a EPIC problem with having to sign up for at least 2 MS accounts, and pay MS for content of a completly differeent companie. rather then say the Steam model wich would be login buy the expansion you want - download no worrioed. OR buying a fraakin disk with key. -Harm
Not a gamer...so no worries! *Shit-eating grin* -lineswine
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26.
NT/ OT
Noo they havent sold out.. or seem to have gone back on their digital downloads of their songs.. nope! mettalica sucks.. and sold out even more then possible! they have an iPhone app now - http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/2009/10/08/11343296-wenn-story.htmlg
[By: Harm]
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"No wimps! No false metal!" <Name the movie> -Necros
Fixed http://jam.canoe.ca/Music/2009/10/08/11343296-wenn-story.html -Divinar
ugh... why won't they just die already!! -Caboose447
Napster Baaaad" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIuR5TNyL8Y (YT-NSFW) -Dr Jerkyl
You had me at 'metallica sucks'. -edventure
I still enjoy the older stuff. Not so fond of everything after the black album. -PolarCoyote
Dr J: The only response to that is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLv9F76Wm18 ( Lars doing a commercial for Napster ). -Necros
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29.
RIP Nortel
Nokia has officially purchased the 4G division..
was a good place to work - but no new inovations from the Silicon Valey North leader. a sad sad day . http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/nokia-vows-to-keep-nortel-on-cutting-edge/article1218654/
[By: Harm]
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30.
Duke for Never.
no star - i know.. but looks like DNF is welly and truely dead now . looks like its ran out of more then just bubble gum . http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2009/05/07/duke_down_as_3d_realms_closes/
[By: Harm]
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Oh it's not over yet, When companies go out of business, they sell off all the assets. Someone will buy it, If not a game developer, some geek with too much cash on hand and a desire to perpetuate a legend. -MeasureThrice
http://www.gucomics.com/comic/?cdate=20090507 -exzyle2k
The bouchedag that buys it will probably be the same one that bought out Sierra-Online and drove it into the ground. -Biosynthetic
Well, since DNF also stands for Did Not Finish in the racing world Im not really surprised. They were still straggling that calf when people were worried about Half Life 2's delays. -Darkridr
Vapourware means you never have to ring tech support about it. -lineswine
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32.
May Payne (ot/nt)
that time of year again.. gotta renew the old ass! BUT for anyone in the Toronto area.. Max Payne.. the movie is apparently filming there. anyone watching the movie when it comes out.. thats NOT New York :)
[By: Harm]
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it's amazing how much cities look alike. especially when they paint everything Grey. -drachen
May Payne, huh? This gives me visions of a happy shiny suburbanite mom using Bullet Time to wash dishes and do laundry.. -NightSteel
If you've watched the trailer for the new Hulk movie, the big fight between Hulk and Abomination is right in the middle of Yonge street in downtown Toronto. :) -SwedishChef
ah they filmed some of the recent Hulk movie here at CFB Trenton too I believe :). A lot of movies are filmed in Canada haha -Jericho
How do you make Toronto look like NYC...sprinkle garbage around. -RandalGraves
for those Americans who think Randal is joking: at least one film crew complained that the Toronto street-cleaning crew was cleaning up the garbage every night, and they had to keep spreading fresh garbage every morning to make the streets look like New York. They were complaining about the extra work to get ready for shooting every morning... -chazz
Many US movies and shows were being filmed up in Canada, either in Toronto or Vancouver. A great collection of good (and bad!) movies filmed in Vancouver can be found here: http://www.vancouver.com/movies/hollywood_north/vancouver_movies/index.htm -VoiceOfSanity
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33.
Last day
best way to end ones almost 7 year tenure with ISP get in at 8 something am. 20 calls in queue. 5 people have called in sick. service level tanked HARD.Myself and the other supervisor are logged into and taking calls from 3 different queues WHILE trying to keep the place running. and all due to a latency issue off our damned network.
perfect way to end off - everything going down in flames! from here i head off to a Government contract position.. more $$$ NO OT ( thankyouthankyou thankyou!) no benefits BUT - light on the tech side. truthfully i have no real idea as to what exactly the position entails, but its not a call center and its a foot in the door to an actual carrier! GOODBYE PHONES! GOODBYE QUEUES! GOODBYE UNBELIEVABLY DENSE CUSTOMERS! GOODBYE UNREASONABLE WORK LOAD! GOODBYE RETARDED SCHEDULING! Fuck this caal center shit I AIN'T coming back!
[By: Harm]
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Now don't hold anything back. Tell us how you REALLY feel! Oh, and congrats! -Frazzled
Congratulations, but if it isn't a Call Center and anything like my job, you just went into the fire. -Slartarama
Congrats! -Grue
Way to go on new job! Good luck. -PCChaos
That was just all part of Karma transfer. Now you won't spend a damn second with nostalgic thoughts about the place you left! -TieDyedDinosaur
"Wha's this BULLshit?! It don' matter to Jesus!!"</lebowski> -AmazingKreskin
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34.
Talk like a pirate day!
YAR! AVAST YE MUTINOUS CURS!!! IT be international Talk like a pirate day! but whats the damned point if only the tech supervisor and a small amount of senior agents actually get it?
soo many completely silent bewildered agents as i use my best pirate verbosity! silly people.. get with the program
Pirates rules!
[By: Harm]
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AVAST ye bilge rats, he be right n all! -r3tude
Ar...how much does it be costin' fer a pirate to get his ears pierced? A BUCCANEER!!! <Ar, it be off to th' LART shelter with me, says I.> -beerman
damn we gotta get pictures of this.. myself and the other 2 sups have made hats. changed our wallpaper to jolly rogers.. and someone went to the dollar store and got me a pirate kit :) goes well with the tricorner hat. -Harm
I'm talking with the president of the company today about getting raises for my staff. If it goes bad, I'll be shouting "Parley!" just to see the look on his face. -ActingUpAgain
How to talk like a Pirate : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWgxuc45YCY -Kid
Hai!... er, Yallll!!!! (/Ninja masquerading as a Pirate for the day) -MadJack
Arg, I'm late again. Blasted doldrums, always add a couple of extra days to the voyage. -drachen
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35.
short sighted arn't we?
Good Idea, having a digital phone from the cable company.
Bad Idea.. ONLY having a digital phone from the cable company.. no cell, no nothing else at all. as its a weekend, and a LOOOng weekend at that - our variouse regional offices are closed. If something needs to be worked on - a page is sent to the on call person. customer has a home business ( huh.. not listed a business service but OK) and phone/internet. one modem. ONLY has the digital phone line. since its not working they call us from a pay phone. OKay.. however when we have to page the on call tech - they have no number whatsoever that we can reach them at in order to inform of a service call. o0 umm OKay.. so no neighbours, friends, family that we can contact? no other point that can inform you in any way? great.. soo how are we going to let you know about a tech comming out? smoke signals? semiphore? fer heysos sake!
[By: Harm]
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I see a visit to CS in the Lusers' near future, to upgrade to a business account </Clairvoyant> -lineswine
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36.
Nuh ah. Don't think so buddy.
WTF best describes the day. after escaping 6 months of over night shifts , i'm just about back to normal. Generally easy going and caffeinated - if excitable in said state. One person being EXTREMELY belligerent towards me, basically sluffing off doing his job ( we escalate some thing up, it had better be fully documented as to WHY , etc). I'm not approving an empty ticket. Period. Song and dance and telling ME WTF happened and what the customer said / wants means NOTHING to the next people!
fight this one out and couple tries later we have something acceptable. something that could have been done in only a few minutes and some actual light work - lengthened painfully due to i dont know what to call it!. Second was the person that was trying to dump and escalation on me. hehehe no. Sure it's my Job to take them. i Have NO problem actually taking a it of time to work with someone and actually try to get something done for them. i KNOw what i'm asking you to TRY is unorthodox - and completely opposing what is temporarily posted as policy ( I'm well aware what it SAYS. i coded the damned thing in and posted it). but JUST take the 2 minute's to do it! this COULD genuinely be a GOOD thing. If It doesn't work, Heres my extension. I'll be waiting and prepared! NOPE!!!!!
Yea drop 'em in the que thats going to loop back to us! toss the customer to another person. Document that you told ME about this ( UMMm no you didn't. i have witnesses.) put notes that the next person should transfer to me IMMIDIATLY ( WTF??? are you suicidal?) and state the call disconnected accidently. Heh heh heh. we now have a problem. Take the transfer while transferring to dispatch - get someone and put 'em through Bingo issue being addresed. Oh look, TL that has felt a disturbance in the force.. and now knows WHY. I sometimes hate having to rat agents out. Yet there are times when i take perverse pleasure in bringing floor issues to 'em. One email was described as " Damn thats a flamming pile of Shit! its like you filled a bag with crap, dropped ity on their door step and lit it! its just ' there ya go. Gonna stop it out? booth feet now c'mon.!'"
so its bad?? i thought it was good."
its GREAT! its just... dropped it right on their lap! here ya go yer problem" I Think i scared the Newbies to boot. hat trick?
[By: Harm]
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:applauds: Beautiful! -Seamus
Requeing should be punished. How? Not sure, no good ideas come to mind. -Belunar
Your phone system software shoule be able to track if a call was dropped by an agent. I would look into that. -THETECHFROMHELL
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37.
M$ immitating SCO?
Ran across this on el reg. seems that M$ has no bleeding idea whats up - and is not threatening individuals that had contributed time and effort to them. this guy gets a MVP aware for a VB express add on.. then M$ is trying to sue him and will not release WHY or WHAT he violated. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/05/microsoft_mvp_threats/
[By: Harm]
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Well of course! It's Microsoft - reality doesn't parse with their wetware. -Seamus
Umm ... More like SCO does what its parent does, just earlier. And BillyBob learned this from Wang, back during Wang's Computer Associates timeframe. -ralphp1024
Actually, it sounds like Micro$oft is intending to sell something that is directly challenged/disabled by this free product. Which took them a lot longer to develop than this individual required for his extension! -TieDyedDinosaur
As always, there is more to this than meets the eye. Not that I support M$ in this one, check this link: http://www.infoq.com/news/2007/06/TestDriven-Express-Emails . Apparently the guy had access to more than just the Express version and his add-on is for ALL versions of Studio 2005. MS could have handled it better, but so could this guy. He initially agreed to take out Express support and then I think he got greedy, put it back in to have a larger customer base and thinking he can win this fight. -virtualchoirboy
Thing is, we hit a grey area very quickly. The key is that in order to do what he's doing, he has to have used APIs to Visual Studio that aren't supposed to be visible in the Express version, but are documented on the MSDN. Because they are documented, he and his lawyer feel that he has a right to use them if they exist. And they do, in the Express version as well as the full version. And there is nothing on the MSDN writeup of these APIs that says you're _not_ allowed to use them in the Express version. Whether this is simply bad coding on MS' part, or an oversight, or simply security by obscurity which failed, we cannot know. But my feeling is that he has done nothing overtly wrong. -chazz
Chazz - You make a good point, but I just had to say: Bad coding? By Microsoft? Never! :shiat-eating wolf grin: -Seamus
based on M$ past performance, does any of this come to any form of supprise at all?? -Belunar
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38.
They always forget Canada
all tucked away down there so anyone could forget it right? article goes on about were the US places for broadband connections per capita. Apparently as it is listed behind about a dozen countries, Canada included. Response? Europe is more densely populated (true)and we have all this geography to cover ( granted) BUT Canada is a hell of a lot more sparsely populated, is significantly bigger and has a higher broadband per capita rating. umm wanna try again? good article. clicky! http://www.livescience.com/technology/070510_us_broadband.html
[By: Harm]
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"Broadband Penetration" <giggles>... I think there is a Burkiss joke in there somewhere -jwinc7
C'monnnnn! We all know BurrKiss wouldn't make that joke. He's not that broad. -ShujinTribble
*shrug* The usual response is that Canada's population is even more densely packed into its population centers. True, the square footage per capita is higher - but there's a lot more people, percentagewise, that live in major metropolises as compared to the country. -ralphp1024
Not to mention that while Canada is still the second largest country on earth, the population centers are closer to the U.S. border. So, the entire country doesn't have to be covered. I'd imagine if you exclude the unpopulated/extremely sparcely populated part of Canada, the remainder is likely much smaller than the U.S. -missourimule
Well of course we're concentrated on the border, we are perparing an invasion! Everyone knows this. -RandalGraves
shhhh....oh, BTW, 'the goose fly south tomorrow' ... pass it on. -EtherRabbit
Psst! Goose the flyer to the south. pass it on. -ShujinTribble
*sharpens the pointy end of his broken hockey stick* -ThinTheHerd
Silly Canadians...bringing sticks to a gun fight...this'll be FUN :-) -Crashville
plus in Canada, when you ask someone if they have broadband, they're probably more likely to understand the question! -stiffarm
"They argued that the countries that top the United States are small and densely populated, making wiring an easy chore." Yes indeed folks, densly packed countries such as: Norway, Finland & Sweden. Who says Americans have no knowledge of countries other than their own? -lineswine
Let's not forget what Robin Williams said about Canada: "Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party." -LordObsidian
, assuming said loft had high speed internet, HD tv, ID and a couple grow lamps. who's resident seems to be the party DD. -Harm
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39.
Overheard
RE international Talk like a pirate day is Sept 19th. ensuing conversation "well Pirates are so much cooler. is there a International Ninja day? umm NO!@ see its cause Pirates rule." "AVAST! prepare your modem to be provisioned!"
" Power cycle or visit Davy Jones's Toolkit!"
"AVAST YE SCURVY DOG! how can I help you today?"
" Yar! yee need to be checkin' your TCP/IP configuration Lest ye WALK THE PLANK!"
"See ! now can ya do stuff like that with Ninja's? NO! cause they don't get heard. Its kinda like the FBI showing up at your door and your all like " Yar what be yee doing on my ship?!" and they would be" well you showed a movie to your friends. Didn't you see the warnings? you had to of, so were taking you in!"
" Yar but how did ye know that? My mates were in the Hold watching the DVD. we had ale and all! HOW Be ye knowin' what we be doing in the privacy of the Hold!?"
" Ninja's"
" Yar! Damned Ninja's!" " I'm posting this on TSC when I can breath again"
"yea.. beat ya to it!"
"Yar."
[By: Harm]
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*rolls around on deck, shivering his timbers off* -Bobsentme
swab the deck matey I be taking the day off -compbrat
Avast! ye be needing Avast! (Anyone? Anyone? Eh, fsck it.) -beerman
And any of you tars that ask for a new mouse will get KEELHAULED! -TieDyedDinosaur
The reason there's no Ninja Day is that ninjas are deathly silent, and are experts at concealment. You *could* have a Ninja Day, but then no one would see or hear the people participating. That might have its upside, though... When the Boss asks where you were yesterday, you tell him that it was Ninja Day, and you were there all along, you just couldn't be seen or heard! Overall, Ninjas are WAY cooler than pirates, but it's more fun to talk like a pirate. -SalParadise
Aarggg TDD, we be needin' no mice, although the meat would be a nice change, what we be needin' t'would be RUM!!!!! -duckhead
As far as who's cooler - Pirates or Ninjas: Dread Ninja Kokichi / Dread Pirate Roberts. [End Of Line] -ShujinTribble
I peed me pantaloons. Now me cutlass be a'rustin. -BarmanVarn
Ninjas don't want an International Ninja day, it draws too much attention (eg) -MadJack
re BarmanVarn's comment - reminds me of the old joke with the punch line, “Get me my brown pants.” -MSimmons777
ROFL!!!!!!! -ManyHats
http://bash.org/?9081 Chat like a pirate day? -LoTech
ROUS's? I don't believe they exist.." /Dread Pirate Roberts :) -adarklite
Sept 19? Either this post was WAY delayed or you're REALLY getting a head start on things. -Stryker One
pirates were mentioned.. then someone asked what day it was . google was involved. and then we started going downhill with the pirate stuff. there was a hell of a lot more but we were laughing so hard we forgot most of 'em. -Harm
nice. Rolls around on te bridge, laughing. well done, I should say. -AdmiralLaurie
every time i read a pirate/ninja reference, i always think of the silly mixed-up character in part 3 of this cartoon: http://www.goblinscomic.com/tempts-fate-8/ (warning, very violent) -Erictheblue
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40.
Gmail inspired insanity
I just noticed the new link in gmail "New! Bigger attachments" - which got us on a roll.
" Add 3 inches to your picture attachments GUARANTEED!!
"Bigger BOOB pics for EVERYONE!" " Naturally increase the size of your attachments - with GMAIL!" "Bigger boobs for all!"
"BOO"
" Bigger Boobs for NONE!"
"BOOOO!"
" Bigger boobs for those that want them, and miniature American penises for everyone else!"
"YAAAAAY!" "I used to be unsatisfied with the size of my attachments. Gmail was the answer to my woas. now with Gmail, I can sent my 4.0 digital pictures to everyone on my contact list - weather they want them or not! Thanks Gmail!"
[By: Harm]
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I'm confused.. tech story, or comment? In either case, BEWBS! -wolfman
Hooray for boobies!!! -missourimule
nubba, nubba... -vacuumtubes
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=513943516&size=o -Mushroom
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41.
WTF, moment
the following takes p[lace between 7:45 and 8:05 am Monday, May 21st.
waiting for the bus with others who unfortunatly forgot it was a holiday ME: blah blah blah scheduling crack monkeys blah
CW: blah blah throwing poop blah
Complete Stranger :"what time does the bus get here?"
:CW "about 10 minutes."
ME: (flipping out cell to check time) "yea, bout 10 mins"
CS: so the bus comes soon?
ME & CW "YES"
CS: " Can I borrow someones cell phone? i need to make a call."
me hands her my cell grudgingly
CS: "Can you dial it?"
ME " umm What?"
CW: ???? ( WTF look)
CS: Can you dial the numbers? its Rattled off way too fast
ME" k slow down its.. " (3 tries to get the right phone number) okay thats right? here" (hands over cell)
CS: "Now what?"
ME: " Hit SEND.. green button can't miss it."
CS:"can you do that FOR me?"
ME: "??? umm What? just hit the button!"
CS: repeat stupid request.
ME: ( hits send exchanges WTF looks with CW)
after a few moments.. CS: "It's not ringing!"
I hit SEND again.. I see it pick up with the wireless network
few moments pass CW and i talking about place were he grew up
CS: "no one answered!"
ME: "un huh. gimmi my phone back." obtains cell, returns to talking with CW's and ignoring the Complete stranger that CAN'T WORK A CELL! if your gonna inconvenience someone by borrowing their CELL - Don;t PISS EM off by ASKING THEN TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!!!!! fucking starfish.
[By: Harm]
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major starfish need to go away, lart at will -compbrat
yah, not impressed by this post... seems that maybe you did not take in to considderation that maybe the individual was visually impaired, or dislexic? and note how i said visually impaired and not blind, with the identifying cane and all. They just let any ol' joe post on these stories now do they? and believe me I'm usually not the one to pull the blind card in serious matters but damn, come on. -blindtech
My bad blind tech. IN this case she was in no way visually impaired. Round this way we DO have quite a lot of visually impaired people with cane or without. this lady had SEEN me slip a rather small cell out then back INTO my front jeans pocket. was also reading the phone number of a paper that I couldn't even read the text clearly. -Harm
FYI Blind tech - My Fathers been canvasing for the CNIB ( Canadian National Institute for the Blind) for Years, my Grandfather has glaucoma and has been losing his sight over the past 12 years to the point of being functionally blind and HIS brother ( great uncle) was legally blind however worked for years on family history using glasses and magnifying glasses. i KNOW that cane does not mean blind as does no cane. in this case i could have written this differently I'll admit but i didn't. Siste has had glasses since the age of 2 years old and i WAS the only one in my family with 20/20 up until years of work in front on monitors. don;t want to sound like i'm on the offensive, but just a little background. -Harm
Memorial Day is NEXT Monday! (eg) What federal holiday had the Metro running on a weekend schedule, anyway? -MadJack
Victoria day (queen's b'day) -cicero
I'd buy that, but in D.C.? -MadJack
Dude.. I'm Canadian. kinda figured most people knew that by now. -Harm
I knew that... but I keep stumbling over that 'nation's capital' thing (eg) (/sf moment) -MadJack
MadJack: Too bad there are so many nations, eh? -Mysty
as we call it - MAY 24 Weekend. first long weekend of nice weather and OH look. 24's on sale at teh beer store :) Queens Birthday, excuse to drink , BBQ and go camping - either way. -Harm
Meh... call it a vacation from the first Friday to the second Monday and call it mandatory paid vacation across the entire continent. -MadJack
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42.
another WTF!
co-worker discussion
CW1:" Bill gates hasnt procreated has he?"
CW2: " dunno."
ME:" Yes, he's got kids. hence the M$ interactive Barney they had years back. and THAT did SOOO well."
CW1:" oh crap. I was hoping there would someday be an end to M$!"
ME " Well maybe his kids are retards or something. or maybe they won;t want to take up M$ ' But Daddy, I want to be a plumber! not a CEO of Evil!' something like that."
CW1:" never know, they could also be evil geniouses!"
Wolfman: " No Gates kids aren't getting anything. None of M$ anyways."
CW1, me , CW2 "orly?"
Wolfman: " yea, they will have noething to do with M$. Bill set that up apparently."
ME: " I THink in heard something about that."
CW1: You know why they arn't getting anything?"
ME, WM :" Umm no?"
CW1 : " Cause they are black!"
Everyone: "WTF was THAT!?" "are they?" "What the FUCK dude!" " Not cool" " are they?"
CW1: " I was joking! damn! lighten up. Later guys." You know your wound up to tight when you can't reconize a joke. PC has made us all way too tense. and hearing someone place the race card DAILY doesn't help either. " Cable Co didn't cut you off due to your racial or ethnic origins. You were cut off for NON PAYMENT OF SERVICES RENDERED!"
[By: Harm]
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I don't think you quoted me quite right, but meh, twas funny as all hell! -wolfman
You will be receiving a summons Thursday. A burlap hood will be thrown over your head Friday, and by noon Saturday, you will be cooling your heels at Gitmo. Have a nice week. -vacuumtubes
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a243/sdjdish/ph-35181.jpg
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a243/sdjdish/ph-35134.jpg -MadJack
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43.
Damned noobs!
Call centers get new agents all the time. just for the most part they don't get up the supervisors nose until AFTER they have had any experience on the contract. over the weekend we picked up a new division, which in and of itself is nothing new or exciting. EXCEPT when all information that one would normally expect ( transfer codes, hour of operation, ETC) is Missing! we got blindsided and I spent several hours at work cobling togther what I could from variouse sources. Nothing official BUT it was something! I happened to have slipped in a nice picture in the background (relevant to the geographical area), while learning some CSS. I get in today to find out someone had an issue with the picture and that it was "NIce that the sups have time to put a picture on the page, but not enough to add any needed info". Lucky for this person I'm overnights else they would be but a red stain on the carpet. One of the day time sups ( who'd witnessed me valiently slapping SOMETHING together) got offended for me. It came down from our TL and daytime Sup basically whent up one side and down the other stating that we DIDN'T have any info and we ARE STILL WAITING for it and the newb can shove it were the sun don't shine. BUt seeing as how this was a heads up, and we can see the TL's point( bring the issue to us directly rather then hearing it from a higher up)we removed my couple lines of code. now the page only displays the little info we DO have.. and a hell of a lotta TBA. some noobs REALLY gonna wish they didn't cross me. 1 month till I'm back to day light hours. run run RUN little fishy.
[By: Harm]
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He better run. That pissed me off and I'm not even ON the sup team. -wolfman
Same here :( -Armakuni
He better stay out of Harm's way. Doesn't
sound like he has much sense, tho. -IceRuby
Things like that are why I rarely go out on the weekends but stay at home where I can't see ANY MORE FISH. -Elfling
Umm... ya, and you are a stain on the pool of life bub. Gotta love the nuggets who put both feet in their mouth and beg for someone to pull them out the other end for them. -spectreoflife
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44.
what? now YOUR offended?
walking and starting my shift - coworkers Fiancee walks up and we srart talking. eventually SHE turns the conversation towards one of the Womens woashroms being closed off ( with tape over the door) due to a MASSIVE mess in there.. which included makeup on walls and the like. apperently it happens rather frequently. She starts on how messy that washroom gets - and of course the 3 Males that shes having this conversation with , pipe up how the Mens room is uaually pretty neat. " See! SEAT UP! it works, less mess and we can aim either way!" was of course my reply. all members laugh at this. one of the guys ( of of the 3, 2 are married and have children of either sex) bring up studies that were done, comparing the cleanlyness of Dorm and domicice washroom as the sexes- bewteen ages 18 and 26. Study consensus, guys are cleaner. at this point - the debate SHE started is now offensive. " OKay, you know what? NOW I'M offended and this IS and HR issue so were are going to end this NOW!" turns around and storms off. Co-worker wisely STFU during the entier debate, I guess knowing what the SO was like. what I don't get ( and probably never will) is HOW, NOW that YOUR losing the debate it is JUST NOW offensive? YOU brought the subject up! the only things that were presented ( aside from my 1 humerouse remark) were facts a known behaviours! I honestly can't even see how a debate about behaviouse COULD be a HR issue? I guess if you want to get really technical, it COULD be considered sexist, but the fact of the matter is the prove is staring us in the face with green tape crisscrossed over it. AND YOU STARTED IT!! AND kept it going! damn I can't stand people like this. If your going to start something, see it through!
[By: Harm]
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And if that washroom wasn't taped off, she would go into a clean washroom and then come out all flustered and the washroom a mess. This is probably what happened prior to a similar "discussion". </rant> Either that or sounds like a kid tantrum to me. -TheMacOne
mens washrooms can get messy, no doubt about it, but i've never worked anywere were " X is a slut" has been written in grease marker on a mirror. maybe in a stall, with a number and other comments, but nothing in bright red grease 2 foor letters. Just saying. -Harm
before entering my lovely geeky job I worked in several bars and restaurants, hands down women's restrooms are the worst, I won't go in to too much detail but lets just say how hard is it to aim if you sit down! -IRSupertech
She didn't want a discussion, she wanted you to agree. -Loren
YMMV, but back in the day when I was (YUCK) cleaning up movie theatres, the womens room was messier, but the mens room REEKED. No offense guys, but in this case, the urinals were not autoflush, and apparently nobody taught the guys back home about the little lever that swirls all that not so mellow yellow away. I shudder to recall. -Mysty
I put her "NOW I'M offended and this IS and HR issue" etc. through the BS filter & it came out as "I came here for a moan & I don't get to whine, people start disagreeing with me & off the subject of MY rant? This ISN'T how I wanted it to go! WAAAAAH! I'm going to throw my teddy out of the cot!" *cough* HORMONES *cough* -lineswine
Loren, or to disagree... 'oh no, women are much tidier than men! its the janitors' fault...' -evolvedstarfish
It all goes back to back to that fundamental difference between men and women: When a man tells a buddy his problems, he's looking for logistical support (a solution); but when a woman tells a buddy her problems, she's looking for emotional support (commiseration.) It's a broad generalization, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong. -LoTech
When the going gets tough, get HR to issue a summons. :-| -vacuumtubes
See Larry Summers, former President of Harvard. He made the mistake of using statistics that didn't support the PC view of 'gender abilities'. Stepped down over the stink, if I recall correctly. -CTYankee
Everywhere that I've ever worked, the women's room has been the worse for wear. However, this was mainly caused by the janitorial staff being mostly mail in all situations. Either having a stigma about going into the ladies room, or having the time when they can actually finish cleaning it before some lady comes in stating that she needed to use it, forcing him to stop what he's doing. I'm not saying that these are the reasons, but they have to be contributing factors. As a male??? Men's room's tend to STINK, yet still have a touch of cleanliness... I've yet to figure that out. -TechnoTherapist
Yankee, I remember that. Not 4-5 months later, some female government official made a comment that women make better police officers because they are more empathetic. Not one bit of stink came out of that, and she still holds her job. -JTSBrown
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45.
when it rains...
Damn! get in tonight to find that one of my overnighters called in sick (it happens, so meh) and my counterpart - who starts his vacation as of sunday- has called in sick. so aside from covering my supervisor duties - i have to cover HIs que as well. okay fine.. things happen. problem is that when he IS here - he's abusolutly useless, sleeping half the time and leaves early. hell its not even end of April and the guys called in a weeks worth of sick time. and yes i'm counting weekends. to top it all off- i just chipped a molar on a hard candy. chipped on the inside so when i suck on anything ( currently halls) its keeps rubbing on the broken spot.. least Sens won their series tonight. arg. back to the dentist I go ( was hopping to avoid 'em for another month. oh well.) some days I think I'd have no luck were it not for the bad kind. Damnit, Damnit DAMNIT! ( with appropriate arm flailing - see robot chicken for clarification)
[By: Harm]
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Goes on vacation and calls in sick a day or two before, hmmmmmm that stinks of get a few more days off to me. -Armakuni
News Headline: Murphy Outsoruces Services to Local 12 of the Ballbusters Union. -vacuumtubes
Sorry to hear about the tooth, I'll send some whiskey over right away =) On a side note, I have a techie friend who has a similar co-irker. Only this guy comes in drunk and programs. Horribly. One night of his work requires two days of clean-up. And one night, the guy was so drunk that he vomited and passed out in the middle of the office. I wonder how some people stay employed sometimes. -beerman
My counterpart on this side of the office left for greener pastures. The 13th was his last day, and the new guy isn't on the incoming queue yet. I think the only thing keeping this week from sucking more is that it's Easter week for a lot of people so calls have been unusually light.
And next Friday I go on vacation for a week. I'll need it. -pixel
In before naught-sucking-rubbing-raw-on-shipped-tooth comments -ShujinTribble
Maybe sick co-irker is using sick time for some of these reasons http://www.bbspot.com/News/2007/04/top-11-reasons-geeks-call-in-sick.html -LinuXtreme
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46.
New BOFH
WIBBLE cept the line dnacing part. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/20/bofh_episode_13/
[By: Harm]
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Oh... my... dogs... -ZorglubZ
"....CHECK, PLEASE!" -ShujinTribble
<thunk> There goes the table... <eg> -TheMacOne
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47.
Thats IT. I'm done with 'em!
after years of frustration, i'm done owning computers.
i'll use them at work and were ever i have to but these damned things are the hell outa my life. gameing rigs been given to my ex, former "server" rigs going up to a friend at work. i'm keeping my PDA but thats all. braodbands being cancled at the end of the month. i'm done with the frustration and endless money pit. i'm done with this stupid social experiment called the internet. fuck online gaming, fuck IM's , fuck sitting around getting fat and chosing electronic reality over things that truely mattered. what have these things goten me? frustrated, fat , poor eyesight, socialy inept and cost me a more then i care to thing about. I. AM. DONE!
[By: Harm]
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'A man has GOT to know his limitations!' (/Dirty Harry) -TieDyedDinosaur
I give him a week. -Divinar
Something's happened. What? It can't be
THAT bad. No TSC? I can't stand anymore
older members not posting. -IceRuby
((HUGS)) to Harm. (HUGS) -TechieSidhe
His mouth says he's done, but his eyes will betray him every time he walks by the computer aisle at Circuit City. -Shevaresh
I've gotten to where I don't spend nearly as much time on the PC at home. I'm in front of one for 8 hrs at work so when I get home I don't feel like messing with mine. I'd rather play with the kids (after homework is done) or work on my hobby stuff. -Starfury
If he's truly serious, I'm sure he'll tell us what brought this on soon enough. I can see why someone in IT would get tired of computers after a while, having to spend day in and out around them. I rarely get online at home, except to look on here and do the occasional IM. (This coming from a guy who hasn't bought a new box in 4 years.) -RamenMcTavish
I think I'm in the same boat with you. I get home after working with the frelling things all day, and I just want to read a book. Cause it's papery and nice. -TechieSidhe
But... but... but... what are you gonna do without porn? -TechnoTherapist
Harm beat me to it! -MadJack
Sorry, got distracted by a gomer, that should be TTR beat me to it (g) -MadJack
Poor Harm, what happened? I kinda understand, I'm on the pc all day at work and I don't want to be on it much at home, but I can't imagine what could go so badly to make a techie give away their computers. -ManyHats
Starfury: I call that the McDonald's Syndrome. And yes, I'n definitely feeling it more myself these days. Still, can't yet imagine going without the sheer lunacy that is TSC...you guys keep me sane - how nuts is THAT? -PTSTech
I can totally relate to that. After getting fat, lazy, socially inept, and becoming the on-site tech guru for my entire family and friends, I too have given up on Tech as a career. Stress level has dropped, my pay has increased, and I have friends that I don't have to start an online session in order to communicate with. A girlfriend, however, remains elusive.. -MacDaddy
"Top 'o the world, Ma!"
James Cagney,Public Enemy No.1
Yes, I too have lost that loving feeling. the damn box dont love me!
nothing "cyber" can! Free yourselves! -Gnarfl
Ouch dude, there sounds like one big back story there. I would guess it was one too many calls to ISP's helldesk?? -Armakuni
chose computers over my last gf. tired of havving to deal with shit OS's in order to plat games that are mediocher at best. fed up repairing 'em and being the guru tech Bitch. i'm just done with all aspects of these stupid things. been around these buggers since i was born. i'm just at the end of my rope. i'd rather eat a gun barrel then spend another minute with the god damned things around me. ex has my main rig now and was nice enough to come by and pick it up last night. least now she can play lineage II properly and there isn't a pile of broken equipent below my balcony. -Harm
wow. I almost did the exact same thing a few days ago. Actually packed my stuff up. Even typed a 'goodbye' post. Something is in the wind...is T/S reaching critical mass? -ThinTheHerd
To modify a quote from Robert Duvall's character in Secondhand Lions: "
Porn, Porn, Porn!
Nothing but Porn!"
-vacuumtubes
flaying off the handle , frustration and irrational behaviour brought to you by massive amounts of stress and lack of green umm.. medicinals. My ex has the system and mentioned that if i need it back she's more then willing to hand it back over. hence the previouse statment of who i chose the computer over.. still regretting that choice. -Harm
*stands up, applauds* It takes alot to say what you just said.
Congrats on making the break and gl with the future - it can only get better from here. :) -TheMacOne
<mails/ Harm some *l*o*v*e :) -SpitefulTech
I have a laptop you can lend : ) -r3tude
How's he gonna get the love you mailed. I give Harm a week, maybe two... He'll be sitting with some real people and the desire to know something obcsure that he is too drunk to remember will force a wiki... then he'll remember the good times... the games, the video, the buttons and flashing LEDs... Poor Harm.. -gwendes
My desktop (almost 5 years old) gave up the ghost on me a month or two ago. Having to split one laptop between my wife and I has been rough and not having access to our music and data on the other PC has been irritating. Since we have more important expenses, I gave up the rig and bought a NAS enclosure, pulled my data onto a drive in that and will just settle with using the laptop permanently. Too much effort to build another rig that I won't use. That's a hard thing for me to say, and like Harm, I've been around PCs my entire life. I can't find the pay I make doing something non-tech, so I'll continue my path until I do. -CelticSkyhawk
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48.
Hello, nice largely Rum drink.1
I stroll into work, and its my monday. I have this odd feeling that shows up every time I head out for work... what is it again? oh yes, Dread this time it was more then warrented. whilst switching our connection to a different pipe - its seems ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!
'Nets working- kinda. Firewall has gone off its meds and is blocking just about everything and to top it all off- there was maintanence on our phone software, that no one remembers signing off on. connection switch goes OK - 3rd times the charm. only breif loss of connectivity and everything is back. wait.. no thats not right.. whay can't we get to gmail? we can trace to it but... can't be displayed my ass! then the phone software restes - into a minor vacation. 4 hours of conferanced calls as we try to figure out WTF happened. Oh it turns out that the software switches pooched. Grreeeeeaaat.
people logging in manually- only 1 can takes calls as he was dozing off while everything whent to hall and was the only one that DIDN'T restart the software. he's stuck.
we eventually have people logged in manually, to take pressure of this one poor guy. switch back to the old pipe ( as we THOUGHT the new one was the problem) okay everything works 'Net wise - but still unable to take calls. servers are bypassed- agents manually set into testing queus. test are still failing.
we are not getting calls we are supposed to! 4 hours after the fact - we have everything semi working. Phones are back up ( hmm too many coincidences to be just opne of this unfortunate things - someone HAD to have fucked up) VP's are looking into WTF happened and WHY undeclaired maint was going on at THE SAME TIME another major action was happening.
[By: Harm]
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49.
Hello, nice largely Rum drink.2
Myself and 3 other sups are tired, stressed and niced out. by the time everything is resolved - 3 of us are out in the smoking pit ( only 2 of us actually smoke) scratching our heads and comming up with our own ( and possibly correct) post mortem. quitting times comes up.. i'm waiting for my releife to show up.. he's late. aaannndd.. " umm can anyone get into Gmail?" AAAAAHJHHHGGG!!!! launch my badge at a station.. storm off to inform $othersupwhos as pissed off as myself about the problem comming up - AGAIN. finally leave fumming after passing sup skills off to my backup and state to the only TL- my thoughts about comming back in tonight- and ever for that matter. tonight was round 2 DING! talked to my TL- express my frustrations with the previouse night- and again my thoughts about returning.
due to the chaos of the previouse night and the upcomming round 2- I have a 3 day weekend comming up! WOOT! Round 2 brings us back to the old pipe we've been using - switchback nessisary as the new pipe is um... problematic at best. ( read almost nothing works and what does is slow as hell) Only 45 minutes and one "ooops wrong subnet" as some stations loose net connection all together. Conf call during the switch was a rather - tense one, all things considering. relativly little down time.. no one gnashing teeth and some people will actually get some sleep this morning. Why "Hello, nice largely Rum drink." ?
by the time i had gotten home after the Night from HELL, roommate wakes up to find me quietly seething on the couch, with a pint in my hand.
Asks " How much of that is Whiskey?"
None - I ran out and switched to Screech. and to answer your question, theres only enough Coke in here to change its color.
"Ah, good job then."
[By: Harm]
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<Passes the bottle of Scotch down> You look like you needed this... -YourLastHope
alcohol the cure for all ailments -r3tude
It has to be said... "But WHY is the Rum gone???" -virtualchoirboy
screech makes my stomach turn... :( -tixarah
"Rum? Whyntcha lay off the soda pop, lad? Now SCOTCH, thot's a drink for a man!" (Scotty) -MadJack
Rum? Ehh... it was inwented by a little old lady in Leningrad! <Chekov's retort> -Captain Trips
Ummm...adding coke to Screech doesn't really change the colour, well it might lighten it a tiny bit, and it will thin it out a little. At least it will prevent the Screech from eating through the glass. -StylinTechie
I my case, I would take a normal sized drinking glass, fill with ice cubes, and top up with straight vodka. -Wraith556
Harm: In re sig: Y'know Kurt was thinking the same thing when he came up w/ Slaughterhouse Five, dontcha? -MadJack
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50.
Long Live Linux!
can wee say.. MS shooting themselves? I knew we could. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/12/windows_vista_xp_withdrawal/
[By: Harm]
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the world grinds to a standstill as they look for vista drivers and hardware that dosent exist and have to reisntall a mouse driver for the fist time in 20 years -r3tude
But watch for a massive increase in Windows OS sales in January '08 as OEM's and retailers get wise and stock up on XP licenses. This is going to be particularly funny next year. My company of 5100 employees has issued a directive saying we can't even have a TEST install of Vista until 2008. Also heard from an IT guy that an MS rep had recommended waiting for Service Pack TWO... Fun times indeed! -virtualchoirboy
My free copy arrived on MOnday so I setup a dual-boot of XP and Vista (will be a tri-boot in a month w/Ubuntu added to the mix). I've reinstalled Vista 4x so far, and my display drivers keep crashing the OS -Caboose447
Just so long as they don't completely sunset support for it... -MadJack
MadJack: don't worry, they won't do that until July of 2008 -razmann
Yeah, I can imagine the furor when you can't reinstall XP anymore b/c they won't support giving you a new PID when you need to reinstall it after they sunset it. That'll be right about the time the laird of the Gate$ himself goes into space... yeah, billy boy, take the money & run... you better head out of the solar system, Bill, the ISS, the Moon, or even Mars, won't be far enough for you to hide... (VEG) -MadJack
I've been pretty impressed with how it makes a dual 3ghz xeon rig run like a celeron. And beware the DRM it comes with, thats the worst "feature" of them all. -boxcar
The last OEM availability of Windows XP is January 2008. -Wraith556
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51.
fer heysoos's sake!
okay i'm really getting tired of overnights.
more stupid observations. same co-worker as http://techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=65932
sitting back- talking about a spammer when said co-worker wanders by Me: " yes?" as she is standing in my peripheral vision looking in my direction
" nothing just taking a walk.."
"cool cool"
" so what are you refering to with 50% more retards?"
" huh??"
"in gmail - EDITED now with 50% more retards!"
"My gmail chat tag?"
" yea are you reffering to the overnight shift?"
" umm no .. does it mention anything about overnightshift or any shift in general?"
" well no"
"then.. what?"
" well what are you refering to?"
"Nothing. it was a humerouse line i put in as a tag in Gchat. nothing more."
" but it sounds like your refering to something.
" I'm not. If anything it would be refer $company in general - no one specifically."
explain 3 more times that IT IS A GMAIL TAG LINE! and very similar to others of those that in know and chatwith, who hgappen to work for $company. CW" Well I find it offensive!"
"Well I have it open AT HOME, and will not be arriving back there until around 8 am. what exactly Are you doing in gchat given IM's are not exactly allowed?"
something mumbled incoheirently as they walk away. best part.. all in front of the overnight Team leader ( why he's in this late i'm not sure but whatever) and of course Wolfman.
[By: Harm]
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It took all I could not to burst out laughing (re Harms TSC link again) -wolfman
my company got round to banning instant messenger, i now make a tidy sideline on £10 and you can have it back but I'll deny all knowledge if you are caught -r3tude
personally i really don;t care if anyone uses IM's.. but network team does and Team leaders do.. hence why i decided to mention it :) -Harm
Thus proving that starfish should not be allowed anything more technologically advanced than shoelaces, since they will only hang themselves with it. (Heeeyyy!! That gives me an idea!!) -ShujinTribble
The only chat service allowed here is AIM... which is annoying, because I use IRC exclusively. Thank $deity for CGI:IRC. -Veinor
We can't do IM's or chatrooms, and we have to be careful about regular message boards like this one. Don't even *think* about browsing one in-call. -missourimule
yea, well, unless your phone is on mute for laughter protection, that's probably wise...especially considering how many keyboards/monitors have been spewed on as a result of certain posts/comments...;) -EtherRabbit
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53.
Time travel?
okay i renewed my star yesterday, and apparently i warped ahaed to there being 1 day since star memeber.. then today i'm the newest one ... umm what?
someone been slipping chronitons into my stash?
[By: Harm]
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You just signed up today man, Its 3/27/06. Are you OK? -Psyl3n5e
Err... I meant 3/27/02 -Psyl3n5e
TSC Member Since: 22/03/02 - umm yea.... -Harm
Flux capacitor fluxuating? -RiffRaff
It's still fairly early and I haven't sufficiently diluted by bloodstream with caffeine but today is 03/28/2007, here, now. -TieDyedDinosaur
There does seem to be a timezone issue with Hawk's server -- part of it thinks it's today, part of it thinks it's yesterday. When you buy your star, the server records that it happened tomorrow; so you are listed for a full day as being the most recent star purchased, -1 days ago. This started when Daylight Savings kicked in; that and it changing its "today's stories" changeover from 10PM Pacific to 11PM Pacific. It'll probably all straighten out next weekend... -chazz
Good my evil plans are working, he's confused! Wait did I say thout out loud? -RandalGraves
The other day, I saw the front page saying that it has been "-1" days since the last star member signup... /me hums Neil Diamond / "Headed for the Future"
-linuxmatt
My MUD has the same issue, the command 'show tells' gives the right time, but 'show chat' is completely borked, gotta love spontaneous government declarations. -evolvedstarfish
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54.
Happy StT.Patty's day!
today project ... what goes best with Irish wiskey. so far Pizza seems to rate about a 6.. but thats just cause its pizza ( just like sex- even when its bad its still pretty good) next - Jubejubes! not so good. initial rating was an 8.. but that droped down to a 3 after the two mixed. Gut says NO on this one. BBQed Steak! pretty damneed good actually. goes well together ( with the right BBQ marinade/sauce) gets along in the gut. rating definitive 8.5! LET THE DRINKING BEGIN!
[By: Harm]
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If you're going with whiskey (an' damned right ye should be!), I'd recommend Jameson, or for scotch, either Scorsby or Cutty Sark. As for the dish, well, BBQ is good, no doubt, though any similar meat-based dish will do. A decent beef stew or pot roast will do wonders. -Seamus
Currently working on Bushmills Ortiginal - with a few shots of Bushmills Bush b=Black ( that was a christmas gift from my sister - came in the torpedo all the way from irland so not an drink the entier bottle in a week ) although Jameisons IS rather nice. -Harm
As for Scotch, nothing less than GlenLivet for me. And I have a friend who gets stuff that makes that look like rotgut! (Just remember, the only thing good Scotch should be cut with is more Scotch!) -Captain Trips
I was in Ireland 5 years ago on a tour. We stopped at the Bushmills distillery. Not enough time for the tour but went into the store. While trying to decide on what to buy, clerk got me into the tasting room. Ended up with a 15-year single malt. Still have it for toasts like today. Tastes like heaven. Eirn go Braugh! -BionicHobbit
Aye, to the Guiness and the green beer! -MadJack
However, one of the worst drunks I've ever been was when I was a freshman in college (illegal in IN even then, but WTH), and I got wasted on Irish Coffee. Don't ever do that. You're drunker than a skunk and still can't go to sleep. -MSimmons777
MS7: I can vouch for that. (Everyone can vouch for, oh, has it already exceeded the # of fingers on one hand, the times I've mentioned in passing this salty old Command Master Chief on my first ship, who LOVED Irish Coffee. One visit to P.I., while the rest of us were drinking MoJos by the pitcher like it was water (not to mention other, more 'meaningful' pursuits), he sat there in a corner booth, chatting w/ the club Mama-San, smoking unfiltered Camels and drinking Irish Coffee after Irish Coffee... and when he came back ship, drunk as a skunk and unable to sleep, the party would continue all night, and no one aboard would be able to sleep, either... he always swore "Never again", but, the very next visit to Subic, there he was, having a 'social' POT of Irish Coffee w/ his favorite Mama-San... -MadJack
My favorite combo: Guinness and Jameson's. There is nothing better! -TubPorsche
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55.
M$ bash
I picked up seasons 1 and 2 of " Tripping the Rift" Partially cause its created in my home town ( MTL) partially cause its canadian but Mainly cause its crude and awsomely funny. That and 6- watch it and you'll know. a "program " is uploaded to the ships computer. Its called Hal - it starts to take over spouting the " I can't do that Dave" at ever command "That program your talking to is called HAL. He's taken over the ship!"
"So what does this Hal guy do?"
"I don't do anything. I'm a computer program that refuses to do things." "Be carefull. It sounds like it's from microsoft" haven't stoped laughing yet. sounds like one of the writters had their hands in a copy of vista.
[By: Harm]
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Six is... Uhm... Find the pilot somewhere... she's ... uhm... VERY NSFW.... VERY-very... -ShujinTribble
Yes, yes she is! *BFEG* -RandalGraves
hehehe i have the pilot :) saw it after i saw the series on TV. -Harm
Yeah, I always wanted a sex cyborg with 44HH boobies. -burrkiss
Yeah, I wish it were still on -- and all I can say is: "if that's a six, I want to see a ten!" -Captain Trips
Has anyone seen "Dark Side Of the Moon"? Now that was a hot ship's computer. -Wraith556
Disappointed when SciFi stopped airing it... -MadJack
Wraith -- the question is: is she hotter than Andromeda's human body? <g> -MadJack
ohhh good question.. cause she is hot.. id interface with her.. and make a few entries into whatever ports she would allow :) -Harm
Harm, on a par with Romy, and looks great in leather. -Wraith556
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56.
M$ tries.. and predictibly fails.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/02/vista_product_activation_broken/ Soo M$ delivers their " most secure version " of winblows, with the key apperently visible on the box? oookay! yea.. really secure! why brute force the activation key ( which apperently works just fine) when you could take a pic of it with a cam phone and VOILA! instant valid key! I've noticed games manufacturers that are putting the key in the instraction book or on a card with a scratch off coating ( like instant lotto tickets. Guild wars did it) Would that not have been a MUCH better solution? kinda obviouse that the keys been used ( or the box has been opened- unlike what the store told you). i'm sure one century M$ will actually live up to putting out a properly secured OS, or actually using more then 1 collective managment braincell.
[By: Harm]
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Interesting...and then I stumbled on this link regarding the EULA - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/11/22/vista_eula_worries/ -redevil34
ouch! well M$ gets more snakey. not like i was ever going to install vista anyway.. but that EULA is just... how is it not illlegal? -Harm
Linux, anyone? At the rate M$ is going, they're going to lose the desktop market to Linux. M$ has already taken several severe hits in the server market, they can't afford to lose the cash cow of the desktop. -RamenMcTavish
Story in Slashdot yesterday: the US DOT has put a moratorium on all MS product upgrades, Vista, IE7, Office 2007. That's gotta hurt. -chazz
Yeah, I was reading that to Kathy in the car, Chazz. We both let out a low whistle, and we figure one of two things is going to happen. Either other CIOs are going to get the balls to come out with the same ban for their agency/company (as I have with mine, although I'm technically not a CIO), or Microsoft is going to pull some behind the scenes dirty politics and try to have this CIO shitcanned, and replaced with one of their lackies who will be more friendly to them. Anyone placing bets? -RiffRaff
PC game developers have a choice. Be @ss-raped by EA with their low royalties or @ss-raped by Microsoft who will insist on Vista and DirectX10, which will kill 95+% of sales. Paging Dr Burrkis, double reaming in progress! -Wraith556
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57.
Sheer stupidity!
I've learned over the years not to actually have expectation around here, as it only leads to crushing disapointment. I'm the overnight sup. i have a very small group of agents that work the overnight shift. think 5 people covering the entier US after 2 am. One of those 5 is out for a month of vacation. so i'm down to 4. Another one goes on 2 week of leave on sunday - the night we have the fewest people in. the night i'm supposed to have off. NO ONE was told about the second agents approved time off. I just found out. so esentially- we have 1 person in sunday night into monday morning. no email, no heds up - its not even on the friggin shedule! what better is that the same person thats approving all this time off - is approving more time off to other projects on the contract that I and other sup have to cover. NO freakin heads up! if I wasn't trying to figure out if someone called in sick or was just late, we would have never known and that project woudl have had zero cover for the day. i just told the one guy thats in sunday to call in sick. i'm so sick of the crap this TL is pulling, I just want all this to fall like a planet on his shoulders. I would go over his head, but find that doing that gets nowere. soo sick of hipocracy around here. policies changing one day to the next and then we sup get shit due to the fact we were never told. PSYCHOTIC! NOT PHYCHIC!
[By: Harm]
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Sounds like one of those "work smarter not harder manglement places". -Stryker One
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58.
Wikipedia
i was pondering the existance of Wikipedia after the recent post from a Wikipedia user.
sooo basically, this is supposed to be a contributed encyclopedia of everything except those things we don't wan't to include, or will delete if no one likes it? How is this not revisionist history? asking mearly for information - if we wish to debate this, i would sugest a breakroom tread- so as not to turn this into a flame war ( if it gets to that) just sayin..
[By: Harm]
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All history is "revisionist" of sorts. In the end, you'll never know the truth about anything that may or may not have ever happened. -YourLastHope
good point - all history is revisionist to one extent or another- the full truth is never completly known. It just seems wikipedia ( to me) fall under hypocritical. just so everyone is clear- this is not a reaction to recent events, i've felt this way about said site for a loong time now. -Harm
"History is written by the VICTORS!" (Some Klingon Guy, I think....) -ShujinTribble
"Historians will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes."</braveheart> -AmazingKreskin
The difference between being labeled a terrorist and being labeled a great general hangs on the victor being the one to write the history books. -RiffRaff
http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=72347 Stephen Colbert did a word on this last year. sums it up nicely. -cicero
They might as well be just another online version of Encyclopedia Brittanica or something, then... -MadJack
Really, I would be concerned about this being "revisionist history" IF Wikipedia were considered an authoritive resource. However, by its very nature it is not. It's a "What I Know Is..." site and not a "we have done extensive research and found these facts..." site. It's more a popularist source than an encyclopedic resource. As such, by the way, it will never be an accepted source for research as anyone can really say anything they want there. I would lament a loss of a TSC entry, but I wouldn't think it the end of the world. After all, those who it really matters to are already here! -Captain Trips
In highschool, i took both JROTC and History (of course). The interesting thing was reading the books from each class regarding the Civil war. One explained how the North won, the other explained all about how the north invaded the south. Which one was right? both of them. But the views were completely different. That's history for you. -Bobsentme
The beginning of history: Og, me invent fire. No, me invent fire! Og, me set you on fire! Now me invent fire! -robbor
Here's a scary thought. As of this year, there will be *adults* in this world who weren't alive when the wall fell. There's already people in their mid-30's who weren't alive to see the first moon landing. I'm one of 'em, being born less than a year after that historic event. In some ways, that's just scary. -missourimule
It's a contributed encyclopedia of things that meet a given standard of notability. There are some people who want to include everything, and there are some people that want strict guidelines and tend to vote for deletion on various things. Myself, I tend to be towards the latter. But I try to be fair. However, I think that this, as well as the previous post, are a perfect illustration of something I've already found: When it comes to things being deleted on Wikipedia, even sane, rational people can be total assholes. I've been called loser, soulless, alcoholic, Hitler, rapist, Gestapo... and some people have had their lives threatened and their personal information posted. People take it too damn seriously. -Veinor
several of my favorite Webcomics have been rejected by Wikipedia as not "notable"...very closed-minded of them. -Erictheblue
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59.
Ahh overnights....
The only time anyone will see an agent brandishing a plastic ( taped up) hockey stick, spouting "Don't taught happy fun tape ball!" while chassing another agent. all parties involved were laughing their asses off. no one was hurt. most running I've done in a while though.
[By: Harm]
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Overnights rock!!! Half the call volume and twice the fun! -adarklite
He he, no nightshift but I have a baseball bat nearby just in case of a random stupid question. -Armakuni
I hate to be a grammar nazi, but the word is taunt: "taunt [tawnt, tahnt] : –verb (used with object)
1. to reproach in a sarcastic, insulting, or jeering manner; mock." As in "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." -SalParadise
i know... i realised i miss spelled it shortly after i got home... damn. -Harm
Who you kidding, Sal? You LOVE being a grammah (and spelling) nazi!!! < To the LART cave, quickly! > -TubPorsche
Tub that should be "who're Ya'll Kiddin hay got it pertneer raht, jess dropped a letter err two" >>Southern Techsupport for the confusion!!<<< -SimianMilitant
The last time I saw "Do not taunt happy fun ball!" message, it was over a picture of the Death Star. -Wraith556
We invented SPIKEY ball on our late shifts at the help desk. One nerf ball with about 50 straightened paper clips poking through. It was all fun and games until someone got hurt.
-Bobsentme
Then it's a sport! -LoTech
Remember that game at school - Dodgeball for some, poison ball for others - well, that has been replaced. Spikeball, is the new game taking the world by storm and casulties to the nearest hospital. -TheMacOne
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60.
not gonna bother with the advice 2
no apperently he got another frined to order him all the parts - different manufacturers and he found more $$$ ( that is already owed to myself and another person- i'm going after his kees soon) and this Other friend offere to buy it as discount - but now he needs an OS! OKay FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! you fuck up MY universe by asking me to help you out, I do so spending many hours of MY time doing this and you turn around and decide "well $Douchbagthatcouldtfindhiswayoutofaimaginarywetpaperbag can get it cheaper! I would have called to check these specs with you but you were sleeping so I checked with $Friendthattaughtmeeverything while He was at work."
last words being " whatever" blocked off any and all chat programs. Now i KNow whats gonna happen. hes gonna come begging for a copy of windows - Buddy he checked the specs out with WILL NOT GIVE HIM ONE. he just won't. guys a developer has the kit- has legitimate copies of everything. only time I ever had to supply HIm with an OS was when he accidenly broke CD2 of MCE 2k5. beyond that - he is strait laced. soo that leave me - cause douchbag works for the government and can't give out copies of his stuff, unless he wants jail time and unemployment. so i ask you TSC - as we have ALL had customer, users family "friends" that wnats to use up our time and fucxk around rather then lsitening - Boot to the Nuts? Full auto 17bps 350 FPS "painting" or cold " fuck you get out and weres my $$? " i get paid to deal with crap at work - not dealing with it on my spare time. Buddy needs a Larting of epic proportions and damnit if i'm not PRIMED!
[By: Harm]
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give them a disk "marked" windows,** nailpolish, iron fileing and sulpher on the underside**, blame resulting pyro-lart on $dumbfucks part list and compatablity issues with maximum read/write speed and underclocking the UFDRAM-UDAH partition to fatal levels.(as in the You Fucking Douchebag, Rape And Murder yoU Dead AssHat!) then proceed with kick to the nuts. -SpitefulTech
Spiteful, will the laser in a CD/DVD drive be powerful enough to ignite that combo? If so, it has some ... interesting uses. Where do AOL package their CDs? ;-) -Calydor
I had some so called "friends" who insisted I give them a copy of a DTP program that was something like $1000 new. (This is quite a few years ago). So I got disk one and copied it, put the good copy away and screwed with the main exe on the first disk. It bombed out big time. I laughed a lot. -Gerund
I've been right where you are, Harm. Just walk away. A friend wouldn't do that to you. And as for the hardware, I'm sure he compromised somewhere and he'll get bottle-necked. -ThinTheHerd
Ubuntu FTW...... Oh, and where's my money, damnit?! -ShujinTribble
DOS 3.0... Of course, he might catch on even with the limited number of brain cells. As such, you might want to see if you have a copy of Windows 3.1 laying around... -virtualchoirboy
At this point I'd move from being helpful to "before you buy this computer I think you should pay off your debts...especially the $$ you owe me." And if he's a dick about it, haul his ass to small claims court. -Starfury
Keep in mind that if you employ any of these suggestions, he's going to give you the old FU (maybe with the one finger salute) and then you'll never see your $$ again. Depending on the amount, it may be worth it because if you contribute any more resources to his pet project, you *WILL* be his official tech support goto guy. Furthermore, he has also shown that he doesn't respect boundaries and feels that he can lean on you at any time for support. (If you spend any more time with him telephone-consulting, someone at your office is going to eventually notice.) Bottom line: if he hasn't bought the parts yet, cut him loose. If he has, make every attempt to cut him loose. If you can't cut him loose, you poor bastard.... -BayouTech
Linux. Download and burn a CD. Freaa and Legal. Don't provide any support. Priceless. -TieDyedDinosaur
Give him a beta copy of Vista. -SFStrangler
You answered your own query in Part The First: "you just got a laptop last year - and owe be a CRapload of $$$..." LART should have been applied directly to forehead before the infection spread... -PTSTech
Forward his bill to a collection agency. You may only get 50% of what he owes you, but that's better than 0. -Stryker One
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61.
not gonna bother with the advice 1
Then Why ask? i have this friend.. although they are rapidly slipping from that title and into Annoyance - that decided they wanted to build up a system.
Okay sure fine - you just got a laptop last year - and owe be a CRapload of $$$ but whatever. que 2 weeks of gmail converstaions, trying to find him a complete system that only requiers minor tweaks - and decide to give him a 1 year old PCI-E nvidia 6600 silenced. hes on a budget but wants a powerhouse. okay i give him several options - some barbones sets that we can add to - some complet systems with OS that we only have to add a stick of ram and the vid card. Oh and he wants all this by reading week. which is... next week. do able. I have poored many hours into finding this guy something that would work best for him - something that has upgrade options.. and support, cause like HELL i'm having him call me. All of this while i'm at work - as thats the ONLY time he has to work on this. he comes back today stating that hes gonna have an awsome system - but NO OS oh and hes gonna have dual 512 cards for his birthday? umm what? the system you chose and i speced only had 1 PCI-e graffics slot? hows this possible? the other system were apperently too expensive - and we priced out the diff using just the peices?
[By: Harm]
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62.
Future computing is here!
the first quantum computer is a reality - much like the first computer systems 50 years ago - its big and won;t fint ina apartment but .. a step in the new direction! add in photonic storage and ... now we just need gel packs, and holodecks and warp drives! - can;t be far behind now.. http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2007/02/09/tech-dwavequantumcomputer-20070209.html
[By: Harm]
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How big was your desktop 10 years ago? The personal computer in the late 80"s How big was the mini's I worked on in the Navy?
goofy talk -Hellion
But we'll see... I remember when a world wide internet was fantasy! -Hellion
Skynet anyone? LOL!
-LeopardMadcat
My CPU is a neural-net processor...a learning computer. -wolfman
...a revolutionary type of microprocessor...In three years, Cyberdyne will become the largest supplier of military computer systems. All stealth bombers are upgraded with Cyberdyne computers, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record. The Skynet funding bill is passed. The system goes on-line on August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn, at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 am, eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. -wolfman
Blame Cana... hey... uh... -ThinTheHerd
"Take this cheese to sickbay!" -Wraith556
SEE SEE!!! Canada just sitting up there with thir maple leaves and hockey. No one will ever think about canada. Just sitting there quietly developing quantum computers to take over the world I knew it! But did anyone listen NO..ist just canada they said.. they cant hurt anyone.... we're all doomed! -neuman1812
With residents like Harm and myself, who needs Skynet!? -wolfman
heh heh heh Our evil plan for world domination starts to come to fruition. <grin> -chazz
And it STILL won't run Vista properly! -TheMacOne
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63.
If only
this could actually be done - think of the SF population that wouldn't be! a utopian society... we can dream right? http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php
[By: Harm]
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I vote for a Eugenics Program -Blackneto
YAY! IT Darwinism ! -EtherRabbit
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64.
Oh god we're bored.
RE wolfmans post - found here - http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=63516 we got bored and ran with an idea. things that NEVER sound right. " oh yea baby, give me that Oak branch"
" she won't stay on her side - just that much of a slut"
" Oh yea. Thats hot. smokin hot.. FLAMING hot.. give me back my lighter."
" oh yea baby, i want your maple sirup all over my surface!"
" anyone turned on by this? no? good I guess." and " They both got wood!" we were bored.
[By: Harm]
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Pictures to come forthwith! -wolfman
Sooooo.... Someone got some dove tails?</This Old Sexy House> -ShujinTribble
Wouldya look at the set of tennons on that one! -Ulfgaard
Whoa! Nice mortise, too! -Ulfgaard
They both got wood is pretty normal in some of my picture trading groups. ;-) -concept14
Whoops slipped his tennon in her Mortise on accident. Now they have saplings. -StarFishHearder
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65.
How to incite a call center roit.
we have several vending machines ( as most places of business do) tonight - the pepsi machine somehow fubared. Its been randomly spitting out drinks all night. Water, Pepsi, Mt Dew cans OR bottles. doesn't seem to have a pattern but damned if we can hear the thing drop somthing. ever seen the entier over night crew bolt to the lunch room to get a free drink? kinda interesting fight to get through the doors.
[By: Harm]
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Reminds me of when they had a special on one chocolate bar in the vending machines. It was supposed to be 10 cents off. Instead it sold Caramilk bars for 10 cents. People would rush over as soon it was stocked and empty the machine out. -ProfessorFrink
Reminds me of a vending machine that we figured out would eject products if you body-checked it hard enough. Lunchtime at night shift consisted of the largest techs taking running slams against the glass case for their randomly selected snack of the day. -MacDaddy
That happened to the coke machine next to the media center doors a while back at school.. I was walking into the media center and hear "clunk.clunk.clunk.clunk" and see this kid hurrying to grab the drinks out of the machine as they were flying out.. He had over 20 bottles of water and 20 bottles of Minute Maid drinks sitting in front of him. -linuxmatt
You should see what happens when our machines run out of Monster, that is not a pretty sight at all. -snic42
Just remember this: to take something without paying (assuming it is normally something charged for) is theft. Whether the machine is broken or not. -Captain Trips
I agree with the captain. You're all going to be busted! -robbor
Maybe someone screwed up at assembly and installed a slot-machine mainboard, rather then the vending-machine mainboard, and its cashing out ;) . -EtherRabbit
our highschool had a soda machine which had a bit of randomness to it. sometimes it would give nothing and keep your money. sometimes it would give soda and give your money back. sometimes it would give you more money back than you put in. -illiterate
We had a vending machine similar to Mac's in my high school (all those years ago). Run into the front of it, free Nestle's crunch. Worked great, until one of my friends accidently hit the window, and cracked it. Also, some newer vending machines have a sensor on the bottom to tell if the product dropped. If you hold the door open, and let the food hit the door, it won't register on the sensor. Eject your money, then take your snack. BRILLIANT! <Guiness dudes> -beerman
Beerman -- A NEW WAY TO COMMIT THEFT! BRILLIANT! Hey, remember the original meaning of Karma? It's bringing BAD mojo down on you! Theft is theft, whether it's shoplifting a candy bar from the 7-11 or tricking a vending machine to give you product for nothing! Bad karma on you. -Captain Trips
i remember a candy machine back a my college: it has a silly design where a cork-screw-like gadget would spin around and push the candy off the edge into the chute...BUT Nestle Crunch bars were so skinny they could slip through the wrong part-so every time it was restocked, the first person to buy a Nestle Crunch bar would get 2 for the price of 1! yes, i did this myself at least once. -Erictheblue
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66.
First...
BOFH of the new year!http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/06/bofh_1/
[By: Harm]
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Just goes to show - proper planning is a wond'rous thing -ShujinTribble
This is why the IT dept needs to all call in sick for...oh...lest's say bout the first fill week, after any holiday break. Better yet, add a pay-per-call feature for the help-desk. -EtherRabbit
Etherrabbit, if you are going to charge per call , include an arguement penalty charge. Each arguement phrase costing an amount = to hourly wage * total number of arguementative statements. -SimianMilitant
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67.
A geeked Christmas Eve
Happy Holidays one and all! and a Merry Sick $$$ day to all of us that have to work. How to have a geeked alternative Christmas Eve?
Start by watching Non standard christmas shows / movies. Black Adders adaptation of "A Christmas Carol", Invader Zim " The Most Horrible Christmas", South Park's " A Critter Christmas" and "Nightmare before Chrsitmas" add any others that come to mind (Robot chicken christmas episode from season 1) Next, Debate with others IF it would REALLY be that wrong to test out some of the gifts you've bought/ drooled over "Just to make sure it works properly!" after all - it sucks if something has to be exchanged for one that actually works. Big letdown for everyone. Start a LAN party on the 23rd. end LAN party on the 24th- when people start to realise what time it is, were they have to be in the next couple hours - and how much is left to do. Preferably before the last minute stores close. Finally, start lining up your Boxing Day purchases - online or other. preferably using arial maps overlayed with the best routes to the nessisary stores, transfred to a laptop or PDA, with an accompanied list of what your looking for - how much it's on sale for, and a competitors website/ flyer in case some of the stores price match.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
[By: Harm]
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Sounds well thought out I say. -Zayda
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68.
Things Can always get worse, or
Overnight shifts suck, but blackout curtains help with sleep.
wake up round 8ish, check gmail and a coworker pops on - letting me know i'm about to have " fun" tonight. OHH? FUN? hmm how so? when i left @ 7am everything was working fine. Some time during my unconsciouse hours, our head office suffered a power surge, which blew away oh, well just most of the tools we use. ticket system - down. Account database- down. Email servers - down. Dns adminstrative front end - completly toasted. Live Chat and email support - Its on the list. great way to wake up? not so much really.
As the acffinbe is starting to hit my bloodstream, and the dawning realization of endless supervisor escalation, - Cell phone goes off. Girl i met at the christams party actually Did call me back ( there was speculation amougst friends) - going over to her place for season 1 of robot chicken on friday night ( first night I have off - but she has to be @ work for 8 am sat - damn) manage to get to work in a better mood ( aww who am I kidding - giddy) to find that - Wow everything is finaly back up! email systems back - ticket system and modem diagnoctic systems back up. everything. Woot! as well find out that due to the the incident- we had literally 200% call volume for the day, and the supervisor that was supposed to be in on the evening shift - on vacation. suffice it to say I expected Chaos comming in - low and behold, everything is under control and agents are busy filling out tickets they previousely couldn't. although things can ALWAYS get worse - occationally they don't. Always a pleasent surprise. back to running reports , day dreaming about a hair stylist, and MP3's on the old iPaq.
[By: Harm]
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I encountered your expected misfortune.
I had to spen 2 hours behind a rack rewiring all the servers for a new KVM install. there's only 2' of space behind the rack and i'm about 3' wide. -Blackneto
I'm glad I have the day off :) -cicero
Blackneto: If I had my hands on 2 feet of "rack", I woudln't complain! (You know... "Rack"... "Beubz".. Hooters? Ta-Tahs...) -ShujinTribble
Boobies! -Divinar
ST- I think you would need more than 2
hands. Did I spell it all right? -IceRuby
If your lady friend has a friend who also likes robot chicken, point her my way. :) -snJimboip
Harm, precisely what is "acffinbe"? (Yes, I know but the word has had me giggling for hours.) :) -Magenta
I think the acffinbe still hasn't hit your bloodstream, or else the caholaol already has. -concept14
Magenta- You mean "caffeine" without having any first? -Voz
no its "Caffiene" botched due to excessive amounts of caffiene -Harm
Oh,dear! No more brandy for me! *covers
my previous comment* -IceRuby
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69.
Office Holiday "party"!
This weekend we had our usual office party for the holidays. as usual - the food was almost edible, had to buy your own drinks and the raffle was.. apperently disapointing. as an extra added bonus no one got incredibly drunk and started dancing on tables - or hitting on everything with T&A. as Usual, Harm did not attend the Office party, rather I whent to a friends Yule party. Ate REAL food ( mmm turkey, stuffing, cheezecake and just about everything else youd have at a feast) drank like crazy ( as we brought our own drinks - and DIDN'T have to pay for 'em), watched my roommate get comepletly smashed ( while recording his drunken rants for later entertainment) and left with the hosts Hair stylist after chatting her up all night ( taking pictures of the party, her . and video.. and flirting, and arriving back home around 10 am the next day BFG). CONCLUSION - as per expectation, ANY other party than the office one seems to have been infinetly better! (also confirmed by party goers that attended it - and then a REAL party).
[By: Harm]
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I always marvel at the partying before
your holidays, I enjoy the posts. We don't
have anything like that in our traditions. -IceRuby
I have never been to a company party and $deity willing I never will. Have not heard of one yet that people enjoyed. Would like to see the pics from the one you attended though... -conundrum
hehehe conundrum , umm there are several BOOBIES! shots. not full frontal boobie.. but boobies none the less. -Harm
Ok Harm, now I have to see those pics. Boobie shots are always worth seeing. -conundrum
Actually, our party was kind of fun. Management did NOT take us all out and buy ALL the drinks for us. ;) My bosses, boss actually had more than a few Martini's, doffed his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and started kicking everyone's ass in pool. I actually had fun. But then again, this jobs kind of laid back and everyone's always offering to buy you a beer! -TechnoTherapist
Sorry guys - just had our Office Party - fantastic. Food WAS edible, Gilrs all scrubbed up extremely well, and the partners paid the bar tab - so free bar... -SoldierJedi
Would've loved to have gone to my party, but my baby girl is cutting teeth. She was a real sorehead the night of the party, and I wasn't about to palm her off to a babysitter in that condition... :-\ -vacuumtubes
My new company holiday party was actually fun. Good food, 2 free drink cards per person, full cash bar when those ran out. Good dj and lots of people having fun. Then we went to AUA's party last night, only 3 small tables to eat on so most of us had to sit with our plate on our knees. The place was designed to fit half our number so very crowded and crawling with bored children. *shudder* -redfaery
Holiday Office parties can only cause pain and embarassment. In the case of our little shindig, it is being held at a local restaurant and the fee for celebrating the holidays with people I can barely tolerate 5 days a week is just under $40....and doesn't include alcohol. No, I won't be attending. -TubPorsche
My company doesn't even make a pretense of having a holiday party. We just have an awards luncheon, where they present cheesy certificates to people who've been with the company five, ten, etc. years, and "stars" and "heroes". The "heroes" are people who go above and beyond for their departments, and the "stars" go above and beyond for the whole company. Not that this is a bad idea. It's good to recognize people for their extra hard work. It's just that I'd like some recognition that there are holidays, but, at my company, holidays are politically incorrect. Also, it was employees only, and go back to work afterward. The chicken was actually good for a change, though. Saturday was greenlantern's company holiday party and it was pretty good. It was at a nice French restaurant in Hollywood. They had delicious food, company paid for drinks, good raffle, decent dj. We only stayed 'til about 11:00, but had a good time. It was much better than my party. -sassicatz
On the last day of work before Christmas, I'll bring a bunch of mead into the office and we will all sit around, get mildly smashed on mead while eating free sushi and pizza (yes, we have strange traditions, why do you ask?). -chazz
We had our party last weekend also. The company flew me & the missus to & from New Orleans (where the company is based) from Dallas, paid for the hotel room and paid for a game pool for the Saints Cowboys game with a $250 payoff on each quarter. It was catered and they had 2 bartenders. Free food & booze! Got back to town yesterday at 3:00 pm. Got the day off (paid). I was an hour late coming in this morning. My boss came in less than 5 min. before I did and was very cool about it. I love my new job. -maciarc
Chazz, does any of that involve finding a piercing parlor and having the ring of saron attached to your ... er... hobbit? -Wraith556
Boss a couple of years ago took the department (maybe a dozen guys) to a downtown pub. Then started paying for pitchers. I got very smashed. I am, apparently, a nasty impediment to chatting up women, with any alcohol in me. -namor
"It's called a Prince Albert..." No, no it doesn't. Of course, we also don't have the One Ring -- we're just a software development house, and you know, it's Shrub who has the Ring now. -chazz
In case anyone doesn't recall that clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_8NVw9cRcg -chazz
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70.
big mouth..
Being short 2 supers was bad enough, now we're down another one. As i had taken over doing scheduling for our group - i I've been taking on the unwanted evening shift in order to keep the peac. now i'm going back to overnights. I was hoping we wounldn't lose our overnight person - as he liked overnights and everyone was perfectly happy NOT having to work them. I happened to open my mouth about being up all night playing video games - and got drafted into the evil day star shift. upside - not much todo other then run a few reports and try to stay awake. downside : trying to stay awake without WoW or something similar to pass the time. seeing as how i'm the only person grudsgingly willing to take on the shift ( and needing the small amount of extra cash), this " life" thing sems to have escapded again! ahh well - wasn't doing anything with it anyways.
hey! AoE gold edition for PDA's installed! hmm.. maybe were good after all ... here little fishies... thats right.. build your unsuspecting civilisation... heehehehehehe.
[By: Harm]
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re: your signature: I put the Fun back in funeral and the sexy back in dyslexia. -beerman
re: signature - can't spell "crap" without "rap" -ecoli
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71.
work related injuries! kinda..
On friday - we had a team building exercise. get paid to not be at work for a few hours? awsome!. so we whent indoor climbing. nice place - rented gear and all - had a good time for the first few climbs. then i found the little tinny red room. doh. holds all over the place. so one of the other supers and i head in and climb around. i manage to get up to the ( not very high) ceiling - tag it and drop down ... unto the one friggin area that DIDN'T have padded mats. landed on my heels while falling back. anyone whos worn climbing shoes before - knows there IS NO SHOCK ABSORBTION! nothin.. hurt like hell and ended my partcipation.. then back to work!. not that i could actually walk or anything. managed to make it most of the way through my shift - haveing a very good friend grab me some ice , and then take over for me when i had to bail. had to have another friend wheel me to the door so my parents could pick me up and drive me back to the apartment. crawl to the elevator ( coast clear) crawled down the hall to my apartment. inside, find my wheely chair ( while realising room mates golf clubs do NOT make good crutches. This morning i explain what happend to the room mate - while his Nurse girl friend is looking my feet over. nothing broken it seems, but looks like i compressed the bones. call into work - one of the supers that wasnt there yesterday - knows just what happend and apperently people have been laughing about it all morning. let 'em know i'm not gonna be able to make it in, while trying to figure out how to get my hands on some crutches. its kinda odd - somehow i will manage to injure myself in the most spectacular ways, especially if there is almost 0 chance of hurting ones self.
Left foot - i can almost put full wieght on. right foot - still hurts like a mofo. i wonder if this can count for workers comp?
[By: Harm]
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if its on the clock. yes. but also get to the er/dr asap and get documentation for your supe. -burrkiss
I absolutely agree with Burrkiss! (wait, did I say that?) Actually, yes, if it was a company sponsored event, recent case law has been saying that it is considered as time on the job. -Voz
maybe i could sue work for the tramma of nailing the ugly security chick at the christmas party, that was company time and i had to take a brillow pad to myself afterward. -SpitefulTech
after a viste to the emergency room - and a rather fast 3 hours ther - xarys came back clean - and i have a dr's note keeping me from work for the next week. if nothing is better by next week - i have to go through x rays again. seems i have 13 year cyces of injury ( now 26) when i was 13- 3 cast in 1 year ( hand - wrist and ankle) now this. keep off 'em - keep e'em iced and up and tenser bandage if nessisary. plus i have my very own crutches now. -Harm
Judging by you comment Harm, I'd guess they gave you pain meds? -bassman
Talk to HR at work and file a Work Comp claim even if you do not intend to collect. I code insurance software and deal with WC a lot. You're far better off filing an incident report so that you it can be converted to a claim later if need be. Email me if you want more details, but above all else - talk to HR so that you perform the absolute minimum CYA. -virtualchoirboy
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72.
should have known better.
long story short - decided to replace my linksys WRT54G (with speed boost) due to the fact, it sucks. Others I work with have had the same issues with the device I have- and have had better luck replacing the device rather then mucking about with firmware, 3rd party or otherwise. One of the co-workers replaced his with D link gamer - the DGL-4300. Hes had nothing but success with it! it rocks.. rebooting the router after extensive gaming or torrent downloads are a thing of the past! (VS daily) Roommates also complaining about lag issues with WoW - which I too have, but figured it was really just par for the course - until BF2142 started complaining as well. after doing some price checking - i decide to trek my ass across hells half acre ( also known as OTTAWA) in order to go pick one of these bad boys up. Lowest price place - all out. they can order it in. check a few other store - and fid the router at shiver Futureshop. They have it in stock. On the shelf even! so grab one ( only had 2) and a pci wireless nic ( usb is good.. but) pay for my purchase - then bus my way to work. Mange to get through work without ripping anyone head off - while hugging my new peice of networking goodness. get home - start hooking up. WTF? umm why can't i see the wireless network? i know the name.. the router is 1 room away! .. move it closer and closer untill its 5 feet away. still nothing. trouble shoot some more.. try the USB wireless . still nothin. try roomies laptop.. were the hell is my network! SSID is ON! arg. soo i try the firmware. upgrade to the newest version.. OOOPPS! - i know have a rather nice blinking router.. all it's doing is blinking.. and the systems is poping up network cable unplugged.. plugged in.. unplugged.. shit! thats not good! damn.. at this point - I call Dlink support. 20 minutes later - after explining what happened 4 times.. pretending to swap cables and hook it into the cable modem (hooked the POS linksys back up so i at least HAVE internet) un huh un huh.. same status.. checking the IP adress is not gonna do anything- but ill play along. yup yup yup. hold uhn huh.. same status hold.. nothing changed.. hold.. reset- same status HOLD. after 20 minuts - 2 smokes and a lot of repetition - yes it IS defective! great. wonderfull - another product purchsed from future slop that turns out to be a less efective then toast underwater. lesson learned - yet again. FUTURESHOP SUCKS!!!! tomorro- i will yet again trek my way to the store - by public transit as usual - and try to replace the thing for maybe a working model. we will see fisrt the desk missing a peice (and a double of another) then the new LCD gets a stuck pixel ( its 19".. i cant even notice that unless i'm really close up) and now the new router. They say these things happen in 3's - let's hope so.
[By: Harm]
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I heard this one on a tech forum and had to do it once. Take a cloth used for cleaning optics and rub the screen where the pixel is. It can fix the stuck pixel. It worked for me. -Wraith556
Sounds like most of my treks to Fry's Electronics. And now I need to replace my old PCMCIA wireless card for the laptop since it won't work with SSID turned off. I figure I've got a 40/60 chance that the card I buy at Fry's will work. It's the only place close that sells the stuff other than BB and CC. -Starfury
My experience is the opposite of yours - I have had very little success with DLink wireless unit, but really like the Linksys WRT54G, even without extensive firmware mucking about. I've found that most people complaining about throughput/pingtime issues are running on the default channel of 6, or are otherwise sharing a channel with another wireless device close by (not that you'd ever just run with the defaults, Harm!). Channel 11's the best bet, with 1 as a second best choice, because you have less overlap in the channel frequencies.http://www.wi-fiplanet.com/tutorials/article.php/972261 -SalParadise
I'm with Sal. I've had my WRT54G for about 2 years now and have had absolutely no problems with it. Just something to look at: if it gets hot, it'll start locking up. A buddy of mine had this problem. Once he was able to put the WRT54G in a spot where it would remain cool, no more issues.. -JoeLugian
Hmmm, I must be missing something. New products, different manufacturers, just out of the shrinkwrap packaging are defective and it's the vendor's fault? At least it's someplace where you can actually swap it out for another unit instead of having to ship it off... -BayouTech
true - i can swap it out at FS- and will be doing so in a few mins - its just almost everything Ive purchased @ FS has had one problem or another...and usualy (luckly) within the exchange period. -Harm
Jumping on the bandwagon on this one. I too have a WRT54G. Once you set it up to channel 11 and have the right setup, my daughters lappy can WoW all see wants while my sons desktop is pounding some kids site, etc, etc etc... Just takes alot of detective work (or actual knowledge of which I only have some) to get things working right. So instead of "firmware and toying and and" you went out and bought and firmware and toying and and and... Me says BRILLIANT! -gemachte
New Dlink works WAY better.. on any of the channels - tried each one a couple weeks ago to see if there was any diff - nothin. wireless nic was reporting signal going up and down on all the channels. but the dlink in ( working on) - solid connection speed and signals been sitting level at "very good" for hours! constant 54mbps connection - rather then 48, 36, 20 something 54.. 20 something... and been running torrents for a couple hours now and not a blink anywere. torrent goes through.. games playing like champs.. web browsing doesnt glitch either. -Harm
I have to side with Harm here. A lot of the time when I buy from FShop (or LD, which is worse), what I get is somebody else's returned (and possibly defective or incomplete) gadget, re-shrinkwrapped and put back on the shelf illegally. It has happened so many times that I now will buy from there only if I have to, and if I do, I ask the clerk to stick around and watch while I open it and look to see if everything is in there. -chazz
Joining the WRT54G fan club:) -timelady
I have no experience with the mentionied D-Link items, but am currently running a wda-1320 wi-fi card, wbr-2310 router and 2 ant24-700 external antennas, all d-link. no problems at all with about 125 ft. distance. Usually get between 40-50% signal strength and 48-54 mbps speeds. -Grembo
I got a linksys wireless router for $40CAN at "The Source" (A division of Best Buy, IIRC) when we were there, worked fine. As bringing it home wasn't feasable, I passed it onto Frprinterwiz. She'll be able to tell you if there were any problems with it.
-lineswine
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73.
awsomely funny ( nt/ot)
How many of us have ever enjoyed the Daily show with Jon Stwart? shows of hands couple frineds and I just returned from seing Lewis BLack ( as many will know the name from his segments on the Daily show - and the many movies he's done) HOLY SHIT the guys is bloody well AWSOME live! my face hurts from laughing! forget about work on monday - its would just be too anticlimactic! a couple headlines from papers he brought with him Hippo swallows Dwarf and man almost loses penis in pancake mishap. ( long stiorry short - hubby making breakfast - wife makes him .. umm.. happy for doing so, hot grease on nake back - bitedown reaction.. followed by frying pan onto head that just used teeth.) if you ever have a chance to go see Lw ewis black - FUCKING GO SEE HIM!
[By: Harm]
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Lewis Black rocks. This is the best I've ever seen him: http://youtube.com/watch?v=VAOnY-smVB8 -maciarc
Feel sorry for the wife - divorce?! -TheMacOne
Hey Harm, I know where you live! :-) Saw the show too. Damn near pissed myself laughing. BTW, the guy that yelled out "Candy corn is good" was sitting right beside me. Supid idiot talked to his "partner" several times. At least they left 20 min. before Lewis finished. Heh. -JetCrash
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74.
IM converstaion
" so we have this person who is unable to connect an a ticket.. (local office) yea we don't deal with connectivity issues anymore. (other office) does. so you guys deal with... (local) DP customers. uhhhh. DP?? (locals) digital phone.. OH okay.. that makes more sense. (locals) umm what were YOu thinking about?!? Y'all get REALY familiar with clients down there!
[By: Harm]
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Dingo p0rn? -K1W1
<location="gutter">Double Penatration</location> -areatech
They get TWICE as familiar!!! -Bobsentme
CONGRESSMAN FOLEY!!! -SGTARKyTEK
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75.
Don't Care!.
using my evening shift as a working vacation, I was leisurly training a couple PFY's. Having lost 2 of our supers to another project, we needed to train some back up's. With 2 or our more talented agents working with me - its was very easier to provide some training - while i worked on throwing cards into a hat. One of our chatters was asking me a few questions.. and then called me over. as i look at the chat screen - i take note of " Do you know who *I* am?!"
Ohh Mr self important! and this one seems sor full of himself its amasing hes in one peice! EETZ WHAFFER THIN! comes to mind.
Advise the agent on a more diplomatic way of wording his initial response, then wander back to my station to show the trainees just how spookish we can get.
Presedent of technology! well sir i have a few bones to pick .. you see my linksys router sucks. Have your engineers create holo decks already! everyone within ear shot tosses out their barb and evryone has a good laugh. miss miss miss YEA! got it! miss miss sorry! MSI now wants a supervisor! YAY!
" OkayI can do that. gather round 'cause I've never done this before and don't know if it will work." I join In. other agents confirms i'm showing up. MFI doesnt want to TS. reiterrate agents isntructions and reason. unacceptable! description and pricing of equipment! my penis is gargantuan! i have people to carry my balls! " I know of a linux solution thats infinitly cheaper, soo much easier to configure and just as powerful! alas, will no one learn?" which incites a quike discussion of which one? have you tried.. like i said, quiet night. explain again why we need to TS. advise the agent is more then capable of handeling this issue. do it. virtual puffing and pounding of chest! threat threat threat!
"just spend some points in intimidate already! or take 10 for thors sake!"
explain why again. Threat to cancel.
" umm okay sure"
look were trying to help! variouse reasons why this step is needed, the variouse forseable outcomes and what would be responsable for what if your not going to do what i want when i say it. i'm taking my toys and going home!
"Fine"
your choice funny thing is he didnt.. just sorta wondered away never responded again, eventually timed out. "ya know, I learned something today. I suck at throwing cards in a hat.. and that guys a dick." miss miss miss . well its not MY fault you were in the cards path! i know your behind me... just a fleash wound!
[By: Harm]
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Hmm, I wonder if it'd be okay to post the whole transcript, minus the identity details of course. ;) -wolfman
"my penis is gargantuan! i have people to carry my balls!" ROFLMAO!! -Tekkie
Buga...Fuga...fark! Anyone know English in this exchange?
-Hellion
Hell, yeah, Tekkie! I'm considering changing my tagline to that, or maybe something from my most recent post. Maybe both! *cue evil laugh* -missourimule
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76.
thats NOT a school project!
was remided of this one by a few things today.
My room mate is in no way a tech- although he's not a starfish.. most days. Was working as a security gaurd at a local college over the summer, overnight shifts. part of his rounds happens to m be one of the many comp labs in the building. one evening , while doing the usual rounds- he finds a student in the lab at 1:20 am, using 2 systems. roomie being the inquisitive type, wanders over to ask about WTF they are doing. one computer is playing youtube videos from asia, the other system looks like its has a progress bar.
R(oomie): " so what are ya doing there?"
S(tudent - broken english) "is for school!"
R: "Okay okay.. but you know your NOt supposed to be using both systms"
S: " but school project. its for school!"
R:" RIIIGht! so how's this TV show your watching school related?"
S: "No, other computer school project."
R: " unhuh.. and thats.. LINEAGE II is NOT a school project!"
S:" yes is school project!"
R:" NOnonono.. its a MMORPG that is in NO way school related. is that the full game or one of the patches?"
S:" ...umm patch."
R:"so your gonna put it on that there usb key and then leave.. RIGHT? that wasn't a question"
S:" uhh yes."
R: " so if i see you doing something like this again, your gonna tell me the truth .. right?"
S: " yes"
R: "good i'll be back in a hour." bad idea trying to pull that over on a 6'3" security guard.. who playes WoW amng other things.
[By: Harm]
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Wouldn't he have felt bad if it had turned out to be for a project for school? -illiterate
If it was, he would have had the staudent wrap it up asap and had no issue. game - comp room policy broken. -Harm
If that's a high school, I understand it. If it's a college, then it's complete bullshit that they're disallowing game use on the computers. -Mewtwo
Explain to me this bullshit of which you speak. -namor
umm school lab to be used for school work... there for class work and in the event you dont have a working system you can still access scholl resources printing ETC.. makes logical sense to me. -Harm
Agreed. If the computer lab was filled with people dinking around on WoW, people with legitimate work would never get on to get it done. -56Kdaytrader
I'm just wondering, at 1:20am was the computer full with every computer in use? If the lab is relatively empty with lots of available computers then what's the problem? -squatchie666
1:20 am or not, violation of use policy is a violation. What if he was downloading something untrustworthy? Can we say spyware? Malware? Viruses? There is a reason why AUP exists. -Captain Trips
Reminds me of when I was in college I had a psychology course, and I was writing a paper on online social interaction, and was doing most of my research on some of the old MUD type RPGs. Lab technician kicked me out, and I returned with a note from my professor saying that I was playing a game, but it was course related... Tech ended up setting me up in his office so that others wouldn't see what I was doing, and think gaming was acceptable... -garwain
A lying,lab mis-using student who thinks everyone should be grateful for merely gracing us with his presense? A Richard Cranium that is convinced the world shines out of his arse? You don't say...
I don't suppose the concept of "not your farkin PC, so stop using it as a farkin TOY" has ever crossed whatever substitutes for a mind with you. (Paging DD, please come to the lab & bring your favourite LARTing tools wih you.) -lineswine
I work IT at a college and I see this kinda stuff all the time. I actually had someone call me saying they were getting an error installing MSN Messenger on their computer. I gathered his info and did some trouble shooting. I then decided to see where the computer he was using was and found out that it was in one of the student labs. I told him that he wasn't allowed to install any programs on to University machines or use any chat programs. He got indignant with me and got vulgar, I told him that It was not my rules and there was nothing I could do about it. He start cursing me and then....Whoops....*sings* DIS-CO-NECT-TED! -Blargmanus
If he's paying a lot of money to be there, then I don't see any harm in playing around in the lab, as long as he's not preventing anyone from getting work done. With all the nonsense that I was taught as fact in college, I think he has just as much right to play around as the professors have the right to brainwash. As far as installing junk, it's up to IT to restrict that. -SFStrangler
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77.
MOre fun with spam filters!
doing SFA today, i run across this gem in my gmail account. well its definetly spam.. but what i'm really wondering is if the text actually belongs to something, or id this is the first case of "enough spammers conjoining random words to pass filters, will enetually come up with something literary"
check it out Imtoo tired to talk more about this right now.
And Smillie recalledthat Mason had told him this. Certainly these circumstances seemed to favor him a little.
Finchley himself proposedto return to Lycurgus and Albany. And then getting up and walkingthe floor in real and crushing distress and fear.
If Sondra, his mother, any one, could trulysee!
But still youre sure now its not the one you wore down throughthe woods that night? There was no use in carrying on like thisnow. And Clyde once more pausing like one in a trap and thinking: MyGod!
I was wearing the blue suit I had on when I came down here. And then, jumping back toSondras letters discovered in his bag. Left to his own devices for fully eight months.
Who was this beautiful wealthy girl with whom it wassaid this Griffiths was in love? Next there was the straw hat found on the lake.
Of course, we maybe able to live it down in some way.
Then you wore it crumpled and wet, did you, from Big Bittern toSharon? Bella, with all her ambitions and dreams! Who is the district attorney of Cataraqui County,anyhow? Well, have him come out here at two this afternoon to see me. Well, let me see, came from Atterbury, I wouldnt worry verymuch if I were you, Mr. Might notthat have been at least a contributing cause to all this horror?
And then waitingto see them off at dawn in the Fords secured by Mason. But Stuart and Grant, by no means as emotionally movedas herself, cautioning her to be silent. Finchley, Stuart and Sondra should leave for the Mainecoast or any place satisfactory to them. For he himself was convinced that Clyde had murdered thegirl in cold blood. Why did I admit that the oneon the lake was mine? Also toinquire what was the most advisable thing to be done.
And Smillie recalledthat Mason had told him this. Left to his own devices for fully eight months. Besides, I certainly thought you hadbetter sense. Perhaps,perhaps, who knows, in Boston, or New York, or somewhere he mighthave hidden away.
But Stuart and Grant, by no means as emotionally movedas herself, cautioning her to be silent. That straw hat of yours that you say the wind blew in the water? Only it would cause him and his fatherand all of them infinite trouble also. c'mon english majors! WTF is this from?
[By: Harm]
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Theodore Dreiser An American Tragedy - Google is my friend. used the phrase "Cataraqui County,anyhow?" first result. the key is picking out the correct phrase to google. (I do this in my free time, what a geek) -JohnnyCache
Believe I've recently heard of spammers using pages from books via the gutenberg project to try and make it through. OBviously with some success... -namor
Yeah, it's probably several lumps of prose thrown together randomly. -Chromatix
There's actually a program to do this, called Dissociated Press. What it does is take a passage of text and analyse word order, looking at what word sequences are common, then randomly builds new text using the probabilities in the original sample. Mentioned in The New Hackers Dictionary... -chazz
Well, someone did say that a group of monkeys typing on keyboards would sooner or later be able to write a book. Looks like the zoo lost a few of their chimps. -crazymactech
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78.
HELL no!
So nice not to be working 6 days a week. since the begining of july - we've been down 1 sup due to a rather long vacation. so when another whent on thiers, me and one of the other sups had to work 6 days a week to cover. By the that was over - neither one of us actually knew what day it was or had any concept of time.
Its just been that busy. so today starts a well deserved 2 day weekend. I go into work to frop off cash for a company paintball game - only to be asked if i wanted to work. ME: " ummm well how bad off are we?"
TL:" we're just about triple digits in the que"
" so SLA is tanked.."
"yup its( some low number percentage)"
" I see I see - soooo what broke?"
" ( insert breakdown of volume over the day)"
" Unnhuh.. so yea.. thats .. bad."
" Very. So want to pitch in?"
"let me quikly thing about this.. I'll let my laughter speak for me. BWWWAAAAHAHAHAHA!"
" so thats a no."
" Yup - I'm going to a pub with friends now... LATER!"
" NO FAIR!!"
I like my job at times.. and its times like these I love it the most. DENIED!
[By: Harm]
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WTF? they schedule 2 vacations to occur at/near the same time.. ya that work
-drachen
"Yeah, so... either our SLA will suck, and I have to work today, or SLA sucks and I go drinking. I think I prefer the second option." (I never gave a shit about the SLA, can you tell?) -linkv
What is this "work" thing you've gotten yourself involved with?
Sounds like some sort of cult or something.
Seems you are spending all of your time there lately.
How does your family feel about your involvement with it? -robbor
Got canned from one firm "Because I was unable to do the job". A few months later they contacted me as they had got two of the main people going on holiday at the same time and could I cover for them during the fortnight. Some of my friends thought I was mad to do it but a) I got far more than the going rate b) could put on my CV "Fire for not being able to do my job but able to do two mens work" and c) being able to work around for that fortnight fire proof, able to say what you want and do it your way or else. -Zoomer
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80.
World Cup ( nt/ot)
day off - watching the beautifull game. I think Football ( soccer to those of us in Canada and the US) is the *ONLY* televisied sport wherin one will witness a player fondeling themselves on the feild. Full hand under the shorts. admitedly- the trinidad player DId take the full brunt of the ball into the bag - and was in a hell of a lotta pain, but is a close up really required? for those of you interested - at half time Englan is still tied @ naught, and had an amzing goal line recovery.
[By: Harm]
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At least he didn't take it out and caress it... -maciarc
NOW ON SPORTSCENTER. Professional ball adjusting. Starring........... -burrkiss
That's almost as bad as watching a player -top- another players -tent-... and I mean, full enclosure of the lips. But what was worse was turning on the news and seeing the replay before it registers and you can avert your eyes... -spectreoflife
Hoo-ya!! 2 nil! And we played like drunken monkeys... -NightRain
"...now we're going to pass out these affadavits and we're going to ask you to sign them saying you will not touch certain area's of your body while you're out there on the football field."</Bill Cosby 1969> -ShujinTribble
Soccer players are, without a doubt, the best actors on television. Every damn one of them oughtta get an Emmy! -viennasausage
When Argentina won the cup in 19... something (sorry, I'm not that fan) he scored the winning goal with his hand. THe referee didn't see it, but the whole world did see it on TV. He then claimed that was "the hand of God". There you are. Maradona is the only man in the world that gets "molested" by God. :D -TheGhost
What? Michael Jackson did that at every one of his performances. -crazymactech
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81.
all quiet on the tech front
i think i enjoy Ameerican holidays more then Canadian. Sure i get payed better on our stat holidays- but given I work exclusivly with the US - its just never as quiet ( Christmas being the exception) started wor @ 8 am- did essetially nothing till 10.. took a couple smoke breaks.. fired up the MP3 player.. did esentially nothing for an encore. after lunch looked at variouse paintball markers / equipment i intend to buy ( after a bed and computer desk... and several visa payments) wandred around the floor for a bit- wandreed into a very well ACed training room for a while, then finished the day buy doing not a whole hell of a lot! an exceptional monday if i say so myself. Hope all of y'all south of the border had a great long weekend.
[By: Harm]
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It's been great. Slept 2-and-a-half hours in. Ate, then went back to bed for another 2 hours. Watched The Halls Of Montezuma, then took a nap. Had dinner, and now I'm watching A Bridge Too Far. That's what I call a great day. -viennasausage
I moved into another house. 3 days of work sunup to sundown plus. I long for a good weekend. Just got back on the net at 8:30 PM Monday after being off since Thurs. night. Talk about withdrawal syndroms... -srteach
Two meetings. Three projects, which affects, well, pretty much the ENTIRE scope of my position. Oh yeah. Fun day. -namor
Got up at 7:00, Picked up some fellow band members and Marched! -makillik
(Points at mak)HA_ha! Band Fag!</Nelson> (For the record, I miss being in marching band competitions.) -ShujinTribble
Spent the day learning the basics of my new non-tech job. Between that it was doing nothing and more doing nothing. I think I wore out the refresh button here and on LJ. -GeekGirl
Mak and ST- you brought back the old days for me... one of the best days of my life marching in the Cotton Bowl parade! Thanks for a day-brightener. -Voz
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82.
The story so far ( nt/ot)
as many of you know - about 2 months ago it was realised thet *"its just not working out" and thusly moving was required. Having braved frustration at finding a decent place, getting nessesities hooked up and the ever dreded shopping for stuff you never realised you really actually neded ( yea... blender.. gonna need that. damn) - The perveyor of discomfort and pain has manged to setup a lair. 3 weeks - 4 different trips spread out across that time, several things have occured. My staples pressboard coner computer desk will not be joining me. Partially as it barly survived the previouse move, but mainly cause some brainless dolt decided to take off with the hunch part. OKAAAAYYY right whatever. Its not like it doubles as a coffee table or anything.. without the desk to keep it together- its really just some partially laminated press board.. in odd shapes. WTF? we get rogers digital cable and uber highspeed internet installed... unfortunatly, due to a concrete wall - i cant get the other 2 outlets installed so, we had to go wireless. It works pretty well and i have wap setup, but i far prefer the reliability of my good old smc and the box o cat 5. computer gets moved over about 4 days after the main stuff withdrawl.. oh god the withdrawl- having to use someones lese laptop- with *shudder* IE! the horror!0. Today i just about finished getting all my gear over. howver in doing so - someone walked off with my computer chair. again WTF? admidedly i was going to replace it - as it was about 10 years old, was missing several bolts and swivels ways it really wasnt supposed to. land line still hasn't been setup. keep meaning to do so, but since were on the second floor - and our parking spot is within key toss distance.. it just hasnt been a priority. taking vacation to move kinda defeats the purpose of vacation. not much relaxing gets done between loading, unloading and cleaning the old place. lucky enough - for the mainload i had unexpected help from a friend that happend to have the day off and was wondering if i needed help. so between mom and bridie - it only took about 2.5 van loads.. 2 oddesey loads and a couple runs with bridies hatchback. overall time spent = 3 weeks.
actuially moving time - 6 hours.
total vehicles used = 1 oddessy minivan ( parents), 1 hatchback accent (bridies) and 1 suziki swift+ ( mels car- small loads).
total people that actualy helped ( including myself) = 5
total people that SAID they would help but " something came up" ( yes that could be a valid excuse if something came up ... we all know were this one's going right?) = 10 next time i'm renting a friggin truck. there is still a couple things at the old place - like and AC unit thats unfortunatly stuck to the floor ( spilled paint- unnoticed for 6 monthes) small odds and ends and stuff still in the fridge. plus the primeing of a wall that was painted powerder bluie.. and holes containing wall anchors. * - a 100% true statement.
[By: Harm]
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Just imagine the thief sitting in the computer chair, leaning way back, and suddenly discovering the nonstandard swivel modes. -concept14
concrete walls can be drilled, it's been done many times in the apartments I've lived in, you've just got to have the CAT6 from wall to wall -NOFXfan
When I moved here I let it be known that a trained chef would be catering the move. I had people who I had never met(but who knew of her skills) show up to help. -Zoomer
All you have to do is offer beer. It's always worked for me. Great part of that is most folks drink the cheap stuff (Bud, Coors, Miller). Bad part is having any of that crap left over. I wonder what the shelf life is on a couple of cans of Miller in the back reaches of my fridge? Any ideas? -TubPorsche
TubPorsche: Shelf life on good beer is 3 months to six months. Shelf life on bad beer is about a year... but doesn't matter too much, because it tastes bad before it goes past, and it tastes bad after it goes off, so what difference is there? How do I know this? There was a time when I was young and foolish. -chazz
You could always use it to batter shrimp / chicken / fish for dinner. -ShujinTribble
Some people swear it makes a great hair conditioner. (I haven't tried it because I don't care to smell like a brewery.) -purplelinguist
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83.
Service instalation!
since i'm moving - had to get internet TV and phone setup at the new place. whent to a rogers store ( as i've lived variouse places and alway had cable internet) and asked what woudl be needed for setup. I own my modem, so they said i should just be able to call in with the modem and have it provisioned. i leave the store all happy, yet oddly not optimistic - as i work for a cable ISP and know what could go wrong. I trundle down to the bell shop. This was attempt 1 to get a land line. walk into the store- its not that busy - mention i want to get a land line and am passed off to another service person- however they are currently engaged in a converstaion on their cell. after a few minutes i give up and leave. attempt 2 - next day walk into the store - huge line up and 1 poor rep working. Not wanting to extend the work load and the line - leave and go look up instalation online. Oh an online process- but its going to take about a week to complet- and that just to send me an email about a possible service activation date. Wonderfull. attempt 3 go back to the bell store on my way home today. Oh look 2 people and no line up! WOOT! ask about getting service activated. they can do that and it will take 48 hours! YAY! give them my peices of ID ( i don't carryt my sin card on me - after having lost wallet once) One is my visa- the other- a rather out of date driver lisence- i don't have a car and hate driving. the number is way expired. and has my parents address on it. explain this to the agent- and that i can give the sin card number and just about anythng else. nope nope. this should be OK. riiight.. so she enters some numbers into their system - and as she entred my expired driver licens- the system spits up NO- and that i have to pay a depost of $200 . What? WHY? i ask. the only response- " the system says so." " again , Why? run my visa- i can give you my sin number - and i have all tese other forms of ID and bills." NOpe nope- we need a $200 deposit. Okay- again you havent answred WHY! that more then the yearly cost of the most basic of services - which is what i need for the partment ringer. i decide to ask if the online activation would be faster " oh it will be the same - 48 hours" RIIIIIIGHT! walk out of the store. get home feeling rather defeated. Call the room mate and let him know about it.. his reaction is the same as mine "$200! WHY?! that insane!" have a few smokes- call rogers to setup an instalation appointment. since i'm pretty sure the lines disconnected- ill need a tech. I love rogers- 20 minutes on the phone- no holding que for a sales rep - cable internet and digital TV with optiosn for HD once i get the HD set. Instalation appointment for saturday between 2Pm and 5 pm ( i'm at work and the room mate is at a paintball game i'm suppoosed to attend- were i not injured. Mom said shes sit around in the apt- read a book on the new couch and wait for them)
all in all- having alway just used the service and having not set it up- rogers impressed the hell out of me. Needed 2 peices of ID- gave 'em sin and my bank account number ( which bell would not take). clicky clicky clicky done done done! soo easy and painless! even explained how i have my own modem- but its on ( ok i said Girl friends) account, but will be removed tommorro when servcice is activated at her new apt.
. Rep had no problem - set it for a rental modem and just explained that the tech will install my modem on saturday- they just can't have 2 accounts with the same modem. NOO problem. completly understand. and she sounded cute. Thank you Rogers - Fuck you Bell.
[By: Harm]
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I'm suddenly reminded of the Little Britain character Carol Beer and her catchphrase... "Computer says no..." -flapjackboy
That's exactly what I thought of, fjb :D -modeski
Your biggest mistake was having anything to do with Hell in the first place. I refuse to do any business with them after the Great Billing Fiasco of '04-'05. You want a landline phone? Get Rogers Home Phone, you'll pay half the money for the same services and you can bundle it with your cable and internet services and save a few more bux/month. ;-) -TechnoCat
<da> As I.D. you offered an out-of-date drivers licence with the wrong address on it? This sounds like a tale from ActsofGord </da> -lineswine
I'm with the TechnoCat, test drive the Rogers phone for us! -evolvedstarfish
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84.
But its not what i want!
typical customer misunderstanding - relates perfectly to being a csr and tech.http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=312
oder of the stick understands all.
[By: Harm]
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ORDER damnit../ shit......*beeP* -Harm
mmmmm.....tech.....mmmmmm.... -AngrySup
Had a call dominator like that today... hung up on every rep who told her they couldn't give her a quote for shipping from the "warehouse" closest to her neeping ass, and called back until the supv made her listen to reason... -MadJack
Y'r a BUFFALO, fer cryin-out-loud! Y'r about a tonne of mass supported on four hooves... STOMP the bejevishnu outta the bastard! -ShujinTribble
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85.
last night with internet..
for a little while.
cable tV and internet are canceled aa of may first. Since Mel and I have our own places - shes downgrading to cable internet untralite - and i have to get it installed at the new place. lets see how much i can download in that time frame!! for those that ue rogers internet. - Port 1720 and Utorrent are a match made in heaven! * wanders off in search of Drawn togther, South park, daily show / colbert report and naughty clips.* i hate moveing. rebuilding networks is fun... but can be such a PITA.
[By: Harm]
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86.
Slow day.
sloow day. so Ill post this.
To Tampa Bay. You were Valient oppenents. Fought well, and burke was absolutly amazing. on a ralated note, I Shall be purchasing a Big screen TV, probably LCD. , soon. I was looking at a sharp, rather nice 45" WS- and a few plazma's. so far I am leaning toward LCD, as i've read some nice stuff about them, and the room mate has a ps2, and a xbox 360 will be around ( as well as one of by computers).
but plasma is cheaper... thoughts?
[By: Harm]
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You might find this forum informative, it's got lots of info on home electronics available in Canada: http://www.digitalhomecanada.com/forum/index.php -TechnoCat
P.S - congrats on the Sens winning their series! They are my "backup team" once the Leafs crap out of the playoffs. If they even make it there in the first place. :-S -TechnoCat
From a Tampa Bay girl...thanks. Second place is still pretty decent. They got there...we hoped they'd win...but we got next year.. -TechieSidhe
I don't like plasma. They're sexier and have a bigger "cool" factor, but when that wears off, they have major durability problems and I personally think the colors are just too harsh. Go for the LCD. -linkv
I agree, the Sens just had somethin for us this year. As another Tampa Bay fan, I congratulate the Sens on a well deserved victory. -fdiskcuresall
"PLASMA!" [plasma....] "*DOG* Plasma!" [dog plasma....]</Classic Loonie Tunes> -ShujinTribble
linkv is right. i troubleshoot them all day. plasma's don't hold up, and burn in after a VERY short time. lcd's are much more durable, cooler in temperature, and generally cost much less in cost of maintenance. there ya go. oh, and whatever you do, don't get anything that comes with a cable card slot. -ravingmadman
Yep, from what I've read Plasmas don't last (notorious for screen burn when station idents are displayed) & are power hungry compared to LCDs. -lineswine
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87.
OWWW hurts so good( NT/OT)
not to worry- PG rated post.. maybe PG-13 due to language. Been kinda accident prone as of late. Karma or something,. Oddly enough- If i only had a vid came following me, EVERYONE could watch how bloody funny it's been. for starters.. injuring myself while TRYING ON rollerblades. in the store.. about 5 minutes on em ( been about 12 years since i was last on inline skates) - ass over teakettle into a clothing display.. slamed by elbow.. bruise is huge, and its still healing ( movment back for the most part- still getting stregthback.. and its hard to turn things, or pick up stuff) fall number 2- in the store, about 60 seconds after the first one.. while my friend, thats also buying rollerblades, tries to help me up... i fall smack on my ass.. ow tailbone.
if we had only had a camera.. althuough i'm sure the store security tapes have to have cought that one. FF top yesterday! stellar day - while handing a small plastic bowl to mel (ex GF, great friends though) Not only to i not manage to NOT give it to her, but flipped it into my own head.. then bounced into the sink. again pricelessly funny. next one was trying to unplugg a laptop power cord from my APC surge protector. as my arm is still pretty weak ( i';m right handed.. this sucks badly) i couldnt quite get it out of the socket. the SP kinda locks the prongs in place.. In trying to pull it opuit, thanks to physics.. i slammed my head into the corner of my subwoofer. many explitive were expelled from my mouth. BUT the cord was freed! ( friends laptop i was working on- diagnostics and a clean up) so today being a nice day - no rain at least, I decide i HAVE to try the blades oiut.. head out on one of the many paths around here,, did maybe 5 k total, and fell on my way back. managed to do a 180 in the space of 1 foot ( successfully i may add) but as i was not paying all that much attention to what i was doing, IE standing, lose balance and kinda fell on back / side... banging injured arm again. Luckily i was wearing pads this time. Didn't realise how out of shape i am. Summers comming, which means paintball season, and being outdoors. Given i'm moving near the (only) beach in this hear town - really gotta lose the chair ass, and bring the endurance back up. I hurt - but its a good hurt. The pain that comes from actually using ones body ( comedicly, i'm a fucking prop at times) rather then sitting in front of a computer for 16 hours a day. and to top it all off, OTTAWA is up 2-1 over tampa in the first round of playoffs. lates score - 8-4 for us. technically 8-5 but for some od reason they disallowed the final tampa goal as it seemed to have been kicked in, in 1 angle of 4 cams. GO SENS GO!
[By: Harm]
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Harm causing harm. Everyone, stay away from him! -crazymactech
Yeah, I really wish we had gotten Carolina instead of the Sens... -fdiskcuresall
*whispers* The Sens suck *runs like hell cackling like a maniac* -momo
Go Sens Go! -NOFXfan
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88.
Creativity!
Oh it was handed down from on high " Thou shalt stop using your templates for end of day reports! they must be unique and contain only what you had actually done! so sayeth the bosses. SOOO knowing they don't actually read what we put in there- we started getting creative. today was Verbosity! who can use the most words ( buzzwords count double) to describe something like .. oh answering questions. Yesterady i did mine in a manner resembling the happenings of a D&D game ( and thuisly i vanquished the daemons of the DNS records, and saved the poor packets from a fate worse then nullification). Tommorro - Haiku! After laughing about it with one of the other sups, we've decided secretly on themes. next week Shakespear! I called hamlet. The week after - Broadway musicals. we figure this way - if we actually do get in trouble for anything - we can point out the fact they haven't cought on for weeks, and thusly bring the bosses down with us :)
[By: Harm]
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Well, it might get you in even MORE trouble, but...if you wanna look at it STRICTLY, they hired you for certain tasks, and you do them. My "checklist" would be: "What you hired me to do daily - DONE." -Grue
As long as your notes are coherent and convey the needed info, I don't see this being a problem. You're submitting your report as requested, after all. If anything it's their fault for having a poor vocabulary. ;-) -linkv
I LOVE it!!! -Bobsentme
I've already decided to be creative with my school ID card. I've gone two days without a single teacher noticing the piece of paper covering up the picture. I have one teacher who actually tries to check the student ID cards as the students walk into her classroom, but for some reason, she seems to get distracted whenever I walk past her while holding my ID up about three feet away from her face. What would she have seen if she had actually checked my ID you ask? "You don't need to see my ID. These are not the droids you're looking for." -MarkerMage
I had a friend who had a picture of a cooked turkey pasted to her work ID, took them TWO YEARS to notice! -TieDyedDinosaur
Many years ago I went to a Torso Convention (Friends of Gor so quite a few steel bras) and although the opening ceremony stressed the fact that they had taken over the bar in the hotel (an ex-brothel according to my then GF who lived in that city) and thus only convention members would be served I waited till after the closing ceremony before asking for my membership bag and badge -Zoomer
Think I have mentioned that I once was waved through Barbados Customs who were checking everybody else by waving my gym membership pass (it did have a photo of me on it though) -Zoomer
On the opposite end of the spectrum.... After our 3 week trip from Buffalo, NY to Japan and Australia (pix available [ http://www.practicallyimpractical.com/vacation/ ] ), Fujin and I were going through customs / immigration in Detroit. The Customs agent looked at our passports and kept looking at Fujin's. (Customs Agent) Ma'am... What nationality are you? (Fuj) --American. (?!) (CA) Are you sure? (Fuj) --yyyeahs.....? (CA) --Because your passport isn;t signed. Would you mind signing it now? (Fuj/Shuj) [BLINK!!!] 3 weeks on the lamb and no one noticed. just WOW! -ShujinTribble
Don't forget to do your reports in pirate formatting. You get to use lots of 'colorful' words. -Starfury
Or in "rennie": "Aye, m'Lords and Ladies, 'twere a great and mighty strife, in sooth, yet we didst install ye olde new tape dryve; and yet, it did protest upon our strifes and struggles of configuration. Yea, though we did pursue that most ellusive of all that we did seek, it did continue to ellude us. But in sooth, we didst prevail, and win the day. Ye olde new tape dryve doth be configured and is truly working to all ends." (At least, that describes my day today.) -Captain Trips
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90.
THANK YOU!!!
whoever you are you mysteriouse benefactor - THANK YOU!!
You magnificent bastard! whoever you are, you just made my week. Month really. words of gratitude fail me. Round of drinks for everyone! You know TSC, i don't think i have ever met a community as supportive, sympathetic and honerable as this one. Faith in humanity = restored. I love you guys and gals. Seriously.
[By: Harm]
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<smakes Harm's ass> There, now the digital world is just like the real one. Full of perverts who want to touch your ass. :P -burrkiss
Just a smack? Wow Harm, you got off easy. (no pun intened) Congrats! -Bobsentme
Congrats! -TechMama
yup yup it rocks doesnt it?!!!congrats dude -starfishmagnet
*admires Harm's "New and Improved" Ass*.... what??? Harm's a guy.... that's just wrong... *wanders off trying to figure out how to bleach a brain* -duckhead
*hands duckhead the gallon of brain bleach* And Congrats to you,
Harm! -Tekkie
Congrats on the fat ass Harm, someone was a benefactor of mine last year and I'm still grinning from ear to ear. Enjoy -THETECHFROMHELL
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92.
Oh bloody hell!
Ok so this weekend has not been the greatest. GF broke up with me on friday- before work. It had to happen, its been downhill for several months. Mutual thing realy. So that was crap thing 1. Saruday - playing Wow with the older rig pulling in torents. Cat decides it would be fun to turn off the power on the surge protector. Or shorted it, i'm not sure. Suffice it to day - damage was done. and NOT to the cat. Casualties involve the 80GB maxtor in the older rig - that was the master drive, and my blue cathod light in the new rig. Light blown - and the HDD apperently is in imminent danger of complet failure. I was able to pull off all the info from it by hooking into the new rig and copying what ever I could. Lost a bit o stuff- but not my music! arg. Upside- after talking to parents and explianing my moving stratagy- they offered to pay off my ( maxed out) Visa. Soo gota find a place- move and then get a big ass TV- and a couple couches. and a couple swords... or a paintball marker. Emotional distress and all, remedies only buy consumer whoring on big ticket items.
[By: Harm]
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UPS is the cure for these types of OOPS -TieDyedDinosaur
Ummmmm the cat probably would've shorted the UPS -linuxmatt
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93.
conversion rant
<rant begin> ARRRRAAAAAGHHH! DIE MOTHERFUCKERS DIE! i've been trying to find a program in order to convert AVI files to Mpeg - so i can play them on my iPaq when at work. but NOOOO so far each program i;ve tried to use, trial versions etc - have fucked up miserably or are trying to orce me to pay for a program that seem to suck ass to begin with! hell 1 had a 15 day trial period that expires once the intslation ois fucking complet! everything esle seems to throw massive banners on the end video or converty a hole 30 seconds of the file befor demanding $$$ i swear to all that is holy i'm going to starting hunting these company;s down and horribly torturing the CEO's down to the dev's and thei families oon. What is so fucking difficult with the definition of trial. ie a small period of time were the program is usable previouse to purchae? like hell i'm gonna pay for a peice of crap thats trial version can't even OPEN the file let alone convert! oddly enough gooling a search pattern for the things seems to being up thousands of differet website for the same peice of shit i unbinstalled 4 times already. Sure id pay for the program - if i can find one that actually DOES something!
[By: Harm]
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you mean like MEncoder? It's by the same development team as MPlayer. IT does transcoding just fine, I hear. IT's free, and even has a GUI version (at least on MacOSX.) -LoTech
One thing I've found works for me (bearing in mind what sw you may or may not have) is if you have the full version (not the OEM version) of Roxio 5 (or later), the Video Impression portion will take .avis and compress them into .mpegs w/o any noticeable picture or sound degradation; I do that all the time with .avis I vidcap with Videowave.... -MadJack
(The answer to the above question is, does someone you work with have a copy you can burn?) -MadJack
Have you checked out VirtualDub or VirtualDubMod? They're both 100% free, and I think it does include conversion to and from MPEG format. I also did some digging a few months back when I was considering getting a PSP for video playback (a sharp screen is needed for subtitles to be readable), and I may still have some info on some commercial programs stored on my home PC. If I find that info later, I'll post it. -HidariMak
Try Videora or AVIsynth. Oh if you didn't catch that Divx license giveaway I posted about a while back, I think I still have one more license laying around that I snagged. Hehehe snagged five of 'em! -linuxmatt
http://www.tmpgenc.net tmpeg works great for converting the files... -WraithDarkRose
I'm gonna have to go with WraithDarkRose on this one. TMPGEnc has never failed me in transcoding to MPEG1 (you have to pay for MPEG2 support). The only difficulties I've ever encountered is when the media file is locked down with DRM or proprietary, like RM or QT. I've also had good experiences with PowerDirector, but that's not exactly a free product. -Splunge
http://www.opensourcewindows.org/ . http://osswin.sourceforge.net/ .get thee to the right side of the source mate. -timelady
hmmm - TMPGEnc seems to be creating mpegs that won't play. maybe some copy rights or something. Found an AVI player for pocket PC though.. and .. IT WORKS!! hellooooo.... overnights and south park. later on - drawn together. TCPMP ruls! -Harm
I have already pointed this out to Harm, but for anyone else wondering, good ol' VLC also has a WinCE version.. http://www.videolan.org/vlc/ -wolfman
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95.
Vonage cries fowl
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/10/vonage_voip_tax_protest/ - truthfully? i don;t have a problem with this. working for a cable ISP, i truly agree with this. now ,granted IF vonage coudl configure their hardware and software properly , then this would not be an issue. min 50 Kbps up and down for a single phone? umm.. thats almost enough for 5. Vonage- your commercials suck. get. over. yourself.
[By: Harm]
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I'm in the IP telephony business myself with Crappy Cable. I think so far almost every one of our customers that went to Vonage have had to come back. More often then not they want to keep their same number. Unfortunatly it takes us a min of 15 business days to pry it out of Vonage's mitts. Oh well you got what you paid for and are still payin for it dumbass! hehe -FuriousGeorge
Twas the same way when landline #s first became transferrable. Ma Bell didn't want to surrender the #s, SBC took for freaking EVER, meanwhile the customers neep at the company their switching to... -MadJack
What?! When did you make the post? I was just ranting that there was nobody here, and you show up with a post. Are you trying to make me look bad?! ;-) -TheGhost
Innnnnnnnnnnnnteresting... -namor
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97.
yOU GOTTA BE KIDDING?!
So normal weeknd- work the 4-midnight shift, manage the call center best I can as i'm the only sup on from 6pm. around 10:30- we get a call from a hotel that is a wireless nightmare. Its a large place - and has a lot of guests going through it so call volume can be high. NP though - our level only provided limited support and then escalates the issue to the local office. <p>Unfortunatly that means i have to page the after hours person <p> page goes out - on call rings us - xplain the situation - The on call has the same sentiments we do about the place ( makes drinky drinky gesture)- all is good.<p> before I paged I had th our agent advised the guest to try a wireless bridge from the hotel - no department supports it - but it may just work.<p> FF> and the on call calls me back - and are they trying to keep a strait face. Asks me to have agents explain HOw to hook a up the wirelessbridge to customers.. ??? wha- hw.. what?!<p> the wireless bridges are to be connected to the computer via an ethernet cables - ethernet outlet( on PC), cable , wireless bridge. NOOO way too complicated. apperently the person was trying to find an ethernet outlet in the room to connect this things to. I DID mention this entier place is wireless?<p> our on call tech somehow managed to talk to this person with out cracking up once. Laughed wildly while trying to explain it to me. Made my evening. <p> I really gotta get 'em on this site.
[By: Harm]
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AHH my ass! my HTML tages! weres the visa! -Harm
<grin> oh how the mighty have fallen. -wolfprince
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98.
WOW (nt/ot)
good game - entierly too addictive. can anyone tell me of a locaation i can find drip bags of caffiene? when the GF gets back i'm either going to have to uninstall the game - or buy a second account.
[By: Harm]
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go for the second acct... uninstalling could be considered an act of heracy. -wolfprince
Don't talk to me about WOW, my teen and all her friends have been addicts for months. Right now I'm tiptoeing around an apt full of slumbering teens who all went to bed at around 7 am after spending the previous 15 h straight playing WOW. -TechnoCat
TechnoCat... Tiptoeing? That's when you break out the "sausepan drums" and blast the music! -wolfprince
Exactly TC, turn on the football game and start making breakfast - only for yourself. Works every time. -Psudo36
Er, make that hockey, since your in Toronto. -Psudo36
Er, make that hockey, since your in Toronto. -Psudo36
How about the last 2 minutes of the 1812 Overteure with the speakers set to 11? -ShujinTribble
Step o 1 - obtain copy of Apocalyps Now.
step 2 - turn it up REALLY REALLY LOUD! step 3.. watch the gammers scatter :) -Harm
Grab your jar of marbles from the freezer and toss a few in each bed. -maciarc
Have to agree with WP.. definately go for the second account. -wolfman
Speaking of WoW, anyone seen today's "FoxTrot"? http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a243/sdjdish/ft060129.gif -MadJack
Me and fuzzyom have separate accounts, practically every evening here is given over to playing WoW. If I want to get any houseowrk done I have to rip cables out of the router first. -CommanderData
I'm still ROTFLMAO from the musical posted a couple of days ago. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7997646050642417046&q=world+of+warcraft+internet -AngrySup
My GF's daughter and ex spend a lot of time on WoW. Actually, that's most of the daughter's socialization, I think. -dogmu
angrySup, that song was posted on ytmnd a long time before it was WoW'd http://forporn.ytmnsfw.com/ (2004-07-18 11:10:09) -Lehk
ST-BUT THESE GO TO 11 -TranceGemini
Y'know, the spouse and the college student (formerly Girl in Basement v. 2.1) are addicted to WoW, but I have no inclination towards it. But I'm weird that way. -pixel
Buy a second account...and a second computer....so you can then play together. What realm btw? -Quchant
Get a second account. Right now, my orc warrior is collecting incendosaur scales for the Thorium Brotherhood. Only 140 to go! -ThreeBucks
Wait, wait, this is critical: Are you Horde, or Alliance? If you're Horde, you might want to wait for the expansion to talk the GF into playing. :) -TechMama
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101.
why yes- i know i'm a god but thanks.
call from a few days ago - its saturday and were getting pretty high volume for a weekend. I get a customer thats having intermittent connection isuees - connection goes down offen- but eventually come up. Was working with a tech in the local office and a truck roll was discussed. Being a weekend- I can't actually transfer him to the local office as there is no one there I can speak to. Being an arrogant and cocky bastard ( with good reason at times)I decide to see if I can figure out whats going on. Hes got his PC hooked strait into the cable modem ( OK this guy knows what to do, excelent) and i getting an IP address - but can't connect to any website - his browser BEEEPS - then give the page cannot be displayed message.
When checking the IP address - we notice 2 connections - the lan card and a wifi card. HMM.. both have IP addresses.. and the routing to websites seem to be fucked. hmm.. Well the wirless router is not connected to the cable modem - but is still powred up.. have him powee it down and Voila! websites work again. Okay - routing issues within the PC couldn't figure out what to connect through. Explain this to him - He's learning but it makes sense to him. I decide to step out of scope of support and ask what happens when the connction drops on him. It seem he is usually connected via wireless to the router. When the connection drops - the wireless network no longer shows up. Its as if the wireless network has vanished. comp shows disconnected on the wirless and no longer shows his network. few minutes later comes back - signal level is good and connection works. Has the same router at home and our residential service- no problems there. AHA! i thinks to myself. He's tested at home with this PC! Halleluya! Inform him then its not the PC- which is good news. however could be rogue signal interuption- or more likely the router shorting out. Logically makes sense to him. advise to try briging his home router in- try it out- see if the connection still drops. IF not - then he should be able to return the router he has at the shop for a better working model - its only 2 months old and it seems he may still have the recipt somewere. If he has teh same problem with the home one - then something is interupting the signal, and i can only speculate on what. Again- logically make sense to him. Once were through all this he mentions i'm the first technician that really helped him with this issue. had spoken to techs previously but no one even mentioned it could be an issue with the router. more he mulls over what i've told him and what hes seen- he belives it really could be that router. Had never thought of it before. Customer thanks me - Confirmed for any spooks listening in that I am a God, and whent on his merry way. Helped him out, diagnosed the problem and taught this guys something valuable. Sometimes - just sometimes this job doesn't totaly suck goatse.
[By: Harm]
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<cleaning Jolt from monitor> you just HAD to mention goatse didn't you? -3p0ch
You were lucky you had a customer who wasn't SF and able to learn. I have the same attitude as you: if I'm not dealing with a SF, I go a long way to get problem solved. SFs, though, I do only the minimum. -NordicPT
The only bad part is that your AHT probably sunk thru the floor. Where I work all they care about is the god damn stats. Quantity vs. Quality. -kryliss
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102.
Harms new toys
My lovely Aspire case came in today - link found henya (http://www.tigerdirect.ca/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=1446793&CatId=0 - but black) and since i have the 400W power supply - i figured i shoud get a new board and CPU -- cause my current sytem is just a smidge below min req df for quake 4
picked up a amd 64 (939) 4000+ and Gigabyte K8N Pro SLI baord.. NOw - all i need is a PCIE vid card - and sata HDD and .. about a gig of nice fast ram. Tomorro's purchases! spent a little more then i intitailly planned- but when the dollar total came to 666 - i giggled and fished out the visa. now to work my ass of for the next couple months to pay off this weeks purchases.. and i can buy a lcd monitort and have a full second system for gamming. BTW- for anyone in Ottawa looking into upgrading , shoprbc.com - they gave me several copies of Farcry for lan gamming purposes. want a copy let me know :)
[By: Harm]
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Pretty case - but it has all those ugly glowing thingies... -Divinar
Ooo, mommie, it's scary! :D Congratulations. -FuzzyElf
ooooh...pretty/shiny/glowing thing
I gotta get me one of those.
alas...not for awhile...just had an interview this morning, I'm out of Karma bombs for awhile. -3p0ch
Free game? Sign me up! Will you support it if it doesn't work? -Jonos
Jonos - Hell no! -Harm
(Staring at yet *another* tower that looks like a radar detector on steroids) Alright, dammit... I'm gonna hire some Amish guy to carve me a tower case out of oak!! Either that, or bash one together out of old truck parts and pop-rivets. Either way, my new goal is to have the most aesthetically offensive tower on the planet. -MeanDean
I still like the red one better. -MadJack
Cost 666 and you plan to put Windows on it... DON'T THIS IS AN OMEN! -Wonko The Sane
LUVS them analog panel meters. -vacuumtubes
Put me down for a copy, Harm. -wolfman
S...hiny...y...y...y... -TranceGemini
MeanDean: Asus may have already done that with the Vento (fugly to me, anyway). One of my forums has a thread on the ugliest hardware, and there are quite a few cases in the bunch... -Dreamstalker
Ooooh pretty shinies! -ThreeBucks
Dude...that's really shiny. I'm jealous. FOr the HDD, I CAN NOT recommend a WD Raptor (10,000 RPM!) highly enough. My lovely bride got me one for Xmas/our anniversary (anniv. is on 12/24) and Windows XP starts in about 18 sec vs. 120. You want fast gaming, GET ONE. -PaseoGuy
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104.
Of Christmas and Technology
Just for the record - its not an iPod i was having bproblems with - its a Lexar dlp200 Mp3 player. - Were it an iPod - it would bloody well work! So Xmas has come and gone , and an Mp3 player was purchsed for the SO. She loved it. However - it dosn't seem to work.
The Lexar actually has a SD card slot on it - and uses said card for storage - rather then fixed chiops in the device. So The SO gets home - hooks it insot her Mac - not working. I specifically bought it because it is supposed to work with macf OS 9 and up. Since it doesn't show up on the mac (and the device just says connecting to computer on the screen), She hooks it up to my PC - hmm same problem. I get home on boxing day - and am advised of problems ( spent most of the 25th on the phone with sympatico after setting up a wireless router for my dad - 2 password changes, 1 resynch of the account and recovery from a hang over were required), I sigh and start working on it. So the PC reconizes the device as connected to it.. and shows up in my computer as mass storage device .. however when trying to access it- i get the No disk - insert disk. HMm try a couple other known good SD sticks.. same issue. test all the SD sticks - all good. Tyr loading one up with music and sticking it in the Mp3 player.. No files.. Hmm how odd. Ok so it seems the interface out works... and the card works.. however whatever is supposed to be reading / writting to the card doesn't. Hmmm this explains why it doidnt show up on the mac. so here I am - trying to find the fucking recipt for the damed thing .. considering registering the device with lexar then calling them for a RMA. and YES I DID RTFM! several times.. however when the doccumentaion contains nothing more then diagrams on the instaltion of the battery and what the buttons do, not exactly too helpfull.
[By: Harm]
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Been there, done that, got the T-shirt... PFY brought me a cheap MP3 player. Played fine, but would not connect to the computer. Looked like a cable problem, but we tried two different cables and two different computers with no change. Popped the covers, it turned out that there was a design flaw: putting the battery in would cause the neg contact to short out the USB connector. Repaired with 1cm square of electrical tape. I don't recommend the same strategy for you... but PFY's supplier had vanished, so his warranty was void anyway. -chazz
Chazz, That sounds like a modern day horror story: "the curse of the disapering supplier" -drachen
Should have got an iPod. You've already invested enough troubleshooting lab $ that outweighs the additional cost of an iPod. -crazymactech
Must admit they SO got me a video ipod to replace my broken one, the damn things do "just work" regardless of mac/pc. Good luck with the RMA/replacement on it. -fearmyroot
I have to admit, when I opened up my present on christmas day and saw a shiny new MP4 player inside. Yes, a MP4 player that my mom apparently nabbed on Ebay for me. Plays wmp files and has a colour screen. Stores phone numbers, schedules. For a fairly Fishie mom, she certainly rocked this time around. -Lese
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105.
NSFW!!!
It seems some people have sworn off wetware pr0n!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/12/14/hardware_site/ Free virtual beer to the first peoson that spots the boomslang grafic - 2 if you can actually rmember were it is positioned.
[By: Harm]
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MINE!! Left tit. <grabs free virtual pints one in each hand and legs it> -Gromit
BOOBIES! -Jax
Hooray for headless armless torsos! Reminds me of my fridge at christmas time, but I'm not a serial killer/cannibal. Heh Heh. -CarbonTetra
CarbonTetra....sure your not...we believe you....pssst somebody call the cops -RandalGraves
What were we looking for again, I kept getting distracted. Oh and I'm moving to Sweden. -Wolfie0827
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106.
You know your a geek when ...
You explain the workings of the infinite Improbability Drive using StarTrek as an example...
need. vacation.
[By: Harm]
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How improbable would it be for the LART shelter to be near Fenchurch station? -linuxmatt
Hrm.. I wonder if we should post the conversation, Harm? -wolfman
Yes, please post it. Sounds curious. -ThreeBucks
Poor Fenchurch..... *Shakes head* -renaultguy
great wolfman... post the conversation- make me look even more liek a speeeling retard :) -Harm
Wait...wasn't the improbability drive in the HHGTTG books? Wasn't that what made the "Heart of Gold"(I think that was the name of the ship) so fast and what allowed them to meet the man who controls the universe? -vrek
I'm waiting for a vector graphics program that works on Bistromathics--- oh wait, that'd be Corel Draw. -MeanDean
vrek - you're right ...the infinite improbability drive is from THHGTTG...however...(geek mode on)...if you read the Star Trek TNG Tech Guide, it says that they labelled one of the buttons in engineering as "infinite improbability drive" (geek mode off) -Quchant
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108.
Snow forts in Hades?
Customer disturbs my "investigation of the back of eyelids" - can't connect. Status quo. Connection worked yesterday. droped over night sometime , been down all day. nothing new. except when I check her cable modem! It seesm this one is disabled! somtimes our systems screws up - so I reset. still disabled. HMM. caller then mentions spam email and viruses! AHA!
check other DB.... aaaaaannnnd ( then) - BINgo security flagged 'em! abuse issues for - viraly infected emails! ohh... burn. let the customer know about this - and she took it quite well. It seems they had been trying to get corperate IT people over to check that machine for several weeks now- and they would be comming by the end of the week.
She Completly understood why the connection was shut off - and why we would not turn it back on until the machine was cleaned up. To top it off - this was going to be incentive for IT to get their collective asses over there faster. 2 days of downtime? payed for doing nothing? Yes- corperate was going to freak out. most people piss moan and scream about getting shutoff due to viral infections. This was a bleeding gem! I even explianed how this could possibly happen - and not only was she interested- but actually understood the logic! Guess this balances out the root canal set for next week.
[By: Harm]
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A cust that understood the logic? Where ? Can I have one please ? -Deadagent
Root Canal? There is NO customer that could beat out...hm, beat out....well, ok there is ONE type of 'customer experience' that would offset a root canal. -Psudo36
then you woke up, right? -Jax
could be a happy starfish cuz she had an excuse to not work and get paid for the next 2 days and listened carefully to make sure she covered her ass (/cynical) -DedSysOp
DedSysOp - Starfish...listened carefully.
Nope, ain't heard those particular words used together before. -lineswine
Could also be a happy starfish because she could dropkick corporate IT with the info that if they'd acted a little faster, she wouldn't be down now. -Calydor
DedSysOp, Calydor: As LineSwine said, this user listened carefully, didn't complain to the tech about what is obviously corp.IT's job, and didn't neep and nop when Harm said he could do nothing. Ergo, not a starfish. Treasure these moments; this is what makes it worth doing our job. -chazz
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109.
because I can
hehehehehe- obliatory new toy post! ipaq rx13115 ain't so bad. next- setting up my own wireless network. odley enough there are only 7 open networks listed tonight. ahhh, tsc anywere i can find wireless!
[By: Harm]
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Spiffy =) Me want! -ThreeBucks
been doing that with my PSP since last week, it's fun isn't it -razmann
its an ipaq rx3115, right?
-beatmewithstick
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110.
Misery, company and a really cool TL
So The GF had been feeling ill as of late- I think nothing of it as I was still gertting over that bear of a cold thats going around.
Sunday I am not exactly feeling well. GF gets home from a course exam. we generally vege out- By the time we woudl normaly make dinner, neither one of us is feeling too good and soup is about the best we feel like making.
today we both goto the clinic ( something about my fever/halucinations/inability to get warm- and her feeling incredibly warm the night before) - WE both get perscritions. She gets anti-inflmitories for what looks like a throught infection- and i get Penicillin for the beginings of strep throught.
Hence Misery and Company so i call into the sick line-n and andf then to the main line to let em know how bad i am. Hmmm - phone going to answer service, If memory servs i know who is manning the front desk- and i'm not surprised.
jump on IM and message MY TL. hes cool about it - but lets me know this is my 13th of the year ( we get 10- and last month i was out for 2 days with sinus infection) I know and it sux but nothing i can really do about it. He sugests that i might be able to work omething out with the ecare team- chat and email ppl - as i used to be on the team and i know them really well.. So with any luck- ill be able to get back to work, with out having to actually speak to anyone ( right now i have a pencil and a note pad) and thus aviod having to be out for several days with out pay.
As much as i harp on managment some days - Its good to have a TL thats actually looking out for you rather then looking to fire you. now to call in a few favours and make a couple deals.
[By: Harm]
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As much as I feel for you Harm I am really really glad that I am on leave, Im really not ready for the cold season yet:) -saneagain
Excellent to hear you have such a great TL. We only get 5 sick days here. :( -TechMama
Where I work, it's 10 sick days per year. We don't get sick <i>pay</i>, we're just allowed to go 10 days total without pay before we get booted. -HidariMak
Btw, good luck with your situation, Harm. And congrats on somehow getting a human for a boss, since they seem to be rare. -HidariMak
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111.
DANMIT!
don't ya just LOVE it when you end up spending a good chunk of cash on something - only to find out that you really shouldn't have?
last night i orderd a ipaq Rx3115 and a 1gb Sd stick from tigerdirect - my Bday gift. about an hour later - a peice of a molar ( thats been broken for a while) breaks off. No pain. no worries- ill go to the dentist when i have a chance. i get the order confirmation today - only to find out the iPaq is being drop shipped from god knows were, and teh sd stick has been shiped UPS - however the UPS tracking number does not seem to exist within the ups website. so i have what seems to be a valid tracking number- but UPS can't find it.
to ADD to the frustration- upper molar thats chipped- seems to be a bit worse- i can feel part of it seperated, i can move it.
now normaly - this would not be a big deal. NP away to the dentist i would go - however monday is a holiday- the only day i could go would be tuesday- but i can't make the appointment as office is closed. I have a lot of detal work to be done - and probably 2 root canals now as well. Last time i was able to go in was the begining of feb. due to my dentists hours - and the hours i get shedualed- its just about impossible to get anything done unless i can actually get a morning appointment- and arrive at work still frozen and drooling, or call in sick ( which i can't really do as i've used up all my sick days.
so here i am - 2 broken molars (no so easy to eat) and about $500 worth of equipment that may or may not ever arrive - and as UPS NEVER delivers when anyone is home- ill have locate their little depo- PAY them for the privilidge is having UPS deliver my stuff ( i fucking HATE the rip off that is UPS! Brokerage charges WTF! i fucking paid you already!) AND get there within a certain amount of days- within their hours of operation- whicH coincide with when i'm usualy @ work - Or they will ship my stuff back to god knows were and charge me for the privilidge of having a BROWN pound broken glass up my a$$. Dental work and UPS - what can be more agrivating?! ( i know these things come in 3's right.. 2 teeth and UPS makes 7)
sorry for the rant - not sleeping well and UPS always manages to throw me into a homicidal mood.
[By: Harm]
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Sorry about your day. There is hope for the tracking number, UPS is sometimes just painfully slow, not completely incompetent. Check it periodically, it may yet appear! -TechMama
All I can say is... OUCH, bad week. -evolvedstarfish
Yep, some shipping companies seem to have a knack for 'gum'ming up the works. On the upside, UPS will probably schedule the delivery for the same day as your dentist appointment...at 2:30 (Tooth Hurty). LART Shelter, Where Oh Where did my LART Shelter go? -Answerboy
Ouch man, sucks to hear that. -RandalGraves
If you are any where near any kind of large city you can usually find a walk in dental clinic that has oddball hours (that's what I wound up doing when my wisdom tooth shattered - the tooth didn't hurt anymore but the inside of my cheek was like shredded cheese). Also all hospitals with an emergency room should have a dentist on call so if you call them and inform them you are coming to emerg because you need a dentist they'll get him in there for you if you can't hack the pain - at very least you can get some pain meds to tide you over. I found a dentist a few cities over in the falls that is open Saturday mornings and evening hours Mondays and Tuesdays, early morning hours Thursdays and Fridays. Dig out those yellow pages and start looking, your teeth will only get worse not better on their own. -frprinterwiz
One reason why I have stuff shipped to my work. As long as you tell the credit card company your work address, it shouldn't be a problem. Of course this won't work now, but if they miss you on this one you can use the slip they leave to redirect it to work address. Hope you teeth feel better. Too bad you can't use superglue to get them back secure... or can you? *shrug* -CancerTech
tracking numbers sometimes take up to 48-72 hrs before u can see any tracking info on the website or by calling them. -postal tech
You can get a temp filling kit at most drugstores. ITs the temp material they use to make a temp in the office and that may let you cover for a day or so. -technaround
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112.
Rant in progress
br>I don't give a flying FUCK if YOU work tech support! The mear utterance of "I Work tech support and this problem IS xxx yyy zzz" but don't want to trouble shoot or check your bloody settings, you CAN FOAD! "Well its worked yesterday!" and "I know its Not MY system" Oh really Bitch? well odd how you don't even get an error message from god knows what email program you use. Has to be OUR mail servers eh? and your " Tech support job" has tought you anything? odd how you don't even know if your antivirus is checking outgoing messages. Or anything about network communication Jems of the converstaion so far. *the computers has issues on start up so it has to be the processor* sure right.. somehow i doubt it.
*I hate norton- the people that make norton should not be allowed to make software* well then we would have to include Microsft wouldn't we?
I'm going get ride of NOrton cause I don't like it* surprise when it does not uninstall ....and It did'nt!
*I hate macs - the OS sucks!" Scuse me? ummm odd how macs are working while your M$ PC is farked up!
*I work tech support so i'm not a brainless user!* (I actually said this one) - well you work tech support, you should KNOW these are computers - Data get corrupted, programs stop working. there are a LOT of things that can go wrong on a sytem within minutes let alone hours or days. and lets not even get into hardware. After explaining how email can be listed in an sent Items - however not reach a server, she finally decided to try uninstall Norton ( of for the sake of your LIFE, its a product by Symantec!). My warnings of a proper i uninstall, with removal tools and possible registry issues after that, fell on deaf ears. I gace her alternate mail servers to try using, however advised she will probably run into the same problem. hopefully by the time she calls back i'll be on my way home - dreaming of a Pint of Strongbow, and few smokes and the D&D game tommorro night. If i can't take out frustration in the real world - 3rd ed i guess is a substitute.
Here goblins goblins goblins! Here ettin Ettin ettin! TASTE MY SQUIRELLY WRATH! as a side note- i come home to find out the kitten has devided to sever the Power LED cable in my case.... damned cat!~
[By: Harm]
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Hey, I'm playing D&D tomorrow night as well. Our Dragon Disciple, Deep Druid, Vigilante, and meat wall... I mean Minotaur are going into the Underdark. Got some Drow to roast -StylinTechie
I hate norton- the people that make norton should not be allowed to make software - not really seeing a problem with that one tbh -DavidHM
See, doesn't it just make you feel better to let it all out. BTW, how much you want for those goblins? -Bobsentme
Wasn't me on the call, but I agree about Norton. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Its a total PITA, it's hell to troubleshoot. It makes me money cuz it messes up my clients' computer so badly! So ... keep up the good work Symantec, as I make money stripping out the damage YOUR software caused and replacing it with something sane. -Mysty
student "I hate macs", Me"Have you ever used one?",student "no", me (sigh) -makillik
Mmmmm. Strongbow. -Evilturnip
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113.
ISP 1, M$ minus several million.
It was a bright and beautifull day, Therefor nature decided to try its best to keep me from work. Only 1 lift working the the apartment- missed bus and a sinus infection. utill I got a call from M$- I was seriously regreting not taking natures advice and staying home. LYDIA is calling from M$ - although I highly doubt that was actually her name. Apperently she is working with a customer that cant send email in OE. I advise her that NO WE DONT BLOCK PORT 25! she brings the user on the line. I get to listen to the attempt at 'support'.
The customer is getting an error messages of 'the server has rejected the senders email address.' Side note - one of our mail server systems has a cap to it - 1000 messages or recipients/day. after that IP blocked from sending and the block resets at midnight. If a customer has reached the cap - its not uncommon to get this error message. I decided to sit back and listen to the catastrophy that would ensue making appropriate sugestions and trying to save the customer from anything short of a disaster. The customer could receive email but not send. common issue really. Below is a list of the non support M$ attempted.
Claimed port 25 was blocked on our network - with out actually testing anything with the customer, you know- like trying a telnet session (telnet 'servername' 25) Blatently ignored the antivirus program the customer had installed. Tried to have him uninstall a program that has nothing to do with an internet connection Ignored me several times and tried to setup outgoing mail servers authentication ( which that mail server does not use) Had to be educated as to the meaning of an OE error code ( now if we can't reach the server- how could it reject the users email address? the error code for that is... ) took the customer into the registry as outgoing mail servers authentcation would not work (as i mentioned 4 times already)I had to sugest rebuilding the account in OE - as it plausibly could be corrupted and such Didn't even bother to have the caller check the outbox in case one of the messages was incorrectly created or corrupted ( there were 11 messages in there) Called the wrong support department ( i'm business - not residential - no access to residential systems or accounts. Business talk to me, not rsidential) Fucked off several times during the call - possibly putting us on hold to check the trouble shooting flow chart/scripts. Asked me to reset the customers password as part of the total failure at outgoing authentication (5th time i told her it is not required and will not work 6th reminded i'm biz class - can't to anything with resi accounts you called the wrong phone number) had the customer reboot the computer after each failed tech step. I'm sure there is more but i can't remeber all of it. The customers had probably hit the outgoing mail cap. seems same problem happened yesterday, but was gone this morning. He has a wireless network - and ill bet good money its not secured. While HE may not be sending out email en mass someone is. as i mentioned - the servers blocks by ip address. Mac address change or direct connect with the PC prolly would have resolved it but whatever.
[By: Harm]
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Sounds like a username and password error. :-D -Mushroom
Much more laid back than I'd have been, I think. I keep a list of the OE error codes around just for this, and generally pull it out a few times a week... strangely, none of my co-workers seem to look this up/keep it around. -namor
cool -postal tech
why are our comments in bold just on this post? -postal tech
</li> -Harm
damn.... -Harm
Do we have a direct number to "Lydia"? Sounds like an effective LART for any of us to use- advise the starfish that they will need to contact M$ for further assistance, and we have just the person for them to talk to! Not to mention by the time she finishes trashing their PC, someone gets to rebuild it for real money... -Voz
Why didn't you just punt them to residental? -Liquidice
And they pay her to be this stupid??? -THETECHFROMHELL
No, they trained her to be that stupid! -AmdInside
I think that is SOP for most M$ techs. I actually had a customer telnet and log into, our mail server (successfully) and their tech STILL insisted it was our problem. -FrontSideBus
Liquidice - can;t transfer to residential services - and 2 i have a sick sense of curiousity. -Harm
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114.
SWEET!
phone switch died.. unable to take calls. W007.NET!
With any luck we can strtch this out for another hour....
[By: Harm]
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shit - no sucnh luck... damned switch is back to working. -Harm
nope down again.... this is better a roller coaster! -Harm
I was at a client last week when their power went out. It's always fun getting paid to do nothing-=- even more fun when you have internet access to do "nothing" with! :) -TechMama
try toggling the main power switch about 20 times as fast as you can. that normally works. -caspian
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115.
Of PPV enets and ISP's...
Given i work for the ISP side of a Cable co- we end up feilding a hell of a lot of cable TV calls. Not that we can do anything - other then direct people to the correct department. Still, this doesn't seems to deter people trying to oder PPv events from calling us " I've been on hold for 40 minutes! i'm trying to order this event!"
" WEll your speaking to the BIz ISP department - can't help ya. I'm not the cable TV departnet - call the same number and chose optiosn x.y.z" We've had people begging to order the event (I think i was a fight but don't really care) , pleading, yelling and alas- we just smile and advise we can't help. No I don't know why they have a holding que - no idea - I'm not even in the same state as you( or counrty realy.)
People brazenly admited chosing the wrong options because they could get through to this department - what part of INTERNET, COMMMERCIAL ACCOUNTS notes anything about helping with ordering PPV? Maybe i'm spoiled - but up here unless you have a digital cable converter- you don't HAVE pay per view access. We just order with the digital cable box remote. clicky clicky clicky. pay the bill when it comes in.
[By: Harm]
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I had a guy complain about reruns on the Movie Network one night. Why he insisted it works different in Ontario than where he is in Nova Scotia, I'll never know. -ProfessorFrink
You need the box to make most of that work down here too...oh that sounded bad huh -RandalGraves
I've had customers tell me they called my department directly because we're smarter than the customer care people, even when the problem isn't anything we deal with. -illiterate
Half of them just want you to order it for them b/c they're too incompetent to follow the on-screen instructions, and can't manage a simple remote, and the other half want you to manually order it for them b/c they're over the limit, and hope you'll conveniently overlook the fact that they are... "So solly..." -MadJack
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118.
Gonna earn my drink
I have a feeling ill be posting more - its a mass influx of DUH-UM!The story (of the call) so far: EU calls up, connection has been down for 3 days. They have a technician comming out monday If that was good enough then I would not be posting
Now we get into the interesting bit. THEY ( the business calling) does not actually have our service- the business next door does. But that business hass been bought out and the location is under removations. Unfortunatly it seems the new managment is not as nice as the previouse.
After running round in circles and telling the caller the modem is online I finaly convice her to check the modem - its connected into power and co-ax - nothing else.
Guess the new managment doesn't like freeloaders. BUT thats not all!gasp! apprently this appointment for monday was to have a drop cable and outlets installed at the freeloaders place! well yea yer gonna wait from monday! its bloody friday! We then go into explanations that Yes the connection works but you have to be plugged into the device. I die a little inside while this concept rivals the ISS for distace above heads.
give em a ref number - tell them to hook everything up for now- and monday a tech will install a outlet and line.
only 270 minutes left.
[By: Harm]
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So, wait...the people who called you are not actually customers, but one of your customers was letting them use your service through their connection? -Parilla
Hmm, that sounds like an AUP violation. -Mushroom
Did you inform them that dropping lines in their walls would require them to have their own connection paid for by them? -EagleEye
Orrr... Just let Zippy the Hammer Happy Shimp and his Ball Pene Hammer of Joy at the wall for the drop... again and again and again and again.... -ShujinTribble
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119.
How many lawyers does it take...
To welly and truly make us look like retards?
just one legal department apparently. Amidst the viraly infected email, people scrambling to open attachments and suspiciouse mail disgusing themselves as admin accounts - Legal decides NOW that they will start emailing customers. NOW why would this be a bad thing? aside from lwayers mucking around were they shouldn't.
With the tones of email stating the account has been locked, discovery of illegal actions on our home page and password 'changes' we gets calls on, we ( as a department) were given written consent to do as we had been doing for a long time. asuring customers $ISP$ would NOT ( unless under extremly special circuimstances) send any email with an attachment. URL sure, information on a fix, and - under extrem situation- the fix itself. It has now been decided - not 2 days after the official 'we-don't-send-attachments' statement - the legal department will send email with attachments to customers. Admitedly, they ARE a somewhat secure file, but AARRG! I swear the world is coming down with terminal stupidity. Or maybe I just haven't had enough expirience around lawyers. * looks out window - *notes morons playing in traffic, hey that one lives down the hall! C'mon buick!* Really seems like terminal stupidity.
[By: Harm]
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Let me guess, the lawyers have to send out their message as a Word document so that the footnotes line up correctly. Remind me to tell the story sometime about lawyers second-guessing font designers because the asterisk didn't look right. -concept14
LET'S GO BUICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Wolffarmer
Here we go, Buicks, Here we go! *ungh! ungh!* Here we go, Buicks, Here we go! *ungh! ungh!* // I love double-backs in policy. -Mushroom
Yeah - lawyers, email, attachments...you know, I get that 8 or so hours a day at work. "But it's only 300 mb, that'll fit on a CD, why can't I send it as an email attachment?" -redevil34
"First thing we do, kill all the lawyers!" -Captain Trips
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120.
Good Idea, Bad Idea. ( nt/ot )
Good idea : Going out to a consert with your friends.
Great Idea. Going to see Kid Rock with 3 close friends and your GF. Awsome idea: Sing along, drinking, screaming yourself horse and generally having a amazing time. Bad idea. - doing the above when you have to be at work come 9am.
I really look forward to tomorro if my voice doesn't come back fully. I'll be answering the phone with the name of Lucifer. Lets put some fear into the fishies shall we? As a side note - Kid Rock puts on a damned good show. highly recomend seeing him in consert. - if you like the music.
[By: Harm]
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<Lucifer>Thank you for calling the Hell-Desk, this is HHAAARRRRRRM... How may I make the next 18 minutes interminable for you?</Lucifer> -ShujinTribble
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121.
ITS BACK
oh thank dieties.... i can get my fix... * stops rocking back and forth in the fetal position* many thanks to the hosting company for getting our addictions back online.
[By: Harm]
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*twitch* It's back, yes it's back *twitch* -Armakuni
Oh, this is much better. <sinks down into soft chair as his daily fix of TSC finally comes through> I thought I was going to lose it there for a while and have to resort to the likes of . . . what was the name of those other wanna be sites? Who cares. My beloved TSC is back! -ecoli
Please don't thank the hosting company. Let's just say for now, that I did not get much sleep last night, because I was on the FUCKING phone with lame ass tech support from HIVELOCITY.NET....I can't even begin to explain the frustration and how pissed off I was last night. Full details and possibly moving hosting companies to come soon. -Hawk
Thanks *twitch* for persisting, Hawk! *twitch *twitch* -Grue
Hawk: you got to post that one, haven't seen a rant from you yet :) -Armakuni
Luckily I had a dentist appointment, for teeth cleaning, and was QUITE too pre-occupied to be worried! Anybody else think that was a preferred option to missing TSC? -TieDyedDinosaur
TDD - well it would have passed the time more constructively. -Harm
Oh god oh god oh god thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou Sweet merciful crap. I thought i was gonna cry. I felt so vulnerable. Somebody hold me (not u burkiss) -momo
On a related note, attendence on the Live Chat server went up almost 70% last night :) -neuman1812
I posted one of the last stories before it went down yesterday, I noticed... was wondering whether my long post had broken anything. :-\ -namor
Oh yeah, and I think we'd all be interested in the story about the server, Hawk. -namor
Good work Hawk. thank you, thank you, thank you! And I agree with Grue, thank for persisting. If you get the chance, post the story. (I could tracert last night to HIVELOCITY.NET but it wouldn't resolve past that) -ecoli
There's something deeply ironic about TSC being down and tech support for the host being crap. :) -modeski
Cheers Hawk for getting TSC back online. I was getting a bit twitchy without it. Yeah, DO post that rant about crap tech support. -lineswine
*hugs and cookies for Hawk* Thankyou thankyou thankyou for coming back! -Parilla
Thanks a lot Hawk - I was getting a little twitchy there... <wibble, snivel> We respectfully request - no, fuck it, we DEMAND the full story of Hawk vs. the hysterically named hivelocity.net! -Gromit
What do you mean TSC was down?! <having problem stepping out of denial...> -TheGhost
And I though it was ME! But, then again, everything is not about ..... ooo, Look, A shiny! -beatmewithstick
Gold Star for Neuman1812 for providing the alternate venue (chat area) and a BAJILLION GOLD STARS to Hawk for getting Hivelocity straightened out! Note to members....getcher chat area userid now! -CTYankee
*thinking this hivelocity.net might just be gettin a visit from a group of real techs ta straighten em out and then some...starts handing out the Larts* glad things are back ta what passes for normal again... -WraithDarkRose
What, TSC was down and I missed it...I was down too, first a six pack, and then about 750Ml of Southern Comfort. Haven't slept so well in months.. -fargle
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122.
Silly 419 scammers!
Don't mess around with techs!
And thusly it was decided by mine friends that we need to go out and seek a patio for alcohol consumtion and tom folleries! As I am on the bus ( meeting one friend at work) The cell starts going off. how oddd- i don't reconize that area code - thinks I to mineself i can barwly understand the person on the other end of the line. VERY thick unknown accent. Evevtually I get the words NIgira and Legos spelled out to me. HA i think not! " NIce try 419 scammer!" and hang up. a satisfying click as the cell closes. but is that the last of it? NOOO! this goes on for abourt an hour. Diffrent phone numbers comming from 604 , 201 and 613 area codes. One of the call comes up Restricked after I threaten interpol and advise IHAVE caller ID and now have his IP address.
6 calls later i'm walking up to my friends offce, see him outside, ask ( laughing) if he wants to talk to a 419 scammer and toss him the cell. He hands it back stating " Umm the guys wants to know whan your sending the money? umm WTF?" grab the cell back - and tell then " NEVER" and hang up.
2 more calls and I decide to send them to my vmail. So by this point I have tried to convey that I';m not the person they are looking for (mind tricks don't work over phones apperently) and that I don't have his money- there IS no money and like hell I'm gonna give out any information to him. i could not stop giggling for hours on this one. - Sure someone gave out my cell number (and ill track them down and shoot em eventually) but it Did provide priceless entertainment. Silly scammers - don't mess with the techs- we know who you are, we know what you do and how you do it. you Can't fool us.
[By: Harm]
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At least 2 of those area codes are Canadian could it just be one of your friends fucking with you -NOFXfan
613- is my local area code-- 604 is BC ( vancover) and 201 is Jersey. - if it were my friends then they did a crapload of work to get me giggling.. since i don;t know anyone in BC or jersey - VOIP system i'm guessing - same voice on all of the numbers that came in. -Harm
AND the only one of my friends that COUld setup a system like this was with me at the time - and wouldn't to it in the first place. -Harm
Hey I got one from the 419 area code a couple weeks ago. I had my phone on vibrate and was in a call so didn't get to answer it. Being I didn't reconize the number I googled it and got a bunch of forums about the scammers, and how to beware of them. Then the next day my boyfriend got one on his cell. The only link between us is our cell phone company and we had both called and "auto filled" our minutes the day before. Hmmm...I think maybe that's why, selling our numbers? -blowpop81
Just laugh at them for five minutes straight and hang up? Or get a two-year-old to talk to them? -Geminii
Although the 419 scam started in Nigeria, nowadays the vast majority of them come from the USA. I guess that's reverse outsourcing. -robbor
Wouldn't that be "insourcing"? -purplelinguist
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123.
You know Facilities isn't...
really attached to the goings on in the call center. We have many a chair that is - well technically broken, arm rests mainly. For the past couple weeks - I've been fixing whatever chair I grab when I get in - just a couple screws need to be tightened. today other techs have started doing the same - one even brought in a can of wd-40 to fix the squeeky chairs. Kinda sad that you have to start repairing the stations before you even login and start fixing customers problems. Le Sigh. nice to see us band together though.
[By: Harm]
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My armrest issue was solved.. someone stole them and now I have none.... -Z0nker
It's good to get them fixed, though -- and it should be your employer fixing or replacing them. A decent chair is necessary ergonomically. In fact, if you don't have a good chair, it can cause serious back and shoulder problems, and can increast the problem related to carpal tunnel syndrome. Take it from someone who has been there! -Captain Trips
wow people in that place actually helping fix stuff. usually it was the opposite, stealing the chairs, coat hooks and the like. -rhiannon
See, when you live in an apartment, and you fix it up, Landlord takes money off the rent. I think you should get extra money on your paycheck for repairing that stuff. -Bobsentme
Just a note - if you'll carefully read, WD-40 is NOT a lubricant, but a Water Displacer (hence the WD in the name!) Try a REAL lube, such as one of the Teflon(tm) or TFE lubs, and the squeak will go away. -ralphp1024
I use Triflo (TM) exclusively. Available in various sizes at any Grainger store. It has Teflon (TM) in it and a great friction coefficient. -Bioguy
Swap your chairs for the ones in Facilities before they arrive in the mornings? -Geminii
It sucks that you have people stealing your chair to begin with. That is crazy. Do they steal the stuff off of your desk too? Id track my chair down and yank it out from under the other persons fat ass. -jard
someone said to use real lube and Burkiss hasn't made a comment yet????????? think the world might be commin ta an end... -WraithDarkRose
SEWING MACHINE OIL IS CHEAP, LESS MESSY, AND LUBES LIKE ASTROGLIDE -b33fcake
Damn, b33fcake beat me to an Astroglide comment. -CyBear
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124.
what about my AOHELL!?
They just never learn... you hope, your beg plead and sell your co-irkers souls, but it just never happens. The hated Beep resonates through my skull signaling yet another adventure in diplomacy.
the guy opens up by asking were I am. tell em (eh?), and he then goes on a rant about how hes had to speak to 9 diffrent continents to get this issue fixed!
last I counted we only had 7 continents, did I miss a meeting or something?
Hes talked to india, and canada and the US and china ( umm sure ok right) a couple places in europe as well (why i don't know) and no one can help him. I look over the last techs ( oh thank you jebus) very detailed notes in his ticket.
It seems the customers has an intermittent DNS issue with servers not always being found. as we check the TCP/IP stack - we find the problem.
DNS configured statically for a company that whent under a long time ago. Apperently the servers are occationaly up.
Right. Set him up with our servers, saved reboot and voila dns resolution problem resolved.
Or one would think NOO nwe then venture into AOHELL land. He has AOL - hes wondering why hes paying AOL AND us. i wonder the same things.. explain to him we are the ISP- we give you internet connection - technically ther is no reason to continue having AOL. Well AOL browser (spit), is trying to dial up and wont accept the fact the computer has braodband. go out of my way to help him try and configure it, but no its pooched. He continues to ask ME why hes paying for both services. apperently he has the AOL email address and CAN'T get rid of it as ALL his clients have the address and communicate to him on it. if he gives up AOL- his business will go under. So as i try to take him to the aolhell website so he can cehck mail here - hes getting more frustrated. fine- whatever. apperently he can;t figure out webmail and its - and i quote" Its not like my email, what is this stuff! I can't read my mail! It doesnt work!" as he's reading spam message. we then dance around in circles for a while while I explain WHY he called us and WHAT WE fixed and why it was the root of the initial problem- however the AOL browser is pooched( kinda doubt it, seems like he just never set what i asked him to) and he HAS to call aol for this. i'm NOT aol. no I can't fix the browser- you have to contact them for this - we DID fix the root issues- yes we did you jusyt have MORE problem. I don;t know what you have aol still . well if you get ride of AOL your email address goes to. yes im sure, but you can setup an email account with US and then send the addres to your contacts, you don;lt HAVE a list of contacts? Then how will you know your going to get business from someone who has your address but has never contacted you? right, sure. Uh huh. so after about 10 minutes of butting heads - 5 explanations of what we fixed an WHY he needs to contact AOL for an AOL browser - he puts the phone down.. cools off and eventualy we go one last round before i can get AOL's unsupport number into his hads.. explained to him exactly what to tell aol- what we fixed and what THIER browser is not doing. one more round of 'who's on first' and he almost disconnects from me- call was over but he didn't hang up.. no sound, just dead air. I really wasn't surprised either. Hit release - go out for a smoke break. so we have User configuration screw ups (not technically my problem and defintly notsomething we caused), User non comprehension, Arguing with the technician, failure to comply with direction and evetually purgatory as he tries to get help from aol. fix time = 12 minutes with reboot. Call time up till the release button - 1h04 minutes. I almost feel bad for the aol tech that has to work with him, but I have this nagging feeling hes gonna be flufed back to us.
[By: Harm]
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No, what's going to end up happening is he's gonna get some habbib in Bangalore who is going to be completely incomphrehensible, and he's going to call you back and demand that you fix AOL's problem because he can't understand their techs. -EagleEye
No, AOHELL will convince him to just stick with their service, ridding you of his space-wasting mass. -kman52000
Uninstall AOL software. Problem solved. Sure he won't be able to get his e-mail. But who really wants 150 e-mails with the subject being "Fw:Fw:Fw:Re:Re:Fw: Check this out, too Funny LOLOL!!!!!!!one111!!" I removed a couple fishie-friends of mine from AOL last year. After the first initial shock of how to check e-mail, connect to d/u, etc... They were truely amazed on why they were paying $25 each month, when they can get better service for just $12, and keep AIM (which was one of the main reasons they held onto it for so long). They have seen the light. Now to convince them to switch to DSL. -deskmonkey
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125.
So, you want what now?
call from yesterday. Client has been on vacation. Came back and is unable to connect online- take a look at the cable modem - we power cycle- and Voila! connection back to working order. apperently this is not good enough. this is the SECOND TIME IN 2 YEARS the connection droped on him. once last year- once this year. The customer askes how this can be avilded in the future "Well sir - that would requier the re-engineering of any and all cable modem, routers, most networking / switching systems and equipment. As well as the achitichtuire of all broadband technology." he seems to accept this as he DOES have over 99% uptime. well it seems he wants US to monitor his single connection 24/7 and call HIM when the connection drops. reason is that apperently there is NO one on site at this location for long periods of time, and he can't be bothered to check his own servers connection at any point. Its also summer- when he does the majority of his business however is usually away on vacation. writte this up in the ticket - advise that we don't do what he is asking to my knowledge- however we would escalte this to our Network department and see what they can do. finish writting ticket- add verbaitim the customers request- get approval and send it up to teir 3 so they can have a laugh. The customer now wants a month of credit for the down time - and we are unsre just how long this was as the modem technically didn't drop offline. For all he knows the connection nhas been fudged for about 1 hours. advise him to talk to billing - but as it IS independace day and 10 PM- Thats not gonna happen tonight. must be nice to have a fully autonimous system making you thousnads of dollers a week while your away screwing the pooch. Taking bets on his businesws bsing spam or selling of email addresses to lists. - all play and 0 work for money? Maybe i'm too cynacle, but sounds like too good to not have a catch.
[By: Harm]
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There are services out there that will monitor a connection and notify you if it drops... but you pay for 'em. And who wants to bet he wouldn't want to? -namor
I know people with similar businesses - it looks like they don't *do* anything, but there is a lot of programming involved. They generate $$$ thru googleads and sales from the site, but no spam. -GIGO
2wice in two years! damn fine connection there. Im about one powercyle a month but thats my own fault -neuman1812
Try atleast once a week. Farked up connection... -MaskedMarauder
I've seen some freeware programs - without spyware, believe it or not - that will monitor a connection as well. The internet has more than just a few of these, as well. -teivrann
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126.
Working the holidays..
For all of us that rea working / going to be working on the holidays
It sux but at least we get payed what we are worth. I hate missing out on the parties and drinking , Le sigh.
[By: Harm]
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At least you are. I have been stuck in a datacenter for 10 hours now because some braindead starfish dicksplat (thanks for the term CD!) decided to put dns service on two production webservers without telling anyone... -DreadPirate
I had Wednesday off... I worked Thursday 11:30a-10p, I worked today 8a-5p, tomorrow I work 9a-10p, Sunday I work 9a-7p, and if I can sneak out early, Monday I'll work 9a-5p, if not it'll be 9a-8p. -exzyle2k
I have to work noon to 6:00 tomorrow, but then I don't have to be back to work until 1:00pm Tuesday. -RiffRaff
I volunteered to work the 4th. It was either that or run the risk of getting volunteered as 4 others did. At least here we get tripletime. Let's see that's $17.39/hr x 3=$52.17/hr x 8 hrs =$417.36 before taxes. About $325 or so after taxes. Ok I'll take it. My wife needs the money anyway. -atomicbill
I'll be working 8 to 12 noon on 7/4. Triple time for me for 4 hours! YAY! :) -rokitt
I'll be working Saturday 3p to Sunday 9a, followed by Sunday 6p to Monday 8a. Two weeks from now I have a 7 day, 62 hour week thanks to vacations. -snJimboip
I've managed to avoid working the past couple holidays. The extra (easy) money was nice, but the time off is nice too. -purplelinguist
Dicksplat? I prefer the term dicksnot. That much more indicitive of how you *really* feel about someone. After all, a dicksplat can be fun. *grin* lmao -missourimule
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127.
Uh oh self lart. ( NT/OT sorta)
About a month ago - I last ventured out unto the feild of honor and did battle with and against several of my closest friends - and several people I have never met. The Challenge was Paintball. The previouse nights, I had cleaned and oiled my weaponry, received newly ordred equipment, ensured everything was working and packed my gear up for the game. I had noticed that one of my Zeus G2 pistols was not fireing properly and thought I may have blown a seal. At the feild I noticed the safty was sticking - Ie it was hot and there was nothing I could do about it. Decided not to use it that game. we played - we drank and were exausted and merry. Get home drop gear In the room and relagate problem to the back of my mind. Ill fix it when i have a moment. fast forware a month. It has been decreed that the second bedroom ( my computers room) shal have a futon in it in order to accomodate companies that may stay over. kissing my digital dreams goodbey, I dully start cleaning up . Organiser shelving drawer things are purchased. I start actually organising my gear and putting it away. I find the pistols. Realising I need to clean them, I take them out of the holsters. I take note of the one with the stuck safty. I figure- ahh hell ill clean it up and see whats wrong. No paintballs in the mag, and it seems I left the empty co2 powerlet in it (same type used in co2 powred BB/pellet guns). No sonner is the thing out of the holster and pointing at my bare foot- that the trigger is pulled. Ball in chamber- the powerlet was still full. After cursing for a while (and thanking several dieties the GF was not home to see this) - pull the trigger a few more times to ensure I get all the gas out of the thing. Once empty - I notice the safty is no longer stuck. Damned thing is working as it did out of the box. I chastise myself, clean up, clean the paint out of the rug and limp away. It never fails- the ONE thing I forgot to check when ripping down after the game. the good news in the cup seals and ALL the seals in the things work fine.
as much as I respect actualy firearms - I have a nice red welt as to rememind me why I don't / can't actually have one. damn you ADD! I shou- hey look! a puppy! and thusly Harm was larted for his stupidity. Its the small, overlooked details that always come back and bit ya HARD in the ass ( or foot)
[By: Harm]
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And you were lucky it was a paint gun. The welt or bruise will serve as a reminder for the next few weeks. -Wraith556
Damnit man, you ALWAYS check the clip AND THE CHAMBER! I'm serious... if you have 5 friends all checking out a handgun, EACH ONE that handles it will check the clip and chamber prior to doing anything else with it, even though they all SAW the people previous to them do it too. -EagleEye
shooting yourself with a paintball is punishment enough, thank who or whatever you believe in it was not pointed you know where. -RandalGraves
Whatever type of firearm, my Air force training would kick in & I'd check its status. You usually only get to mess up with firearms once. See http://www.timmwood.com/kathdeath.html for details. -lineswine
Kinda off topic, but I know what happens if a painball hits "you know where". A buddy of mine was playing paintball during a school band event, and one of the girls managed to pull off an unlucky shot, nailing him square in the nads. This was bad enough, but when the same girl, in the same game, managed another unlucky shot straight to the peepee, he didn't go a little homicidal. He proceeded to empty the hopper on the poor girl. Neither of the two balls broke (and I'm referring to the paintballs). -AgentV3
been hit in the nuts b4.. its hurt like hell.. the ONLY firearms i will EVER own is paintball weaponry. aside from the fact I woudl need to do more paper work then its worth to own a real gun- there no point. I'm canadian- not a hunter and i really don't see the pint of owning a pistol other then for target practice. again a hell of a lot of paper work even to transport the thing to the shooting range thats a block away. the visible mag was empty- the one frigging ball in the chamber was stuck half way down the barrel. That aside - i think this demontrates why i should NEVER own real fire arms. - i know i know- I'm a moron. -Harm
evry time i've been hit in the genetles- its never proken- the fist time i just about put a 12oz tank through the shooters skull - butt first. lucky sob hit very very well. apperently the curinsing and threast were heard at the staging area - 5 ackers away. i'm a moron. -Harm
Don't play paintball without a cup! One of the first times I played paintball I got shot in the upper thigh. It was only a few inches away from "vital" parts. Since then I have always worn a cup when I play. Rule #1: all guns are always loaded. Rule #2: only point at things you intend to shoot. -TrainingGod
what do you use for your main marker? I started playing regularaly this summer. -putahtek
He blew a seal! Bwahahahahahahaha -DMosser31
Harm.. that had to hurt. I'm glad I'm not you now :) -Warrick
be glad it was only the mini c02 not the 12oz can...been shot close range in the bare hand...raised blood thru the skin...damn it stung...but was worth it charging a bunker so the rest of the team could get into position to cream the guys in the bunker...I took 1 hit the 2 guys in the bunker got peppered by 3 guys with autoguns...they emptied full 250 round hoppers into the place..looked like they were repainting the place... -WraithDarkRose
be glad it was only the mini c02 not the 12oz can...been shot close range in the bare hand...raised blood thru the skin...damn it stung...but was worth it charging a bunker so the rest of the team could get into position to cream the guys in the bunker...I took 1 hit the 2 guys in the bunker got peppered by 3 guys with autoguns...they emptied full 250 round hoppers into the place..looked like they were repainting the place... -WraithDarkRose
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128.
cause starfishmagnet is bored ( nt/ot)
THE PHALIC GNOME! shopping trip to Ikea ( i swear, give it 10 years and you'll enter the store - find a peice of furniture you like and get a picture of the peice, directions to a forrest and an axe after purchsing it) -- found futton- that apperently wasn't in stock bught bought everything except the frame. on our way to the check out.. I saw it. we had to buy it. it is THE most phalic garden gnome i have ever set eyes on. I cant help buy giggle looking at it. its SFW so here are the links!
http://o-nine.com/tsc/509.jpg
http://o-nine.com/tsc/510.jpg
http://o-nine.com/tsc/511.jpg
http://o-nine.com/tsc/512.jpg
were gonna buy more and paint em... can't stop giggling at the gnome!
[By: Harm]
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Ohhh, thats a big one, idnit??? -SFishWrangler
ah cheers harm!!!! -starfishmagnet
That's no gnome - that's a cry from help from a bored potter. -namor
My friend was somehow able to make a dirty joke on me for looking at that, i blame his fascination with toys -Imrcly
Watch out where you sit fronm now on! Oww! -CyBear
This is going to be one popular gnome! -clockkingfl
Ah, now we know where The Gnome at the Pond Life has gotten *his* looks! -NordicPT
heh makes me think of Fawlty Towers. -Bilkor
Lets see, we have F, A, W, L, T, Y, T, O, W, E, R, S... What can we spell? :D -MaskedMarauder
You don't have to paint it. Things that, um, look like that are often made in that color. -concept14
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129.
reached my limit
as we all know - we all have our personal limits as to how much we can take before enough is enough. Years ago, I would have voiced my grievances at the top of my lungs in a highly profane, but deadly accurate, personal nuclear meltdown. I have perfected the art are scarring people shitless since high school.
back story
round the beginning of February - i was given a partial reprieve from the phones and moved on to the chat and email team. the voices seemed to fade away. Gone was the screaming and stupidity, replaced with typing in caps and inconceivable ignorance. Chaotically schedule replaced with a static 3 week rotation. Today I gave it up. with out going into specifics, I had enough of moronic, clueless assholes that reject reality. Issues that could and SHOULD be resolved over a phone (look if you have an intermittent connection wherein the cable modem is dropping offline - why, in the name of Zeus's BUTTHOLE, would you decide the best ways of trouble shooting is ONLINE?), inarticulate brain dead sphincters (I cant reach my website! what do you mean I have to register a domain? WHY SHOULD *I* have to give *you* and DNS information! you should know it! create my records our of thin air monkey bitch!)and Lying sacs O shit superiors ( Okay your our of the phone queue * click* BEEP! - why am I taking calls then?). Its bad enough we are given NEW tools that are less functional then the old ones, and have other tools and accesses removed, Or the fact that I can't take a bleeding break or lunch until someone can be spared to cover me. I reached my limit. I got very quiet ( signs of the apocalypse #1). My chat partner and most people around me because very, very nervous. I considered quitting and using the retractable badge wire as a garott on my way out the building. My chat partner (who i have known well and worked with since before switching to this contract) pleaded with people to get me outside and on a break FAST before i when completely psychotic. in the middle of a chat session had to take over for me. Walked outside - had a smoke. Came in a bit more relaxed. Let her know what was going on with the session and why its NOT OUR STUFF that’s the problem. Walked up to TL, advised i need to be off the chat team, very calmly and reasonably, they said NO problem. I logged into the phones. I find I much prefer a single users or issue at a time rather then upwards of 5 - 7 things to do AND meet SLA on all of em. I thrive on flourish in high stress situations. I love pressure. But every so often I actually realize I can't do it all. The job doesn't get top me. My co-workers for the most part are worth their weight in Diamonds and gold. My TL's are amazingly great. But the workload and shit that encompasses it broke my back. For those that want the details - I may post em in the break room. It’s been a bad day.
Maybe its the moon, maybe its the fact I'm not the first person to feel like this and do what I did. No sympathy needed. I have a bottle of scotch and a spliff. Just leave me on phones and ill be Okay. We now return you to your regularly scheduled ranting, Bitter cynicism and laughing at those that keep us employed. / rant
[By: Harm]
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Tell us how you really feel...
Oh and go play some paintball, trust me it helps. -RandalGraves
One fifth, Jack Daniels, coming up for Harm! ... you earned it, man. -SouthernMyst
Jack??? No offense, but as the man claims in his sig, have some taste. And regular whiskey isn't nearly as tasty as Scotch... <Slides Harm a bottle of Glenfiddich> There you go -DragonMageWTF
"Just leave me on phones and ill be Okay." This sentence makes my blook run cold. To WANT to move back to the phones... I can't imagine the horror. Of course, the real problem is shown in this statement: "...5 - 7 things to do AND meet SLA on all of em." Fark SLAs, fark AHTs, fark it all. You can EITHER really help the customers, OR you can meet arbitrary "efficient" numbers, but you can't do both, and managers who think you can should be removed immediately, and optimally locked in a room with a dozen starfish suctomers for a loooong period of time. -SalParadise
Oy. *hands over a bottle of Scapa* Here. There's more in the cabinet if you need it. -pixel
I have to say it takes experience to figure out you can't do it all, even if you thrive on pressure. That's how it happened to me, and when I snapped, the debated (in front of me, no less) on whether to send me home or to the hospital for evaluation. What really bugs me about that day was it wasn't the stupidity that won, it was a single, irate customer that hit the big red button inside. Even with my manager hearing the entire tirade, I never received a bit of repercussions for what I said to the customer. -CelticSkyhawk
Been there done that, Oh and dont hit that button, or your computer will be nothing but a smoking pile of junk. -Deadagent
Aw, Harm. I can't believe you feel like that about the 'verge! When you feel frustrated and directionless, you're supposed to just take a deep breath and ask yourself 'am I doing what is best for the company?' Do you know if you guys are using the same beta-version buggy new chat software as we are in residential? The chat software may be crappy, but I just won't go back to the phones! -Evilturnip
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130.
Over caffination! ( NT/OT)
HOLLYBLOOFDYMOTHERFUSKINGSHYTE!!! WOOOOO!
I can now get my hands on the caffinated Mountain dew! jeezus thats good squishy! however DO NOT slam down a can in conjuction with sobe nofear 473 ml can and a couple cans of redbull.
wooohooo, i'm freakingflyinghere!!! WEEEEE!!~!
Whowantstodiscusstheroticalphysicsanditsforcarstedimpactoncomputering! anyone? commmmmonnnnnn:) * googleeyes* whatwarninglables!?
[By: Harm]
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Yeah, that Mt Dew Energy drink tastes... a little off, though. I don't drink coffee, though, so other energy drinks are my fav - sobe's especially. -namor
"discussth erotical physics" hm? You start, I'll see if I can discuss this topic, but I won't use the old English words. -Tekkie
is that the one called "amp"? we used to sell that at the icecreamstore I worked in. -drachen
After you are finished running laps on the ceiling you get back down here and apologize to BlindTech. =oP -mofo
caffinated mountain dew? since when has there been a decaf version? that shite's known for caffeine homie! -nectar024
Sorry blindtech! - MT Dew was never caffinated here in the great frozen northland. somthing about caffine in colas and somthing. howevere we NOW get the good version ( for the logest time i was always wondering why americans were disappointed with MT dew up here) -Harm
This looks like the post I put in yesterday after slamming 3 of those free pops. Fortunately for all of you, my pc froze on me and I forgot to repost it.
-Bobsentme
mofo - "running laps on the ceiling".. I'm sorry - but that mental movie just gave me, arguably, the best laugh of the week. Thanks, man! -ShujinTribble
caffiene + bored tech = Oyvay. -TheMage18
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131.
Blissfully unaware ( NT/OT)
T'is friday - and we evening shifters are thinking bout what to get for dinner. PIZZA! Of course! The staple food for the ... everyone really. Now for the harder part, where to order from? PIZZA HUT! hey why not its been a long damned time. Thusly being techs and having interweeb access- I valiently run my Avatar towards Pizzahut.ca! WTF? ok, no pricing info, barly a menue what the hell is this! Pizzapizza has more information! Gabrial pizza has a crappy site but the entier menue on it! whats up at the Hut?! If the little pizza shop down the street has more informative website then huge multinational chain, how the hell is the Hut going to comete? what do you mean I have to call in to find out what my pizza will cost and what specials are available? Those little flyers disapper really quikly and get lost. WHY must big chains rely so heavily on paper? Burger king it is, Damn you pizza hut! No tech cash for you! - sorry for the rant - comming down now.
[By: Harm]
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Gabrial pizza is teh roxxors! But it kinda makes you sleepy and kinda greasy feeling and you don't want to eat it for a while after eating it. -Evilturnip
Pizzahut.com has online ordering. Pizzahut.ca has a slogan, "Pizza Hut Canada, Eh?" If they can get the US site working right (and doing so for over 2 years, a fact to which I can personally attest), WHY can't they get the Canada site right? -OgdenTechGuy
The only online pizza ordering available here is Papa John's pizza. Both Domino's and Pizza Hut don't have online ordering available. If you put in the zip it tells you not available. It sucks. -MrsTechnoVamp
pizza hut sucks anyways go dominoes -Imrcly
Pizza Hut has the ability to receive orders from players within EQ2. Haven't done that yet, but I will at some point. =P -ThreeBucks
At least PizzaPizza lets you order online. -ProfessorFrink
Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Round Table -- they ALL suck. Whoever heard of putting CHEDDAR on a pizza? Even worse, it comes from corporate that way, in pre-mixed bags of shredded cheese! They couldn't make a pizza without the offensive orange stuff if they wanted to! Make mine -- my own! (I use fat-free mozzarella, make the dough from scratch, and have FULL control of the ingredients. Ever have a healthy pizza that actually tastes good? Mine is and does!) -Captain Trips
In college we used to say "4 out of 5 students prefered Domino's Pizza to the cardboard box it arrived in!" -Divinar
I used to work at the D, and we did have Cheddar available, but the standard cheese is mozzarella, not cheddar. Reminds me, we had a lady who was a regular. Her daughter was allergic to wheat, so she always brought in her own rice-baced crust. Daughter was also allergic to dairy, so she only had us put sauce, meat and veggies on it. If you've never seen a pizza with no cheese...uggh. It's nasty looking. We did like to mess around on the crew pies, though. We liked to use the butter sauce instead of the normal sauce. Gave the pizza a kind of breadstick flavor, not too shabby. One time we brought in our own toppings: Marshmallow Fluff (like you use to make fudge), graham crackers (crumbled up), and Hershey's chocolate syrup. Viola! S'mores Pizza. Nice dessert, but VERY messy, and VERY sweet. -missourimule
Mozzarella? Does anyone still use that tasteless junk? Provolone is the way to go. So much tastier. And I like cheddar on pizza too. If you ever get to Texas try Mr. Gatti's. The dough is made fresh every day. I worked there and I'd still eat the pizza if carbs weren't so darn bad. -Paisley
if ordering out, I usually go for Dominos (love the BBQ sauce option) If I'm making it myself, I do a nice four cheeses - Stilton, Wensleydale, Caerphilly and Cheddar(that's english cheddar, not that vile processed stuff that americans laughingly call cheese) -Shaede
I won't buy Pizza Hut...I disagree with how the owner is spending his money, so I vote with my wallet. -CTYankee
reminds me of a cartoon: there's a bunch or pizza places in the same street; first one has a sign, "best pizza in the city";second one says "best in the state", then "best in the country", then "best in the world"...then the last one says "best pizza on the block"-and the last one has the most customers! ("best on the block" is a real slogan, i forget which company) -Erictheblue
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132.
YOUR the web admin? oooohhh.
While in a intelectually stimulating conversation as to IF 007 would
win out over Batman ( 007 could EASALY take out batman - like he
wouldn't be able to figure out is bruce wayne and off 'em at a party
AFTER doing vicky Vale, Catwoman and.. umm... just about every other
attractive female), my systems beeps indicating yet another lost soul
hath wandered into my chat support window. well its not your fault
for interupting my rant but I'll blame you anyways little
starfishy! We host their website. apperently there is a problem
with a submision form not working. the company IT department mentioned
we may have to tweak our mail servers in order to be able to receive
the sumbited message and deliver it to the correct email account?!
insert laughter here. The person tells me hes not too technical.
OK so this seems to be someone that was volentold to contact us.
happens all the time. take a look at the site, Its OK. Take a look at
the submision form. Looks OK, but yea definetly does not work.
Then we
delve in to the View Source. This is about the worst sourse code I
have ever seen! The page itself is very simplistic. Estheticaly
pleasing if you will. The code on the other hand looks like somethinbg
a Monkey with diarea may have painted given a canvase and several 3
bean burritos followed by tequila chasers. I laugh, I cry, I tell the
customer I will have to consult our web hosting department, Which I
immidiatly do.
if i had acces to the hosting servers and the
customer directory structure I wouldn't need to call them.
Get
one of the hosting people on the line, we go over the code. Web
hosting is trying to decide if the code is funny Haha or funny "your
dog died but I saved a bundle on car insurance." we figure out the
submission form is calling on a file that does not exist in any
directory they have uploaded. and the code sux king donkey dong.
with supream pleasure i get to advise the customer their code it
shyte, in the nicest and most diplomatic way possible. Now i;m still
under tthe impression this person is just a messanger. I mention the
problems with the code - apperently the IT people specualted on this
too. I mention the missing file, he says that he was using microsoft
publisher and is unable to upload individual files. Wait, stop
pull over. He is uploading and creating the site? Exsqueese me?
Baking powder? so apperently the site was coded and uploaded using
Publisher. that explains the code. The apperent web admin asks what he
can do to fix this. Tell him to try a diffrent java scripted code, and
how to search for code he may be able to use. No I am NOT teaching you
java script. Ever. There are not enough drugs, booze or scantly clad
women of questionalble morality / ethics in the world as we know it to
sway me. Off on your mary way then. No we will not code your website
for you. No we will never be offering this service. off with you
then! we have laughed at your expense and grow weary of this exchange!
I hath provided a solution now go implement it least you wish to
exchange jabs of wit! be warned though mine IS razor sharp. - the web
admin disconnects from the session, I shake my head had and proceed to
pontificate on the various methods in which Bond could easaly take out
the Batman. I'm really not sure how this person got to be the web
site admin - but i'm pretty sure it was a volontold situation. Those
that can do, those that can't are forced to my managment.
[By: Harm]
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How'd he get the job? Well, he lied about having web design skills on his resume, so as far as his boss knows, he's a pro web designer! Also, James Bond can't take out Batman, Bond is a fictional character :P -Evilturnip
Evilturnip - So's Batman! -Harm
One thousand lines: a copy of Frontpage 2003 does not a web designer make. Shameful admission time: my first website was made using Frontpage Express. Oh god, the animated gifs. -smellystudent
"Voluntold" pretty much says it all - I'd guess the poor dumb bastard didn't have either the sense or the reaction time to dodge the job when it was dumped on him. Thanks Harm - another gem added to my vocabulary. -Gromit
Yeah, he probably just mentioned a few buzzwords and then got the job. Frontpage isn't the only thing that can create lousy code. Starfish can do it too, if they can get their hands on anything. -teivrann
Notepad.exe all the way! -cecil36
Oh yeah, it has to be notepad :) -Armakuni
You guys are so lame. REAL web designers use COPY CON c:\www\index.html -Mango
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133.
Damn you Murphy! ( NT/OT)
That bastard keeps picking on me this week!
Murphy in effect. When walking out onto the Balcony to enjoy a the nice weather and a glass of bin 45 Merlo, the bright sunshine will trigger a sneeze that empties half the glass of ruby goodness, - over white walls and the white shirt you are wearing.
Murphy will then pull an encore by changing the time on the alarm clock back 10 minutes and hidding your pack of smokes. Thus the 15 minutes you THOUGHT you had to get to the bus is in reality 5 minutes, and of course due to the early hours of departing for work - no stores are open for purchase of another pack.
Murphy will giggle with glee as the last of your tobacco(yea.. tabaco...thats right> goes on an arial tour of the living room as the rolling devices jams up and expels its contents in force. The carpet will consume your smokables after its arial adventure.
Murphy will then turn a hat trick by having you work sunday and monday early days shifts, as all your friends have the 24 long weeknd off. I swear to all things holy and not- when I find this Murphy I will foce it to eat its own genataila and lick the taint from my sphincter! still not friday.
[By: Harm]
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Ouch! Dude, ya shoulda stayed in bed! Geeez! -rokitt
Just think - your 'arial adventure' is bound to bring you a font of amusement! *runs like hell for LART shelter* -teivrann
teivrann - right- like I want the cats enjoying MY stuff. -Harm
Is this a good time to point out that if you cut out drinking & smoking your troubles would have been greatly reduced? <Taxi!> -lineswine
Consider yourself hugged, you need it. -persephone
Leave that Lineswine to me, Harm.... <BLAT> Smartarse. <g> -Gromit
*finds Murphy and hands him over* (I wish he were that easy to find!) *lets float happy thoughts into the wind towards Harm* -taieena
Have you considered that it might not be Murphy? It might actually be a poltergeist that objects to smoking. I know that sounds ridiculous but remember the groundrules for the industry we're in! -TieDyedDinosaur
<obscure refrence> maybe you should move to australia.</obscure refrence> -drachen
(Australia? Why? His name Alexander?) Sorry you're having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. *big hug* -snowcrash
Looks like you picked a bad day to give up smokin'. </Airplane> (And trust me... My day's got your beat by minimally 5 rings of Hell) -ShujinTribble
Sounds like a classic example of "The Quantized Version of Murphy's Law" : Everything goes wrong all at once. -Captain Trips
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134.
( NT/ OT) Not disapointed
Ok the new Doctor Who is not too bad! I just finished watching it on CBC and i have to admit, it was quite good! Granted i was quite young when the original series was on - i vaguly remeber watching it on TVO (TV Ontario, But the doctor, rose and the time wars all seem to be in place. It seems to have filled in some holes about the Dalks as well. May the holes were already filled, but i just didn't remeber them but oh well.
THANK YOU BBC!
[By: Harm]
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It's going to be broadcast on ABC-Australia in the next few weeks, just after the Key-To-Time series has finished. -Wraith556
Yeah, I was pleasantly suprised too. Mind you, I can't stand the 10 day lead time between BBC and CBC episodes, so I'm an episode ahead of where the CBC is. -GeekGirl
It's odd. But I'm quite enjoying the new Who series, I'm curious about all the "Bad Wolf" phrases that have been floating around... but I'm guessing the series will deliver some form of explination sooner or later (so don't spoil it for me). -fearmyroot
I'm 49 - and !I! was quite young when Dr. Who started back in 1963. So there! Interesting note: Second or third episode was postponed due to coverage of the Kennedy shooting ... -ralphp1024
Oooh, can't stand a ten day wait? Usually, we have to wait six months for things to come out over here. This could be why the UK was recently announced as being the country that downloads the most TV shows - because the alternative is to wait for them to come on TV and be edited to death. -pmillipede
I seem to have missed a large chunk of Doc story somewhere - Are the Time Wars something that were in a previous incarnation, or is this the first mention of them? -Shaede
Its the first mention of them that I'm aware of. They may have been referenced in the audio adventures, but I'm not sure. The assumption is that they've happened between the movie (McGann) and now. Presumably, his regeneration happened in them. -pmillipede
pmillipede, I'd have to say it goes both ways on either side of the pond. I'm still waiting for the DVD release of certain BBC shows that I adore here and also for the latest series of them on our side. I'm two steps from buying a region free DVD player and just getting them off amazon.co.uk. -GeekGirl
You'd have thought the companies would've cottoned on by now. What with the internet and increasing globalisation, they should just release everything at the same time! -pmillipede
just a simple yay:)) -timelady
Shaede, the Key-To-Time series was 6 stories of 4 episodes each, but the last may have been 6 episodes. The "Light Guardian" has the Doctor (Tom Baker) and an assigned assistant Timelord Romana (Mary Tamm) searching for the Key-of-Time, which is in 6 segments disguised as different objects throughout space-time. Currently they are getting the fifth segment. -Wraith556
i just recently watched the 2nd season of a BBC show called Hustle and really enjoyed it, when I tried to BUY season 1 on DVD the response I got was 'it's available, just not in the US' -DedSysOp
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135.
The dog named Marris.
The Gf has been wanting to get a dog. A beagle no less. I'm a dog person, but a 2 bedroom apt on the 18th floor is NOt a proper home for a beagle. Especially since it would be alone for 8 hours a day. well not alone The animal count is so far 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, and 4 fish - but fish downt count, they're Cat TV. I a moment of sober genius (cause almost anything sounds like a good idea when drunk/stoned/combination) I came up with an idea. It was good . It would work and no one would have to be nailed to a tre.... sorry. It was a fine Idea. it was a comprimise. We would SAY we have a dog. We named it Marris (i'm sure most of you have watched faiser at some point). NOw WHY would anyone name a non dog Marris? easy. if anyone asks to see the dog, or how the dog is doing - we just respond with some story like " Well , Marris is at the spa getting a Manicure." or " Marris was spooked by a ficus tree and has entred extensive counceling with her psycologist." or " Marris seems so uptight and wound up we sent her on vacation to Puppy camp in the Bahamas, under instuctrion from her therapist." sadly enough, the GF tried this out at work. Her co-workers didn't get it.
[By: Harm]
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THAT is funny! If I'd have known you could have ideas like that when you were sober, I would have tried it out. OK, probably not, but that is still funny. -chefque
In my second year of high school a friend and I made up a senior student named 'Rick' and we would talk about him whenever people we didn't like were around. 'Rick' was really cool, but kind of a jerk, but he was always having these awesome parties when his parents were away. It was hilariously funny whenever we would get some wannabe to tell us that they either knew 'Rick' or were at his latest bash, or that he verified to them that a juicy piece of gossip was true. Ah, high school! -Evilturnip
Ah, yes.. High School in the mid-late 80's.. when the Slut Look for girls was raised to an art form... and that's not all that was raised. (I pleade the fifth on further information) -ShujinTribble
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136.
WTF?
Outside, on break - topping of the nicotine levels, returning the GF's call when My cell flashed another call. OK np prolly the GF calling me since I was going to her vmail. its a 877 toll free number. Apperently asking if I did web hsoting and web design.
I have not done this in years. No longer run servers and the only site I pretend maintain is my paintball teams. So I have to ask WTF they got my name and Cell phone number. Apperently from a companies list. Umm, ok right. I have not ever submitted my cell number to anything other then online stores (if there is a problem, I want to know) or to companies I am applying to. So here I am trying to figured out were anyone got the idea i still do web hosting or design and What companie decided to sell my number. Only thing I can think of is when the cc theft happened. I don't mind job offers or contracts being thrown my way, but I Don't do website design! (anymore)
[By: Harm]
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I get these from time to time, even though I sold the ISP I used to own back in 1999. I kept, the domain name, though, and use my cell as the contact on my domain record. I laugh at the idiots who call to try and sell me services to make my site rank higher in search engines. I usually make them go to the site while I have them on the phone, then tell them to take me off the list. -SalParadise
wrong number? -razmann
hey harm, can I get you to design my website? <runs towards the lartshelter, steps on a land mine and now understands the metalica song "one"> -drachen
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137.
Moving to greener pastures.
Not so much a story. Ran into a friend of mine on sunday. Met her were i work now, became good friends- she ended up being caned for who knows what reason. She has a new job. working for a nice small company. PBX support. Hardware, Software rma's and such. When I mention small, I mean tech support is 4 people currently. Given how excited she is about this place- even being exausted, she convinced me to apply. Update and emailed resume over to her. As' I'm purchasing coffee at lunch, cell phone rings. Its that company wanting to setup an interview. AHH sweet. hmm lets see.. more $$$ (well not ahell of a lot more but a significant amount- to me), better hours (no more swing shift working till 11:30 PM bs), weekends off (woot scocial life!, whatever that is), working with a good friend that i have worked with before, and nice small company. no more massive corperate faceless company. Don't get me wrong, i like my job and the people I work with. I have earned respect from my supervisors and peers. After 4 years i think its time to find a better venue, change of scenery and a new challenge. Now save your Karma, I'm not going to need it. I have never been turned down for a job I interviewed for. If i get it, great. If not, I continue were I am until I find somthing better. The real question is IF( big if) i get the job, do i give 2 weeks notice? or just use the companies unwritten rules to get myself some severance pay and a few days of Guild Wars?
[By: Harm]
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Ethical side: "Give them two weeks." Unethical side: "Fark 'em." Unfortunately, the ethical side usually wins with me. -snowcrash
The real question is how many bridges do you want to burn, when I left goatway they got 3 days notice and that's because i was feeling nice..... -Olorin
If you want to use them as a job reference in the future, give 'em two weeks. If not, go with your gut. -Grue
You just said you like the people you are working with now... Why make burn a bridge with out a reason? Give the 2 weeks... IF that does not cause a problem with the new company. -Shane
Forget the "make" from above.... It's too early.... Need coffie.... -Shane
Go with the 2 weeks notice..The new company will understand because they would expect the same if someone was quiting them. Also, you never know when small companies will get bought out by bigger companies...... -kryliss
2 weeks notice...2 weeks vacation... coincidence? <Grin> -CTYankee
First, good luck with the interview! Secondly: two weeks notice. The new company is also interested to see your ethics, and if you tell them "sorry, not available until XXX as I have to give notice to old one", they should understand (and respect). -NordicPT
Heck, they're probably going to 'escort' you out the door after letting you put a few personal items in a cardboard box. Sure, give them 2 weeks notice. Uh, do you have any vacation or sick time left? Are you feeling ill already? -TieDyedDinosaur
If you're in good with your supervisors, you can usually give 2 weeks and ask if there's a way to shorten it. Give your old employer the choice and they'll often let you leave right away, especially if you're not in a critical position (i.e. Only IT person for the company) -Kensai7
i would say give 'em two weeks, they may just tell you the next day to not show up anymore anyway. and i'm playin guild wars too, i love that game! -razmann
well reason i would not give much notice. c they will NOT give referances. No letters of comodation. no letter of referance. the only thing they will ajknoldge was that i worked there and what my name is. thats it. Company policy. -Harm
company loayalty is a thing of the past. in 99.99% of the cases your company will fuck you over faster then you can say it and most larger Co.s wont give references so screw em just dont show up anymore theyll figure it out -GefahrMaus
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139.
But thats the Number I Dialed!
This should be a customer misconception but... When I ask you what fscking number you dialed, and you give me your HOME NUMBER and I verified " Okay so you DIALED xxx-xxxx?" and they confirm this as correct, IN WHAT UNIVERSE, DOES YOUR INABILITY TO LISTEN AND COMPREHEND GIVE YOU THE RIGHT to start neeping bout the correct number I just gave you?! sorry. I've just had a crap load of calls , gave the phone number to the correct department and been neeped at with But thats the number I just dialed!!!
A you chose the wrong option on the ivr
B - I'm surprised you passed elementary school with you comprhension skills.
C - I"M NOT GONNS FSCKING HELP YOU! I CAN'T!! Business department. NOt residential departmt. NO access to those accounts! I don't care if the cable TV office is clolsed. I know NOTHING about the cable TV networks or what channel what is on! FOAD! rant over.. I think I broke the keyboard.
[By: Harm]
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You need beer, and a paintball session! -RandalGraves
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141.
Crainial-Rectal congestion
SOO pissed off! As we all know - sales reps only exist to piss of tech support. They will promise the sky if they can get a signature and a commision. But will they actually do anything after a commision? HELL NO!
currently I am working with a customer that is trying to upgrade her service- different email servers system. Now sales only took 3 monthes to get her signed up, And then failed to give her the email address or user ID. Just the domain. yea.. THATs REALLY GONNA HELP! normaly this would not be an issue , but this server system uses authentication. Soo we can enter the server name - but we can't use it.
When the customer was speaking to the sales rep- she asked for a work order number. The response was " Oh yes thank you for reminding me. your addresses will be put in before I leave for the day"
Ok well that was useless. So here we sit with only a domain. I have searched everything possible to try and hack through the millions of addresses on the domain to find hers. I am not holding for another department to find out is the sales rep ever actually did anything - which is doubtfull. Still holding.
Oh someone answered and asked if they could put me on hold - 10 minutes ago. Let the customer know ill call her back and wait on hold some more- okay massive outages. thats cool I understand the wait then. aaaannd... SURPRISE! nope account was not created. I'd love to say i was surprised but I generaly tend to belive I am above lying sac of hyena offal. arg. Some regions would be best served as smoking craters. Some people seem to wear themslves as hats.
[By: Harm]
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"I'm only lying if you can prove it, until then it just unsubstantiated rumors!!! -SFishWrangler
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142.
now we know WHY...
Customer calls in Mistake 1 and is unable to connect online. Check modem - online and i am able to ping it just fine. Odd that note about the account being disabled. and on to trouble shooting! ME: OK we are going to check to see what IP address you have. You mentioned running windows XP. Okay. Click on Start." EU " Were do i find that?" Me" Start button? umm lower left corner ,probably green" "EU" I don't see it" ME" It's in the lower left corner, says START" EU> no not seing it." ME "In the lower right, do you see the time?" EU: "yes" ME "keep lookin' left" EU *describes start button with ballon over it ALA new computer click here to make things happen* looking over modem connectoin and watching the office remotely disable him - hmm guessing this is a non pay disco. As i'm trying to transfer him to the biling dept ( or wehatever is open) the customer disconnected on me. I think he tought he was going to be called about this. umm.. yea sure. billing opens tomorro. sux 2 b u!
[By: Harm]
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144.
Cable outages <OT>
Slacking off as usual when I noticed I missed a call. Ho hum. its the GF. call back .. no answer.. call back a few minutes later.
CABLE INTERNET AND TV ARE OUT! cue ranting about missing TV shows, and how its MY fault she's hooked on TV again (jesting .. kinda)
Then I make the bone head mistake
"why don't you just go online to check ..... oh yea.. shit" The outage will be over by the time I get home. It was maintenece in the area, couldn't be helped. I did manage to calm her down my smaking one of the cable techs with a paper ball. I loves it when i'm not home for outages.
[By: Harm]
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Sounds like this past AM where I was. Frustrating it was, and they took 2 hours longer than stated to get the service back up and running. Made the best of it by watching the Incredibles on DVD. -GeekGirl
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145.
How not to go insane.
In the tech support business, there are two parties which allow for its existance. The Users that call in and the support agents that help the offenders. These are their stories. NEEP! NEEP!
Monday, March 14th Back on phones for the week. I had been maning the chat support over the weekend and catching up on some much needed sleeep. Today, I was back in the 3rd layer of hell. That call alert is sounding less like a Beep and more like a NEEEEEP every passing day. Normaly, I despise being distracted from my parousing of the InterWeeb on the company dime. Today was no exception. Get up, find my gear. Public transit to work. I wish I was paid enough to afford a car, or had a valid lisence. Log in, answer phone. Blather, Rince, Repeat. Amoungst the usual forgotten passwords, Can't connect to my Por, er VPN - I lost a collective 3 hours of my life to the undeserving. Granted, I don't mind helping customers. Give me Your lost passwords, unaccessable Email, non pay disconnects and unmotivated Modems. For ye have found a helping soul to guide thee to thine flouresent insuficently lit purgatory. First half of the bottle goes to the lady that wanted me to hold her hand through and installation of our FREE antivirus/firewall cra - I mean software. Oh who am I kidding, its total crap. STEp ONE, collect underpants!
go to website, sign up with email addres. But NO! They use Yahoo email accounts. now why a business would do this is beyond me as we do offer vanity mail accounts but whatever. Penatly hold while I pretend to look up their email account info. Return from hold to find the customer has miraculously remembered their email address AND password. WOOT! We only had 6 to chose from!. go through the sign up, write down the key and off to webmail!
Of course the adress has not been checked for months and we have serval OVER QUOTA messages. Customer delets everything. Including the email like to the software downlaod. *headdesk* Run through the sign up AGAIN, and download the program. Run instaltion. The instalation is an ungodly long process involving much waiting for the damn thing to do anything. My lunch passes. I'm nicing out. Install the dasmn things with much " do I click NEXT?" and the customer speaking to everyone else around her about lunch, places to eat and how its wonderfull how shes the most competent computer person in the company. Fucking thing finaly installs. Reboot. yay. NOW the fun of configuraiong the damned firewall and helping her figure out how to scan the system for viruses - since she is positive the MUST have several. I have now progressed past the gun to temple and pumping-shotgun guestures, and am into the cocking MP5 / trying to strangle myself with a headset. Much to the amusement of my coworkers, I accidently disconnect the headset while trying to do so. Now for the joys of trying to explain to this evolutionary throw back HOW to scan the system! Its not hard - click once on the drive and click GO. another 20 minutes down the tubes. Explain to her NO I don't have an extension and any of our other agents would be more then happy to assist her. Get her the hell off my phone and grab a much needed smoke. Now for the remianing 1/3 of the bottle (Bag Dog wine- you ease the pain). The Can'T PRINT after cable modem swap out! there are 3 things wrong with this call. A : NOT SUPPORTED! B: it was a open ticket from a previouse agent, and C: print servers connected to a HUB with pubic IP addresse. Security hole, Aricraft Carrier, Plenty room for travel. Legacy modem swaped out. Of course they get NEW dynamic IP addresses! but alas, the printers were set statically with dynamic ip's. Nope, not a single ip adress conflict nope. The dent in the desk is staring to take shape. Explain how this is NOT our problem, the printers should be configured dynamically anyways, and anyone on the internet cold print off em. Customer TRIES to reconfigure the devices, they STILL wont pull a IP - BUT it CAN'T be the hardware so out of date HP had to regain breathing ablities between the hysterical bouts of laughter. umm sure. Every heard of a router? or a private network? Close ticket with notes on it to the effect of " The next person that tries to support this issue gets it in the neck!" And now the remining golden drops of chardonay dance upon my palate promising intoxication and relife from the work day. The IP addres camellion. This customer has changed their ip address range several times cause they THINk someone is droping viruses into their network. Never mind one computers is horribly crashed (commited suicide), the wireless system can't get an IP address from their own wireless router, and their own router ( yes MINIMUM 2 routers aside from ours)- connected to our device, is refusing to bridge Lan to WAN. I can hit the WAN side just as easy as slipping on ice. Lan side? No game. Explain nicely to the customer changing IP address won't make a lick of diffrence if they have a Trojan or someone is connected into their unsecured wireless network. give em a few pointers, send em on their merry way to try and fix up their antisocial network. The crowning achivment was my own damned fault.
The customer moved their network equipment around in order to alivate a rats nest. I was actually sympathetic. Or possibly delusional , I'm not sure yet. Wll the first problem was their netagear and our modem did not have power - um problem solved by replugging em in. Problem 2 computers can't contact the router. they are connectd to a switch- possible wireing problem. Try to fingure out were the freaking uplink is, find it - still no go. OK find out whats connected wHere on the switch. We find the router is connected into 2 diffrent ports, creating a feedback loop. Disconnect second cable - we can connect briefly. I'm way outside the support boundries and might be able to seem em if a squint real hard. The upside is I am in over time. Eventuially I figure out his netgear is gone flaky and refer him to the vendor. The switch is fine- its passing traffic. - Our modem is fine- its sees the netgear. but the netgear DHCP and NAT has given up and pissed out for a liquide lunch, possible a movie and maybe an exploration of distant Galaxies. Give the customer Netgears phone numbers and explain a best case/ worst case scenario. Best case- reset and reload of factory settings. Worst case- its toast but under warentee. One of my co-werkers offers to release me from the torrment of this issue, But I decline. When it comes to networking issues I am SURE i can pin point, Pitbulls have nothing on me. only 3 more days till I goto Montreal, then chat evening shifts.
[By: Harm]
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Great outline to the tech story; horribly maddening experience. At this point, I say why bother trying not to go insane. Just let go and enjoy it; you'll learn to use it for good, not for evil. (Good = annoying starfish, just to clarify) -teivrann
That netgear router wouldn't happen to be a RT314 would it? (saw the NAT/DHCP let go on 3 of those in 6 monts, one of which was MINE damnit :) ) -chris98b
*pubic* IP adresse ? What the HELL is that ! [quote : "a HUB with pubic IP addresse." ] -IcePanther
Too long, didn't rea - uh... I mean, great story, colourful comments, lovely plumage... ;) -namor
IcePanther: I think he actually meant "print servers on public IP addresses connected to a hub"....but I could be wrong! -karlata
- karlata is right. -Harm
Time warner blows, thank god I Dont work for then or any of thier fuckup daugter companies! -putahtek
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146.
out for blood.
Today STARTED nicely...whent to Costco and lunch with my dad, visited with my dog, Got a replacemnt fomr my digital camera that was lost my the repair shop( and its an upgrade.. darn) Then I opened my Visa bill. Now normaly this is not a bad thing. yes i owe them $$$ but I'm not over my limite so I usually pay off whay I can. Its not like I use it that much. While looking over the bill i notice charges that i did not make. Hmm.. OK i spend a lot of time out of my skull but I'm sure I would remember purchasing webhosting from Hosting Trends company. Or buying someing from Computer associates. OK i'm DAMNED sure I bought nothing from www.mp3downloading.com and I KNOW I did not spend $52.93 USD. WHY the FUck would I BUY mp3's? Mainstreet music? in WA? riiiight
after i can focus on my bill and have cool down anough to be able to speak anything but profanity, I call my Visa company. Talk to security - destroy my card (arg.. i liked that number - i could memorise it) and have to wait 7-10 business days for my new one.. oh joy.
the fun part is apperently i signed up for the premier Plus hosting package on hosting trends. Of course I didn't however someone did with My card.
Visa is looking into the incident BUT I want to put the screws to this fucker. I'm thinking about phoneing the hosting company with my visa number and demand to know what services I have. If your going to use someone elses Visa.. why in the name of Hates asshole would you do somthing so public as webhosting? BTW, when I DO find the SOb - i'm going to need a few alibies. SOO Who am I buying beer for and getting drunk with?
[By: Harm]
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Get the hosting info. "Confirm" address and phone number used if possible. Google the phone number, turn info over to authorities. Lock luser out of hosting account. Post page calling luser's parentage into question. Hilarity ensues... -hkypipe
Oh by the way make sure to post the guys phone number and address on the website plus toss that webpage here....
<br>
<br> loads of fun...
-Enigo
I'm in for drinkin, and for beating the FARK out of the guy! -RandalGraves
I'm with the others. Get hosting details and grab all the content, etc. -namor
We have a spare waterbed, Harm, but make mine Smirnoff Ice or Bacardi O3 :D -missourimule
hmm....find pics of him/her photoshop them with goat zombie bukake sex. and host it off their site. -SGTARKyTEK
1) I'm in Texas (in case you're in my neck of the woods...). 2) I was with you the entire night. 3) I remember this specifically because you paid for the drinks. -maciarc
call up the hosting company and see if you can get the un/password to the FTP server, upload defamartory content about the guy and his company and change the un/pw thereafter. -areatech
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147.
Sunday, a nice relaxing sunday.
Normaly I would be aggrivated by our tools and network behaving in much the same manner as prostitues pants. Normaly
Its Sunday. Its snowing, and rather quiet around here. Our ticketing system is down. Our tech pages are inaccessable, our que tools are not working at all.
Sooo why am I relaxed?
well given i work chat and email support, my skills are unable to be changed. I'm supposed to be in the phone que. It's not possible to put me in there. Reading 'So long and thanks for all the fish' and generaly doing nothing. Its nice. Not bad for my equivalent of tuesday. Could be better if i were at home with my feet up, watching TV, DVD's or just fragging.
And a big THANKS to all that helped me get my system back online. I can mount the boot drive again! My pr0n and music are no longer locked away, HL2 calls me to kill transdimentional alien creatures!
[By: Harm]
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<salutes> Always glad to help! Awaiting payment forthwith! ^_^ (for those of a curious nature: a copy of postal 2 and BF1942) -wolfman
And Alpha Centauri: Alien Crossfire calls me to kill those puny humans! -Veinor
Alien Crossfire is the BEST!!!! -burrkiss
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148.
So close and yet, Murphied
Every things seemed to go so well this week. I took vacation to move and set up the new place. The move was smooth. 2 hours and we were unpacking. a few small glitched ( ok another computers desk broken!, and .. i um can't find the router?). Not as stressfull as i thought. But alas, my last day off, MURPHY buggers everything up!. I was almost completly unpacked, the place was being settled into - Cable internet AND TV were both installed and working - When the horrible should happen. The Thing most people dread. Possible the one single hinderance we Hate. Windows XP., rolled over and died. I currently can't boot into windows. I can't mount my boot drive ( please feel free to make explicit commeants). As the Fates would have it, i did find the unlabled knoppixs linux CD on the first blind grab, so i'n not completly lost. The new SP episodes are trapped though and i don;t want to have to try resurecting them. So close to a ' good' vacation. Whom ever help that sword to bills throught must never have touched microsoft.
[By: Harm]
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"I can't mount my boot drive ( please feel free to make explicit commeants)"...OK..have you tried getting the boot drive drunk? ;o -rokitt
ouch, tough luck man, good luck in gettin everything running again.
-RandalGraves
ouch, tough luck man, good luck in gettin everything running again.
-RandalGraves
damn back button -RandalGraves
Personally I dont recommend mounting footware, but whatever trips your trigger *grin* -burrkiss
Did Harm's story excite you, RG? <bfeg> -missourimule
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149.
&%)$%@in CRACK MONKEYS!
Having been upgraded to online support, (live chat and email) I have been given a semi reprive from the phones. - Not that anyone actually TOLD me I was moved to a new team, or asked if I wanted to move.
our team is supposed to have a rotating sehdual we worked out and had OKed. 2ppl on in the morning, 2 evening, weekends, etc. Thusly it was found fiair as all of us would rotate through. Was this so? For the first cupolke weeks yes! the first rotation was put in, however at then end of the 3 weeks.. we have UTTER CHAOS! The mofo's that are SUPPOSED to tab a couple keys to enter our info into the crap program apperently found this concept too difficult. Currently I have a co-worker shaking in rage and thetening to quit ( i'm with her if it comes down to it) my vacation got screwed up , vacation I had booked due to MOVING.
so right now the people that created the rotating shedual are ranting and cursing and ... yes i belive that WAS a sream for blood sacrifice.
This is about to turn into a VERY interesting day. Well find out what the body count is later.
[By: Harm]
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OK everyone, Harm here needs some good ol' Karma(tm) to help him through it all! Trust me, I'm sitting beside him.. -wolfman
OK everyone, Harm here needs some good ol' Karma(tm) to help him through it all! Trust me, I'm sitting beside him.. -wolfman
Wha? Weird, unintentional doublepost..and the first for me! <dances> -wolfman
No karma needed. - Issue was resolved fumming Co-Worker escalted issues up to big bosses. I belive baseball bats were joked about. issues fixed. Crack monkeys beaten into sumbission. -Harm
hopefully those monkeys were also shot, and drawn and quartered. -RandalGraves
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150.
NHL 2005!
Given the Actual NHL season didn't happen,(fume rant spit!) what will EA do? will they allow a missing year in the NHL series? We cant have THAT can we? INTRODUCING NHL 2005 by EA!
Step one - instalation,
the instaltion of the program ( on PC) will requier several hours. as the DVD will pause for no apperent reason for hours at a time, install a file, grudgingly, and demand a memory upgrade.
Step two Game play -
game play starts as usual. pick you team, select players, create a season, ETC. Step tree Game on! AKA Challenge everything!
the arena will not load, your players never make it to the ice and the game turns into a 3rd person RPG. You MUST find the golden Players agreement! The warring tribes of Players and Owner( PHB's) have requeted the golden parchment be found and delivred- in order to forfill the profesy of the CUP! Step Four Frustration AKA Profit! the agreement does not exist - the timed quest is unable to be completed and, no there is NO patch. Your players never reach the ice - they play in lower leagues, difrent countries or wander around lost. Picket lines errupt around the arenas - the game errupts into something resembling GTA and Mortal Kombat. Hockey ref call the fights and penalties for excessive force. the actual game of HOCKEY is never played. Step Five cross fingers for NHL 2006! hmm... ok well this sounded better in the smoking area.
[By: Harm]
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I think they'll have more profit by issuing the game as a regular-production game CD made out of a CD-RW. Since it's blank, you got the same thing all the other hockey fans get in the real season. Since it's a CD-RW, you also get to try to get it working yourself just as many times as the rest of the hockey fans have. Since the fun is in the attempt, EA will have just the same massive profits on this game as with all the others.... -Grue
Very true, all that. I'm printing it out now to show my brother, then will hang it on the wall. -LinuXtreme
Must... resist... oh, hell. IIIII WAANNNAAAA NNEEWWWWW CCCCONNNTRAAACCCCTTTT! -mdver
I Bought NHL 2k5 on the day of release, 9/15/04, which was the same day the lockout began. I installed it, and right as I went to play my first game, it crashed my computer. I even got written up about that in Sport's Illustrated's 10 Spot column the next day. -torgo
Like the game idea... *crossing fingers for next season* -taieena
Thank god for the WHL. -moroboshi
It's been a few weeks since I last phoned my satelite TV company, but they were still offering the 8 channel NHL specialty package. $40 or so for that package too. -HidariMak
I thought that this was HILARIOUS. Being a Flyers fan, albeit not living in Philly, I just hope we get this thing fixed SOON.
Oh,BTW I talk constantly with a reporter from ESPN and dropped this post to him to see what he thinks.. -FlyersFan4ever
Step 6: If you have actually registered with EA, you will have gotten a cheat code. Enter the cheat code now, and you will get a new timed quest; if you can complete the new quest, there will be an abbreviated season anyway! -chazz
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151.
Delayed lart by proxy pt3
After a slight repose for the Christian holiday of a child’s birth, a second semester dawned. Again I tilted rather then withdraw. Used logical loopholes in order to complete tasks in record time (“ you said ‘produce’ not ‘create from scratch’ “)
All tasks were accomplished and graded by the Malevolent being.
Another school year came to completion- despite having failed my computer science class, I was provided employment that summer by the same department I co-op'ed for. Alas the scales balanced in my favor.
Being a lowly student and powerless, I was rewarded in a twist of fate. Said teacher tried to gain employment in the IT industry again (You know the saying those that can do…. No offense to the teachers- for the most part it’s a grueling and thankless job. The bad ones make it even worse).
His resume did pass onto my patriarch’s inbox.
With a gleeful smirk – it was quickly and quietly filed in the “ No way in hell ” pile- AKA the shredder.
Couriers were scattered to the winds of interdepartment management.
Very legally, and thoroughly – any resumes that were received from the Beast were disposed of.
Many artifacts of knowledge were discovered as to how the evil one came to leave his previous IT position – hence the legally part. From what my sources have relayed to me- it seems the un-educator is no longer with my former institute of learning. The rumor mill endlessly churns out fine whisperings. Alas none can be confirmed, But, in the spirit of Wrath – the last one had been of involvement with the girls Volleyball team – the activity that took up as much of his interest as making my life miserable. The rumors being just that however - rumors. And now my own tales of secondary education comes to a close. Though my tounge may not reflect the silvery of our Scandinavian Cuisenaire, I humbly submit this tale. And now- a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
[By: Harm]
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A fine tale! I notice the Karmic theme of said tale, his LART t'was indeed earned. -Psudo
Indeed - a story of worth, highlighting the erudition of the old addage - "what comes around..." -lineswine
Ah yes.. I remember you telling me about this Harm. And congrats on the Star today.. and no, your ass is the same size it's always been. -wolfman
And now - a man with a tape recorder up his brothers nose. -flapjackboy
And now... Stereophonic sound! -chazz
I had a similar experiance... I had a VBA class dealing with Access (not at all covering the SQL side of a database...) and a final project worth 50% of the term mark. Many hours of toil went into designing a database app that met all the criteria, but one feature was missing to make the program complete. Many queries were made, and many questions asked. the project was complete except for one little textbox's intial value. The teacher was consulted, and no response was received until the day of the deadline. 10 minutes before submission time, a suggestion was made by said teacher. Disks were read, files were modified, and low and behold, the project was completed, saved to disk, and returned to the teachers office. Alas, the clock on the wall said it was one minute past 5, and the deadline was passed. Said project was not accepted, and said class was failed. Since I was an honors student for every semester, I would not take such a failure lying down. Threats were made, people were called, and finally a meeting was scheduled with the registrar (10 minutes before he was supposed to leave for christmas vacation). It was too late to salvage my grade before the reports came out, but a review committee was summoned, and my marks and projects (which had all been kept) were reviewed, and a near perfect score was decided on. One semester later the teacher quit. -garwain
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152.
Delayed Lart by Proxy pt2
I was on a mission. For the gauntlet was lain at mine sabots! Pick it up I did!
The blades of Wit were put to the wet stones.
My parental Units were contacted – and in utter disbelieve of said educators action – provided him lip service and a mild berating to mineself.
Mine Sires had seen the work of technological wonder I had made, the blood sweat and frustration that was wrought! The battle was lost- but the war campaign merely started! Our next encounter was due to a class absents. For a class mate and myself were caught in the photography lab. With ripped film. For we toiled to develop said strand of cellulite, T’was not unnoticed. Out photography teacher advised he would let the denizen know of our plight, True to his word – he dashed from the lab and tracked down the Dark one.
On returning to class the next day- we valiant warriors were greeted with punishment. “ thou hast missed a class of java theory! I am displeased! Brownnoser Fang, THE RACK!’ (well detention, but whatever). We argued.
we reasoned.
one of us pleaded.
the other stewed in blinding fury. The center of evil stood firm- and handed us 2 days detention.
For a week we held out, stuck to our blades.
After a fortnight, my battle mate caved under the dauntless pressure – and his parents.
I took up my fallen brothers weapons- and valiantly I fought!
Threats were made, Parents called- guidance counselors consulted – while I quietly sat and coded.
The length of the imprisonment was exponentially increased- yet still I refused. Projects were graded with the utmost contempt- Unfairly was I assessed. Alas by the winter solstice- my midterm mark was provided, minus 10% of the Terms grade.
A darkness descended upon the household as the parchment was handed to my sires.
Confused and troubled looks were mirrored in my parents eyes. “ 30%?! In Computer science!? HOW?” My sibling did rejoice of her exemplary reports and commiserated – smiling behind my back. Explanationswere made. Long lectures round the dinner table and Finally, the Parent teacher interviews came round. A time when a good deal of us dreaded the knowledge our parents would gain. Having been a AV tech at the school, I accompanied my parents however parted ways soon after entering the doors to the learning establishment.
Alas- I was eventually found and brought to judgment with the Colon.
My parents did meet with my adversary- My father listened to the Glabrazu spiel – mine mother assessing the shape shifter. Explanations were made of WHY I was so ‘Justly’ graded.
Quiet I was, as the excrement spewed forth. 20 Efin minutes later, mine parents did escape the meeting. Matriarch fuming, Patriarch confounded. As we left the dungeon of the computer lab, my mother was herd to exclaim under her breath “what an asshole!” My father shook his head in disbelief. “Yea, a complete and total asshole.” he agreed . my mother continued to quietly extol his lack of virtue, making reference to the fact he not once looked in her direction. Or, even acknowledged her existence. “SEE,” I exclaimed “ This is what I have had to put up with! 10% off cause I’m a big boy and can handle it? I Would have gone to detention had I been guilty of anything! Ask MR ! He’ll back me up!” Mine Father did declare “ OK he's an absolute Fuck wit - but you Still have to do the work. God, what a waste of human life!” ( slightly paraphrased for dramitic effect)
[By: Harm]
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153.
Delayed Lart by Proxy pt1
Our resident master of the Karving Knives hath sparked a memory of those wonderful high school daze..... For I ( well all of us I’m sure) did battle an ancient and truly evil deamon - but this one was a computer science teacher! (rounds of yays and boos and peanut gallery comments) - T'was grade 11 actually, the year Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-six.
This malcontent had the displeasure of taking a class which - at one point- seemed interesting.
what could be better? a computer class - EZstreet! And yay, t'was so... however having grown up with computers - the first 6 weeks found me bored outta my skull. i'm sorry- but there is not all that much to the Mac OS. Having grown up with C64, trash 80's, and of course - my fathers favorite - apples - 4 weeks of " clicking and dragging" " how to rename a file" and " opening and editing a file" did not exactly sit well. especially since i was doing a co-op at Nortel Networks- and learning UNIX. Our Nick name for said deamon was Colon. t'was not until we go into HTML that I picked up some interest. I had learned the language in a few hours the year previous and thought - OK WTF. Thus begins the darkness.
The demonic Overseer claimed daily of his previous incarnation for the company that produces many desktop publishing apps, many of whice are rarly used anymore - and in his teachings of the sacred HTML, he asked all students to create a ‘web’ page.
However in his infinite wizdum- did not specify size.
For weeks on end our class worked on their pages - tweaking code- finding the sacred " animated GIF's "( i know rather dated) toiling beneath the slave master - as he continued to be puzzled by the keyboard of a laptop. Alas, submission day came due.. and the class was asked to ( i wish i was kidding) EMAIL him their websites.. long story short- his rather limited Inbox crashed badly- taking all our projects with it.
Many of the students rejoiced- as they had not completed the project yet.
We were asked to submit our projects to him on diskette. Thus the problems begin.. I had not actually created a page. I created a site. Literally 150 pages , with Graphics ( I’m an military aircraft buff), tables with the specs, deployment and a write up of the machines.
Producing a ZIP disk to the slave driver – I was met with a quizzical stare “ What be this?” asked the denizen of the underworld, “ Oh kind Sir – Tis the container of Mine Project! – also known as a ZIP disk. Yon magic container doth hold 100 of thine diskettes!” "I will not accept this! As it is not to My specifications!” “ Ok yea.. but you HAVE A ZIP DRIVE!” pointing to the blue drive attached to the Educators machine.” T’is standard issue on all the educator machines- the green LED even indicated power! T’is ready to accept mine magic container of goodness!” And thus the battle began.
The Zip disk was denied faster then a Visa at Tim Horton’s. An ultimatum was made. “ Thine project must be submitted in 24 hours time- Else thou shalt fail in this quest!” Not one to take a challenge lightly (or compromise my work) I did submit a diskette- with a single document on it. A hyperlink.
For mine school had internet access and one of my compatriots had server space. I FTP’ed my site up – and provided the link. Thus the project was submitted. Did I pass? NAY! Twas another example of “tis exactly what I asked for – but not want I wanted!” and thus, a Failing grade was given. Did our purveyor of grief turn the other cheek? HELL, NO!
[By: Harm]
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I would have punched him right in the face. Without hesitation. If I am going to fail, I am failing on my own terms. -RoadDemon
My god, I would have gone balistic. "This is a WEB PAGE, and you won't accept it as such... " -EagleEye
It's teachers like that who usually get pin holes in the brake lines and WD-40 on the brake pads. -kryliss
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154.
Wow- just wow
a customer of ours actually allerted me to this website. it seems he was reseraching why he was unable to send email to some domains. server and connection check out so he was thinking about possible blocks ( i love network admins who think logocaly) here's the site - http://spambag.org - reading how to get off the list is just sick... again URL - http://spambag.org/listing.html - scroll down to the bottom.. Is it just me , or does this just seems completly unreasonable? theoriticaly possible - but theoreticaly a lot of things work.
[By: Harm]
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What's the complaint, exactly? Draconian practices? -namor
What's so hard? Shut down the spammer(s), explain why you ignored previous complaints, put into effect measures to prevent spam, and stop future spams in 24hours. -FredKlein
The answer is - just stop spamming. No more spam, no more list. Simple. -Gerund
the feeling is got was " I"M BLACKLISTING YOU NYAAAA you can't do anything about it NYAAAA" -Harm
Been tried before, fella pulled his website after he was nailed with a defamation lawsuit. This site won't last long either I recon. -LeopardMadcat
The specific issue Harm is talking about, though,is backscatter... and the problem here is twofold. One is that some spamblockers including one that was touted recently as really excellent by /., rely on users unblocking messages. These unblock messages are effectively backscatter. The other thing is that backscatter is _required_ by RFC822 in the event that an address cannot be found. So this guy is saying that if you are fully RFC-822 compliant, you'll be blacklisted. Hmm. I sorta agree with LeopardMadcat -- defamation suit waiting to happen. -chazz
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156.
Then, why are you calling?
first day back from vacation ( 9 days spent between HL2 and Lineage II) so of course the powers that be look down uppon me, and smirk. calls had been normal - untill this one ME : < how may i assit in securing the universe from evil? BLAM! need ammo?.> EU - i was told to call this number. ME : this is < ISP> are you looking for internet service? EU : NO. Me: do you HAVE internet service? EU : NO
Are you looking for the cable TV department? < happens a lot> EU : NO. ME: OK so who gave you our number? EU - the operator ME : WHY?! EU i was told to call this number
ME : BY who and why? EU: i don't know? ME do you have cable TV or cable internet access? or want it?
EU ; NO i have cable TV, i was told to call this number. ME: fine this is ( business ISP) unless you have a business account with us i can not help you with anything.. call the number back and chose 0 or somthing - there should be a option for an operator or somthing. EU : OK bye. ----- i don;t know of a single person/ caller/dog/ cat/Huvallu that actually does what i advise with out questioning everything!?
new breed maybe? if so shoudl we be scared or happy? < happy = Yes sir now plugg in the toaster, thats it.. now touch your tounge to the coils.. yes tahts it.. now get in the shower, yes speaker phone woudl be good :)>
[By: Harm]
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AAAAGGGHHH!!! My BRAIN!!!!! -Amiga5000
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157.
just a little question..
Short little question inspitred by snowcrash's reply to a post.
Show of hands < paws, talons, claws, hoves, ETC), how many of us actually like / love our jobs? AND would you take a pay cut to do a job you really really love?
[By: Harm]
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Please note the lack of my hand rising. -maciarc
I honeslty do love my primary job. And I have turned down higher payed jobs becasue I like the compnay I work for. Its not that I like doing tech support, bt I like the people I work with (co-workers) and the freedom we have to preform our jobs and the room for advancment. -xtc46
he said raise your hands not to put your hands on mousie,lmao -postal tech
I love my job, but would be happy to accept even more money for what I do <grin> -CTYankee
mmmm... I do like my job (currently). I loved my teaching job. But I don't earn enough to be willing to take a pay drop. -Mahal
Liked it well enough to stay during a 5% pay cut. -concept14
I love my job enough to stay with it even if I don't get a pay raise. But I want the money anyway! -ecoli
Right now I get paid just enough to support myself and Paisley from month to month if she should fall on a financial hardship. I wouldn't take a pay cut; we couldn't survive in an emergency if I did. -NightSteel
Well.... Yes and No... I love working on computers, even when it's a pain in the ass (I think most of us here agree with that). The fact that I'm in a retail setting and can't hide from these fuckers makes my life miserable. If I was internal help desk or worked out of a shop for some people running a front, I'd be happier than a pig in shit. -exzyle2k
Love my job. Just got a 3% pay raise. There is a job opening with an 80% pay increase, but in moving to NOVA (northern Virginia) I would actually loose money. -LaserGuru
I love my job, but rather be an instructional technologist for the college (teaching the professors) rather than fixing the nitnoyed email and printing problems the professors have. -mccallister
<raises fin> ...well, love the job, hate the starfish. I was offered my dream job in television a few years ago with much higher pay, doing live overlay graphics for sports events (lots of travel & on-the-fly programming tweaks in Delphi), but I turned it down because it would have meant moving to a different state (and away from my family). This message was brought to you by the "things we wish we hadn't done" dancers. -LadySharky
Love the job. Hate the bullshit bosses/red tape/left hand dont know what the right is doing/counter productive policies and other crap. -burrkiss
love my job, could use more money tho -DedSysOp
I like my job. I couldn't really afford a pay cut. If the company was in trouble and the pay cut had an end in site (AKA until a set profitability was made), I would take the cut. It would also have to have a finite time limit. I won't be jerked around by management. I'd rather take a lesser paying job somewhere else where I was treated better. -scooby111
I love my job, especially since I was just promoted to a supervisor. And I did take a pay cut to get it. -TechnoVampire
Love job, cannot live on pay cut... -HappyCrappy
What job? I don't have one, I'm only 13! -Veinor
Wow! burrkiss described my job! We just got back to normal hours after a month & a half of having hours cut; wouldn't survive if they did again now that it's heating season. I actually have a lot of variety in this job & it's pretty informal. I could make more money if I moved but they'd probably make me wear pinchy shoes & business clothes. -Tekkie
You familiar with the old "Love my country; hate my government" saying? Well, I love my job; hate my customers. -RiffRaff
Like my job pretty well - it's challenging and engrossing most days. I like the group I work with a lot more, though. Couldn't take much pay cut, in these circumstances, but would do it if needed for a while. -namor
Love my job, when I'm allowed to do it; hate the constant interruptions. I'm a programmer by trade, working in the Deep Magic area of kernel-mode device drivers. I have actually cut my hours back, so that I can run away and hide every now and again... -chazz
Love my job, dislike my users. Wouldn't take a paycut. -K1W1
Raises Hand, and looks at hardware purchase order. Love my job especially all the new toys I'll be getting for Christmas. -PID1
I love my job, but think I'm paid 'about right'....If 'offered' a pay cut? You wouldn't see me for dust. -lineswine
I love my job. The only other employee is my boss, and he has another full time job. I own half the company, so I see a direct correlation between my hard work and my income. Most of the users I work with are good fun, and if someone annoys us we have no worries about telling them to sod off. -smellystudent
"pay-cut? i don't speak no technobabble son, d'yer wanna run that by me agin?" I love my job but come on... -Criptonite
I actually do love my job. If I could afford a pay-cut, I'd take one if it was necessary. My boss is really a wonderful guy, and the other people in my department are great. I only have the PHC (Pointy Haired Coworker), but I've managed to keep him at bay for a time. The end-lusers, well, that's part of the job. -TechieSidhe
Like my job (not love, just like), work with (mostly) good people, but take a pay cut to keep it? NO WAY! I'm already paid at the 10th percentile level, meaning 90% of those in this area with the same experience doing the same job are paid more than me. Heck the 50th percentile gets $8-10K/yr more than me. If I had to take a pay cut, I'd quit! (Temping would pay more at that point!) -Captain Trips
[rocking back and forth as if in a trance] I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.... oh look here come those nice men in the white coats again. Time for "treatment" again, huh? -virtualchoirboy
Like my job, and like working with my co-workers. The experience is good on my cv when i come out of Uni. However, the pay is pathetic (4.92/hour!) (Pounds). So, it's ok. I'd take something else in my area which i could fit round uni and use the experience from, but that's hard to find. -trs998
I really like my job as long as I avoid going there totally sober. -Phssstpok
I like my job. I also like to complain about my job. It really works out great. -jard
I actually do love this job, it gives me great scope for causing havoc. And despite all my rants, I do actually like doing training and I am damn good at it. -CommanderData
Love my job, hate my PHB. I'd take a pay-cut if I could fire my PHB. -VIPERsssss
I like my job but don't love it. I would NOT take a pay cut, it's too expensive to live in this area and I'm barely getting by on what I do make. -Starfury
Is there a way to raise my hand to negative integers? -billybien
My hand is stayin' the fark down. -kman52000
Love the job - hate the constant worry of whether I can make a living at it longterm (self-employed). What the hell - it's paying at the mo'.... -Gromit
Pay CUT? I'm having difficulty wrapping my mind around the concept of cutting the pay of someone who already makes so little... (That being myself) -LoTech
I enjoy the money, and some of my co-workers, but for the most part...? Bleh. -Amiga5000
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158.
SPAM footer of the day
checking my hotmail account, AKA spam magnet, i came across a $250 gift certoificate for bed bath and beyond! free no less! wooho!! < riiiight i may have just worken up but i was born long ago.>
before deleting the message i noticed this rather odd footer on the message
here goes -
The United Nations previously said the payments stopped after Kojo Annan left
the firm in 1997.
Earlier this year, it revised that statement, saying the younger Annan received
money through
the end of 1998 under an agreement not to compete with Cotecna in West Africa.
Cotecna had said the payments to Annan were halted when the firm won the
contract to inspect
oil-for-food humanitarian shipments starting in December 1998.
On Tuesday, Bush dismissed concerns about strained ties between the United
States and Canada, thanking those Canadians who turned out to wave "with all
five fingers" during his first official visit.
[By: Harm]
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I's gotta be pulling it off random sites - spam filter have probably wised up to the grammatically-correct nonsense they used to use. -trs998
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159.
Damnit to bloodgutted puss spewing hell!
me :"ok sir, i want you to goto < domain>.com just to make sure we ARE actually online and not viewing cached content of websites." EU " um i'm on this site stating the domain is for sale?" ME < mute> *whipping out credit card* note to self - edit spam list and pay more attention to WHEN domains i register expire * loging into registrar and renewing domain furiousely* <unmute> OK thats odd. If you would not mind holding for a moment while i uh , reshearch this routing issue?..... *entering in CC info and typing madly*
[By: Harm]
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erm, what is that URL again? <BFEG>
-lineswine
You have my sympathy :) I've been there (generally with user accts). -narrowfocus
<stiffling laffter> I almost did that, fortunately i got nudged at the last moment by a colleague. So how did you get rid of the call? Did you tell him it was a config error and that it would take a DNS refresh :)? -Armakuni
What? You didn't get the memo? We're gonna need that domain . . . . -robbor
lineswine - it was o-nine.com its my paintball team website . please i KNOPW the design sucks but it was a quike and dirty job. I've been trying to update it but squabling between members has made it a painfull process. -Harm
Gawd I know how that feels. A short cut is give them the IP address. -Nullifidian
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160.
Real life horor stories.
If we have EVER though our callers were ass backward and brain dead. thank your lucky stars the agent we WORK with have a few more braincells. - and now ... STORIES FROM THE NON TECH QUE! i have a friend thats a sup for a non tech contract. things that had to be delt with ( note these are all from the AGENTS) 2 incidents of " helping to remove a headset from hair" apparently this is a 2 person job. Multiple incidents of " i can't unlock my computer" ( CTRL-ALT-DEL was too technical, we are still wondering how they loged IN in the first place) and the piece de resistance..... HAND STUCK IN POCKET! another 2 person job. agents hand whent IN pocket, however they were unable to remove it. agent FREAKED OUT, and required a manager to help her get her hand out of her pocket. apparently her ring cought the upper part of the pocket and ' push hand down, try again' or 'push hand down, remove ring, pull hand up' was 30 k feet and climbing above this persons head. in the case of some poeple , breading may be WAY out of the realm of possibilities. inserting tab A into slot B would probably requier a minimum of 6 people. i am actually surprised people like this were hired in the first place. HOW did they manager to pass the entrance exam or even sign. their. name. with out moronicaly simple but detailed instructions? point of note - this was ALL TODAY!
[By: Harm]
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My kingdom for a spell checker! -Harm
"30 k feet and climbing." So that's what the V.P. meant when he asked me to give him the 30 thousand foot view? -concept14
Sounds like a fair swap. -Gerund
AWACS here callsign Sky Eye, target identified ar 30 000 feet, engauge at will! -RandalGraves
they must have gotten tired of their old job as a greeter up at the wal-mart. -p3bk4c
they must have gotten fired from their old job as a greeter up at the wal-mart, for incompetence -OgdenTechGuy
Man who keep hand in pocket will get cocky. -rockytech
These stories remind me of the time that I put the cap back on the anacin bottle and accidently caught the web of skin between my thumb and forefinger in the cap, It hurt like hell and I needed someone to line the arrows up on the cap and twist it off.
I thought I would die of embarassment and pain. -THETECHFROMHELL
We get stuff like that here sometimes. People are hired based on customer service experience rather than technical expertise since my employer is of the opinion that you can teach tech, not cust service. For the most part this is a good plan but there is a relatively large turnover because some people just CANNOT be taught how to tech. -Digitalutah
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161.
weeee ! (OT/NT)
our parking lot is being serviced i guess. currently i THInk sealent or some sorta tar / oil mixture is being sprayed, but WHOOO BOY! that stuff gets to ya. after 2 smokes i'm feelin pretty good! last part of the shift is gonna fly! :) i feel sorry for the person that didn't move their car - they aren't going anywere for a while . YAY FUMES! WEEEEEE!
[By: Harm]
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Smoking near where they're spraying an oil/tar mixture - do you have a death wish? -teivrann
it happens to be were the designated smoking area is - 'I' don;t have a death wish... however < message truncated by copertare moral officers> -Harm
what the? umm i guess the proxy server is deslexic... -Harm
Nope, the fumes is gettin' to yer, man... -Gromit
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163.
i didn't need this!
<rant> why, Why, WHY are all my calls fo completly F$cked up so far!? first one is a guy who has a webserver- however doesn't know how to use it , what it does or were their website is? LIKE I HAVE A CLUE!? if you can't be bothered to keep your server admin or know how it works why the heck would i know? you are just one of thousands of callers i have ever spoken to and i am NOT psychic! pstchotic at times but NOT psychic! If half of your computers are able to connect online - but the other half can't, AND no one has a clue how the network is setup I CAN ONLY HELP SO FAR! but thank you for misidentifying the router and disconneting the phone switch. I'm tired, cranky and in no mood for blatent ignorance! smarten the fsck up and leave me alone! AAAAAAHHHHHRG!!!!! </rant> only... 5 more hours to go?! damnit.. when will the stupidity end? ( i know thats a rehtorical question.) sorry - needed to Vent.
[By: Harm]
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as I was reading this, I look out the window and see a full moon. There's your explanation -LiQUidICicle
AW FSCK! thank Liquide.... that makes sense. -Harm
it would explain the calls we've had at work today too. For example, having to explain (4 times) why a phone line needs to be connected to a phone jack in order to get internet. *Sigh* -LiQUidICicle
or why a NIc needs drivers, or WHY its a good idea to set a static ip address on your VOIP system. now how to haerd all these SF into a large area and crash the moon in on top of em. -Harm
Full Moon & Full Lunar Eclipse tomorrow night (for most of US, Canada) - You think today was bad - wait till Midnight Wednesday -satanstech
by tomorrow the SF will be incoherent. -LiQUidICicle
*SLAM* damn - dented the desk. -Harm
Oh f***, not going to work tomorrow. Not with those omens stacked against us. -Wolffarmer
And, remember, the closer to Halloween things get, the wierder they get... still five more days to go... then maybe people will have something more important on their minds for a couple or three days... -MadJack
No, they will be just as weird, but on a sugar high that makes them all but incomprehensible. -Snakeeye
Well that explains the last dozen dumb calls i've had today. Bloody starfish, wish they were lemmings, least we would only have to tolerate them until diving season. -Armakuni
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164.
When is a switch not a switch?
so far i am the only person from my department that has spoken to this one customer of ours.
its a sorority and OH < diety>, do they have problems! i find this just completly strange but
somehow they have 2 switches - netgear switches
that are providing NAT and DHCP ???!!!
the switch model is fs108 and from the netgaer site - this should be a plain switch! WTF? anyone else seen anything like this? if it wernt for the model number i woudl swear it was a router - but no printed right on the device - etehrnet switch- and the product info on the netgear site says its a switch! WTF is going on?
[By: Harm]
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Sorority? Sounds like its time for Harm to do an extended On-Site Visit -satanstech
Bring protection! No telling what kinda viruses are running rampant there. <g> -Bobsentme
only think keeping me from a road trip woudl be lack oof a car - lack of a valid lisence and the 8 hours drive down. -Harm
What's it supposedly providing NAT onto, another ethernet segment? The switch isn't connected into a larger campus network, is it? -karlata
Just had a look at Netgear's site, there's no WAY that thing's providing DHCP or NAT.....it's a totally unmanaged switch - it doesn't even know what IP *IS* let alone how to provide services for it. Either someone's done some very major surgery to it, or another device is providing the services. -karlata
karlata - trust me - i know this but it is . its just fscked. no other boxes other then out gear and the 2 netgear switches. completly fscked up. and IF there is a router no one has any idea were it is. -Harm
Either someone's computer is providing those services, because someone has ICS enabled, or their network is connected to some other device that is doing it (be it a broadband router or a server on campus). -NightSteel
Where's it happening, Harm? Someone here might be local or know someone local who can help them t/s. It's probably gonna be a case of disconnecting everything then hooking it all up one at a time until they find what's providing the services. -NightSteel
Yep, what NightSteel said....assuming all the cables have been followed to verify there's no rogue equipment, I'd be looking for ICS or Wingate, or similar on one of the PCs. Oh, and I didn't mean to go off at you - I just want to know what they've done to those switches if it really IS coming from them! :) -karlata
karlata- all good no worries . well no rogue equipent has been found however someone had been in a few months back and did some "restrcturing" with the switches.
none of the systems are running ICS- it could be possible that someone accidently enabled it - however given we are abe to login to the gateway ip address of 192.168.0.1 and are prompted with a netgear page- thers either a very well hidden router OR the " tech" frankensteined the switches ( verified the device we are connected to are in fact switches - yet they show up in our equipments arp tables as pulling a dynamic ip address to themselves - as a router would. verified the mac id of the device
and the computers are in fact pulling nat ip addresses from the supposed switch. if it was'nt a 8 hours drive - i had a car, and a valid lisence( expired) id do a road trip cuase this i really want to see for myself. -Harm
NightSteel - you in Ohio? if so ill email ya the info. They need a network tech. -Harm
WYTF???!!! i just checked our router again and the switches are no longer listed in the arp?! and its seems the computers are pulling their own Ip addreses from our equipment? this just getts stranger and stranger. i'm calling em to find out WTF they did! -Harm
I'm not in Ohio, but I know a guy who is. I'll contact him, see what he says, and whiteboard you. -NightSteel
The FS108 is a Dumb Switch - or advanced Hub - no NAT or DHCP options - it does not require a IP address, or respond to one. (This is unless someone had modded it, which is very unlikely) -Wonko The Sane
There are 2 posibilities, 1 is some other hardware is doing NAT / DHCP (A more advanced switch) or some fool is using a PC which he had a home with Internet Connection Sharing turned on! - this would do NAT / DHCP and be very hard to find. (I would expect the machine to be running windows XP) -Wonko The Sane
I Did have a problem with a Netgear device - not sure of its model now, but it was a 5 port Switch, with a built in modem - this did NAT and DHCP, had its own IP address. Was used by a Unix System to Download/Upload data to a customer - There was a bug in its firmware, even if you turned off DHCP, DHCP still worked, in the end the quick fix was to set DHCP pool to 2 addresses (The samllest it allowed) and put a 'hole' in the DHCP range on the main server - then set its DHCP to give all the info the main server did. !!! -Wonko The Sane
Did the 192.168.0.1 Netgear page mention any details of the device - Model?, Serial Number ect... -Wonko The Sane
I'm still wondering why no car/license/8 hour drive is a valid excuse for not going to a sorority house. -Bartokk
What Wonko said - I always use Netgear equipment and if it were me I'd have a VERY close look at the web page pulled up via 192.168.0.1. I'm sure you'll find the unit details there and equally sure it's a router with NAT/DHCP services turned on. Then you just need to search the building(s) for a little blue or silver box with some green LEDs that feels kinda warm to the touch..... <g> -Gromit
.....this comment brought to you via www.statethebleedinobvious.co.uk.... -Gromit
Personally, I'm clueless, but if someone does visit this place and it is the dumb switch doing DHCP/NAT can someone takes pictures of it? As this I seriously have got to see. -fearmyroot
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165.
chain of command.
its been a long week. admitedly better the Halo's < i feel for ya dude> but looong. so of course fate looks down upon me, smirks, and hands me my first call of the day. A client had called in a few minutes ago and is currently on hold to speak to tier 3. the previouse tier 2 agent could not get directly through , so offred to put the client into the que. client accepts and is waiting. he's now been holding for 10 minutes . this is unfortunatly normal. the customer is on hold on his other line. and while on hold decides to phone his sales rep, in order to complain. Our sales rep's in his area are just slightly more intelegent that a comatose, retarded slug. these are the people that phone us up to bitch on the behalf of a customer thats been disables for a viral infection, and refuse to clean up their systems. of course all i can do is apologize, offer to TRY to tranfer him however advised as he is waiting on hold, i will to. the client lets me know his sales agent advised him WE are supposed to wait in the infinit hold que with him in tow. RIIIGHT!!! we have an entoier country to service, and a que. if teir 3 cant pick up in 60 seconds, you can wait on hold or wait to be called back. client asks to speak to my sup. fine, however we only have 1 on the center at the moment, and he can't take the escaltion even if he wanted to. Sup offers to call the client back once they can. OK NP reasonable yes? Reasonable to the normal population. NOT THIS GUY!!! after going back and forth with him and explaining why i can't get him to a sup, he wants to talk to someone higher up, my Sups manager. managment has gone home. NO MANAGER FOR YOU!! wants a manger higher up. i calmly explin to him your currently on HOLD to speak to anyone higher up then us. wants to speak to the OWNER of the ISP. yea, well so would I . i try to explain we have no IDEA WHY there is a holding que, there shoudl NOT be a holding que, and politly better people then him < namely us> have been trying to get that answer for months.
the client keeps compleining about how bad our service is, how if you want to sign up , you can reach a sales agent immidiatly < odd, since you have to be transfreed 8 times, then leave a Vmail and you may be called back, once the sales rep learns how to work a phone> and threatening to cancel service, asking for the president of the comany, his boss, his father, the creator of the universer and their insparation. explaining his webserver has been down for an hour and his lousy monthly fee < the LOWEST amount you can pay for our service> shoud entile him to premium service. All the while turning up the music on the speaker phone < other line> so I can hear the holding music. i've heard it befor MANY MANY TIMES! i can just about syn ch up with the voice letting him know about the carrer of the music he's listning to, and what music channel its on. teir 3 picks up on the other line. client decides < wizly i may add> to take up his beef with the agent. on the other line. very rudely disconnetcs with me. i can understand the frustration, hell WE deal with it on a daily basis. but for the LOVE OF <diety> WHy do these people think we can get through any faster then him!! guess what , we all get to call the same line! we hold infinetly, you hold infinetly. and OUR hold music is MUCH worse! suck it up princess!
[By: Harm]
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Because "people" are impatient and stupid. And cheap. -Starfury
And completely self centered. "Why should ***I*** have to wait??" Because EVERYONE else does,too. What makes YOU so special? Why don't you ask everyone else why YOU should wait? Every one of them will ask YOU why THEY should wait for YOU, or anyone else... -MadJack
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166.
another cert bits the dust.
As i said before- its been a bad week. < notes the empty JD bottle, and packs of smokes>. It started off as a normal call,
slow connection.
we find ... OHH packet loss! W007.net!! yay! hmm large amount. we found our problem!
remote reset later, its diminished, and signal levels still low.
one power cycle later and look, signal back to normal-
packet loss is gone! oh joy. well apperently its still to slow. the client puts his tech on the line. well find. you do that. the tech snidly remarks hes a CCNA and an MCSE. for a split second i was about to ask for his MCSE ID ( i dont have one, but my friends do, nice litttle plastic card). Apprently its takes 40 second for the home page to load up. AND? ok well yea that would suck
and normaly i would continue trouble shooting
however the clients have a tiny linksys router
and are currently backing up 22GB of data to a internal server- through the linksys . FROM the machine that hes testing from. gee sparky, youd think the amout of traffic thats over the network - FROM the machine hes on < we checked- its was at 100% network traffic> would POSSIBLY affect the internet connection from THIS PC?? now ii'll admit - i dont have these certs.
BUT, i know from theory, logic, and expirience, the internet connection will be affected by the amount of traffic leaving the system. it seem as well the back up will not be done for another 2 hours! i have to figh the urge to ask how he got said certs and what ass backwards comany would high him as a tech. i'm guessing he;s never seens what traffic can do to a network.. what a virulent virus can do to ones bandwidth, or even how the imagry of a golfball through a garden hose could relate to this. i finaly advise ill keep and eye on the packet loss problem. the tech wants me to update the customer tommorro on our findings and to trouble shoot more with him. hmmm sure. ill get on that right after the hydrochloric acid colon clensing. your a ' tech' you SHOULD be able to do this. in the same call i had to explain packet loss to the ' tech', how it could affect the connection, and why the back up will be taling up network traffic! by the end of the call i find myself with the stunning realisation what so many of my certfied friends are working lousy, low paying jobs. Intelegence, competence and integrady will never win out over Nepotism and fishyness. anyone else remeber a time whane CNNA and MCSE ment you know at least a LITTLE bit about network traffic?
[By: Harm]
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ok the last sentance shoud read " when" and "CCNA" - damn. -Harm
Didn't know it ever did. I had a friend studying for a A+ quiz me from the back-of-the-book. I got about 95%, and I'm convinced the book was wrong on the ones I got wrong, and explained why. -Dj
MCSE == "Would you like fries with that?" CCNA == "Can I supersize that for you?" -DoctorTech
Certs will get you so far. Flash car, good suit and attitude will get you further. -fearmyroot
..but there is nothing like hands on experience. Book work will only get you so far. -Armakuni
my ccna is worth as much as my degree in religion. LOL -TechieSidhe
I guess a CCNA is worthless since McD dropped supersize. -LaserGuru
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169.
you Could hook it up that way but...
or the Sales drone taht couldn't. Insomnia strikes again! while building a file server- this story came to mine ( my mind works oddly) I had a call some months back - a guy who had purchased our services and was trying to network his office. well it IS a cable modem connection- so the reasoning is , oddly, sound. the customer hads thought he could connect our service into his network. all of us know its possible. under the right circumstances. the problem bing - the network was connected with co-ax cable. i for get the proper term for it( unless tht IS the right term) and reasonably - as the cable modem has a co-ax cable into it- the client thought they could by pass the modem - and connect the cable directly into the co-ax connector on a network card. i had to explain to him this was not possible, as the modem is a NEEDED prt of our service ( i have yet to see an internal cable modem- if anyone has, please send me a link) unfortunatly - the now wiser customer said " but the sales person told me it would work and we wouldn't need any other equipment." - que me apologizing lso the numbnuts of a sales drone- and have to eplain the modem woudl require and ethernet connection into the network. the customer understood- was not pleased, but understood. i swear our sales drones will say anything to gte a sale ' WEll Mr. Griffin, what seperates our bank from other banks is other banks are Banks!, now if your just sign here..'
[By: Harm]
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Sounds like thinnet. Kind of network I originally set up the first time. Temperamental. But yeah, I'd just get into why it's called a mo-dem. -namor
i've seen the internal variet of cable modem, have to track down the manufacturer name at work to get any info on it off the web, but someone might beat me to it. -rhiannon
Hmm. Cable modem is F connector, yes? I don't know of any network that is an F-connector... connect 75-ohm RG-62 to 50-ohm RG58-A/U? I don't think so. Yeah, most likely he was wired with RG58-A/U, Thinnet, or Cheapernet (all the same stuff, just different names)... or if he was running a really ancient network, it was Arcnet and 75-ohm RG59-A/U. Either way, it's BNC connectors for networking, not F-connectors... and I bet the stupid salesman even sold him an F-to-BNC adapter. -chazz
Co-ax? Coaxial is thicknet not thinnet. Needs a transceiver (usually 15pin DIN from memory but I might be wrong - it was a long time ago). I've got NICs with co-ax ports - but they're old. Coax building cable is probably for something like an AS400 or S/36. Thinnet was BNC - we used to link peer-to-peer WFWG networks that way. All obsolete , unless you ahve a mainframe around. -jedidiahstott
mmm i networked my school library with coax. Why the fuck anyone would do it these days is beyond me. -modeski
I think you could run token-ring with coax. Otherwise I've only seen it for mainframes. He should be able to hook up but will need extra equipment. -thx1138
Jedidiah - both 10 base 5 (a.k.a. Thicknet, backbone, hosepipe) & 10 base 2 (Thinnet, cheapernet) are co-axial cables, as are tevevision & CATV cables. This refers to having an inner conductor & an outer braid (or two) with a dielectric material in between them. 10 base 5 was usually connected via a transceiver (as you rightly put) whereas 10 base 2 connects to the PC directly. -lineswine
Zoom makes an internal cable modem havn't seen it used much though -Newfie
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/a-c/zoomtelincab.html -madonnac
Token-ring originally used some oddball funky cable, and more recently regular UTP. I've never seen coax token-ring. -chazz
Some older hubs, 10 Base T (RJ45 plugs) also had a BNC socket on them (10 base 2) - so that could be used as a bridge between networks... -Wonko The Sane
I like this site. Has the Zoom internal on it as well. I think Motorola made 1... Like literally 1. Bad idea to have a Internal modem. Ive been hit with lightning but only the TVs got fried.. Hmmm, through the Coax maybe.
http://www.neotechcc.org/cablemodem.htm -YellowDart
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170.
BOFH moment.
friday was an interesting day. 10PM est. i have about an hour left on my shift and i wanna get the hell outta work. *BEEP* thers a younger sounding caller on the line - informing me he is trying to get his XBox online- and had called Xbaox- and was informed to call the LAN admin to open ports. "OK, so?" inform him we dont support Xboxes ( how many businesses have xboxes?) but i may be able to help. ask if this is for a commercial account, he first tells me its a residential account ( happens all the time) so i am giving him our residential number when he informes me , hes at his dads business, trying to hook this up. QUE BOFH MODE! donning his super cool sunglasses of Apathy, and dusting of the tome of LARTs +2, our hearo digs in " ahh i see, how are you connected to our service then" tells me its an ethernet outlet - possible its wired directly to our device" "OK how many ther net ports do you have in the business?" more then 3 is the answer - ok now im pretty damned sure this aint my problem- lets see werre this goes shall we? ask him to find the cable device - he doent know were it is - i ask if he father knows- yes his father might, is his father around? well no.HMMM me thinks sonny is trying to take advantage of his father business gaer while daddy's away. " ok well we need to know what that device is, so i can tell IF any poprts are bloked, woudl you be able to call him?" kid says yes, some mumbling and a frantic searcjh by he and his friend to find our gear. " well i can stay on the line while you call your father about this." OHHH they found a closet with some stuff in it. his friend tells him he found the modem " what does its say?" voice dripping with venemous honey. " linsky wireless broadband... " no thats not the device, ours will be attached to it" names off more network stuff - then finaly our cable modem - single ethernet port. AHH i see. WELL taht modem does not have any ports blocked to it. or to the router - the router woudl need to be configured in order to pass traffic to your XP - IF it has an ip address. now he wants me to help configure the linksys - were i in a good mood - maybe. nicking out and irritated- he has a better chance of making it with Tyra Banks, Jerri Ryan and Joleine Blaylock simutaniously. " your have to call linksys, or view their website." que more needping ( now hes pissing me off) ask him who setup the network? apprently someone his dad hired - calmly, using a tone of voice that remionds my co-workers of a black widow spider picking up a mate/meal, that IF the default password was not changed- he MAY be able to do the port forwarding himself- however as we have no idea what is running ON the network- we dont want to fark anything up- and to contact linksys, or view the website,. more neeping - advise the only other way woudl be to hook the exbox up into our cable modem directly- power cydle the cable modem and restart the xboa- and this shoudl work. end call - send customer survey to father with descuption of what his son called us for. i have a feeling dad will be comming into the office monday- to find his connections been fucked up and his cable modem disconnected- or worse yet- linksys config fucked up. If the mice wanna play while the cats away- make DAMNED sure your dont have to call the big bad tech. well inform the cat as to what you were doing :)
[By: Harm]
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gotta profe read better- or sleep. -Harm
Nice LART! I hope the Dad comes down on him like a tonne of bricks. -LadySharky
Good Lord. I hooked up my Xbox to my network and it worked flawlessly. If someone had messed with my network, jury-rigged as it is, I'd have their <insert gender-specific procreative faculties here> -namor
excellent -burrkiss
Ah, my eyes! I appreciate insomnia is to blame, but I'm gonna have to insist you start typing your stories in word, spell check them, then paste them here, or it's the LART of spelling +3 for you. -paranoidepiphan
paranoidepiphan - i know,i know. Ill do then when i post from home. < makes saving throw for 1/4 LART damage> -Harm
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171.
anger managment issues.
Its sunday - and the only 'day' shift ive had in a month- and from the looks of things it will be a while befor i get another one.
i am SO FUCKING TIRED of getting this fucknugget assholes that lie through their fucking teeth to me.
i just had a 'computer technician' call and let us know our cable modem was " fried" usb connection - into windows me.
trouble shooting done? fucking nothing! what kind of computers tech doesnt bring any equipment over to test a USB port? all he did was hook the modem into each port - and when nothing happned he call us! i mean fuck - like the USB ports may be fried? oh you checked the device manager. and its says its OK there? oh, well we all know windows is always thruthfull and works like a dream! oh and no second comptuer to try? WTF! you call your self a TECH?? you cant even hook a USB mouse into the ports? jeez. must control.. temper... must... not.. reach through and stangle people! calling me on a weeknd - when i havent even had breakfast ( ohh look my mcmuffins still here- in the wrapping) or a coffee, or ANY kinda caffiene will be dangerouse to your continued existance.
[By: Harm]
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giant foam starfish, and just beat the crap out of it. that or any sort of plushie and some push pins instant voodoo doll -rhiannon
after monthes of evening shifts- thsi one day shift has put me in a psychotic mood. and and it doesnt help all these residential account lie to be and say - yea im a business- i work from home. -Harm
Heh you should've told the tech "well it worked fine yesterday." I would've. /snicker -Jerbear
If the (Universal Creator) had wanted me to get up at Dawn, he/she would have the Sun rise at Noon -satanstech
I feel your pain. After months of late swing/graveyard shifts, I am now the morning operator 3 days a week. (Still "late swing" shift the other day.) (BTW, at least I have 4 10-hour day workweeks.) I feel like a zombie this morning, it is 6:45 and I have been here since 3:30. -Captain Trips
(((((KARMA and HUGS))))))) -TechieSidhe
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173.
self important explitive
one of my last calls - we support hotel internet conncetion ( some hotels- and we install everything) Guest calls up - gets a co-werker. coworker is working on the issue - and about to have it escalated to our network dept (one fucked up issue) - and the guy hangs up while on hold. few minutes later i get him. OF course the guys around me are laughing. the guest goes on how the last tech didnt know anything ( just cause the guy has an indian accent- i HATE this) - i get the old ticket and am about to copy past it - the guy starts telling me hes a 'CIP' < insert my silence here> ME: "and?" guest starts asking if its cisco equipment - " NO, no its not" G: "well what type it is?" ME " Ours- propriatary" G: " well its not a DNS issue as everyhing does resolve properly - but i can get a ping responnse from any IP adress or domain" ME: yes- i know this. - the gateway server seems to be a bit scrambled" G: " well power cycle the modem" ME: this has nothing to do with the 'Modem' as its only a gateway and i'm loged into the server - connetion is fine- server is wonky" guest starts asking more questions and trying to trouble shoot the issue - after i keep shooting him down he comes up with < in a rather condecending voice>" Well YOUR the TECH" yes yes i am - and i KNOW what the problem is and our network department is going to have to look over this - NEVER try to trouble shoot a system you know NOTHING about - do NOT try to go over my head, it will only make the sickening THUD of your sudden stop all the more pleasurable. its not like this person is even paying for our connection- its just a fucking perk about staying certain places.take your self important and better then thow attitude- and shove it. DO NOT SECOND GUESS THE TECH! i will come down on thee with great vengance and SQUIRRELY RATH! hmmm room servce for all charged to you rom , and 2am 3:49, 4:11, 4:20 and 526 am wake up calls for you
[By: Harm]
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wo... de ja view??? -duckhead
yeah, looks like ya done posted it a second time there -OgdenTechGuy
They changed something in the Matrix -RedSwingline
Mister And-er-son, welcome to Rivendell. -GPF
I was once interviewing a guy and while showing him around the operations center, and giving him an overview of the network, he started telling everyone how to do it better. Needless to say he didn't get the job, but the funny part was he quickly showed that his certs weren't worth the paper they were written on. -Hellion
If I couldn't troubleshoot systems I don't know anything about, I'd find the job too easy and switch to something less stressful (like Airport Controller, or bomb squad technician...) -garwain
damn- ok that was odd... it seems there may have been a shit in the space time continum. note to self - stop playing with the fabirc of time. -Harm
< looks at avbove horrid spelling mistakes> OK i've pretty much blown that reply up- < thud> its gonne be one of those days..... -Harm
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174.
Guiness world records.
Previouse recents replies to my post made me think this up.
Guiness book of world records < the TV show> is showing the records for the ' longest strand of spaghetti blown out ones nose' oddley enough the contentant was NOT reading TSC. for shame guiness. for shame!
[By: Harm]
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We could go for the most monitors sprayed or the furthest distance spewed! Happens all of the time on TSC! -ecoli
Or most hairs ripped out of heads when dealing with SF's -Torinir
Most bruises to fists and heads from banging in frustration on desks. -THETECHFROMHELL
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175.
question..
just how dependant on technology are we? Ive been discussing this with a friend of mine for some time now. how many of us would be lost without our Cell phones , PDA's or laptops? i recently lost my cell for a week ( in my parents van after a sunday dinner) and due to this could not call a damned person as i have no clue what their phone number was (all progrmed into the phone) - now heres the debate - have technological advanced forced us to rely so heavaly on our electronic devices? or have we become less self sufficent due to the convinence of our gadgets? episode with the laptop as well as the " loss" of my cell poped this into my mind. thoughts?
[By: Harm]
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Don't even joke about that man...if we lost our technology we'd be plunged into total anarchy and instantly become a third world nation, much like depicted on the tv show "Dark Angel" Mmmmmm....Jessica Alba.....huh? wha? What was I talking about? -Darth
Jessica Alba. this is a good reason NOT to plunge the world into anarchy??? -Harm
I'm the only one in the world who doesn't have a cell phone, it seems. And my life is so much happier. -Mushroom
Just a different sort of reliance - back before cel phones, we all had "address books" and we were still screwed when we lost them. -valkyrja
to be honest it's quite an old debate, would we survive in the stone/dark age and would our ancestor from that age survive now? I like to think that if all technology stopped working right now there would be anarchy but those with common sense and the brains to figure out how to get things done (get a fire going and such) would end up on top of the food chain; although I'd hate to be the leader of a tribe of starfish :-/ Still not like technology is going to fai ***NO CARRIER*** -fearmyroot
Redundancy. I have an IPSEC connection to the office so if my address book (on the PDA) got lost, I would still be able to get the information from both the office and home machines. But yeah, I'd be mildly lost without all the gimmicks and gadgets... but it would sure be quiet. -chazz
Bosses would never let me leave the office in case the system went down, So yeah I couldn't live without my mobile & PPC Although I'd like to especially on Sundays :-) -PID1
Bosses would never let me leave the office in case the system went down, So yeah I couldn't live without my mobile & PPC Although I'd like to especially on Sundays :-) -PID1
Must be getting old starting to repeat myself :-) -PID1
To answer that question, just go to a supermarket or fast food joint during a power outage. Business completely shuts down. These kids can't even use a calculator properly because they are accustom to computers doing the math for them. And like Musheoom, I do not own a cell or pager or PDA, so I could probably survive in the given scenario, but I would have to find a very different line of work. -Dcadiman
I enjoy going minimalist camping. In other words. Carrying next to nothing and living off the land. A tech break down woud wipe out my enourmous debt. Lets get on with the anarchy. (atleast for a few weeks.) -ewspy87
Mushroom, you aren't the only one without a cell phone. Also, don't have voice mail/answering machine, and will regularly unplug my phone when I don't want to be bothered. It's funny how many people are totally confused by a busy signal these days. -attilathehen
I love going to the grociery store during network outages. It's so fun to watch these register jockeys try to count change. Remember the good old days when calculators were not "required" for math classes, and the thing is.. it's the same damn math that I learned and I had to do it manually.. on paper, with a pencil.....? -kryliss
dont forget if technology shut down it would be the end of society. These fish cant live 5 minutes without the internet and email. We who have and use our brians would have no problem surviving. I guess it would be fun to watch the starfish fight to the death. Kinda rmeinds me of the twilight zone monsters of mapel st episode. -Servo
Forget about the cell phones and PDA's. I'm lost if I forget to put my watch on in the morning. I am forgetting meetings and ariving late for work. I'm a mess with out my stuff. -jard
Personnally I think that the human race could survive w/out technology.... but why would we want to??? -duckhead
I have both a cell phone and a PDA, but the PDA is really just an electronic replacement for the notepad that I used to carry around with me to write lists on. I usually spend the weekends sans technology, and none of my hobbies require electricity. But I'm weird that way. If my husband goes too long without checking his e-mail, he starts to twitch. -pixel
I couldn't live without my LaptOp and my car >=) -LowLevelFormat
actually wouldn't affect me (though I love gadgets) because I can use my brain and reason to do things... I also know how to find information and make/repair things -srteach
I lived for 4 months without a phone and 9 months without the internet or a car. I survived by drinking heavily. I could live without a phone again and even a car but never without a computer online. I'm the type of person that when the power goes out I figure I will just microwave dinner (d'oh!). I rarely watch tv so that wouldn't bother me at all. -frprinterwiz
In a few weeks, the wife, kids and I will make our annual trek to the "family" cabin in the Adirondaks (massive heavily wooded park for non-US folks). No tech, no cell signal, no tv, running water is in the river out front. It takes a while to catch up once I get back, but it helps me keep the rest of my life in perspective. -virtualchoirboy
No cell phone, No laptop. Only 4 home PC's to play games. I happen to memorize phone numbers the old fasioned way. -YellowDart
i lost my internet connection i'd read a book, i lost it due to no power i light a candle then read a book (i have enough candles in my apartment to where it looks like i have lights). i lose my cell phone and i'm hosed, thats my only phone, i already had it and get cable free from my company so i saw no point in paying extra for a land line. so yes and no, some of the gadgets i like (love) having (being able to call for directions when i get halfway thru them and get lost is a good thing) and some i can live without -rhiannon
Farnham's Freehold? -Hellion
Ah yes -- Bridge Lessons! -BobP
Our dependence is voulentary. I am perfectly happy writing real paper letters and talking to my next door neigbors in person. I prefer book to tv anyhow, and while I like to take my laptop with me on long trips (my wife usually drives) a sketchbook works just as well. Perhaps my view is an abberation though. You see, I didn't grow up with much technology (again, this by choice. I'm still a year away from being thirty, so it certianly existed in my youth I simply didn't take advantage of it) and that translates to how I choose to live as an adult. -Mathias
I can live without TV, it's not important to me. I'm getting adjusted to no net connection. I can't live without the cell cuz it's my only phone and it has internet access to check my e-mail. -Zayda
Let the Mushroom's Unite! Format World! In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. -AniMaL
Without technology? I'd be ok without my computer and all it's games. I'd make up for the boredom by going around with my AK-47 and collecting food from the starfish. -TekkGeek
I would be okay if technology stops. Anyone remember the episode of Dilbert where they were plunged back to the Renaissance due to a satellite failure? The only ones who were able to prosper were all the Ren Faire folk. Well, I am one of them. I LOVE living without technology. (BTW, the PHB was wrong about mead -- it is delicious!) -Captain Trips
Mead rules ( my house mates a damned good one) Swords rock, and i know how to make chain maille, how to use belows and an anvil to shape and make plate. when drunk ive been known to slip into old english to impress women. < looks over collection ogf medevil weponry> ironic how i bought all this stuff off Ebay. -Harm
I've only had a mobile phone for about 2 months now, and only a few select family members know about it, so most of the disruption it causes in my life is just remembering to recharge it every week. As for the loss of tech, I'm not sure what I'd do all day if I didn't have my daily online routine. -Splunge
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176.
GREEN TIME !! huzah!!
i'm not sure WTF is happening - but usually round here evenings are quiet!
its now about 10 PM est and i FINALY have some green time!! calls are back to back!! theres nothing going on on our networks anywere- but i am getting calls about everything under the sun! is this national " ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF TECH SUPPORT" day? was something realsed into the water supply?
we've been slamed all day (with the exeption of the 2 hours that was by first call) anyone else getting this? all i want is a pack of smokes and a bottle of JD right now.
[By: Harm]
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It was stedy in spurts today.. in general annoying -rockytech
yes, it's been hopping here today. My guess is that I'm paying off some bad karma that I've had built up. It's the only excuse I can think of! -CarbonTetra
We had an access number asplode... other than that today has been pretty tame. -Jerbear
tell me about it 11pm est and we are sitting 10 in, we were the same last night till i left at midnight, whats with these people -rhiannon
I like green time. Are we refering to golf or herb? -Beeker
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177.
WARNING: Mac lovers MAY hate this.
Note - the following link is intended for those with a sense of humour. i do like macs- have grown up with em- but this is GREAT - WARNING - put down all beverages, food, possible cigarettes and other smokables. i am not liable for spaghetti being turned into sinus floss. - http://www-edlab.cs.umass.edu/~ahelblin/misc/mac.html
[By: Harm]
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I've seen it before. Classic windows user's new MAC-itis. Very funny. -scooby111
I've got the MPG format of that saved on my hard drive. It's great to revisit once in a while. "You idiot! You own a Macintosh!" has become something of a mantra in our office. :~} -RiffRaff
my neighbors are gonna kill me, its 130 am and i'm laughing so hard i almost fell out of my chair, "YOU IDOIT YOU OWN A MACINTOSH" its got a handle, so you can tie a chain to it and use it as a boat anchor. "i've killed my inner child" -rhiannon
on this vein, makin fun of the Mac commercials, i saw an animation once that was anikin skywalker doing a "darkside commercial" a friend found it over on new grounds, and when they updated i couldnt find it anymore. i'd like to find that again, if anyone has any info would be appreciated. -rhiannon
thats just classic! :P (no pun intended.. honest! =)) -Mephiston
rhiannon
- this it? http://www.pixelred.com/switch.htm -Harm
hey rhiannon, you mean this? http://www.pixelred.com/switch.htm
I would also link to http://www.fuckinggoogleit.com/ , but I'm not that mean (it was top of the list when i googled anakin commercial) -Shaede
dammit, Harm, you snuck that through while I was being sarcastic.... -Shaede
i am the google master!!! -Harm
after having had to use my GF ancient iMac all week, i comiserate with this. <walks away ranting about mouse buttonS (at LAEST 3 and a fucking WORKINg SCROLL) and horrible small keayboards> -Harm
Has anyone else seen the "ALERT! I AM A FUCKTARD" apple switch parody? Check it out here: http://kokoloko.resnet.tamu.edu/webfolder/truth_bsod.wmv -kokoloko
thanks guys thats the one i was lookin for -rhiannon
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178.
data recovery
few weeks back - and ex house mate brough her laptop over to the house for repairs. Not such a bad idea. her ex bf is still a house mate - so she didnt want him to touch it ( wize move as i'm usually the one fixing what he farked up) - other tech house mate goes over the system - and fr some reason ( that im still not clear on) has to reformat it - no prob - throw it on the network - back things up - nuke and pave. seems simple right? well yea it is - however- he made a small mistake - forgot to back up the ' my documents' folder- honest mistake and he swore he got it ( late night trying to fix it) fast forward a few days - she gets the laptop back - newly paved- missing her docs folder - and about a year of university notes( need for the next year) - she loses it - curses a blue streak - goes up one side of EX BF and down the other. EX calms her down and lets her know we ( ME) may be able to fix it. search around for recovery software - i have a friend that finds a good one - trial edition only (ONTRACK) i get her laptop over here today ( as i am the only one she now trusts with any systems) scan the system - find everything - get the full copy - recover the contents of her hard drive ( 20 G) onto my system - burn what she wants and boom - all good. crisis averted- ex BF thinks hes looking better to her - i am now owed a crap load of booze and i have this nifty little program. elaps time to make sure we have everything - 1 hour ( includding testing diffrent scanning options), time to recover mising files to my system - 3 hours, elaps time to burn what she wants - 10 minutes, recovery time total - 4h 10m.
gas to get to my place - more or less $5, data recovery program - $200, $/H - half a case of strong bow, recoverying pr0n of a HDD i formated 6 monthes ago- priceless.
[By: Harm]
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dude, if you got the stuff off the net, you couldnt find it again or what? i could have sworn every guy i know told me the internet is the p0rn mecca, or are we talking rarities (wouldnt rather do it than watch it, but hey thats just me) -rhiannon
uh, thats would rather do than watch actually, darn brain wasnt focused on typing anymore i guess -rhiannon
some of em i wasn't able to find again. -Harm
the GF has been away for 2 weeks - and sometimes, ya just need pr0n. If for no other reason to remind me of my single days. (some were ultra rare too) -Harm
you'd rather do porn than watch it? *impish grins while running for cover* -Mephiston
< builds bunker> < grabs camcoder> should the comment be ignored ( due to mind not working), or should i start rolling? - meph keep the door open..... -Harm
said it to wolfprince i'll say it again i'm young, i'm single, and i could always use the cash. only reason i wouldnt is that last thing i need is my dad crusing the internet and finding it. -rhiannon
Note to self - take out her dad... uh, I mean... -namor
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179.
Free BEER?!
its that time of year again up north. Canada day has come again and to all those that dont have to work today- Raise a toast to all of us that have to, and miss out on the celebration. On my way to the bank with a house mate i was told a tale that covred all the emotional highs and lows. a short and simple story that will touch each and every tech out there. apprently while i was at work - not a stones throw away from my house was an awsome event. involving a truck- rather attrctive people ( think any beer commercial) and yes, the 2 words that touched me so - FREE BEER! apprently said truck and attractive people were giving away vouchers for 1 FREE BEER to all those of legal drinking age ( 19 here) and that could answer a skil testing question- the answer being 17 as each person was advised.
of course legaly Beer cannot be given way in public places for free... however this all took place right outside the LCBO and beer store. Im really starting to hate my job right now. it just cost me a FREE BEER!
[By: Harm]
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yes but think you should be getting holiday pay, which is bonus money in my paycheck, thats a reasonable amount of beer (also pays to have a really low tolerance lol) -rhiannon
True... but FREE BEER!! how offen does this happen?? how offen do you walk down teh street - and encounter free beer!?! -Harm
Every weekend. My parents have beer left over form parties because they don't drink just the rest of the family does. -Goofy
Ok OTher then family related- or friends places- of friends buying a round -how often... is BEER being offered freely, by people you have never met in your life. -Harm
"ok, aside from sanitation, education, policing and the highways, what have the romans ever done for us!" /life of Brian =) -Mephiston
Is that "free" as in "free beer"? or ... oh, well .. nevermind. -B2382F29
I'd chime in with my stories of how people have offered me free beer or wine when I take my clothes off, but that would be off topic here. -concept14
In Heaven, there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. And when we're gone from here, Our friends will be drinking all the beer." -Answerboy
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181.
anyone wann help settle a bet.
ok after the ST vs SW debate, i need some help. ive had a VERY long standing bet going on a certain SW matter.
here goes
are Wookies and Ewoks in ANY way related.. i KNOW they are diffrent star systems and diffrent species.. however there is a certain someone who will not belive me.
first one to mention the lucas interview gets larted.
< the bet is with my ITiT GF>
[By: Harm]
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Showing my geek-ness here, but if you want to go by the canonical stuff there's simply no way to tell. If you include expanded universe there's no way in hell, I will not get into the reasons why, there are too many. As for the ST vs SW debate, its just entertainment take it or leave it :) -DarthLuke
Damnit, Harm, I'm a techie, not a doctor! Oookay. The answer has to be a big fat "No way of knowing." In favour of relationship: They are both furry, and alive, and they show certain similarity of feature. Against: There is no commonality of physical planet of origin, there don't appear to be any common linguistic roots, and there seem to be other physiological differences. Query: Would you consider dogs and bears to be related? Because, CyBear and JerBear's protests (if any) aside, there seems to be at least as much physical similarity between a Labrador Retriever and a black bear, as there is between an ewok and a wookiee. </Geek mode> -chazz
Wookies are from Kashyyyk (check spelling), Ewoks from Endor. Different planets should make it VERY unlikely that their related. -pmillipede
Yeah, but Leia's half-atooine and Half-Naboo and Han's Corellian, and they are presumably the same species... so different planets don't preclude them not being related.... -Shaede
dammit, that said half-Tatooine when I typed it...who stole my T? -Shaede
Actually ewok are from one of the endor's Moon if I recall correctly :) -NINJAMC
I bet that if you win you ain't getting any. -LaserGuru
*runs away with Shaede's T* -teivrann
I thought they were in a obscure way, I just cannot remember how they were related. This is a monumental help im sure. -burrkiss
Well since the Ewoks were still a primitive species and incapable of stellar flight. The only way they could be related is if the Wookies were capable of flight hundreds of years ago and a group was stranded on the planet. The through evolution they evolved into the ewoks. -MightyMouse
I seam to remember reading something about the ewoks being a younger stage of a wookie. Sorta like the pupal stage of an insect. -Hellion
well LG -its a catch 22 situation.. if i win - im sleeping alone - if i lose... well i lost :/ -Harm
An Ewok is what you get when you wash a Wookie and it shrinks... ;) -Wonko The Sane
Let's keep in mind that this debate has it's roots in early drafts of the SW scripts. Originally teh ewok roles were actually going to be wookies, then the PR department decided savage teddy bears would be more marketable. -Mathias
Ummm....bears and dogs are related. http://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/expeditions/treasure_fossil/Fossils/Specimens/amphicyon-ramoceros.html </nerd> -VIPERsssss
OMG I seem to remember modding a thread like this a few years back on forums.starwars.com ... Let the fur fly! -Zentar
Firstly - it's spelt Wookiee </pedantry> Secondly, although the films did not confirm a relationship, one of the spin-off books (not by George Lucas) did imply that they were related, similar living habits eg tree-top rather than forest floor. It's probably never been confirmed either way. -K1W1
Of course they are related by the simple fact that neither Wookies or Ewoks actually exist - they are both the product of a scriptwriters' imagination.
Now go & get a farking life! -lineswine
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182.
well now she knows.
My Girl friend has been having problems for apparently years with her yahoo account.
apparently only 1 person can send her email to her yahoo address and everything esle bounces out.. so - being on the phone with her and trying to email her pictures of her new kitten ( hence forth refered to as not-a-puppy) i decide to help her out... login to her yahoo account- go over settings.. find the problem " honey... your yahoo.CA.. not yahoo.com" send pictures over... stay loged in to veruify they arrive.. log out. have her login. " helps if i give people the right address then eh?" yup... we'll shes learning .. but has been made the in house IT person at work.
[By: Harm]
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sucks for her. if you *REALLY* love her, keep your cell phone on vibe. she *will* be calling you. -omegawolf
Yippee! I KNEW Canucks used "Eh?" at the end of questions, but would never admit it. (Does she say "aboot" too?_ -lineswine
ok lineswine, wha' ya'll gonna go and star-e-o-type peoples like thet? I is frum Texas, and we don't tawlk nuthin' like them thar's star-e-o-typin' thangy... -duckhead
Education for you Americans who don't already know: Taking into account that English is a Latin language that draws heavily on French influence (thanks to the constant wars between the two countries) Canadians are actually pronouncing the words the proper way, while Americans pronounce words the Germanic way. Hence why when my customer's see "cyan" they don't think of a soft c, despite the gazillions of word rules and grammar they should have learned, they see a hard c, hence cayenne. (Sigh) I'm preaching to an empty choir box, aren't I? -Dragones
Presumably that's a hard C as opposed to a floppy A, a CD-ROM D, or a network F.....<runs from expected grammatical LART, giggling> -Gromit
Ok americians make fun of us for saying "eh" but they say "huh" all the time.
-Feria
and we australians just laugh at you all ;) -elf
Feria - don't forget about "I'll tell you what" down in the Southern states -BhodiLi
Don't even start on the southern states, I (unfortunately) live in one. On top of that I live in Hickville, USA if there ever was one. Tennesee doesn't even have this many stupid damn red-necks.... thank god most think I hail from New York or somewhere waaay north. -kampfer
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183.
any others?
i just ran across a bizzar business name.. " Hot Buttered Elves"
i don't know what they do, i don't think i want to know unless its a bakery...
[By: Harm]
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AAAGGHHH! My eyes!!!! Nooooooo!!!! -hkypipe
Maybe Santa's little helpers run their own business in the off season! -Bobsentme
ok im searching this on google now -Feria
I can beat that, but I won't touch it - in Roseburg, Oregon, there's a sandwich shop called "Between the Buns." Special sauce, indeed. -Skylark
North Pole escort service? -DashRendar
<Has sudden erotic fantasy involving a scantily-clad Liv Tyler and a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"> -RiffRaff
Actually, as far as I can tell, "Hot Buttered Elves is the name of an alt band. -stpatience
were live there's a place called "lic-a-chic", kind like a KFC. -viciousTech
I was behind a truck one day that said, "Hanlin's Liquefied Chicken". A small disclaimer at the bottom said, "Not for human consumption". No shit. -figglywig
vicious reminded me of a chicken finger place that used to be around here, for all of about a year - "Mother Cluckers." Their motto was "Give us a buck and we'll give you the finger!" -kman52000
Hey Riff, as long as you're fantasizing ya might as well go for the real stuff <throws out "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"> :) -Hellion
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184.
there goes my bus...
5 minutes till home time.. sens vs leafs puck drop in 10..
and BEEP BEEP! well we have a guy sending us a netcast of the game. no biggie. guest trying to use our high speed in a hotel.. oddly enough our modem does have lan light on it.
this guys is adament hes running windows 97 * cue alarm bells and the dispointment of not seeing puck drop*
well the rooms are high speed connections and he has an " extension cord" so he can use the computer on the bed * i dont wanna know*
apprently hes used high speed connetions in hotels once before. and this cable worked apprently.
20 minutes of trouble shooting and hearing " yup my support guys get me to do that too!"
we find out that
A - hes been using dial up for good knows how long ( AT&T still does dial up??)
B-its NT,
C - hes using a RJ11 cord to hook into RJ45 socket ( found out by having him count the copper contacts on the end of the cord) ,
D - there is no NIC on this machine,
E - the PCMCIA card ( that he took out of a booted up and currently running machine) is a fax modem,
finsh call.. realised i have missed my bus... only missed the first 5 minutes of the 1st and had the staisfaction of having to tell the client to " call you support people to find out if you HAVE a NIC"
and he happily decide to forgo them and just use the dial up.
fine..
i owe this persons support people a 24 of keiths... they deserve it / need it.
For all those that wanted to kow were the rum's gone.. its currently acompanying the coke in this tall glass :) * sens over leafs 4-1*
[By: Harm]
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World Junior's a few years ago... we couldn't get anything on the game on radio or anything, so I ser up my TV Card in my Windows machine, piped the output through Winamp to an Icecast server on my linux box for the sound, and put it on a port accessible to our proxy. Bit laggy, but it was something to do... <what, me, geek?> -namor
Namors comment reminds me of "Waynes World" where they are trying to beam Cassandras' performance into the Big Guy's limo.... -lineswine
Damned Sens! <grumble, grouch "stupid coaching decisions by Quinn!" grouse, complain, mumble> -SwedishChef
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185.
someones getting fiiired!
however not me. damn.
we are a cable ISP however we offer a dial up solution. the only problem is they have to download a little dialer program to their system to connect properly ( makes life easy on us techs)
well i get a call from a nice woman who is on vacation. it seems befor she left, her office assistant setup the dial access - tested it and advised her it does work.
well she called in previously and talked to another tech. seems they were disconnected and hes gone home ( lucky SOB)
serveral minutes o' trouble shooting ( since we arent getting a hand shake) me putting this very nice woman on hold and dashing madly to our dial up computers - where the programs has been uninstalled ( prevouse trouble shooting and a OH YEA! oops from the tech that did it)
and i finialy come to the dawning realisation. " m'am do you see < insert variouse words and colour desciptions> " no thats not it". she has a windows DUN connectiod.
hit mute. come backi to customer to give her that bad new. shell have to download it. however currently does not have a internet connection. we laugh she mentions firing her assistant. i try not to agree < for im not allowed to and would have sugested greivouse bodily harm> she agrees to go to a imternet cafe or somthing with a high speed connection and DL and install it.
its all well and good to test a connetion before someone leaves on vacation. but for the love of all things wholy and good, should it not be done on the computer that is LEAVING THE OFFICE?
[By: Harm]
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What, you mean just because my friend puts new tyres on his car before I go on vacation, I'll still get fined for driving with bald ones on mine?? But he tested them before I left! -karlata
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186.
no so happy coincidence
well for me anyways... SF calls in and from word one - i knew she was not one of my clients " i have a quike question" Me being hung over rather badly ( and getting to work late) think OK why not? " shoot"
SF goes on about her computers and how it wont boot up.. apperently windows cant find certain files.. and how all of thsi hapened after cable crews were replacing a few drop cables and taps on her street.
neep neep neep "it work before they were out there".. neep neep neep.. "have to pay $$$ to get her 5 month old computer repaird"
after 4 minutesa of explaining how our tech that were NOT IN HER HOUSE, could not have erased said files... as he did not touch the computer. the words " unfortunate coincidence" were repaeted bout 16 times...
while yes i have to admit.. were a power surge to come though the modem it could theoreticaly fry a coule sectors of the hard drive... but would probably take out the NIC .. most of the MB and the computers would prolly not turn ON.. etc..
im startin to wonder if the " jump to conclusions" mat was just a metafor for all SF....
[By: Harm]
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Comments
I think she should be introduced to alumin(i)um hat guy, they'd probably find they have a lot in common... -flapjackboy
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187.
oww my eyes... my head..
never let housemates start " playing " with your system while your out drinking.. my back ground is rather psychodelic and moving- while changing colours.
the kiker is none of them admited to doing it.. or that fact the background was anything but black...
[By: Harm]
Comment on Story
Comments
Customer calls in - She is about to return her 4th (Non Big Red) monitor to the store, there has been a big purple blotch on the screen on every one of the - is there any possibility that the computer is causing this? *change background from 'Picasso.bmp' that her son put on* (wasn't Picasso, but you get the idea) -satanstech
Poor fool, I was trying to remember one I had forgotten - time to post "Power Supply Guy"! -satanstech
Is there a speaker right next to it? Sounds like magnetic interference to me. -pmillipede
Although most computer speakers are magnetically "shielded", I've found that some are done really poorly and will still cause distortion on a CRT monitor. Also, telephones still have magnets in them (there's a speaker inside the earpiece, remember) and might also be found next to / slightly under a monitor. However, this might be the perfect opportunity to upsell this lady to an LCD. -racermd
http://www.geisswerks.com/drempels/ -obie099
I was thinking more of an older style stereo system speaker. Big wooden box style thing like my parents had next to their TV. Took a month before they finally stopped moving it back and messing it up again. -pmillipede
actually, it was drempels... and i had him convinced for 2 hours it was a black background and he was trippin out... if only brandon woulda kept his mouth shut... -arsdrakkos
I had a customer tell me once that his monitor was "washed out in the upper right hand corner". he was looking at the windows XP welcome screen where the blue fades to white in the corner. Previous techs had nuked and paved his system for that. -Bynar
Set their menu, message box, and 3D Objects foreground font color = to the background color. -VIPERsssss
Hmm. Set their home page to "last measure" by the GNAA. They'll never complain again. -Pi
my monitor's gone to a "rainbow" when i park my 1300 watt bass cab next to it... -ReDon
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188.
parents pt1
as a back drop - my father is a former IT person - department manager- used to program all the rest. hes been "retired" for the last couple years ( when the tech sector when belly up round here)
So mom and dad have Macs, ( my mom can use one - and my dad prefers em) and of course DSL.
My father wants to get both systems running at the same time - i tell me to get a router. he does no prob there
first problem - its an SMC router ( exact same type i have) and an easy setup. my parents have it for 2 weeks and dad has YET to plug anything in.. i come over for dinner - have it up and running in 5 mins flat. berate my father for not doing it himself ( well i did read the manual and yes it does look easy - but we rather have your do it)
My parnets cant get online i am playing diablo II and havent slept in 2 days when i get the enevitable call " we cant get online and the router has orange lights" ME:" were" DAD:" below the lan lights - they say 100.. is that bad?" explain to him that no its just the switch in the router conneting to the computers at 100MBPS - as it should as the NICs are autosensing" Dad " oh well i cant get online - probably an ISP problem" ME: well power cycle the router and call the ISP- see if they have an outage" Dad: " ok np will do" I get on with gamming.
[By: Harm]
Comment on Story
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189.
parents pt 2
NEXT DAY *cell phone goes off* ME:" what?" Dad:" we still cant get online and ive talked to ISP" me :" and?" dad:" well thjey say everything is OK inb there side and they can see a connection." me " great so?"
dad:" well i power cyckle the DSL modem and nothing." me " what abougt the router? like i told you to do yesterday.?" dad" oh well no i didnt do that i didnt want to touch it" me * lvl 76 paladin get killed due to the fact i couldt hit the potions button in time - im pissed* :" WTF do you mean you didnt do it? do it NOW!" dad " oh ... OK" goes off to do so.
" ok everything is working again" me " good now next time this happens your going to do what?" dad" cycle the modem and router." me :" good your connection should be fine from here on in - ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?" Dad: " umm no, no thers not, when are you comming by again? you mother wants to see you and your dag misses you"
the problem here is i learned everything about computers from him - he helped to get me into high tech( nortel at the time) and he KNOWS what hes doing with a network why why WHY is this person calling me about this? we both now moms a SF .. but jeez! SF ness is setting in.
[By: Harm]
Comment on Story
Comments
You get out of the industry for a few years and start flopping about. My father did it too. He called me to ask what advantages DSL would provide for him and if he could get all of his PCs online. One PC in particular might give him some problems as its a 286, running basic DOS stuff because he's never upgraded it to Windows (never needed to). Had to explain why a 286 wasn't going to make it online. -CelticSkyhawk
I know how you feel man. My dad used to be "good" with computers, ie not do stupid things with them. Now adays, he's just a startfish that won't even open up his own computer. Hell, he doesn't even know how to power cycle a router and cable modem. It's sad really. -Chalax
You know... maybe he just misses you? Altho i can undersstand, Those who aren't flexible about technology can get lost in its advances. It's not like home internet technology hasn't advanced in the past while, what with the changeover from dialup to broadband. People assume new means hard when in fact, broadband's much simpler than dialup for the consumer. -DracoSuave
LOL. i live oly 20 minutes away ( by car- that i dont have) and see my parents on almost a weekly basis, after all my dog does live with them. and i call very few days to talk with them. Dads been out of Tech too long and doesnt quite feel confortable around it anymore. Siftware hes fine with - hardware... thats when i get called in ( well plug the CD burner IN... yes there ya go..) -Harm
I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's laziness. They have you to do their thinking for them. Once they know that you are available to fix their problems and it's free, they will stop thinking for themselves. It's why there are so many starfishies out there to be slapped. -scooby111
yes scoob- your right.. while im sitting here at work.. my cell phone is vibrating like mad... and its my parents house number too. -Harm
My Mother gets free tech support from me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year if she wants it... She's my mother. God knows she frustrates me to hell and back sometimes, but .. well, she's Mom. -OzarkBard
I still make my mom pay. Of course, she can pay with a nice pot-roast and some company. Hey, I'm flexable when it comes to friends and family, but I make them pay something or else I get abused. -scooby111
It's true. Use it or lose it... -snowcrash
just go and visit your dag already! -Splunge
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190.
WARNING*** RANT IN PROGRESS****
<rant> OK so im NOT hubng over having NOT had a party to go to last night. I get in today - late due to the fact im poor and cant afford a car. sunday bus schedual.
quiet day
then i get a RESIDENTIAL CALL!!
well im a commercial contract and i know startfish dont listen but still BUSINESS was said MANY times in my opening. and yest the concpets of RESIDENCE and BUSINESS seems to have escaped this fishy! as did the concpt of ELECTRICITY, the words " lights" "front" "modem" and "on" were also 30K feet above their head and climbing. cant connect with a new computrer
first of all its not plugged INTO the computer, second apparently all lights are " NO" on the device HTF is 'NO' and answer to " what lights are on on the cable modem?" AKKK! talk to her son " oh yea we power cycled the device" odd hows its ben online for 20 days. i know this call feel s like eternity but i pretty sure its still the 1st. windows XP with diffrent language enabled. how does one describe the symbol for "run" i descibed it as best i could - as stupid as i could but still not found! and NO I CANT send a TECH OUT THERE! its a holliday! no techs working cept ME! and damnit your not even MY CLIENT!
if i thought she could have grsped teh concpt of "wrong department" or 'PHONE NUMBER' i woudl have given her the residential line. but even the thought of ' apply pen to peper, move pen on paper- see the mark?' was too technically savy! oh look a multiplyer patch for POSTAL 2. my new yeas resolution was to be less violent! and it seems to have been fishy sucked outta me 12 hours into the new year! ARG! </rant> thanks.. please go about your business.. take no notice of the lunatic.. nothing to see here...
[By: Harm]
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Comments
I know how you feel. Seems everyone took the new year to mean, "Lets wipe our HDD and reinstall from scratch....what you mean I dont have the drivers for my NIC???.....you installed it, you fix it". no no no sir...you were charged for that nic, you paid for that NIC, you bought it, it's yours, you own it, you were given the drivers after it was installed, you fix it! -FrontSideBus
*Hands over the remote for the Thermo Nuclear Device Lart* Fire at will. -Bobsentme
grrrrrrrr......I hate Sunday bus schedule.....made me not only late, but as forced me to walk like 7 miles to listen to these flippin lusers.....someone remind me again why I havent quit and went back to running a movie theatre concession stand....I know its not the $8.25/hr..... -urbAnDruid
Now, for those that are reading this. We are not supposed to support residential customers, ever. Harm should not have asked about the status of the modem. Confirm they're residential, give them the phone number. If they give you are hard time, say "I can give you the phone number for the proper office and terminate this call, or I can just terminate this call. Those are the only two options." -Coyotebd
Coyote your soo getting LARTed next gaming session. -Harm
and im my own defence coyote .. you know as well as i that if we cant find them in our data bases... but they think they are commercial we still have to support 'em.. uless i can prove by the modem files they aint.. hence the looking for a modem. -Harm
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192.
some startfish have senses of humour.
late night shift
getting ready to go home after a long day .. and murfys law.. just as i start the process to logout i get a call
"why's it so slow?!" is the first thing i hear. - being exhausted at the time i couldnt stop myself in time. the phrase" cause the hamster died?" suddenly escapes my mouth.. the user laughed and i explained we had to replace it with a turtle as it was the only animal we could find at the time.. and we were hoping to upgrade to a rabbit in the next few hours.
we laughed.. i trouble shot.. and missed the last bus home.
[By: Harm]
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Comments
D'oh! That sux, dude. I've had to walk home after that--4 1/2 miles when I was living in Phoenix. -PaseoGuy
i couldnt walk home if i wanted to .. by the time i got home if have to turn around and head back.. -Harm
oh thats good, I have had calls where the cu has no sense of humor in any way and had ape shit attacks for something like that. :) Good deal. -crazyiznormal
and murphy's law: you'll get a bad QA for taking too long bantering with customer. -billybien
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193.
But thsi woudl eb pointless...
i get a call today
guy cant get email - OE freezes up wont switch identities.. joy
as im trying to ytroublen shoot thsi he mentions that all the emails were lost - identities and all one day last week..
ODD OS issue then
tri\ye to have him reboot
windows XO - only 1 profile ( other then admin)
on boot up
BIG ERROR MESSAGE
cant read registry or the profile settings. well thsi woudl explain why you dont have email
everything is on the hard drive- just your profile is unreadable
well the guy WILL take it to a PC tech
but explained that ONLY happens when you reboot the system. so he doesnt restart it. we get him connected and email configured
i remind him to see a PC tech - WinXP - YOur profile - FUBARed - he agrees to do so
but just wont shut it down untill he gets around to calling a tech or his firend that " good with computer sh_t"
hmmm.... now how to reboot the computers remotly.. hmm win xp.. prolly no updates.. i think ill have some fun tonight...
[By: Harm]
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Comments
i should really start to try and prof read what i post... or lay off the caffien -Harm
Owww. My brain hurts
-billybien
Jeez, Harm I thought you were doing that on purpose at first. Tip: Unclench fists before typing. ;)-~ (that's a j in the smiley's mouth there... puffin one right now) -ShutUpAndHangUp
I tthough ti swa omes orts fo odec herew ouy ransposet het astl etterl. -robbor
Please don't let your cat post again... -LaserGuru
last day of work b4 i when on vacation... last few customer fried my brain... after banging my head against my desk i guess my vision was not so great.. i think i may have possibly disabled the "spelling and grammer" portion of said brain... that or it leaked out my ears again.. -Harm
*blink* *cough* *blink* -mousie
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194.
the deaf leading the blind
I ust got off thsi call and damned i need a smoke now
30 minutes of email hell
the user has a domain email - and wants to access it remotly - when using our webmail and mail2web.com ( lovely mail2web..)
after running whois on her domain - i find - low and behold - ITS NOT REGISTRED TO ANYONE!!!!
verified spelling 3 times - 4 times. 5 times.. yup its spelled correctly " Ma'm there is NO WAY you woudl even RECIVE email as the domain does not actually exist" " well it works."
evetually we find that im looking at a typo in the domain . since when has "N LIKE NANCY" been equated to M??? ARG!!!!!
and yet after all the headach i want through.. she STILL cant type her username and password correctly! LART ARMED...
[By: Harm]
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Comments
Are you sure it's not 'M' like 'Mamcy'? That's why I use the phonetic alphabet. It's hard to screw up. November and Mike. -scooby111
Sure Scoob, until you discover they typed SierraMikeTangoPapa.domain.com. -CyBear
S like starfish M like Moron T like 'tarded P like Piss OFF!! -rockytech
sigh i tried the phonetic alphabet.. sadly thought most of my clinets are cluless on how to spell november...
I try to use the simplest possible words and even then the screw up are enourmouse " s like Sent , M like Mail, T like TO P like people..." minutealater error message
ME " OK what is the server name?"
(l)user " sendmailtopeople-server.x.x.x" .. *thinking" i could hang myself with this headset coard if only we had rafter beams... stupid rounded edge everything* -Harm
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
general misconception - i don't do skirmishing on MMO's. wake me when lotro expands again. i don't do skirmishing. if i anted to i'd plat warhammer mmo. mmo's for mr are solo, or gruoped with frieds that need help. if i have to skirmish to ge to your access level - you don't need me,
[2010-08-22]
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2.
ME misconception.. ater a year of inactivuity. your desktop gaming syste will boot..even though you lent it to your father who ddnt touch it and you don;t even get a POST beed.. WTF?! the PS is okay.. powers getting to everything.. CR rom opens.. HDD seems to spin up but nothing!? FUCK. ME!
[2009-11-10]
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3.
When Facebook and Twitter attack!. some things are better left OFF social networking sites - for good reason LINKY! http://www.cbc.ca/canada/ottawa/story/2009/08/04/ottawa-090804-police-kanata-house-party.html
[2009-08-06]
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4.
DEmanding a supervisor ( me) for issues outside of our departments control ( haveing a technician out to a location @ 5 am friday morning) is gonna get you what you want. Its 5 am. 12 hours ago I became a free agent again- ( after 3 years- i hate moving) YOU think I'm gonna be in the LEAST bity sympathetic, Or force a division to change their policies for you? don't think so. Whining will not help - it only serves to irritate me more. The more i hear your voice - the less patient i will become. Its 5 am. get over yourself - accept this will be dealt with when dispatch opens in a couple hours and hang the fu5K up! neeping will be meet with a 40 Foot thick wall of apathy and LARTING.
[2006-03-25]
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5.
If you have an open service appointment ( all day) calling from your car and asking when the tech will arrive is a GOOd idea.
How bout you get to your site, get in. and possibly ask if a tech has been over. OR just call from the site, cause my calling dispatch and finding out the tech was there and left (cause no one was there) is going to naturally piss you off.
[2006-01-18]
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6.
Calling the cable Internet department and complining that no one has picked up your cable TV when you moved to a new location, will get you anywere.
you know - I'm sure that your calling the wrong department - constantly , has nothing to do with this. Especially since you don't even have internet service. F_O_A_D !
[2006-01-18]
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7.
Power cable for a router (described as little black skinny wire that goes into the blue and black box, that says *router*) some how equates Co-ax cable into cable modem ( "yea power - you know the one that unscrews and looks like a cable TV cable?").
[2006-01-18]
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8.
A modem - any modem or electrical device, will have any function whatsoever if it does not have power. I'm not sure if I should start beating our agents over the head with this one.
[2005-12-01]
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9.
5 PM FRIDAY evening is THE greatest and BEST time to call in for any service upgrades. Gven sales does not work on the weekend. Ad you absolutly need the service change yesterday as it is MIssion critical! all togther now - Poor planning on your part .....
[2005-11-04]
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10.
shedualing department mis conception -- That i would be able to arrive at work for 7 am on a sunday. I BUS! none of the busses i could think about grabbing to work, START b4 7 am! oh and 6 am monday? again - see excuse for sunday.. note to self - talk to TL tomorro about these insane sheduals.. the crack monkeys are being given meth again.
[2005-10-23]
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11.
* several times a day* "Our internet is Down!" - I wan't ware there were more then one. in fact - i'm pretty sure there is only 1 Internet that is comprised of variouse networks. if you have your own copy of the internet then WTF are you calling me for? call your server admin.
[2005-08-20]
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12.
Threatening to switch to a different service provider - due to our disbling the modem for NON PAYMENT, will get your modem turned on.
As Burrkiss had so eloquently stated in previouse posts - FUCK YOU, PAY ME!
[2005-08-20]
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13.
When your cheap vice over ip rip off tells you you have 2x the amount of packet loss we ( your ISP) see to our equipment - we are wrong. Hmmm 33% packet loss - through your router then to ours and then out- monitord by a program in which you click your name and it says you have packet loss- and that does not give any other information or what it is testing. ADDITION - i will not state "Your program is flawed" when you tell me its findings. adimitting you didn't trouble shoot anything from your side is OK IF you know what trouble shooting needs to be done. given WE ( your ISP) see a small problem that needs to be corrected, your involvment in the process better be to shut the fuck up. 5-1 odd the tech that goes out finds nothing wronmg with our stuff but rather several viruses/trojans/spyware on the users system. any takers?
[2005-06-21]
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14.
Corperate misconception - when rolling out a new version of our ticketing database, it is completly unnessisary to, well you know like TELL ANYONE! Our department was told and was given training, and by training I mean we looked at photo copied screen shots. Apperently we were the only people told about it or "trained" on it. Our divisions are royaly frustrated as any search macro's now have to be recreated. and the format just sux ass. I WILL get to use my HGTTG referance with one of them today .. (training was available and on display in the display department... )
[2005-05-18]
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15.
If you are not in your office, or have any information for our security verification - we will provide you a password. Sorry- but if your over seas, in a network known for shaddy stuff, and are unable to provide the verification info we need - NO PASSWORD FOR YOU!
[2005-04-24]
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16.
Co-worker misconception really. When speaking to a customer and sending him to the modem department, you don't need a document it or anything. When the customer calls backs and mentions he was speaking to a previouse agent- and names you, we won't come down like on you like a tone of bricks due to A: lack of a ticket B: Horrible trouble shooting C: pretty obviouse fluffing. You make my job harder- I'll make your life a living hell.
[2005-04-01]
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17.
If we host your website, we are responsible for your piss poor coding. OR that we will help you with out laughing at your sorry excuse for HTML. OHH, THATS your excuse! Front Page. Learn code GUI boy.
[2005-03-22]
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18.
calling up your ISP, complaining about slow browsing issues and the cable modem losing synch, FROM SEVERAL STATES AWAY FROM YOUR HOME< read half way across the country> will result in anything but our inablityly to trouble shoot. Ohh muffin! gotomypc.com says your cheap ass quasi VPN is "slow"? AND its disconnects you every 5 minutes? gee modems been up for a hour or so? and you have a router at the location? hmmm your kids downloading crap wont affect it at all! never, not that. and you have no bleeding clue what port your using or how the FSCKING THING WORKS!? SUUUre well shedual a service tech... and charge you out the ass. numbnuts.
[2005-01-20]
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19.
more of a house mate misconception...
it s OK to install all sorts of IM programs on MY computer, setup a ICQ profile that is NOT mine, setup OE for email that aint mine, and generaly take over my system when i am not home - cause they are too cheap/ in debt/ lazy to get their own computer.
i riped MSN messanger kiking and screaming outta XP for a reson. i don't WANT yahoo messanger, MSN, AIM and other crap on MY system. AND TAKE YOUR DIRTY DISHES WITH YOU!
anyone have a wood chipper i can borrow?
[2004-04-19]
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20.
this one really gets me... " that's why you get payed the big bux!" if only they really know the truth..... the horrible horrible truth.
[2003-11-05]
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21.
Bitching maoning and complaining about that fact you put your cable modem in an inaccessable spot will of course negate the step of having to check any connection /status light/ reseting of the cable modem...
after all we dont really need any information from it
were all psychic..........
[2002-08-05]
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22.
pleading,crying and threatenting will move /scare a techtain to the point were we will majically flip the switch and fix your service.
why would we need to send a technitain out to replace a peice of equipment that was fried by lighting? a molten cable modem will still work right?
[2002-08-05]
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23.
When asked for phone number and area code its is MOre usefull and will make the call go faster if you key it in on you phone. After all, techs can understand touch tone beeps right?
[2002-03-22]
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24.
Yes the software CD the your ISP gave has virus's on it.
and of couse we will refund the week that you were down due to bringing your computer into the shop. No it had NOTHING to do with the fact you visited a lot of questinable websites. Never mind the fact that thousands of people have the exact same CD and have never gotten a virus from it. yes you are a unique exaple sir...
[2002-03-22]
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Tech Rules
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1.
you know your talking to the right kinda tech when you can have a off topic conversation about Duct tape in its variouse uses and plain TYPes for 45 minutes.
[2011-08-16]
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2.
http://xkcd.com/910/ -- too true.
[2011-06-10]
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3.
the creation of a SEP field, ( Someone Else's Problem) is not something one should asipre to create (at least not out loud). paint it pink, errect a cheap SEP feild generator and voila! not invisible but no one gives it a second look (or even a first one)
[2010-09-14]
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4.
MS Fails - can anyone back up teh XBox 360 findings? I don't have one.. but so far everyone i know that has had a 360 has had to return it at one point or another for an exchange. linky : http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2009/09/03/squaretrade_console_failure_report_sept_09/
[2009-09-03]
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5.
why does this automatically make me things of an M$ instalation of.. anything really.. http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript?SK=306
[2006-04-19]
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6.
do not attempt to popt while pissed. I actually had a rather good story- but can't actually remeber it right now. damnit. - but we can take it as red that it was funny and laugh at it anyways. i hate it whan this happens. oh wel i'm sure it shal come back after i'm sober - and over the enivitable headachy/ crappy ness tomorro morning., Happy well payed day for all those that have to worlk good friday. whay's it good? cause we gat what we are actually worth :) scuse me while i sleep off the happy drunkeness.
[2006-04-14]
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7.
No matter how stressfull the day,
No matter how many customers have screemed for new equipment or credit,
No matter how deep the queue, Sometimes you just have to take the time to apprecite a beautifull sunset. Over the past couple weeks, thoughts of missing this apartment come to mind. Then the ambulance goes by, or the cop cars. Or the neighbours start blasting music or hammering the wall at 12 am. Somehow - watching the sun set and the aray of colours paint the wall, just seems so peacefull. No starfish can neep the sun back into place, or blot out the reds and pinks and blue hues. Just a though.
[2006-04-07]
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8.
After finaly figuring out how to mount new fan on new motherboard ( after RTFMing and finding that none of the documentation addresses removal of 1 part from motherboard) and applying arctic silver - one will enevitably forget to slide the temparature sensore between said fan and CPU. fuck me blind!*headdesk* scrw this i'm closing the case and ill deal with it tomorro.
[2006-01-05]
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9.
NEVER get cought up in a converstaion with a TFH( Tin Foil Hatter). NO aetter how intellegent they seem to be, pointing out their logic flaws will only fuel the ranting onwards. Educating them on reality will NEVER be fruitfull, Unless your looking for some OT :)
[2005-08-20]
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10.
If a technician that we set out to the location, gives you specific instructions as to were a second problem is found - And what exactly need to be done, the words " well i THINK but I don't know. So yea." will cause my disinclination to aquiese to your request. You don't know were the problems is even though the tech showed you multiple times? WTF were you doing? shoving plastic spoons up your ass for a office record? Trying to get lemmiwinks out? I need a beer... 9 AM! aww damn.
[2005-07-22]
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11.
one should not even consider using a keybaord when legaly and personally, rather drunk. If you have to close one eye to be able to read what has been posted, one should sleep it off. you have noy idea how many spelling corrections and the level of concentration was needed to post this rule. thanks you Johnnie Walker red label.
[2005-07-02]
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12.
Thow shalt not take pity on the databse admin that was Voluntold as a web designer. BUT i may get a radio of of the deal :)
[2005-05-24]
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13.
sales agents who have no sales information are useless. Same co-worker as was ranting earlier- to a sales agent" So your in sales, but don't have any information on product pricing? And don't speak to potential customers? Then what good are you then?"
[2005-04-01]
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14.
more of a house mate rule BUT - Stringing ethernet cable across my door- at neck level- will result in A: a LOt of swearing at 3am when i just about walk into it and B: the severing of said cable, violently acompanied by more obsceeen language.
[2004-09-03]
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15.
Tech + too much caffiene + bordom = Bad ideas.
Its slowed down tonight - and it seems some of the techs ( myself included) have come up with ideas for " mouse Pr0n" i'll have to get my digital cam but so far we have come up with some ( what we consider) funny ideas, mouse on mouse action, interration mouse action ( dell on logitech) - keyboard mouse bondage, and and an ORGY of mice ( including a USB HUB), and other ideas for 'softcore mouse pr0n' - yes we are insane - and extremly board.
[2004-07-08]
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16.
repeating the words " Ya know what i mean" after a extremly vague desciption only enrages me. If i know what you meant i would not be asking questions.
adding " i dont know anything about this s**T! i did'nt go to school for this stuff ! you should know whats going on!" - only lessens that amount of help i will provide to you.
i swear if i hear " ya know what i mean" in a southern twang one more time, some delicate part of my circulatory system is gonna burst.
[2003-10-28]
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17.
Unsupported is just that. as an ISP we will NOT help you create a work document, ajust your monitor settings , help you to figure out how to open a video program off some CD your cousin burned OR help with any little OS issues like getting your computer to run faster or edit your startup in msconfig.... yes we are all computer Gurus but we only get payed to deal with your internet connection.
[2002-08-05]
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Customer Types
1.
Business card Bitch
this is the customer - that will bitch moan and complain about their email address changing when switching to a different provider - or switching email services. " but my Business cards have that email addres on them! do you know what it would cost to re print them!? And what about all those people that have my card already!" - look if they havent contacted you by now - they arent going to, and yes - i do know how much it is to have cards printed - depending on the design you have on them or if they are all black. i have frineds that work in print shops. Swallow it princess cause YOU wanted to change services providers / upgrade service. Welcome to the real world, chage is enevitable ( thanks to linkv for remending me of these annoyances)
[2006-11-12]
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2.
I suck and its YOUR FAULT! ( WARNING!)
I play online games - i do tech support. i HSTE gammers that just plain suck ass but are CERTAIN its the fault of the ISP. sometiomes - yea sure happens. I dedicate this to all the smacktards. http://balr0g.free.fr/hfr/img/lagcartoon.jpg
yes i know it CAN be taken as bad taste. * oh shit PC is starting to get its hooks in me! help! i'm turning into a manager*
[2005-12-12]
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3.
repeated long hold
This customer puts you on hold repeatedly for undertermined amounts of time- could be 30 seconds - could be 10 minutes. I like thse customers- generally cause i can read a couple TSC stories befor the come back to the line. Or a couple pages of my book. Hold? hell ya take as LONG AS YOU LIKE!
[2005-12-04]
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4.
How did/could That happen??
This is the customer that, superficially, seems to be interested in the workings and sudden Non workings of equipment. Take a cable modem for example. the power lights comes on but cable, PC and data are out- modem could be fried. " WEll how could that happen!" " well you see co-ax cable has this nice copper wire running the center of it, and as well all know copper is a excelent conductor of electricity. - we must then delve into electricity - basic physics, how to spell physics, the definition of physics from the dictionary. Given her constant whining ( thank you NYC) and pretty damned sure shes never lived in an area that didnt have electricity. Customers like these tempt fate, as i'm sure one day I .. er we - will catch one off garde and actuially get them to french kiss a 220V power outlet. some customers truly need some hand on teaching ( one hand on traechea, one hand on the ubersquirell leash..)
[2005-08-24]
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5.
how do you NOT know what day it is?
Again from the 4th. Several callers to many. 2 at least wanted to check on instalation apointments theye were unsure if it was today ( 4th of july) or the following day- a normal day. I had to explain some departments are closed and we do NOT run installs today. "Why?" IT'S INDEPENDANCE DAY! 4TH of JUly! did the BBQ's, fireworks, community events, sales and commercial NOT tip you off? what about NOT having to come into work?! HOW does this holiday our of ALL of 'em (in the states) get missed by US residents?
[2005-07-05]
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6.
I wanna tech out here!
This is the customer that will demand a technician come out to their place. possibly after 5 calls to support were we have proved out equipment works, but theirs does not. OR they have 'tried a few thing' are not onsite and have never called in in the perviouse 3 years, but want a tech out cause they cant hook their network up. Umm yea right. IF you get a competent tech (see leo's posts), they will connect their laptop into the modem , verify the damned thing works and hand you a rather large bill. it's ever so much fun to contact dispatch for that area and tell them WHY the customer wants a tech out and the background. we laugh, shedual a technician for 2 days post apocalyps then try to calculate the stupid tax.
[2005-05-23]
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7.
arg
If a customer has an extremly heavy accent - WHY must they speak faster then a squirrel on speed and caffeine? it just frustrates the heck out most tech's and irritates the clients when we ask them to repeat what they are saying.and when i have asked people to pleasse speak slower they tend to do the opposite! - my contract offers support in english only please speak clearly so i CAN help.
[2003-11-09]
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Co-Worker Types
1.
God I hate you
this is the co-worker that seems to be completly clueless. although you speak english that a 3 year old can understand, you still end up repeating things 3 times or more so they get it through their skulls " I don't understand what your saying" is still heard after each explanation. THis co-worker is so named after what one mutters under their breath after dealing with them " OKay bye! - god i hate you.."
[2007-05-10]
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2.
Am I the ONLY One??!
this is the type that, DAILY seems to have issues with something or another related to a station, and will evevitably yell "Am I the ONLY one having problems with X?!1" well- you keep grabbing the same station EVERY night, thats had X number of problems possibly related to your variouse NON allowed IM programs, Non one else is complaining sooo YES! just like last night, and the night before, and the weeks before that.. YES!! You ARE the ONLY one.
[2007-04-12]
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3.
Impressed by his own ' voice'
Look - If you can make a realsistic sounding wookie noise- good for you. Congradulations. howvere CONSTANTLY having to show it off to everyone that walks through the bloody door. ARG! while watching the movies - or drunk, OK sure. while at work? annoying the hell out of co-workers? bad form - flame - we all know Star Trek and Battlestar kick Star Wars ass anyway.
[2005-11-04]
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4.
farks up everything for no reason
called in earlier - helped to setup email. ended call - calls back AFTER dicking around in the account settings in OE- changing a bunch of things ( including the username and password) as he figured it should be something else. " Well everything WAS working perfectly before I whent in and messed around with some stuff. I'm not sure what I did wrong?" - you touched it and played with the settings. Don't screw with it if it works.
[2005-07-10]
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5.
translation!
You send us an email in HTML (when plain text is all thats needed and all our email reader will open anyway) I WILL respond back in binary.
[2005-06-14]
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6.
I wanna go Home!!
Ahh nice and quiet round here on this wonderfull sunday evening.. phones are'nt insently ringing. que is not existent, no emails so far and chat is dead... ideal working environment no? After the last couple weeks of "Retards On Parade", " UBERSTOOPIDS!" and 'Bet the crack pipe's still warm' myself and my co werkers should be happy of a nice calm evening.. yes? as i sit here typing i can hear the constant neeping of our SF tech(s) asking to go home. WHY?! its the same bloody people all the time! i can understand a couple people wanting to get home to take care of small children and such but ITS QUIET! your getting payed to sit here and READ! PAYED to catchup with online dealings! but NOOO. gah! the reset of us are wondering WTF? we've all suffred through the week - this is our reward! " its quiet- send me home!" why do these people bother comming in in the first place?
[2005-01-30]
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7.
speaks every thought
the guy/gal that feels it nessisary to voice every thought that goes through thier heads.
belived they are the ultimate authority on everything.
REpeated and persistent attemps to ignore them only spure this co-irker to regale you with more mundainbe tales of obscure and flat out painfully boring trivia.
alos the type to rather loudly announce everything they are going to do. everything that happens around them and their voice for some off reason can be heard above all other background noise.
nothing can drown them out.
[2003-12-05]
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Customer E-mails
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
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1.
mpotd - "Sorry, i may have been distracted by a shiney object... ohhh shiney. Sorry! sorry, if you don't mind holding on and keeping me occupied while i get this done...." " sorry, i got distraced.. what was that you were saying?" i love my this time of year... someone pass the ritalin eh?
[2011-03-02]
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2.
name of the day. GLAZED & AMUSED. Brilliant. just Brilliant!
[2007-07-10]
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3.
Re Sending hits to a cable modem "Just keep on whackin' it. It'll come online eventually!"
[2007-06-27]
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4.
Overheard - top a Help desk near LA AFTER the OTTAWA Senators won game 3 " Sooo you near Anaheim at all?"' DUDE! NICE!!"" HD just said they are near some city thats not Duck pond. Meh no Hockey fan I guess. I wonder if they know what Hockey IS.. cause they certainly are clueless as to their job description."
[2007-06-03]
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5.
Overheard " EWWW I can see your Man boobs and I really don't want to!"
[2007-05-31]
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6.
overheard RE Spears in rehab "so it says she hit rock bottom and shes in rehab like all the other starlets. says here 'I was like a bad kid running around with ADD.'" HEY! I Have ADD!""Don't worry , we don't hold you in the same light as Britney Spears."" Yea your not running around with your cheeseburger hanging out for photographers."" umm Thank . You?"
[2007-05-30]
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7.
"OKay who's zip hoodie is this? anyone? no? Okay well I'm cold in here and its too small and seems to be a female cut, but I'm freezing my ass off and theres precedent of my wearing a sarong to work before so... I'm wearing it."
[2007-05-24]
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8.
overheard - " DIE! stupid person! I'm doing Darwins work! The power of Darwin compels you out of the gene pool!"
[2007-05-18]
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9.
RE covering chatters break "Okay, i'm in(software)" "K, i'm out." " Woo, its like we're sharing a hooker!"
[2007-05-13]
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10.
"... Have a nice day *Click* and blow it out your ass."
[2007-04-27]
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11.
co-worker " up, down, x, square, up, up, triangle, x?" " That's STILL not the way to get a bra off."
[2007-04-25]
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12.
co-worker banter of the day CW (nasaly whiney laugh) heh, ! was looking at our statment. Our mission: World class service! Notice how it doesn't say anything about tech support?" Me "(sigh) given we WORK tech support, I think it goes without saying.." CW" But it should say tech support rather then service!" ME: "If only we had 2 of you, we could combine them and upgrade you to Imbicile status." CW" Huh? I don't get it."
[2007-03-25]
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13.
" If there are any problems on saturday, feel free to call me. I know ya 'all have my cell number. I'm not actually going to answer the phone, and will be completly hammered if I do, for that matter I plan on spending sunday hungover. so you can call me for help either of those days, just don't expect me to actually answer."
[2007-03-15]
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14.
End user Name of the day "Randy Titcomb" --
[2007-03-08]
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15.
(stolen from a friend / co-workers gmail tag> Vista - Viruses Intruders Spyware Trojans Adware....odd when u take only the first letters of these words...
[2007-02-28]
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16.
co-worker -" I really gotta get out of this support crap and into in house network admin. Partially for the change of pace but mainly to allow my inner psychopath to shine through."
[2007-02-12]
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17.
anyone else haveing issues with Gmail?
[2006-12-15]
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18.
(co-worker) " Maybe he was bending ofver to expose his Hinius to the *beepbeepbeep* AWW FUCK YOU!"
[2006-10-23]
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19.
"Oh, I cancelled Google"
[2006-10-09]
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20.
( from news paper) "Seamen haunted by victims faces". - okay okay okay.. i KNOW... but mind .. gutter.. we laughed.. then a moment of silence.. and more laughter.
[2006-09-28]
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21.
(blurted out by fellow tech) - DON'T TYPE SPACE! HIT THE SPACE *BAR*!! see this is what i'm up against!
[2006-09-13]
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22.
converstaion between me and another sup. (CW)"Okay- hes supposed to be a MCSE.. soo why did *I* just have to show him how to paste something?" (me) "umm dude.. you KNOW what Mcse stands for.. Minesweeper Consultant, Solitair Expert. Or the usual Must consult someone else" (co-worker) " LOL.. yea.. that describes.. soo.. well. Eventually i'm sure he will be hired accidently for a higher possition." (me) " soo you and I rewrite his resume and cover letter? dude.. hes gonna ask us to do it anyway."(CW)" Ya think he'll get suspiciouse when he starts getting interviews he didnt apply for?" (me)" naw.. not with That ego.. wait wait.. gotta move.. i sense its presence.. must be parking the car."
[2006-04-25]
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23.
( coversation with co-worker as i get in tonight) me " ... yea, it sucks. Arg. kill me." CW "But If i do, then no one can relive me and I can't go home. No death for you!"
[2006-03-30]
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24.
(comment from Mom while teching Dad over the phone) " So do you have any hair left?"
[2005-12-30]
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25.
( converstaion with mom- about surveys ) " Mom you really have to stop replying to spam." " But I don't get spam, I have a Mac!" *Headdesk X4* "was that our phone or yours?"
[2005-12-12]
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26.
( coverstaion with my Dad about TV's ) D" What does LCD stand for?" M: "Your kidding right? Liquide Chrystal Display! You know that!" D:"AWW Sh!t... long day. Thank you!"
[2005-12-12]
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27.
MEpotd - Caller"My god, your a real person!?" ME "Supposedly yes - but I may be a clone."
[2005-11-10]
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28.
MePOTD - when asked what state I am in "Denial most of the time - but there are times I end up in innibreated." - caller was confused - then told him I'm in Canada. Discussion on hockey, Montreal / Ottawa and the playoffs insued. then got him online.
[2005-10-26]
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29.
" well we are college students and its impossible to get anything done with out the internet, so were calling to complin that the connection is still down.." Odd that. it seems generations of people managed to do the impossible. Education and BOOKS existed before internet or intranet. why is it that no one is willling to actually goto the library to get work done. If you can't access it in the dorm room - then the project can't be done? umm... sure, right.
[2005-09-20]
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30.
( conversing with GF about Atari) "You know my computer start screen shows the atri 2600 logo rather then XP. Atari rules." * quizical blank stare* " You've seen the sytem start up." HER:" Umm no, I haven't. Its always on." " Me: Oh yea. okay well grated but if you DID have to restart it..." - sometimes I forget she's not a tech, and has that iMac.
[2005-08-23]
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31.
Agent:"Did you just say Crackberrie?" ME:" Yes I did." - while i was advising him we can't / don't support a customers crackberrie email setup. hmm how odd. B-L-A-C-K-B-E-R... crackberrie.
[2005-08-22]
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32.
*TV blaring in the background - first things i hear after the beep in my headset* Its game over man, GAME OVER!!! - oddly apropo as the caller couldn't give me any account information. I love Aliens.
[2005-08-19]
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33.
"This is an Ebay business so we need the connection working ASAP! its been down for 2 days! when will the connection be back up ?!" - i'm sure several people are hartbroken they couldn't buy your usless crap, but how 'bout you actually take care of your internal router that dosn't have power.
[2005-08-19]
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34.
( customer reffering to putting me on hold) " Okay, I'll just put ya on Ignore again."
[2005-08-04]
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35.
*caller trying to sign up for cable service - after asking if it was cable TV or cable internet I get the following gem* EU:"Cable TV or cable Internet? whats the difference?"
[2005-07-22]
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36.
(my opening) " Fuck!" (click - disconnect silence) " I'm sorry, but we don't support THAT..."
[2005-07-13]
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37.
Mepotd - " HOly shyte! how the hell did SOIL catch fire?!" - potting soil in a big plastic fower pot.. put out a smoke in it. couple hours later funny smell comming from outside. find the potting soil smoldering and smoking a fair bit. dumped water on it- everything OK. its a good thing the GF is out of town. this stuff ONLY happens whens shes not around. (realises he left a indoor grill top outside... im a dead man)
[2005-05-23]
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38.
:"Do you have a rat in your pocket?:)" - this came in through technical chats. My co-worker and I were trying to figure out how to answer that question. any ideas? AND NO NONE OF US ARE EVER HAPPY TO SEE 'EM!
[2005-05-17]
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39.
technically a conversation A:" ... The modem is flapping like crasy!" Me:" Ahh yes, I do see that but the REAL question is, Is it able to carry a coconut? Does it have the air speed velocity nessisary for it to carry said coconut to its current location? perhaps if gripped by the husk or tied into the dorsal feathers?" A:" ...." ME:"I take you don't watch Monty Python then."
[2005-05-13]
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40.
EU yelling at her children - "STOP DRAWING BOOBS ON THE TV!" - this was over an hour into trouble shooting. PC is riddled with spyware, at least 1 browser hijacker with pooched Panda AV/firewall and other major issues. i wish i could record these.
[2005-01-14]
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41.
<from guyu i am on the phone with to another guy in the office> " i have to go by the fscking house man, i realised i left my gun there. < not heard> yea i was working on this and felt the need to shoot something."
[2004-11-22]
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42.
overhear from a frustrated co-worker " disconfigure? what do you mean by disconfigure?" later on " you whent into Msconfig yesterday and unchecked something? no we cant help with that your going to need to see a PC tech" and same call " as far as MSconfig is consernes I can't help with it or access it, if you turn things off that are nessisary for the booting of certain programs - they won't work!"
[2004-10-29]
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43.
me : anything else i can help you with? USER: < joking> " Well my cup holder's having problems, and my foot pedals acting up! i know i know your an ISP." sometimes its just nice when a caller knows the plight of the tech world.
[2004-09-27]
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44.
said to someone in the room " ... and if you could find her clothes, that would be good too."
[2004-09-23]
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45.
said to someone in the room " ... and if you could find her clothes, that would be good too."
[2004-09-23]
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46.
This is what happens when you do controlled substances at work.
[2004-09-03]
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47.
Co-Worker is still laughing as he took the call
Client tech to client < after finding the modem in standby mode> Yes it seems this was a PEBKAC problem" the has to explain it to his customer- my co-worker has not stopped laughing yet.
[2004-09-03]
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48.
" have you ever seesn any problems with these cable modems?" - well of course i have - if everything worked flawlessly constantly i wouldn't have a job then? ALL I SEE IS PROBLEMS!
[2004-07-21]
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49.
" ping is not a internationaly or externaly reconazable command" - well umm .. sure. whats external to international? interplanetary?
[2004-05-01]
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50.
" whats the diffrence between a "0" <zero> and a "." <dot>?" ones a number, the other is a punctuation or a decimal? WTF?! - this after he had typed an IP address in incorrectly 4 times, and we get unknown host.
[2004-04-20]
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51.
""I can't find the server."
<mute> did you look behind the fridge? </mute>
[2004-01-28]
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52.
I AM A AOHELL high speed client! (what could i do but laugh and agree they suck?)
[2002-08-06]
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53.
(after clients starts to get non system disk error from the hard drive) man i knew 3 am drinking bourbon and working on the computer would be a bad idea ....
[2002-08-05]
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54.
When trying to get a client to power cycle ther equipment ( unplug your computer/router/cable modem/etc from its power) atfter 2 minutes of silence and the sounds of stuff being moved around they will always bring up the dumbest question in the world. "Am *I* supposed to do that?". well given few of us have delevoped telekinetic power or transporters yes... you have to PHYSICALLY UNPLUGG IT!
[2002-03-22]
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