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Here is all the content that NightSteel has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Pakled tech support
We just upgraded our accounting system. A coworker came in and was having trouble entering some data into the system. He asked, "How do I make it go?" And I immediately thought of Star Trek. "We look for things to make it go." I guess we all feel like we're supporting Pakleds some days...
[By: NightSteel]
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some days more than others... -Harm
For some of us, Pakleds would be a significant upgrade. -ChildofCthulhu
You are strong. -burrkiss
Kinda like "please do the needful." "Make it go." There does seem to be a similarity. -Captain Trips
Knowing next to nothing about Star Trek, the header confused me: "Pakled tech support? How does one pakle a system? Wasn't pakling make illegal in Texas?" -MeanDean
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2.
Cancelled
Okay, so, I recently created a sysprepped XP image for a client who had gotten in a bunch of new PCs. I didn't have any problems in testing, but something cropped up for the client when they tried to apply the image themselves; after applying the image, the PCs started requesting a certain file during setup. "I can't figure out any way to get past this," the client told me, so I made an appointment to check it out today. How did I fix it, you ask? When the PC asked for the file.. I clicked cancel. Setup proceeded normally. It's really sad when a user who's supposed to be at least vaguely savvy can't figure out to click one button..
[By: NightSteel]
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That's half fair. I mean, I can get your car running without a pump on the windshield washer fluid line, but, one day, you way want to-wait for it-wash your Windows. -LDFeral
I don't know, Feral, I'd compare it more to not realizing you have to depress the clutch to start your car; it may not be obvious to a non-driver, but someone who knows something about cars ought to be able to figure it out.. -NightSteel
I'm not sure if I would have pressed the Cancel button either. If the installation asks for something it usually does so because that something is needed, and just waving your hand while saying, "You don't really need this file" isn't going to work. -Calydor
I'm with Calydor: it all depends upon what file it is. If it can't find the help doc for Paint, verses can't find something from the kernel. - Mushroom
Night: possibly, if cars only came with "Stop" and "Go" buttons and no other controls. :) -Geminii
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3.
The Gawker mess is already on Slashdot..
...but I still think it deserves a front page mention here. Gawker Media has had its user database compromised, and the compromised database is being distributed on the Pirate Bay. If you have an account for Lifehacker, Deadspin, Kotaku, Jezebel, io9, Jalopnik, or Gizmodo, or signed up to be a Consumerist user before Consumerist split off on its own, change your password. If you use that same username and password on other sites, change your password on those other sites as well.
[By: NightSteel]
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This makes me thankful that I switched from using a password pool (3-4 passwords shared among sites) to using a core password + random additional characters (i.e. corepass12E4) so every site has their own unique password. Even though I personally am not affected, thanks for the heads-up. We geeks gotta look out for each other... :-) -virtualchoirboy
I use passwords made up of acronyms. The first part is always the same, but the last half of it is an abbreviation of the name of the site in question. -AmazingKreskin
<Political> Sorry, but a slant on everything....between this, wikileaks, et.al. The Fourth World War seems to be preceding the Third World War. But with N. Korea, that shouldn't be to far behind. -AngrySup
Try getting one of these... www.ironkey.com
Then you get to use a great TOR server and it generates EVIL passwords and keeps your passwords safe in a Mil grade hW encrypted thumb drive. :-) It's fun... -AniMaL
Problem, AniMal, is that your passwords are not safe once they hit the site you use them on... and it seems that now SilverPop, which handles contact for McD's, DeviantArt, and about 170 others, has also been broken into... -chazz
What's Gawker? -unrenowned
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4.
Judas Phone
In light of the drubbing the iPhone took in a recent message board thread I started asking for advice, I think all of you may appreciate this: http://judasphone.com/
[By: NightSteel]
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nice! -Harm
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5.
"Still having trouble with my printer!"
Today was my first day back on the job after just over a week off due to minor surgery. (I have a clean bill of health, I just can't lift anything heavy for a few more weeks.) While I was away, a user reopened an old ticket about a printer continuing to give her problems. Today I went to check it out. Turns out that the new printer I installed for her *in 2004* stopped working. I'm all for reopening tickets when you are dealing with a recurring issue, but reopening a ticket from six years ago, when the original problem was solved by replacing the failed hardware entirely? I think it's time for a new ticket...
[By: NightSteel]
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On the upside, it sounds like they're damned patient. -Stryker One
If only! No, see, the printer I put in six years ago has been working until now, it's not like it was broken the whole time.. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let a problem go for six years.. -NightSteel
Recover the old printer and install it. Then the luser can accurately reopen the ticket. When (s)he complains replace it with an 8-needle matrix printer... -Dr Jerkyl
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6.
Packaging fail
Today's odd story is short and sweet. I just received a replacement switch from $switch_company_that_sounds_like_kitchen_grease, and the plastic bag containing the switch has a ton of big orange stickers emblazoned with TAMPER-PROOF.. that peel off easily, with no residue, and can easily be re-stuck. Err.. $switch_company, I think you got gypped by your sticker provider...
[By: NightSteel]
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Those stickers were meant for Pancho Systems, I guess. /obscure ref. -Grue
AlcoSwitch? -Stryker One
I'll be in the shelter. -Stryker One
You mean Crisco? (I'm currently in Module 2 of the Crisco Certified Nut-case Administrator class. Wish me luck, it's sub-netting!) -Captain Trips
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7.
Sign of the times
I'm sure those of you who do contracting or consulting, either independently or working for firms, have noticed various signs of the downturn at work. Today I got one that was pretty personal; for the first time in about six years, since I started working in this department, my ticket queue is completely empty. No longstanding tickets, no fires to put out. Weird feeling.
[By: NightSteel]
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Find something that looks like work, quick! -Divinar
"If you walk around the office holding a bunch of papers with an angry look on your face, people will automatically assume you're busy with something, and won't bother you."</can't stand ya> -AmazingKreskin
What Divinar said! Once, when I was a temp, I had a 5 minute period when I had no work, so was just resting. The boss's boss saw me doing nothing and sent me home. He didn't even ask why I was resting -- just "If you aren't doing anything, GO HOME. You're off the clock for the rest of the day!" He didn't even give me a chance to explain that it was only for 5 minutes. But then again, he always looked like he had a hair up his butt -- probably a yak hair! -Captain Trips
QUIKLY!!! unplugg something important! JOB SECURITY!!!! -Harm
A simple equation: a Mylar balloon and a power transformer = a crapton of work. -Biosynthetic
I learned that lesson from an 'old hand' at one place I worked. When things get too cooled off, it was time for 'make work'. Does anybody else remember TNL undates to IBM manuals? -TieDyedDinosaur
Oh, I still have work to do. Being in a consulting outfit, not everything comes in through our ticket system. In fact, lately I'd say it only accounts for about 25% of our work. But it's still weird to have absolutely no tickets, after so many years of having at least one at all times. -NightSteel
I've had that a couple of times, usually on a Friday afternoon. Nothing in the call queue, nothing in the email queue. Usual response was to breathe out, in, stretch mightily, and start rewriting any documentation that hadn't been updated in the last six months. -Geminii
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8.
Company Policy
Sort of a me-POTD. So today, I asked a co-worker to query a certain database for information, and when she got the information I needed, I asked for something more specific that required her to rewrite the query. I apologized for not asking for the more specific information in the first place, and she told me it was fine, she needed to use her brain now and then. So I told her, "You just be careful. You know that's against company policy!" I can't decide if that's funny or sad..
[By: NightSteel]
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Wait, you mean there are companies that let you use your brain? where are they and how can I apply? -Olorin
Something along the lines of 'non-supported abuse of equipment'? -TieDyedDinosaur
No, that's 'abuse of non-supported equipment'. -VFox
No, abuse of non-supported equipment is what Burrkiss does when he goes commando. -concept14
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9.
Why Our Job Sucks
http://www.cracked.com/article_17271_why-tech-support-sucks-look-behind-scenes.html -- this one seems to cover all the main points..
[By: NightSteel]
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Yep, hit 'em all. Out of the park. -PTSTech
*applauds* well written, and pretty damn accurate. Althought I notice the distinct lack of "90%+ of the calls you will get will be from mouth-breathing idjits" *pouts* -rosemetal
"...leaves the cushion of the chair smelling like a wicked case of acrid swamp ass." - Nice !!! -Daywalker
Awesome. Next time somebody asks why I don't do phone tech support anymore, I can refer to this article. -MacDaddy
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10.
Up late...
So, this evening, my boss calls. He tells me that one of our customers' outlying offices cannot connect to the servers in their main office. We just got a shiny new after-hours support procedure for this client, so I use it for the first time. <p> To make a long story short, I got everyone moving and the problem resolved over the phone in about an hour and fifteen minutes. <p> The problem? The power company scheduled an outage at that location later this morning, to do maintenance on the grid. And in 'preparation', somebody threw some breakers they weren't supposed to, taking out the servers eight hours early when the batteries ran out. OOPS! <p> At least I did it all from the comfort of my own apartment while the client's own employees responded on site. The site's over an hour away from me, that would've been a fun drive at 1030 at night..
[By: NightSteel]
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the power bit sounds like what happened at my place of work last weekend. They were doing some work, and flipped all the breakers. Servers went down after 20min when the UPS' died. No one knows what breaker is for the server room -Caboose447
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11.
Unsafe? Who cares! Does it *work*?
I got a real gem today. Customer called, wanting me to set up a new laptop on their domain. Fine. Go out and first off, find out that it's running Vista Home Premium x64. Okay, cust runs and picks up a retail copy of the Ultimate upgrade, problem solved, and I proceed to work on it. In the middle of this, cust pulls out his personal laptop. I notice the AC adapter. It's kinked and twisted almost beyond recognition, and is actually frayed where one of the cables comes out of the adapter. I of course inform the user that this is unsafe and he should replace it immediately. He then expresses the title sentiment, informing me that he's touched the frayed bits and it hasn't shocked him, and it hasn't damaged his laptop. I blink, then pointedly inform him that it's still not safe, after which he grudgingly agrees to replace it. A future Darwin if there ever was one...
[By: NightSteel]
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Anyone who thinks the best way to test frayed wires is to touch them is leading the pack for the next Darwin awards. -Ramblin
obviously he didn't use his tongue... :) -Bynar
The password is FLASH!! -vacuumtubes
I'm guessing the frayed part was on the low-voltage side. He wouldn't get shocked from that, but if it shorted it could potentially cause a fire. -Chromatix
If you aren't contacting ground, you could lick it and not have a problem, no matter the voltage. If you're grounded, however....... -srteach
I know how to kill a starfish with a flashlight battery and 2 thumbtacks!! -atomicbill
I likez too make toast in the showr two sves tym. -Biosynthetic
Thought this was going to be about the hadron collider -Icelator
Well. I'll tell on myself a bit. Nearly got people calling me sparky. While imaging many laptops(Dell) assembly line style, one of the plugs got stuck in the laptop. After tugging and pulling quite hard it came out...with the laptop portion of the plug stuck on the cabled end. Didn't realize it at 1st but decied I would try and pull off the "extra" end piece with my multitool once i saw it. Yes thats right it sparked/arced and nearly made me check my pants. Luckily there was no shock to me but I'm not sure how it didn't. My momentary lapse into starfish land coulda landed me honorable mention in the Darwin awards. Well at least I have a story to tell. :-) -MrJay67
Generally speaking, the power lead is of a co-ax type, with the outer woven braid being the earth side. So touching it won't give you a shock. -lineswine
Of course. But it's still an unsafe condition, and if he's already torn the shielding, it could easily get to the point where it will shock him or damage his equipment, or even cause an electrical fire. -NightSteel
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12.
Super powers (somewhat NT)
Recently, our office completed a small remodeling project which involved moving a few departments around. New desks were set up and people's computers needed to be moved and set up in their new locations. While we were doing this, I looked out the window and noted that the people in the room I was working in had moved to the side of the building with the railroad tracks, and that the crossing gate was down. I already knew, of course, that there was another railroad crossing very close by and that trains came by at least once a day, so since the train horns sounding is such a common and prolonged experience around here, I sarcastically mentioned in passing something like, "Oh, that's right, you guys get to hear the trains come by now!" (We all hear them, the tracks are pretty close.) Ten seconds later, the train's horn sounded, and one of the users gave me the oddest look, asking, "Did you hear the train coming?!" I was tempted, very tempted, to say something like, "That and I felt the vibrations in the ground. Didn't you?" But no, I had to be nice. Sorry, no superpowers here, I'm just a mild-mannered IT professional..
[By: NightSteel]
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I thought all IT professionals had super powers? -CyBear
We do, but we have to be secretive with them or the evil villains will try to harm us with the one thing that will sap the strength of every IT Pro! Stupidium! -ecoli
We do.. and JUST enough conscience to not use them for Evil. -ShujinTribble
Speak for yerself ST...I use mine for personal gratification and satiation. -ChildofCthulhu
It's not that we're so special, just that Starfish set the bar so low. -BarmanVarn
What, so low that it's six feet underground? -VoiceOfSanity
When I was radioactive for a week, I didn't get a single superpower. I didn't even glow in the dark. :( -Tekkie
Thank Ghod you did'nt get angry -Zoomer
ST: Define Evil please. Is it Evil to use a LART and/or percussive maintenance on SFs as a teaching tool? Admittedly, sometimes the lesson is "Look what happened to the last moron! Who's next?" but is that truly Evil? -Loon
EVIL: The use of one's power, at the arbitrary expense of another, for personal gain well above the level which would have been obtained otherwise. (eg. Gary Mitchel is EVIL because he could have just taken control of the Enterprise and not killed anyone. OTIS is GOOD because its not unreasonable.) -ShujinTribble
Just remember: "With great power comes great responsibility." -Captain Trips
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14.
Good news (n/t)
Got some karma to give away, folks. Two major pieces of good news have passed my way recently. First off, the incompetent, self-serving, porn surfing supervisor that I've posted about previously was basically forced out of his management position and left the company last week. I never have to deal with his pissing matches again. Second, at least some of us left behind got big fat raises, including me. I normally wouldn't say how much, but I finally broke the $20/hr mark, which makes me feel a lot more appreciated. So, a round of karma for everyone, on me. Cheers!
[By: NightSteel]
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:-)) Very happy for you. Congrats! -NanoGeek
Hey, congrats! -Chipsterian
congratulations -SillyGirl
Congrats! And thanks on the extra karma, I need some; I have two papers due tomorrow (love being a history grad student) and one of them isn't even halfway finished yet. -Seamyst
Cool Biz! Sooo... when do we get to bit-torrent the LHA Archive of that born backup? -ShujinTribble
Congrats, NS!!! 'Bout time, too! -Ulfgaard
CG buddy -chris081888
you mean I can go back to work there?....actually I broke the $20/hr mark when I started my new job which is just phone support -areatech
Congratulations, dude! You deserve it! -Bobsentme
Congratulations! :) Sounds like you got a good deal for once.
-Warrick
Way to go and congratulations all around. He was the the blight in an otherwise fun working environment. Miss you guys. I'm glad your being appreciated as you should be. I'm making $0 an hour but get to go to Disney World. Want to trade? -Paisley
Congrats! -56Kdaytrader
Congrats! -Dr Jerkyl
Congrats!!! -udaduno
Congabats! -TechnoVampire
'grats! so what your saying is your buying the beer tonight? -SpitefulTech
WOOTage for you! -Learyban
Thanks! Thats why those Cedar trees are dumping their little leaflets all over the neighbors yard! And I thought it was the windstorm! -TieDyedDinosaur
Congrats indeed! -Grue
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15.
A right pisser of a day at work...
Imagine being the IT guy responsible to fix this: http://www.funtechtalk.com/dog-pees-on-computer-server-rack-and-shuts-down-business/
[By: NightSteel]
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I'd be pissed. In the American sense during work, and the British sense after work. -OgdenTechGuy
At least the twit was promptly fired. Of course, knowing people like that, she probably tried to sue the business owner for unlawful termination or other such nonsense. -DreadPirate
Just fired? Hell, company should have taken her check right out of her hand, then bill her for the replacement server, setup labor, lost business due to down time, etc. -Ramblin
I'm curious what the server was doing right out in the open, rack or not. -Elfling
Serves her right. People who don't bother to watch their pets when they go somewhere and assume that their pets have the same sense of propriety and boundaries that they do shouldn't be allowed to own pets and should probably be spayed as well... -teivrann
Elfing, I was wondering the same thing...it wasn't quite "in the open" but in a back office, but still.....why was it on the "floor"? To me, it should've been on a desk or higher on the wall if it's in a rack....but, that's me. -ThatDevilTech
"Lori Stint"? Sounds like an anagram of "complete fucking airhead moron Paris Hilton wannabe". -lineswine
Isn't this why most companies have a no animals allowed inside rule? -PolarCoyote
Sounds like it's time for a Mythbusters Challenge - can your pet get electrocuted from piddling on a server? -ShujinTribble
"The basselope's a terrible beast that'll rip you limb from limb!" "Should I piddle on his foot?" (/Bloom County) -MadJack
I think I'd be making a donation to my local Korean restaurant. -Stryker One
I have heard of people pissing away their carrers, but their dog doing it for them is new on me. -Belunar
how about this: http://blogs.ittoolbox.com/security/investigator/archives/the-scarlet-s-17830 -madonnac
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18.
NT/OT, but who hasn't wanted to do this?
Came across this on Fark today. it's the Cube Farm Samurai! Imagine your least favorite cow-irkers in place of the victims...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_RGSWljwEE
[By: NightSteel]
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what do you mean "Wanted to"? (I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, can't prove anything.)
-Bobsentme
"YAAAAAAHHHH!1" <Sulu> -MadJack
"Yield, Richelieu!" <Sulu> -MadJack
"Captain! CAPTAIN!! There's a samuarai after me!" <Sulu> -MadJack
What's his number? ;) -TheMacOne
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19.
Dunno if I've any karma left, but...
...y'all can have it, if I do! After a long wait, yesterday, I finally managed a promotion that I've been working for. I now have a position that's at least vaguely equivalent to a systems administrator. The next round's on me. ;)
[By: NightSteel]
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Congratulations, cutie! You've had to wait long enough for it, now enjoy the madness! -Tekkie
Your Karma account has been debited 43.333311 percent automagically. Congratulations and Whoot! -TieDyedDinosaur
You may have used up *your* karma, but the act of giving it away reverses the polarity, making it useful again for others! -Divinar
Congrats, NightSteel, and Happy Holidays. -persephone
Congrats! Good things will come to those who wait. (and rant, shout, cry and stomp their feet) -Gunpe
Yay! Good job! *insert Banshee Cheer Scream here* -BansheeTechGirl
(Covering his ears and giving a baleful look at BTG) "CONGRATULATIONS! I HOPE YOU'RE VERY HAPPY IN YOUR NEW JOB! I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU... THERE'S A SCREAMING BANSHEEGIRL IN MY EAR.. AND SHE AINT EVEN SCREAMING MY NAME, DAMNIT!" -ShujinTribble
/me looks at banshee, winces, signs congrats to nightsteel! -timelady
About farking time. I've only been saying that you're overdue for about a year and a half. (Not that I had anything to do with it, but DAMN!) -Congrats! -scooby111
*deafened by BTG, texts "Congrats! I hope a million virgin clouds rain happiness on you from now on. I gotta go and take my "medicine" now. w00t!"* -TheMacOne
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20.
Today's gem
Okay, so most people who have ever used a ticket system know that frequently, users of the ticket system, be they end users or technicians, do not put enough information (or coherent information) into a ticket. I received one such ticket today from a client. It made reference to an application not working on two PCs, but the explanation was like reading Jabberwocky.
So, I proceeded out to the site to check it out. Took a quick peek behind the PCs to ensure that the network cables were plugged in and fired them up. Tried to log in and.. nope, no domain. Hm.
I took a closer look behind the PCs and they were plugged in alright.. to each other. I rounded up another cable and got them both plugged back into the wall, and all was well. It made me wonder about what kind of terms I could use to describe two computers plugged into each other like that without making a completely disgusting reference like incest. (Paging Dr. Burrkiss?)
[By: NightSteel]
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an infinite Data transfer loop? -Harm
NULL network access hub -Harm
I get the opposite. I include full debugging information, and get the ticket returned, "We tested it and it works, ticket closed." Grr, NO. -namor
Inadvertent and incorrect setup of an ad-hoc network, using patch cable rather than rollover? -linuxmatt
There was an unauthorized reallocation of the machines to a private network. -Stryker One
They're speed dating 100Mbps at a time.... ;) -TheMacOne
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21.
Don't want to bump the Cool Link..
A very interesting laptop design, check it out: http://thrillingwonder.blogspot.com/2006/10/wooden-laptop-design-new-fad-from.html
[By: NightSteel]
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That is freaking awesome...it even looks like it has a morse code button on the side. -squatchie666
Thanks so much. My *fish son is looking to purchase a laptop. We are betting how long it takes to get an "FU" email in reply. <BFEG> -TubPorsche
LMAO @ TubPorsche -Bobsentme
Anyone else think "David Cronenberg" when you saw that? -Stryker One
Yeah, that's great until you get one of those dodgy Sony batteries that catch fire or explode. nice design tho. -TheMacOne
Wow, it's straight out of Brazil. All that's missing is the adjustable magnifying glass (which could very easily be added). -AmazingKreskin
that funting hideous! -Tarantulus
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22.
Welcome to the Sauna: Followup
A short while ago, I posted about a client who had a server room with no aircon, they depended on the building's overall aircon to keep it cool. This client had their building's aircon fail, and it reached over 100 degrees in that server room. I predicted at the time that they would not learn from this experience.
I'm sure none of you will be surprised to hear that I was right. The servers were moved from a secure closet into someone's office. It's about 3 times the size of the closet. Of course, this doesn't solve the problem, because they still turn off the aircon when the building's not occupied, and they're still screwed if it fails again. The power of stupid people in groups..
[By: NightSteel]
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The IQ of a mob (or management, I guess), is the IQ of the dumbest person in the group, divided by the number of people in the group. -Dj
If you take that formula, then you achieve a black hole because you divided by Zero... hence, once and for all, explaining why all management ideas suck. -ShujinTribble
I've dealt with that myself. One client has a server room that is about 150 cubic feet, and had it's good HVAC system die. Management decided since it was winter, the solution was just to leave a window open, giving a temperature around 95 degrees. This spring, when temperatures started pushing 115, I gave them a written warning that it was bad for the equipement to be exposed to those temperatures. When nothing happend, I gave another written warning that it's not that good for me to work in those temperatures either, and marked out relevant sections of the law regarding hazardous work environments (in my area, automatic double time in temperatures above 110, plus 5 minutes paid break out of every half hour. They didn't even take that seriously, and only partialy paid my invoice for the first 2 2 week periods (paying only regular time, and deducting my breaktime). They paid the balance in full, and installed a new AC very quickly after receiving a letter for my lawyer (who was happy to write out a quick letter in exchange for me fixing his laptop) -garwain
Isn't it amazing how a company will try to screw it's employees their due, until the very second they realize that it is possible that they will have to pay said employees their end-year bonus of $15 million to each one?... (or just one...) -unrenowned
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25.
Be careful what you wish for
Hey, all you yokels with the 'wanna new mouse' jokes? Thanks a lot, I just got one.. of the organic variety. The little bugger walked right across my desk and crawled down into it via one of the holes that cables go through. Looking for seconds on a candy bar that he nibbled earlier this week, no doubt..
[By: NightSteel]
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IIIII WAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNTTTTTT AAAAAA NNNNEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW CCAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!!! -chazz
No,no! If you have mouse problems, you need a Cat5! <gets to the Bad Puns shelter before it gets crowded> -TheGhost
Was it everything the stories have led you to believe, and more? -namor
And isn't it amazing how small those mouse balls are these days? -ShujinTribble
Step 1 catch mouse.... Step 2 tape P/S 2 connector to end of mouses tail..... step 3 give mouse to first SF theat goes IIIIII WWWWAAAAANNNNAAAA NEEEEWWWWWWWW MOOOOOUUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!! -PID1
Mousie, darling, how do you put up with all these Mouse puns? <EG!> -MadJack
NICE BUTT! *pinches said buttocks with a wink* -evolvedstarfish
Just hope he doesn't crawl into your computer: http://www.wizardslab.net/~riffraff/pictures/deadmouse/deadmouse.jpg -RiffRaff
Just hope he doesn't crawl into your computer: http://www.wizardslab.net/~riffraff/pictures/deadmouse/deadmouse.jpg -RiffRaff
probaby hitched a ride from the stupid-visors house. oh wait, you said mouse, not rat. sorry. -areatech
Eesh, that happened to me once upon a time whilst I worked 3rd shift in a large, mostly dark building all by my lonesome. The guy on day shift liked his cheeze-food and wasn't real particular about hitting his mouth. Scraggly little thing too (the mouse...well, AND the day shift guy) it had one eye, the other was kind of a empty, furry space. It only had about half a tail too. Little bugger crawled over my foot while I was just sitting there and minding my own business, reading a book. Kinda creepy when you're not expecting it. -Cybersaurus
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26.
Welcome to the Sauna Pt 1
This is kind of a long story, and no star, so I'll split it up some. Anyway, first, background info: A certain client of mine has a small data facility in a closet off their main office. It consists of a couple of servers, a few switches, a pair of UPS', some telco equipment, nothing major. However, this closet is missing something vital: Environmental control. No aircon. It's an internal closet, so they can't just install aircon in an external wall, and you can guess how willing they are to install a proper heat pump or chiller-style cooling system. This has been a problem for years, and I brought it up at every opportunity I got, because walking into that room from the office was like stepping outside on a hot day.
[By: NightSteel]
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order reverse in posted be really should this like stories long. -illiterate
Why should I mess around with it? It's the site that gets them backwards, not me! -NightSteel
NightSteel - I can post that story all at once from FF. -Divinar
I know Firefox gets around the length limitation, thing is, it's the formatting that I'm worried about. Try reading that story as one long run-on paragraph.. -NightSteel
Itcouldbeworse.Imagineifyourspacebarwasbroken! -maciarc
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27.
Welcome to the Sauna Pt 2
After a couple years, the time came to install a new server. I brought this up again when I worked on the new server, and made noise about refusing to install the server unless they fixed the problem(didn't actually threaten to, just made some noise). Subsequently, the server was given to another tech to complete and install. The heat, of course, got worse. Eventually, a simple thermometer was purchased and hung in the room, and monitored for a short amount of time. Temperature fluctuated between 80-90. This was brought up yet again. The solution? Install some sort of small blower in the closet's ceiling vent and cut two inches off the bottom of the closet door, so that a tiny amount of environmentally controlled air from the office could be drawn into this closet. (The door has to be closed and locked for security reasons.) Of course, the aircon is turned off on days when the building isn't occupied, which defeats the purpose, but hey, it didn't cost a lot.
[By: NightSteel]
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28.
Welcome to the Sauna Pt 3
If you haven't guessed what's coming by now, here it is: The temperature outside today reached at least 102, and probably higher. I went over to this client location today to pick up a piece of equipment from that data facility. I walked into the office, and noticed *no change* in temperature. This widened my eyes a little, and as I drew closer to the data facility, I could hear the servers doing their best impression of a wind tunnel. I opened the door and my eyes shot to the thermometer like a geek's browser to porn. 102(!!). Apparently, the aircon was broken in that part of the building. Phone calls were made and the servers were shut down immediately. I left explicit instructions not to turn the servers back on if the temperature in that room was anywhere over 90. (I was tempted to tell them 80--which it would never get down to.) I have my doubts about whether or not the instructions will be followed. But, if they are, that location will be without their servers for however long it takes to get fixed.
[By: NightSteel]
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29.
Welcome to the Sauna: Epilogue
The worst part? I don't think that even this will convince them to do it right. They'll just fix the office aircon and go right back to business as usual. They'll probably have to actually kill a server before they sit up and take notice, and I'll have to think real hard about delivering a nuclear 'I told you so'...
[By: NightSteel]
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I forsee some surreptitious use of a heat gun in that room's forseeable future.
You have documented and timestamped all your complaints on this, yes? So that when everything DOES die, you can lead the high executives through the timeline in a meeting - "January, I advised that the temperature was too high and unless it was addressed there would be expensive heat failures and data loss. February - I advised again that the temperature was too high and... (etc etc). August - high temperatures caused massively expensive equipment failure and data loss, as predicted. Seeing as how it was $boss and $otherboss who repeatedly ignored the obvious signs of impending failure, I'd like to know what THEIR disaster recovery plans are for this facility." -Geminii
I have an e-mail paper trail, so to speak, so yeah, I've got all that. -NightSteel
Guess I am the lucky one. It gets pretty hot here in Florida and my office also serves as the server room. I was able to get funding for a 2 ton unit to supply AC for just my office. It stays a comfy 73° all the time. -JoeLugian
Geminii: disaster recovery plans include constructive dismissal of the one who got them in trouble with the higher-ups. -illiterate
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30.
Exabyte Exa-bites it (Tech news)
Exabyte, a manufacturer of tape backup solutions, is apparently going the way of the dodo. I mention it because several of my customers use or have used Exabyte drives, particularly the VXA series, and now we have to recommend that they find a new solution. You may want to as well. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/07/exobyte_to_sell/
[By: NightSteel]
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Wow... what a damned shame... and tape was always so reliable. </Sarcastic Ex-Iomega Tape Backup Tech.... ME> -ShujinTribble
You missed a great party, NS. :)
-Mushroom
I know, but it was worth it. I spent the preceding week with someone important to me and had a wonderful time. I was too exhausted to attend afterwards! -NightSteel
So actually, Nightsteel, you came out ahead. Let the gutter minds roll! -TieDyedDinosaur
A WHOLE WEEK? No wonder you were exhausted... (this may be the first time I run for the LART shelter) -Robster2001
Hmmm... sewer mind. check. foot-in-mouth-itis. check. quick retort. check. it's a GO! BTW, how did you manage to keep it up for a whole week?!?!? *LART shelter, here I come* -Torinir
Admirable pursuit, and presumably less geeky. But did YOU have lethargic butterflies?? Huh? Didja? I didn't THINK so. :) -Mushroom
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31.
Tape on astronauts not staying sticky
I was looking through our ticket system today, and I found a ticket with that gem of a title. This is from a part of our system that was recently implemented for a customer. I have no idea what it means or what it has to do with IT, but there it is! Colorless green ideas sleep furiously...
[By: NightSteel]
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It's the fault of those solar flares! They keep shooting the sticky atoms and breaking them! -TieDyedDinosaur
One thing is certain: they are not testing the effects of vacuum on Duck Tape. Duck tape, as we know, can withstand vacuum, solar flares, black holes, supernovas, etc... -TheGhost
--and Red Green! -ShujinTribble
Its "DUCT" tape, btw. duck tape is a cheap brand of it -HappyCrappy
I'm trying to decide if it's the customer or NightFury that has access to high quality mescaline. -MeanDean
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32.
The Dangers of USB
Here's a great article about a security consultant who's put a new spin on social engineering. It's a great illustration of how big a risk USB thumb drives can be.
http://www.darkreading.com/document.asp?doc_id=95556&WT.svl=column1_1
[By: NightSteel]
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That's a brilliant, but scary article. I'll be bookmarking that site, cheers! -modeski
Wow... that's just evil and oh so simple. -spectreoflife
wow, just wow. thats insane, but believable. -rhiannon
Aint greed grand? -ShujinTribble
I still haven't recieved my USB drive from Microsoft for taking that damn quiz....:( -kryliss
ktyliss I got an e-mail saying I wasn't getting one as it was for US residents only, funny that they had a drop down box for country AND my province -NOFXfan
Ok, if I actually saw a whole bunch of USB thumbdrives scattered in the areas in my workplace, I figured something would be up... even without that article. Then again, I should see what this place is and work there. Free USB thumbdrives! -ShiftedBeef
My company distributed the annual report (I forget what kind...) on a 128MB USB drive. Cheap, but it works, and now I'm strangely worried... (Bah! I give them too much credit...) -namor
Oh geez, NOFXFan, is THAT why I am not getting my drive? That entirely sucks. As for the other thing, most of my user base would see those USB drives and have NO idea what they were anyhow. No risk there .. they would need tech support to understand WHAT it was they had picked up. :P -Mysty
I got an email from Microsoft saying that the promo was US only and while supplies last, and the supply was depleted, so I'd bet that nobody will get one. -NightSteel
add another Canuck who got the email saying for US only. WTF?? if you are only going to allow US residents to get the drive, why have the other country and province info on the webform? -halitech
They didn't even bother to email me... -Nazreel
Or me. -chazz
Me neither... Oh, well. -Voz
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33.
Water-based hard drive, anyone?
Okay, so maybe it's not water-based, but how about having a hard drive in your iPod that's big enough to play a different song every three minutes for over a thousand years?
http://www.bit-tech.net/news/2006/05/10/water_will_help_improve_our_memory/
[By: NightSteel]
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"Ooooh. I'm getting wet just thinking about it! Oh...wait....dammit, my hard drive sprung a leak!" -rokitt
To quote Slashdot, that'd be cool right until the next ice age, when it gets stuck on an infinite repeat of "I've got you babe" by Sonny and Cher. -Calydor
"12.8 million gigabytes" = 12,800,000 GB = 12,800 TB = 12.8 PB - Hmmmm... Has the RIAA/PMAA chimined in yet on the DRM for this? (That comes out to 4,266,666,666.666 songs, 32,448.6 years of songs... $DIETY I hope that doesn;t include 'The Best Of Milli Vanilli' or 'Viva el mundo de Menudo!') -ShujinTribble
It might just be enough room for the first 10% of all the the Pron on the net... -neuman1812
Ok, question, I read the article and it said that ram could be used as hard drives with the increased stordage with faster speed but then wouldn't we lose all of our infomation everytime we kill power to the PC since Ram only holds the infomation when there is power going to it? -vrek
vrek, actually what they are probably refering to is a hybrid HD. where a portion of it is flash/ram based, the other is HD based. they are working on this now where you store your OS on a flash based portion of a hard disk so boot time is a second or two rather than a minute, and then write speeds run thorugh a ram type memory so you save to ram and its instand(almost) then it writes to the HD as it has time. this should be available in the next year or so (already in testing phases) but not to the size extent they are talking about. -xtc46
also...you could just use non-volitile ram. which doesnt lose the memory when it loses power. (this also sort of exisits) -xtc46
of course, current NVRAM takes significant write time, so it isn't really great for use as main memory or even HD. Perhaps this new hydromagnetic stuff will be quicker... -chazz
Too bad there aren't enough decent songs in existence to play that long! That is really cool though, I'm gonna pass this on to my daddy. :) -TranceGemini
What good would that type of iPod be though, aside from measuring prison sentences? (Scratch that -- a prison would probably just get 100,000 copies of 'Afternoon Delight'.) -HidariMak
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34.
More multi-point touch screens
Not so long ago I submitted a link to an awesome demo of a multi-point touch screen being developed at NYU( http://tinyurl.com/9mqux ). Here's a demo for another screen being worked on by Mitsubishi Electric Research Laboratories (MERL). This time, they use Warcraft III to demonstrate it. Looks pretty cool. http://www.hiptechblog.com/2006/04/02/video-multi-touch-table-demonstrated-with-warcraft-iii/
[By: NightSteel]
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I SO want one -Alternatech
Oooooohhhhhhh....... -danusia
Nice!
-Psudo36
Looks pretty cool. But really, it's just a glorified smartboard (http://www.smarttech.com/) which works out really well for educational purposes. It allows you to project your computer display onto the "whiteboard" then interract with it by touching the images on the whiteboard instead of using a mouse. I dont think this will catch on with gamers, unless they develop games specifically for it. It's just not ergonomical. For extended play, your neck will get tired from looking down so much and your hands and arms are going to get tired from reaching all over, and having to be semi-precise in your moments (can't just rest your hand on the board while you're "clicking" on things and telling troops to go hither and tither). For some things, having your imput device at hand level and your display at eye-level just work better. -spastasmagoric
I work with Smart Boards regularly, since I support a lot of educational users, and I have to say that I disagree with your analysis for one main reason: Smart Boards are not touch-sensitive. They require the use of special, battery powered pens. Now if these guys had to put on some sort of special tracking glove to make it work, I'd agree. -NightSteel
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35.
Now *this* is cool.
http://tinyurl.com/9mqux
NYU researchers have developed a multi-point touchscreen. Watch what it can do.
[By: NightSteel]
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ok...i want one of those!!! -gashach
Too cool! I did notice that toward the bottom, someone posted a comment with a vid of a nearly unclothed female. Not gonna check that out at work! -Tekkie
I must have one! -JoeLugian
Oooooohhhh, I sooo want one of these. It would make my layout and design job so much easier and more fluid. -docbrown01
OMG I want one, NOW. Fantastic. -Mysty
Am i the only one that noticed that DD had a staring roll in this? If DD is one of the developers Im going to think twice before buying one... -neuman1812
i WANT one..... that is sooooo kewl -duckhead
After seeing that, I need to touch something. Lacking anything else, I touch myself. <hmmmmm.....> -TheGhost
Hmm... will this replace the photocopier as the preferred method of recording details of your anatomy for posterity? <exits for Pond Life, dreaming of BOOBIES impressions> -Gromit
I noticed one of the demos was a two-person version of the game Planarity (posted here a couple of months ago at the site planarity.net) -Captain Trips
The fun Miss Tigbits could have with that, hmm, Gromit? -NightSteel
Hot damn! I want! -ThreeBucks
BEST! NEW! TOY! EVAH! -ShujinTribble
Cooooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 -MadJack
Some of the actions made me think of 'The minority report'! -TieDyedDinosaur
I am reminded of the interface on the movie Minority Report. SO CLOSE... -Psudo
It's SFW, I sent it to all my co-workers. I WANT THIS SCREEN!!! No more keyboard, no more mouse. IIIII WAAAANT A NEEWW SCREEEEEENN!!!!! -TheMage18
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36.
"Well, guess I'll just have to cancel."
The earlier story about the guy who bought el cheapo laptop and then got it infected reminded me of something that happened today. I answered phones today for a change of pace, and I got one that just made me shake my head. A lady called in with connection issues. I determined that even though IE was setup to always dial her default connection, for some reason, it just wasn't. Also, when she connected manually, her computer didn't route. // To make a long story short, I did a lot of troubleshooting, during which the fact came out that she had no antivirus software. And, she followed my instructions well, but every time we tried to get her computer to automatically dial, or to route, and failed, she just got madder. Finally, when I could go no further, I recommended that she have her computer serviced, and that she immediately acquire antivirus of some sort, because I believed that a virus was the problem. // I was taken completely aback when she then asked to be credited for the days she couldn't access the Internet. I literally could not find words for a few seconds. // By policy, the stupidvisor is the only one who can make that call, so I offered her that option, but I told her that I doubted he would be inclined to do so. Of course, virus protection is not something that we as an ISP are responsible for. Then, she came up with the all-too-familiar gem in the title, and hung up on me. The whole thing just left me shaking my head. // Fail to protect your own computer and try to hold us accountable, huh? Yeah, we'll see how far that gets you. I'm just afraid that she'll call back and the supe will fold..
[By: NightSteel]
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Cancel? Another old saying is 'the barn door is open and the horse has already gotten away.' Too late, ma'am!
-Mushroom
No, no, no the threat of loosing 0.0000000001% of you rcompanie's income should scare the heebie-jeebies aout of you, so that you credit her the $0.95 -Dj
Be Blunt. "Look you stupid fucking waste of flesh. Your service works fine. It's your god damned piece of shit computer that's fucked over six ways from Friday. Get it fixed. Buh bye. My name? Shen, Egg Shen." -Jeckler
NO refunds for customer caused issues. -THETECHFROMHELL
Don't give her a damn thing, becuse they would want more...... Whan Whan Whan I want my milk and cookies......lol -JackMackle
Lady, it is YOUR negligent, NOT ours that got you in this situation. The chances of us paying for your fark-up is about the same as finding an honest politician. </click> -lineswine
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37.
Returning Karma to the pool
I had an interview today. My gut feeling is, it went very well. 'They' say that you should interview while you still have a job, because it makes you more confident and puts you in a better position to turn down bad offers. Well, I guess 'they' are right, because I felt calm and confident pretty much the entire time, and in truth, I actually enjoyed it. I should hear back in about a week, but you guys can have the karma back. It's all out of my hands now, and I know there's some tech out there who can use it more. Good luck to you, whoever ends up with it.
[By: NightSteel]
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Exuse me sir... Karma Health and Safty Inspector #437.65 and 1/4 here. I'll need to be checking that incoming karma. Ok... we've got 53.972 pounds.. um sir, you're exactly 3.873 pounds short. What? you already passed some on? Oh, well that's different, if you just fill out Form 37B in triplicate, intitial here, and here, and sign here... ok now I need a blood sample, and you maiden name..... -duckhead
A 37B? Nah, not if he's already filled in the PQ84 - all he needs to do is get the top copy stamped, then return it with the blue sheet from the KM4(Transfers) set... -Diptera
Back off you amatuers! I'm from the government, let ME show you how to obfuscate paperwork! Okay boys, back that truck in here and off load those forms right over there at NightSteel's dsk. Maybe next time you'll think twice about returning stuff. Next time just pass it along! Okay, the first form has to be filled out in quadruplicate, the white copy goes to . . . -ecoli
ecoli, just ONE truck? I thought stuff like that took at least 3 trucks. -JH
Actually all of this is redundant. Karma is automagically tallied and banked. It's just that bean counters STILL can't figure out how it works so they invent paperwork to cover their ignorance. You might as well try to count raindrops under water! -TieDyedDinosaur
Farkitall. Forget about your paperwork do you know what I'm going to have to go thru to train another tech for your position? Please why can't anyone think of ME when they make life choice like a better job or more money. *Sheesh* Selfish bastards. (J/K good luck. I hope you nailed it.) <BFEG> -scooby111
Thanks, Scoob. As for the rest of you, bring it on! I was in the military, I can sign off forms with the best of them! (It's the reason my signature became a squiggle with only 3 semi-recognizable letters.) -NightSteel
Best O'Luck! I hear ya - the USAF trained me out of the ability to use cursive, and changed my sig to an illegible scrawl. -Grue
LOL Grue You too huh? Got to that point my self in the USAF. -StarFishHearder
Okay, that makes 4 of us EX-USAF. Any more? (And my sig is a squiggle too.) -scooby111
MrsChazz is ex-USAF. -chazz
Ex-Army.... I played w/ Tanks... 4 wheelers ain't got nuthin' on us... -duckhead
Ex-Army here, too. But I played with the heliobirdies. Loaded with "Tank Killers". :D -missourimule
Now duckhead I have a good reason to wonder about army IT. Had to tech a call from the "Head" of army IT once.
He didn't know why we telnetted or tracerouted. Yes it failed because of the work firewall. Which he so well put that it wasn't a issue on his end. Well he forgot about a update to his system that happened the night before. Guess what it blocked OE again.
I posted a EUPOTD "Thanks for making me feel like a ass" was his final line.
-StarFishHearder
Better to stockpile as much aboardship as you can, and fire as needed... Karma goes stale if it's just left sitting; but remains static if kept on ready status.... -MadJack
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38.
Hurricane Katrina (n/t)
I've been reading the news this morning. The NOAA has upgraded Hurricane Katrina to a Category 5 hurricane. They are predicting, basically, the end of New Orleans as we know it.
http://weather.noaa.gov/weather/LA_cc_us.html -- select New Orleans as a city and look at all the warnings.
I'm not a religious person, but I'm praying for you, New Orleans. I don't know if there are any TSCers from that area, but if there are, be safe, all of you.
[By: NightSteel]
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we are all praying for all the techs in the path of this monster, may Gia spare you all as best she can. hey riff arent you glad you didnt go chase this one. -rhiannon
Holy crap *is praying for any techs in New Orleans* -Warrick
antipodean best thinkings guys, hang on there! -timelady
Anybody in that entire section of the coultry better lay-in supplies and prep the best they can - this is gonna be a rough ride. All my best to you folks in the path!
-Grue
Well, At time of writing, It looks dry so far. Traffic Web Cams courtesy of LaDOT http://www.dotd.louisiana.gov/press/traffic_cameras/cameras_no.asp?camera=Cam3 -Necros
Even Magenta and I are sitting this one out. We're monitoring radar from New Orleans and a GOES satellite image for the Gulf of Mexico on my home weather server, though. This thing's a monster. If you're still anywhere near SE Louisiana, get out while you still can. -RiffRaff
Keeping my fingers crossed. Sis & fam used to live just south of Shreveport, now in Dallas. If Katrina keeps on going, she has potential to hit NE TX... not cool... glad she doesn't live in LA anymore, tho... -MadJack
In Baton Rouge it just started raining. We're settling in and waiting for those who will be displaced to show up looking for lodging. -DizzyDan
Ok, scarey thought... has there ever been cause to re-catagorize a hurricane to a 6? -ShujinTribble
Oh shit - I've just heard about it on BBC UK news. It looks like you guys in the San Fran area are in for a tough time. Hold onto your asses guys, and good luck. -Gromit
San Fran??? New Orleans isn't close to San Francisco. Unless I'm missing something. I'm up West of Shreveport, in NE Texas. I can only hope everyone is out of the way in New Orleans. This is one everyone has been expecting. If it hits on the right (or wrong) side of NO, then Lake Ponchatrain (sp?) will flood the whole city. Could get ugly. Guess we'll find out Monday morning. -ThatDevilTech
One of my friends is currently on business in the land of fat asses, and is heading into florida. Although IIRC Katrina's been predicted to miss her... just. -trs998
It's sad becuse I work night shift at a hotel and get to watch fox news all night... guess what's on all night. I feel sad and hope people survive but there's only so much huricane that can be taken with out repeating the same thing over, and over and over.. -STJ
Igor and I are packaging up some Care Package Kegs-O-Karma™ to ship to New Orleans and surrounding areas through the Transdimensional Warp Gate™. Good Luck over there. Prayers are going out to %diety% -ecoli
Our thoughts are with all techs in the New Orleans area. -lineswine
Amen. At least she's slowing down as she heads north, not nw, like hurricanes usually do.... -MadJack
Thanks to Katrina I'm going about 10 min between calls. We get a lot of stupid calls from there. -atomicbill
Necros, all those traffic cameras must be down now. -SouthernMyst
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39.
Magic Smoke
I got to see the magic smoke for the first time today. Picked up a computer with the bad Taiwanese capacitors, several were blown. Had our intern replace the board, then checked it over after he got everything put back together. We fired it up to check functionality and POW! A capacitor in the power supply exploded, smoke (or dust) and all. I didn't think something that small could be so loud, I had temporary hearing loss in the ear that was facing it. Pretty cool, though.
[By: NightSteel]
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it was easier in the day of AT power supplies, flip the cables at the switch and laugh as someone tries to open that computer -NOFXfan
We are the exploding capacitors of Borg. Capacitance is futile. -robbor
never seens a capacitor explode- but i did make a haome made firecracker--- with the power in caps - and tried to but it in half, the ringing stops after a few hours. -Harm
Reversed polarity on an electrolytic will provide some very interesting changes in behaviour. Some would say exciting! -TieDyedDinosaur
Make it the high-capacity, high-voltage capacitors in a naval bridge-console (e.g. radar), and the result can be down right... evacuating. (When an electrolytic cap. the size of a two-liter bottle blows, EVERYBODY knows it!) -LoTech
Heh.. I've extracted magic smoke from old ball mice and an old laptop floppy drive. With the floppy drive plugged in, I used a screwdriver to short the infared sensor that detected the position of the read/write head. With an old intellimouse, I connected one of the same kind of sensors to an estes rocket launcher. Smokey says... -linuxmatt
I remember my first magic smoke very well. I was in high school, learning to dissect hardware(I struggled through modem self-installation at 12 and hadn't been back much since then). Anyhoo, I unscrewed the hard drive and removed it. Putting things back together, I simply set the hard-drive on top of the mounting bracket, at a bit of an angle, actually. Plugged it in, burned the hell out of it. Since then I have hurried more slowly. -illiterate
LOL hurried more slowly. thanks illiterate, that is somethink I did (killed be beloved LS120) same thing, same way, *bugle song* I will miss you LS... -Jax
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40.
PNW TSC BBQ 2005
Well folks, the party at Scoob's house broke up right around midnight. Burgers and steaks were eaten. Beach balls were launched at supersonic speeds. Old computer hardware was destroyed with an axe and a sledgehammer. Jokes were told. I was called handsome. Fun was had. It lasted way longer than I expected, and I was fine with that. I had a good time. // I can't give you a full list of who was in attendance, because er, I don't know most of the people who were there, and only a few of their TSC nicks stuck in my mind. Beyond Scoob and myself, there was Areatech and his girlfriend, Mushroom, and Snowcrash. Everyone else, I'm sorry, but your TSC nicks are escaping me. *sheepish smile* // Anyway, I'll leave it to the rest of them to post their own accounts of the event wherever. Meanwhile, here are all of the pictures, resized for hosting but otherwise unedited (sorry, no thumbnails). http://www.rumandcoat.net/stuff/images/TSCBBQ05/ Yes, this is what passes for entertainment here in the Pacific Northwest. // Just so nobody can complain, I left in the unflattering photos of myself, too, big schnoz, thinning hair and all. I'd be the one with the broken axe handle. I must not know my own strength, it snapped in two on the first swing. Also, 4 movies totalling 342 megs were taken(and yes, we got all the destruction). I'm going to leave hosting those to Scoob; my space is on my home server, and I don't want my ISP to get mad about bandwidth. // Thanks to Scoob for hosting, as well as Areatech and everyone else who cooked, the food was excellent. It was a real pleasure meeting all of you, and I hope I'll see you again next year!
[By: NightSteel]
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Oh, and as a quick disclaimer, none of these photos were taken by me, so no blaming me for their content! -NightSteel
First, if you noticed someone killed your bandwith around6:00AM Eastern, that was me. Second, whoever was taking the pictures, what is up with this one: http://www.rumandcoat.net/stuff/images/TSCBBQ05/DCP03531.JPG ?? Trying to get a down the shirt shot? -snJimboip
blind tech wants to here videos. when will they be posted? -blindtech
No wonder it was so quiet around here yesterday. Looks like everyone had fun. -ProfessorFrink
*sarcasm mode OFF* I am green of envy. -Bilkor
" Areatech and his girlfriend, Mushroom" something to tell us Mushy? *giggle* -burrkiss
Magenta & I wish we could have been there; we really enjoyed our time with you guys last summer. Glad everyone had a good time, though. -RiffRaff
Jimbo: I think that was Mushroom's handiwork. burrkiss: I finished writing that at 2 AM after laughing and breaking stuff all day. And you know, I saw that myself, and found that at 2 AM I just didn't care. I just forgot Areatech's girlfriend's name. Riff: You came up, actually. "Too bad Riff's not at work, so we can prank him." -NightSteel
Oh, and, I think Scoob'll have the videos up sometime Tuesday, just as a guess. I s'pose if someone else wants to host them, I can send them off. -NightSteel
Didn't anyone partake in the obligatory bbq RiffRaff wind-up :) -Armakuni
Looks like a LOT of fun was had. I considered it, but I had two other invites this weekend, and driving up and back in one day, with a pregnant wife, just wasn't gonna happen. ;-) -Divinar
You should consider BatchThumbs, by Harmware - http://www.daolnwod.com/harmware_batch_thumbs_8835.htm - does a really nice job of thumbnailing, and the HTML code as well... -Divinar
Sorry - bad link above, takes you to somebody's bullshit page. Try http://www.sharewareplaza.com/Batch-Thumbs-download_309.html -Divinar
Great pics, thanks for sharing! I recognize 'Crash, Mylaar, Mushy, Obie, Areatech, DartLuke and Scoob and surmise Nightsteel is the man with the broken axe. Anyone know who the rest are? -Tekkie
PROPANE!!!!! do you people know how to bbq? said by sgtarkytek as he steps on a hot charcoal briquet/lart shelter -SGTARKyTEK
Gas bbq? Why not just stick the damn things in an oven and be done with it? Gas bbqs indeed... *walks off shaking head* -smellystudent
Thanks to Divinar, the images are now thumbnailed and HTML'ed. Go here: http://rumandcoat.net/stuff/images/TSCBBQ05/thumbs/ -NightSteel
Anyone still there today? -ThreeBucks
What a great looking group of people (sincere, no sarcasm). I think we need a tech calender. So the question of the day is: how did everyone earn their beads? Runs for lart shelter, finds it locked, gets bombarded. -BesideMyself
Scooby111, Snowcrash, Milaar, Mushroom, Obie099, Darthluke, Spicegirl, Areatech & Nightsteel. Also in attendance were Darthluke jr and Spicegirl jr, the aforementioned areatech S.O., no real names mentioned....
Goodtimes. Great folks.
Hugs to the host and everyone, especially Snowcrash. Thanks for everything!!!!! -obie099
The video is finished. Check the break room. -NightSteel
Areatech's girlfriend's name is Emily - or GeriatricTaiBo. :) Yes, Jimbo, that shot of Spicygirl was my doing and you shoulda seen the one that got away. :) Nightsteel, the stuff was destroyed primarily with the sledge because *you* destroyed the axe. (Yes, you don't know your own strength, or that of the monitor you took on -- thick glass, you know. And yes, you are a barrel of laughs and kinda cute.) Burkiss, it all depends upon how many cookies. I got back from the barbecue around 10pm Sunday, and I'd presume 'Crash & Milaar got home about half an hour later. -Mushroom
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41.
The Internet is down, III
At which point, of course, <CW> bursts out laughing, launching into his best impression of a tomato from his humor. We all follow suit as he tells us the story, and the laughter continues for a good minute. Eventually, though, we all have to get back to work, when the network comes back up. Ahhh, tech humor..
[By: NightSteel]
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Hey, ya gots to get yer jollies where ya finds 'em! -TieDyedDinosaur
Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, Ketchup!</Mia>
-viennasausage
You probably could of told him that the tachyon ray tubes were misaligned and he'd look at you with a glossed over eyes and that goofy assed smile of his and then nod his head and act like he understood. Mind-fuck him out of a job! -areatech
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42.
The Internet is down, II
So, a coworker grabs his phone and calls them. Now, remember a certain porn-surfing tech support stupidvisor from some posts back, whom I believe was dubbed 'The Simp'? As luck would have it, this is who answers. From the CW's account, the ensuing conversation went something like this... <CW> "Yeah, I'd like to report that the Internet is down." <Simp> "And what would the name on the account be?" <CW> *crappy ISP*. <Simp> "No, what is the name on the *account*?" <CW> *crappy isp*! <Simp> "No, no, the name on the account that you opened with us." <CW> *full name of crappy isp*. <Simp> "...<CW>, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
[By: NightSteel]
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43.
The Internet is down, I
So, today our network admins are working on the company firewall. The old one, we hear, is quite the piece of junk, and so a better replacement (though temporary) is supposed to be installed until a full-featured, permanent replacement can be acquired. We are warned that our internet access will be up and down somewhat over the course of the day, without being given specific times. When the first outage rolls around, we (the contract services department) sit back and relax for a little while, to shoot the breeze.. and between us we come up with an idea: Let's call the customer tech support line and report an outage!
[By: NightSteel]
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Before you do that.. Take a look at your chairs. Any new "Static Discharge grounding straps" been added recently? -ShujinTribble
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44.
Helpless Desk
I wasn't going to write a story about this, because I figured the first time was just a fluke. No such luck. <p> I was originally hired on at the company I currently work for to do helpdesk. I was manning the phones for about three months before I was informally transferred into what amounts to a contract services role; instead of fixing things on the phone for individual users, I went out to fix stuff for contract clients. It's been just over two years since that informal transfer, and somewhere in there, it was made formal. <p> When I left, the help desk ship was run fairly tightly. We have a message queue instead of a hold queue, so when the phones are busy, the routine is something like this: Pull all messages from voice mail and enter into queue. Respond to queued messages in order received. When queue empties, repeat until there are no further messages. Then (and only then) take calls as they come in. <p> Fast forward to last Monday. For reasons I won't get into, I and everyone in contract services will now be rotating through tech support once a week for two hours at a time, starting at noon. My day is Monday, traditionally the busiest due to the messages left over from the weekend. However, every day from eight until noon, provided nobody is sick, there are at *least* two technicians and a stupidvisor (different than the one I was hired under) manning the phones. This *should* be enough to bring the queue down to a manageable level (although granted, some starfish make that really difficult). <p> The next important fact is, our company *promises* that help desk will call back within an hour of a customer leaving a message, barring extraordinary circumstances (widespread outage, people sick). <p> So, when I roll in to do my time, what am I greeted with? 10 messages in the queue from the weekend, and voicemail waiting to be transferred to the queue. Stupidvisor and a technician (newish guy, so he has an excuse) are there, and they're answering calls as they come in. <p> Today, coming in at noon, 10 messages in the queue, at least one of which was from the 8 o'clock hour, and the voice mail light was flashing signifying messages for help desk. Stupidvisor and technician #2 (also newish to help desk, but a good guy, used to intern for contract services) were both there.. and neither one was on the phone. I have no idea what the former was doing. The latter was working on a customer computer on the bench. <p> Am I the only one who finds this farkin' ridiculous? The old procedure may have been old, but it *worked*. Now, customers are being left hanging, and for no real reason, and nobody seems to see it or understand why. So, I quietly sat down and started callbacks from the queue, ignoring the voice mail and the ringing phone. Unfortunately, I only managed to clear 3 or 4 calls, so the mess was left for the next guy. (We have no call time requirements, at least. We're encouraged to take all the time we need to actually solve the problem at hand and be courteous. Our management has at least not forgotten that we are a service organization.) I felt bad.. but there was nothing I could do. Stupidvisor managed to fire three other TSCers and incur the hatred of the ones that remain. So to the greatest extent possible, at least when it comes to dealing with him, I'm going to keep my head down and my mouth shut. <p> Hopefully, y'all don't mind too much when I, uh, release it all. *laughs* I would have bought a star so I could format by now.. except that Paisley's car blew a water pump and a head gasket(and might have cracked the head), and our money has to be pooled to cover the bill ($1600-2000.. so far). <p> Look for me on Mondays..
[By: NightSteel]
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Good plan. Here's hoping the TS supervisor doesn't read this site. <nudge><nudge> You may want to let your manager know what's going on. -AnonymousCoward
I think the exact words I used with him were 'The department has no grasp of queue management'. *chuckles* -NightSteel
And in a slightly bitter note, at the last and only meeting we had with management before the three of us were let go, we were told by management that we were the tightest tech support team they'd ever had, and that we had the shortest queue and best callback time. So of course the stupidvisor is still there and the techs are gone. I still want to know what kind of blackmail material he has. -Paisley
I thought porn on the computer was good blackmail but I guess not? I think there's something in the water in your poh-dunk town that makes people do the most irrational things. You might be in a better position to start looking else where for employment opportunities, *crappy ISP* might not be there for long, especially since the PHB is always looking to sell. -areatech
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45.
Abuse Pt. 2
Rabbitt's story about laptop abuse reminded me of a recent one. We had an employee of one of our clients take her work-issued laptop with her on a vacation to Disneyland. (So she could download her pictures, of course.) It came back with a dead hard drive. "It just died!" So, we t/s the drive, and yeah, it's dead. Loud clacking noises, etc. We turn it over to get the S/N and all to request an RMA.. and there's a *dent* right in the center of the bottom panel. The unit was dropped on something, or something was dropped on it. I was the one to notice it, and I think my words were something like, "I think this might be why the drive died." It's almost too bad the unit's still in warranty. I'd like to see her get LARTed for that abuse.
[By: NightSteel]
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I get this all the time on our laptops too. I got one customer saying that even if its their fault, they should be still in warranty. >_< -omikasigi
And here I sit typing on the laptop that you dropped....thanks to Swedish Chef who helped you fix it. ;) -Paisley
And I am still heartily thankful for the good Chef's invaluable informational assistance! As should you be, or you'd still be using that piece of crap USB wireless card. :p -NightSteel
On the flip side, I had a Motorola cell phone that the external antena jack broke while disconnecting a Motorola approved adapter. I sent it in for waranty repair, and was told by them "I must have dropped it" and therefore they wouldn't cover it. I ended up getting it paid for by the manufacturer of the adapter after some convincing by the manager of the shop I bought it at. And Motorola claims to have great customer service (I can't think of what it is called, but it is supposed to be 2.3 bad experiences per million customer contacts). -GeekGuy
...2.3 *reported* bad experiences. -NightSteel
There's a reason we bolt our CF28s into the fire trucks. :) Some people don't understand that "toughbook" doesn't mean "absolutely friggin' indestructible book". -Jay911
When I was in the army we had these mini-computers that we would would hook up to a tac-sat to transmit data from the middle of nowhere. It was the size of a regular notebook because of the heavy case. It was really about half the size of a notebook by itself. It could only be used to write text messages. We were coming in on an insertion once while it was in my ruck sack and my ruck got kicked out of the Blackhawk at about 100 feet by one of my inattentive team mates. We got down and when I tested it, it worked fine. Now that's air droppable! -ewspy87
You should see one of the laptops that we have for repair right now!! I will have to take pictures! -ch41nbr8kr
you should see some of our lappys ;p one came in with the lid/lcd crushed. the arty unit was firing some 105, and well the building close to it are shoddy Iraqi construction. they fired a round off and the blast knocked ceiling plaster loose damaging the laptop. some one drew with black permanent marker a purple heart and silver star on the lid. -SGTARKyTEK
Nightsteel, Paisley, you're making me blush here. ;-) Hope you've got the Stupidity Protection Plan on that laptop, as standard warranty doesn't cover that kind of damage. :-( -SwedishChef
Well Chef, luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) we're a shop that will RMA just the dead part. So they'll ship us a drive, we'll install it, and ship back the dead one.. no questions. -NightSteel
reminds me of 1 of my first posts. guy called up for a replacement keyboard. when asked what the prob was he claims to have spilled something on it. an interesting euphemism for ejaculation. explained 'spillage' wasn't covered and was seen as neglect yadada yadada. i really wish my mngr had recorded that call.
-omegawolf
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46.
Only in a roomful of techs..
..could a malfunctioning thermostat short out, showering sparks everywhere.. and cause people to *gather around*. It was pretty impressive. A loud POP and a shower of sparks, and everybody stands up to go look. Survival instinct? What's that? On a related note, feel free to post some of your own stories of spectacular hardware failure, either in comments or a new post--those are always entertaining to read!
[By: NightSteel]
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I wasnt there, but... While in Theatre class, several of my friends found a wiring panel that was left open and several exposed wires. Thinking that they were "Techs in Trainging" (it was High School) whats a wiring panel gonna do? So one grabs a wire and pulls on it. Sending sparks shooting at a second of them who screams and stumbles backwards. -MaskedMarauder
Friend named Squirrel was rewiring an electrical panel so that one particular outlet would be 220v instead of 220v 3phase. Other friend, Tony: "Ummm, Squirrel, are you sure that's safe?" Squirrel: "Sure, I've turned it off. See?" Screwdriver: "poke, poke, BLAM!!!!" Squirrel: "Hmmm..." -chazz
I'm a bit of a fire admirer. Not arsonist level, but I dont turn down the chance to see a good fire. Every time there is something to "burn" such as paperwork with info thats sensitive. I leap at the chance. Uttering such memorable lines as "OH! FIRE!", "Gimme, gimme, gimme, LIGHTER!", and "HEY! This isn't burning enough. Where's another lighter?". -MaskedMarauder
Sounds like "deer in headlights" syndrome. They look at the preddy lights getting larger and larger when... WHAM! I think the need for entertainment overrides the need for survival sometimes. -ShiftedBeef
Plugged in a hot swap power supply just to have it blow a power cap. A big POP!!!! Magic smoke everywhere. Techs diving for the halon holdoff and me just sitting there laughing. -TeamWolfguard
Had a rack-mount server that had a patch cable from the power plug in the back of the case to the power supply inside. I found that the leads were switched: hot to neutral, neutral to ground, and ground to hot. I plugged it in and *bam* - blew up the power supply and blew the insulation off the cable. -teivrann
This happened back in my days as an Inventory Associate at Carmax. We ran dealer auctions every other week for all the POS cars that weren't good enough for the front lot. We drove the cars through the tent for display while the auction was in progress. The way it worked was you'd drive the car in, they would announce the make, model, year and any known preexisting issues and drive it out so they could bid on it. One week I was parking a car that had just been displayed. I saw a truck come out of the tent and about 15 feet later throw a rod (keep in mind the dealers are bidding on the car as this is happening). The auction stops and all the techs and some of the dealers lift the hood and gauk at the remains of the engine. The 1st tech there lifted the hood without turning the car off 1st and oil sprayed everywhere. It was quite a site (and I'm glad I was far away). I later heard that we allowed the high bidder to opt out given the curcumstances (and the fact that he bought a LOT of cars from us) -leonine
I was helping out a local independant theater set up their lights. Unbeknownst to me, one of the extension cords was shorted. Big bright flash right there in my hands, followed by total darkness. That was probably the closest I've ever come to wetting my pants. -ThirdOfFive
I'm with you, MM...I'm always listening to my scanner and got to see a really spectacular one the other night here in Downtown Chicago. It was even on the national news. The building's still closed even though the fire only burned the 29th & part of the 30th floors. They even have a couple streets around the building that're still closed and the fire happened Monday. Of all the days for me to take off work -that building's just a block from mine. -Avalon68
I took apart a malfunctioning power supply once (300w) i still have a scar on my finger from that one. -LegalTech
I had a good one when I was six. Attempted to "fix" my battery recharger with a knife....when it was still plugged into the mains. *BZZT* I jumped up and shouted (of all things) "aha! got you!", thinking someone had poked me in the sides from behind. The lack of people, and smoke coming from the charger soon put me straight. Suffice to say I now *always* check the mains. :D -modeski
Hehehe... I posted a story a few days back... http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=40381 Need I say more? -exzyle2k
More of a wetware failure really - a Tornado aircraft do a 'wheels up' landing & scrape down the runway in a shower of parks & a horrendous smell - nothing wrong with the hardware, plenty wrong with the Italian Air force pilot in the front seat.....4 million squid gone in 30 seconds or so. -lineswine
Lineswine: Yikes! That reminds me of the time an F-16 sprung a major fuel leak in flight, back when I loaded them. Pilot punched off everything; external tanks, training weapons, the whole shebang.. saw it land, dumped fuel the whole way down the runway, huge puddle underneath when it stopped.. it was a miracle the pilot saved it, I think he had under a hundred pounds of fuel left. -NightSteel
We have a really bad wiring system in the LAN room, damn thing keeps going haywire, when it does you can't move for techs going 'cool!'. As for amusing hardware failures I heard the follwing sentence from fuzzyom's dad whilst he was doing DIY - *BANG* 'Ow! Okay, THAT one is still live' -CommanderData
Reminds me of the time I was in the US Navy working flight deck for my squadron and an A-5 Vigilante [ http://www.globalaircraft.org/planes/a-5_vigilante.pl ] comes in too low for a landing and hits the end of the flight deck. I'm standing between the tower next to the fire truck. Wheel from Vigilante passess by me by a mere 3 feet and takes out fire truck. I left the flight deck for the day, couldn't get me to go back up for love nor money! -ecoli
Bangs, explosions, sparking, bright flashes - just about anything like that will get my attention. curiosity over rules my survival instinct. -Harm
<note - my family is insane> i leaned the hard way whay its inportnat to turn off the power when working on electric devices such as ohhh say, replacing breaker switches! lots of sparks, my hair sticking strait up and i'm slightly freaked out, grampa called me a wuss :( -Harm
One more. Different friend, PFK. "Geez, I can't quite reach the end of that wire so I can pull enough out of the conduit to attach to the switch. Hmm... I know, I'll lever it out with the screwdriver." Screwdriver: "BLAMMO!!!" PFK: "Cool! A screwdriver with a notch!" -chazz
My story isn't as good as all the others but what the hey: When I was six years old I had a lock box that I kept my "important" papers in. I wanted to hide the key where no one would look for it, I figured who'd look at the plug to a lamp. put the metal prongs through the keyring so the ring was resting on both prongs, and proceded to plug lamp in. Big flash of light and small flame running up wall. I quickly put out fire and moved some stuff to cover the damage. "No dad, I don't know why the power in the house is out, or what that burning smell is." -drachen
We test our generator once a week - we go off city power and work off this automobile-sized generator hooked up to a monster of a diesel motor. One time in the summer, whilst one of our dispatchers was in the basement throwing the switch, our two monster air conditioners decided to come on. These are the ones that have exchangers the size of small cars as well. The power system detected the heavy load as the A/C came on, and provided enough power for that. By having the city mains, UPS (again a massively huge machine), and generator all on at once. We blew out 3 network printers, a whole slew of monitors, and had track lighting falling flaming from the ceiling. The dispatcher to this day refuses to go do the generator test. And this despite the fact we got her a hardhat with stickers of lightning bolts and the name "FLASH" on it. :) -Jay911
When I was first with my current company I was replacing one of the last Win 3.1 PCs with a Win95 PC. I got the new machine to the workstation, hooked it up, and powered it on. No display. Checked the power. It was off. Turned on the monitor power switch and heard a POP followed by smoke coming out of the switch on the bottom of the monitor. Unfortunately, no one here saw the best one. We came in one day and all of our switches were off. The receptacly was fried, and there was a big black mark on the receptacle plate and the wall. That must have been spectacular. Alas that it happened overnight. -sassicatz
Dad was an elevator/escalator tech... I used to get to go on overtime gigs with him. Once, evening getting on into night, while I was about 9-10, top of the tallest building in town at the time (so it's only ~40 floors), in the elevator shack... about 4 other guys called in. I'm playing on the roof outside, see them hook up a bunch of alligator clips to various parts of a board, one of them calls, "Okay, switch it on!" Big bang, sparks fly, lights shut down for a bit... the image that forever sticks in my mind is a bunch of men standing around with one of them remarking, wryly, "Well, guess that's not it..." Amazes me still that *this* is *troubleshooting*... -namor
sassicatz has reminded me of another... We were living in the Netherlands at the time, and a friend orders a computer in from the States -- he's diplomatic, he can do that -- and specifies that it is for 220v. So he looks at the monitor, no voltage switch; sets the computer to 220v and powers it up. Everything runs nicely... he goes to adjust the contrast after a couple of minutes and hits the off switch on the monitor. Okay, he thinks, just turn it on again.... FOOM. Flames come out the top. So he turns everything off, opens all the windows, and goes to have a scotch; then calls me. Turns out that there is a 110/220 jumper; it's a wire inside the monitor. So he calls the company he bought it from and complains: "I ordered the monitor to be set to 220v, and it came set to 110." CSR: "Oh, you should have changed the voltage." JG: "And how do I do that?" CSR: "Well, look in your manual on page... <long pause> Let me get you an RMA number, sir." New monitor, when it arrived, was jumpered for 110v also... but he knew how to change the jumper and did so before he turned it on. -chazz
Not one of mine, but from a reliable source: A local power plant was running some tests on its emergency backup systems. One engineer (and I use that term loosely) decided to use a handheld multimeter to see if a 13.5 kV junction box was live. He woke up across the room, lucky to be alive. The poor meter reportedly wound up as a puddle of melted plastic and metal. To this day, his coworkers will ask him if he ever found the 13.5 kV setting on that meter. -ThirdOfFive
I was doing some wiring in my garage and the fuse box I had wired into was not done correctly: I'd hooked the ground into the hot wire. From the junction box was this POP, purple flame/sparks then a small wisp of smoke. I kill the power and look at the box, had a nice layer of copper droplets in it and spatter all across the garage floor. -Starfury
Hey Drachen. I had a similar experience when I was a whee one. Your comment reminded me of it. I was playing with metal nunchucks. Had a fake metal looking thingy for a chain. I decided it would be cool to hit the plug and knock it from the socket. *(BLAM)* I blew the breaker for half the house and in comes charging the parents. Of course, the look of shock and awe on my face said it all. -MaskedMarauder
As I've said, I work in an industrial production facility (a wood-working factory.) As the majority of the operations performed there produce sawdust, and lots of it, it is outfitted with what I like to call "the world's largest central vacuum-cleaner": hundreds of feet of spiral-wound steel ducts connected to a self-emptying outdoor filter canister that stands some 40 feet high. The motivating force behind this is a 400 horse-power 220-volt three-phase electric motor. The startup draw for a motor that big is HUGE. One time, when they were starting the dust-collector system up, the fluorescent lights began to flicker, and the pitch of other running motors began to drop. A glance outside revealed that one of the cables leading from the high-voltage transformers at the pole to the building was IN FLAMES. A massive, unplanned, three-hour smoke-break soon followed, and the most bored amongst us watched the guys with the cherry-picker install the new cable. Several PC's did not survive the expreience. I hear that the ATTEMPTED upgrade to a 500 HP motor was even MORE exciting, but I wasn't there for that. -LoTech
Man, these are a lot of great stories! Thanks to all of you! -NightSteel
Oh yes...I has stories...
Y'see, before I reimmersed myself int he tech support field, I did a fair amount of professional backstage theater work. My favorite incident was when a friend was checking why the newly installed dimmer module wasn't working correctly. He went to reseat it, nad hte resulting short circuit blew the module out of the rack, into his chest, and knocked him about 12 feet backwards (Carl had to have been 6 ft, 300+ lbs). Turns out that when it was installed, no one had bothered to blow out the bits of copper wiring that had been trimmed.... -Grayhawk
A fenceline power source is pulsed (intermittant power). When I was younger, a city grown friend of mine wizzed on a 110v 75A electric fence. he couldn't walk correctly for a week. -srteach
srteach, I know what you mean. I had a friend from the pubbin'n'clubbin' crowd. We went to far western NSW on a between semester working holiday. While driving out we had a tyre blow-out on us (@#$%ing retreads). While I was fixing the tyre, he decides to go behind a tree to take a leak. But to get to the tree, he had to jump a fence. This fence had an additional wire mounted on insulators on the far side (pretty obvious to me what it is). City boy tries to jump the fence and as he does, touches the electric fence. The scream of pain got my attention (certainly distracted me from cutting away a retread that had decided to wrap itself around the rear axle) and noon yells to me "there's an electric fence here". I reply "I know. That's why I didn't try to jump it." "You could have told me." "Looks obvious to me". He did jump the fence, took a leak behind the tree, and then rejumped the fence. Unfortunately, one part of his anatomy brushed the electric fence on the way over, resulting in a less than stylish landing, and a V-E-R-Y pained facial expression. And I had great trouble in trying to keep a straight face for the next few days. -Wraith556
Spent a long day power washing my house. Outdoor receptacle was GFCI, so I didn't worry about it. Some water got in the box, though and allowed an intermittent short to arc inside the receptacle. Didn't notice until the lights inside the house started to flicker and saw smoke outside. Almost ignited the wood column it was attached to. -nuqlar
We have a dust system similar to LoTech's setup. What's fun is when sparks from a sawblade travel up the blowpipe and mix with the very fine sawdust in the collector. BA-BOOOM! I don't think they ever found the top to the dust house. -VIPERsssss
My family used to have an old Navy YTM tugboat built in 1940 that was Diesel Electric, in that it had 2 650hp diesel engines driving 2 450kw, 250 volt DC, 1650 amp generators that in turn ran 2 550hp electric motors hooked to one tailshaft. It had a full torque contactor behind the panel board that would momentarily put the full field current (1650 amps DC!) to the motors to start them turning. If the ballast resistor behind that contactor failed, it allowed a 6" lightning bolt to arc between the tips of that contactor and the field control rheostat below it. I was behind the panel one day troubleshooting when the ballast resistor decided to fail. The arc didn't hurt me, on the other hand, me running into the bulkhead trying to get the hell out of the way actually caused a nasty laceration on my forhead. Hell of a lightning storm pursued until I could get the mains pulled and the engines shut down.... High tension DC is loads of fun and burns things in half really quick and cool, like screwdrivers, pliers, crowbars, schedule 80 pipe...
Kinda fun looking back on it now. Gosh, I miss that boat!
Tugboatcap! -Tugboatcap
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48.
Thank Goodnes for Chef.. Swedish? (ot)
Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? Anyway, a very public and heartfelt thank you to the good Chef. Not so long ago I discovered a hardware problem with my out of warranty IBM laptop. Chef sent me a service manual for it and with the manual, I was able to get the problem fixed this morning, saving me a no doubt expensive repair. Thanks, Chef!
[By: NightSteel]
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"But I like chef" Chef Boyardee commercial -MaskedMarauder
<Chef>Never get off the boat!! Never get off the damn boat!!!</Chef-Porklypse Now> -viennasausage
Glad to hear the problem was solved. Do tell - what was the actual problem? Was it the PCMCIA housing? -SwedishChef
To answer Chef's question and for those that were curious, the PCMCIA card slot assembly popped loose from the motherboard when the unit was dropped last New Year. I broke the unit down and reseated the assembly and now it works great. -NightSteel
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49.
More of an idea than a story
I seem to remember the existence of an RFC detailing netiquette. If there isn't one already, there ought to be an RFC detailing how you call ISP tech support (what information you need, where you should be, etc etc). Obviously, it's not going to fix any problems, but let's face it, it's not like people follow the netiquette RFC either..
[By: NightSteel]
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I vote we include this as a clause in the licence to operate a computer. Failure to comply means you get your computer taken away. -teivrann
Have you actually read any of the RFC's. They're incredibly cryptic for a tech to decipher and you want EU's to read one? Still, we could consider it an intelligence test. If they can't read it and summarize it into 2 paragraphs or less accurately, then they can't own a computer. I'm not for the who licensing thing since we license people to drive and they still drive like morons. -scooby111
This is why I am including a section on Tips for Contacting Technical Support on our new setup disk. Simple, easy to read, basic rules of thumb before you pick up the phone to call me. -RiffRaff
Riff remember to include rule #1 -> if you think the problem is caused by something other than what I support you are probably right and should NOT call me -CanadianTech
I'm guessing Rule #1 is either "Read these instructions" or it's our own, "All starfish lie." They'll call in and say, "What's this about starfish? What does that have to do with internet?" -teivrann
Failure to comply with said rules will result in a car battery being wired to release it's charge directed at your end of the phone. -Mathias
Great minds think alike you know. I had not read this post before I put that tech rule up, but you were 1st so I deleted mine (and seem to have exposed an interesting glitch at the same time, lol) -leonine
I didn't even see yours, Leo, what'd it say? -NightSteel
it was: "Leo's rules of tech support (or "the way things OUGHT to be")......if I ask you a question 3 times and you answer incorrectly, you will be disconnected IMMEDIATELY!". It fits perfectly here though. -leonine
I had been thinking more along the lines of 'A Computer Technician's Manifesto', starting off with stuff like, "I am a professional. While I may like computers, I do not work for free." Etc. But I'm at work, so I don't have the time to write it just now. So I thought up the RFC idea instead. -NightSteel
it's RFC 1855. -renderer
i think of RFC's more of a guidline then actual rules. how could we really enforce an RFC for calling anyone( tech support, information, phone sex lines) ? -Harm
Harm - "stick to OUR rules, or talk to Mr. Dialtone" -lineswine
RFC 1925 ;-) -Necros
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50.
A small epiphany, a big question
I was thinking about the point of my last post, and the comments on it, and an idea came to mind. Not so long ago, I posted (or commented, can't remember) somewhere about the reason I think starfish are so.. starfishy. It's all about a sense of entitlement. The worst users think that since they pay 20 bucks a month, they are entitled to internet that always works and always at the maximum speed, because they are ignorant of the technical reasons why that is not feasible. But what gives them this sense of entitlement? I think it's the ubiquity(sp?) of computers. To most people, they aren't miracles of modern technology anymore, they're just another appliance like your TV or your stereo (and cost about the same, in some cases). It's not a highly specialized, powerful computing machine, it's just a box you use to get on the internet, or write papers, or play games. People don't understand what computers do, they just know that computers do it, and they expect a computer to do it the same way every time. We sometimes compare ourselves to automotive mechanics, in that you wouldn't ask a mechanic to do what they do for free, but the average user has no idea that a computer is far more complicated than a car (though cars do use computers more and more, that's beside the point). So, with that in mind, the question that faces us is: How do we impress upon users that their computers are not just toys?
[By: NightSteel]
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Give them all the parts, an OS CD, and say "Put this together and make it work". Then they "might" get a clue. I wouldn't count on it and I wouldn't expect to be able to use any of the parts I gave them once they were "done". -PsychoKittyB
That's an idea, PSB, but most people couldn't build a refrigerator, or a TV, or a stereo, either. Just the fact that they don't know how to assemble one on their own doesn't convey a computer's intricacy. That's what I'm looking for.. something to convince people of the sheer complexity. -NightSteel
Err.. PKB. Can you tell I'm a little punchy this afternoon? *laughs* -NightSteel
You are correct that it is a sense of entitlement, but not in the way you put it. A lot of people today (and I can only speak for the fellow Americans I deal with daily, although I assume it's a worldwide phenomenon) seem to have it stuck in their heads that they deserve everything they might want or need, regardless of the facts or physics that might state otherwise. This is why Americans in particular are in debt up to their eyeballs. The reason I drive an 89 Honda is because I know I can't afford a 2004 Dodge Ram 4x4. This attitude of entitlement is a large factor in major companies making the decision to outsource and hire their labor overseas. Americans want to be paid $20/hour for the work they do, but they refuse to buy products at retail costs that would allow companies to keep their labor force in America. Then they bitch because "those damn foreigners stole my job." My personal theory is that this sense of entitlement can be traced back to FDR's New Deal, and Americans' increasing dependancy on the government to bail them out of financial trouble. Today, people who drop out of junior high school and start cranking out litters of kittens for some reason think they *deserve* welfare and food stamps, and that attitude transfers over in to every other aspect in their miserable, pathetic daily lives, including $10 Internet service. Sorry for the novella, but it's a common source of conversation between Magenta and myself. -RiffRaff
Makes sense to me, Riff. I suppose that would be a deeper reason underlying mine. -NightSteel
...although, I would add that corporations themselves share in the responsibility. I have the feeling that if more people actually got paid that $20/hr, then they wouldn't worry so hard about paying full retail price. I don't even make that, though, even with the combined value of my bennies. -NightSteel
Just remind them that the constitution states Life, Liberty and *the pursuit of* happiness -madonnac
Mine's a toy. At least my home one is. -CarbonTetra
In some respects I can understand why people are seemingly so idiotic about computers, Riff does have a very good point (and it applies to the UK as well) but you say "they expect a computer to do it the same way everytime", thing is... I do know about computers and I see no reason why it should do something different today than it did yesterday, espcially if I've done nothing to the configuration of it. I don't expect my computer to last forever (it like all things has a lifespan) but why today does ZoneAlarm decide to lock out my net connection for no reason? I did litterally nothing other than turn it on , why has Windows 98 decided to display a vfat error on a disk that is known good when it was fine just last night? Neverwinter nights has lost my saved games, why? how? Again did nothing to it other than play the sodding game. This is one of the problems; these days companies sell computers as user friendly, easy to use and robust consumer devices. But we all here know that they're still at heart the same cantankerous beasts that took up whole rooms and would randomly decided 'nope, you punched that hole a little funny... reject job and print obscure message'. I've had plenty of people comming to me because the PC stopped working yet they've jumped through all the right hoops in the right sequence, consumer electronics doesn't work that way; if I wire up my working surround unit properly I will have 5.1 surround sound no ifs no buts, same with a car... if I follow the Haynes manual for the car exactly and use the right tools I'll have the engine back together and purring happily. -fearmyroot
Root, you're absolutely right, computers aren't perfect. That's exactly what I was trying to say. Comparing a computer to a stereo would be like comparing a modern skyscraper to a set of Tinker-toys. There is *far* more room for something to go wrong in a computer, and it does far more often. That's reality. That's why we, as technicians, have jobs. But so few people seem to understand that. A computer's not a simple appliance, it's a precision instrument, and seldom do users treat one with the respect afforded to other precision instruments. Why? Because they're so bloody common and cheap these days. -NightSteel
NightSteel, Sorry I kind of got carried away and forgot about your actual question... opps. :) Anyway, how do you make the average end user understand that the thing infront of them is going to be possibly unreliable and needs care taken over it? Simple really. Increase the price of the item and stop marketting them as consumer based devices. My first PC was a 386sx33 (in the days when the dx2-66 was king) and I payed nearly £1000 quid for it, I took great care moving it, that habit stays with me. Flogging it at £399 doesn't form the habit and puts the computer squarley in the consumer electronics price range along with televisions/consoles/ipods/etc. You take damn good care of a new car because the thing cost so much and you want it to last, same applies as far as I can tell. -fearmyroot
Root, that'd be one way, yeah. But in this day and age, when any given company's most important customer is their shareholders, and selling thousands of crap computers at a low price makes more money than a few high quality machines at a higher price... -NightSteel
I'm not sure it will be possible to show the vast majority of people that how complez a computer is. Comparing a computer to a car just isn't a very good analogy. a car is mainly moving parts. large pysical objects (comparitively) wereas a compyeer mainly relaies on the physics of electron movement. with out a rather good grasp of physics, how can one truly understand how a computer works? as for the " i want my internet / computer/waffles working yesterday" mentality, I'm not honestly sure were this came from- although this mind set is present in all the first world countries i've visted or lived. I think this may be due to the fact just about everything is available to us at almost any time of the day. If i can buy a steak at 3AM why can't i satisfy my urge for entertainment? ( read PORN). -Harm
Well the other two ways I can think of are to make the software and hardware absolutley bullet proof 100% uptime, etc. That'd up development costs through and thus bump up the price. Or strip all of the functionality out of your average PC and turn it in to something like an I-opener: boots from flash (or a burned totally unchangeable rom), everything is web based and nothing is stored on the device other than it's configuration, sell 'internet connectors' as a shop brought extra (a v90 unit, a cable unit, a ADSL unit, that bolt on to a USB style port with none standard pinout so it'll not talk to anything not 'authorised'). Obviously remove all unneeded connectors from the PCB and weld the case shut to stop tinkering. -fearmyroot
The how and why of self entitlement would be a rather extensive sociological and phylosophical discussion. i don;t belive there is a single point in ( recorded) history were it is not present. think of any revolutionaly idea or advancent in technology or sociaty. case in point : agriculture. woudl t not be faster and easier to cutivate food in a controled area rather then forage? ... hmm on second thought maybe that wasn't such a good example. that was more survival. hmm this may require some seriouse drinking. and no thats not a typo... Whisky and sociological phylosophy at the nearest pub! -Harm
The problem here is that the complexity is invisible. A CPU has millions of transistors. Can you see them? Nope. If you had an electron microscope, and were willing to destroy your chip, you might be able to see them. (Chip features are now smallerthan the wavelength of visible light.) There are literally tens of millions of lines of code in Windows XP. Can you see them? Nope. Neither can I. How can we be sure that they are all correct? We can't. Even companies building small things (my company builds a print driver that slots into Windows XP, among other things; it's only 30,000 lines of code) can't prove that their code is bulletproof; we test to the best of our ability, then ship, and fix problems as they are reported to us. A computer is far more complex, mathematically, than anything else we build. Moon rockets? Thousands of parts, not millions. Bridges? Skyscrapers? There's a physical reality, we can look at it, see the pieces, taste 'em (if we're so inclined), and know the complexity. Computer? A gray box on the floor, a screen, a keyboard, a mouse, How can that be complex? As for selling simple computers -- lots of people have tried. Wasn't there one called Audrey or some such, from 3Com? How about the iOpener? People are not going to buy special-purpose computers because they think that limits them. Well, NSS, it does; limits you to what you would be doing anyway. But they don't want to accept limits like that. -chazz
Insofar as PCs are concerned, they are (&were designed to be) inherently modular. Given this fact the sheer no. of peripherials, add-in cards, add on devices etc. plus their attendant drivers means that the possibility of software clashing is exponentally increased as the nos. of said devices increases. Add to this the no. of 3rd party apps. utities & other "goodies" users wish to run & it doesn't take a genius to see the potential problems that may occur. How many times have any of the techs here gone to a pooched system simply because a Luser downloaded a spyware/malware infested app (Bonzi buddy, Commet cursor, Coolwebsearch, AOL etc.)? The "user friendlyness" of modern Operating Systems shields the average user from the complexities of the underlying hardware/software. My solution - back to the CLI! 'It does exactly what it says on the tin'& also stops Lusers in there tracks with a curt "bad command or filename". As sweet a LART as I can think of... -lineswine
coding in c has given me a new appreciation of just how many calculations i can do and still get 2500 fps on my gf 6800. The problem is windows is too dumbed-down. They don't appreciate what is possible - or what it's actually doing. even just running gentoo without coding gives you a good idea of the machine's workings. -trs998
Marketing has to step up and take their share of the blame on this one too. We're in a society where every product is marketed as a cure-all, including computers. The implication is that they're so easy to use, ANYONE can use them - we know better than that, don't we? But the same people who necessitated warning labels on hot foods, spicy foods, fat foods, non-food products, and non-immersible electrical devices (damn you all to hell!) made this kind of marketing possible and profitable. That commercial for "Stop Sign" makes me want to puke - but I wonder how many people have gone to the site and installed THAT POS? As to how to fix the problem? No clue, just wanted to rant. That's all... -hkypipe
Anyone see the PBS-Frontline special on Wal-Mart? -VIPERsssss
Like hylpipe says, marketing has some of the blame. Remeber the myth of the paperless office? Computer use has reduced the amount of paper used but will never truly eliminate paper use as many had believed it would. Also, you have the crowd that buys a budget system and expects to play bleeding edge games, "the sales guy said it will play games" and so it does, but if you want to play that type of game it looks like your going to do several hundred dollars of upgrades. I think that marketing is really avoiding educating customers, the sales people(most) are selling to the customers budget and not pointing out the limitations of the products capability at that price level. Its an easy sell mentality, I think people would find the cash to buy the better product and get the better service options if they knew the trouble they will have with cheap equipment. -Flexo
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51.
Tech Sprite
I think I can get away with posting this on the main page, because it refers to comments made on a previous post. On my Customer Misconception that troubleshooting is an exact science (http://techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=38703), scooby111 made a comment about a tech sprite vs. a tech hero or tech god. He inspired me to be a tech sprite for halloween, and here's the proof: http://66.189.212.236/stuff/images/hween2k4/ -- The ones titled 'cybersprite' are obviously me. The other two are from a party, and be warned, the 'devil baby' is extremely cute. And so I'm not just tooting my own horn, feel free to post links to your own costume photos in comments. I'm sure I'm not the only one curious about the rest of your costumes!
[By: NightSteel]
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Jimmy looks like my uncle Rob, LOL. If I get some pics of my costume, I'll post 'em. ;) -Vermiis
Nothing speical here, I'm just dressed in U.S. Army fatigues. *bfeg* Though it is fun hearing agents tell their customers that some girl in fautiges just told me I can't help you.. -Taterlain
Dude... woulda been more impressive with platemail made from AOL CDs... <gigglepurr> -exzyle2k
*laughing* Well, there's always next year! -NightSteel
YEAH!!! Finally, someone has a costume that hasnt been done before. GO Teksprite. PS your cute. -burrkiss
Hmmm.....nice. <g> -Gromit
My wife and I went as Uncle Ben and Aunt May...guess who our son went as. -VIPERsssss
That's awesome, Viper, I watch Spider-Man every day before work. *grins* -NightSteel
viper: did you go as zombie uncle ben?
-drachen
DevilBaby ROCKS!!!! He's like the Pokemon I've always dreamed to own... "Devilbaby...I choose YOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!" -Amiga5000
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52.
A Line in the Stone
Ok, a tiny bit of background for those of you that don't already know. I work for an ISP/consulting outfit that is a subsidiary of a member-owned power company. Our work area is a couple of rooms in a warehouse that is mostly devoted to power company stuff. There are two power company folks responsible for the warehouse, and they are extremely protective of their turf. Well, today they fired a salvo at us: There's a gravel parking area at one end of the warehouse. Someone took a can of red spray paint, spray painted a box on the gravel, and labeled it with *name of ISP/consulting outfit*. It's not even big enough for our five company vehicles. They consulted with no one from our part of the company, didn't even ask us. So in 'retailiation' I've decided to park badly. My vehicle currently has its tail end hanging out over the line. Next I'll probably park with the car straddling one of the lines. We've had some fun back here in my office with ideas for this--diagonal, circling the wagons, all kinds of stuff.
[By: NightSteel]
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Enter into a casual discussion with another ISP tech about how easy it is to hack into the company's payroll system and move decimal points to the left on paychecks. Make sure power company employees are within earshot. Hilarity might ensue. -RiffRaff
plant flowers? -blazingriver
turn over the gravel, repaint to include most of lot with spaces big enough for a semi -LaserGuru
Spray their lot with liquid shit!
-billybien
I second LaserGuru - or paint a tiny patch with their name, and park on the rest. -trs998
Do donuts in gravel until all red gravel is scattered all over the place. -bert57
I'm BobSentMe, and I approve Bert's idea. </election ad mode> -Bobsentme
Right under"*name of ISP/consulting outfit*" spray paint "cock size". -VIPERsssss
Then go to their side and spray a dot. -VIPERsssss
Get the same color paint, and expand the area to a suitable size. Park on it. -Geminii
Paint another box right beside it, and leave a note saying "your turn". -Snakeeye
That is easily resolved. Start including "Parking Space Number" in the standard information gathering ... leave the rest up to *their* imagination ... especially after random antennas get snapped, Dog s**t on the windshield, you get the idea. -Necros
I'm always a fan of the Skip attack. Order a skip and get it placed right in front of their doors. Always good to use an alias when ordering though. -Armakuni
Create a sign with the company name on it. Include an arrow that points upwards. On a patch of the roof post a second sign with their name on it and the words "Parking Lot". Consider leaving a stepladder under aforementioned sign. -Mathias
just paint one of your tech's name below the company name, create a second box the same size, and spray tech #2's name on it, repeat... -chris98b
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53.
The Stupidvisor Strikes Back
Apparently, our intrepid stupidvisor has decided that he needs to make someone else look bad for a little while. I heard today that he gave a performance review on Friday. From what I hear, during the course of this review, he spoke only on the points of the review that he felt needed to be addressed, and got the reviewee to sign it without seeing it or utilizing the section for reviewee comments. Of course, he also marked the reviewee down for at least a couple of bullcrap reasons. I went and got advice from someone highly placed in the company, and the reviewee is officially requesting relief based on that advice. I know some of you will want to ask why the reviewee signed it. It was this particular employee's first review. I'm guessing they didn't know better.
[By: NightSteel]
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This one has just got me steaming. I can't believe that this pathetic little man can get away with crap like this! -NightSteel
I say make it look like Mr. Stupidvisor, has been embezzeling company funds. Then have his superiors fire him, out of a cannon, into the sun. -RandalGraves
Fucker needs to die. Hmmmm <strokes chin> -AnonymousCoward
Tech just quit in a fury. It was nice working with him and I wish him luck. -scooby111
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55.
The Ticket of the Beast, Pt. 2
Well, the ticket itself was for a fairly innocuous printing problem. Network printer mapped through a particular server. Check out that server, looks like spooler problems. I decide to go ahead and reboot as a first step. Only, you guessed it, the server didn't come back up. Turns out it decided to rebuild its software mirrors.. for no reason. *insert spooky music*
[By: NightSteel]
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I'm guessing you're just gonna restart the spooler from now on? -VIPERsssss
I would have done that, except automatic updates had applied the other day, and the server hadn't been rebooted yet. -NightSteel
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56.
Illegal Eagle Pt. 2
So, before leaving that evening, I wrote out an email to the stupidvisor's manager explaining the situation. I was professional about it and raised only my concern about our legal liability in the matter, and made it clear that I was not willing to repeat the situation. In fact, I even said that I'm not worried about who volunteered us, although I couldn't resist taking at least a potshot at that department by mentioning that it could be found in the call logs. I may even have CCed the stupidvisor himself, can't remember.
Of course, the customer picks up their PC from us that night, and the next day I go to talk to Mr. Manager about it. He was in total agreement, being a bean-counter type he understood the legal issues very well, and told me that he made it clear to the stupidvisor that it is not to happen again, to us or anyone else.
Not exactly a LART, but at least I know I won't be put on the spot like that again. I would say that I can't believe the stupidvisor was dumb enough to let that fly, but given his nickname, I think you all understand that I *can* believe it..
[By: NightSteel]
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Not a chance in hell...you know this person will expect that your residence is now a drop-off and pick-up point anytime they need it right? I would have told stupidvisor to shove it and too bad if they already told the customer yes. -redevil34
Actually, I didn't say so in the post, but I mentioned it to the customer when I gave her computer back. I said that whoever she talked to gave her bad information, and that next time she would have to pick it up at a relatively nearby company office branch instead. -NightSteel
I was more strident in a similar situation. Someone in "BIG-ISP" gave a customer my home phone number to help troubleshoot his computer. In comes the call about the time I'm ready to go to bed. I went ahead and helped the schmuck as best I could (without billing info or anything else at my disposal), but the minute I got in, I made a call. I growled that if any supervisor at the head office gave out my number again, I'd go over there and burn their house down. End of referrals.....:-) -vacuumtubes
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57.
Illegal Eagle pt. 1
This is one from the archives. I think this happened just before I was shown teh funny that is TSC.
Anyway. One day I'm minding my own business working on PCs in my office, when Paisley (our billing rep and my girlfriend) tells me that we have to take a customer's PC home to our apartment so the customer can pick it up from there.
...wtf? I ask her why and she tells me that we were volunteered to do this. She didn't give me much in the way of detail at that point. I wasn't very happy about it, though, as that would make me legally responsible for the customer's pc. What if my apartment got robbed? It'd be on me. So. I wander out to talk to the tech support stupidvisor about it. I think my words were something like "I'd appreciate it if you didn't volunteer our apartment anymore." I'm sure my tone held annoyance, because I really was annoyed. I can't remember whether or not I actually got to finish that sentence, but his snap reply was "She volunteered for this." I didn't really believe that, but I shut up anyway and asked Paisley a little bit later to tell me exactly what happened.
I guess this particular customer called in, and when the tech support rep they spoke to advised them to bring in their computer, they asked if it could be delivered back to somewhere in the city Paisley and I live. (We carpool. 25 min. commute.) The rep apparently volunteered us at that point. So when Paisley called the customer to inform them that their computer was finished, the customer mentioned this, and on the spot, Paisley felt obligated to agree in the name of the company and good customer service.
[By: NightSteel]
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58.
Things that make you go hmmm...
I just noticed something (and pardon me if I got my Stooges quote wrong). Today our billing rep is out sick, so the tech support stupidvisor has been covering for her. I've been back in my office working on PCs, and I've noticed at least a few pages over the phone system for the stupidvisor to come back to the front desk, to the billing position. I never seem to hear that when the usual billing rep is here. I wonder why that is? Hmmm...
[By: NightSteel]
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that's because he's away from this desk checking out things that are NSFW and they want him back to help a customer -areatech
*laughing* I'm an idiot. I originally used a Stooges quote as my post title. Then I changed it and promptly forgot to remove my apology for possibly getting it wrong. Oops! -NightSteel
Could that be the same reason that our Stupid-visor will come into my office and tell me that they're swamped with calls. Listen fuckwit, all I have to do is turn my head an look at the totally dead phone lines to see you're a lying retard. -scooby111
I just enjoy the look on his face when he is agreeing with something that he has not a farking clue what it is. -Madmaxx68
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59.
Dell Hell
Before I begin, I want to say that I don't actually dislike Dell, I just chose the title for (obvious) literary reasons. Anyway! A customer's user has been having problems with her laptop freezing. 98 box, hasn't been reformatted since being delivered. It seems to work alright for me, but the user and the user's technical supervisor (standup guy) assure me that the laptop is indeed having problems. Okay, sounds like a good candidate for a nuke and pave. So, I bring it and its docking station back to my office, nuke, and when I go to pave, I find out that the system restore CD included with the laptop doesn't work. It requires some sort of emergency disk, I can't just install the preloaded OS from it. Screw that, I'm not messing around with finding some disk. I put a fresh copy of 98 on there and spend all morning installing drivers and software. Go to lunch, get back, wrap up my initial build and head over to the customer site to finish up. I get there and the laptop promptly freezes again. wtf? The keyboard lights are flashing at me (a detail the customer handily neglected to inform me of in their work ticket). So I D&R the keyboard. Lights still flash. D&R the mouse, lights stop flashing while disconnected, start again after reconnecting. Get a mouse from another computer in the back of the room, plug it in, and the unit works perfectly. A mouse. A freakin' bad mouse plugged into the docking station. I'm currently reapplying the image that I took of the machine before I nuked it. *grumbles* If they'd told me about the keyboard lights, I would have t/sed the input devices *first*...
[By: NightSteel]
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Oh, and the user *knew* about the lights. When I mentioned that, the user said "Oh yeah, that happened every time it froze." Me: "..." -NightSteel
Of course they did. Just like reading error messages; they always leave out the important part. -sassicatz
"I didn't think it mattered" - the worst thing you can hear after weeks of work troubleshooting something. -Gerund
Screw that. Give 'em the paved machine. Servs them right to have all their settings gone. -scooby111
I wish. I'd get in trouble. That's why I take pre-nuke-and-pave images. -NightSteel
I know you've probably already seen it, but: http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20011004.html -ThirdOfFive
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60.
LART survey
Not really a story (sorry), but we've seen some pretty good LART stories lately. I'm curious about your opinions as fellow technicians: What would you consider the ultimate LART? IE, getting someone fired, in legal trouble, etc etc. If you have a story illustrating your idea, or just a really good LART story from the past, linkage or a short version works.
[By: NightSteel]
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Retroactive familial dismemberment? -VIPERsssss
The ultimate LART is death (see BOFH files), but I'd have to say the most personaly satisfying is getting someone fired. -leonine
Ultimate LART? I think mine would be Wolfprince's story of weed-whacking dogshit into the arrogant owner's face after they refused to pick it up. But, getting people fired or in deep, deep shit in the office is always a spectacular LART. That's my humble opinion. :D -SwedishChef
Whoa. Now that sounds like a story, SC. I'll have to check his content for that one! -NightSteel
Getting them pretty much banished by their friends, family, kicked out of their college/job and left friendless, defenceless and alone. And such a karma stain that no one goes near them. THAT is the ultimate lart -NightRain
Getting someone fired - especially if they have given you serious or persistent grief - must be one of the most satisfying LARTS of all. I've only done it once (20 odd years ago) but I STILL get satisfaction thinking about it. Someday I'll post the story.. -Gromit
Well dont hold back Gromit..lets hear. And yes Wolfprinces lart from a few weeks back was spectacular -mikeatnight
Fired, sued, beaten by a stranger (leaves your hands clean), disowned by all firends etc. Pretty much what Nightrain said.. -CommanderData
For a co-irker/manager getting them fired is the best. Revenge is a dish besst served cold </Klingon proverb> -Starfury
I think that it is important to remember that while the term "karma" is used lightly, and not so lightly, around here, that there is a dark, dangerous side to LARTing. Yes, the person deserves it, but it would take a shitload of transgressions before I would consider ruining a person's whole life. That is, if we are talking customers/co-irkers here. My ex-husband, however...that's different. I would say that for me, the LART would be something on par with actual karmic theory...something done to them that equals exactly the pain I was caused. -Dragones
Dragones, I was thinking of someone from my past when I posted that, and I've nevre had to worry, the hell I was given came back onto them many times over. Anything I plotted seemed to pale against what they got and did to themselves -NightRain
I'm honored to be mentioned a couple of times in the comments. That was my finest lart. And it worked, remember that a lart is best used to adjust their attitude, and teach them something, is shouldn't be used just for revenge. I ran into this lady last monday, on the trash rout. She took one look at me, her eyes got big again, and she promply held up a child's sand-box shovel, and a zip-lock bag. I just smiled and waved at her. She learned her lesson, and adjusted her attitude. -wolfprince
Considering LART stands for Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool, the proper end result of any LARTing would be for the receiver of the LART recognize the error of his ways, repent, and sin no more. See http://www.actsofgord.com/Villainy/chapter03.html for a perfect example of this. Anything which accomplishes this lofty goal is an ultimate LART. -TechnoVampire
I found your story, wolfprince, and I have just one word to say: DAMN. -NightSteel
Any LART that costs the person receiving it what they hold dear. Usually money or a job, but a car or a promotion is good too. Of course, the greater the cost, the better. -scooby111
1.Being fired, 2.expressing astonishment to being fired, 3.attemping to gain sympathy/support for being fired, 3.Promptly being told to feck off after being fired. PRICELESS -RTFM
*coughs* sorry only have 3 fingers -RTFM
Anything that was done by DD Riff CD and SwedishChef -rockytech
Oh and the poo lart for Wolfprince was a real great one too -rockytech
glad ya liked it NightSteel. And Rocky, I always wanted to be put in that group.... as an afterthought. <BFEG> -wolfprince
although Coyote disappeared before I got here, he/she is the best that I know of (sorry to all the other great lart leaders) -srteach
Anything from Coyote, DD, Mushroom, Riff, CD, SwedishChef. The only thing to top any of those LARTS would be one that results in the transgressor leaving the premises in handcuffs... -hkypipe
For most of the small offenses we deal with, simply embarrassing the starfish in front of its peers would be the best LART. The more peers, the better. For major job-threatening transactions, then bring out the SuperLART like suspensions or firing. -Robster2001
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61.
Do not collect $200, pt. 1
We have a client, who doesn't have our internet service because we don't offer it in that area, but we've set them up with an 802.11 wireless intranet linking up several buildings. A central building has an AP with an omni, and three other buildings each have their own client directional antennae pointing at it. The gateway is in one of these buildings, which is the office. For some reason, neither of the other client antennae nor the computer plugged into the switch on the AP can get internet. We've talked to the manufacturer of all the gear several times and they tell us it *should* work, but it doesn't.
So. A coworker and I go out and try to fix it. We fix it by mounting another directional antenna onto the base of the omni itself, pointing it back at the office, and setting up a bridge on a different channel as the omni, bringing down the ethernet to the switch on the AP. (It's an antenna with an internal EC.) Lo and behold, after that, it works. Everyone gets their internet.
[By: NightSteel]
Comment on Story
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62.
Do not collect $200, pt. 2
Report success to my boss, the IT manager(who is actually a great guy--company's way better off with him than it was without him). Figure that's the end of it. But, no such luck. A couple of weeks later, the manager comes back with a boxful of equipment. My coworker and I have to go back and change the solution that we implemented and that worked over to this other gear. Why? Because it's half the price--$200 cheaper. So I schedule with my coworker to go do it, intending to set aside an entire day in case there were problems. Well, my coworker's boss scheduled him for something over it that morning. So I figured what the hey, we'll just do it next week. Of course, at 2 PM, my boss comes walking back into my office and tells me no, I *have* to go out there today. Why? Because when he noticed that I had it scheduled with my coworker to go back out there, he called the customer and promised them we'd do it on that day. Without telling us.
[By: NightSteel]
Comment on Story
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63.
Do not collect $200, pt. 3
So, grumble, tell my carpool rider, coworker and girlfriend that she'll most likely have to get a ride home from someone else, load up the van with my coworker and go. To make the rest of the long story short, we test the gear that the boss wants us to put up and it seems to work, but after 4 hours of work taking down the gear that we had put up to fix it in the first place, drilling out the hole in the roof for the fatter connector on the replacement cable, making a mess of the original cable in the process, actually running the replacement cable, and getting everything plugged in and turned on, it goes back to acting exactly like it did before we fixed it. %@#$. We had to leave the antenna that worked just freestanding in a *window* pointed back at the office, just so they'd stay up. My boss went back there himself and even he couldn't fix it. I know between the three of us, we put in more than $200 worth of hours. Talk about frustrating!
[By: NightSteel]
Comment on Story
Comments
Wow... Okay, honestly, unless they had some sort of service contract, I would have told them RIGHT UP FRONT... "You want us to replace this equipment that WORKS so you can save $200, and you'll get a $400 bill for all of the work performed... now what would you like to do?" -EagleEye
Unfortunately, as far as I know, it wasn't them that requested the change. It was my boss trying to do them a favor. I doubt he's going to charge them a cent for all the work we've done. -NightSteel
bah... just run cat5 through the street. -Jerbear
If it were only that easy.. -NightSteel
but you "saved" 200 dollars. kinda like when the old lady says but it was on "sale" lol -SGTARKyTEK
What brand equipment? Sounds pretty shoddy to me. -iFox
It's from a company called YDI. I'd never heard of them before working for this company, but so far, we've actually had pretty good luck with their equipment. -NightSteel
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
That any server, let alone a 'server' consisting of a computer built off of our standard workstation quote, running Windows 2000 Server Small Business Edition, with an extra hard drive added for software mirroring, will never have downtime of more than an hour.
Also, that you can forego your server completely when you find out that you will have to either pay to keep your existing server maintained, or pay to purchase one that might actually function with something approaching the reliability that your business needs.
[2004-12-27]
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2.
That computer troubleshooting is an exact science. Sure, there are some problems that only have one cause, and can be fixed quickly and easily. However, this is certainly not the case for all problems!
[2004-10-22]
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3.
That I know everything about every project the people in my department are currently working on, and the status of every piece of hardware shipped into our office to be delivered to the customer. C'mon people, we have a coordinator specifically to know all of that, ask the coordinator!
[2004-08-24]
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Tech Rules
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1.
If you need to remove and recreate several partitions on a PC in order to apply images to those partitions, maybe you should mark the appropriate partition active if you want the machine to, you know, boot afterwards. Yeah, having a fuh-fuh-fuh-football player moment today..
[2012-01-10]
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2.
I've stated this one in comments before, but I think it bears repeating: CUTE + FREE = BAD FOR YOUR COMPUTER. "C'mon, you should know better than to install something like that." "But.. it's cute!" ...yeah.
[2004-08-25]
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Customer Types
Co-Worker Types
1.
The Golden Boy
This would be the guy that no matter how many policies he breaks, or how many enemies he makes, he always seems to avoid getting fired. He even gets promoted into jobs that others are far more qualified for, somehow.
[2004-08-27]
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Customer E-mails
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
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1.
"Our Internet is down! Firewall server license renewal? Nah, we didn't pay that.. but your department head said it would still work!" Sigh.. file this under things I did NOT want to hear, well, ever..
[2010-02-17]
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2.
After telling the customer to shut down: "Go night-night little computer!"
[2005-04-26]
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3.
Co-worker POTD. "I can't wait to play with MOM." Spoken during a Microsoft TS2 event showcasing Microsoft Office Manager. You think you're excited now, wait until they come out with Microsoft Integrated Latency Finder..
[2005-02-15]
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4.
"I love it when you come here, things just start working. It must be your aura." (My response was: "Of course. It has nothing to do with my skill as a computer technician.")
[2004-12-01]
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5.
"Hi punkin!" -- How the telephone was answered by one of our clients when I called her to let her know I was on my way. I guess her daughter was supposed to call her and she thought I would be her. We had a good laugh about that one. We were calling each other 'punkin' the whole time I was over there working for them. It was great, I love those people. If only the rest of our clients were so nice..
[2004-11-05]
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