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Here is all the content that Starfury has contributed to Tech Support Comedy.

Tech Stories


1. Saving face over fixing a problem
We've had an issue with our virtual environment and the mouse on our PCs since they were rolled out months ago. The pointer would lose focus and you'd have to wait for the system to catch up...needless to say this was VERY annoying to the users. So today one of the lowly helpdesk staff figured out a fix. A simple fix. Takes less than 60 seconds to do fix. So months of QA/Tier 2 not figuring it out and the big boss constantly blaming the vendor is eclipsed by the helpdesk. So what happens after we all try it on our computers and find it does really work? We're told to un-do the changes. Why? Because the big boss that's been blaming the vendor will look like an ass since it wasn't the vendor fault, just a windows setting. I hate when office politics get in the way of fixing issues.
[By: Starfury]
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Comments

  • Undo a fix to a usability issue? Isn't that sabotage? -Calydor
  • The fix hasn't been 'announced' because it will make people look stupid...especially my over promoted boss. -Starfury
  • Exactly how do they plan to put that Genie back in the bottle and keep him there? -Stryker One
  • Lets just say that if you piss off the boss they will find a way to fire you. Seen it happen to a few people over the years...and the ones that should've been let go are still there because the boss likes them. -Starfury
  • roll it back then create a bs program that fixes the issue while looking flashy and complicated and have him send that around as a patch from the vendor? -Icelator
  • Today the big boss asked me to "test" the fix...which worked. Hopefully they'll roll it out so the PC users won't have such crappy machines. -Starfury
  • 2. Training
    Yesterday was Mac training from Apple for half of the helpdesk staff. Apparently it was REALLY bad...so bad that people from our training department walked out during the presentation. From those that were forced to be in the class for the entire 2 hours...they'd rather have been back at their desks working.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Hmmm. Bad training class for something I rather not support or use or be on the phones. Tricky call. -DarkRookie
  • We have a simple answer. "We do not support Macs" but sadly, we do now support iShinyShiny thingsbecause management feels they need them. We have tried out Android devices and they work well (and cheaply) and do everything that iThings do. They "do" MS exchange, web apps and Skype. They also either do the same other applications or others with the same functionality. This does not appeal to this at the top. Windows 8 tablets it is then... -Holdfast
  • Some of the partners are Mac fanatics so we got them about 2 1/2 years back. We at the helpdesk HATE them. While they are generally stable (same as PCs) they have more weird network/VPN issues than the PCs by a factor of 10. I will never buy a Mac computer. -Starfury
  • lameFones are the BANE of my existence at Big Red...my most hated calls of the day...every one is guaranteed to be 1+ hours...because most people don't even have lameTunes installed on their computers to begin with...and then i have to hand hold them thru Every. Damned. Step. of the process...because they can't be bothered to learn. I just *LOVE IT!* when they say they don't even own a computer..."I got this so I didn't *have* to get a computer. *headdesk* Android, FTW! -lavenderrose
  • 3. CPU/Mobo advice
    My son's friend has asked if I can put together a computer for him. I've got a $750 budget which should give a nice system...I'm stuck on which CPU/Mobo to use. I've been an Intel user for the last 5 PCs but I'm not up on the current crop that's out. I know that Celeron is not what I want and I'm debating between an i3 and i5 and a mini ATX board with a GeForce 750 graphics card. Any advice would be great.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • my next computer is gonna be a an i5-3570k you can get a diy pc with everything except video for 614.00 on new egg. I can't say anything good or bad about the current crop of amd processors other than they tend to be cheaper than intel. -deedadee
  • my next computer is gonna be a an i5-3570k you can get a diy pc with everything except video for 614.00 on new egg. I can't say anything good or bad about the current crop of amd processors other than they tend to be cheaper than intel. -deedadee
  • The i3 is today's equivalent of a Celeron, even if it doesn't carry the name. It's an i5 with features intentionally stripped out or disabled. You'll want to stick with the i5. I highly recommend a motherboard with all-solid capacitors, like those from MSI. Also, remember, if you build this, you will be their tech support. Make sure they know you're not going to provide a warranty beyond the warranties that the parts carry. (Might want them to sign off on that one in writing.) And make sure you're ready to be called at all hours with tech problems. -NightSteel
  • I'm another person seconding the MSI recommendation about a mobo with solid caps. Additionally, this link gives you a complete system out of Newegg, staying inside your budget (listed for me as $598.99) - just add O/S: http://www.newegg.com/Product/ComboBundleDetails.aspx?ItemList=Combo.1624227 -Grue
  • My next computer will be a etch-a-sketch. Kinda LOOKS like a tablet! -CyBear
  • 4. Revenge is a dish best served cold
    Where I work we have issues with the Tier 2 people at times...mostly them ignoring trouble tickets that are escalated. Today one of them e-mailed in that they need 3 testing accounts set up. Guess who's ticket is going into the black hole until I'm done with the rest of the work I'm doing today...
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    5. Messing with my desk
    St. Patrick's day is coming and apparently as a 'team building event' they're trying to get us to do craft stuff like make a leprechaun trap for our desk. I come here to work, get paid, and that's really about it. So today when I get in my desk apparently has been sh!t on by a leprechaun. There's green silly string on my chair, keyboard, mouse, computer and monitor. Confetti scattered all over too and a pile of candy...which I really don't want (or need) to eat. Now I get to get facilities to come out tonight to vacuum all the crap off the floor and spend time cleaning the crap up.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Report it to HR as harassment. The candy I mean. "I'm borderline diabetic and I really do not appreciate having it rubbed in my face like this.". Yes, I am mean sometimes. For bonus points, tell them your parent/grandparent died of alcoholism or form a drunk driver and the celebration of a holiday intended to promote binge drinking is not something you think the company should be associated with or personally appreciate. -GargoyleTS
  • Nah, just epoxy a fake turd to everyone else's chair. Hey, if you want to put it in the "sweet spot" for them to sit on, please don't tell me, okay? -spectreoflife
  • 6. Good Idea/Bad Idea
    Good Idea: Extra holiday coverage. Bad Idea: Having 3 hours of the afternoon shift covered by the two newest call takers. Good luck to them..my shift is over.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • So, how did this turn out? -Stryker One
  • Someone fixed the connection and they managed. -Starfury
  • Thus showing (by a stretch, admittedly): "Those that can't do, manage." -Grue
  • 7. Sigh...
    Today I'm telecommuting and am enjoying the quiet at the beginning of my shift. About 10 min in (5:10am) the phone rings and its one of the chronic east coast complainers. She starts out whining that Outlook didn't start correctly so she had to restart it. Then she says her calendar view is not correct. I start to walk her through going to the view tab and then changing the view...and she insists I connect to her computer. So I do and take all of 3 seconds to click the tab and change the view. For some reason this REALLY pissed me off...because she wouldn't even TRY to fix the view. It took longer for me to connect and make the change than if she'd taken 10 seconds to try to figure it out. The worst part is that's the company culture...and IT management won't do anything to correct it.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • There was a time, long ago, when I shared your anger at clients who refuse to learn even the basics about applications they use on a daily basis. Nowadays, however, I've come to expect it of them. My reaction to them even attempting something harder than checking their email is a sort of disgusted pity. I'd much rather take over their computer and fix it myself. Call's over quicker, and I get less bitching from them. Yes, I know that just means they'll call back the next time it happens, but I take it one case at a time. -Waish
  • Wow! I wish I had your level of job security! *bolts for the LART shelter* -unrenowned
  • User at my current job managed to put their start bar at the top of the screen accidentally. They actively refused a remote assistance offer, and demanded someone come onsite to fix the issue (office is local, so we do go onsite). So instead of fixing it in 30 seconds or so, they waited until someone was free to do the 10 minute walk over and fix it.... -ApolloSZ
  • 8. Packrat no more
    Over the years (like many of us) I've accumulated leftover computer equipment. A few NICs, old HDD, and video cards. I even have 2 Win XP computers. I've decided that when my remodel is done and I move on to re-doing the garage that all the old computer gear is gone. I have no need for an ATI Rage Pro AGP video card, 430w power supply, or the box of random cables/case bits/stuff. So I'm going to wipe the drives and send it all to the recycle center. I'm sure there was a reason I kept all the stuff..including the old computers...but I can't really remember it any longer. I figure after 4 years of gathering dust it's time to move on.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Don't worry - you'll remember what you needed that stuff for about a week after it's gone... -Shooter
  • That's all? You should see my garage. -Stryker One
  • My own experience has not been that I remember what I needed it for two days after it went out. My experience has been that I needed something from it that was totally new and unexpected. "Sure, I have some memory that will fit that old mission-critical box of yours... right... damnit." -chazz
  • Had to do the same when my son was born. He moved into my computer room, and I moved my gear down to the mancave in the basement. Actually ended up getting a decent bit of cash for a lot of the old crap. -torgo
  • 9. Super Genius
    So I've spent the last week at our Austin office and now I'm heading home. First: flight delayed 2+ hours. 2nd: laptop power cord is in my checked luggage. Third: Kindle power cord is plugged in...at the desk in the office. I'll have to have it sent to me next week and I'm saving the battery in it for the actual flight. It's not helping that my allergies are really acting up with the weird weather there.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Starfury MultiOops! [/Leeloo voice] -Grue
  • 10. The complainer...who was right.
    One of the partners here has been complaining about computer performance on his Mac for a long time, mostly network issues. We haven't found anything wrong and figured he was just whining. Until today...when he showed me a network speed test between his personal Mac and his Work Mac. The work computer was on average 5x slower when transferring data both on wired/wireless networks. Now they're going through our stock of spare computers to figure out which one is in the best shape so they can set it up for him. I've known that the way the machines are set up is not optimal...but this is really bad.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Interesting. I've got a similar issue, 30Mbps Internet connection, but my machine speedtests max out at 10Mbps while everyone else in the office gets ~30Mbps. -Stryker One
  • 11. Yahoo mail update
    So..how many people here don't like the new Yahoo mail? I'm less than impressed with it.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • people still use yahoo mail? -gashach
  • lol i have an account stopped using it almost 5 years ago. -deedadee
  • Meh - I only ever use it via POP3. -Grue
  • I still use it and don't like the update at all. -Corycdc
  • Meh. Trying to make it more like Outlook. I use my yahoo account for junk mail and family stuff, gmail for the real mail. -ManyHats
  • My POP3 mail looks just the same... :) -Mushroom
  • oh god this might explain one of my customers. he was talking about how he clicked something and yahoo looked all different but didn't have his computer or anything with him and I basically told him to go get it and never saw him again. -Icelator
  • I Hate Change! I have lived at the same address since 1971. Things should stay just as they are. -volmtech
  • Although stupid- and ugly-looking, it is at least slower. -FuzzyElf
  • 12. Pissing off employees can backfire
    Lately the morale/job satisfaction level at the helpdesk has been on a downward spiral. We've had 1 person quit to move out of the area, one guy just quit, and one guy get a transfer to another department in a 4 week period. The graveyard shift guy just had a review...and the bosses were not very nice and nit-picked a lot of little things. They must've figured since the job market sucks they can treat people crappy and get away with it. Not this time...the graveyard guy's wife is a CFO/Sr. VP at a fairly large company and makes 4x what he does at the helpdesk. So he gave 2 weeks notice. Now they're scrambling to get day shift people to fill in those shifts which will leave the day shift short handed. I also know that at least 4 other people in the department are job hunting...and the carnage may continue through the end of the year.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I know how that is. I worked for a company that started off great, but then they decided that on top of the original support roles we were tasked with, we were to upsell them services. Nobody wanted to do it. Eventually everyone conformed...except me. So I was ultimately let go for that reason. But leading up to it, I was job searching, and I was totally miserable. I always say that the only thing I took from that job were my friendships that I made there. Without meeting them there, I would not be an "adopted uncle" to several of my friends kids. And I am an awesome Uncle! -KrazerKap
  • And they're probably complaining that there are no qualified workers out there. -Loren
  • The old adage, "If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys..." coupled with "Abuse 'em, you lose 'em"? -chazz
  • Karma is, indeed, a lovely maiden. The company that I worked (slaved) for for 23 years recently went Tango-Uniform, putting us all out of a job. The owners are still scrambling 2 months later to get out from under debt that they'd never have had if they'd done business the right way and treated us all with respect instead of having the "screw them, we'll fire them and hire more..." attitude. One or both may lose their retirement money and/or their homes before it's all said and done with. That said, anyone in the TSC family hiring in the Charlotte NC area? -ChildofCthulhu
  • 13. Random Recruiter calls
    Today I received a random recruiter call looking for a helpdesk/desktop support person. There were a few issues with the information the recruiter had. 1. Job in SF (That's a 3 hr round trip commute compared to my 1 hr now). 2. Graveyard shift. 3. Long term contract but could go perm. I've been here 7.5 years and I'm not willing to leave my comfy 5am-2pm shift plus the fact my current job isn't terrible..just annoying.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I'm getting a lot of calls right now for entry level shit jobs... They say its because of my résumé but that's obviously a lie. -linkv
  • 14. Building a new PC
    My son's friend wanted a new computer and since it's been a while since I built one I offered to do the assembly for free. I ordered the parts and my son and I put it together. I did the cables nice and neat (unlike mine) and connected the monitor/keyboard/mouse and power cords...then pressed the power button. It did POST, I set the time, verified it saw the HDD and DVD drive, and rebooted. Windows loads up easy. It feels SO good to be able to put a machine together and have it boot w/ no errors on the first try.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • way better than when I first started: 1% failure rate per component, apart from the hard drives which had 10% failure rate -madonnac
  • When I built my own first PC, it was one of those short-lived slot-type CPUs. It didn't POST first try, and since I was using some of my old computer's parts for the new one, I had to reassemble my old PC to go online and find out why. Turns out that I didn't push the CPU in far enough. Once I did that, it was fine. -DukeOfURL
  • oh Slot1. I remember those days. Thermal expansion would eventually "wiggle" the CPU loose. -MaskedMarauder
  • 15. Lawyers...
    Today proceeds as usual until this gem of a call comes in. Secretary for one of the partners calls and wants to know if we have a Satellite Phone as a loaner. The ONLY places I've seen those is in movies and on Deadliest Catch. By now you're probably asking Why does the lawyer want one? Because he has to take his kid to a new school and doesn't know if there will be any cell coverage there...and because he couldn't "get out of going." This is just a shining example of the inability to leave work at work and spend time with your family. Lawyers....
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "I'd rather be at work than spending quality time with my family." Yeah, someone's got some fucked-up priorities. Why do you work your ass off, if not for your family? (I'd rather spend a day with my wife and daughter than a week at work - even unpaid.) -Captain Trips
  • Lawyers, doctors, and real estate agents have consistently been the worst people I've ever had to support. I'm sure there are contrary examples in each field, but I've never had the pleasure of meeting them. -Lusus
  • 16. New process at work
    So the boss decided to implement a new process for printer toner. The printers are supposed to notify the printer tech when they're low on toner and then he sends out a replacement. If this doesn't work then we would put in a request to have one sent. The ** New and Improved ** process has us sending a ticket to the boss for approval....and she's not exactly fast on processing tickets. So now the person that needed a replacement toner yesterday is still waiting because approval wasn't given yet to replace the toner.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "As well as being Boss and doing Boss stuff, I processed eleventy-twelve tickets last month!" -smellystudent
  • Which, since eleventy-twelve is an imaginary number, were all in his head. -RDMcMains
  • 17. Accidental perfect timing
    At my work they've decided to implement a chat support system...because phone and email wasn't enough. (note the sarcasm) I put in to take 3 days off this week...which happened to be the rollout date for the system. While I'm not being negative I do foresee issues with this going forward.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • We did that at a place I worked at previously. Wasn't as bad as you think, if you have someone who is dedicated to covering it. They can potentially work 3 coms at once. -MaskedMarauder
  • They're going to have 3 of us covering for up to 3 sessions each. We won't be covering phones but will have to do email coverage too. I don't see 9 sessions at once...but you never know. -Starfury
  • 18. Liar!!!
    Turns out Rule 1 is still in effect...users lie. I got a call from a secretary that the attorney she works for needed a wall adapter for a trip to Europe. I asked her about international data on his phone and she said he wouldn't need it. I told her that if he's going to Europe and bringing his work phone the service needs to be added. The secretary said she'd check w/ him and call back. About 2 min later she calls...and admits that she's the one who needs the adapter. I let her know that we do loan those out to secretaries and sent it out. All she had to do was ask...would've saved her the trouble of lying and getting caught.
    [By: Starfury]
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    19. Failure to communicate
    Got a call today from a new employee who wanted to know how to extract documents from our document management system and then put them into a box.net account per one of the partners. Since this is NOT allowed due to security issues I told him I couldn't help and it was against firm policy. He disconnected then I called my boss. Turns out that this was set up and approved...just that nobody bothered to inform the helpdesk that we'd be getting this request. Now I look dumb for saying "no" and my boss has to try to cut off the potential rant by the partner.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • You are covered. You followed security procedure, and let your boss know. The partner can rant all he/she wants. They didn't inform you. Too bad for them. -srteach
  • I used to get that frequently. And when I went to my boss, sometimes it was "Oh, I'm sorry, I should have told you..." Glad it isn't just me, though. -Captain Trips
  • This seems to be becoming more and more commonplace. Here at %WePrintStuff%, the policy is what it is until it is changed. More often than not, when the policy is changed, it is not disseminated downstream in an appropriate manner. This is very bad because these failures could easily affect our ISO and other certifications. -Griffin2020
  • This seems to be becoming more and more commonplace. Here at %WePrintStuff%, the policy is what it is until it is changed. More often than not, when the policy is changed, it is not disseminated downstream in an appropriate manner. This is very bad because these failures could easily affect our ISO and other certifications. -Griffin2020
  • I had an associate dean ask for the system administrative management password in a situation just like this. They forgot the password they wanted for their account to do admin work in a lab. I told the associate dean (my bosses boss) that I would give him the password only with expressed written permission given by my IT Director. :) Gotta cover your butt. -MaskedMarauder
  • 20. Open note to Adobe and Java
    Dear Adobe and Java, please stop trying to get me to install unwanted software on your frequent updates. I do not want Google Toolbar, Google Chrome, Ask.com toolbar, or McAffee anti-virus installed. If I wanted ANY of this software I'd install it myself and not through your update.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Dear Starfury: Those companies are paying us for every install they get; that's how we convince the parent company not to nuke the business unit that provides free software. Would you rather pay for Adobe and Java? Sincerely, Oracle and Adobe. -chazz
  • Personally, I'd be perfectly happy if Java and Adobe Reader went away forever. -NightSteel
  • Yeah, I was setting up a new machine and tried to download Imgburn with it--and I couldn't find the real file amongst the garbage. On my machine with ad defenses in place it was totally straightforward. -Loren
  • @Loren Use ninite.com instead. Has most of the common programs I install on new machines. -edventure
  • Also, Adobe, do you mind making sure that we can install flash, and why did you make Ninite take it off the site, when the prog is freely available? excuse me, but the blind want it, too, and we don't like inaccessible installers~! <i>fume!</i> -AdmiralWbury
  • Finally had to install Reader 11 for my bank statement today. They wanted me to register for a free download. So I installed Foxit instead. -Captain Trips
  • Just to do a silent install now adobe makes you enroll in there Software Distribution program. -helix2301
  • 21. Mardi Gras
    The girls at the helpdesk are putting up Mardi Gras decorations...is it wrong of me to want to get some beads to toss at them or would it be some sort of sexual harassment issue?
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Not so long as you show em yours too... -ChildofCthulhu
  • So now it is crack-a-fat Tuesday? -PoglaTheGrate
  • 22. Lawyers and travel
    I'm working today (double time pay) and have an attorney call because his iPhone isn't receiving email. I do what little troubleshooting I can (basically everything appears to be fine w/ mail system) and let him know I'll have to contact an admin later in the day since it's a holiday. After looking through his tickets...turns out he's in Mexico. I have NO control over whatever connection he has there....and if they're having a data outage I can't fix it. Did he mention this fact when he called? No.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Sorry to tell you, we didn't have any data outages here in Mexico yesterday. You should be able to fix his phone! Just kidding. However, his roaming plan may not cover the data transfer. -buitre
  • Whenever our people travel internationally, we have to have their phones set up for that. It's a separate service, so if they forget to do it before they leave, they're SOL. -Captain Trips
  • 23. iPhone 5...lawyer wants now!
    The attorneys where I work always want the latest smartphone...and with the iPhone 5 coming out soon they're starting to drool. Today I received an email from one who is due for an upgrade the day after the iPhone 5 comes out. He said he wanted it that day because he's going on vacation and wanted the new phone. As a corporate buyer we don't get new toys like that on the release day and we're usually 2 weeks or more after before orders are placed. I tell him "no, we don't have a date when we'll be getting the phone and we're not adding anyone to a waiting list at this time." If he wants one that bad he can just buy one.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I have something better than an iPhone4s and it is not from Apple. -Holdfast
  • Me too. A Lumia 710 -DarkRookie
  • Getting a new smartphone (or almost any other device) the day after it's released just doesn't make business sense. It will be at least a couple weeks before all the major release-day bugs are fixed. -thx1138
  • "Oh yeah?!? Well, I need an iPhone _6_!" -Voz
  • "What the F#$%'s a Bieber?" -Ozzy -Biosynthetic
  • I'm still using my Samsung Galaxy S (Vibrant). They've since released generation 3 of it.... -unrenowned
  • 24. Oops....
    Today is my telecommute day and on my lunch break I fired up Guild Wars 2. 20 min AFTER my break is over I realize what time it is and jump back on the phones. Oops.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • opps... well whos to say you WERENT on the ready for thsioe 20 minutes/ :P OR.. you were in the can... damned burritos. -Harm
  • Totally immersive game? Check. That's why god made cheap alarm clocks... -chazz
  • 25. Wake up Call (NT)

    Yesterday was my son's 6th grade outing to the local amusement park. Being a good parent I left work early to chaperone the event. On the first ride I get in and try to pull the harness down.

    I can't close it.

    The attendant had to give it a push to lock it down. I know I've gained weight lately but this incident let me know it's time to seriously adjust my diet and exercise routine. I know the "I'm in shape...round is a shape" joke but I think it's time to stop being so round and reduce the waistline.

    Sorry fast food establishments...I won't be spending my money there any more.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "Shape of a god... too bad it's Buddha." I surely do know that feeling. -chazz
  • almost. Budda is not a god, but an enlightened being. Ganesha on the other hand.... ;) -McSmiley
  • Practical advice... Don't "diet". Pay attention to suggested serving sizes. My wife and I realized we were eating 1.5 to 2 times the serving size. Cut it down to regular sizes (ok, with some dieting for about 3 months) and we fit our clothes now. We still watch serving sizes and get small snacks between meals. I get slightly larger snacks as I still burn calories faster than her. :) -PsychoKittyB
  • PsychoKittyB's advice is sound; dieting doesn't seem to work very well, but watching serving sizes and generally being aware of what you are eating does. Side notes: Diet soda will not help; there evidently is some strange metabolic effect on getting that big a hit of sweetness with no accompanying sugar rush, that results in overall weight gain. -chazz
  • I've cut the diet soda WAY down from what I used to drink and I'm also going to make an effort to minimize my fast food consumption. Portion control is probably one of the main issues...you grow up being told "clean your plate" and when you're given more food than you need you eat it all. -Starfury
  • start drinking water and lots of it, I found it really helps -Icelator
  • Changed from approximately 6 OUARTS of soda per day to 12 OUNCES per day, replacing the lost soda with water. Lost 60lbs in 3 months. When I get to the weight I want, I may increase snacks. -srteach
  • The biggest problem seems to be eating the biggest meal of the day towards the END of the day. Problem is; who has time to cook, or even eat, a big meal at the start, or middle, of the day? So we eat our first two meals of the day quick & fast, burn up that energy, & then sit down for a big meal after we're done for the day & all that energy sits & turns into fat instead of getting burned off. That's my biggest problem (aside from too much not-unsweetened coffee. I drink a pot of coffee in an 8 hour shift compared w/ 1 or maybe 2 12 oz cans of soda during my off hours. If I could eat on a better schedule, that would work wonders. -MadJack
  • "Have you called Jenny yet?" (Uh, sorry, they've got me brainwashed - and now you know exactly where I work!) -Captain Trips
  • nice humor... indiagiftservices.com -igs123
  • What is this "diet soda" of which you speak? For that matter, what is this "water" of which you speak? (Hoists another cold frothy one to Bacchus) -ecoli
  • betty whites off their rockers had the best gag one of the old guys was walking around in a hospital gown with a whiskey iv drip. -deedadee
  • Cutting down on soda helps a lot i find ( had to do that on dentist orders) But bang on for the Biggest meat at the end of the day. i've had friends that succeded losing weight by having several small meals across the days.. call them large healthy snaks. rather than skipping breakfast 9 as most of us do) grabbing lunch ( usually eating at our desks) then geting home- making a large meal ( left opvers end up as lunch.. and usually as a much smaller portion than that which we had the night before). -Harm
  • What everyone else said about portions and soft drinks. If you're not eating breakfast start having a container of yogurt. I quit smoking (7mo.) and /lost/ ~15 lbs. -VIPERsssss
  • Seriously, they're all right - the key to weight loss is portion control and increased activity. Increase can be as little as 10% more than normal to have significant effect. Park at the far end of the lot for a change. Take the stairs one more flight than usual. That's enough for a start. (Also, more water, fruits and vegetables - they are all "free foods.") -Captain Trips
  • 26. Be careful what you wish for

    I recently let my boss know I'd be interested in travel to the regional offices if it came up. I figured OT for plane flight, new city for a bit would be fun. One thing I forgot was that this place has NO ability to plan stuff in advance...

    Today the boss lets me know they'd like me to go to San Diego for 2 1/2 weeks. While this is good...it's my wife's birthday weekend, they want me to leave in 2 days, AND I don't have enough clothing (dockers/polo shirts) for this kind of trip. I would get a rental car, food money, and be reimbursed for work expenses (trip to the bar doesn't count) I have. I'd end up with 2 weekends there that would be free time also that I could use to explore the area. I'd get ONE day of training in the regional office for the video conference stuff/printers/HW to work on but that's it.

    Why THIS weekend when it's not good instead of a better one?

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Be careful what you ask for. -Stryker One
  • Murphy's Law, of course. You have to ask? -Voz
  • Well I decided to go. 2 weekends in San Diego with hotel/food paid for? Can't really pass this up. Plus if it goes well maybe I'll be the 3rd Sr. Analyst. -Starfury
  • Take the wife with. That's what I would do. -Griffin2020
  • Sandy Eggo get-together on Starfury's expense account! (J/K!!) -MadJack
  • I'm in, where's AtomicBill? -Captain Trips
  • Why this weekend? Because Murphy is a fucknugget. -vacuumtubes
  • 27. Ice Cream!

    Today I arrive at work (5am) and check my email. There's one from the boss that we're having a team building event today and there will be ice cream! The party starts when my shift ends and I'm looking forward to a snack before heading home...

    And if that was what happened there wouldn't be a story.

    A 2nd email comes out that the party is moved to 3:30pm...90 min after I leave for the day. Now I'm sad that I won't get any ice cream before I go.

    Go team.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Can't remember how many times that happened to me back when I worked call center. Used to get bummed out, but then I'd realize that I'm allowed to buy my own ice cream whenever I want. Still, it's a dick move on the part of whoever's organizing the thing, because they're not taking different shifts into account. -AmazingKreskin
  • Dont worry. You can get back at them by hoarding all of the new machines for yourself since they wont share. *evil grin* -KrazerKap
  • Unless the ice cream is being brought in just before the party, it's probably in the office freezer. Just take it home with you when you leave... -docbrown01
  • Recently, some of our IT people have been going out for happy hour for birthdays, "good luck's", etc. at 1.5 hours after I leave. These are held a block from work - 25 miles from my home. I feel for you... -Captain Trips
  • "More people will show up if they think there will be punch and pie!" <Cartman> -Trillian
  • 28. An open letter to my manager

    Dear Boss,

    Please give those of us at the helpdesk training on new software before you roll it out to the end users. Putting a note in the documentation to "call the helpdesk if you have questions" is fine...but only if WE have had training on the software. If you don't plan on giving us training...at least put some sort of helpful documentation in our knowledge base. Having the same document as the one sent to the end users isn't that helpful when they have questions or problems which are not listed there.

    Sincerely,

    Your Helpdesk staff.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • BAHAHAHAHAHA! <breathes> BAHAHAHAHA! As if this will ever effin happen. I will spontaneously change genders first. -DarkRookie
  • Darkrookie, I could go for you. What gender are you now? -Gerund
  • Lets see... I can count to 21 so male as of now. -DarkRookie
  • *shoves a girdle of Masculinity/ Femininity on DR* well ya asked for it.. and i've witnessed it happening before. its RARE.. unlike that girdle. -Harm
  • Tuck it back DR. -burrkiss
  • You too? I've often been asked to support software I didn't even know we had, let alone how to use it! -Captain Trips
  • I am getting really good at "intuitive" tech support, where I have never SEEN the software, but by asking the user the right questions, can usually do some pretty decent support on it. Sadly, this process does not work with lottery numbers. -TechieSidhe
  • I'm about to be the SME for a product that is only working 33% of the time but they want it rolled out by oh...3 weeks from now...And no manuals...no knowledge base...nada...zip. -Angelace
  • "Shut up and re-boot", "Hey, it works now" (click) "My call times are getting better" -AngrySup
  • 29. The impatient one

    All of us that do internal support have those special callers. We have one that is very hyper and impatient.

    She calls in, gets one of the other analysts and tells him her computer won't start and she wants a hardware tech out. The analyst tells her "ok" and disconnects the call. He's in the process of typing up the ticket and calling the hardware room and the user calls back.

    I get her.

    She starts ranting and wants to talk to the original helpdesk analyst and I tell her he's on the phone with hardware now. She then demands to be given the direct line to the hardware group. I tell her no. We do not give out the direct lines to ANY of the staff here. She then wants to talk to the hardware supervisor saying "I know her." Ok..fine...so I transfer the call.

    One thing that the user doesn't know...we had a change of management and the hardware supervisor is now in charge of the helpdesk and there's a NEW hardware supervisor. So I transfer the call after giving the new boss a heads up.

    While she's ranting at the HW supervisor two of the techs show up at the office and fix her computer. Apparently the user had let the battery run out on the laptop and didn't bother to plug it in when back in the office. So the HW tech plugs in the computer and it starts up. They let her know it has to charge and if she's going to a meeting to bring her power supply with her.

    Just another day in the trenches.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • You mean you have to CHARGE a laptop?! don't they charge over the air? -Necropyro
  • But it's _wireless_. -chazz
  • -McSmiley
  • What would have been classic is: If while still on the phone with the luser, the superviser has gotten the results form the ticket, and let her know how stupid she really was. -McSmiley
  • 30. The bathroom

    To preface the story: I'm male.

    Yesterday I'm sitting in the stall doing my business and playing a game on the work iPhone. I hear the bathroom door open and shoes clicking across the floor.

    I think "those don't sound like men's shoes" and then the stall door next to me opens and someone sits down. I glance over and see that that person is wearing women's heels (which explains the clicking sound of the shoes) and she proceeds to do her business, then gets up, washes her (I'm guessing) hands and leaves.

    I'm sitting there thinking...did I accidentally go into the women's bathroom? I finish up and check...yes there's the urinal so I am in the correct bathroom. I check the door and it also has the Men bathroom plaque on it. I wander back to my desk wondering who was in there with me and I regret not being done sooner to walk out of the stall to see who it was.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Who says it was female? -Holdfast
  • Yeah, I mean if you can find a good pair of heels, wear them around. Show them off. Compare with burrkiss. -DarkRookie
  • They don't seem to do anything pretty in size 46 (I don't know what that is in US). -Holdfast
  • (ashamedly raises hand) I did the same thing once when I was a document courier, only it was me in the ladies room. The best/worst part was me and some woman standing at the sinks, washing our hands and giving each other dirty looks to say, "What are YOU doing in here?" Imagine my surprise --- and heartfelt apologies --- when we left, and I glanced back at the sign on the door. -MeanDean
  • "The restroom door said 'Gentlemen' so I just walked inside. I took two steps and realized I was taken for a ride. I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied by two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. What could be worse? Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse." /Bob_rivers -Grayhawk
  • Are you sure Hilary Clinton wasn't visiting the organization? -Wraith556
  • 31. Some people...

    This morning I get a call that one of the partners at the firm broke his 18 month old iPhone; the screen is cracked. He asks about getting the 3gs upgraded to an iPhone 4s and I let him know his due date is in June but I'll ask.

    Admin lets me know that he can get a replacement 3s from stock and has to wait until June for a new phone. I communicate this to the user....and then he decides that he'll live with the cracked screen for 3-4 more months.

    I don't understand these people...

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • That means the screen isn't cracked -yet- and he was hoping for a free upgrade. -Calydor
  • Too bad you probably do not have caller ID. I bet he called from the cracked phone. -deedadee
  • Can you even use an iPhone with a cracked faceplate? I bet that if it was cracked at all, it was the back panel -- cosmetic damage. -chazz
  • The digitizer on my phone (Droid 1) is failing, resulting in a dead spot and the occasional random burst of phantom input. If I could get a free replacement I'd be all over it, even if it was another Droid 1 or a lesser Android without a keyboard. That guy's screen isn't broken, but his ploy failed. -DukeOfURL
  • If it were me, I'd kindly ask tech for a loaner until I would be up for an upgrade. Or, if the upgrade from 3 to 4 is a company thing, can I take the 3 and still get the 4 when we move the platform. </Start Porn Music> I said ask kindly. You didn't think this would be easy did you?> -AngrySup
  • 32. I feel so dumb

    One of my tickets this morning was for a voice-mail issue...the user couldn't get into the system. The admim fixes things and resets their voice-mail PIN. So I call the user back

    And leave a voice-mail telling them that their PIN has been reset and what it is.

    One of the other analysts points out what I just did...and I have that moment where you realize just how dumb what you just did was. I did follow up with an e-mail to the user since that was working.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Anyone can have a starfish moment. It's when you stop being embarrassed about them that you have to worry... -chazz
  • At least you admitted your mistake. One of my mum's friends was having trouble with her ISP and their mail system. They eventually called her, stating that she had an overdue bill. Since she hadn't been able to get on line for a month, she tried to contest it. On her account was a notice that she couldn't receive emails. The ISP's response was that they had sent her an email, and she hadn't responded. -PoglaTheGrate
  • I've had a user email me to tell me to ask me if the email system was working. They where concerned because it had been 45 minutes since their last message. I replied with a "nope". -virusjtg
  • We all have dumbass moments. The trick is not to abuse the privilege. -Grayhawk
  • Virus, should have been, "Nope" *send*, "Not yet" *send*, "Still no" *send*, "No" *send*,"Still nothing" *send*, "Still down" *send*, "Not working yet" *send*, etc. Then, when the e-mail is back online, and all of the cached "sends" are moving again... -Voz
  • 33. Ever feel lilke

    you do twice the work as some co-workers?

    I do helpdesk so I'm on the phone all day. I had a chat with the boss today and got to see my stats. Turns out I take almost twice as many calls as the department average.

    Twice as many.

    So this means that I literally do more work than pretty much every other analyst there. Only one person took more than I did...and he doesn't have project work like I have in addition to taking calls. I feel absolutely no guilt that I got a bigger raise and bigger bonus than anyone else there.

    The only reason I'm still there is because the job market sucks around here and I'm not willing to leave my well paying job for a contract to hire position even if it does pay more.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • It's becoming more common that companies are sticking with contract labor to avoid having to pay benefits to the employee. In my situation, I had to prove my value to the company that I was doing the work for to get them to hire me on. -cecil36
  • My best contract to hire was just out of collage as a temp office puke. Turned out I was a little more valuable, and actually cut and signed the check that took me on as a permanent hire. -AngrySup
  • 34. Who to blame....

    We've been having issues with one of our remote offices. After a discussion with the boss yesterday apparently it's the Helpdesk's fault that these issues are happening.

    Why?

    Because we're "not getting enough information on the problems when they happen" and "Tier 2 can't find any issue with the server or network equipment."

    So now we have to go through a ton of steps to gather as much information as possible from end users that will clear an error message before calling us...and that won't take a screen shot BEFORE closing and calling to complain.

    At least I'm on vacation next week.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • My machine won't do that thing that happens after I turn it on in the morning, but before I turn it off at night, right when I move the footmouse...but it worked yesterday! -Biosynthetic
  • Footmouse? Screw it! <assigns ticket to L2> They don't work anyways -DarkRookie
  • I have seen both sides. I have sent level 2 tickets with screenshots of all the relevant info but they sent it back because they didn't see the attachment. I have also seen the service desk where I used to work (Thank God I got a promotion and got out) send tickets "User unable to access internet. Gets an error. He is able to access servers." with nothing else added. -0gr3
  • I keep wanting to put the message "Error status PICNIC" on jobs. -Holdfast
  • My HD likes to send me password resets for email. But lists the only contact information as the email for the user who can't get into their email. >_< -Aelin236
  • actual email from one of my users with this as the subject line: "Need to Log in". Nothing in the body. 'So, how did they send the email you ask?' -ecoli
  • 35. Working on Thanksgiving

    Happy day after Thanksgiving to all.

    Yesterday I worked the holiday from home...5am - 2pm. It was a really rough day.

    Got one email and played Skyrim.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Could be worse. I'm wrapping up a 12 hour shift (in about another hour & 1/2), taking my regular shift on what's supposed to be my Sunday, + half of the shift before so one of my co-workers can get some family time on Thanksgiving), one of my fellow night auditors is doing the same, PLUS working his manager's 7-3 (20 hours on w/o a break). Some of our Amtrak guests that layover overnight work 20 hours a shift; and, I tellya, I'd HATE to be somebody working retail tonight/today!! Working the masses on Black Friday's gotta be a friggin' nightmare... -MadJack
  • I am in the office, my boss is not. I don't expect to do any actual work today. -AmazingKreskin
  • 33 people @ the office today, out of nearly 200.... -Grue
  • Could be worse, i have a friend that works for walmart as a security guard. His shift started at 10:00 last night. Haven't heard if he made it off shift. -McSmiley
  • With 30 min to go in my shift I've had 1 email and 4 calls today. Plus got to play Skyrim for many hours. -Starfury
  • It was just a normal day in the office here in EUrope... *shrug* -Fortytwo
  • 36. Somebody screwed up....

    ...and it was me.

    I've been given new duties which include processing the terminated user accounts. This is a fairly complex process and I accidentally deleted the wrong user account yesterday...apparently to me a 1 looked like a 7 so one of the payroll people can't work. It's being fixed...but I'm sure I'll get chewed out a bit for it but I'm still learning the process.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I'd worry most about what Payroll is going to say . . . LOL -ManyHats
  • Good luck! -Grue
  • Of all the people to delete, you deleted someone from PAYROLL?!? -Stryker One
  • Spoke to the boss...only got a small piece of my behind chewed off. I admitted that I screwed up and told her how I'd prevent it in the future and she was ok with it. Hopefully that'll be the end of it. -Starfury
  • S'all right. Co-worker at the old job deleted the CEO's PA once by accident. THAT was a difficult day XD. -ApolloSZ
  • AD Restore ( http://www.softpedia.com/get/System/System-Miscellaneous/AdRestore.shtml ) + Force Replicate AD ( http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/library/cc776188(WS.10).aspx ) for the win. :P -Necros
  • 37. Lazy...or stupid

    I'm doing my e-mail shift and get a request in to zip some files for a user.

    Four of them.

    So I call the person and let her know that she can easily create a zip file and go over the process. She says she's too busy and would like me to take care of it. I hang up and 30 seconds later have the zip file done and e-mail it to her.

    I figure it took her more time to create a new message, attach the files, type up the message, and send it to me than it would've took her to just zip them herself.

    THIS is the kind of corporate culture I deal with on a daily basis.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • And that is why I believe the geeks/nerds of the world need to rethink their positions within the current world order... -unrenowned
  • What you do is write a nice wordy e-mail...and at the end of it tell them that it took longer for them to read the e-mail than it would have to just create the zip file themself. -Grue
  • But, this way, the EU can still be proud that they do not understand IT. -Holdfast
  • Law firm SOP for sure. -redevil34
  • What educational institution do you work at again? (only half serious...ok, seriously) -Olorin
  • Olorin- just about any. Seriously. I took a technical writing course with an instructor (Dr, no less) and he couldn't figure out how to open a zipped file. The class was online. I dropped the class soon after. -justcrazy
  • IANAL, but, in doing this, you may become part of the 'chain of custody'. You could have altered the data while zipping it. <queue lights and show music> And Smile, Smile, Smile... -AngrySup
  • 38. I'm not your go between

    So yesterday I get a call from one of our clients. They inform me that the extranet is not working so I check...and it's not. So I call to let the admin know what's wrong....and get the run around.

    Call B. She's in charge of apps. She says that R needs to fix.

    Call R. He says that H. takes care of this.

    Call H. He says that R. takes care of this...

    Call R again. He says that H needs to take care of this

    Call H. Back, he says he can't access the server and that R. needs to fix.

    Call R. and am told that it's H's issue...and I lose it a bit. I tell him that H says he fixes it and that I'm not going to be going back and forth between the 2 of them and that he needs to call H to get the issue resolved.

    Everyone at the helpdesk looks at me like I'm crazy since I talked to one of the admins that way...but it had been a very busy day and I wasn't in the mood to put up with their bullsh!t.

    Amazingly enough the site was fixed in less than 5 min.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • This sounds exactly like the life I used to have, back before July 29... my immediate coworkers were awesome people, the rest of the bank, notsamuch. -AnneBWalsh
  • Conference R and H together, then walk away from the phone. "For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out." -- Steven Wright -AmazingKreskin
  • 39. Dumb luck

    We use a virtualized Windows environment where I work and it's not very stable...but they use it anyway. One of the users got an error and after that was prompted to download a new PC Image.

    Normally these people call in for any little thing...but the ONE time the user should've called in she didn't....and overwrote the install of her virtual environment which had ALL her work saved there.

    Big Oops.

    So as I'm re-configuring Outlook she lets me know that her computer had been fixed for another issue recently and all her files backed up. I check the backup server and there is all her data. I copy it over and her computer is back to normal. If there hadn't been that backup done her data was GONE with no recovery. She's the luckiest caller I've had in a while.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "Rabbi, is there a blessing... for the Starfish?" "A blessing for the Starfish? Hmm. 'May God bless and keep the Starfish... far away from us!'" -AmazingKreskin
  • Of course there's a blessing for starfish, there's a blessing for everything....except techs. We aren't blessed, we're cursed. -Captain Trips
  • ... which is a sort of blessing, isn't it? Just a blessing of the wrong kind. -srteach
  • We run a lot of VMs as sandboxes for dev work and for servers, and I'm generally in favor of them when it's done right. But one of the worst things you can run into is a bad virtualization system. She was really lucky. -ThinkGuy
  • 40. Recruiters...

    Like many of us I have my resume on Monster and a few other job sites. I have a job but have been looking for a different one. (Long story.)

    So while on vacation I get a call from a recruiter...about a contract job. I tell them no and we keep driving. Soon my phone rings again...another recruiter for the same job. Tell them no and continue through Nebraska. By the time I'm posting this Tuesday afternoon I've had 8 e-mails and close to a dozen phone calls...half the calls are from ONE agency. They must be pretty desperate to fill this job.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "Help us Starfury, you're our only hope!" -AmazingKreskin
  • "I felt a great disturbance in the Tech, as if millions of brain cells suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." /not mine -AngrySup
  • I don't know how much you like your current position. But, tell them the conditions on which you WOULD agree to the contract. Which may include very high compensation. VERY HIGH compensation. If they won't meet it, no loss, you still got your day job. If are willing to meet it... cha-ching! This is something referred to the "go-away" price. ie This job is normally beneath my notice, but if you make it worth it, I could be persuaded. -Xal
  • My son-in-law is a team leader at a call center here in Northeast Florida. One of his co-workers applied for a position with Google. Today the co-worker got the job. He reports to work Monday in Seattle. He must have a hell of a resume. -volmtech
  • 41. Working Holidays

    I volunteered to work today and it was crazy busy.

    I had to take SIX calls and answer 3 e-mails in my 8 hr day.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • That IS a crazy day. I do tickets and the last couple weeks I've had no more than 4 tickets each day. -Aelin236
  • I do on calls which includes holidays. We had a public holiday for our recent royal wedding and I got called in. Yes, there were TVs with it on - ostensibly for the patients. -Holdfast
  • used to love july 4th - may not be a holiday this side of the border but working a US contract it WAS quiet - or drunkely amusing depending on the hour. -Harm
  • Many moons ago I was one of two people who volunteered to work our first OMG graveyard shift (phone support just got extended to 24 hours a day!). We got two calls in the whole 8 hour shift because no one had bothered telling the USERS about this new "service". And when I say "we", I mean "I" because the other guy fell asleep. -Lusus
  • Just another night pushing papers & minding young drunks for whom it's just another excuse to get drunk & rowdy. At least there's holiday pay... -_- -MadJack
  • I recall several moons ago, two of my coworkers and I worked on Good Friday, which was the start of spring break at $university. There were so few calls coming in, one of my coworker's time between calls hit 99:59:59 on the call tracking software we had, and just stopped. I got a screen cap of it and posted it on the wall of fame for all to see... -skippytpodar
  • 42. Small Karma request

    Recently...last 6+ months...my job has sucked. So I've been actively looking for new employment. I've had several interviews...but no offers. I had another one tonight..and think it would be a great opportunity. Sole IT guy for a branch office of a law firm.

    If anyone has some spare job karma I'd appreciate it.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Sending what I can spare. -Stryker One
  • Good luck with getting the gig - I hope they're better people to work for than S, M & T though. -Gromit
  • Law offices can be the absolute lowest of the low. Esp if a couple of them have taken twenty minutes of tech fam classes. You will be second guessed every two microseconds, prepare to kill youself. -jerrybear
  • Good luck! -Grue
  • Break both legs and an arm! -AnneBWalsh
  • Just as long as the limbs in question aren't yours! :) -Seamus
  • Just do what I did when I realized my job sucked, RETIRE. It beats the hell out of working. I mean just look at me. Here it is 9:50 am and already I have been out of bed for 20 min, just like all of last week. -atomicbill
  • Karma going your way. Hope you get the job. -pencil
  • One Keg-O-Karma™ on its way, and a Pony-Keg-O-Karma™ for good luck working with lawyers. (Q:What's the difference between a Lawyer and a Catfish? A:One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish.) (No applause please and be sure to tip the waitress) -ecoli
  • ->-- ->-- ->-- Karma laden lawn darts are in the air and en route. -Grayhawk
  • This law firm...it's not "Sue, Grabbit & Runne"? -lineswine
  • 43. A new toy

    Where I work they're finally upgrading the 6+ year old LCD monitors that are dying. So today I had my new monitor installed.

    27" Viewsonic

    It's nice but will take some getting used to.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Six years ago, my 23' CRT died with a puff of magic smoke. As I was looking to replace it, I noticed that the new 27' flat screens had VGA connectors. The rest is history. -AngrySup
  • Wow, Angrysup. A 27 FOOT monitor! Where do you watch that, at the football field? -ralphp1024
  • It may be 27 feet, but it's only 720i :/ -linuxmatt
  • My 46" Samsung TV is running 1920x1080 -Divinar
  • 44. Apple products

    Where I work they've allowed users to have Apple products: Mac laptops, iPhones and we have to offer some support for personal iPads.

    We have a fair amount of Mac Fanboy Lawyers here

    One of the partners calls in and wants an adapter cable to connect his iPad to a projector and we don't have those. I do research and Apple does sell an adapter that lets you connect your iPad to a 15 pin VGA adapter. It got 2 stars out of 5.

    Should I feel bad that I got to tell a Mac fanatic that his precious company doesn't always make perfect equipment? I'm thinking no.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Why not? My gf knows, she had some illusions before we met, but after her Ipod battery and MacBook battery died, after less than 2 years, that was the end of it. Also the people at this genius bar could replace either, I ended up doing it for pennies on the dollar. -OldScratch
  • 2 out of 5 stars? That's generous. When it comes to Apple cabling products, it turns out they don't know shit about strain relief. http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1630 -Stryker One
  • MacDefender will fix all of those problems. Just click the "Scan" button. My worklife is hell right now. http://www.zdnet.com/blog/bott/an-applecare-support-rep-talks-mac-malware-is-getting-worse/3342 -Grembo
  • Wish I could find out who talked cause I'd cruise over and deliver an OTIS moment to this guy/gal -Grembo
  • Two of my users at Peyton Place so far have come to me and said they wished they would have listened to me when they purchased their iPhones now that they've switched to Android a couple years after the fact. -RiffRaff
  • i rew up with Macs in the house.. my dad Still insists on Macs ( however has to run a virtual Win in order to use half his programs)- i own no apple products nor will I.. the wife keeps looking at Ipads - i keep directier her to andriod based tablets that a A less expensive and B not apple! -Harm
  • Only one apple product in my house, my wife's ipod. And we didn't pay for it. Refuse to buy and apple product, will never give Jobs my money. -Phylok
  • Y'know what the stupid thing is about an iPod? The iPod shuffle costs $50. The base (replacement) costs $29. Since we got the iPod for free, I figured I'd replace the base after it got stepped on. If it happens again, we're getting a cheap MP3 player (haven't looked at any yet). -minchazo
  • couple boxing days ago.. the "wife" was looking for an mp3 player. wanted an ipod.. thank all that is holy they were sold out BUT the sony's were on sale - more space, smaller and can charge from a standard usb cable. and about a less then half the price of a jobsian music box. -Harm
  • Stryker, strain relief doesn't look pretty. -Obsi
  • Harm, I can d better than that...Sansa Clip+ 8GB. None of that "Sonic Stage" bolox, merely drag'n'drop. Oh, it's cheaper too. -lineswine
  • 45. Win!

    We all have a list of people we work with that we would rather not work with. Some are worse than others but you'd still like to see them move on.

    Today that happened. Not one but two of the annoying attorneys are leaving in a week. As a bonus one of the semi-annoying secretaries is going too.

    Win!

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • What's your secret? Embarrassing classifieds? :D -AdmiralLaurie
  • maybe it was this guy! http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/04/27/attorney-sues-spending-1000-florida-strip-club/ -ecoli
  • 46. Laptop request

    We provide loaner laptops to our desktop users at times but they have to have a good/business reason for one. One of the secretaries e-mailed this morning asking to borrow one. Following procedure I called her back and left a message asking her to call with more details. She e-mails back:

    Please disregard my request for a laptop. I really don't need to know what goes on here while I'm on vacation.

    This has to be the smartest user I've dealt with this week.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Even a broken clock is right twice a day ... -Necros
  • People I work with here use the "this laptop will help me with patient care" as an aexcuse to rush approval, only to promtply squirrel the laptop away for 6-7 months while they plead ignorance to returning the laptop every 90 days for updates like it says in the farking paperwork they signed when they received it, then wonder why it's not working, since we use that 90-day refresh to reset the timer before they get locked out. -skippytpodar
  • I have had users request notebooks (per their manager's demands) so they could work while recovering from surgery (major no-no according to HR) and while they're going on vacation to the Caribbean. In the first case, a manager can be literally fired for that one (if you're on medical, the feds take a dim view of forcing your people to work). On the latter, just claim you can't find a wireless connection on the ship. -VoiceOfSanity
  • Who would want to work while in surgical recovery? I mean, checking in to make sure everything's running smoothly? fine. But actual working when your body wants nothing more than rest is a recipe for disaster, bigger medical bills and a round bitchslap from your doctor. -AdmiralLaurie
  • AdmiralLaurie - I don't argue that aspect. But I have had managers (specifically Finance managers) who fail to understand that when an employee is sick, on medical or on maternal leave that they can't take a loaner and work from home. We've even gone as far as actually pulling their badges and locking the accounts... and the managers still demand that they have network access to do work. -VoiceOfSanity
  • Step 1: Verbal reprimand of the offending Manager/Finance personal. Step 2: Written reprimand again outlining the criminal offence they are attempting to commit. Step 3: Termination and notification of appropriate labor board of the violation and steps to safeguard the ill employee's health and recovery. Making sure at step 1 that the Manager/Finance person knows what steps 2 and 3 will be, priceless! -spectreoflife
  • 47. Breakfast of Champions

    Today's breakfast: Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies and a Diet Coke.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Baileys and Lucky Charms -DarkRookie
  • That's what I had !!!! -Source
  • Breakfast of champions! -geeklady
  • two pots of coffee, cinnamon bread, (kinda like a cinnamon roll but flat) a ciggie, and leftover pizza. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Average breakfast of college students: cold pizza, warm beer. Unlike the average sysadmin breakfast, two pints of Guinness at the local pub (as he's been at work since 2am in the morning.) -VoiceOfSanity
  • A Mountain Dew... and then another, to make it a balanced meal. -duckhead
  • ...like... -Captain Trips
  • I actually had breakfast this morning, which is very very rare. I had a egg sandwich, a banana and some coffee. -TechieSidhe
  • I keep hearing about this break-fast... ing? Other than hearing that its important, I can't see much to recommended. -LDFeral
  • Banana, fat free vanilla yogurt, and 1 pint of Guinness... -unrenowned
  • Lets see...what did I have? Oh yes, cereal, Mtn Dew followed by the Mtn Dew I didn't finish yesterday, with a IV of caffiene on the side and a nap for lunch. Wonder what's for dinner? -ravensentinel
  • I prefer little chocolate doughnuts. http://www.hulu.com/watch/2345/saturday-night-live-little-chocolate-donuts -edventure
  • I love those little doughnuts. On mornings when I'm writing, three pots of coffee, some aspirin to kill the morning headache and leftovers. And yes, cold pizza. nom! -AdmiralLaurie
  • a full throttle and about 3 smokes. -Harm
  • Two or three cans of Mountain Dew Code Red, and an everything bagel with cream cheese. Then another can or two on the way to work... -Divinar
  • If I'm not working, for breakfast I like to have dinner. ;) -AussieFoot
  • I'm sat here (45 minutes before work starts - get in early or forego the staff car park...it's full by 8 a.m.) munching on spiced chick peas & washing 'em down with "full fat" coffee. Wierd, me? Naaah! -lineswine
  • Dinner I still hear about from my wife...1 lb of bacon and a dozen chocolate chip cookies. -AniMaL
  • 48. Oregon Trail

    My daughter has an iPod touch and recently purchased Oregon trail for it. She proceeded to name everyone "Dad"

    then let them get taken by eagles or die from dysentery.

    There's something wrong with that child...

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • To be fair, it's pretty hard to avoid that sort of thing happening in Oregon Trail... -Archonix
  • What did you do to her? -Stryker One
  • Lol, I played that game with my aunt, the three disc set always crashed by disc two. The five disc set we got through. I'm sorry but sometimes that game wore on me. But it was funny to name the chars after people I disliked. Nothing better than seeing "$teacher has died". -AdmiralLaurie
  • Still have my 5.25" floppy diskette next to my copy of King's Quest (original release w/ the flaw). -unrenowned
  • Stryker: I wouldn't buy her some scented soap online. $60 worth of soap. So I get tossed under the wagon wheels. -Starfury
  • I'm so old, I remember when Oregon Trail was a board game, not a computer game. -thx1138
  • I'm so old, I remember when Oregon Trail was a trail, not a game. (Had to be said.) -concept14
  • Oregon Trail was a board game?? -Aelin236
  • You mean there was a trail? -Crai
  • 49. So alone...

    You know that dream/nightmare you have...the one where everyone calls in sick and you're left alone to handle ALL the calls....

    Well that's me today.

    8pm last night I get a call: Can you work at 5am? Sure I says. I get in and 2 more people have called in so far...and it's an hour more before more people show up.

    And I'm not working late today either.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Been there... nighmare of epic proportions... there were several times i WAS the entierty of the biz class support for the US. i did not like those times. -Harm
  • I remember times like that in my Hell days, only in reverse. The queue closes at 12 midnight, but it's still in the red well past then. You're on the call that won't end, while everyone else is logging off and going home, and there's no sup to clear the queue out. Fast as you hang up with one, 'BEEP'. WTF, am I the only one still working? I thought no one could knock off until the queue was black! ;P -MadJack
  • Been there, done that, though not as hard in my office (Civil/Structural Engineering) as it is in yours I'm sure. Except of course that every person with a license (at the time) was gone, and I had to get three different projects stamped that day. -Transkaren
  • Did that too. Had to be tier 1, 2 and supervisor all in one for $collegeHellDesk, and at the end of the night, I screencapped the results. In 5 hours, almost 85 calls, zero dropped calls, zero hang-up's prior to answer. Even though my boss gave me an extra raise for running solo that night with those results, it's not something I'd care to repeat any time soon... -skippytpodar
  • Do it once, and they'll expect you to do it again. -Wraith556
  • 50. ATT has lost a customer

    I've had ATT for my internet provider for a while and have had issues with the service dropping at random times for no reason. I telecommute 1 day a week and it seems that that day is the ONE day that power cycling my equipment doesn't fix the issue.

    Today is one of those days. I'm covering the early guy...so at 4:30am I power on my computer and no internet. Resetting doesn't work so I have to drive into the office. As a bonus now I get to pay my sister in law to watch the kids plus they get to go with her to Grandma's house to clean.

    The ironic part is that Comcast sent me an ad for internet...same price as I pay for DSL but 2x as fast AND I don't have to get their phone/TV service. Buh-bye ATT.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Good luck getting off their spam list. I disconnected service with AT&T 15 months ago, and still get the spam. Unsubcribe doesn't work either. -AlG
  • @AIG The previous owners at my house had Comcast (and we don't). I'm *still* getting spam mail for them 3 years later! -minchazo
  • If they don't unsubscribe, that makes them spam. Report them as such, if you have anywhere to do that and feed their domain into whatever blocker you use. -Holdfast
  • I used to have horrible disconnect issues until they replaced the line down my driveway from the pole. Turns out that squirrels dig into the line with their claws when running along which puts the occasional nick in the shielding. It wasn't much, but anytime it got really humid or their was precipitation, line issues cropped up. Of course, getting them to replace the line was, shall we say... difficult. I probably had service folks out 4-5 times after corresponding calls to support. I put up with it because Comcrap is so horrible in this area that AT+T is the lesser of two evils. -virtualchoirboy
  • their -> there. Can't believe I made that mistake.... must've been the lack of coffee... yeah, that's it... lack of coffee... that's my story and I'm sticking to it. -virtualchoirboy
  • Funny story. I used to have them and since they refused to send me a bill or correct my address, I refused to pay them since they could never show me a bill with my address on it. To this day, I get mail/spam from them and once in a while a threat from some lawyer about it BUT, they still can manage to get their ad's and other junk to me...which I turn around and drop in the trash. They're not worth recycleing. -ravensentinel
  • 51. Monday's suck

    Mondays have started to be the WORST day at work lately and yesterday was typical...tons of calls from the starfish. But as a bonus they upgraded the switches in one of the wings and somebody messed up. All of the secretary phones wouldn't work and nobody could connect to e-mail. We get bombed on calls all day, have short lunches and near the end of my shift I've taken over 50 calls.

    An average day is 25.

    I send an IM to the boss and say "I took x calls today, can I leave now?" and he said yes. So I took off 30 min early.

    I figure once I hit 50 calls for a day I'm done. Everyone else needs to catch up.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I covered for one of our helpdesks once for a couple of weeks so they could all take vacations at Christmas at the same time. Normal rate 65+ calls per day split across 4 staff, while I covered for them there were 80 calls a day with the other guy only doing 1 hour a day (not even every day). 99% were simply "Go back to the previous screen and try again! It's working? Ok, bye." but I still got nothing else done. -AussieFoot
  • 52. Lawyers...

    are not only stupid but cheap.

    We issued wireless data cards to the partners and one option is a Mi-Fi device. One of them called in wanting to exchange his standard wireless card for one of these devices

    So he could use it at home to connect all his computers and get rid of his DSL service.

    So we have someone making several hundred thousand dollars a year, with the slowest DSL service they can buy wanting to change it for a wireless system that is even slower than their DSL and has an access range that is under 30 feet.

    Save me from the stupid.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • you know he is going to ask for another when his family starts complaining that he takes the internet on business trips with him. -boxcar
  • He needs a 300 baud modem from 1988. -vacuumtubes
  • I used to play Duke Nukem with a crappy modem like that. -burrkiss
  • He "thinks" he's being smart...in the same way a Luser "thinks" shouting at the tech will get them better service. -lineswine
  • 53. HW Tech: what they deal with

    Today I get a call that users in a conference room need the hardware tech (who just left) to go back and help them. The receptionist calling didn't have any details so I call the tech. Why did he have to go back?

    So he could dial the phone for the users there to connect to an audio conference.

    I don't even want to imagine the mental pain he's suffering from this level of stupid and laziness.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Well, at least he's getting paid either way, right? -Stryker One
  • It's sad, really. People who make multi-million dollar business decisions can't figure out how to dial a phone. But I guess it's job security. (From someone else who has, in fact, stayed JUST to dial a number.) -TechieSidhe
  • 54. Killer (NT)

    I am a killer.

    We have 3 cats; tonight 2 are in and one is outside. I see him playing with something in the yard and investigate.

    It's a rat. The cat is tossing the rat in the air but not finishing it off so I head to the garage and get a shovel. One well placed stab later and the rat has been terminated and the still warm corpse flung over the fence into the field behind my house.

    The cat gave me a "you a$$hole" look and took off. I'm sure he'll be forgiving in the AM after spending the night out in the cold and rain.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • cats are Jerks. I routinly get the " You asshole!" look when our older one won't finish off a bug. disables it horribly - stalks and plays with a fly for days.. but will NOT finish the thing off. -Harm
  • When my one cat was a kitten he wouldn't finish his kill either but me being a chicken I couldn't kill the mouse either so I caught it and just threw it outside. After that every time the cat caught a mouse he would bring it to me, and dump it in my lap still alive and run to the door to wait for me to throw it outside. Wish I had shown that cat that he was supposed to kill the things, not bring them to me!!! -frprinterwiz
  • When I was living in Louisiana, there were these bog roaches that generally lived outside, but occasionally one would make it into the apartment. Our cat Monsta took great delight in catching them and pulling their legs off, and leaving the bits for us to clean up. -AmazingKreskin
  • Have I mentioned by the way how absolutely happy I am to be back in NY? -AmazingKreskin
  • Have I mentioned how glad I am that I have indoor cats? ;-) -pixel
  • have I mentioned how glad I am I have a dog? -AdmiralLaurie
  • Living in the desert, my cats are lizard lovers. I dread the day I have to move my couch. -AngrySup
  • I saw my cat carry out an assassination on a blue jay. I wish i taped it, woulda been awesome in slow motion. -SyntheticCoyote
  • our cats are indoor cats ( well one ventures outside when we are out... and she meows at the door daily trying to open it) - shes have been attacked by a bird THrough a screened window.. and ventured out back to get revenge later that day.. Bird one - cat got a wing in the eye and not even a mouthful of feathers -Harm
  • Our two are indoor. The younger has never met a mouse and doesn't know how to deal with them, the elder lived rough for a few months before being trapped and resocialized. The only mouse we've ever seen in the house is one the elder cat found, killed, and then left on the kitchen floor when she got bored with it. -chazz
  • Mine will "point" to bugs (both sit staring at a spot on the wall) but have never been outdoors so don't know how to kill anything. Still, they spotted the one inside my pillowcase before I lay down on it, so I can't be ungrateful about that. -AnneBWalsh
  • When rounding up our cats (six of 'em) at night, we sometimes get one that flat-out REFUSES to come in. Often times the recalcitrant feline is stalking something small & furry, not wanting to leave their prey, even for toona/sardines/stuff I've trimmed off meat when I'm cooking. You get a look tantamount to "Hey, can't ya see I'm hunting here?" -lineswine
  • What's worse than finding a dead mouse in your slipper? Half a dead mouse in your slipper. -AussieFoot
  • What's worse than finding half a dead mouse in your slipper? Finding the other half regurgitated on your pillow! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Aussie and TDD- I've still got to figure that it can be worse, as in, "What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding HALF a worm!" -Voz
  • I used to have an outdoor cat that would bring me half a squirrel, half a rabbit, half of whatever it caught. I'm not really into half chewed game. -ecoli
  • my family's cats keep bringing LIVE birds into the house! -Erictheblue
  • Dunno AL - i have a dog ( lives with my parents) and he brings in whole VERY recently "stoped working" rabbits. -Harm
  • 55. Breakfast of champions (NT)

    This morning I'm watching TV and my daughter comes out with her breakfast.

    Cocoa Puffs...with Chocolate milk.

    She gets an A for creativity.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Speaking from experience, that breakfast is pure win. -0gr3
  • I don't know why, but that cracked me up. I've spent today running around like a maniac getting stuff for my new dog, so holy hell is it good to sit down for a minute. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Not so much. The chocolate in the cereal cancels out the chocolate in the milk, so you basically get more sugar for nothing. -Seamus
  • No, there really is no childhood obesity epidemic in America right, not at all. -Stryker One
  • For my little terror-tot, it is Wheat Bix. And, he gets the milk out of the fridge and a bowl from the cupboard. I just have to get the wheat bix from the box and roughly crush them for him. Note, no sugar! -Wraith556
  • cornflakes with Beer - breakfast of camping champions over a certain age.. -Harm
  • Harm, why are you contaminating the perfect breakfast food with cornflakes? -ecoli
  • Rice Crispies and Beer...Snap Crackle and Belch! -ChildofCthulhu
  • I remember it as "Snap, Crackle, & Burp." </MASH> -MadJack
  • 56. I'm sure they'll get right on that...

    Yesterday the print server crashed so the helpdesk phones exploded and the stupid was strong with one caller:

    Me: Helpdesk, how may I help you?
    Her: I'm having printing problems.
    Me: We're currently having an issue with printing affecting the entire office.
    Her: Ok...I'll just send the job to Document Processing and they can print it.
    Me (thinking): WTF? Am I not speaking English? Are you REALLY that stupid? (she is)
    Me: They won't be able to print it for you, ALL the printers are not working.
    Her: (light goes on) Oh...so when will it be fixed?
    Me: I don't have an ETA, we just found out 10 min ago. When it is fixed a notice will be e-mailed.

    The call ended at this point and I logged off the phone and left for the day.

    With 4 calls still holding.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • In Starfish Speak, "the entire office" means "everyone but ME." -udoshan
  • Okay - here's an age benchmark for you to use, from back in 2005: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=44974 -Grue
  • 57. "Those" people

    We all have seen "those" people...the person that pays by check...the person digging for change...the person with tons of coupons that have expired.

    Those People.

    Tonight my family and I were them.

    We went to Costco, coupons in hand and loaded up the card with stuff. We get to the checkout and

    The coupons don't start until 9/16...2 days from now.

    So 3/4 of the stuff we bought goes back...and there we are holding up the line.

    At least we're smart enough to realize how dumb we were.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Been there .. and usually at Cosco too :( thank goodness for self checkout... -Harm
  • Welcome to Costco...I love you....Welcome to Costco...I love you... -FormerSithLord
  • 58. Unexpected karma?

    Something weird is happening...good things have happened to me and I'm not sure why.

    First: at the grocery store in line. Guy comes up behind with 1 item so I let him go in front of me. As soon as he's there another cashier comes up and has me move to his line to get rung up.

    Next thing: Tuesday I get a call...not from a recruiter with a contract job but an actual company with a full time/perm position. I've been debating a serious hunt to move on from the lawyers too. Phone interview is at lunch on Thursday.

    The 3rd thing: today one of the other analysts was telecommuting...and I got to go to a 2 hr training session that he was supposed to go to. Got to see a really neat product (Nuance Dragon) and learn about it instead of taking calls...and it got REALLY busy while I was there.

    I'm a bit nervous now but hope that this good luck keeps going and spreads to all that could use some of the extra.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • waw. nice karma.. -kennz
  • Kewl, just make sure to batten down the hatches when the storm starts blowing :p -CrystalMare
  • You must have done something really good, because "what you put out comes back three-fold." -Captain Trips
  • 59. A conversation

    Background: the laptops where I work use a virtualized environment to run Windows...on Windows. IS Management loves this...the users HATE it.

    I get a call this morning from one of our attorneys. He says that he heard the new desktop systems will have the same setup as the laptops. I confirm this for him and then we have short conversation.

    Him: Who makes these decisions? What do you think of it?
    Me: Well you can talk to Communication manager/Helpdesk boss about it, the helpdesk doesn't make decisions on how the computers are set up. I don't have an opinion on how things are done, I like my job.
    Him: I understand that. Those people are f*cking morons that decided to do this.

    The call ended with me thinking: No matter who you talk to IS Management will never admit that they made a mistake with the environment we use.

    NEVER

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • The "Doublemint" install method -Source
  • "Mongo only pawn in game of life." -TechieSidhe
  • virtualised environment in windows? running windows atop windows? how.... inefficient. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Obligatory meme : "Yo dawg, I heard you like windows..." -LazyLemming
  • ...So we put Windows in your Windows, so you can crash, while you crash. -Seamus
  • So, what kinda mileage you get offa that thing, there? Gotta be, what- 1.5GB RAM to run IE? A-yup. -LDFeral
  • Makes me think of B5: "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death. But, at least there is symmetry." I vote for a new word for the lexicon, for a lon-suffering tech: ZATHRAS! -CTYankee
  • Those damn double-glazing salesmen are getting into everything! -AussieFoot
  • VPC sessions are also a cheap-ass way of setting up PCs. Once the windows and office have been registered in the original session, you can copy the environment to as many locations as you want. -Wraith556
  • 60. Recruiters

    I've recently had a flood (6 in the last 2 days) of recruiters calling/e-mailing me about contract jobs. I don't know if this is a sign that the job market is getting better or if it's just that I updated my Dice resume a few weeks ago.

    Now if they'd read my resume/job settings they'd see that I'm employed full time/perm and that I'm not looking to quit here for a 6 month contract job that pays half of what I make now.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • do I need to point out how appropriate your sig is? Yes, it's happening because you updated your resume. I believe that Dice offers a list of the resumes that get updated for sale; seems a good way to make money, and if you look at the TOS, you'll likely see that this is explicitly part of them. But you can't fix stupid^H^H^H^H^H^Hrecruiters... -chazz
  • Now let's try the fact that the recruiters never bother to read the details you present...when you state that you're NOT looking for contract work, and you're ONLY looking within 50 miles of your residence, all the e-mails from your resume on that site will be for contract work, always outside 70 miles away, USUALLY 1K+ miles away. WHAT part of "no contract work" and "within 50 miles of zipcode 60438" invites offers of contract work in Florida or in Philadelphia, PA? Those were just from today.... -Grue
  • Starfury's sig makes me think of a line from a fantasy story: "ignorance can be cured, but stupid is forever." -Erictheblue
  • The sig is from my mom who is a very smart woman...but very computer illiterate. -Starfury
  • 61. Beer (NT)

    I'm shopping with the kids today and the soda is in the same aisle as the beer. I notice some small cans...and they're Coors in 8oz sizes. I take them off the shelf and show them to the kids. My 12 yr old daughter says

    They're child size beers!

    Leave it to the kids to come up with that!

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • The first beer I ever had was a 7 oz. Coors. ("Ain't no downstream beer. Ain't no city beer. Hell, it ain't EVEN beer, it's Coors!"_ -Captain Trips
  • ahh coors -- fornication in watercraft. -Harm
  • Just so, Harm. Just so. Up here in Kanuckistan we feel that way about most american beers- true or not. The british, of couse, feel that way about ANYone else's. -LDFeral
  • Sad part is, about 1.5 of those little ponies (the 7 oz ones) used to put me out cold ... I'm a REALLY cheap drunk! -ralphp1024
  • "Bud... Wise.. Errr!" CHOMP!!! "COORS!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcYe4QERD-4&feature=related -MadJack
  • Oddly enough being Canadian I don't drink Canadian beer that much...I like one of the micro breweries out here and I will drink Kokanee in a pinch but I tend to stick to Heineken or Becks... -0gr3
  • Wow, I thought Pony was an Aussie term for a 7oz glass... anyway VB comes in 'hand grenades' or 'throwies' which are 250ml - 8.5oz, have done for years -PoglaTheGrate
  • Pony was actually a term used for 5oz glasses, 7oz was just referred to as a glass, 10oz a pot (Vic) or middy (NSW), 15oz was a schooner. A US fluid ounce is 4% larger than a regular fluid ounce but US pints/quarts/gallons are smaller. -AussieFoot
  • the only reason a beer is thudding into my kitchen is a) it's not mine and b) it's going straight into beer bread. can't stand the stuff. -AdmiralLaurie
  • @Pogla Ahhh, VB. We can actually get that in the UK, now. Tried it years ago when I was in Aus. And Tooheys (which we can't get here). -SoldierJedi
  • i don't buy a whole lot of beer anymore, not since i learned to make my own. well, i'm learning to make my own, so far it's just buy the kits from http://www.mrbeer.com -razmann
  • 62. My son, the Noob

    I broke down and bought CounterStrke source for my son (and me) to play. He's online, and being a noob, doesn't know how to buy any gear. He asks and is told:

    Press F10 and then enter.

    This dumps him out of the map and exits the game. He comes to complain to me and I show him the correct amount of sympathy this requires.

    Dan, you've been pwned.

    He didn't take it that well...but did learn something in the process.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Reminds me of my 1st game of counterstrike way back Beta 4.1. This noob did not know how to open doors and jump through windows. Most popular Map then for us was CS_Baghdad ( Forgot the map it was totally removed from the game ) and CS_Mansion - my favorite map. -kennz
  • Prior to CStrike, I was playing Delta force ( No doors, No windows - just sand and grass lots of it ), jump from Delta force to CStrike without even playing HL or Team Fortress. -kennz
  • Delta Force? Isn't that where you crash the aircraft in the desert & never reach your target? Oh, sorry, that's the IRL version. "Operation Eagle Claw" -lineswine
  • Fool me once.... -vacuumtubes
  • @lineswine.. I have only this to say. "Chuck Norris". I rest my case. -kennz
  • Kennz - he's a fucking actor. Don't believe all the Hollywood bullshit. The Iranian embassy siege in London, however... S.A.S 4, Arabs 0. One particular terrorist landed at the bottom of the staircase with 86 bullet wounds (allegedly). John McAleese was responsible for a number of those wounds. -lineswine
  • Lol. That was a joke. Anyways, you sure know a lot of details regarding special services actions. Cheers. -kennz
  • 63. How dumb can they get?

    My IQ has dropped a few points...

    One of the lawyers I work for is traveling out of the country and wants to know if his iPhone will work in Mexico. I e-mail him that it will work as long as there is cell coverage. He e-mails back: "can I use it if I'm in an area without wireless coverage?"

    WTF? Are you really that stupid? I e-mail back that your iPhone (cell phone) will not work in an area without a signal.

    Only 6 more hours and the day will be done...

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • oh - they can get worse... much worse.. like wandering into an area thats analogue only - no data.. -Harm
  • I remember once, commenting to someone on the phone that I had gotten very little sleep the night before. They replied, saying that they had read an article about lack of sleep reducing a person's IQ by 40 points. To this day I'm not sure if I muted the phone before saying 'I'm sure, now, we'll stay on the same page' -LDFeral
  • "Can you fly to a city that doesn't have ait service?" Waitaminnit... it's gonna depend on how hard I punt you in the a$$. -Voz
  • Sorry, that's "AIR service". -Voz
  • Actually, for every hour of sleep you lose, you lose an IQ point, if that sleep isn't made up within 7 days. (So says my med-student wife) -NetOwl
  • It will <i>work</i> but it won't get cell reception. -0gr3
  • Let's see, I've lost... *grabs scientific calculator, punches up a complex formula* error! wtf? -AdmiralLaurie
  • Pfft. C'mon man, it's a *lawyer*. After having worked around them, I don't know how half of 'em tie their shoelaces in the morning without strangling themselves. -MeanDean
  • pair of doorstops -stiffarm
  • NetOwl: In that case I'm probably in the negatives... -DedSysOp
  • Well that explains my score on Brainage then...*cries* -Angelace
  • Is there anywhere in North America that's still analog only? -Stryker One
  • Can I get laid in Mexico if I don't pull my member out of my pants? Will she be satisfied in that case? -crazymactech
  • 64. Pop Tarts

    I have 2 computers at my desk, a laptop and a desktop. The desktop computer is placed so that the exhaust is by my phone. It keeps my hands warm when the building ac/heating isn't working well.

    I discovered that it will warm up pop-tarts nicely if I lean them against he case for about 10-15 min. Mmmmmm....chocolate pop tarts.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Mmmmmmmm, chocolate pop tarts... now you have me hungry. Mmmmmmm... -teivrann
  • Sometimes when I'm really cold I stand behind the server racks in the computer room! MMMM Toasty! -CathyV
  • Thirded on the chocolate pop tarts. But when I first read the title, it wasn't food I thought of, it was a friend using that phrase to collectively describe Britney, Christina and the like. -VFox
  • Having taken apart customers computers for years, this one gets a big yecccch! from me. Then again, if you enjoy dust flavored pop tarts, more power to ya. -edventure
  • To clarify: the pop-tarts were still in the wrapper when I warmed them up. -Starfury
  • I have frosted chocolate chip cookie dough pop tarts... YUM!! -Seamyst
  • Just for that, I went to the store at lunch and picked up some Cadbury mini eggs. The ones with pop-rocks in them. -teivrann
  • OHHh i shoudl try that with my laptop.. its exausts some REALLY hot air out the back when gamming.. could probably warm up pop tarts in under 10 mins.. -Harm
  • Frosted Vanilla Cream Pop-Tarts. Those were noms, wish they hadn't done away with 'em. Now, hmm... Britney & Christina Chocolate Pop-Tarts... Down, Burrkiss!! (EG) -MadJack
  • Home made, wholemeal doughnuts, covered in cinnamon sugar and filled with blackberry jam. (the jam is symbolic revenge against crackberries as well as being tasty) I shattered the diet resolutions of the entire office. -AussieFoot
  • POIS!! (pies for those in the western hemmisphere) -PoglaTheGrate
  • I have a box of Krispy Kreme's sitting next to me.... -McSmiley
  • 65. Willpower

    Willpower: Having bubble wrap an not popping a single bubble.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I call Bullshit of the highest order -DarkRookie
  • Not a single just means you popped them in multiples. We had to hide the wrap from one of our staff members or we wouldn't have had any left when we needed it. -AussieFoot
  • Yeah. I second that bullshit call. -burrkiss
  • I did not pop ANY of the bubbles. No BS. I think I may be suffering from clinical depression and need some medication. -Starfury
  • I hear bubble wrap is good for that. -LDFeral
  • As a child I was not permitted to pop the bubbles. Recently I was cleaning out the old man's basement and found his bubble-wrap stash (3 garbage bags full)and I popped every single one. -ThinTheHerd
  • "jingle bells, performed by the all-pet bubble wrap symphony!" pop-pop-pop,pop-pop-pop,pop-POP-pop-pop-pop...(from a "mother goose and grimm cartoon) -Erictheblue
  • A friend of mine in a UPS store, while staring at the enormous roll of bubble wrap hanging from a wall dispenser (paper towel style): "how much for 10 minutes alone with your bubble wrap?" The older lady at the counter was not amused, but I thought their 'digital guy' (as she referred to him, meaning he used a computer) was going to wet himself. -attilathehen
  • 66. Funny tech call

    From Consumerist:

    http://consumerist.com/2010/03/dont-call-in-to-complain-about-how-you-cant-steal-wi-fi.html

    Too funny.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Your tagline pretty much says it all. Kudos to Leo for at least trying, but I could still hear a wind tunnel effect on her end of the line as it went through one ear and out the other. I think it was making a sound sort of like "Durrr hurrr"... -teivrann
  • I've seen this on occasion myself. A few folks at work will occasionally ask me questions about wi-fi, and I find out that they're discreetly leeching off of someone in the neighborhood. [My wi-fi? Locked down tight, with not only a WPA key needed but also a whitelist so that only certain MAC addresses will connect over the wireless. Yes, I'm a b@$+@rd.] -VoiceOfSanity
  • I just named my wi-fi connection "CIA Node 1". Haven't had anyone try to connect to it. -Ramblin
  • 67. Facebook and family

    I have a facebook page which I rarely use. I know there are a bunch of games on it you can play and other stuff to do but I don't really care. My wife set one up and so did my sister in law and they play games on there a lot. My daughter wanted a facebook account and we told her no, she could use ours for playing the games (She's 11.) So one day to log in I gave her my password....while my sister in law was on the other computer.

    I went on to my account and was appalled at all of the farmville/petville crap on my page and started looking around. I noticed that my sister in law had apparently used my logon from her HOME computer to access my facebook to do something with one of the games.

    This pissed me off...a lot.

    I logged on and reset my password. I also went through and turned off all of the game crap and deleted anything that's there. If she is so into these stuipd games she can always set up a 2nd account at home to use and not use MY account without permission. I'm debating on removing her from my 'friend' list too.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • put antifreeze and syrup in her gas tank, then paint the car with sand/epoxy paint all over the glass...that should get the message across! -CTYankee
  • No need to remove her from your FB Friend list. Changing your password, thus removing her access to your account, is sufficient. Next thing to look at is, how did she get your password in the first place? And how do you keep her from getting the new one? -ManyHats
  • MH: She got the password when I verbally yelled it down the hall to my daughter and must've remembered it. -Starfury
  • I felt so much better when I finally got around to deleting my Facebook and Myspace accounts. -AmazingKreskin
  • Yeesh, I hate those lame games: So-and-so just looted a blade of grass in Farmville, they will treasure it always! -Biosynthetic
  • This is why you never tell your Facebook password (or password for anything else) to anyone. It can only cause problems. -SpiderRider3
  • 68. Power outage and the telecommuter

    Yesterday there was a plane crash in Palo Alto that took out the power for a big chunk of the city and the office where I work was affected. I'm telecommuting so I'm able to work. I get a call from a person telecommuting using remote desktop from their home PC to their work PC....

    SF: I can't connect to my work computer.
    Me: The power is out and network connectivity is affected. Which computer do you have?
    SF: I have a desktop and I left it on yesterday.
    Me: Well, the power is out and your computer that is in the office is not on because the power is out.
    SF: But I left it on yesterday!
    Me: The power is not working. When the power went out your computer in the office shut off.
    SF: But I left it on yesterday!
    Me: (Getting a bit tired of the stupid on the phone) Your computer that is in the office is not on. We don't have any electricity because of the plane crash.
    SF: Oh...so what can I do?
    Me: Use the Citrix application link on the sign in page.
    SF: Ok, thanks.

    What is so hard to understand: No power = no working computer?

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I'm surprised they didn't come back with "but it's WIRELESS!" -Captain Trips
  • Henceforth, that user shall be known as "Fuxcapacitor" -Biosynthetic
  • 69. Screwed!!!!

    I'm telecommuting today and the power has gone out in the office. I'm the only one able to get calls.

    Yay me!

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Lucky you! You're the only one that can actually say they WORKED today, from your office. -Grue
  • um.. oh look.. power whent out here too... and fried the phone.. i'm sure i can replace it by tomorro... -Harm
  • "Welcome to the IT Support Help Line. Because of today's power outage, your wait time is approximately... four hours. Twenty. Seven. Minutes. In the meantime, you may want to try turning the faulty equipment off and back on again, and then checking the IT Support webpage for updates. Please hold." *puts on hold, heads back to bed* -Geminii
  • 70. Why is it so hard for people

    to show up to work On Time?

    I'm really getting tired of the daily "analyst X" will be late e-mail that goes out every morning. A few of the regulars just show up 10-15 min late 4 out of 5 days a week. If you KNOW there's usually traffic then leave 10 min early and get to work ON TIME! I'm tired of having to take the calls YOU would have been taking and having to listen to complaints about hold times.

    And while on my soapbox: when you're 20 min late to work, take 10 min to get your computer ready you do NOT get to leave 15 min after that to get "breakfast" for 20 min. Either eat before coming to work or bring something with you to snack on.

    I've brought this up to my boss...and nothing has been done as usual.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I used to have the exact same problem at one of my old jobs. It was one person, and its amazing how one person not towing the line can mess with the motivation and morale of the others -HelpdeskDaddy
  • I'm sorry.. :( I've tried, really. I spent one week setting my alarm five minutes earlier every morning. Every day I was later than the one before. After that I just gave up. -VFox
  • I completely agree with Starfury... showing up for work on time is non-negotiable to me. That said, at my last job, I found that I tended to miss most of the traffic when I left the house 35 minutes before my scheduled start time... if I left 45 minutes before I started, I'd hit the traffic and be late. So, leaving early by itself isn't always the solution... but there IS a solution! You CAN be at work on time! -linkv
  • My guess is that VFox got up earlier, but LEFT at the same time -Park7
  • And if you're late or out due to "icy conditions" make sure the people who drive by your place on the way to work don't tell everyone there is no ice where you live or on the road from there to work. -ChildofCthulhu
  • It's guaranteed that someone arriving a few hours late once or twice a week is actually attending interviews and will be giving notice soon. -Wraith556
  • If nothing is done when you mention it to to, I think boss isn't too worried...so if you can't beat them, join them & arrive late yourself. -lineswine
  • I can top that, the silly fat bastard I work for JUST GOT HERE TODAY. 11:30 he shows up. Actually a good thing, he just screws up whatever he touches anyway. Perfect world, arrive 11:30 go to lunch at 12:00 back by 2 and leave at 3:30. Brilliant. -randyskier
  • 71. Magic Smoke

    The 3 week old Viewsonic monitor died today. My son's friend was playing a game, crashed his plane into the water and then "poof"

    At least Amazon will replace it...hopefully this is a fluke on the quality of the monitor.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Wow, talk about a "crash and burn"! -EMTGeekGirl
  • As a bonus: Amazon is out of that model so I have to pick something else... -Starfury
  • Well DUH! Electronics and water don't mix. <I'll be in the LART shelter.> -Stryker One
  • Cant burn in water. -burrkiss
  • CAN burn in water -- if it's made of sodium, at least. -Captain Trips
  • I hate to say this, but with a ViewSonic monitor, inevitable failure is designed in. After my two much appreciated VX922s died (check my posts), I've sworn off that brand ever again. And, I really like my LG W2252TQ which replaced them. -Wraith556
  • @Burrkiss...You obviously have never seen the glory that is Lake Erie on fire! ;-) -EMTGeekGirl
  • We've lost a metric ton of Viewsonics recently. We had to switch brands. I've got 20 dead ones in the past month or so. -TechieSidhe
  • 72. New computer build fun

    I finally saved up enough cash to build a new desktop. Fairly nice system:
    Antec 900 case w/ 650w power supply
    Intel i5 CPU on Gigabyte Mobo
    4gb Ram
    Radeon 5770 card

    I got all my parts, set up a table to assemble it and got to work. Everything went smooth, system powered on first time and I loaded Win 7 on it. Computer ran great for about 3 days...then it happened.

    I go to load Aion and the update fails. I try to update the video card drivers and that fails...since it's a new build I decide to reinstall Windows.

    That fails. Many times.

    I do some research on the errors and they all point to bad memory chips. I exchange the chips at Fry's (without any hassle at all) and do the reinstall last night and it works perfectly. Transferred my data over (again) from the old computer and everything looks to be good.

    Now for a confession: during the troubleshooting I may have fried the RAM chips because I didn't unplug the power supply before doing some work on it...I'd like to think it wasn't me but you never know.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • If the computer was off it wouldn't have been putting any current through the DIMMs, regardless of the state of the power supply. It was probably DOA. -boxxertrumps
  • yeah, or what ever else makes you feel good about yourself, you ram-murderer. ps there are a lot of r's in the word murderer -drachen
  • Modern power supplies/mother boards provide a small amount of power for various wake-on type functions. TURN THE POWER OFF BEFORE MESSING WITH COMPONENTS ON THE MOTHERBOARD! Yes, you killed the ram. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Yes you did, y-y-y-you RAM-killer. BA-A-A-A-h-aaa... <off to the LART shelter...> -Dr Jerkyl
  • Corsair Killer, Que se se. -PeterGibons
  • Actually, if I remember my French correctly, it should be "Corsair Killer, qu'est-ce que c'est". -rdwells
  • If I'm ever removing cards, RAM sticks, connecting drives, etc, I unplug the power and move the PC to an easier location to work in. By that time the caps have discharged. And, out comes the anti-static wrist strap. -Wraith556
  • Re socket 1156. Make sure your board does not use Foxconn sockets regardless of the actual brand of the motherboard. See http://www.anandtech.com/mb/showdoc.aspx?i=3661 and http://forums.whirlpool.net.au/forum-replies-archive.cfm/1318862.html I've seen articles claiming to have had failures in Foxconn 1156 sockets even without overclocking. -AussieFoot
  • 73. Mac computer and my kids

    This weekend I had to bring the shared Mac laptop home since my cube was being moved. When my daughter found out I had a Mac she got all excited...and ran to try it out.

    10 min later she handed it back to me saying she didn't like it and would stick to the Windows based computers we have at home.

    The Mac fanboy/girl here (there's one of each) were saddened by this news.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • So, she knows overpriced pretentiousness when she sees it. -Stryker One
  • Not to be racist but ... you aren't asian are you ? < Video Link : http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/324cbe11af/little-asian-pc-girl-vs-mac-parody?rel=player > -Necros
  • Macs can be nice... but i grew up with them.. and built a PC when i was 16 and had my first job. Macs work nicely.. but i wanted to play DUKE NUKEM! -Harm
  • One less thing Santa Claus will have to worry about -Park7
  • 74. Stuipid cat...

    I'm home today doing stuff and trying to get Aion to run on my Win 7 computer (it was working but now some update won't work) and I'm installing it on the work laptop which has XP on it. My cats had jumped on the desk and I didn't think much of it..until I look on the floor and see this black plastic square that has CTRL on it.

    Yes, it was from my work laptop.

    Both cats were catapulted from the room and the door shut. After carefully taking the key holder out of the laptop I was able to fix it...but didn't really need the stress.

    I'm also irritated that I can't get the game working again on my new computer.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Good thing they couldn't reach ALT and DEL at the same time. -concept14
  • Ô.o - Are you trying to install Aion or Win7 on the work laptop? (cat was probably just trying to find the mouse) -AussieFoot
  • Have you asked the cat for help? -robbor
  • can has CTRL? -Harm
  • 75. Time moves on...

    Today I get a call from one of our frequent fliers. She had a ticket opened earlier this month because she deleted a folder in Outlook and wanted it back. The analyst told her we needed the date she deleted the folder and the name. The analyst tried to get the information from her and then closed the ticket when she didn't get back to us.

    Until today.

    I re-open the ticket, put the info in, and send it off to the system admins to get the backup tape. The ticket is updated less than 30 min later (a record) by the admin saying: backup for Exchange is 2 weeks. Her data is gone.

    So I call her and let her know she waited too long to get back to us and that her e-mail is gone. She wasn't too upset but accepted that it was gone.

    Just goes to prove that time...and backup retention policies...wait for none.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Better then our, we keep our for ten days and blocked attachment for 5. you wait and you screwed, don't pass go don't collect $200. I love telling people this :D -0gr3
  • Ours is probably best... delete a folder in Outlook, and it's gone for good. It takes an act of Congress to get anything restored involving Outlook... only the senior-most execs in the company can have it happen. -VoiceOfSanity
  • I'll also wager that none of the items in the deleted folder were actually related to her work. -BarmanVarn
  • I've always said that any problem, no matter how big, if ignored for long enough, eventually resolves itself. The operative phrases are 'long enough' and a sufficiently flexible definition of 'resolve'. -AmazingKreskin
  • 76. Tier 2: how not to isnpire confidence

    I'm covering the e-mail queue this morning and just had a request put in. One of our tier 2 admins updated the Bios on his work computer

    and he messed it up.

    This is the admin that we tend to question the fixes he gives us because he has a 90% failure rate on them.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Document, terminate, take his position? -Divinar
  • 90% failure rate?! Do they have dirt on or are they sleeping with someone? -Stryker One
  • 77. Credit Card Blues (NT)

    Well, something that I never expected to happen to me has happened. There's a $310 charge on my CC that my wife or I didn't make. I got to call Chase and deal with a CS rep and try to dispute the charge. He said the card had been swiped...and I'm not too sure how it was since I didn't go to CVS that day and neither did my wife. We also would NEVER spend that kind of money there. I get to wait until Monday to talk to the dispute department. Crap.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Wow. If all your cards are accounted for, I'd say your card was skimmed and re-written on another card. Either that or Chase's record-keeping is f***ed. -linuxmatt
  • If you have used it in the last two weeks at a restaurant, you may have been "skimmed." Those portable card readers are getting smaller and smaller after all... -unrenowned
  • I'm thinking the card was skimmed and i'm surprised they only used it once...and at a CVS of all places. Maybe someone needed medicine. All I know is I didn't make the charge. -Starfury
  • actually happened with my debit card not too long ago, the bank gave me my money back, apparently it happened to a bunch of people. -Icelator
  • Do not trust Chase with anything. Several of my friends have gotten royally screwed over by them in the past year, one literally being told, "We're raising the interest rate on your card because we're not making enough money on you." -Calydor
  • My friend has had problems with Chase wanting her to pay this or that threatening her when she's paid it and they have no record of it, sending her her letters in Spanish then claiming they have no idea what's going on. -AdmiralLaurie
  • All those problems with Chase, AdmiralLaurie? Wow. I have a friend who's with Wells Fargo, and they evidently charge a fee to check your balance at a non-WF ATM. Things like this make me like member-owned credit unions a lot more each day. If you don't think one of their practices is fair, they actually listen, and take the time to either explain why it is the way it is. I've actually had a question once about a policy I didn't quite understand, and when the first person I talked to didn't have the answer, they got the answer and called me back. That's service. -linuxmatt
  • Agree with LinuxMatt. Credit Unions FTW! -CTYankee
  • Lm, Ct, I'm with a credit union, thank $deity, so they always help me out. They're also really nice about explaining things to me that I might not understand or wasn't aware of. And their site is nice and accessible! -AdmiralLaurie
  • Another vote for credit unions. I was a WaMu customer and then Chase took over and screwed us, so we made the jump. Never been happier with my banking service. -MGNLucifer
  • linux: all banks that I know of charge a fee for not using their ATM, along with the bank that owns the ATM charging you. The banks want your money. -compbrat
  • I had my WF card skimmed a couple years ago, they got just over a grand out of me on payday, from ATM's in Russia! But that made it easy to prove I was still here, and I got everything back (including bounce fees) within a week. -Divinar
  • If you can live without the card this week, CANCEL IT. That might have been a "test" purchase, before using it for a widescreen tv at worst buy -Divinar
  • I hope you disabled the card!! -Caboose447
  • Had the same thing happen savenou,com got me for $119.00, called the credit union, CU said call savenou.com and ask for reversal, talked nice to the online chat person (que was 23 people on phone) and I was nice about it, and said NO.. Called CU back, and my money was back in my account that afternoon!!! -beatmewithstick
  • If it was swiped at a CVS, then CVS should have the video footage of who did it. -DarkNation
  • Starfury, it may have been a "tester" purchase, to see if you'd notice. Still, those are usually small and to charities... guess you've got a thief with a bad cold or something. Best of luck getting this straightened out. -AnneBWalsh
  • That definately smells like the card was info was skimmed. I used to work at a bank. That is so common these days that it is scary. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • 78. I don't give advice

    I'm working today and get my 2nd call of the day (5 hours into my day.) One of the partners is looking for advice on purchasing a new iMac...the 27" one.

    A few things to note:
    1. I haven't owned an Apple computer since about 1987.
    2. Because I am at work I am not allowed to make a recommendation on ANYTHING for personal use.
    3. I have a very strong dislike for Apple computers in general since they started using them at work.
    4. I understand that Outlook web access works crappy on Safari...but tough sh!t. Bring your work computer home with you and this won't be an issue.
    5. The firm software vendors (Citrix) don't have Mac software. I can't make them create software for your computer that is 10% of the overall computer market.

    The best part of the call was when my VPN decided to crap out and I was disconnected. I was pretty much done with the call anyway.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • not 10%, just over 5% of the market share! -Caboose447
  • If safari gets the same version that firefox gets for outlook web access (outlook web access express I think it's called) it's basically missing like ALL the features that make exchange, well, exchange. -desseb
  • The new iMacs, especially the 27" models, have been having problems ranging from flickering screens to being dead-on-arrival. http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/computers/flickering-screens-plague-new-imac-owners-20091126-jtnx.html?autostart=1 -Wraith556
  • Why'd I use Fayrefox onna Mac whenn'I havva tru crass-plattfo'm brawser (Oppra) that'll werk anywhen? <lart-shelter HO! hey...> -ZorglubZ
  • 79. It's what Mom's are for

    It's Thanksgiving and I'm working. 5am-2pm because of the $$ (triple time.) I'm expecting to get very little call traffic which is why I do this shift.

    My 2nd call comes in and it's one of the partners. He says he lost/had stolen his Macbook. Last place he remembered it was at the hospital when he was there with his mother. I fill out the ticket and as he's about to hang up

    His mother brings him the 'lost' laptop.

    Just goes to show you that no matter how old you are your mother is still able to find your lost items.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • it's those eyes in the back of our heads :) -rosemetal
  • They got that mother hearing going on too. Triple time?? Wow we only got double time today. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • My mother routinely finds things in the pantry nobody else in the house can. -lurker
  • 80. Karma request update

    From my Karma request yesterday http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=81521 I've found out that my co-worker's wife and the twins she's pregnant with are fine. Thanks to everyone for your positive thoughts.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Send him our best, will ya? :) -Seamus
  • Good to hear! -Grue
  • Oh good, I'm glad to hear that! -Seamyst
  • Sweet! good to hear that. -StarFishHearder
  • 81. Karma request for a co-worker

    A co-worker's wife was in a car accident today and she's pregnant with twins. We didn't get much of an update but we know she's doing ok and the babies are ok too but she may have gone into labor. She's not due until March next year and we're all hoping for the best. Any positive thoughts would be helpful for them.

    The car is most likely totaled but that's just "stuff" and isn't important.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Eeeeeep! Karma inbound! -AdmiralLaurie
  • Sends absolutely humoungus Arizona Karma catus. Place on front porch to keep all that bad karma away. It will give the bad karma a prick and whip its a$$. -StarFishHearder
  • Three charred oak kegs o' karma on the way! -Seamus
  • Good thoughts, Good thoughts, Good thoughts.... My wife had an accident at 7 months along, went to the hospital, but Divinar-2 stayed put for another two months -Divinar
  • Sending all my accumulated karma her way. Please let us know how this turns out! -Seamyst
  • Hobly Jebus!.. okay... AN226 loaded followed by a c-5... Karama drop on its way. -Harm
  • Karma-Kittens loaded! Fire!! *MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!* They are on their way! -unrenowned
  • Good luck to ALL of them! -Grue
  • Four Kegs-O-Karma on their way. And some prayers! -ecoli
  • A iced cold karma 65 pack to you and your family -DarkRookie
  • Two Triple Karma, side order of fries... -udoshan
  • Flight of KarmaBats on the way. -TechnoVampire
  • 82. Random chatter at the helpdesk

    From one of the quiet moments today:

    HD 1: I really like Lady Gaga's music, it's catchy.
    Me: So is the swine flu.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • My fiance loves Lady Gaga...I would prefer the swine flu... -0gr3
  • I like the Paparazzi song. Colour me weird. -MSimmons777
  • Didn't she sing 'Ice Cream and Tasty Cake'? I hated that song from the first time I heard it. Right up there with the Barney song. -Biosynthetic
  • I refer to her as "The lady who's gone GaGa"! -Wraith556
  • I think I'd take a coffee enema than listen to that...."thing"...that calls itself a singer. -vacuumtubes
  • I'm not saying she sucks, nor am I saying she's great. I saying that I JUST.DON'T.GET.IT. -udoshan
  • Bat Shit insane she is.. music is only.. meh as far as i'm concerned. the GF likes the music for some reason. possibley only cause it bothers me so... -Harm
  • Let's face it: she's easier on the eyes than on the ears. -MadJack
  • I don't think it qualifies as actual music-it is catchy however, sadly. -cyberblade3001
  • Bwhahahahahahaaa -rosemetal
  • 83. The end of an era

    Back in 2000 I started working in the tech field for Cornerstone; they sold monitors. As an employee I was able to buy two 21" CRT monitors ($800 retail each) for $400. I ran those monitors on my home computers until today. Both were working fine, one was in the garage gathering dust and the other had been replaced by an LCD "just because." I tried to sell them with no luck...so today a guy came by and picked them up for free.

    Thus ends my affair with CRT monitors.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Ditto. Did the same recently when I moved. Had 6 CRTs that previous employer was getting rid of for free. Ranged from 16" to a 21-incher that was HUGE. I had 2 new LCDs, but I kept one CRT as a backup/test unit and took the rest to the recycling place. -BarmanVarn
  • i too said goodby to a few CRT's not long ago.. Worked fine!.. ( needed a cleaning due to all the residue from smoking around it) replaced with LCD.. sigh.. -Harm
  • I replaced my last CRT middle of last month. Now all that's left is the ones I use to fix computers here at work. -OgdenTechGuy
  • While we're on the subject of monitors....My second LCD, after unpacking it after moving, had a yellow vertical line on the screen. It went away shortly after, and stayed "gone" for many months. A few weeks ago the line showed up again and isn't going away. Is there any hope for me on this? -BarmanVarn
  • Starfury, you don't happen to live in Fresno do you? -Stryker One
  • I kinda miss that huge humming thud that CRT's always made when you first turn them on. I was always sure that I was getting pummeled by radiation whenever that happened. -Biosynthetic
  • Bio - not radiation, although it was an electromagnetic field. The loud "humming" was the degauss coil kicking in, thrumming the shadow mask to make sure there was no residual magnetism in the screen. -ralphp1024
  • I'm still using a 19" CRT -Amicuspicarum
  • I've a 21" Digital-badged Mitsubishi Diamondtron gathering dust in my spare room. Hell, there isn't a single CRT that is in use in our house...1x42" LCD & 2x32" LDC TVs, 1x19" LCD monitor & the rest are laptops. -lineswine
  • 84. E-mail support request

    Part of my job on Friday is to cover incoming e-mails. Today at 2:58pm (my shift ends at 3pm) one comes in. Grumbling I start to read it...start thinking WTF? The person that send this in is a trainer here.

    1. Term employee has "glare" on her new Dell monitor.
    2. Ex-employee wants to know how to "adjust the monitor to reduce the glare"
    3. Trainer wants me to go through old tickets to find the "fix" for this problem.

    Ummmm...No. My "be helpful" attitude is long gone.

    I responded that monitors have anti-glare coatings, there's no adjustment on the monitor, and that the person needs to contact Dell if they're having a problem. If they want help with their computer after hours I charge $50/hr.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Symptoms: EU reports glare on monitor screen. Problem: Light reflecting off screen surface, producing glare. Resolution: Moved EU and workstation into dark dungeon and threw away key. -linuxmatt
  • What part of EX employee does he not understand? -McSmiley
  • "1), Move screen. 2), Move light. 3) Move user. Choose one." -Voz
  • 85. Doing something right..(NT)

    I must be doing something right...

    Live in SF Bay Area
    Have a 4bd 2ba house
    Electric/Gas bill for last month:$65

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Ogden, UT, studio apartment. No gas, only electric. Monthly power bill: $4. -OgdenTechGuy
  • *while starting to run for the lart shelter* mine's all bills paid... -AdmiralLaurie
  • just bought a house.. i should have the utility bills in a couple months.. i shudder to think what the gas , water and power bills will be :( -Harm
  • My apartment building has solar panels on the roof that cuts down on energy costs. I end up using net negative power since I'm rarely home and most of the time when I am home, I'm sleeping. That said, there's some low-cost turbines you can get and mount on the roof of a house to help reduce energy costs. The only info I have on it is a youtube video, but the turbine I'm thinking of is the Honeywell Wind Turbine by Earthtronics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AYkkyWX4hU -OgdenTechGuy
  • How much are the utilities in the LART shelter? -Biosynthetic
  • Harm: Same here, just bought a house, will move in February... I just can't wait to see my first power bill... Oh, and the "changed name related to address X in database" reconnect fee... -QcTech
  • After the worthless fucks at PSE (Puget Sound Energy) that screwed up reading my meter, FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR, I now owe them $1K. I wish I had a job where I could screw off for an entire year, and then get someone else to clean up the mess. Seriously, these wastes of skin deserve to have a 747 "merged" with their building. /rant=off -Stryker One
  • crap... my electric bill (for a two bedroom apartment) was $100 last month... At least I get to split it with my flatmate... -cyberblade3001
  • Or maybe you had great weather and didn't need to use much gas or electric. I got a power bill for $46.00 I almost fainted as it is usually about 200.00 this time of year. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Gas bill $227/mo. all year on budget plan, electric bill ranges from $50-90 depending on the month. Gak. Add to that the water/sewer bill, phone, long distance, cell phone, cable tv/internet, etc... I am working solely for the house's benefit. -figglywig
  • 86. One way to resolve a trouble ticket

    I do helpdesk for a law firm and recently a proxy server was installed to increase the security (spy on users) of our internet access. The first time you connect to an internet site you'd have to log on with your e-mail/windows password and this worked for 99.9% of the users here. I get a call from a new hire and it's not working. While they're researching the user goes on vacation to Singapore.

    While on vacation her laptop is stolen.

    So I get to close my ticket since the replacement computer isn't having any issues. I hope someone's enjoying their new Macbook in China.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • the Chinese don't have the internet anyway. of course now neither do the Australians. -drachen
  • I was going to say that the Aussies can't spell Internet ... but it's true. < LART Shelter! GO! > -Necros
  • New hire, on vacation? Damn, how does one accumulate vacation hours that fast?!? -GreyDuck
  • Yeah, no interwebs here. I'm typing this comment using a combination of a Telex, B&W TV and a voice modulator. -PoglaTheGrate
  • The only internet connection I can afford involves humming on the phone in binary. -AussieFoot
  • 87. Evansville, Indiana (NT)

    I know that 2 of the members here are from Indiana and though they might find this funny...it's from failblog.org

    http://probablybadnews.com/2009/10/08/funny-news-headlines-racial-profiling-totally-works/

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Maybe she was one of the Wayans brothers? -TheGhost
  • Doesn't mean a thing. If Micheal Jackson can make that change, so can that guy. -LazyLemming
  • 88. Spider!!!

    I'm sitting at my desk, on a call when there's something floating in the air in front of my face...

    This small spider had dropped down from the ceiling and was hanging by a thread right in front of my face...startled me pretty good.

    So I killed it. I don't like spiders.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8dSBWysmnM -Divinar
  • Good. You may have just eliminated one of those computer "bugs". -Park7
  • Finally got off your Tuffet, eh? </badjoke> -Biosynthetic
  • Damn, that was one of my spies! oh well.... -AdmiralLaurie
  • Fool! You missed your chance to become Spiderman! Now who is going to protect us from The Starfish? :P -TheGhost
  • "Sir I've found intelligent life, I'm going to try contact" *SPLAT* "Shit they're hostile!" -LazyLemming
  • YEAH F YOU SPYDER19!!!! -burrkiss
  • Found a banana spider chilling on the leg of our shop bbq the other day. Li'l fucker looks vicious. -Spacegoat
  • You know, I had a joke about Curds (sp?) and whey, but what's the point? -udoshan
  • 89. Shorts (NT/OT)

    A note to the ladies: Just because they sell short shorts does not mean that you have to purchase/wear them in public.

    My eyes are still burning from that view...

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • My favorite quote: "Let's just say that her stretch pants didn't have a choice." Another reason I've always said that clothing made out of "stretchable" material should, along w/ size on the tag, should also state a maximum weight capacity. -BarmanVarn
  • Before I get flamed for this comment: I (and my wife) are not small people (but we're working becoming smaller.) We dress appropriately and not in super tight/short clothing. From the movie Hackers: Spandex, it's a privilege, not a right. -Starfury
  • There were days when I'd be walking in the French Quarter, and I'd see folks for whom lycra and spandex should be banned as a clothing option. Gods, you'd think they'd be ashamed of how they look, but nope... not these folks. -VoiceOfSanity
  • I was looking in horror at a Spandex-encased two-legged Zeppelin a few weeks ago when Mrs G asked me what on Earth I was doing - I said I was mentally dressing her. -Gromit
  • Did they work here: http://unreasonablysafe.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/077.gif (NSFW) -Necros
  • Just my humble opinion: One place short-shorts are fine is Hooters. One place I never want to see short-shorts is Five Dollar Buffet. -LordObsidian
  • This is one case where I'll take it on faith - no need to post any pictures! -Captain Trips
  • Mooseknuckle, cameltoe's ugly sister. http://lucentabella.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/mooseknuckle1.jpg -Icelator
  • *BROO* Clark: Ed, what's wrong with the dog? *BROO* Eddie: Ah, he's just yakkin' on a bone. *BLEAGH* Eddie: He's got it up. -Biosynthetic
  • BEHOLD! http://peopleofwalmart.com/?p=3787 Something's Peeking! http://peopleofwalmart.com/?p=3769 Got Back? http://peopleofwalmart.com/?p=3755 -Stryker One
  • Ice, I think you should have taken Captain Trips' advice! -Voz
  • Hey, I like short shorts! But then again, I live in a college town, so most of the ladies wearing them actually look good in them. <BG> -ras
  • We call her Mumbles, you can see her lips moving but you can't hear what she's saying -Bloke
  • 90. Caffeine (NT)

    I have not had any caffeine today and I'm still functional.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Who are you and what have you done to StarFury? -elcapitane
  • I can't help but notice that you didn't rule out any other narcotics. -BarmanVarn
  • QUICK!!!!! Snort some Folgers Freeze Dried before you collapse. -atomicbill
  • FYI: I don't drink coffee either. -Starfury
  • Taurine? Guarana? vitamine B12 in mass quantities?!? -Harm
  • Dark-Roast double caff, light on the half-and-half enema. -Biosynthetic
  • You know you have a caffeine addiction when you use leftover coffee grounds as a sandwich filling.</Making It> -AussieFoot
  • Ok, so, you don't DRINK it... -Stryker One
  • "How much caffeine do you take a day?" "Depends... solid, liquid or gas?" </User Friendly> -VoiceOfSanity
  • 91. F*ckers (NT)

    I've been on vacation for the last 2 weeks. It's been good, spent 1 week in Hawaii. Today I go to the post office to pick up my mail. I come back home, wife has gone to the gym. She arrives home and tells me

    Someone egged your car.

    WTF!? I was pretty pissed off, but it all washed off.

    If I ever catch the f*ckers that did this I'll beat them to death with a hammer.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • ...There are things that are funny to some people. There are things that are funny at some times. And then there are things that are never funny. This falls into the last category. I'll sit on 'em for you. -AnneBWalsh
  • Anne, is that a promise? I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! ;-) -Gromit
  • AnneB, if you promise to wear the corset...it was me! Gromit is fibbing! -lineswine
  • Had basically that same thing happen. Came in to a shop where I had my Camaro getting worked on, the mechanic lists off all the things they did then says,"Oh, and we got most of the egg off." Uh, what egg? Turns out while it was outside somebody did a drive-by egging. Luckily it came off but it was a kick to my head when I was down. That poor car had issues, but that's another story. -DarthLuke
  • http://notalwaysright.com/friends-dont-let-friends-drive-sunny-side-up/2029 -Divinar
  • Some kids were egging cars in the car park where I worked. I chased one of the kids after one landed on my car. He tried to escape down a stairwell to the next level, tripped, and landed hard. As he landed, he broke all of the eggs in his pockets, and scraped some skin off his knees and chin. After laughing to rub it in I went back to my car and drove to where there was a tap to sponge off the egg while it was fresh (I keep a car cleaning sponge and a chamois in the car). -Wraith556
  • 92. Family tech support in Hawaii

    While in Hawaii visiting my parents I had to work on their 7 yr old Dell computer. It was running slow and they wanted me to make it faster. I had them buy some memory to upgrade from 256mb to 1gb (max for the computer) It would work fine for about an hour then blue screen and not restart. Since I was on vacation and they have dial up (spit) researching was painful. I found that there's some issue with XP SP1, the memory upgrade, and the video drivers. Looking at the 2 page M$ fix I made a decision.

    I told them their computer was too old to upgrade reliably and to buy a new one. $600 at Walmart and now they've got a good (for them) HP system w/ 20" flatscreen. They're even upgrading from dial-up to cable since it's only $5 more a month.

    The 3 dinners we had there plus night w/o the kids was worth the stress of fixing the computer.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Sung to the Beach Boys tune... Come to Hawaii, Hawaii, Come to Hawaii (insert harmonies) oohh oooh oooh, can you fix my Peeee Ceeee -Bloke
  • can you fix my Peeee Peeeee... -burrkiss
  • Burrkiss - my vet could "fix" your Pee Pee, but good! -lineswine
  • 93. Two Weeks (NT)

    For the next two weeks I am on vacation. No lawyers calling because they dropped their blackberry in the toilet. No secretaries calling because Outlook took 30 seconds longer than normal to open. Just no starfish for two weeks.

    Going to be nice having the time off...and one week will be in Hawaii.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Have a great time. Never been there but uncle says its a great place to visit -DarkRookie
  • never been, either. But I imagine South Padre island is just as good, except that it feels like a friggin desert and my favourite attraction gave me plenty of exercise running up and down those ladders all the time. I enjoyed my vacation away from morons, computers and bullsh!t, and I hope you will too. Pm me if you want a playlist of songs for the trip and songs to relax to. :D :D :D -AdmiralLaurie
  • For what Hawaii costs- I'd prefer Tasmania! Hobart and the valleys, my inner self asks me a couple of times a day, "Why did you leave? Doofus!" -jerrybear
  • I'd say color me green with envy (Hawaii, any part of it, is a beautiful place to be, wish I'd actually been there on vacation instead of passing through on my way somewhere else); but, face it, you're gonna need all that green whilst yer there! And, seriously, watch out for hurricanes. Remember there's one headed west right for it, due to arrive in a few days. Hope it's gone by (and gone by) the time you get there. -MadJack
  • Don't forget to take a starfish or two with you. You can drop them in a volcano, the gods will be pleased. And so will we. (Have a nice trip!) -TheGhost
  • There are many beautiful things to see in Hawaii. Some of them wear fewer clothes than others! Oh, yes, and there is the usual non-mobile scenery as well! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Lol, the ghost! yes, Pele would be happy, more fuel for her fires. :D -AdmiralLaurie
  • Spent a few days in Hawaii about a year ago. Was worried it was going to be miserably hot and humid (like the week I spent in Tampa, in August), turned out to be wonderful. -Stryker One
  • Starfury, my pineapple is not ripe. My poi tastes like poo. And why is the rum gone? <gangway, making a bearline for the lart shelter!> -CyBear
  • Starfury, my pineapple is not ripe. My poi tastes like poo. And why is the rum gone? <gangway, making a bearline for the lart shelter!> -CyBear
  • I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada. And I said no salt, NO salt on the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt... -Paperclip
  • Hawaii is an awsome place to visit. -compbrat
  • Lucky you! Congrats! -rosemetal
  • 94. A moment of clarity about employers

    My wife and I were talking about work and I suddenly realized something about employers and employee morale.

    When times are good and employees (skilled ones) can leave easily for a new job they're more likely to spend money on team building events or morale boosters. My work did SJ Shark's games, go carts, bowling, and breakfast/lunch a few times. This was when helpdesk/hardware staff was tired and complaining about how crappy the worksite was. A few people did leave taking a lot of knowledge/skill with them.

    Fast forward to today: The job market sucks. Finding a comparable job is near impossible. There are no more team building events, morale boosters, or anything special done for the employees. Why? Because they KNOW you can't leave and will put up with the bullsh!t because of the job market.

    Take a look at where you work...and see if I'm right or wrong.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Ohhh, you're right about that. Just before ClientIllogic sent all our jobs to India, there was a sudden lack of potlucks and after work activities. -Spacegoat
  • It's truly an employer's job market nowadays, especially in the IT market. One of my coworker techs recently requested a raise from upper management. This tech would rate a raise: recently received his A+, working on the Net+, good CS and technical ratings, shares a lot of knowledge and even trains other techs. Response: pay rise denied. When he pressed his case, he was shown a stack of apps and resumes with qualifications similar to his, applying for the same job he has. He was told that any one of them would be willing to work for his current pay rate or less. He's still drawing his current pay rate and will probably be so for some time to come. Given the economy and the job market, employees don't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to job related issues. If they press it, they can be easily replaced in the minds of management. -RamenMcTavish
  • I think this may be more of a coincidence than a correlation -- it could also be that employers don't do all that stuff for the same reason as many individuals -- they just can't afford to do so in this economy. -Captain Trips
  • A certain amount of truth there, Captain... I know that we're doing more to thank everyone for their help in pulling the company through the tough times, but we work with a very lean budget to do it! -Voz
  • I completely agree with you, however, with my company, I'm not entirely sure it's due to the job market/economy, etc... -desseb
  • And then there's the "other department" rule. If you work on a floor with more than one department on it, the other department is always the one with the special events, food days, etc. It's never yours. (On the other hand, everybody in the other department likes me, so I score free doughnuts, lunches, cookies, etc. about once a week...) -AnneBWalsh
  • Fact 1) Companiees are run by Beancounters 2) Beancounters see I.T. as a "cost centre" & therefore low on the totem pole of those they see as important. 3) This only changes when their I.T. goes for a ball of chalk, but n a VERY temporary basis - i.e. until it is fixed. 4) I LOATHE the cheap bastards with a passion bordering on the psychotic. -lineswine
  • The same applies to the weeks/months once your company has been put up for sale. 10+ years back, at CI/ZDMI, we used to take the entire first day of the month where each team would first spend an hour or two in meeting discussing what changes were made to 'data collection' & then we'd break for the rest of the day, and go as a team for a 'long lunch' actually OUT somewhere for a decent sit-down lunch, & often a movie afterward, coming back 30 minutes before the end of the day. Once the division went on the market, they ended it by quoting state safety & liability regulations re accidents off-site while on company time, right at the same time we moved to different digs designed for 'customer visibility', so prospective buyrs could come in & ooh & ahh over the cube-dwellers & see what they were supposed to be 'buying'. -MadJack
  • Good point. I don't know any employed people that have enjoyed better working conditions since the economy head-crashed. -MacDaddy
  • I loved the times with none of those annoying mandatory timewasting events. The closest I ever came to liking any of them was the occasional cheapass nip-down-the-supermarket lunch buffet, because I could fill a plate and munch away between calls. -Geminii
  • 95. Too busy

    I work for a law firm doing helpdesk.

    Today I get a call from the husband of one of the lawyers here. Apparently she is going to Taiwan and was given a loaner e-mail device that works over there.

    This device was sent out to the NY office a week ago so it could be set up for her.

    The husband proceeds to tell me that she's on the plane heading to Hong Kong and that she's been too busy to have the device provisioned before leaving. The husband wants to know if anything can be done.

    WTF?! All the tech needed was ONE HOUR to do the work while she was in the office. Now she's on a plane, somewhere over the ocean and you want me to magically fix this? I think not.

    I inform him that she'll need to call in when she arrives in Hong Kong and we'll try to remotely reprovision the device. I'm thinking someone may not be able to get their e-mail fix remotely on this trip.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Wonder if there's any "mistakes" you could make while remotely setting it up that would "brick" it? Or set the language (instead of the region) to Chinese? -Divinar
  • NO! Don't try. If you do, then when you fail they'll blame you instead of where it should lie - with her. And maybe she'll learn for next time? -Captain Trips
  • <singing>I'm, too busy for my mail; too busy for my mail; so busy, I fail...</singing> :P <....I'm too sexy for a LART....> -TheGhost
  • Send her the necessary DYI files by courier on floppy disk? It'll take 5-25 working days to arrive :) i literally lold at Ghost's song xD -lickwidboostd
  • Sooooo, how do you say Fucknugget in Chinese? -vacuumtubes
  • It probably doesn't transliterate well as an insult. You'll have to localise the phrasing as well as the words. -Chromatix
  • 他媽的塊 !!! -ThinTheHerd
  • TTH: Does your mother know you talk like that? -Starfury
  • 96. Breakfast of Champions (NT)

    Today's breakfast is two glazed donuts and a diet coke.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Hmmmm.... diet coke.... </Not Homer> -TheGhost
  • I did not eat breakfast. Did not get anything until lunch at Subway. does that count as brunch, or lupper, or supner? or as I told my boss, "going out to get food."? -LordObsidian
  • exactly why im loosing my teeth at the age of 29 -axjdo
  • Usually when I'm closing at work, I'll get something before I go in... I call that my breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I can't stand mall food. -exzyle2k
  • MetRx protein bar for me...how scary is it that I read that as 'breakfast of CHAMELEONs" ?!? -CTYankee
  • Saturday, I had to rush to get my car repaired. My breakfast was soda and Gummy Bears. Hmmm. I wonder why we have this stereotype of out of shape and unhealthy? -MisterCommon
  • <Quote: CWType SleepingUgly> "Cheetos & the Dew. Breakfast of Champions." </quote @ 7AM on a Saturday> -MadJack
  • None. I am GY shift and its rather cumbersome to eat. I would rather hit the hay and stay there until I wake up at 6 PM and then eat. -kennz
  • A bag of mini powdered doughnuts and an ice-cold Dr. Pepper <begins to salivate> -BarmanVarn
  • BLT and orange juice. -Crispy06
  • Cinnamon & Brown Sugar Pop-Tarts and a cup of High-test java mixed pale and sweet. -TheCyberwolfe
  • Peanut butter muffins (made by yours truly) and coffee. Which reminds me, I need to make more muffins this evening. -Seamyst
  • four cups of coffee and either three packets of oatmeal or three chewy granola bars, and sometimes a couple of eggs. Orrrrrr, doughnuts, leftovers, what have you. -AdmiralLaurie
  • I hardly ever have breakfast, usually not eating until lunch. Occasionally I'll snack before then if hungry. I prefer having the extra 15 minutes of sleep. -DarthIndy
  • Jack in the Box - Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich Combo with a Sprite -Stryker One
  • Dry white toast. If only because it will cause me to neither miss my bus or throw up from nerves from today's job interview. (Which went very well, thank you.) -AnneBWalsh
  • I usually don't eat anything before supper time... I'm always running late in the morning, and I don't take a lunch break, so my first meal is usually about 7pm then again at midnight sometimes. -cyberblade3001
  • Homemade coconut bread roll, just replace the water/milk with double the amount of coconut milk, add dessicated coconut after the initial kneading. -AussieFoot
  • 2 warmed pitta breads & some jalapeno hummus, consumed after the 1st hour at work. I've no desire to eat when I've just got up. -lineswine
  • Nurtigrain bar + Pepsi + coffee -Kiddingme
  • 97. Garbage Day (NT)

    This is an open message to my next door neighbor.

    Garbage pickup day is on Monday. Every week...it's Monday and has been this way for the last 10+ years.

    This means that on Sunday you need to put your Garbage, Recycling, and Yard waste containers on the curb. Monday afternoon (since they have stuff picked up here by 10am) you take the containers that are now EMPTY and put them back in the yard. You DON'T put them out on Tuesday morning because they won't be picked up.

    I don't know how many times since they've moved in that they don't put the cans out...or if they do have the inability to put them away in less than 2 days.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • They're just being proactive by putting them out six days early! *exit, stage right...* -Voz
  • ... then they call the sanitation dept and soy the driver missed picking them up ... and he/she gets written up for "missing" the idiot </ pissed off former garbage man> -srteach
  • soy = say -srteach
  • I think your signature says it all, Star... -AnneBWalsh
  • I move the cans <garbage, recycling and yard debris> for all 6 trailers and 4 studio apts here. Not cause I'm required to as mgr but cause nobody else does. Occasionally I arrive home late and move em out past 10pm. Have had complaints. Tell em "you don't like when I do it, do it yourself, it's not my job". I think next time someone complains I may just leave em the next week, THEN they can bitch. -Grembo
  • Wait until winter. The first weeknight that temps fall to below zero and those garbage cans are out there, go out at 3am and soak them with gallons of water, effectively turning them into giant ice cubes. Maybe they'll get the hint. -RiffRaff
  • one of the benefits of a controlled community - incremental fines for having garbage cans out more than day before/after garbage day. -PolarCoyote
  • What about being a bit nice, proactively? When you take your can down, if you see that your neighbors isn't down, take his down as well? A bit of nice-ness can go a long way. Either that, or mind your own business and don't worry about how the other guy takes care of his. -docbrown01
  • Doc: if they put their cans out on Sunday and they're empty we'll generally put them by the gate by Wed. if they haven't done it. This week they put the can's out Tuesday morning...and they're still on the curb overflowing. I'm debating calling the city code enforcement to do a drive by. -Starfury
  • It puts the cans out on Sunday...or it gets the hose! -lineswine
  • I used to put out all the bins at my unit block (8 units, 2 yard, 4 recycle) until two incidents happened. The first was the absolute refusal for anyone else to help. The second was the abuse and threats that were leveled at me because I went on a holiday and did not drive 1000 miles back home to put out the bins, wait until the next morning for the pickup, then put the bins away, before returning to my holiday. I told the person that the voluntary bin service was terminated, effective immediately, and you should not piss off someone who does something for you voluntarily. Mister entitlement said he would go to the estate agent and lodge a complaint. I told him to go ahead but as an owner in the building and the de-facto building manager, I deal with the strata management group who OWN the building. He made his complaint. And the reply from the strata, backed up by a letter sent to all units, was that there is NO bin service, occupants are responsible for their own rubbish, occupants must use ONLY the bins provided for their unit, and if someone was putting the bins out for you, you should consider yourself lucky. It took a few weeks for the other occupants to catch on. Nothing like reeking garbage to get people's attention. And my bin was locked in my garage to stop other people filling it with their rubbish. -Wraith556
  • 98. Maybe I'm just old... (NT)

    Maybe I'm just getting old...but I've noticed that a lot of places are starting to put in TV sets that do nothing but play commercials. They may have a sidebar with news/weather but mostly ads.

    This is really starting to annoy me. The LAST thing I want when I go shopping is to have commercials yammering at me. I've seen this in Jack in the Box, Longs (soon to be CVS, was in line for 20 min having the same ad loop over and over...) WalMart, and a bunch of other places. Several of the local gas stations have the monitors blaring away at me while I'm pumping gas and all I can think about is using a shotgun to shut them up!

    I understand that the businesses must be paid for this crap...but they're losing MY dollars because I won't go there due to the annoyance.

    So...am I just old and not willing to "go with the times" or is this just as annoying to you as it is to me?

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I usually drown it out with this little ditty turned up on the ole iPod and looped -> http://tinyurl.com/5wrm4c -ChildofCthulhu
  • I have a "universal off" remote. Works a little less than half the time, but when it does, it's great. -Divinar
  • Videospam--it's a pox. -vacuumtubes
  • Yes, extremely annoying...especially when it's hung in front of the urinal in the bathrooms. That seems to be the fad in the clubs around here. -redevil34
  • One toy store here had a TV set like that, right next to the counter. I timed the loop, 27 seconds, then asked the clerk how he could stand it. "After the fifth hour you just sorta tune it out," was his reply. Seriously, more than hating the store, pity the people working there who can't get away from the noise. -Calydor
  • This report on gasoline price hikes brought to you by Trojan Condoms. -Biosynthetic
  • And do you have any idea what this sort of abuse does to the employees working 4 to 8 hour shifts? I now no longer wonder why I can never find an employee to help out on the floor. They're huddled in a fetal position in the stock room, sobbing "Make it STOP!", over and over again .... Sorta like I would be if I weren't able to escape out the front door within ten minutes or less. FYI, because of my early years slaving at KMart, I WILL have a psychotic break if I ever hear the disco version of "How High the Moon" or "Tangerine", ever again, even 30+ years after the initial torture ended. Musack on an infinite loop renders waterboarding a skip in the park by comparison ..... -emdeebee
  • emdeebee - try having Toy Story play in the background for your entire 8 hour shift for a month straight. I refuse to let children around mr watch it even though it has been 10+ years -NotaTech
  • I can usually tune it out, but before then it gets really annoying. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Ask my sister someday about her falling asleep for a fourth night in a row with "Hotel California" set to play over and over and over again on the turntable (yes, it was THAT long ago). To this day, she still hasn't figured out why she woke the next day with the plug still in the wall socket, but the frayed cord clear across the room. Yeah, sis, the record player imploded in the middle of the night, that must have been it, yep, yep, yep... -emdeebee
  • This is why I try to only shop at small, independent stores, or outdoor markets as much as possible. Much less of this fsckt@rdery going on. -Lusus
  • Probably one of the main reasons for inventing TV-B-Gone. -AussieFoot
  • One of my brothers liked to play a 45 rpm record in the morning on his portable phonograph. Unfortunately he did this on the top bunk. The brother on the bottom bunk, having tired of listening to "Big Fat Dumb Irving (The 142nd fastest gun in the West)" for the nth time, took a pair of silver-plated toenail clippers to the power cord. He was fortunate - the fuse didn't even blow when two holes were cut through the clippers as the power cord was severed. -MSimmons777
  • My sports bar has 27 TVs playing sports, and five showing essentially Jackass and Adds. The Jackass is mildly entertaining (more so than some sports) and the adds are mostly for the bar. -AngrySup
  • Get the ninja remote. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/9a06/ Once you've found the frequency, take 'em ALL down! -unrenowned
  • Short answer for both of your questions: Yes and Yes. -LordObsidian
  • 99. Job e-mail! (sorta NT)

    I recently updated my Dice/Hotjobs resumes just to see what would happen. I got a few e-mails from Farmer's to become an insurance agent and one call for an "open ended contract with no benefits." Then this came in today.

    Hi Tom,

    We are looking for a Case Packer. This company is a fast paced production operation requiring candidate to pack cartoned eggs into cases, apply appropriate labels, slide cases onto a takeaway belt and handle equipment and materials associated with the egg processing operation. This position offers $9.75/hour and includes full benefits, which we will discuss at the time of your interview.

    Tom, to avoid being flooded with applications and responses, I have only extended this opportunity to a select number of qualified individuals. Your online resume caught my attention, and I would like to start the interview process as soon as I possibly can. I am eager to hear back from you today, if at all possible. By selecting the hyperlink below, you can view more information about the position, benefits offered, our company, and send in your application as an available candidate.

    I would like to learn more about the Case Packer opening.

    I hope to receive your application later today!

    Best Wishes,

    C. Garner Human Resources Director

    At least it wasn't for a fudge packer job.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • You mean like http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/3/fudge_packer.jpg ? -Necros
  • Sounds like a phishing attempt to me -BarmanVarn
  • I get 10 of those a week now. They are insane and basically, all of them say the exact same thing. Very annoying. -techinator
  • Aren't all those Keebler Elves fudge packers? -atomicbill
  • I find those spam to be better than the fake careerbuilder emails for "money managers". Spam Emails work better when they aren't from hotmail or yahoo domains. -PolarCoyote
  • It's the new 'viagra' spam format. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Here's hoping the job I was just headhunted for isn't this type... -AnneBWalsh
  • Hey, that Nigel looks cute! (Necros' offsite link.) -FuzzyElf
  • 100. Conversation with a caller

    From a call this morning, the user has had CONSTANT problems with her new computer.

    Me: Helpdesk, how may I help you? (cheerful voice)
    Pat: Hi it's Pat. How do you guys stay so cheerful?
    Me: Alcohol.
    Pat: Lots of laughter

    Sometimes all you can do is laugh at the situation...because it'll never get better.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • My favorite sig: "No, liquor does not make you charming. That's what the peyote is for." -vacuumtubes
  • Chong: Look what I found.Cheech: What'd you find? Chong: Peyote. Cheech: Shit, I'm so hungry I'd eat peyote...That's a horse turd! Chong: I thought so. Cheech: Why'd you give me a horse turd? Chong: Just a minute. Look, it's organic. It's got little green things living in it. They're alive! Little baby green things, too. Look, a mama green thing. Or half a mama green thing. -Biosynthetic
  • -bio: Eeeeeewwww! Oh gross, *shudder* anyway, alcohol? maybe. depends on the fishy. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Hello, I'm eating lunch here! (uh... 'cuse, please ....) -emdeebee
  • I was taking the final exam for my A+ prep class, and one of the questions asked was "How do you make your life as a technical support agent easier?" or something of the sort. Knowing I had aced the test anyways, I answered "Alcohol." The teacher marked it right. I loved that class. -DarthIndy
  • During the interview for my current job, the manager asked about my previous job and I replied I'd been there for 3 years. He, knowing previous employer asked "how did you survive for 3 years there?". I replied "Lots of alcohol". I think that clinched the deal. -Grembo
  • 101. An example of good karma

    On the Friday before Memorial Day I asked the boss for a half day off.

    I was denied. Not because too many people were off already but because he was worried it would be busy.

    It wasn't. Lucky for me the 5am guy was willing to trade my 7am shift so I'd get out by 2pm. Last week he asked if I could do his overtime today and since he was nice enough to trade I said yes.

    Today in 7 hrs and 20 minutes on the phones I have taken 1 call and gotten 2 e-mails. Just goes to show that good things do happen.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Awesome. :) -Seamus
  • The only way that could get any better is if the first e-mail was to say, "I'll be calling you soon", and the second e-mail was to say, "thanks for helping out on my call"! -Voz
  • Total calls: 1. Total E-mail: 3, but the on-site guy had to deal with that one. Call was to get a power supply in a remote office...and since I'm not there I don't know where they're stored. The e-mails were for a dead Blackberry (remote office guy gets that ticket) and a request to have a document e-mailed. The guy that started at 2pm only got the 1 e-mail I dumped on him in 5 hrs. -Starfury
  • I got a phone call from the in-laws, they had somehow gotten their email password 'un-remembered'. Apparently I correctly reported the password because they didn't call back! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 102. Blackberries...
    At the law firm we upgrade users Blackberries/iPhones every 2 years. Today I get a call from a user who isn't due for about 4 more months. She's ok with that but then asks me: "Which devices will you be offering at that time?" WTF? I don't know because I can't see the future...not to mention the fact that we're never told anything about new equipment.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • "It'll either be a Blackberry or an iPhone..." -SoldierJedi
  • It'll be the new Dingleberry All 2L. It's to be installed rectally so you don't have to carry it around. -Biosynthetic
  • I love it when users ask me when $Device will be released in the U.S. about as much as I love palm reading - Oh wait, I don't do THAT, either. -Seamus
  • I could only see this working in a company that had a policy of never issuing Ver 1.0 of something, and knowing that if something survives six months without catastrophe, then it will be approved for general issue. -Voz
  • Don't issue Dingleberries. I heard they are pieces of crap. ;) Tell her she'll get a Pre. -docbrown01
  • Dingleberry...can't shake 'em... -vacuumtubes
  • I'm betting Shakira could shake the Dingle berries. -Stryker One
  • 103. Try and blame the helpdesk will you...

    Well, I finally broke down and restored my star. Now for the story.

    We rolled out new computers here and it has been a nightmare. Hold times 15-30 min, calls 10 deep. EVERY caller complaining about the new systems. They've updated the virtual machines multiple times and the same problems persist: Freezing, printing issues, and applications not working normally. We've been doing the best we can, getting all the troubleshooting info (each day it seems they want more/something new) requested and then transferring tickets to the administrators to fix.

    Due to the epic fail of this rollout the finger pointing started...and somehow the helpdesk is being blamed.

    This confuses me...we didn't come up with the idea...we didn't test the new system...and we didn't make a final decision to go with it. But it's our fault it doesn't work.

    Because of this we're changing the way we handle our tickets. Instead of the ticket going to an administrator, sitting 2+ days with no updates and not getting escalated we're going to give them that day to respond and then up to the next level the ticket goes. The way things have been going, the big manager will be getting quite a few tickets by the end of the week as the lower level people ignore them.

    As a side note: 99% of the callers do not like the new system and after using it for a few months I don't like it either even though my computer does work.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Yeah, we've got the "help desk is to blame" thing happening all the time. You know why, of course -- it's because we are the visible part of I.T. (You know, the 1/8 of the iceberg above water?) So we are the only ones the users know to blame. We are the pivot point in the user-developer connection. And we get stressed from each direction. Is it any wonder why pivot points are the first point of failure in any situation? We have to support the stress from both directions, and the only support we get is from ourselves! -Captain Trips
  • Oh, come on. Senior leadership got a two minute brief, and the managers signed off on it after a 15 minute meeting, and the UAT guys were more than happy after a pint or two after testing. What could go wrong? -AngrySup
  • What's sad is that this isn't uncommon. I kindly point to the NMCI program (Navy/Marine Corp Internet) that was rolled out... and has been an unmitigated disaster ever since. Sometimes there is value in thinking twice before actually deploying a new system throughout an organization, but since budgets and profit comes before common sense... -VoiceOfSanity
  • 104. Sunscreen fail (NT)
    Saturday my son went to a pool party and for some reason my wife and I both forgot to put sunscreen on him. Now he is "Lobster Boy" and gets a day off from school since his entire back and upper chest is bright red...and he can barely move.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • What. He gets a day off. I was forced to go to school and have it poked all day. Then again, I am in Florida. Maybe its just common place down here. Don't forget the aloe. -DarkRookie
  • Been there, done that--summer 1973. There is legend that you can still hear a young boy scream as the Solarcaine Spray makes contact with his skin... :-) -vacuumtubes
  • "Oh my god, this is so unfair! If I was bleeding out of my eyes you'd still make me go to school. I want out of this family."</bueler> -AmazingKreskin
  • split open the biggest, fatest aloe leaf you have, scooop out the goo, tenderly rub it into the burns. rinse and repeat. a cold washcloth may also help. -AdmiralLaurie
  • done that soo many time... once in North caroline ( ended up with some heat / sun stroke as well) couple times at home ( sister tested how bad it was with an open handed slap to my chest) and couple years ago camping - wasnt AS bad.. but one of the other guys put his shirt on after the solarcain blue go was applied to his torso.. essentially glueing his shirt to his sun burn.. next morning he tried to take the shirt off.... -Harm
  • I got terrible sunburn on my legs in grade 8, and I still had to go to school, in shorts because of the pain, and without shaving my legs! That is SO not fair! -evolvedstarfish
  • -unrenowned
  • I burn even with sun screen on. Try Aloe Vera gel (with vitamin E) clear gel. Works like a charm. -unrenowned
  • True statement... was on vacation with the parental units back many years ago in Panama City. Ended up with the kind of sunburn that had me covered from neck to butt with blisters. Which is why I won't go out in the sun without a shirt on. No matter how hot it might get. Never again. -VoiceOfSanity
  • If you run out of aloe or solarcaine, or even generic burn spray, but have tea bags, deliberately OVERbrew some tea and apply that to the sunburned by soaking pieces of old t-shirt in it, wringing out, and smoothing gently over the burns. Let t-shirt bits dry until they fall off on their own. This is an old folk remedy I've had tested on my own hide, so I can tell you first hand it works in a pinch... and some of my family prefer it to anything but unprocessed aloe. -lowlyte
  • I burnt the backs of my knees when I was younger (forgot to sunblock there). It was not fun for a few days walking, sitting...or generally anything that required me to bend my legs. -docbrown01
  • 2nd degree burns om my back/shoulders from the sun 30 years ago. Still have the scars. Fell asleep sunbathing... -ThinTheHerd
  • Between "Why am I so red?" and "OMG kill me to end the pain!" take a luke-warm bath, pat yourself dry (don't rub) and use lots of talcum powder. The luke-warm water is below body temp but will keep your pores open and draw away a lot of heat while hydrating the surface layers of skin, the talc will keep your pores open and help radiate more heat. -AussieFoot
  • Starfury - Your son has my best thoughts. VoS - Done that too. Being a pasty 10 year old geek in Hawaii meant I cooked like veal if I spent time outside. Gotten the blisters, and I agree with the shirt concept. -Lusus
  • I can pinpoint the exact date of my worst sunburn: July 20, 1969. Watching the moon landing did a great job of taking my mind off the pain of second-degree burns over a large portion of my back. -rdwells
  • And yet, every spring, shortly after shaving my head, I forget a hat, then spend the next day at the office watching behind me for the joker that wants to rub the red skull. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be for good luck, or a death wish! -garwain
  • Forgot to sun screen on of the young uns once and he got it bad. Dr. said also take ibuprofen as it is an anti inflammatory and will help with the pain and also take away some of the burning -cyrusvirus
  • i hear that vinegar helps too. But I keep bottle of aloe gel in the fridge so its nice and cold. I'm fair skinned so I burn easily and usually forget the sunblock. -areatech
  • Bad parents, bad bad parents! *grin* -lineswine
  • 105. New security shirts
    The security guards here have new shirts, they're a reddish/maroon color. I think someone at the security company must be a Star Trek fan.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Any bets going around the office on who gets sent on the first away-mission? ;) -evolvedstarfish
  • "Kirk, Spock, McCoy and ensign Ricky all beam down to the plant surface. Guess who's not coming back?" -JoeLugian
  • The only red-shirts that ever beamed back alive were Scotty and Captain Garrovick's son. Even then, both of them almost didn't once or twice... -MadJack
  • "Mr. Spock, how many ways are there to die on this planet" [beep, beep, beep, beep, beep] "Five, Captain". "Alright then, Mr Spock, you, me and FIVE security men will beam down to the planet". "Ensign, you and your men, beam down - Mr Spock and I will be down in a momemt" [beam, 6 seconds passes] "That should be long enough" {Excerpted from the Unofficial Star Trek Comedy Album} -technaround
  • "What I say I say in honour of all the redshirts who have gone before me.... I'm the only one who brought a gun." - /Robotchicken -ApolloSZ
  • "Ensign Gilligan, you be so fucked." -vacuumtubes
  • as long as it doesn't look like this: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/popculture/9722/ -McSmiley
  • Every time I read this, I keep skipping the "r" in shirt. Makes it more appropriate. -CyBear
  • "And introducing Guy Fleegman as Security Chief "Roc" Ingersol!" -stiffarm
  • It's Ensigns Expendable, Explodable, and Cannonfodder! -Geminii
  • "Please don't beam me down with Kirk, McCoy, and Spock / If you do, you know that I'll be dead by 1 o'clock / Maybe I'll be vaporized, or crushed beneath some granite / And Bones will look at Jim and say 'I'm just a doctor, damn it!'" -AmazingKreskin
  • When I saw the new Star Trek Movie and Kirk, Sulu and the red-shirt were parachuting down to the laser drill...I leaned over to my friend and said "that guys in a red suit, he's going to die" and 5 seconds later the guy was dead. -areatech
  • Ever was it thus - the usual 60's action-packed war film, chock full of star names, all go on a secret mission & they're ALWAYS accompanied on said mission by $unknown actor. OK, 3 guesses who's going to get killed on a training exercise/outward journey? -lineswine
  • Ever was it thus - the usual 60's action-packed war film, chock full of star names, all go on a secret mission & they're ALWAYS accompanied on said mission by $unknown actor. OK, 3 guesses who's going to get killed on a training exercise/outward journey? -lineswine
  • Ever was it thus - the usual 60's action-packed war film, chock full of star names, all go on a secret mission & they're ALWAYS accompanied on said mission by $unknown actor. OK, 3 guesses who's going to get killed on a training exercise/outward journey? -lineswine
  • Ever was it thus - the usual 60's action-packed war film, chock full of star names, all go on a secret mission & they're ALWAYS accompanied on said mission by $unknown actor. OK, 3 guesses who's going to get killed on a training exercise/outward journey? -lineswine
  • *sigh* & 3 guesses who has an "F5" trigger finger? -lineswine
  • 106. The end of G.I. Joe (NT)
    Robot Chicken Style: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4XybjfgRuc Possibly NSFW
    [By: Starfury]
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  • This has "Columbine" written all over it. -udoshan
  • " Its was always Fumbles..." -Harm
  • 107. Upcoming meeting
    We've recently done a rollout of new computers here and the masses are...not too happy. We at the helldesk have been informed of an upcoming meeting where we'll be able to "speak our mind" on the new rollout without fear of punishment...and the the manager in charge of the rollout will be there. Considering the best comments I've gotten are "this new system is stupid" "The new system sucks" and "I want my old computer back" this meeting will probably not be too much fun for management. I'm debating how much to actually say...and how to say it. One of my co-workers suggested having us type up and print a list of items so that none of us can be singled out for our "honest" opinions. Should be lots of fun to go to next week. I hope they have donuts.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • that sucks the list is a good idea.. -Hawk
  • smile nod alot and geneerally attempt to fade into the background...OR keep your moth ful of doughnut.. -Harm
  • Also, keep everything in quantitative, business terms. Instead of, "everybody thinks it sucks", say, "Help Desk calls needing assistance with the software package are up by 180%". Keep the list idea, and intro it by saying, "to make sure that we didn't waste time by duplicating anything, the IT folks made one list of the issues that have been found...". Kinda reinforces the whole, "we're here to do our jobs to support the team"-theme, while still being able to call a turd a turd. -Voz
  • When management says 'speak your mind without any fear of retaliation', don't. They wouldn't bother with the 'fear' part if it wasn't part of the culture. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I second the idea of providing ( in triplicate ) a list of all help desk calls related to the new PCs / System. You can also tally the minutes / hours of time wasted and be specific when possible to point out what particular portion of FAIL it falls under. For example, If it's a lot of " I dunno. It no workie like I know how to make workie.", Point out how this could have been avoided by proper training. This way, you can gently remind them when they point a finger at your department, they've got at least another three pointing back at them. -Necros
  • And three fingers pointing back at them are one finger in particular coming from three different hands. -cert2b
  • Great. You're going to be witness to a "Dick and Bitch" session.... -vacuumtubes
  • As others have said, make any issue tie back to productivity. "X plugin crashes every time, causing a 5 minute loss of productivity". Also try to have some improvement suggestions. Bitching is great, but with no alternatives, nothing will change. -silvermoon
  • echo Silvermoon: Alternatives are key. -Seamus
  • I favor the idea of a typed list with no individual id. The level of anonymity is important -- the "no fear of retaliation" is playing with words. What they said is "You can speak your mind with no fear of retaliation" and NOT "You can speak your mind with no retaliation." They are telling you to not fear what they will do to you, but they are not promising they won't do it anyway! Been there, done that. My then-manager said "don't worry about it." The next day at the (30% of company) lay off meeting, I said that she told me I had nothing to worry about, and she replied, "No, I ASKED you not to worry about it." Be wary of those damned word games! -Captain Trips
  • "Yeah, they sucked, I mean they just plain sucked, they were the suckiest sucks that ever sucked. Oops, gotta go my damn weiner kids are listening." - Homer -Biosynthetic
  • "Speak your mind without fear of punishment" = "give us reason to get rid of you in six months when we hope you've forgotten what you said". Same technique goes by the name "performance review" everywhere in the modern business world. Best of luck. -AnneBWalsh
  • Go in with a list of solutions for whatever the problems are, if you can think of any. More training, better support mechanisms, whatever you come up with. I guarantee if you walk in as a solution provider instead of a problem lister, you will get a VERY different reception and you will be remembered in a very different light. -TechMama
  • You forgot the hidden words function: "no fear of retaliation ..[on the part of management]" -technaround
  • 108. Rule #1 in action
    Part of my duties is to handle loaner equipment requests. Sometimes stuff gets lost. One of the lawyers borrowed an airplane adapter for his IBM X41. When it was overdue I requested it back and was told that it had been sent back interoffice. I check with distribution and...no package. We remove it from inventory and life goes on. Today I get a package interoffice...with today's date and inside is the "lost" adapter. Apparently the lawyer got a new computer and the old adapter isn't compatible....so he sent it back today. Rule #1 in action: users lie.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Lawyers, doubly so. And this surprises you? -Stryker One
  • Rule #2: The worse you need it back, the longer it takes for the user to return it. Something with a waiting list of a hundred will probably never be returned. -AnneBWalsh
  • Oh, you need a second power supply for travel? I'll send one by interoffice mail... *Writes "send out adapter" on calender for three years, two months and 6 days in the future * -Divinar
  • I'm not sure which is worse-Lawyers, Doctors, or Politicians. My personal preference would be to kill them all, with flaming acid. -jerrybear
  • Meh. Doctors are at least useful... -VFox
  • VFox, it depends on the doctor/practitioner. Some are genuinely good at what they do, some just need a kick in the a$$, and some are only good for cat litter. -AdmiralLaurie
  • 109. Conference room fun
    Sorry for lack of formatting; need to renew my star this week. Where I work conference calls are usually pretty vague in what help they need; mostly it's "send a hardware tech over now!" type of call. Today's was the usual. The receptionist calling in was told "We have a PowerPoint and need help." That's it. Did they need a computer? A projector? A clue? All of the above? The Hardware tech goes in, turns on the projector and all is well.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • to quote cd: "A simple error for a simple mind." I hadn't realised the truth in that statement until now. -AdmiralLaurie
  • I've driven to Liverpool - about 65 miles, to an "emergency call". Yes, they'd not been able to fathom that if you want a projector to show images from a laptop, YOU NEED THE 2 CONNECTED. IIRC, it was either a hospital or one of the unversities. I tried, I really tried to keep the contempt out of my voice as I explained to these oh-so-qualified people that it was an easy mistake to make...of COURSE I was lying through my teeth, but hell, the call-out pay rate was pretty good. -lineswine
  • 110. A simple job...
    My friend's wife was given her old (1.5yr) desktop when she left her job. Since the computer is part of a domain and the login account doesn't have admin rights. He asked me if I could reinstall Windows. (for pay) I said yes and his wife gave me the computer yesterday...where she proceeds to tell me that there's data she'd really like to save AND that it's not starting up with just an amber light on the front of the case. Tonight should be fun to figure out what's wrong with it.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • PNordhl (or some variation thereof) once you get it to actually booting. Or pull the drive, pull the data, and reinstall $FREE_OS of choice. -ralphp1024
  • Pull the drive, backup what you can ( usually a linux distro does the trick here), format to teh barebones and load 'er up -Harm
  • If its a Dell with a solid amber light, you prolly got a bad processor or motherboard there. -DarkRookie
  • The Dell's with a amber light will sometimes miraculously fix if you unplug them overnight. -Griffin2020
  • 111. What's for dinner? (NT)
    Chicken! In a can! http://ihatemymessageboard.com/2009/04/23/a-whole-chicken-in-a-can/ (SFW)
    [By: Starfury]
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  • I usually made chicken pot pie with it. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • that stuff makes horrible horrible chicken alfredo. -AdmiralLaurie
  • I understand the market for it, but I wouldn't buy it. What kills me is him complaining about the taste when he poured all the broth, fat, and other potential seasoning down the drain. -Darkridr
  • huh ... ummm okay. thats... well there you go! -Harm
  • http://thesiblog.blogspot.com/2008/01/canned-hamburger-pics-and-review.html -Icelator
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MRE -compbrat
  • People actually EAT that? Ewwww! -lineswine
  • WTF was that. Looks like an Alien to me. And the broth with the chicken limbs sticking out. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww -kennz
  • "Mushytushies" The space age food. it's precooked, prechewed, preswallowed, predigested and preexcreted. All you have to do is heat it up and dump it in the toilet. -atomicbill
  • tastes great with baconnaise -stiffarm
  • 112. Lunchtime luck
    During my lunch break one of the e-mail servers went down...and I missed the HUGE rush of calls and the boss yelling (over IM) for people to pick up calls. Yay me.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • So, did you buy a lottery ticket, just to see if the luck held? :) -Tekkie
  • I think the operative question is why'd you take down the e-mail server before going to lunch? [/bofh_grin] -Antacid
  • Timing is everything. Lunch time, doubly so. -TheGhost
  • 113. Indiana...go figure (NT)
    Found this through Consumerist.com: http://www.wndu.com/home/headlines/43135267.html
    [By: Starfury]
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  • "Stay together for safety." -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Indiana--dueling banjos, dueling blowjobs...:-\ -vacuumtubes
  • I need to get out more. -ThinTheHerd
  • Best quote: "...never thought having lunch at noon on a Saturday would turn so disturbing" Or salty? -Divinar
  • Prudes the lot of them. Was anyone hurt? Were your girls sent to the hospital with bruises and a broken arm? No? Then you WERE safe there, save for your stuck-up puritanical "Sex doesn't exist" view of the world. With all the denial of sex going on, you'd think immaculate conception was the norm! -Calydor
  • ...and then, a week later the parents got this in the mail. http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/4261/3daysuspensionbi9.jpg -Biosynthetic
  • "Oh, the Places You'll Go" / Dr. Seuss -AngrySup
  • If 11 isn't old enough to find out about sex, what are the odds on them being pregnant at 15? Pretty high, I'd say... -Holdfast
  • Proposed Betting Pool: The amount of time it takes for some op/ed writer or talk radio host to lay blame on (1) Barack Obama, (2) The Intarwebs, or (3) gay marriage. Bonus awarded if #2 specifically mentions Craigslist. -MeanDean
  • so holdfast you would let your kids watch pron at 11. I agree that 11 is a good age to know about the "birds and the bees", but no one should walk into a restroom at a family restaurant and see some one having sex at any time -compbrat
  • 1. If your 11 year old witnesses people having sex in a restroom, they will NOT grow up to be deviants as long as us parents do the job $diety$ gave us. 2. If you're one of these thrill seekers who thinks rstroom sex is the thing to do, at least have the common sense to LOCK THE DAMN DOORS! -udoshan
  • 114. Special Callers
    <p>I do internal support so am spared from dealing with the general public. This has good and bad points...the bad one being that you get people who are <i>special.</i> Today one of the partners calls in with a dead Blackberry...and I don't want to have to deal with trying to get a replacement. I have her reset the device...quietly praying to myself "please work please work pleas work..."<p>I got lucky.<p>The reset worked, she's happy and I get to close the ticket now. Hope the rest of the day is that good.<p>
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Gaah! My star has expired! Have to pick up a new one. -Starfury
  • That's special??? Dude, I want to work in your law firm!!! After 9 years in a law firm I'll take that call any time. Special is the one who threatens to call the CEO when you tell them they can't install AOL on "their" computer or expect you to personally go find the printer they sent something to and bring it to them because they don't know where their default printer is. -redevil34
  • i work remote support. i love the hardware calls where the SF wont test a known good monitor or swap out a keyboard or something. they want to know if i can swing by to do it for them or schedule a tech to come do it. 3000 mile distance be damned. -r3dn3x0r
  • "Sure, plane tickets will cost 800$, hotel will cost 800$, rental car will be...800$. Oh and I want 100$ per day for food, minimum 6 days. Also please make sure that I have 800$ per day spending money." -Olorin
  • Oh, I DREAM of having a job like yours....at least your users don't call your boss to complain that you won't help them install Doom on the company machine. -Biosynthetic
  • 115. Most married woman (NT)

    http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/weird/Indiana-Woman-Said-I-Do-23-Times.html?yhp=1

    From where? Anderson, Indiana! Possibly of VT's customers.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Is there a Guinness world record holder for drinking the most Guinnesses? Or is that Guinnesi? -Biosynthetic
  • If she is one of VT's customers, I hope her password hint question isn't: "What's your mother-in-law's maiden name?" -concept14
  • Chances are her password is beer. And her next hubby's username is beaversqueezer69er... :-| -vacuumtubes
  • gdammit vt, you owe me a new laptop, headset and set of speakers! -AdmiralLaurie
  • Unfortunately, he didn't pull that username out of his ass. We really did have a customer at DropNet with that username. -RiffRaff
  • 116. Plumbing (NT)

    I've been a homeowner since 1994. Overall my almost 50 yr old house has been good to me and I haven't had to pay too much for work on it that I can't do.

    Early last week I noticed an odd smell in one of the bathrooms. I then noticed it more general around the house but didn't think much of it. Yesterday I'm caulking around the sliding door and when by the vent notice something...bad. That smelly smell that smells....smelly. So I venture into the crawlspace below the house fearing the worst.

    I found it.

    There's s 20' long, 2' wide puddle and I hear dripping coming from the general area under the sink.

    Today a plumber came out and it's the galvanized pipe that's rusted through. $700 will be the bill to replace the twenty feet of pipe under the house. Am I happy with this? No. But it has to be done, I don't have the skill/tools to do this right, and the time to spend the day under the house...not to mention that I don't fit under there all that well. As a bonus once the pipe is fixed and the muddy spot try I'll get to spray some anti-fungal/mold stuff on the dirt around there.

    So much for having some extra $$ this month after paying bills....

    [By: Starfury]
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  • If you're in an area that has termites, you might want to get an inspection for them. They like damp areas. Most of the exterminators will do a first inspection free, and if this has been going on for a while (which it has, judging by your description of the smell), they may have gotten started last summer. Fortunately they're pretty easy to deal with at the beginning of an infestation. -Fuji
  • Could be worse. Many neighborhoods built in the late 60s used some kind of cellulose based pipes for plumbing because it was quick and easy to work with (history buffs should be able to guess why the neighborhoods in the suburbs were demanded to be built really quickly). Lets think about that - cellulose is basically... paper. Well, cardboard if you give it the benefit of the doubt. 40 years later, tree roots and such are actually breaking through the pipes in those neighborhoods. -SirJosh
  • They have reasonably recently approved the use of plastic (ABS) pipes for water mains in this part of the world. There is a development that went up about fifteen years ago, called "Broadmead". "Mead" of curse is a form of the word "meadow". In a meadow you have small wildlife, including rats. The rats have learned that it is possible to get a drink by biting through the ABS pipes in the walls. I don't think I need to mention what happens to drywall if it isn't... dry. -chazz
  • In two words: Well.....shit. I empathize with you, since I'm trying to keep my parents' house up and running. -vacuumtubes
  • 117. Doesn't want to believe the tech

    Today I worked OT from home; not really caring if I got to watch the super(yawn)bowl. One of my last calls for the day is a paralegal trying to access a document storage folder. He can't find it in a search and it doesn't show up in a listing. After checking I figure that it's marked private and that's why neither of us can find it. I tell him this

    For THIRTY MINUTES

    After he finally accepts that I can't help him right away he hangs up. I end up having to bother my boss during the last 5 minutes of the super(yawn)bowl which he is watching. He grants the guy access and everything is good to go.

    Why is it so hard for these people to just accept that I do know my job and when I tell them something I am correct?

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Because they have the belief that computers can magically do whatever they want just by them wanting it to do so. They refuse to believe us because we don't get paid the "big bucks" like so many jack-arsed PHD-holding big wigs. They think we intentionally cause them problems because we have some kind of complex... -unrenowned
  • unrenowned: most of us do have complecies, but they ain't what the idiot is thinking of! Mine's a perverse love of torture, revenge and desserts -AdmiralLaurie
  • So Admiral Laurie, it's desserts you like? *Pushes a pie into her face* -lineswine
  • Food fight. *lobs pie at ls* -compbrat
  • "This is the dawning of the age of entitlement...age of entitlement" < Apologies to the 5th Dimension. And to the fact that I remembered that!> -TubPorsche
  • 118. I am such an idiot...

    I telecommute on Thursday and bring my laptop home since it's my phone. Today I got stuck on a call until 4:30 and took off since I was a bit irritated at leaving late.

    I left the laptop at work.

    As soon as my wife gets in from bowling I'm going to drive to work; get the computer and come home. I don't really want to go into the office half day then drive home at lunch and I'm not getting up early and driving in/back at 5:30am.

    sigh.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • "Idiot"? No. Given yourself a time & gasoline tax? Yup. Call it a "road reboot". -Grue
  • Starfury: if you didn't read it, search in my posts; you'll find a story that will make you feel better. :( -TheGhost
  • 119. A bad day for many

    Today we had an meeting that there would be layoffs. Over 100 people (probably 10%) of the workforce will be gone this week. At present my job is secure (as secure as any job is) so I'm not too worried.

    I would ask for any spare job hunting karma to be sent for those that are losing their jobs. Even though some of the people leaving may have been some of the most annoying callers...I would not wish losing a job in a bad economy upon anyone.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • It's a bad day for many. Several major companies announced layoffs today. http://money.cnn.com/2009/01/26/news/economy/job_cuts/index.htm What spare karma I have I spread to all of those. -MisterCommon
  • Interesting, the WWE is on the list. i wonder who we won't be seeing anymore. -Stryker One
  • My heart goes out to all affected by job cuts. In NZ we haven't been hit too hard yet, although predictions are that the fallout from the U.S. troubles have yet to come, and we'll get hit hard. My thoughts are with everyone on this board too, as none of us can state we're 100% safe during this time of turmoil. -Enzedder
  • Walgreens?? Heck, in my local Walgreens, nobody's really worked there for months. Collecting a paycheck, yes; working, mmm, not so much .... -emdeebee
  • 120. Are you sure it's not working?

    Today I'm working from home (I LOVE telecommuting) and one of the lawyers I work for calls. He's complaining that IE is crashing and won't start. I connect to his computer and watch him launch IE.

    It opens.

    He's pissed that it didn't break so he closes/opens it again.

    It opens normally.

    Repeat this another 10 times, each time IE opens like a happy camper to our intranet page. Grumbling and upset he disconnects and I get to put a "can't reproduce" resolution in my ticket.

    Obviously his computer knew that he was on the phone with the helpdesk so it behaved.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Gremlins. Yes, that's right, gremlins. Just like the small guy over ther.... whata... now where did he go? -TheGhost
  • must have forgotten how to double click -McSmiley
  • We get this now and then aswell. Our users figure the PC heard they were on the phone to the helpdesk and got scared. That or it wants to make a liar out of them. They're usually pretty good about it tho. (Read: Realise they werent patient/double clicking etc) -ApolloSZ
  • I think they just long to hear our sweet, sweet voices. -Kiddingme
  • Had one like that the other day. Customer was hitting Ctrl-F while in IE to bring up the Find box, but it kept bringing up Windows Desktop Search instead. Seem that the Windows key and the Ctrl key are just a little bit too close together on his keyboard. And yes, he just hung up instead of acknowledging the PEBCAK error. -TechnoVampire
  • It happens all the time at my house. My wife calls me to watch something fail on her computer, naturally it works perfectly. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • It's called Technician's Syndrome. I've dealt with troublesome systems that I have threatened to put up a picture of myself near the computer so it would behave properly. -CorpCowboy
  • I had a boss that called it the proximity effect. If we're near, it works. It it doesn't work and we're anywhere in the same zip code then it's our fault. I kid you not, we had a client call in blaming us for breaking something at his site. We had a tech in the AREA. Not the same building. He said I say your guy around the area so I figured he stopped by to look at something and screwed it up, then left. -Crashville
  • 121. How did you do that?

    One of the helpdesk people had a call to replace a keyboard. One of the hardware techs brought one down to the user (Lawyer) and per the user's request left it. The user (don't forget: Lawyer) installs the keyboard...and in the process somehow manages to tear a ligament in his knee.

    WTF? How do you hurt yourself that bad swapping a keyboard out? So now he'll be on disability until it heals.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • maybe he kneeded a new keyboard? -OgdenTechGuy
  • Maybe he read somewhere that old keyboards make great massaging knee-pads. He is going into court, you know. -Biosynthetic
  • Tech Support or Workman's Comp? You decide... -vacuumtubes
  • He was probably trying to follow the old keyboard cable and couldn't fit through the knockout, wait, that technically is a loophole, isn't it? Yep, sure is a puzzle! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I actually strained my back replacing a keyboard once. I had to get in a bit of an awkward position to unplug it. It was that one in a million situation. They actually made me to go to therapy on the company dime for it. -edventure
  • You misheard him. he said kneeboard. -McSmiley
  • Didn't anyone tell him it's one to hold the keyboard still and ten to move the desk with the PC, not the other way around? -AussieFoot
  • I've had to crawl under desks many a time on such trivial tasks. I can imagine someone hurting themselves that way. -Loren
  • 122. The Wonder Boner (NT)

    A truly amazing product.
    http://failblog.org/2009/01/02/commercial-fail/

    Mike Rowe does the voiceover....

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I should send that to my ex... BWAHAAHAA! -unrenowned
  • Stupid name for a brilliant product. -RiffRaff
  • Scientific progress goes, "Boner"? -ShujinTribble
  • I don't need any extension rods in my tackle box, thanks. -concept14
  • Damn, it's a reel product. http://www.sportsmansguide.com/net/cb/cb.aspx?a=496216&kwtid=293017 -Stryker One
  • 123. Your best embezzlers are...

    alway's at Fry's!!!! Guaranteed!

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/12/23/state/n070414S99.DTL&feed=rss.news

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Well, it's been lower-profile, but I'll match him against this fellow for sheer nerve and fraud... http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/09/26/petters_fraud/?refid=0 The guy in charge was allegedly running an investment fraud scheme on the faked re-sale of electronics to chains like Sam's Club; reportedly, the fraud might be as high as $2 billion. His company overall? Compare that to the company's write-up in Inc. magazine- http://www.inc.com/inc5000/2008/company-profile.html?id=200842470 Companies involved under Petters include Fingerhut, Polaroid, Sun Country Airlines, and several smaller financial and media groups. -Voz
  • 124. I.S. Department Team Building FAIL

    Our I.S. Department has 4 groups to it. Managers, Tier 2 Admins, Hardware Support, and the Helpdesk. We're supposed to be one big, happy family. Today we found out just how much of a family we are. A luncheon was held for the I.S. Department...and only the Managers/Tier 2 people got to go, including the helpdesk supervisors. Where was Hardware and the Helpdesk staff? Working.

    We're constantly being told that we're ONE department but we seem to have different rules for just about everything.

    I think after the first of the year I'm going to start hunting for another job. I've grown weary of this place.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I would have either gone to the lunch anyways and if they say anthing point out how they always say you're just one department, or go directly to your manager and demand an answer on why your teams didn't get to go when you're all one department. -Icelator
  • Actually that sounds just like my wifes family -Zoomer
  • Would've been a good time to magnetize the redundant backups. -billybien
  • Look at it this way -- in every happy family, someone has to sit at the children's table during meals! -Captain Trips
  • "magnetize the redundant backups" Why didn't I think of that? (scurries off to the cabinet) -formatCdrive
  • Demand a separate party for the Hardware / Helpdesk folks, while the managers answer the phones. Turn on persistent monitoring and then QC every call they take... make them write themselves up for extended handle times and low first call resolution. -MasterOfNone
  • 125. A Christmas Song (NT)

    Since it is the Christmas season I dug up an old song that will help us all.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXN72rbXAr0

    All I want is some more eggnog....

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Eggnog and brandy... Eggnog and vodka... Eggnog and tequila... Eggnog and rum... But, Wait, What? Why IS the rum gone, Steve? (G) -MadJack
  • Try finding the "Frank Kelly Christmas Countdown". You'll never be able to listen to the 12-days of Christmas ever again. -Wraith556
  • Wraith: LOLZ!! Loved it! -MadJack
  • 126. Lawyers....

    I work for lawyers...which means that they don't keep regular hours and also seem to have problems with the concept of "vacation."

    Today I get a call and the lawyer is on a cruise. Not camping, not a road trip, but a cruise!! She's complaining that the internet on the ship is expensive (Duh)and slow (double duh) and it's taking a long time for her mailbox to sync every time she connects (triple duh.) So she asks if we can remove her e-mail prior to 9/30 and move it to another location then put it back when she returns.

    The admin laughed and said No.

    I call her back and she has the brilliant idea to get a NEW e-mail account created so all the new messages go there. Following procedure I call my boss who says "What? Is she crazy? We're not doing that!!"

    So I call the user back and let her know that both requests are denied. I make some helpful suggestions including using webmail or Citrix. At this point she says that Citrix is too slow and that she can't access her documents...and that she's never used it before. I dutifilly give her instructions on how to log on to Citrix and let her know she can call back anytime with questions.

    All I know is that when I went on a cruse the LAST thing I wanted to do was check e-mail.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Maybe she wants to download cheat codes from gamefaqs for shuffleboard. -Biosynthetic
  • I wonder which client will be paying for that internet connection on that cruise.... I feel your pain, Starfury! -ManyHats
  • By checking her email and responding she can write the cruise off as a biz trip come tax time. -Crai
  • Tell the dopey bitch that whilst she's at it, she should download...a life! -lineswine
  • The family and I took our first real vacation in more than 20 years back in 06. I though that the internet cafe on the cruise ship was just awesome. 11 days at sea; not one day did I even set foot in that room !! I never missed being "online". LOL !! -Daywalker
  • 127. Working the holiday (NT)

    Because the helpdesk is 24/7 they ask us to work on the holidays. Normal holidays pay 1.5 time but they pay double time for the BIG ones (Thanksgiving/Christmas)

    This year I worked both Thursday/Friday for Thanksgiving from home. I took a total of 12 calls for both days. Today I got my check and it was a lot more than I expected.

    1. They paid me 16 hrs of holiday at my normal rate.
    2. They paid me doubletime for the 16 hours I worked.

    I called payroll to verify and it was correct. I just wish all my check were like this...

    [By: Starfury]
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  • 3.5x normal hourly rate total? Wow. Thats VERY generous nowadays. -Nuxli
  • The total rate was 3x my normal. Last year I worked just Thanksgiving, 9 hrs w/ no lunch. Got 3x time plus $20 for not taking a meal break. -Starfury
  • I used to get that working for Coca-Cola. 8 hours guaranteed, + 2X every hour I actually worked. I miss those paychecks. -LazyLemming
  • 128. Gross

    At work I surf a few sites on a regular basis and this was on one of them.
    http://jezebel.com/5083357/gross-youtube-genre-is-populated-by-pimple+loving-girls
    This is VERY gross so don't go if you have a weak stomach.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • WTF is wrong with women? My mother and her neice used to have zit popping parties while my dad and I just went into the kitchen to wash out eyes out with bleach and sterilize our thoughts with double martinis! DON'T WATCH!!! -billybien
  • This portion brought to you by Stridex. -vacuumtubes
  • Good FSM, kitchen implements as surgical tools? Remind me never to eat at their place. Remember, folks, just because you can record anything doesn't mean you should. -SalParadise
  • That's nothin'. Check out these clips of people remove bot fly larvae from under the skin. http://www.popthatzit.com/category/20-bot-fly.html -edventure
  • I used Vise-Grips™ to pop a monster on my face once. It was an ingrown hair, curled up tight, about 2 feet long. Just thought I'd share that :-D -ThinTheHerd
  • If you're just tuning in, you're listening to KTMI, Too much information! -Biosynthetic
  • Funny, I thought it was station WTMI, Way Too Much Information. -chazz
  • It's like bubble wrap!! (no, not really) -K9Insanity
  • Bubble wrap filled with rice pudding! -billybien
  • Bot flies... zits.. cysts.. (*Shrug*) Whatever. -ShujinTribble
  • If this freaks you out, Parasitology is NOT for you. -lineswine
  • 129. Negative Ticket Survey

    As it's been said before, Revenge is a dish best served cold.

    This morning we had issues with our WAN/Email system. This was fixed and I called back all the people that had called me. A few I left messages for since they were not answering their phones. One of them decided to give me a negative ticket survey because:

    1. I left her a voicemail
    2. She had other problems not related to the network outage.

    She called back asking for access to manage some extranet sites. Instead of giving the ticket to the person that could take care of the request quickly I transferred it to another analyst. Who had just left for lunch.

    Give me a negative? Hope you like waiting.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • She'll give you another negative for transferring her... -unrenowned
  • "They drew first blood!" -ThinTheHerd
  • Two negatives make a positive. You may have to prove the math to management. -DuckyFuzz
  • Oh Negative? I gave at the LART shelter. -stiffarm
  • Reminds me of the folks I ask if they can hold when they call and they say no they can't. If I have more than 2 people before me waiting for help I've responded, "I sorry to hear that, thanks for calling." <CLICK - They are now listening to Mr. Dialtone speak> -spectreoflife
  • 130. How much was the bill?

    One of my jobs is to maintain loaner equipment. My boss just had me check to see who borrowed one of our wireless internet cards. You're probably asking why they'd want to know who used it last.

    Because the bill was over $8,000.00

    The fallout should be interesting on this one.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Sounds like a cellular card. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • porn? -CommanderData
  • I don't have details on what was being done w/ the card...but the checkout times are less than a week at a time. You'd have to be running the thing 24/x downloading something to run up that bill. -Starfury
  • Sounds like CD is correct, as well as someone discovering torrents. -harrellj
  • Movies, warez? Let us know (if you can) what happens. -MarloVino
  • spam on the computer generating constant data? Zombie Computer? -neuman1812
  • I think someone's not gettin' a Christmas Bonus this year -ShujinTribble
  • $8,000 in on month? Not bad. How about these people: $19,000 http://www.4029tv.com/money/17390103/detail.html or $85,000 http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2007/12/14/the-case-of-the-85-000-cell-phone-bill/ -MisterCommon
  • 131. Helpdesk Motivational Poster

    http://funnie.biz/8813

    SFW and all too true.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Alcohol - the short term memory 'undo'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Ahem to that -LowLevelFormat
  • I had that printed out nad stuck to m cubilce wall. omeone removed it and told of fanother coworker who also had it for unprofewssionality... *grumble* it is the truth, dammit! -Ara
  • This one will only be good for a month or so... then the comic rotates... http://www.comics.com/creators/workingitout/archive/workingitout-20080916.html -Divinar
  • thank you. printed and posted at my desk -FixitWench
  • I've always wanted to come up with a cheap, strong alcohol and name it, "Control-Z" -Biosynthetic
  • During my interview for my current job, my current manager, after finding out I'd been working at previous hell job for 3 years, asked "how did you stand it?". My reply was "Lots of alcohol". I think that clinched my being hired. -Grembo
  • 132. Odd things stolen from work

    In the office sometimes things go missing. Might be your lunch from the break room, your Red Swingline Stapler, maybe some other thing. One of the helpdesk staff had his motorcycle stolen from the parking lot. The oddest thing reported stolen here:

    A catalytic converter from an Audi

    The thief had to crawl under the car to remove the part. This was done during normal working hours in a parking lot that has fairly constant traffic and security driving through it. What kind of odd thefts happen at your work?

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • My soul was stolen while I was at work... -unrenowned
  • My dignity. Oh, wait, you said odd not standard procedure thefts. -FreakyFerret
  • http://suvs.about.com/b/2008/01/15/catalytic-converter-theft.htm -hymie
  • I had a job about a year ago the not only stole my soul... but my sanity as well. -Blue3c
  • <FreddyKrugerVoice> I have you soul right here, in this dirty mayonnaise jar! Ahh Ha Ha Ha!</FreddyKruegerVoice> -Biosynthetic
  • But I don't LIKE mayonnaise - don't you have some Miracle Whip? -Divinar
  • DIY store. one Christmas we had a tree in the middle of the store. to weigh it down I put 2k bags of cement around the base but to keep up the Christmas spirit wrapped them in gift paper and put gift tags with the names of the employees. You guessed it. . .they got stolen. -Zoomer
  • When I worked at the courthouse, we had 2 guys that had JUST left Probation office after court to pay their fines, and then immediately went into the SAME COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT and stole a bunch of hubcaps off cars.... -fdiskcuresall
  • We had someone open up a 2 pack of very expensive pens. With easy access to both pens, they took one... -LazyLemming
  • My Effing lunch- more than once, in the middle of the call center floor. I would leave my desk with a pizze box on it... most people who knew me would ask for a slice and I have no problem sharing. But sometimes people would come by and walk off with the box. Pissed me off- Oddest thing given up at my job, one girl gave up the poon onthe floor of the call center, in an unused area, in the middle of a saturday afternoon, with about 80 people in the room. Go figure.... -iamscoop
  • Catalytic converter thefts are common--they're after the valuable metals in them. -Loren
  • At $hitty programming limited 1st office, there were quite a few breakins with cars parked in the company car spaces, and a few cars were stolen. A senior manager PUBLICLY accused me of the theft in the lunchroom at lunchtime and made the snide remark that it must be true because my car hadn't been broken. She got a little upset when I said I DON'T keep mobile phones, laptops, briefcases, or carry bags on open display in my car, and that my car has an alarm system. And if she wants to accuse me of theft, she had better call the police for a proper investigation. First, IF I was breaking into or stealing cars, I wouldn't do it where I worked. Second, all of my movements were known and verifiable during the day. We found out later there was a methadone clinic a few stations down the train line. -Wraith556
  • 133. Hotel-fish

    I work for a law firm and had one of the traveling lawyers call in to get a wireless card sent to him at his hotel since the internet there was crap. Following procedure I pack up the card, instructions, and send it to our distribution dept. to FedEx the card overnight to the hotel. All is well until the package arrives.

    And the hotel staff in their infinite wisdom decide to reject the package because they "didn't recognize the name on the package."

    Now we have a VERY angry lawyer calling because of the hotel f*ck up. Once it's explained what happened he says that "I'll take care of it" and goes to deal with the hotel and FedEx.

    I'm guessing that place won't be getting any repeat business from our firm.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • <da> If you didn't include the room number, and he ignored telling them he was expecting it, then it's not that uncommon for them to not accept a package. </da> -ralphp1024
  • Nope.. having done time in a hotel I can tell you that our procedure was to check over all the guests names (and initials) to look for a match before denying it even if it had no room number on it. Nothing worse than an angry businessman at your desk at 1030p. -Darkridr
  • Hallelujah, DarkRidr! I can say that if our staff at Casa de Chaos were to pull that trick, and send back a package that is not just for a guest, but a guest who is already in-house(!), they better plan on the next return being for them, as they'll hear about it from everyone on up to the General Manager! -Voz
  • No kidding. Not to mention, check to see if the person checked out in the last few days or is expected to check in in the next few days... -Seamyst
  • Hotel staff is usually picked from those who washed out at the local McDonalds. The best and the brightest work the front counter while those who couldn't memorize "Do you want fries with that?" are promoted to management. -scooby111
  • Step back, Scooby... I resemble that comment! <j/k> -Voz
  • 134. A very scary picture

    This is a very scary picture. Do not let children see it or they'll have nightmares for years!!!

    http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s258/Starfury42/Starfish.jpg

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Forgot: picture is SFW but not for your sanity. -Starfury
  • OMG... I think I shit my pants... hell... I KNOW I peed... -TechnoTherapist
  • Target practice! I call shotgun! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Shotgun, NUTHIN'! I'm gunna test out my shoulder-mounted, dilithium energize, helically polarized, gyroscopically stabilized Mod 3 mk VII Personal PhoTorp Launcher... and see if it make a Mythbuster's-worthy 'Boom'! -ShujinTribble
  • Just go to your pharmacist and say, "Whoops, I crapped my pants"! -Biosynthetic
  • Impaled starfish? I'd say it's a picture worth rejoicing over. -OgdenTechGuy
  • 135. CHP LART

    It's a sunny evening as I climb in my car to drive to work; traffic is light since it is 7:45pm. Everything is smooth until...

    I'm on University Ave. in Palo Alto making a left to get onto the freeway. There are 2 lanes that turn left and at the bottom of the ramp they merge into one lane. Most people will automatically space out so each lane merges like a zipper....but tonight Mr. Asshat was there in his green Chevy Suburban. At the bottom of the ramp is Mr. CHP in his white unmarked car. Mr. Asshat is tailgating the car in front of him trying to squeeze in 1 place ahead. He see's Mr. CHP and backs off. Mr. CHP decides it's time to get on the freeway...so off we go about 1/2 mile to the next exit (where I'm getting off.) Mr. Asshat decides to hop off the freeway at that exit since he saw Mr. CHP following him and thought "maybe if I sneak off nothing will happen."

    Wrong. Very Wrong.

    Mr. CHP puts on his lights, goes from the middle lane to the dirt median...across that and the curb. He pulls behind Mr. Asshat in his big SUV. I drive by, having slowed down to let Mr. CHP get in front of me. The last view I had was Mr. Asshat on the side of the offramp and Mr. CHP (lights flashing) parked right behind him.

    I finished my drive to work with a BIG smile knowing someone got a very expensive LART.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • <da>I dislike bad drivers as much as the rest of us, but just for clarification, apart from tailgating, what did he actually do to get pulled?</da> -SoldierJedi
  • "Failure to yield" is what's probably on the ticket. -Fuji
  • Failure to yield, reckless driving, Tailgating. -neuman1812
  • The three named will probably get him some amazing insurance rate increases in Calif. For three years or more. My biggest recent regret is that my Ex-Soninlaw didn't get his DUI, with property damage-with rollover-with refusal to submit-in Calif. He got off waaaayy too easy in Colo! -jerrybear
  • I have often wondered about the people who go home and tell stories such as "So there I was, in the right lane, trying to make an illegal left turn. And this guy in the left lane damn near runs into me." -hymie
  • In some states, like Oregon, tailgating is cause for a traffic stop. The state legislature added a section specifically about tailgating separate from reckless driving.. -PolarCoyote
  • Yep - and when do I get tailgated by the asshat in the Mercedes flashing his lights at me trying to get me (and the 17 cars directly in front of me) to let him through (when we're already all speeding)? Rush hour - when the cops don't pull anyone over. -TheCyberwolfe
  • Cyberwolfe- that is when the driver in front of me would suddenly need to put on his brakes (causing me to do the same). Hopefully, since they are driving an expensive Mercedes, they have good insurance....and I am having some pretty serious neck pain. -Griffin2020
  • 136. Graveyard Shift

    I'm working graveyard (8pm-5am) for a co-worker who's on vacation. Last night around 3:30am I reclined my chair a bit and leaned back to rest my eyes.

    Apparently I was doing a real good job at it...since the 5am guy woke me up when he came in.

    I can't wait until I'm done with this...next time the graveyard guy is on vacation someone else can take this shift.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Silly, daywalkers. Overnight shifts aren't for the weak. -adarklite
  • FUnny, I specifically requested transfer tot he teams who do that hwere.. and I am estatic I got there. I grree, silly daywalker :P -Ara
  • It's 7:41am here. The only reason I'm awake is some mild indigestion. I am completely useless before Noon. How I love the night. -Seamus
  • Our night team has been a bit overwhelmed of late, so no sleeping apparently. I'm moving to a painfully early shift and will be catching their leftovers. -illiterate
  • Mahmued Udi says "please you to be on hold...it is nappy time!" (Hail Foamy!) ;) -lavenderrose
  • I used to work 7p-3a. I liked it, but I felt like I never did anything other than work and sleep. I think it's because at 3a everything except Wal-Mart, IHOP, and the bars downtown are closed. Then even on days off, you're just revving up about the time everyone else wants to go to bed. -veaudaux
  • Could be worse. Try this: Start the week with 2 nights of midnight to 8am then have 24 hrs off. Then do 1 8am to 4pm, 24 hrs off. Then it's 2 evenings of 4pm to midnight with 48 hrs off, then start all over. Yes I used to do that. -atomicbill
  • "Oh, the night is my world City light painted girl In the day nothing matters It's the night time that flatters" - /obligatory Laura Branigan quote -Grayhawk
  • I don't mind graveyard shifts. I've been on em for months now. As long as I'm done no later than 6 am, I'm fine. I've been on a crappy shift from 12:30-9am lately. I don't get restful sleep, I doze off on my breaks, and I sleep through the productive part of my day. I'm so looking forward to getting back on a productive night shift. -teivrann
  • Anyone ever work the DOW schedule? 7 days of dayshift, 2 days off, 7 days of graveyard, 3 days off, 7 days of swing, about 1 1/2 days off. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's so coverage is 24/7 with only 4 crews. Just get used to one shift and it's time to switch. Everyone is a walking zombie. -Grembo
  • Oh, forgot to mention I worked that schedule for 7 years. Hard on relationships. -Grembo
  • You got paid to sleep? and you're complaining? -BarmanVarn
  • 137. House Projects (NT)

    I've been remodeling my kitchen for the last 5 months; we finally had the granite counters installed on Friday. Today my plan was to hook up the dishwasher, faucet, and garbage disposal. Simple? Of course not.

    Faucet was done first..went in easy other than the usual issue with my hands/tools not fitting easily where I need them and one defective part I'll deal with on Monday. The dishwasher...well this was an issue.
    1. Power cord too short.
    2. Needed a rt angle fitting for the hose.
    This took 3 trips to the store; first to get the power cord, 2nd to get the plumbing bit...and the third to return the 90 and get one that fit. Finally that's ready to go and I start hooking up the disposal. This was done in 10 minutes. Next..the drain.

    This took me 5 MORE trips to the store just to run 7" of drain. Got the main bits and a new nipple for the wall. Nipple is too big. Get smaller one...still too big...get one that fits. Now the pipe is too long that goes in..and too short to reach the disposal drain. Get extender pipe, all good...except one of the pipe washers leaks. Off to Home depot to buy one...and they're out of stock. The plumbing guy looks down..finds what I need on the floor and gives it to me free. I get home and at 8:15pm I had everything hooked up with no leaks.

    Tomorrow I'll do something easy...like grout.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Ouch. Consolations on the difficulties, but mucho grats on getting all that stuff sorted out! -rosemetal
  • Been there, done that... a whole heap o' no fun. On the other hand... I played it safe, got the whole thing dry-fit together, after many trips to the store, before cracking the (old, cast-iron) sewer pipe. I can't think how much of a mess it would have been if I had cut the pipe and _then_ discovered that I was missing a few pieces... as the bit I had to replace, though all of (5+4+4) feet long, would have left the toilets unusable. -chazz
  • don't forget - if you've hooked the dishwasher up to the garbage disposal to make sure the plug in that orifice in the disposer is removed - Too many calls to me about that issue! -madonnac
  • I just "skillswap" with a plumber friend of mine. He does the plumbing, I do the PCs. It is much easier that way. -lineswine
  • 138. Be careful when you f-bomb the helpdesk

    Where I work they have weekly meetings between the home and remote offices using video conferencing; this goes over the ATT network. During a recent meeting the video/audio died and it was called in; one of the other helpdesk people got the call. While they're trying to track down someone to work on it one of the higher up's calls from one of the offices affected.

    He starts the call very upset; I tell him we're working on it and trying to have someone check our end of the connection...this is when he cuts loose. He starts to f-bomb the company, connection, and "I want this f*cking think fixed NOW!!!!1111!!"

    What he seems to have forgotten is that he's in a conference room...and there are OTHER people listening in on the call. They complained to the VP of IS about the way he treated the helpdesk. I've had a discussion with my boss about this; I'm not too bothered but was thinking maybe I should ask for an apology (in writing) from him. For someone at the professional level he's at his behavior was unacceptable.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Nothing says I'm Sorry like a written apology and gift certs to a local brew pub/steakhouse.... -illiterate
  • If someone needs a minor LART, but their transgressions don't necessarily merit the loss of their job, ask for a reprimand to be placed in their file. That's a nice, permanent-ish reminder of what happens when you lose your cool. -NightSteel
  • I lost respect for written apologies long ago (long story). The gift certs to the pub/steakhouse idea, on the other hand... -Seamus
  • Head or gut? -Stryker One
  • Something in his file would be nice, but ultimately it's his tarnished reputation that's going to hurt him the most. -modeski
  • WRITEUPS, REPRIMANDS AND FIRINGS WILL NOT SLAKE GOTARAHH'S THIRST!! BEHEAD THE INFIDEL!! -vacuumtubes
  • Wow, a self larting Exec.....What will they think of next. -Grinkle
  • BANNED from the help desk. We had a nugget a short while ago that got banned from calling the help desk. Nugget needs to get someone else to call and then they have to wait for deskside to show up. Fishy didn't have a computer for 2 days because he didn't think to plug in his laptop. -formatCdrive
  • Nothing says "I'm sorry" like an official reprimand placed on his employee record AND a negative "recommendation" on his LinkdIn page (if he has one!) -Captain Trips
  • 139. It's right in front of you

    We recently upgraded the document management system we use and in the process the Outlook toolbar is a bit different. I've had a few calls where people don't realize this but today's caller takes the cake.

    SF:(loud/angry voice) I need you to remote to my computer.
    Me: Ok (connects) And what is the problem?
    SF: The search button for $app is missing!!
    Me: (moves mouse) It's right here.
    SF: (quiet voice> Oh....ok....thanks.

    If this lawyer had taken an extra 30 seconds she could've found the search button on the toolbar. Not buried, out there in plain sight. At least it was an easy call.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Have you gotten the bill for consultation yet? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • "I'm stupid and angry!" -Seamus
  • I had some asshat send us a screenshot of $ISP's homepage, bitching that he couldn't find our telephone number on our website, but he found our main support email address. His email was rather snippy,m indicating his belief that we are somehow trying to make it ahrd for users with problems to call us. I sent back the same screenshot, highlighting the phone number - which is RIGHT ABOVE THE FUCKING EMAIL LINK, advising him to read the website better next time. *TINK* -Zimmerit
  • The big blue 'e'? You don't see it? How about the icon of the man in the yellow hat with a monkey on a leash? ... You see the blue 'e' now, good. -Mushroom
  • 140. Kids have a use! (NT)

    I'm in the process of remodeling my kitchen and needed to run a water line for the ice maker. The old fridge was next to the the water outlet and an easy install...but the new fridge is 15' away from the water line. I decided not to run the line behind/through the new cabinets in case it ever leaked and wanted to run it under the house. As I've aged I've...expanded...and don't fit under the pipes as well as I used to. (Ok, I got fat from my desk job plus I hate crawling around down there)

    Since I have 2 children, 8 and 10 I decided to bribe them to do the dirty work for me. For the reasonable price of $20 per child they went under the house, moved the water line from point A to point B inside of 15 minutes. They came out dirty and a bit excited about getting to go under there plus the $20 didn't hurt either. I'll remember this next time I need cable run down there.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I thought that's what kids were for in the first place??? -RiffRaff
  • 'Cable rats!' -TieDyedDinosaur
  • When I was little, I used to get to crawl under the house to feed the twin-lead antenna back up through the hole in the floor. It was a post and beam construction and clearance was just enough to get dirt in your face and splinters in your back at the same time. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Oh you must definitely keep them in mind as you run across chores you can't or don't want to do. For example, I'm teaching my 10 year old (11 this summer) to mow the lawn. We've got a nice small level patch on one side that is his to mow for $2 (area is 5-10 minutes work for an adult). As he gets better, I'll increase both the area he "gets" to mow and the corresponding payment that goes with it. -virtualchoirboy
  • The difference between you and my dad is my dad wouldn't have offered $20. -thx1138
  • Depends on what's down there. My bride has a nasty little divet in her leg from a hobo spider bite gotten when she was a teenager. Nearly lost the leg. -illiterate
  • 141. No ESPN for you!!!!

    Apparently there is some sort of big golf tourney going on today and many people here have been streaming it from ESPN.

    They have been cut off. ESPN is now being blocked at the firewall due to the bandwidth usage. I can't wait for them to start calling to complain....

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Oh, now that sounds like fun times. I wish I could get away with stuff like that! -NightSteel
  • Tiger won, on the 7th hole in sudden death overtime. -Captain Trips
  • Why does "sub-par" mean "poor"? Here we see a bunch of men in slacks desperately trying to achieve a "sub-par" performance. -veaudaux
  • I hope your CEO wasn't watching. -ProfessorFrink
  • Does playing golf still entail the wearing of ridiculous trousers & terrible knitwear? -lineswine
  • Don't be silly. The CEO is the reason there is a satelite dish on the side of the building (that and his 42" plasma screen in his office) -Zoomer
  • Our CEO has that too, and we got the call about it of course even though we didn't set up or support the Dish Network. I got 2 calls asking for flash to be installed so they could watch it but I went ahead and did it as it was just 2 people and it wasn't too busy.. -SirBSOD
  • Follow-up: http://asert.arbornetworks.com/2008/06/the-tiger-effect/ -NightSteel
  • 142. Remodel: Epic Fail

    I'm in the process of remodeling my kitchen. New appliances, new cabinets, new counter, new floor. I've taken out the old and the new is partially done. Electric, walls, cabinets, appliances ordered, and then floor.

    Lets discuss the floor. I'm doing tile; so I had to remove the 3 layers of linoleum plus the 1/4 fiberboard they were mounted on. Not a big deal. Then I put down the hardibacker board and screwed it down. Here is where I fail.

    There was a choice of screws. The $2/200 box or the $7.50/200 box. The cheap ones used a phillips head, the expensive a square head driver. I decided to be cheap and save $25-$30. I put in the boards and the screws didn't countersink the way they're supposed to so I had a forest of screw heads just above the boards. Being 95% done I decide to buy the expensive screws for the last bit...and they work perfectly.

    So today I've been removing all the screws and replacing them with the good ones.

    Guess that's what I get for being cheap.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • This 200 dollars but this is 600 dollars. The ones who inject the 600 dollar know why its worth the 400 extra" Pulp Fiction (probably mangled) -Zoomer
  • Good to know since I'm going to be redoing my kitchen floor too (am thinking just doing a float of Marmoleum over the existing linoleum, but then again there'd be a height difference in the transitions to the livingroom and the familyroom so who knows, we might rip and redo the subfloor). Only thing I was going to suggest is using a countersink bit before driving the screws, but it's a little late on that... :) -Mushroom
  • btw I've had similar issues, not with screws but with drywall taping & mudding. Not over screws as you'd expect, but the fissures between gypsum sheets in my patch jobs. -Mushroom
  • It's not the square-vis-cross, but the cross section of the head. FWIW, I usually use "deck screw" which DO go countersunk on their own (aka "Sheet rock screws" for the lighter-duty version). But yah, the better screws will do a better job. <bad joke> I mean, come on, did you expect the "Suck for a Buck" to be as good as that $1000 prostitute? <diving for LART shelter> -ralphp1024
  • Mushie: it's called drywall tape. You tape over the fissure by bedding wet tape down in the drywall mud. Works like a charm (you have to put your hat on backwards). Starfury: the square heads are called Robertson, and they were invented by a Canadian. Now you can hate all us hosers, eh? -chazz
  • There's a saying in Spanish, "Lo barato sale caro" (probably mangled): the cheap comes out expensive. -MisterCommon
  • Chazz: I'm familiar with it, yet I fail at it. Seems the tape gets saturated by the mud and sags... -Mushroom
  • uh, dumb question...you *were* using a clutched drill that allows the chuck to stop at a certain amount of torque, right? <flees toward LART Shelter> -CTYankee
  • 143. Business Name of the Day

    Today there's a run through for some large meeting. The client?

    LARTA Institute

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Don't forget to bring your ClueX4! -unrenowned
  • This.. Is.. Lartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *runs* -NightSteel
  • LollapaLARTza 2008...only instruments allowed at this concert are rusty sharp icepicks... -drakenfly
  • 144. Kitchen Remodeling Math (NT)

    I'm in the process of remodeling my kitchen. New outside slider, new appliances, new paint, new wires, new cabinets, AND a new floor. I won't get into the cost...but it's a lot. The new floor will be tile so as part of the prep I had to remove the 3 layers of floor plus the 1/4" fiberboard that was on. Here's where the math gets fun.

    I'll need 18 pieces of backer board for the tile to be stuck to.
    Each board has spots for 58 screws.

    This means I'll need to put in 1044 screws to hold the backer board down. One Thousand forty four screws.

    At least the screws are only $2/box on clearance. And I will be putting up pictures of the demo/remodel when I have time.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • 1,044 screws--that's a lot of twisting. -vacuumtubes
  • Dude, rent a Screw gun if you don't have one. It'll save you time and prevent pain in your knees and back. Totally worth it. -BarmanVarn
  • forget the screw gun, rent a hooker! -gashach
  • I second the screwgun thing. If you have a l-ion even better. -McSmiley
  • I second the hooker. -GoblinKing
  • I have a cordless drill and 3 batteries to put the screws in with. There is NO WAY I'd do it by hand. -Starfury
  • Helped my father do this years ago at the old homestead. Didn't pull up the old floor (had asbestos under it, or we thought it did, anyway). 4" by 4" grid (that's a tad under 10cm for our fellows in lands with rational measurement systems). THANK $DEITY for cordless screw guns! -CTYankee
  • I recently completed a kitchen remodeling project - new cabinets, countertop, floor, wiring, demo & drywall work. Kept the same fairly new appliances. My advice is to NOT keep track of the total/final cost, otherwise it will make you SICK! ;) And be sure to work extra hard at being nice to your SO while this is all going on. My DH & I actually got into an argument over 1/8 of an inch! Good luck! -CathyV
  • don't forget to run cat5 and power to every wall you tear down..you never know../me has 2 power outlets in his kitchen and has to unplug the microwave to plug in the toaster. -drachen
  • Uhm.. chief? If it's gunna be TILE FLOOR, you're guinna need to make sure there's a something-or-other nearby at ALL times to sop uo liquids (sliding hazard) as well as gather up shards of glass... 'cause you KNOW something is gunna wanna look at the floor up close and personal....... -ShujinTribble
  • "Ffff, 58 screws. 4 will do the job. Hell, you could probably get away with just 2!"</sf logic> -AmazingKreskin
  • the majority of the screw holes were installed for "Contractor Convienience"... Convieninet for them, since they charge by the hour, and will put every screw in... -garwain
  • 145. Why are you still here?

    The guy that works graveyard shift is on vacation, I'm covering. 12:30am I get a call from a secretary that's still in the office. Her computer just shut down on her, no warning at all and won't start. I have her try to restart, no luck. Tell her that when the hardware techs arrive at 6am they'll have her ticket waiting. She says "I guess the computer was telling me it's time to go home anyway"

    I don't know about you...but 5+ hours of OT and I'd be ready to go home.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • I have users like that here. They have no home life. They'll be here at 4am in the morning. They'll be here at 11pm at night. They'll be here on the weekends, and put in trouble tickets complaining about network issues on the days that the servers are taken down for maintenance (and email was sent out about.) *sigh* -VoiceOfSanity
  • <da>When I worked at Chase (and I'm sure it happens in other large corps), it was not all that uncommon for some peons of certain higher-level PHBs to stay late because some project or other was so very important, and had to be ready by 8am tomorrow.</da> But they're still dumber than bricks. -AmazingKreskin
  • But VoS - The system was down, so they couldn't check the email about the system being down that weekend. -Divinar
  • 146. Today's Dilbert

    This pretty much defines where I work.

    http://dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2006112680416.gif

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Lol, we actually had that meeting yesterday, I mean exactly. -Slartarama
  • Sounds like a Worst Try team building meeting... -unrenowned
  • 147. Home Depot LART (NT)

    My cousin in law works for Home Depot as a manager. This will become very important soon.

    She was at the local store buying a BBQ for her mother's birthday. On the way out she asked for help carting the BBQ out and loading it into her truck. The "help" declined, stating "company policy" to prevent injury. She told them she was alone, it was heavy, and they WERE going to take it to her car; especially when there isn't ANY policy like this in place. The 2 slackers pushed the cart out and put the BBQ into the truck. She then asked if they'd tie it down for her.

    The answer: No, not our job.

    She's pretty pissed (upset for the UK people) at this point and demands to use their intercom radio to talk to the store manager. She gets the phone and says "It's Julie, can you come out to the parking lot? I'm having problems with dummy 1 and dummy 2."

    The manager comes out...who's a friend of hers. He proceeds to LART the two dummies there in the parking lot, ending with the line "You never know who you'll be helping, and YOUR JOB is to provide customer service."

    This goes to prove that you have to be careful how you treat people when in a service job...you may piss off the wrong person.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Except that 'Julie' would probably tell her own employees not to tie down a customer's load, because that makes her employees liable if they don't do a good job. If something is so huge that I need help getting it into my vehicle, then yeah, I'd expect some help from the store, but securing a load is the responsibility of the driver. As a manager, she should be well aware of the potential liability in such a situation. -NightSteel
  • Actually, Home Depot has a strap down station with twine and cutters for employee use only in front of the loading zone doors. -PolarCoyote
  • Yeah, I us3ed to work in Retail in hte warehouse and that was a big issue. We of course loaded, but could NEVER tie down. EVER. It was not exactly easy explaining that to people. -Slartarama
  • When I worked for Lowes we were allowed to load vehicles but not tie it down due to liabilities if we didn't tie it down properly. We had a station filled with tie down twine and everything that we could cut and give to the customer, but we could not do the actual tie. -LazyLemming
  • Actually I have had this happen to me, except I was one of the employees. My rule used to be this: if YOU buy it - its YOUR responsibility to get it in your car. Most people would offer us extra cash to put it in and strap it down, which was fair because $8 per hour isn't enough to be anybodies slave. When it happened to me I punched the guy in the face and quit on the spot. plenty of other crappy jobs for students out there. -Maltgha
  • 148. Don't tempt fate....

    I'm working from home today and my son is in the room with me. He makes a comment "When are you going to get a call?" and what happens?

    That's right, the phone rings.

    I gave him a "look" (learning from my wife) and he starts to laugh at me.

    The little stinker did it again after I was done with my lunch break. I'll have to punish him now.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • I once said, "Well this looks like a quiet day" - half an hou later, we had our network in the entire country go down. (I don;t know what runkoverkko is in English... ) Oops. THey still remind me of this... -Ara
  • Ara: I believe "runkoverkko" is either "trunk network" (telephony) or "backbone" (IT networking)... -kraftwerk
  • "Rungo" means "frame", so I would say "backbone". -Chromatix
  • There is no such thing as quiet. There is only the storm, and just before the storm. And if it's *really* quiet, the phone system has broken and five thousand tickets will be dropped on you in a couple of hours. -Geminii
  • I've heard of hospitals having rules against saying things like 'it's quiet around here' because invariably after it's said a tour bus will crash into a factory. -p3bk4c
  • It's called "summoning Murphy". -MisterCommon
  • At the hotel, we have "the "Q" Word". We can say a night is slow, sedate, calm cool, collected, copacetic, dead, deserted, nothing happening... but if someone uses the word, "quiet"... look out! (As I've come to say, on the one hand, there's "superstition", but on the other hand, there's "pattern recognition". We just plan on playing it safe. -Voz
  • But then you can't follow up on the cliche. And thats no fun at all voz. -adarklite
  • Careful --- it sounds like he may have the ability to send you into the cornfield... -MeanDean
  • Life's Lessons from Gilligan's Island: NEVER mention "Smooth Sailing"... -ChildofCthulhu
  • Hell, I learned the dangers of the "Q" word while working ConSecurity. The other word to summon Murphy is "Bored" -Grayhawk
  • In my little corner of the world at this particular time of year, the fastest and most effective way to summon Murphy is to mention any kind of frigid precipitation when already OUTDOORS. Can't decide which/whom I hate most: the precip in question or that friggin' Irishman (yeah, I can say that; high probability I'm part Irish myself, and if not, I can still get away with claiming it in a closed adoption state...) -lowlyte
  • 149. Revenge is a dish best served cold

    2.5 yrs ago I was let go from a job. It was partially my fault I was let go but I also think the manager had it in for me. For some reason things didn't go too badly after I was let go.

    I got a temp job 2 weeks later paying $3/hr more than the old job.
    The benefits through the temp agency were $200/mo less than the old job.
    6 months into the contract job I got a per job paying $3 MORE than the temp job. Benefits were $200 cheaper and I got vacation.
    5 months into the new job got a BIG raise because of staff turnover.
    Got moved from 9am-6pm to 5am-2pm shift

    Now for the revenge: My old boss was fired. Turns out he was too much of a fake and they got tired of his promises to make the computer/network better AND the huge amount of $$ he was spending while things didn't get better.

    Time to do the happy dance

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • ....and you're going to do WHAT with his resume when you see it? -ShujinTribble
  • See post previous to this one, RE: Vista SP1... -evolvedstarfish
  • ShujinTribble: "Revenge is a dish best served cold" -kraftwerk
  • The password is "Owned, bitch." -vacuumtubes
  • Any plans on hiring him and getting your revenge? -MisterCommon
  • Let go in '01 due to mismanagement and not being quick enough to dodge the political mess. 4 years of tough times, but lucked into the job I have now. Making more money, in a MUCH better company, have learned more in the last 2 years than I did in 5+ years at the old job and the best part is that NONE of the development staff from the old company still work for the old company - they outsourced all of them during rough times. Absolutely loved hearing that last summer... :-) -virtualchoirboy
  • Isn't Karma fun? -ecoli
  • About 1 year after I left my tech support job at an isp... the isp folded in on itself... the tech's were swallowed up by a nice paying isp and the managers were out on their butts... karma rules! -TrueTenacity
  • 150. Score?

    Today I received a FREE copy of

    Windows Vista Business, Upgrade version

    Because it's free through work I'm willing to say it's a "score!" but...it is Vista. And an upgrade. I'm not ready to build a new PC just to install this but don't know if dual booting will work either.

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Unless M$ changed it from the betas and RCs, you can indeed dual boot XP and Fista... but then again, why would you want to? -WolfPup
  • So, would you be happy to receive packages from the "Feces of the Month Club" for free, too? -Divinar
  • ...yeah but did you read the small print system requirements? "1.21 jigabytes of ram... to boot and play minesweeper" -GoblinKing
  • on a 700 dollar tower, it crashed on a 3 column spreadsheet. -PeterGibons
  • ... Vista "upgrade" version? Upgrade from what? Windoes 95? ... No, still doesn't make sense. <?> -TheGhost
  • realistically what this means is that on any new machine you buy, with oem install of Vista Basic you can upgrade to XP for free. -cyberblade3001
  • I can play Minesweeper on a 1994 Acorn Archimedes with 8MB RAM and *no* hard disk. Yay progress. -Chromatix
  • Vista upgrades are weird. If you want to dual boot, you have to install from within your other version of Windows. -SFStrangler
  • well, you could do what i did and partition or use virtual machines just to try it out. there's no way you'd get me to go vista full time, even after SP1. -r3dn3x0r
  • I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say if you are going to support the thing, you need to use the thing. It doesn't matter what the thing is, you still need to use it. Unless you are prepared to tell your user-base that they won't get any help once they've gone to Vista, then go ahead and let it sit on a shelf collecting dust. I don't like Vista, either, but if I had the extra machine to put it on, I would do so just so I could get practice. Unfortunately, it's not going away and Windows is my bread and butter right now (whereas Mac is my meat and potatoes). -Xiphiplastron
  • Ebay! -Geminii
  • 151. The mute button

    Background: I work for lawyers. They had an offsite meeting and the hotel they're at has crappy internet which means the lawyers have VPN issues. One of the Sr. Partners called in for some troubleshooting or a workaround. During the call she thought she pressed the mute button on her phone.

    She proceeded to start a HUGE rant full of f-bombs and other choice words that are not PG rated about the hotel, how the meeting was a waste of time, and about one of the SENIOR Partners. The helpdesk analyst that's on the call is listening to this and at the end of her rant says "Oh, I won't say anything about this" to her. She says "Oh S*it! I thought I hit the mute button!"

    Of course he told all of us about the call and we had a good laugh over it. I think that the next time that attorney calls in she'll be a lot nicer to us.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Could have made for a fine "All Is Known" moment.... -vacuumtubes
  • Yep. "All is known". You should have said something like, "Gee, I'm glad we don't record these calls for training purposes!" -CyBear
  • The password is blackmail. -AmazingKreskin
  • "Oh, I won't do a thing... unless $20,000 is deposited to this account, in which case I will *prevent* the audio recording from becoming the senior partners' new Windows startup sound..." -Geminii
  • ROTFLMFAO! -lavenderrose
  • 152. Power Tools, Luck, and The Wife (NT)

    Today I'm getting my pipes redone, since they were put in in 1961 my water pressure...sucks. I'm in the garage moving crud out of the way and find that the built in shelf unit (from the previous owner) is bocking access and I'll have to disassemble it. I'm not happy but that's the way it is. I've pulled the stuff off it including:

    Scrap Wood
    Roller Skates
    Spray paint
    Tools
    and other random clutter.

    I take some of the framework off and figure it'll be easy to unscrew the shelf brackets and then put it back when I'm done.

    No such luck.

    They nailed the center shelf supports into the wall and that means 15 nails to pull out of the brackets. Here's where my wife chimes in:

    Why don't you just cut the shelves off next to the brackets? You'll have half the shelf left and can just buy one to fill in the empty space.

    Pure Genius. So I do this using my Sawzall to cut the shelves. It works perfectly just needing a little trimming to line them up again for a new side piece.

    Then I start to remove the drywall where the pipe runs. I drill a starter hole and using my sawsall start to cut down the sheetrock. I hit some resistance near the bottom, move the saw around then finish. As I pull the sheetrock off I find out how lucky I just was

    There is a power line running through the wall there...and all I did was scratch the insulation on it. Total luck. No other way to look at it.

    Sunday I'll be re-doing the drywall where the pipes were put in and rebuilding my shelving. Should be fun.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • So... your water pressure sucks? Does that means you have *negative* water pressure? (runs away giggling) -Chromatix
  • Nothing like almost shaking hands with the shocky monkey.... -vacuumtubes
  • You realize, of course, your supply of Good Luck is nearly nil after that, right? -ShujinTribble
  • Sending some more preemptive karma your way. -adarklite
  • <insert getting my pipes cleaned by the wife joke> -neuman1812
  • Electrical in the same space as plumbing? Holmes on Homes would be pissed. The nice thing about crossing + and - with a sawzall is you will likely throw a breaker instead of your heart rythem. Still would scare the shit out of you tho. -putahtek
  • Did anyone see the Mythbusters episode where whey were blowing up water heaters? That was pure poetry! -Wraith556
  • 153. Nobody wants AOL

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/13/disney_wont_buy_aol/

    From the Register website, nobody wants to buy AOL.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Well it was said in that article's comments and it's true: They took out the content and portal, and are trying to sell off the gutted carcass....I wouldn't want to buy that sinking boat-anchor either. Those 3 letters are POISON. Think about what goes through all of our minds as soon as we hear "@aol.com" or "I'm using AOL" from the other end of the phones... :) -fdiskcuresall
  • Eddie Johnson was also spot-on about AOL as a mail domain. Every time a luser gives me an e-mail address ending in '...@aol.com', my brain shifts into teach-the-ignorant mode. -Seamus
  • Precisely what I was saying...AOL now has such a stigma attached to it, no sane company in their right mind would want to come within a hundred thousand light years of that...Time Warner nearly nuked themselves by doing it, and everyone out there in the corporate world took note, and nodded approvingly. -fdiskcuresall
  • 154. I am a Winner!

    I carpool to work with one of the other helldesk analysts and there is a ride sharing program here. Once a week they have a drawing and people win prizes like an iPod, Starbucks gift cards and the like. This week I was a winner.

    $150 Crutchfield gift card.

    Looks like the kids are going to be getting some new DS/Wii games for their birthdays next month.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Congrats. I never win anything. -conundrum
  • That's nothing. I just won 250,000,000 in the North African International Lotto. Best part, I didn't even have to buy a ticket, they just randomly selected my email address! -garwain
  • Seriously, congradulations. I wish I could actually win something -garwain
  • way to go! -GoToHellKitty
  • Maybe you should try BUYING the Wii first, Hmmm? -ShujinTribble
  • Shujin: We have a Wii. Bought it about 3 months before Xmas last year at Target. I almost bought about 5 of them to sell on eBay but decided not to be that kind of person. -Starfury
  • Recently a co-worker won an iPod Touch in a raffle. He also had the "never win anything" curse until that point. -Seamus
  • If I had won an iPod, I'd still have the "I never win anything" mentality. -Divinar
  • Last thing I won was a $100 check from a US magazine, as incentive for filling out a survey. As a Canadian, I was ineligible to receive it. There's a curse for you: you won it, but we can't give it to you. -chazz
  • chazz - S'ok.. that same $100 now isn;t worth what it used to be. -ShujinTribble
  • Cool. Last thing I won was an HDDVD (not Blu-Ray) player, um yeah. Well, at least I didn't go out and buy one. -Stryker One
  • Congrats! My name was drawn for a $50 gift certificate - course I spent it on a new sound card for my pc - then bought a new saitek keyboard. I love how it lights up! (Ya, I know, total was over the $50, but ya only live once.) -NanoGeek
  • 155. Coolest Bed Ever. (NT)

    http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?prodid=11256805&hierPath=93*75982*56265*2746*&whse=BC&topnav=&Browse=&lang=en-US

    I've seen this at our local store...if I was a kid I'd want one.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • who arrrrr you kidding, you have it on order don't you. -MarloVino
  • Rather than the movie theme, I want a FSM themed one. -ecoli
  • Is that where you do all your butt-pirating? YARRRRR HARRRR SWAB YE POOP DECK!! -putahtek
  • Looks good enough but it doesn't appear to have any convenient manacle points. What's piracy without a little restraint (or few)? -Loon
  • Well BLOW me down!</Obligatory... and SHAME on you all for making me use it!> -ShujinTribble
  • Does it include Keira Knightly, or at least a RealDoll facsimile? -Wraith556
  • 156. I am full of fail (NT)

    Today my friend calls, needs help moving a couch out of his house. No big deal I think, we put it in many (10?) years back and it was old when I gave it to him. I arrive and we proceed to move it out.

    30 minutes later, we have moved it in/out of the room multiple times...but can't get it turned to go out of the house. We both know that it can be done...but we realized last time we didn't care about the walls and he's recently redone the kitchen and damaging the walls is not an option.

    At this point we realized and accepted our failure at a simple task. But we do have a solution. Next Saturday I will be bringing my sawzall over and we will cut the couch in half so it'll be MUCH easier to move out.

    Today I am full of fail but next weekend I'll have power tools in hand and will will defeat the couch.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Somehow this reminds me of the couch in Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy... (and the armchair that caused me a herniated disc) -kraftwerk
  • You took on a task with no power tools on hand? Shame shame shame. -LazyLemming
  • You took on a task with no power tools on hand? Shame shame shame. -LazyLemming
  • "Who are you?" "I'm just a man with a chainsaw..." -illiterate
  • When moving into my current place, I had a couch that was just too long to fit through the door into my new place. It was summer, so we decided to drop it on the front lawn and enjoy a 'redneck' theme week for barbecues and gatherings. The first rainfall put an end to that little game... -teivrann
  • No possibility of simply, of, I don;t know... Using a screwdriver or three to partially disassemble it? -ShujinTribble
  • It took us about 45 minutes to get a couch into one of the rentals we had, years ago. When we moved out, I remembered that & decided to remove the patio doors to allow the removal. -Grue
  • dirk gently holistic detective agency - also by douglas adams. lots of couches in his stories:) -timelady
  • http://www.gladding.com/rsf/ -Gerund
  • From the school of reverse engineering: It was put together. It can be taken apart. -MacDaddy
  • This couch is so 70's in the colors and styling that cutting it in half is a mercy killing. -Starfury
  • In that case you BEST have a laser sight for that saw...... -ShujinTribble
  • we recently got a new couch for our house. We were going to get rid of the old one the week after but thats when we got about 2ft of snow.. So we decided to see if the couch would burn in our fireplace. it did :) -neuman1812
  • I once had to move an old set of wooden twin beds out of the back bedroom of a house to be taken out to the trash. I employed a sledgehammer. There are few things in the world as satisfying as breaking and splintering solid wood with a sledgehammer. .. Just a suggestion. -veaudaux
  • I have disassembled couches before rather than try to get them out whole, especially since they were old and worthless. They take up a lot less room in the garbage that way also. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • my favorite is to call the Salvation Army. They haul it away, and you get a tax right. -GoToHellKitty
  • I am SO flashing back to the 'Friends' episode where they buy a couch, can't get it up the stairs, and return it WRECKED... -MadJack
  • My clothes washer died. The idiots who owned the house before before me build the laundry room from part of the garage. To get the washer out of the laundry room into the bathroom is a 90 degree turn with no clearance. Same for leaving the bathroom into the hallway. Had to heave the dolly over the washer crawl over the washer and reposition the dolly in the bathroom. Same crap for a short 90 degree turn with no clearance to get the washer to the hallway. Then I had to repeat the BS to get the new washer into the laundry room. Why didn't the idiot just put a door to the laundry room from the garage? And this same fuck nugget who built this had a handicapped daughter in a wheel chair! You would think he would have thought about clearances when building the laundry room. Then again, he is an idiot as I found out why his wife was so eager to sell the place. Her only income was running a day care. He was in prison for doing things to little boys he shouldn't have done and she was going to lose the house if she didn't sell it quick. They had the place almost 20 years and all she got after selling it was $17K. The dude needs to be shot. -crazymactech
  • 157. Nice callers get better service

    I work for a law firm so many of the callers are "fix this NOW!!!" and not very nice. They also lie about why a piece of hardware quit working. Today I had a call that was the exception to this rule.

    1. The caller was polite.
    2. She was honest why the BlackBerry was broken (spill)
    3. Her boss who broke the device is a nice guy. When he rarely calls with a problem he's patient and lets us fix it. This is the same one that was surprised that people yell at the helpdesk when things are broken.

    Because of this I've gone out of my way to fix things. I called the BB admin, went to her office and got a replacement. I charged the battery. When he arrived in the office I walked over, got the device, swapped the Sim card and returned it.

    Now I've got one of the partners who's happy with me/the helpdesk. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Alright! Grats, that one's a keeper :) I've run into one or two like that myself, but they are certainly rare at big-name law firms, aren't they. -ManyHats
  • An attorney that is happy with you = help when you least expect and will most likely need it. -unrenowned
  • And your Karma account was credited 12.76 units. 6.38 for your time/effort and 6.38 because it was for a lawyer. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • As a bonus: His secretary is very good looking and was showing a fair amount of cleavage. The secretary sitting next to her is nice to look at too.... -Starfury
  • And they think you are hot too! At least, whenever they need computer help. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Remember, they give BJ, THEN you fix their computer... -unrenowned
  • 158. Dammit (NT)

    This morning was not a good one. I did the usual, going to the front door to let in the cat that was out last night. She wasn't there and I didn't think much of it. Then a little later my phone rings. The next door neighbor wanted to let me know that my cat had been hit by a car and was in front of their house in the street.

    Needless to say, this did not go over well with the wife and kids; I was upset too. I've taken the body to the vet so they can cremate her.

    We'll miss you Zoey.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Oh! So sorry to hear that. I would be devastated if that happened to one of my kitties, I had one get out for two days (strictly indoor cats in my house) and I thought for sure I'd get that kind of call. Sorry for your loss. -redfaery
  • In the street?!?! WTH!??!?!?! -ShujinTribble
  • Because the asshat who hit her didn't take the time to stop and at least *act* concerned. -RiffRaff
  • Sorry for your loss, Starfury. -Tekkie
  • *hugs* :( -taieena
  • I feel for you. I had a cat that got killed by a car right in front of my eyes. I'll ask Ghostcat to make sure she arrives safely to Kitty Heaven. :( -TheGhost
  • While I've not yet lost any of my kitties to cars, I have had to hold two of them while they were put to sleep, and I found a stranger's kitty that had been hit by a car and crawled under a bush to die. You and your family have our sympathy. -chazz
  • I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost two to old age about 5 yrs ago (she was 16 yrs old, he was 18 when he passed two yrs later.)and another to feline leukemia 3 years ago(she was 2 yrs old and my 'family'). -NanoGeek
  • Thanks everyone. -Starfury
  • Deepest sympathy from The House of Hats, we still miss our darling Yang, who was 13 in September 2006 when he took his final trip to the vet so he wouldn't suffer any more from bone cancer. -ManyHats
  • hugs, mate. losing furry family hurts deeply. much sympathy. -timelady
  • :hugs: so sorry to hear about Zoey. -MgrofChaos
  • Condolences on your loss. -Zimmerit
  • sorry bout the kitteh. losing something that loves you back w/o question just SUXXORS. -HappyCrappy
  • Deepest sympathy for the loss of your family member from way down here in NZ. I've been there, and it is a huge loss. -Enzedder
  • Sorry SF... we lost Miles Davis this past fall - he was 18, and left the house one day. I like to think he found a warm spot to curl up in and didn't wake up. Cats'll do that. -SalParadise
  • We know that feeling of loss only too well here at Chez Lineswine & you have our condolences. (Gives Katy an ear-tickle & tummy scratch in honour of Zoey) -lineswine
  • I was never a cat person before I met my wife. But a couple years ago, one of our kitties breathed his last right in her arms, from suspected Feline Leukemia. Needless to say, we were devestated, and still miss him today. -missourimule
  • Last November I had to say goodbye to my first cat. He'd been my best friend and roommate for 15 years. I still miss him, a lot. Very sorry to hear of your loss. -linkv
  • 159. Better than being at work

    I finally renewed my star.

    On Tuesday I took the day off to go on a field trip with my 7 yr old son to the Oakland Zoo.
    I dropped him off and waited in the cold for 20 minutes until the bus arrived. I got to sit next to him on a school bus with 65 2nd grade kids on it. We drove for 40 min to the zoo, spent time in a classroom then went out to look at the animals.

    In the rain.

    After spending time outside, we ate lunch sitting on a cement floor since all the tables were full in the lunch area. There was a little more class time then back out into the rain to see the tortoises (one is 142 years old and still healthy.) Then we get on the bus and head back to school...30 min late.

    We arrive just in time for all the parents to line up and pick up the kids, adding 20 min to the trip while we're in a stuffy bus full of noisy 2nd graders. Finally we unload, the kids head to the classroom to pick their stuff up and I get to go home.

    This was SO MUCH better than being at work.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Q: Why did the Oakland zoo shut down? A: The cow died. (Fifteen years ago the Oakland (CA) zoo really was a shambles. I've heard things have improved --- have they?) -MeanDean
  • The zoo is much better than the last time I was there. They've cleaned it up a lot, have a better education center, re-did the kid zoo 2 yrs back, and are working on updating 2 (or more) of the exhibit areas. I'll go back and take both kids. -Starfury
  • WONDERFUL! I wish my father had taken off a day or two from work when I was a kid to spend some quality time with me. You really should make a point of doing it more often. You can't set a value on that sort of thing, because it's worth more than anything! -Captain Trips
  • Think THAT was fun? Wait till your little ankle-biter goes to Sutter's Fort! Did that last year with my offspring...sadly, i've got pix to prove it...lol (had? lost a memory card recently to corruption - so maybe not. *pouts*) -lavenderrose
  • my mum went with me when I was five. *shudder* bad memories, that. but I went to another zoo in houston three years later and loved it. need to go to the one in my real home soon as I'm there and it warms up a bit -AdmiralLaurie
  • 160. Internal Support Calls
    For those of us that do internal support: Have you noticed that you tend to speak to the SAME people on a regular basis? I work for a law firm with over 1000 employees and I can list easily 5+ people that call almost every day. These people either need training or some time with Otis.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I call those types, "Chronic's". Or Herpes callers--the kind that recur, and it seems you never really shake them off. -vacuumtubes
  • How about oh hell yes? *sigh* In fact, our QA doesn;t even bother docking poibnts for no asking their userid. -Ara
  • I used to get that a lot hen I worked at Chase. There was one SF that called in every day to complain that a particular server was always running slow. Took us a while to figure out that this was because she was in charge of a particular DB that was 300MB in size, and for some reason, it couldn't be edited locally, but had to reside on this server, which was an old 486 (ancient even by 1998 standards), and because she was one of only about 3 people in the entire company that accessed the thing, upgrading it was never a priority. -AmazingKreskin
  • For my answer to this - read the MCB saga.... -CommanderData
  • My customers consist of a military intel site. You would be surprised at the questions and problems I get that reoccur from the same few customers. -jwinc7
  • Ooooo, BTDT every workday. I share your "hold-my-hand-user" pain, Starfury. -ManyHats
  • Oh yes, we have about 800 users and the majority of calls come from our Houston office and mostly 2-3 people who work in that office. I often wonder how the other 797 people manage to get by only calling in maybe once a year on an issue when these others have issues every single day. -redfaery
  • Used to do internal HelpDesk, and yes. Very very yes. After three years I had them trained to at least reboot the PC before they called me, though. -pixel
  • When I used to be on the helpdesk here (just a scant month ago) there were several users whom I recognized by voice and some by phone number. This is out of 6500 or so users. Granted some of these either make all (or most) of the calls for their site or else have very unusual issues that they call about. But, we used to have some that called many times a day (everyday) for pw resets. -kman52000
  • I get a lot of SSDD calls. Some aren't too bad, they just aren't computer literate and try their best. Others are DIFM types, they keep getting told how to fix the problems themselves but call back nonetheless. Hate is too mild a word to describe what I feel towards them! -Loon
  • Same story for me - law firm with 2600 people. When I worked the night shift at the desk, I could recognize more than half the callers by their voice. They just said "Hi Redevil" because they knew it was me and I didn't have to ask them who they were. -redevil34
  • Yep, in an organisation of 20K users. Fortunately, at least some of those were onsite techs, and at least some of _those_ were competent. And then there was the caller who was so bossy she called in everyone else's problems despite not being the site's tech. She was... uh. Better than talking to the average user, I guess - she was marginally competent, would take notes, and could brute-force some basic troubleshooting from memory. I guess at least we knew what we were getting when it was her on the phone - she was the only person who would answer 'no' when asked if we could have user UserID. Which, of course, meant that anyone who'd been on the desk for more than a month knew who it was and what her ID was, but it was a bit disconcerting for the newbies. -Geminii
  • 161. Here I sit...
    Working from home. Doing the grave shift, 8pm-5am because I'm greedy and 1.5 time was too much to pass up. It's my Wednesday so today counts as a paid day off; toss in 2 days PTO and at 5am Wednesday I'm on vacation. The worst bit is I's just after 8pm and I'm already tired.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Here I sit, in smelly vapor. Looking for, the toilet paper. I wonder how long I'll have to linger, before I'm forced, to use my finger. -Stryker One
  • Here I sit, broken-hearted, tried to sh*t but only farted. -unrenowned
  • On the way home, I took a chance, tried to fart, but sh*t my pants. -unrenowned
  • 162. Managers needing Helpdesk support
    I do a weekly report on users that have password/locked account issues. There are a LOT of repeat offenders, but today there was a new name on the report. The Manager of Application Support. What was his ticket for? "How do I change my password?" WTF!? This is someone I transfer (only if I have to) tickets to. I guess basic Windows skill is not part of the job description.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Of course not. It's management. -Geminii
  • I'll tend to give them a credit for one starfish moment, but it usually needs to have been following something like the company holiday party the night before as an excuse! -Voz
  • 163. Greed vs Day Off
    Where I'm at they decided to go 24/7 coverage; this means that we have to work holidays now. At this time they don't have anyone to work Christmas day from 2pm-8pm and nobody has offered to work. I'm sort of torn between saying "F*ck them, let a Sr. or manager work" and "I'll work but I want 2x time plus 8 hr PTO." It would be an easy shift, I'd be working from my in-laws and having the excellent dinner too. Do I give in to my greed (need $$, doing kitchen remodel) or enjoy a day w/o work....decisions.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Pros & Cons. If you are working at your Inlaws you are almost guaranteed a uberSF call at the moment the hot meal is served and they will keep you there till all is congealed. If you do not work it then a Management bod will have to do it and next holiday you should be able to hold them to ransom over doing it (get someone to spoof call at odd hours with the most obscure problems) -Zoomer
  • Greed... greed is the meaning of modern Christmas after all. -SiamJetta
  • Biggest problem with letting a Manglement Type cover is that, if there is a crisis, a.k.a. minor problem, you may wind up getting called anyway. </ Go on, take the money and run! > -TubPorsche
  • A manager working on Christmas? You guys live in a fantasy land. :) -Jeckler
  • I'd bet if someone doesn't step up to take the shift, someone will be "volunteered" to work it. Don't put it past management to overstaff on Christmas next year just to prove a point. Take the money, answer the phone with a mouthful of food. I know in my world if someone needs service on Christmas Eve/Day...it's going to cost them double time starting when I pull out of the driveway. -Crashville
  • ... managers working on Xmas... managers working on any day, for that matter... 0_0 WHERE AM I??!! <frightened> -TheGhost
  • If I do decide to do this (greed wins) and dinner time rolls around...calls can go to voicemail. NOTHING is more important at that moment other than the home made ravioli and penne pasta with meat sauce, mashed potatoes and gravy, and other yummy goodies. -Starfury
  • Uhhhh, guys? I'm a manager. I'm working from 2pm-11:30pm on Christmas Day... <Let the chasms in the earth begin to open! Listen to the unholy shrieking rising from the gash in the ground as the souls are unleashed.> -Voz
  • Hell, I'm a manager, and I'm going in on a company day off (Friday) to talk with the president to finalize raises and bonuses for my staff. -ActingUpAgain
  • Get your list of "ISOs To Be Downloaded" and do the shift. Who's gunna mind? -ShujinTribble
  • Crashville: You mean you don't start charging the moment your phone starts ringing? -missourimule
  • AUA: You have to get raises and bonuses approved by Dubya? Wow, they really do have their hands in *everything*. lol -missourimule
  • 164. Monitors
    I work for a law firm. One of the clients was here doing some sort of review and they brought in their own widescreen LCD monitors to use. The client has contacted us and needs them shipped back and it's URGENT! Why is it urgent? The monitors have been sitting here for almost 18 months and now they want them back. Since this is a law firm I'm sure they'll be billed for the time to pick them up, pack them, and shipping charges.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • "But - my FILES are on those monitors! I NEED them for the year-end accounting!" -Divinar
  • "The files are IN the computer!" -AmazingKreskin
  • Hell, bill 'em for 18 months storage. -AmazingKreskin
  • Oooh, I like AK's suggestion! -Seamyst
  • (closes eBay window)Monitors? I don't recall any widescreen monitors being here.. -MacDaddy
  • Mr Fish, we've traced the calls! They're comiong from your monitors! -Darkridr
  • FEMA needs them to start cleaning up after Katrina -stiffarm
  • 165. Temptations
    I was walking by a meeting room and the I.T. managers and most of the Tier 2 staff were in there. My first thought was "just one grenade..."
    [By: Starfury]
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  • 1) Schedule meeting for 8:00 AM tomorrow. 2) Dine on boiled eggs and beer. Who needs a grenade? -VIPERsssss
  • Meat pies and beer have a special ambiance to next day. Meatlovers pizza has a similar effect. -Wraith556
  • "When in doubt, grenade it out..." -AmazingKreskin
  • How about a flamethrower? -Zimmerit
  • Paging CD... -Chromatix
  • My sig holds true to this dilemma... -unrenowned
  • I actually said that out loud, back in the day, 6 team leads and the center director all in his office as I passed by. They got the *joke*.. heh. -HappyCrappy
  • 166. Perks
    Today I've been given a copy of Office Enterprise 2007. Has: Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Outlook, Publisher, Access, OneNote, InfoPath and Groove. Since this will be the new office flavor next year it's time to learn it....and add to the resume.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Just be ready to deal with the "new" interface for the entire package. Gone is the old toolbar at the top, and it's been replaced with ribbons. Nice, neat, more-space-taking ribbons. Just what we needed... guess fixing the speed and functionality isn't high on Micro$quish's list. -VoiceOfSanity
  • And you'll learn to love the nasy things it does to old formats. -jerrybear
  • I'll grant, the ribbon interface is fairly intuitive (once you're used to it) for very simple, very basic tasks. ANYthing beyond that, though, and it takes forever to figure out how to do it. -Seamyst
  • Shouldn't something intuitive be intuitive from the start, not once you're used to it? -Elfling
  • It's intuitive for basic tasks... the stuff your average fish will do like change fonts. M$ doesn't give a fuck about the folks that actually know how to use their crap. OpenOffice all the way. -LazyLemming
  • I got this a while back .. as a tester :/ We are NOT rolling it out until we have no other option. Been using it for 2 or 3 months, HATE the new interface, HATE the assumptions it makes. I hope it works out better for you. -Mysty
  • The "office button" GAAAAAH, took me ages to find file > "save as" -r3tude
  • 167. Update on Construction Karma request
    Someone asked for pictures of the construction project; I've posted them on Flikr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21750065@N08/sets/72157603417947197/ My wife declined being in the pictures so I've removed her. The door is in, stucco being patched. My job will to be finishing it off on the inside, texturing the outside, and putting a coat of paint on.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Looks good :) -taieena
  • /claps Stucco sucks to put up. kudos on a good job -gashach
  • Nice job! -sassicatz
  • starfury, as a note- painting stucco is WRONG. whiteboard or e-mail me for details -HappyCrappy
  • Oo, nice job - I'll bet there's a TON of light in your kitchen now. -ManyHats
  • 168. Construction Karma Request
    The time has finally come, after living in my place since 1994 we're going to remodel the kitchen. The first phase begins Saturday, the big window is coming out, the opening moved over, and a sliding door put in. This will allow us to re-arrange the kitchen area so it works better. Any positive thoughts regarding no-rain and relatively straightforward install will be greatly appreciated.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • KarmaBats flapping thataway. -TechnoVampire
  • GremlinKiller bugbombs packed and ready to be dropshipped -slowANDeasy
  • measure twice cut once karma on the way.. -HappyCrappy
  • Check out 'mike holmes fan forum' for reserch if you need any... it's a great resource. -ThinTheHerd
  • You need lots of Karma, and lots of bourbon. -CyBear
  • The good: The door is in and looks great. The bad: 3 outlets are not working after power was re-wired. That should be fixed on Sunday and the stucco done on the outside. -Starfury
  • second the mike holmes advice. make it RIGHT. karmarsupials, building squad, on way:) -timelady
  • SF: You've provided the good and the bad. Do we want to know what the ugly is/was? -purplelinguist
  • Post Pictures!!!!!! -ManyHats
  • Pictures of the construction: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21750065@N08/sets/72157603417947197/ -Starfury
  • Dry weather karma kritters are on their way. -AmazingKreskin
  • 169. Printers and toner
    I need to renew my star...anyway... Today I got a call that a printer was out of binding agent (color printer). While on the phone the caller (not starfish) said... "Oh we have one here. I'll put it in. Can you have a replacement sent up? Thanks!" I was amazed that she didn't follow the usual "printer has error, send tech" attitude. She was my favorite caller for the day.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • 10 minutes later - "There's a problem with the printer...." -Divinar
  • needs blinding agent -stiffarm
  • That's Sterno, right stiffarm? -LoTech
  • "A few years ago a young maid from El Salvador found herself locked in the bathroom. She was only there for a few moments, but when we pulled her out she was..." "[sarcastically] She was dead?" "No. Blind. She had taken a pair of scissors and gouged her eyes out. She was laughing hysterically." </1408> -missourimule
  • 170. Working today
    I'm 4.5 hours into my day, just hit the halfway mark. E-mails: 0. Calls: 1 from my boss. Going good so far.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Just started my shift (10am). Plenty of emails to look at, one call. -Mushroom
  • I'll be starting my shift in about two hours. Mmm... Holiday pay... -Seamus
  • Started my shift half an hour ago 1130 - one call. I don't do email or voicemail, yet -compbrat
  • Got woke up by a service call. Took said call. Got a voice call within 5 minutes that said the call was canceled. So I get paid $30 to answer "Yes" to an email. Not bad for a holiday that we're not even celebrating until Sunday! (Due to the blended families, Sweetie and I are having ours on Sunday.) -ralphp1024
  • As I sit here watching my gf and her former roommates confab about the turkey, I can't help but reflect on one call queue that I wonder if we should be feeling rather sorry for. Who catches the pre-parade news, and all the usual turkey day stories about turkey, and... who always gets a word of attention on the three major networks: the people working for... Butterball. They said they expect 10k calls today.... man, the stories they have to tell every holiday season. Quote: "We had one man call about using chainsaw oil on the bird." Imagine: "Yeauh, we hadda carve the bird wid muh chainsaw, and got some them thar oil all on the thang. Can we use that to baste it, maybe make it a liddle leyess drah?" -MadJack
  • Today is my normal Monday. The difference is my shift is 30 min later than normal and the pay is TRIPLETIME. Lots of calls at first but quiet now. -atomicbill
  • re MadJack, here they're likely to be using it in the deep fryer -stiffarm
  • Last year, the salesperson who volunteered to man the phones the day after Thanksgiving had 4 phone calls...three of them were the boss calling for a status report. -SillyGirl
  • Triple? Sheez, man! (If Fat Actress, and half the other jobs in this town, weren't up in friggin' North County, I'd be asking if you were hiring.) -MadJack
  • Scratch that, I got you and Cap mixed up. If you're still working for the cable co I was working for three years ago, fuhget it. They wouldn't hire me back, anyway. -MadJack
  • So.... which game ya playing? -udaduno
  • 171. Turkey Day!
    For some reason (greed) I'll be working on Thanksgiving from home. 9 hours, no break but making double time. I get to do my normal 5am-2pm shift and expect to get only a few calls the entire time. As a bonus my wife will be taking the kids to her parent's house early and I'll get a few hours of blissful silence. I've also noticed that my butt has gotten smaller, need to fix that.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Doubletime! that sounds good! (unless you're marching!) - I'm spending time away from work to burn up extra vacation hours, myself. -LoTech
  • So what games are you firing up while you're "working"? -BarmanVarn
  • At double time? At home? With no distractions?! MAN! You know all that pr0n isn't just gunna download itself! -ShujinTribble
  • I'm on call for Turkey Day and Christmas... I was working overnight New Year's Eve, but my director took pity on me. -TechieSidhe
  • I chose to work Thanksgiving and the next day. What else I gonna do, eat with relatives? Bone that. :) -Mushroom
  • Seriously, *someone* has to keep the pr0nographers in business! -missourimule
  • I wanted to come in and work thursday and friday... But my boss said I wasn't allowed to. -cyberblade3001
  • 172. Most offensive thing I've seen (NT)
    Today I saw a house with Christmas lights on.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • The horror!, the humanity! -Stryker One
  • They're late - supposed to be decorating for St. Patrick's day! -ShujinTribble
  • Up here, in North Pole, Alaska, some people have their lights up all year and the city has decorated the town like a "santa town" I am soooo sick of it. -Auroralights
  • you obviously haven't seen the cupgirlz video... -drachen
  • I am putting mine up this weekend :-) -CSurfer
  • Digging out the stuff on Thanksgiving...all 5 big totes or is it 7 now..... Yea its Christmas (sorry ham sucking, fruit cake smoking Christmas junkie here) -udaduno
  • In soviet Kanukistan . . . . oh hell even I can't go there BAH-HUMBUG! -SpitefulTech
  • When I was a child my parents had 12 (yes, twelve) boxes of lights and decorations PLUS a 4' high Santa and Rudolph. -Starfury
  • I got sick of Christmas shortly after Halloween. Two officemates who play the only Christmas music station and all the "Holiday Shopping" commercials have me burned out already. -SillyGirl
  • Our Turkey Day was weeks ago, but yeah...The day after, Xmas lights sprung up everywhere. *sigh* -ThinTheHerd
  • Yup, we passed one coming home Tuesday and I've seen several others with lights but during the day when they weren't on. -Loren
  • I have to admit to some amusement: I'm seeing people with "halloween lights" -- like Christmas lights but all orange. The really zealous ones put them up right after our Thanksgiving in mid-October, then take them down Nov. 1 and put up the multi-colored Christmas lights. And yes, there are at least five people with Xmas lights up already on my walk home... -chazz
  • We have 3 radio stations that have changed over to 24/7 Xmas music since 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. *humbugz* -SiamJetta
  • been to walmart? they were playing christmas tunes before halloween, for crying out loud. I think it was piped in from the states. *Shakes fist in anger* -TekkieNerd
  • All the Christmas ads started this week, and all the Christmas decorations in the malls started going up weeks ago. Hello, Santa hasn't even arrived in Herald Square yet! Not until AFTER the parade is over! (G) -MadJack
  • Hello, Santa? Is that like Hello, Kitty? :p -missourimule
  • Actually, I don't mind those who put up the Christmas decorations *after* Thanksgiving. Even if it's the next day. At they're prepping for the *next* holiday, instead of the holiday 3 down the queue. -missourimule
  • Everyone else in the office gears up for Christmas, I weep over my bank balance and wear a black santa hat with the immortal words "Bah Humbug" emblazoned across the front. For some unknown reason I get accused of being a miserable git (well that and the fact that I rarely smile unless something unpleasant is about to happen to someone). Christmas lights in November ought to be a hanging offence! -Loon
  • Back when we lived in a neighborhood with trick-or-treaters, my Halloween decorations wouldn't usually even be down by now. Once we finally get a Christmas tree up, it'll probably be up til February. -veaudaux
  • Christmas decorations are only for after Thanksgiving until just after New Years. Hell, the day after Christmas, all the Christmas stuff has been swept into the sale bins and Valentines Day stuff is going up... (eg) -MadJack
  • After working in retail for 5 years in the past, my Christmas Spirit needs and Exorcist. -Wraith556
  • LOL at StarFury: 12? PSH-AW!!! The day after Thanksgiving, my parents celebrate "Box Day" (no, Canadians, not that one.) This day is 8 hours of carrying boxes of Xmas crap from the attic. Last year, we counted 35 boxes. Not to mention their collection of nutcrackers that are all brought down separately (24 of those). In the past, I'd escape this horror since I didn't live with them. But since I moved back in a few weeks ago, and today being what it is, I have never been so happy to go to work. -beerman
  • My wife is the deco-freak of the house. I am on the "Christmas electric miser" side of the balance. She is having our daughter come over so she can lay out the landing lights and everything else. My job is to make sure that they dont come on til dark and dont stay on all night. All in all I let her have her fun because its only money and it lights up her face something beautiful. They are definitely coming down on 1/2 though this year. -Darkridr
  • The litmus for xmas lights 'round these parts: You're done putting up lights when commercial air traffic starts buzzing your house. -MeanDean
  • 173. I need to borrow Otis

    Today is the day that we roll out an application update. This has been tested by QA and rolled out to the Phase I group.

    It had problems. LOTS of problems.

    But they continued installing it on the early users computers. They had fixes for the issues and it looked like things were ok...except for the 5 computers that the install didn't work on and couldn't be fixed. Today it went out to all of the thousand plus users with known issues.

    I need to borrow Otis so I can let the Tier 2 admins and managers know how I feel about them rolling out software with KNOWN issues.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • But, but, it's what M$ does!! (runs for lart shelter) -BarmanVarn
  • It's also not a M$ product but 3 separate apps being rolled out at once. -Starfury
  • *expels BarmanVarn from the LART shelter* Sorry man, but this where you come for saying something that grants you to be LARTed, not for telling the truth. *goes back into the LART shelter* <Yes, I have permanent residence> -TheGhost
  • Thanks for the pardon Ghost. -BarmanVarn
  • "It's not a bug, it's a feature." -MisterCommon
  • Mr. C - I must KILL it before it develops Language Skills!</Londo> -ShujinTribble
  • 174. The noisy hard drive

    Yesterday I received a call from one of the users here. She says that her HD made a clicking noise and then she got a black screen saying Disk 1 failed. Fearing the worst I have her reboot. Gets a BIOS screen and the drive is not detected. I dispatch a hardware tech to replace her PC and try to recover the data. When I arrive today there's an update that the drive is totally dead and the data cannot be recovered. I inform the user, and ask if there is any critical data that needs to be recovered. She says no and is a bit dismayed that her favorites and some templates that she uses are gone. Then out comes this gem:

    It's been making some clicking noises for a while but I figured that shutting down the PC each night would make it stop.

    WTF was she thinking? The drive goes from silent to making noise and she doesn't call the helpdesk? She calls for every other little thing but not this...

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Don't you see? She solved the problem every night by turning the PC off. PC off == silent hard drive == problem solved. Well...only in her little world anyhow... -Cyan
  • I imagine that her car mechanic has some similar horror stories about her. -BarmanVarn
  • Agreed, BarmanVarn. My daughter's car engine was making a clattering sound & she fixed it...by turning up the stereo. -Tekkie
  • Starfury, I've got folks just like that here at my worksite. They have a problem, they simply turn off the system thinking it'll go away. Or worse, they'll see a message saying that Drive 0 is out of specs during boot (Dull Computers) but keep on going, figuring that it's still working, right? *sigh* At least they don't neep about losing data, that's what the mandated backup program is meant for... -VoiceOfSanity
  • Remember, always attempt a restart. If one doesn't fix it, restart again and again til it stop. -LazyLemming
  • I think your sig line says it all - you REALLY "Can't fix stupid" -lineswine
  • 175. Today's Dilbert

    Today's Dilbert is just too accurate.

    www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2007114666026.gif

    [By: Starfury]
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  • Loved it. Printed it. Posted it. -techofalltrades
  • Yes. Definitely full of WIN. -Grayhawk
  • omg I needed to see that. Isn't this the lifestyle which we're all accustomed to? -kumenchi
  • Rats...the link didn't format correctly. -Starfury
  • <a href="www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2007114666026.gif">Here ya go.</a> I think... -techofalltrades
  • Curses... -techofalltrades
  • http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2007114666026.gif -Starfury
  • Starfury > Techofalltrades -techofalltrades
  • Full of win. -Seamus
  • Welcome to life as we know it. -TechnoVampire
  • 176. How managment gathers input

    A group of us at the helldesk were discussing the impending rollout of Vista next year and new PCs for the firm. Considering that last 2 models of tablet PC they've used are crap (HP and Lenovo) the discussion turned to any input they would request from the technical staff. We all agreed that the conversation would go something like:

    Mgmt: We're going to be getting new tablet PCs and would like your input.
    Us: Great! Here is our recommendation, Model A is crap but model B is pretty good.
    Mgmt: We decided on Model A before you started testing and that's the one we're going to get.

    This is what you get when I.S. management doesn't come from any sort of technical background. We're doomed.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Mgmt: You see the case on model A comes in the company's color. -YoYo
  • High Fecality. -vacuumtubes
  • They suits got a backhander for buying model A. -lineswine
  • Or the salesman got them all drunk and took incriminating photos! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • We're all doomed! </obligatory Monty Python> -Loon
  • so they point of buying model b is to waste money on a machine we're not going to use? -McSmiley
  • So they went with lenovo, huh? -Elfling
  • That's management for you. They already have the decision made before they ask in hopes that you are going to give them the same answer. If you don't then bully for you. I mean, after all, what do you know anyway? This never ceases to amaze me. -Leah2112
  • Yep, sounds familiar. Time to run up a list of support costs for each model and present it to the higher-ups. -Geminii
  • the company got £150 cash back on model A that you can't be arsed to jump hoops for. therefore making it a worse purchase but then its ll your fault -r3tude
  • 177. Murphy is toying with me

    I think Murphy has come for a visit and I would like him to leave soon.

    1. Roof leak at work. Not over my desk but fairly close. The patch fumes gave me (and everyone else) a headache.
    2. Get home that day to discover MY roof has a leak. Call roof repair guys, 3-5 days before anyone can come out. Say F*ck it, and fix it myself. Looked good, tested w/ the hose and no sign of a leak. It's raining today so that'll be the big test.
    3. Surfing on the PC at home and the drive starts making noise. Bad noise. Reboot, and chkdsk runs. Check error logs...tons of disk errors. Backup data to the 2nd drive in the system and it completes. Now I have to either replace the drive or just install windows on the 2nd drive.

    To top it off I'm going on vacation and don't really have time to do more than fix the roof.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Toying with you. Sorry, he's made you his pet project. Murder Death Kill's the best thing for him. -vacuumtubes
  • I'll make a sacrifice to the beer gods on your behalf. it's always helped me when the man-whose-name-shall-not-be-spoken-by-me is around. Enjoy your vaca! -beerman
  • You're not the only one. My account is still recovering from that #$$#$@ who torched my checking account because he wanted more disposable cash. And to top it off I just found out my arch-nemesis just won the nobel peace prize for pseudo science. -adarklite
  • @adarklite: AMEN! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that! everyone I work with thinks he's the dog's proverbials for "fighting the global warming menace" -Tarantulus
  • StarFury, I'm not so sure this was an act of Murphy. It sounds more like you must have kicked a pharoah's dog in a previous life. :) -rokitt
  • He is torturing you. It's like "something bad is about to happen", and when you think "This is it!" he goes "nooo, not quite.." and then grins mischievously. The tension will eventually break you down. -TheGhost
  • All you have to do is outlast Murphy. Trust me, eventually he's gunna find someone else to play with. Just gotta hold on until that happens. -ShujinTribble
  • 178. Best Call of the Day

    It's been super busy today. But this was my best call (so far)

    Me: opening spiel
    SF: Uhhhh....never mind.

    Too bad they're not all like this.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Actually many of them are just like that, except, of course, for the 15-20 minutes of mind-bending delay represented by the three dots. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • and this one had 4 dots -stiffarm
  • 179. My wife rocks! (NT)

    My wife went shopping for me last night and bought me some new shirts for a trip we're taking. One is a Monty Python t-shirt. It has the black knight on the front, no arms/legs with the caption

    It's only a flesh wound.

    Best part: It was on the clearance rack for under $5.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • O.O "I've had worse!" -Seamus
  • ...I've seen worse.</Miracle Max> -ShujinTribble
  • Come at me you pansy! -Gerund
  • Beware the moster it has fangs like this V==V! -StarFishHearder
  • Cuz women can shop!!! -udaduno
  • "None shall pass...."(unless you get it on sale) -BarmanVarn
  • 180. Donuts

    Today I was going to stop at a local donut shop and bring donuts to the helpdesk. The shop opened at 4:30am. I go in and they only have a few trays of donuts...none of the kind I wanted.

    So I am at work, donutless, and depressed.

    Maybe I'll have better luck on Friday!

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Seriously !!! How many frickin times does this have to happen?? I walk into Dunkin Donuts and they're always out of plain bagels!!! I mean, c'mon. It's not like it's just the most popular bagel or anything. Stop hiring these punk-a$$ kids and maybe the service will improve. -Daywalker
  • Bonus: The 6am HW tech brought donuts in for us after 1 quick call! Now I'm happy! -Starfury
  • MMMMMMMMM! DONUTS! -TubPorsche
  • On my last midnight shift, the cafeteria was out of coffee at 7:30 a.m. They have 3 5-gallon monster coffee urns, and all 3 were empty. 'Tards. -ThinTheHerd
  • I'd quit. I quit a job once because I could not get coffee at that time -formatCdrive
  • Mmmmm... donuts. -AmazingKreskin
  • 181. Decoration for your game room

    Today one of the helpdesk guy's brought this in: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/95b0/images/2353

    I need one for my friend's house since he hosts LAN games.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Love that site!! -udaduno
  • i am so hanging that over my bed. (until the wife burns it) -SpitefulTech
  • 182. Woot?

    Where I work we get discounts on MS software. Currently I can get Office 2003 for around $25. Friday we got an e-mail that they're working on getting us discounts on Vista/Office 2007. Knowing the firm, it'll be an absurdly low price.

    My dilemma: if it becomes available cheap, do I buy? I know my current PC's won't like Vista much but it would give me an excuse to build a new one.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • *clears throat* FARK NO!! WHADDA YA STOOPEED?!! *Bolts for the LART shelter* -unrenowned
  • Seconded -ShujinTribble
  • Inexpensive garbage is, after all is said and done, still garbage. -OgdenTechGuy
  • I'll go with the majority opinion. When Vista works, it works great. When it screws up, it is unfixable by design. Office 2007... well, it seems to be fine, from what I've heard, but if you're used to 2003, it is a whole new user interface. -chazz
  • On the (really)cheap, I'd buy it, just for later, when XP isn't supported anymore. But I agree with the above-- it's not bad until it breaks, but break it most likely will. My new laptop (Ultimate Edition) lasted 11 days before the first dll error, then it got the Big Wipe. I should mention in all fairness, albeit reluctantly, that the 64 bit version has run flawlessly on my desktop platform for months. </my 2¢> -ThinTheHerd
  • Buy it. Bury it in the backyard under a full moon. Wait 50 years. Dig it back up and donate it to a museum as the biggest software fark-up in the history of man. Chuckle maniacally to yourself. -RiffRaff
  • Vista? I wouldn't touch it with a farkin long stick, mate. vista lasted about 2 days on LadyL's new lappy, to bereplaced 1st by Ubuntu (which she couldn't get on with) & finally XP. Toshiba - just to be pains in the arse - didn't publish XP drivers on their website, so I had to find what hardware components were in it & download them individually, from a no. of sites. I got it all going in the end though. I've very recently found out that Tosh have relented & now post XP drivers for their newest lappies. Even THEY know Vista is pants. -lineswine
  • I do know that Vista is crap. I don't want it but where I work they're going to be "upgrading" everyone to is by April next year. Since only 1 or 2 people have it on their computers and the rest of us have no plans to buy it I think they're trying to push us to get used to it. As far as ofice 2007: Everyone will be in the dark but most of us will be able to pick it up quickly. I've suggested getting computers w/ Vista on it for us to play with at work to learn it...but that's a smart idea and won't be listened to. -Starfury
  • I'll admit I have a copy of Vista (technet subscription) and would suggest if you can get it at a reasonable price (less than 30$) then get it to familiarize yourself with the fuckup. Since the gui has changed enough to make it difficult for techs to support starfish on the OS. Charge triple your support costs for vista. -Olorin
  • Starfury > What a fitting way to start April. -Stryker One
  • 1) Find out that they're "closing out" remaining copies of XP at a reduced price, (Hey, I can dream that they still have them, can't I?); 2) Take up a collection from TSC to "invest" in the remaining copies as alternatives to Vista; 3) Profit! -Voz
  • See if you can get a discount on XP instead. -thx1138
  • Step 1: Buy Vista at your special discount price. - Step 2: Re-sell it on Ebay at regular price. - Step 3: Use the money to buy XP Pro, or an upgrade for you system; whichever you prefer. - Ste[ 4: Profit! <Hey! I solved the ???? step!> -TheGhost
  • 183. How to score brownie points w/ the boss

    A few changes were made and one of my morning jobs has been reduced (yay!) and I wanted to verify this with the bossman. I wander over to his desk and he's talking w/ his wife on speaker. I say "sorry, I'll come back" and he says "hold on" then tells his wife he has to go and then says

    Thanks, I wasn't really listening to her and I needed an excuse to get off the phone.

    Now he owes me one.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Yeah, he wouldn't want you repeating that comment to his wife now would he? -DigitalAngel
  • Did he follow that statement with "Oh, shit forgot to hang up!" -missourimule
  • I feel his pain. -thx1138
  • 184. PEBKAC

    http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20070910/lba070911.gif

    Direct and to the point.

    SFW [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • hehehehehe I love that one! -MadJack
  • I love it. I want to take it home and cuddle it, and nail it to a number of foreheads that can name... -Seamus
  • We're not allowed to use that one, someone leaked it the SFs (and if I find out who it was....) However, CKI Failure seems to be perfectly acceptable and a regularly used closure category! -Loon
  • How about 'failure of an HID component' ? -EtherRabbit
  • Sorry. I don't find this funny. PEBKAC has been around for years, and the author draws it out in 4 panes and suddenly it's fresh? -JTSBrown
  • 185. Filth (NT)

    or: Why plumbers get paid so much.

    This Saturday I had a triple play plumbing problem. First: Bathroom sink draining slowly. Second: Shower draining slowly. Third: Kitchen sink...draining slowly. Being the relatively handy person I am I start with the bathroom sink. Simple job, take out the U bend, take out the stopper, and remove the glob of hair/soap/toothpaste gunk. Then on to the shower.

    This job is a bit worse. I pop the grate off and get out my snake. I feed it into the drain and remove...filth. There is NO other way to describe the black glob of stuff. It's greasy. It's dripping. And it smells bad. Once done the glop of filth is the size of a softball.

    Now for the kitchen. Remove all the stuff that lurks beneath a kitchen sink and pull the drainpipe. The one I can get to has a 1/2" (12.5mm) of grease build up. I clean that off and snake out the kitchen drain. Another glob of filth...kitchen filth. I figure that it's fixed...reassemble plumbing and test. Nope. Get the hose and use water pressure to clear things out. It's slightly better but still slow. Then I go for Plan C. C stands for Chemical. I go to the store and buy a "black bottle" of drain cleaner...it comes sealed in an extra plastic bag for safety. Pour half of it down the drain. Wait 15 min then pour 4 gallons of hot water down the drain. Down goes the water, no backup, no problems.

    I probably saved several hundred dollars of plumber costs. I also learned that Draino is crap. The stuff in the black bottle worked exactly as they promised. Now if I could solve computer problems at work this easy.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You could....but using 'the black bottle' on end-users is probably illegal in most states. -EtherRabbit
  • Your plan C is my Plan A. -thx1138
  • Be careful...that industrial nuclear waste strength stuff, if used too often, can eat your PVC piping. (Daughter of a plumber...) -TechieSidhe
  • That black bottle is sulfuric acid. MEAN STUFF! -srteach
  • Hmm... wonder how'd that work for insect control... Some reason we've got every spider and their families moving in... That will get remedied tomorrow though... -evil grin- -exzyle2k
  • Plan 'C' isn't an option when you're on a septic system with a leach field: any chemical that strong is going to wreck the enzyme balance PDQ. Ah, the tribulations of living in the boonies... -MeanDean
  • Last time the septic tank was pumped? -RiffRaff
  • Oh, all those dumb septics! </Rhyming slang> -lineswine
  • Draino (or the generic variants of it, anyway) always seem to work for me. The only time it didn't is when I had a full-fledged clog in the washtubs in my basement. But those were clogged with a combination of lint from the washer and sand/silt from the sump pump. Snaked that out and have been fine ever since. -racermd
  • 186. Air Conditioning

    Here in sunny California we tend to have fairly mild weather but at times it gets fairly warm. Today we should hit around 100. Why is this important?

    The A/C in our building decided to die late last night so at 5am I arrive to a very warm office. It hasn't gotten any better and only one person is happy...she's the one person that's always cold and is wrapped in a blanket all day. At least I have AC working in my car.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Perfect! Put the servers in your car! -ShujinTribble
  • Ohh you have my sympathy :( I went two months with no AC in my second floor, under the roof office in Florida recently. -Elfling
  • Tell me about it. It's high 90's already, and were' on the top floor of a two story bldg, dressed up all nice for Catbert's arrival. This is SHORTS and TEES weather, NOT slacks, shirts, and ties! Bastige... -MadJack
  • You definitely have my sympathies here. I'd be dead in that heat! Around 25 C is the most I can handle - 87 F - and that only under extreme protest. Ouch! -Loon
  • I can sympathize...went through Basic Training at Ft. Benning, GA, and got there in August. Also drove in a car w/ no AC from Phoenix to Yuma in August in the afternoon. Not something I'd put on the list of really fun stuff to do when you're bored. Hope it gets fixed about 5 minutes ago. -PaseoGuy
  • don't forget it's a "spare the air day", they probably turned the silly thing off to conserve energy. They lowered ours... it 's an oven in here~ -McSmiley
  • Above 90, they need to bottle the weather and store it for release over Chicago along about November. (g) -MadJack
  • I work with a gal like that. In the middle of summer she'll show up in a sweater (and it's in the low 90s with 70% humidity) and complain how the air is set too low (74-76). Yet in the wintertime, she'll show up in a sleeveless blouse, a skirt, drinking a Diet Coke, it's 45 outside, and she's whining about being cold. *shrug* -Zimmerit
  • I used to where a jacket in 90 degree weather. don't anymore -compbrat
  • I'm quite happy at 97 -- provided I'm lying motionless in the shade, naked. So no, not working conditions. -concept14
  • 187. Hopefully not an omen of things to come

    My normal shift is 5am-2pm. The graveyard guy that works Sunday took a day off so I cam in today at 3am and get to leave at noon. I'm expecting a nice 2-3 hour nap before my phone rings.

    3:23AM I get a call.

    I hope this isn't an example of how the rest of the day will be.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Trust me, it will be. I believe it's called Murphy's Law... -katinahat
  • Murphy is alive, well and looking for YOU! I hope the rest of your day is better, mine usually gets worse, especially on a Monday. -Loon
  • Good Luck!! -kennz
  • Why do I dwell in the realm of the cynic and pessimist? Because the pessimist is never _unpleasantly_ surprised! Never _expect_ that you'll get the downtime, and Murphy will be more likely to overlook you. Then you can stop at the end and say, "Gee, no one called me all afternoon!" -Voz
  • Voz: It's called "realist" where I come from - expect the worst, hope for the best. Either way, if you're prepared for Murphy it's vindication. If Murphy chooses not to make an appearance then you're proved wrong in a manner you can enjoy. -Loon
  • I'm 5 hours into my day and the calls/e-mail have been coming in pretty steady since the first call today. Even with 2 other helpdesk people here it's still busy. Lunch break is coming up soon.... -Starfury
  • The optimist: "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." The pessimist: "It's the light of an oncoming train." The cynic: "...and it's late." -VoiceOfSanity
  • I call myself a cynical optimist, I hope for the best in people, but know they're all the same. -evolvedstarfish
  • Optimist: glass is half full. Pessimist: Glass is half empty. Tech: Glass is too big. -ThinTheHerd
  • 188. 4 day weeknd: Things I learned (NT)

    I enjoyed a nice 4 day weekend but am back at work today. I learned a few things over the weekend; some good, some bad.

    1. At amusement parks, there are SF. They are the kind that toss gum at the garbage can, miss, and don't pick it up.
    2. Weekdays near the end of summer are the best days to go to amusement parks. There are no lines for the rides.
    3. No matter how much you mentally prepare, the food prices will surprise you. Pizza/deep fried chicken w/ fries and 2 drinks should not cost $45.
    4. Coming back to work on Wednesday and realizing you have only 3 days to put up with is a good feeling.
    5. Having your queue worked on and down to 2 tickets is good.

    It was a good 4 days off and I'm looking forward to another 3 day weekend (Labor Day) in a week and a half.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • $45 for all that, better have been some dam good food. Corse I guess its due to that 'captive consumer' mentality that places like that tend to get. -Belunar
  • That and Hooters Girls! -FormerSithLord
  • <Finishing FormerSithLord's post> ... to go! -TheGhost
  • True Fact: There is no place to buy chewing gum anywhere in Disneyland. It's one of their myriad Gov't-of-Singapore style rules I can't find fault with. -MeanDean
  • 189. 4 days

    I have the next 4 days off from work, my standard 2 day weekend and 2 days of vacation.

    They're doing a major upgrade to our intranet site on Saturday. Everyone is coming in an hour early on Monday...except me since I'm off. My boss told me today that he would've denied my PTO request if he knew about the update.

    After this week of busy busy days I need the time off.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Now just don't answer the phone. -Zimmerit
  • Or go anywhere your boss or cow-irkers might go so they'll try to snag you into coming in. -thebombthewoman
  • To avoid being called in to work, I suggest leaving for a galaxy far, far, far, far, far, far... gee, way the heck out there! -CyBear
  • I think the attitude in the UK is a little different...I wouldn't do ANYTHING differently, I'd just say "NO" if they tried to get me in work on my own time. Unless, of course, they want to negotiate a nice, extortionate "consultancy fee"... -lineswine
  • lineswine: My God, you guys really DO have paradise over there. C'n I come over? When I'm off, and needed, I get a daisy-chain of phone calls and emails that, if unsuccessful in locating me, end in a lecture Monday about how my job is mission critical (subtext: we want you available 24/7 for the 9-to-5 price). -Learyban
  • "Forget" to put the battery in your cell phone. -56Kdaytrader
  • I'm with LearyBan, can I come over? -Wolfie0827
  • 190. Oh noes...the internet is down!

    Our internet connection went down here at the law firm. First call I get:

    SF: Is the internet down?
    Me: Yes, we just discovered the problem and it's being looked into.
    SF: Oh my God! (click)

    Best call of the day. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • "Tell you what: I'll lend you a temporary internet to use while the problem is solved. I have a couple of spare diskettes here." -TheGhost
  • 'well not the whole internet.' -drachen
  • the bad news is, you can't access your p0rn while the net is down....the good news: solitaire still works -EtherRabbit
  • EtherRabbit: And if you can wank to Solotaire, that's just scary. -linuxmatt
  • LinuxMatt - But have you SEEN what the Queen of Hearts can do? -Divinar
  • ...Knight jump Queen!</HotW:PtI: -ShujinTribble
  • see what happens when you screw with the magnets? -stiffarm
  • Tubes're plugged. Gimme that One Second Plumber thingy. On second thought, gimme two of 'em. -Jay911
  • "Oh, NO! the Skype is falling, the Skype is falling!" -Voz
  • 191. Caffeine

    Today I have not had any caffeine. No soda, no coffee, none. Just water.

    I'm feeling a bit more tired than usual.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Um, WHY? -FixitWench
  • Let us know when the headache kicks in. -Gunpe
  • If you're asking "Why?" it's because I ran out of diet coke at home and there wasn't any at the office. I plan to fix this when I get home today. I've also been cutting back so don't expect a headache. -Starfury
  • I gave it up awhile ago.. that was a couple of days of pain, let me tell you. Since then, I've found the joy that is Jones soda. Caffiene free and I can't get enough. -NightSteel
  • Berry Lemonade! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • uhm, again why? -sarge
  • Try snorting some Folgers Freez dried. -atomicbill
  • 1) Enter Office. 2) Find NO coffee. 3)Make no coffee (See #2) 4) Find no money for coffee/soda. 5) GO HOME. -MadJack
  • 192. Harry Potter

    Apparently a leaked copy of Harry Potter 7 is floating around the interwebs....and on of my co-workers has found this gem. It's a 2mb PDF and it looks to be the complete book.

    Now which printer is the high speed one that does double sided printing....

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • No... no... no... You get a copy of War & Peace and print it to the Boss's inkjet printer from the desk of some co-irker you can't stand. -exzyle2k
  • most of its unreadable..but it does give away some secrets.. -neuman1812
  • I hear that it's a picture of each page taken with someone's cell phone camera, and some pages aren't even legible. Good luck with that. -Bobsentme
  • A full color 8.5x11 doublesided print starts at $109.95 for 100 copies of one page... (VHEG) -MadJack
  • You cast 'Tempus Fugit' and travel 200 years into the future, download a copy from the Guttenburg project (By then it's out of copy write) and return to now.... or just way a few hours and buy a copy!!! -Wonko The Sane
  • WTF ever happened to just being patient, anyway? (/rhetorical) -MadJack
  • The book is actually. Digital camera pictures. They forgot to remove the camera information from them. So they are loking for the leaker that way. -StarFishHearder
  • FYI: This isn't low quality phonecam shots, it looks like it was typed in by hand. Completely readable. -Starfury
  • ... in which case, somebody need to get a life. Me, I'm going to go out and buy it. Biven the speed of double-sided printers, I'll likely have it about the same time you do... and considering the price of copies, maybe only slightly more expensive. -chazz
  • StarFury, there is a download of pictures of the book. I found it, makes it more believable, but i still want to read the book when it is in my hands. -compbrat
  • The book itself was already shipped to some customers of DeepDiscounts.com. There's a lawsuit in progress. -FredKlein
  • The PDF that I have is not pictures of the book, it looks like someone sat down and typed the whole thing in. And I did read about the deepdiscount.com issue...it's a mistake and suing over it is just stupid. -Starfury
  • yes, i can confirm is readable;) just as academic exercise, i will be buying paperback to match collection. -timelady
  • AFAIK (from the IRC e-book community) that was someone that took the time to type the text from a video of someone flipping through the book... too much time?! -ZorglubZ
  • Price war over here in the UK. Price for book = £17.99 . Asda now sells it at £5. Morrisons not to be beaten sell it at £4.99 -Zoomer
  • 193. Starship Troopers

    Didn't want to bump the LOTD

    http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070719

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • LMAO! I'm not that bad but I understand the sentiment. -Tekkie
  • You mean there's a BOOK too?? <hauls a** to the LART shelter> -Daywalker
  • hmm... I have rope, candles and swords... will have to keep that in mind -DedSysOp
  • DSO- Wanna borow some rope? (Evil Grin) -ShujinTribble
  • Rope? I have some slightly used, partially frayed rope here. Just perfect for such a situation. Oh, and it's drenched in petroleum products - burns QUICK B) -ralphp1024
  • Too much chance of missing the sword that way. Hang him up hogtied, with a sword under his heart. Though, candle, dripping acid, or pendulum blade to cut the rope...hmm Ether way, should be facing the rope where its tied and where the candle/blade/other is slowly eating away at the rope. -Belunar
  • Humph. That candle thing takes too dang long. Just cut the rope already! -ManyHats
  • I think we have all read the Evil Overlord list. Don't use fancy slow chancy methods just kill them NOW -Zoomer
  • Nice idea but too quick - picture similar but with a fluid container with a slow leak on the end of the rope. Much more satisfying! -Loon
  • What about bungee cord? You think that would work? -Slycat
  • I can never decide -- is it better to kill 'em quick so they can't possibly escape, or is it better to put them into something slow like that so they can see it coming and die scared? -chazz
  • chazz - And this, young apprentice, is why you fail at being a Sith. Kill them, quickly, with as much agony as possible, so their scream can be heard by all those around - as a warning and example. (Yes... I'm sadistic and efficient. What's your point?) -ShujinTribble
  • Wonderful....now I have a crap 70's disco record playing in my head, non-stop. -lineswine
  • lineswine: Now *that* is a punishment... -Helix666
  • 194. IT supply purchases

    One of my duties here at the helldesk is to handle requests for loaner equipment. Part of this is to provide plug adapters to users that are traveling out of the country. I noticed about one month ago that we were getting low on a few of the more commonly used plugs. Doing my bit, I e-mailed my boss and the purchasing person requesting more.

    4 weeks have gone by and: no plugs.

    Now there are a bunch of users traveling and they all need plug adapters...the ones we're out of. Now this has become a problem and they're scrambling to find some to buy locally. At this point I'm going to pass the buck when I head out today and enjoy a quiet afternoon relaxing.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Aren't users supposed to sign them out then sign them back in when they're done with them? (Boggle) -ShujinTribble
  • Not the wall plugs. They're considered disposable since they run about $1-$3 each. They may go to universal adapters and those would be checked out/in. -Starfury
  • Shujin - Only in a perfect world. You know, like at Walgreens. -kman52000
  • "Lack of planning on your part..." aw, heck -- you all know the rest! -Captain Trips
  • "Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance" is my moto -SwizzleStix
  • Sounds like listen to your tech is more of the lesson of this story. -adarklite
  • 195. Magic Smoke

    I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying the quiet and counting down until I go home...then there is a knock at the helpdesk door...a fairly frantic knock. Since my desk is by the door I get up and open it. One of the trainers is there asking if my boss is in and people are filing out of the training room.

    And something smells bad.

    She looks around the corner, boss is at lunch. I ask what's the problem and she says that one of the computers let out a bunch of smoke and she want's to know what to do.

    Realizing that this is a "bad thing" I walk across the hall to the room and proceed to unplug the offending PC and monitor. I do notice the PC seems to be humming along nicely with the usual pretty lights on the front and back of the computer. I put a ticket in to the HW techs and one comes up. Turns out the power transformer inside the monitor decided to let all of it's magic smoke out and stop working.

    I'm wondering what these people would do at home if one of their electronic things fried.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Probably call 911. And that is after beating the smoke-alarm to death because it is making so damn much noise. And after opening a window because it is smoky. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • A reminder to us all, never let the magic smoke out. -Belunar
  • 'Tis Magic Smoke Monday. The precursor to the fireworks of the Fourth. (eg) -MadJack
  • Yeay, pretty magic smoke! :D -FormerSithLord
  • "Ya gotta let it out, Cap'n!" (The Legend of the USS Titanic, Jamie Brockett) -stiffarm
  • You mean I'm the sixth person to comment here, and no one has pointed out yet that when something electronic starts to burn up at home, they will call Tech Support instead of 911? -Voz
  • The helpdesk office on Monday morning at 7:00 am. There's a frantic knocking on the door. The tech answers it. The person at the door asks if the boss is in, saying, "My home computer let out a bunch of smoke Friday night. What should I do?" Outside the window, several fire department vehicles rush by with sirens screaming... -maciarc
  • No one has suggested applying nosmoke.exe incontheivable! -K1W1
  • One of my first-ever posts.. They call sales to let you know your rail road car is on fire... but you sell development software! -ShujinTribble
  • 196. Praise for the helldesk

    I'm in the lunchroom waiting for my cheeseburger and fries and one of the secretaries is waiting to order. She says "I came in early and I'm hungry!" I ask how early and she says "7:30am". I laugh and say that's not early. She askes what time I arrive and I say "5am". She gives me a "you're insane" look and asks what I do. I tell her Helpdesk. Her eyes widen...and she says

    I don't know what I would do without you people there. Every time I call you're super helpful and very nice. You're a super value-add to the firm! Thank you so much!!!

    Stunned, I call over a co-worker (who's having a bad day) and get the lady to repeat herself. This brightens her day and mine, we never seem to get a lot of "thank you" and "good job" here from the users.

    Praise: doesn't happen often but when it does it makes up for the a$$holes that yell at us.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Bask in the glow of appreciation now for all too soon you will be shivering in the usual chilly indifference or frigid antipathy. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • That rocks socks, man. -Seamus
  • ZOMG, two compliments in our universe in one day!!! Somebody break out the champagne before the universe disappears & gets replaced w/ something even MORE bizarre... (HEG) -MadJack
  • I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise. -Stryker One
  • A compliment and a cheeseburger. What else can you ask for? ;-) -TheGhost
  • ....a dollar. -ShujinTribble
  • ...and a TACO! :D -rokitt
  • Its happened at least once, MadJack. But, I don't think it will happen. For one thing SF would have to be able to understand the universe and then we would have to understand SF. And the day I understand SF is the day I choose to die. -adarklite
  • Yesterday, the Controller for $Peyton Place told me that not only did I keep the computer systems running, that I was also a great source of entertainment for them. It's always great to get a compliment. :~} -RiffRaff
  • relish it, for those moments are rare, and fleeting. -Giovanni
  • 197. I did a dumb thing (NT)

    This weekend I went to Kublacon to play boardgames. I bought my Avalon Hill Advanced Civilizaton set with me, and got to play.

    I left the game at the convention.

    I've e-mailed the con, hoping that some kind soul turned it in; I don't have the $200 or so it would take to purchase a used replacment set from Ebay. Any spare karma that people have would be appreciated.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Sure. Here's some spare karma. -adarklite
  • Oh man - you should have gone to BayCon and gotten drunk at the Black Hole -Divinar
  • 198. Oh no...

    I just recieved an e-mail that IE 7 has passed preliminary testing here...and they're asking for volunteers to have this "upgrade" installed for further testing.

    I fear for my sanity in the next few months...

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Passed preliminary testing? Tell them tier 1 says it still doesn't work w/ the site for beans... (veg) -MadJack
  • I'm at a conference right now (hellooo, Nashville) regarding the dispatch software our center uses. One particular upgrade option requires IE7 in order to run. There's me, two IT techs, an Ops Tech, and an IT Manager, all going "Hellllll, NO" to that idea. :) -Jay911
  • 199. I've got a case of the Mondays

    After reading Riff's story (http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=67600) I need to vent a bit about my day. It's not as bad as his but it's not been fun.

    I arrive, 5am, and things are going good. Phones don't ring until almost 7am. Then it begins.

    1. One tech has the day off PTO. No problem.
    2. Two other techs don't work Monday because they're weekend staff. Minor issue...3 people short but it's been slow.
    3. Tech calls in sick. This is the guy that has NO vacation hours and was in the negative until a few weeks back. Was off Friday and begged for today off and was denied 3x (there may be some sort of biblical reference here but I digress) by the boss because he only had 8 hrs of vacation.

    Now we're four helpdesk people short and the phones start to ring. The queue starts to hover at 1-3 waiting constantly. All of us that are here are not happy w/ the situation. My lunch rolls around, take 30 min (instead of an hour) and come back to full lines. Nothing is broken, it's all the usual stupid calls we get daily, just more of them.

    As a bounus: Five of the admins that handle cell phones, phones, PDAs, and e-mail issues are off; a few all week. 75 min and counting...

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Your Karma account is growing at about 29 percent! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Or bad karma is being paid back. Did you club baby seals in a former life, Starfury? <eg> -RiffRaff
  • Warranty void if seal is broken. -ShujinTribble
  • i deffinatly clubbed bably seals in a former life i am a moron magnet i get very similar to that only its the 70th time of walked the same person through howto double click -r3tude
  • 200. I want a new

    Keyboard!

    User calls in this morning. "My keyboard isn't working. I have an ergonomic one and need it replaced ASAP." I do basic troubleshooting and nothing helps. So I put in the ticket and send the hardware tech out w/ a keyboard. I get an IM from the HW tech with the actual problem.

    "She could not work due to spilling soda on the keyboard"

    Note to the SF: Just tell me that you broke it. We don't charge for it and will fix it...and we will make fun of you here at the helldesk.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I spilled champagne on mine a couple of days ago, but I got REAL lucky and got it dumped out and dried off fast enough that it still works. -ManyHats
  • It's the coffee that eats through the wiring the fastest! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • All soda is bad -- carbonic acid -- but Coke is worst because of the phosphoric acid. -chazz
  • Drinking champagne in front of a computer? -EtherRabbit
  • It was the 21st anniversary of the day I became a mom. (aka my son's 21st birthday, and his champagne) -ManyHats
  • *grabs glass of champagne and stands up* A toast, if I may! *pause* And some marmalade on it, if I dare ask. *drinks the champagne, eats the toast and flees to the LART shelter* -TheGhost
  • I dumped a glass of Coke on my ergoboard a few weeks back. Drained it, cleaned it, and fortunately she seems to be OK. -Mahal
  • I got coke in my keyboard one time, but I snorted it all out... yup, I snort coke right out of the can. I put coke on my nipples one time, but it stained my shirt and pooled in my navel. -CyBear
  • 201. A song for Burrkiss

    I saw this video and thought it was perfect for Burrkiss. NSFW!!!

    http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=tu4xf1178885660

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • That's dis-GUST-ing! Pervert! Why the hell were you even LOOKING for this?! (Ctrl+S - C:/downloads/private/movies/WhyTheHellDidntIFindThisFirst/ ) -ShujinTribble
  • This is from the Bob and Tom radio show from like 5 years ago. The video has been re-done but it's the same audio, I have the original. eg -Gunpe
  • I see your cameltoe and raise you a mooseknuckle: http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/Motivational%20-%20Mooseknuckle.jpg -SalParadise
  • uhm... "Do not want" -ShujinTribble
  • Starfury: Funny and picturesque...TY. Sal: Had to ruin it didn't you! Someone pass the brain bleach! -TubPorsche
  • TP - Gitcxher own... this 55 gal drum is MINE! -ShujinTribble
  • Thanks to Sal I'll never be able to drink a Moosehead Beer or drive thru Moosup, Connecticut without having that image pop into my brain. Oh the inhumanity of it all! - -TubPorsche
  • Hey, I like Moosehead! Well, except for the scratches on my thighs.... -SalParadise
  • O.o Thanks Salparadise...now I won't be able to watch "Northern Exposure" anymore. O.o -rokitt
  • OK THAT MOOSE KNUCKLE WAS UNCALLED FOR!!! Although that song f-n rocked. -burrkiss
  • Wow, I went over *Burkiss's* line? I feel like I've really achieved something now! -SalParadise
  • that woman needs to loose weight -compbrat
  • 202. Complaining about the helldesk

    My supervisor got a nasty letter from one of the SF we support. Apparently she called in four times and nobody created a helpdesk ticket for her. We are very good about putting in tickets for everything, no matter how small or unimportant.

    But...

    If you're going to put the names of people in the letter that didn't help you make sure not to use names of helldesk members that don't work here anymore.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Well, maybe the fishie has been waiting for a resolution to the issue for that long. /hides -exzyle2k
  • Well, maybe if she'd given her NAME, maybe it wouldn't be somwhere under "Unknown" or "Jane Doe"... -MadJack
  • LART at will! -Bobsentme
  • Mgmt. Reply "Yes ma'am, following your letter, none of the persons named in your letter work for the company. Tyhe mug bitch will think she got folk canned by her self-righteous attitude, whist we all laugh at her for being the insufferable entitlement whore we know her to be. -lineswine
  • And starfish tend to call it things like 'the helpless desk' in frustration, while they congratulate each other for coming up with something so amazingly clever. And after that they can either opt for a nap or colouring time, but not both. -teivrann
  • "...We Will Set You On Fire" /still posted at my desk. -AngrySup
  • Reply: "Well, Ma'am, i apologize for this, but it seems that everytime a tech had to go into your computer, they found massive amounts of home made porn. Rather than remove it, or report it, they chose to view it and record it. This caused their immediate terminations. Also, we had to keep some as evidence. Nice tits. Goodbye." -Bobsentme
  • We just had one of these! The fish claimed she was called a retarded bitch by a guy named Jake. I've been here nearly 3 years, and there's never been anyone here named Jake - or anyone whose name is remotely close to Jake. We all got a good laugh out of it. -Zimmerit
  • My sister, while working at <luxury hotel chain>, once got a caller who insisted that the hotel had posted her room phone charges on her home phone. -pinkflower
  • 203. I don't feel like it

    I don't feel like going to work tomorrow, so I'm not.

    I blame my wife for putting the "play hookey" idea in my head.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Do you: 1.) REEeeaallly need the day away from starfish? 2.) have the ability to take the day off without jeopardizing your job? 3.) have any projects (or leisure time) you've been meaning to get around to? If you answered Yes to any two of these questions, then GO FOR IT. You've earned it, man. -Seamus
  • 4) Will the Wife make it fun for you to play hookey. -Caboose447
  • Seamus: Calling in won't jepordize my job and I do have some hobby stuff I'd like to work on. -Starfury
  • Caboose: Wife will be at work. Plus: Aunt Irma is visiting. (The IT Crowd, episode 6) -Starfury
  • Caboose... when you said that, I immediately thought "Sky rockets in flight... Afternoon delight!" -EagleEye
  • I played hookey the other day. Scored 2 goals and had an assist. <skates off to the bad pun LART shelter> -beerman
  • <PA announcement> TSC penalty to beerman, two minutes for punning and a ten-minute misconduct. </PA> Good thing we're up against fishies, or they'd have a power play. -Frazzled
  • I don't feel like going to work today, either, but it's too late -- I've already been here half a day! -Captain Trips
  • Tempting, but I need all the hours I can earn (it's an 11 day payday, and I have to take Wednesday off (last day of the payperiod) to go to traffic court to deal with this farked up ticket garnishment. (T/C is only about a mile from my office, will prolly still come in if I get done b4 1. I'd rather play hookey on Friday, anyway) (I'd be tempted otherwise, but with a new team lead, she's a bit stricter on unscheduled time off than our last boss, who cut us a LOT of slack...) -MadJack
  • 204. My ticket queue

    After one week of training the two new guys and lower than average call volume I have

    One

    ticket in my queue. And that ticket is on hold until next week. Life is good.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • ...Singular sensation! -ShujinTribble
  • every little step you take.. -neuman1812
  • Meanwhile.... NO outbound test calls cuz yer bored, hear now? (eg) -MadJack
  • .. until smeone realises the ticketing systems front end has been down for a week... and stupidly fixes it. -Harm
  • 205. Neep goes the Crackberry user

    I work for a law firm...this means that there are a LOT of lawyers with Blackberries. This morning the phones have been ringing with neeping lawyers wanting to know when this will be fixed. Some have even wanted to know why they were not notified of the problem.

    By e-mail.

    We do have a status line they can call for updates. There are hundreds of laywers that work here and not all of them use blackberries. STFU and deal with it. The world will not end because you can't get your e-mail 24/7. The sun still came up this morning and life goes on.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Why do Lawyers wear ties? To keep the foreskin from creeping up and covering their face. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I will never understand why a profession that is forced to deal in paperwork needs such high end CRAP. -Bobsentme
  • Lawyers also wear ties to cut off the oxygen requirement to their brain, so they don't realize they're suffocating in the rarefied air they like to breathe. This also applies to PHBs and the like that think wearing an piece of cloth around your neck that suffuses the air to your brain is a good idea. -MadJack
  • What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? -Armakuni
  • Armakuni: Either a good start, or an old joke, depending on how many times you've heard it before. -chazz
  • Okay, why don't sharks eat lawyers? -CaffeineHead
  • Yeah, yeah... professional courtesy. What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp? -chazz
  • Ours were going thru the same thing, it was a service provider issue. Gah! Their email worked, it just wasn't getting to the crackberry! -ManyHats
  • I work for one of the bigass wireless carriers and I heard neeping all day. I had someone actually ask how else they were supposed to get e-mail. -ThePreacher
  • Lawyer/carp: People eat carp. Lawyers eat people. -MadJack
  • MadJack: Nope. Lawyer / carp: one is a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, the other is a fish. -chazz
  • Bob - To paraphrase from the client's perspective "When overnight carrier just isn't fast enough." For us, a lot of our clients are into high tech so we're expected to be up to their speed. -redevil34
  • What's the difference between a skunk on the road and a lawyer on the road? -Wolfshead
  • ........... -Wolfshead
  • There are skidmarks in front of the skunk. -Wolfshead
  • 206. Knowing your limits (NT)

    Last night my son's friend had a birthday party at a place with inflatable buildings/obstacle courses. His dad (nearing 40) decided it would be fun to go through the obstacle course all the kids were going through. He goes in, and normal healthy man and comes out

    with a dislocated shoulder.

    He tried to pop it back in and when that didn't work off to the ER he goes. He'll be off work about a week while it heals and I'm sure his frieds will be reminding him of this for a looong time.

    There is a bit of irony in this too, his wife fell out of a tree she was trimming Easter weekend, got a cut that took 10 stiches to fix.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • At the end of the universe there will be only three beings left: Tyr Anasasi.... The cockroaches... and Keith Richards! -ShujinTribble
  • I think it was Gallagher that once said that the trick $Deity plays on us is to give us our entire youth to learn to do stuff we can't do when we get older...and we never find out that we can't until we try and wake up in the hospital. -ChildofCthulhu
  • You're never too old to be immature. </Red Green> -Fuji
  • We went to a bouncehouse place for a friend's kids party too a month or so ago. I went through a (somewhat healthy 37yo. I came out the other end an exhausted old man who needed oxygen. -Jeckler
  • Have your kids young, and you'll still be *somewhat* in shape enough until they get to adulthood themselves. (and the teenage parenting classes get a huge boost...) -namor
  • Getting old sucks... period. I routinely say "I can still do what I used to, it just hurts more and takes longer to recover" -Grembo
  • 207. Rule 1 and the printer

    I'm training the new guy and get a call from a SF with a printing problem. I do the basic troubleshooting including asking:

    Is the network cable plugged in from the printer to the wall?

    She says "yes" and since I can't find a problem with her PC I dispatch the printer tech. The ticket comes back and what is the problem? The network cable was unplugged from the printer.

    The most annoying part: it makes me look lilke a moron to the printer tech.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Did you call me this afternoon???? -formatCdrive
  • Well, you only actually asked them if the network cable was plugged into the wall! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Next time, ask how many cables run from the printer to the wall, the bint probably saw the power cord and thought 'well, its connected to the wall all right.' -evolvedstarfish
  • SF have this powerful filter in their brains. It filters out any descriptive term that could be considered technical. Words like network, ethernet, power, dsl, etc. do not make it past this filter. That is why most cords from the ISP are color coded. Colors actually make it past that filter. -adarklite
  • We get this with storefish too. Luckily it's a self-LART when they lie instead of checking a cable. If the onsite tech finds the cable's unplugged, the store gets billed for the service call. -TechnoCat
  • AS long as the ticket had that you asked the question and the answer you got, the printer tech will know it's not you. Boss at job[-2] used said it best - "If it's not in the ticket, it didn't happen." Our ticket logs used to resemble War and Peace, and we learned to type _really_ fast. On the flip side, if something _was_ in the ticket, our original boss would absolutely back us to the hilt on it. -Geminii
  • 208. I need a new

    power supply.

    At the helldesk I'm responsible for issuing loaner equipment. One of the contract attorneys needed to borrow a laptop to work at home since her IE7 computer doesn't work with our intranet. She comes in this morning because the laptop I issued is missing the power supply.

    Her: I need a power supply, there isn't one in the bag.
    Me: Let me check. Unzips the front pouch on the bag, reaches in and pulls out....the power supply.
    Me: Here it is.
    Her: I will kill my husband for this!!!! He said that there wasn't one in the bag!!!
    Me: Sorry about that. Anything else I can help you with?
    Her: How do I connect it to the internet at my house? We have a bunch of stuff connected to the computer (Oh no...a starfish, and she was doing so well) and one of them says Netgear.
    Me: Let me get you a cable and you can plug the laptop directly to the router.

    She leaves...fuming at her husband since she specifially wanted to work at home.

    Why she didn't check herself for the power supply I don't know. I do know that her husband had better run for the LART shelter because she's really going to let him have it.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • She's an attorney - that should be explanation enough. <sigh> -Gromit
  • **broadcasting from LART Shelter** Q: "What's the difference between a rabid Doberman and a female lawyer? A: 'Lipstick!' (watches attacks on LART Shelter...."Hah! Fooled you ALL! I'm ^^elsewhere^^") -CTYankee
  • Gee, it's nice to go 'Fox Hunting' with radio gear... Ok folks, the Yagi says he's over there. SIC-em! -ShujinTribble
  • meh - release the airail lazer droids. they will loikc on him and get him in no time. they don;t sleep. he will have to :) someone pass the remote and another alcoholic beverage? please? thank you! -Harm
  • DUCK Season! -CTYankee
  • RABBIT Season. -MSimmons777
  • She didn't look for the power supply herself because...she's a lazy, self-entitled bitch? -lineswine
  • 209. Car I want: didn't want to bump the LOTD

    http://www.teslamotors.com

    Considering I've hit 40 I think I'll need a mid-life crisis car.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I would consider it when the price comes down to less than half, but nice car. -Gunpe
  • Mid-life crises cars are for guys who can't get a mid-life girlfriend at least 20 years younger. (LART SHELTER, AWAY!) -Bobsentme
  • Yeah, but when you get the Ferrari the big tittied trophy wife soon follows. -burrkiss
  • I will happily wait until 2009 (and hopefully win the lottery before then) for the 4-door sedan that is about half the price of the 2-door roadster. -ManyHats
  • Ooh! Me like! But I want the big muscle option instead of the big breasted one please. -FixitWench
  • Great I just messed in my pants. Oh well, looks like Muggles is gonna have to go commando at work again... I love high cube walls! -mugglemage
  • My mid-life crisis car will probably be a Mustang.. if Ford still exists in 15 years. -NightSteel
  • I mean.....uhhhhhh..... nice car. -mugglemage
  • I'm too old for a mid-life crisis... so I guess I don't get one. -chazz
  • burrkiss: Already got the wife with big tits. Just need a car to go with them. -Starfury
  • Lice lookin' guy... and if I had the choice, I'd go with the GREEN colour... after all, if y'r gunna be a show off, go wild. Right? (Yeah.. and at 98k for my choice... I'll have to wait for now.) -ShujinTribble
  • Give me an Ariel Atom with an Ecotec, and we'll talk. -namor
  • my midlife crisis was getting a Harley last year -crazymactech
  • This looks nice, for certain values of jaw-droppingly expensive: http://cars.ign.com/articles/679/679463p1.html -concept14
  • Gotta agree Bob (besides, 20 years younger when you're 40? She'll barely be legal! (BARELY...<EG>) Ow! Honey, Stop! Ouch! Besides, what's wrong w/ only ten years younger? (You get the younger women w/ older cars, anyhoo... such as the black '77 Lambo in 'Cannonball Run'... (the only question, do the chicks come w/ the car?) OW! HoneyOUCH!! Quitit! You're MUCH better looking than Adrienne Barbeau was then, anyhoo... Molly Picon, on the other hand... Ow! I'm kidding, hon, seriously... -MadJack
  • ohhh i'm 26.. can i have a quarter life crisis? wait.. think i'm still in that mode... AWSOME I WANT ONE! -Harm
  • Sorry to be the one, but I call that B.S. and with capital B and S. They claim that it has 185 KW (about 250 HP), with a motor that weights 70 pounds. BIG B.S. A 250 HP electric motor will weight BY ITSELF a lot more than 2000 pounds. Here is an example: http://www.baldor.com/products/product.asp?1=1&product=AC+Motors&family=All+Families%7Ctbl%5FACMotors&phase=3&hp=250 -TheGhost
  • I got an idea: take this link to the break room, and we can discuss it some more. I may be outdated, but I'm still a mechanical engineer and I'm just not buying it. However, if anyone knows of the breaktrough technology capable of doing that, I'm interested. -TheGhost
  • Ghost - the link points at industrial-rated 3-phase Alternating Current motors. If I'm not mistaken, don't battereies deliver Direct Current? -lineswine
  • My Mercury Mariner Hybrid has a 94 hp (125 kw) DC electric motor. It weighs more than 70 pounds. Probably on the order of 200 pounds. -MSimmons777
  • Incidentally, 1 horsepower = 0.745699872 kilowatt. So 185 kW is not 250 hp, but 185 hp is approximately 250 kW. So the DC motor would mass a lot. -MSimmons777
  • It also depends on the reliability and operating time you would like. The MK 48 torpedo has about a 3/4 horse DC motor that is boosted to about 600 horse for the duration of its time to target. As long as the motor lasts the requisite time, you don't really care, as it will be destroyed at warhead impact anyway. -MSimmons777
  • 210. Network meltdown fun

    Today arrived like every other day, the alarm goes off, I get up, get ready and go to work. First 2 hours at work are queit...then 7am hits.

    For the last hour+ our queue has been in the red. Something has broken but nobody has figured out what other than it's a network problem. Should be a fun morning.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Those are always fun days. You come in, the help desk is ringing off the hook, there's no network connectivity for the entire site... and your network person is taking a vacation day and is in Outer Mongolia at the moment. *SIGH* -VoiceOfSanity
  • so I should'nt unplug this cable? -neuman1812
  • This is the outcome if you plug in the coffee maker where the switch or server was. The solution is not to swap back but to unplug the phones and plug in a margarita machine. -MrJay67
  • 211. Odd reason for not coming to work

    Today one of the helpdesk guys called in. The reason? Someone broke into his car...so they could open the hood (bonnet for the UK people) and steal the battery. I guess if your car won't start because you didn't replace a failing battery the best thing to do is steal someone elses.

    So now we're 3 people short (One w/ sick kid and another guy is running late.) Going to be a fun day. Is it 2pm yet? [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • A friend of a friend parked her car in an airport park and ride. She came back to discover that someone had broken into her car in the same way just to steal her catalytic converter. Lousy bastards. -PikaPikaChick
  • If I'm not mistaken...not a car tech, but wouldn't they have to get under the vehicle, and take a little time to steal a catalytic converter? Guess nobody noticed that???? -ThatDevilTech
  • urm...maybe it's just logic speaking, but wouldn't it be more suspicious to steal and carry around a car part, then just drive off with the whole %^&* car as if it were yours ? -EtherRabbit
  • Cats contain platinum and palladium, which are worth a lot and can be traded for cash at a scrap metal dealer. The car requires technology to steal, the cat needs a hammer and tin snips. And while many cats are under the car, not all are; mine is in what would be the transmission hump if the Camry was rear-wheel drive, and is accessed through the engine compartment. -chazz
  • My last cat used to sleep under the car, but no one tried to steal him. <bg> -LadySharky
  • Coworker came out to his car one morning to find someone had stolen, wait for it, his alternator! -Stryker One
  • 212. Hopefully Murphy is done with me

    For backstory: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=64298

    After doing numerous tests...my HD is not messed up, turns out it was the DVD clicking so that's one thing down...plus I backed up my important stuff on DVD. However...the master cylinder on my car is dying, so there's a $275 repair that'll be done tomorrow. Stopping is a good thing. Hopefully Mr. Murphy is done with me.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • sending out the ac -130 to your local... should keep Murphy away for a bit. -Harm
  • Harm - given the USAF prediliction for "Buddy Blasting", an AC-130 is probably the LAST thing Starfury needs! -lineswine
  • A C-130 loaded with karma would be nice. An AC-130 isn't usually loaded with good karma for participants on the ground. Bad juju to be under fire from one of those things. -MSimmons777
  • LS - hence why we have Cannuck crew on it :) - oh wait.. were did those F-15's come fome . IFF! IFF! IFF! aww crap! -Harm
  • Harm / LS, I just reread thread in context. Harm was trying to do in Murphy with the AC-130. Unfortunately, by Murphy's law, you'll do in everything but Murphy. The AC-130 is a little indiscriminant. -MSimmons777
  • As a member of the Murphy clan, I would like to remind everyone again that we are contractually obligated to make things go wrong in threes. The failure to complete the hard-drive death forced us to make up this issue by hitting the car at a similar level. Your three are complete, and our agents will move on. Murphy- Refilling your Karma pool since 1423 -JTSBrown
  • Hey, I find the AC-130 to be a wonderful thing. It happens to keep ME employed. (I'm right outside the gate to Hurlburt Field, where the AC-130's are headquartered). -VoiceOfSanity
  • I've got a request for fire support from the Spectre - everyone who annoyed the crap outta me today. -Zimmerit
  • 213. Murphy's Law in Action

    Where I work they give out bonus checks in January. It is around 2 weeks pay, which is very nice. The Federal taxes ($500+) sucked. I received my check and was still very happy with the amount...especially since I've been here 9 months. But then Mr. Murphy decicdes that I don't need to keep my money.

    First thing: Cat was in a fight and had an abcess. We didn't notice until it ruptured. Now my cat has a 5" scar on it's belly from the surgery and $350 of my bonus went to that bill.

    At this point I figured I'd suffered the Wrath of Murphy but he wasn't done. The brakes on my car aren't working quite right...and I'm guessing that the master cylinder is on it's way out. 10 yr old car...not too unexpected, so there goes another chunk.

    Third (and hopefully final) is that last night my hard drive was clicking...and the PC freezing up. Didn't do it this morning...but I'd rather replace it before it dies. Now I have the joy of buying a new HD and rebuilding my PC.

    The one good thing is that Fry's has a 400gb IDE drive for $109, or a 200gb SATA for $50. I'm hoping that this will be the end of the bonus bleeding; I'd like to save some of the money for other things.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • You have forgotten the first rule of middle class economics which states, "as much as you make is as much as it takes", thereby precluding any savings, holding back, or future large cash only purchases. Living week to week has become the norm and worse a lot of people are forced to borrow ahead at the likes of amscot and such at 25% interest or higher. Murphy knows exactly how much cash you have and he will not be satisfied until it is a negative number. Best of luck.... -ausador
  • Or you could choose to look at it this way; had you not gotten the bonus, you would have had to pay for that stuff anyway and it would have left you flat broke. -CaffeineHead
  • There's always one optimist in the group... -Starfury
  • Oh, I'm no optimist. I just wanted to cheer you up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stare at my razor and consider life again. -CaffeineHead
  • I hear ya. I *had* some savings... until I decided I don't want my clutch to die for a third time, so I'm helping have the engine/tranny pulled this week while I'm on vacation. Whee. -namor
  • Heard from a comedian about the homeless: "Broke!?! Your not broke, your EVEN! I'm 25k in debt, I'm BROKE!" -Bobsentme
  • I got promoted in mid-December, so I had the higher pay rate for half the month. My first full check on the newer pay rate was for January. Our checks for any given month are issued on the 5th of the following month. So what happened on Feb. 5th? I hit a frickin' coyote on the way to work. $1200 damage, $500 deductible. So much for the extra for that month.. -NightSteel
  • Don't need to rebuild yet assuming the new HDD is at least as large as the old one. Get knoppix, boot it with both HDDs plugged in, partition the new HDD the way you want, then dd each partition to the new hdd ( dd if=/dev/hda1 of=/dev/hdb1 ). If one of the copied partitions has a linux filesystem, go ahead and fsck it, and if there's a FAT or NTFS filesystem, boot it up into windows and it should auto chkdsk. I've done that in a dire situation where I needed to buy some extra time. (don't know if it'll work again, but what harm will it be besides the time? Alternatively, find a livecd distro of linux with HDD imaging software and ghost the data (this would be more reliable because it would automatically make any modifications needed to the filesystem) -linuxmatt
  • Can't read... -Hellion
  • Yea -- know that feeling - i was digging my way free of of my visa balanmce -- when a collection agency is now trying to hit me up for 3.5 k due to a apartment i havent lived in in 2 years having never actuially taken me off the lease - even though they stated they DID several times.. and now my room mates is gonna be moving out in a couple months as hes ben accepted into the RCMP... there goes my LCD TV and motorcycle.. which i was saving up for. -Harm
  • Star, you can get 500GB for $165.00. http://www.eaglebit.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=EB-250-00018&Click=14 -Stryker One
  • Harm, did they leave the old apt vacant the entire time? if not, they just want double rent and should be taken to court, not paid one red cent. -evolvedstarfish
  • Harm, I had a similar issue. The lessor's agents (apartment management) said it was ok to move out, they'd probably get a new renter in quickly. I got a letter 2 months after the lease had expired requesting 2 months lease (around $900). I spent $120 with a lawyer, he wrote a nice letter to them saying that since I was never informed in writing until well after the fact, they were estoppeled from pursuing the issue. Don't know the law where your at, but that $120 US was the best spent money on a lawyer I ever spent. -MSimmons777
  • 214. The Plague

    Working helldesk can be hazardous to your health.

    Why? Currently half of the helldesk staff are sneezing and/or coughing. I do not want or need to get sick. It's times like this I'm glad that my cube is in the far corner. I will also be washing my hands more than usual to do my best to avoid the plague that seems to be going around.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I had a flu shot this year, for the first time in my life. When I quit the Jobs, the whole contact center was sick, except for me & the other tech who had the shot. Just the two of us, out of 280 or so. I'm sold on it now. But (damn you, Murphy!) now I'm sure to fall ill. -ThinTheHerd
  • And exactly why I keep hand sanitizer with me at all times. Small one in my bag, pump bottle of it on my desk. -FixitWench
  • I had one this season - first since the year I retired from the Air Force. People around here are getting sick with "a cold" and then DYING - forget that! -PTSTech
  • PTST: Captain Tripps, maybe? -Dante668
  • I'm lucky to have a robust immune system. Once I've got used to "the local set of bugs" after moving somewhere, I very rarely get ill enough to matter. Now, if I could only do something about my permanent jetlag... -Chromatix
  • I'm generally pretty healthy, too, sadly. That said, a few weeks ago I missed a couple of days because I was vomiting too hard to come in. That's unheard of for me. I generally just let the germs come. that's kind of the idea behind a shot, anyway, isn't it? -namor
  • A6 -thatgirl
  • Andromeda Strain? -thatgirl
  • New years Plague. -Harm
  • Do you notice that nearly all of the first-wave sick people are those with children in either childcare or junior school? -Wraith556
  • 215. There is evil afoot! (NT)

    One of the helldesk staff I work with has a fried that works for See's Candies. The friend gets the reject candy that isn't shaped right or has some other flaw. Today he brought in some of that candy.

    Three bags.

    Not small bags but the gallon size freezer bags full of candy. He's got the molasses chips (yum), Dark buttercream, and Milk Bordeaux (my favorite). So far I've resisted going over and eating them but my resistance is weakening and I don't think I'll be able to hold out with out eating 1 or 2 handfuls of them.

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Oh my. Oh my. Oh, do I miss See's California Brittle. We don't have See's in Chicago, and while Fannie Mae has some wonderful stuff, their toffee just isn't quite up to See's California Brittle. *sigh* -ManyHats
  • Heh, and I can't have ANY of that until after my gallbladder surgery tomorrow... -vacuumtubes
  • Resistance Is Useless. Your Teeth, As They Have Been, Are Now Rotten.</Who didn't see this one commin'?> -ShujinTribble
  • For those in the UK, I get the Hotel Chocolat box every month, and would cheerfully sell my granny to pay for the next box - if you're a chocoholic, check out www.chocs.co.uk for the nearest store.. or just get mail order. Diptera accepts no responsibility for huge weight gain caused by reading this comment. :) -Diptera
  • Sorry - only English chocolate place I will ever visit again is [ http://www.thorntons.co.uk/ ] -ShujinTribble
  • Hershey's or death! Seriously. I can't stand any other chocolate (bar). THe local market has 5oz. bars on sale all the time for 10 for $10. I (OK, my wife) stock(s) up (for me)! -Jeckler
  • I tried to resist...but have failed. I had ONE (so far) of the Milk Bordeux candies. I feel them calling...eat me...eat me.... -Starfury
  • Just grab and stuff, Star. Live for the moment. Come on, look at those bags...don't they look delicious? I can practically taste it right now.... </evil> -CaffeineHead
  • but - no one else enjoys those candies more then you. you HAVE to eat a few. c'mon. indulge. how offen do you have an opertunity such as this. ( way too good a playing the evil guy) -Harm
  • What's truly evil is living less than a mile downwind of the ghiradelli chocolate factory. Every night we can tell which variety they're making. -McSmiley
  • ...they're ONLY WAY-farh theen! -ShujinTribble
  • The office is no place for a diet. -Stryker One
  • I have tried and failed to explain the wonderfulness that is See's candy. "So, it's like Godiva?" "Bite your tongue! Godiva has NOTHING on See's." IMO, the only thing on the East Cost that comes close is Wilbur's, located in Lancaster Cty, near Amish country. -AmazingKreskin
  • 216. Updates suck

    Where I work updates are remotely installed on PCs. Some can be done at night if the PC is left on or they're done when the system is rebooted/started in the morning. Notices are sent out via e-mail to every person so they're aware of them. This morning I had a pissed off user calling that it had been 30 min and her PC was still updating. I let her know that the updates take 30+ min to install and then I tossed some more fuel on her flames of anger by letting her know that a notice had been sent out informing staff that on the next re-start of their PC an update would be installed. The response:

    CLICK

    Music to my ears. Tag call as a upset user and close the ticket.

    I'm sure when the bulk of the staff arrive and power on their PCs the phones will light up.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • you don't like that, well take this! *sets (l)users GroupPolicy to run reboot.bat on system start* -EtherRabbit
  • This is why our IT sents out a message saying that computers need to be left turned on and logged out on update nights. The user is then responsible for a late login for failure to follow procedure. -PolarCoyote
  • Polar: An e-mail was sent out and it said exactly what would happen. Not my fault the users don't read what IS sends out. -Starfury
  • Just make sure to CYA. -RamenMcTavish
  • It was a lawyer, wasn't it. That's how many of them react at my firm when they fail to leave the desktop turned on on Update Night or to allow extra login time for the laptop the next morning. -ManyHats
  • 217. My parents vs. E-mail

    My parents have been visiting for the last five days and have used my kids PC to check their e-mail. My dad is into faceting and gets a newsletter sent to him every few weeks. He had a concern about reading the newsletter on the PC at my house...

    He was afraid that by reading the attachment it would be removed from his Yahoo e-mail account.

    Being the good son (and not wanting to make him feel bad) I explained that the message is left on the server until he deletes it and the file is copied to my PC.

    I also got to walk my mother through attaching a file to Yahoo e-mail...and I know she didn't get it. Now they're off to Vegas before returning to Hawaii.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Home is Hawaii? Wow! -IceRuby
  • If they need on-site support, I'm available on a travel, time and materials basis! <Yeah, I'd even trouble shoot Microshaft! Wait! What AM I saying!> -TubPorsche
  • 218. Team building events

    The helldesk where I'm at (large law firm) is having a team building event. We had several things to choose from:

    Gourmet cooking lesson
    Go Carts
    Bowling
    San Jose Sharks Game

    After the votes were talled, the entire helpdesk is going to a Sharks game on company time. As a bonus they were raffling off extra tickets for this Thursday's game.

    I got one of the 8 tickets they had.

    This means that I'll be at the game this Thursday night at the Shark Tank, seating in one of the box seats, and having dinner at the buffet set up for the "rich" people.

    My wife is very upset with me.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Let me guess... said wife is a big-time hockey fan? I suppose some folks would be upset at getting some quality tickets... sorta like George Jetson and Mr. Spacely at the football game. [Obscure reference there...] -VoiceOfSanity
  • LETS GO FLYERS! BAM BAM BAMBAMBAM LET'S GO FLYERS! BAMBAM BAMBAMBAM....(yea, I'm a Flyers fan!) :) -JoeLugian
  • I would've voted for the Gourmet cooking lessons... if it ain't the Red Wings, it ain't worth my time! 8-) -Ulfgaard
  • i woulda gone for the go catrs.. or PAINTBALL! but ... no Sens, not worth it. -Harm
  • Ulfgaard - "Red Wings" That's DISGUSTING!</Sick Puppy mode> -ShujinTribble
  • I agree with you Ulfgaard. If it isn't Red Wings hockey than it is not real hockey. -conundrum
  • OH! "HOCKEY"! Riiiiiiiiiiight..... -ShujinTribble
  • I love hockey. I mean, boxing on ice with sticks! Go Stars! -maciarc
  • as I drunkenly said (read: screamed) to a live TV camera at a game: DEVILS, Mu'Fucka!!! -beerman
  • I'm with JoeLugian! LET'S GO FLYERS!!! (He SCORES for a case of Tastycakes!!) -Grayhawk
  • Ice Hockey is soccer with skates, sticks and much anger. And a much smaller playing field, so the players can't escape each other. And big high walls to make absolutely sure. And organ music so the rage just keeps coming. -VoiceOfSanity
  • I love it when i go to a fight and a hockey game breaks out! -thatgirl
  • *lol* You have San Jose, we have Worcester Sharks here where I am (well, and Providence Bruins, UGH!)... Yep, related... Have fun!!!!! -taieena
  • *agrees wholeheartedly with ulf and Conundrum about 'her' beloved Red Wings* My jersey doesn't fit- my ex got me a woman's small. :( But it's hanging in a place of honour on my living room wall... For local AHL, Worcester Sharks (Hey, at $15 for expensive seats?), but first place in my heart is the Wings! -taieena
  • 219. Gandydancer's poem (NT)

    This is non-tech but in many ways it applies to those of us that do front line support or IT work in general.

    My Job

    It's not my place to run the train
    The whistle I can't blow
    It's not my place to say how far the train's allowed to go
    It's not my place to shoot of steam or even clang the bell
    BUT let the damn thing jump of the track...
    and see who catches hell!

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I like it. Even more so since I'm trying to revive my DC remotely. Not too sure what happened to it but I know I'll catch hell. -boxcar
  • Starfury, I've had that hanging on my wall for a couple of years. The boss didn't see the humor, tho. -Tekkie
  • 220. I thought Riff or VT had snapped...

    Saw the title of this news areticle and my first thought was that Riff or VT had snapped.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070111/ap_on_re_us/workplace_shooting

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Nah, that said SHOOTING. Now, if it said "Beating", I'd think Riff or VT -Bobsentme
  • "I swear, if you tell me to reboot my CM one more time I'll..." "OK sir, I'll just need you to reboot your..." "THAT'S IT!!!" -EtherRabbit
  • 4 wounded, no kills? Somehow I think that Riff is a better shot than that. -SalParadise
  • He shot people... over a perceived issue of 'respect'?! You take a gun into a place filled with cripples and you only WOUND *4*? Y'r not gunna get any respect in jail, my friend.</YES, I know it's crude and in poor taste.... but THINK about it a sec...> -ShujinTribble
  • I can't help but wonder if he was one of the "developmentally challenged" workers, and if so, how he acquired a handgun. -ThinTheHerd
  • From an alternate viewpoint - You've dedicated your life to assisting the developmentally challenged. You're a supervisor that cares. The other supervisors are treating the retards like slaves. Damn if I haven't reached for a gun sometimes (that's why I've never owned one, or want to). -AngrySup
  • How do you know which cripple is wounded? <....damn! which way to the shelter!!!????.> -gemachte
  • /me grabs gemachte's hand. "C'mon... This way.. and TRY to keep up, huh?" -ShujinTribble
  • And WHY did you think ONLY of Riff or VT, uh? What about the rest of us? Do you think we can't snap and start shooting people? Well, let me show you... <Snaps and starts shooting people.> <After that, heads to the LART shelter.> -TheGhost
  • *I* wouldn't have missed. :~p -RiffRaff
  • E-vry body RUN! Riff and VT have a gun!</80's Music Blast> -ShujinTribble
  • Ghost: Riff and VT are in Indiana...where the shooting happened. And I am so glad I live in California. -Starfury
  • I remember that a number of the forum members are involved with shooting sports. My listed purchases for this year are two Mosin-Nagants. A wartime production 91/30 (1943 preferred) and a M44 carbine (a real "crowd-pleaser" at the range). -Wraith556
  • Riff or VT would *NEVER* soot somebody... LART them to death, yes, but shoot? No! -CyBear
  • In Indy we just chase them up a tree and set fire to it... -helldesk
  • He must have had some sort of disability, 24 and his mother drives him to work. I suspect that the others were hassling him for being a big jerk-off. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 221. Jury Duty (NT)

    A few weeks back the Alameda County court system decided that I was having too much fun and they sent me a notice that I had jury duty on 1/2/07. The fun starts on 12/29. I call in, figuring that:

    1. Monday is a holiday
    2. I can find out today if I have to go in.
    3. This will make my boss happy.

    What do I find out? I have to call back on MONDAY even though it's a holiday.

    Of course I have to go in by 8:30am. I let my boss know so he can have someone cover my shift.

    Day 1: arrive at 8:30. Listen to the announcements and watch a video about how great it is to be selected for jury duty. Bullsh*t. Then get told that EVERYONE is going to be on a panel. Get assigned to the first group around 9:30am. Get yapped at by judge and he's having all the "I can't do jury duty" people give their reasons...so I go home but have to be back at 1:30pm. Return and find out that so many people are gone they'll have to get more panel members.

    Day 2: Arrive 9:30am (got to sleep in) and go to courtroom. More panel people are there and they're going to get the same lecture/information we had the day before. Told to go and come back at 1:30pm. Return at 1:30 and they start seating the jury...my name is not called.

    Day 3: Arrive 9:30am, they continue filling chairs. Both lawyers decide they're happy with the jury...then they need 3 alternates. I've been sweating every time they called a new person. I'm not one of the 3 they call and then both lawyers decide to keep the first 3 called as extras. Freedom! Time: Noon. I head out and treat myself to lunch at a local Chinese restraunt. Technically I could go to work for 4 hours...but I wait until later to call in that I'm done and will be back on Friday.

    Overall...jury duty sucked. I'd rather have been at work. Now I've got 2 weeks (was on vacation last week) of e-mail and reports to catch up on. Looks like I'll be able to avoid taking calls on Friday...

    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • My brother recently got a week and a half of Jury Duty. He was glad to have it. His remark..."Jury's used to made up of housewives, construction workers, and secretaries. Now, most of the people are overworked, stressed out IT workers that are just looking for a reason to get away from it." No offence to housewives, construction workers, or secretaries intended. -AngrySup
  • Although highly illegal, there are companies that will also discipline employees for serving on a jury. Me, I was written up for "inconveniencing a customer" while serving on a jury. They had the reprimand issued from the Melbourne branch where workplace regulations were more pro-employer (at the time). And the customer, Department of Justice Victoria, who was aware of my jury duty and used the time for further preparation. They were not impressed by the company's actions however. -Wraith556
  • I have to go in on monday myself. Bastards used to send me a form that had a number I could call to say that I couldn't make it. I'd tell them: I cannot go because I live 86 miles away and do not have a dependable vehicle to make it to court everyday. but this time around they sent me a notice to appear. I guess you can only get excused so many times. now I gotta get a grey hound ticket. -drachen
  • Hey, isn't Alameda where they keep the nuclear wessels? -flapjackboy
  • <shrug> Only been called once. Went in, spent until 2pm or so when I was called, I guess I didn't look appropriate (what, me?) and eventually got to leave. Was for some big murder trial - didn't even know then, so I'm kinda glad. -namor
  • Just remember to have a temporary tattoo of a swastika on your forehead, and you'll get out of jury duty (or so I've been told) -madonnac
  • My deaf-blind ex got a notice to appear for jury duty. She was torn .. make it a human rights issue and fight for the right for somebody who doesn't see or hear well to be on a jury, or take the form (in tiny tiny print that she couldn't read) to the doctor to get exempted. She took the form to the doctor, but still sorta regrets not going and giving them all a hard time :) -Mysty
  • Been there, done that. But I never had to serve--I have an instant reject clause. I tell 'em I work with Riff... :-) -vacuumtubes
  • Because of his criminal record? or because the judge had gotten pissed at him while calling for tech support? -illiterate
  • I haven't done jury duty, but was subpeonad as a witness on a drunk driving case, along with 3 other co-workers. The county wanted us there bad enough that they actually sent someone to drive us to and from court. 3 times. -Grembo
  • 26 years old, never been called. Ya Murphy Im talking to you! -neuman1812
  • I've been called once for jury here in Oklahoma. Received the notice with ONE day to spare to call the number on the form and let them know I couldn't do it. Why? Because I was living in Jackson, Mississippi at the time. Yes, that was the address they had on file for me at the time the sent the notice. WTF? -missourimule
  • A month after moving from Sacramento to Ridgecrest, CA (400 miles apart), I got a notice for jury duty... in Sacramento. I got out of it, natch. 8 months later, after moving *back* to Sacramento, I got another notice for jury duty.... in Ridgecrest. -Jeckler
  • I have only been tapped for Jury Duty once, and that was back when I was in college. Easy to get out of it when you're still in school. Moved around a few times since then, and I guess murphy hasn't caught up with me yet to pick me again. -DreadPirate
  • 222. Homemade Cough Medicine (NT)

    I'm suffering from either a cold or allergies...not sure which. Tonight I made some of my homemade cough medicine.

    2 -3 (closer to 3) shots whiskey, honey, and lemon juice. Warm honey/lemon juice in the microwave and mix. Add in the whiskey. Drink all of it.

    Enjoy the warm and fuzzy feeling you get.

    Considering I rarely drink...i'm feeling pretty good now.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • You should try this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Drank -Stryker One
  • He said he has a cold, not a death wish. :p -IceRuby
  • Grand's homeremedy of choice was streight burbon with honey...then, of course, everything grandma made involved burbon. -persephone
  • "Rollin down the street, Smokin' indo, Sippin' on gin and juice..." -vacuumtubes
  • My grandfather's cold remedy was this: Get in bed and put a hat on the bedpost. Drink until you see two hats. When you wake up, the cold will be the least of your problems. -SalParadise
  • Sal: Sounds remarkably like the cold remedy my dad and uncle tried once: They split a large bottle of Jack Daniels between them. Next morning, they weren't worried about their cold... -Grayhawk
  • Grandpa's Old Cough Medicine... had more alcohol in it than Everclear and would bubble the chrome off a bumper if you spilled any. A shot of that, you didn't cough for the rest of the month. -exzyle2k
  • Grandma's recipe: 2 shots scotch or spiced rum. Mix into a cup of HOT peppermint tea (thats strong enough to peel paint). add enough honey to gag a bear. drink, repeat as needed. First got this treatment at age 6 -SimianMilitant
  • Somewhat similar to a Pennsylvanian treat known as "Boilo". Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher nearby. http://www.coalregion.com/Recipes/boilo.htm -linkv
  • Refer to my post in the break room 'recipes' thread from the last coupla years. Russian tea: good cold OR hot... just the right amounts of OJ, orange tea, and vodka... -MadJack
  • 223. Target pricing goof (NT)

    Today my wife went out shopping (sigh) and was at Target. She's in the jewlery dept and looking at diamond earrings. (Guess the ones I got her for Xmas weren't good enough.) The prices on the diamond ones are $400. They have two identical sets in the case.

    One is marked at $250. She has them ring that one up...at 65% discount plus an additional 15% sale price. She gets home and has to show off her "bargain" and I have to admit...they are much nicer than the ones I bought.

    Now she got what she really wanted for Christmas.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • /me pulls out his calculator -linuxmatt
  • The way you described it... $74.38? That's about 19% of the original price... Wow. -linuxmatt
  • THIS, is exactly why I no longer buy my wife jewelry and she no longer buys me electronics. -Stryker One
  • I no longer buy my wife jewelry because I've been divorced for 6 years. That divorce is still the best Christmas gift I've ever given myself! But I'm glad that she got what she wanted a at a steal... -TechnoTherapist
  • Q: Why is divorce so expensive? A: Because it's WORTH IT! :) -JoeLugian
  • Nice discount! But bummer that she wasn't happy with what you bought. Not ALL of us girls are that way. I've never returned anything from my hub, ever. -FixitWench
  • Unless you've got STRONG hints, the best gift you can give is gift cards. $$. They can pick out what they want, w/o all the uncertainty and returns and embarassment (going to lingerie dept, let alone into V/S for her gift is as embarassing as standing in line at the grocery store w/ her tampons... helpful, and which she will not forget to thank you, but still VERY embarassing...what was I talking about again? <g>) -MadJack
  • 224. Christmas callers

    The helldesk was closed on Christmas day, yet there were three people that called in according to the phone logs. As a bonus, 5 people e-mailed for help including 2 neeping because IE 7 isn't compatible with our web apps. My Christmas present to them: E-mail saying we don't support IE 7, it's not compatible, so sorry.

    And as of 2:30pm today I'm on vacation the rest of the week.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Enjoy! -IceRuby
  • lucky bastard. -drachen
  • I remember having to work Christmas, New Years, and Thanksgiving at an old ISP tech support job. It amazed me how many people would call with stupid problems on holidays like that. Oh well... -letsgoflyers81
  • 225. IE 7, Outlook Web, and the lawyer

    This morning one of the other helldesk analysts gets a call from one of the lawyers we support. He's trying to use Outlook Web and it's "different." Turns out he upgraded from IE 6 to IE 7 on his home PC and now things don't look/work the same.

    Big surprise...a MS upgrade that causes your programs not to look/work the same

    Anyway she gets to explain that we don't support IE7 and we know that there are compatibility issues with the web apps we use here. She hangs up with him and then I get to talk to him when he calls back. Genius boy uninstalled the IE7 update and now has a complaint about Outlook Web. He's complaining that when he forwards or replies to an e-mail that the seperator line doesn't show up anymore. He wants this fixed and he wants it done now.

    Being the good helldesk drone I take a look at the OWA settings on my PC and find that there isn't anywhere to re-add the seperator. I get the pleasure of telling him that when you do MS updates/rollbacks that things don't always go back to the way they were before. Being a lawyer he wants to argue the point but I'm not giving in. Since it's his home PC and I'm not responsible for it and he'll just have to deal with it. I do suggest trying Firefox to see if it formats the way IE6 did but there is no way to get the seperator line to automatically appear. I tell him he can type the line in manually...and he doesn't like that answer either. He hangs up, angry that he's messed up his PC and that I can't wave my magic wand and fix it.

    There's a reason we haven't upgraded to IE7 here yet...that reason is it doesn't work well with our current software.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Remeber boys and girls.. anything x.0 is bad news.. beta is better, hehe. -Xultan
  • Those who live by MS are doomed to die by MS! <bfeg> -TubPorsche
  • we finally shut off OWA, security risk. -SGTARKyTEK
  • Two words if he's running XP - "System Restore". Excellent tool to shut neeping starfish up when they've farked up their own systems... -TechnoCat
  • Have him add it (the separator) to his sig. -technaround
  • I thought about having him add the seperator to his signature...but he was an ass so I didn't. -Starfury
  • His HOME PC? Tough shit Luser,listen carefully. We. Don't. Support. Your. Home. PC. -lineswine
  • Surprising. A lawyer who's not an a$$ - wow. I *may* have seen it all now! :) -TheMacOne
  • 226. Coverage request for the holidays

    My boss sent out an e-mail asking for weekend coverage for Christmas and New Years weekends.

    Saturday 12/23 10am-2pm
    Sunday 12/24 10am-2pm and 2pm-6pm or 9am-6pm
    Saturday 12/30 10am-2pm
    Sunday 12/31 10am-2pm and 2pm-5pm or 8am-5pm

    I can see the 4 hr block on Sat, this is to allow lunch coverage. But open until 6pm on Christmas Eve? That's just nuts! Same with New Years but that's not a "family" holiday.

    I'm taking vacation next week so I'm not working any of it.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Lotsof luck to any of "your" guys who are silly enough to volunteer to work! We're open till 6 on both Eves. In theory, they'll shut the queue down early enough to let us out relatively close to on time... Riiiiiight- in reality, we have to stay on the phones till the queue is cleared out entirely,which may or may not be shut down at 6. Thanksgiving, the queue was still open at 6:35 when I got the ok to leave (my shift being over at 6). -taieena
  • we close at 530 on the Eves and are closed Christmas day and New years day.....the company I USED to work for...Didnt close or reduce their hours for the holidays....I worked last christmas and last new years -tixarah
  • I got ya beat Christmas eve 6am to 2pm and Christmas day 6am to 2 pm. While your kida are opening presents, I will be sitting as the only person in a call center waiting for calls that wont come at all. -TalensToys
  • So, you're on parole then? Just don't act up. Remember that good behaviour bond? :) -TheMacOne
  • <Just venting, really!> AHHHH, SHAAADDDUUUPPPP! </Just venting, really!> *Voz crawls back to the 24/7 hotel that sources his paycheck, whimpering to himself about working on Christmas Eve, etc.* Oh, well... -Voz
  • Our call center is open business as usual all through the holidays. I'll be working christmas and new years, actually. I plan on bringing plenty of reading material. -illiterate
  • I'm on call from home over xmas thats why my mobile diverts to my office, becasue i was in i was just in the roof rewiring the network, HONEST -r3tude
  • 227. You're going where on vacation?

    The guy that does graveyard is taking a few days off and is travelling east. He sent me this information on the weather at his destination:

    current conditions on my destination .....
    temperatures had dipped to zero to near 7 below zero this morning over much of west central and central Minnesota. These temperatures combined with northwest winds of 10 to 20 mph were producing wind chill readings of 20 to 30 below zero. Temperatures could tumble a few more degrees before 800 am this morning. Persons venturing outdoor for any great length of time this morning should dress appropriately.

    He'll be doing some shopping for warm clothing to wear today.

    And while he's gone I get to work 2am-11am Friday this week and Tuesday next week.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • dont forget the battery powered ball warmer. -burrkiss
  • Don't they call those the Sack Sock with Nuggets, Burkiss? -srteach
  • Turn RIGHT at Albuquerque! RIGHT!!! Bah! They'll never learn! -TheGhost
  • My step-son lived in Wisconsin and always wanted my wife and I to come visit for Christmas. Never! Now they have moved to Texas, we have airline tickets! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • There's no sun out there this time of year.... How do you tell if it's 8:00 AM or PM? -ShujinTribble
  • ST- we do too have sun!! only 4-5 hrs a day, but it does appear! -HappyCrappy
  • Its not so bad here in Minnesota. Clear skies - fresh air. I just don't walk around naked much any more. I've always heard "twenty below keeps out the riff raff". Keeps 'em in Indiana apparently. -Dewby
  • dewby: there is some truth to that. out here in seattle the weather is very rarely hard. it's often cool, but not often cold. very rarely does it freeze. also doesn't get overly hot. homeless people seem to love this city. -illiterate
  • illiterate - and then they get wacked by those days like a couple of weeks ago where it snowed - like it never does. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Down here in Victoria, Australia the temp is going to be 37 degrees celsius (99F) tomorrow. Enjoy your white Christmas period whilst we roast in what looks like the worst bushfires Victoria has seen in a long time. -madstu
  • while not as bad as victoria, here in south australia, havent seen much of the husband unit - he did 97.5 hours last week with fires - and its fairly consistently bad like that for last cpl mths - and summer started officially 8 days ago! australia is one giant bbq.... -timelady
  • As we in the great northern state of Canaduk watch and wait for your attempts at self-warming to fail and our great glaciers to creep below the parallel... mwahaha! -namor
  • Yup, it was _awfully_ chilly today, starting with a low of four degrees here in the Twin Cities this morning. I actually threw on a sweater underneath my sportcoat before I headed out the door for work! -Voz
  • Well, MN no longer has a huge, barely-talented, egotistical steroid mutant as governor. We here in CA have that honor. (Who knows, maybe graveyard guy is gonna devote every waking moment to stalking Garrison Keillor.) -MeanDean
  • 228. I need the bat...

    Backstory: I was assigned a project to set up six laptops for users to take to a trial. I had a specific list of software to install and configurations to check. I followed my checklist, installed the software, tested wireless/vpn connections. All six tablets worked fine.

    Today I get a call (6:15am) from one of the users. This woman is a total starfish. She starts by neeping that the files from her desktop PC were not copied to the tablet she's using. I let her know that I was not informed of this. A neepstorm followed but there isn't anything I can do about this.

    Then she starts neeping that her tablet PC is very slow, document storage is not working, e-mail is slow/not working. She wants me to "check the configuration of the PC" to make it run faster. Considering we're 10 min into the call I decide on a penalty reboot. The PC starts normally, she logs on, runs VPN and connects to Outlook and our intranet. The neeping continues:

    Why is my pc so slow?
    Is mailsite working?
    Is there anyone else there I can talk to? (This really pissed me off)
    Why can't you connect to my PC?
    Can you reconfigure my PC?
    Maybe the IP address on this PC isn't compatible with the hotel network.

    I explained to her in small words that having TEN people sharing the single ethernet jack in the hotel would cause her connection to be slow. Again I get "Is there anyone else there I can talk to?" I tell her (again) No, I'm the only one here. Your VPN is connected, E-mail is working, and our homepage is working. She neeps more and I tell her that I'll ask our 2nd level network people about her "problems" and call her back.

    I put the ticket as normal priority since her PC is working.

    I need to borrow the bat to give this moron a beating.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Take 2... one for each hand.... Have you considered using Hypno-Disk on her, then?</Robot Wars... DIETY I miss Robot Wars!> -ShujinTribble
  • In one hand, Otis. The other hand, Horace. It's Mega-Tink time.... -vacuumtubes
  • How about a full body waxing followed up by squirting them with MACE or OC spray? -Wraith556
  • VT, I think Otis and Horace need an upgrade. Connect 12V to each bat and that *may* (along with the tink) knock *some* sense into them. Then again.... ;) -TheMacOne
  • TMO - I think you missed a modifier.. not 12 V... 12 kv. If y'r gunna go it, do it right. -ShujinTribble
  • Tribble- you want to knock some sense INTO them, not blast it OUT of them! -Voz
  • Voz - You do it YOUR way, I'll do it mine. -ShujinTribble
  • A little C4 goes a long way... -unrenowned
  • 229. How not to drive (NT)

    After a nice 5 day weekend I had to return to work today. We had some rain last night/this morning so the roads were fairly wet. This is an important fact: The roads are wet.

    To get on the freeway you make a very sharp left turn from University Ave to Hwy 101. A guy in an SUV with the "I'm in an SUV and have BIB MEATY TIRES so I won't skid on the wet road" is leading the pack. He did something stupid and spins out into the center rail smashing the front left corner of his SUV.

    I'm pretty sure he was on the phone when this happened too.

    Everyone else behind this guy was going fairly slow and we all stop. He backs up and starts to drive onto the freeway...with part of the body rubbing on the tire. He pulls over and the rest of us drive by. I see a fairly large insurance claim in his future.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I learned to respect wet pavement long time ago, when I was young and stupid. (Now I'm old and stupid.) I was going fairly fast on my car when I got to a red light. I waited for the last moment to hit the brakes, brawling my driving skills. The car skidded trough the whole intersection. Fortunately, the road was completely empty. (Well, I've never been "that" stupid.) -TheGhost
  • My wet pavement situation was hitting the brakes on a street just after a rain and there was enough oil on the roads that I did a perfect 180 - same lane pointing the other way and stopped perfectly. -technaround
  • A 180, I bet that did more to wake you up than a quad espresso. -Stryker One
  • I would nominate them for the next episode of "Canada's Worst Driver" except I figure you are in the US, so that wouldn't work. -GeekGuy
  • I live in Canada, and SUV drivers provide major entertainment up here - especially during "first snowfall". SUVfish are a special breed - they believe their vehicles are omnipotent when the only omnipotent thing is the stupidity of the driver. Suffice it to say our ditches are littered with SUV's during the first, and every subsequent, snowfall each year. -TechnoCat
  • SUV drivers have the confidence that comes with FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE! Of course it never occurs to them that they have exactly the same number of brakes that the rest of us have. -Fuji
  • First real snow fall of the year. heading up into the mountains for a painball game -- EVERY suv that burned past our little Kcar along the dirt paths - wound up in the ditch :) -Harm
  • I live in a climate where 12 degrees celsius (55 deg F) is considered the coming of the next ice age. Mind you, monsoon rains are normal... Driving a heavy sedan with air in the brake lines will maketh thy to do a complete 360 degree spin through a red light at 2am during pissing rain. I gave up being baker years ago, I like to sleep in. :) -caspian
  • Harm = Red Green? -ShujinTribble
  • Keep yer stick on the ice! -Harm
  • I don't blame the guy. I'd rather sit on the 101 with a broken SUV than in East Palo Alto with a broken SUV... -MeanDean
  • First, last and only time I've ever hydroplaned was when our brilliant city workers decided to drain a river (they were "fixing" a bridge) directly onto our crosstown highway (70kph speed limit), leaving a huge, 30' wide "puddle". They did this after midnight, I guess figuring that it would "drain" into the median by morning rush. Needless to say, at 3am when I was driving some uni students home from the campus bar (I was and am now again a cab driver) I hit this "puddle" and did some major landscaping to the grass in the median, spun around 3 times and completely cracked the chassis off on a chev caprice. Oh, and hit my head about 5 times on the driver's window. I'd rather drive in snow than rain, anyday. And the quote marks are for the comments the "Road Manager" for the city made when my boss (and owner of the car) called to yell at him (on speakerphone) in the morning. Would'a been funny, but for the concussion. -attilathehen
  • 230. Recruiter fun!!!

    I get back from lunch and when I walk in the door I'm asked "Do you want a new job in San Francisco?" by one of my co-workers. Confused I tell him "No." Apparently there is a recruiter from Bayside Solutions calling the helpdesk line. She'll start with "I hear you're doing a wonderful job!" before launching into her pitch. The best tech she got: The new guy that's been here less than 2 weeks and just started taking calls. Finally the helldesk supervisor had the recruiter transferred over and he ripped her a new one. Most fun we've had here with calls in a while.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • The way you say 'recruiter', you're making it rhyme with 'scum'... No, wait, apparently it works that way if I do it, too. -AmazingKreskin
  • By 'recruiter' do you mean hot anal penetration? I thought you did. (Sorry, been reading bash to much). -robbor
  • On my way home from work today my cell went off. It was the same recruiter that had called our office 8 times earlier. After I got home another recruiter from the same office called about the job. Best part: My boss was offered a 3 month helpdesk job over the phone. -Starfury
  • I had one recruiter with a thick accent call my cell from his office in NY. The voice mail he left showed that he was new to his job and new to the english language. -cecil36
  • Aw, no option to look at her offer for a $2K reading fee? -Geminii
  • 231. The witch is dead!

    All of us that do internal support have callers we like and those we...dislike. This morning I found out that one of our most hated callers

    is quitting Friday.

    There is much rejoicing in the helpdesk and we're all celebrating her departure.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Awwwwwwwww, you got my hopes up too soon. I thought you were going to say she assumed room temperature, never to return. -vacuumtubes
  • So who's going to dump a bucket of water on her? --or is that part of the 50/50 raffle? -ShujinTribble
  • No no, she's quiting her POSITION. She starts as you new boss Monday. -Bobsentme
  • Since the witch is dead, we need a ding-dong. I prefer using a bat to make this sound, preferably on the aforementioned caller's head. Vac, can I borrow your bat? My cattle prod/bat is in the shop. -RamenMcTavish
  • well hell, don't go teasing us. here I thought you were going to tell me that my ex was dead and I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. -halitech
  • Ramen: The ding dong is in my office. What time shall I drop her off? -FixitWench
  • halitech: yeah, what you said -Grembo
  • Ding Dong, indeed. Congrats. -AmazingKreskin
  • Ding dong, yo, ding dong... -Roadhazard
  • 232. Earning brownie points

    Yesterday I'm picking up my kids from school and my cell goes off. It's my boss. The guy that works the overnight shift called in sick and she wants to know if I can come in early.

    I start at 5am already and ask her "how early?" She says as early as I want. So it's now 1:20am Pacific time and I've been here 20 min. I get to leave at 10am and go home to take a nap. I will be consuming a LOT of caffiene today.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I feel you pain. 36 hour long days suck. -Bobsentme
  • Eesh - good luck to you on that! -Grue
  • "The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it... or you'll have a psychotic episode."</zed> -AmazingKreskin
  • Maybe if you have an Intergalactic Kegger they won't ask you to go in early anymore?</I'm the only one thinking these things up?> -ShujinTribble
  • 233. Saturday the 14th

    Friday the 13th is supposed to be an unlucky day. Not here.

    Saturday the 14th: Installing new UPS for the servers. Take system off of main power to UPS. UPS switchover fails. Servers die horribly. The 2 guys on the helpdesk are overwhelmed in calls. They get things working again.

    Sunday: A few other systems die but get restarted.

    Monday: East coast office phones go down. Printer server goes down. Switch dies taking out both floors of one wing. Cisco phones having issues with voicemail lights. Que is 4-7 deep all day since 7am.

    I leave in 1 hr 20 min.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Bonus: Our mailsite server had a meltdown too. 45 min to go. -Starfury
  • I blame it on the Koreans. Yes. They are testing their nukes, and those electromagthingie pulses can't be good.You should try covering all your equipment with tin foil. I know that works... -TheGhost
  • I'll say it again: Richard Benjamin was one of the most underrated comic actors of the '70s. -viennasausage
  • I got hit in the side of the head with a 1" steel crane cable swinging in a 20 mph wind and moving upward (cabling up) at a speed of at least 10 feet a second. Needless to say it tore off a layer of skin from my ear and jaw area. No concussion but I've had a headache since then... Gotta LOVE construction... -unrenowned
  • http://www.f-secure.com/v-descs/durban.shtml -madonnac
  • Who built the server room on top of an ancient indian burial ground? -Wraith556
  • 234. Karma request

    My parents live in Hawii in Kona and they had an earthquake this morning. They're visiting California and going back to a huge mess tomorrow cutting short their vaction by about 3 weeks. Everything fell out of the cupboards and other stuff fell off the walls according to a neighbor.

    My karma request is that their house is structurally sound and won't need major repair. The dishes/glasses/etc is just "stuff" and can be replaced but having to have the house fixed/rebuild would be bad. Thanks!
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Our Stores reported that no one was injured and none of the buildings suffered any damage. I'll gladly pass that karma onto your folks and the rest of Hawaii -Bobsentme
  • always hae karmarsupials standing by for national disaster work. like international rescue. on their way! -timelady
  • What part of "you live on the peak of a giant underwater active volcano" do Hawaiins not comprehend? Glad they weren't around to be injured by falling objects. -RiffRaff
  • There's already plenty of karma there.... no deaths, only minor injuries. -SalParadise
  • Karma sent your way as well as all the others that may have been impacted. -gemachte
  • Anti-quake Ectokarma® I have plenty of, living in a shaky place myself. I'll send an underwater stream flowing to Hawai. Good luck! -TheGhost
  • If their house is wood frame and was built properly with decent materials, it should be okay structurally. IMHO (and experience) the "shit falling from shelves" is actually a *good* sign: It means the house swayed instead of cracking. And karma-ocity headed towards your folks, from someone who's rode out quakes his whole life. (BTW: so, when you already live in Hawaii, where do you go for vacation, Stockton?) -MeanDean
  • MeanDean's right. Leaving Hawaii to go on vacation is like getting off the web to go to the store and buy pr0n. -maciarc
  • the Brother-in-Law and his family are stationed on Oahu (Navy). From what I heard, they just had their power knocked out. -docbrown01
  • 235. Liar! (Lawyer)

    We've been rolling out new PCs to the lawyers. Part of the process is their password is reset for the tech and then the temp password left on their voicemail. EVERY morning we get calls of "I can't log in" and "My account is locked." They were given backup instrucitons which include:

    Your temporary password will be left on your voicemail.

    Do they listen? No. When asked "Did you listen to your voicemail for the temporary password?" they'll lie and say "Yes but it wasn't there."

    I call bullsh*t. I know who's doing the calling, when they do it and that the job is being done right. You're just too f*cking lazy to follow procedure. I don't care if you bill at $500/hr and you have a meeting/deadline/whatever and need your PC. If you had just followed the procedure you'd already be logged in and working instead of neeping at me.

    I need a day off.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Isn't "liar lawyer" being a little bit redundantly repetitive? -Captain Trips
  • No.... it's a Jim Carrey movie... Taxi! LART shelter and step on it! -virtualchoirboy
  • 236. New hires

    We've had some mobility of the helpdesk staff and have three new people being trained. All three look like they'll work out well; they've got good tech and CS skills. As a veteran of the helldesk (I've been here 6.5 months) I get to train the new help. How is this good? Lets see:

    1. I take calls but the trainee is creating/calling back on the tickets.
    2. I sit at the trainee's desk and listen to calls assisting as needed.
    3. (best one) My ticket queue has gone from 25 to 7 because for 5 hours of my day I'm NOT creating tickets in my queue.
    4. This is how many lights there are.

    Once the three of them are on their own it'll be much easier here.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • I second that motion. I was effectively the only tech going out on the floor until 2 PM in my shift. Once a new hire came on board, my ticket queue went from 19 to 3 in less than a week. We're getting another one next week, and a third to backfill my former position two weeks after that, which will be really nice. -elcapitane
  • There Are FOUR Lights -pcmacman
  • No, there are only three lights. -Captain Trips
  • Is that a Bud Light? -Stryker One
  • Good god, man! I'm a Veteran! I've been here almost seven months! -ShujinTribble
  • You are one of the few remaining old-timers at the job I started two and a half weeks ago, and I claim my horribly kludged DNS. -Geminii
  • 237. Webex fun

    We use Webex here; generally the helpdesk does all the meeting setup. There are a few users that have access to create their own meetings, one of them is a Technical Trainer. She calls in last week because she's not getting the Webex confirmation e-mails when she creates a meeting. Being the good helpdesk agent I create a ticket and send it to the 2nd level Webex support person. Several days go by and I get a response from 2nd level: "I can't find anything wrong, ATT/SBC says it's working." So I e-mail the user who's having the problem and let them know we can't find anything wrong but the transition from SBC to ATT may have caused some e-mails to go missing. Her response:

    I just realized that I had a rule setup and all of my webex meetings were being placed into a folder. I just happened to stumble upon this information when looking for the ticket number for this issue (well my issue not yours). I apologize. I had no idea I had this rule setup.

    I'm sure she's got a folder called WEBEX in Outlook and when new messages go in the folder shows that there is a new message.

    At least I got to close the ticket.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • <DA>I use rules in Outlook at work (not my choice) and have certain emails go to certain folders and mark them as read so she may not get the new email message for those emails</DA> -halitech
  • A follow-up call would have been nice to get since you found that the problem was your ignorance. -justatech
  • 238. Where's my Treo?

    I get a call yesterday from one of our new hire lawyers. She's been here a whopping 2 weeks and I see signs of her becoming a frequent flyer. The issue: "where is my PDA?" I check the tickets and see that she is on the list to get a PDA/cell phone (Treo) AND I see a little note that says the Treo's are on backorder. I inform the caller (lawyer) that I don't have an ETA on when she'll (lawyer) get the device as they're on backorder. She (lawyer) asks if I can expidite getting her one today. I repeat "they're on order, we're expecting them to arrive later this week" but that's not good enough. "Why haven't I been issued one?"

    At this point I'm tired of her. Phones have been busy all morning and we're 4 people short staffed.

    Me: We cannot issue you a Treo because we don't have ANY available, all of our stock has already been issued. They are ON ORDER and we expect them in later this week. When the Treo's arrive they will be issued in the order the requests were made.

    After a moment of silence she says "Ok, then I'll wait for it to be delivered."

    I end the call with a nice LART delivered and log off the phone and go to lunch.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Here's the trick, Mr important. Go to $carrier store. Buy one. Get your phone issued. Return it. -illiterate
  • Your ($Company_Issued_Dildo) >HAS< been issued to you. The documentation says so. It hasn't been delivered. Please remember to phrase your answer in the form of a question next time. Thank you-bye-bye*CLICK!* -ShujinTribble
  • You know, if you had used [dildo] as an euphemism for treo, I could understand her desperate need for it. :D <Hi Shujin! See you in the LART shelter!> -TheGhost
  • Don't Treos have a vibrate feature anyway? <I don't need no steenkeeng LART shelter!> -TechnoCat
  • Mmmmm Blackberry [dildo] *drooool* OH!! Uh... Nevermind.... >.> <.< -TheMage18
  • I'm flattered that people have taken my lead. :) -Mushroom
  • "OK, I'll wait for it to be delivered". I love when they add stuff like this to make it seem like THEY choose (graciously) to accept what was THE ONLY POSSIBLE COURSE OF ACTION. But it was their choice and you should appreciate them letting you off the hook or something. -Kensai7
  • 239. Complete information!

    I have voicemail duty today...which I hate. Usually the messages are lacking in details or contact information. The one I just had was the exception to the rule. The caller spoke clearly (but she sounded like Fran Dresher) and left all the information I needed. Her user ID, Employee number, extention, employee ID of the time entry account she needed access to. No neeping at all on the message, no "do it NOW!!!!" at all. Just a simple, complete request with a very polite "Thank You" at the end.

    I quickly granted the access and called her back, she was happy that I'd taken care of the message and was extremely nice. I'd have to put this as my best (non-hangup) call of the day.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Wow....usually they neep at you and then DON't give you any information. -tech4alltrades
  • OK, you were dreaming. You can wake up now. :) -Robster2001
  • This is the rare gem that must sustain you through the next seven months of 'the usual f)cknuggets'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • The important question is, did she look like Fran Drescher? If so, you must introduce another complex PC problem...then take her out to lunch while you make your PFY fix it. -RamenMcTavish
  • "I left you people a message TWO minutes ago! Why hasn't anyone CALLED ME BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK??????" Well, maybe taking LIVE calls from people willing to sit on hold rather than feel so self-important they can't wait in line like everyone else might a a LITTLE more imporatnt? <Well, maybe not to us, but...> -MadJack
  • Here, StarFury. This oughta make her voice a *little* more bearable (NSFW): http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops517/fran_drescher0016.jpg -missourimule
  • 240. Low tech support call of the day

    Today I had a support call for a very low tech piece of hardware.

    An IBM Selectric typewriter.

    I was able to pass the call off to purchasing becase we don't support those at the helpdesk. I'm wondering if it can be fixed/replaced; I don't know if typewriters are still made.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • whats a typewriter?....lol -dc70380
  • The Selectric was a great machine -- I actually got to use one once in high school typing class. Of course, this was in summer 1974. (I took a lot of ribbing being one of the few men in the typing class. "Why? You're a guy, you won't be a secretary!" Yeah, who's laughing now, monkey boy?) -Captain Trips
  • Tripp, I was there with ya to man. I just look at the guy driving the forklift on the dock now, who used to laugh at the typing class, and generally I just point and laugh... -ScoobySnaxz
  • 10 years from now we'll see Typewriters in the Smithsonian with VHS VCRs and 8 bit game systems. -TheSingingTech
  • "Betamax" is still older than VHS :p -CrystalMare
  • Typing was the one class in high school that has been of more than a passing use. But I did have to learn how to type softly. Learning on the manual typewriters had me slamming the keys of my first keyboard. -Year9595
  • And keyboards have gotten softer and softer. I have a bit of adjustment to do between work and home. my home keyboard is REALLY sensitive. -illiterate
  • Gee, I was the only male in my typing class (with a bunch of hot chicks) in Florida in 1974-1975. I graduated high school in 1975. -MSimmons777
  • Captain Trips, I took typing in junior high because it was a 32 person class, and I was the only male in it. Do the math B) -ralphp1024
  • I took typing in HS because I'm a nerd. What are these fee-males you speak of? -VIPERsssss
  • I took typing in HS, 1984. The class was about 3/4 female. I type about 40-50 wpm accurately. Not the fastest but good enough. -Starfury
  • I took typing in high school (at my mom's "suggestion") Thanks Mom! -PTSTech
  • I took typing in high school because I had to, and hated it, and whined to the teacher that I'll never need this. She covered my keys with tape. If she could see me now (chuckle). I'm typing about 120/min. -FixitWench
  • When I was at High School, I tried to take typing, but due to an admin error 32 places were allocated to a room with 30 typewriters - so the ONLY 2 Boys were moved to a different subject - we had to list what we wanted in order of preferance - 1st Typing, 2nd Metal work, 3rd Car mechanics - I ended doing ART! - no places left in any of the optional courses except ART! (this was abou 30 years ago!) -Wonko The Sane
  • I remember typing class in high-school. It would have been productive if A) the typewriters didn't need a 5-pound hammer to operate the keys, and B) if the teacher didn't keep on smashing our knuckles with the blackboard duster for "improper technique". -Wraith556
  • I took a required typing course in the 8th grade. I could already type 70WPM - heck, I knew four programming languages - and the guy who sat next to me could type even faster. But we were the only two people in the class who could type AT ALL. It was three months of the teacher calling out letters of the alphabet and us typing them. Believe it or not, that class turned out NOT to be the biggest waste of my time. -Mango
  • I took 2 yrs of typing in h.s. (back in '80/81). Was taking a basic language programming class at the same time (lets hear it for the TRS-80 woot!), so I figured typing would come in handy. I was also the only male in the class. And we had IBM Selectrics too! -Grembo
  • How's this for a male/female ratio.. My high school turned co-ed the year before I joined. 80% females. So there. And I type 45 wpm with 2 fingers. -ThinTheHerd
  • 241. Name of the day

    I'm doing my Monday AM reports and this user is on the list:

    Cherry Dong

    This is just cruel to do to someone.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • There's an oxymoron in there somewhere. I just know it..... -ShujinTribble
  • My logic detector just imploded... -PTSTech
  • Could have been worse. Could have been Harry. -Geminii
  • one of my HS principals was named Terry Kok (pronounced Cock), he said he had to be careful when choosing names for his children -areatech
  • Put her through a pop quiz. -Calydor
  • 1. Where's Burkiss? I thought he'd be on this like starfishies on Hell Desks. 2. I once saw on the Headlines segment of the Tonight Show, someone sent in their birth certificate, and their name was Gay Guy. -elcapitane
  • Spotted in Bristol: an application for a late night licence for a kebab shop in the name of Mustaffa Koc. -DavidHM
  • We had a principal named Tom Watt, who liked signing stuff as TWatt. Guess what we called him behind his back? -56Kdaytrader
  • "Cherry Dong": wasn't that an old Runaways tune? -MeanDean
  • 242. Desperate recruiters?

    Lunchtime arrived and I went to the break room to eat my lunch. I left my cell on my desk since I wasn't expecting a call. I get back and have a voicemail from a "recruiter." He has a contract position for helldesk at the place I was let go from. He also sent an e-mail. My response:

    I have a full time position and am not looking for work. I also have no desire to work for (old company) again.

    As a bonus: there were 2 more e-mails from "recruiters" and they both were from the same temp agency with the same low pay, 3 month contract job.

    Told them NO also. I'm pretty happy here and don't plan on leaving. At the rate the other people are leaving I've jumped 6 places in seniority in 5 months.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Ever notice that recruiters can find you a job right after you find one yourself? -unrunt
  • Good for you! My response to a recruiter looking for computer salespersons: "Perhaps my resume has been misread, but I have no experience nor interest in sales. Unless you have an opening for something in (technology field), please do not contact me again." -snowcrash
  • I kept getting emails from a particular recruiter for positions doing sys admin work on Windoze machines. I kept responding with snarkier and snarkier messages saying I don't do that (I live in a completely MS-free world - yay me) and that if he couldn't actually READ my resume beyond the words system and administrator, perhaps he was better suited for a different career. He would respond, and was a bit indignant at my last email, saying he'd been in the business for 20 years. When it happened AGAIN, I responded with pointers to my previous 3 emails and told them I was going to block their domain on my server, which I did. Idjit. -SalParadise
  • I was a recruiter in 1978. Most recruiters are clueless. OK, that insults the clueless... About ten years ago, the company I was with put out a job opening. A recruiter called me to ask if I was interested in the job in my own company. So I asked him what it paid. Was less than I made. Too bad, I would have interviewed! That's one way to get a raise! And my manager would have been stupid enough to hire me (again!) -gemachte
  • i was a toddler in 1978! -illiterate
  • 243. Negative ticket survey: WTF?

    Yesterday was a lot of fun at work, our Exchange server decided to take a major dump. User's with the last name starting A-C couldn't get e-mail. This also affected people that open extra mailboxes with last names A-C. After about 5 hours the problem is fixed and I start calling back on my tickets. Most people I get voicemail and then close the ticket. ONE moron decides to leave me a negative ticket survey. Which question do they say 'no' to?

    Was the issue resolved in a timely manner?

    Look jackass: It's not MY fault e-mail crashed. It's not MY fault it took 5 hours to fix. Shit happens sometimes, so just deal with it.

    At least my boss won't say anything since it's not something I have control over. 3 weeks w/o a negative too.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I have learned over time that some people believe that the entire world revolves around them. When cornered by them, I just give an evasive answer and tell the to GFY! -techinator
  • Five hours is awhile to be without e-mail, in a corporate environment. I wouldn't take the feedback personally, if you weren't in a position to actually speed things up. Hopefully your boss won't blame you for it, either. -illiterate
  • Infomed EU that they could either learn to use PINE or wait for MS-Exchange to begin working again. EU opted to chuck Maalox instead -ShujinTribble
  • We get stupid tickets like that too. For a password reset call they'll respond with a 1 (out of 5) to "Analyst understood your problem" What's there not to understand on a password reset? -TheMage18
  • 244. No bathroom for you! (NT)

    Last night the water company was doing repairs and one of our buildings is without water. The repairs were supposed to be done by now but due to 'unforseen problems' that entire building is still without running water. This means:

    1. No bathroom access
    2. Cafeteria is closed
    3. No drinking water.

    Glad it's not the building I'm in.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "Boss, I've gotta go to the bathroom so I'm going home to use mine since I have running water. I'll be back around 4:30pm. Be Right Back" -squatchie666
  • I'm glad there is a coffee shop across the road from my office... -garwain
  • "...and this one time my toilet broke, so I just went right in the trash can." /fry -drachen
  • Time to Do the Doog on the side of the building.... -vacuumtubes
  • Beggin' the Colonel's pardon, but.... if'n there's no running / potable water where there's supposed to be, isn't there a health reg that says, "No Occupancy For You!"? -ShujinTribble
  • Right now, you could make a fortune selling empty Gatorade bottles... -MeanDean
  • Tell me about the bathroom being out of order. I'm grouting mine today. :) -Mushroom
  • "Before I owned a house, I thought that grouting was something done by consenting adults in the privacy of their own bedroom." </Lewis Grizzard, R.I.P.> -chazz
  • Darn, Chazz beat me to it! <And here I thought I was the only one around here heard of Lewis Grizzard (G!)> -MadJack
  • 245. My starfish moment of the day

    I'm sitting at my desk, 5:55am. I'm going through my e-mail (personal) and the phone rings. One of our users is in Israel on vacation and our Outlook web is not working correctly he says, only showing a limited number of e-mails. I tell him I'll check w/ the mail admin and call him back. I get a few more calls before I have time to test OWA.

    I log on to my Outlook web and notice that only 25 e-mails are showing...then I notice the scroll arrows in the upper right corner and think:
    I am an idiot.

    I call the user back, have him look for the arrows and all is well with his e-mail.

    On a seperate note, I was impressed with the quality of the phone lines, no static or echo; the call sounded better than calls I get on my home phone.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Vacation.... in a war zone? -Tarantulus
  • It's a holiday in cambodia! -illiterate
  • And there's lions in Kenya </Earworm Music... I CHOOSE YOU!!> -ShujinTribble
  • A tiger? In India? Must have escaped from a zoo (/obscure MP) -docbrown01
  • When I call people in Israel the call quality is really good, yet the telephone lines there have some kind of issue that restrict dial-up access to 33k only. -ch41nbr8kr
  • 246. Bargain PC on Craigslist!

    Didn't want to bump the link.

    http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/sys/196712681.html

    I think I didn't ask enough the last time I sold a P-II system.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • That system is old enough to possibly have value as a collector's item. Notice the two 5 1/4 inch drives, popular among those who enjoy obsessively swapping disks while playing king's quest. Remember that you will need an extra floppy disk to retain your game save data. Double density means double fun! Possibly as much as 1.2 meg of storage space between the two sides. -illiterate
  • I always did like the keyboards with the function keys on the side. Makes more sense when playing Flight Simulator to have the thrust and flap controls go up and down. -Captain Trips
  • I bet that sucker is a 286. The 'clone-wars' produced a lot of those little two-floppy systems. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Based solely on the case, it's very probably a 286, either 12 or 20 mHz. It's possible that they upgraded to a 386-33 or 66, but the lack 3.5" drive tells me it's unlikely. Nice museum piece. If I was going for a nostalgia machine, I personally would want a 486DX100 so I could run Doom nicely. -AmazingKreskin
  • If original railroad tycoon is on there, let me help anyone who buys this. Start your game by building a tiny, profitable route. after doing this, sell a bond. buy 10% of someone else's stock. Buy 10 more ASAP, they will match you buy for buy but you will get the upper hand because they'll run out of money and have to sell a bond and this will give you the time to do this. At this point, take control of their railroad, sell bonds in THEIR name, transfer all the company's money to yours. Discard their withered shell and move on to your next victim. Build up 40-50 million dollar bankroll this way, and at this point you'll be able to build a large, beautiful railroad. be sure to squash any competition this way if possible, and buy your own stock out to safeguard your company. -illiterate
  • If the ad is right about the puchase period, it is more likely an 8088. The 286 didnt come out until 1982. -Darkridr
  • That is a 286. It is styled to look like the AT, and is shown there with the AT's funky keyboard with the Esc key on the number pad. None of the 8088 machines that I ever saw had the flat front and the vertical slots; that was the AT design, and until IBM came out with the AT, nobody made machines like that. I am going to venture a guess that this is an original 6MHz 286, or at best an 8MHz unit. What the frell he's doing with a mouse on there is anyone's guess -- it won't run Windows. -chazz
  • there were pre-windows apps that used a mouse. -illiterate
  • There *were* windows versions that'd run on a 286 happily enough. -Colitis
  • Windows 1.0 would run on a 286. Of course, it didn't know from Z-order, so windows didn't overlap -- they tiled. Slide them around on the screen like a moving blocks puzzle... Windows 2.0 came in two versions: an ugly one that ran on a 286 (Windows 2.03) and a slightly prettier one that needed a 386 (Windows-386). And yes, those used mice, as did TopView and a few other things... but a mouse on a 286 was by no means a common thing. -chazz
  • I cant belive he wants 400$ for that! Hell, I got my laptop for 489$ from pcnation.net free shipping (1.6 ghz, 512 MB RAM PC2700, 60GB hard drive, 15.4 inch screen, CDRW etc...) -Acidstyle77
  • but will it run M$ bob? -omegawolf
  • 247. Another one bites the dust

    I've been at my new job since March 20, 2006. In that time we've had 6 people leave; number 7 gave notice today.

    The first 3 went to Yahoo! for jobs that aren't helpdesk. Number 4 got a transfer to another department. Number 5 moved to Arizona to go back to school. Number 6 was the helpdesk supervisor and went to another company (after being on medical leave for 6 weeks.) Number 7: One of our two Senior Helpdesk Analysts. At this rate I'll be in the top 5 for seniority by the end of the year.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Are congratulations or sympathies in order? -Caffiend
  • "If ya stick around for half an hour I'll make ya assistant manager!"</space quest 4> -AmazingKreskin
  • For a few it was "I'm tired of the phones/starfish/stupid I.S. policies" and others "I've been here 4 years and have no way out of the helldesk except to leave." The Sr. that is leaving has been here a long (6+) years and is ready to move on. I haven't been here long enough to start hunting. Give me another year. -Starfury
  • Maybe you are made of tougher stuff than they are. You might actually get to be the 'cadre' and train up the next 'generation' of techies! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Thanks Kreskin, that was a blast from the past...errr..future. Whatever. Our company's help desk just went through the same thing. I don't think there are more than 5 people out of 30 who have been there longer than a year. -Bobsentme
  • TDD, you mean "padre"? -illiterate
  • At my job, not a few of us consider the new manglement style an attempt to piss us all off and make us leave so they have an excuse to go to India. -56Kdaytrader
  • Being "Head chicken" at a 'plucking factory' is not necessarily...a good thing. -Psudo
  • Did "Number 5" come here to AZ for Arizona State University? -Antacid
  • 248. Not doing the troubleshooting

    User calls, monitor has no power, was working Friday. I ask if the PC has power and get a "yes." Then I ask her to check the monitor power cable with specific information that the cable may look plugged in but it's loose and not connected. "I already checked that" is the reply from the user. So off to the hardware techs goes the ticket. In the ticket notes from the tech:

    The power cable was loose, monitor is working now.

    I told this idiot to check the cable and that it may look plugged in and isn't connected. I hope she enjoyed waiting 2 hours for the tech to get out there.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You forget the rule, I forget the number, which reads: "I checked that/I've already done that" = "I really should check that/do that." -Mushroom
  • I've had that with speakers but the best was: 50min drive to the customers house, 10 seconds to ask what he'd done since getting internet installed. 2 mins of listening to what he'd done (cancelled his data line but didn't move the modem plug over to his voice one) and finally 5 minutes to confirm that he didn't move it (behind like 3 desks and more wires than I'd ever wanted to see behind them!) -spectreoflife
  • Tech rule: When a starfish says "I already checked that", the correct response should be "That's nice. Check it again." -TechnoCat
  • Hehe, I hear that at least 3 times a day. "I already checked that" or "I already turned it on and off". Stuff like that. I always say "well, let's do it here so that I can have a record of it being done". Nine times out of 10, that gets them to do it. And, what do you know, when I have them do it my way, most of the time it works. Magic touch the Ramen has...:-P -RamenMcTavish
  • We had a customer who would refuse to trouble shoot with us over the phone and would demand a field tech so we sent one every time at our hourly rate ($120.00/hr including travel time) 1 hour drive each way (with no traffic which was rare) atleast 5 times we went there knowing exactly which plug was unplugged becasue they refused to get a cable splitter so they would unplug the modem and plug in a tv. then the CEO found out why there IT bill was so high. buahahhaha -xtc46
  • 249. Being a pack rat (NT sorta)

    I am a pack rat. When I end up with extra washers, screws, bolts, and misc. parts I keep them. Today this was a good thing.

    I'm installing a new cieling fan and the light shade is off just enough that there is a line of light on the wall.

    Mrs. Starfury does not like this at all.

    I go to the garage and start searching. I find washers/screws that will let me adjust the glass up enough so that the light works the way she wants. I'm hoping the 2nd fan I'll be putting up doesn't have the same issue but if it does...I've already got out all the parts I'll need to make the adjustments.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Every time I end up with a spare jumper, I keep it. I have a peice of duct tape on my wall with an emergency stash underneath. Need a jumper? Peel away!. -linuxmatt
  • ok i get the spares, but WHY is the rum gone? no wait thats not it..... why the duct tape on the wall???? -burrkiss
  • Duct tape on the wall?? CRAP! My ponygirl escaped.... brb! -ShujinTribble
  • aww crap- she escaped! and left the door open! -Harm
  • You mean the Cow-girl got out too?! Aww.... FU&%*&TGH%^*&%!!! -ShujinTribble
  • The navy term for the collection of left-over parts that you rummage through to find the one you need - twenty-year locker. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • It's called "Stuff". Everything from screws and nuts, to old, beat-up boards and hard drives, through in a few of those weird tools you picked up over the years, you can fix anything. -AngrySup
  • 250. Great Prank SFW

    http://www.geekinvasion.com/mikeprank/index.html Didn't want to bump the link.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • But someone has WAY-WAY-WAY to much spare time. -Wraith556
  • Hey, I want one! -Antacid
  • That is awesome. -Dreamstalker
  • I like the homestar references... :) -Bynar
  • It's the little touches that make it fun - the icons on the cardboard screen, the award, the paper tray in the cardboard printer, the CD, the flowerbox outside the office window, Mike's list of qualifications on the nameplate. "Amusing" tag trumps "Florida"... -Geminii
  • 251. Where did you drop it?

    I get a call from a lawyers secretary:

    S: How do I get Lawyers Blackberry replaced?
    Me: What's wrong with it?
    S: He dropped it in the toilet. Facilities is fishing it out and I'm pretty sure it'll have to be replaced.
    Me: You know I'm going to put that in the ticket.
    S: I know (laughing)

    So off to 2nd level goes the ticket, maybe it'll still work...maybe not. I'm not touching it. And you'd think that for the few minutes you're in the bathroom you could leave the Blackberry at your desk.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • This is why my brother-in-law the store technician doesn't touch the customer's phone until after he's found out where it's been. -illiterate
  • Dad is that you? My father's done this... twice. One of the phones he only had for a week. -NOFXfan
  • Does that mean it's now a "Dingleberry"? -ActingUpAgain
  • I think it's a Crapberry now. -Starfury
  • <obligitory poo joke></obligitory poo joke> -drachen
  • that stinks, Drachen. -illiterate
  • Ya think the things are painted BLACK so you can tell them apart from the BROWN? -ShujinTribble
  • That's not as bad as coughing while taking a leak and watching your upper plate go up the U bend. -VIPERsssss
  • (Dentures, that is) -VIPERsssss
  • I carry my Blackberry on a belt clip, and had it, clip and all, fall off the belt once and almost land in a toilet. (I was brushing my teeth at the time.) Ever since then the blackberry has never crossed the door into the bathroom. -JH
  • I washed my cell phone this week. Didn't notice it was still in my pocket. Oh yeah, and I drove over my wife's (work) cell phone a week or so after she got it. -Shevaresh
  • Starfury - Get used to those, they do all kinds of things - see http://www.techcomedy.com/users/submitted_content.php?nick=redevil34 and search for "Subject: Communication Malfunction". -redevil34
  • My GF bought an ultrasmall phone a while ago, and dropped into the toilet,just after hitting the lever... I got hit quite hard when I made a crack about flushing $200 down the drain... -garwain
  • 252. Dildo? (NSFW)

    http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=h8ynqw1154478704 p>Someone's always referring to the product they support as a dildo...I'm wondering if this is the model.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Huh. Corn. -namor
  • Huh. Fake dicks. -burrkiss
  • Huh. Site NSFW. Oops. -chazz
  • Huh. German. -Veinor
  • huh. i'm redundant. -Harm
  • 253. Active directory cleanup goes wrong

    I start my shift at 5am. Today is day 5 of working those hours. So far Mon-Thurs have been nice. 1-2 calls, no problems. Until today.

    I get in this morning and the overnight guy tells me there is a problem with a AD cleanup that the admins ran. They were removing old PC names from the domain and the Micro$oft tool removed PCs that are currently being used. Today has been a constant barrage of calls "I can't log in!" with lots of extra neepage added in. The admin's are working with M$ to fix the problem but it's looking like they're going to have to manually re-add all the PCs to the domain that were dropped.

    Should only be around 200 of them. Glad I leave at 2pm today and have lunch in less than an hour.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • did you wish them a happy sys admin day? maybe they're the lonely vengeful type -NOFXfan
  • Sounds like the BOFH was bored to me. -VIPERsssss
  • 'This has been a test of the new layoff notification system. This was ONLY a test. If this had been a real layoff, the fact that could not login would be an indication that you had been laid off.' -TieDyedDinosaur
  • "The admin's are working with M$ to fix the problem?" Goodbye database! -robbor
  • Here's an update: This are even worse. They're re-adding the PCs to the domain and now the users can't log on, the system won't take their passwords. F*ck it, i'm outa here in 10 min. -Starfury
  • Starfury - "Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in." </Michael Corleone> -Divinar
  • TDD - I hate you. -OftenPedantic
  • 254. Minor Rant

    In reference to Linkv's Customer Type (http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=59550) I've noticed that when people have PC problems they expect help for free and get offended when you tell them your hourly rate. I figure that my Bachelor's degree, A+ Cert (not just a book cert), 6 yrs of IT experience (Helpdesk/Field tech), and 20 yrs (I'm feeling old) of general computer experience allow me to charge a reasonable rate for my work. I fix PC problems all day and even though I'm a techie I do have a life outside of computers. When I tell you I charge $40/hr to clean your spyware/virus infected machine that's what my time is worth. If you don't like it, figure it out yourself or pay Geek Squad 3x what I'd charge and get your PC back totally fubar.

    Now that the weather isn't 100 in the shade I'm going to take the kids on a bike ride to the park.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I totaly agree, and I charge more than that because I DON'T want to fix their home computer after working on the computers here at work all day. -Gunpe
  • bah, i went outside the other day. i went to watch my wife play softball with her team from work. then they were short on people. so i played. and now i'm SORE!! -illiterate
  • When you tell people that they don't work for free and they get offended, show them a copy of this: http://tinyurl.com/rr64l -NightSteel
  • Er, that *you* don't work for free. -NightSteel
  • I charge enough to make it worth my time, and high enough that I don't get pestered with nitnoid crap. Anyone paying my rates knows that 1)I'll do a professional job, 2)Best Try can't touch me, 3)I'm not doing this as a hobby. That is all... -PTSTech
  • Re:NightSteel's comment; I love what he did for #8. -Jeckler
  • The only people I do outside work for are close family, my brother and stepfather, and greenlantern's daughter if he's not around to help her. But people are always asking me to play my viola. The first thing out of my mouth is "That'll cost you $50." If they object, I say "Do you work for free?" Funny, I never get any takers. (Like I care. I've spent a lot of years learning both music and computers and there's no reason to do either for nothing.) -sassicatz
  • I do free TS only for my family and for my friends. And only those that I've known for 5+ years. -Veinor
  • even for friends and family,it aint free. one meal thanks. for kids. i call it the chicken warranty (takeaway chook and chips to feed my kids while i am fixing your computer,instead of cooking their dinner,is about the idea!)one person, who is not well off, bought me a couple of pots of home made jam and a couple of litres of milk. magic.you did what you could! tanstaafl people. -timelady
  • My rates depend on who's asking. One friend services my rifles, so that's a good exchange. Parents, a meal and use of their place for a holiday (on Sydney's northern beaches, so it's worth it! ;-) ). Friends of parents, cash, but they like to pay me because I'm cheaper and much faster (same day VS several weeks) than other techs, more thorough, and I don't damage their data. They usually pay me about $100+(!). At LANparty, keeping me off the game will cost you. Up to 30 mins = large pizza of my choice. Over 30 mins = alcohol. If parts from my spares bin are needed, cost of parts PLUS alcohol. -Wraith556
  • Website and graphics design work is the same way: I designed and built your website. This does not mean I will perform content updates for free, forever... Especially since I sat down with you for six hours teaching you how to update the damn thing yourself. -MeanDean
  • Gas, Grass or Ass. Nobody rides for free. -Wolffarmer
  • NightSteel, what kinda idiot would plug in an electrical device that had just been drowned in coffee? A starfish. -SFStrangler
  • 255. Let the games begin!

    Background: The helpdesk supervisor at my job has moved on to greener pastures and now her position is available. A company wide e-mail was sent out saying that this position is open and they would like to fill it internally. Here's where it gets fun.

    From the helpdesk staff there are four people applying: Both Sr. helpdesk, one day guy and the night guy. Additionaly one of the 2nd level people (who used to work the HD) is applying. I've also heard there are several other applicants from different departments that want the job. I think we should just have a reality TV show style competition to see who gets the job: the losers get sent back to their desks as they're eliminated. Now to come up with a catch phrase when they're sent back...
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You ARE the weakest tech.. goodbye! -JoeLugian
  • "FIVE GEEKS ENTER! ONE GEEK LEAVES!" -ShujinTribble
  • Search for a Star...fish? -lineswine
  • nono, Shujin - there are FOUR geeks. -Parilla
  • Who will be... the Last Helpdesker Standing? -Mushroom
  • Just like Russian Roulette: Take out five, leave one. -vacuumtubes
  • <A Few Good Men>You can’t HANDLE the job </A Few Good Men> -DuckyFuzz
  • HA HA!</Nelson> -VIPERsssss
  • windows - windows , windows , windows, <thwack> MAC! -Harm
  • 256. The Best Thing I Have Ever Bought

    A little background: I'm married, 2 kids. 6 and 8. Car trips can be...annoying at times with the 2 of them arguing over who touched who and which one gets to play Gameboy next. This has changed.

    Several weeks ago Target had a sale on The Best Thing I Have Ever Bought.

    A DVD player for the car. Not just any DVD player...2 screens with seperate color/brightness controls, seperate headphone jacks AND seperate volume controls. Our trip to the beach today was 45 minutes of golden silence from the children as they watched a movie.

    I think that our trip to Disneyland (8 hour drive) will go well.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • MWAHAHAHAHAHA. ihate to spoil yourgolden glow, but wait til they fight over WHICH movie;) -timelady
  • hehe my parents ended up getting a deal on some car dvd players. it was a specail where you buy 1 get the other for like half price so they got them for my step-moms car for my little bro and sis (also 6 and 8). so the screens can either play ther own dvds or one can connect to the other and share the dvd playing. -xtc46
  • was it that venturer? I got mine at wally world, its actually 2 seperate DVD players and screens for $200 plus tax. I'm gonna get the two year warranty, -beatmewithstick
  • The only problem is when they want to watch 2 different DVDs. -AmazingKreskin
  • 257. Starfish at the beach (NT)

    Today we went to Santa Cruz beach for a friends company picnic. As I'm eating my luch I see a large man eating his lunch. He has a glop of mayo on his face near the coner of his mouth. I eat my lunch and watch as he devours a hamburger, hot dog, pasta salad and a Pepsi.

    The glop is still there.

    He gets up and waddles back with a 2nd plate of food piled high. He gets through another burger and finally wipes the mayo off his face...and ends up smearing it across his chin leaving a few chunks of some sort. He finishes the plate of food and then wipes his face again, this time getting all the food off. I'm giving my wife status updates on this and she keeps saying "no way" as I tell her "it's still there" for the entire time we were eating.

    As a bonus: lots of very attractive women in bikini's on the beach and boardwalk.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Just don't let the wife catch you "window shopping". -Wraith556
  • Brain Bleach... GITCHER ice-cold NRAIN BLEACG Heyah! -ShujinTribble
  • My wife and I have an arrangement on window shopping: I can window shop as I am still male and alive. As soon as I take out the credit card.... I'm a dead man. -virtualchoirboy
  • Smart men use cash....or, so I've heard. -docbrown01
  • I prefer the kind of wife who says, "You'd better share!" -Captain Trips
  • More like the ones who say, "I like her... The one in the bikini like mine over there. How about you? 'Hungry'?"</OneUpMan></Man, do I miss Fuj....> -ShujinTribble
  • Window shopping is bad? I say being married is like going out to lunch. Just because you've ordered a main course doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. You just have to remember it's not an "all you can eat" buffet. But there's nothing wrong with looking at the menu. -crazymactech
  • 258. I don't think so!

    I'm calling a user back since 2nd level has given me a fix to try. Fairly standard but the process will take a while to run. I ask the user if now is a good time or would she like me to call back when she leaves. She says she leaves at 5:30pm...the same time I do. Then she has the nerve to ask this question:

    Can you stay late tonight to fix the problem?

    Let me think about this for .00001 second. No. I told her that was the time I leave and I can call her back tomorrow if she'd like to schedule a time. There are some users here I would stay late to fix a problem...but not this one.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I always tell the customer: sorry, the phone switch automaticly shuts off the tech department's phones at (closing time) kinda true, you can't reach me, but I can call out. -drachen
  • "Depends. Will you be prepaying my extremely expensive overtime rates?" -Geminii
  • 259. A moment of silence

    for my spare PC. Tuesday morning my 6 yr old son comes into the bedroom.

    C: Daddy, the computer stopped working.
    Me: (waking up) What did it do?
    C: I was playing (driving game) and the computer just turned off and it won't start up again. You're a computer genius, can you fix it?
    Me: (gets out of bed and goes to the computer room) Let me check it.

    I see the green power light on the tower but hear silence. Not good. Unplug the PC and notice the smell of burnt electronics coming from the power supply fan area. Had to inform my child that the PC is dead but can be fixed; he didn't neep about needing his computer or anything, just accepted that it'll get fixed soon. Looks like a trip to the computer store is in my future.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Here is hope that it is something simple like a power supply. -Gunpe
  • Snakes in a MF'n power supply! http://tinyurl.com/2pfv7 -VIPERsssss
  • Vipersss, why does a link to a dead powersupply with a snake in it and your name doesn't surprise me (then again around here why doesn't anything surprise me anymore?) -halitech
  • Sounds like junior is about to learn how to replace a power supply. Start 'em young, I say. -thx1138
  • What a great kid! reported the fault promptly, to the correct person. Listened as fault was diagnosed and reported back to him. Accepted downtime in the sure knowledge that the computer *will* be repaired. You must be a God in his eyes. (I'm not jealous, my 21-month old is just as good...) -SoldierJedi
  • 260. They're paying me

    lots of money to be here today. Due to the holiday weekend the regular staff took days off. This leaves us voulenteers to pick up some OT this weekend.

    5 hours of my 8 hours: 3 customer calls, 3 calls from 2nd level to send out notices to I.S. about maintenance. I've had time to finish my book, surf a bit, and start in on my Federation Commander rules. 3 1/2 hours to go...and I still have a 3 day weekend followed by a 3 day work week.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • 3:40pm. Had 2 more calls. First user "I figured it out, bye" and the 2nd was a lawyer buying a router and wanted some advice. 1hr 20 min to go. -Starfury
  • Saturdays where I work are like that. It's a very good idea to take something to occupy yourself with between the max 5 or 6 calls you'll take. -Firthy2002
  • I had a work related 2 hour course assigned to me by e-mail around 9 or 10 days ago. I received another two early this week. And during my weekend, I show up and find a fourth and fifth new products course waiting for me. I ask about doing one or two of those courses on the weekend, only to be told that it can't be done, due to billing between my contractors and the business. So I get to goof off under pay for the weekend, while hoping I can actually get a chance to train after it. -HidariMak
  • 261. I want a new cable

    The caller is an attorney that uttered this gem.

    I need to have a shorter network cable sent to me. I've heard that longer cables can degrade over time and slow down your network connection. My Outlook has been slow so I want a 12' cable to replace the 20' one at my desk.

    I was speechless at this level of stupidity for a moment. Calmly I explained that the difference in cable length would not affect Outlook. He insisted so I used our trusty PC Anywhere to look at his computer. His Outlook mailbox is at 1.25gb. I explain that his mailbox is fairly large and on the tablet PC he's using it can run slow. He still insisted on having a cable sent out...so I transferred the ticket to my boss for approval.

    And to give her a good laugh before she tells the guy "no".
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Maybe he needs to get some of the sharp bends out of the cable. Those '1's slow down when they hit narrow passages. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Tell him he'd better get himself to a doctor pronto, to get the nerves and arteries to his brain shortened - it appears to be running slow as well. -TechnoCat
  • Send him a 3' patch cable - make him do his work tied to the outlet - and, of course, it won't be any faster.... -Divinar
  • A set of jumper cables... TIED INTO A NOOSE. -MeanDean
  • Reply "The cable is a fixed length but there's too much of it at your end. No problem, we'll pull some of it back from our end." Only the legal profession would believe that. <ek9g> -Gromit
  • P.S. "That'll be $500 consultancy and service fees." -Gromit
  • 262. Timing is EVERYTHING!

    This week at work has been...interesting. Monday our update server decided to freak out and it started rebooting PCs throughout the company without warning. Tuesday our document storage system crashed mid morning. Wednesday was busy but no outages.

    Today I scheduled a half day and left at 1pm. About 12:58 calls start coming in that Outlook is running slow. It looks like one of the e-mail servers was about to go tits up (thanks to the UK techs for this term) and the calls were starting to pile up as I calmly walked out the door.

    Timing is everything.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • <applause> -drachen
  • Good for you, unless they will neeping and nooping at you when you get back. -Gunpe
  • "HA HA!"</Nelson Muntz> -VIPERsssss
  • 263. Called in to see the boss...

    Today I'm sitting my cube waiting for the phone to ring. I get an IM from the big boss. She'd like to see me now since I'm not on a call. I begin to get nervous.

    I go to her office and there is the big boss and the small boss. They ask me to sit down. I'm thinking: WTF did I do? The big boss opens with the fact that pay raises are in October but due to the "recent mobility" (3 helpdesk staff moving on in 3 months) they asked HR to re-evaluate our pay scale. They also complimented me on my willingness to work OT and the exellent job I'm doing.

    I got a very nice raise and will also get a merit increase in October. I was totally surprised and the best part is the pay increase will be on my end of the month check. Pretty good for only being on the job for 3 months.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Drinks are on starfury! Seriously -- way to go. Make 'em glad they hired you. -chazz
  • A huge congrats to you. When I worked at the bank after 9 months I got a whooping 0.24 cent and hr raise. I was insulted by that. Needless to say it prompted me to GTF out of there. I have a great new job now that pays much better than the bank. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Congrats! -RandalGraves
  • Way to go! Woo. -Dj
  • WTG!!! -purplelinguist
  • Congrats. Now spread that karma around! -AmazingKreskin
  • See, I told you the blackmail would pay off! -robbor
  • This is one of the best rewards that you can receive for the daily combat against the forces of ignorance! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • <slaps Starfury> WAKE UP!!! It's just a dream.... what?? It's NOT a dream??? Oh, sorry... umm, congrats! -duckhead
  • Congratulations. Try not to spend it on something worthless this time. Hookers and beer all the way! -namor
  • Congrats! Good things come when you least expect it! -Gunpe
  • I'm really glad to hear of your good fortune. -CyBear
  • w00t! Congrats! -sassicatz
  • Your description of the "Big Boss" and "Small Boss" made me think of Dr. Evil and Mini Me. ...hmm... Do you work at the <air quotes> Alan-Parsons Project? </air quotes> Oh well, as long as they pay well. <Congrats!> -TheGhost
  • ^5! Congrats and now it's time to go out and buy yourself something nice in celebration! -RA
  • I forgot: First Post!!! -Starfury
  • Woo Hoo! Good on ya! -PTSTech
  • Yahoo! Good to hear it! -56Kdaytrader
  • 264. Update on Carma request (NT)

    I'd like to thank everyone for the Car-ma they sent. Turns out the problem is a leaking oil sensor and will only cost $200 to repair.

    So much for my OT pay this week.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • And most of that is the time required to get TO the darned little thing! It's well protected against bits and pieces flying up from the road, but not designed for easy access! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • *Only!* -Divinar
  • $200??? Is this oil sensor on the space shuttle?!?! A good mechanic could change one of them on most cars in under an hour. -srteach
  • It depends on the car, I know where my oil sensor is, but it's partially blocked from the bottom by the K-member(holds the steering rack), and completely blocked from above by the exhaust header. It takes a lot of effort to get to the sensor to get it out. -AgentV3
  • 265. Carma request (NT)

    Today I got an e-mail from my wife. The check oil light on the van came on 1 block from her work. I just changed the oil 3 days ago and everthing was fine. I'm hoping it's something relatively inexpensive to fix and not the death knell of the car. She's going to have one of the guys make sure the oil level is ok and there's a mechanic 1/2 mile from her work she can get it checked out.

    Any spare Car-ma people have I'd appreciate.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • heres hoping that you did not tighten the filter and all the car ma I have -LunaticFringe
  • I just hit me if is the filter is this a carfish story? transports to the lart shelter energize -LunaticFringe
  • I know it's not the filter...I put it on with a filter wrench nice and tight. -Starfury
  • Ah. If you put the filter _on_ with a wrench you can easily overtighten and crack the filter housing. Filters are supposed to go on hand-tight only. The wrench is used only when taking it _off_. -chazz
  • I had 1 where part of the old gasket stayed on the seating surface preventing the new 1 fron sealing. But good luck and i really do hope it is a simple problem. -LunaticFringe
  • The only time I have seen one of those spin on filters leak. Is when it was put on with a wrench. Hand tighten them only. That is how they are made. Sudden oil light coming on with no previous signs of problems. Most likely the pressure switch or wire failer, also it may have started to leak. I have had that twice with my Datsun pickup in the 25 years I been driving it. Also happened on a motorcycle but as that is out where it can be seen I fixed before it caused problems. -Wolffarmer
  • Oh -- and look for oil leaking through the sensor. When that starts, you can get false oil indication. Replace the sensor -- they are cheap, and easy... like Burrkiss. -chazz
  • What LF said is true. I forgot about that and yet another reason to not tighten them to much. And always put a thin film of oil on the gasket before installing. I remember one cold stormy night aboout 40 years ago, scraping old gaskets off a truck. -Wolffarmer
  • My contribution to this topic concerns the time I managed to remove the old filter but the sealing ring remained. The new filter snugged on quite nicely, although it seemed I could tighten it a lot more than I remembered. When I started the car there was a sort of 'flup' sound and I could hear oil being squirted out on the garage floor! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • The filter was not overtightened, I've been changing them since I was 14 yrs old....and i'm 39 now. It could be the oil sensor leaking...I'll have to check that. And any converstion involving hot oil seems to involve burrkiss in some way. -Starfury
  • There are situations where the sensor is just starting to leak - the light is only on at idle. Even the extra revs from turning on the AC gets just enough extra pressure to operate the switch. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • sending the karmarsupials your way mate! -timelady
  • I'd offer you some, but it wouldn't turn out right. My car died on a highway off-ramp and while trying to push it to the side of the road, managed to rupture my Achilles tendon. Therefore, no VCB Carma for you..... I'll keep all that dangerous stuff to myself. -virtualchoirboy
  • I'd send car-ma, but when I do it always turns into an inadvertent hex. Best of luck to you. -56Kdaytrader
  • <taps starfury on the shoulder>"Umm...excuse me, but I think my Car-ma just ran over your Dog-ma." (j/k) :) -rokitt
  • check engine is called the idiot light by most mechanics it could be anything. usually its the sensor going bad or sensing something like exhaust or manifold issues. the check engine light just means that anything could be wrong and it's usually something small. -postal tech
  • 266. Job opening (OT)

    The law firm I work for currently has two (soon to be 3) helpdesk job openings. If anyone is interested whiteboard me and I'll give the details.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • A Bit of "where" might help... -mwad
  • It's a lawfirm. Obviously the location is Hell! -CyBear
  • The law firm is in Palo Alto, CA. My bad. -Starfury
  • CyBear was half-right. San Mateo Co. only qualifies as heck, not hell. Now, if the job had been in Danville... -MeanDean
  • So you'll be supporting, "Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light"? -ShujinTribble
  • ST- Will he be calling for "Pitchspoon Support"? -Voz
  • 267. Where did you want this sent?

    I work for lawyers and we have offices in various areas of the country. This includes Palo Alto, CA and Austin, TX. This will be important in a moment.

    I received an e-mail to the helpdesk account from a lawer in our TX office. He needed replacement AC Adapters for his Treo and cell phone. No problem, I send to the wireless guy, he puts them into the overnight bag from CA to TX. I e-mail the user with this info and close the ticket. Problem solved....so I thought.

    5:55pm an e-mail comes in from the lawyer...he is not in TX but is visiting the CA office. When I e-mailed him after getting the ticket asking for the Cell phone model did he say anything? Of course not.

    As I'm reading his e-mail asking for the shipment to be stopped I hear a tech on the phone with him, telling the user that it's too late to send the adapters over because the wireless tech has gone home and the bag to TX has already gone. We're not psychic here and we don't keep track of when the attorneys are visiting from other offices. One simple comment from the starfish "I'm at the CA office" and he would've had his adapter.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You expect lawyers to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I feel your pain. I used to deal with garbage like that, too. Thank heavens I don't anymore. -da5ve
  • Shakespeare had it right: "First thing we do? Kill all the lawyers!" -Captain Trips
  • NO! You can't do that! You can't kill all the lawyers! That would be like sending a D.O.S. attack against Hell! A packet flood. And let me tell you, the admin DOES have root powers. -TheGhost
  • We have offices in NY and California. Our department is split between the two. I had to get a STAPLER from the "admin" in California because the &(*^^&%$^!!! admin here said that "my supplies aren't for your department... you have to get them from..."</bitchslap> -gemachte
  • bet the reason he needed them is becasue he left his in TX... -xtc46
  • So now, instead of his adapters being where he forgot them, he'll have TWO sets of adapters where he forgot them! Cool. -Voz
  • 268. I want a new phone!

    I'm looking at the clock, counting down the last 10 min of my day. Then my phone rings.

    Me: Helpdesk
    SF: I need a new phone, mine melted.
    Me:(thinking: WTF?) Your phone is melted?
    SF: Yes, the lamp by my desk doesn't stay in place and the heat from the bulb melted the handset on my phone and I'd like it replaced.
    Me: I'll let the phone person know and she'll get you a new handset.
    SF: Actually, I need the whole thing replaced, part of the base is melted too. I didn't notice that the lamp was on the phone until I smelled the burning plastic.
    Me: I'll let the phone person know to replace your phone, you'll want to call facilites to have the lamp repaired or replaced.
    SF: I've moved the phone to the other side of the desk.

    Genius boy didn't say antthing about getting the lamp fixed, he'll probably ignore the problem until it sets his desk on fire.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I bet having his desk set on fire would get his attention, if only for five seconds. -sassicatz
  • "Oooo... pretty flames..." -namor
  • "Build a man a fire, and he stays warm for one night. Set him on fire, and he stays warm for the rest of his life." -AmazingKreskin
  • If the lamp sets the desk on fire, he'll just call "desktop support"! -Voz
  • ...and shortly afterwards too. *big evil grin* -Cyan
  • How can you call for help if you can't... call, Mister Anderson? <ShujinTribble has set MODE +M> -ShujinTribble
  • mmmmmm... BBQ starfish. -Harm
  • no, no... foolish people, you don't call desktop support for burning desks - just send an e-mail to the fire dept. -Shaede
  • "Dear Sirs".. hmm, too formal.. ^H^H^H^H^H "Dear Fire Dept. HELP! HELP! HELP! Looking forward to hearing from you..." </The IT Crowd> -Diptera
  • Hey send me the lamp! I need a new desk! -Dr Jerkyl
  • 269. Excel doesn't work like that!

    I'm sitting at my desk doing a bit of websurfing when my phone goes off. On the other end is a fairly hyperactive lawyer/starfish. She has an Excel spreadsheet that isn't doing what she wants. I pc anywhere into her computer and see this marvel she has created.

    She has this 40 page sheet with about 12 columns filled with information. Two of the columns are not displaying all the text she's typed in there. When you've got 40-60 charachters in a cell that's too small they don't display. Being the good helpdesk person I ask if she can set up the spreadsheet to print in landscape so she'd be able to make the columns wider. She can't because it's going to be 3 hole punched (and I did want to punch her) for a client. I explain that she could go through change the cell width/height (the cells had the wrap text activated already) to get all the text to display.

    This news was not taken well by miss hyperactive starfish lawyer. Her parting shot: "I'll just have my secretary do this then since you can't help."

    Lets review: I was able to figure out what the problem was. I presented a solution that was rejected. I then let her know the program worked a specific way and to do what she wanted would require much reformatting of the spreadsheet. Because she was trying to cram so much information on the sheet that it wouldn't fit well is not my fault or my problem. I'm here to help but I'm not in charge of creating software. Talk to Bill Gates if you don't like the product.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Huh. I've printed MANY a spreadsheet in landscape mode and 3-hole punched it. All they have to do is flip the book around 90 degrees. Of course, that escapes your typical starfish - it takes two or more brain cells working at the same time to figure THAT out. -ralphp1024
  • I've seen spreadsheets like that. Wait until they encounter the 256 character limit for copy/paste of cells. -PolarCoyote
  • Ehhh, she's a lawyer... She's just used to the idea of getting the font reduced to 3pt Flyspeck to get all the "fine print" in! (No, seriously, some of my best friends are lawyers... of course, I never get seen in PUBLIC with them...) -Voz
  • "I thought you were a good guy.." "I'm a LAWYER you IDIOT!!" -illiterate
  • It's been posted many times before: "I reject your reality and substitute my own!" </A. Savage> -Captain Trips
  • 270. Oops...

    Our overnight helldesk guy has the fun of processing term accounts and name changes. This will be important in a moment.

    I get a call from a user that cannot log on, the system is telling her "invalid username." She's not too happy with this...and when I search AD her name is not in there. She says:

    I've seen this before. They'll cut off your computer account when you've been termed and they haven't told you yet.

    Having been here only 2 months I really didn't want to get into this with the user. The night tech sends me an IM asking for the user's name which I give to him. His reply:

    Oh crap...I termed her account and she was on the name change spreadsheet. Transfer me the ticket and I'll take care of it.

    He's in w/ the boss now explaining what happened...and it looks like I'm off the hook and won't have to explain the snafu to the user.

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Miss? We accidently deleted your account? I have informed HR that you no longer work here. Thanks. -Psudo36
  • We didn't actually *fire* her. We just deleted her account. These things will take care of themselves. -Jay911
  • We *fixed the glitch*. Everything else will just work itself out naturally. Problem solved on your end.</bobs> -AmazingKreskin
  • 271. Grandson LARTs Grandpa (NT)

    My parents are visiting from Hawaii and have a rental car. This car has a floor mounted parking brake instead of the handle between the seats. They're taking my son to lunch and my dad forgets to take off the brake so the car makes a "ding dong" noise to remind him. As they leave McDonalds to go to the Chinese deli, he forgets a 2nd time. As they get ready to leave the deli my son says

    Grandpa, don't forget to take off the brake this time.

    A perfect LART delivered by my 6 yr old son to his grandpa. The force is strong in him.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Years ago, when I was dating my (now) wife, she let me drive her car when we went out to diner. 96 Saturn, IIRC. I noticed once we got on the freeway that there was a red "brake" light lit-up on the dash, and realized the parking brake was still on! For whatever reason, the car didn't care, and drove fine, with or without the brake on, although my car at the time wouldn't have moved with the brake on ('82 Dodge Aries junker). I don't think my wife noticed, and we traded in the car a few months later, so I ahve no idea if there was permanent damage. -docbrown01
  • First car with the ex was an old '66 beast. I accidentally tripped the high-beam switch on the way home and had to call the guy (luckily, an in-law) to find out that it was on the floor as well... -namor
  • doc, your cable was not adjusted properly. The rear brakes will start to glow after just a few minutes at highway speeds. been there done that, at great expense -DrLecter
  • When I had my old klunker ('93 buick century) I had to stop using the parking brake in the winter because it would freeze in the "on" position. I found this out one day after a snowstorm I couldn't figure out "why my car no go". At first I thought my wheels were spinning on ice, except other cars were driving right by with no problems. Finally I called a tow truck; the driver figured it out, knocked on the rear brakes with a hammer to disengage them, and voila - "car go now". Duh. Luckily he only charged me 40 bux for being a "car-fish" that day! -TechnoCat
  • TechnoCat - My parents Grand Prix of that era had the same issue. GM is notorious for shitty brakes. -NOFXfan
  • Did they drive from Hawaii? -robbor
  • I still drive a 96 Saturn, and it just plaing won't go forward with the parking brake on. I'd say that car had a problem. -sassicatz
  • 272. How many volume controls?

    My company has started rolling out Cisco phones and one of the features is that voicemails are sent to the user's e-mail as a .wav attachment. I had a user call in today because the files were not playing on her PC. She is not a starfish because she had checked:
    1. Volume control on her monitor
    2. Volume control in Windows
    3. Removed the tablet from the dock and had sound coming from the internal speaker.

    I remote in and take a look and have her open the file. Media player opens and the file runs. I notice one small thing that she has missed. Can anyone guess which volume control she didn't check? Yes, the Media Player volume was all the way off. I turned up the volume and the message played perfectly. Her comment:

    I feel like such a dummy! I can't believe that was the problem!

    It was nice that she could laugh at herself instead of getting pissed.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • How about the volume control on her hearing-aid? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?.........Eleven. Exactly. One louder. -TubPorsche
  • Remember the good old sound blaster cards with volume knob on the card itself? Those were the days. -kryliss
  • It could've been trickier, it could have been only the "wave" slider down on the "all volume controls" setting. Yep, been there, done that. :( -TheGhost
  • Actually, she WAS a starfish and you're almost as bad for not catching the volume on the MONITOR! (S'cuze me! Commin' through... DEAD TRIBBLE RUNNIN'!) -ShujinTribble
  • Ever notice that Windows Media Player often starts with the volume all the way down as default? Annoys the crap out of me. -thx1138
  • That one is way common where I work. -TechnoVampire
  • 273. Pie (NT)

    My supervisor brought Marie Callendar's pies today.
    Apple
    Coconut Cream
    Lemon
    and my favorite: Irish Cream Cheescake (had a big slice of this)

    Now I'm very full and will have to skip dinner. Plus the sugar rush is very nice.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!! Me Wants!! -ThreeBucks
  • MMMmmmmm... Pie! </weebl> -flapjackboy
  • When come back, bring pie........wanker! </weebl again> -fdiskcuresall
  • 3.14159265385.......Oh. Wrong pi. Gomen nasai ^.^' -Kisara
  • "he asked for it..should I give it to him?" /pie in the face -drachen
  • <singing> Pie, glorious pie! We're anxious to try it. Peach, apple or lime, our favourite diet! ... <Walks away whistling...> -TheGhost
  • Kisara - Good. I was hopin' I wasn't the only one..... -ShujinTribble
  • Who ate all the pies? Well now we know! -lineswine
  • Kisara -- that's 3.14159265358979 (You had the "58" transposed to "85"...) -Captain Trips
  • 274. You waited how long to call?

    Today I had a call from one of the secretaries here. At the end of March two staff members were let go. This user and her manager needed access to the departing users e-mail. This request was granted and the user was notified the helpdesk would work with her. A voicemail was sent...with no response from the user. A second voicemail was left. Two days after that the helpdesk tech sent an e-mail telling her that the ticket was going to be closed and to call back if she still needed help.

    Fast forward to today...May 1.

    The user calls and needs access to the departed staff's e-mail. I pull up the old ticket from March and then put the user on hold and contact the e-mail admin. Guess what I'm told by 2nd level?

    The e-mail accounts have been delted and all archived e-mail along with it.

    I give this news to the user who neeps at me a bit about needing this e-mail and Are you sure it can't be restored? I tell her no and remind her that we attempted to contact her ONE MONTH ago but she didn't respond so we closed the ticket.

    Maybe next time she has a similar issue she'll call us back a little faster....
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Nice LART. If it was that important, they would have gotten back to you sooner. Muahaha -modeski
  • Document * 3... you KNOW this one's gunna come back at you with a VIP calling to dema... ahem... DEMAND the files be restored. -ShujinTribble
  • I'm sure she will, ST - but the sh!t will be just as tough then, as it is now. -TechnoCat
  • OOH! I love doing this! Gives me an evil warm fuzzy feeling. -TheMage18
  • 275. Caller of the day

    It's only 10:30am but I think I've just had my call of the day. I had to call the uesr back because she left a voicemail about a IE issue.

    Me:Hello, this is Starfury from the helpdesk, you're having a problem with IE?
    Her: One second...have to see what time the board meeting is...crap...
    Me: Is this a bad time?
    Her: Hold on...the meetinsgs at 11am..oh shit! I need the client's phone number to let him know about the meeting.
    Me: You sound a little busy...do you want to call back when you have some time to troubleshoot?
    Her: Shit shit shit!!!! Yesterday was better and I'm way too busy now, I'll call in once things calm down.
    Me: No problem, any of the helpdesk techs can help when you have time.
    Her: Ok, bye.

    I had this visual of this overworked secretary about to pull her hair out.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Maybe she didn;t want to turn the page (Yes, I'm referencing the Link.. and congrats for being so Oooooooold!) -ShujinTribble
  • Who was she? The White Rabbit's sister? <Ha! Beat you to the reference Shujin!> -TheGhost
  • ...and now on America's Top 40... A special dedication.. To an Ectoplasmic member of TSC. it's Jefferson Airplane, AND... "Go Tell Alice"</Casey Casem> -ShujinTribble
  • "Do ya want me to drop it in when White Rabbit peaks? DO YOU WANT ME TO DROP IT IN WHEN WHITE RABBIT PEAKS?!!?!!?" <Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas> -MadJack
  • 276. Star Wars Duel

    This is one of the best fan lightsaber duel's I've seen. http://www.wimp.com/duel/

    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "....Why are you smiling?" -ShujinTribble
  • "Because I know something that you do not." -ShujinTribble
  • "--Oh? And what's that?"</The Princess Bride> -ShujinTribble
  • that is pretty sweet, although there is a point when it looks like one crosses their hand across the beam. -xtc46
  • Great stuff! -fdiskcuresall
  • Innnnnnnteresting. I gotta start doing that. Or ... something. -namor
  • ..."That I am NOT left-handed!" -Captain Trips
  • Star Wars . . . ugh! Get over it you dweebs! That's so last decade! -robbor
  • I did that at a Ren Faire with the fencing captain. We had a ten minute freeform battle, switching hands, parries, joking back and forth with Princess Bride lines, etc. All for the three bucks I spent to take the fencing lesson (I was a stuntman for a while and one of my team was a fencer so we had practiced at times). -technaround
  • Wow..that is pretty dang sweet. Looked like the blades changed lenghe once though....mabe cause the blades of the sabers aren't as defined as in a film. -ThreeBucks
  • ti's good - but can they do the same with a 7 lb sword? -Harm
  • I've sent the URL to home to download and add to my collection. From what the rest of you have been describing, this movie sounds similar to this one: http://theforce.net/fanfilms/shortfilms/brains/ . Download and enjoy! -Wraith556
  • 277. Why you don't eat at your desk

    This morning I had a user call me with a keyboard problem. She was very honest and up front with what happened.

    "I was eating cereal and spilled the bowl all over the keyboard and now the spacebar doesn't work right."

    Taken by surprise at her honesty I asked "What kind of cereal?" as I'm typing up the ticket. It was Special K. She sounded so guilty for what she did I couldn't bring myself to LART her about not having food at her desk. After hanging up and putting a replacement kb in the interoffice mail the other helldesk staff and I had a good laugh at her expense.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "Kick'em when they're UP! Kick'em when they're down."</The Eagles> I say, LART the bejesus outta them... After all, it's monday, right? -ShujinTribble
  • No, keep the LARTs gentle. I mean... this one did not lie to you. Telling the truth ought to be encouraged. -chazz
  • I thought Special K was supposed to be good for your "K"-boards. :D <aaand back to the LART shelter! It was good to be out on holidays for a few days...> -TheGhost
  • One of my graphic designers spilled salsa on his Friday night. After he kicked himself a few times, he took it to the sink, popped off the keys, and managed to clean it all up. It seems to still be working today. I'm still stunned... -ActingUpAgain
  • chazz - True.. but then there is the other mode of operation.... People should 9H34R you. -ShujinTribble
  • ST, there's no problem with that. LART the liars, LART 'em hard, and by rule 1 you'll get them all. If the LART eases when they stop lying, sooner or later they may realize this and stop lying... and then they will have taken the first step of the long journey away from starfish-dom. -chazz
  • We had our HR director (who loved canned iced tea) shake hers once...unfortunately it was already open. Poor mouse -and- keyboard..and desk..and blouse...and..hehehe -shadowkat
  • Wait... your HR personell is advocating Wet T-Shirt Days instead of Dress Down Fridays? WOOHOO! Where do I sign up! -ShujinTribble
  • 278. Job opening (OT)

    My employer (Law Firm) has two openings for 1st level helpdesk, Tues-Sat and Wed-Sun shifts; the job is in Palo Alto, CA

    If you're interested whiteboard me for details.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • can you forward the calls to santa barbara? -drea
  • dude - you can outsourse the job to me! in canada! -Harm
  • NOW the opportunities start knocking! <g> -MadJack
  • wow, how could anyone put up with that 70-80 deg,sunny,350 days/yr weather? what a grind -NewBrassGun
  • 279. Bugs <NT>

    I have issues with bugs. Mostly spiders and flying things that can sting you. I REALLY don't like the flying/stinging kind.

    For the last few weeks we've been finding wasps in the house. One in the bathroom every few days, one in the laundry room, and we even found one on the floor in the hall. Today I found where they're coming from.

    Their nest is under one of the vent covers on the roof. How did I determine this? Checked under the eaves, no nests. Saw a few buzzing by the back door and killed them with some spray. I then got out the ladder and fired the spray at the vents.

    The one that is over the bathroom suddenly spewed out about 20 of the monsters. Me, being the kind of person I am, fired the rest of the can of raid at the bugs while climing back down the ladder. I'm pretty sure I got a few of them...and pissed off the ones I missed. I want to spray them some more but the wind has picked up since the next rainstorm is going to hit tonight.

    Monday I'm calling a exterminator to come and spray/clean the nest.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I hate those buggers too, but save your money and just get some wasp/hornet spray from wal-mart. It shoots out 20+ feet and do it in the cool of the night or early morning before they're active. -areatech
  • My father's way of dealing with a wasp's next we found under the deck one summer - whack it with an axe, then RUN to the garage. Man's lucky he's not missing even *more* extremities. -namor
  • We had fun with one once. Dead of night we went out to the shed where it was hanging. We had one of those wonderful weed spraying containers where you pump the handle and squeeze the nozzle causing the spray, kinda like a date with Burrkiss. Filled it with some gas, hosed it off, lit it up. Fell from the shed before the shed went up, and managed to get them all at once. Haven't had any since. -exzyle2k
  • ex - Of COURSE you don;t have any more! 1) You made an example of them 2) After burning down everything within a 5 KM radius, do you really think they wanna even TRY to come back? (FWIW... I think I had an encounter that I posted about back in the summer.....) -ShujinTribble
  • Bugs!!! Kill them, kill them all!!! -RandalGraves
  • "The only good bug is a dead bug!"</Starship Troopers> :) -rokitt
  • Many moons ago, while growing up in a small East Texas town, we somtimes used WD-40 to kill the little buggers. Spray the nest, and when they start to come out, take a lighter and the spray can and FLAME AWAY! -bassman
  • Ah yes...Its great to be from Texas! Even though im sure flaming them is likely not unique to us. I liked trapping a bug and getting it with a magnifying glass. That would usually be an ant though are some crawler. -MrJay67
  • exzyle - have you been taking lessons from Armakuni? -smellystudent
  • At my grandparents place up in good ol West Virginia they have these particularly nasty hornets that live in underground nests. One of them stung my friend's sister, so my granddad poured the gasoline down there and *bam* BBQed hornets for everyone! -SirBSOD
  • step 1 : slightly modified supersoaker (put a pilot flame infront of the nozzle) step 2: windshield wiper fluid concentrate. step 3: profit! -3p0ch
  • Where I'm at we don't have hornets. But we do have winged roaches. Creapy MoFu's. Especially when you wake up with one of them crawling across your face. Sadly no matter what we do, we can't get rid of them. -CrystalMare
  • 280. A first at my new job!

    I started my current job 3 weeks ago. I have been taking calls now for one week, and have been doing fairly well. But today something special happened.

    I managed to piss off a user.

    Not a litte, but a lot. Whe she didn't know is I was listening in muted while she ranted to my trainer. "It's been 2 days and no fix! He's pissing me off because he won't give me his direct line! He's really pushing my buttons."

    And is the problem something I can fix? Yes it is. Her normal.dot file is corrupt and needs to be replaced. But she's to busy and doens't want to lose all her customizations. I'm following procedure to the letter since I'm new and if she doesn't like it...tough.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "Well, customizing it to hell and gone is pretty much how you fucked it up to begin with..." Ah, the memories... <eg> -MadJack
  • It took 3 weeks before you pissed off a customer? Slacker! :-) -concept14
  • Sorry mam you will need to GFYS -THETECHFROMHELL
  • So obviously you have passed the first test. For your next stage you need to get someone who is so drunk they think they are calling to order chinese takeout! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Heheheheh... Normal.dot, how I hate thee. I did this too my first few days, it's a great way to get welcomed in to a new job. -TheMage18
  • 281. April Fool Day Joke (NT)

    My parents moved to Hawaii a few years back and make regular visits to the mainland. They're supposed to be visiting in May.

    Yesterday (4/1/06) my wife gets a call from my mom.

    Mom: Where are you guys?
    Wife: Why?
    Mom: We're at the airport waiting to be picked up!
    Wife: ???? (oh crap!)

    Then my mom starts laughing into the phone...great joke, guess she's getting a sense of humor in her old age.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • HA! Nice! -Bobsentme
  • Tell her to take the Interstate. -robbor
  • --or the tunnel -ShujinTribble
  • 282. New Job!

    I'm in training at my new helldesk job and I'm listening in on calls this week.

    Tech: Helpdesk, how can I help you?

    User: Uhhhhh (20 seconds of silence)...Uhhhh I need help with Word

    This is a law firm I work for...and everyone takes 12 hours of Word training. The tech also told me this person calls at least once per week.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • The more educated they are, the dumber they are. -ecoli
  • You work in my office? Our entire firm went through an extensive, week-long training session. Everyone got the same training and the identical manual. I got numerous questions, mostly from the same people over and over, about stuff in the manual. -FixitWench
  • "Uhhh... I need a help with a word. How do you spell "I"? </uberstarfish> -TheGhost
  • E - Y - E. -FixitWench
  • Beware Legal Staff...especially lawyers...they're great at law, but idiots with technology...and their secretaries have WAY too much power, yet have the IQ of wet cabbage. I just left a law firm...may the Force be with you, brother! -da5ve
  • I have been playing too much WoW lately....I read "Beware Legal Staff" and my mind instantly went to wondering what kind of stats the "Beware Legal" staff has, and what it's level req is. -ThreeBucks
  • Our new hires (secretary/admin assistants) used to go through 40 hrs of initial training in our standard apps (mostly Word styles and formatting though) but it didn't help much either. Of course the attorneys (I also work for a law firm) went through very little training and screwed things up even worse. -redevil34
  • 283. Do not respond to this E-mail

    Our helpdesk software automatically generates messages to our users when tickets are created, assigned, and closed. Inside these message, at the top, it says:*** Do not respond to this automated e-mail ***

    This does not stop the starfish from constantly responding to these messages. I brought this up when in one day I had ten different starfish respond to these e-mails. Yesterday a new policy was put in place to deal with these.

    Any e-mail that is a response to an automated message will be ignored. These e-mails will be saved for several days and if the user calls in they'll get a LART telling them we do not monitor/respond to messages that tell you not to respond to them. It should be interesting to see how much neepage happens.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • can I work for you guys? -virusjtg
  • Wouldn't it be easier to setup a rule to bounce the messages? Just wondering. -Bobsentme
  • Nah, Bob, that would just overload the mail server with bounce---> respond---> bounce---> respond---> lather---> rinse---> repeat -missourimule
  • there will be a whole lot of neepage, "but I could answer before and someone would help me!" types -NOFXfan
  • We have the same problem - peopel respond to those messages because they remember a time wayyy back when the reply would go to the main IT mailbox. Nowadays they go to a totally unmonitored mailbox which just gets purged. -CommanderData
  • Our support@domain.com address is an auto-responder that tells you how to contact us. If you respond to that email, you get another auto-response. Heh. -pixel
  • DOOO...NAWT...SEEEK....TH' TRAYZHURE..... -vacuumtubes
  • I set up an auto responder for that sort of situation. When a starfish responds to an email that they are not supposed to respond to, they get an automated LART reply. -CyBear
  • "I wonder what would happen if I pressed this button that says 'do not press this button'?" "DON'T press it." "Too late." "What happened?" "A big sign lit up saying 'do not press this button again.'" </Arthur and Ford> -Captain Trips
  • All they see is the word "respond" not the "Do not" before it. Typical. -sassicatz
  • Put an autoresponder on the reply-to address that tells them they are idiots! -Loren
  • Write a script that fills their email addy into the reply address. Then when they reply, they'll just get their own message. -CoryB
  • Set up an auto-responder that will respond to everyone who responds to the e-mail--everyone at once. Then see how many people use 'Reply All' to say "Stop sending me this spam!!" -Gaah
  • "DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE. If you respond to this message, we will find you and beat you to a pulp with a large trout. We will also rape your wife/husband, tie him/her up, and leave him/her stranded on the side of a lone road. We will torture your children by locking them in a room and forcing them to watch "The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas" over and over. We will burn your house to the ground, and your neighbours' just because. We will find all your relatives and kill them one by one with a chainsaw. We will kill everyone who has your last name just to be sure. And your response message will be ignored. Thank you, have a nice day." -TheGhost
  • Tech motto ^? -momo
  • You guys obviously didn't read the Tech Rule I posted yesterday: In starfish-ese, "Don't" (or in this case "do not") translates to "DO!" But - saying "do" when you mean "don't" won't work: reverse psychology relies on the subject having a psyche (and a brain) in the first place. -TechnoCat
  • All y'all suggesting new & interesting ways to set an autoresponder to do something if they reply, have obviously NOT dealt with the asshat that enables an out-of-office autoresponder of their own. Hilarity would ensue as the recursive cycle brings the e-mail server grinding to a halt. -Grue
  • Maybe a simple "NO RESPONDY" might translate into starfishese a little better. -MarkerMage
  • Those emails should come from an address that doesn't accept responses. When I respond to one of those at my work I get a "delivery error" email back from the server. -thx1138
  • so its y00 ignoring the do not reply messages thx!! Walk the plank ya scurvey seadawg!1!! ;) -liQuidtech
  • 284. BF2 and my son

    My 5 1/2 yr old son likes to play Battlefield 2. I don't mind since there isn't any blood when you get shot or blown up. Mostly he runs around empty maps driving cars/tanks or flying planes/helicopters. Sometimes he'll play against the computer. He called me in the other day to watch him play.

    Son: Dad watch this!!!

    Guy on screen pulls out a grenade. Looks to the sky. Throws grenade. Grenade lands at his feet...and BOOM!

    Son: Isn't that cool?

    Me: That is pretty neat but you're supposed to use those on the enemy.

    Son: Ok dad!

    Gotta make sure the kid is educated about these things.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Anybody else thinking Pauly Shore in "In the Army Now"? -TheSingingTech
  • Anybody else thinking about pummeling TheSingingTech for even mentioning p-- uhh.. That 'actor'? -ShujinTribble
  • What actor? ohhh you mean Pauly Shore -LowLevelFormat
  • I've found I'm highly allergic to four things--mold, pollen, Pauly Shore and Will Farrell. -vacuumtubes
  • so that starfish vaccine worked then?? -Tarantulus
  • Coming soon to theaters: An instant classic that will make "In the Army Now" look like "Platoon"! Pauly Shore and Bobcat Goldthwait star in "The Has-Been Generals"! A sample: "Heeey Booooobcat-man-General-dude, like wheeeere should we aim the ar-tillerillery?" - "I dunno, *mumble* maybe like *unintelligible mumble* AT THE ENEMY!!" -Gaah
  • Heeyy Buuuuuudy, I'm da Weeaaasel! -JoeLugian
  • Weaseeeeeeeee the Cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee </pauly shore> -LowLevelFormat
  • Is it just me, or is anyone else considering sending this to Jack Thompson with a NA NA NA NA ? :) -Bobsentme
  • Thats cute :) -avkinkygirl
  • I rode my (then) 17 year old nephew for a full weekend about his method of play in Vice City: he'd occasionally stop to beat/kick/knife/shoot a random pedestrian for, like, several minutes straight. Not only did this strike me as being a bit, ah, *disturbing*, but to me is demonstrated shoddy game design. Personally, the player should get docked for wasting everyone's time. (He finally got tired of me calling him a "munchkin psychopath" and started playing normally, at least while I was around.) -MeanDean
  • 285. Returning job karma to the pool

    The day I have long awaited has arrived.

    Today I received an offer letter for a job with a law firm. Pay is 3k more than I make now, commute is 5 miles shorter (but have to pay bridge tolls), and the benifits are half of what I pay now and much better.

    Now I get to call my supervisor and the temp agency to let them know my last day will be 3/16.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Congrats! -Chipsterian
  • Hooray! Congratulations and thanks for the karma bounceback! -puckish1
  • Congrats! -ecoli
  • Hooooooo-raaaaaaaay Fooooooooooooooooooor STAR-fury! We never get to say YEAY, Fury! Just when all the karma in the tech house, has left a new mouse and he has got a new waaaay! </Horay for Hollywood> -ShujinTribble
  • Congrats!!! -Bobsentme
  • ^_^ -kennz
  • kongratz -DedSysOp
  • 'Gratz! -Grue
  • You do realize, that you have just sold your soul?! That, and i hope you are really really good friends with MSWord, because you will be it's bitch. </ex law firm helpdesk bitterness> -BunnieTechBabe
  • WOOT! gratz! -Harm
  • congrats :D -Jax
  • Woo, woo. -Dj
  • And be sure to thank your current boss (and under your breath say 'for nothing'! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 286. Beauty and the geek

    Today I'm enjoying the quiet when my phone rings. One of our users had taken her laptop home to work from home over the weekend. RY was unable to get the laptop to connect to her home network and the helpdesk is closed on the weekend. To fix the problem she took the PC off of the domain and moved it to her workgroup. This didn't help and her VPN connection wouldn't work.

    Now you're probaby wondering where the "beauty" part is...

    She arrives at my desk, a tall, VERY attractive Japanese woman in a tight sweater and short tight skirt. I take her over to one of the desktop techs so he can add her PC back to the domain. When done she comes back to my cube to test the VPN.

    RY pulls out the file cabinet/stool from under my desk and sits down...right next to me. It was a total invasion of my personal space. I show her how to use the VPN and give her some instructions (which she wrote down)on how to get the laptop to connect to her home network. I'm thinking "I'm a happily married man" while she's there...but enjoying the view that I had. She lives fairly close to me; offering "home tech support" did cross my mind....
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • WHY is it the married guys get all the lucky "support coziness"!!!! What does "RY" stand for anyway, "Really Yummy"? -redevil34
  • tall Jap chick with big knockers?!?!!? <takes off wedding ring> -burrkiss
  • WHAT?? OWWWWWW!!!!!.............Yeah smart honey, now how the #$@! am I supposed to get the ring back on with broken fingers? -burrkiss
  • RY= Rideable Yellow -burrkiss
  • The boobies were not on the big side but were just right for her. -Starfury
  • mmmm proportional boobies... -RandalGraves
  • mmmmm...any boobies...aaarrrrhhhh(although gotta love biguns).(wha? wedding ring...oh..uh its getting cleaned...I dont know why you smell another womans..OWW..Oh thats what those stars look like. /birds chirping) -MrJay67
  • Oh, for an "open marriage..." -Captain Trips
  • Beautiful asian? Can I have your job? -crazymactech
  • Ain't gonna touch this one. Nope. Not me. Not in a hunnert years! Right honey? <makes kissy face noises towards wife> -ecoli
  • I can touch it if I want? Thank you, Honey... ohhh, bring her home so you can have some? okay! (I love my GF) -HappyCrappy
  • I take it then, that your work environment has some piece of software that requires admin access in order to run? All admiring of boobies taken into account, this sort of problem wouldn't happen if the user account was locked down in such a way that they aren't able to adjust things like domain/workgroup settings. -BayouTech
  • You are allowed to fantasize! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I am young and unmarried...where was it you said you worked?<BFEG> -3p0ch
  • Fujin was short (5 foot nuthin'), Busty (38 D / DD), had no problem with wearing the occational tight kirt or top and no problems with being a little chummy.... Enjoy the view all you want. But you know the old expression: You touch it, you bought it (the farm, that is). -ShujinTribble
  • nope no wedding ring - not maried.. umm hunny - why are you looking at me like that. wha- no you wouldn't. GET AWAY FROM MY PR0.. awww damnit. now i gota recover those movies... damn. -Harm
  • 287. Job hunting update: Got an offer

    Today I got a call from one of the places I interviewd at and they offered me a job. $500/yr less than I make now BUT with enough OT to add several K per year to my income. Bad points are benifits don't start for 90 days after I start plus it takes one year to get vacation.

    I also got a call for a 2nd interview w/ a law firm. The hours on that job were not good (10am-7pm.) I told the HR person at the law firm that I had recieved the offer from the other place and that the work hours they offered were not very good for my family. The HR person talked to the manager of the helpdesk dept and said they just had someone get promoted out of an early shift and that could be available...plus the base pay is $3k more than the other place. She said they're "very interested" and want to "move forward" with the hiring process. The benifits there would start day 1 and probably be better.

    The pro of the first job: helpdesk/desktop support, small company, and I'd get hands on server/network experience. Con: Benifits/vacation.

    The pro of the law firm job: Pay, Hours (maybe), benifits, and chance for advancement. Con: Helpdesk/phone support only, remote software to fix things.

    Kinda figures that everything happens at once with the job hunting.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Congrats either way! Most of us here would kill for two offers (let alone @ the same time <g>) -MadJack
  • You forgot the biggest con of the second job - LAWYERS! Or, as we politely put it, "Scumsucking bottomfeeding lowlife scum-is-a-complement waste of carbon molecules" -ralphp1024
  • Oh come on ralph - I wouldn't say they were as good as that. -Gromit
  • The difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish.</old jokes> Congrats on the job offers. Hope you pick the right one. One pony keg-o-karma™ coming through the old transdimensional warp gate™ to your location! -ecoli
  • Speaking as someone who works at a law firm the other pro is no lack of work and you will get some good stories. BTW, which firm? -redevil34
  • Lawyers deal with just as many SF as help-desks do. The difference is that usually they have managed to screw up their lives instead of just their computers. And the fixes usually involve satisfying court requirements that are much more involved than FRR'ing. But it's still the same ID10Ts! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Regardless of which offer you go with, congrats on having the choice. -ShujinTribble
  • Congrats on having the choice and good luck with your final decision. I send along any job Karma I have in the hope that it helps. My opinion, worth exactly what you pay for it, would be the law firm - immediate benefits and chance for advancement sound a lot better than waiting 365 days until you can take a vacation. -virtualchoirboy
  • Congrats on the two job offers and good luck picking the right one for you. -JustAGirl
  • 288. Spiders (NT)

    I'm working this morning processing all the tickets from the 3 day weekend. Out of the corner of my eye I see some movement on my desk. I look down, focus and see a spider running across my desk.

    I hate spiders. Don't know why, I just do.

    I push my chair back from the desk, a little freaked out and watch it run across the papers, across the keyboard and then spin a web and lower itself the floor.

    Where I stopmped it into the carpet.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • you b*stard, you gave it hope it had escaped, then pounced. (Oh im not keen on them either) -Jax
  • Hey Jax... if they act like a starfish, then you treat them like a starfish... -duckhead
  • You must learn to overcome your innate fear of spiders. THEN stomp them into the carpet! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Sounds like you have all of the makings of Management! (QUICK! Let me into the LART shelter!) -ecoli
  • You should have let it bite you on the hand before stomping on it. What?! I'm the only one that wants Super-Cool (tm) Super Powers? -ShujinTribble
  • Ah! Boris! "Boris the Spider" -- No more shall he crawl around for he's imbedded in the ground. ;) -Necros
  • Necros, that wasn't Boris, it was Kenny..... YOU BASTARDS!!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!!!! -wolfprince
  • "Boris is dead... but there's cheese!" </boar's head> -AmazingKreskin
  • you did better than me...I would have made one of the others kill it while it was on my desk...*shivers* -Starlover
  • Spiders on the first floor of my house get the same treatment. If they're in the basement hiding where I can't see them, I leave them alone. We have an agreement--if I see you, you die. -pixel
  • who can catch criminals, in his sticky web, the spider man can.. the spider man can.. who can dance the rooftops, swinging on a string.. the spider man can.. the spider man can... -illiterate
  • Bastard! Spiders EAT Mosquitos! Heck, when I find one in the house I escort it out the front door to our tree. *Spin thy webs of doom and Feast upon my archnemises little friends!* -LeopardMadcat
  • I guess you like octopusses (sp?) instead! You... you evil villian's lover! :~| -TheGhost
  • i have this deal with nature. inside my territory, repsect mah authoritah. outside, im an ingredient. (ok, i escort spiders off premises, unless one of oz's myriad highly dangerous killer ones. man we have some nasty insects.) -timelady
  • Uhmm... -Spyder19
  • I'm gonna cry! -TranceGemini
  • You DO know that was my Auntie don't you ? -Spyder19
  • I have one of these: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008YO16/qid=1140555048/sr=8-2/ref=sr_1_2/104-5455689-7539166?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=228013 and I *still* think it puts me too close to the evil little bastards. -PikaPikaChick
  • Ever wake up to find a tarantula taking respite in your bathroom sink? As a ten year-old, I found it rather traumatic. I spent the next month unhealthily dwelling on how long had he been in the house, and how he made it all the way from outside, through four doorways and down a thirty foot hallway, and up into my sink without being noticed. I soon removed my bed from its frame so the mattress and box spring would rest directly on the floor, because if a tarantula could get that far into my house without being noticed then it would be a cakewalk for the monsters that live under the bed. No lie! -viennasausage
  • All spiders must die. And on the same topic - office spiders are quite rare... they dont seem to like living in offices I notice... wonder why.. -avkinkygirl
  • I am mortified of the little creepers. I was talking to a 'customer' when a HUGE wolf spider crawled out from under my desk (this has been several years ago). Poor customer almost went deaf and the rest of the people in the office found a new respect for the way I could jump onto a desk without the use of a chair. I sat on the cubicle wall until someone had squashed it flat and wrapped it up in paper towl and disposed of it. The spiders around me have an understanding, I don't see them, they don't die. -persephone
  • The tarantula scene in "Dr. No". That is all. -MadJack
  • http://tinyurl.com/p7zsz (Link to Break Room) -LadySharky
  • You "stopmped" it? Is that like a super-stomp? -missourimule
  • 289. The ringing phones

    Monday I'm sitting in my cube, about 6:45am. It's quiet and I'm doing paperwork. Then the phone at the 7am desktop tech rings and stops after four rings.
    Now another desktop tech's phone goes off
    Then the next one
    The server admin's phone goes off.
    Then the other helpdesk guy's phone (cube/phone used to belong to a desktop tech)

    Then my supervisors.

    The whole time this is happening I'm thinking "If the caller had used the support line first they wouldn't be playing phone games. About 20 min after the phones stop the caller (Payroll processing director) shows up in our area looking for help. I administer a gentle LART informing her that I've been here since 5am...and if she'd called the helldesk number I would've picked up the call and been able to work on her problem. Turns out the payroll server was locked up and they couldn't do paychecks for the week. She had to wait an hour and a half until the server guy showed up to work before it was fixed.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • My first thought that somebody was experiencing a flashback and doing a modem search! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I was thinking it was a wardialer, too. -docbrown01
  • Our sales people like to call the personal lines, and then they get testy when they don't get an answer because we're all on queue calls. -pixel
  • Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring .... Bananna Phone! <LART Shelter! GO!> -Necros
  • *SMACK*!!!! That's for getting that stuck in my head, Necros!!! That goes along with my boyfriend getting "Blister in the Sun" stuck in my head! -TranceGemini
  • "Body and beats I stain my sheets I don’t even know why\ My girlfriend she’s at the end she is starting to cry" Ah, to be 20 again... -viennasausage
  • My dept has learned to screen all calls to our desk phones, cell phones and blackberries by voicemail. If we get a message from some asshat looking to jump the tech support queue with a non-urgent issue, they get their LART via return email, cc'd to their boss. -TechnoCat
  • 290. Returning Karma to the pool

    Today was the day I found out if I got a job I'd gone through three interviews for.

    I didn't get it. They're offering it to someone with more field experience than I have.

    So the hunt goes on...there is a good chance my contract job will go perm so there is that light at the end of the tunnel.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Hang onto that Karma.... you still need it..... -MadJack
  • Karma grows exponetially, so just hang on to it a little bit longer... -CyBear
  • Sorry about that job, and hope that you get the perm that you want with this one nad karma to you as well -THETECHFROMHELL
  • I just added a bunch of unused Karma to the pool -- feel free to dip as much as you need! -Captain Trips
  • Hang in there mate, it is just a matter of time. -lineswine
  • 291. Something isn't quite right here....

    I arrive at work at my usual 5am, and wander over to my cube. This is when I notice something isn't quite right.

    There is no leftover work on my chair or on my desk. I check my e-mail: 3 messages.

    It's Friday so I don't know if I should be happy it's slow or scared that something's going to blow up around here today....
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Be scared something is going to blow you today... if not today then MOnday -LowLevelFormat
  • always expect the worst... that way the only supprises are pleasant ones. -wolfprince
  • prepare for the worst - and only pleasent surprises will follow </fortune cookie> -Harm
  • Maintain a high level of alert! It could be a temporary blockage upstream. The whole mess could unjam and drop on you ... five minutes before time to leave! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Pray for peace, gird your loins for war! This message brought to you by the letters H and C, by way of a compy owned by p -pixel
  • My alarm clock never went off, and we lost our DHCP server at 1am yesterday, I guess I got the workload for you. -shadowkat
  • Today's starfish alert level is Yellow: moderate. Expect a rain of fishies at 4:58 PM. -Gaah
  • One of my favorite sayings goes "if everything is fine, something is wrong." Just in case, I'll surround your premises with good Ectokarma (tm), to repell all the bad wishes your'e getting. <looks aroung in disapproval...> -TheGhost
  • Gaah, love the starfish alert level. LMAO. May have to use that one. -HelpMeee
  • LLF - "Be scared something is going to blow you today"? I'd be scared anytime "something" is going to blow me...now "someone" on the other hand..... <EG> -redevil34
  • You guys must have been running a bit slow today... took a while before someone replied to that "blow" comment, and no burkiss either. Dang. -TechnoCat
  • 292. Follow up to Something's not right...

    To follow up on http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=55441 from this morning...at 1:17pm the work internet connection died along with five other pieces of network equipment.

    I'm a contractor: I left at 1:30pm.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • wow ballsy good job. -drachen
  • "I like you, Bob. You've got *balls*!"</blackadder 2> -AmazingKreskin
  • "I've got an idea! And it's as >HOT< as my >PANTS<!!" -illiterate
  • Lord flashheart would make a great tech. -Tarantulus
  • WOOF ! WOOF ! -Jax
  • 293. It's not that difficult
    to reset your password.

    SF e-mails helpdesk, Oracle won't take their password. I unlock the account and reset it then e-mail to the SF. I get an e-mail back "It didn't work". I unlock/reset again, resend to SF.

    So far we're at TWO resets.

    I get another e-mail from the SF. Can he log in? No....he's locked out AGAIN! Reset to even simpler password, spell out in the e-mail that it must be typed EXACTLY as I sent it.

    Finally the SF e-mails back after the third time that he logged on. It's not that hard to do.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • oh no cut and paste is far too difficult -hellsadmin
  • Try dealing with the emails I get every week from the ignorami (?) in my office: "I'm getting a message that my login password will expire in 10 days and do I want to change it now. Can you change it for me?" Duh. Pick your knuckles off the ground and change it for yourself, fuckup. -TechnoCat
  • Sure. Your new password is r5yD583RTO3956TFimr33ly57o0p1d! -Gaah
  • I spent over 30 minutes today trying to get some moron to login to his email acount. I had to reset it 5 freaking times because he still couldn't log in. Finally I walked down to the building and typed the damn thing myself, worked just like I said it would...moron -Gmork
  • technocat: I hope I don't get in trouble, but I actually put in my case notes today "Helped customer follow the on-screen instructions" basically it was telling him to make outlook his default e-mail handler. tough to do, really. -illiterate
  • Just had an experience like this myself, last week. Scary part is that the client in question is pretty sharp, aside from problems spelling. -CTYankee
  • Oracle is all knowing, shouldnt need my password right?! It doesnt excist anyway, its all a program from the matrix! -liQuidtech
  • 294. Interview Karma Request

    Back in August I was let go from my previous job. I managed to get a contract job 2 weeks later...but it's contract. I've been there 4 months but the odds of it going perm any time soon are slim.

    I've managed to get many interviews in the last few months but haven't landed a job yet. Friday I have a 2nd round for a Desktop Support role and I really would like this job.

    Any spare job karma people have I would greatly appreciate...so far I'm 0/12 on my interviews....
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • ohh that does suck on the 0-12( hey kinda lokks like TO vs Ottawa)- Loading up a couple C-130's for a karma drop. -Harm
  • Good luck Starfury. Knock 'em dead. -chazz
  • Fresh slabs currently hurtling out of the Karma-Ripper in your general direction! -LoTech
  • One Pony Keg-O-Karma of "Full time employment" coming throught the Transdimensional Warp Gate to your living room. Might want to move that coffee table. -ecoli
  • May the Karma gods shine mightily in your direction. I've been there (as I'm sure many of us have) and it's not a pretty scene. -Enzedder
  • Bobsentme recent post seems to be a proof that TSC karma works. So, I'll flow a good stream of Ectokarma your way. Don't forget to post when you get the job! -TheGhost
  • "Supernova of Karma" coming your way! -CivilWarTech
  • I sure hope I am not interviewing for the same position!! Good Joss to you, I hope we BOTH get the jobs!! -Psudo36
  • *tosses karma moooofins at StarFury* -taieena
  • KarmaTron™ set to "sizzle" and pointed at your job-getting skillz. -Dj
  • Thank you all for the karma...in addition to the 2nd round interview on Friday I recieved a call and have another interview next week on Wed. -Starfury
  • Karma Kritters are purring madly for you! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Good luck, I'll shave my head for you. Again. -namor
  • 295. Other duties as assigned

    All of us know about "other duties as assigned" being part of our job descriptions. Today I get a call from the CEO's secretary at 7:45am. She's stuck in traffic and will be in late. The CEO has a meeting at 8am with visitors from China. I had to let the visitors into the building, have the facilities person make coffee, and get their breakfast from the cafe next door. Everything worked out ok except the CEO won't have an assistant to take notes. I guess being helpdesk goes way beyond the technical part.

    As for the accident: car, pickup, panel truck with injuries and a fuel spill at the 880/238 interchange northbound. This area is ALWAYS busy...the backup with the accident is several miles long. Glad I'm not driving in it. She may make it in by mid-morning.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I ride the bus 30 some odd miles each way. Since it is the earliest run, there are usually less than twenty of us there. Much easier to deal with accidents, etc, when you are reclining in a padded seat with foot rests and chauffer! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • hopefully she thinks to run alternate routes. there are several -McSmiley
  • Greetings from Nancy the House Bitch. -vacuumtubes
  • I thought the same TDD until the bus I was riding rammed a car. -LaserGuru
  • LaserGuru - As long as you aren't in a seat with nothin in front of you, it's a hell of a lot nicer than being in a car that is involved. The sheer mass of the bus for one thing! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Couple years back there was a city bus here that smacked into a parked truck on the highway; injured everyone, killed 3 I think. And there have been a number of minor accidents with city busses. But I drive my kid 20 km (12 miles for the metric-challenged) to school. The first week I was doing this, a two-car accident; the second week, a 5-car pileup. If there was a bus that went that way, he'd be on it, end of story. -chazz
  • chazz - The bus I ride is occasionally braking violently due to somebody pulling out into the carpool lanes at a speed significantly less than that of traffic. Every once in a while they can't accellerate and the bus can't brake - SMACK! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • My wife witnessed a local area transit bus drive off a highway overpass. It went Pancake in the medium. Only the driver was onboard. -Year9595
  • Yeah, there was a bus accident on I-4 the other day, a plane fell on it. </paraphrased joke> -ecoli
  • Yes we in the US are metrically challenged and can not figure out that 32 degrees F equals 0 degrees C even when the bank sign is flashing it. -joebob
  • <Obnoxious mode=ON> Isn't 20 klicks actually closer to 12.5 miles? </obnoxious mode> **grins madly** -CTYankee
  • Oh, well, if you're going to be _picky_. Note I said "about". If you want to be perfectionist (and what tech doesn't?) the commute is 21.6 +- 0.2km, which I believe is 13.4 +- 0.1 miles. As the km distance is accurate to only 1%, a mileage difference on the order of 1% is acceptable. -chazz
  • 296. Well crap.

    Yesterday one of our sites network failed. Apparently someone plugged a hub into one of the switches...then plugged the hub back into itself effectively killing the network there.

    While this may not seem like a major problem it's also where the main mail server is located...including the one that processes the helpdesk ticktets that are sent in via e-mail.

    I expected to find the issue had been fixed/cleaned up before my arrival today at 5am. No such luck. The problem was finally fixed around 8pm so I arrive to 50 tickets in the queue from yesterday I get to deal with. Guess I'll be busy today....
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • 43 will be "Email is down", 6 will be "Is email down?" and the last will be "What's happening with my ticket about email being down?" -Dj
  • ah what about all the "is the internet down?" mails also? *agrees with DJ, you will have an easy shift<EG>* <TAXI!> -Jax
  • Geez! you didn't even send an email out telling us the email is down? (posted by my doppleganger while I sit safely in the LART shelter) -FrontSideBus
  • Heck, just close the tickets with the resolution being "The internet is broke" -crazymactech
  • 297. The VIP, the Tech, and the Laptop

    This is from a co-worker at one of our remote sites. He had to troubleshoot a VP's laptop.

    Tech:So your laptop is dead?
    VP: Yes.
    Hmmm...What's on the screen?
    VP: Nothing.
    Tech: Are there any lights on?
    VP: No.
    Tech: And what happens if you push the power button?
    VP: Oh, that's right. I forgot where the power button is.
    Tech: Please press the silver round button above the keyboard.
    VP: yeah, that worked.

    The VP did laugh at herself when she realized how idiotic her call was.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I don't get it. That's about right for a VP. -Dj
  • If she's the friendly type, she'll tell that story on herself at a staff meeting sometime! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • *pictures Jim Carrey's staff meeting scene from Liar Liar* -missourimule
  • 298. Rule #1 in action

    It's been a very quiet morning...which was interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

    Me: Helpdesk
    sf: My computer won't turn on, I only have an hour to finish my year-end work and this is immportant!!!
    me: Have you checked that the PC/Monitor is plugged in and that your power strip is working?
    SF: Yes, my lights work in the cube and the PC is humming.
    Me: Ok, what kind of monitor do you have? CRT or LCD?
    SF: I don't know.
    Me: Is it a flat/thin one or a big TV type monitor?
    SF: It's the TV type one.
    Me: Did you check the power cord in the back of the monitor?
    SF: Yes.
    Me: Ok, I'll put in a ticket for a tech to come out and check it.

    So I put the ticket in, and IM the tech. He goes over and then lets me know what the problem was.

    1. SF has a LCD monitor, power cable was NOT plugged in all the way. Violation of Rule #1
    2. SF has a Laptop. I mistakenly assumed (my bad) that because she had a monitor and her PC wasn't working she had a desktop system.
    3. SF didn't think to take the laptop out of the docking station so she could do her work.

    At least it's Friday and I'm out of here in a few hours.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Rule 1 violation, password reset penalty, second down. -Olorin
  • The ref ought to add a 'interference' penalty as well! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Thinking here for a second - not to excuse the Rule 1 Violation because you specifically said "big TV type monitor" (again though we're dealing with a *F)....but <da> considering the amount of flat screen TVs out there now, that CRT/TV analogy is probably going to need to go by the wayside or we're going to have to specify "older TV" type monitor. </da> -redevil34
  • "...a big TV type that will actually HURT you if I drop it on you if you lie to me." -ShujinTribble
  • Okay, you're gonna have to recompile the kernel and install your monitor modules seperately. You'll have to do that thru a remote login via wireless parallel port into the tv monitor. After you do that you'll have to re-align the inverse phase di-polar multiplexor with the heisenburg compensator. -kryliss
  • ...and you MUST decompress the flux capacitor or it'll blow us all sky high! -missourimule
  • Wuhzat? Flux is gonna blow us? Yippee! I'm next, I'm next! -CyBear
  • I'm a bad influence on all of you. -vacuumtubes
  • VT, between you, burrkiss, and RiffRaff, we never stood a chance. -wolfprince
  • I can't stand for these innuendoes anymore, wait until I'm in the recliner. -PolarCoyote
  • Nah, that's just a game misconduct for that moment. -Lese
  • 299. WTF? HP rant

    Part of my job is to do ordering for small items. Today I had to order two HP JetDirect 625n cards from CDW.

    Now this is a fairly common piece of hardware that HP has been making/selling for years...and they also seem to fail on a regular basis. I look up the price on CDW and find they are:

    $398.97 each.

    I find this VERY wrong in so many ways...including that the CDW price is lower than several other online places I checked.

    At least it's not my money I'm spending.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Computer Giants has them for $395.00 and free shipping. http://www.computergiants.com/items/one_item.asp?part=115423&aff=2 -Stryker One
  • PriceGrabber lists two vendors that have them for $345 on the expanded listing, but damn! Does it have gigs of memory or a built in hard drive so every minute detail of the printer can be monitored?!?! -BayouTech
  • Try original Sun parts for price. New GBIC/NIC? Over $1K, easy. -namor
  • It's just the fact that only HP make the cards, and big co's will pay for the fact that it's a genuine HP part. -smellystudent
  • I've actually told people to replace printers that have failed JetDirects and are out of warranty - it's often cheaper, and they get a nice shiny new warranty with it! -karlata
  • HP: "You want em??? We got em!!! Just get ready to bend over. HEE-HAW!!" -SFishWrangler
  • Other companies do make stand-alone parallel port and USB print servers for under 100USD each, to replace the JetDirects. Just a note -ralphp1024
  • That's about the same price as the NIC we sell for our line printers. -LaserGuru
  • 300. A starfish moment I had. (NT)

    Something happened to my brain...maybe low blood sugar...

    I was at the grocery store doing some shopping..mostly stuff to make cookies with the kids this week. I've got a cart full of food (including two very VERY nice London broil steaks) and I head to the checkout. The store isn't busy and I wander into an empty line. Guess which line...

    Yes, the 15 item or less line...the checker doesn't say a word as she scans all my stuff until the end when she delivers a nice LART:

    "Mr. X, this is the express lane and in the future please have 15 items or less when you checkout here. Thank you for shopping at Safeway."

    Totally embarrassed I push my cart to the car and unload it. The worst part: I shop there all the time and KNOW that the two lanes on the end are the express checkout.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • In most stores around here, if there are no other customers in the Express checkout line, they will gladly check you. -CyBear
  • All I understood from this post was blah blah blah mmmmmm London broil steak blah blah blah <eg> -momo
  • I once got booted out of a "baskets only" queue because I was carrying the *single item* I wanted in my *hand*. I had to place it in a basket in order to get served... -smellystudent
  • At least YOU didn't get annoyed and complain to the store manager about what a rude comment the checker made! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • It okayk, this is called letting of steam, next time stay at home and wait for it to wear off -LowLevelFormat
  • I've had Wal-Marts let me go through the 20 items line with 52 items before. The catch: 24 of one same item, 24 of another same item, and 4 of the last item. All they had to do is scan each one and hit the Enter key the right number of times, so it took just as long as a legitimate 20 item purchase would. -Mewtwo
  • Mew, that is a legitimate low-number purchase. Multiples of the same item count as one for that very reason. -Gaah
  • Buy one get one free Safeway I pick up the same deal myself yesterday -YoYo
  • 301. Merry Christmas! (NSFW)

    Santa has something to say to you.

    http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=zgnyb6enjkh5yk67hgh
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Screw Santa. That a**hole hasn't visited my in years. Well not since the time I yelled at him. Well ok so I was snot flying drunk at the time. I guess it's what I said. Wanna know? Ok it was " I don't care who you are fatman get those F***ing reindeer off my roof." -atomicbill
  • And the point? -Wolfie0827
  • It's also full of pir... er I mean backups of the library's DVD's -Wolfie0827
  • I think what people say while drunk is exactly what they think when sober. -RePo
  • " yea well i downloaded it from YOUR STASH!" -Harm
  • "pevert"? -FuzzyElf
  • "Santa Claus ya c*nt where's me f*kin bike" / Kevin Bloody Wilson -CSurfer
  • CSurfer...another Kevin fan...beaut mate! -lineswine
  • I think I'm going to get lots of Xmas. Santa was downloading the porn from my hard drive. -burrkiss
  • 302. Expense accounts

    One of my duties here is to create Oracle epxense accounts for the staff. Today I recieved a request to create an account for a user so they can have expense reimbursement checks mailed to them. Guess what minor piece of information was missing...

    Yes, the address.

    It's not that hard to include the correct information is it?
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • ROFL! Mail the checks to Santa. :) -TechMama
  • my address is 2 ********* cres ***** on, canada if this will help./ -LunaticFringe
  • I thought about using MY address..but don't think the amount would be worth getting fired over. -Starfury
  • But if you were to use MY address and I were to make a donation of 1/2 to you, I wouldn't see any harm in it ;) -deskmonkey
  • So, send the checks to General Delivery in whatever city he lives in. After all, doesn't everybody love to stand in line at the post office? In December? -MeanDean
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_delivery -Lehk
  • Who is this General Delivery and why do I keep mailing stuff to him? Is he in the same base as Corporal Punishment, Major Disaster and Private Parts? -CaffeineHead
  • Obviously they want them mailed to their work address. -thx1138
  • 303. Bad noises

    Thangsgiving day started well, kids behaving, everyone's happy. I'm playing BF2 and doing much better than I usually do. My wife is on the laptop..then it happens.

    Crash!

    "Honey...I just dropped the laptop"
    "Is it broken?" (thinking I REALLY don't have the money for a replacemnt)
    "I don't know...the wireless card may be broken. Let me plug it back in...it's starting up again, looks ok."

    Now I have something else to be thankful for today!
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • wow......just wow -starfishmagnet
  • *hands over the superglue* This should help. >=)  -Bobsentme
  • How does one "drop" a laptop when it is in use? -putahtek
  • This call for the handy-man's SECRET weapon... (Zzzzvvmmm!) DUCT TAPE! </Red Green> -ShujinTribble
  • Turns out the damage is only to the PCMCIA card...it's a little 'bent' on the end that sticks out. Still works though. The laptop itself is fine. -Starfury
  • Putahtek: By sitting at a desk for a few hours, suddenly realizing you could be sitting leaned back in the couch instead, and then the laptop slips out of your hands as you go there. Happened to me. -Calydor
  • They do call it a LAPtop. Then again, the owner's manual usually warns you not to use it on your lap or you'll roast your chestnuts. -Gaah
  • Gaah -- they _used_ to call it a laptop. Since that scientist managed to get burned on his twig&berries, they've started calling them "notebook" computers officially. -chazz
  • I've never understood how someone could "burn their lap" while using a laptop. It's not like these things go from room temp to 7000 degrees like that *snaps fingers*. You'd think you had *just a little* warning. -missourimule
  • Easy, if the laptop in question is a Dell Inspiron (I think the 51xx series had the most overheating problems). That thing gets damn hot. -Dreamstalker
  • And the fact he had no feeling in his legs (paralyzed) and well... -spectreoflife
  • 304. Bonus! (NT)

    Today was fairly warm in the house so I dug a pair of shorts to put on instead of my jeans. In one of the pockets I found

    $3

    Today is truly my lucky day.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I love when that happens. -Zayda
  • should i tell starfury i did this last week and found a 50??;0ppp -starfishmagnet
  • Hey, that was my $3. Give it back dammit! -crazymactech
  • Two dollars .... I want my two dollars -Dangermouse
  • Now you can buy three tacos! -RiffRaff
  • and if you wait for taco tuesday, you can have a doller left, RiffRaff!! -beatmewithstick
  • sfmagnet: What were you doing searching in Starfury's shorts? Was he wearing them at the time? :p -missourimule
  • And just how much is a $3 bill worth, anyway? What's the big deal here? -missourimule
  • MM- Do you realize how RARE a $3 bill is??? <eg> -Voz
  • What you do is then, take 2 of it and play the lottery. -persephone
  • I swear, I've never been anywhere _near_ your pockets. -ThreeBucks
  • 305. Desperate recruiters? (NT)

    Yesterday AM I updated my dice.com resume...mostly just to see how many recruiters would call. Less than 2 hours later my cell goes off. I don't recognize the number and let it go to voicemail...it's a recruiter...and I can barely understand what he's saying because his accent is so thick.

    I give the guy a call back and find out it's a 10+ mo contract with Johnson&Johnson. He tells me the rate is $18-$20/hr. I tell him, no thanks, I'm making much more than that now and my contract has been extended another 3 months. He immediately says they'll match the rate I'm at now. I'm guessing this guy hasn't had much luck finding people. To top it off the e-mail he sent with the job detais said that if any other recruiters contacted me for the J&J job I should not talk to them.

    I'm just hoping that one of the last 2 interviews I had works out and I get a job offer; I also have another one Tuesday next week.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Not speaking to ther recruiters about the same job is SOP in the industry; many companies will throw away your VV, no matter how good, if it comes form 2 agencies; It stops all the fights about who gets the comission. -Dj
  • It makes you wonder how much the headhunter is going to make if you get the job. These 'we'll beat what you're making now' deals must imply they had a huge amount of 'slop' to negotiate within, probably a bonus for a cheaper price. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 306. Water + Laptop = Laptop problem

    It's so nice to have by butt big again.

    Today was a fairly busy Monday, lots of stuff do with few calls. Then this "genius" calls. He had spilled water on his laptop keyboard and now some of the keys didn't work...and he couldn't log on. Since it's a hardware issue I followed procedure and issued a ticket to the techs to see if it could be salvaged or not. The tech that got the ticket had me call the genius could use an USB keyboard (which I'd thought of but didn't want that one to be broken too.) The tech will be at that office on Tuesday to see if the laptop can be saved.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Lookit dat ASS! I mean.. >>LOOK<<! It's, like... (Blink) Hay, WAIT a minute! That's an ASS?! I just thought it was the reincarnation of the Hindenburg! -ShujinTribble
  • Where did the sunlight go? -lineswine
  • Congrats on the re-ass-umption of the large backside. -Rabbitt
  • Obviously a post that needs no rebuttal.... -Grue
  • Ouch, Grue... -Avalon68
  • SEXY BUTT YA GOT THERE /Burrkiss' thoughts -TranceGemini
  • star shiny, ass HUGE... welcome -HappyCrappy
  • 307. Oh no! (NT)
    My butt has shrunk and my pants don't fit! But when I went to fatten up the link didn't work! Gotta e-mail Hawk directly.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • hey slim, howya doing <erects LART tent> -Jax
  • Take down that tend and give his old pants back, Jax - he'll need 'em when he gets his butt re-enlarged. *runs like hell* -teivrann
  • Jax, did you have to say "erect" and talk about butts and pants in the same sentence? -Jay911
  • hey, your butts fat again.... and i LOVE your tagline -duckhead
  • "Never laugh at live dragens..."-Loremaster Tolkien -Voltage
  • DND Player1 "Is that dragon asleep?" DND Player2 "I dont know, poke him and find out" DND Player1 "Ok" (Pokes the dragon) DM "Roll up a new party" -Deadagent
  • 308. My wife is SO lucky (NT)

    A little background: my sister in law is doing fundraisers for her son's school. What they do is sell beer/water/soda at football/baseball/concerts and get a percentage of the profits. My wife has done a few football games and the Green Day concert that was in SF. Guess what concert she gets to go to this Sunday?

    Metallica opening for The Rolling Stones.

    The booth their in will have an exellent view of the stage. I'm so jelous.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Friday... Veteran's Day... and, the Stones @ PETCO Park! Whadda way to start the weekend! (Just wish I had the day off WITH pay...) -MadJack
  • there is no other word then DAMN.just DAMN -starfishmagnet
  • I offer my condolences... To your wife. (Sorry --- I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but the only way I'd bother to see either band is if I had to work at the venue. I don't think either band sucks, per se, I just don't care about them. That, and stadium concerts are an annoying, tedious, expensive hassle. Better to spend the ticket money on CDs/tapes.) -MeanDean
  • I just see both bands as tee-shirt selling machines, not really interested in either...hang on, wasn't it Metallica who whined about Napster? In that case they can GFT. -lineswine
  • metallica? don`t they make that Light Tin music? -Jax
  • Yeah, I saw the Stones once. Won't make THAT mistake again. George Thorogood on stage at 3pm, 1hr set. J. Geils Band on stage at 4:30, 90 minute set. Rolling Stones: On stage at 9:00! 3 hour wait! (Mick Jagger: "My makeup doesn't look good in daylight." Same bullshit killed 1 person at Altamont, 4 people in France.) No band is worth a 3 hour set break! In sweltering heat! With no access to water! (Trapped in a mass of 50,000 bodies.) Nah, the Stones just aren't worth it for me. -Captain Trips
  • so jealouse.... BUT i'm seeing aerosmith next week.. and saw kid rock for free... and could HEAR the stones consert from my balcony * and se the firwaorkd) .. still jealouse. only bout the stones.. not metalica. -Harm
  • every veteran SHOULD have friday off... with pay... but, that would not be fair to the draft dodging, week kneed "I just CAN'T serve" pussies... -HappyCrappy
  • Don't get me started, HC. I got allowed to take the day off; but no pay since I'm still a temp... oh, and the first concert @ PETCO was AWWWEEESOMMME!!!! (What I can remember of it, anyway... my head still hurts... remind me not to drink so much next Memorial Day... MoJos will kcik... your... ass... http://www.livejournal.com/users/madjacktech/ -MadJack
  • 309. Boobies! (NT/NSFW)

    Didn't want to dump the link of the day...
    http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=gzhpyt3k3744jmayqjg
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • BOOBIES!!!!! -Slycat
  • Puns, puns, Fucking PUNS!! RRRRRRRRRR!! -vacuumtubes
  • Now that's a boo-bees comment I like! (BTW sfm, I had nothing to do with this pun.) -Tekkie
  • I'm not sure what all the buzz is about. At least they looked perky. -Bobsentme
  • ROFDLALSMITAL = Rolls on floor dies laughing and laughs some more in the after life = I found that amusing <EG> -Jax
  • Yeah - right.. like THAT joke will ever fly. -ShujinTribble
  • THAT WASN'T FAIR -TranceGemini
  • cute -- but NOT FAIR! bait and switch dude.. not cool :) still cute . -Harm
  • Oh HONEY! That was the BEES KNEES!!! Show me more boobies!!! >:) -rokitt
  • Step 1) save link to desktop as "Boobies.htm" Step 2) Leave computer on for wife. Step 3) Let wife see and click on link. Step 4) Profit! -Ulfgaard
  • A joke like that really stings. -lineswine
  • So...who's gonna use Ulf's idea - at work? :D -missourimule
  • 310. Password reset fun

    Part of my job is password resets for Oracle accounts. We have a form e-mail we send out when one is reset with complete instructions on what is and is not allowed. One restriction is you cannot have repeating charachters. Sounds simple...at least to me.

    So one of the many SF call for a password reset, I do it and send the e-mail. 5 min later I get a call from her that it's not working. 10 min of whining later I get the actual error message..her new password is invalid because it violates the repeating charachter rule. She had used 3 zeros in a row and wondered why it didn't work "I didn't know that 0 was a charachter." After she changed them to 123 the new password worked. Then the 2nd gem from her: "I guess I got lucky with that password!"

    No you didn't. I had to create it for you because you couldn't read the simple instructions that CLEARLY told you how to create your password.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Reset (l)user with a clue-by-four -deskmonkey
  • Lets see: STARFISH, ID10T, BINT Nope, no repeating characters. -Bobsentme
  • I had PEBCAK as a password for my work account... Always made me smile a little bit. -exzyle2k
  • i had <my managers name>i$@DuMb@$$ as a password, it always made me smile -areatech
  • Heh - I wish I could let them do that. Can't have ANY sequential characters in the ASCII chart, more then two in a row. -Grue
  • "12345 That's the stupidest combination I've heard in my life, it's something an idiot would have on his luggage" -Olorin
  • Pres. Skroob: 12345? That's amazing, that's the same combination I have on my luggage! (Col. Sanderz and Dark Helmet exchange a blank stare). Sorry, couldn't resist :) -AgentV3
  • 311. Job hunting karma request

    Once again I humbly request any positive thoughts from the TSC gang. I have had an interview this week for a desktop support job. I feel it went well, and after the video conference interview (big boss in LA, me in SF Bay Area) I got to chat with the office manager. I gave her an extra copy of my resume (I always have extra) and she recognized the street I live on; her in-laws live on the corner. We talked for about 30 min...I'm hoping that will give me a small edge when they make a decision or call for 2nd interviews.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • In honor of the upcoming (Un)holiday I'm shipping you a load of karma apples (no nuts). -Darkridr
  • Opening a bottle of Chateux Nerf de Karma in your honour... -Diptera
  • One Pony Keg-O-Karma™ coming through the ol' Transdimensional Warp Gate™ to your location. Good luck! -ecoli
  • Firing Karma Kannon! *FOOM* -Veinor
  • We have brightly shining Karma Krystals humming to focus on you. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • You do realise that if you get the job you are automatically the in-Laws on call tech support bitch. And if the system gets too screwed up it will be your fault and it will get back to work faster than a speeding bullet. Best of Luck though -Zoomer
  • Spanked the karma monkey and fired some karma sauce your direction. -putahtek
  • throws some karma in the catapult and fires away... -StarFishHearder
  • Sending a Karma Kameleon. Don;t set it on a checkerboard. -concept14
  • 312. You know it's Monday when...

    You arrive at work at 5am and your keycard won't let you in the door. Unable to contact anyone you spend 90 min waiting until someone shows up and you piggyback in with them.

    Only good thing is I'm not fired...it looks like the cleaning staff may have caused the server that controlls access to the building to shut down over the weekend. The facilities guy is PISSED and heads will roll over this goof.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I remember the days when keys were made of brass with little notches on them. When the key was inserted into a lock, it opened the door. Simple! -robbor
  • Yep, happened here a couple of weeks ago. Only that was a 'planned upgrade' that sort of went sideways! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I seem to recall reading more than one story here or (shudder) elsewhere that talked about constant server problems that were caused by cleaning people unplugging the server so they could use their vacuum cleaner. Yours is in a locked room and on a UPS, right? -BayouTech
  • Now you've got me thinking about our place. We have a keyway on the door that should be able to bypass the card lock if all else fails.. but I wonder where that key is. -Jay911
  • 313. Recruiter fun!

    About a month ago I recieved an e-mail from a recruiter. I contacted them, talked on the phone, and scored an in-person interview. 4 weeks ago I went to the interview, and decided I wasn't interested in the position. I haven't heard anything from that company until today.

    I get an e-mail from the recruiter...which is the EXACT same one I got the first time saying they're looking for a Product Support Specialist and want to start interviews immediately. I let the recruiter know I've already had an interview and that nobody ever got back to me.

    I'm guessing I didn't get the job...which I didn't want anyway.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Thats the game with job hunting, all bets are on, will they call back or not! -cjo
  • Or will another recruiter take over their 'dead' file and try to push the same nasty job again? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I highly suggest you pass on ANY job that doesn't let you BE YOUR OWN BOSS!!! WORK FROM HOME! EARN $14K IN THE FIRST 2 MONTHS! I DID! -linkv
  • $14K? That's it? You're getting ripped off, linkv. I was able to MAKE $1 MILLION *LAST MONTH* IN THE EXCITING REAL ESTATE MARKET WITH NO MONEY DOWN!!! -missourimule
  • but you really don't know about the fact that YOU CAN WORK FROM HOME AND EARN BIG BUCKS IN YOUR SPARE TIME JUST MAILING OUT ENVELOPES. TO FIND OUT MORE, JUST... -SFishWrangler
  • Wanna make $20? <unzip> -burrkiss
  • Burrkiss: I'm not that desperate. -Starfury
  • I actually had this a few years back. For about three months recruiters would contact me about working for a company; give me exactly the same speil. I'd already been interviewed and told I wasn't what they were looking for (i.e. I wanted paying the going rate, not helpdesk money for sysadmin work). Strage thing each agent was the sole recruiter... *shrug* -fearmyroot
  • Why work? I know this guy in Nigeria who'll let me keep $1,000,000 if I let him use my bank account to move $20,000,000 out of his country! All he's asking for is $500 up front good faith money from me! -Captain Trips
  • 314. 0 for 6 (NT)

    I've been job hunting now since early August. So far I've had 6 interviews and have not gotten the job on any of them. I'm still waiting to hear back on 1, and on another I've got a 2nd interview Friday. The problem is I know I don't want one of the jobs and the other one I'm not sure about. I'm on a contract job until the end of November (which should be extended 3 months) but I'm a bit dissapointed at not getting a 2nd interview on any of the ones I really wanted. The search and resume submission continues.

    The one bright point of light: When I was laid off in July 2000 it took 3 months to geg ONE interview. Things are getting better out there for techies. Only took 2 weeks to get my current contract job.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • *walks by the table with a Karma Carafe* Need a top-up? -Frazzled
  • Best of luck to you.My contract ended in early September and I am still looking. -persephone
  • I feel your pain, I was 0 for about 8 before I got this job. It's not a tech job per-se, but my techincal knowledge comes in handy. I probably heard something back from only 3 or 4 of those jobs I interviewed for which wasn't cool. But hey just keep plugging away, you'll catch a break. -SirBSOD
  • They are out there and even some good ones. I managed to get out from one of the crappiest jobs I have ever had the displeasure of being stuck in for 4 years of solid hell this past summer. I was going on something like 0 for 20. However, I am "much better now" making 36% more with twice the benefits and a company that will be paying for my MCAD certification sometime in Q1 '06 (on my schedule, not theirs). Don't give up hope. I will send whatever leftover good job karma I've got in your direction. -virtualchoirboy
  • yeah it is kinda dissappointing not getting the jobs....I am getting a few interviews myself. 1 I probably couldve got but I told them what I wanted for salary, I am betting they didnt want to pay me that much so it wasnt worth it to me. Another one my buddy recommeded me I talked with the IT director and did well, the coworker figured I would outshine him( i would actually) and he told them he didnt recommend they hire me. But on plus note where I have been temping for the national guard, when they get the money for a full time position they want to hire me they are WAY understaffed. the way I see it I stick out till next summer and its all gravy. -SGTARKyTEK
  • 315. WTF is wrong with people?! <nt>

    Today after work I picked my daughter up from school. I had to go to the bank and fill up the tank on my car. After the bank I get to the local 'cheap' gas station. There are 2 pumps. One car is at the pump closest to the driveway and he's getting ready to go. There's one car behind him and then my car. What does dipshit do when the car in front drives off?

    He pulls to the pump closest to him...not the one all the way forward just the one closest to him.

    I'm pissed and beep the horn so moron boy knows I'm behind him and want him to move forward. He does and I give him the "what the hell is wrong with you?" look as I get out of my car.

    This just goes to prove that people are stupid until proven otherwise.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Welcome to Earth, please check your sanity at the door. -Deadagent
  • Last week I went on a vacation with my new 4x4 pickup and our old 20 foot long travel trailer. I had to fill up with gas along the way. To get to the pumps with my trailer attached, I had to drive around the back of the station and pull into the last bay. To avoid blocking everybody else in, I had to occupy both pumps in the bay. I patiently waited for the two cars ahead to finish, then pulled forward. Some teenager in a civic zipped in ahead of me. So I pulled up behind him, real close like. I got out and told him I was next in line, and that had to take both pumps to keep from blocking people in. He said something about he got to the pump first. So I walked up real close to him, and said, "How much you want to bet my 3/4 ton 4x4 pickup can push your little car right out of the way and into the middle of the street?" He moved his car real quick. -CyBear
  • "Face it, girls, I'm older and I have more insurance." </Fried Green Tomatoes> -missourimule
  • You went to the bank to get a mortage so you could fill the gas? And I thought gas is expensive over here! -NordicPT
  • Given the no. of comments about Honda Civics, do they tend to be owned by idiots? (No offence meant to anyone here with a Civic). Here in England, the chavs go in for wee cars such as aVauxhall Nova/Nissan Micra/Citroen Saxo & add all manner of HUGE tailpipes, oversize spoilers ( on a 1.1 litre engined car), stereos that can be heard in the next town etc. Wanna see some sad specimens of such vehicles? http://www.barryboys.co.uk/html/index.htm will supply all you ever wanted to see (& plenty you never wanted to!) -lineswine
  • The average civic I see now a days has a retarded looking spoiler, neon lights underneath, sounds like a go cart and is driven by a guy who's got his hat on sideways. A buddy of mine street races and his choice phrase is "When I see a civic lined up with me, I know I'm paying the mortgage this month" -snJimboip
  • LineSwine - all Hondas, especially Type R's, are owned by idiots. (is the LART shelter fireproof? Armakuni's got a new weapon...) -smellystudent
  • Hey, I resemble that. My Cobalt has a (kinda) retarded looking spoiler. Ok, not completely stupid looking, but I think the lines of the car would flow better without it. Problem: Getting the wing removed would likely void the warranty. -ThreeBucks
  • I love my Crown Victoria... -iFox
  • That's why I'm proud to drive a VW Golf...it's a diesel, and anyone racing me at a red light get's laughed at if they win....laughed at harder if they lose. (no spoilers or aftermarket add ons at all besides a cheap CD player) -lofidelity
  • Really: placing all Honda owners in the category of 'rice-boys' ( http://www.riceboypage.com ) would be in bad taste... Like suggesting all Brits are surly alcoholics with bad dental hygiene... -MeanDean
  • 316. Stupid thing I saw (NT)

    I was at the grocery store and on the way out saw a complete waste of money. Some genius put spinners on a

    1988 Dodge Caravan

    that was in need of body work and a paint job. I think I'll quit joking with my wife that we should get them for our minivan.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • <da>Are you sure they were real. Appearently somebody out there is making PLASTIC spinners for those people who want to look cool, but not pay full price.</DA> -Bobsentme
  • by real, do you mean the brains of the vehicle owners, or the spinners? The owners probably have plastic brains, too. -srteach
  • Hmm, you don't live anywhere near me... I saw the same thing (along with neon underbody lights) on a... I think it was 1990-ish Caravan or similar. I couldn't stop staring. -namor
  • I saw an Pontiac Aztec with REAL spinner rims on it yesterday. I was like What?!?! But I've also seen plastic spinner hubcaps at the auto parts store. For $14.95 you can think you're cool but look like a doofus -areatech
  • Hmmmm, maybe I can trick out my Edsel... -ActingUpAgain
  • And what is with putting 28" rims on older cars (at least here in Florida)? -ecoli
  • Where they the hub cap spinners? I seen them around alot, and people tie rap them so it can't be stolen -LowLevelFormat
  • Maybe I should do some mods to my 96 Accord and turn it into a hi performance ricer car! Beware my 4 cylinders of raw power! -Starfury
  • Hush. :) I'm planning on ricing up my '97 golf a bit, though, so I can't really talk. :) -namor
  • I've been wanting to build a 4x4 LeCar... -maciarc
  • Damn I hate those things. They make the car look like it is in motion when it is stopped. -CyBear
  • I hate those things...what about the hydraulics on the rear axle? I've seen some genuises in ABQ triggering it when the car was in motion (dad and I stayed far, far away from them). Over the summer I saw a dinky car with an all-over iridescent paint job O_o It was a very sunny day on route 93...why there weren't any accidents from the rubberneckers at 90MPH is beyond me. -Dreamstalker
  • Quit making fun of my van you buttplug.:P -burrkiss
  • Quit making fun of my buttplug you van!:P -lineswine
  • Quit making buttplugs out of my van you . . . oh shit. </tries to find train of thought> -ecoli
  • whats even better....cheap walmart spinner hubcaps. -SGTARKyTEK
  • The ricers in Leicester have taken to sticking on the plastic pretend-spinners on their shitty novas. I laugh. -smellystudent
  • Or cheap spinning Wal*Mart buttplugs? -ThreeBucks
  • Now *that* is a mental image I _really_ didn't need. Brain bleach over here, please... -chazz
  • Quit making vans out of my buttplugs! -Veinor
  • Stupidest thing I saw. Lowered 4x4 dually with the lovely spinners. WTF? -StarFishHearder
  • I've never heard of spinners made of metal - they all look like cheap plastic to me. -Divinar
  • I was next to some loser with the air/hydrolic shocks at a traffic light. He would suddenly let the air out of one corner and let the truck drop. I rolled down the window and told him "There's a shop just up ahead that might be able to fix that broken strut" - From the way he left rubber across the intersection, I guess that wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. -Divinar
  • "Quit using buttplugs in my van!! The mess is disgusting!!!" -rokitt
  • I don;t get spinners or grown effect neons. OHH your honda civic looks SOO much cooler! what with the sterio system thats worth more then the car itself! i mean- ground effect LOOks cool.. but why? spinners i don;t get at all. they are for what? ben hur style racing down the highway? giving the car a more agressive look? You want something that looks agressive? a civic aint it. go big otr go home. you want a vehichle that strike awe abd faer in the hards of anyong thinking of passing? get a tank! -Harm
  • ^- my excuse is i have a cold and a new keyboard... my typing while ranting is not usualy that bad -Harm
  • What's worse than having plastic spinners is getting real alloy rims but only getting two and putting them on the back while leaving your crappy steelies on the front, bonus points if the alloys are larger than the steelies. Even better is seeing these idiots drop in hundreds of pounds of stereo equipment with enough wattage to rival a Metallica concert, bolt a massive dragster-style spoiler to the trunk (you know, to keep weight on the drive wheels at "high speed")then take out the passenger and rear seats to "save weight", then finish it up with pounds of vinyl decals (for parts they don't have) and a grapefruit shooter exhaust, and think they can ace Mustangs and Corvettes and pull 12's in the 1/4 mile. -AgentV3
  • 317. The horror!

    For 18 years I did clerical work...filing reports and X-rays. I left this field for tech work so I'd never have to file again.

    Today that changed.

    I've spent the last hour filing termination paperwork...and now I know why I never wanted to do this again. And the file I'm using is organized backwards. Instead of A to Z in the drawer it's Z to A.

    At least I'm getting overpaid for this.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • What is this 'overpaid' you speak of? -momo
  • 318. Dell's website sucks.

    Part of my job is to order parts for our users; to do this I've been given a Dell Premier account. One of the PC Techs wants a laptop memory upgrade. The site has a section set up for us with D-series accessories. Inside there is a list of stuff including 1GB memory modules. I order one and it arrives 10 days later.

    The tech goes to install and the module doesn't fit. I ask him which model he has and get "Latitude D610". I check the memory part numbers for the D600 and D610...they're different. Now he's got to wait another 10 days before they can "overnight" the memory to us.

    The only good thing that happened is the network admin had also requested an upgrade for his D600 today so he got same day service.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • One of many OEM websites nowadays where you have to Google what you seek in order to locate it on the maker's structured site. I used to have to resort to that when finding Compaq updates. -Mushroom
  • I thought is was common knowledge that D3LL sucked, through and through, right up there with Goatway -Jax
  • I've been having fun with them lately. My laptop's motherboard has blown something. Took two weeks for them to respond to my tech request. When I tried to complain about the poor service their complaint form wasn't working! I'm now waiting on a call-back to arrange for the system to be collected. -pmillipede
  • Yeah, a lot of the time the info there is inaccurate. It said my laptop can handle 512MB of ram. Oh no.. 256MB total. -ShiftedBeef
  • pmill - So.. did the laptop's mobo get paid for blowing whatever it was, or is it just an easy lay? -ShujinTribble
  • 319. Job Karma Request
    Tuesday I have 2 job interviews, one in the AM and one in the afternoon. Any extra karma people have I wouldn't mind borrowing a bit and I'll return the extra when I'm done.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • *bakes up some karma cake, does a little anti-starfish decorating, and express delivers it to Starfury* Here ya' go, enjoy!!!! -duckhead
  • *faxes over some cans of Karma-Kola© -deskmonkey
  • <Rolls a Keg-o-Karma™ through the transdimensional warp gate™ to Starfury> Good Luck! -ecoli
  • One "Multi-Kolored Karma Kameleon" on its' way to you..best of luck! -lineswine
  • Get dat job! -Grue
  • *changes orbital beam array setting from "Popcorn" to "Karma", aligns it on starfury's GPS transponder* -illiterate
  • Karma Artillery locked and loaded! Shot over! -fdiskcuresall
  • Good Luck and get them before they get you. -BayAreaTech
  • <Pointing his big Karma-Hose at SF> Here ya go! 3000 Gallons of high pressure Karma-Foam -Ulfgaard
  • Karma-Krystals aligned and glowing, Your surroundings should saturate very quickly! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 5" .54 Karma guns loaded, Karma STARMs on the rails and ready... Weapons Red and Free! -MadJack
  • the KarmaNet™ is up and ready, download commencing -Jax
  • *Staps-on Latex gloves surgeon still* *Grabs fresh starfish and clean blunt instrument*... -Criptonite
  • 320. Meltdown at my old job
    I was IM with a former co-worker today and found out some news from my old job. Turns out the server admin has moved on to greener pastures leaving only the Jr. Admin; he left about a week back. Today they had a meeting and the Sr. Network admin left today. No notice, just "bye" leaving only the Jr. Network admin.

    On top of this, I know that the helpdesk girl (cute and tech savvy) is looking to move on and at least one of the desktop techs is looking to leave too. Fun times...glad I won't have to deal with it!
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I left my last job rather suddenly. Within 2 weeks the company lost 2 switch techs, one Engineering Director and a switch manager. Yeah, it was bad there. -Tekkie
  • Them rats know when the ship's a'sinkin', I tell ya true.... -vacuumtubes
  • The rats may know, but did they have to drill holes in the bottom of the ship? Good luck to the jr. tech and help desk person, they are going to need it. -ecoli
  • Been there, left that. -Psudo
  • 321. Stupidity on the road today (NT)

    Some people need driving lessons.

    1. Idiot on cell phone doing 60mph. In the fast lane. Causing traffic to back up behind you pissing other drivers off. For those of you who don't live in the SF Bay Area, the 65mph speed limit is more of a 'minimum speed' not a maximum during my drive time...and I usually flow with traffic at 75+.

    2. When there is road construction ahead waiting until your's 10 feet from the barrier is a BAD time to cut over in front of me...even though I'd slowed down expecting this from the idiot driving. I guess they couldn't see the bright oarnge cones, flashing lights, and the bright oarnge sign with big black letters that says "Lane Ends Merge Left"

    I just hope the drive home is less full of idiots than the drive in. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Just goes to show that starfish exist everywhere.... -fdiskcuresall
  • Gee,my average daily commute involves getting cut off at least 2x,being passed on the left at least 4x, and usually tailgated for at least 10 miles (and this is all just on regular 2 lane highways) -garwain
  • Mine usually involves soccer moms driving HUGE gas-hog SUVs (like Hummer H2s, Suburbans and Excursions); men driving pocket-rocket "penis-mobile" sports cars and college kids driving Honda Civics. And all of them are glued to their cell phones, don't understand the concept of using their turn signals, and love to tailgate. -MattN
  • For the record - this whole "Hands Free Cellphone thing" has got me WAY more upset that you might think. Yes, it's a better idea than using your hands... BUT! In 91, when I was a newly licenced Ham Radio guy, it was nothing for me to drive with my Hand-held radio in my left, a drink in my right, steer with my left knee until I needed to shift gears... oh, yeah.. this was a manual tranny too.. Never ONCE screwed up. (Damn, I'm glad I'm not out on the road anymore. oh wait.. I am.) -ShujinTribble
  • I am on the road quite a bit (not counting the 50 mile round trip to work each day) and I get these clowns all day long! The ones that I really hate are those that swerve in and out of lanes trying to go faster, cutting off everyone else, and we still wind up at the same place together. Fucknuts! -ecoli
  • 3. Stop farking Rubber Necking!!! you nosiey little specs on the road, slowing down traffice cause you want to see, pull over and walk there and take pictures -LowLevelFormat
  • Car & Driver Magazine calls these fucknuggets "Left Lane Bandits...." -vacuumtubes
  • And I think there's a law prohibiting use of turn signals in the SF Bay area - one of these days I expect to get a ticket for using them! -Divinar
  • The cell phone is an excuse for these idiots to drive like they do .. before cell phones these dolts still drove exactly the same they just didn't have the excuse. -wwonka
  • In our state, I think a law was recently enacted making it a big no-no to hog the left lane when traffic's behind you -supposedly, they're supposed to give way when you flash your lights but how exactly did that help me this morning in full sunlight when the ass-clown in front of me decided to go 60mph on the Kennedy (one of our more travelled expressways into the city). There were opportunities for him to get over & let the looooooooong stream behind him pass but he wouldn't. I didn't wait too long to go around him but which is worse, my passing on the right or his hogging the fast lane? I hope those behind me flashed him the one-finger salute as they passed (I'm a chicken). I hope his fargin' latte spilled in his crotch and prevented any crotch-droppings from springing forth. And I hope a bee flew into his car. A big, scary, fuzzy buzzy bee with a stinger like a rapier. -Avalon68
  • Wait, There's a speed limit? I always thought traffic was regulated by the accidents and the backups. -BayAreaTech
  • around here we have ' Magnetic Hill' - for absolutly NO reason people ALWAYS show down drmaticaly when comming up to it. ... did I mention this is on a highway (417), and traffic is usually dong 120Kph( about 60mph) speed limite is 100 - traffic usually does 120.. cept comming up to the hill. usuaully sho lows down to 80 or 60. for no apperent reason.... -Harm
  • Wusses. Wusses, the lot of you! I made a living as a document courier in the Bay Area for years, mostly in my own vehicle(s). You commuted in it, I LIVED in it. And *twitch* it didn't affect my *tic* mental health one bit GETTHEHELLBACKINYERLANESTUP--- Oh, sorry dear. Yes, you can go to the kitchen. Yes, I'll put the machete down. -MeanDean
  • 322. E-mail vacation notices
    We use a Unix based sendmail system here with Outlook. Because of this,the helpdesk (me) is responsible for setting up the users out of office messages. I had a request for this to activate the message Friday night. 6:45pm I set up the message and test it. 7pm comes along and I go home. Monday morning I'm here at 7am (new shift) and get my e-mails. What do I see?

    There are TWO requests from the starfish that I set up the vacation notice for. She wants it turned on Monday morning.

    Problem: She sent them at 7:12pm...a little late. By that time I was half way home thinking about dinner and not about work. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • This is just begging for a crazy out of office reply. -teivrann
  • 'Hello, I'm currently having a schizophrenic attack right now, leave your name and number and I'll give you a call if I'm the personality that wins out.' -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 323. Happy Bunny Thoughts (site NSFW)

    http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=nuyfhmhgy97xt54chpfp

    So true...
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Oh, to have that happen... -teivrann
  • But wait...there's more!: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=3627 -Tekkie
  • OMG! I think I spoke with this starfish today! http://www.watchersweb.com/sub_preview.php?sub_no=ta3hnq8pxpv57bwjzh -rokitt
  • 324. How to tell when you didn't get the job
    3 weeks ago I had a job interview. Went well (so I thought) and was told "We'll let you know next week." Next week comes along and no call...so on Friday I contact the interviewer and leave a nice voicemail asking about the job. I repeat the call on Monday...another voicemail. Today I'm reading my Dice job e-mails and what do I see?

    The job I'd interviewed for is up again on Dice.

    Sort of a non-subtle hint that I'm not going to be working there. My current contract job is going well and will tide me over as I keep searching for a permanent job. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • ouch.... -drachen
  • ahh yes, I know your pain. I had the same thing happen to me a year ago, although I did manage to at least get some nice "We're still looking the candidates" responses. -squatchie666
  • I thinmk it's only common courtesy for an interviewer or HR person at a company to take the time to compose a brief letter (even an email) or make a quick phone call informing the interviewee that he/she didn't get the job. Unfortunately, common courtesy in matters like this, are few and far between. -MattN
  • I'm in the same boat. When I applied for a certain job, the closing date on the period to submit applications was 8/6/05. A look at the company's website shows a new closing date of 9/17/05. Guess they're still looking...sigh... -VaultVixen
  • That always bugs me: you apply for a job, get the happy-dappy apple polish, hear nothing or get the polite "we're going forward with other candidates" [translate: we're leaving you behind] but then you see later that the position was NOT filled, or whomever they chose over you bailed on them but they're aren't about to go back on whom they've already interviewed. Sux0rz. -Mushroom
  • Next time they say "we'll call you next week" or something to that effect. Ask for it in writing. :) Oh the fun you could have with that.. -Bynar
  • In other words, we decided that paying you what you are worth is not worth it and we will continue looking for some schmuck that'll take 1/2 the going rate for the same job... -CancerTech
  • send a letter to someone higher up in the company reporting the HR department's unprofessional behavior. there is nothing time consuming or difficult about firing off a form letter letting an applicant know they were not selected for the job. -Lehk
  • oh GOD I hate looking for work. I am working "kinda like" contrat for the Army but that is up Sep 30th. I was told if they had the funds they would hire me. It is still possible next summer they will have a new opening -SGTARKyTEK
  • starfury...i told that story to tell this one :p I had an interview for a hospital tech. A freind of mine works there and he talked me up to the director of IT I went for interview with director, did well. Interviewed with co-worker, we seemed to hit it off good, discussed teching habits. I thought I had the job. He tells the IT director I was concerned about breaks and quiting time, he doesnt recommend hiring me. My buddy says, he figures the guy was worried about me out teching him -SGTARKyTEK
  • Change your name and apply again :) -Geminii
  • It depends how starfishy the recruiters are. I'm a speed typist by trade (I do subtitles), and kept applying for part time audio typing work. Every week this ad is posted, labelled "URGENT". I submit my CV and cover letter all the time just for shits and giggles. I am eminently qualified, however I reckon because I'm a guy, I'm just not even considered. Also, I applied for a CSR position with a bank. I got an email to say thanks but no thanks, then another one to say thanks, please come in for an interview...from the same department. I wrote back telling them I wouldn't want to work somewhere that couldnt even get their recruiting sorted out. -modeski
  • 325. Spam header of the day
    From a spam e-mail: I spell the place lesbian

    Not sure what this is supposed to mean. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I spell the place NI! But that is just me... -QBC
  • how about "I Sing the Body Electric" ? -CTYankee
  • sounds like a fun place <EG> -Jax
  • One I got the other day twice actually - "Go hurt to Crap" - I fear what the implications of buying that rolex would be. -wwonka
  • They call the wind lesbian... -illiterate
  • Its secret woman code. I'd tell you what it means, but then I'd have to castrate you. -Parilla
  • Love it Parilla! -Nazreel
  • 326. Another Karma Request
    A little back story: Got let go 4 weeks ago from my job. 2 weeks after that got new contract job..also got interview for FT job. Haven't heard back on the FT interview but figure I'm not going to get it since my two voicemails haven't been returned.

    Today I get a call and now have an interview next week for a FT job doing application support.

    As I was typing this up: I put in an app for Cal Culinary Acad. in SF and they want me to interview next week. Any extra karma people have I could use. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • did anyone else read "SF" as Star Fish?? Wishing the best of luck. -Slycat
  • Starfish Culinary School?!? How many ways can a Starfish be prepared for eating? -Psudo
  • However many ways, there's always a common denominator - you've gotta kill it first. Good luck mate. -Gromit
  • BBQ starfish, starfish gumbo, starfish sammich, starfish, red beans & rice, starfish salad...& that's about it </gump> -objekt404
  • Sending the karmasquirrels out to dig up some of their buried cache of karma for ya... :) -Diptera
  • 1)kill *fish 2)Eat *fish 3) Profit...awww can but try <eg> and filling up the Karma-Net for you now...Good Luck -Jax
  • 327. Dumbest reason to get rid of your PC
    Monday I was on a bike ride with my son and we stopped by a garage sale. The lady there was selling and older HP system w/ printer. What was the reason?

    The hard disk is full and it's too expensive to replace/upgrade it.

    Hopefully that PC went to a better place where it will be taken care of better. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • OK, cut to the chase ... 3) Profit? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Why didn't you lay down the cash yourself? Too many computers already, or was she asking too much? -NightSteel
  • If it were a reasonable price - ya could have given it a good home :) unless of course there is such a thing as too many PC's. -Harm
  • The PC was a 5 yr old HP system...and I've finally managed to get down to 3 desktops/1 laptop at home and one gaming PC at a friends house. I still have an extra MB, 2 NIC, cheap sound card, and a 40gb drive. -Starfury
  • with distrubuted computing you could stock pile computers, until you've got your own "gibson" of course it'll be the size of univac, but still. -drachen
  • Yeah but think of all the porn you missed out on! -robbor
  • talking of pron, I have recently found 8 pcs over the weeks at the local recycle center, old servers also, but the towers caught my eye, mobo`s + P3`s + SD100 RAM (YAY) and HDD`s, slaved to my linux box, and pron a plenty on two HD`s...work PC`s my arse :p -Jax
  • 328. LAN Parties
    Sat night was our usally weekly LAN party, CS and BF2 were played. I learned a few things.

    1. You can easily lose track of time and when you check it'll be 2:45 AM.
    2. When you arrive home and try to quietly sneak into bed your wife WILL wake up and be angry when she finds out what time it is.
    3. You will have to be up by 8am the that day.
    4. The children will wake you up at 7am.

    I think today may be a good day start drinking coffee. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Don't sneak in. Make a lot of noise, throw your clothes off and say loudly " Hey honey I'm really horney. How about a quickie?" She won't make a peep. -atomicbill
  • *guffaws at AtomicBill* Joke: A guy wakes up from a late night of drinking to find his wife bringing him a tray with a fresh-cooked breakfast-in-bed on it. He KNOWS how she hates it when he stays out late drinking (and he didn't even call!), so this puzzles him to no end. Just then his young son walks by the open door, and he calls him in to ask "What's going on?" The son says: "Well, you were carried home by a couple of your drinking buddies after three in the morning. Your singing and shouting woke us all up. Mom had managed to get you onto the bed and was trying to undress you for the night when, just before you passed out you pushed her away and said: "Leave me alone, lady: I'm married."" -LoTech
  • LT: Excellent! -Mushroom
  • Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that it's *not* a good idea to go out drinking, then get dropped off at 3am by a transvestite hooker name Fran, with pubes in your teeth and smelling like Tuna and Old Spice? But burrkiss said... -missourimule
  • mule.. burkiss says a LOT of stuff at 3am and 2/3rd of a bottle of Capt. Morgan. Not.. that I have.. any idea. I mean.... (MEDIC! Logic DOWN!) -ShujinTribble
  • Our LAN events tend to be overnighters, starting about 10am-midday, and finishing the next afternoon. Long-weekend sessions often go over two nights. Usually ends up as a 50-60 hour LANning and leaching session fuelled by pizza and caffeine. -Wraith556
  • Exactly! As I read the post I was thinking 'Why go home so EARLY!?' -Psudo
  • Why didn't you take the wife? -ecoli
  • 329. E-mail from Facilites Dept (NT)
    This is an e-mail from the facilities manager...he's not very subtle.

    Subject: Kitchen Sink Disposer's - What happens when I?

    Good Afternoon,
    Over the past couple of weeks we have had three kitchen garbage disposer failures due to tea leaves, chicken bones, and an unknown/unrecognizable object. Facilities would like to remind those who use the kitchen sink garbage disposers, about a few guidelines when using the disposer’s. Please see below:

    These facts are brought to you by (http://www.friendlyplumber.com/plumbing101/garbage_disposer.html). Insert garbage loosely. If you pack in too much at once, you can jam the disposal.

    Use a strong flow of cold water & keep the garbage disposers running at least 30 seconds after noise of grinding has stopped to flush all food particles through the drain line.

    Always use cold water when operating the disposer to solidify fatty & greasy waste so they will be chopped up & flushed down the drain.

    It’s safe to run hot water from the sink through the garbage disposer. However, use cold water when you are operating the disposer.

    If you wash dishes in a sink w/ a disposer, make sure all small objects are removed from the sudsy water before you drain the sink.

    If you have a continuous-feed disposer, move silverware & other small items away from the edge of the sink counter to avoid accidentally knocking them in while the garbage disposer is running.

    Do put small bones through; they help to scour the sides of the grinding chamber.

    Follow directions in the garbage disposer manual as to what should not be put through the disposer. Do not grind large bones or fibrous materials as corn husks unless the manual says it's ok. Only put a small amount of fibrous foods (celery, chard, asparagus ends, etc.) at a time through the garbage disposer w/ full water flow. If the drain line is long & quite horizontal, fibrous foods or too much garbage at one time can clog the line.

    Do not put uncooked fat off meat into the garbage disposer as it may clog. Don't pour liquid fats down line; solidify in empty tin can in refrigerator & dispose in the trash instead.

    Run the disposer each time you put food waste in it. This is particularly advisable in the less expensive models which are more subject to corrosion from the acids formed by food waste left for a long time.

    With a continuous-feed model, use the cover as directed to protect yourself when grinding bones or fruit pits--small particles could possible be ejected by the force of the disposer action. Avoid leaning over the disposer if you are feeding waste into it while it is running.

    All disposers have overload protectors to avoid damage to the motor. If the disposer should stall, turn off the disposer & the cold water. Retrieve the article causing the problem. Press the reset button on the disposer. If it won't stay in, wait a few minutes & try again. If the disposer won't start when the switch is turned on, check the house fuse.

    In an effort to keep up with the lunch time rush and keep drains flowing, we ask that you take care when using the kitchen garbage disposer.

    Thank you for your time,
    Facilities Department
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I dunno, I thought it was wonderfully understated <bfeg>... -PTSTech
  • Looks pretty cut and dry to me... (no punn intended) But it's too much reading for a starfish. They should have a big sign with a don't column instead.. -kryliss
  • No should say don't use garabe disposal use trash can instead or to make sure to get them all using the trash can say don't use trash can. -techpeon
  • I'd say they had *grounds* to send that out... <eg> -RiffRaff
  • I wonder if the boss could chop up that into a smaller email. -burrkiss
  • If I were the Facilities dept, I'd remove the disposals altogether! -Alternatech
  • And to think, he got PAID for doing this... -MadJack
  • Wonder if this guy could write up a memo to my floor about how to use coffee pots... -gotpasswords
  • actually, gotPW, it looks like he simply cut and pasted it from the named site. See if there is an on-line manual for your coffee maker, and cut & paste that, and it'll be good... -chazz
  • No... I somehow doubt the coffee brewer's maker has any instructions for not bashing the pots down on the counter, leading to cracked pots and a spray of coffee all the way up the wall and into the fluorescent light in the ceiling. Well, they probably do have something about treating glass with a modicum of care, but not about keeping coffee off the walls. I'm really sure they have nothing about making a new pot when you take the last. -gotpasswords
  • 330. Follow up to my "Fired!" story
    2 weeks ago I was Fired (http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=50714) and have been looking for work since then.

    Today Robert Half Technology found a 3 month (possbily longer)contract job for me. Pay is $2/hr more than I was making at the old job and has an exellent chance of going permanant. Much better than the 15 months it took last time to find a tech job.

    I'm returning the extra job karma back to the pool for anyone that needs it. [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Hey, congrats on the new (and better paying) job! -Darth
  • Congrats! -TechMama
  • Congratulations! Here's to hoping that it turns into a full-time permanent job. -crazymactech
  • Boy, this TSC karma packs a powerful punch - congrats mate, I too hope it turns permanent. -Gromit
  • Sweet news dude. Sweet news indeed. -Warrick
  • Is this the Claria/Gator job? Will you be getting a ridged, scaly green/brown skin? (Oh, taxi? LART Shelter, pronto!) -CTYankee
  • CT: This is NOT the Claria/Gator job..I haven't heard back from any of the applications I put in. Pretty standard practice anymore...no response from the hiring company good or bad. -Starfury
  • Best of luck, guy.. I'm still rooting for you... or it is routing? -ShujinTribble
  • Congrats on the new job! Robert Half did right by me a while back, and they always get the checks in the bank on time. -Darkridr
  • How'd you gte so lucky as to actually find an employment agency that will actually get up off its ass?? Congrast, all the same... -MadJack
  • Be very careful of RHI... their practices are kinda shady. In the Omaha office, they have an employee that doesn't exist that they refer you to as your "case manager" if they don't want to deal with you. Call up, ask for him, and the secretary can never "find" him, or he's always "on the phone"... until you give up. -EagleEye
  • Congrats! I've done work through RHT, they've been good to work with... -PTSTech
  • Yay!! -Parilla
  • 331. Karma Request
    Having lost my job a little over a week ago I've been busily job hunting. Robert Half Tech looks like it has come through with a job. Due to "issues" the client is having the job could be anywhere from 4 weeks or longer. By longer I mean temp to perm. Pay is $2/hr more than I was making before so any small karma donations will be greatly appreciated.
    [By: Starfury]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • A full shot of Karma for your pleasure is on the way! -beatmewithstick
  • I'm very short of Karma currently, but you'll have all I can find! -NordicPT
  • The KarmaKettle© is on and boiling furiously - use it before it gets cold, won't you? -Gromit
  • The Karmarachnid is spinning some fresh karma for you now... good for getting jobs AND catching flies... -Diptera
  • just formatted a fresh karmadisk for you and added it to the karmanet RAID, log in and download it now -Jax
  • KarmaJet™ loaded, fueled, and cleared for takeoff... -PTSTech
  • Some super Karma on the way to you. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Good Luck. I used to work for them here in De a couple of years ago and, while the site I was at was decent, they mismanaged the contract so badly, the contract (and my job, more's the pity) "softly and silently vanished away." Am also sending the karma leftover from when I landed my jobs. Best of luck :) -PCRaevyn
  • KarmaKritters are swarming and headed in your direction! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • One "Get the Job Quickly" Keg-o-Karma™ coming through the Transdimensional Warp Gate™ (just as soon as Igor gets up off of his dead a$$) to you location. Good Luck!!! -ecoli
  • Yay!!! -illiterate
  • 332. Fired!
    Yesterday was a bad day, I was fired from my PC Tech job. Not going into gory details, I made a comment that was taken wrong, bitched up the food chain and then I was let go...the joy of an at-will workplace.

    Today I started job hunting, so far I've had one call that may result in an interview and have applied for many other positions. One of the companies I applied at is:

    Claria, also known as Gator

    I feel a bit dirty applying there BUT I do need a job. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • thats just shit Starfury, even had to go through your last few posts, you was still going strong, hey sending mega karma to you :MEGA KARMA:>>>>>>Starfury hope you find employment soon -Jax
  • Wicked acts are accustomed to be done with impunity for the mere desire of occupation. -Gmork
  • Well, they *are* a Microsoft approved vendor, so that job will be there for a bit. :) Sorry to hear you got the boot over the lip -- I comprehend the concept of "the truth hurts" cuz it's happened to me a time or two. -Mushroom
  • Sue them for wrongful dismissal. -momo
  • Ouch! Well best of luck to you in job searching. I hear from one of my friends that Genentec in San Fran is looking for IT persons. -BayAreaTech
  • Hmmm... Ok, I'm sending a full load of Ectokarma. But... it has by default a touch of evil built in; so you 'may' end up in claria. Use it wisely. -TheGhost
  • Ouch! Best of luck with the job interview (we could use someone on the inside...<bfek9g>) -Gromit
  • Good luck, dude! -Grue
  • What's your preferred gig? I have a brother over at Tiburon in Fremont. -CTYankee
  • One Keg-O-Karm "New Job edition" is being pushed through the Transdimensional Warp Gate by Igor to your location. Good Luck. -ecoli
  • Management = ASSHOLE. I feel your pain. -MadJack
  • Wait... "Genentec"... as in the group that makes pharmasuticals and cancer treatment stuff? If it's the same group that makes AVASTIN, they funded Fujin's trial near the end! 'Fury! Get thee to a nunnery! (Rape the lot, then go apply there! Nothing to loose!) -ShujinTribble
  • sending the white-star loaded with karma after you at full burn! -putahtek
  • 333. New duties and New software
    We've had some staffing changes at my job, and I've been assigned to shadow the telecom tech 4 hours a day. I see this as a very good thing for me. I'll get new job skills and will have to do less tickets. The best part:
    I found out that I was requested specifically by the telecom tech and picked over the other 4 techs even though I'm the "newb." Makes me feel good.

    Second thing: new software to mostly replace Remedy. (spit) We'll be using Incident Monitor which I'm looking forward to. The best part: It'll force the techs (one in particular) to actually do their work and not let things pile up. As a bonus all the techs and the helldesk will get Blackberrys so we can call each other and have net access from them. It may be a leash, but there is an 'off' button too. [By: Starfury]
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  • Are you allowed to use said "off" button? -snJimboip
  • Yes we will when off the clock (at least the PC techs). But if you're on call it's different. Techs on the hook till 10pm but that may be chainging...for the worse. -Starfury
  • My company has Remedy. It's not too bad for us. -Bobsentme
  • Congrats on the new job op and the new software. And 10 pm isn't bad for on call. We have to be available by company cell phone 24/7 even when we're not on call. -sassicatz
  • Great to hear! But always be cautious, especially when they want you to start training people to do your job. -xerent
  • hmm getting rid of remedy /getting blackberries.....kinda cancels out getting rid of remedy -SGTARKyTEK
  • 334. Fix My Printer!
    I'm arriving at one of our clinics to replace a dead PC and my cell goes off. My supervisor wants me to fix a user's printer. I go and check the printer, visual inspection shows me the power is on and there is one printout in the tray. One guess (and only one) on WHY the printer was not working.

    If you said "out of paper" you're correct.

    I track the SF down and tell her "The printer does not work when it is out of paper." She looked at me and you could hear her think "I cannot believe I'm this stupid."

    One low grade LART delivered. [By: Starfury]
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  • it'd have high grade if you had looked in the eye and said "I can." -HappyCrappy
  • You may have mis-read that look. After working with SF for so long, that same look can also mean: "Are you out of your mind for even talking to me?" or "Well why didn't YOU fix it?" or "Did I leave the iron on at home?" -ecoli
  • 335. "Oh Crap" Moment of the day
    A little background:
    As some of you may know (or not know or care) I'm the resident A/V geek. I get to take the laptop/projector/screen and set it up for meetings at our various sites. One project I've been doing is for the boss. Not just any boss, but our CEO. He's having "Employee Communication" meetings and I'm there to set up and run the projector for him.

    After lunch today I'm delivering a security badge and have a "Oh no, I forgot to set up for him at a remote site" moment. Fearing the worst I call the helldesk and have them check the schedule....and it's for Friday. With a huge sigh of relief I get my heart rate back down to normal and continue with my job.

    I will never ever forget to check the A/V schedule again. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • you work for gates? http://gprime.net/video.php/microsoftsfirst2005failure (sfw, unless you work there) -drachen
  • 336. PC maintenance for my wife's friend
    A friend of my wife's was having issues with her PC. Since her husband is going to do our kitchen remodel design I figured it was a fair trade. The system is a 1.8ghz P4, 512 RAM, GeForce 2 video. First thing I noticed when it booted up at my place: no AV icon in the system tray. This made me a bit nervous so I installed AVG.

    18 virus found and removed.

    Next: Adaware/Spybot. Total was over 600 items between the 2 programs. This was after I'd manually deleted all of the temp files and uninstalled the items that showed up. This is when I noticed something odd. Turns out they had NEVER ran Windows Update. Out comes the trusty SP 1 CD and I install it. Then the 44 updates. Finally it's done and I get to drop it off. Several (too many) hours spent fixing this system...and now they're going to get DSL and I hope they don't expect me to install it for them. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Can you say "Firewall"? I knew you could. (in self defense if you are going to keep this kind of masochism up! HA HA) -ecoli
  • well nat a bad trade really. could have been worse. -Harm
  • Why not Service Pack 2? -JoeLugian
  • i would still be wiery of a virus or 2. i reccomend bit defender online scan just to make sure they are all dead. -putahtek
  • 337. A/V Geek
    At work in addition to my Tech duties I'm also the A/V geek. This means I set up our laptop/projector for meetings. This was a good week for me. Thursday AM I set up for the manager meeting. Got a nice breakfast and didn't have to run tickets for 2 hours. Rest of the day was spent in training. Today our CEO is doing his "employee communication" meetings. I got to spend 4 hours running the projector for 3 presentations today, got free Pizza lunch. As a bonus when I was running a ticket in the afternoon the clinic had Ice Cream. What a great day...even traffic was light.
    [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • So... they do make the class nerd run the projectors, even in the business world. At least it's compensated better now. -illiterate
  • 338. Doom
    Doom movie trailer
    http://www.doubleagent.com/video.php?v=658&ct=70&lps=0&sb=
    I can't wait.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • OMG, I cannot wait for that!!! Wooo!!! -JoeLugian
  • I like the final scene in the trailer.... Of course I'm saying this as I take a break from starting my day with rinse of roasted bean...and the Doom 3 Expansion Pack! <bfeg> Movie looks like it might be one to see WITHOUT the kids. -Grue
  • 339. Rule #1 and a LART
    Today was a day like any other day. Sun is out, no clouds, nice warm weather. Ticket in my queue from one of my pain in the a$$ starfish for a dead keyboard. I go out there to install a keyboard and then rule #1 kicks in. The starfish shows me a PC that needs a keyboard.
    An old PC.

    A Pentium II 400mzh PC that we retired before I began my employment there 1.5 years ago.

    She wants this dinosaur hooked up in this miniscule workspace. I take a look, being in a fairly good mood and I notice there is only one network jack. I inform the starfish:
    1. The printer is using the network jack
    2. This is an old/retired PC and should have been removed.

    Starfish then tries to pull a fast one.

    SF: Why don't you plug the computer into where the printer is and everyone (10 people) can use the color laser printer by my desk?

    After a moment of stunned silence I tell her "That is not a high volume printer and the toner cost would be excessive. This printer was installed for general use and I am not removing it. I am taking this old PC away to be scrapped. If you need a PC installed here you will have to put in a request that has to be approved by our IT committee. She neeped a bit more on this but then admitted defeat. I took my keyboard and the old PC away. Tomorrow I'll remove the monitor leaving a nice, clean desk next to the printer. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Hey, I'll take all the P2s you want to scrap. -RiffRaff
  • What you could also do is hook the pc up and redirect everyones printing to the high volume printer on the opposite side of the building, a MOTD explaining who's to blame will go a long way towards getting rid of the user </BOfH> -Armakuni
  • 340. Job call
    Today I was walking between sites and my cell phone went off. It was a recruiter calling about a job. The funny thing was I'd interviewed there when I was laid off back in 2002. The position is a Tech Support 2 (phones/fax/e-mail/IM) support for a copmany that sells stock market info software. Pay: $35k to $38k to start. Considering I make MUCH more than that I had to pass on the offer. Guess there are jobs out there but they don't pay that well for the stress involved.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • I always was amazed that customer service at Earthlink made less than tech support. Techs had to know stuff, but the CS Smiles had to deal with the downright irate. -Mushroom
  • WHERE!? I'd jump at a chance to make $35-$38K/yr, as I'm only getting $32K now! -Captain Trips
  • 341. I think, therefore I LART
    Today I got to LART one of the SF that I support. On Monday a ticket showed up in my queue: Install local printer for R in Medical Records. My first thought: WTF? This moron has a laser printer 8' from her desk. She does not need a local printer. I told my boss and he said don't install it.

    2 days go by and the SF calls to find out when the Laserjet 4L (that they found in a closet) will be installed. I ignore the call and check with the helldesk girl if an install request was submitted. She says that one wasn't it was just a call. I tell my boss who says to go and collect the printer to be put into storage.

    Today I arrive (5 days later) and the sf says "Are you here to install my printer?" I inform her politely that I am there to remove the equipment so it can be tested and put into storage. She neeps at me that she needs a local printer as she just had knee surgery (no leg brace/cane/walker). Because of her past neeping about issues, I decide that I'm not going to give her what she wants. I proceed to inform her that I.S. policy is that ALL install requests for any reason must be submitted in writing and be approved by the I.S. commitee. Because this hasn't been done and that the printer is I.S. property, it's being taken to storage, and I will be closing her ticket. She neeps that her boss said it was ok.

    A few facts about her boss:
    1. He's a pain in the ass
    2. He's very demanding that things be done "NOW"
    3. He's on the I.S. commitee and knows the request process.

    I tell her that I.S. is no longer doing work w/o the proper paperwork being submitted, we've had too many problems recently because procedure was not being followed. I gather up the printer and leave. My boss tells me to put it in the scrap pile. I'm also informed that the SF's boss decided they didn't need a local printer...probably because the cost would come out of the Med Red dept budget. [By: Starfury]
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  • Nice LART! I have to confess that in your position I would have installed it on the grounds that it would be a greater punishment. Have you ever used a Laserjet 4L? It's quicker to write it out by hand. -Gromit
  • 342. Stupidest thing I've heard (NT)
    Today I'm at lunch enjoying my Ultimate Cheesburger and overhear the following:

    Girl 1: So you graduate in June next year?
    Girl 2: Yes I do, and I'm hoping to have a little one to take care of by then.

    This REALLY bothered me. Why would some 17 yr old want a baby? WTF! [By: Starfury]
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  • Maybe hoping for a nanny job? But yeah, real stupid. -Wolffarmer
  • I knew a 16 year old that was severely depressed and was having wanton risky unprotected sex with two goals... 1) the sex made her feel loved, and 2) she wanted a baby "to love her"... I told her "here's a clue for you, free of charge... the baby doesn't LOVE you, the baby NEEDS you... they don't actively show their LOVE for you until about 18 months old, and even then it's fleeting." She was a headcase, I tell ya... -EagleEye
  • welfare maybe? -Harm
  • "If it hadn't been for my horse..." </Lewis Black> -LoTech
  • 343. Stupid user of the day!
    This morning I'm doing tickets at our main clinic. My pager goes off telling me to see CC; apparently she cannot get her PC to power on. I wander to the basement where they keep her and find out that she got the PC running. I head back to the office for our Friday meeting. Half way through the meeting my pager goes off. CC's computer turned off again.

    Lets count: This is my 2nd trip there. I go to the basement and take a look. One of her PCs will not start. So I crawl under the desk and start checking the power cords. PC #1 power cord plugged in, runs to active power strip. PC #2 power cord is plugged in, runs to inactive power strip. I figure she turned the power strip off with her foot by mistake so I push the switch and nothing happens. So I trace the power cord from the power strip. Only one guess where it went.

    That's right, back into itself.

    I re-arrange the power cords and both PCs are running fine. I escape...but not for long.

    After lunch the pager goes off again...CC (third time today) cannot get her mouse to work. I go BACK to the basement AGAIN. Mouse is not working and she's trying to clean the mouse. Somehow she managed to take the TOP of the mouse off and was cleaning the mouse ball. I inform her that the bottom comes off, the ball comes out, and I'm not really sure how she got the mouse apart but it snaps back together fine. I then reboot both systems. Mouse still dead. So I check that cables are plugged in to PCs, no problem there. Check the 2 port KVM switch and notice the plug is loose. When I go to re-attach the mouse cord the plastic plug and wire comes off in my hand. She had somehow managed to move the KVM switch close to her chair and ran over the cord.

    I tell her I have to get a new mouse (don't go there) from my trunk. New mouse is installed, everything's working. I then shove both PCs and all the wires as far back under the desk as I can so I won't have to visit her again. Next time she has a problem one of the other techs can take care of her. [By: Starfury]
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  • First thought upon reading the topic of this post: "There was only one?" -EagleEye
  • I NEED A NEW.....alright alright I'll shut up -momo
  • MMMMOOOUUUSSSEEEEE!! <Clear the Shelter door, coming in HOT!) -Psudo
  • Hmmm... this sounds familiar - she didn't work for Starfish, Moron and Prat (Solicitors) in the past, did she? -Gromit
  • I NEEED A NEEEWWWW FOOT! <Pond Life, here I come!> -NordicPT
  • "You are not allowed to use anything with wires EVER AGAIN!" -Geminii
  • 344. "Other duties as assigned" (NT)
    Yesterday I took my kids to swimming lessons. While I'm watching I notice a puddle of barf a few chairs over from where I was at. One of the lifeguards was cleaning it up.

    I'm guessing this fell under the "other duties as assigned" part of the job description. [By: Starfury]
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  • Be glad the barfee did it out of the pool. (I've had to clamber out in a big hurry on a couple of occasions. Hypoxic training is nasty sometimes.) -Mahal
  • 345. You must learn patience
    It's another fun day at work. One tech is on vacation. One tech is off on medical (had heart attack last Sunday but he's recovering nicely). One is stuck on the helldesk because he blew out his knee playing basketball. This leaves

    *** 2 ***

    techs to handle all of the tickets for 830 starfish, 200 doctors, and 1200 computers.

    A ticket is placed in my queue at 11:45am today. I see it in there at lunch. Noticing the 10 tickets ahead of it I go on with my work. 2:15pm my pager goes off. The helpdesk girl has been neeped at by this starfish who wants to know "When will someone be out to fix my problem?!!" I reply that I'm busy and will get to her when I can. Helpdesk girl send me starfishes number and I call from my next job.

    Luck is with me and I get voicemail. I leave a polite message that I have recieved the ticket and will work on it as soon as possible but I have other tickets ahead of hers to complete.

    Things ahead of her printer issue include: replacing a defective mouse and installing printer drivers for another user. We have a team meeting on Friday morning and I will be bringing up the "I expect a tech here within 15 min of my call" attitude that the starfish here have. It's gotten old and we're too short staffed for the next few weeks to put up with it. [By: Starfury]
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  • I wish it were that simple, here, it's help the people in front of me, and those on the phone neep because they are too busy to be on hold for so long... they should in reality get up and come in to see that yes, people really do come into the store and that makes us too busy to give you immediate gratification. (yes, I do really mean it that way) -spectreoflife
  • Okay, I don't feel quite so bad about being the only helpdesk girl supporting +-300 users and 350+ computers, 60 printers, and 4 digital senders. Thanks. :) -PikaPikaChick
  • 346. Computer shop advertising
    I'm on my way today to one of our remote sites. Several stores have people standing on the street with signs advertising their business. Today I saw the best one.

    There is a girl in a bright oarnge bikini holding a sign that says "Computer Repair." Traffic was slowing down as it passed and a truck driver honked at her as he went by. Best way to attract business I've seen in a long time. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Do you mind giving me the address? I think my computer just got something. <EG> -TheGhost
  • Yeah, I need that address too. I have a hardware problem. -CyBear
  • It appears that fixing software might be what they're better at. -gotpasswords
  • "I just caughed on my keyboard, does that mean I have a virus now".... I think I'll have it checked here anyway..... -wolfprince
  • Depending on what part of town it was, will depend on how to clean up your virus. If you go to the right part of town, all it takes is a computer program. If you go to the wrong part of town, it requires a shot of antibiotics. -Answerboy
  • Hmmm, I too might have.errr, a computer problem, yeah , that's it a problem. BTW Answerboy, antibiotics are fuck-all use against viruses. GPs have handed them out like sweeties in the past for all manner of ailments. This, along with people not completing the course of treatment is why many anti-biotics are now no longer effective...the bacteria are becoming resistant. -lineswine
  • there is a definate problem here with hardware & software interation -Jax
  • 347. What I learned today
    Our CIO is a woman. Today I learned something about her.

    She wears thong panties.

    I noticed this as I was going into the breakroom and she was bent over filling up a cup of water. And yes, she does have the figure to wear this kind of underwear. [By: Starfury]
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    Comments

  • Thank you for sharing. -Mushroom
  • So how long did you stare? -srteach
  • I dont understand, could you get pictures to show me? Oh and a few pictures with the thong off would help too. -Enigo
  • Did you snap them? -burrkiss
  • Burrkiss: I thought about it but I do like being employed. -Starfury
  • I used to work in the same department as my boyfriend, back before we started dating. When we did start dating, he mentioned how my leopard thong panties were always his favorite. Apparently, those panties and low-rise pants did not work all that well together any time I had to bend over. -aeryn
  • He saw them and then began dating you. I think the combination worked well enough..*grin* -Darkridr
  • *paging Burkiss.....surprised no comments already here* -WraithDarkRose
  • *just has ta laugh cause the page needed refreshing* Just knew there would be no way there wouldn't be a Burkiss comment or a dozen -WraithDarkRose
  • <sings> Just a thong at twilight, while the lights are low </sings> -lineswine
  • BUTTFLOSS ROCKS -b33fcake
  • This is why everyone in the world should have a camera phone. -Parilla
  • Reasons why I wish I had my camera phone back from repair...number ONE...MANDY MOORE. (She came into our store.) -TranceGemini
  • 348. Driving Idiocy (NT)
    Today I'm doing my rounds and notice in my rear view mirror an ambulance with lights/siren. Being a good driver I pull over and STOP.

    Fucknugget 1 moves into the middle lane and keeps driving.

    Fucknuggets 2-6 stay in the lefthand lane and don't move for a good 50+ yards with the ambulance (lights/siren on) 2 feet behind them.

    Just another prime example of how aware people are in sunny California. [By: Starfury]
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  • That's illegal to your north in Washington, and I'd imagine it's illegal not to pull over for emergency vehicles there too. -Mushroom
  • Fit ambulances with missile launchers and chainguns? I'd be a volunteer THEN! -CTYankee
  • Mount a camera on the ambulances....review 'tapes' every week. Call it 'Stupid Tax.' $500 Fine, Revoke Lic for 6 months.....or both. -Psudo
  • I put on my hazards and go through red lights if an emergency vehicle needs to get by traffic. -ProfessorFrink
  • dont think its illegal here but you would have to be a serious tool not to!!! -starfishmagnet
  • While working at a convenience store (some years ago), I heard a siren. I looked out the window and saw a fire truckheading towards the intersection the store was located at. Some jerk decided that since his light was green, he could go despite the flashing red and blue lights. The fire truck t-boned the car and shoved it over the curb into the grassy area beside the road, then backed up and continued on it's way to the emergency. However, the best part was the cop that pulled up seconds later and wrote the guy a ticket. -maciarc
  • Once in Toronto I saw an idiot in a Porsche actually PASS a firetruck that had its lights and siren going!!! I looked it up and that gets you the maximum demerit points on your license, but unfortunately there were no cops around. -Fuji
  • Hopefully the driver or passenger in the fire truck got the plates written down to report later. -misfitiii
  • A coworker was a medic in the Air Force who was responding to a drunk who ran through a military post and killed the MP. A fuck nuggeet wouldn't move over for him. Say "bye bye" to the fuck nuggets's car when it went into the ditch after a "gentle nudge" from my buddy. When emergency vehicles flash their lights that they need to get through get the hell out of their way or pay the consquences. -crazymactech
  • Saw an ambulance trying to go through an intersection at night (light traffic) but some old fucknugget comes crawling through the intersection oblivious to the light show and siren. Ambulance dude puts a handheld spotlight in the guys face and mirror with no reaction at all. Man, if this doesn't get your attention, hang up the keys!! Ramming speed, Scotty!! -bear6224
  • I always thought it was odd in WV that they pull to the side for a hearse, but not for an ambulance. -Wolph
  • I was driving at the speed limit a few months ago and saw an ambulance with the siren going, lights flashing coming towards me. I slowed and pulled over in case he needed the space to pass someone and the fucknugget behind me pulled into the gap and passed me! This is on a two lane road. The ambulance had to swerve to miss him. I wanted a bazooka, or similar firepower. -Gerund
  • Just as anooying as blocking the Energency Services are those people who make use of the wake they create to skip traffic. A friend of mine claims he was in London, and a Porsche was following close behind a Fire Engine, using the siren and lights to clear his own path through the heaving mess we call london's traffic system. As the Fire Engine approached the junction where my friend had pulled over, it suddenly slammed its brakes on - causing the porsche to scream to a halt also. Four ENORMOUS firemen quickly jumped out, yanked the porsches door open, pulled his keys out of the ignition, dropped them down the nearest drain, leapt back on the truck and shot off again.... -Shaede
  • Shaede, THAT FARKIN ROCKS, are the pics of this donks face as his keys disappear down the drain. -Armakuni
  • That driver might have had a spare set of keys. The firemen should have opened the bonnet and remove the ignition wires. -Wolffarmer
  • WHAT IS SAD, IS THAT IN SOME STATES THE EMERGENCY VEHICLE DRIVERS WITH LIGHTS AND SIRENS ON, STILL CARRY RESPOSIBILITIES IN ACCIDENTS. -b33fcake
  • Hey Shaede, if you had video of that one, I'd pay good money to see it, esp.if you see the yuppie bastards face when the fighters toos his keys down the drain ...I can almost hear the "Don't you knowwho I am!" being squeaked from here & the people doing a REAL, important, job totally facking ignoring him. -lineswine
  • Shaede - if you EVER find out who those guys were, please let them know I said, ROCK ON! -ShujinTribble
  • Ontario Techs: what emergency vehicle has a green flashing light? Whle coming home a couple of nights ago, this vehicle pulled up behind my car. The wife and I did pull over, as did the semi trailorless in front of me. I would like to know. -Chipsterian
  • Chipsterian, that's some arsehole with a green light on his car wanting to get to the pub fast! -robbor
  • Chipsterian - was thqat in a more rural area? I wonder if it was a volunteer fireman? I don't remember if they have green lights or blue ones.... -CMW
  • I was told by a firefighter friend of mine once that blue is reserved for police. Yellow is typically a warning-only light, unless on a police car (I've seen that once). Have not heard of green though. -OgdenTechGuy
  • Realise this is an old story but here in the UK it's a damned if you do and damned if you don't problem. If you speed up to get out the way of the rozza's or meat wagon with escort, you get pulled over for speeding (or dangerous driving), if you go through a red light with hazards on to clear the road, you'll get plinked by the red light camera. Both of which incure a fine and points on your license (increased insurance and potential loss of job as many require clean licenses) and neither of which can be argued with without protracted court cases. So in the UK despite wanting to get out of the way we'll sit doing the speed limit and not budge an inch because doing so can cost us a great of money; what a wonderful society we've created :-/ -fearmyroot
  • 349. I told you so.
    I have been given a project to install dual monitors for two people in our Radiology department. They do not need this but they want it after seeing one of our engineers with a dual setup. Yesterday two LCDs are delivered to me with a note telling me to install them. The users have Dell GX-280 PCs with VGA output only. I told the person that gave me the job that dual monitors will not work with one output. TWO techs chime in:

    Yes it will, you just need a VGA Y cable to split the signal and then you tell Windows to stretch across the desktop, it works that way on my home PC.

    I worked for 2 years for a monitor/graphic card company and I KNEW that they were wrong but I decided to test it.

    I get the Y cable, plug in 2 monitors and get the same picture on each one. I then change settings...and it doesn't work. I ask the tech next to me to check that I did it right, he repeats the steps and confirms it won't work. This is the ONE tech that agreed with me. I then get a spare PCI video card (that only fits in the Dell with the case open) and test that way.

    What happens? I get both monitors with the desktop stretched across both monitors. I then get to tell the other 2 techs AND my manager: I told you it wouldn't work. VGA doesn't work that way but DVI does. The engineer can do dual monitors because he has the tower version of the GX280 and it has a DVI output and a DVI to 2 VGA cable. Now we have to find two half-height PCI video cards so I can do this upgrade. Guess this goes to the bottom of my work queue. [By: Starfury]
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  • I have a pair of ISA 256Kbyte Trident cards that you could cut down to fit ... -ralphp1024
  • 256k is plenty, but Windows wants pci.... heh. -renaultguy
  • "I'm sure it can be done!! I saw it on Star Trek!!" -SFishWrangler
  • I also have a 20 pound sledgehammer - that'll make them fit B) -ralphp1024
  • oooo i wondered why we have a bunch of dell gx270's with dvi..i wondered what the advantage was. -SGTARKyTEK
  • Who's budget is this coming out of? -burrkiss
  • The DVI video connection provides for a much sharper picture on an LCD than analog VGA. Therefore, when shopping for a new LCD, make sure you look for this feature; if your present system doesn't have DVI, chances are your next one will (unless it's a video-on-motherboard type). -BayouTech
  • Give them the Y-splitter and say "Show me." -Geminii
  • 350. If you ignore it
    things sometimes fix themselves.

    I'm on call, got a page that a connection was down between the hospital and our intranet. I inform the PBX I'm out w/ my family and will call back in 30 min when I'm home. I get home, call PBX and get the MD's cell number and the contact at the hospital. Call MD, get garbled info. Call hospital IT and I'm told

    "The connection is back up. I don't know what you guys did but everything is green."

    Just goes to show that if you ignore things they'll clear up sometimes. [By: Starfury]
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  • Now, see.. on a network, that seems reasonable to me. Drop that scenario to an end luser's computer and that just screams red flags and sirens to me. When I deal with that, I politly explaine that computers are either working, or not working - One or Zero. If it behaves 'anaologue', then someone needs to look at the machine. (If there's a poroblem later, i can always refer back to the tech notes... "Did you ever have the computer looked over? No, huh? Well, let's try something simple, and if not....") -ShujinTribble
  • Tech Rule # 45: If ignored for long enough, all problems eventually resolve themselves. -AmazingKreskin
  • 351. Dumbass
    Our story begins with me (the on-call tech) coving the helldesk lunch. 30 minutes in I recieve a call that one of our SF is having problems with our patient registration system. I remote in and take a look. Then I glance at the phone: 5 calls holding. I get the other 2 techs who were loafing in the hall to log on the phone to help out. Turs out the registration program died. 40 calls later we've cleared the phones and notified the vendor of the problem. Then Dumbass calls, 90 min into the outage.

    Me: Helldesk, this is Starfury
    DA: Is still down?
    Me:Yes it is.
    DA:When will it be back up?
    Me: I don't have an ETA but we will send out e-mails, pages, and update our intranet splash screen when it does.
    DA: But it's month-end.

    Let's review here: I told him system still down, no ETA, AND we'd notify everyone when it was back up.

    Me: We don't know when the system will be back up.
    DA:Ok, bye.

    The helldesk guy could not have picked a better time to go to lunch. Bastard. [By: Starfury]
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  • Oh? Its month end? Well just a second....<flips big red switch> There, just cause its YOU and its MONTH END!!! -burrkiss
  • 'It's monthend.' 'Then maybe it'll be up for monthstart. Ask the folks at minitrue.' 'Miniwhuh?' 'click' -DracoSuave
  • Registration has PMS? <bewildered look> -namor
  • What is it about month-end? Do they just want to see the bottom line? I'm working on a PC in a training room turned into office yesterday, and on the whiteboard is "Month end starts today! Yippee!" WTF? -Jeckler
  • Our company runs on the Zodiac calendar. It's midmonth now. :-D -OgdenTechGuy
  • Our medical management software crashed too at end of month. Something about a frelling archive program error.... ARGH! -TechieSidhe
  • 352. Lost/My wife's SF moment (NT)
    Today my daughter started Brownie day camp and my wife was taking her there. Camp starts at 9am, and my wife had printed out directions the night before.

    Not printed a map but just directions.

    She calls me at 8:55am and she's lost. Lucky for her I'm at my desk and can pull up Yahoo! maps. I have to ask her FIVE times before I can get an idea of where she's actually at. Once I find out I tell her to turn around, she's going the wrong way.

    She then tells me (the person with the map) that I'm wrong. Then she blames Yahoo! maps for bad directions. I verify some landmarks and a street she passed, get her to turn around and then guide her to Garin Ave which leads to her destination.

    I then get to LART my wife gently by informing her that when she got off the freeway that she went up Whipple instead of going to Industrial, and that if she'd gone the CORRECT way her directions were perfect. She called me after she arrived and apologized for yelling at me; she must've felt like a total starfish. [By: Starfury]
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  • StarFury - is it scary that when you mentioned the street names, I knew what highway she got off of, and where she was going? -Divinar
  • lol so did I. and I make it a rule never to drive in that town. -drachen
  • The first time that my mother came to visit (from 2 states away), she misread ONE piece of the directions and got to within a mile of my place anyway. She called from a gas station when the instructions called for her to make an impossible turn, one that would have involved burrowing through a brick wall! There were just enough similarities between the identified streets and where she was to get close! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I swear by Yahoo! Maps. Mapquest once told me there was no road leading to a place in Tennessee called Walden Lodge, but Yahoo! Maps found it. Conversely, Yahoo! has never failed me. Concievably, in the near future I'll be doing onsite tech work like in years past; Y! Maps will be essential then even more so than before because all I know of this town is a small area aroud Old Town, and the way to/from the freeway. -OgdenTechGuy
  • I always print the MAP as well as the instructions. My wife will take the text instructions, and not the map. So if Y! makes a mistake on a road name, she'll drive for miles looking for the next step.... -Divinar
  • MapQuest told me a particular street did not exist. Google Maps not only told me where it was, but allowed me to see a satellite image of it. I'm afraid I'm going to be going with Google over Yahoo most ofthe time... and MapQuest is right out. -chazz
  • When it comes to directions, Never argue with a women, Better yet just Dont argue with women at all. -Deadagent
  • Hey, Fury.. If you haven't seen my Roswell Recap from Saturday ( http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=48978 ) , you might want to.. Not reading a map can turn up all KINDS of strange and lovely things. -ShujinTribble
  • Damn Mapquest and it's lying ways of . . . LIES! Lies I tell you! Errr. . . does a 250-mile discrepancy explain the WRATH!??? -valkyrja
  • I'm with Chazz.. I used to use yahoo maps until google maps came along w/ the satellite photos... still haven't found area 51, though... -Bynar
  • http://maps.google.com/ -b33fcake
  • 353. Follow up to Fry's Sucks story
    Yesterday I took my Abit motherboard back to Fry's. I arrive, no return line. I still wait 5 min before getting helped. I tell the clerk the NIC port is bad, he checks all the parts are there, verifies the s/n on the board and types a bunch of stuff in his terminal they yells "Customer Service."
    The CS person there comes over and proceeds to re-check that everything is there. I get my refund and leave.

    On my way home I go to Central Computer in Newark and buy an Asus A7N8X-E Deluxe board for $95. I inform the clerk of my error and he offers to have me bring the CPU I'd bought 2 days before back and they'd install/test it for me for FREE. I declined, thanked him for the offer, and took my purchase home.

    About 9pm I start working on the PC, put all the parts in, and power on. BIOS has all the settings correctly done out of the box, XP loads flawlessly, and I install a few other programs before heading to bed at 11pm.

    This is the SECOND time that I've gone through this proces of "saving" money by purchasing from Frys, taking that stuff back when it doesn't work, going to Central, buying parts and having it work the first time. I've learned my lesson and have given up on Fry's. My wife commented to me "I don't know why you bother shopping there, you always end up taking everything back. Next time just go to Central and buy what you need." Words of Wisdom I will heed in the future. [By: Starfury]
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  • The ASUS boards are good - that's what I have used in a couple of my systems. Almost no issues with them at all, no matter the OS -DreadPirate
  • Asus is like buying a Volvo. There are always newer/faster/slicker boards but the Asus solution seems to work more reliably. Even their BIOS flashing seems slower but much less likely to fark up! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • That is the main reason why I never buy hardware from Fry's. I had 2 bad Mobo's in a row from there. The only thing I go there now to get is software/movies/games. -BayAreaTech
  • Here here. ASUS for me too. For the same reasons above. Not GREAT, but great for not having to worry all the time. -MaskedMarauder
  • I have only bought one mobo it was Asus it worked perfect so I am never leaving this brand -Motient
  • hmm, so far I've not had many problems with hardware from Fry's (just a cheap $8 8-in-1 media card reader). The problem I've had with Fry's is their customer service SUCKS!!! I've twice found something online in their weekly ad (which is the same as the one's they publish in the Friday paper) and went to store to get it only to be told "well the stuff online is different than the stuff in the store". Whatever, I LART you by cursing you to work in RETAIL the rest of your life, muahahahahah!!!!! -squatchie666
  • I've tried many brands, Abit was by far one the cheapest pieces of crap I have ever bought. I'm currently running an MSI board and it's treating me OK. -NOFXfan
  • I've been using Abit for quite some time. Great mobos with features far in advance of the competition. I have heard complaints that Frys puts returns back into stock. -LaserGuru
  • I love that board! I have one in my main box running my Athlon XP 3200 and a striped SATA RAID on the controller onboard. My wife's system is running on the non-deluxe version of the same. Very good piece of equipment. -DarthLuke
  • Fry's does put returns back into stock. Generally they're clearly labeled, but I won't guarantee that they're always clearly labeled. I make sure never to buy an item with that label on it. -sassicatz
  • Ahh Frys. Great for misc. stuff, cables, cheap routers/switches/nic, blank discs etc. but I could never trust them enough to actually buy serious hardware there. That 4.99 64mb SD card for my mp3 player was risky enough and it works great. -HexCalamity
  • 354. Kids say things...(NT)
    We have a new female helldesk agent where I work. This bit of information is important to the story.

    Last week she asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her so I did. We went to a Kabob place and it was good. She picked up the tab. Today it was my turn to get lunch. Thursday evening I mention to my wife that I've got a "date" for lunch. My daughter (7) says:

    Daddy's got a girlfriend! Mommy you've been dumped!

    We looked at my daughter and then we started to laugh.
    And lunch today was exellent, Chinese buffet.
    [By: Starfury]
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  • Darnit. My wife would LOVE for me to find a girlfriend! (Hey, what can I say? We're a couple of leftover hippies, and have an "understanding.") -Captain Trips
  • Captain Trips - you lucky SOB! i.. urg.. me.. *aenurism* -Harm
  • Just asking for Burkiss's sake did you get into any "cat"...wink..wink....Taxi to lart shelter. -joebob
  • Mrs Zoomer has no interest in "Star Wars" and so was quite happy with me going to see "Revenge" with my GF. Paid for it later as she met us as we came out of the cinema and we all went for a meal. Had to pay for all of us AND listen to them both talk about my sexual failings all through the meal -Zoomer
  • Okay, my mind's in the gutter tonight. (Where else would it be?) Cap'n, I read that as a couple of leftover *nipples*. Now that's an odd image. -missourimule
  • 355. Fry's Electronics Sucks
    For those of you who are not familiar: Fry's is a chain of electronics/computer stores primarily in the western US and Texas. They are like a Best Buy/Circuit City but with more parts to choose from.

    I currently have about an 80% return rate with computer hardware I have purchased there. Examples:
    Bad memory, multiple sticks.
    Dead motherboard
    Dead Power supply. This one was shrink wrapped and when I opened it I found on the inner box a sticker stating: Return to vendor, defective.
    I recently purchased and Abit motherboard. Good brand, used in past with no problems. I install my parts and fire it up. I've had spontanious reboots, onboard NIC doesn't work, and it's generally just not working.

    I will no longer be buying any PC parts at Frys no matter how cheap they are. I give up. I'll go to a smaller store or mail order the parts. 8 hours is WAY too long to take to get a PC running. [By: Starfury]
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  • Wow... you have the same bad luck as a friend of mine. We both go to Fry's and he gets the defects, I get all the working products... I knew someone that worked at one out in a Fry's in SoCal. He told me that they would strap the returns so tight to the point just before wrecking the box/item. Besides, I think that most of Fry's is refurbished shyt. Caviat emptor - Buyer Beware. -UnderLord
  • ooo I have had 50/50 with stuff from Frys also, this was in socal, much of their stuff looked secondhand or just plain old -Jax
  • newegg.com best stuff, NEVER had a problem in 5 years. Anyone here would back me up with neweggs good works. -burrkiss
  • I second Burkiss, never had a problem with NewEgg. -TrainingGod
  • NewEgg Definately Kicks Butt -BunnieTechBabe
  • Yep, newegg is very solid. ONCE, many years ago I ordered a K5 CPU and received a K6 instead, they sent me the K5 after I called, told me to keep the K6! Naturally I just had to order a new motherboard through them! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Newegg = a godsend. :) Accidentally ordered a SATA drive once when I needed a normal IDE... got the credit no problem... they even cross-shipped. -EagleEye
  • So far, I've had good luck at Fry's, but I never buy anything that's been returned (has a special tag on it). -sassicatz
  • I haven't had alot of problems with Fry's either, but I usually check to see how many of any particular item on the shelves have the "special" sticker on them. -McSmiley
  • I agree, NewEgg rocks. -McSmiley
  • Newegg. Definitely. And the couple times I had a defective part from them, the return/exchange was eas and painless. -ThreeBucks
  • newegg.com looks interesting, except for the fact that they only deliver to the US. =( I use ncix.com, based in Vancouver, BC . They also have a US address to ship US orders from. Their selection is great, and they do price matching :) -Bynar
  • I've had good luck with all computer-related things i've gotten at fry's, but anything i've bought for my digital camera has been crap, even the camera case i bought there had to be returned. -Dunicha
  • No body mentioned TigerDirect? I've never had a problem with them. -Wolfie0827
  • Newegg. Even their refurbed stuff works... -PTSTech
  • I went to Central Computer in Newark and bought an Asus A7N8X-E Deuluxe for $95. I even admitted my error to the clerk who offered to install and test the CPU I'd purchased 3 days earler in the board. They will be getting much of my future PC purchases. -Starfury
  • i don't like tiger direct they over charge then they double charge you then it takes them a month to refund the double charge -Imrcly