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Here is all the content that computerdoc has contributed to Tech Support Comedy.

Tech Stories


1. OT/NT Gender ID Fail
Just a quick post from the pet store. while I was in the small animals section, there was a mother and two small childern. They were looking at the mice. One kid says "eww, what is that on that mouse, it looks funny!" Mom says, "I don't know, maybe it's giving birth?" They were looking at the male mice, and I am assuming they were talking about the mouse's junk. I hope that mom was just humoring her kids, otherwise I am shocked! FAIL!
[By: computerdoc]
Comment on Story

Comments

  • I admit, I'm hung like a baby. 16 1/2 inches, 7 pounds. -AngrySup
  • First time I saw a male mouse's testes, I was shocked - they were bigger than it's thighs! -Divinar
  • Look, that mouse has a "big butt!" Do these testes make my butt look big? -FuzzyElf
  • Sounds like a little "Mom humour" to me -- the baby was coming out tail first. hee hee -TechMama
  • 2. Cookin' my formatter board for lunch
    Hello all!
    Just wanted to share a fix for a broken printer that is very humorous. I have an HP LJ P3005 that would stop duing the startup memory check. Called HP, and it's out of warrenty.
    Fine, I'll Google a bit and see what comes up before I recycle it. Turns out there was a few faulty formatter boards for these models.
    One of the "fixes" was to heat the chips, or bake the board in the oven!
    I told my boss I'd try it, and did, we had nothing to lose. It didn't work anyway. 10 minutes later at 400f and now the printer is working again!
    I got "high fives" from all the people that noticed it in the oven.

    I'm now a hero and a wizard!
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Nice... -RiffRaff
  • Fail > Google > WTF > Win! -Xal
  • Wow. How would that even work? Does it refresh the solder somehow? -linuxmatt
  • Sometimes, you've just got to go with a more extreme method of persuasion, for when percussive maintenance just doesn't work. -TechieSidhe
  • Now, if we could just fix the fishies that way... -Lentron
  • LinuxMatt, yeah, that's basically what happens. The main chip on the board gets a little finicky. Nice even heat settles it down. -computerdoc
  • LM, computerdoc, I suspect the chips were not well sealed against humidity. The oven drys them out. I'm speaking from experience in printed circuit card assembly troubleshooting as an electical engineer. -MSimmons777
  • I think I'll pass on any chocolate 'chip' cookies than computerdoc offers me. -Park7
  • One of the fixes for the Xbox 360 involves deliberately overheating it. Oven not so much.... -ApolloSZ
  • Beat me to the comment Apollo. Yeah, over heating is an extreme, last resort fix for electronics. It will melt the solder on the connections a little, and hopefully fix any 'dry' connections -PoglaTheGrate
  • But don't forget the fridge for frozen hard drives! -AngrySup
  • You can also freeze AA batteries overnight in a freezer and get another 1-2 hours outta them for a gameboy. -DarkRookie
  • and dirty keyboards in the dishwasher... -ThinTheHerd
  • Ow yeah. I remember washing motherboards way back with soap and water and a toothbrush. -kennz
  • 3. tech gift humor
    I got an Oregon Scientific indoor/outdoor Weatherstation for Christmas. While I was setting it up, it found an outside sensor, Before I put batteries in mine. One of my neighbors must have one (range of 100ft.) Now I don't have to go out to set up the remote sensor. Thanks!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • sweet. I got a pair of 7x50 binoculars (for looking at the sky, of course) so i could probably read the neighbors weather station. -boxcar
  • </evil grin> -boxcar
  • I got one of these: http://tech.tbreak.com/2009/09/lg-hxf1-portable-theatre/ for some reason, LG has NOTHING about it on their website, go figure... -JoeLugian
  • Joe, could that be one of those chinese mfg's that are trying to ride on LG's reputation? -Dr Jerkyl
  • Doc - i doubt it, amazon.co.uk are selling them. -lineswine
  • 4. Help with Vista File Associations
    Wanted to post this for all of you. "Vista took the File Associations away from Explorer>Tools>Folder Options>File Types and put it in the Control Panel under "Default Programs" and SEVERELY limited it's capabilities. No more "new" or "edit". I had installed Open Office (another story in itself,arg) and wanted to associate standard .doc, .xls, .ppt. with OO. Ended up making up fake .doc...ect and associating with OO programs. Not real pretty, but worked. Good luck!"
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • OpenOffice should automatically open any MSOffice format file upon install. -Caboose447
  • I forgot to add, there's always the right click > Open With > Select the App > check off the box to always use this app. -Caboose447
  • Deja vu? http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=81770 -Wraith556
  • 5. File types in Vista #%#!^
    Thanks Vista for fscking up something easy like File Associations. /end rant
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You could have ended your sentence at "up". :) -Seamus
  • So I'm not the only one who noticed that! I thought I was going crazy. -PeterGibons
  • For those of us not using Vista, what's going on? -Calydor
  • Vista took the File Associations away from Explorer>Tools>Folder Options>File Types and put it in the Control Panel under "Default Programs" and SEVERELY limited it's capabilities. No more "new" or "edit". I had installed Open Office (another story in itself,arg) and wanted to associate standard .doc, .xls, .ppt. with OO. Ended up making up fake .doc...ect and associating with OO programs. Not real pretty, but worked. Good luck! -computerdoc
  • Or you could have just edited the registry ;) -McSmiley
  • You should be able to right click, choose "Open With", and select a new/different program from that dialog box, and check the box that says "always use this program to open these types of files". If you don't see "Open With" when right-clicking, try shift-right clicking. -Kid
  • 6. OT/NTnew name for F#*knugget
    We had to buy mulch today. Dude says the cheapest mulch they had were "barknuggets.". Barknuggets. I've been giggling all day about barknuggets.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Now I am too. -clockkingfl
  • Sounds like something you would get in a fast food joint. -Holdfast
  • Holdfast, or a video booth at the adult store. But sounds like something you'd need meds to get rid of. :( -FreakyFerret
  • New Barque-Nuggets--all bitch and no bite! -vacuumtubes
  • HAHAHAHAHA! I love it! -PTSTech
  • 7. You know you are a nerd when....
    This happened to my co-worker, but I had to share it with you all. Our sites are getting new Disk-to-Disk backup units. The dude at Corporate sent out an e-mail requesting mailing(snail) addresses to send these units to. My co-worker responded with xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx (local IP address where the unit will reside at). Dude e-mails back with, "your Phyical Mailing Address, Please?" She shared that with me, so I'm posting it here. I responded to her forwarded email with, "well, maybe Corporate perfected new technology: Matter-over-IP(MOIP)?"
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • If only there was 'upgrade user over IP', we might stand a chance! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • UPS ground to 127.0.0.1 -Forte
  • Darby Lines of TheAngryDrunk.com (http://www.theangrydrunk.com/) has been Twittering about developing the CPoIP Protocol (C*ck Punch over IP). I sense concurrent development here with MOIP... -Grayhawk
  • Well, that's a step-up from "Fax Food" </Badoom-Boom> -Biosynthetic
  • 8. Presentation - EPIC FAIL
    So there I was, watching a presentation with a roomfull of people (about 150 or so), when Powerpoint deceided not to play nice anymore. There were several presenters, all with PP slides. The computer operator (a tech, no less) was trying to get to the right presentation, when Powerpoint stopped responding. The "tech" started clicking multiple shows, but not getting any to open. We then watched him try to go into the "applications" area of the task manager, but PP wasn't in there. I figured that it was a hung process, like I've seen other MS Office products do. Now, the "tech" is getting frantic, and goes to A web Site, and tries to download another presentation. By now I'm laughing at the efforts, when the guy next to me asks me to go assist, so we can get on with the day. So I go up to the operator, and suggest that PP is probably a hung process, and to go check it. He said he DID check, and it wasn't. I let him know that he didn't go to that part of the task manager, because I was watching him, and I just wanted to help. Then the presenter got upset with me, and told me to take my seat. I was polite and helpful, so it wasn't like I was trying to cause trouble. I then went back to my seat. The "tech" then tried to go get other presentations, none of which worked. FINALLY, they rebooted the machine. Time spent, 35 Minutes! Made the presentations REALLY LONG!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Being the nice guy, no quicker way to get burned. -Stryker One
  • See.. non-proficient techs can be worked with. Snotty non-proficient techs are cannon fodder. Im surprised he didn't finish his routine by blinding himself with a laser pointer. -Darkridr
  • 9. Reboots don't solve everything.
    I killed one of my computers today. I didn't mean to, but it's dead. For those that don't know, I work in an industrial environment that isn't very computer-friendly, ie dust. I did a much-needed software upgrade which required a reboot on a SFF Opti280. These machines are monitoring stations which don't get restarted. After the software install I disconnected from the machine and went to the next one. I get a call in a few minutes from the operator stating that it has a "chipset missing heatsink error, system Halted". It is faster to replace rather than T/S. I told him it was dead, and brought him another, slighly less used one. Rebooting killed it!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • That's common on the Dell mobos, actually. The chipset heatsink is held on by a spring that is held down by two eyes that are through-hole soldered into the motherboard. Solder is not a very strong metal, so after a while one of the eyes lets go. The heatsink present test is only done at reboot, so the heatsink could have been gone for months, and only at reboot did it report failure. The fix is simple: open it up, shake out the loose bits (there will be three, the heatsink, the spring, and the eye), resolder the eye to the motherboard, re-attach heatsink with spring, close up, done. -chazz
  • It was a 280. Still quicker to replace it and bin the original. Ok, maybe not quicker but definitely more satisfying. -Darkridr
  • @ chazz. No when that error happen on any Opti 270 or 280, the system is pretty much dead. Or at least the motherboard. Bad capacitor on those mobos. I know. It cause no end of headache for me. -DarkRookie
  • Granted, I've only repaired two Opti 280 SFFs with that issue, but on both of them, it was the heat sink retention tab letting go. Not saying caps don't go bad, they do, and I can repair those as well... maybe both things can go wrong at the same time? -chazz
  • Capacitors you say. I once worked on a machine that has 165 caps about the size of a 16 oz drink all connected in parallel so they acted like one big cap. These were in series of the output of a 650 amp A.C. tig welder. That means they could handle 650 amps at 40 VDC. It weighed over a ton. -atomicbill
  • 10. NT/OT - Holiday Greetings from Iraq
    I just wanted to wish you all Hope and Cheer at the end of this year. This is a Universal Greeting to all, and not based on any Denomination or Religion. This is a great site, and it is a pleasure and honor to be a member! With Warm Wishes, Deployed with the US Military - Iraq
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Be safe out there. My last deployment there was in 2004 before I got out. Thanks for serving computerdoc.... -FormerSithLord
  • My thanks as well. Keep your head down over there. -RiffRaff
  • Best wishes, and "have a plan to kill everyone you meet..." :-) -vacuumtubes
  • Not to steal from the Coyote but ... http://www.tentonhammer.com/system/files/images/holiday_0.jpg Happy Whatever-The-Hell-You-Celebrate . And keep your spirits up with your head down in iWreck ;-) -Necros
  • The honor is ours, having members who're risking their ass every day. I don't care if you're for or against the war, but if you don't support the people who are there, there's something seriously wrong with you. -exzyle2k
  • Keep safe out there! -RandalGraves
  • Back atcha, computerdoc, and to everyone out there with you. Come home safely. -MadJack
  • Happy Holidays to you and yours as well. Keep your head down and chin up! -NoneProvided
  • Same in kind to you & yours - stay safe! -Grue
  • I wish you well... I wish you safe travels.... I wish you Peace. -ShujinTribble
  • Good luck, safe travels, and may you have the most uneventful deployment known to mankind. -Darkridr
  • keep safe and have a happy new year -compbrat
  • Have more fun than I did... no, really. -HappyCrappy
  • *hugs & happy thoughts* As everyone's already said, stay safe. Please come home in one piece. And thank you. -taieena
  • Here's wishing you the best. My prayers for safety and return go out to you and everyone else there. Spread the word! -unrenowned
  • The very best of luck mate! Keep yer 'ed down & don't volunteer for ANYTHING! (BTW, have you managed to secure the oil yet?) -lineswine
  • Happy holidays, and remember - as a very wise person once said - the goal is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his. Come back to us all safely. -PCRaevyn
  • 11. OT - I'm a convert
    Loaded up Ubuntu 8.04. I cannot believe how easy this is. If Windows was this easy, I wouldn't have a job. I have a small business class lappy that is dual booting with XP. Took me a day and a half to get everything working in XP. Ubuntu, it installed, and asked to update itself. 1 reboot, and everything works. Threw some Multimedia files at it. "this codec isn't installed. Do you want to install?" Yes. Media plays. I have the ablility to play mov, mp4, mp3, divx, FLACC, rm, and who knows what else. This Rocks! Thank you Ubuntu! I'm going to find out what else it can do!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • welcome to the light:) -gashach
  • It's funny, I've been a Ubuntu fan for years, and recently tried to install it on my main pc and can't get any of the CD's to boot, even old ones that I know work. they all end up at the busy box. gratz to you though. -drachen
  • You get fewer answers if you ask what else Ubuntu cannot do. -srteach
  • And if you go to Linux Mint its sorta Ubuntu +5 IMHO -Suspenderstech
  • @Drachen: when you boot the live CD, hit F6 to access boot options; put in the option 'all_generic_ide' minus the quotes. I had some trouble with that a while back; that fixed it. -RamenMcTavish
  • if only the accessibility features were better. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Ah, I remember when I made the switch... *dreamy eyed* I found Ubuntu about a year and a half ago, when they had just come out with Feisty Fawn. I was sick of how Windows kept screwing up, and I'd heard about Linux but was taken in by all the FUD (that it was a CLI only, etc). But I made the switch; I dual-boot now, only for Dreamweaver and Photoshop (say what you will about FOSS, I still can't make GIMP do what I want). Everything else is in Ubuntu. Recently upgraded to Intreped, and I must say I'm disappointed... nothing broke, so I had no excuse to sit down and tinker with my settings. I miss that, actually. -DarthIndy
  • I recently tried to load Irritated Ibex on one of my laptops at home. It works great, EXCEPT that it cannot and willnot use the wireless card...and since it is my kitchen computer, and I absutively need it to be wireless, that is a problem. It is, however, much easier to load and use than any of the previous distros and iterations that I have tried on that machine...In fact, it is the first one to load completely. -Griffin2020
  • I had to fdisk and reinstall Hardy Heron after the upgrade to Ibex pretty much screwed the pooch on my lappy. I'm still sold on Ubuntu as my primary OS, but I'll only be using LTS versions from now on. -RiffRaff
  • Go to synaptic and download virtualbox ose. Now you can download other distro isos and test it virtualbox. I'm using OPENGEU 8.04 now with E17 and am pretty impressed! -billybien
  • *stands outside the crowd, feeling left out, holding up a sign saying "I <3 PCLOS!", hoping nobody will notice...* -TheGhost
  • I've been runnig 8.04 since it came out LTS. The only issue I had was just a couple weeks ago when some updates broke wireless. After procrastinating a few days, I hooked it up wired, ran some more updates, and wireless started working again. I think it was a reported issue on the Ubuntu forums, but I didn't research further after it started working again. -Jeckler
  • 12. You do use a computer for a living.
    I work with inteligent people, mostly. They have jobs which require them to use the computer all day. One little thing changes, and they're toast. Today happened to be pop-up blocker settings. Something was changed from corporate that turned on the pop-up blocker. All my people that had web-apps that required pop-ups freaked out and couldn't work. I got swamped with calls. I went to the first one and showed how to enable for the site. Then I sent out an e-mail to the affected group. I still got calls and e-mails because it was too hard. I had sent screenshots as well, so it was an easy fix. OHHH WWWWHHHYYYY!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Because you can provide a man with knowledge, but you cannot make him think. -Ramblin
  • They were probably trying to click on your screen shots and complaining when it didn't work. -sassicatz
  • Light a fire, warm a man for a night. Set a man on fire, warm him for the rest of his life. -Seamus
  • Anything that requires pop-ups is wrong, and whoever makes it should DIAF. -TheGhost
  • What TheGhost said. :) -Seamus
  • Hey! What about this? If you had your choice of being the top Tech Rep in your field, or getting Mad Cow Disease, what would it be? -Biosynthetic
  • Seamus, and then some...*big evil grin* -Cyan
  • While generally I would agree with you Ghost, for some web apps, it makes sense to have pop-ups. I do development work on an insurance claims management app that's web based. The claim handler often needs to look up supplemental information (e.g. policy limits) without having to save the claim they are working on. In those situations, it's easier to use a pop-up than making them re-enter all the information. -virtualchoirboy
  • Boggles the mind doesn't it? I work for attorneys who can't seem to follow the simplest of instructions. -FixitWench
  • "You can elect a man into congress, but you can't make him think" -crazymactech
  • Find out who in corporate was responsible for signing off on the policy and tell all the callers to contact that person. >:) -Geminii
  • hee hee, I think I know where you are! I listened to a whole bunch of people on a different billing campaign at my center whining and moaning about their webapps not working because of a pop up issue yesterday and then got to hear it all over again this morning. What was nice though was seeing my one friend lart the snot out of anyone who hadn't read the email with the simple fix. -frprinterwiz
  • 13. Abreviated Job Titles - my own
    To keep up with the abreviated job titles, my company has a multilingual homepage. I was checking my contact information, and found my alternate title: "PREPOSE(E) CENTRE ASS. TECH." WhooHooo, I'm an A$$ Tech! LOL!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishment. --Much Ado About Nothing - Act 5 by William Shakespeare -Necros
  • Ya gots ta center th' ass, or th' poop'll run off either side.... -vacuumtubes
  • "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is "CLITORIS." /Red Dwarf Season 3 -TechnoTherapist
  • OK, so if you were the deputy for the person organising a BDSM meet-up...would that make you an Ass. Munch director? -lineswine
  • Tell them its pronounced Aztec and when do you get issued with your obsidian knife -Zoomer
  • I am the C.L.I.T. Commander! -billybien
  • 14. nincompoops!
    Helloooo one and all! One of my co-workers came up with a name for our helpdesk which fits. On with the story....My crackberry lost it's e-mail. Twice this has happened now, it hasn't affected outhouse. I sent in a ticket requesting assistance from our support teams. The ticket comes right back to me. I sent it back to the helldesk with instructions to pass it up to someone else. Still waiting....
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    15. More Funny from my Helpdesk
    Another good helpdesk story for you all. Our Helpdesk is a source of entertainent to us. They are supposed to be Tier1 support from our Service Partner. Here is another Gem. Last week we lost our internet connection. We have approximately 12 sites connected by various types of WAN links back to our provider, which has the internet connection. The WAN links were all up, except the one to our provider. No internet, no hosted services. I called HD and stated what was happening. They had no clue. I told them that I can trace/ping all the sites EXCEPT them. She wanted me to e-mail them Screenshots!@!@ I told them to check the status of the connections, because e-mail will not go though. To quote StrongBad, "The System is down Yo!"
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • We haz no innahnet!!! -TubPorsche
  • "Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man." -Biosynthetic
  • Priceless! -RA
  • The Cheat is grounded! -Animortal
  • Did ya reboot it 3 times? -Stryker One
  • 16. Bumper Sticker OT/NT
    Saw a new bumper sticker today: "Republicans for Voldemort"
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • lolololololololololololololol -WalNut
  • That was for sale at Diesel Sweeties http://store.dieselsweeties.com/collections/stickers but it seems to have been discontinued... -chazz
  • Heh... I've seen that one around here a few times. I loled the first time I saw it. -Seamyst
  • What's the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? Funny, I don't know, either. -Seamus
  • I always thought the Shrub was a Death Eater! -Captain Trips
  • Bent on world domination and the oppression of the mudbloods? Sounds about right. -Animortal
  • Retarded cowboys for oil domination? -lineswine
  • 17. Humanity needs help.
    So I was at a pet store picking up a few things. I was in a great mood. When I got there there were 3 cashiers, and then 2 went to help customers. When I went to check out, there seemed to be a rush on the registers. 2 ladies decided to start their own line at a closed lane. The cashier did call for help. Then they proceeded to make comments. "Gee, all these people, and no help.". "This is no was to run a business". Another cashier showed up and went to the next lighted lane(not thiers). More comments from the two. This whole time I'm actually Enjoying this. Its funny! Then another cashier shows up, and goes to the next lighted lane(not theirs again). They are now fuming and saying other pissy nasty things like, "How long are you going to make us wait here?" They finally go to an OPEN lane, and a manager opens the first lane where they were. Oh it was great! I thought the speed was good for as many people showed up. The dude that checked me out started to appologise, and I just smiled and told him I was cool and in no hurry. He said he hated when people treated him like that just because it gets a little busy. Those two ladies totally made my day! Hats off to the Petco dude that stayed calm and joked about it!
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "Herd needs thinnin'..." -Seamus
  • Sounds like a good post for notalwaysright.com (not that we didn't enjoy it here, either!) -Captain Trips
  • "Can I help whoever is next in line... at an OPEN register?" -Voz
  • Next best thing- "Yes, ladies, I'll be helping you when we get to where you were in line...". When they get to that point- 1). Total out the sales on the current register. 2). Call the manager to formally close that lane. 3). Count out the operating bank. 4). Prepare a drop envelope with the receipts up to that point. 5). Call the manager back to take the drop and receipts. 6). Pick up bank and move to the lane where the ladies are waiting. 7). Log into new register. 8). Log into register with wrong UserID and password twice, (deliberately). 9). Place bank into cash drawer. 10). Count out all individual denominations into their compartments. 11). Turn light on for the new lane. 12). "Hello Ladies, how may I help you?" Correction- "how may I help you?" is step 13). Step 12 is to make sure that you've announced all of these moves out loud as you've performed them! -Voz
  • 18. EUNOTD
    Got an e-mail from our ticketing system today. Last name of the user? Del-Penho.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • I am... Cornholio! Heh.. hehe! -Jeckler
  • I want TeePee for my CornHolio! -Gerund
  • Delteated.... deltaco? -teivrann
  • 19. We gotta have coffee
    I basically have 2 types of users. The ones that nitpick about their computers, and the ones that don't really care if their machines even work. This is about the later. I get a call from a guy that starts out by saying, "I know that you are really busy, but I wouldn't call if this wasn't important." I literally haven't heard from this guy since I changed out his machine 6 MONTHS ago. So I asked him what he needed. He said that he needed to get into $WebApp$ so he could log into $MaterialsApp$. I asked him why, and he said, "We're almost out of Coffee and Coffee cups, and how can the Firehall function without coffee?" I told him that he won! I remoted into his machine, and couldn't log into the #WebApp$ as him OR me. I sent a remote Reboot command, and after he logged back in, he could log into $WebApp$. He was so greatful he sent me an e-mail when the coffee came in (they buy the good stuff). Thanks Dude for making my day!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. The Beans Must Flow. -Stryker One
  • Want caffine do you? Then check out http://www.guayaki.com/. I have totally given up on coffee for this stuff. I'm 62 now and it makes the everyday aches and pains go away. -atomicbill
  • 20. I love to say "NO"!
    One of my users calls me wants some software installed. It's not on our "blanket Office" list, so has to be requested. User asks, "Can't you just install it for me?". No, you have to have your Manager request it (your department has to pay for it). "Please install it for me?" "NO!" I love my job sometimes!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • NYYYYYYYYYYYYYET!! -vacuumtubes
  • "Computer says 'no'." </Little Britain> -MisterCommon
  • *borrows the AFLAC goat* "nah, nah, nah" -GoblinKing
  • "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means no." /Captain Barbossa -Dante668
  • I've taken to asking them to do something for me based on their department. Something that usually breaks the rules and they can't do. Occasionally they still don't understand it. -YourLastHope
  • ".......NO!"</Silent Movie> -ShujinTribble
  • The man from Del Monte he say "Yes"...The man from Tech support he say "NO!"...now fuck off. -lineswine
  • I get alot of those also. As well as the related "I installed this program and now it isnt working" Was it requested, no they just went to some random page and decided to install a program they thought they needed instead of going through proper request channels so we could tell them in advance the program isnt compatable. -Belunar
  • oooh, hope your boss backs you up on that. Boss at the last place I worked was spineless and always backed down and made me out to be the bad guy. Of course, he had a hidden agenda to get rid of me because I was a threat to him keeping his position - he knew nothing about IT or our systems, but I knew most of it. -Enzedder
  • 21. OT/NT - Epic FAIL
    Do you know how sometimes the darn birds seem to swoop in front of you car when you are driving, like they are playing chicken? I had one of those this morning, only it HIT my windshield! Crazed the glass, and gave me a little scare. Good thing I have Glass on my insurance, so I get a new windshield! Damn thing won't do that again! I think that it was a crow or raven, and we have lots of those here, so I'm not worrried. FAIL!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • I hit three last summer. But the one that scared the crap out of me was an owl... at about 4AM in the winter on the interstate (pitch black). It hit the glass right in front of my face. I never saw it coming, or saw it afterward. -srteach
  • When I first started driver ($diety, was that really more than a decade ago?) I did the same with a bat. Little bugger busted my windshield, but stayed there, dead... wings spread, stuck to the windsheld. I got home and told my father, who immediately didn't believe me, so I just pointed at the dead thing still there when we went out to take a look. Talk about scared? I nearly had to have a crowbar to pry the seat out. -TechnoTherapist
  • I was riding in the front cab of the monorail atr Disney, and I noticed that some of the birds were slow to get out of the way. I mentioned that to the Cast Member and he just smiled and said, "Those are the Chosen Ones." -TechieSidhe
  • Whats the last thing a fly sees after hitting your window...... -neuman1812
  • Quoth the raven, "Holy Shi*SPLAT!* -ActingUpAgain
  • neuman, "his butt" -computerdoc
  • Well, I've always said that any driver who can pick a bird off IN FLIGHT is the best driver out there... I claimed that title about 3 years back, I was headed to a dentist appointment when I tagged a bird in air. On that little strip of car body between the windshield and the driver's door, about an inch think on a 93 Sable Wagon. Gouged the paint, and probably broke the stupid bird's neck. Didn't stop to check, just gigglepurred at the situation. -exzyle2k
  • What can be worse than that is when you see the bird fly in front of your vehicle (in this case, a Ford F-150), but DON'T see it "complete the crossing". That's because days later, you'll be trying to find where the carcass landed in the engine bay, so you can get rid of the decaying smell.... -Grue
  • No, my ex has you all beat. Driving back from state camp maybe six or seven years ago, he hit a TURKEY (wild, of course). Shattered the van's windshield, scraped his face, and left feathers and bits of flesh all over the van, inside and out. -Seamyst
  • Tnen there's hitting a Canada Goose with a Canadair Challenger at 450 knots. Caved in the radome and splatted the radar. Our idiot field technicians ‘repaired’ the unit by essentially replacing everything but the name plate. -MSimmons777
  • Amateurs. I knocked one out of the sky with a thin little stainless steel CB whip antenna. -Stryker One
  • My buddy claims that he cut a bird in half with his radio antenna. I hit a huge pheasant once but never checked where it went -areatech
  • Oh, okay, since we're playing, I can't claim the size category, but on one trip here in NZ I got 1 duck and 7 sparrows.... -Enzedder
  • I wasn't driving, but after it was stopped I _DID_ free the bird that had flown UNDER the van and gotten it's wingtip stuck in the coil-spring of the left-rear suspension. -LoTech
  • I've seen pigeons cut in two by LRT wheels, does that count? (g) -MadJack
  • I've hit two that I know of. The first one was with my first car, a 1971 VW Super Beetle. The second I hit last year. It was depressing in that it had a friend that I saw flying with it that escaped. I noticed in my rear-view mirror the friend land near the "chosen one" as if it expected it to fly up again. -Xiphiplastron
  • Don't have any good moving-vehicle stories, but where I used to live, there was a blackbird that would fly into the kitchen window and stun itself about once a week. Not sure if the problem was its eyesight, its memory, or both. I know it was the same bird because the window had bent the tip of its beak! -Rissa
  • Out four-wheeling with friends - one bumble bee to the face. Never wore a helmet without a face mask after that. -redevil34
  • best hit ever, 20+ pidgeons in one. They were having a drink in a creek depression on the road, i didn't see them in the dip as I entered @ 100Kph plus. Poof, the view in the rear veiw mirror was like something from the Road Runner cartoons, just a cloud of feathers settling back down. -fargle
  • I heard last week the RAAF boys in a F-111 managed to score a pelican on a low level flight. -Wraith556
  • 22. You want me to do what?
    Not my story, but my co-worker. Our help desk comes up with the strangest things. I do desktop support, level 2-3 support. Our help desk handles password resets, basic T/S, and call routing. They don't do this very well, and I'm going to start posting stories. Anyway, on with the story. User calls the help desk, tells them that their Windows computer has a BSOD, and wants to know what to do. Help desk wanted a Screenshot of the error! User was smart enough to know that the computer was dead. Help desk still tried to talk them through getting a screenshot. When they were unable, they assigned the ticket to my buddy, who reimaged the machine. Screenshot of a BSOD my ass!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Isn't that what camera phones are for? That's about the only way you'll get a screen shot of a BSOD... -chazz
  • http://blogofwishes.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/win-bluescreen-tshirt.jpg -exzyle2k
  • Just put the crt/lcd on the photocopier.... -unrenowned
  • I had that happen once to me. Explained very slowly and patiently to the script monkey on the other end of the phone how screen shots worked and why you can't take them when the machine is signaling a "Unmountable Boot Device" error after loading their software driver. THEN I took Otis out and fired... -VoiceOfSanity
  • I hope your helpdesk jobs pay peanuts, 'cos you sure have some retarded monkies -lineswine
  • <da>You can take a screenshot of a blue screen if it's in a VM. Just take a screenshot of the VM client window and crop if needed. -linuxmatt
  • vista has a great tool for taking vm screenshots! thats about all vista is good for though. the snipping tool is my killer app in vista. -boxcar
  • apparently you can also access locked/protected files quite easily too. 'These files are protected, cancel or allow?' -drachen
  • 23. What's that beeping??
    It's never a good sign when you walk into work and 6 people say "your computer room is beeping." Turns out a file server lost a drive. Fine, go to check the drives. RAID-5, NO SPARE! I guess the previous people didn't beleive in hot spares? WTF! Go dig though the scroung pile and find a spare drive, slap it in, and tell it rebuild. I am the hero, no data lost!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Lets see if they treat you like a hero and approve that purchase request for more spare drives. -Stryker One
  • Why? He got everything up and running again without any data loss, or newly purchased equipment. If he can do it once, he can do it again.</manglement> -Cyan
  • Cyan...& for his next trick, computerDoc pull a complete, new data centre out of his ass! -lineswine
  • Lineswine, you made my day! BWAAAHHHAAAAA! We're already working on a large disk storage array to get rid of all these individule file servers. HE HE he he <snerk> -computerdoc
  • 24. Like Kids with Canned Air
    I was doing some printer cleaning today, and I had my trusty canned air with me. I was working in an office with 4 adults, and when I broke out the air they were literally trying to steal it from me and spray each other. Then they asked where I got it because it wasn't in the normal suppy system, and I said I got it from $vendor. Now they are going to ask for some. Some people's kids!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Simple pleasures for simple minds -p3bk4c
  • Wait till someone sprays some vital part of their body with the can upside down, and causes a freeze burn....Oops. -fargle
  • "Oooohh!! Air in a can!! WOOOOWWW!!!" (/vapid kidfish) -MadJack
  • Back in the old days when I worked at General Atomics we liked to make ice cream with liquid nitrogen. Only took about 5 min. -atomicbill
  • I worked with a guy that got a freeze burn from canned air. It was a 4 inch/10cm oval on his arm. He comes in to work and says "I was drunk last night and did this; should I see a doctor?" -Starfury
  • I've used it and a blow dryer to pull dents out of my car and motorcycle. Works pretty good. -ecoli
  • I have to hide my canned air. Then when I have to take it out of hiding, at least one person asks me if they can use it when I'm finished. The answer is always no, now, because if I let them, I never get it back. -veaudaux
  • Admit it, get in a room with 2 other techs, no boss and cans of air, and you waste it too. I know we do. -LazyLemming
  • Especially on people who aren't very observant. Spray their chair down with the can held upsidedown right before they get back... watch them sit, watch the cold slowly spread to their brain, watch them jump and scream. Then, wait for the return prank. -Resolute
  • 25. Fixed My Aging Playstation 2
    After many hours of dealing with my crappy PS/2 and the infamous "disc read error", I found this web site: http://tinyurl.com/64esd that worked for me. Hope this helps someone else!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    26. Monsters INC.
    So here I was, in my lair, going though old computers to dispose of. Our previous naming convention used a prefix + 4 Digit serial(small vendor). The number was 4319, and I though, "Oh no, we have a 4319, shut down the Scare Floor!" Too much time watching/listening to kids movies for me....
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • "Wazowski! You didn't file your paperwork last night. I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always. " -vacuumtubes
  • "Mike Wazowski!" -rokitt
  • Kitty! -exzyle2k
  • Snow cones! Lemon flavor. -Stryker One
  • Thanks, guys. That was a close one. BZZZ. AAAAAAGGGHH!!! (/no more orange hair on orange hair monster - can't remember name) -PCChaos
  • after going through the million and one half time viewing cycle with two kids several years apart I have finally forgotten the script.....(bangs head on desk) Boo!!!!! -GoToHellKitty
  • 27. Gee that would be fun!
    I don't post often because my people behave and don't make good stories. Today made my day. I have two female accountants that have to go to a software training class. I am to issue them laptops for this. They need to come and log in and configure a specific application for this training. I was setting up a time for this to occur, when I heard, "how about we do it after lunch because $OtherAccountant needs it too and you can do us both". Priceless!!!!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • It's good to be the geek! </Mel Brooks on a computer> -RamenMcTavish
  • could you please submit that in writing, co-signed by the other party involved? Any how about 4:30, when my shift ends? -garwain
  • Of all the days to NOT have a digital voice recorder running in your pocket.... -ShujinTribble
  • Is that a digital voice recorder in your pocket, or were you just happy to see them? -Ramblin
  • Tuck in yer dongle before someone steps on it... -ChildofCthulhu
  • Paging Dr. Burrkiss! -unrenowned
  • 28. Proud of my wife, she LARTED someone!
    My wife and her friend and the friend's husband got into a heated arugment about a computer I'm repairing for them. Hard drive died (yeah, another Maxtor bites the dust!) Husband is sure the daughter "killed the drive" with all the music she had on it. My wife responds with "my honey repairs computers all the time. The one thing he hates is when the drives phyically die. If I have to hear about another hard drive dying, it'll be too soon. Yes, they just go for no reason." She said he got really red and really quiet. Way to go, Mrs. Computerdoc!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Ok, what am I missing? I don't see the LART in there. -Stryker One
  • Stryker: Father wanted to blame it on his kid, and the wife told him that there wasn't anyone to blame. He got embarassed that he got Pwn3d. -Seamus
  • Well, let's perform a vivisection. Friend's husband is a (L)user, his Attitude was "daughter broke it," his Readjustment was "no, it happens at random all the time," and Mrs. Doc was the Tool (no offense meant, Compdoc!) So, let's put it together: Luser' Attitude Readjusted by a Tool -- L.A.R.T. -Captain Trips
  • It's always someone else's fault... -Dr Jerkyl
  • Are you sure it wasn't his moving picture pron? You know, all them jiggly bits movin' round? -srteach
  • 29. Did I mention that I hate Maxtor?
    So anyway when I built my current main rig, I didn't know that Maxtor drives suck ass. Then I worked for my previous employer where all the 40gb IDE models failed a horrible death. Fast forward to 1 of the pair in my sata raid array failing before warrenty. Yeah, they replaced it. Now the other is going, so I bought a nice sata 120GB Seagate to replace it. My Promise 376 controller won't take it. The old drives(120gb) are listed as 122942. The replacement drive (120gb) is listed as 120034. I hate you Maxtor! DIE DIE DIE!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Absolutely! I hate Maxtors! They have failed me more than once! Also Western Digitals! And Seagates! And Hitachis! And Samsungs! And IBMs! Wait, IBMs are Hitachis, I already said that. Ok, Fujitsus then! And Exelstors! And... -TheGhost
  • At least Seagates have a pretty damn good warranty. -Stryker One
  • Ghost, you are always good for a laugh. Thanks! -computerdoc
  • Seagate has a good warranty and drives that are worth guaranteeing for five years. That's why we prefer to sell that brand. -OgdenTechGuy
  • Seagate == Maxtor. Maxtor was bought by Seagate a few years back. Their support sucks, btw. We ordered 8 of their 500 GB Maxtor "Grizzly" SATA drives -- all 8 were defective. We asked for replacements, but from a different product line (the nature of the failures indicated a problem with the controller logic on the drives). Our request was denied and they gave me a hard time just to get the drives replaced at all. -Antacid
  • I must just be lucky to have never had a problem with Maxtors. -flapjackboy
  • Am I the only one that misses the days of companies that made a product with enough quality that you didn't have to worry about the warranty? -SiamJetta
  • Every HD manufacturer has a bad product once in a while. I remember when I had a whole bunch of Seagate 105MB drives in Sun workstations that had the "stiction" problem. Then a year or 2 later, Seagates were great, but WD was having issues. As the Ghost says, they all suck. -SalParadise
  • I've had bad luck with all drives except for WDC. WDC will warranty their drives for three years (i think). My last system had a WDC drive that failed after over 5 years of use. Replacement has nothing but WDC drives in it. -cecil36
  • Where I work, we went through a batch of 40gb Maxtors in D*ll systems... this was a few years ago. Fast forward to last year, when the 160gb SATA drives in the D*ll systems were failiing... all Maxtors. D*ll's tech folks got used to me calling and saying only one word... I got WDC or Seagate in return every time. -VoiceOfSanity
  • Current consumer-level WD have one year, and the purchaser has the option to expand it to 3 for $15. -BayouTech
  • the 40G maxtors had a heat problem. Don't put them too close and cool the case. I still have nightmares about Quantum Fireballs -VIPERsssss
  • 30. Finally got one: I need a new mouse.
    One of my users requested a MicroShit Wireless keyboard and mouse about a month ago. I told him that there are a lot of electromagnetic problems with the area he was in, but...You know. He calls me today: "hey, that mouse you gave me doesn't work so well." I asked him if he changed the batteries, and he told me he had. I told him I'd bring him a wired mouse. Why don't they listen?
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Because it requires use of at least one brain cell... which we can all tell they don't have. And even if they did, it'd be tied up in doing basic functions, such as breathing, eating, and complaining. -TheDeathOfRats
  • Just tell the *fish that's he is lucky not to live in Norway: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/01/21/qwertyoops/ -kraftwerk
  • 31. Password requirements
    Found this on the net, and thought that everybody should share the humor in this: "Your password must be at least 18770 characters and cannot repeat any of your previous 30689 passwords. Please type a different password. Type a password that meets these requirements in both text boxes." http://support.microsoft.com/kb/276304? That is all.
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Hmm I wonder where I could have http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=69460 seen that before. -OgdenTechGuy
  • We have enough of a problem with starfish remembering their names... First password the letter 'a' repeated 18770 times... 1,2,3,4,5... 6,7,8,9,10... ... ... 11,12,13,14,15... 16,17,18,19,20... ... ... Help I can't count to 18770, I've run out of fingers & toes... -Wonko The Sane
  • --(didn't look at the new stories close enough)-- -computerdoc
  • Our engineers have that one along with the user management icon with gray hair printed and hanging on the wall. -redevil34
  • Remember - male starfish can count to 21 as long as no one in the workplace frowns on them removing their trousers. -veaudaux
  • 32. I Saw Otis!
    We were at a parade on the 4th (duh) and one of the floats was for a bank. It was a giant inflated dog, and on his tie was his name, "OTIS"!!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • I can trump that. In on my way to work, I saw a car with the sign "Otis Emergency Service." Drive by clue-ings, anyone? -beerman
  • You do realise that OTIS is an elevator manufacturer, right? -Chromatix
  • http://www.otis.edu/fileadmin/homepage/index.html Teaching people to get a clue since 1918! -TechnoTherapist
  • Hmmmm... clueless user here; elevator shaft there. What to do... WHAT to do? *insert evil, maniacal laugh here* -Voz
  • 33. I'm Free! Free Free Free
    Hello All! I am finally free of that school that I was working for! I now have a "real" job. I am now Salaried (with overtime) and have full bennies! I am now working for a manufacturing company with about 1/4 of the computers and people I was supporting before. I am also considered Level2/3 for desktop and network support, AND there is an existing helpdesk. I got a raise for doing less work. Can I get an "A-men", brother?
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Amen! And congratulations on the improved working conditions! -Tekkie
  • Congratulations. Now you get to watch for those evil bastids that do downsizing, outsourcing and general fscking around with a good thing in real life! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Congrats. Now Feed Me, Seymour. -namor
  • Congratulations! -TechMama
  • Welcome to Corporate...but it drives you to drink. -DuckyFuzz
  • As if our jobs don't already do that Ducky? -MacDaddy
  • If Corporate drives me to drink, who will drive me home? Oh, that big bussomed hottie in HR? No problem! Don't wait up, I'll be home tomorow morning! -CyBear
  • Way to go, doc! -PTSTech
  • 34. Tigger Attacks! NT/OT
    Here I am, "researching" some of my favorite sites, and I come across this gem: http://tinyurl.com/ya5sog I can't even add anything to this one.....
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • It wasn't Tigger's fault. It looks like the kid was purposely trying to fark with Tigger and Tigger was reacting to that. I think the kid wanted to see what would happen and now daddy sees deep pockets in Disney. Those suits have very little visual range. I doubt he could even see the boy, and was reacting instinctively to what was happening to him. -TechieSidhe
  • I actually hope it goes to trial, so Disney can prove the kid's a major asshat and have it on public record. And I don't usually root for the House of Mouse... -TechieSidhe
  • If that was an actual attack by the employee, would it have been only one hit? Watch the costume head... it twists on its own, or does it? The asshole kid needs a beatin'. -srteach
  • (8) ...bouncie bouncie bouncie bouncie, fun fun fun fun fun, the wonderful thing about tiggers is, I can beat anyone...I, can beat anyone....who-hu-hu-hu! (8) -EtherRabbit
  • The heads don't turn. -TechieSidhe
  • You call that an attack? All I saw was Tigger gently pushing on the kid's face with an open paw -- after the kid was "roughhousing" with Tigger! If you play rough, expect rough play in return! -Captain Trips
  • Looked to Lineswine and myself that the poor lickle lickle twit was trying to unfasten Tiggers costume. Plus if that was a punch then i'm Claudia Sciffer. -LadyLineswine
  • I have been in those costumes. Is very hard to see out the side of 'em. Looks to me just like and accident. -LilFarkette
  • Used to work in a similar kind of park in the Security department- one of our assignments on some days was helping the characters when their escorting employees weren't available because, 1), the suits are hot and clumsy, 2), visibility while wearing one sucks rocks and you can't always see who's around you, especially to the sides and back, and 3), people would constantly try to beat on them. That, plus most of the employees in the character suits were women, regardless of the character, because they were usually able to do the job in the costume better than the guys, (though they couldn't take getting knocked around as well), so they wanted the extra escort. -Voz
  • First, I agree in that that was NOT an attack, was barely a touch. Second, although I can't see anything, it looks like tigger was reacting to something. If you look closely, tigger locks up the kid's arm, which to me show some martial arts training and an instinctive reaction to something. Unfortunately, we can't see the kids hand behind Tigger's back, but he's laughing the entire time which to me seems to imply that he might be doing something. Also, dad says his first reaction was "what did the kid do now?" which tells me that the kid has a history of doing shit. -squatchie666
  • Ahhh, the acrid smell of tort law permeates the air like a rancid beerfart. -vacuumtubes
  • Hopefully, it will go to court and Disney sue the family for damages caused by the d1çkhe4d of a kid. Given the chance, I would have gone down when the kid pulled on the suit and THEN smacked him one. Hope Disney wins and DON'T pay them out. One more thing - if he "didn't do anything", then (like so many have pointed out) why did the head twist round? And where's the preceding footage? Otis the kid. -TheMacOne
  • 35. Grr Grr I Hate Roxio
    So anyway one of my old clients gives me a call that she had MSN dialup problems with her Dell, and asked me to take a look at it. MSN was not installed, and the CD drives would not read CD's in Windows. Both drives tested ok in Knoppix and a BART PE envrionment, so I knew that they worked. They even worked in Safe Mode. I tried everything (except what worked) including a Repair Install that failed Horribly (I love Ghost) Finally after almost admitting defeat, I came across an M$ KB article that talked about Roxio (I also already tried the Upper and Lower Filter thing) Seems as though Roxio 5 and Win XP are NOT FRIENDS. I found a patch on their site that fixed it in one reboot. @#%^@@ I had been working on and off on this thing for 3 DAYS!! I think I'm going to retire as a "backyard computer guy". Please, if anyone has problems with CD/DVD's with Roxio and the Upper and Lower filter thing doesn't work, go get this Miracle Patch!!!!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • as long as we're on the "I hate" bandwagon... I HATE ROXIO TOO! Don't really have an experience to share about it, nor a tangible reason... OMIGOD I'm CD-BURNER-APP-RACIST! Oh and I hate Norton Antivirus... bloated and doesn't detect a thing (did a test environment with NAV2002 demo). McAffe is better, but still too bloated. I'm sticking with AVG (just dropped avast, but perhaps it's just temporary) -linuxmatt
  • Um, What Miracle Patch? Personal, I use InCD. -Stryker One
  • Sorry, should have linked it. http://tinyurl.com/ybol7o (Scenario1) This machine had it's drives, but when a cd was inserted, it just kept telling me "please insert disc in %drive%" It was close enough to do what was needed. And no I don't really hate Roxio. Just really fustrated with it. Kinda like Windows (Flame-on) -computerdoc
  • I love that upper/lower filter fix. I have a nice little txt file with the steps on it. Have had it fix a few other problems other than the classic Roxio freak up -Wolffarmer
  • I have had problems with EZ CD creator (ver 3), making 80% of all my discs unusable, as soon as I changed to Nero my problems were gone. So I believe this is a feature by design just to make us buy more CD:s (www.conspiracy.com?).... -Dr Jerkyl
  • I'm with you Doc - at least with the PC side of things. In Mac Land, Roxio is King - and works flawlessly. I use Nero in PC. 'Nuff said. -TheMacOne
  • Ding! (not ting) I thought I had borked up all 3 drives in my system.. as I read this article I realized I installed Roxio lately to try to burn some DVDs properly. Thank you! -Jay911
  • Roxio, Nero, it's all the same to DozeXP. I haven't been able to get this thing to even RECOGNIZE my cdrw as a burner since I rebuild this thing three months ago... and my 2K cd is farked... -MadJack
  • Ran into that problem about a year ago. It had stumped the rest of the techs here. I installed the patch and BAM! Everything worked. But why no one thought to Google the issue is beyond me... -Grayhawk
  • 36. The superLART
    So here we are working, and two co-workers (lets call them Bing and Bong) think that it would be funny to mess with another guy's (the LARTmaster) dual-displays. They mess with cables and settings. He finds out who has done it, and locks out both of their normal accounts, and both of their admin accounts. Now Bing and Bong have to explain why they need Both of their accounts unlocked AND reset. All Hail the LARTMaster!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Hmmm shiny. How was there grovelling? Was it up to scratch?? -TechKittenNotts
  • Reparations must be made for restoration. What will he ask as a tribute from either of these 'nuggets? -vacuumtubes
  • I'd say every penny they have would suffice... -Mewtwo
  • 37. Microsoft made a funny
    Here I am, posting from VISTA. I am trying to get drivers loaded, and it's a crap shoot. I feel like I'm trying to load Winmodems in Win 98. It picked up everything except a few Nforce things, in which Windows update actually got everything except the Promise 376 controller. I went out to Nvidia, and got the beta driver pack. I am trying to install some things, and came across this gem....""While attempting to copy the first file, a warning message will appear warning you that you will need administrator privileges to perform the copy operation into this system folder. To avoid seeing this message in the future, click the box that says “Repeat my answer each time this occurs (119 times).” I'm not bashing windows, I am cross-platform myself, Mac, Win, and even Linux. It's just funny!
    [By: computerdoc]
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  • Dude.. 119 times to click, "OK" / "Yes" / "Copy All"... dude, that's just.... MANIC! -ShujinTribble
  • "are you sure you want to do this?...really sure?...seriously, if you click ok this will happen....are you positive?...maybe you should sleep on it?...fine, but im not kidding this time...?...ok lets do it, you ready?" heheh one way to keep users from installing crap. -xtc46
  • ...a way which, as any tech could tell you, never works. -TechnoCat
  • Winmodems in Win 98? Wash your mouth out with soap! You are giving me flashbacks, and I can't afford the rum to make them go away. -56Kdaytrader
  • Sorry 56Kdaytrader. <hands over a spare keg o'rum> It's just what it felt like. Or the time a buddy says, I just installed ME, and now nothing works. I spent 2 days with driverguide.com looking up FCC ID's. Bleeehh! -computerdoc
  • I'm about to load the Vista R.C.1 version on my home rig. Just thought I'd catch up on my reading here first, in case I get FUBARed in the process. -ThinTheHerd
  • our policy on winmodems was "if not intewl chipset, insert in dustbin, charge customer for new modem+fitting (15+VAT)" - as at 25/hour labour rates it's cheaper than finding drivers for the damn things... -trs998
  • I did a fresh install of XP on my daughters PC last night, and the last thing to do was a Windows Update for the perfectly fine wireless NIC. After that it was another 15 minutes getting it to work again. Too bad it's not spec'ed for Vista, I could lose the rest of my hair. -Jeckler
  • You're NOT bashing Windows? [*scratches head*] Haven't been here long, have you? -MeanDean
  • Jeckler, I stopped doing windows updates for hardware when it took a working sound card and NIC and made them useless with the winblows drivers and forced me to drive 25 miles to the nearest known location that I could find with a working net connection so I could get back online -halitech
  • 38. Can't you just reboot it?
    Here I am again with more wonderful comments from one of my most hated starfish. Yesterday, our voicemail system crashed. I was summoned to "make it go". This thing is a technological miracle. It is a PC running OS/2 Warp, P133, with 80M of RAM. I was told, it works, never touch it. So I never learned anything about it. Well, I got a crash course in OS/2. I tried all my usual recovery techniques, but this was difficult due to the age of the machine. I finally admitted defeat after about 4 hours on it with management wondering when it would be fixed. I had to call for service on it. Everyone in the office knows that the voicemail is down except this one person, because she was gone. The Title of the story is what she said when I told her it was down. Hey, if it was that easy, wouldn't you think it would be working now? Fucknugget.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Is your computer plugged in? That is very much common mistake. </smell tech support> -DedSysOp
  • Sad thing is, the mid-range Norstar VM for the Norstar MICS phone system, runs on OS/2 Warp Connect...and was only recently discontinued.... -Grue
  • I was running Warp 4 on a P75 until just a short while ago... I'm a long way from Minnie Soda though, so I likely couldn't have helped. Oh, well... -chazz
  • Yeah, that's about what I got on this InterHell. Turns out the DB got corrupted. Now all the voicemail, greetings, and autoattendant need to be rebuilt/recorded. I'm imaging this sucker after it is operational! I found out that the system has been in place for 8+ years! Not a bad run-time. -computerdoc
  • 39. But it's wrong
    Here we go, gentle readers. I have a user that's neeping about her computer time being off. I check it, and lo and behold, it doesn't match the others on the domain. I check the computer's hardware clock, and change it to domain time. She then tells me that it doesn't match "other clocks in the office", including a timeserver in x application. I have the domain set to run on the Navy's NTP server, so I think that this other app may be a few minutes off. She then tells me she KEEPS CHANGING THE TIME to match the office time!!! AAAAAAHHHHHRRRGGGG. Yes, she has admin rights. No I don't want her to, but X-application needs to be run as admin because of a hardware key. I told her to leave it alone. Now she is pissed because "It's wrong and Useless now". I need to LART her!!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • You should be able to lock down the clock with a group (or local) policy that even admin rights couldn't get her through. -NightSteel
  • I looked it up. Local Security Policy MMC snap-in, security settings, user rights assignment, change the system time. Remove local admin and power users. That should do it. -NightSteel
  • Get a program that syncs up with WWV and tell her that's the real time, an' if she don't like it--hey, that's life, suck it down.... -vacuumtubes
  • Get the dumb bitch to call "the speaking clock" & THEN ask her which is wrong, the office clocks or the PC! -lineswine
  • NightSteel - Thanks for the tip. If she "insists" on playing, I will disable it the way you suggested. Thanks, thanks, thanks!! -computerdoc
  • "A man with one clock knows what time it is. A man with two clocks is never quite sure." A starfish with two thinks they're both wrong. -maciarc
  • The proper answer for any question regarding time is either "Now" or "Not Now". -PolarCoyote
  • Just remember -- a broken clock is still right twice a day! (What that has to do with anything, I don't know. But it sounds good.) -Captain Trips
  • 40. It's small!
    Actually a Co-Worker POTD "I grabbed my husband's, but it's too small", Refering to a Flash Drive.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Microscope and Tweezers time? :-p -Torinir
  • "I am *so* sorry to hear that. I'm also sorry you said it." -Divinar
  • They got a pill for that now... -PTSTech
  • /me feels the need to correct the eronius statement of "they have a pill for that now." that pill infact only increses blood flow to the area during flacidity, creating a half erect state. Then he relizes people may wonder why he knows that and keeps his mouth shut. -drachen
  • Paging Burrkiss... -elcapitane
  • You can call me Fred Garvin, Tech Gigolo. -namor
  • "Meet BOB!" </enzyte commercial> -Divinar
  • Maybe HERS is too big? ;-) -TechnoCat
  • I've got a big "drive". She can borrow it anytime she likes. -burrkiss
  • Try Kegel exercises, Ma'am. It allows your port to accept input of nearly all sizes wihout running into compatibility issues. -56Kdaytrader
  • 41. Names
    Just looking though and checking account statuses and found this person's real last name: Kneebone
    Ha ha ha!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • and a 1 and a 2 an a the kneebone connected to the... waist bone, the Waist bone connect to the -LowLevelFormat
  • I call Rule #1, because we all know Starfish don't have Bones. ;) -geekgirljess
  • Oh yes! I know him! He is my ankle! :D :D <uncle - ankle, get it? lol ... Oh come on! It's funny! ... Fine, fine. I'm going back to the LART shelter! ...no sense of humor...> -TheGhost
  • Ghost: If you have to explain a joke...the joke has failed. -Starfury
  • I got a call today from a Walter Whyknott. -AmazingKreskin
  • Whyknott? So he doesn't breed. :EOF -Bobsentme
  • Got you all beat, I entered a James Blotolado. -Gunpe
  • Town of Origin: Gnaw Bone, Indiana -vacuumtubes
  • Not a caller/fishie, but Dad went to high school with a guy named Rudy Lipshitz :-) -Sidewinder
  • Gunpe, you entered James? Well, I hope you at least bought him dinner first.</Burkiss> -LusersRThem
  • A coworker of mine got a call from The Phu Ket Restaurant once. :) (And yes, the owner was pronouncing it exactly as you'd imagine!) -geekgirljess
  • I still say (as I have before on this forum) that the best name I ever came across was "Kum Suk Wang" when I was doing medical billing. (Poor Mr. Wang died of cancer.) -Captain Trips
  • the best name I had was Carmel Sprout. -Bynar
  • I knew I was going to get flamed for my first comment just as soon as I read it after I posted it, I was hoping no one would notice. (I ment entered him in the system, username, password.) -Gunpe
  • I've got a friend with the last name of Whynot. I haven't come up with a good enough joke to use for her yet... -namor
  • My Great-grandpa's name was Butler. My Grandpa's name - legal name, on his birth certificate and liscence - was Bobby. Not Robert. Bobby. And the middle name of Greenberry was very popular for boys in rural Ohio/Kentucky a few generations ago. So it could always be worse. -Parilla
  • I had a Korean Calculus teacher named Professor Nosoup Kwak. (I wish I was kidding! I never understood a word he said and failed miserably!!) - NOSOUP FOR YOU! -gemachte
  • Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry-y-y bones / Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry-y-y bones... -viennasausage
  • We used to have a person named Richard Whacker and yet he liked to be called Dick. -Mur
  • Fujin's most memorable customer name while doing MS Recplacement Parts (Yes, she was a phone rep for a while)... A Mister VanHoinagenhune(sp?) ("Van-HOHEEN-again hue-n") -ShujinTribble
  • My name is Ulla-Inka-Hanson-Benson-Yanson-Tallen-Hallen-Swadon-Swenson. -viennasausage
  • I encountered an Angela Christmas once on a form. -dogmu
  • I once had a call from a Mrs. Dick. I had trouble not bursting out laughing throughout the call. I was still trying not to lose it when the next call came in: from a Mrs. Topliss. Lost it then. Thank $deity for the mute button! (ps. She sounded like a cranky old bat, so guys, get your minds out of the gutter for once!) -TechnoCat
  • VS: "KRAUSE!!" <I should post that in the trivia thread... what show, & what was her name, in real life?> -MadJack
  • Oh, and speaking of knees.... "You're a jerk, Dent. A complete kneebiter." <Can't believe no one used that yet...< -MadJack
  • The worst name I've seen isn't one I've actually had to enter to a database. How'd you like to live as "Anurag Dikshit", only without the wealth? -HidariMak
  • 42. Mysterious E-Mail
    Here you go gang, I get some dandys.

    I get a request from our help desk sotware from a user. Someone got into her e-mail. We are using Outlook and a third-party POP server with Webmail.
    I check out her machine and see that there is hardly any e-mail there. One of the few things in her e-mail is a request to her college for a password reset that she claims that she didn't make. I asked her who else had her account information. She said no one did. I checked on some message headers and determined that the message originated from her machine.

    "But I didn't do it. I was teaching a class at the time."

    These are the same people that "trust" students. I sent a nice e-mail to the principal and the Superentendant about properly securing her workstation. BAWWWHHAAAAA!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Heh, Lart those that deserve it. -ThreeBucks
  • Because it's so time-consuming to hit Windows key + L everytime you leave your desk. -thx1138
  • windows key + L doesn't do anything here, is it an XP thing? -NOFXfan
  • Windows Key + L only works in XP. Most schools can't afford that many copies of Xtortion Please. -ecoli
  • Anyone hear of prompt for password on screen savers? That's been around since Win98 I believe... -CivilWarTech
  • Further back CWT, think Windows 95. *shudder* I feel dirty now... -TheMage18
  • 43. Files? We don't got no stinkin files!
    Here's another one. I work with educated people. (Could be a story in itself, I guess)

    Anyway, I get a request to undelete something for someone. I ask what do they want recovered. (something that I can't find in the filesystem) I ask again. I get graduation I am now confused, because they wanted files back.
    My final e-mail with her states, "I'm not sure what I am asking for. I think it is a file with things inside of it."

    She didn't know the difference between files and folders, and she's a teacher!! AAARRRRRRGGGGGG!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • ouch. -Psudo
  • my job always makes me think of the line from something about mary. "I work with retards." -illiterate
  • uh- oh! 2 minutes 'til Wopner! -ThinTheHerd
  • See, there's the problem. "Educated people". Not "Smart People". I feel pity for you. -ecoli
  • A file with things inside it? Yeah, that's like the running Army joke "Hey, you in the green!", only less funny. (Not that the Army joke is a gut-buster.) -missourimule
  • 44. Um, like to make a karma request please.
    So anyway I have been plugging along at my current job getting paid less then the janitors and only as a temp. If anyone has any spare karma to lend me, I'd be most greatful. I got a call yesterday to meet my boss, the uberboss, and the middle boss in the uberbosses office on Monday at 0900. I hope it's the Promotion/hire that they have been hinting at...I know I haven't broken anything or BOFHd anyone lately....
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • The uber job is yours dude! -crazymactech
  • You don;t need the karma, you get a pat on the back! Been my experience that bosses never gather to fire, only to hire. (Hope this isn't 'cart before the horse' - congratz!) -Psudo36
  • I hope you get good news.... -Grue
  • ^And I hope it doesn't involve them saving money on their car insurance. :P -Bobsentme
  • Keepin the fingers crossed for ya - best of luck! -teivrann
  • karma candles loaded with tnt.all the best man -starfishmagnet
  • sending karmic rays over, and good luck -Jax
  • 45. PRONoMgr.exe
    You know that you have been a tech and visit this site too much when.....
    While cleaning a spyware-infested XP Pro laptop I am running through the startup list using Clean-my-pc Registry Cleaner and come up with "PRONoMgr.exe. I burst out laughing right there. My boss thought I had finally lost it. Turns out it is the Wireless control Program, but, someone must have gotten a kick out of naming it...
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Shhh... it's the super-secret porn manager! -Torinir
  • Pr0n-0-matic, the new time saving feature! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • You think that's bad? I thought it was an infection, and deleted it. Then I had to get the Intel PRO drivers with another computer, transfer to thumb drive, and reinstall on the machine I borked *head-desk* -Divinar
  • I find if in doubt, do a google search. -Wraith556
  • You mean win.com is not a poker game? -robbor
  • 46. Catch a cold?
    I wasn't present at this particular meeting, but my boss was. Our school uses "ITV" because the class sizes are small and they can be taught in multiple buildings. Some of the sites are seperated by a considerable distance. Anyway, one building got a fairly bad case of some kind of flu.
    This question was posed to my boss from several teachers, staff, and parents, "What do we have to do to keep the other kids from getting this cold, virus, whatever?"
    PEOPLE, the only Phyical connection between the buildings is the internet(T-1).
    This job never ceases to amaze me.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Sounds like SOMEBODY's never heard of computer viruses.. </judy patch> -illiterate
  • Simple solution - fit all monitors with gauze screen filters soaked in Lysol, make gauze masks for the mikes and spray the network hubs, switches and routers with disinfectant. That'll do it. <oh, shit...> -Gromit
  • sounds like they have the ID10T strain of teh Flu there -Jax
  • Kill all of the healthy students/staff. They will never get sick again. -Wolffarmer
  • No, don't kill them, just seal all air access into and out of their rooms, that's keep those nasty germs out! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Well shoot thats an easy one. you need a norton disk a mcafee disk and a firewall. First you line up the kids. then one by one you do the following. Smack em with norton, smack em with mcafee and then to prevent spreading you hit them over the head with the firewall. This will prevent any virus from spreading. -Blue3c
  • So, what kind of expensive preventative will you be selling them? -Geminii
  • 47. You Jerks!
    So my boss and I were going though the content filter logs at work (public HS). This system gives the users a chance to request access to sites that are blocked by clicking "request access" and leaving us a reason why.

    The site? NBA.com, for high bandwith and entertainment. The users request?
    "I need to get in to this site to do reseach and stuff, so LET ME IN YOU DUMB JERKS!!"

    Yeah sparky, I'll get right on that!

    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • And because of how NICELY you asked, now any page with N B or A in it will be blocked...Just for the hell of it. -Wolfie0827
  • ...or any site ending in .com... -RiffRaff
  • ...or with the word "ball" in it. -ShujinTribble
  • Think if he gets auto-redirected to CareerBuilder.com he'd get the hint? Naaaaah... -PTSTech
  • Teenagers. My [step]son's 14 and seems to think that if he doesn't get what he asks for that somehow copping an attitude will make me *more* likely to grant his request. Sheesh. -PaseoGuy
  • At work, we have almost every sport-related term blocked. Sounds like it's time to start monitoring 'non-work-related' usage from this guy... -Geminii
  • 48. Oh NO not my bank!
    So there I was, minding my own business at the bank, and I just happened to notice that at the teller window, on the back of the nice new FP monitor, was a sticker with a user name and password. Visible to anyone that goes to that window. This is just wrong. Do I tell someone about it?
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Only if you want your bank to stay in operation. -NightSteel
  • owie owie owie! -evolvedstarfish
  • you could tell me....<BFEG> -drachen
  • by all means tell somone! like US in fact.. all of us.. individually. along with the adress. -Harm
  • Tell 'em you can improve bank IT security for a farkin' HUGE consultancy fee. -lineswine
  • 49. Why Oh Why
    So there I was, minding my own business, quietly working on a new toy at the office-Scanjet 8290, when I am summoned to go to another building for an "emergency" Oh crap, what happened now, I thought. I jumped into my car and went to the problem site, quite a distance from the office.

    I get to the new building, and check at the office to see what the "crisis" is. Do you really want to know, dear readers? The secratary's Phone doesn't work because ITS NOT PLUGGED IN!!!!
    How in the blue blazes can you not notice that the 3"-by-4" display is blank and there is no cable running to it? btw, the cable was "next" to it, so maybe they thought it would get there by osmosis or something.

    Emergency my A$$ [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Look at the positive side. You get to take a nice drive on company time. you can charge them 40.1 cents per mile. And if it's the correct time of day you can stop for coffee/snack while out. -Starfury
  • <neeps> But the guy @ Worst Buy told me it was cordless! </neeps> -LinuXtreme
  • But was the secretary hot? -crazymactech
  • If the secretary is hot get her digits, if not just nail her in the head with phone for being stupid. -Liquidice
  • Damn you liquid you make me spit out my soda!!! -LowLevelFormat
  • Call over the secretary's boss and make the boss plug it in. Makes them both looks stupid and get annoyed at each other. Hopefully they'll remember that aggravation next time they decide to call you. -Geminii
  • take away the phone, 1) obviously too stoopid to use one 2) they cannot call you again :) 3) Profit.... -Jax
  • 50. Urban Myth confirmed!
    Well, you all have heard the Myth about CD's exploding in drives right?? Well, I got a call from a friend, and he said he put a cd in the drive, started installing a game, and then there was a loud popping sound. I told him I would check it out, and went over. He got scared and shut it off, so I preceeded to disassemble it. I got the drive out and opened it up. WOW, there were a lot of little pieces in there. I think the largest was the size of my pinki finger. What a mess.
    Anyway, I got it back together, and it plays and burns just fine. I thought the drive was toast, but it still worked. I told him he got lucky. He offered me a few bucks and a few beers, and I was on my way.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • yeah, that happened here, only it was our win2k server cd that shattered in the drive. oh the joy that followed trying to find another copy -razmann
  • It happens more than you think. It is usually because of an imbalance on the cd itself, and high speeds of 52x. Great fun! I actually had one customer who said that the computer jumped when it happened. -ShiftedBeef
  • I've had it happen as well, rocked a full height tower case and scared the bejebus out of me. Was far from quiet. -fearmyroot
  • I took two calls on it when I was a floor agent. Yup, it does happen. -Bynar
  • Had it happen here too. Wrecked the drive lens - was a good excuse to upgrade to a dvd writer. -pmillipede
  • Yep, this happened to me with a Win98 CD. The hub was cracked, probably from being inserted/removed from the jewel case. The G's in a 52x drive must have been too much. -CyBear
  • Not an Urban Myth - This happens a lot. I once worked for Plextor (CD Drive Manufacturer). They have all types of stories about CD drives and the CD's being ejected across the room, still spinning so fast when ejected they took off. -DesertDBA
  • Had it happen when I was burning a DVD. Think the disk may have been damaged. Exploded so well that it caused the drive door to open, and there were pieces of it everywhere, including in the tower. -ClueBat
  • They even had this on Mythbusters, what a great show! -TrainingGod
  • Someone here once posted a link showing what happens to CDs when they're put on a Dremel and spun at extremely high speeds. I don't have the link anymore, but it's probably in one of the past stories somewhere. -WhiteTiger
  • Somewhat related, my dad has an old CD player in his workshop that when it feels like it will put holes in CDs as it plays them. -Psion
  • I even have a scar on my hand by a piece of broken cd. It exploded in the drive, the drive opened and the pieces scattered all over the place, one of which nailed me on the hand! -AmdInside
  • yeah! What WhiteTiger said! If someone finds it can they *please* post the link? -ShiftedBeef
  • Yeah I had the CD flying out the drive happen to me. The CD was still in on piece and after I picked it up and put it back in the drive it was all fine. Scary though. -Nazreel
  • I've had them come out of the drive spinning too, but I've never had them shoot out, spin to oblivion, or make me think I was in danger. As for Plextor drives, the Hum of those babies coming up to full 52X speed is pretty cool to hear to me. Reminds me of my Room Defender. :) -MaskedMarauder
  • I swear I saw this myth substantiated on MythBuster show. Pretty cool what they did to make it shatter, just hoping I never have that problem! -redfaery
  • Is this the link people are looking for? http://gprime.net/video.php/dremelcd I saw it posted on OCForums awhile ago and remembered it...enjoy! -Dreamstalker
  • This is the page I remember as the first to show the joy that can be had: http://www.powerlabs.org/cdexplode.htm At least it doesn't need additional plugins. -DireFog
  • this is what happened to a cheap cd http://home.comcast.net/~s.cheshire/ -madonnac
  • I had a slim shady cd blow up inside a drive before. I cleaned the pieces out and blew the inner case and spindles clean, the drive still works like new but it cost me 17 bucks to replace the cd. -ciscoexpert99
  • Mental note: must move PC so the CD drive is not neck height! -LadySharky
  • 51. Only in a school
    So I'm doing some repair work in the school, and I come across a box fan on the floor. On it, written in black magic marker, is this: "This is NOT to leave the kitchen for NO reason!" Glad I didn't go to this school!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Double negative! Cool. -ShiftedBeef
  • Technically, that means the fan can leave the kitchen, IF there's a reason. It just can't be moved if there is no reason for it. -OgdenTechGuy
  • "Me fail English? That's unpossible!" //Ralph Wiggum -techofalltrades
  • Oh shifted i wanted to call double -ve on that one :( -Armakuni
  • Now y'all know we talk good English down here... My momma learned it to me when I was a young'un... -TechieSidhe
  • The question remains....did you find it in the kitchen? -Evilturnip
  • ..With Professor Plumb and a Candlestick Holder? -ShujinTribble
  • No how, no way, baby... Uh uh. Don't do it. -Mushroom
  • I went to a tag sale at a school and they were selling Lemon Aid. I didn't ask why the lemons needed help. -AllStationary
  • 52. I wanna be an admin!
    So anyway, I'm working on getting images set up for our next deployemt. One of the office workers comes in and tells us (my boss and I) that this one indivual in the office needs help with "the words being too small on the screen." They then leave. My boss sends me out to find out what the issue is (we both know it's display settings). I go out and check settings and the display is set at 1028x768, so I drop it down one click. Now she is soo happy that she can read the screen. I let my boss know what I did, and he says that she had said earlier that it would be soo much easier if she was "just an administrator" network wide. Hmmm, can't change the display, but wanna be an admin, hey? Pffft.
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Well, of course. Makes perfect sense. If she was administrator, she would be administrating and wouldn't need to actually USE the little words on the screen! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I wanna new AAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDMMMMMIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!(appologies to blindtech, and everyone else.) -drachen
  • You're in luck! We have an administrator position opening up on Baffin Island! -robbor
  • Just ttell em "You have to be this stupid just to be a user. You don't qualify for even that!" -ecoli
  • 53. WhooHooo
    Hey all. I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I have recently finished school, uuuhhgg. I have just started at a high school. Wish me luck!
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • Me luck! (sorry, was necessary) Good luck! -Grue
  • Last time I started at a high school, the authorities made me stop. :-P -Mushroom
  • Mush, I'd expect that sort of thing from burrkiss, but you? For shame! <bfeg> -missourimule
  • St.Olafs High School? <Runs away giggling> -lineswine
  • Nice mush, nice. :D -burrkiss
  • I know what its like to tech at a high school. It was bad enough as a student teching that crap and listening to all kinds of different crap from the students. The best line I can give you is this. "Ok you little ****. When your scraping by with 16,000 a year and eating bologna sandwiches, dont even twitch when I piss on you from my 4th floor condo with a view." -MaskedMarauder
  • um, who are you again? i swear, i've been here for two years and this is the first time hearing your name. but I guess.....we missed ya. -blindtech
  • 54. old computer
    Here I am again! I still live! Just posting on this old win3.11 Laptop(P75,8M ram, 545M HD). What are some of your oldest "internet" machines??
    [By: computerdoc]
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    Comments

  • A tandy 1000, 20 Mb hard drive and a blazing 256k of ram, a mouse works on word, and even then its a cursor mouse, no pointer. -tuswole1
  • aghhh the dead live!!!! Run the dead have risen to consume us all!!! -RandalGraves
  • I used to have an IBM Thinkpad 365XD-120 MHz Pentium, 48 megs of RAM, 1 GB HD. But I gave that to my sister when I bought its replacement, a P3-700 Thinkpad. -NightSteel
  • Macintosh Performa 405. 256 colors, 16MHz 68030 processor, 40MB hard drive. External 2400 bps modem. ca. 1994. Yesterday I found the 2X external CD-ROM drive and 500MB hard drive I bought. Smokin'! -Bioguy
  • I have an IBM selectric that I souped up with an 8080 processor and a 1400 baud modem. Sorry it's taking so long to post this. CPM rules baby! What's Windows? -mccallister
  • Panasonic - 8086 w/ 20 MB HDD. Big brick like track ball (also with cursor - not pointer). High tech 9600 bps modem. As I recall ran DOS 3.2. Still would have had that thing cept my damn brother donated it to something at his college. -Kormath
  • A few months ago I posted here from a 486 DX100 running DOS 7.1 that I labored long and hard to get on the LAN here, "just because." http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=36043 -RiffRaff
  • Like tuswole, I also have a tandy 1000 (running deskmate), but don't have a modem for it. The oldest internet machine I have is a 200mhz HP Vectra with 16megs of ram, running Redhat 7 in console mode. (It's too slow using gnome on it, though it is installed) I read TSC on it with lynx, and *never* run into page-width problems (the ones I sometimes see members complain about ;) ) -LinuXtreme
  • Yeah, Riff, you got me beat. I tried playing with the packet driver. I gave up and let windows do it. I BOW to you! -computerdoc
  • I've used a Toshiba 486/33 and an IBM ThinkPad 486-DX2/50 to get onto the internet before... if I get it working again, I might try that once more. Trumpet Winsock, woo-hoo! -chazz
  • I used to have an upgraded Amiga 500 (with 2MB of RAM and a 10MB HDD) until a few months ago, when my monitor suddenly died. I was thinking of doing the long hunt for a source of spare 1084S parts, but when I realized that I already had two fallback computers which worked better than the Amiga, that was it. -HidariMak
  • A Mac Classic. Only works with dial-up, though, so I haven't gone online with it since I got DSL. And I haven't used it at all since I took it apart. -thx1138
  • I think mine was a 486 running win 3.11 with 8mb ram and 424mb hd, 1200 baud mdm. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • 55. Foot Pedal
    Hey! I've been lurking in the background after my center closed. Now I'm back doing support for a medical facility. Yey! I had a call that a users "foot pedal" wasn't working. I went to the office in question, and, low and behold, there was a foot pedal. She was a Transcriptioninst. I cleaned the switches and it was good.
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I have a problem with my foot pedals all the time. The one on the right just wants to go all the way to the floor. -scooby111
  • I get stuck behind people with footpedal problems all the time. They seem to forget that it's the one on the right to make it go. -Captain Trips
  • Hey - thanks! I'd forgotten about a hardware hack I did years ago. I rewired a phone to use a set of Diebold pedals for call-control. Had to patch into the control-pad membrane...complete pain to do, but it worked fine. Fun times from back before CTI existed. -Grue
  • 56. Bonzi Buddy
    So there I was, reading TSC like a good tech, when I got this call. Me: regular ISP crap. Cust: I can't get on the internet. So we go through the usual crap for DSL, and find it's a connect no browse. I ask her when she last got on the internet, and she said her friend had her download this purple monkey. I thought, GREAT, support boundry!!!! Told the Luser that we don't support that, and she still said her DSL didn't work. I'm like, thinking, no crap for loading that sh#@. So I tell her to use dialup to go to the crappy web site to find out how to get it of(bonzi likes dialup). She gets pissed and, of course, manager call. So I get her a manager(love to hear managers STILL tell them we can't help them), and she Hangs up. Lusers. Go figure!2002-01-10
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I hate that little purple critter of a monkey. I get so many calls working for the computer company where now "Just Do It " is the logo.. lol.. anyways get tons of calls where they uninstalled bonzai buddy but yet there windows is now completely hosed *walks off grumbling about that stupd purple critter* -ladylove100
  • Gotta love Spy wares -Dragondaemon
  • 57. winsock makes computer go faster
    Me: Isp stuff Cust: cannot get online, software connects AOHELL doesn't work. Me: could be AOHELL. Cust: it was working yesterday. Me: great. We do some T/S, computer seems fine. Me: Try to connect to AOHELL. Cust: <regular AOHELL stuff> No tcp/ip, she hadn't seen that before. Me: Nuke and Pave. Nada. Me: When did it stop working. Cust: son couldn't get in earier. Me: What did he change. Cust: <questions son> I hear WINSOCK. Me: did I hear winsock? Put him on. Cust's son: Napster said that this would it faster. Me: <broadband connection HELLO?> Fine, where's 95's OS CD Cust: oh we don't have that. Me: get it and call us back. Cust: "scott, you are in DEEP SHIT" 2001-10-09
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    58. Lightning
    You're going to love this! I get the call from hell. Luser's e-mail doesnt work. Me trying to find out what OS and Mail program. I have to meantion that when BIG T-storms come though, sometimes lighting knocks all the calls out for all of us. I'm plugging along with her, and I hear crackles. I warn her that the weather is bad here, and we might get dis.....Opps! Gotta love nature!2001-09-25
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    59. E-mail, what is it with e-mail?
    You know, e-mail is great, don't get me wrong. But some people... ME: <speal for ISP> Cust: My e-mail isn't working, and hasn't been for two whole days, and I've talked to YOU PEOPLE 3 times now(like it matters to me). ME: How's your connection right now? Are you surfing? Cust: On right now, but no e-mail. ME: What error message are you getting? Cust: 2001-08-10
    [By: computerdoc]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • The error was...? -Mushroom
  • If your story got cut off because of the double quote bug, just e-mail me the complete story and I will fix it. Thanks -Hawk
  • Customer Misconceptions


    1. Just because I work on computers for work means I want to answer all your personal computer questions. [2008-04-03]

    2. When I am hard at work, empty coffee cup, and a small graveyard of hard drives around me, I'm going to jump up because "your internet doesn't woooorrrrrrkkkk". STFU and DIE!!! [2006-01-20]

    3. Asking for a supervisior after my opening speech really wants me to help you after the supe "explains" that I(the tech) can help the customer. [2002-04-02]

    4. We care. [2002-01-05]

    5. we can help you configure your router hooked up to your laptop in your car on the way home.(I know that this sounds made-up, but "never underestimate Lusers") [2001-10-09]

    6. everybody uses AOL and every isp should give full support to it. [2001-08-12]

    7. That when I ask you what OS you are running and I have to say [2001-08-10]

    8. Also not knowing and telling me 2000, and when I have you do a [2001-08-10]

    Tech Rules


    Customer Types
    Co-Worker Types
    Customer E-mails
    EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
    1. ME-POTD: "I'm playing with UNDI's!" I'm trying to get a lappy to PXE boot to Ghost, and having a FUN time! <NOT> [2009-05-08]

    2. CWPOTD, said by a female co-worker after all day of a military training exercise: "I'm sweating my ball off here!" [2008-08-01]

    3. Kid-POTD: "Look, they have Strawberry Skin Pie." It was printed Silk. Was printed on the Specials Board of local resturant. [2008-02-10]

    4. Me-POTD "A Crackrock smoking monkey high on PCP must have wrote this software" - Referring to the backup software we use. [2007-11-09]

    5. Kid-POTD-(while at Target): "When is your mediscrpition going to be ready?" [2007-04-17]

    6. Bob Ross POTD /moment of silence for Bob. "There, we just performed a little Cabin-dectomy." I miss Bob. [2006-11-25]

    7. More of a co-worker Phrase of the day(We use remote desktop software): "I'll just remote into her box" ...Paging Burkiss [2006-05-16]

    8. Another one from my little "nerfherders" (sorry Leia). We had a power outage today, and some computers went out and some stayed on. One said, "mine stayed on, but now I can't print". It was flippin laptop. [2006-03-08]

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