Tech Stories

1. Sigh My wife works tech support, like I did many a moon ago. She’s pretty good, and since we’re both technically inclined, we delight in learning new things previously unaware to us. Enter my wife’s friend who started working at the same center where my wife is employed a few weeks before my better two thirds got hired there. They’ve both been there for over three years. As I mentioned before, my wife has always liked to learn new stuff: why’s she’s doing a certain procedure, what happens to the PC’s network connection when she goes through the settings, etc… Her friend, however, is a script monkey. For the purpose of this little story, let’s call her Wanda. So a group of us were having supper last Saturday. All of us are pretty well versed technically, so one of our new acquaintances, Mike, starts talking to Wanda about one of his prior jobs. He explained how he worked at Intel for a few years. Wanda looked a bit lost for a second and asked ‘What’s that?’ It’s a good thing I was sitting at the other end of the table, since she didn’t seem to hear the sound of my jaw hitting the wooden floor. Mike just looks at her with a sideways glance for a moment: ‘What do you mean?’ Wanda continues ‘What’s Intel?’ Now, keep in mind that this person has worked tech support for over three years. My wife and I look at each other in disbelief. ‘You know, they make computer chips. Pentiums processors and such?’ says Mike. ‘Oh, okay’ says Wanda, quite oblivious to the stares digging into her. After the subject of conversation moved on, I was still flabbergasted by how she didn’t know what Intel was!?!?!?! Here’s someone that’s supposed to help other people with their PC connectivity issues, and she didn’t even know what Intel was??? *Sigh*… [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story Comments thus proving AMD RULZ!!! <runs like hell for shelter> -Harm "better two thirds" --> Suck up. :) -scooby111 Hardware knowledge? We don't need no stinking hardware knowledge! ;) -snowcrash The name is truly appropriate for the "friend". Perhaps she is "A (star)Fish Called..." <ducks LART> -virtualchoirboy First rule of marriage: always suck up. ;-) -dhaelis Well, I would give her ½ a break if she is ISP support. As long as she knows enought to do her job, but if she is OEM, then she deserves a full blown lart. -jard Are all you woves out there paying attention to that first rule of marriage? -Mathias Wives. I mean wives. *Stares at the bandage on finger* -Mathias

2. Personal Designations (part 1) I read a story in the archives that reminded me of an experience I had when working tech support. I expect certain things to cause problems for starfish computer users: knowing exactly what operating system they have, remembering their username and passwords, knowing the difference between a computer tower and a hard-disk. But certain things come as a surprise, even though deep down inside, I know they shouldn't. Witness a call I once received from a co-workers perspective (let's call him Randy). Randy was sitting at his PC, quietly sipping on coffee and browsing the web when I got a call. When it works like it should, our systems auto populates the screen with all the customers' important information, like it did on this call, so of course Randy heard me go through the opening spiel like we normally do so many times a day. [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story

3. Personal Designations (part 2) "Alright sir, can I get your name?" Common enough procedure, since we always like to ensure that we're speaking with the account holder. A few seconds pass. "Nope, not your username sir, I just need you name" Again, a few moment of silence. "Actually, no, I've got your phone number, I just need you name." At this point, Randy looks up from his screen with a slight smirk on his face. "Nope, I don't need your password, I'm just looking for your name". Silence. "Nope, not your email, just your name." At this point, Randy starts giggling as I turn with a stunned look at my face to look over at him. I slowly rub my forehead while saying "No no sir, I just need your name, not your payment information." Randy is silently laughing up a storm by now, while I'm just shaking my head in disbelief. "Actually, I don't need to know just yet what version of Windows you have, I just need your name." Silence... then "John Starfish? Excellent, how can I help you?" I say, while nodding my head back and forth. After that, the call proceeded normally, even though I was a little shell-shocked. Mind you, the introduction kept Randy laughing for a few good minutes after. If someone would've told me this story, I would've had a hard time believing them. But the fact is, my co-worker was sitting right there the whole time and he actually got more of a kick relating this experience to people than I did. It took a good, solid 40 seconds to a minute to extract the starfish's actual first and last name. After this call, nothing really surprised me much. [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story Comments Lets try this sir. You're on first base and I'm the catcher. There's a heavy hitter at bat. Now, the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I want to throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball, and throw it to who? -scooby111 SF answer: 'Yes'. -dhaelis Me. (Remember, starfish watch a LOT of sports, so this one oughtta go in.) -Calydor Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third... </Abbott and Costello> -ecoli "Allow myself to introduce . . . myself" <Austin Powers> -BritishBunny "That's easy for you to say...you have a script." <Nick Danger 3rd. Eye> -Rabbitt Rabbitt, you look radiant in your flimsy bernoose! -Tekkie Naturally. -Splunge Thanks Tekkie. Don't worry, I'll beat that eagle off of you and give mouth to mouth.:-) -Rabbitt I get that all the time. "Okay it says diaplay name ... put your real name in here... um... yeah... it's your name as it appears on your drivers lisence or birth certificate. -Phssstpok "So I pick up the ball and throw it to naturally?" "You do nothing of the kind, you throw it to who." "Naturally?" "Naturally." -Captain Trips

4. Nasty Username, I say... I remember this sweet old lady calling in one time; she was having problems with her password. So of course, I’d have to go through all the security info with her before I can reset her password. I asked her for her user name and she said it as follows “luv nana l”. Once you put the whole thing together in typical username format without any spaces though, it looked a little more… um… nasty. The nice lady was completely oblivious to that, and I didn’t want to mention it to her, but needless to say, I and a few other co-workers had a good laugh at the unfortunate mix of letters! [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story Comments That is totally nasty... good thing I'm becoming very good at making saving throws against visualizations *grin* -teivrann Gee thanks i didn't have a visual until you went and metioned it. Now I have to go stick something sharp into my brain. -Hellion I had to write that out... that's how innocent my mind was!!! "Oh, my freakin' ears" </simpsons> -Zentar not as sweet as the user at my former place of employment with the uid of sassy_69er - you could actually hear her blush every time we asked for her username :P -Mephiston That's just...WRONG...for soo many reasons! *ROFL* -Cronoz Euuuugh, just Euuuugh! -lineswine "You know, that Brenda Utthead is a total pain about our username format of first initial - first seven of last name. I have no idea why." -ralphp1024 ummm, What was her 'backdoor' password? -Answerboy

5. I love sewing! This sweet old lady once called in and, according to her, her foot pedal wasn’t working very well. “Foot pedal?” I thought. “What in the world is she referring to?” After some questioning, it turns out that this lady had her mouse on the floor and was using her foot to operate it. “How long have you been using your mouse like that?” I ask. “Oh, a few months” she responds. After speaking with her a bit longer, I found out that she had been a seamstress for almost 50 years, so the mouse really looked like a sewing machine’s foot pedal to her. She found that using the mouse her hand was much easier. “You must think I’m silly,” she said. She was a real sweetheart about everything, and thanked me left and right for my time and patience. Yes, she was a SF, but she was quite the sweet SF. [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story Comments This one is as old as dirt. If it was for real, I'll get down and roll in the mud! -CyBear Urban Legend. BUT,. I actually, myself, personally, had a woman bring me a computer to look at that had a CDROM rattling around in the 5.25 floppy drive. -FredKlein We have heard this one a thousand times, but I DID have somebody put a mini cd in a floppy drive. You know, the ones that are squred on two edges. -jard A lot of legends have a small basis in fact. I have no doubt that this actually happened a long time ago when computer mice were new to the scene. At any rate, this kind of story should be buried deep in the archives of tech support-dom and left to rot there. -RiffRaff For a moment there I thought I'd brought up techtales for a sec... <shudder> -soccerdude I've done the digging a mini-CD out of a floppy drive before, but have never had to deal with cup holders or foot peddles... -garwain Looks like someone's new to the game :) -Hellion In my last gig I was always getting people calling up because their footpedal wasn't working... http://tinyurl.com/2k39b -psychotech The HeathKit I had years ago had too much of an open space between the 2 floppy drives. Hadta open it up to get the floppy out 2 or 3 times a month. Too long ago for CDs. -satanstech

6. You're the piano-man! (Part 2) --Tech: “You need a computer to get online, sir.” --SF: [voice getting louder] “That’s why I called earlier to find out what I needed, you moron. Now get me on the internet.” --Tech: “Do you actually have a computer sir?” --SF: [very loud now] “What the f*** to do you mean? I’ve got this metal box, a f***in’ TV and a f***in’ piano. Not get me on the goddamned internet!!!!!!” --Tech: [containing laughter] “Sir, that’s not a computer.” At this point, the customer completely lost it and started insulting the tech and demanding for a supervisor. The tech was more than happy to oblige, and as soon as he got a supervisor, the tech gave him a laughing rundown of what was going on. The supervisor also had a good giggle at this. Needless to say, the customer didn’t get online with his equipment. [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story Comments But you can play music on a computer, and you can watch TV on a computer. Don't know about the metal box though. Maybe we can put the starfish in a metal box and wire it up to the UPS. -TechnoVampire too bad they didn't tell him he needed a NEW MOUUUUUUUUSE(!!) too..... *equips goalie pads and prepares to fight off LARTs* -leonine Fires off one helacious slapshot from the blue line at Leonine. PS. GO TAMPA GO -Dangermouse gotta love the mentally challanged, yet abuse personality. "I dont have a clue, but FU#K YOU" Those people make me twitch next to the release button. -burrkiss I want a NEWWWWW METALLLLLLL BOX NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW -Bunglehawk069 This is really kind of sad... i imagine this person actually is mentally handicapped (no sarcasm) in some way. -QuinTech *blink* -scooby111 what he was missing was a spider and a surf board, couple that with a tv, a metal box and a keyboard (mouse is optional, and a hampster will probably suffice) and bobs yer uncle, he can "surf" the "web". The spider might not be too happy tho... -BoxOfFrogs WTF??? -Hellion I definately wouldn't rule out mentally handicapped, but my first guess would be senior citizen. Maybe they saw a WebTV commercial and confused that little metal box for their DirecTV box or something. :-o -PCChris

7. You're the piano-man! (Part 1) Long time reader, first time poster. So, hello! I, like many people here, used to work in a tech support center. I was under contract for a one of the big Canadian ISP’s (I won’t tell you which one, but it rhymes with ‘pimpatico’). Anyway, I’ve got a nice little reserve of memories and stories so let me share one that sticks out in my mind. This didn’t happen to me, but I used to have a recording of this call (it was in French, so I’ll do my best to translate from memory). It was absolutely insane, and if I hadn’t heard it first hand, I would’ve had a hard time believing. I suppose it was just the luck of the draw that QA actually recorded it. This ‘gentleman’ (and I use the term loosely) must have called earlier at some point to inquire on what he needed to get on the net. Keep that in mind as you read… --Tech: “Thank you for Pimpatico, blah blah blah…” --SF: “Yeah, I’ve got a metal box, a TV, and a keyboard. How do I get on the internet?” --Tech: “Um, you mean a computer, right?” --SF: “Yeah, I called earlier and asked what I needed to get on the internet. So I’ve got a metal box, a keyboard and a TV.” --Tech: “Uh, sir, I’m not sure I follow you.” --SF: [getting a little aggravated] “I went to the store and bought a sheet metal box, a TV, and an electric piano. Now how do I plug that to the internet?” At this point, the tech probably figures that the customer called to obtain the requirements to get on the net earlier. Not being the brightest bulb in the box, someone probably had to explain what a PC tower looks like (a metal box), what a monitor looks like (a TV). He probably figured the ‘keyboard’ part by himself though. [By: dhaelis] Comment on Story

Customer Misconceptions