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Here is all the content that jwinc7 has contributed to Tech Support Comedy.

Tech Stories

1. failed to meet quality standards
[By: jwinc7]
Comment on Story


  • Not quite safe for work -compbrat
  • dick. broke. fix. -vacuumtubes
  • dick. broke. fix. mountain. -Tekkie
  • Phttt. Didn't even have the balls to ask for an upgrade to a bigger better model. < LART Shelter! GO! > -Necros
  • What? Doesn't he know how to use his tongue? -billybien
  • Epic Fail! -unrenowned
  • her: I want some sex, and I want it snappy! *sex sex sex* SNAP! -Mushroom
  • I WANT A NEW MOOOOUUUSSSSEEE!!! [it had to be said] -Mushroom
  • 2. reboot
    The tech in charge of our equipment purchases is upgrading the video cards for our tech support people. This means we now get dual monitors. When he comes to upgrade mine, he replaces the video card and turns it on and installs the drivers. For some reason after he messes with the video setting, he cannot get the view to stretch across both screens, the screens are mirrored. I sugested that he reboot after installing the drivers, but he insists that it does not need a reboot, and plays around with it for about 45 minutes while I use a pc at a coworkers (who is not there that day) desk to do work. The guy finally gives up fustrated that he can't get it to work and says it must be bad drivers or a bad video card and he would look at it later and then leaves. I simply reboot the box and wonder of wonders it works just fine. If all else fails, listen to simple suggestions from fellow techs.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • You might have phrased the suggestion in a manner that REQUIRED him to insist that rebooting wasn't required. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • When he comes back and asks how you fixed it, just say "It worked fine once I rebooted the computer." and leave it at that. Let HIM cook and eat the crow, even if it's silently! -Grue
  • Unless, of course, he comes back when you're not there and decides to take credit for it. -CallmeBob
  • Email to him... "You don't need to come back. I rebooted (as I indicated to you earlier), and all functions work correctly. Thanks for your help." Gives you date and time, and he eats a little crow. -srteach
  • 3. he broke my babelfish translator
    Sorry for lack of formating, no money = no star. I have recently installed a new server and have asked users to start using it as the old one will be shut down soon. One particular user had trouble getting to the server while all others are able to, I ask him to have his on site computer person (CSA) check his proxy settings and this is the email I get back from him: "After a short struggle, our CSA added one click to some pages full of clicks, fixed my access problem. Tell me when to start using the new server Thanks" I did not understand what he said, but as I have clearly stated to all users, the old server will be turned off mid February. Maybe he should start using the new server next year?
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Substitute the word "link" for "click" and then re-read the description. -Fuji
  • Time to access the Fucknugget to Esperanto Dictionary.... -vacuumtubes
  • Or instead of click, check box. -evolvedstarfish
  • oooh this is fun, and how about dicks, instead of clicks... -drachen
  • Use the new server when you run out of old server. Glad to hear you have a spare box of clicks, gotta collect 'em all! -Mushroom
  • 4. technology cleaning the gene pool
    Are cell phones really that important? Some people think so. I would seem that some electronic devices are so important that the gene pool is going to get a bit of cleaning.,2933,278775,00.html

    I didn't want to bump the link of the day.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • But it's such a slooooooow process. *sigh* -ManyHats
  • The sad part is....the phone wont work after the fall in the water.... -tixarah
  • "The man weighed more that 300 pounds and was wedged with his head and shoulders underwater in a vertical storm drain in front of his home, said police Lt. Tim Eirich." I'm pretty sure there was a donut attached to his phone, THAT is why he was so desperate to retrieve it! -lineswine
  • You know, most of my users have either blackberries or there's a pool down the street....brb, gotta run a test on Darwinism in the workforce... -EtherRabbit
  • Happens every so often... this is the second case of this I've heard of. The first one hit the DarwinAwards site about three hundred times about two years ago... -chazz
  • Sewercide. -vacuumtubes
  • lineswine - if there was a donut attached he would never have gotten stuck. The cops would have pulled him out of the way to save the donut. -Ramblin
  • LMAO @ vacuumtubes!! -Tekkie
  • And on a lighter side.... -redevil34
  • <disgusting ring tone> hello? greetings from nigeria, trusted friend! 40% of 1 billion donuts can be yours if you follow these discreet instructions! -stiffarm
  • 5. Who did? pt2
    [me] "thinking I only gave my last name and she probably wasn't listening anyways" There are a couple [last name] here, who sent you the email?
    [sf] you did
    [me] whose name is on the email?
    [sf] you sent it
    [me] read who the email is from and tell me the first name of the person who sent it to you
    [sf] (bob)
    [me] "knowing who this person is and knowing his last name is completely different from mine" that person works on the help desk, not messaging, their number is xxxx. They probably sent you the email by mistake.
    [sf] but you sent this email
    [me] no ma'am, my name is not (bob), that is a person on the help desk.
    [sf] oh, ok, thanks for your help.

    (bob) use to work in my shop, but upper management thought it wise to move people around for experience. (Bob) may still have this shops phone number associated with his global email address properties. I can understand [sf] calling this number, but automatically assuming whoever answers the phone is (bob) is fishiness.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Forgot to mention, if a user doesn't know what NetC is, then they haven't submitted a request to get an account, and they don't need an account on NetC. This is why I automatically assumed the email had been sent to the wrong person. -jwinc7
  • Kudos for posting in reverse order so that we can read then in order. -Stryker One
  • If I tried to associate any kind of sense with the starfish, I'd ask her why she is reading her coworker's email in the first place... -evolvedstarfish
  • "Third Base!" -Divinar
  • 6. Who did? pt 1
    The help desk creates and administrates accounts on [net-A], [net-B], and [net-C]. My shop has nothing to do with these accounts. My shop administrates messaging servers and user accounts of said messaging server that resides on [net-C].

    Female Starfish calls:
    [me] Messaging service jwinc7 (last name only) speaking
    [sf] Umm, yeah, this is Starfish from [big Air Force Base], you sent my coworker an email about a n - e - t - c account
    [me] NetC account?
    [sf] n - e - t - c account
    [me] yes ma'am, a NetC account
    [sf] yeah, I don't know what that is
    [me] Ok, there are probably a few people with your last name on [big base], and someone at the help desk who created the account probably sent the message to the wrong person by mistake. Who sent you this email?
    [sf] You did
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story

    7. picky
    Didn't want to bump the link,
    "It's something that is borderline creepy," Pranger said to KATU."
    It's called getting service where you can, if you have a problem with it, secure your freaking network.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Interesting. The law is roped into use in lieu of technical proficiency. -namor
  • "...has been used in the past to prosecute hackers who have accessed a computer or network without paying for it." connecting to an open network is now 'hacking'?! WTF?! -DedSysOp
  • Read an article once where the author had been surfing the web, when his six year old daughter wandered up to him, dragging most of his router and modem behind her. His first thought (being a true techie) was "Why didn't I notice the connection drop?". Turned out that his laptop had seamlessly switched over to his neighbour's unsecured access point without him noticing. -Diptera
  • 8. not bumping the link
    I didn't want to bump the link.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Is it work safe? What is it? <paranoid shifty eyed tech who hasn't had enough caffiene!> -MaskedMarauder
  • it is work safe, possible pop-up for IE users -jwinc7
  • I'd love to have that shirt for the lan party this weekend. Yes, it's SFW. -docbrown01
  • LOL! That's great! -sassicatz
  • OHHHHH i want one. Perhaps FearmyRoot shoudl pick one up as well? -Harm
  • 9. cool letter
    I didn't want to bump the link of the day
    some of us wish we could write something like this....
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • I meant to save this one last time I saw it. Thanks! *yoink* -teivrann
  • Wait a minute, blackmailing him for a recommendation? I'm sure the BOFH handbook has a scale for this sort of thing, a simple recommendation is like handing out a bandaid before excision. It isn't even summed with the other items one demands from the victim, sort of a 'freebie' in other words. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • WTF? He deserves to be smacked. You never blackmail someone in WRITING.... -scooby111
  • Verrry good point! Perhaps this is really just the 'leader' that establishes a) the fact that 'all is known' and b) there IS a cost. So basically this is a 'quiet alarm' that wakes the victim without providing evidence against the BOFH. Ah So Deska! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • ...or something that is debunked on Very entertaining, though..haven't we all thought about this when being dressed down by a mental midget who still thinks computers run by magic, yet earns 3x as much as we do. -Avalon68
  • This falls under my personal rule of "Let me be and I won't turn you into a bloody grease stain on the bottom of my shoe." -TheMage18
  • I'm gettin a 'fight club' wibe from that letter. -Bilkor
  • I'm gettin a 'fight club' wibe from that letter. -Bilkor
  • grahhhh! I hate my double posts -Bilkor
  • Ah yeah, i first saw that letter on A quick look at google shows about 1,800 hits. That is not the kind of publicity you want to get on a blackmail letter. -iksobert
  • 10. I can be such an ID10T sometimes
    Something stupid I did this past weekend...

    My pc is running abnormally slow, even though it has been scanned using a few different adware/spyware/ removers and antivirus programs, and has been doing so for a while. I decide that it is time for a re-install since it has been a couple years.

    My pc has a 250gb hard drive that has 4 partitions. It has been so long since I have messed with the different partitions that I have forgotten which ones are on this particular drive and I didn't check drive management. I know that my biggest partitions, X,Y,Z, are on the 250gb, and I figure my C drive is on my 60gb. I bet you can see where this is going....

    Like a good tech, I make a backup of my C drive before I try to re-image it and put it on my Y drive, then proceed to re-install. I put the OS disk in and boot-up, tell it new install, but the partitions don't match up. It shows my 60gb drive in 2 partitions and a 128gb drive... Ok, I haven't wiped anything yet, so I'll just reboot back into the OS and take a look at the drive management. The system hangs and does not go any further than the POST. I look in the BIOS and the drive that is suppose to be where my C drive is, is showing as unknown device. This is when I realize that my C drive is on my 250gb drive and I backed up my C drive to the same drive.

    I slave the drive out to another pc and it is still not recognized, it has crashed. I try to load backups from over a year ago onto another hard drive only to find that the backups are corrupted.

    This past weekend was not one of my best moments in life.....
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • I feel your pain I had a hardware raid controller fail on a raid 0, never got it back. -NOFXfan
  • Blotto. Ouch. -vacuumtubes
  • I learned the hard way too, this is why i do not work on computers afte 9 pm. backup'd data via zip to the drive, then proceeded to FFR the drive. DUH. Had the important stuff on floppys, but took forever!! -beatmewithstick
  • ack... that suxors -drachen
  • arg - OnTrack will get the data back! -Harm
  • but will OnTrack get the data back from a drive that the BIOS won't even recognize???? -jwinc7
  • But why is the drive not being recognized? If you didn't wipe it, and didnt' move the partitions, it should be seen by the BIOS even if it takes slaving it. Or is it the drive decided to FUBAR itself and take you with it at that moment? My deepest sympaties; I can imagine your pain. -TheGhost
  • even if I did wipe it and left it with no partitions, the BIOS still recognizes the hard drive and will say it's capacity, both my PC's BIOS are showing it as an unknown device no matter what configuration (master/slave/cable select) I put it in. The drive is fubared. I'm still kicking myself for not backing up to cds/dvds -jwinc7
  • Every once in a while it's the cable. Either 1) crimped and the insulation 'flowed' allowing a short or 2) a wire simply not making contact with the socket or the socket not touching the pin or 3) actually slipped off! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Something similar happened to me. The partition had "disappeared." Slaved it and was seen as a drive but "inaccessiable." Found this great program getbackdata from It ran for 46 hours and 23 min to recover a 120gig hard drive. When it finished, had a nice GUI interface, directory structure intact and got back all my stuff. Give it a try. -willow
  • thanks Willow, I was going to try a similar program next payday, I'll try that one... -jwinc7
  • 11. *POP* goes the weasel
    I got me a fat butt!! I just renewed my star. Anyways, on to the story... This is an older story from when I first started working at this place. The crew I was on was working an evening shift that was turning out to be really boring and there wasn't much on tv. This particular night happened to be a time chosen by some electricians to work on some of our power. We have several redundant UPS and power conditioners to avoid any spikes or other power trouble as our building is often hit by lightening. I was standing around the help desk bored and pacing the floor with the other crew members surfing the net at their desks when we hear several popping noises throught the room. I looked at the person in charge of the crew and asked her if she heard the noises. "oh that's just the electricans working on the power" she said. "uh, I don't think those noises are *pop* suppose to be happening" I replied *pop* *pop* "oh, they'll take care of it, nothing to worry about" she says A few minutes later I smell something burning. "do you smell something burning?" I asked the shift sup. "no, you must be smelling things" she says a bit arrogantly. I come back at her with "Come over here and smell" she walks over "oh yeah, I smell it now" she says as she goes to inform the electricians. The electricians come to check things out and open up a power supply on one of our computers. The thing is black inside and gives off a pungent burnt smell. It turns out that one of the electricians in training had crossed wires. I think the polarity was reversed (I'm not an electrician, maybe someone can clarify what could have caused this). It ends up that 34 power supplies were utterly ruined that night.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Hot / Neutral reversed should not cause that sort of problem... computer PSUs are supposed to run on euro power. If you're USAF, you could be in Europe, though... and I have seen computer and printer PSUs eaten by swapped power / neutral in Germany. Swapped power / ground can cause major failures... -chazz
  • I'm in the states, I don't know what wires were crossed, I just know the young electrician in training got something backwards. She had 3-4 people with her that were training her and had overlooked what she had done, they checked it out and told us something was backwards, just don't remember what it was. -jwinc7
  • Sounds like a neutral was mixed up with a phase. 208V is the voltage between phases of a 3-phase "Y" circuit that is 120V from neutral to any hot. That might have been enough to fry the power supplies. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I had one where the hot went to neutral, neutral to ground, ground to hot. People look at you funny when you tell them you almost blew yourself up with a webserver. -teivrann
  • I remember years ago when I was hooking up an AT powersupply to the motherboard... I had inadvertently plugged the leads into the motherboard incorrectly (remember to keep the black wires next to each other) Well.. when I plugged it in and turned on the machine the power cable looked just like a fuse with nice little flame tracing all the way up to the PS... -kryliss
  • 12. no info needed
    (L)user's supervisor calls for help and I pick up the phone: <me> (shop name) jwinc7 speaking <ls>I have a user having a problem with (message software) <me> What kind of problem are they having? <ls> in (xyz dop box) they only get 2 choices <me> what 2 choices are they getting? <ls> I don't know, let me check *click* <Mr. Dialtone> bzzzz I go about my business and 5 min later get a call from ls, I happen to get the phone again... <ls>yeah, I called you earlier about a user having problems with (message software) (xyz drop box) <me> Yes ma'am, what choices was he getting? <ls> they're getting "select" (the default telling users to choose something) and XXXX(default to send to admin account, not to be used) <me> yes, they should have other choices, what server is he logging into? (we give this info to all users when the accounts are created) <ls> hold on let me check *hold music* (2 min later)<ls> he's going to h-t-t-p-:-/-/ *servername* / ...... <me intterupting her> that's the server name, what's the user's loggin id? <ls> I'm not sure, hold on (before I can say anthing like "let me speak to the user" I hear hold music again) (2 min later) <ls> it's *username* ( I check it out)<me> yes, there is some info missing from his profile, I need to know *info* <ls> can I let you talk to him? <me> Yes, that would be better so I can get all his info. What could have taken about 2 min to fix ended up taking about half an hour because (L)user didn't want to talk to techies directly. I have better things to do than to waste my time on hold, things like playing Ogame.....
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • Classic 'relay' with its attendant delays, distortion, disruption and finally, disgust! Thank GOD for remote control. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Why think when you can be a courier of messages? -seventh
  • Yet another manager... I've seen too many of them around lately... -TheGhost
  • 13. cable call
    Sorry for the formatting, I haven't renewed my star yet. I recently decided to downgrade my cable service trying to cut back on spending money. I am getting rid of the DVR box and getting a cable card in my TV. This past Saturday, I had a couple techs come to my house to instal the card only to find out that my tv needed a software update to be compatible with the card. So I get the software in the mail yesterday and updated the tv and call the cable company back. I get transferred to tech support and get what is apparently a lvl 1 starfish tech (no offense to the lvl 1 techs who know what they are doing). I tell her about my situation and that the previous techs needed the card's mac address in order to activate it. She asks what it is and I tell her, zero zero...... (did not say "oh", said "zero"). When done reading it out, she asks "are those the number zeros or letter zeros?" First of all, zero is not a letter, second, MAC addresses are written in hexidecimal wich only include letters A-F, techs should know this. She then tells me that she does not know what to do with this and she would have to send an email to her sup and call me back... tech support does not know what to do with a MAC address?? She calls be back 20 min later and tells me a tech would have to come out and set it up and she has made me an appointment for Fri afternoon between 12-4. I normally work Mon-Fri 7am - 4:30 pm and I told her so. She did not even ask me what would be a good time for me. Luckily I had already taken Fri off for other things. It's "techs" like this that give other techs a bad rep.
    [By: jwinc7]
    Comment on Story


  • "I see you drew an eye" "Eye is a letter!" "Are you English, or retarted?" </SNL Celebrity Jeoparty> -paul
  • I hope you're reading this Charlton Heston!. How stupid do you feel now for turning down my "Planet of the Script-Monkeys" screenplay?. -Digital Dogcow
  • At least they didn't mess up to the point where the mailing department though a tech was delivering your cable modem, and the tech department thought it was being mailed... -garwain
  • ROFLMAO @ DD! -Tekkie
  • Let's hope you don't have a Sony Wega or a Mitsubishi TV .. cable cards don't like them .. long story but all the testing for cable card technology is currently done by the manufacturers themselves with their own standards which don't quite match cable company standards. I'll wait till they iron it all out and get bi-directional cards. -seventh
  • "Re-tar*t*ed?" Is that like a recycled prostitute? -missourimule
  • Most cable companies call it level 1, but they aren't techs, they're "technical dispatchers". Note the DISPATCHERS part. I once said "MAC addy" to a Comcast dispatcher and she said, "don't give me none of that hip-hop crap white-boy. Mac-daddy my ass... What is the serial number?!" I of course said "MAC ADDRESS" at that point followed by the number. She didn't see the connection. -suitepotato
  • suitepotato - lmao, sounds like some of the techs on my old team. it's times like these that i realize...i actually MISS my yrs in t/s. [shoot me now, please] -omegawolf
  • Customer Misconceptions

    1. If someone sends you an email, and you call the number associated with the email account of who sent the email, whoever picks up the phone *must* be the person who sent said email. Don't take into account that the person who answered the phone said their name and it is very different from the name on the email. [2006-11-03]

    2. When a luser has a problem, I do not need to speak to said luser, know luser's username, nor do I need to know what server he is logging into. I am suppose to be psychic and fix the problem with a wave of my magic wand. [2005-05-03]

    3. I haven't had time to go through all 3000+ misconceptions, so my appologies if this is a repeat. I work for a military computer help desk and one of the reoccuring themes we have is that people seem to think that we are the base operator. We recieve many calls asking for the number to the base gym or hospital. What's so hard about picking up the phone and dialing 0? I would think it to be easier to remember and dial than our number. [2004-03-26]

    Tech Rules

    1. When troubleshooting a device and you have taken all steps that you can think of to correct said device without success, do not ignore a fellow tech's suggestion no matter how ridiculous it may sound to you. Story to follow. [2008-07-01]

    Customer Types

    Co-Worker Types
    Customer E-mails
    EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
    1. Heard this in the hallway just now: Woman#1 "I wouldn't want to put my bottle in my checked baggage" Woman#2 "No you don't want to get your water all wet" [2006-08-16]

    2. Me: What kind of virus protection do you have? Luser: Ionic Breeze Me: Ionic Breeze?? Luser: Yeah, you know those things on tv that get rid of dust, mold, bacteria, and viruses from the air... [2005-09-09]

    3. Boss POTD heard said to a coworker: You guys are smarter at this than I am, I'm glad your working on it [2005-04-27]

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