Tech Stories

1. Best wishes Merry christmas, happy hanukkah, eid mubarak and happy holidays etc etc to all. Best wishes and see you in the new year. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments Thank you. Happy Holidays to you and may Diety of choice bless you. -persephone

2. My fat ass. Yes this fat ass is brought to you courtesy of TechMama. Many many thankyous for your generosity. To all the male tech especially burkiss: Stay the hell away from my ass. To the female techs: How you doin? [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments What if I'm a he-she? Can I get a little feel? -burrkiss Somehow the concept of Burrkiss' image a-la "The Doug Winger School of Creative Hermaphradism" just makes me wanna chug brain bleach with a rail gun chaser. (If you go looking up Doug Winger, fair warning... Do it at home when you'r alone) -ShujinTribble Get yer "Backup Beeper" here! When ya got a Big Ass and can't see what's behind ya, a "Backup Beeper" is what ya need! Get 'em here! -Grue Congrats and you're very welcome. :) -TechMama "Chug brain bleach with a railgun chaser" has just made my file of 'interesting sig file' -CommanderData Is it sad that I not only knew who Doug Winger was without having to look it up, but admire his art and have quite a bit of it saved? -Mewtwo Are you hot - and where do u live? -avkinkygirl asked avk-girl the female burkiss ;P watch out momo! -liQuidtech

3. Something Awful article on EULA I'm gonna post the link as a comment so I don't bump any links. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3298 -momo Love the last one Gator's EULA : Hahaha, dumbass. -momo I loved the Stream EULA..... -duckhead I'm surprised they didn't mention the fact that microsoft word's eula includes the terms "At some point Bill Gates or microsoft will ask you for a favor, if you do not do this favor there will be, "trouble", you know what I mean?" -drachen please see my sig. -illiterate

4. Need a tech in the Saskatoon area I'm sorry for posting this here. I know this goes on the message boards. I need a tech for a few hours in the Saskatoon area on Friday Oct 14 to setup a few machines. If any of you are in the saskatoon area and interested, contact me. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments Sure, fly me there from England & I'll do it for free! -lineswine I'm a few hours west, and I doubt you want to cover my travel expenses. :) -namor I'm in Moose Jaw so I can't help ya but you could probably head on over to the U of S campus and grab some Computer Science undergrads! -KronK Saskatoon??? isn't that just North Easterly of Dallas? -duckhead Bahaha... Namor has obviously never been to Saskatchewan. -evolution ahh the prairy provinces- were you can watch the dog run away for several days... and get sea sick while driving ... The valleys a weee far for me to help you... although if i had a cf-18... -Harm Moose Jaw? Is that anywhere near Bear Nuts? -CyBear

5. Thankyou To the Radiant techs who helped me out yesterday...THANKYOU. To the Bell techs who had no rhyme nor reason to help me but did..THANKYOU. I hope one of you is a TSC regular and reads this and I wish I could repay the favor somehow. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments its nice to get good service once in a while -Jax I'll hold off on my digs against Radiant, then. :) -namor Hey, I'm Bell tech support now! Whee! After the Great Satan cut me off at the bits, I finally got back in the TS game, and I'm looking forward to making plenty more posts! -Jonos

6. company email address Using your company email to contact call girls is probably not a good idea. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments generally bad.... unless you work in the pr0n / escort industry. OR your trying to get fired. -Harm This is another ad for gmail, isn't it? -ActingUpAgain Do we even want to know the backstory behind this one? <cringe> -PCRaevyn My Techie-sense is tingling ! A Suctomer E-Mail posting may soon follow! <At least, the males hope so> ;-) -Necros On the other hand, using a hated co-irker's e-mail for this is considered prime BOFH material! -TieDyedDinosaur Isn't that what Craigslist is for? -Mushroom We had a receptionist who was running an escort agency from the company switchboard. -Wraith556 It is? Hmmm... -maciarc I wasn't contacting call girls...it was TALL girls...yeah, that's the ticket...I lead a support group for TALL girls who have issues with their height. :D -rokitt Gmail: The cool way to get whores. -Evilturnip

7. gmail accounts for sa...I mean giveaway If any of you need gmail accounts, see my post in the message boards. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments Break room that is -momo I'm not even gonna check there before I post this comment...hopefully for your sake, you found and used the ancient, overpopulated "gmail invites" thread? If not, many LARTs may be headed your way soon.... -Grue you mean there's someone here who still doesnt have a gmail acct? :o -slowANDeasy Me =P -ThreeBucks Me also...noone's yet been able to satisfactorily explain why I should want one! -karlata free e-mail provider, virtually unlimited storage space, free pop access, and it's "cool" -illiterate just an fyi... there is now a tool to create a virtual drive on your computer, this will allow you direct access to that 2+ gigs of online space gmail provides. that AND GOOGLE TALK -xtc46 g/\/\@!|_ is 1337 -Imrcly And why would I want a gmail account? Lack of privacy, ads, ads and more ads, and nothing realy valuable that yahoo can't offer. On top of that, they think they are some "elite" country club where you can only go with an invitation. Thanks but no thanks. <Nothing personal, of course, Momo. Just MHO> -TheGhost When you own / operate your own domain, and work at the same hosting compamy, ya tend to overlook GMail. (Shrug) Need a new mailbox? Make one. "Storage Quatas"? HEY! It's ME! -ShujinTribble LVM /home means adding a new drive for 'quota' for me, so... :) I like it for external use, the ads are minimal (and compared to Yahoo/MSN/etc, it's better when I last checked), the interface is new and minimalist, and that last, strangely, is what does it for me. Enough reasons to like gmail, when I don't *always* want to be messing with my own. Also, I don't give away a lot of invites, don't believe it matters, and here - http://www.google.ca/talk/about.html#invites - We try to make sure users have lots of Gmail invitations to give out, but if you run out, please be patient. Normally, users get more Gmail invitations within a day or two. -namor

8. emachines/gateway I have a laptop sitting on my desk. The logo says gateway. When I boot up the machine the bios logo says gateway. This model can be found listed on the gateway website. For warranty support I have to call emachines? WTF!!!???? [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments "Thank you for purchasing another fine MICROSOFT product. For support, please call APPLE!" -rokitt Same company, momo. And presumably eMachines are selling better than Goatways... -chazz Ain't corporate takeovers fun? -ProfessorFrink You have a Compaq? Call HP! Oh, wait, that's a Packard Bell? Call NEC! -Mushroom no no, call DEC, yeah thats it, call them -Jax No, no, call Atari. No wait! Call Commodore! Yeah, that's the ticket! -ecoli doesn't matter they're all equally crappy -NOFXfan Nah - call Radio Shack! -MattN And if any of the parts go bad, call your Mama! -TieDyedDinosaur Why not? I had a cust call me last week who was given the tech support number for Dell support from a Dell Customer service agent. That number reached me. I work for a rival OEM, who recently taken over emachines. -Chipsterian The other thing is, it could be an e-series machine (e2600, e2400, etc.) and the tech could be confused about that designation. Whne I started on the phones there I directed all e-series thusly. 11 months later, I'm much better now</JohnAston> -Chipsterian

9. Roll call for lurkers C'mon people. You can come out from the shadows. Get a star if you can afford one (buy me one too damit). [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments lurk... prowl... lurk... -WhiteTiger What if we like lurking? Buy your own star, remember most geeks are poor. We do tech support not supermodeling. hehe -unrunt hehe, that was my BBS alias waaay back when... -BayouTech *What WhiteTiger said* -ShiftedBeef Fortunately, there aren't too many starfish in the nuclear business and I can only rant about Microsh!t software so much. -nuqlar Yep. i'm a lurker. i sometimes comment on other stories, but every time i get a chance to read TSC, i can't remember my own stories. Memory needs replacing... -iksobert I like lurking, leave me alone :D -fearmyroot hands iksobert a spare 8k VIC-20 RAM pack...Its all I have spare at the mo -Jax Oy, Jax - lemme have that when it's finished with, my Vic20's only got 5k. -Gromit I meant techs who actually havent joined yet, but browse the site. Thats what I get for trying to increase the ranks. *It's gonna take a while before techs take over the world* -momo nuglar - Two Words :THANK *DIETY* -vrek Is that any relation to fugly? -MaskedMarauder Maybe Judy Patch should join! <evil grin> -PgmrMike Momo, do you REALLY want "Techs" that don't understand a simple registration process? 'nuff said. -Bobsentme I lurk, therefore I am. -Enigo *lurk* *lurk* *lurk* -Torinir *krul* *krul* *krul* <ecoli backs into the room> -ecoli Llama....Llama....Llama.... -Psudo KRUL?!?! Sweet Jumpin' Jesus on a Trailer Hitch! That was almost as bad as Ice Pirates! -ShujinTribble Can't wait to see what burkiss does with ecoli backing in LOL... Runs fast for shelter..... -StarFishHearder Can't wait to see what burkiss does with ecoli backing in LOL... Runs fast for shelter..... -StarFishHearder oops sorry got double vision there.... -StarFishHearder oops sorry got double vision there.... -StarFishHearder Good to see the lurkers unlurk for a moment! :) Badger, Badger, Badger...... -Mushroom Hey, Llama's are cool cause.. they . got 2 L's. um yea. running away now.( damnit i never think first) -Harm yep I lurk cant help it Im A reader not good At writing. -Ratlock any more? -momo I mainly lurk these days, and had to delete half my posts because of HR issues :( But y'know, hi. -modeski lurk... -Criptonite I always lurked alot. Not a lot to say recently. -Mathias <Shoots spins from a burrowed hole in the ground>... What? I'm being a lurker. -Galandar ...that was suppose to be "spines". <sigh> -Galandar rasp! <imagine me sticking my thumb in my mouth & making a rude noise> why should I stop lurking ? I'm too busy laughing my arse off at your starfish. -Vespasian I just recently bought a house. I'm pooooor. -PikaPikaChick I can't help lurking, I don't play well with others. (funny I talk to them all day though huh?) -FrontSideBus Howling from the shadows. -Wolfshead Ensign C. R. Z. Lurker, reporting as ordered. -chronos OOO!!! OOOOOO!!! I WANNNA NNNNNEEEEWWWWW LURRR <FWACK!> -TheMage18

10. My hdd is dead sniff...boohoohoo My trusty WD 40 gig died after 3 years of abuse and being taken for granted. Good thing I backed up most of my stuff 2 days ago on a whim. Unfortunately the stuff that is irreplaceable (photoshop and webpage work) is gone. And no, no porn on this hdd cuz its a work machine. [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments Am I the only one who read this and thought, "WD 40" is inherently prone to combusting? Sorry for the loss of your data, guy. You sure its DEAD-dead and not just, "Solder a power lead on it for the 10 minutes it'll take to move the data off of it" dead? -ShujinTribble No, I read that and immediately thought, "Why is he lubricating his hard drive?" Fortunately, my brain kicked in a split-second later and translated "WD" properly. -RiffRaff Yep, me too, wondered what sort of a 'Gig' he was playing that involved Water Displacer spray! -TieDyedDinosaur First I read "my head is dead", then I thought of Agent WD40 and actually went to IMDB to make sure Leslie Nielsen wasn't dead. I 'hope' this is just because is monday... -TheGhost but WD-40 fixes "everything", its the elixor(sp?) of life inanimate http://www.wd40.co.uk/media/images/a/8/LIST_OF_2_000_USES.pdf -Jax stuck another drives electronics to it and now it works just fine....mwhahahahah. Shujin care to elaborate on the soldering a lead theory? BTW what drives do u guys think dont suck? -momo Actually WD-40 is only for those things that OUGHT to slip but won't. The other condition, things that slip but shouldn't is when you use Duct Tape! -TieDyedDinosaur TDD, I'm boggling as to what you use WD-40 for... -Nazreel Nazreel, just passing along Red Green instructions! -TieDyedDinosaur From Jax's link: <qoute> • Keeps electric cat litterbox from squeaking </quote> And the best is it doesn't cause shorts in the electric cat circuits. (No, I didn't read them all, but I printed them. That thing is amazing! It can even atract women if you use it as deodorant!) -TheGhost ...for women who like greasy guys? (and the men that love them too?) -Mushroom I believe the MTBF is about 10,000 hours which is about 1 year and 51 days of constant use. (I.E. Being on for that long.) -JackMackle I can sympathize with you...I posted last week that I lost my 80G Drive. The plus side is, I managed to recoup most (not all) of the stuff I lost, and today I got my replacement 160G drive in...woo hoo. -phsspok whats is more a pain in the rear is when you have two 250 gig hdds, 3 backups of each, yet the only time you don't back up. It is then when shit rolls down hill. I hate you Murphy, that your stupidy laws with you. -JackMackle Actually, it was a shot in the dark on that - when you said "sniff" I took it to mean you smelled char-broiled Drive. (Shrug) Replacing the controll board works, then COOL! Glad to have been of help. And you all said I was crazy! HA! Show's what YOU know! I'm not crazy! >I<.. am Captain CHAOS! Dahn-duhn-DAAAAAHHHH! (Runs off!) -ShujinTribble

11. You know u've been a tech too long if You start typing phone numbers as ip addresses [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments Or when you close every call "thank you for calling isp" even at home. -THETECHFROMHELL You're trying to get rid of those damn tv "pop-ups" by hitting the exit button the remote. -redevil34 When you say your office greeting at home and at your other job/s. -Slycat 319.364.15.15 hmmmmmmm thought 255 was the highest -burrkiss when your family just mentions "by the way I got a problem with my computer" and you cring at the mer thought of it -LowLevelFormat Is it a bad thing that I've got IP-addresses entered in the phone-directory in my wristwatch? -LoTech ...if the only time family calls you is when they have a computer problem. -Geminii Everytime you leave your apartment, even on off days, you panic for just a moment and flail madly until you physically verify that your swipecard is attached to your body, or realize "ohhhh yeah, my soul isn't due back for another 24 hours, cool, i think i'll go to the park and shoot squirrels today" -s0ulsurvivor

12. First post I'd like to say how great this website is. I have been lurking around this site for a few weeks now and felt kinda like an outsider so I decided to post to introduce myself. I was gonna do it yesterday but the news of the london bombings screwed me up. I just hope that the members of this site do not condemn the ordinary decent muslim for acts of hatred like these. My condolences to the famalies and loved ones and lets go find those sons of bitches [By: momo] Comment on Story Comments welcome to the site! -Bynar Great first post. Welcome to the site. -teivrann I at least, and I think many of our members here, are aware that there is an injunction in Islam against killing. The terrorists have been deluded into acting against the tenets of their own religion; deluded by a leader who seems to believe that everyone should live as if it were the 14th century. Welcome to the site; I hope you bring stories of techs and starfish... -chazz hey another Toronto tech welcome to the club and don't worry we only hate starfish. -NOFXfan I don't condemn ordinary and decent Muslims for the atrocities committed by their militant brethren. As for Islam in general, the strict Islamic (or militant Islamic) sects follow the teachings of the Quaran. Want to know why they take hostages and behead them? "When you meet the unbelievers in the Jihad strike off their heads and, when you have laid them low, bind your captives firmly. Then grant them their freedom or take ransom from them, until War shall lay down her burdens." (Koran 47:4) And why do the militant Muslims hate Christians and Jews? "Believers, take neither Jews nor Christians for your friends. They are friends with one another. Whoever of you seeks their friendship shall become one of their number. Allah does not guide the wrong-doers."( Koran 5:51) In addition to these things, the Quaran instructs Muslims to torture and kill non-Muslims. Also according to the Quaran, all Muslims (militant and otherwise) will go to the same paradise. Again, I have no problems (other than idealogical) with Muslims in general, but keep in mind that the Quaran does command and offer reward for these acts of violence. -ThreeBucks Sorry, That didn't belong here, rather in the forum. My bad. -ThreeBucks Doubtful you'll find many Muslim-haters here, my friend. No intelligent person would blame an entire group of people sharing a common belief for the heinous acts of a few. And as an average, decent American I would hope to be treated likewise. Your average Muslim should not be blamed for unjust aggression; your average American should not be blamed for unjust aggression either. -viennasausage Hi, Momo. Welcome aboard. Nobody reasonable would blame the rest of the backet because of a few bad apples. Crazies and starfish seem to pop up no matter where you go on this planet... -Evilturnip Hi Momo! Welcome to TSC - everyone here is remarkably nice. I doubt anyone is going to condemn ordinary Muslims for the bombings...every religion has its crazy, embarassing, scary extremists, and only an idiot blames the mainstream for them. -Parilla Quote from Executive Orders (Tom Clancy) on this very subject: "It isn't about religion, it's about power." Welcome to TSC. -Gromit Let me make a comparison... SOME techs are very stupid and give all of us a bad name... does that mean all techs should be considered stupid? -EagleEye I am a muslim hater...but I aint out hunting and will treat them civilly until threatened. -SGTARKyTEK Pleased to meet you. Now get on with a starfish story! :-D -Mushroom Let there be no compulsion in religion. (Koran, 2:56) and again And argue not with the People of the Book unless it be in (a way) that is better. (Koran 29:46) The Koran, like the Bible, can be used to justify any number of things. Isn't it great that we are rational creatures who can pick verses from anything to support whatever we really want to do and think? I can no more attack an ordinary Muslim for what the fanatics in his religion do than I can attack Christians for the actions of the Lord's Resistance Army which routinely rapes children and makes them watch the dismemberment of their parents. -BTcall OH, and BTW, I agree this should be in the forums, but a statement in one place should, IMHO, be answered in the same place. -BTcall If I accidently call you mofo, its nothing personal, I'm just a fuckup.....as you can tell as youve been lurking. Welcome. -burrkiss Never mind about SGTARKyTEK - he has already expressed his opinion that "the only good muzzy is a dead muzzy." He served in Iraq, and doesn't seem to realize that 80% of all Muslims live OUTSIDE of the Middle East. Oh, and from the resident Pagan Jew, I bid you welcome -- and Salaam Aleikam. -Captain Trips Heya momo. I'm personally Christian, with a hint of atheist and agnosticism. Welcome to the site. LART shelter's on yer right, LART ammo on yer left. -Veinor Speaking for most of this site's resident atheists, let me just say that we generally do not discriminate against Christians, Muslims, or Jews. We think you're *all* equally nuts. <G> But welcome to the site anyway. -RiffRaff

Customer Misconceptions

2. I manage an Internet Cafe. All of our stations have Mozilla with hotmail as the home page. Every once in a while I get a customer who comes up to the front desk and says : can I get a login ID and password momo : to what? customer : the internet [2005-07-13]

Tech Rules

Customer Types

2. Complete moron Everytime this one particular suctomer brings in his Windows XP machine, he says "oh its a bit slow" or " its got spyware" and when I boot the machine up I have ALWAYS ended up staring at a BSOD. This guy thinks I wont charge him up the nose if he pretends that its only spyware or virii. Little does he know I will charge him 3 times the amount I would have had he just told me the truth. muahahahahahaha. momo 3 - moron 0 [2005-08-19]

3. MCSE Types I have read an extraordinary number of posts with people claiming to be MSCE but knowing f*ck all. Is this a myth? Was this started by MS haters? What's the deal? If it IS true...how and why is this possible? I can understand one or two morons slipping through the cracks but this is ridiculous. I can understand a EU being a complete idiot maybe because they find computers intimidating, but.......I think I'm gonna go cry in the fetal position in the corner. Somebody put a bullet in me if they can spare one. [2005-08-07]

4. I'm such a luser Customer calls me says there is no sound output on her machine. After about 5 minutes of troubleshooting, I figure she hadn't plugged the power cable for the speakers even though she said she did. Finally I heard the windows startup sound, everything is good. She says " I'm such a luser" Yes you are sweetie yes you are. [2005-07-26]

Co-Worker Types

Customer E-mails

2. from a co-worker who has no idea what a LART is : I'll bring in my wooden katana, write "attitude adjustment tool" on it and leave it behind the counter. [2005-08-21]