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Here is all the content that namor has contributed to Tech Support Comedy.

Tech Stories


1. Scary Moments
Co-worker in another department asked me to figure out why a web page they set up wouldn't come up. I figure it out, call him back up.

Him: "So, what was it?"
Me: "Okay, I'm going to give you a chance on this..."
Him: "What???"
Me: "Say you're going out with a girl. Everything's going great, sex is good, all of that. Ignore the fact that you're married right now. She comes up to you one day and says, 'We have to talk. I missed a... (blank)"
Him: "..." "..." "... oh you're KIDDING!"
Me: "Yeah, you missed a period."
[By: namor]
Comment on Story

Comments

  • "I'm late." "Late for what?" "Late for not being pregnant." <Caddyshack?> -TheJman
  • "Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent" <Slartibartfast, HHGTTG> -Divinar
  • "You're a jerk, Dent. A Complete kneebiter." - Wowbagger (Dammit, Div!) -Seamus
  • "I missed my last period" "Don't worry honey, you can make it up after school." <Grease 2> -LinuXtreme
  • "But, look; you saw the notice, didn't you?" -MadJack
  • Son, your girlfriend called last night. I think her keyboard is broken. Something about skipping periods. -CyBear
  • 2. UK Help
    Hey all,

    Looking for some input for some UK-based techs. Please see the members board for specifics. Sorry for the front-page spam.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    3. Definition of Passive-Aggressive
    I just noticed a sign up on the building's notice board. The tech's union is hosting a movie night at a small local theatre.

    The movie they're showing?

    The Corporation.

    Gee, I wonder if they're trying to get a point across or something...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • W00t! -Seamus
  • Next week...a Boiler Room and Glengarry Glen Ross double feature -MeatStick
  • And then Office Space. -AmazingKreskin
  • Hackers & Antitrust ? -EtherRabbit
  • Idiocracy? -beerman
  • Ice Pirates....... (O_o) WHAT?! -ShujinTribble
  • The Pirates of Silicon Valley! -MadJack
  • War Games and Operation Condor. -Psyl3n5e
  • Debbie Does Dallas and Behind the Green Door? -Stryker One
  • Idiocracy is not social-satire its prophecy -SGTARKyTEK
  • Office Space, THX-1138, Apollo 13, Sneakers, War Games, 2001: A Space Odyessy... -56Kdaytrader
  • followed by Naughty nurses 2, ass tastic 4 and backdoor sluts 9! -Harm
  • 4. No Bumpee! (NT?)
    Didn't want to bump the link... found this in another forum:

    http://www.bestaviation.net/jobs/air_canada_jazz_air/pilot_flight_crew.asp

    It's been up for a little while at least, and nobody's changed it... look near the bottom of the requirements. I'm wondering how this slips through onto a site, really, hence the semi-tech reason for posting it here.

    Flying's gonna get more interesting...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • They don't call it a cockpit for nothing. I would prefer those qualifications be more on the flight attendants though. -deskmonkey
  • Under requirements: "Completed a High School diploma" (Would "In Crayon" be pushing it?) and "Fluency in English" (Considering the posting is in English..... WTF?!) -ShujinTribble
  • Well, that way they save on flotation devices. -Ramblin
  • I can see how "massive breasts" can be of benefit to a stewardess, but for a pilot, wouldn't they get in the way of operating the aircraft? -Captain Trips
  • "In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to act as a flotation device." </quote> -EtherRabbit
  • ER - That would be Data -ShujinTribble
  • On the requirement for fluent English: you can often read a job description if you're not *that* good at a language, but English is the official language of Air Traffic Control internationally, and that's *safety critical* for a pilot to know. -Chromatix
  • 5. A test...
    I'm arguing a point, now. There's a domain that I've been asked about. I gave my response. Theirs? "Passing the buck."

    So, I come to you for backup. I'm a sucker for self-doubt.

    The issue: domain rwg.cc. Doesn't resolve here, and (from my perspective) properly so. I know that it will in some places, depending on the server. So... (do we need a poll option?) who resolves it properly? Who doesn't? For extra points, who can tell me *why*?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Resolves for me: www.rwg.cc Replica Watch Group: 83.98.156.13 -TechnoVampire
  • Ditto here...same IP too. -RamenMcTavish
  • Resolved clean here, and just for chuckles I traced it all the way from the roots, both ns29 and ns30.worldnic.com seem to resolve it properly... -devzero
  • Although for some reason, the name servers associated with this website (ns3.safe-host.cc, with 4 and 5 respectively) are timing out. As such, no authoritative answers. -RamenMcTavish
  • They're not timing out, they likely don't resolve. -namor
  • ns3.safe-host.cc resolves to the same IP as rwg.cc...interesting. From dnsstuff, the name servers for the site time out on response. I'd say your ISP's DNS servers don't already have an A record for the site yet. -RamenMcTavish
  • Wait, worldnic? -namor
  • Well, f***... they fixed it. -namor
  • Seriously, I put together a completely, authoritative response, double and triple-check it, I doubt, I go out into the wilds of TSC for validation, and... in that time, someone's mucked with my perfectly broken example. I'm gonna go sulk now. -namor
  • resolves for me - through work connection, but it looks like the IP address is amsertdams RIPE network.. and as for WHY - well seems the DNS records were last updated.. TODAY.. therfor 72 hours for propogation. -Harm
  • Where do you get they were updated today? -namor
  • Ah, found that. Still, nameservers queried were right, and TTL/SOA doesn't matter if it doesn't resolve. -namor
  • Resolves for me. My associates will do that at work - when we get a report that a phish site has gone down, we will toss the URL to other teammates to confirm others aren't seeing it either. -Mushroom
  • 6. What have I done...
    It started rather innocuously... a couple of weeks ago a guy emailed me. He's sent a lot of older hardware my way over the past few years, so I was wondering what this might be...

    Seems he had looked into buying 20 18GB SCSI drives. Then the guy mentioned having the full case and SAN (I think that's right...) available. And for a bit more, it could be his. They were only a couple of hours outside the city, so he took him up on it.

    Then he learned that the thing was more than was he needed. He contacted me with a proposal - he'd get the thing and drive it into the city, if I would use it. It was just interesting enough... and for the price, amenable to me.

    It came today. He tried warning me about the size and weight, but holy hell. I'm not talking a full size rack, but... it's about 24"w x 29"l x 25"h. And weights, I would be surprised, about 3-400lbs easy. That's *with* everything that pulled out easily (20 drives, a couple of controllers, etc) removed.

    It's sitting in the front entrance of my third-floor walkup (my aching BACK - two men and a handcart and I think I hurt myself...), just drying, and it's hitting me...

    Oh, I'm going to try and figure it out and use it. It came with a Sparc20 and drivers for NT4 and Solaris 2.6, but we'll see. I don't think I ever want to move it again, but...

    And crappy phone pictures for you. I'm somewhat bemused, somewhat ecstatic, and just overall curious. If anyone's familiar with these things, maybe let me know as I'm sure I'll have questions...

    http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u266/l4m3rfr34k/03-03-07_1802.jpg
    http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u266/l4m3rfr34k/03-03-07_1803.jpg
    http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u266/l4m3rfr34k/03-03-07_1804.jpg
    http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u266/l4m3rfr34k/03-03-07_1805.jpg
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Oh, and if all else fails, it looks like it's actually a fairly standard 19" rack inside, so with a UPS in there, could be nice either way. -namor
  • dAYum ... -goblin69
  • It's f&*%^*'n SCSI! What MORE do you need to know? (GRIN) -ShujinTribble
  • Yeah, I've got one of those, too. Mine's an Aviion, double redundant SCSI controllers, double redundant power supplies, currently looks like 14 of 20 slots filled with a mix of 9- and 18-GB SCSI-1, and it talks SCSI-2 to the outside world. I think I have an old Qume terminal somewhere I can hook up to it, see how it's configured. My contractor paid $20 for it at police auction, thought it looked like something I could use, and just gave it to me. -chazz
  • Sounds similar, chazz. 20 slots, and I've got 20 18GB drives... RS232, ethernet, and fibrechannel ports, it looks like. Only problem, it looks like it's either this *or* the stove, as the UPS on it that everything hooks up to takes 250W 30A... and my apartment won't do much more. -namor
  • This one is older than yours, no fibre channel... and while it doesn't have a UPS, it's pretty hefty in the power department -- 10A at 110V. If yours really has a UPS, all you need to do is unplug it and plug in the stove while you're cooking... let it run off the UPS until dinner's ready, and then plug it back in. But unless your power is cheaper than ours, 30A at 250V can add up to a big bill pretty quickly... -chazz
  • Are those 15K drives? -Stryker One
  • Oh, yeah: http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u77/cwangersky/P3030011.jpg , http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u77/cwangersky/P3030010.jpg , http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u77/cwangersky/P3030009.jpg in case you're wondering what a Clariion looks like. Not an Aviion, sorry; that's a supermini. -chazz
  • Stryker - From what I can find on the model (I think IBM IEC-950) - looks like probably 10K. -namor
  • I have to find *some* use for this... Maybe keep it around until I can wire a house for it and double my energy bill... -namor
  • Those look like 18GB IBM Ultrastars - they won't be 15K rpm, but they're pretty reasonable drives. -Chromatix
  • Downside: If you're paying your own electric bill, you're gonna groan. Upside: You should find it remarkably easy to heat your house in the winter. -Darkridr
  • Chromatix, they COULD be 15K, http://hoct12.stores.yahoo.net/07ibmhiulst1.html -Stryker One
  • 7. Plain-text is a bitch.
    So, we'd just moved buildings. A couple of weeks ago, I finished moving a tiny shell/web server I set up maybe 5-6 years ago initially, to the new place.

    Last week (while on vacation) I was told that it wasn't responding. I finally came in just out of curiosity to see why. When it wouldn't find the HD, I pulled it and opened it. The HD was hot and clicking madly. Yay. Luckily most of the information was replaced on another server since.

    So, I grab a similar box, intending just to set up the shell server on it for the techs. Install linux (slack, natch), get it on the net, grab Shorewall for the firewall. I've never set it up from scratch, so spend some time reading the setup and install and all that. Edit the appropriate files. Allow telnet from our proxy and my home.

    Doesn't work. Rejected right away. Check logs, adjust rules. Repeat. Stop seeing the attempts in the log, even though it's supposed to log everything (this should have been my first clue). Start messing with rules, policies, zones, and options. Off-and-on for about two days.

    Guess what I just realized yesterday? That I might have caught earlier, if I had reason to install linux more often?

    Anyone?

    Yeah. Telnet disabled by default. Finally caught by the blinding flash of the obvious, edited inetd and a SIGHUP later and it's working fine.

    I think I'm ready to re-integrate with the rest of the population now...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Telnet is evil, evil, evil! -TubPorsche
  • What Tub said. Telnet's been superceded by SSH, and rightfully so. There's no good reason to continue using an unencrypted protocol that sends even passwords in the clear. All Linux distros now disable telnet by default in favor of ssh. If you need an ssh client for Windoze, there's a very good free one here: http://www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/~sgtatham/putty/ -SalParadise
  • why telnet? ssh is better and more secure and it's usually enabled by default. (least on the installs I've done) -halitech
  • Why telnet? Because our security department is well aware of what mischief we could get up to with an SSH proxy. Thus, our only external shell/etc access is through proxies - web, FTP, IMAP, etc - including Telnet. Hence my firewall denying all telnet except for from said proxy. I know it's evil, but I need a shell at work more than I can force them to set up a proper SSH one. I'll also be setting up the proper hosts denial entries and doing some testing and hardening. -namor
  • I kind of thought the story was more of an esoteric self-mock, and that you can tell that I generally know what I'm doing (this case notwithstanding), but... thanks for the suggestions anyway, I guess. -namor
  • 8. No princess, this.
    Tier1 sitting near me today. He points out the name on the account for me - the person's first name is 'Cinderella' - no joke.

    In trying to troubleshoot... "The lights on the modem... the lights... The blinky things!!"

    Wow, a tech fairy tale.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • And another: "So... the line goes from the modem... to the modem?" -namor
  • THERE ARE FOUR BLINKY THINGS! -OgdenTechGuy
  • OK, first you need a cow as white as milk, a slipper as pure as gold, hair as yelow as corn and a cape as red as blood..then call Bernadette Peters. -ChildofCthulhu
  • And now, the Seven (Tech Support) dwarfs: Angry, Sleepy, Hungry, Jittery, Stinky, Horny, and Broke... -PTSTech
  • Just wait 'till midnight, then the modem will turn into a pumpkin...problem solved! -EtherRabbit
  • CoC - You DO know that the PBS-Televised version of I.t.W. had a BigBadWolf costume that was...... Anatomically correct! -ShujinTribble
  • For the record, I have played Little Red Ridinghood's grandmother on stage in Into the Woods. Complete with moustache and goatee. The knickers were not comfortable, and didn't really accomodate my plumbing. Just thought I'd share! -ActingUpAgain
  • My grandma, what a big schwanzstucker you have! -vacuumtubes
  • The better to...um, is RedFaery reading this? -ActingUpAgain
  • The Apocolocyntosis of the modem? -concept14
  • 9. Some tech content for once.
    So, my x-mas present for myself was a new hard drive. The 80GB IDE was getting full of ... everything, so I got a 320GB SATA2. Motherboard supports SATA, maybe not 2, but as far as I know it should be compatible.

    Picked up a SATA connector when I bought the drive. Looked at my case when I got home on Friday and figured I'd need some drive brackets to put it in the 5 1/4 slot instead. But, all my stuff was in the closet and inaccessible as that's where I put my kids' presents.

    So, yesterday, gave kids presents before home, and cleared out the closet.

    Today, was looking at it. Got the drive into the brackets. And that's when I looked at the drive and realized... it needs power, too, doesn't it? And that's the cable I *didn't* get.

    So, today, while my roommates are out visiting, I'm sitting, stewing, and watching all of the torrents I *would* have the space for, if everything wasn't *closed* today...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Damn... (Znrk!) I really (Pffff....) REALLY feel bad for y-- AAAAhahahahahahah!!! (Points) NOOB! -ShujinTribble
  • I have a Molex to SATA power adapter in my parts drawer, I can Email it to you if you want.... (loads the shotgun while screaming "you'll never take me alive") -AgentV3
  • Oops. -Grue
  • Too bad it isn't a Hitachi or a WD with the "legacy" connector on it also. -ralphp1024
  • Ralph - very true. It is, sadly, the one thing that will probably drive me out of the house tomorrow (well, today, Boxing Day, now). -namor
  • I forgot to get a case once... so I know how you feel... -TechnoTherapist
  • Most new PSUs have SATA power connectors. I know Antec PSUs do. But for older ones you need the Molex-to-SATA converter. Why couldn't SATA drives use the 'good olde' Molex power? -Wraith556
  • 10. I don't even know your name.
    I'm actually reading the day's posts and my cell rings.

    "Is (name that I haven't answered to for ... over a decade or two) there?"
    "Nope! Sorry, you must have the wrong number!"
    [PAUSE] "Uh... is this (my brother's name)'s brother?"

    That would explain why they used that name, yes... lovely.

    Back story: Roommate who moved out left me their computer to dispose of. I sold it to my brother's friend a few days ago, finally.

    Apparently, he's having trouble connecting to the internet with it. It comes with onboard gig-E and I think I included another PCI NIC in the stuff I handed over. The issue?

    He's got DSL (through the place I work for, sadly) and it uses PPPoE... he's just swapping the cable from his xbox 360 into it and wondering why nothing works. Obviously all steps taken to connect the xbox have flown from his mind - we don't support them, so *someone* *else* obviously figured it out.

    The call wasn't even from the guy who bought it. It was a friend of his who, when hearing that the guy was going to pay $60 to have someone come over to 'fix' it, volunteered his help.

    The worse part? He's at work right now. Even better, I'm getting a call from him in a couple of hours.

    I think I should just drive out there myself and cut out the middle man, but then I'd be the tech bitch who *delivers*.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Not if you deliver Otis to the skull. -redevil34
  • Where can 'I' find a 'tech bitch' who delivers??? -TechnoTherapist
  • Your company charges $60 to set up a PC to use PPoE? Or did the guy not call tech support. -Jeckler
  • I bet, he ended up with the Xbox connected to the PC and nothing to the internet... -Wonko The Sane
  • Jackler - he didn't call us for that, no. -namor
  • It depends on what tool you use to do the cutting. -Geminii
  • 11. I'm always surprised...
    ... at the cleverness of spammers.

    It's sad, I know, but I almost admire the innovation, you know?

    That's why, right now, I'm half-mad, half laughing incredulously, because I hadn't seen this ... well, *work* before, at least.

    Customer has a comments form. They view the comments and respond through their own admin page. The whole system is a homebrewed application by some designers in town. Today, I got a note - hey, when I view comments, it redirects me to this site...

    I take a look, replicate the database query the page uses, and look through the results. A lot of obvious spam attempts, but one starting off with a script tag... and looking at it, the URL it was redirecting to is in there... it seems to be a javascript redirect.

    Time for the developer to earn their keep and sanitize the comments more, but like I said, I'm not sure whether to go on a rampage, or chuckle to myself.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You could chuckle while Rampaging ala Jack Nicholson in the Shining. Redrum -Xultan
  • "Heeeeeeeeeeeere's NAMOR!"</Had to be done> -ShujinTribble
  • 12. I am teh awesome!
    I'm positively giddy.

    Picture this: some characters in a large database get garbled during a migration. I figure out it's utf8 to latin1 that's caused it.

    Simple to say, right?

    So. Install phpmyadmin (because I can't get mysqldump there), dump the data with drops, run it through the Solaric iconv because GNU doesn't give you any useful information about *what* it's barfing on, do a couple of manual fixes when I see what it can't even convert, re-import and watch as the site appears magically restored.

    My co-workers are looking at me with blank looks, so I had to put this somewhere before my giddy burst. I hope you understand.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Take a deep breath, you're liable to hyperventilate. :) -Robster2001
  • Yeehah! Im sure that was 30miles over ur cw's heads! Do you have to go to the bathroom now, or were you skipping back to ur desk? -Xydiac
  • For some reason, people seem impressed when you dump a million records, do a quick scan, re-type a few things, and re-load sucsessfully. eh... just another day at the office. <twinkle in eye> -AngrySup
  • A company I used to work for had an old hand-built POS (not Point-Of-Sale) computer for the receptionist (glorified solitaire game). The case had gotten a little pinched at the back causing the back to be at about a 92 degree angle to the motherboard. The slightest bump would cause the video card to dislodge itself from the pci slot at the front and cause POST errors and no video. When we hired a new receptionist, it would amaze her when I would "lay hands" on the computer and "heal" it while mumbling (and pressing in on the top of the video card plate in the back to reseat it). -maciarc
  • 13. Wait, WHAT?
    "Special Thanks to namor for becoming a Star Member Today!"

    Wait, whosit in the whatsit now?

    You great bloody bastard, whoever you are. I will *find* you, and then I will...

    ... well, the thought kind of ends there. Wine, desserts, and seduction are somewhere in the list. I did not plan this, so my apologies for the quick... uh... I mean, I don't usually, it's never happened to me before...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Ladies, don't all claim the honour all at once... -namor
  • Wine, desserts and seduction sounds good but not enough for us to get a sex change . Oh. And BTW. You don't get to decide if you're worthy/deserving or not. That would be my choice. Wear your star proud and do well by it. We are proud to have sponsered your Big Butt! -SSBBM
  • "Attention all creatures of Atlantis: Namor is now officially a Big Ass. All hail his Mighty Ass!" ;-) <... now, Atlantis is 'that' way, the LART shelter is 'this' way. So, I'm going 'this other' way...> <Congrats!> -TheGhost
  • Oh. Well. How about a handjob, then? A semi-chaste hug and nipple rub? -namor
  • You are one smooth talking big butt devil aren't you. Tempting. Mighty tempting. -SSBBM
  • And they said the Blue Whale was big... LOOKIT that thing! -ShujinTribble
  • You think I'm smooth now, you should see my bedside manner. I'm slipping my panties off now... mmm... -namor
  • I put on my robe and wizard hat. -maciarc
  • SSBBM, any reason you don't treat yourself to a star? -ThinTheHerd
  • LOL@maciarc -VIPERsssss
  • 14. Horrid
    A tiny indication of my state of mind recently in the backstory: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=61526 I have no tags, I know, so bear with me. We're changing our webhosting. It's more than due. Our servers are dying and there's a lot of manual stuff in there, as they've been relatively unchanged since, oh, '96-97 or so. I've had over a full day's equivalent in overtime during the past few days trying to keep up, and we're only half done. A couple of issues that prompted that rule, though - a customer still using an 'Excite for Webservers' search binary for their site. Which seems to have been migrated over from an ISP/host we bought maybe 6 years ago, and is compiled for 32-bit SPARC. (try finding an up-to-date server that will do *that* nowadays). A site that complained their database was months out of date, because when we rebuilt their account after a SNAFU last year, they kept using the SAME BACK-END DATABASE because it was the ONE THING that didn't get cleared out... even though they populated the new one in the interim. More than one customer using third-party DNS and redirection service to direct a secondary domain to a subfolder of the primary via http://$ipaddress/folder - which, as we're going full name-based virtual won't fricking work anymore. Good lord, let it end.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • first thought, "Fuck 'em all, I need a drink, and a ....?" -AngrySup
  • second thought, "Buy a Name". -AngrySup
  • third thought, find the guys to re-code/transfer the functionality to the new environment, contract them out, (or do it yourself), and $Profit$. -AngrySup
  • Frick. I didn't realize TSC would re-code that... for information, I made it h t t p:// $ipaddress / subfolder -namor
  • 15. Sorry for no linky
    I've kept reading the 'mock_the_stupid livejournal (forgive me!) and this was too perfectly suited for here to let it go. http://community.livejournal.com/mock_the_stupid/2484341.html
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I call BS... -EagleEye
  • Just to get ahead of the crowd, or for any valid reason? -namor
  • I agree with EagleEye - BS -macbeth
  • Computer is still in the box and the bitch complains about the internet? -momo
  • "Shenanigans!" everyone get a broom! -Antacid
  • I had something similar happen to me, except the customer had opened the box and taken it out, just hadn't bothered to hook up anything to it(power, telephone, ect.) -drachen
  • I agree with EagleEye. If the computer was still in the box, even the most basic (L)user wouldn't expect to get access to the internet, except maybe via a psychic connection -Grembo
  • I call BS too. I have read all of the archives here (yes all of them) and I am sure that story is here somewhere. I have seen it somewhere before, anyway. -Gerund
  • I've started reading mock_the_stupid. I may stop again, as it's doubled my daily LJ listings, and doesn't seem to be that much stupid - lots of circumstantial stupid, which isn't as pure. it's not as good as here! -trs998
  • Gerund, are you saying we may have a plagiarist on our hands? -EagleEye
  • Maybe she was just looking for directions in advance and lying to get them? Remember rule #1 -Veinor
  • I had a lady call with a similar issue about a 'still in the box' printer that wouldn't print, but I don't think I shared that one here. -ThinTheHerd
  • 16. Mock The Stupid
    Yeah, just a link found while browsing, y'know, stuff. http://community.livejournal.com/mock_the_stupid/2473239.html - second part, "Hubby’s Work Adventures: Keyboard Care"
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I love the link in the comments: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7193470719293309352&q=system+administrator&hl=en -EagleEye
  • /me has a new addiction -Veinor
  • 17. Recursivenessity
    So I'm doing a cleanup of webhosting accounts. I was given a list from our billing/management system of about 60 that had some invalid information or duplication, and I was investigating which ones to keep, what to modify, etc. There were a few internal accounts with old, old content (some with our original, corporate pages dating back to 1997 - ech!) and no logs to show someone was visiting, so they were deleted. Today, a customer calls in... the web-based form we have for changing file permissions on your scripts is giving an error. If igure he's got the name of the file he's trying to change wrong, and go to replicate it... ... and I find out it's a 404. And by the URL, I find that it's actually a CGI script in one of the accounts I had just deleted the previous day. Imagine my fun. I recovered the account, put the files back (you didn't think I was deleting accounts without a backup, did you?), and... then was stuck. This script needs to be executable to be able to function and set permissions on other scripts, but the normal way to do that is through this script... uh...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • (Yes, I got shell access and fixed it, but I was giggling the whole time). -namor
  • Open this box with the crowbar you will find inside. -Veinor
  • Like a situation we had here last weekend. They took the network down for maintenance (repatching, and installing bigger UPS) and when it came back up, the AS/400 was to send the operator on call (me) a message which I would need to respond to in order for it to reconnect to the network. Problem is, the message would have been sent out over the Exchange server. The AS/400 needed network connectivity to send us a message that it needed network connectivity restored! ("Fred, did you get my e-mail about the e-mail being down?") Fortunately, our AS/400 admin walked our onsite people through doing this on the console directly, when they realized the paradox. -Captain Trips
  • 18. What is your reputation?
    So, I'm in a meeting today. Few higher-ups (one or two levels above me, some managers of this business line or that, some T2 and techs...).

    The main part of it is a conference call and online meeting. After that, there's some discussion about the $vendor product, as we currently have a lot invested in their product.

    One remark by a manager is something along the lines of, "Well, they're changing that, because a lot of their current equipment has lead in it, so..."

    What strikes me most at this point, is that the techs and most of the room... turns to look at *me*.

    (I say, "Yeah, because I was going to get open some up and lick (mime ripping off a case and sticking out my tongue) it all over.")

    And thus am I struck - WHAT HAVE I BECOME? I thought I was *relatively* normal in these groups, but now I'm questioning that...

    So. In that vein, what role do *you* play in your office/workplace?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • i'm a phone monkey.. a highly respected phone monkey that others come to ask for answers to their questions, but a phone monkey just the same. -illiterate
  • I think the other guys were only kidding around when they started calling me "guru"... -chazz
  • do you have a beard? -illiterate
  • I'm the dumbshit that doesnt know when to STFU. -burrkiss
  • I'm the one who currently agreez with Burrkiss. ;-) -TechnoCat
  • illin', m'boy, dat's how i started, 'n' now lookit me! -namor
  • Illiterate -- yes, yes I do. At the moment a rather shaggy one, in fact. There's a picture or four of me from last year's Seattle visit by lineswine... -chazz
  • Mentor and one of two graphic design 'experts', after barely three months on the job... -MadJack
  • Slightly unlike Burrkiss, I'm the smartass who doesn't know to STFU. -concept14
  • I'm still trying to figure it out. On a different point, though, don't ALL electronic items contain lead? They all have some amount of solder, right? And most electrical solder is 60% lead, 40% tin, right? -Captain Trips
  • I'm the one that knows when to STFU. If you don't, they just pile more BS projects on you. -DuckyFuzz
  • Since my occupation is considered to be student (as opposed to unemployed), I would guess that school would technically be my workplace, so I'll just say what my role in the last mathematics class I was in was. I was the one in the middle of the classroom who always came in wearing a big thick coat (never really got used to the radiation from the big yellow orb in the sky), never did any actual studying/homework (the teacher for that class never gave out any homework), and usually got Bs on tests (hooray for hypnopaedia!). -MarkerMage
  • I used to be The Deliverator. Seriously. At my pizza delivery job, I would get most of the tags going to the scary ghetto-ass addresses, since I never got robbed and (as long as the order was legit) would always complete the delivery, to the door. (6'1", ugly, with a 4-cell Maglite and a mace canister hanging on my belt helped.) -MeanDean
  • CaptainTrips: Yes. Electronic solder is actually a 63/37 mix of lead and tin, though there are other, special mixes used for high-temp and high-frequency soldering. Also, there is typically between 1 and 5 lbs (.4 - 2.2Kg) of lead in the glass face of a CRT to prevent the soft X-rays from getting out. -chazz
  • I'm a "Subject Matter Expert" which makes me a trainer/phone monkey/mentor oh and I still need to keep my stats at the same level as everyone else while I'm running around trying to answer peoples questions or putting people on hold for the same. me bitter no. I'm also our group's "squeaky wheel" during meetings with the higher ups. -NOFXfan
  • I am "The early guy" because I start at 5am. I was "the new guy" but since I started 4 months back they've replaced 4 staff members. -Starfury
  • SF: "The Early Guy"? Was that nickname given by FEMALE co-irkers? -ShujinTribble
  • My fellow Sys Admin and I bounce back and forth between Super Hero and Scapegoat. Haven't made it to Sacrificial Lamb status yet but we've come close. -TubPorsche
  • "... maybe you're the plucky comic relief. You ever think about that?" -maciarc
  • This is referring to the European Restriction of Hazardous Substances Directive or RoHS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ROHS -LaserGuru
  • I, sigh, am comic relief. I don't mean to come across as an airheaded ditz, but I work around shiny objects. -Parilla
  • Chazz -- funny, I thought I always used 60/40 Rosin Core for electronics. (I use both 60/40 and 50/50 non-core for stained glass. Would use 63/37 also, but that's more suited for decorative soldering.) -Captain Trips
  • <Sigh . . .> Alas, I've become the grunt of Admin Services, relieving the operator, scanning purchase orders, and any other crap work my SF boss can think of. But I still refuse to be their tech bitch. If they need something technical, they have to call the Helpdesk. And I got my book today, for upgrading my MCSA to Win2K3. I'm going to be so out of here in a few months (I hope). -sassicatz
  • Foamy while among my peers inside the shop; Teal'c among the clients outside the shop... -PTSTech
  • As the electronics geeks go into extra innings... The true eutectic point for lead:tin solder is 63:37. 60:40, which is close, has a higher melting point, and 50:50, which is often used for more structural soldering, like stained glass and (once upon a time) copper pipe, has a higher melting point yet. Generally, you would want to use 63:37 for circuit boards, which are fragile and can't take a huge amount of heat; and 60:40 for terminals which are more robust. I seem to recall that current plumbing solder is something really odd, like antimony:tin 80:20... Oh, and it seems that I'm not allowed to use my lead solder any more. Oh, well. Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solder -chazz
  • Tech monkey that fixes everything on the FREE phone line... and is in tra ing for a contract that I will never be on YET.... -Z0nker
  • "The Scary Guy Who's Been Here Forever." Unfortunately, my most recent manager realised I was also "the guy who will take on the worst duties if he can be convinced they really DO need doing and no-one else is competent enough to trust with them". Dammit. -Geminii
  • Phone jockey who's expected to triage and fix nearly everythign without having to call after hours people but keeps running head first into the bureacracy wall. -TheMage18
  • I told this to a Suctomer before "I'm not God, But i'm the next best thing....so STFU and listen to what I have to say!" <EG>Being a Sup for escalated calls can be so much fun sometimes <EG> -CrystalMare
  • 19. Full of Rage
    Further to the roommate chronicles, herein:

    http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=59278

    She comes to me complaining of further issues with her desktop. Uh-huh. I suggest some memory scans, etc, suggesting I might take a look in a day or two when I feel like it.

    Last night, she's got her sorta-boyfriend (and linux zealot) over. They ask me about getting the USB wifi card I supplied to her running in linux. Good luck, I say, even with vendor drivers.

    I'm napping later when I hear them sneak down, look at my desk, and whisper to eachother things like, "Yeah, there's a wireless router... and another one... so it must be working..." Methinks they were stymied by the fact that *my* stuff fricking well *works*!

    Now she's gone for the rest of the week. Checking out her room upstairs, I see they wimped out and ran the longest ethernet cable I had around the walls and into her room. Pushing open the door, I'm greeted by the communal toolbox open and tools strewn about. Her old motherboard sitting on top of the bookshelf. New motherboard box on the floor. Modem and ethernet card just laying on the floor, along with the case panel, screws, and various jumbled others...

    This is insane. This may not qualify as 'Roommate from Hell," but it's ample reason for me to not blindly accept friends as roommates again.

    System is sitting at a linux desktop. I check - debian unstable. One shell open as root. I've grabbed what I need for some angst-ridden cracking. Now I just need ideas.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Make a cron entry: "0,15,30,45 * * * * fsck -A -R" -maciarc
  • hehe linux zealot huh? if he has to ask, he isnt. ive done it, btw. its possible, witha lot of the usb nes. notwith all. and not with idiots. and wtf is he leavinga root shell open? and debian unstable? shes better off with ubunt dapper. lots of hw just out of the box idiot support. and hes a prize git. makes linux look bad *grumble*. oh,just disable x. get it start at init level 3:) -timelady
  • rf -rm / -unrenowned
  • Change the startup init level to 2? -ShujinTribble
  • Better yet, init 6 as the default. USB cards work relatively well with the NDIS wrapper module, but you have to be able to compile the source. -TheMage18
  • 20. I will destroy it.
    Further to the New Roommate Chronicles ( http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=58015 )

    After I had resurrected it, a few days went by before she told me... it wasn't working anymore. I figure out - the HD isn't even spinning. There goes one 20GB I wasn't using anyway, but... damn.

    Only suitable replacement I have left is a 6GB, so we shovel that into the machine, install OS, get it running, put it in her room again.

    That was a week ago.

    A few days ago, before she leaves for the weekend somewhere, she tells me... it's getting errors and looping on boot.

    Just freaking lovely.

    I take a guess that it's the underpowered (250W) PSU causing the problems, with the USB 802.11g, mouse, couple of CD-Roms and all... so I tell her to get a new PSU and we'll try it.

    She does. Leaves one of these behind for me: http://www.enermax.com.tw/english/product_Display1.asp?PrID=20

    Nice, *I* don't even have a power supply like that...

    Installed, the system boots to the desktop.

    ... and, before I can turn away and say, "Done!" it reboots. Safe mode, a restore, some scanning, and we're back in business. So I think I was right.

    At least she's getting rid of old components I wasn't using... On a side note, after she told me it was dead, and left the house, as the door closed, my computer shut down, prompting this post: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=5540

    Diagnosis, overall: This woman is computer Death. I wash my hands of any further involvement.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Wow...now I worried about just reading about this lady's touch! That's why I haven't used any PSU lower than 400w in years. It's funny, because at work, we have some design machines that are 2.5 gHz, 2 gigs of RAM, DVD burner and 120 gig HDD...with only 250w power supplies. WHY would anyone put those in anything, let alone CAD machines? Hell, at least replacing them has kept me busy. (No lie, I carry 5 replacements in my car at all times because they go through them so much...) -DarkTanz
  • Crybaby! I'm running with a 112 (NOT a mistype) watter and it works just finh(^*$^+++ATH NO CARRIER -ShujinTribble
  • /me doesn't know the wattage of his new lappy. Desky is (I think) 300W. Daddy'sDesky is unknown (never thought to check... but it's low... Packard Bell Legend 2440.. damn I remembered that model number without missing a beat. But I still rely on my contact list when I call my girlfriend... I need to adjust my priorities. (oh btw in class one day, someone asked my cell number, i hadn't memorized it yet, I went into my phone to look it up and girlfriend says (insert number here) without looking up. I stare at her for a minute and she finally looks up and says, "I think". She got it right. -linuxmatt
  • The one in my main desktop that blew, *was* a 450W. Methinks I'll spring for a similar replacement. -namor
  • My original HP came with a 13.2GB Seagate, floppy, several built-in USB ports (this was back when pre-built systems came with 98SE, couple of years before ME/XP came out), CD-RW...and a 120W PS. I replaced the the HDD with a WD 40GB, no incident. When my audio went out, I bought one of those "kits" (case, PS, MB, processor). That was an upgrade from a Celeron 500 to an Athlon XP 1700+. Kit came with a 450W PS. Absolutely no power issues since. At current PS prices, when a 450-500W PS can be had for the same price, or maybe $10 more than a 200W PS (depending on brand preference), why skimp? $10 extra spent now can prevent much problems in the future, especially when you decide to add that 2nd DVD-burner or a 300GB HDD for extra storage. -missourimule
  • *glances at 600W power supply and just chuckles...den dives for the lart shelter post haste* -WraithDarkRose
  • 21. Checked ... Everything?
    Let me set the stage.

    I'm sitting in our living room just now, daughter on my lap, watching Futurama. Roommate appears at the bottom of the stairs.

    "Oh $roomie," she calls, "I need... technical support."

    And thus the bottom falls out of the world.

    Well, not really. I tried ignoring her until Futurama was finished, but that was obviously not working. She was trying to scan and print, and nothing was happening. "But I checked the plugs and *everything*!" Mentally intoning an objection of, "Yeah, right," I headed up.

    Sit down at the computer. Look at the printer on the floor. The USB cord is plugged into the front port of the computer. Lights are on. I move the printer a couple of inches to get a better look, and...

    The USB B plug is shown to be just laying on the floor, connected to nothing.

    "Checked everything," my ass. Actually, don't check that.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • "I checked everything!" *looks* "No, you didn't." *walks away without fixing anything* -NightSteel
  • Checked evrything? What's the Nasdaq? Huh? HUH? -Dj
  • I need.... technical healing baby! -illiterate
  • Personally I prefer Paisley over checks for some stuff...<lights up and puts on blindfold for larting squad> -ChildofCthulhu
  • You need to reach for the fucknugget repellent.... -vacuumtubes
  • ....its housed inside the Clue-by-four.... -ShujinTribble
  • 22. How much notice do you need???
    Idea to remember - we are unassociating with another major regional ISP. This means we have to get rid of all web addresses, all email addresses with their domain, before they stop delegating to us at the end of June (this June, yes).

    As part of this, we've done, I think, everything we can short of registered letters to 100,000+ customers. We've sent emails to everyone with an address at the domain we were decommissioning. Several times. We set up web pages to walk customers through changing their settings. We set up our mail server to send you a notice every time you tried sending as that domain. We spent the last several weeks deleting email addresses a couple thousand at a time.

    Last Friday, that was done. Monday, I remove the MX record for the old domain. Things have been quiet.

    This morning, giddily, first thing, I actually closed the zone and killed *all* dns for it.

    About 10:30, our tier2 sends a message, CC'd to me out of many people and managers, asking if something's wrong with (olddomain). Why, yes, I reply - I decommissioned it on schedule. Enjoy! (Yes, I was a little snarky in my reply) They've been asking for a warning on the IVR since, because apparently, now and ONLY now are we getting hit with a deluge of calls regarding this. Mainly from people who never changed their email settings from the pop.olddomain, etc...

    I'm taking a perverse delight in it. They're quick calls, so it's not much problem, but good lord, are the techs complaining...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • you bastard for taking delight in the torture of the techs. Also why didn't you have the entire company drop everything they were doing to call the customers one by one and walk them through the changes? (about the only thing you didn't do.) -drachen
  • Jackass customers will be...well...jackass customers. No amount of warning is suffucient for those people. -ThreeBucks
  • Obviously somebody forgot to inform the front end support (L1+L2) of this minor change... I've been there, it's not fun finding out after 10-15 call that you company has pulled the plug on a POP server. Funky part is they informed just about everyone, except us! No emails, no notices, not even a rumor. Oh Fun Day! -LeopardMadcat
  • L1/L2 knew... well, generally. They knew that the end of June was *it* (we have a couple of weeks for rollbacks)... just with the amount of email that people get in a day, this didn't stick. -namor
  • the "Stargate" isp has been gone from this area for like three years (they went under) their users got split up between a few other local isp's, but they STILL haven't gotten rid of that domain. People STILL have their stargate addresses, etc. -spastasmagoric
  • spastas - tell me about it. We acquired another competing ISP in about 2001. They'd acquired another smaller regional ISP before that. Some of *those* addresses still exist. That's my next focus - shutting down about a half-dozen Domains That Should No Longer Be... -namor
  • The ISP I work for sold a remote office equipment, customers and all in April 2005. All these customers were issued new address on the buyers mail server and email to their old address were forward until October 2005, We still get the occasional call from one of our Old customers. -klous
  • Bwahaha! 7:30 - I stop by to pick up my car stereo faceplate (forgot in my drawer when I went to a meeting), and they're *still* getting a lot of calls about it. <giggles> -namor
  • we gave suctomers a year of auto forwarding from their old domain to the new one, automatically, and that wasnt enough. have fun torturing them. -rhiannon
  • 9:15AM the next day, and I just heard a rep behind me get another call about it. Whoa. -namor
  • 23. Smack me with the bad stick
    So, the roommate's computer. It's to the point where I've decided I have to resurrect it myself. Having a spare 20GB around, and some older video cards that will do, why not.

    First order of business, swap out the 'S3 3D Virge' PCI video in there (I believe it's a whopping 2MB onboard). That posts. Now the hard drive.

    Only have the one cable so I disconnect the CD-Roms and hook up the drive. Boot. Hm, doesn't detect the drive. That's funny.

    Cue 15 minutes of head-scratching. Disable the stupid network boot. Changed jumper settings several times. Finally figure - well, it must be a dead drive. Wonder why I've been keeping it around. Well, next best around is a 6GB, let's swap that in. First, pull out the power from the ... oh.

    Note to self: 'lectrical devices work better with 'lectricity.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Just so long as you don't think you're the only one who has ever done that... <grin> -chazz
  • geez..I still do that and I put together computers all the time hehe. -xtc46
  • ..............TIMMAY! -vacuumtubes
  • I've replaced a lot of motherboards due to those bad Taiwanese capacitors that burst. Like, hundreds, since our supplier used boards with them as part of a standard quote. I lost count of the number of times I forgot to plug the front panel connectors back in, then hit the front power switch and scratched my head for about five seconds wondering what the heck was wrong.. -NightSteel
  • I was doing the same thing with a cdrom probably while you were posting that. While the customer watched. *blush* (and yes, I charged extra for the audience) -DrLecter
  • ever figgure out who taxed the system's original parts? -NOFXfan
  • NOFX - the previous roommate, who's still visiting her here, is the likely culprit (a linux/OSS zealot with more zeal than clue, I think) - he may have been trying to set up a network boot. Not sure about the video, though. -namor
  • NightSteel - Let me guess... you have a bunch of $Round_Rock_Deadweights as well, eh? My company has a contract with them as well... and I've been pulling motherboards of late like crazy. GX270... bleah. -VoiceOfSanity
  • 24. I see your disappearing files and...
    Backstory: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=58004

    Well, her computer was sitting in the entrance for the past day. Today, even with kids over, I had some time, and decided... what the hell, while they're gone, I'll take it down and open it up, figure out what's wrong.

    So, I open it. The sides of the case weren't screwed on - I determined this was because they were not the appropriate matching sides. Luckily I have about a half-dozen spares at the moment, and found some that fit perfectly.

    Next, well, take a look at this picture and see if you can figure out what the problem is:

    http://www.namor.ca/hdd01.jpg

    (Gee, I *wonder* if that could be why she thinks the hard drive is dead...)

    Only saving grace? The sticker on the front of the case: http://www.namor.ca/hdd02.jpg
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Well, I see a floppy drive, and a couple CD-ROM's.. I guess when you delete the files, you physically delete the drive too ;) -deskmonkey
  • Hmm... Invisible hard drive? Looks like somebody stole both the drive and the rear fan. On a side note: My front case sticker says "RTFM" -unrenowned
  • Well I had to get rid of that other thing when I installed the second CD-ROM -Divinar
  • You said this one had/was getting a degree in CS? If so, break out the clue X 4. If not, LART away and move along. -bassman
  • Somebody t'iefed it! An' somebody t'iefed the vide-oh card too! I see the slot cover is off the AGP slot, but there's no card in it... somebody snagged her AGP card and put in a low-performance PCI card instead? But because both IDE connectors are the same color, I'm going to guess that it's an older Socket 370 system, and may only take AGP to 2X. But with the actual HDD missing, the sticker on the front is pointless -- it's powered by nuttin'. -chazz
  • chazz, it could be powered by a knoppix boot CD, or one of those linux firewall distro's that fits on a floppy... Just saying. -snJimboip
  • Hm. Hadn't noticed the PCI/AGP - and looking at it, the video is a crappy S3 Virge card, probably only a couple of MB. The board identifies itself as an nVidia nForce, but I can't find a specific model. The CPU says it's an AMD Sempron at 1100 MHz. I think something's screwed. Starting to believe she should be hunting down a former roommate. -namor
  • snJimboIP -- The sticker on the front does say Red Hat, and I don't believe RH makes a live CD or a floppy-bootable distro. namor, while I'm not saying it's impossible for that to be a Sempron, I will say that the only motherboards I've seen with the northbridge chip mounted diagonally like that are cheap & cheesy Celeron boards and P4s with a memory controller hub. Then again, that could be a cheap & cheesy Sempron motherboard... certainly looks cheap and cheesy with that gap in the memory sockets. On the good side, though, I see no sign of DCCD. -chazz
  • Chazz - EVERY nForce board I've seen - EVERY one - has had the northbridge turned that way. As are the SiS based boards one of my customers has been using recently. Just a note. -ralphp1024
  • It looks like a AMD AthlonXP system. It could use some canned air to get the crud out of the heatsink and some general dust removal. Some of the XPs make so little heat that case fans are not necessary. Less fans = less dust intrusion. -Wraith556
  • GAAH! I just realized -- my home office has become an Intel shop! AAAAA <pant pant pant> Okay, Chazz, calm down... yah... okay, there, that machine? It's an AMD64... okay... and the kid's machine? Yeah, that one... Athlon 1.4G... and the wife? Athlon 1.0... Okay.... all better now... -chazz
  • 25. More Engrish Fun!
    History: http://69.46.28.206/single/single.php?content_number=57013

    They moved one of their new sites away from us. Then called right away to ask why they couldn't see the new one. Uh, hello, propagation?

    What got us, when we checked it, was their Under Construction page for it on the new host, which read:

    "(Site name) will on the life soon!"
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I'd like to be on the life soon! -robbor
  • keep hoping to hit the lottery so i can be "on the life" and "outta here!". Whaddayamean I have to buy a ticket?????? -TubPorsche
  • Thank you Ghost, this is the best laugh I have had in like a week. -ScoobySnaxz
  • You're welcome ScoobySnaxz! Wow! I am so funny that people laugh at my comments "before" I post them! <?> -TheGhost
  • 26. Workarounds
    To start, let me say: Our current hosting platform is insane. And, since it's another department/internal company that handles the support, it can be nasty to get some things done.

    On to today. Nice enough customer has a request - he's not using his webspace, it comes free with his account - can we please delete all of the content that's in there?

    Sure! It'll relieve some monotony during the day. Log in through FTP (no admin shell here...) and delete it all.

    Except for a 6-deep directory structure that looks like it's part of some open-source package. Some of the files created were done by it, through the webserver, so... the user has no permissions on them.

    This bugs me. It's only a couple of files, but it looks bad if I can't completely clear it out.

    What's our hero to do?

    It's a measure of the server support that I would rather write a perl script, upload it and hit it in my browser, to delete those files, than I would spend the time to email them to request they do it on their side.

    End result: I WIN!

    What other awful hacks have you had to go through to get the results you wanted (that should have been simple)?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Finding and reducing the size of the cookies cache which you cannot (that I've found) control through the XP GUI. I have a batch file that's 300 lines long that configures our corporate desktops the way I want them. -Olorin
  • 27. *this* I can handle!
    I and my compatriot in the DNS/webmaster area are interrupted in our dandelion musings by the arrival of a cute, lithe, exotic pretty.

    Namely, the front-desk wench. (I wonder if she's spank me if I called her th - uh-oh. It appears they can see this. On with the story!) She indicates there's a gentleman at the front who wants to speak to one of us. He wants his website updated.

    Great consternation follows. We don't do *content*, here, after all. I think it's been years since someone actually visited the building for us, for something. I feel like I'm shedding cobwebs, here.

    We decided which one of us would check it out, by time-honored techie tradition - rock/paper/scissors.

    My skills weak, I slouch up to the front to inform him, "We don't do that."

    I do indeed get to say this. He insists someone did this for him before. He's got the content, too, brandishing a small USB key at me like some obscure talisman of ancient secrets. (As well it might be...)

    I'm curious, anyway. He's got that much. So what's the site? Not a domain? Personal webspace? Yes, he's got the full business package, but he's using his www.isp.net/~username space for his business website.

    Okayyyyyyyy... well, it means I've got his username. What about a password, I ask him.

    It's on the USB drive. I look at it askance, shrug, and plug it into a computer we've got there.

    What the... he was right. He points excitedly at the ws_ftp executable, which I launch. It's got his profile saved. This far along, I finish it - back up the current, upload the new content from the key as well, and test the site. It works.

    That wasn't so hard.

    As I hand the key back, he fumbles, drags out his wallet, and hands me a crisp $20.

    Old german gentleman, you rock. For 5 minutes of my time, I could do this all *day*.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • YOU DID WORK FOR CASH. YOU WHORE!!!!!! <pulls out a $20> What will you do for a twenty honey? -burrkiss
  • Strange that the first comment was from burrkiss... I got back to my desk, relate the story to a half-dozen co-workers, pulling out the $20 for emphasis, and... one looks at me meaningfully, motions toward the corner of his mouth, as though to indicate that there was a crumb, and says, "... I think you still have some come on your lip." -namor
  • So are you going to have to get a new 'handle' for TSC? Something about "I can be bought? Damn RIGHT!" -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 3 oddities: 1. the guy had the knowhow to setup a usb key to run the ws_ftp with the correct profile settings. 2. Although the guy did neep "someone here has done it before in the past" from the tone of the story it wasn't done in an annoying way. 3. your knees didn't get sore. -drachen
  • Please tell me the front desk girl's name is Dawn Tinsley. Oh, please, tell me that! :) -viennasausage
  • "rock/paper/scissors" That's funny, we usually just call "Not it". -DuckyFuzz
  • ==NOT-IT!!== -ShujinTribble
  • NOT IT!!! -Bobsentme
  • NOT IT. Na na na na na na! -DuckyFuzz
  • And now, next time he needs it done, he's got a face on the person who did it and "I PAID YOU FOR THIS". -redevil34
  • looks like your coworker and me think along the same lines. BFEG -burrkiss
  • we play phone russian roulette when it comes to esclations. if someone calls the sup line- could go to any one of teh 3 of us. queue desk sets everyone same priority.. and has the agent call back with the customer ready for transfer. -Harm
  • i tend to cheat if i know whats happening ( IE queue guys is smiling) -Harm
  • You got $20 for UPLOADING a website??? HOW!!! -srteach
  • 28. Half a freaking hour.
    That's how long it takes to explain to a woman with a very harsh oriental accent, that a field with a 2 character limit, is going to crop input that looks like ' AB'.

    I've taken my name out of my signature, let's see how well these people can deal with email *only*.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Not as bad as that time it took 3 hours to explain how to take a screenshot to someone....*sigh* -Kisara
  • A screen shot? 1- Take a camera. 2- Take a picture of the screen. 3- Take the film to the photolab. 4- Have the film developed. 5- Get the photo 6- Connect a scanner to the PC. 7- Scan the photo. 8- Save the photo file with a descriptive name. 9- Open Word. 10- Go to "insert -> picture -> from file" ... Of course that takes three hours to explain! <You know, I've come to like it here inside the LART shelter...> -TheGhost
  • No tickey... -viennasausage
  • 29. Tha's alotta spam!
    Background - the telco I work for acquired a local, competing ISP a few years ago. Users adopted and merged, the domain was finally shut down late last year and we stopped serving mail/DNS for it.

    However, some people didn't get the notes, or didn't realize that they still had their domain addresses @oldisp.ca.

    Had one today. Domain with Netsol. Admin contact is @oldisp.ca. As it takes a while to get domains added to our mail servers, I changed the DNS to point to my home mail server, couple of quick changes there, and I'm accepting for a couple of the oldisp.ca addresses.

    Turn on DNS, and tell NetSol to send the links for the userID and password reset. Got 'em.

    Then, for kicks, I do the catch-all for oldisp.ca for a few minutes before I deactivate it. I get about 1 spam a second until I close DNS and kill it on my server. (Okay, some were valid, old mailing lists, etc...)

    Later that day, near home time, co-worker calls me - very similar situation. So, I do the same thing, only for the one address, though, this time.

    So maybe I can be forgiven for forgetting to kill the DNS for it...

    Just checked. Lines in my log file, from today, relating to oldisp.ca?

    7797 and counting. If I was actually accepting these messages, my connection might be hurtin'.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • One word... autoresponder :) -maciarc
  • Does that old ISP end in 'vision'? -Jay911
  • Jay - nope! Was a local one, couple of provinces over. I just turned off DNS for it this morning, and the tally is at 15838. Whee... -namor
  • 30. Lucky
    This just happened.

    I'm walking to the water cooler to get a refill, when I pass the two data/cellular Tier2s. One of them is on the phone. As I pass, I see his monitor - there's a picture of a *very* cute blonde, in lingerie, with a cellphone in front of her - after a microsecond it's obvious it's a picture of her snapped in a mirror, from that cell she's holding.

    I look over at the other guy. He's grinning, and waves at me, the intention obvious: "SHHHHHHHH!"

    I lean in close. "So, uh... *who* is that?"

    Apparently it's a customer who's been having trouble sending pictures. They got her yesterday, and during troubleshooting then she said she'd try sending to them... they had no idea until it came through, and she was naked.

    Apaprently, there's a guy in Chicago who isn't getting her lovely content.

    I just walked back there to ask for some of the pics, myself, but they were both on the phone - one of them still with her. Overheard, as he's checking one picture she seems to have sent to a test cellphone of theirs. "Yeah, that one's kinda... soapy..."

    Damnit.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Um, Namor? Feel free to post those pics in the break room. I, uh, have some experience with, um, camera phones and, uh, maybe we can help this lady out with hers. knowwhatImeanokbye. :) -rokitt
  • ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^what he said -starfishmagnet
  • I third that! -Bobsentme
  • I third that comment! :-p -Torinir
  • "We're going to need some more, uh, test pictures. Go get lathered up, I'll hold." -Geminii
  • soo your - going to umm.. SHARE those with us, right? Thats not a question :) -Harm
  • " yea- i THINk the flash maybe a LITTLe high.. but we can test that. do you happen to have a metalic rocket shapped device ? if so we can test the flash strength and try to tweak it. water prof preferably. Oh and well need to test the focal point as well. as well as a combined test... -Harm
  • "Ma'am, there DOES seem to be something wrong with the camera. I'll be right over to check on it personally." -Bobsentme
  • 31. Beat me to it.
    Earlier today, my ex-sister-in-law sent me an IM - saying that she was looking for a keylogger.

    Curious, I even responded. First mistake.

    It appears that she has a couple staying over, and they're using her computer. Some spyware got on it, and nobody's fessing up, so... she thought she'd track them down.

    How badly can this go wrong, I ask myself.

    So I find and send her one via email.

    Several hours later, I'm greeted by another IM. Her computer isn't letting her open it, her anti-virus is complaining about it, so..

    ... she's going to format.

    That worked out better than I could have hoped.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Ex-in-laws don't let ex-in-laws compute drunk. -concept14
  • I really REALLY *REALLY* hate the prevailing logic that's being taught to newbie computer users that "reformatting is the only way to fix problems"... *sigh* -EagleEye
  • if only " shotgun to the head" could be taught the same way reformatting has been. but then we'd be out of work... until we got jobs working for a firearms company. SWEET BETA TESTS! < need sleep> -Harm
  • I'm with you on that EE; unfortunately that is the way the techs are trained in order to keep the call times low. Furthermore, this sledgehammer-to-a-nail approach actually does work (most of the time).... too bad the customer usually looses all saved data in the process. -BayouTech
  • It's not the only way, it's just easy. I'll probably do it soon, only I probably won't go back to Windows. -namor
  • There are several out there. Depending on which A-V she's using, I may be able to help. -Mewtwo
  • Unfortunately, where I work it's required that we make every possible effort to recover the user's data before we either a) nuke and pave the drive, or b) replace the drive with a new one. Some days I really want to teach the (l)users a lesson, but my lead wants to keep them happy (read look good in their eyes) than teach them. *sigh* He even goes so far as offering to send it to OnTrack (even though the data is probably stored on our network servers, and all we're going to recover is their mail files). *double sigh* -VoiceOfSanity
  • I kinda like the new logic, since I'm getting a "hosed" machine free. The "user" is so spywared it won't boot, a tech (not me) told him to get a new machine, he is. Guess who he is throwing his "ruined" P4 2.5 with 64M vid to. Guess, Guess, huh, huh. Life is sweet. -DizzyDan
  • 32. Must be busy...
    Co-worker just asked me about a domain we used to do hosting for. Webhosting shut down early last year, DNS still existing in some places, as there were 4 related domains...

    Apparently, an email came through to our support overnight, saying he'd noticed *12 months ago* that the sites weren't working, and only now had a chance to look into it...

    I gotta wonder what this guy does...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Find something, ANYthing, that you can request from him. Maybe he'll take another year to reply to it. -ChuckBiscuits
  • a lot of green smokables. a LOT. -Harm
  • He is a musician, playing John Cage's "As Slow As Possible" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/As_Slow_As_Possible In his free time, he does tech support for you. -TheGhost
  • Whatever he does, he does it SLOOOOOOOWLYYYY! -Voz
  • funniest tag line EVER!!! and maybe the guy's like my company's owner, has a second job(I know suxors) that works him 80 hours a week. so busy he never stops in and when he does he gives me things to do. -drachen
  • 33. I'm a root and didn't even boot!
    Bad title. Anyway...

    Got an email from a new Tier1 rep - asking for access to the forums on $server.

    My reply: $Tier2 does that, not me, sorry.

    Shortly thereafter, one of the other $Tier2 walks over - "Hey, see, on the forum page it lists $Tier2 and you as the administrators, and $Tier2 is gone for three weeks..."

    Really??? News to me. I go to the page, and try my initiallastname format, and "password". It *works*. And tells me that it hasn't changed in some 197 days, and I have to reset it. Do so. Find the admin panel and set up the user.

    Previously, my only experience with the server it's on was helping the $Tier2 set it up, just because. I didn't even know I *had* a login for this part. Apparently, this is a "benefit".

    Despite the questionable nature, I'm more surprised than annoyed by this. Am I the only one who tends to match my 'importance', such as there is, with the access I tend to accumulate?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • hehe it's like finding 5$ in a coat that was in storage -NOFXfan
  • I'm currently the most important employee in my company, next to BossLady, as she signs the pay checks. But I have admin access to all but one on the servers, am in charge of the tech department with currently 2 men under me. (Stop Burkiss, just stop!) I am the head of the abuse department(just me :( ) and just about everything else short of signing the paychecks and paying the taxes(accounting crap like that). but I get paid like an indian script monkey. If only I lived in india, then I could live comfortably. -drachen
  • Actually, I tend to see access as annoyance in a lot of cases. It means another thing I will be held responsible for keeping backed up / safe / running. -chazz
  • Kind of agree with chazz, here - but with root, at least I *can* figure out and fix things. I may not know much to start, but give me root, and a day, and I'll either have it done or it'll be in pieces. :) -namor
  • I agree with Chazz AND namor. I've accumulated usernames/passwords to several of our work systems simply by accidentally overhearing them. Eight to ten weeks and gallons of alcohol later, they're STILL THERE, written in a burning flame ten feet tall in my mind. Same as my boss's mobile phone number. Unfortunately, when someone says "I wish I could log in" I tend to automagically do so for them. It's a curse, I tell ya. Especially when they say somethign to the effect of, "Saaaaay, YOU know the credentials. YOU can run my report/back up the system onto a cat/make coffee by pressing the ESC key repeatedly!" (Typical response: Uh, no. Not what I'm paid to do. Go away.) -snowcrash
  • 34. How did it end up like this?
    Earlier this morning I got a voice message from a co-worker, who used to work in my department. It was short, said he wanted to ask something about our news server, and that was it.

    Yeah, I called him back. The story, was fairly short.

    "Yeah, my buddy here at work was looking for stuff for his kids, and found... well, porn. Kiddie stuff."

    Instant alert. Something about adolescents. I tell him I'll look into it and call him back.

    And that's the story of how I came to be looking for evidence of the most depraved sort at work this morning.

    (Didn't find any. Found some pre-teen groups, but that's just 18-yr-old masquerading-as-lolitas sort of stuff)

    He was going to get specifics, so tomorrow, there may be more for me to look into.

    I'm still trying to fit the pieces together of how this became my job.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • It's your job cause you work with the innernet!! And nobody else will do it! -cjo
  • Remember that research requires plenty of documentation. Make as many printouts as necessary, using the color laser printer for the more "critical" pieces of proof. -HidariMak
  • "I'm still trying to fit the pieces together of how this became my job" - this needs to be immortalized on a t-shirt, for me to wear to work. -TechnoCat
  • "...and other duties as assigned." Puzzle solved. -missourimule
  • Other duties... wash the lunchroom dishes, clean the cat's litter box, feed the horses... -CyBear
  • I've added searching for porn to my duties. On those occasions when I'm in the office late and alone, I pursue my duties assiduously! -maciarc
  • On the serious side: *MY* company, just before I was hiered, was targeted by local law enforcement in a kiddie-porn news server scandle that greatly pissed us off because of the specifics of the issue/investigation, as well as the final outcome (Pleading to a lesser charge/pay a fine because it was WAY less expensive than proving our innocence). In this case, "Document, document, document" doesn;t do justice to the level of care you're gunna need for this one.. Get backing *IN WRITTING*, *IN TRIPLICATE* and *EACH SIGNED BY HAND* before you start scrounging around. This needs to be done way more carefully than you would believe.... Otherwise you might end up with more than a boot in the ass as you're escorted off the premises in silver bracelets. ("Convicted Child-Porn Facilitator" doesn;t look good on a resume'.) -- PLEASE be careful! -ShujinTribble
  • It's your job cause you work with the innernet!! And nobody else will do it! -cjo
  • 35. Fax Machine/Modem Mixup
    Second story from today.

    Sales rep calls me up. I recognize the name on the caller display as one who was assigned to me as their internet support rep in some loose fashion, *years* ago.

    I pick up anyway. This had widely been regarded as a bad move, but I like to live dangerously.

    The start of the conversation seems to bear this out. "Hi!" she chirps. "I'm calling you because you're the only one I know in Internet..."

    It gets better. As far as I can remember, it continued... "Well, I've been helping my mother with her computer, and then my brother messed things up, and we figured it was the fax machine..." (huh? my brain pops in for a moment and quickly slams the door shut to Logic, to prevent it from throttling Reason and Sensibility) "... so we wrapped that up and dropped it off at Value Village."

    So far, I've yet to figure out how this involves me.

    "So anyway, we finally figured out that the reason she couldn't get connected anymore was that we had accidentally packaged the DSL modem with the fax machine."

    Apparently, that took them a *week*.

    I got a new one prepared, and cried silently.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Ahh.... but we all got a chuckle. -AngrySup
  • *chases my escaping braincells before they get away* -missourimule
  • She was the one that should have been 'wrapped up and dropped off at V-V'! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Value Village would refuse delivery of this bitchwad. -momo
  • 36. My special V-Day! (NT/OT)
    To the love of my life... the reason I get up in the morning, and continue with my day.

    At work, I look forward to spending time with you. You don't misunderstand me, and work with me on the little foibles that make us truly unique.

    To the one, the all.... my penis. I love ya, burr - uh, baby! Er, jack? Russel? Maybe... Raoul?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Pedro? from Palmela :) -Harm
  • I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. </King Missle> -missourimule
  • OK, hands up anyone who thinks that was just, plain TMI. -lineswine
  • I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all hte time; it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time; I can leave it home when I thnk it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning, I can't, for the life of me, remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it, so I called up the place hwere the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet , 'ccause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but no this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue, toward St Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven - some guy was selling it! I had to but it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again: complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. -Blue3c
  • " take him to a bar- buy him a drink, a low ball maybe" -Harm
  • 37. Another candidate for the bar
    Short history: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=55444

    Customer opted to get a new domain, a .org instead of the regional one that was taken over by the porn site. We still had content and configuration on our servers, so it was easy to point the new domain to it. Advised the customer they might want to examine their links and posted email addresses, as it goes to the old domain. All good.

    Today, (working from home, sick) I check the mailbox to find a message from the customer complaining about not getting to the site. What's the error, I say? I can get there fine.

    The message is rejected by his spam filter due to the URL.

    Edit message and send again. Get a response.

    "When I am at MSN search, I enter www.newdomain.org and I receive "We couldn't find any results containing www.newdomain.org Consider new domain. I am confused."

    I don't think the site is work-related, and his email address ends in .gc.ca. Yay. I know I shouldn't be, but I remain amazed every time I find someone who still uses the internet like this.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Like, bummer, man. Maybe he just needs to kick back, mellow a bit and maybe learn to use the address bar, or is that sounding like so judgemental? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • .gc.ca? Federal government work account? Woo... -chazz
  • I was at a public internet terminal once. Its home page was Google and I didn't notice that the cursor was in the search box instead of the address bar. I got as far as 'www.' before I realized. But before I had a chance to move the cursor where I needed, the AutoComplete popped up with a *huge* list of web addresses that people had searched for :-/ -Mango
  • 38. Marketing Respects Us!
    Someone scanned in one of the *new* ads our company is running, promoting our internet services.

    Background: Our company uses a large mammal as a mascot right now, so it makes sense because it rhymes, but...

    Normally we get advance notice of what ads will be run, I don't remember seeing this one.

    Basically, the logo accompanying the ad says - "The NERD HERD"

    'scuse the (expletive) outta me?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • What we have hear, is a failure to comunicate. -Harm
  • I need a bigger cluebat - what tech-type company uses a large mammal as a mascot? -Divinar
  • Divinar - actually, you probably wouldn't know it outside of the area. It's more a province-specific thing (we're the incumbent). -namor
  • mammal that may or may not be shared by a cold sports team which my area is leading at the moment? -Harm
  • Is the mascot of species "Bovidae"? -Wraith556
  • Bovinae, from what I can tell, more specifically. Okay, it's a bison. Apparently nobody outside my area knows what I'm talking about anyway. :) -namor
  • BC - i think orca. -Harm
  • oh oh I know who you mean:) I look forward to the commercials(I find them entertaining) -saneagain
  • My company uses a bison as well... damned Buffalo, NY regionalism! -ShujinTribble
  • Q: What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? ........ A. you wash your hands in a bison. hmmm not so sure this will work a written gag, needs to be spoken ... oh well -macbeth
  • "...a NERD HERD? What do I care if a Nerd Herd, I don't have any secrets from a NERD!" </Groucho Marx paraphrase> -Voz
  • 39. 2 Meg for this?
    Almost put this in as an email... apparently, they've discovered a tiny issue with some new equipment of ours, but they've got a fix, as well.

    Today, one tech manager sent out the conclusion - a 2meg powerpoint presentation, with huge screenshots of every step necessary...

    ... to go into the device manager and change the NIC settings to 10Mbps Half-Duplex.

    He's just the messenger, but wow. I would hope that all tech support would need, would be a single-page bullet list, but... maybe there's something I don't know.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Are you sure he's a Tech. manager, not a Marketing manager? Marketing arseholes use Powerpoint for everything, down to and including office memos. -Gromit
  • $manager...in that position long enough, you end up as a jackass no matter what department you're in. -PaseoGuy
  • True tech - "Set Network to 10M Half" - scribbled on the back of a cigarette packet... -Wonko The Sane
  • Like I said, he's just the messenger - and came from my department, once upon a time. I'm just amazed that it had to go into that much detail. -namor
  • namor -- he came from your department? If that's the case, likely he has been exposed to so many (l)users that by now he just automatically assumes that everyone with a keyboard in front of them is, potentially at least, a starfish. Even his own tech group... -chazz
  • namor, I'm surprised there are that many details to give -McSmiley
  • It's not the information, it's the bitmpaps that result from doing a printscreen and pasting it into MS paint. -illiterate
  • There is a highly contagious disease called 'manageritis'. No matter how skilled you were in your technical position, promotion, and the resulting exposure to the disease, will turn you into a buzzword-babbling, Power-Point-spewing, mission-statement-generating, 'Any'-key-seeking drone within weeks. -Gaah
  • I actually ran into the reverse. I wrote a document intended for techs who know what they are doing, but had never performed the procedure. It was three pages in wordpad, step-by-step but assumed the reader knows tech, and my supervisor nixed it as being too wordy. His one-page bullet list assumes that you already know the process. (His manager has since asked for a copy of my document so that HE would be able to perform the procedure. He does know tech, but couldn't follow my supv's one-page.) -Captain Trips
  • I hope this wasn't a sign that they want to make the job as easy as possible for the next wave of script monkeys they're hiring in, for even lower pay, to replace the competant techs. I also hope to win the lottery one day... -HidariMak
  • Now that you have me remembering my days working in a TS department, I'd guess from any place I worked, half the techs would probably be asking for details on the steps in the powerpoint... and the other half would skim it, make a mental note, then try to forget ever actually seeing the powerpoint (to avoid confusion)... At my main clients, I need to make step by steps like that for any luser that assumes one of my rolls. (hey I can't blame my client for not wanting to pay $100+ for me to do an onsite call just to change the paper from letter to legal... -garwain
  • 40. OT, but very geeky
    http://www.collegesexadvice.com/sex.shtml

    Title: Linux Sex Positions - The Open Source Kama Sutra

    Pictures are probably OK, but text probably NSFW.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Downloading drivers = Me laughing my ass off. -Bobsentme
  • Heh - Tux is a leather-loving bottom... ROFL -teivrann
  • 41. Fun with CallerID
    Ok, so this isn't technically mine.

    One of my co-workers is somewhat east-Indian. I say somewhat, because he has no trace of an accent, and acts more like a black man than anything. Still, he has the family, and the language, and all the trappings of his ancestry.

    Last week, I was acting (somewhat) as a supervisor, as he had just started his vacation. I get a call on my DN from a # I don't recognize, and caller ID comes up as "BHAGWAN". I check the phone records (Hey, we're the phone company/ISP, I like to know who's calling. :) and recognize his name. So I answer.

    I had to ask what the name meant, though. He said he had them add it specifically like that, and that it pretty much means "God." Interesting, I say, any problems with that?

    Yes, he says. His wife's family is pretty involved in the religious aspects, and he once had to phone one of the temples... and the response he got...

    (Mimicking someone tentatively picking up the phone and whispering): "H...h...hello..........?"

    Damn. I wonder who I have to talk to, to change my ID...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • (Intercom) "*Bzzzzt!* Namor? We have a 'God' on the line for you." | "Really? Would you ask him to wait?" | (Intercom) "He said he knew you were going to say that." -ShujinTribble
  • Thats pretty funny! I had to email my dad this one. Pure Gold!! -FuriousGeorge
  • God should said, "All is known". -vacuumtubes
  • 42. Manual POTD?
    Just got a cheap, tiny KVM switch for my desktop/server. They're just a few feet from eachother, and I hate reaching behind to swap the monitor/keyboard when things go *really* wrong, so... it made sense.

    It's an iView Cable KVM, PS2 only. Hotkey operation. Just what I need. But, this may be strange, as I'm the sort who at least pages quickly through the manual of every new product...

    I read the "Trouble shooting" pages at the back. Three columns, "Sympton solutions," "Possible causes," "Recommended."

    With such gems as, "The switch lies on the floor and gets dirty easily." - Solution: "Move it away from the dust."

    Or, the last, my favorite: "How can I connect an old computer using serial mouse?" "The switch does not support serial mouse." "It is time to replace that old computer."
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • ROFL! Honest Tech Writer - or then the manual has been written by the Support Dept. Also looks like the manufacturer's Public Relations dept. has not had an eye on that manual! <GGGGGG> -NordicPT
  • Sounds like Tina the Angry Tech Writer (tm/Dilbert) finally got a new job. -ShujinTribble
  • From the original Apple // user manual: "Your disk must be formatted before use. On a clear disk you can seek forever." That book had a lot of fun stuff. -LaserGuru
  • Hey, wait a sec, I just got an early holiday gift of one of those babies (scoots off to RTFM). -Mysty
  • LMAO nice to see honest manuals being printed -Jax
  • 43. Work-Sponsored Drunk
    We just got a delivery!

    Another internal group dropped off a box for us - treats for the business internet group! Whee!

    Included: a box of brandy-filled chocolates, and some other set - Kahlua-filled chocolates, courvoisier, Jack Daniels, Grand Marnier... I've had maybe 3 and... I think I'm starting to feel it.

    It's nice of them to provide us with an excuse to get drunk in the middle of the day...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • we got a bottle of wine each earlier this week, I think a few people polished theirs off in the lunch hours..... -Tarantulus
  • 'Boxed Panty Removers'! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • on only 3? and you call yourself Canadian :-P -NOFXfan
  • feeling a buzz of 3 of em? ya sure its not just the second pot of coffee kicking in? or maybe wearing off? -Harm
  • "Awwwwwwwwwwwww....YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" -vacuumtubes
  • "I WANNNA NUTHER LIQUOR FILLED CHOCOLATE NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!" <trips merrily away to the nearest LART proof bunker> -rokitt
  • Done! I think I'm up to 6 or so, and I'm happy! :) Oh, and NOFX - I'm a *cheap* drunk. If I had panties, they'd be off, now. -namor
  • @TDD LOL I must remember that :D -Jax
  • Jax, in all honesty I must give credit to Jack Daniels 'Liquid Panty Remover' for the inspiration! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Don't get to liking the chocolate-covered brandy too much... it will lead to bottle-covered brandy. -concept14
  • Ok....NOFXfan i think namor here needs some drinking traing, I say we pull sansei duty for him. -RandalGraves
  • Sorry to burst your bubble, but there isn't a single shot's worth of booze in an entire box of liquor-filled chocolates. (But I love the things, too!) -Captain Trips
  • Captain Trips is a buzz kill but he is right, luckly Chocalate is reason eneough to be happy. -klous
  • 44. Geeky Clothing?
    Front-desk woman drops off a package for me this afternoon - I'm a little bewildered, standard bubble-wrap envelope, about 5x7". I've ordered nothing, but look at the return address.

    It's from CIRA. (http://www.cira.ca in case you don't know) Even more confusing. Joking about Anthrax, I open it.

    Inside is a cap. Black denim, cloth strap, .ca with maple leaf logo on front in red. Nice, but... I'm not a cap sort of person. Maybe a bucket hat in summer.

    With the dearth of 'geek' items in my wardrobe, this thing has to be the geekiest item of clothing I now own. (I have bunches of company-branded shirts, but I don't figure that counts - and I really don't wear them.)

    I have to wear it, though. It's compelling. Even if only to find someone else who will know what it means.

    So. What's on *your* body? (/CapitalOne)
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I like to wear my utility vest. It has pockets for my cell phone, PDA, etc. It reminds me of my days as a forester, as it looks a lot like a cruiser vest. -CyBear
  • My trusty pure pwnage t-shirt which reads "I PWN N00BS" -Tarantulus
  • My Microsoft anti-piracy t-shirt. I love sarcasm. -ecoli
  • nothing but my trusty Apple I-cod cod piece, no not really but it would be fun -NOFXfan
  • Tarantulus - I prefer the "I PWN B00BS." *grins* -shadowkat
  • Similar to CyBear, my "Bat Belt," with multitool, minimag light, cell phone, PDA, and a couple of other necessary items to get me through your average day. -RiffRaff
  • Tie-Dye. Really. Actually. Of course unless it's the weekend or a Friday, it's the undershirt. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • my binary watch, and my "I see fragged people." T-shirt. and I love them both dearly -virusjtg
  • My leatherman is on my belt, but that's the only techie/geeky thing about me. Except for the glasses, I suppose. -pixel
  • I have my leatherman, and my "No, I will not fix your computer" black tshirt. Both of which are favorites of mine. -DreadPirate
  • let's see TSC shirt and a sweater (hey it's cold up north!) Jeans with buisness card holder, and PDA in right pocket, Civic Hybrid keys, keys for several clients server rooms... contact lens case, pocket knife in left pocket, wallet with nothing geeky (except for 2 months work of receipts maybe...) in back pocket. Cell phone, and LED flashlight on belt. Most of the geek equipment in in my toolkit. Just out of the corner of my eye, I see linux cds, backup tapes, various cables, screwdriver, pliers, cable tester and rRJ-11/45 crimping tool. -garwain
  • I have a compaq T shirt that has a picture over a pocket protector with pens etc sticking out of it, in the appropriate place on the shirt with the caption "Not all heros wear tights and a cape" -Quchant
  • let's see, buddy holly glasses, sci-fi con t-shirt (ORYCON 27,baby!) a caffeine molecule sweatshirt (that I made), my leather trenchcoat(channel your inner Marv), my cell phone. that's what I'm wearing today...total g33k! -3p0ch
  • My geekiest piece of clothing would be my watch. It's huge, it's titanium, it has a compass, a altimeter, a barometer, a thermometer, and it's solar powered. http://www.casio.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=products.detail&product=PAG80T%2D7V -scooby111
  • I like my "Don't make me roll initiative!" t-shirt -edventure
  • my favorite shirts say, "I roll 20's!" "Portland Farking Oregon" and "it is through caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion, it is through the beans of Java that my thoughts acquire speed, my hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning, it is through caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion" and from my last job, "pornclerk" -3p0ch
  • 3p0ch, I have the caffeine message on my cube wall. Company and customer supplied clothing made my wardrobe for more than a few years. -Wraith556
  • Geez, Scoob! What, no humidistat? My watch is also my most geeky dailywear: 10 daily/weekly alarms, 10 appointment alarms, 10 notations (to label the alarms/appointments), a 200 event timer-log, and a counter. All without having to wear a calculator-watch (which just LOOKS geeky.). it's a black and grey plastic Timex Ironman Sleek (Style 54591) http://www.timex.com/bin/detail.tmx?item=048148545915 And I paid $25 dollars for it at Wal-Mart. -LoTech
  • Oh, and I forgot to mention my favorite feature of my watch: it uses a bitmapped display, and when you activate the backlight at night, the display INVERTS so that the digits glow instead of the background. I just love that. -LoTech
  • I've got a tshirt with a familiar penguine on the front. I've also got a nifty binary clock on my desk too. *big evil grin* -Cyan
  • 45. I'm a bastard...
    Co-worker says to me this morning, "Hey, some accounts on $webserver have their home set under the root."

    Okay, we clean those up easily enough. Tells me that he was looking at the accounts because one of the new guys brought over from tech into our business support group, has to have his password reset *every* day.

    I start giggling. "Oh, *yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh*... I remember now..."

    I had set it up like that *months* ago - after a few audits where I found people hadn't changed their passwords from the default in a long while, and notifications weren't working... what the hell, changed their password aging so it required a change every day.

    Oops. Well, now they know! Gotta write something to figure out what other accounts I did that to, now... hee, hee.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Nice one. I'm more in favor of admin-assigned passwords at that point. Each time he forgets one, it gets longer and more complicated. -scooby111
  • Make it change according to the phases of the moon! -Parilla
  • For those "penalty" passwords, look at http://www.grc.com/pass - Steve Gibson's password generator. 63 random ASCII characters B) -ralphp1024
  • Use this java script to determing the number of days before they have to reset their password: Math.round(7 * Math.random()) -maciarc
  • Where I work, we have our NT password that expires every 3 months, another set of pw's that expire every 2 months, and.. we can't use the same password that is on a list of the past 9 for that set!!!!! I don't have a set of 9 for my rotation, let alone figure out which pw is for which sign on. -STJ
  • 46. Eeheehee!
    For history, see: http://69.46.28.206/single/new_stories.php?content_number=54173

    Apparently, only three "qualified" applicants - me, a co-worker whom I consider the only real threat, and someone from customer service, who apparently qualifies "on paper."

    Been anxious and hardly eaten since the interview Wednesday morning. I come back from lunch today to a message - call HR. Knots in my stomach, I call...

    I got the job.

    I'm gonna sit here and giggle quietly to myself for a while...

    Extra karma returned, I hope everyone else who gets some is as fortunate as I was!
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • congratulations! <taking all leftover karma and selling it on e-bay> -3p0ch
  • YAY! HUZZAH! WOOHOO! Conga-rats! And all that stuff! -Grayhawk
  • Hoo-rah! -PTSTech
  • Don't tell anyone I told you, but.... YOU GOT THE JOB!!!! Congratulations!!!! -srteach
  • ROFL @ srteach! Congrats, namor! Like we ever doubted you'd get it. -Tekkie
  • Hey! Congrats! -rokitt
  • Congrats! I'm still waiting to hear back on 4 interviews I've had in the last 6 weeks...so I'll snag a little of your 'get the job' karma! -Starfury
  • Congratulations!!! -Mahal
  • You go the job! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! [/ed] -ThreeBucks
  • Yipee!!! Congratulations!!! -NordicPT
  • Congrats, dude! -Grue
  • Congratulations! -Nazreel
  • Nice to hear that SOMEBODY is having a good day! Yaaa! -CyBear
  • Every once in a while the sun shines, the birdies sing, bunnies romp on the meadow,... and companies make intelligent choices for promotions! Good on yah, Mate! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Good to hear, namor! Congratulations... now they will pay you for what you're doing, yes? -chazz
  • WooFUCKINhoo Namor! Go you! *Recycles karma moofins for the homeless* -TranceGemini
  • "Any uncollected Karma will be held in a shoebox in the LART shelter" -renaultguy
  • Congrats namor! great news!!! now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find a shoe box in the lart shelter. -wolfprince
  • <sniff> I love you all! Oh, and caveats - I'll be doing both jobs (old business tier2, new DNS manager/webmaster) for a while anyway, and there's no real change in pay. But, hey, experience! -namor
  • Congrats on the new job!!! -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Congrats! Hope you dont have to work even harder! -evolvedstarfish
  • congrats -DedSysOp
  • WAHEY! Score one for the good guys! -lineswine
  • Nice one :D -Jax
  • Congrats. Well done! -Dj
  • 47. Hope that tape works...
    I'm on a call for once, outbound, trying to get a woman to log in to our site to see her webstats. I'm trying to bring up the username, when ... uh... the site I use suddenly starts sprouting errors.

    I spin around in my chair, mute the customer, and ask a co-worker, "Uh, did you *just* change something on $webserver?"

    He's got a shamefaced half-smile, and I can't pay attention to him because of the yammering in my ear. I plead ignorance to get them offline, and ask again.

    Repeating the question, I'm greeted with, "So, uh, did you ever fix that backup script...?"
    "I believe so; the overnight mail doesn't have any errors in it. I haven't had the opportunity to test recovery yet, though... *why*?"
    "Well, I was trying to look through a file called foo.zip in $main_webserver_directory, only accidentally put x instead, so it overwrote all the files in the directory..."

    head-desk.

    Yes, the file was actually called foo.zip, and it held a 2-month-old backup of the content.

    I've now proved that the restoration works, too. This should make a perfect example for my interview tomorrow... (as that position is supposed to administer the box anyway...)
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Good luck with the interview!! Say, that coworker isn't going for the same job, is he? *shudders nervously* -TechMama
  • "Where there's foo, there's fire!" </Smokey Stover> -vacuumtubes
  • WTF?! you COPY the damned file to somewhere safe and THEN you explode... his head... with a five-iron! -ShujinTribble
  • "If the foo shits, wear it." -Captain Trips
  • If you name it "foo", someone will inevitably come along to "foox" it up. (yes, it's a lame pun with nothing to do with the CLI switches) -Grue
  • 48. Short Notice Request
    Ok, I know I hardly post anymore. I'm generally pretty busy at work. That said, I'm also generally not the type to do this, but...

    I'm asking for whatever karma you can spare. Just so I have the mindset, and the belief and confidence behind me.

    Reason - I applied for, and at the end of the day ("Let's check my mailbox one last time before I close it and head out for the weekend... what's this notice?") received notice of an interview bright and early on Wednesday morning.

    It's for the DNS Manager/Webmaster position where I work, I'm pretty much doing the job already, but this makes it official and brings a little more pay (who cares) and a lot more recognition and challenge.

    Anything helps. Now if you'll excuse me, it's been a few years since I last interviewed, and I think I need to pull out enough pennies for a suit...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Well, from someone else who doesn't get a chance to post much anymore - Good luck! -wolfprince
  • Go get it, dude - show your accomplishments, and give examples as to the improvements to the cycle once you're officially doing what you already do. -Grue
  • The Karma Kittens are purring madly, you should be feeling the glow at almost any time now! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • namor, you have all the karma I can spare! Is there a way to subtly point out that you are already doing what is basically what they're asking for? -Tekkie
  • McKarma coming your way! -Nazreel
  • I'll lend ya some karma if you send it back in the New Year when you don't need it anymore? Good luck!! -Mysty
  • Just made it back from the sortie over Rockitt's place - be right there! -PTSTech
  • One multi-coloured "Karma-Kameleon" on its way - currently cycling through its' rainbow colours (bleedin' showoff!) -lineswine
  • I remember you namor from way back, ::sends karma:: you like one of the OG's of this site -LowLevelFormat
  • best of luck, and use this karma to help you on the way -Jax
  • 49. I Die A Little
    "Hmm, that's funny - shell stopped responding... wonder why. Nope, proxy didn't freeze up, and looks like it disconnected... but the other login is still connected, so the modem's probably working. Let's call home!"

    Ring!

    Chit-chat ensues with the roommate - in whose room rests most of the networking equipment, courtesy of the mad scientist they have for a roommate (me). Then I ask her... "Can you reboot the router and switch in the corner, please?"
    "Which one is the router?" Okay, this is understandable.
    "It's the black one with the wireless antennaes." (This one has a power switch)
    "Okay, now how do I reset the switch?"
    Oh, no... "Just unplug the power cord."
    "Which one is that?"
    "The... the POWER! It should be the one that looks different from all the others!"
    "But there's like five cords going into it..."
    "You mean to tell me that you can't tell the difference between network cable and a power cord?"
    "Ok, thanks, bye."

    And she abruptly hung up. I guess the moral being, yes, you don't have to be the most polite when on the phone with your friends, but... they can also hang up on you.

    And I found out 5 minutes later that it looks to be a big outage a-startin'. Oops. :)
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • nice to see someone can put you in your place :-P -NOFXfan
  • Hide the cutlery. -vacuumtubes
  • You live with starfish?! How did THIS happen? -Mushroom
  • The problem is you got to say what you wanted to..instead of having to be polite. -Starfury
  • <DA> Wouldn;t it be easier to put certain devices that would need a powercycle on a powerstrip and just tell them to switch off "the power strip on the right side of the desk".</DA> -ShujinTribble
  • A similar story was posted on livejournals mock_the_stupid community, and some bimbo just went ballistic trying to say that it's not realistic to expect non-computer people to recognize a power cord from the back of an appliance. She made many posts but never realized we were all mocking HER stupidity. -thx1138
  • The title has me thinking of a Cole Porter tech song. -concept14
  • No Internet for her! </Soup Nazi> -lineswine
  • 50. Keep it within the family
    Example.

    My brother phones me about 5:30. He's at a friend's house, who's having problems. "It boots up and, uh, you connect to the internet, and it starts freezing and acting weird."

    Okayy... figuring maybe memory or overheating, I ask them to check into that, when his friend says he knows what's doing it. Okay, what, I ask? Brother puts his friend on the phone.

    "Hi... uh, yeah, it's this L-S-A-S-S.exe thing that's causing it."
    "Why do you say that," I ask nicely, readying the cold icepick for my frontal lobes. I know what's coming.
    "Because it comes up with a message telling me it's going to shut down in 30 seconds." Shoe dropped, and damn if it didn't hit the rabbit.

    Quick diagnosis - it's been fucked over by some virus. Why? Well, he put in a new hard drive and installed Windows. Cable internet, no firewall, no anti-virus. Go figure. How'd *that* happen. (/sarcasm)

    I tell them it's best to get a firewall program on disk somehow, unplug the network cable, format, reinstall, install firewall, plug in and update. *klick*
    Now the surreal part. I come across an old router (GNet - they don't make them anymore, but it was always stable for me) that I have laying around. I've been looking to give it away to someone needy, as I have enough stuff around here. I call my brother back, intending to offer it to his friend as some form of protection.

    "Hey, does your friend have a router?"
    "Um... (whispering to friend) no, he doesn't."
    "Well, I've got one here that he could have. It's older but would help, if he wants it."
    (pause) "Um. I have a linksys wireless router..."
    "Great. Does *he* have a router? Does he want this one?"
    "You mean you'll sell it to him?"
    "It's old enough and hardly worth $10 - I'll give it away."
    (pause while brain cells regroup to try again, then fail and have a go at the last known territory) "But I have a wireless linksys..."

    "... ... Allllllright. Talk to you later. Bye."

    I swear, I can't *give* this thing away. Time to hookup an extraneous peripheral to the existing network for no apparent reason - otherwise known as every damn night of the week.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I;ve got a kinky sex part starting, you could bring that over. I already have the watermelon with a hole in it. -burrkiss
  • Great. I'll bring the rubber hose and shoestrings, you bring the koala and papaya. -namor
  • namor, ship it to me postage due -HappyCrappy
  • no Marmosetts and laderhosen? -Harm
  • Jello & whipped cream -Jax
  • I'll TAKE IT!! lol -Tarantulus
  • Motor oil, jumper cables, and twin shaved dobermans! -missourimule
  • Five gallons of petrolium jelly, twelve feet of surgical tubing and two yaks </Leather Goddess of Phobos> -ShujinTribble
  • I got that virus once: temporary fix is to shutdown /a -Veinor
  • 51. A comedy of errors...
    Well, not quite of errors. Consider the following situation...

    Co-worker went on a spree yesterday, renewing some 200+ domains. This depleted the funds we had in our registrar account to almost NIL.

    Worse, is that the only way we can pay this registrar to replenish the funds, is through wire transfer, which takes a few days to process, so we're dead in the water for other new registrations/renewals. Hopefully nothing blows up in the meantime.

    Further, said wire transfer follows and internal process - filled out here, approved by our manager... who is gone and unreachable today.

    Trying to go over his head, which is sadly necessary, only to find out that the person who processes and actually sends out the transfer... is also gone today.

    This is going to take all week.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Meh - what's in a webname, anyway? (Good luck!) -Grue
  • 52. Ask the webmaster!
    So I'm not the webmaster here - yet.

    Original ticket entered: Nov 7th. Issues with personal webspace (can't access).
    Email from tier2 group to manager, asking them to press the issue with our server support: 15 minutes ago.
    Email from me to same group and manager advising that I'd diagnosed the issue and suggested a fix: 10 minutes ago.
    Time to gloat: Rest of the day.

    Priceless. Well, not quite, they *do* pay me, but... I can be a smug bastard.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • It's hard not to be smug when you're perfect like we are, eh? -CivilWarTech
  • I just find it funny. And a perfect example to bring up as to why I need to get the (now open) DNS/webmaster position. -namor
  • Indeedy they should give it to you! Go get 'em, namor! -Tekkie
  • 53. Older than this?
    People who never even know what services they have...

    Just dealing with one customer, who finally complains of their website no longer working. Can't find the ID in our front-end system, but find some remnants (and webspace) on the back end... so it works, and has been working, for a while.

    The thing is, it looks like it never made it through the migration to this new system, in 2002. So they've been getting it free, since.

    Not that they've ever made changes... I checked, and nothing's been modified since 1998. By Microsoft Frontpage 2.0. Good Lord.

    I wonder if there are any more...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Yes. Guaranteedy. There is ALWAYS at LEAST one more. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • "Back Home" the business I wa with signed up for ADSL, three months later they hadn't billed us once, but the service worked perfectly. I thin their accounting system lost our signup. -Dj
  • Some of my worst spelling yet! Woo. -Dj
  • I used to have SBC DSL and created a website for myself. Part there, part on Yahoo. Haven't had the account for over a year..the SBC site is still up and working but I can't get in and kill it. -Starfury
  • I've got a site I put up in 1996 and can't remember the password to. I don't have access to the email address they have on file to reset it either. It still has wedding pictures up. I'm now divorced... -Wraith
  • I canceled Adelphia cable a year ago, but my email account is still active, and I ocassionaly get forwards from it. -LaserGuru
  • When I moved into an apartment several years ago, the cable wasn't supposed to be turned on for another month. However, it hadn't been turned off from the previous tenant, so I got a month of service free. -dogmu
  • sounds like beaterz.com no updates since 2001. I would suspect the owner lost interest or is dead but "how" could it still be up "who" is paying for it. -SGTARKyTEK
  • Kind of like the old "Heaven's Gate" cult website. It's been idle since 1996, but someone's still paying for it and maintainting it. -linkv
  • 54. Had to happen...
    ... sooner or later.

    Ticket came in overnight from one of the other techs - details are irrelevant here. I note that the details and name on the account are for one of our guys in another department.

    Well, I get the account fixed, and call the number (his home number) on the ticket to let him know.

    A woman answers. I ask for the guy's name. She says, "That's me!" So I start explaining, and she says, "Oh, you probably want my *husband*... we have the same first name."

    I know, statistically, it has to happen, but it made my brain shut down for a minute. I'd have hella fun with... well, *everyone*, if that were the case...

    The name, for the curious, was "Kelly".
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Kev? Bev? ...Bev? Kev? .. nice car </stoopid car ad> -Jax
  • Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y </woody> -torgo
  • Man, that'd be weird. Imagine trying to have two accounts at the same bank. Trying to decide which mail is whose. And I'll bet the IRS would pitch a fit.. Prime candidates for the liberal use of middle names.. -NightSteel
  • dale? shannon? terry? michelle? -postal tech
  • Wow! What a great idea! I'm gonna change my name to Drew, marry a woman named Drew and name all of our children Drew! This will be my vengeance upon a world that has driven me mad! Muhahahahahaha! -Oblivious
  • "This is my brother Darrell and this is my former brother Darrell" -Olorin
  • It's Pat! -Starfury
  • TIMMAY! -vacuumtubes
  • Or like George Foreman's kids, all named George. Yikes. -kman52000
  • One of our SA engineers is half of a Kelly/Kelly pairing. -pixel
  • I know of a robin/robin pairing -McSmiley
  • I knew a couple named Melvin and Melanie. Of course, both go by Mel. -ShutUpAndHangUp
  • A boy named Sue? -Evilturnip
  • Dont forget Christine and Christopher, Joseph and Josephine, Jody and Jodie. -evolvedstarfish
  • Carey and Kerry, Daniel and Danielle, Gabriel and Gabrielle, the list goes on... -exzyle2k
  • Heck, I know a Karen/Karin and their neighbour Keren. Across the street is Karen. I know the Sues, the Lindas. I sang in a tiny choir where all the Soprano Ones were named Karen, except for 1 whose partner was Karen. The Sop 2s were Anne, Ann and Jan, The Alto Is all started with M and all the Alto IIs had the same middle name. -Mysty
  • Oops, forgot to mention I was once married (to a man) who had the same last name I had. Confusing for the son who had multiple relatives with the same first and last names. -Mysty
  • I also knew a couple named Jean (pronounced "Gene") and Jean (pronounced almost like "John"). And the first Jean was the wife. -HidariMak
  • 55. Almost a EUPOTD
    Background - shut down a customer for evidence of a virus infection - few thousand outgoing connections can't be good.

    Get a call yesterday and turn it back on - limited, so they can get updates for their newly-purchased anti-virus. Done.

    Just got off a call now, same guy called, saying they cleaned it all up. I checked (Oh, I love this tool!) and still show a couple thousand incoming/outgoing connection attempts.

    I tell him it's still pretty bad, and he starts discussing buying a new computer!

    Him: "Will that fix it?"
    Me: "Well, yeah, but I can't really suggest you do that to.."
    Him: (interrupting) "Do I need to buy a new monitor, too?"

    (brain shuts down)
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Don't forget to rewire your house too! -ActingUpAgain
  • invoke the stoopid tax, and sell him a monitor <eg> -Jax
  • Yes, yes you do, as well as a new printer, keyboard, mouse, and speakers. If you like, I can put together a package for you, and give you a 5% discount since you're a <$COMPANY> customer. -RiffRaff
  • And for an extra $xxx.xx, I'll even take your old computer, monitor, etc. off of your hands for you. <bfeg> -ThirdOfFive
  • I'd sell him everything I could... if I didn't work for an ISP. :) -namor
  • No, no, NO! The viruses are getting in through the ethernet cable! Just replace the cable and everything will be fine! -Gaah
  • AAhhh yes, when I worked for Sucky MDU Broadband, we'd have lots of spoiled little shit college students who rather than cleaning up their existing, perfectly good, brand new computers got mommy and daddy to foot the bill on an even NEWER computer that they would soon get shut down for pirating "biodome" or something equally inane. -CarbonTetra
  • I've spend way too much time explaining the fishies what's the difference between virus and spyware and why their virus shield does not prevent them getting spyware... -NordicPT
  • Not only new kbd, mouse, spkrs, but a new toaster, refrigerator, and space heater ought to about do it. -Captain Trips
  • The viruses have obviously spread to the toaster. It's completely malfunctioning. It's even saying "How-de-doodlee-do!" and is constantly asking me if I want any toast. -MarkerMage
  • Cracking toast, Gromit. ;-) -FuzzyElf
  • ahh you're a waffle man. *red dwarf toaster* -Bilkor
  • NO GRILLED BREAD PRODUCTS! -iFox
  • Hehehe, Talky Toaster was a brilliant little character, I loved the scenes in the episode where they had restored Holly back to her pre - computer senility glory and nevertheless he managed to completely frustrate her with his repeated attempts to offer her any grilled bread products of any kind... -stpatience
  • 56. You know you're...
    ...a *perverted* geek when...

    ... to fix an issue on someone's site you have to do:

    chmod 666 children.htm

    And it makes you feel dirty.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • *loads shotgun* -Warrick
  • You know you're a perverted geek when someone's talking about Vonage, where the 'o' is pronounced like it is in 'spot', and you hear 'bondage' instead. ("Yeah, I'm thinking about trying out that bondage thing...") -teivrann
  • Really? I'm the one with the whip then. Call me. -burrkiss
  • No, burrky, think of the chil - oh, wait. Damn. -namor
  • I've tried bondage but the SF keep chewing through the ropes and escaping! -ecoli
  • silly ecoli, you should use chains, much stronger <EG> -Jax
  • 57. TSC Helps
    Co-worker asked us a question the other day - his computer won't start anymore. Rather, fans spin, no POST, no video. We suggested a few things, including inadequate power supply, as he had a lot of devices on it.

    He got a new one. Came in today, reporting no go. Sounds more like motherboard/CPU problem. Only which one? He's willing to go out and buy something, if we can tell him just what's broken.

    And he's brought the whole thing in today. So I take a look. Within seconds, I am *sure* that it's the motherboard - because my eye is instantly drawn to the capacitors around the CPU, with obviously bulging tops, and some rust-colored leaks sprouting from the tops of a couple as well.

    Now I'm apparently the computer god - and hardware isn't even my specialty... all thanks to TSC. All the suggestions and stories of Dread Chinese Capacitor Syndrome gave me the knowledge of what to look for.

    This feel-good commercial brought to you by the letters T, S, C, and the number 1.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • And don't forget to discount ANYTHING on the Judy Patch site! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Yup... Leave it to Namor to look for a bulge, find it, and shortly thereafetr be called a Diety. Sorry - what was the question again, Alex? -ShujinTribble
  • I hope that you are charging this guy. Otherwise you just became his go-to guy (read: bitch) for computer repairs. -ecoli
  • I still remember when I was poking around my accountants machine. And I saw that... And I said to him, "Do you want to hear a story?" And I told him the story of how DCCD / DCCS came about. And he thought it was all very interesting... until I stood back and said, "And here you see the results... and here, and here, and here. Oh, and here." He was not happy -- called my supplier. At home. On Sunday. And negotiated a 2-week extension on his warranty so he could get the motherboard replaced. -chazz
  • Dude, you got a Dell!!! -squatchie666
  • I remember the first time I saw those dead capacitors, it's one of those landmark geek moments. -CommanderData
  • I just replaced the last of our affected motherboards yesterday. It had somehow escaped my attention due to the fact it was in a computer at a remote one-person site and the capacators didn't bulge or crust up at all. They leaked quite slowly from the bottom. When it finally failed, I could see the trail of discoloration down the motherboard. -scooby111
  • Scooby, like the manjuice running down the ho's leg? <diminensionally shifts to the lart shelter> -burrkiss
  • I fixed a system of my own with caps from mouser.com, something like 22 of them...I think it cost under ten bucks...found them on froogle, typed in something like 2200ufd@16v....they're kinda hard to change 'cuz the solder on mobos is really high melting temp, so you need at least a 40w iron, a solder sucker would be even better...also, i found that they're in two groups, one on Vcore and one on Vio...was nice to have my baby back. -NewBrassGun
  • 58. Irony?
    Yesterday, co-worker comes up to me with a request - a new customer wanted a block of public routable IPs, so we had to request and set them up on their account (for DSL - PPPoE, hence why it's going through us).

    The customer, it turns out, is the national postal service here. They're moving from one large depot in town, to another. They needed this service operational at the new location, otherwise... it's dead in the water, as their dedicated service won't be operational for a month.

    We set it up late yesterday, give the customer the information, all is good. They've ordered the service without a router (they have to supply their own), so we left it at that.

    Early this morning, co-worker gets a call - they didn't get a shipment from their supplier of the equipment they needed to set it up. Now we're on a rush - configure router, change plan, set it up, and... the little Cisco router sitting on my desk is just *waiting* to be picked up by one of our crew to go out and install it on overtime.

    The funny part is, when one of the other co-workers had to be brought in to the situation, remarked, "They're dead in the water because *they* didn't get a shipment? Ha! Guess they know how it feels now!"
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Ahhhh, beautiful karma. Sometimes it works faster than we do. -teivrann
  • hmm... they get a router -- when i get my mail. you know.. like the OHIP letter for my health card renewal. or my drivers licens.. variouse bills i never got, the packagewaitingfor you at the post office card.. NO NET FOR YOU TILL THEN! -Harm
  • They should have sent it using $Rival-Delivery-Service ;-) -Divinar
  • shoulda just told them you'd mail them the equipment and when it arrived you'd send someone out. That'll learn'em. I've had the mail carriors reading my mail for 3 years, I've complained and filed all sorts of paperwork and still get letters with the seal opened. fuckers, if I didn't fear jail, i'd ambush the carrier and torture her to find out who has been reading my mail and then send that person a very special package. "it's a clock I swear" -drachen
  • Not that I personally am bitter towards the Postal Service, but let's just say I prefer to have things delivered to somebody else's address due to the massive confusion that Postal Delivery Persons seem to have with the difference btwn 123 MyStreet and 123A MyStreet!! I am at "A" and I sure miss tons of MY mail. Good on them :P -Mysty
  • I had a friend waiting to receive a book in the mail from his mother, several weeks later, close to months, his mother calls and says she got it back because he never claimed it. He was -really- looking forward to reading it, so if he had been told it was there, he -would- have picked it up. Damn lack of cards. -evolvedstarfish
  • 59. Short and ugly
    Short background - I'm calling this one company about an issue - basically they showed up in our 'worst offenders' in terms of strange traffic, so we were asked to talk to them, and, basically, find out what was going on.

    I do a cursory scan and find what seems to be a Windows computer, 18 ports open, stuff you shouldn't normally be running like that.

    The woman is nice, and seems to have half a clue when I start talking to her. Then I find out that... they have a D-link router, and... *her* computer is in the DMZ.

    Because, *she* updates their web page and it "doesn't work" if it's not.

    *pause**blinkblink*

    This is just wrong. So wrong.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Of course not! How could she possibly update their web site other than by copying files over SMB? :P -TechMama
  • 60. Even I don't know what to say.
    "Tell me about your adventures, Granpa!" shouts the little imp as he scurries into the house. "I want to hear more of your derring-do in Technical Support!" Yes, he manages to capitalize the words. I live in fear of 12-yr olds who can do that already.

    "All right," I sigh, sitting in the comfy office chair and putting aside the mind-meld attachment so that he can scamper into my lap and gaze adoringly upward.

    "What's that in your nostril, gramps? It looks..." I cuff him one and he stops pushing the finger in farther.

    "Well, young'un, this tale I'm about to recount is one of the lesser encounters of my time spent in the trenches, but the one that reminded me most of what it was like to feel *alive* while battling the mind-sucking hordes! It was... The Case Of The Unresolved DNS!"

    Junior gasps; bless 'im, he hardly noticed the syringe.

    "Y'see, in those days all we had to combat was spam. Simple repetetive messages, but we hated 'em. And part of the checks done was some DNS logic. Now, I was checking through the outgoing server's stats one day and fixing up what I could. But one stood out. This glaring daemon of the ne'erworld taunted me - for it showed me a domain that no longer existed here! But why was it showing up? Clearly, I was about to delve into some of the dark underbelly of the innernet!"

    "'Innernet,' Granpa?"

    "Shaddup, son. Gramma knows my tongue don't work so well anymore, either. Not since the slug-chewin' wars of 'sumpty-one. Anyway. I clenched my greatcoat close to me, and heedless of the personal harm I was skirting, closed with the beast.

    "Dig was employed, and proved that the fault lay not with us! Traces were traced, whois who...wasn't! Hah! I thought it was lost.. there was no reasoning with it. I could see th' name of the thing, but it could not name itself, for the responsibility of its naming lay not with us... the traitor!"

    "Spirits were low. Yet, we had one last-ditch effort. I, alone, crept up to the bastions of this new fortress and employed a seldom-used, deprecated tool - a zone transfer!"

    "Gramps, you didn't!"

    "Darn tootin', "(belch), "I did! Mm, sauerkraut. Security was lax, luck was on my side, and it LET ME IN! I did the ritual of re-naming, and all was right! And that night... that night I arose, wracked by grief and doubt, to wonder what it was a man may do, in the still of the cybernight."

    "But did you get the girl?"

    "What girl, you bit-munching exchange server?"

    "There's always a girl, Grampa!"

    "Harumph. So there is. Yeah, I got her. Financed 'her' sex change and never saw it again. The end."
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Heheh... love the writing style. Great story! -teivrann
  • hey that's what happened to my....nevermind. ;P Nice story. -drachen
  • .........and i WAS that girl. -burrkiss
  • --Is this a kissing book? </Princess bride> -ShujinTribble
  • BRAVO! :D -Mango
  • 61. Not sure where... (OT/NT?)
    Last week = dead. I was printing up RFCs to read at work.

    My prediction then that this week would be the opposite, came true. I'll hurt myself for that later.

    This morning, the worst part: I got an email from a co-worker - still at the company, just bigger/better position. Forwarded on from his relative at $financial_company.

    A guy I was in the first official Tier2 role with, about 3-4 years ago, died yesterday. Heart attack and volleyball were mentioned.

    I was sorry to see him move on to that company 3 years ago. Had just started seeing him outside of anything else, a few months ago, doing some Ultimate frisbee on weekends. Now this.

    I'm just a year younger than the guy - albeit much thinner and a non-smoker. Still. At 31 years, I really didn't expect it.

    I can cope with this, if you're wondering, it's just... disorienting? Strange?

    Not sure what else to say. Tomorrow I'll go out and invest in some sort of German brew on his behalf, I think. Good Night to a Damn Fine Tech - Christian S.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Damn, sorry to hear that, namor. I'll light a candle in his memory. -Tekkie
  • May the Lord call him home. -Voltage
  • Sorry to hear that. That can be a serious mindfuck, I know. -RiffRaff
  • be ready when the shock wears off and the reality of it hits you. Friends make a good insulator <grin> -CTYankee
  • Bummer. My condolences. -Bobsentme
  • He's one with the Force now. -MadJack
  • If you are a believer, he is off to a better place. If you are not, at least believe he is away from the neeping. -lineswine
  • Sorry to hear it. It is always a shame when one of the good ones goes. Talk to your friends and invest in some good brew. And if you believe in the afterlife, he has shuffled off this mortal coil for a better place and be happy for him. -ecoli
  • 62. Do I need to be here?
    *ring*

    Me: (hm, a long-distance number, don't recognize it, what the hell...) $ISP, $Me here. (I'm pretty informal when you call my DN... ahh, quality!)

    Caller: Hi, $You, this is $tech at (router customer I vaguely remember helping some time ago).
    Me: OK...
    Caller: Well, we rebooted the router at $Location, and it's now getting an IP.
    Me: OK...
    Caller: So, I thought I'd let you know that we got it fixed and everything's fine since I left you that message, thanks!
    Me: (Oh, there's a message waiting indicator on my phone, lookie that..) OK, great!
    Caller: Thanks, bye!
    Me: Thank you, goodbye!

    So, essentially, the result would have been the same whether I had listened to the message, or not picked up the phone, or checked into it, or... anything, really. Fun!
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • He was being a little bit impatient in thanking you and you're still complaining? *I'll take the underground sewers to the LART shelter now* -momo
  • There you go - Reading the solution to the Poirot mystery first! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • How to know if your presence in a work order is not needed--> IF "Request, plus Action#1 plus Action#2 plus Action#3 equals GoodResult", can be shuffled, such that all elements can appear in any order, while still achieving GoodResult, then you are officially useless, at least in this call... <climbing into basket of official Mk1, Mod0 LART-a-pult, aiming for the shelter door... "INCOMING!"... THWANGGGG.... THUMP! DANG IT! Two feet too far to the left of the door! Oh well, I'm new at this stuff!> -Voz
  • 63. Paranoid Boy
    A while back, in the forums, I posted about finding out that my 13-yr-old stepson was getting into the maybe-too-friendly parts of the internet, and ways to stop him.

    After proving it, and confronting him, I eventually put in a router that logs all of the domains accessed, and mails them to me - every 128 entries.

    Today, I get home and log on to my computer. Check - he is, for once (this is a rarity) on MSN. I check my email and I *just* got one such router log. Full of nothing but appropriate sites - YTV, some news and game sites, etc. I msg him quickly that it's nice to see that he's keeping to the nicer parts of the internet...

    He instantly drops offline.

    I think I made him paranoid. Muahahahaha! My plan is working perfectly...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • evil EVIL :D I Love it :D -Jax
  • NIIIIIIIICCCCCCCEE! -Bobsentme
  • Wow your a a$$hole. I love you. -burrkiss
  • .........wait, am I saying I love a$$holes? ACK~!!~~@$%~@ -burrkiss
  • *snicker* Just goes to show that these youngsters just can't compete with us wily old farts. <eg> -RiffRaff
  • Oh yeah. That was a nice one. Now he'll have to come up with a workaround. Like paracite off of a unsecure wireless? -Psudo
  • Just goes to show you, too much power in one persons hands can be.... um, really freaking funny! lol -fistsofdeath
  • heh burkiss LOVES a$$holes. -Slycat
  • Old age & treachery will always beat youth & skill. -lineswine
  • It's not paranoia if you really are out to get him. -AmazingKreskin
  • Do I detect an 'all is known' moment? Why yes, I think I do! -lineswine
  • Heh - burrkiss snorts cock too... heheheh -teivrann
  • Wait until you start seeing a LOT of traffic to a VPN tunnelling site. Or suspicious gaps in the logs. -Geminii
  • 64. Tech Bigot
    That's me.

    Co-worker: Hey, have a guy on the line, he's got this domain, and he says he can send mail but he's not receiving anything, and I sent something but he hasn't received it yet.
    Me: Okay, what's the domain?
    CW: $domain
    Me: *clicketyclack* Hm. Has the right DNS, good. *click* But the server's refusing connections.
    CW: Okay... (goes to leave)
    Me: Hold on a minute. *furtherclicketys* Hm. Open MS Shares, that's bad. *clickety* Requires authentication, but still bad. *clickety* FTP? Okay. DNS? Crap. *clack* Accepts recursive queries from the world.
    CW: (looking a little lost) Uh... what?
    Me: Looks like a Windows "server" connected directly to the internet. Tell him to take it offline until he configures it correctly.
    CW: Riiiiiiii-iiiiiight. (walks away)
    Me: Yes, I'm a technology bigot.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Whooosh, nothing but air! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Not a tech bigot. A tech bigot would have pwned that Whinderz Swerver and installed a half-decent (or better) OS on it instead, right? -ralphp1024
  • Nah, a tech bigot would have crashed the server for him. Then no choice to re-install it correctly. -Psudo
  • 65. Mother Nature, Pt II
    Short story: looks like I lost my main HD in my server last night. Old, double-height, 4GB SCSI, up in smoke.

    The screams when I got home (around 10PM), started dogs barking 1/2 mile away, set off car alarms, and had women pausing in the street to wet themselves at the machismo inherent in a grown man sobbing like a little swedish mountain hopper.

    Yeah. That's me, baby.

    So, a re-configure, re-install is happening today - in the meantime, I've had to move my email elsewhere, and my roommate's as well. The sad thing is, he's a bit of a tech and web designer, so I *expect* him to be a little more familiar with web protocol.

    As in, when I ask, "Who's your registrar," he should be able to tell me. Not, "I thought *you* were!" Um, no.

    Telling me that you no longer have the e-mail address listed, either, will get you slapped.

    I've now had a good sleep, and probably won't be able to work on even reinstalling until late tonight, and finish the basics by the weekend. And another month to customize everything the way I want, too.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • my condolences -NOFXfan
  • Ouch, sorry man. -virusjtg
  • Thanks - I just needed a rant. You have no idea how much time I spent customizing services on this box (who really uses identd, really? rarp? Apache alone will probably take a week...) From now on, though, better, sooner backups. -namor
  • Is that what that sound was? I thought the neighbors were watching "Scream 2" on the TV. <g> -RiffRaff
  • Bummer dude! </surf talk> Good luck with the reconfig! -ecoli
  • Recently had similar problems myself. My heart goes out to you, bro. -phsspok
  • 66. Another for the records...
    So I'm trying to clear out some of the abuse issues yesterday - call up one customer, where most of their mail is getting flagged as containing a virus.

    I get the one guy who 'knows computers' there - turns out he also does purchasing, etc - it's a steel fabrication plant or something similar. Yay. He's pretty nice, no problem there, let him know... he says, "Well, we have NAV2004 corporate on all the machines here..."

    "...except for this one old one that I don't think has any protection..."

    Yeah.

    He calls me back later in the day, just to tell me - he's scanning that computer, and the count was currently at *2,000* viruses and counting. Said, "I thought you'd get a laugh out of that..."

    I put that in the comments and sent it back to our server group who made the ticket in the first place.

    This morning I have a short voicemail from one of them - it made him laugh. He's thinking of posting it on his wall.

    Now I know what it takes to make a server admin laugh... now if I can just infect the mail servers themselves...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • As a server admin, no please don't. -virusjtg
  • talk about a 'slag pile'! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • TieDye I'd "steel" that joke but I don't have the "brass" -NOFXfan
  • There's some-tin about this story but I have to get the lead out and move along. -ecoli
  • Alright alright break it up now. We get the irony -momo
  • $DIETY! If I had a nickle for evert time I've heard one of those lame puns.... -ShujinTribble
  • You would have an awfull lot of Nickle...... Ok, thats it we are done with the puns. -Wolfie0827
  • I'd say you showed your mettle & created 'alloy l' friend. 'Copper' load of this, said the admin, he's zink ing to a new low...<ok, I'm done> -lineswine
  • 67. Mother Nature Hates Me
    Well, they called for a thunderstorm tonight.

    Got one - it's now just after 2AM.

    The winds started blowing hard a few hours ago. Then I heard the thunder booming. Went up to look outside - constant flashes. Little worrying. Went around, closing windows - then the hail started. Sounded bigger than the titchy stuff I usually enjoy.

    Roommate said, "Aww... I've never been outside in hail before!" "This stuff seems big - don't, it'll hurt." I walked away. I figured she'd do the smart thing and just watch from inside the door.

    I hear the front door open, and close. And an exclamation, "That really hurt!" Well, duh. Now you know.

    I go upstairs to check on my computers - desktop has rebooted, I notice, standing at the XP login screen. The server I log in to check - 4 minutes uptime. But it's online already, at least, and... phew. I log into MSN, check my email, and...

    Wait, back up. My inbox (it's IMAP, should show up with my email from the server right away) says it's empty.

    WTF? Log in again. Check. /home isn't mounted. Strange. Try to. The LVM partition doesn't exist? Shit. Go searching. Seems the bigger of the two drives in that isn't even being detected anymore. Conclusion: it's probably fried.

    I have all my mail for the past 3-4 years on there, several personal things, and... damn. This hurts.

    Saving graces? Tape drive, and a recently tested backup program (that I never automated, though) that backed up /home ... probably within the last month, only. And a second drive of the same type that I was planning to add to the mix... well, least it means I'll have *something* soon.

    Next investment: UPS. Damnit.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Eek... shoulda tested a restore. Having trouble. Freaking out here. -namor
  • Whee. All looks lost. Wonder how hard it is to exchange controller boards on these drives ... -namor
  • From what I gather, as long as the drives are identical then there shouldn't be a problem swapping out the controller boards. IIRC, that's how some of the commercial recovery companies do it. -ElPolloDiablo
  • From Wikipedia: "an average bolt of negative lightning carries a current of 30 kiloamperes, transfers a charge of 5 coulombs, has a potential difference of about 100 megavolts, dissipates 500 megajoules (enough to light a 100 watt lightbulb for 2 months)". Which is why all my shit gets unplugged during a storm. I don't fancy the chances of a couple of £5 surge protectors against the almighty wrath of Thor. Period. -Digital Dogcow
  • Thought the only poster here that Nature would abhor would have been vacuumtubes... -Diptera
  • DD - yeah, I know... a few more minutes and I would have been unplugging mine, as I did during the last bad storm. Murphy in action this time, taking out the sole drive out of the 5 in there that I would least like to lose. -namor
  • Any time I have an inkling that a storm is coming my way, I unplug the computer and disconnect the lines from the DSL modem. Anymore, it's habit. -vacuumtubes
  • Yeah, probably within the month I'll be investing in a small UPS, and maybe something to stabilize the power to it as well. Figuring out how to check the tape, there's an index saying there's a full backup of /home on fhtere from 08/10, but... bugger if I can figure out how to extract it. Grrrrrr... hulk piss on stupid tape drive. -namor
  • *choke* Restore from tape might now be working... whee! Best news all day and it's only 11AM... -namor
  • As vacuumtubes stated I too unlpug the pc and disconnect the cat 5 and unscrew the coax, you cant be too safe from a lightning strike. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Had to rebuild *another* pv/vg/lv/ because apparently without all of the original volumes, I have no idea how to reconstruct one, but... backup worked, 2.9GB, restored! Whee! ... I need different tapes... -namor
  • I take it your roommate's never herad the name "Darwin." Off the cuff: "Caveman didn't have nothin' to do, he was just out there, y'know, like "I ama caveman! And I'm out here!" And when it'd rain, they'd run 'n' hide, "Wait, it's soft. Feel it." "Oh, that's nice." And then a hailstorm'd come down and fool 'em all. BONK! "Ouch! Hey! That hurts! Arg... Hard water..." <Bill Cosby, 'The Caveman'> (Scotty! LART Shelter! ENGERGIZE!) -MadJack
  • And DD, in my locality,we get about 30k flashes per season. Season about to start, end october to april. -fargle
  • It's really not that hard to do. Have an older 30gig WD drive that ran into some mechanical failure. Kept the drive for some stupid reason though. One day a customer came in with an identical drive, although it was the logic board that was pooched. Brought my drive in, swapped boards, and suddenly his drive was being recognized again. Recovered the data, and sent him on his way with a new drive and all his data. -Cyan
  • 68. This was fun.
    A couple of weeks ago, apparently, this woman 'fired' her web designer and chose to transfer her domain and site to us.

    This was a mistake.

    Not to make it sound bad, but... she was previously hosted on some nice control-paneled, all-admin-login service, no shell, no FTP, nothing she had to do herself.

    All that and OSCommerce installed for her, and she thought she could just tell us the information, and we'd change it over to us, no need to worry about simple things like uploading, or knowing usernames or servers or anything...

    I had to get in there, copy all of the actual web content out of a subfolder, find and change a few configure files for use in our environment, and import the database by copying and pasting a few hundred lines at a time from the file they provided. (LOAD DATA INFILE not allowed for security, and PHP max upload is 2MB - the file is 3).

    End result - her site just got working on our servers today, and she's already cost us more than the package is worth in support in the past week.

    Told the rep to inform her that if there's any problem with it from this point forward, she's probably better going with a similar host to her previous one.

    Sometimes, you have to.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I wonder if it is JUST possible that some other tech has posted the other side of this story (I finally got rid of this annoying customer whose website was just never good enough, even though we did all the work for her). -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Umm... was it a tacky 'religious' knick-knacks sort of site? -namor
  • Bloody hell, she's back. Somehow managed to remove eXecute permissions on her images directory, so no pictures are displaying. Grrrrrrrrr... -namor
  • LOL... sounds like somone needs a MANAGED server. -haddytech
  • Hmm. If you're only offering DIY webhosting, any reason that EU training isn't charged at $$$ph? -Geminii
  • see this is why we just give the user the info and let em have at it. " oh yes, you want to upload the website? great do you have the files? No? you want ME to hack into your old host, pull the websie, and set it up on our servers? umm yea right well get on that sometime after doomsday. -Harm
  • Sounds like her web designer was also her webmaster... And I'm living proof the two aren't interchangeable. As solid as OSCommerce is, there's no question it was Designed By A Committee; ask anyone who has ever tried to heavily re-customize the graphics. -MeanDean
  • 69. Humour? No!
    Just to prove that net admins have a sense of humour...

    Back story: one tool that we *really* like, was cobbled together on a server by our two top net admins.

    The site goes down early this week. We wait a bit, then I email one of them. They're brief at the best of times, and I eventually get a note that it's down, no ETA, etc. We can live without it, so we have to resign ourselves to this for a while. Damn.

    Email back if there's anything we can do - as long as they're talking to me, I'll try and drag it out.

    Response I get back:

    "Not just yet. XXX's having problems finding replacement parts for the Jupiter ACE 4000. I offered him a Sinclair ZX Spectrum, but we'll have to see how it goes."

    The Jupiter I wasn't familiar with. Found this site: http://oldcomputers.net/jupiter-ace.html

    In the face of what was unexpected humour, I broke down and did the only thing that came to mind...

    I recommended the TSR-80 I saw up for sale in an online group.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Now that's TECH humor. I loved it. -srteach
  • .... -Slycat
  • ROFL!! I love it! Thanks for sharing that one. :) -TechMama
  • I hate to admit it but I hankered after a Jupiter Ace when they were first out - I fancied learning Forth. I settled for a Grundy Newbrain instead, which I've still got. I love it when an obviously stressed out tech. can still find his sense of humour! -Gromit
  • hehehe...nice. -Bobsentme
  • Ha! I still use my TRS-80 Model 102 Laptop for taking notes at school. 32kb of storage! -renaultguy
  • Oh, %DIETY! Now I've got the theme to Lost In Space running through my head! Arrrgh! Get-It-Out-Get-It-Out-Get-It-Out-Get-It-Out! -ShujinTribble
  • I followed the link for the 3.25 MHz Jupiter computer, and was greeted with the headline "Probably the fastest microcomputer in the universe!". For which minute? -HidariMak
  • OS: FORTH in ROM. Aieee! -Geminii
  • 70. Only you might understand...
    There are only a few people here who might appreciate this, and I'm just bubbling over with excitement (that and my starter collection of energy drinks) so I have to share.

    Co-worker has an old Cisco 827 on his desk, we were playing with the IOS on that one specifically... turned off for the last few months, finally turned on for us to test something.

    Thing is, sometime in there, it decided to die. We got warnings about corrupt cookie information (which, previously, we were unfamiliar with), which meant we couldn't do anything with it.

    We looked up information on this - the cookie is some saved information in NVRAM, stored in hex, that contains hardware information and MAC addresses, etc. We found that the cookie on this box is suddenly all 00's. Fun. Means a blank MAC address, no passwords, no possibility of updates or even booting to a good version of the IOS, either, as it seems that it checks the Vendor/CPU ID, etc off of this as well.

    We had to find/change an appropriate MAC for it, get the cookie information and derive some other parts of this from a working 827 that another co-worker has at home (the 827's been obsoleted by 837s around here, so no others on-site) and re-entered it by hand in rommon.

    I am frickin' impressed that it worked. From non-booting to perfectly functional by some stupidly cryptic commands, and... *this* is what I'm in this for!

    Woo!... the adrenaline... I'm gonna have to go sit down now.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I should clarify - even among a department of techs, I'm bouncing around going, "It worked! <wibble>" and... they're looking at me strangely. Even among geeks, I'm strange, apparently. -namor
  • I love it when a plan comes together... Heh, after yer adventures in firmware, I'm not surprised ya got it ta work :) -Spyder19
  • There are those who think they are techs, and those who REALLY are techs. Welcome to the club! (Obviously THEY have never done this, that is why they are unimpressed) -ecoli
  • I have to echo ecoli's sentiments here. I'd be bouncing off the ceiling itoo... -chazz
  • That..is unbelievably cool. Speaking as a nontech, anyone who can do something like that has god-like geek powers. -Parilla
  • OHHH seriously cool config stuffs! woot! AND friday, double WOOT! -Harm
  • Those aren't techs - Techs would ask how you did it, and want to wipe the NVRAM so we can do it again! -Divinar
  • bahaha!!!nice job namor!would be bouncin around myself!! -starfishmagnet
  • Seriously cool. I'm glad *someone* is getting to do fun stuff this week. I've been fixing the damn customer database all week long. -pixel
  • "It's a-live! Do you hear?! A-LIIIIIIIVE! MWHU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha-ah *COUGH-WHEEZE!*" -ShujinTribble
  • ... and then I tempted fate by trying to upgrade rommon on a few other similar routers around... yes, you've caught me - I *am* the party animal. -namor
  • You've got the power to resurrect the dead?! Maybe we can do some business... -TheGhost
  • Said in Magneto's voice " You are a god amongst techs" ala X-Men 2 -momo
  • Talking about older hardware, going waaaaay back now, my boss at my second job (the local tech place)...offered me a still working c64 in the original box :) Might play with it this weekend - btw, anyone remember the plans floating on the web to turjn the C64 into a PC? I can't find them anymore, and would love to do that, now that I have one to play with :) If anyone finds the site or has them, please drop me an email :) -PCRaevyn
  • 71. Screwed!
    Background.

    Every quarter, if our department (a relatively small one of about 20 people, responsible for all business internet sales/service) meets the sales goals, we get something. A party, some kickback, etc. It's sometimes different - we get a pizza party, or contests/prizes, etc, but there's also the matter of compensation.

    Today, our manager sent out the details of the current incentive setup for this last quarter - depending on what type of service was sold, you get a certain # of ballots put in for draws for different packages. Total possible accumulated payout for the group? $2600.

    Very next email, a few minutes later from my manager: FYI, we are also having a single draw of $50 in recognition of those who do not have the opportunity to participate in direct sales but provide valuable support etc. within (department).

    Guess what group I'm in?

    To recap, those people who are on the phones, who have the chances to make sales, get chances at a few hundred $$$, up to a couple thousand. The tech people (who, I may say, deal with a lot to get those sales up and running in case of problems) get one chance at $50.

    I always knew someone was getting screwed around here - this just points the finger and places a dollar value on it.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Well...you could always joing the sales team! *Pulls out circular saw* Would you like the labotomy now? -Bobsentme
  • That finger? It wasn't really pointed at you, it was just pointed at the sky while they waved it at you. If they were pointing it AT you, they probably would've used the index finger. -chefque
  • Raise that middle finger and yell, "WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!!" -vacuumtubes
  • More Vaseline, mate? -Mushroom
  • Sex Wax? -burrkiss
  • Update: Had the draws at lunch (at least they gave us food). All the sales ones went - up to $500 for the biggest single awards. They said they'd draw for the $50 and send out an email. Still hadn't happened by the time I left work - and my manager was already gone at that point. -namor
  • <PHB illogic> support costs money so giving them money is a waste of money, sales makes money so the money we give will be earned back quickly</PHB illogic> -Olorin
  • Olorin- you hit the nail right on the head. Support is viewed as being a 100% loss, something to be minimized. My old company thought us techs were nothing but a huge liability, until they got the brilliant idea to have us pitch HBO at the end of every call. That's when techs became valuable, and when I gave my two weeks' notice. -linkv
  • 72. This is why interaction...
    ... with other techs is still dicey. Story: Customer's tech emails me direct about a problem they're having - emails from their webserver (not ours) isn't reaching the customer's email addresses (ours). First, being skeptical by nature, I ask for a lot more information. I send it to our mail server admins. I spend about 40 mins on the phone with one of them just before I left yesterday. Wasn't seeing the messages come in like described. This morning, asked for more information - because of the volume of email this domain gets, we really needed something specific to look for to see a pattern or failure/etc. Then the tech sends me something... that he decided that maybe it was because the remote server hosted the domain, that the local copy of sendmail also thought the domain was there... they check, and that's it. A day of frustration, wasted because another *tech* didn't dig deep enough on their own systems, before blaming the end host. I'm going to go sulk in my pretty green-scaled trunks, now.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • That kind of stuff happens here about once a month. We won't even try to resolve the issue untill we tell them to check again and then wait a few days. -Gmork
  • always blame the other guy. Or at least that seems like the most common TS steps on the calls i get. -Harm
  • My boss will always blame his crap code problems on a "permissions issue". Every time (after granting admin rights) the program never works correctly. Usually each of his "programs" will cost me 2 hours of my time. -TechDaddy
  • 73. I'm feeling sorry...
    Why is it that most of the stories that boggle me, are those that begin with IIS/Frontpage webhosting users? Anyhow, checking webmaster email, I note one customer saying they're getting an error when publishing. Seems like it might be a Frontpage problem, so I log into the server to check. I find the folders and permissions for Frontpage are right, and... some other content that means someone has been uploading something. ....... ..... the something in question being what looks like the entire directory structure of their Windows User profile. I swear, this stuff doesn't get old.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Come across any goodies when you browsed their cache? -concept14
  • 74. Irony?
    Another from this same guy, see history: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=48960

    He sends an email to our DNS/webmaster mailbox, like this:

    "As you will notice below, I configured the autoresponder on my mail acct this morning and it **was** working. Now it seems to have stopped. Could you please attend to this ASAP so that it is activated on every msg to any alias to my mailbox. Thank you"

    We're sick of being the personal techs, so... sent off a little explanation of the correct numbers to phone to get the regular helpdesk.

    Couple of minutes later, I check the mailbox...

    We got his automated reply back already.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • *delete* What autoreply? *grin* -teivrann
  • Shut the car off, I told the mechanic it wasn't working ! -Spyder19
  • No dont delete it, save it so when the cheesdickhead calls back you can rub it in his face that is DOES work -FrontSideBus
  • 75. Bad day in IT?
    I hate to do this to another, but...

    Co-worker of mine has been helping by taking over the business abuse stuff. Calling people, letting them know they are probably infected with a virus, etc, etc.

    Today, he had to call one, just because the sheer volume of DNS requests (about 13K in one hour, I believe) brought them to our attention. Probable massive spyware issues from the look of the queries, we were told.

    He calls them up. I'm wondering who he's verbally strangling on the phone, as it's getting pretty hot. He shows me his notes in our tracker afterward:

    "Blair absolutely freaked out on me, yelled, claimed there was no problem, then almost started crying. I'm not kidding. He has no idea what to do yet he's the IT contact for a 300+ workstation network. He finally told me that there was a firewall offline earlier today but couldn't be more specific."

    Damn. I know we have days like that, but I think this guy's had a little harder than most...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Just imagine what damage might have been done on 300+ pieces of potential zombie bots! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I think we may have just witnessed it... -Harm
  • I had a job once, was PC tech and knew next to nothing about networks then. But because I was the only tech I became the sys admin for this place, Felt like this guy seems to be feeling as I was learning the ins and outs of the network. If thats the case there then I feel sorry for this guy and hope he can get up to speed quick. But if that's not the case then ID10T! -Wolfie0827
  • 76. Makes me look bad...
    I get a ticket, as I am *sigh* required to do, today.

    One of our dedicated customers claims that neither they, nor any of our $isp customers, can send to this particular domain. Of course, $competing_isp works just fine.

    Right. They claim it's our issue. I am naturally skeptical - I have great faith in the ability of our network group to keep things ticking along, and don't annoy them any more than I have to.

    This one, the rep made almost adequate notes. They neglected to include a couple of things that I would check into when troubleshooting (like whether they're using our mail server or their own....) so I call up the company's contact to ask.

    So far, this is normal. Some small mistakes on a ticket I can handle.

    During the conversation with the woman, she indicates that they could not telnet to the mail server from their network, and neither could the rep who put in the ticket, from a DSL connection, at that point. Obviously there's something wrong with our network. Oh, yes, mail gets there, only... within hours or days.

    I say that I just tried from a DSL connection, and I can get to it, intending for this to be an indication that, no, everything is working as intended. No such luck.

    Cust_Tech: "Well, I couldn't do it earlier, and your tech couldn't either, so something's changed between now and then," she indicates, in the smug tones of, "Ah-ha, I've got you $isp_bastards now!"

    Me: "I can only infer something different was done then, as I've seen no indications of any problem... " etc, etc. Mere platitudes to pacify.

    Normally I'd leave it at that. However, I had to find out. Me (calling up original tech): "So... you couldn't telnet to their mail server?"
    OT: "No, I tried it from (DSL-connected shell server) and it just timed out."
    Me: "Can you tell me the *exact* command you used?"
    OT: (spelling it out for me as if I'm a moron) "t-e-l-n-e-t space mail.domain.com"
    Me: (waiting) "... annnnnnnnd...?"
    OT: "Oh, then... 23, for telnet!"
    Me: "..."

    How do you defend your company, when other people can mess up that ideal in a second?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Took me a couple seconds to realize what you were waiting for. Been a while for me to have to do a "telenet mail.domain.xxx 25". Nice catch! -ShujinTribble
  • That goes right alnog with those over eager suctomers who slap the enter key as soon as they type in the mail server name. Even if you told them to hit the space bar! -FrontSideBus
  • It back to training for you young man, now MUSH ! -LowLevelFormat
  • 77. They're everywhere!
    Background: .ca domain registrations go through an organization called CIRA. They're quite... draconian in a few ways, you could say.

    As a registrar, we get notices from them occasionally (some other registrars will do this, too) to confirm that the information listed on a domain is actually valid. If it isn't, they'll suspend or shut down the domain.

    Also, as part of the initial registration, you have to choose what legal type you fall under. EG: Unincorporated Association, Canadian Citizen, etc.

    So, while looking for work to do in the Webmaster mailbox, I come across one of these emails - "Please verify the customer information or else" sort from CIRA.

    Fine. I look up the account. A decidedly masculine name. Address looks right. Customer looks right. So I log in to check the behind-the-scenes details of the customer.

    The first thing that hits me when I check, is the legal type that was specified:

    "Her Majesty the Queen"
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Not mine. I host through someone else. -teivrann
  • ...and this is a problem why? Is Her Majesty not allowed to own a domain? -karlata
  • So I'm guessing this is a domain own by "John, Elton"? -ShujinTribble
  • given the masculine name, shouldn't it be Sir Queen? -Bynar
  • To the tune of "Rule Britannia"..... "Rule Britannia with Marmalade & Jam, Five Chinese crackers up yer arsehole bang! bang! bang! bang! bang!" -lineswine
  • Aah - TSC's very own Yorkshire Bard strikes again! <k9g> -Gromit
  • 78. Not drunk yet...
    ... I actually decided to go out and *gasp* see people!

    I think I dropped a prostitute off at 'work' on my way home, too. Strange night.

    Anyway, in regards to my earlier comment, http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=48936 , I have a bit of a backstory.

    A few years ago, $telco bought $competing_isp. This competing ISP has long been absorbed into the $telco_isp system - email addresses are still there, but being phased out, the old systems don't exist, everything is done.

    Except this one website.

    I was on the team (Ha! It was only me!) to migrate the original ~150 commercial sites to our $telco_isp servers. I managed about 125. The other 24 had too many scripts, too many issues, for us to migrate cleanly. They were done by another team, later.

    That was done, I believe, early last year.

    This last one, was insane. About 75 CGI scripts, modifying about 50 different locations, and too many special setups to mention. They also stuck to, "We like the server we're on - if you want to change it, *you* do all the work - we're not helping!" Bastards.

    Since that point, the person with that attitude has managed to delay transition point after transition point... by knowing our CEO's address, his subordinates, and our advocate's, and basically anyone up the chain of command he could talk to, he would, until he'd brow-beat one of them into stopping our latest proposed transition.

    Last week, our webmaster finished changing it all, and testing all the scripts, and pronounced it done. They switched it over. I expected to never hear from them again.

    At about 3:30 Friday, the supervisor forwards me an email. Before I can even check it, he's at my desk, telling me we need to do something on it today.

    The gist of it is - there's a form that's not working.

    I figure out, from the scant details, that there's a form you can fill out on the website, that then emails you details about how to download an installer. This installer is some specialized, bundled application that was created a couple of years ago to display some alternate presentations on some trip/function this business did.

    And it's at the end of the installer's process, that it gives the error that No connection to the internet is currently available (bull!) and dies.

    I sacrifice a test machine, try ethereal to figure it out.

    It appears this program, at that point, queries for a particular subdirectory on their site, to determine its connection status.

    Now, we have directory indexes turned off by default on our main servers (not your typical Apache). As there's no index in this folder, just some videos meant for the app itself, it's getting a 404 - which kills it.

    I have to get our server support on the line, tell them it's critical to turn on directory indexes - at least for this site, or this directory if we can manage.

    By 30 minutes after I was supposed to leave, they're telling me it's a global setting, and they won't do it without a full analysis.

    Ten minutes later, I've called up our webmaster from his holiday, and he's given me the genius idea of created a blank index file in that directory.

    Five minutes after that, our support calls back to say, Oh, should we still go ahead with this analysis on Monday, because we now figured out we can do it for that directory alone...

    The index file works (why didn't I think of that??), and I get to go home happy - but not without sending a response to this customer, *and* our advocate, and manager, with what this is, and a guess as to why it wasn't checked during the migration.

    I thought it was only Mondays that I was supposed to hate. Sorry for the long-winded-ness, but some things you have to get off your chest, y'know?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • *poors Namor 2 fingers of scotch - 2 |_._| finger.* may as well have someone to drink with. * poors _self same amount* cheers! this weeks has sucked, hlown, gargled and spit in yer eye hasn't it? -Harm
  • Harm, I think you've 'poored' yourself enough. -Veinor
  • If you want to... Nah. I'm not going to start throwing jabs at that comment. Sounds like you've had it bad enough. Next week will be better. There must be balance. THERE MUST BE! *beats the Yin Yang symbol over the Tech phone* GO AWAY STARFISH! GO AWAY! -MaskedMarauder
  • This is why people should NEVER code hardlinks. Relative links are your friend even if Relatives aren't. -PolarCoyote
  • Wow. Makes me glad I'm just a lowly ISP tech and not responsible for big headaches like that. This Bud's for you, namor! -RiffRaff
  • heh, these buds are for you ;) -Spyder19
  • 79. ... is not my lover...
    Yesterday, I had to call in a problem with an account to a helpdesk I talk to on a semi-regular basis.

    This time I called, I got the guy with the most obvious east-indian accent (and they're in Toronto... go figure). I mention this, because...

    I was giving him the account number no problem, then the username - boarstud@isp.net. I say this, and he responds, just to be sure, but with a little querelous note in his voice, "boystud?"

    ... leaving it open for my obvious reply...

    "No, man, that's Michael Jackson."

    He didn't laugh. Thankfully I'm not monitored, but I gotta wonder what their QA thinks of some of the times I call in, 'cuz this is hardly the worst example...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • QA might notice, but, I'm willing to bet that yer comment went right over that guy's head -Spyder19
  • <walks into room and starts moonwalking while grabbing crotch. "Hee-Hee! Hee-Hee! HOOOOOO!"> :D -rokitt
  • LOBOTOMY! LOBOTOMY! The thought it stings. "America, only country that a cute black boy can become an ugly white woman." - Unknown Source -MaskedMarauder
  • I'm so old, I remember when Michael Jackson was BLACK! -Divinar
  • On Jay Leno last night, he did Headlines and one of the items was a picture from _Jet_ Magazine circa 1985, where they'd speculated what MJ would look like in 2000. He looked like Giancarlo Espisito from 'Homicide: Life On The Street' (pic of Giancarlo similar to the MJ mockup here: <a href="http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/2992/Events/2992/GiancarloE_Micks_4813059_400.jpg?path=pgallery&path_key=Esposito,%20Giancarlo">) -Mushroom
  • Here's the link to the headline from the tonight show that Mushroom mentioned: http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/headlines/H_2955/25.shtml#headline -Dunicha
  • 80. I will *find* you...
    ... if you state the obvious.

    Browsing TSC in a couple of minute's lax time here, my mouse drags and screeches a bit on the mousepad. My mind immediately jumps to, "The ball/rollers must be getting dirty, I'll just open it up and clean that out..." - because that's the kind of anally-retentive obsessive cleaner I am.

    Still reading the story (Mango's, thanks!), my left hand crawls over and begins trying to rotate the ball-holder (not that one!) on the mouse, to get the ball out.

    I'm having problems with it, until I look over, and remember...

    Oh, yeah, they're optical, now.

    I think I'm going to go out of my way to get some caffeine this morning...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • On my trackball, I have picked it up and felt for the retainer on the bottom before I remember its on top. Where's that paperclip! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • My sister insists on using a mouse mat with a kind of holographic/depth-of-field surface. With her optical mouse. -hugepedlar
  • ahem, II WAAAANTTT A NEEEWWWW cup of coffee. This one's cold. (What?? What's everyone staring at me for?) -Answerboy
  • I remember when I put in my new desk, set up my computer and then wondered why my optical mouse didn't work. It struck me a moment later that my desk has a glass top with nothing underneath to reflect the light!!!!!! -ecoli
  • An acquaintenace couldn't understand why his optical mouse didn't respond properly on a holographic mouse pad he picked up. I gave him and old ball mouse I had, and took his optical because he would NOT part with that mousepad :-) -Disallowed
  • ........so you started to play with your balls @ work, then changed your mind? HOLD THE SHELTER DOOR OPEN!!!!! -burrkiss
  • Next on ABC (Atlantis Broadcasting Corporation): Namor is accused of mouse molestation. In his deposition, Namor claimed that he was only "trying to clean the mouse's balls"; a doubtful statement since it was evident that the mouse was a girl... -TheGhost
  • I've just met the same situation. Installed a new PC with nice MS optical Intellimouse, only to find his porno mousemat didn't like it. Dickhead won't part with his mat. No problem, Dickhead now has vanilla MS wheelmouse, Gromit's machine has nice new optical Intellimouse. Dickhead's happy, Gromit's happy. Very. <bfek9g> -Gromit
  • Why would a guy get so attatched to a holographic mouse pad when they could have one of these http://www.davesdaily.com/pictures/253-sexymousepads.htm instead? -MarkerMage
  • I remember the story that BYTE published a decade or so ago about being unable to buy a mouseball for and IBM mouse because .... there was no part number. This gave rise to a cute joke about cleaning mouse balls and watching for static discharge. It ended with a slick little 'Don't depend on your IBM CE to help because they don't have balls'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I use a dell mouse pad on mine. The pad gives the mouse some resistance, so it feels better in the hand. BUt sometimes the rubber pads on the bottom will get gummed up and cause it to drag to much. a quick scrape with a pocket knife solves that. -areatech
  • <with his face turning red, his head (no not THAT one!) starts to expand from the pressure of holding in the forbidden phrase> *BOOOOOM* ouch.... I WANNA NEW ASPRIN!!! -wolfprince
  • 81. More of a rant...
    For background: I've been looking after our webmaster@isp.net mailbox more and more recently.

    So, let me just go off on a rant here about the latest virus trend...

    Making viruses that fake the webmaster, admin, support, etc, addresses, has ceased to be funny. Or even clever. It is *fucking* annoying. Not only do we get a few bouncebacks every minute, but we also get a few dozen people a *DAY* replying to the fricking thing, along the lines of:

    1. "WHAT? I DID NOT AUTHORIZE ANY CHANGES! CALL ME BACK NOW!"
    2. "I don't understand/What does this mean?"
    3. "What was the password changed to?"
    4. One of my personal favorites was the guy who just responded with one word - "asshole"

    But I'm finding that the vast majority that has replied so far has said something like, "I've tried several times but cannot open the attachment..." and it just goes downhill from there.

    Seriously, people! When I take over the world, I'm putting some rusty tongs and a ball-peen hammer in the hands of every tech, and enlisting the rest of the population to root out the virus writers for some creative 'justice'.

    When that's done, we'll 'talk' to the people who blindly open every attachment they get.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I have had about 4 calls in a row regaurding the same extact thing this is becoming an epidemic. Info, register, webmaster, and managment have poped up here. -Slycat
  • Actually, my company forsaw this problem, and none of our administration addresses are in the standard format of "admin""support""webmaster" so we can tell them mater-of-factly that if it doesn't come from *Techsupportemailaddress@* or *accountingemailaddress@* it is fake. some of our customer's seem to get this, the majority of them are fishies though. -drachen
  • drachen - I wish. These addresses date from the inception of this ISP, I believe, and management doesn't like changing things. Some comes from administration@isp.net - which a friend actually removed from his account when the bouncebacks started getting too much. -namor
  • I tell our users that we are a small enough company that we do all e-mail disconnects in person, and make sure they know who is cutting off their e-mail (usually their boss due to abuse). They usually can understand that. -Sien
  • I'm the email admin here & the admin account doesn't use any of the targeted usernames; instead it's a variation on the company name. I had to send out a broadcast email yesterday to cut back the calls & emails from users. We're small enough that we know who everyone at all our sites are & I let them know that if I was gonna do something, they'd get a phone call or an email addressed to their proper name & signed with my proper name & job title. Interestingly enough, I've received emails telling me that I (as admin) shut down my own email account! -Tekkie
  • Tekkie - yeah, we got at least one instance of each iteration of the virus, sending directly to us. :) And while it's nice to say that you're not as affected, this one seems tailor-made to make out lives hell. -namor
  • This'd be Mytob.EI? I've received about 30 of these in the last 12 hours....and I can see why they'd work. Luckily, the domain it's hitting here is one that only I use, so I'm pretty damn sure I haven't suspended myself for abuse :) I'm dreading the moment when it hits one of my clients' domains.... -karlata
  • its got to bloody nasty status here, and i just admin my own domain! so, i *AM* the support those kangaroo testicle purses are targetting, AND admin, etc. /me reaches for vi, time to write more in my kill.rc....yay for postfix! -timelady
  • Try that, when your local country's offitial language is NOT english, twice the fun, we've been having these calls all week long -Bliss
  • People don't seem to connect that any email subject starting with "re" and the rest of the subject line is something they did NOT send out is gonna be crap. -Mushroom
  • i've been getting calls like this for the past 2 week- h;lf the time they think it Is a virus and call just to be on the safe side- the other hlf they are desperatly trying to open it and mailing it to everyone they know. -Harm
  • 82. Pardon me while I laugh...
    My GF, who works in the registration/customer service at the same place I do (call me insane for that some other time) just sent me the following email. I think she's starting to lose faith in humanity...

    Customer: Yeah, I talked to someone there about an hour ago and they were supposed to reconnect my internet service. Tech support just transferred me over to you because I can't get connected.

    Me: Okay, that's right I show you were reconnected and your account is now active. The account is definitely active so you should be able to get online. Are you getting some kind of an error message when you try to connect? Because if so that would be a tech support issue.

    Customer: Well, I don't have any lights on my modem.

    Me: Oh! That's not good. I'd better put you through to tech support. So when you try to connect to the internet is it giving you a particular error message?

    Customer: I don't know. Is my modem supposed to be plugged into the computer?

    Me: Yesss... It should definitely be plugged into the computer!

    Customer: Oh. Because my computer is in the shop.

    Me: (thinking I've misheard the customer) WHAT was that??

    Customer: Can you hang on a second? (takes a call on his cell phone)

    Me: (talks to the girl next to me) I must have heard this guy wrong. He's calling in about connection problems but he just said his computer was in the shop!

    Customer: Hello? You still there?

    Me: Yes, to clarify - are you next to your computer right now?

    Customer: No, I've just got my modem here. My PC is being repaired.

    Me: Okay, well that's the reason you can't connect.

    Customer: Oh! Well, I was just trying to see if my modem was working properly.

    Me: (trying not to scream) Okay, well call back when you have a computer.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "But, they never told me I had to have a computer to get on the internet, just this here modem." -Wolfie0827
  • Wow, just, WOW -Spyder19
  • i tell them that yes their modem is online and surfing -Imrcly
  • but i gots mah web tv and sum satellite disc?!? whatchoo meen i canst get no high speed intahnet?!? - and the scary thing thing is, one of them was actually a relative. accent and ignorance incleded at no additional fee. [whimpers] -omegawolf
  • whoa, the E and U keys are nowhere near one another. no idea where that typo came from, damn! -omegawolf
  • You're running out of adjacent typos mate - here, have some more..... hfaoithaej.nds mfdnjreaigotren -Gromit
  • <DA>Actually, if you're using a Dvorak keyboard layout (like me) the E and U keys are right beside each other (Qwerty D & F)</DA> Yes, I do consider it my mission in life to be the biggest dork in history, in case you were wondering -chronos
  • No innernet? But I dun put the AOHell CD intuh mah pickup trucks stereo & it don' do nuthin! Dang! Ah even had to e-ject mah Flatt & Scruggs CD tuh do it! -lineswine
  • 83. Registrar Insanity
    Those of you who work for ISPs/webhosts might get this more, but... recently in working with a customer who had one domain with us and another with Internic, they indicated they would like both domains to point to their space with Internic.

    No problem, says I, and point the DNS over. This site the next day is pointing to... a placeholder. One of those ubiquitous "This domain has been registered, now here's a bunch of search sites for you..." Fine with me, but the customer, like I said, wants them pointing to the same.

    I tell him to ask Internic to mirror the DNS config and add to their VirtualHost entries on the server - should be 1 minute, maybe, depending on the tools they use for this.

    Internic instead indicates that they have to be the registrar of a domain in order to manage it like this.

    WTF???

    Email the customer that they should take it up again with Internic, a little more strongly this time.

    This morning, I come in and check the DNS/webmaster mailbox, and this same customer has copied us on a strongly-worded reply to Internic's support.

    Right below that are notifications indicating that another registrar requested the domain be transferred to them. I think this is fine and they decided to acquiesce to Internic, until I see...

    ... it's for a different registrar entirely. And they confirmed it.

    Although, this means that we have absolutely nothing to do with the domain anymore, and really, isn't that what *really* matters?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • the best is when the registrar locks the domain, i get a lot of calls like that "i can send emails, but people that email me get a message bounced back, now my websites down too" yeah, if you'd pay your renewal fee, you wouldn't have this problem, would you? -razmann
  • Run into this a lot. -Harm
  • yep I get this all the time as well, the funniest is when you try and ring the other hosting company and they have not got a clue what is going on!! Have even had to explain to the other host on what to do step by step!!! And then they still screwed it up and tried to pass the blame back to us. Out came the long worded email on how dns works and how host headers, A records and CNAMES work. I think in the end the poor customer just had his whole domain come over to us. Have got one happening today, still awaiting a reply back from the customer as to what he wants done -zippy666
  • 84. Definition of...
    ...Irony?

    Having to view the local lingerie/sex toy store's website (they host with us) to check something...

    ... and getting blocked by the proxy's content filter at work.

    Yeeeeeeeah. They'll believe that, right? Right??
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Now THAT'S Priceless !! -Spyder19
  • Not a problem! Namor, my friend! Point me to the site and I'll check it for you! <BFEG> -TheGhost
  • if they will mail orders to the states ill check for you. -rhiannon
  • Cat5e cable - $7 | Work computer w/ all the needed trimmings - $800 | Being unable to do your job because some PINHEAD set up content filtering rules that tech staff can't work around - PRICELESS! | For most things there's Common Sence.. For everything else, there's STARFISH. -ShujinTribble
  • 85. *MY* router!
    Monday we had a network customer install. I had to get involved a bit to figure it out at the first, but that's nothing exceptional. Now, note that these setups mean that we supply the router, the configuration, and we maintain, troubleshoot, and replace them if necessary. Customers should *not* have access to them.

    Therefore, the next day, when a call came in and I was asked something about their router, the company name was slightly familiar. I found I couldn't get into the router to make sure of some settings. Spoke with the guy who did the configuration (They're little Cisco boxes), then he referred me to the tech who had gone out. Neither admitted to changing the enable password or anything.

    So, I'm asking the tech out there if he can go on-site so I can walk him through a password recovery on it. He says that area is a couple-hour drive, so he'd have to plan it. I put this on the backburner and get on with work.

    This morning, I'm accosted almost first thing by someone calling about it - their speeds aren't up to par. Well, now I *need* to get into the router. Luckily, apparently the customer was only a couple of blocks from the CO, and the C.O. guy was willing to walk over with a laptop and console cable. Joy!

    He calls me once he's onsite. I have him hook up the cable, and I'm trying to get him started when... I hear someone talking in the background.

    The tech then asks me, "He said something about an enable password..."
    Me: "Does he know what it is?"
    Tech: "Yeah, just a sec, he says he'll give it to me."
    Me: "He's *GOT* it?"
    Tech: "Looks like it..."

    The password was entirely different than what we had set up for it. I got in and reset it back.

    Cheeky frickin' monkeys had done exactly what I was about to walk the new guy through, pretty much right after the first tech left, I figure...

    The rest of today was filled with some anger at us for that, but in the end the guy turned out to be okay - but they won't be keeping *our* router... thank the gods.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Mine! Mine mine mine mine mine! *runs off with hardware* MINE!!! ;) -snowcrash
  • QUICK!! IN HERE CRASH!!! *knocks snowcrash in head with sleeping SF, runs off with router* -TheMage18
  • *seeing Snowcrash chasing namor, chanting mine, mine, mine, just like the gulls in Finding Nemo* -taieena
  • * pointing at hardware , head bobbing> Mine!mine! Mine! mine! MIne! Mine! mine mine MIne! -Harm
  • <points at field in front of running techs> Mines! Mines! Mines! Mines! Mines! -LaserGuru
  • <dazed look> OOOOOOOHH AAAAAAAAHH pretty fireworks in the field </dazed look> -jwinc7
  • <slips into field, picks up the hardware and sneaks off? MINE! -JH
  • that '?' in my above coment should be a '>'. I was too busy looking for the mines to type properly. *bfeg* -JH
  • YOURS! YOURS! YOURS! YOURS! YOURS! -ShujinTribble
  • 86. How to respond? No, really...
    Email just in our webmaster box again - subject is an email address. They ask, "We're getting errors that that email is full...I believe you're hosting that email can you please look into that for me?"

    I look into it.

    They're a webdesign company that we're at constant odds with, so I'm thorough - but it doesn't take long.

    First, their mail isn't with us - it's hosted on a server - off of *their* DSL connection.

    Second, checking the server by trying to send to the email address in the subject, I get, "Recipient unknown."

    Trying to send to the address the message was originally sent from, I get an over quota message.

    I had to call them to tell them this, in the end. I would have *expected* they sound a little embarrassed, but nooooooooooooo...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • in this case can you tell me what company? that way I'll never work with them. -drachen
  • do they have a business account? sounds like a TOS might humble them -NOFXfan
  • Yep, business account, static IP, servers allowed. I doubt you'll ever work with them - they're even farther north than I am. :) -namor
  • how far north, I'm originally from Timmins, ON Canada -NOFXfan
  • Er. Damn. I got mixed up - they're actually closer to the US border than I am. Where's that article about geographic illiteracy in schools...? -namor
  • God, I loved the bit, "Rick Mercer: Talking to Americans" [RM] How do you feel about the statistic that says that 90% of high-school-aged canadians can;t pick out thier own state on a map? [American Woman] (Prattle neep Increadible! Stupid! Poor-Schooling-Standards....) [AM's grade-school kid] Wait-a-minute; They don't have 'states' in Canada! -ShujinTribble
  • "Talking to Americans" Oh man I laughed my ass off watching that! -RandalGraves
  • 87. OT - Monitor Opinions?
    We just got our distributed awards for the last quarter for our team, and with mine ($400) I got gift certs for a local computer store.

    Object: new 17" LD to replace my dying CRT.

    I'm searching on the various ones carried by this shop - splitting between Acer (AL-1715-B), BenQ (T701), and maybe Sony (SDM-S73) or Samsung (710V-B).

    Anyone have any familiarity with these, wuold be able to offer an opinion on quality/longevity? I'm leaning toward the Acer from the reviews I've found, but others have mentioned the BenQ as pretty nice.

    I don't do a lot of gaming, just want something to replace my existing POS, so anything you can contribute will help - and sorry for taking up space on the main page, but I leave for the shop in an hour (yeah, I'm taking care of this *right* away) and will delete the post after.

    Feel free to whiteboard the response as well if you want.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • the shop I worked in had a run of bad benQ's that had to be RMA'd -mwad
  • Grr... should say 17" LCD... (sigh) Anyway, thanks, will keep it in mind. -namor
  • I've had some Acers and BenQ's. You might want to check the dead pixel policy of the manufacturer/retailer. Something sucks more than buying a beautiful new monitor with a single red pixel in the middle which you can't do anything about. -smellystudent
  • Thanks! Looking it up... I know the store I'm using isn't much for returns, so I'm stuck with MFR support, so I'm going straight to the source. -namor
  • If there's a Sony option I would go with it. Both Acer and Benq are pretty good but IMHO Sony TFTs are the mutts nuts. -Gromit
  • For $400, you might be able to get a 19" LCD. Whatever you get, go for one that has a DVI connector (it's digital VGA, versus analog VGA that all CRTs and many LCDs use). If your video card doesn't support this, try to get one that does; there is a definite difference in the sharpness of the display. -BayouTech
  • Bayou - thanks, but I was looking for reasonable. got the Acer, no DVI, which is no issue as I don't plan to have in the next year. Have the thing hooked up now, and I'm in love. <squish> -namor
  • Wish I'd seen this sooner. That's ok, you ended up NOT getting the BenQ anyway. Anything BenQ makes is LOW END (IMHO)... -Spyder19
  • Benq is made by Acer -Deadagent
  • Viewsonic has a very fast LCD (under 8ms response time.) Things to look for: Contrast ratio: Higher is better. Brightness, more is better. And warranty. Anything less than 3 years parts/labor/backlight means that the monitor is crap. -Starfury
  • 12ms, I think the warranty is good (pixel rma policy is better with Acer), 450:1 for contrast ratio. And I can finally hit 1280x1024 without going blind. :D -namor
  • We use the Acer's here. They're pretty good. We haven't had any problems with them. -TechieSidhe
  • sweet! I was looking at the same monitor... although it's the acer 1715 model that has the DVI... sounds like it worked out for you, so I think I'll go pick one up as soon as I can pass it by the budget committee (read: wife) -Bynar
  • 88. Since when?
    Got a customer email this morning - script on a website not working.

    Now, he admitted it might be because the path was wrong, and since it's been a while since the script was updated, that might be the case.

    Well, he was right, and that's the main reason I still take his problems over email. I just got a giggle out of the fact that I got to tell him that, yes, it's been a while for that script - it was last modified last century.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • In the previous millenium! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • WOW...I didn't know they even *had* commputers in the olden days! ^ ^ -TranceGemini
  • load "$",8 -Deadagent
  • DLOAD "*" ,8,1 I loved my commodore 128 -MrJay67
  • 89. Noooooooooooooooooo!
    Background: I set up a linux box for a friend because he wanted to learn. This was a couple of years ago. Occasionally he called me to get help with some issue that... well, while not *elementary*, could be solved with a couple of judicious google searches.

    Now, just a few minutes ago, our abuse guy walked up to me and asked me to take a look at something. The secondary uid/IP on my DSL account was reported for brute SSH scans. WTF?

    I forget who's been using it. I find where it's connected, and scan it. Find from the open ports and some indicators that it's the guy's above. Had forgotten about that.

    I've also forgotten the root password, or else it's been changed... I log in with my account and check...

    Hundreds of open connection attempts, outbound, to port 22. At this point I scream *fuck*!!! and continue looking.

    Two shells opened, running unknown scripts, with some class C ranges as arguments. Nothing showing in wtmp/utmp, obviously.

    Even though this box is his primary email domain, I had to shut it down.

    Great. He hasn't done any maintenance or upkeep on it. I don't know how the box was compromised, but I'm going to find out. I am mainly *pissed* in that I know it's somewhat my fault for allowing this to happen, in a way, by putting this at his disposal.

    Even worse for him: He's in India right now (visiting relatives) and probably sleeping... had to leave him a voicemail anyway, hope he gets it, cuz I *know* he's going to get ahold of me somehow when he can't get to his box...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • if he is in India right now....would it be a local call for tech support? -ViciousPenguin
  • Nah, just knock on the neighbor's door, same thing. *with apologies, not targeting anyone specificly* -TheMage18
  • 90. Let's dissect web developers
    Nothing against competent ones (and I'm sure we have some here), but damn.

    I'm not a whiz at HTML/PHP or any sort of programming, but I *can* generally find simple errors and follow the flow. So this one killed me.

    Customer email: "I seem to be having troubles with a site that I have hosted with you, regarding the sendmail function. The page to view is: http://www.xxx.xxx/page/form.html. We don't get any sendmail errors when running the code, but we are also not receiving any emails. Please let me know if this is something on your end - perhaps the emails are getting "stuck" somewhere?"

    Now, this is normally a common problem with us, but quickly fixed. I check the page's code to see whether it fits this profile.

    What I find is an HTML form that submits to another domain's CGI script, on a domain that's using Zoneedit to point it to one of our other customers' dynamic IPs!

    The bad news, the person writing to our webmaster box is the third-party designer.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Hey Namor, do me a favor and drop the customer an email. Let them know that I'll do their design for them for $10 less than their current guy, and I'll have half a fucking clue what I'm doing. (note: please don't actually drop them a line, i hate your customers as much as I hate mine) -snJimboip
  • lets seee... help a neeping asswipe customer that will piss me off and have to get info dragging screaming and tantruming out of them.. or freashly salted highway crossing on bloody stups while having shards of glass ground into my eyes. hmmm tough choice. I'll take 'head to bar and ignore both options' Alex. -Harm
  • ... *blink, blink* Umm.. that's easy to write in PHP.. very easy -SayamiroiSayaka
  • Say - not quite the point. Though they might have been thinking such when a couple of unrelated forms on the same path posted to itself as well... -namor
  • 91. In for the kill...
    For the precursor, see: http://69.46.28.206/single/new_stories.php?content_number=46536

    Now, the complainant is getting more insistent, and overnight sent a half dozen large log snippets to us, consisting of this sort: "This person is still attacking us and our connection is slow as a result! Take a look at this by tonight or we'll take legal action!"

    Well, we got *their* connection checked. Result? Quite a lot of P2P traffic/torrents. Yeah, I wonder why it's slow...

    Regardless, we've been authorized the kill shot, and are gathering enough information to put the 'issue' to sleep, once and for all.

    Sometimes I love this job. The opportunites for analogies are endless.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Dropped them like a bad tranny. Knocked them out like a gallon of ether. Cut their service like Lorena Bobbitt... Well, some analogies work SO much better than others. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Have to love ppls threat of 'legal action'. Did you read your service agreement? You pay us whether it works or not. LOL -unrunt
  • yeah, I loved s*c's EULA... it basically promised we would try to get dsl to work, as long as you paid the bill... LOL -HappyCrappy
  • "Stop it or we'll take legal action"? Hmm.. Ok! I.. Spy... With my little... Eye... a port.. that needs.. to be... (Clickity-clickety-click) >CLOSED!< -ShujinTribble
  • Wouldn't it be nice if there was an ISP webpage where the users could close off ports they thought they were being attacked on? "And now my P2P/email/surfing don' work no more!" Sucker. -Geminii
  • ...and you thought the "Pentalty Disconnect" was annoying! -ShujinTribble
  • 92. We're magic!
    From a co-worker just now. He had a guy call in who was wondering whether his location would be serviced by DSL.

    Only problem was... the place wasn't built yet.

    Completely new development, no wires strung, no postal code, not even finished construction.

    "I thought they could just... check," it's reported he said.

    As soon as I get those real-time satellite maps and cable locations, I'll get right on it.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Why, yes it will be. Someday. Once the neighborhood's built. Will it be us providing? I don't know sir. Let me get out my crystal ball. That'll be $4.99 for the first minute, $3.99 for each additional minute... -snowcrash
  • Sounds like your crystal ball shows more than distance from an imaginary point to a non-functional service. With prices like those you shouldn't have to keep calling 'Kandy'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Why didn't your coworker just ask him the address of the house next door to his future dwelling? -mccallister
  • "Would you like to hold until your question becomes relevant?" -Geminii
  • 93. OMFG
    Maybe this is only funny if you work for an ISP, but... forgive me, this may be long. (he grins, evilly)

    Co-worker got a call from a guy who has DSL with us (business service, static IP, etc). He's complaining that a company in the area is messing with his connection, he's getting DOS'd and it's messing with his firewall.

    Co-worker advises him to send in an email here (he had already tried abuse, and... well, let's not go there), and he does. It's detailed - long firewall logs, only about an ICMP packet dropped once a minute, though. Huh? It's ongoing, though, and the machine that's doing it... looks like a W2K machine with (let me count) 34 ports open.

    You read that right.

    These guys have an unmetered T1 with us, which is expensive. They're a tiny little ISP in a little northern community. Our guy here calls them up and tells them to stop, or else. Gets someone clueless who says that their tech contact died two years ago. She referred him to another little ISP in the area who does their tech now. Apparently they didn't want to mess with the box too much as it may "compromise the level of service currently offered."

    Oh, yeah. The box also is their gateway/authentication machine for their entire ISP. Which is appropriately going out of business in two weeks.

    !!!!!

    He sent out an email informing us of this, with the addition:

    "He mentioned the Win2k machine had a pegged CPU useage of 100% for the last 2 weeks. On top of it, the Win2k machine is only running SP2."

    Oy-frelling-vey.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Follow-up to the once-a-minute thing - apparently the guy who reported it, we find (without telling him) has a whole bunch of P2P action going on. That's probably more at fault than this, but still. -namor
  • No wonder his CPU load is high. Spyware anyone? -ThreeBucks
  • So in two weeks time the spam load should drop by what, .0000001 percent when this company goes bye-bye? -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Hmmmm... seven hundred eight-eight conversations coming from one customer... Oh Abuse Department... -suitepotato
  • Its too bad there no emocon for a feighed non surprise with a glare of " so why was this not mentioned or something done about it?" with a smidgeon of "single raised eyebrow conveying All is Known." -Harm
  • The emoticon you're thinking of might be: (^_o) -ShujinTribble
  • hey, that looks just like Spock ! -Spyder19
  • Actually, Spock does it on the other side... I mean.. (>_<) Ok, now I KNOW BurKiss is gunna just jump all over that one. -ShujinTribble
  • 94. Would you trust them?
    Looking at our DNS/webmaster mailbox yesterday, I see an email from a company that I'm mildly familiar with - asking to change DNS for one of our customer's domains. I let it sit until today, and then investigate.

    The changes they request are legit, I find, just pointing the domain over at the client's own IP. I make the changes. Then, I note everything, and write back to this guy.

    A couple of minutes later - I get a bounceback. "Host Not Found" it screams at me. Yes, this third-party consultant has some messed-up DNS/mail issues right now...

    Now I'm double-checking, and adding to my existing notes, because I'm now thinking that... if the consultant's mail isn't working right, what does this signify for the customer?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • The customer stopped paying the consultant! The consultant is abandoning the client. The client decided to go with a cheaper web host and asked the consultant to put the website over on that host. Consultant said 'golf hawk use elf'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • and we care because....??? -VictorWong
  • aaaaannnnd... Que the Bombs.. GO! -ITNaziChick
  • 'Care' is not the appropriate word. We are techs, driven to understand 'WHY'. In much the same way that some other critters just have got to stick their little beady eyes out from under their rock when they hear a hawk landing on it. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • VW commenting on one of *my* stories? How quaint! He came to be a tech; he leaves, a starfish. -namor
  • For a second I actually thought VW is trying for irony - but then I remembered trolls are very lateral. -NordicPT
  • 'golf hawk use elf' I am going to get a shirt made with that on it asap -Deadagent
  • All known VW idents have been Lorem Ipsum bombed. -VictorWongID10T
  • As if I needed reminding once again of how brainless you are, Vickie, you pull your head out of your ass *just* long enough to make a substanceless comment about something you don't understand. One you aren't capable of understanding. Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but STUPID lasts forever, Victoria. -LinuXtreme
  • Linux, TDD, two fabulous quotes. Oh, and Namor...it means the customer is going to neep loudly in your ear? -halfstarfish
  • Follow-up: Consultant sent an email to us shortly after I was laughing about the bounceback, with his entire previous message forwarded inline, and the single line on top: "What is the status of my request?" Made my day. -namor
  • one has to wonder HOW he expects to RECIEVE your response... -Spyder19
  • 95. How to tell...
    ... that your brain is fried.

    I'm looking over a business registration document that was faxed in to us, and near the top is the note, "Instructions On Reverse".

    So I flip over the page.

    So *this* is what starfish think/feel like... ALL THE TIME!
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Bwahhahahahaha, but a slip now and again is allowed, in all fairness :) -Armakuni
  • Just proof that flourescent lighting DOES make you dumber-er. -murdermachine
  • had someone fax me a classified document on an unsecured fax line by folding it in half before faxing -ViciousPenguin
  • You're not a SF, namor. If you had called support and reported an issue, that would make you a SF. -QuinTech
  • 'This page intentionally left blank'. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I wouldn't be surprised if there was a double-sided fax machine somewhere, actually. -Veinor
  • did you see the 404 error? -neuman1812
  • The difference is that YOU felt foolish. StarFish feel nothing but complain that the fax is broken. -ecoli
  • GIVE MEEE A NEW FAAAAX MACHHHHHINNNNNE </sf> -lineswine
  • 96. Ya think?
    Co-worker sent this email to the group just now:

    Customer: (blanked) HAIR STUDIO INC

    Caller: "Hi. I am the receiptionist here and we ordered the internet and it isn't working."

    Me: "No problem. I am sure that I'll be able to help you with that. Can you tell me what equipment you have there and what lights are showing?"

    Caller: "Oh... we haven't plugged any of the equipment in. And the internet is still not working. Do you think that once we plug all the equipment in that we can get onto the internet?"

    Me: "Well try that.... and if you are still unable to connect to the internet, please call us and we should be able to assist you further."

    Caller: "Oh thats great. Thank you. You've been a great help."
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • >.< Help, help!!! I've been blinded by the brilliant flash of the obvious!!! -mousie
  • This hair trimmer that I just bought does "not work." "Did you plug it in?" "No.. Will that help?" -ch41nbr8kr
  • but, we ordered WIRELESS !! -Spyder19
  • As a fan of Fairly Odd Parents, I'd call that a customer with PCM, Permanent Cosmo Moment. -suitepotato
  • I've ordered some food, but I am still hungry. Do you think it would help if I ate it?? -sajwaite
  • Master of the obvious! Water is wet, grass is green, fire is hot: don't touch, it'll burn you! Heh. (Yes, I'm sure I've used this one before. Ah well. It's been a long, long week...) -GreyDuck
  • 97. The Reason
    This is the justification of my EUPOTD.

    There's an older couple, generally nice but *ultra*-clueless, who was referred to me by my previous brother-in-law. They call me up seldom, but lately, I think it's gotten worse.

    They got a new computer and I did some quick fix on that when they brought it over... they also asked about their daughter's.... whee. She brings over an 80GB hard drive, saying her computer can't read it, so could I save the stuff, format and re-do it? What the hell, should be simple.

    Mistake one.

    I do all of that, format the drive NTFS, copy the stuff back (26GB! Multiple copies of some stuff, most of it in such descriptive folders as "New Folder" "New Folder (4)" etc) and give it to her.

    She IMs me after that - doesn't recognize the HD. Ah, she slaved it to the existing 20GB with... 98? What? I remember a conversation about W2K, so that's odd. Tell her to use that, or install XP on the 80 without formatting it.

    This morning, she asks if I still have a copy of her data. Because I have the lowest possible opinion now, yeah, I do. She was trying to copy the data back onto another HD, she switched them around, and... now it's all missing.

    Here's where I find out that she has a 20, 40, and now the 80 GB HD, each with a different OS installed, and she just switches between them, master and slave, when she wants something.

    Now I'm scared. And saddened.

    Finding out her taste in porn was furries and anime doesn't really help, either. Damnit.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Hey, I take offense to that. What's wrong with an interest in furries? You'd be surprised just how many of your coworkers are likely furries, too. Working in the tech business is very common there. -Calydor
  • Take offense to *what*? My not being into *your* tastes, and saying so? -namor
  • Zombie Goat Bukkake. Theres your furry for the goar, your anime for the zombie, and ummmm cause its Japanese anime the bukkake? -burrkiss
  • It's also common in farming, so I hear. -Evilturnip
  • All is known. © -Gromit
  • I'm what you would call a "furry tech" as well...I believe I eluded to that in reply to the "Animal LART" post made a long time ago that referred to one of my now-favorite webcomics, The Suburban Jungle. -Mewtwo
  • Hey, furries are everywhere. -iFox
  • Fine, let me elaborate. I have no problem with furries. (this is where one commonly inserts the idea that they've had furries as friends, too) The problem I have is misinterpreting or taking offense at my last statement. My figuring out that this person is probably a furry themselves by the pr0n I find on their computer bothers me not at all. It's more directed at the fact that it's not what titillates *me*. Everyone okay with that? -namor
  • There was an idea I had, to compare this to gay pr0n situations we've had posted, but I'm not nearly eloquent enough. -namor
  • its cool man. its cool. some people like the fur7y thing. I'm partial to the non furry thing. to each there own. bald taco. -Harm
  • Okay, maybe I came off too harsh too. I've just been taking a lot of bashes lately over several choices in my life, so I guess I was in a defensive mood. Friends? -Calydor
  • i prefer them clean shaven. the fur gets caught in my throat. -GefahrMaus
  • oh, my bad. i thought the furry was a animal thing. i should go shave. -burrkiss
  • Brain Bleach, Get yer Brain Bleach here! Don't get caught reading these things without plenty of Brain Bleach handy! -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I was in furry long enough to be broken of it by the sad perverted life-destroying nature of it. Saying you can partake without being warped by it is like saying you can orbit a black hole just outside the event horizone. Sure, until it swallows enough mass for the event horizon to expand and drag you in. I tell the kids in my family, stay away, it won't help you any more than 70s retro will and its less sightly... -suitepotato
  • TDD - I'll take one of those! -Psudo
  • *pops up* Bald Taco? Did someone say "bald taco"?...Oh, nevermind. -Amiga5000
  • 98. Thank the gods
    Girlfriend strolls into my room with a bunch of cable in one hand and a stack of CD jewel cases in the other.

    "I'm cleaning out my room. Do you want any of this or do I throw it out?"

    I look at it for a moment - the cables seem to be some of the regular 'silver satin' phone cord, and some CAT5.

    "Sure, I'll take the cases, and... only the network cable."
    She looks at me for a second, looks back at the cable, and I sigh to myself...

    Then she separates out the right cable, drops it on the floor, and says, "I'm not a moron, you know!"

    Yep. Good women.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • She was probably irritated that you didn't just take the whole bundle and trash what you didn't want. -Grue
  • No way would I get away with that from a girlfriend. -beatmewithstick
  • My girl friend would not even ask if i wanted them. god knows shes trying for me to get ride of the cables and misc parts i have. Id be tempted to pull a BOFH in order to indicate the usefullness of said items but i doubt i could get away with my life. -Harm
  • I have to inspect the trash after my wife cleans out my shop. I have tubs full of ide cabs, old transformers, bags and bags of zip ties and case screws. She likes to throw it away if she gets a chance. I found my fav pair of shoes in the trash last month. -jard
  • Young and careless. When you get older and more experienced, you will learn that silver satin (with a few crimp-on snap fasters) makes a very elegant 'bond' for b/d games. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Wow. All our random cable is in a pile in the closet that the ISP used to live in. *g* I also stay resolutely away from the husband's space--if his stuff wanders into common space it eventually gets piled on his chair when I get fed up with it. -pixel
  • 99. "Missing" email
    I get a ticket - customer missing messages, please investigate. Sure, say I. Ask our mail server admins to take a look at the specific mailbox.

    They see nothing really wrong... I have to ask the customer for more details - times, access methods, etc. Sure.

    I call him up - takes me half the day just to get ahold of him. He says that he always uses our webmail function from work, and that when he logs in, there will be messages there. He logs out, then will log back in later, and messages are gone.

    I ask him to do just that right now, and... doesn't happen. Colour me unsurprised.

    Ahh, it was only *one* time! Silly fishy. Yesterday. Get a timeframe. Go back to server admins. (Yes, I'm sometimes nothing much more than a go-between)

    Hm, that's funny... around that time period, there was a pop client login... from the same IP... that deleted the messages. Perfectly normal - our server did nothing but what it was told.

    Call up the customer. Tell him about this. Silent so far, he finally speaks up, "You know, when I was browsing yesterday, I clicked on this Contact Us link, and this Entourage thing came up..."

    Kill the fishie - I'm sure you can guess the rest. Yep, never used Entourage before, even though it was set up on the system, so the first time it was opened by a mailto:, it grabbed all his waiting messages. Voila, open Entourage, they're there.

    And a question - anyone know if older versions of IE for OS9 had some limited security certificate problems, or just don't have most of the issuers trusted?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Too bad it's not so easy to find their 'missing' IQ points. -teivrann
  • Yiyiyiyi - when will users learn simple 'cause' and 'effect'!. Had one call up yesterday complaining that a load of emails had gone missing and it was only after prompting that he remembered he'd done some 'housekeeping' the day before.. -CommanderData
  • cause an defect? (I thought that was the SF's job and I know it's not gramatically correct so bugger off) -Olorin
  • same thing i was going to ask one day, i can't go no where important on my macs like pay pal and hotmail and shit like that cause mac ie won't let me talking about an unknown security algarithum (sp?) -blindtech
  • Blindtech - that's what I mean. Hm. I'll have to test this, believe we have a G4 with OS9 on the floor somewhere... -namor
  • IE for OS9 does have certificate restrictions - look in the MS KB to find out more. It causes me problems when using outlook web access with a self-signed certificate - most browsers will prompt, but IE just rejects it. And, of course, the bloody users won't listen and keep trying to use it... -smellystudent
  • 100. The line
    I've reached the point where I want to inflict harm upon a customer.

    Yes, I know I should have reached it long ago.

    Today was the first day back after a week-long vacation. 9 uninterrupted days of nothing. I caught up on sleep. I found out what stores look like at 10AM. Whee!

    Okay, there's one omission - I check the webmaster/DNS mailbox from home sometimes. Before the weekend, I saw a request in there - a simple, "We need this domain pointed to this IP before Monday. This is Urgent." Only thing that slightly tweaked my bozo filter was the fact that they had the IP stated as http://*.*.*.*/sub

    Well, found that it was a webserver run on their connection, checked no more, didn't find out what type, and made the change, sent an email back.

    Monday morning begins, and one of the things I have to do is catch up on these emails. Hm, customer saying that it's not working, he *did* want it redirected to the /sub area of their site. Educated customer on the finer (okay, the "should be really simple and obvious" points of DNS). Got another email. "We want this done, so we'll change our service..." They have a basic version of IIS which won't do this. We don't offer URL redirection, so not much I can do (and not much I care to - I'm not really sorry we don't offer this). I give them the term URL redirection, and that they can search for *free* services that will do what they want.

    They write back. "Not sure what to do here - I guess we have to transfer it," sort of message. I make the dying save and give them some sites where they can set up URL redirection. They ask, "how long until the transfer takes place?"

    Uh... what? Wait, the next message is a response to an earlier message of mine, saying, "I don't understand why you can't just do this in DNS..." and I can't think of any coherent response that would not get me fired for a few minutes.

    Last attempt, I hope. The customer has some free webhosting space with us. I say, if you want, we can point the DNS back to that, and you can set up an index page with a refresh to your site. Great, they're happy, tell them to contact us once they've done that.

    Just before I go home, I check again. They've written back saying, "still waiting on this, its quite urgent" WHAT's urgent? I fire off a quick reply asking if they'd done what I specified yet.

    Response: "i dont know what kind of code needs to go into the index to make it redirect"

    This person *cannot* be the same one that created the page and set up the server that I pointed it to.

    Oh, wait - the main IP that they requested it point to - it's their web page, and it advertises web design, intranet, eCommerce and "Rich internet applications".

    If only *this* starfish had lost all of their digits in the cold...

    Sorry for the length - I don't tell stories, I just try to paraphrase the flow from my mind.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Let me get this straight: you checked your work email while you were ON VACATION? I think we need to conduct an intervention before you turn into a workaholic. Get me ten TSC members, a case of vodka, and a few copies of Halo 2, stat! -thx1138
  • And you're trying to retain this customer why, exactly? -Geminii
  • This person's site advertises web design, intranet, eCommerce and "Rich internet applications and they can't even make a simple html document for a web direct...??? What they are really saying is that they got a copy of Front page and don't know where in the help to........oh wait.. Starfish don't use help files........:( -kryliss
  • Came across the Russian defination of a workaholic. . . A drunk in a office -Zoomer
  • 101. Pure Coincidence?
    Allow me to rant for a minute...

    From the realm of, "What were they thinking?"

    So, they're re-doing the corporate/customer webpage. Top-to-bottom. New content management system, new look, new feel. There's a lockdown on additions/changes to the old site until the new one is unveiled. All is good, anticipation is in the air.

    I see a release, today, from our operations group that manages our servers (most of, anyway). Now, this is a company that was bought by the parent company and merged in, then somewhat separated, and now amalgamated with a second national company that was also bought just last year. Yes, I have trouble with it, too. So the rest may be understandable.

    Anyhow, this release details, admittedly during normal maintenance windows Sunday morning. What's being done? Web servers, news, and DNS servers are all being moved to new racks/UPs. They've got several hours, total, scheduled for it.

    What time is the unveiling of the new site? Well, it *could* be worse, but it's this Saturday morning.

    So, new site will go live... then that night it won't be found... and then up again... all without a word because no content can be changed, therefore no advisories placed on the page as a warning...

    I think I'll start drinking Monday morning. (Am I a pessimist yet?)
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • about as pessimistic as it gets.... -nighthawk199330
  • Why wait til Monday? :D Kinda reminds me of that fiasco when Ad-Aware went from version 5 to version 6. *rolleyes* -missourimule
  • Saturday morning? And miss Power Rangers? Blasphemy!!!!! -VIPERsssss
  • 102. SayWhutNow?
    So, it appears anything from our mail servers is hitting hotmail's junk folders. Doesn't look good for us. Tier 2 techs come looking for me (well, I'm backup only, but still...). Well, I decide to look up hotmail and call their tech contact number.

    I didn't expect much from the call, but... it seems that they have a little voice recognition system in effect. As it's my first real time calling MS, I'm startled by the instant, "Thank you for calling Microsoft!" And with co-workers standing around me, I mimic it in disgustingly sickened tones...

    The voice system instantly shuts up. I pay attention to it as it starts up again with a strange voice saying something in an unpronounceable dialect, followed by the dulcet tones of their voice system again, asking me if that's the person I want to speak to.

    I hang up, hurriedly, and realize it's only the system trying to make sense of what I was saying.

    Unsure if it's all like that, I call in again, and mimic the greeting in less chipper tones. "Did you mean Patricia Collins?" it asks me this time.

    Try as I might, I can't get the first result to come up again. Poor guy... I bet he never gets any voicemail...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • "Did you mean Patricia Collins?" No, I meant Joan Collins, fuckface! I wanna know what the hell you were thinking when you played as Polyester Poontang, beetch!! -viennasausage
  • I've gotten those before. It's hard to do with clients around, but, you can really confuse it by swearing at it. Loads of fun ! -Spyder19
  • Joan Collins, VS? You're into gerontophilia then? -Gromit
  • 8 to 80, Grom. If they can't walk, I'll carry 'em! -viennasausage
  • 103. Use the name, luke!
    I worked with a customer a couple of months back on their web site transfer. As a result, one person there had my name and direct number.

    Today, I got a call from someone I didn't recognize, about it. Obviously, my number's been given out. Yay. It's a consultant/web developer, saying he can't get in to FTP for their site.

    I askt he usual stuff, etc, and over the weekend the server they're on *did* have problems, but... I test it, turn up fine. Check the account, expecting it to be locked... it's not. Hmm.

    I let him go, he emails me (damn them!) and asks if it's unlocked and working. Sure, go ahead.

    He emails back - and I quote his entire reply: "neither are working could you reset the password?"

    I have the password on file for this, so I ask him what he's using. He sends me three ones he's been trying - same letters, different mixes of upper/lower case. I'm still surprised up to this point that his account hasn't ben locked out, when he appends to that email, the username he's been using - all in uppercase.

    Well, yeah, that'd explain it.

    I responded to that, pointing it out, around 11AM. It's now 3PM. I just checked the server logs, and it shows auth failures for the uppercase username *still*.

    Check your couch for any hope for the human race you may have dropped and send it over; I'm losing mine, quick.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You actually answer your direct phone for customers? I just dump them back in the queue. God forbid if they get my cell phone. I'll answer their questions and than bill them at out standard consulting rate of $75/hr. -scooby111
  • Huh? Did someone say my name? -DarthLuke
  • scoob - webmaster's on vacation in vancouver right now, I'm a backup contact for a few, um, sensitive issues. I don't answer my phone sometimes, and their next call is my manager. Sucks, but hey. -namor
  • Oh, so your file server is Linux/Unix based.... -Wonko The Sane
  • Wonko - not this one. W2K server, for those people who *must* have ASP or FrontPage. Not your standard setup, though, and a little difficult to work with, as security was a major consideration in the setup. -namor
  • I need to proofread my comments. I hate my own redundancies... like two testicles. What's up with that? -namor
  • namor, I think the other one is a hot spare. -temp
  • (whispers) Sometimes, I wish I had three testicles... -Amiga5000
  • From a list I found of 100 Worst Porn Titles: "E-Three, The Extra Testicle" -namor
  • ET: Eddie Torrez, the extra testicle. meep meep meep</cheech> -VIPERsssss
  • 104. She understands!
    My GF/roommate works in customer service in the same place I do. She just called my DN, and the conversation went like this:

    Her: "You would not believe the call I just had!"
    Me: "Why? What happened?"
    Her: "This woman just phoned up and asked if we could give her a contact number for ebay. I said, Nooooo... she went on to say how she couldn't get to ebay and she called (local cable company) and they couldn't help her either, and she'd tried looking on the web, but didn't find the numbers either. I asked whether she could get to any site, or if ebay was the only one not working. She said it was ebay, so I said I could transfer her to tech support. But I thought to ask whether she had service with us first, and... she's with (local cable company!)"
    Me: "Hahahahaha! So you know what *this* side is like now, huh?"
    Her: "Can you go find and kill her for me?"
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • so killing a starfish is now an acceptable valentines day gift. -xtc46
  • Killing a starfish is an acceptable gift no matter what day is is. -MFtech
  • "it is" -MFtech
  • That's awesome. Kiss her for me. Use tongue. Don't be shy. Tell her your Uncle Amiga said it's "A-okay!" <wink> -Amiga5000
  • "Uncle Amiga" kinda means "Uncle Girlfriend". Which kinda makes me like "Dr. Girlfriend" on The Venture Brothers. Except I could easily kick Dr. Girlfriend's ass. I mean, in case there was any question about that. I...okay, I'll shut up now. -Amiga5000
  • 105. Panic Moment
    Now, let me start by saying - I know we all have different skills. Myself, I think I'm pretty well-rounded, but can't run wire without some diagrams and someone helping. With that said...

    Customer calls in - they wanted DSL last month, but only got in an agreement (this is business service) a couple of days ago. They want it *today*. Nothing else will do. Fine.

    They want a router done by us, too, it seems. These are usually done by a different group, but I have a few of them sitting around for just this kind of situation. Slap a config on - modify it a couple of times because he says he needs some ports forwarded. And I get to go to the customer's prem with it, too, while the line guy enhances the phone line.

    That's all fine, the place is just beyond where I'd go on my way home, anyway. Boss tells me to take it out there and stay gone for the day. Sweet.

    I find the place, get in the door... there are guys blocking it, building shelves. There's no real furniture yet, and... well, the place is obviously not ready for work yet. Ask around and find the guy who called. Say, "So, do you want to hook this up and we'll see if it works?"

    He looks at me, and says, "Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" Okay. Not very annoyed by the sounds, but whatever. Fine, I'll hook it up. Let's go.

    Leads me to the demarc in back. So, the line has to be run to the next room...

    Wait, back up. There's no jack, no line there yet? The guy said I'd be able to do that? I'd have the filters and would run it from the demarc to...?

    Amazingly enough, I wasn't raked over the coals, and we're getting someone out there to run that. Gave him the basics on how the router's configured, and got the hell home.

    It's just those moments where you realized someone messed it up and it looks like you're on the line for it that get to me.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You kept your cool and got out of doing work that's not yours to do anyway. Plus you got home early. I'd say that you had a good ending to your day! -ch41nbr8kr
  • Thats my daily life. "Oh, the CSR said you could run 3 extra outlets."........."Yeah it aint on the work order, call them back and schedule it..... No I dont care. I DONT HAVE THE TIM!!!" -burrkiss
  • yeah we get "sweet young thing" college girls who think they can cry and get the cable modem guy to run an ENTIRE network, cause they have 3 roommates that are going to share the cost - "WHAT?!? We'll have to PAY for you to run network outlets??? But they just want internet, not TV!!" And... "But my daddy said you could go ahead and run those outlets, he'll pay for it if you just put it on the bill... " Get calls from our techs like that nearly every day. -MamaTech
  • 106. Gay Accountants?
    Had to clear off a ticket today, problem was their website was bringing up another's content. Sad, but that happens.

    Call them up, it's some stuffy accounting business. They rant on for a while about how embarrassing it is to send somebody a link to your site and have them tell you that...

    ... it's coming up with content for a local gay bar.

    I couldn't think of many other crossovers I'd consider as hilarious...
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Possible crossovers: Lawyers & Doctors sites, Churches & Gay Tolerance, Microsoft & Antivirus sites. -ecoli
  • Great, now I'm gonna have "It's Raining Men" stuck in my head all day long... -Amiga5000
  • Link it to a "How to Cheat the IRS" site. -FrazzledAdmin
  • Does anyone else have the tango theme from the Blue Oyster bar from the Police Academy movies in their head? -Answerboy
  • Was it crossed over to http://blueoysterbar.com ? ? -Dangermouse
  • Danger? GMTA?? Which one of us should be concerned? -Answerboy
  • Microsoft and any devil-worshipping site, churches and the same, republican site & gay porn... -Veinor
  • Oh, and Bush's web site and a speech training course! -Veinor
  • Hey Answerboy ..... wanna tango? -Dangermouse
  • Well, there's already the www.hotmail.com and www.hotmale.com thing... -EagleEye
  • Or something about security holes in operating systems that goes to goatse.... -CommanderData
  • I was in Brisbane a couple of months ago when they had the "Australian Idol" finale on TV. When they posted the URL for the winner's web site, they displayed it as a ".com" address instead of ".com.au". The ".com" domain was a gay porn site, and I think about 1/2 the country saw it. (Just for the record, I saw that story on the news--I neither watched the show nor went to the site (either one)) -TheEnforcer
  • Does anyone remember the whitehouse.gov and whitehouse.com? The latter was a porn site, but with the Clintons there was little difference. -Wraith556
  • You're not allowed to talk about the Clintons...Go back to being silent you conservative, you. -VIPERsssss
  • I'm Australian. It it our right... nay, our duty to always to take the p!$$ out of anyone who truly deserves it. The only time politicians should be up on the pedestal is so we can throw rotten tomatoes at them. -Wraith556
  • 107. Pointed Stick!
    AAAAAAAAAAIGH!

    I've had it.

    This one webhosting customer, he requested that we open up a new webhosting account a while ago, and copy all of the existing content to the new one, preserving the permissions, etc.

    We did so. He said he'd modify the scripts he needed. It's mainly a case of the path being wrong. He writes back every once in a while - "This script isn't working!" I look into it and find that almost every time, the path hasn't been updated to reflect the new userID. Last time, I gave him "Example of wrong path - example of right path. Check all of your scripts, please - a global search and replace would be a Good Idea."

    Today, another. However, I find that he's actually modified the path on this one - like this: /usr/local/etc/httpd/htdocs/http://www.site.com/script.html/

    I don't know if I have it in me to respond nicely to this one.
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Huh. I guess I should have expected it to make the link clickable... IIS error page, neat! -namor
  • forget nice-- sometimes " nice" is way beyond some people's comprehension.. however a heavy beratting may get the message through. -Harm
  • At this point, I'd give no more than a cursory answer, like "Script programmed incorrectly." If he/she/it continues to neep, quote the consulting rates, and don't forget the SF Tax!! -SalParadise
  • Nice way: "I'm sorry, sir, but it appears you *still* have the wrong user name listed on X." Mean way: "Fark off and die until you can figure out how to replace the gawddammed username, you big honking luuuuuser!" -snowcrash
  • Sire, we provide the site for $$$$$, but bugfixing scripting is an additional $200 an hour. Would you like me to open a ticket? -Psudo
  • 108. blindtech hurt my brain
    ... so I hope it's okay if I reformat and post your story. :)

    i was trying to talk to my gf's bro cause he was a suposed compgeek and here's how it went.


    btw his email incase you'd like to bitch slap him for me cause he blocked me is rock_lee@cox.net for mail and msn messenger


    BlindTech says: tommy
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: Eh?
    BlindTech says: so, whats the deal with you think i'm not blind and why you not get back to me in mail?
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: Well, lets see.. You're conversing with me via e-mail/messenger, you claim to be a "computer tech" Those are things a blind man, can not do
    BlindTech says: really?
    BlindTech says: http://www.users.qwest.net/~drjann/epyd/
    BlindTech says: and http://www.techcomedy.com
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: I don't have the time, nor patience to verify your story, sorry
    BlindTech says: if you honestly think that a blind man can not do what i do i'm sorry but that is narrow minded
    BlindTech says: you've seen me or atleast i think you have how could i fake it
    BlindTech says: my laptop talks
    BlindTech says: with a prog called jaws
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: I am not stupid, I know how to make my computer talk
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: But, having a talking computer is one thing, being a computer technition is another
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: You NEED vision to work on computers
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: Do you work with software or hardware?
    BlindTech says: lol really thats sad. i'm sorry you feel that way but i work on them all the time
    BlindTech says: both
    BlindTech says: hw is simple
    BlindTech says: its like legos if you really think about it
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: You know, you can laugh at me and call me sad until you regain your site, I don't care
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: You need site to work with legos too
    You can't hurt me. I'm RAW POWER. You can't stop me. I'M UNSTOPPABLE. There's just no way you can win! says: Anyhow, I don't have time for you anymore
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Once again, that guy needs to change his screen name...VERY lame. -steveO77
  • "Last week I could not spell 'computer technition', now I are one!" The boy is such a dick. I agree 100% that his handle is totally lame. Any bets on him changing it to something in the line of 1337 h4x0r? -lineswine
  • He needs a call sign of iranid10t. That would be closer to what he really is! -uranid10t
  • Rock Lee, Huh? Would you be offended if I sent him the Narutard Flash to his e-mail address ? -Necros
  • wow namor, you was able to decypher it sorta. -SGTARKyTEK
  • ok who signed his bro up for goat sex midgt bukkake pron! -SGTARKyTEK
  • Thanks, Namor, but my brain still hurts. While you were editing the post, couldn't you have chopped down the stupid idiot's stupid handle? Cut it down to the size of his prick. -concept14
  • concept14: But then we wouldn't have been able to see it, and the whole conversation would've looked like Blindtech talking to himself. :D -missourimule
  • And may I suggest 'l33t pRK' or 'wnab mjr ==8'? -missourimule
  • The most amazing tech I've ever met was blind. He knew telco switches inside and out, and would get calls from the local telco to troubleshoot things when they had a particularly nasty problem. This guy was just a moron, but fortunately his chat handle gives adequate warning of that. -SalParadise
  • 109. Website protection
    Co-worker comes to ask me about stats/logging for a customer's web page. Now, our Unix side has some *very* basic stats - it parses the log files and makes a text-only page with some information. Bytes per day, pages hit during the month, etc.

    This customer is looking through there for when one specific file was accessed. As the story goes, apparently someone got a 'protected' file from the site and grabbed their CEO's information and posted it in a public forum.

    Well, whatever. We can grab the information from the logs. I put in that request, then start looking... the file they've stated is in a sub-folder, so I assume .htaccess at *least*. No, nothing. In fact, after a quick search, no such beast exists on their site. No touch of similar protection, either.

    We reason, maybe it just wasn't linked from anywhere, and they were just good guessers. Nope, find a single page which links to that document. And, a few dozen pages that link to *that*.

    So... as far as I can tell, they're mad that someone got access to some information *they* made public - and are pursuing *some* sort of supposed punishment against the perpetrator.

    This can't end well.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Keep your head down!! -Psudo
  • I exaggerate - maybe it *can* end well - they get IP, they pursue it, find nothing can be done, so ask us to block it or something, we ask why, then laugh and *click*. Hmmmmm... -namor
  • Remember... 1) Steal underpants 2) LART 3) Profit! -Torinir
  • 110. Prediction
    Customer part of a migration to 5Mbps speeds. Customer's DSL line upgraded. We handle their router (A cisco 800 series). As part of it, I have to change their PPPoE username in the router. I do so. Think this one is done.

    I take a look at the DSL stats... 1.5Mbps synch, and hundreds of errors. Something's wrong here...

    Figure out they have two DSL-enhanced circuits in the same place. One is set for 5Mbps, and has nothing attached, is out of a remote close to them. The other that they're on is out of a C.O. that's much farther away.

    This figured out, I call up the customer, ask them nicely to move the router/modem to the other line. Sure, they say.

    I watch it for a couple of days. No change. Every couple of days, it seems they reboot the router - I assume to clear up some problems they're having. I call them up again and ask - too busy, was planning on moving it next week. Sure, say I, that'd be *great*.

    That was last week. It's Friday, now, and I'm guessing they're not going to do it this week, either... I'm just *waiting* for a ticket to come in on this one saying that they're having DSL issues...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • On the bright side, if I'm understanding this right, is they're *paying* for 5Mbps, but *getting* 1.5Mbps *and* tons of errors. Did I get that right? Are they paying the stupid tax here? -missourimule
  • Can I have the 3.5mbps they aren't using? Pretty please? -itwasntme
  • Never thought of it that way - it *is* a stupid tax of sorts... bets they discover this in a couple of months and demand a refund? -namor
  • CYA though - possible that a SF will try a speed check and start a ruckus about that speed vs. payment thing. -Psudo
  • namor: Since when has any fishie needed a reason to demand a refund/credit? Psudo: That would only work if the SF could navigate sites that test speed. :D -missourimule
  • I bet they moved the line on their computer from port 1 to port 2 on the router. -Lehk
  • 111. Good vs Bad
    The bad: This morning, boss drops another computer on my desk. Says it won't even boot. Hands me the hard drive in an anti-static bag, saying he doesn't know why it was taken out.

    The good: Figure out the only reason it isn't booting is because whomever removed the HD also pulled all the switch leads to the motherboard. Nicely labelled, so I put them all back. Boots. Put in HD.

    Now consider, this is a 1.1GHz Athlon, 256MB and 40GB - not state-of-the-art, but it's decent by my standards. I discover it's running Win98. Trojan, some spyware, easily cleaned.

    Thing is churning pretty heavily, I have to remove some stuff and reboot, and scandisk comes up. Even on a quick scan it tells me it has problems. There are already a few bad blocks marked on the drive, too! Lovely.

    The really fun part is telling my boss this. Diagnosis: computer fine, but HD is going. He says, no problem, this guy has money. Calls him up from his office, says, "Your hard drive is crap. You need a new one. Buy a 200GB and bring it here."

    Few minutes later, here it is. If only it were always so simple...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • all i wanna know is will he buy me a 200g drive too? -RandalGraves
  • Nonono. "Get two new 200GBs and we'll put it in a RAID configuration so your system will work better. Now, you'll only ever see one in the configuration of your machine, but don't worry about that. Yes, and the RAID setup will be transparent, too, it'll look like you have only one drive. Oh, and opening your case will void your warranty too." -Jay911
  • We just got a 250 gig western digital for 204.99 and then a $75 mail in rebate...so a 250 gig for 129.99, which is $20 less then what they wanted for the 120 gig -saneagain
  • We've had 160gb drives selling for $80+ tax here. -Starfury
  • 112. Goatse Ports
    Co-worker asks if we can get this guy's IP changed. I, of course, ask why.

    Because it was posted in an open forum and now he's getting attacked. Wouldn't say what type of forum or why it was posted, apparently.

    Fine, I put in the request. Go to check out their current IP just to see, not expecting much...

    48 ports wide open. HTTP shows a configuration wizard for 2003 small business server. Even NTTP is open, though it only has the control groups listed.

    I can figure out it's a simple Linksys router. About the only thing done *right* was changing the default router password.

    Gee, I wonder why it was posted to a forum - "Look at this n00b!" I bet...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Hey everybody, all my doors are open and I'm going on holidays! I hope you won't come in and steal anything! Oh, and I left the keys in the car, too. -robbor
  • 113. Can't Print
    Abuse manager came by to show me - a fax from a customer received and just now got around to him.

    The customer wrote (yes, wrote, like with a pen) on one half of the paper, in landscape style, our ARIN whois details for some dynamic space. On the right side, a little note that one of the addresses in that block had triggered a "WELCHIA_ICMP_SCAN" from his firewall, 5 times in the last month.

    Looks like he originally sent it three days ago. I looked up the IP he reported for the past month... two days ago, *his* username was assigned it. How's that for irony? I wonder if his firewall went insane at that point, if he thinks it has such a problem with it...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Welchia? Wasn't that supposed to auto-die at the start of 2004? -karlata
  • There were later varients which did not expire. -Phssstpok
  • 114. Phishing
    This morning we started to get some reports of phishing emails that our customers were receiving. Supposedly for our sister-ISPs over to the east, but it had the options for our province as well.

    We checked it out, put in a ticket to networks to block the IP the false URL directed people to. A while after that was done, I got a call from our Tier 2/3 network guy. I have a lot of respect for this guy, and talk to him occasionally.

    He asked for a copy of the email to check out and make sure. I send it through our internal email, he gets it while I'm on the phone with him chatting, and, completely deadpan, in the moment, he mentions...

    "Oh, it looks like they need me to verify my account information... just hold on a 'sec, I'll be right back after I fill this form out..."

    My heart almost stops, and I just stop myself from crying out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" before it hits.

    Bastard. :)
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • nice...nothing like a tech with a short attention span. -leonine
  • Smells like a BOFH moment from him. :-p I *would* be cruel enough to tease that comment. :-p -Torinir
  • Oh, I *know* he was joking. He just did it so quickly and well that, jaded as I am, he caught me... -namor
  • 115. They're all true!
    I've been going back and forth with this one customer who's setting up a form for their website on our servers. It started when she asked us how to set one up, and a rep here sent her a link to our web page with some basic "here's how to code in HTML and make forms" instructions.

    Next, she sent us a snippet of code back, and ... well, the implementation was kind of perfect. She said it was getting an error that the file wasn't found and that 'nothing works.' However, she neglected the domain or site she was working on, and the actual 'thank you' page referenced a local... well, adult erotica store.

    We asked for the site, she provided, we went to look. The script her code was calling did not exist! First problem. Write back and ask about that. She writes back asking if we could upload it.

    I write back in detail about what's wrong with her implementation so far. She responds with an email essentially stating, "Well, this is what I was told in the initial email.'

    I go look. Our instructions *do* reference a script (It's a pretty specific file name, not found elsewhere) of the name she has specified, provided as a pure *example* of how to make a form from scratch.

    She somehow missed the part that actually gave you examples of use with the pre-installed formmail scripts on our servers and chose this instead.

    I do not relish explaining all of this.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Oh come on it could be fun, 2 points for each expletive but -1 for each paragraph. Target score 30 or more. -Armakuni
  • I prefer relish on pinto beans with ketchup. mmmmm.... -LaserGuru
  • Basically she wants you to do her work for her. For free. -thx1138
  • and you know if you help her she is just going to call back next time she has a problem and doesnt feel like rtfm. -boxcar
  • 116. Oh, yes, stupid *me*!
    Customer calls in this morn and gets a co-worker. He came and asked me about it. Essentially, the customer's getting dropped from our mail server constantly. I had a ticket on it last week where it was figured out that they were being treated like RCPT harvesters, for sending to the same 4-5 invalid addresses over and over and over again.

    Well, he transferred over, and I said I'd check out why it was *still* happening, as they said they had been waiting for it to be cleaned up, no problems on their end, etc...

    Benefit of the doubt and all, I check with our email admins again, get some logs that show they're *still* sending to those same invalid addresses.

    Call up the customer again, introduce myself and say that we found they're *still* sending to those addresses, that's why... and she says, "Well, I have to eat crow a little here, because..." and she goes on to explain how they checked the message in their outbox that they had insisted was no problem (even though it wasn't going out... hint, hint), and those addresses had been in its recipient list.

    All fine up to then, you'd think, but then she proceeded to berate me because we don't explain things clearly enough to the layman so that they could have known this beforehand!

    You know, stuff like, "You guys deal with stuff like this every day, so you'd think that..." Grrrrrrrrrrr!
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • $150,000 * 200 = one hell of a LART. -AmazingKreskin
  • Sorry, comment got attached to wrong post. -AmazingKreskin
  • 'S OK, Kreskin, I think this gal should get taxed that same amount for being a SF. -Tekkie
  • Stupidity should be painful for THEM, not us. -MaskedMarauder
  • I don't think the english language has words that would be simple enuff for this sf to understand -Armakuni
  • 117. Comments Beware!
    Strangeness... I just had to put in a ticket to get a couple of sentences removed from the comments on an account.

    The comments?

    "Problem exists between keyboard and chair. Customer is attempting to connect to a non- ftp server with a program that he has no idea how to use."

    The tech laughed and knew the acronym 'pebkac' when I told him about it. If you're here, you know who you are...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Id take a moral stand a refuse to remove an honest statement from a customers account. -xtc46
  • ... that should read non-(ISP) server... oops. -namor
  • If it'll only be seen by employees, i can't see that the problem is. Our cust notes contain similar things, like "cust porned it up" - they should give me a good idea of what to expect, not please the cust if it gets to read them. -trs998
  • Customers can, technically, request their history/comments, and we're supposed to be nice, so... -namor
  • I used to work at a place that had preprinted multiple copy trouble forms. I was constantly getting yelled at for writing what I felt needed to be written, but, knew shouldn't be. I remember one where I wrote in the problem field "Jane D'Allard" as being the problem -Spyder19
  • Only problem is, field tech work orders often have the notes of the tech who generated the order... would that the s/f would SEE those notes on the w/o and get a clue (x4 or two...) -MadJack
  • Most know what PEBKAC but not many have heard of PICNIC.. PROBLEM IN CHAIR NOT IN COMPUTER. -kryliss
  • 118. Now *that's* priority service
    Co-worker asked me to give this guy a call - he's our DNS/webmaster, so I listen... sales rep called him up with a message from one of our customers. Guy's in Arizona, having problems with email.

    However, he makes sure to mention, he's friends with both our CFO and CEO. Good friends. So we're to make sure we treat him nicely and call him quickly.

    Fearing the worst, I call. Guy's nice, fires up his laptop, connects to his provider out there, and... logs into our webmail page. At this point I'm trying to figure out what the problem is, because it's going too smoothly.

    Then we get to it - there are two messages showing up, but he complains he can't get to them.

    He's clicking on the "Get Mail" button at the bottom of the page, which explains beside it, "Click to check for new email messages."

    Tell him to click on the actual message, and... that's it. That was his only issue.

    If only they were all so easy.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Send an email to CEO and CFO with the details - so they can laugh at him next time they go out. -jard
  • A webmaster that can't troubleshoot a webmail page? Is it possible that we work for the same company? -scooby111
  • Webmaster *can* - he's just busy and I'm more of a flunky. I handle more of the strange questions that fall into any other area. -namor
  • So can mine. I just like giving him crap. -scooby111
  • 119. For Nothing!
    Just got a ticket that confused me.

    Customer just uploaded some content, but it's not showing at their domain address. I look - just our default DNS records. Which haven't been changed in... 2 1/2 years?? Yet the account is active, paid up all through that time.

    So, he's paid a few $$$ with no complaint so far, and nothing being used. It's the perfect customer!
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Well, he was until he complained? Am I right, or am I right? Right? -Bobsentme
  • He's probably been "uploading" to his hard drive all this time. He probably thought the web site on his hard drive was all there is, until someone tried to visit the web site and told him there's nothing there. He probably uses Front Page. He's probably an idiot. -robbor
  • Only "probably"? -ElPolloDiablo
  • "what do you mean you cant see the pictures on the webpage, they are right there" (picture path c:\pictures) I see this too often. -xtc46
  • He hasn't complained - yet. His account was without use for so long, it seems to have disassociated from the actual webservers. Hence, why I'm involved. Once it takes a day (as usual) to resolve such a thing, he might be complaining at that point. -namor
  • 120. What do you do...
    ... in this situation?

    Had a couple email me last week about fixing their computer. Friends of former in-laws, I fixed their old POS before. Said why not, they drop it off, easy.

    This thing, though, is a newer 2.4GHz, in a full, gaudy window case with nasty clinking-LED front panel et al. Simple backup/format/reinstall.

    While I'm backing up all the personal stuff I can, I find a nested subfolder under what I can only assume is one of their kids' names. It's got 'La Blue Girl Returns' - 1 through 4. Yes, I know what this is. It fits in with his apparent fascination with Yu-Gi-Oh card/pictures elsewhere in the directory and related Japanese items. From the guy's games folder and others, looks like he's probably 15-ish.

    Now, I'm done the system, put everything back, but I'm debating - three choices that I see:

  • Try to nicely tell the parents.
  • Remove all questionable content.
  • Lease it as is and say nothing.

    I'm sure this happens often enough for some of you, but - what do *you* do?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Not your responsibility. Leave it as is, but casually mention some of the types of "spyware/virii" found on the machine, where they are found, and how to keep them off the machine. They are greatful that you helped, and they were "told" about problems and cannot come back on you about said problems. -srteach
  • I usually leave folders like that the way I found them, as the owners are probably over 21 (I only backup and restore them if they are part of what I've been told to backup). Of course you're talking about an underage kid here. I think that as long as you can show that you weren't snooping (invading their son's privacy by going into folders that you were told didn't need backing up), you should probably tell his parents, and let them decide what rules of morality they want to hold him to. -LinuXtreme
  • I say leave it as is. You are not the morality police, nor are you that kid's parents. It's up to the parents to keep an eye on what the kid does, and let's be honest... they're gonna find it and get it if they want it... I also personally believe that when acting in the capacity of a computer repair tech, you MUST set aside any judgement and just fix the darn thing. (When I say "set aside" i mean keep it to yourself... don't go reporting it unless it's illegal, like child porn or something similar). -EagleEye
  • EagleEye is right. -Firthy2002
  • report the kiddie porn as opposed to vigilante justice as in a nice bat bat to groin, then up ass after they hit the deck? -HappyCrappy
  • blackmail the kid -boxcar
  • This falls into the my category known as "NMFP" - Not My Farkin Problem. As for it being kiddie porn? It is anime FFS! (No underage pencils were harmed in the making of this motion picture). I'm not a believer in this "watching movies makes you a nutter" theory....or I'd be a cyborg with a wierd sense of humour.....oh, hang on a minute..... -lineswine
  • I'd leave it alone. I haven't seen La Blue Girl, but I've heard about it - and to me it's in the 'to each their own' category. Kind of like insisting on watching everything that Showcase broadcasts (some of my co-workers...) -Jay911
  • I agree with EagleEye. -NightSteel
  • I think if everything was back the way it should be, except for the tenticle pr0n, it'd probably scare the kid half to death. Just wondering if "someone knows." Then he can make a choice between downloading the stuff again, or just leaving it be. /my two cents. -Jerbear
  • I will back it up if it's in the assigned to-be-saved folders. I will report to police if child porn (real, that is, and it has happened) but everything else is NMFP (Not My Farking Problem) - it is just customer data. -trs998
  • oops, ive just explained NMFP again. When i was writing the comment i thought i'd read it recently... -trs998
  • namor -- NMFP. Replace it and leave it. If you feel you need to do anything, you could comment to the parents that they might want to keep a little closer eye on what their son is doing with the computer... -chazz
  • Half of the guys here probably had a secret pr0n stash when they were 15, leave it be, take a copy if its a good encode, kudos to the kid for bypassing the underwear catalogue and going straight for the hentai... -sadako
  • I'm with Jerbear on this one. Said kiddy can always download it again, but he'll know that it's possible to get caught. -Mathias
  • I've just had to deal with exactly this problem. I went for Jerbear's solution (replacing everything as was but minus the pr0n) and mentioned to the owner (his Dad) when delivering the PC back to him that he might have a word with said son about the dangers of downloading Kazaa (which I'd removed) and 'other' things (nudge, wink). He took the hint.. -Gromit
  • Change all the pics and vids to Goatse pics and vids with the same names... that'll learn'em!! -stryc9
  • 121. It is with great regret...
    ... that I see you go.

    No, not you.

    You know the customers. The ones that can make a department cringe by showing up on call display. Well, we have our own problem one - we all know him. He has a couple of our simplest webhosting plans, and... due to our aging architecture, used them to host a music mix download site. 200+GB of transfer a month. Multi-GB of storage overall.

    After years, we started to crack down. He got bills for the excess - some low 5 figures. He fought them, and had them credited. This past month, we finally had enough, and he moved his site elsewhere.

    So, just now, I get the *very* satisfying chance to delete the account that I have burned into my memory... and I will laugh long and low while doing it...

    Muuwahahaha...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • (cue Sideshow Bob evil laugh of satisfaction) -TeamWolfguard
  • Uh oh, I think I know what site it was. Oh well, I have most of them on cd anyways. -ShiftedBeef
  • .....with torch shining under chin and a rake just in front of you. -Armakuni
  • Isn't that a great feeling? I love doing that. -JH
  • Yes, the cheers are deafening! *holds hands to mouth imitating crowd roar* I don't know how many customers you support, but we get those, too, and we handled well over 4M. That's pretty sad when one person can induce a cringe/shiver just at the mention of his phone number. lol -missourimule
  • How does the poem go? "Alas...I feel....an exquisite bitterness....in your kiss....." -vacuumtubes
  • 122. Life is good.
    Walk in this morning and I'm told that, "Everything is down!" Turns out that means internally - internet outside here is ticking along nicely.

    But, our queue is broken, almost every account tool isn't working, ticketing systems non-operational, email system gave me errors until I killed it, and our proxy isn't allowing access anywhere.

    Well, guess it's time to watch the election results come in on the test machines...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • sounds like someone is gonna have a beautiful day, untill those tools start comming back up -rhiannon
  • Yeah. Till then, managers walking around telling us, if we can't do anything else, might as well clean our stations. Hah! -namor
  • "If you've got time to lean you've got time to clean." - Every food service manager, everywhere -thx1138
  • And the voice swims in from out of the Darkness: "Doctor, Doctor, He's coming out of the Coma!" -satanstech
  • The same voice then tells you that Ahhhnold won the presidential election and that now all resturants are Taco Bell..... -Mathias
  • They're going to find the unplugged power strip eventually, y'know.. might as well just plug it back in. -Jay911
  • Just another day in paradice, my friend, eat it up and enjoy. -persephone
  • 123. Ever get off...
    ... a call, and exclaim to the world, "That network is just *f*cked up!" ?

    Just took over a call where they were explaining that their mail server wasn't able to send out or receive mail. I get into our router, which has a basic config - just NAT for a 192.168.1 range. Only a single client in ARP tables, 192.168.1.2.

    Generally, this means that they've got some firewall/router behind ours that's handling some other services or NAT for another range.

    We've got port 25 forwarded to that IP, so that seems right. I get connection refused when trying to hit it from the router, even.

    So, everything points to them. I do, however, attempt to help, and...

    Me: "Okay, so that shows up as 3com hardware - do you have another firewall or router in place behind ours?"
    Her: "Nope, just the exchange server."
    Me: "Is it doing any sort of translation or firewalling for the rest of the office?"
    Her: "No, it's just our mail server, everyone else connects through hubs and switches to *your* router."
    Me: "Okay, well, let's see what IP you have on the mail server. Can you get to a prompt and do an ipconfig?"
    Her: "Sure. First IP is 10.x.x.x. Then 192.168.1.2. Then a RAS connection with another 10.x.x.x IP, and another like that."
    Me: *blink* "Wait, so this box does NAT for that 10 range behind it?"
    Her: "No, it's just the mail server."

    Rinse, and repeat again, then just tell her that whatever the thing is, it's not accepting the port and our router's got it right. Call the other vendor.

    And whomever that is - I feel for ya, I really do.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • From the subject line, this was not what I was expecting.. -Taterlain
  • Wow. That network is just *f*cked up, man. 8"p -Owie
  • <guess class="wild">Small Business Server with ISA server running.</guess> -smellystudent
  • Someone turned on ICS? -VIPERsssss
  • I'm guessing it does ICS, whether by design or accident, yeah... and I just checked - their mail server is still inaccessible. Gonna be a long day for them. -namor
  • 124. Is this one of you?
    Looked up notes for a ticket I was asked about this morning - I'm one of the few with access to that particular group's database of calls/tickets. For a case I remember asking to be escalated on Friday, there are notes from the person I spoke to then:
    "(cust - me) called back to have this case escalated. I will do that for him because he likes to ride bicycles, and bicycles save this beautiful world in which we live in!"

    I remember mentioning biking to work, but someone seems a little full of the happy pills...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • If global warming causes ice ages, and global warming is caused by people, what caused the lastice age? Cavemen in SUV's? -torgo
  • Ok, just cut & paste this into the case notes for me: "Customer should be advised on next call of the sinister agenda of these so called eco-friendly Bicycles. It is a historical fact that between 1964 and 1973, millions of evil communist bicycles assisted the NVA and Viet Cong in the smuggling of ordinance and supplies along the infamous Ho Chi Min trail , to assist in the overthrow of the democratically elected South Vietnamese government. CU should also be made aware of the assistance bicycles have made to the anarchist cause of destabilizing western oil based economies over the last 50 years. Furthermore, CUs clear and obvious bicycle sympathies are Un-American and represent a clear and present danger to the security and stability of the nation. Customer is to be reported to the Dept. of Homeland Security. Account suspended pending investigation". -Digital Dogcow
  • Er... in case it's not clear, those are notes someone else put in to a case, when I talked with them. They're talking about me and bicycles, as nasty as it now sounds after DD's comment... -namor
  • How did all of our oil get underneath THEIR sand? -billybien
  • "How did all our oil get underneath THEIR glass?" -VIPERsssss
  • LOL viper. and i suppose being "un-american" isnt all that bad for Namor, since he's canadian. -rhiannon
  • Un-Canadian, maybe? Is it just me, or does that just not have the same sense of blasphemy that one typically associates with the term "Un-American"? Then again, while I am damn proud to be born and raised in the US of A, some people just take patriotism to WAY too much of an extreme, ya know? -missourimule
  • No, wait, un-American can still apply to Namor, because he's a NORTH American =D OK, it's been a LONG week, thank goodness, it's Friday for me. -missourimule
  • I can be un-American! Why? Because I'm Australian, and it is our mission to take the p!55 and vinegar out of those who take themselves too seriously! -Wraith556
  • Now now Wraith, that is not entirely true, we take the p!55 out of the Kiwi's and they don't take themselves seriously..:) -melsie
  • 95% of the world: Proudly unAmerican since 1776. -Geminii
  • Stinky goddamned hippies. ;) -Amiga5000
  • 125. Filesharing
    Co-worker sent a ticket to our DSL testers yesterday saying that the customer complained of slow-to-dropped connections during the day... happens until they reboot the router (a cisco managed by us) and it clears up for a bit.

    I only saw the ticket because they sent it back as being on the wrong #. I re-create with info on the right number, send it back. That's when I notice that it's one of those managed router customers - to which I have access.

    What the hell. Today, I log in, poke around. Good line stats, no problem there... the problem comes when you show the NAT'd connections, and see a wealth of connections from PC's on their network to port 6346 on a multitude of IPs.

    Yeah... I wonder if many people filesharing has *anything* to do with the symptoms...

    Now... I'm wondering if I should interrupt and tell them about this. (line guys have no clue about the internals of these routers) Opinion?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • (Belgarath ponders). Could be interesting to see what they come up with. It might be kinda fun and will give you some good material to post here. :D -Belgarath
  • Yeah - drip-feed them one obscure clue at a time and see how long it takes for the lightbulb to light up. Keeping us all informed at every stage, of course... <eg> -Gromit
  • Gromit, that's immoral cruel and thoughtless. I like it. -Mathias
  • I'm trying a rule to block all outbound port 6346. Just gonna sit back and keep watching the router... -namor
  • That would've been my response, namor.. just block the bad traffic and wait. -NightSteel
  • That port is used for Shareaza if my memory serves me well. -SamFT
  • Careful namor. If you don't have official permission/responsibility to do this, they might be able to fire you for something like that. That being said, if you can do it without being found out, go for it. -ThirdOfFive
  • I was referring to blocking the port in the above post. Just so you know. -ThirdOfFive
  • 6346 bearshare..ya..not that I would know -neuman1812
  • Yeah, seems to be gnutella, anyhow. So whatever client programs use it. Took off the block, though. Tof5 - yeah, I'm fairly paranoid, but thanks. :) -namor
  • I agree just block the port and watch the fun ensue. -rockytech
  • 126. In the end...
    ... it all comes back to me.

    Not to seem like an egomaniac, but it sometimes seems to be the case.

    Background - several years ago (I think we stopped in 2000-2001) we would configure/sell a router for some business customers - a Baystacks (bought out by Nortel and re-done as part of their Contivity line) Instant Internet box.

    Now, these things are *solid* - think simple linux on flash, fast, quick, configurable, maybe not all the bells & whistles of today's home routers, but *quite* adequate.

    They are no longer made, there's really no support for them. But, as I've been around, and had occasion to encounter them before, I get the questions.

    Co-worker pops his head out of his cube to ask if I've heard of this company calling in saying their iiBox is dead. Un-ping-able inside and out. First I've heard. They have a maintenance agreement? Fine, talk to their sales rep about getting a new one.

    Well, their sales rep isn't in, so they call back in. I get asked again. Well, we can put in a ticket, get a tech out. 4-hour window because that's what they pay for the maintenance for.

    30 minutes to the end of my shift, and I get a call - the tech we sent out is wondering whether I can do a configuration for a re-furbed box that he dug up.

    Yeah, I guess I'm that nice. He comes over, gets here quickly, and I hook up the thing. It takes about 20 minutes of frustrated cursing in front of him trying to get the thing reset to a default configuration so I can actually get in and set it up. Then configure it the best we can, test it, add the little bits to say we were there, upgrade the firmware, voila!

    It's now 30 mins past my stop time, and I just finished and sent him off. Yay. Add to that - today is the GF's birthday, and I have to get to a store to get... something... for her on the way home. (I'm not a procrastinator, I swear!)

    Yay.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • dude, working late on her birthday? get "something" really nice..... -wolfprince
  • Yeah, somethin' really nice. A nice big bunch of flowers and edible underwear for both of you. -teivrann
  • flowers definetly - nice restaurant would be good. expect to be ridden hard and put away wet. -Harm
  • Nothing will ever quite equal the mighty power of a single red rose. :-) -Jerbear
  • Psst...Jerbear: That just makes you look cheap. (They always wonder what happened to the other 11!) -Bobsentme
  • Hey, if I can't find honey a bear's gotta eat somethin'. ;-) Sentiment > Monitary Value any day of the week bro. :-) -Jerbear
  • Reservations for an exclusive restaurant, a 'personal' gift now (almost $100) and public one at the weekend dinner/celebration. I've discovered I'm pretty good in that department, thanks. :) -namor
  • 127. Don't know? Delete!
    I'm working on a trouble for a co-worker - basically, customer is setting up the formmail script to send to an email address, and is complaining that the mail isn't getting there.

    I can't log in to the mailbox they're sending to for some reason, so I have to modify the script and form and test it... email gets through fine.

    So, I've just spent 15 minutes on this, when co-worker forwards me this message from their web guy:

    "Sorry about that. (cust) told me he was not receiving the emails but he just told me now that he did receive them but deleted them because he did not know what they were. Sorry again. All is well with (script)"

    Nice of him, no fault there, just... (gnashing of teeth)
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Rules of Delete: As a customer, if you dont know what it is, ask a tech. As a tech, if you dont know what it is, delete. :) -MaskedMarauder
  • Oh my god. This truely is a sad sad story. -jard
  • too damn funny, self-spam -FrontSideBus
  • 128. Receptionist != I.T.
    My most recent assignment here involves calling a few dozen customers with MTU issues, trying to find out what router they have (not ours) and suggesting simple fixes - IE: firmware update, MTU adjustment.

    For most of these, we don't have an I.T. contact listed, just a general phone #. So, I'm calling cold, asking who I can talk to about their internet connection for the most part.

    Half the time, the person who answers the phone answers, cheerily, to the effect of, "I guess that would be me!"

    ... and the call goes downhill from there...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • And most of them think MTU is a new brand of makeup, mistake you for a telemarketer, bitch you out for annoying them at work, hang up on you, then call back later when the connection doesn't work. -teivrann
  • receptionist == p3bk4c -xtc46
  • Farking receptionists or admin assistants that think they know computers just because they can type and use a phone. -scooby111
  • Receptionist/Secretary = first line of defense for the beaureaucrats. They have the same basic job definition at some level... and that is... keep the customer away from senior management... and the admin staff... and everyone else in the company, for that matter... (1/2 j/k)... -MadJack
  • Actually, I answer that way too. The only problem is, it's usually not because I've been assigned to deal with it, but because I *KNOW* that anybody else at my company will just fark it up royally. -virtualchoirboy
  • PostScript: Most were clueless - "Router? Uh... we have a <insert brand of DSL modem we supply> here!" One knew what I was talking about. Another was talking about their 3Com switch. Yay. -namor
  • 129. I knew that!
    Co-worker, beside me yesterday.

    Customer calls up, they were having mail problems, so killed their OE account, and tried to re-create it. Only they didn't know the password, so called us. The account they're using is the same as their DSL account, so if we *change* the password, their connection will stop working. Enter problem.

    So, co-worker is telling them for a couple of minutes that there doesn't seem to be a way to get the password for them (no, our system won't show it to us at all). I think for a bit, and suggest a very strange workaround that would actually get it for us. It seems like a good chance, and the customer's going off, so why not try.

    It takes about 3-4 minutes to go through. We get a password and test it. It works! Joy!

    He takes them off hold, tells them that he was able to get it, and what it is, and she says,

    "Oh, I knew that!"

    Co-worker: (mute) "Oh, I'm gonna kill you."
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Funny...all the starfish would have to say is, "Oh, that's right! NOW I remember!" and thank you, and it'd keep your blood pressure lower <wakes up from beautiful dream, goes back to work> -CTYankee
  • :::::::THWAAAAPPP:::::::: -THETECHFROMHELL
  • A place where I worked had the best policy on that - we only had access to the number of characters in the password, as well as the first and last character. when you tell them their password starts with S, ends with H and has 8 chars, it's easy to guess what it is for most those s******h'es. :P -LucasTech
  • 130. Public FTP
    Hah... background: I asked for the backup of a particular webhosting customer's old files. Our server ops comes back and says, it's 27MB, it's too large to send via email. Um... we'll figure something out and call back.

    So, I get a call... they've set them up on FTP. He tells me to go to ftp.(isp).net, log in with the username 'anonymous' (said like he was reading from his notes) and password of 'email'.

    I start getting really curious... log in to test whether it's true, and...

    Yeah, they put 27MB of someone's website on our public, anonymous FTP server space. Right beside the big test files (speed test)... I wonder if anyone else grabbed it.

    To his credit, the other guy caught on quick, said they'd take it down immediately, and find out why they put it *there*.

    I just enjoy the idea of an internal LART.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I grabbed it but the site's crap. -Jerbear
  • 131. Y do that?

    Co-worker: "J?"
    Me: "Yeah?"
    CW: "This guy has one port left on his router, and wants to know if he can use a Y-connector for it."
    Me: "What?"
    CW: "Apparently someone here told him it was possible."
    Me: "What? Uh, you ... technically... GRR! No! Tell him to buy an (expletive) hub or switch!"
    CW: "Alright."
    Me: (wibble)
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • That "someone" worked at Best Buy, didn't he? -RiffRaff
  • Or Staples. -Jerbear
  • Passive ethernet hub's... god I remember those from a site I worked on. Horrible shitty things, wouldn't touch them with a barge pole personally. -fearmyroot
  • 132. confusingtation
    Co-worker over the wall got this one.

    Apparently, customer called in, asking how to get rid of all this 'possibly illegal pornography' that had infested their computer. When asked what they wanted him to do about it, they asked for recommendations, at the very least.

    He said he couldn't really recommend any place for that sort of thing, but he could just take it in to most any place... whereupon customer blurted, "I paid $4000 for this thing! I don't want them to confisticate it!"

    Geee... that sounds like a little more than ordinary paranoia about your computer's pornographic contents... gotta wonder what he's been doing to get it all on there...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • You mean those 'enlarge your penis' emails don't really work? -Vermiis
  • Sir, you're going to have to stop searching for "preteen" on Kaaza. Just remove the hard drive and use the thermite that I'm shipping you. -scooby111
  • Sorry sir you cannot search for preetean zombie goat bukkake pr0n. The police have been called to your location have a nice day <click> -rockytech
  • heh, create a network of webpages that clone the FBI website and have things like that in the meta-data. google search + bogus FBI site = fun! :P -Mephiston
  • 133. The worst impediments...
    ...are internal.

    Customer yesterday, we figured out they needed a public block of IPs for their LAN. I sent in the request mid-afternoon. Tried to get ahold of anyone to push it through, couldn't.

    They were unhappy - guy configuring their routers was supposed to fly out yesterday, so he's delayed a flight to stay and get this done. But they were living with it.

    This morning I try, in depth, to get ahold of someone in the department to assign a block of IPs for them. Voicemail for the main contact says they're in the lab. Try her cell - no answer. Page her and get a call back, couple of other people to talk to. Try one - he was one I tried yesterday, and just get voicemail, again. The other # is out of service.

    Look up their manager. Call him. Leave voicemail. Wait a bit. Talk to manager, who looks up their mgr's cellphone, and ... leaves a voicemail.

    Customer's sales rep is now phoning, getting pressure from the customer, too. He requests their manager's info...

    And so it is for now. I'm amazed that we can't reach *anyone* around there right now. It would have been a 10-15 minute job if we only knew what block to set up. If this keeps up, their tech will end up delaying another flight, and they're going to blow up at us.

    And right now, I'd say with good reason. Yay.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • And if they set themselves to be that unavailable, how is that anyone else's problem but theirs? -teivrann
  • I agree, I would as well and they have every right. -Bunglehawk069
  • That is why I like working with a small company. We have less than 2000 employees total. (that includes the people out on the floor building the machines) If I need to talk to someone, I can go over to their office personally. If they are not there, I can find their manager, or co-worker. . . It's great. -jard
  • jard - would be nice. We have a few more employees, and... well, for the location, we're a pretty big company. -namor
  • Update: Woohoo! Got it done! *And* a nice snarky email from that group's boss about how there's a 24-hour turnaround time that was agreed-upon. Wheeee... -namor
  • 2000 people qualifies as a small company? Mine has 10 (sometimes.) And I still have to support 7 different OS's/versions of said OS ('95, '98, '98SE, 2000, XP SP1, XPSP2, Linux) ... Fortunately, the Linux and '95 computers give me no trouble. Unless you count the Linux system hijacking every computer name. (Don't ask.) -Shevaresh
  • 134. OSCommerce
    Should almost be a Misconception -

    Just to make it absolutely clear, my ISP/host, does *NOT* provide, install, configure or troubleshoot the OSCommerce package as a part of your SSL site.

    Frickety. I originally had a small trouble called in with the setup of their SSL site. Guy mentioned getting it running, I looked and the packaged was unzipped there... half-configured. I took the rest of the steps and troubles to get it running trouble-free, and... he calls in with obscure little configuration requests ("on checkout it's not showing the logged-in customer's name! FIX IT ASAP!") and I've just had to spend 1/2 hr disabusing him of the notion that this has anything to do with us.

    Frickety.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • ahhhh, the beauty of that which is the support boundry -Bynar
  • I've burned myself too many times when I've done "something extra" for the SF. Now I keep very, very carefully the support boundaries even if the fix is most simple. -NordicPT
  • Frickity. I like that. -TechnoVampire
  • Frackity -Hellion
  • Froop. -Amiga5000
  • 135. Was that a ring?
    Ah, Saturday! GLorious day off that can be spent lazing about in the sun for once, or...

    - wait, was that my cellphone?

    It's the work number. I pick up because the roommate also works there, think she might be calling. Instead, it's a friend who starts asking about this change to a customer router I did a couple days ago... they've got the customer/end-user (I had spoken to their tech in B.C.) complaining that it hasn't been working for two days now, FIX IT!

    Funny how they take the time to call during the weekend for that.

    So, it's up to the current tier2/supervisor now, who, after some conversation and going back and forth, with my cooperation, has decided that the customer will get her tech in B.C. on the phone - who uses PCAnywhere to their systems - conference in the tier2 there, who will phone me.

    I expect a short conversation to the effect of, "I did what you wanted, you agreed it was working, if you can get to the system it must be, so ... what's the problem?"

    Least this way I can browse porn while on the phone with a customer...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Oh, yay... complaining that they can't traceroute anywhere, it doesn't finish to yahoo, cnn, et al... well, gee, REALLY??? Follow long technical debate about whose network problem this is, then making our box do double-NAT to get around MTU issues. I hate that. -namor
  • 136. Joke's on you
    So, a user came up in our sights for spam-type activity. Sending 100's of messages, from and to different addresses, etc. Pretty simple.

    I call up the user, get reception - no computer department or anything. Tell them the news, they should do a scan, etc.

    They ring back later in the day, say they scanned, it's all fine. Good.

    Get a note from the mail admins the next day - yeah, it's still happening, that did nothing.

    Call them up this morning. Get a nice-sounding young girl again. She transfers me to another woman who 'knows something' about these computer things. Yay.

    Turns out last time she just updated & ran AVG on each computer. Kudos for that. Gave her info on spyware, trojans, housecall, etc.

    The lovely part was her mentioning, "We're a small office, just 3-4 people, and there's this new guy, and he gets a lot of jokes and stuff like that in his email, that's the only real change..."

    Connect-the-dots, methinks.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Connect the dots is too simple a puzzle for the idiots we deal with. -RiffRaff
  • God... they're getting to me... too *COMPLEX* a puzzle.. Sheesh. -RiffRaff
  • I don't know, Riff...they seem to get confused either way. -chefque
  • 137. More webspace goodness
    So, we sent out the letter to our customers who were over quota in their personal webspace. Got a message forwarded to me from one (don't know why me) that they don't even know what it's talking about.

    So... I have to call them, so I bring up that webspace. It... looks horrible. Pictures of some mid-teens girl, with her horses (several pics), friends, and... 'Shout Outz'. Yeah.

    I wonder how surprised her mother will be with this. If I can figure out their password, I can maybe wget some porn pages to link to, as well...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Wait... were these naughty pictures of mid-teen girls with horses? -EagleEye
  • No...its pics of mid-teen horses with naughty girls...wait, that's not any better... -GargoyleTS
  • <Imagines a young horse in a thong>"Nope! Uh-Uh! Can't do it!" <runs away from the bad mental image> -rokitt
  • EagleEye: I'm glad you asked that....I was hoping I wasn't the only one to make that connection.... -karlata
  • I thought I'd have some with that - no, completely innocent pictures. I think. Let me check again... -namor
  • Checking again? LOL... "My porn browsing is research damnit... RESEARCH!" -EagleEye
  • 138. My head hurts.
    Okay, this one hurts and I never want to touch it again.

    Cust's account was missed during a migration to our new billing system. Compounded by the fact that he was originally from a competing ISP we bought up a couple years prior. They had several domains hosted under that single UID on that ISP/server, as well as some management tools under the user's public_html.

    In cleaning out all mailboxes that didn't appear in the billing system, this one came up. It was re-created as a mailbox in the front-end, but the back-end entries existed for a month. Until someone was cleaning, noticed, and asked me. I said, "Sure, delete 'em!" And hell broke loose.

    Got the back-end stuff re-created, so mail works, and public webspace. But alas, the old ISP web users were redirected to the new ISP space... and with the removal of the database entry, so went to user's content. Oops.

    Figure all this out. Customer is in the office on his day off to take care of this, and not happy. I eventually figure out to copy his content from the sadly, still extant old ISP server, to the new user's directory...

    Now, his scripts used the absolute paths on the old servers. So far as I can tell, now it works by him calling the scripts on the old domain, which forwards to the new ISP space for that user, the script refers to itself on the old domain and runs there.

    On the happy side, management recognized it's been a difficult week for us all, and brought in all sorts of treats. 'scuse me, gotta go... why is it getting harder to squeeze out of this chair...?
    [By: namor]
    Comment on Story

    139. Who does whut now?
    Email sent to the Internet group this morning with an explanation - today, a letter is being sent to users whose personal webspace is over quota. (We have 15MB advertised. There was a temporary glitch where this was temporarily suspended, therefore possible)

    I replied, asking about the part of the letter that says that after (such-and-such) a date, their personal web space will be disabled. I wanted to clarify whether their web site will not display, but FTP will work, or... what?

    I get a reply from the guy whose name is on the letter going out. Asking whether, when the time comes to disable it, we in the internet side of things can do it, or whether our operations group has to.

    Really well thought-out, huh?
    [By: namor]
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  • I'd demand a new brain for breaking mine over that one, namor, but I know it's not your fault. I think I need some codeine and a nap after that one... -teivrann
  • 140. This is why you don't get my #
    A line tester calls me with an FST about a ticket. Just to sort something out - guy has two routers hooked up to DSL, only one drops all the time. Wouldn't think it our problem, right?

    Well, rep who put it in says we want to *prove* it into this guy's equipment because he's such a hard-ass we need to. Fine. I tell the FST to call my direct number if there's any problems with that one.

    Fast-forward 15 minutes. FST calls me. He's at an entirely different location, different ticket, just a problem logging on. Now I'm calling this chain's helpdesk to make sure of the DSL password, and... I just have a feeling now that I'm this FST's "guy" that he calls whenever he doesn't have a clue.

    Which, from the sounds of it, will be every day.

    This is why I'm hesitant to give out my number.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Congratulations, you have a groupie. Now you're his "bitch." -vacuumtubes
  • You, you're screwed on this one. This guy will never again call anyone else. -sassicatz
  • He called back an hour later at the same place. And again at the ticket he was *suppose* to call me about. Yep, I da bey-atch. -namor
  • 141. Day. From. Hell.
    What makes everyone wait till the end of the week nears to resolve anything?

    First is the clueless FST from a previous story. Then an account whose RADIUS entry I okay'd deletion is up in arms, because it should be a dialup, not a mailbox, account. Well, gee, it was missed during migration, so you haven't paid in a year, so STOP BITCHING! Oh, yeah, and your personal web content is gone? Again, see above. We're working on it.

    Next is related to the clueless FST. Their DSL account works on a standalone machine, but their router isn't. They talk to a couple of other people here, and each time, they turn to me and go, "What are they talking about?" Yay. They even request the results of the PAD packets... ummm, howabout NO! Radius I can do, however.

    Eventually yet another rep comes up to ask me if I can take a call... from a guy who's asking, "nicely and sweetly" if we have anyone with some DSL/PPPoE/linux knowledge. I put 2+2 together and get 5, and ask who it is. Yeah, them. Sure, put 'em through. Oh, you *just* put these new linux boxes at these locations, and can't figure out why they aren't connecting? Wooooooonderful.

    Take that up tomorrow. Next is the message from the mailadmin - these guys are hammering our mail server, could ya give 'em a call?

    I'm not usually this busy... and I'm just a lowly phone tech who happens to sit around figuring out small problems all day. How do I get in the middle of sh&t?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Hmmm. I'm thinking it must be your day in the barrel. Don't worry, be happy. Tomorrow (or the next day )is somebody else's turn. -Rabbitt
  • Today seems to have been an all around hell day, I'm working 11 hours today and friday, and I'm half tempted to post a story about the complete fark up our mail server pulled last night. -drachen
  • The best I can do is to tell you that my day was worse. I FINALLY got a place to live on tuesday, and, I didn't tell the boss till today, and I got wrote up for it !!! Then I had a few beers last night (6) and I got wrote up for smelling like booze. I'm considering starting a thread in the breakroom to document all the shit this fucker pulls. Like actually TELLING me that I have to bill the cust for twice the amount of work I do. I wish I could know in advance when he's gonna say shit like that so I could record it... -Spyder19
  • It's time to get a print out of your job description and keep it taped to your chest. If you're just a lowly phone tech that keeps getting tagged with this extra stuff, it's time to either remind them "I don't get PAID to do this crap" or demand a raise/promotion/etc... You're getting picked on because you're making the mistake of DOING too much for the same pay, and they're exploiting it. -EagleEye
  • I'm w/EagleEye...get paid or don't do it. The hardest part is to break them of the addiction to your free labor once they get a taste for it. -CTYankee
  • The problem is with the "and any additional tasks deemed as necessary to your job by your supervisor", or words to that effect. Essentially it means "we can change these agreements whenever we want, with no warning nor benefits to you. Sign it if you want to keep working here." -HidariMak
  • I'm actually usually okay with the extra stuff - I look at it as learning something, as I frequently have to, to know what I know and figure out the problems I'm presented with. *Hopefully* the trade-off in experience shows on my resume when I do leave... -namor
  • 142. Update on Mission
    See story: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=36028

    Well, boss brings in extra MB/proc/mem for me. Proprietary case means I can't get all the jumpers to work, so no power-on. Pull my test machine out and put in a plain beige case. Put in HD, DVD, CDRW. Turn the thing on, it goes! Yay! All is well!

    Well, until I find that the DVD/CDRW won't eject. Do the manual thing to eject the trays, and... those things hardly move. Looks like the motor's dead, or seized, or there's too much in there for it to move freely. Sigh. Tell boss this.

    Boss comes in next day with two beige-front replacements (note: all original stuff was black, so this thing is looking decidedly different...). Hook 'em up, try to eject the trays. CDRW works, DVD... doesn't. Pull it out, eject it... tray is ... dirty black. Pull off case. Wipe same black residue from circuit board. Pronounce it DOA. Apparently, this was a pull from another dead system.

    This is information I could do with, before I hook them up, trustingly. But, I've got a bottle of 'Safety Wash' at my desk from that same boss, works quite nicely... from the label, "A unique blend of high solvency alcohols..."

    All I need is a bag, and I can forget this whole thing eeeeeeeeeever happened...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • I should clarify - dirty black residue was on the board for the DVD drive. Yes, when something doesn't work, I consider it fair play to take it apart. -namor
  • I was given a dead HD once and pulled it apart. I didn't have the super small torx I needed, so a hammer and phillips screwdriver worked fine. What else do you do with a dead 10mb drive (yes, MB) -Starfury
  • g=c800:5, m-80, boat-anchor? -VIPERsssss
  • Starfury - 'zactly. I haven't seen a 10MB in a while, though... think the smallest is a 220 I pulled out of a 386. Have one of these http://www.seagate.com/support/disc/scsi/st15150n.html that died, that should be interesting, though... its mate is running my server, now. -namor
  • That's my favorite thing to do with any dead hard drive. The magnets make great fasteners for the fridge. Just make sure you can get the off again.. -scooby111
  • I have a 10 pound Rodime drive that I use to teach kids how a hard drive works. The case is split horisontally, so you can see all the platters. -LaserGuru
  • 143. Stupid HTML Tricks
    Co-worker sent me a ticket on Friday, after I'd gone home, so I only get it today. Certain domain can't be seen. Fine, Log into that server to check it out (W2K).

    Hm, there's their folder, there's htdocs, there's...

    ... a folder called index.html.

    It's too early in the week to lose faith...

    Co-worker who sent it is in the next cubicle. Call to him, tell him what I found... he slaps him head, then says, "Yeah, and the guy even had his 'developer' on the phone with him..."
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Frontpage developer? -Dj
  • Intelligence developer. One who's yet to have any success, evidently... -teivrann
  • DJ got it in one. I even downloaded the pages, and re-published in the root. They'll have to figure out most of the broken links themselves. -namor
  • Was he from Washington State? Sounds familiar... http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=34903 -- Sorry, I didn't mean to export them to you. -scooby111
  • We've had FP EUs here who didn't realize that to publish a site, you needed to click on 'publish web.' Personally, I think that everyone should run through some sort of web publishing tutorial before signing up for a website. -treebeard
  • Overheard on the train to work yesterday. "Yes they rewrote our company website its so professional looking, and we can update it ourselves as its written in Frontpage". My appologies to the train company for leaving a dent in the wall of their coach. -PID1
  • 144. On a mac???
    One roommate now is almost a tech - he's a CS student, knows some programming, flash, etc. However... his main computer recently died during the SP2 rollout - some startup files missing/corrupt. Well, he actually called MS to get them to try and come up with a solution. They pointed him at a KB article with the boot disks, told him to make the 6 disks, boot, run the SP2 uninstall, for starters.

    He downloads the program, and doesn't have/want to use 6 floppies to boot from, so... I catch him on the other roomie's powerbook, trying to burn the 4MB executable to a CD, because he's convinced that if he just does that, it'll do the same thing the boot floppies will...

    I'm not sure if I should stand back and let him, or try and reason it out of him.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • That's the funniest damn thing I've heard all day. The part about needing to know programming and stuff to be a tech, that is. Somebody should tell our hiring dept that one, they'd probably die laughing. All most of our workers knew before this job was how to flip a burger and op sales fries. Heh. -thisid
  • Oh, and I'm working for one of the nation's largest manufacturers... and supposedly one of the most trusted. ROTFLMAO -thisid
  • "Dude! You're getting a box of floppies" -Jerbear
  • CS Students with the "Im taking CS there for I know more then you" Ego always seem to trash the systems they work on, and I end up fixing the dam mess -Deadagent
  • The halarious thing is... if he has his original OS CD, then he has the bootdisk there. Right there. In his hands. Then he can recovery console like a champion. -DracoSuave
  • Draco - Cicero computer (eek in itself) - recovery CDs just wipe the drive & reinstall, no recovery console or anything. -namor
  • 145. Walls are closing in!

    ... or, actually, in this case, the ceiling.

    Come to work today to find the ceiling panels just to the right of my station are bulging and dripping. It gets worse. Even after they tear those down, it's starting to splash over me, my things, my station.

    Manager brings in new MB for the computer that was messed up the other day - fits in the case, the power switch and all has some proprietary connectors. Crap. Didn't notice that. Pulling apart my test station, now.

    Least someone brought donuts today.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • With asbestos sprinkles? -billybien
  • *passes namor an umbrella* At least its Friday :) -PID1
  • mmmmmmmmmmm Donuts </me> -Starfury
  • 146. "Just put it in any one..."
    Those words being uttered, I did sit and stupidly stare for a while...

    Situation: New install, one of our li'l routers, simple config. Customer has been told to ask for a port forward, so the guy asks, okay, which port, and to which address?

    Customer responds, well, any one will do.

    Pardon?

    Customer says - I was just going to plug it into port 1...

    Again, the boggling, until I conference in and figure out... he's talking about a network camera, he was planning to plug it into the first switch port... had *no* idea what I meant about TCP port. Ended up calling someone else who configured it, who was also clueless, until they said, "We have the same setup, so you did it for us..." Pulled the forward from their router and copied it over.

    If you don't know the basics of the camera operation... is it really an issue if I then decide to keep this information handy so I can 'check it out' from home?
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • heh, we do that all the time, but, the places WE put cameras are at the strip joints :) -Spyder19
  • 147. This can't end well
    Walk into work about 45 mins early this morning to find a computer I don't recognize on my desk. Some later Gateway Celeron machine. I ask a couple of guys around - they don't know whose it is.

    Then, my boss comes over and tells me it's a "mission from god' - his buddy bought it last night, now it has no video. (onboard, too, and no AGP - joy)

    Open it up, and see... there's some thin, greasy grime over most everything... the stickers on the modem at the bottom of the case look wet...

    Yeah, this is how I need to start my second day back after vacation.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • SPrayed with silicone gel to keep the dust off? -Dj
  • Methinks that thine "Mission of God" is sure to be a failure, as one can not cure another of their stupidity. Good luck on this one. -SwedishChef
  • "Welp, we left it out in the rain for a bit, no angels came to fix it so w thought you'd like a go?" -Cooki3
  • The modem squealed so he WD-40'd it? -Tekkie
  • My bet, it went through some sort of basement flooding... -EagleEye
  • Modem's at the bottom of the case? Does this mean that it's old enough to use an ISA modem? -treebeard
  • EagleEye - that's my bet, too. But apparently it was shown to the guy powered on and working when he got it yesterday. treebeard - nope. Crap, all-onboard, 3PCI, no AGP or ISA in there. -namor
  • OMG! I have one of those MBs or one enough like it that it doesn't matter in my XP machine (Duron 1.2). Not too bad, except the onboard video sucks bigtime. That's why I want to replace my MB. -sassicatz
  • Maybe he hosed the motherboard? -billybien
  • Greasy, wet slime? Just what the hell did he "hose" it with, BB? EWWWWWWW!!!! -SwedishChef
  • billybien - pretty sure that's it. Think they're going to go out and try and buy a matching one later... small ATX form factor, from what I can gather... the case has a slot where an AGP slot would be, so maybe we can even make it better. -namor
  • "mission from god" - does your boss consider himself that way? What a wanker! -lineswine
  • Are you sure it's not "mission from Glod?" -NordicPT
  • I'm under the impression it's an "Emission from Claude." -CyBear
  • The admission: no baud. -T23M
  • 148. No reservation for you!
    Preamble: I just got back from an 11-day vacation (full week + weekends, plus 2 days off for moving) and am trying to catch up on escalated stuff.

    Enter one problem - customer on name-based server wants SSL. We can't put SSL on that, so create new account, new IP, on other server. Some other guy here spent some time Friday wrangling with them about their DNS, finally ends up with it pointed at the new account. No content transferred (oops, someone) - so I change pw's and do that. Ta-da! simple.

    Call up the customer with the good news. They have the new login information for their site now, but... she asks me to go to the site. There's a link there - Reserve a Room (it's a hotel) that was working friday, doesn't now. Great.

    The link points to another IP. Hmm, a DSL IP. Tell her to contact whomever is hosting that on their DSL line. Err, wait... it's *their* DSL connection! They're a full-solution customer (translation: we set up their network and router and some specialty stuff) so I bring up the info and log into their router. It's a simpler port forward. Hm, that machine is up, but the webserver on it is sitting around twiddling its virtual thumbs by the look of it - it times out. Tell her in no uncertain terms (ignoring the request at the beginning for a manager - it'd just get back to me, anyway) that it's to do with her in-house system, and she slinks away... I have the funny feeling, however, that I'll be getting a call from one of their techs, and start the headaches again...
    [By: namor]
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  • What? Our server isn't broken. It keeps showing this pretty screen saver we just installed... *moves mouse* oh, there's an error message on the screen. -MaskedMarauder
  • 149. How long do you wait...
    For previous, see this message-board topic:

    http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=890

    Now, I get an email back at my work email from this guy, saying he hasn't received any mail this morning, wondering whether it's possibly something on our side. He sends it first from his broken domain's email address, then realizes his mistake and tries to send again, using his email address on our domain... only it didn't seem to have worked.

    I look up his isp.net address, and CC it in my response, to the effect that, I can see his connection is up, but there's no ports open, and it's refusing SMTP connections, and why is he still using the hacked machine? He said he'd be re-doing that machine 'soon', but... I think the time has *long* since passed...
    [By: namor]
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    150. Munchies!
    Just got a message from the head of our ISP department - in honour of the Internet's 35th birthday, they're handing out ice cream sandwiches.

    Should I point out that, as DD did, that in '69 it was Darpanet, wasn't it? Not the Internet as we know it?

    Or should I shut up and enjoy my treat?

    Yeah, I thought so... (munch)
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Should this have gone in the break room? Yup. Sorry guys. Deleting post. -ShiftedBeef
  • Its totally tech related. The internet isnt tech related now? Crap. -burrkiss
  • If it involves ice cream it's tech related. Ice cream has sugar in it; the cake is chocolate and has caffiene. We all know techs run on sugar and caffiene. -Starfury
  • Perhaps ShiftedBeef posted a story, then deleted it to put it in the Break Room, and his comment to his own post dropped down here? -SwedishChef
  • sigh...ice cream samiches. i wish i could have one. -SGTARKyTEK
  • Ok, that comment was one of my own posts. Sorry for the confusion -ShiftedBeef
  • 151. Update: the little box that couldn't
    Few days ago I posted about me completely hosing my linux box. Yeah, looks like I couldn't recover it...

    So, that made it easier to finally force a transition to the new server. Dual P2, all SCSI, too many devices to fit (tape, cdrom, zip, couple of HD's) and it's just too cute...

    Spent some time with no access but from roommate's computer, now the new one is 90% up, with all the content from the drives moved over and just a few packages to correct and re-compile, and we should be golden.

    Now I can actually enjoy my vacation this week. Thanks all for the sympathetic words. I think I'll go put the old one to rest, now...
    [By: namor]
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  • put it to rest? with dynomite? -srteach
  • <plays TAPS & lines up Old Guard to fire 21 gun salute> R.I.P. ....we hardly knew 'ya, oldbox... -CTYankee
  • 152. Eeeeeeeeevil.
    So, have to break out some floppy disks for this program - head downstairs, find an old case full, bring it up. Crack it open and find a couple of... AOL Canada Disks.

    Version 3.0, "Just Released!" it proclaims.

    I know I have some old, stupid stuff in this place, but this seems... funny.

    So, Waylander, would it be okay if I call you up for help getting my "15 Hours FREE!" from XP?
    [By: namor]
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  • <Drags out lounge chair, gets hot cocoa & marshmallows & waits for our charming Scotsman to *assist* namor> -Tekkie
  • Move over, Tekkie - I've got some Pringles, can I join you? -Gromit
  • WooHoo this should be fun. make rook guys, I braught nachos -Dj
  • I have an old internet cd that has IE 4.0! -LiQUidICicle
  • Hah! Just installed an old copy of Win95 on a VMWare session and it came with IE 3.0. Good thing I don't plan on doing much browsing. -virtualchoirboy
  • I have an old copy of NT - no service packs. Installs IE 2. And Tekkie, I'm mostly scottish, and it shows, so I don't think I need help. :) -namor
  • From my "OS Installers" share on my laptop, DOS 5,6,6.22; IE 4.01 SP2, 5.5 SP2, 6 SP1; Mandrake 9.2; Red Hat 9.0; Windows 1.01, 2.03, 3.1, 3.11, 95 OSR2, 98 SE, All 98 updates, NT 4.0 Server, NT 4.0, NT 4.0 6a updates, 2000 Server, 2000 Professional SP3, 2000 SP4 upgrade, XP SP1, XP SP1a upgrade, plus various other programs/utilities. You never know when you are going to need something in the field. -Wolph
  • I wasn't gonna help; just watch! ;) -Tekkie
  • 153. Don't need no steenkin'...
    Story starts with rep asking me about a possible duplicate IP for a customer on a new install. Find it's conflicting with someone who's changed service to dynamic, but because of the nature of PPPoE, still has the same address as they haven't disconnected in over two months. Wow. Get that kicked, then call up the customer to test it. Tell them I'm calling to clear things up, ask them to connect and test it. Sure, he says. Silence ensues. Then the conversation:

    Me: "So... what is happening so far?"
    EU: "It's not working - it says page cannot be displayed."
    ME: "Okay... how is this connected? Through a router?"
    EU: "yeah, through a router."
    Me: "Okay, can you get the router to reconnect, then?"
    EU: "Sure, how do I do that? Just unplug it?"
    Me: "Sure..."
    EU: "Okay... did that. Plugged it back in... still can't get anywhere."
    Me: (unable to see them online, still) "Okay... um, I can't see it at all, can you get to the router configuration pages and make sure it's connecting?"
    EU: "Oh, I was just setting up the router, so it doesn't have any configuration yet. Let me hook up the computer directly to the modem..."
    Me: (mute) "You stupid, dumbfish, camel-humping f...(/mute) "Yeah, why don't we."

    AAAAAH! Why not just do that IN THE FIRST PLACE???
    [By: namor]
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  • *blink* I can't even imagine what the interview must be like for your field techs. Manager: "Come right in Bob and have a seat. Have you ever heard of the internet? You have! Great. You've got the job!" -scooby111
  • No, bob it's not a type of piano, but well keep you anyways. -Dj
  • Our field techs are telco line techs, with additional training for internet. They're not all bad. This one just left as soon as he figured it was a problem with something other than the line/ -namor
  • LOL on the camel humping comment, I just had that same response to a post here a few min ago. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • 154. I'm laughing, inside.
    Another story that starts with a duplicate IP. This time the field tech on site called our line testers, who brought in help from our network department. Who told them the userID of the conflicting one. I get that fixed really quickly, call the guy back. Log into the router and waiting while he boots up his laptop to test. Works perfectly he said, now he'll be putting their router behind it.

    Warning bells go off.

    Me: "You do know we're doing DHCP and NAT on the inside of that router, right? If you're trying anything like a VPN with it..."
    Montreal Tech: "Oh, yah, that's no problem, now that the internet works, I have no problem."
    Me: (hesitant): "Okayyy... but let me give you your public IP and our support number at least..."

    5 minutes pass. Guy calls in and asks for me. -

    MT: "Yah, I'm gonna need the PPPoE username and password, it don't look like it'll work behind your router."

    Change their account, give him username and password for it. Tell him he has to exchange our router for a DSL modem here. Says sure, they'll do that tomorrow - he flies back to Montreal tonight.

    15 minutes later.

    MT: "Yeah, we're going to have to keep the router - it doesn't look like our router works on your DSL."
    Me (I was almost expecting this): "Um... how are you testing it?"
    MT: "I just hooked it right up to the incoming DSL line and tried it."
    Me: "Yes, this is why I said you'd need to return the router and get a *modem* from us..."

    I wish I could get flown around the country and paid for my expertise...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Sorry. I was tired. Jet lag sucks. -scooby111
  • was that paid for *expertise*, or *LACK THEREOF*? (on the starfish's part, of course) -CTYankee
  • 155. No daddy no!
    Former business internet co-worker sends me an email asking if I can create a couple of email boxes for the local Child Find service. Didn't provide any specifics, so... I find the account, create the mailboxes, generate passwords. *Then* send him back an email with the usernames, telling him the passwords are "kidnappr" and "badtouch" ... I think I'll have to tell him I was joking before he tries telling the customer that.
    [By: namor]
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  • You're so bad... -EagleEye
  • you were joking? -drachen
  • "No Dad, don't touch me there!" </some movie> -mugglemage
  • you're a sick, sick man namor. I like it. -wolfprince
  • Is that bad? I was thinking "IveGotCandy@isp.com" -scooby111
  • Damn him... I knew it was safe sending th email to him... he got me back by bluffing that he had just seen that it was done, and forwarded the email on to the customer... made my heart skip. -namor
  • Sounds like a job for Bad Touch Krotchy. -DarthLuke
  • 156. Should your computer...
    ... scare you?

    I've been trying to do something with some spare parts I've had around for some time, and I finally buckled down, and finished. Built a little machine for a linux server - dual P2-400, couple of old SCSI CD-Roms, couple of old Seagate Barracudas. Massive things. 3 case fans cobbled together to cool the HDDs. I start it up, and... okay, little loud with the whirring fans all going... then the HDDs start up. Lemme say, a couple of old 4GB 7200 RPM SCSI drives sound like a plane engine.

    I don't think I can sleep in the same house as the thing. It's like I brought the monster to life, and now I have to flee.

    Ah well, I think I'll put a Windows CD in the caddy and install Windows for a bit...
    [By: namor]
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  • I'm one of those odd people who sleep better with a fan running. However, a jet turbine is probably a bit much. Have fun playing with the Beast! -Tekkie
  • and make sure that monster doesn't "byte" ya. <runs at full speed to the lart shelter> Hay! If I didn't say it! Riff was gonna!!!! -wolfprince
  • I put together a project computer a few weeks ago from various parts lying around. I had a 10+ year old Conner hard drive, an equally old Quantum Bigfoot, and a Samsung, total drive space about 4.5 gb. I had a noisy power supply and a CPU fan with the bearing gone. You could hear this thing outside the house. -Jay911
  • A "normal" SCSI drive "barking" reminds me of the flaps/squibs deploying right before landing . . . -valkyrja
  • They're a reason why SCSI 1 and SCSI 2 are best kept in a server room and it has nothing to do with heat. -scooby111
  • My scariest computer moment: many years go, new to Unix, a collegue (seasoned many years) accidentally deleted the kernel n a running system (eh? file locks?) system could still bott and run normally. scary stuff. -Dj
  • One of my customers has a frankenstein server with some old Viking drives (system partition). I went and installed some big ole IDE drives for storage space, and when I did, I noticed how loud those things were. He called me back insisting that there was something wrong with the fan after I worked on it. I had to open the case and show him where the noise was coming from.. -NightSteel
  • 157. Totally OT, for a friend
    I generally try not to get too much of my life mixed up in online stuff, but I felt this was important.

    A friend of mine, very intelligent and creative, was recently detained in a psychiatric ward, for letting go and making full use of that creative ability.

    She made a statement and posted it in her livejournal, which I've replicated here: http://www.namor.ca/

    I know there may not be much that can be done, but I just thought that this is a small, scary sort of incident that hits close to home. Maybe it doesn't matter to anyone else, but I'd like to ask for any good karma you can pass her way, and ask that if nothing else, you point people at the sites with her statement, and help spread the word.

    Thank you.
    [By: namor]
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  • For what it's worth I'll send all the karma I've got. Good luck. -samurai
  • Wow. Just wow. I wish her all the best in getting out of there -CommanderData
  • A few months ago I was listening to the news and on comes a story about a new mental disorder they had identified. Basicly they discribed me. A person who likes to be alone, finds it hard to meet people, does not form strong emotional attachments to others and few other things. Hey asshats, I am just being me and there is no stinking reason to now put a lable on me. Why don't you do the world some good and do something usfull for a change. Go out and grow some food instead of wasting it in your body. -Wolffarmer
  • I think intelligence is getting so scarce, they classify it as a mental-illness when they encounter it. We have some pathetic starfish in this world. -LiQUidICicle
  • That's great. She gets thrown in a psyche ward for talking to strangers, and she's thrown in a place where doctors diagnose strangers without even seeing them first. Stop the world, I'm getting off. -Bobsentme
  • For someone who's spent more than a fair share of time in an open psychiatric ward, I can fully understand her fear of refusing to take the drugs she's given. Being in such a place is in no way a beneficial treatment in the long run. I pride myself in a near-photographic memory, and yet I can't remember a single name of anyone I met there, save for one friend I made. That's scary. -Calydor
  • That's more than a little scary. There are laws and rules to try and prevent this kind of abuse in western countries. <Loads Karma-matic with all my Karma> <Launches> I'm only gonna spare a tiny bit for my kids. I hope those that really care about her can get her a lawyer and sue the pants off of them. Let's see... Kidnapping, assault, unlawful imprisonment... -scooby111
  • "If you ain't like everyone else, there's something wrong with you." These stupid freaking ideas about a happy pill for everything only make people worse, not better. What they did to her is what they've been doing to vets for years. Send them off to war, and when they come home screwed up from the horrors, they lock them away and feed them meds that make things worse. Intelligence is waning because setarfish can't OPEN THEIR MINDS. -MadJack
  • Aye well I hope things work out for her but she was not just walking down the street minding her own knitting was she? If I was to see some one going from one extreme to the other walking down the street I am going to be on alert...how would I know if if its going to go laff, cry, laff, cry, ask questions, laff, cry etc...or is there going to be a ATTACK RANDOM STRANGER in the mix waiting to exploed... -Waylander
  • Thanks for all the thoughts so far. (and wow, my page hits go up...) Waylander - valid point. Yeah, she acted a little strange. No way for other people to know - but she looks harmless, she didn't make any dangerous moves or anything, and was *happy*. Regardless, I think that they should have looked at her overall personality and seen that she's more than capable of such actions as a rational person, than just seeming to decide she's out of the 'normal' scope of behaviour, and drugging her. Again, thanks all. -namor
  • I'm getting damn sick and tired of this planet. I want that island in the middle of nowhere more than ever now. Oops, guess that makes me mentally ill, so I better not talk about it. Asshats. Best wishes toi her, namor. -RiffRaff
  • don't get me wrong locking her up and pumping her full off drugs is out of order and I hope she gets out soon...But having exerianced bad shit from people that have done random up and down the pole mood swings I am wee bit wary nowadays... -Waylander
  • just before everybody thinks a I am a right git...normal is overrated but different can be dangerous... -Waylander
  • Thinking best wishes for her. Here's hoping everything works out for her. Having had my own mental illness issues to contend with, I can relate to the way the world seems to classify intelligence and unusual creativity as an illness. -teivrann
  • Don't worry, Waylander. I'm leery of eccentric people myself. And having been homeless myself (not living on the street but lost everything I owned, staying here & there with no idea about tomorrow) I think I'd have been pretty put out if someone decided to 'feel what I was feeling.' Not possible. -Tekkie
  • Well, I don't know how things are there, but here they can put someone in on involuntary hold if they are a danger to themselves or others. (This happened to someone very close to me, last December.) What you need to ask is if this was the case for your friend? And if it was the case, she may not have been in a position to make that call. Of course, if she can prove it wasn't the case, she may have a legitimate "wrongful imprisonment" situation. -Captain Trips
  • I'm sending an angry e-mail to those nutjobs at the bottom... just god fscking damnit... that's horrible. -Veinor
  • Comes down to this: *They* (pick your they) can't control you, so they fear you. <Deity> Forbid that you be allowed to express yourself and only use SELF-control to not break laws! They need you to be a good little brainwashed cog in the machine. Will Pink Floyd and Frank Zappa please come to the stage to accept their Dark Prophecy awards? </rant> -CTYankee
  • Seems to me the situations the revers of what it should be. The overstressed & borderline (like all of us here) are that way beecaue they've been putting forth & trying to make a idff for people who can't see that, & what's more, can't see beyond themselves, while the starfish that can't get themselves together roam free. If anyone needs a happy pill, its a starfish. Then, maybe they'll get out of our hair and leave us to the quiet workdays that let us actually accomplish some good. -MadJack
  • That just sucks! Here's a Karma Kitten to pass along. Speaking from my brother's experience, bipolar people don't usually go up and down in a quick (a few minutes) cycle. The cycles are generally much longer. -sassicatz
  • Any and all scraps of my recent cop Karma are on the way (hoping it's "authority figure" karma), and not that it will help, but my Rush karma is along for the ride. -virtualchoirboy
  • 158. Wouldn't touch it with a borrowed...
    Co-worker turns to me today...

    CW: "This guy says his mail server has been brought to its knees because this one place is sending mail to it constantly, and he's wondering if we can do anything about it."
    Me: "Is he on DSL?"
    CW: "Yes."
    Me: "Sorry, we're not touching the routers for that. Tell him to get a firewall."

    Pretty simple, you'd think, except before he got back on the phone with the guy, I dug, and... all he has is dialup and DNS with us. We point his mail to a competitor, as well as his web page... uh, yeah, we'll get right on firewalling that for you...
    [By: namor]
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  • Sure. I can fix that. - - > mx.somedomain.com - - > delete. Done. -scooby111
  • Hah... sure, coulda. Worse thing, though - today we had our first request to add TXT records for SPF to a domain, and... our web-based admin doesn't have a field for TXT. Yay. -namor
  • 159. language barriers
    Gr.

    Nothing against people who have thick accents and obvious language difficulties, except when they combine it with a full incomprehension of the matters at hand... Case in point. Co-worker sends me ticket, sub-directories on site are getting a 404. I check - well, yeah - Indexes turned off, no index files, so it doesn't find index.html, so the directory exists, it's just empty. Call the user up to tell them this.

    Me: /intro: "... so you just have to make an index.html file in each directory, and whatever you want will appear there."
    SF: "Okay... but... what I want to do it make a folder and put my html in it, so that I can show it to people by going to (domain)/folder."
    Me: "Yes, so just make the main file index.html. It will show up."
    SF: "But when I go to (empty subdir) there's nothing there..."

    Cue 15 minutes of my life gone, until he says he'll get his programmer to phone if he has any problems. Why didn't you just get me to talk to him in the FIRST PLACE?
    [By: namor]
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  • Is it just me, or does every hack that can afford/steal M$ Frontpage call themselves a "web developer" these days? I'm getting sick of having to explaint to these web "experts" how to use FTP or explain why my FreeBSD server doesn't use front page web extensions. -scooby111
  • I know. I have had several occasions of people yelling at me because they were getting errors in their script. Obvious html coding problems. It is NOT my job to teach them how to write html. -steveO77
  • his programmer is probably someone who uses frontpage or composer and claims to be a high end web-designer. -Bunglehawk069
  • I don't even like Front Page. I use Go Live. -Zayda
  • And it's just amazing how much these fuckwits get paid too.. I love it when they ask me what I use for web page design... Amazingly none of them ever heard of VI....... -kryliss
  • I don't want to start a vi vs. emacs thing here, so I'll just say that I use notepad. -Veinor
  • 160. name != address
    "Hi, this is Maria from and I need to change email address. Her username is ."
    So good so far, starting to think that this might be easy.
    "Okay, what would you like to change it to?"
    "Well, I want it to be @."
    I check - they don't have a domain, they just have email addresses like @isp.net. I try exmplaining. "Okay, that mailbox has a username of @isp.net. Did you want to keep that, or do you have a domain at all?"
    "No, I just need to change it to send mail with @."
    Okay, so we just need to change the name... simple. Tell her to get to the computer to do it. She can't. Does she have an email address on her PC? No. Fight with her. Tell her how it works. Nothing's getting through that skull. Finally tell her I can't help her anymore until she gets to a computer, *any* computer, so I can show her exactly what I mean and what she needs to change. So she opens up OE on her computer, which has address on it. I don't care, I'm just glad it's not *my* union...
    [By: namor]
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    161. Ahhhhhhhhhh!
    Talking a field tech through re-configuring the PPPoE information on a little cisco router via console cable... because we found that they provisioned the router for today with the config for another store, whose account isn't ready yet... shoot me now.
    [By: namor]
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  • Dude, I once walked a Doctor( and we know how "independant minded" they can be) through reconfigging an ISDN router over the phone...to his credit he got connected on the first try...I feel for you. -CiscoJones
  • 162. Kudos to me!
    Doing my regular spate of answering emails, figured out and resolved in a couple of messages. Just got a notification about a commendation from the guy - he's a helpdesk co-ordinator for the government here. So, while it may only be the ones in our position who send the most kudos to those in similar situations, I have to send out a general Thank You to the guy for getting me that bit of praise.
    [By: namor]
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  • It is cool when a peer gives praise but wouldn't it be nicer if it actually impinged on the PHBs consciousness! -BritishBunny
  • 163. Google for it
    EU: "I can't get to google.com"
    Me: "Yeah, there's been some problems with the latest virus out there today. some places can't get to it."
    Eu: "Ohhh..."
    Me: "Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're infected, though."
    EU: "Okay, so... uh, how do I get to websites?"
    Me: "Pardon? Type it in the address bar."
    EU: "Uh... I mean, are there any other websites like google, whatever they're called?"



    How many calls like this have you taken today?
    [By: namor]
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  • i'm finally on break, to be followed immediatly by lunch, because of a 110 minutes of spyware spyware spyware. she was a link hopper too, couldnt use the address bar -rhiannon
  • Just today? -teivrann
  • <giggle> Line breaks alone... it just looks so... pretty... <goes into trance> -namor
  • namor, snap out of it! OMG, let's hope he doesn't go into TagLine psychosis!! -Tekkie
  • Couldn't get the latest virus installed correctly? You'll have to wait for the Bonzi Buddy update in that case... -Mushroom
  • we've had ENOUGH exposure to the evil purple ape today cheers Mushy! </fume> -Digital Dogcow
  • I actually meant how many people were affected by calls about Google not working because of the latest MyDoom variant. -namor
  • I don't use Google, so can't help there. But Altavista wouldn't come up & I tried it off & on all afternoon. It's working now. -Tekkie
  • I like metacrawler.com... -Spyder19
  • Hi Spydie! Longtimenosee. I used to use metacrawler; I'd forgotten it existed. -Tekkie
  • MyDoom isn't all bad. It got my spam count up from 150 to 180 just last night. As soon as it reaches 300 Spamassassin should start using Bayes. I'm going to can it though; PopFile works from day 1. -rurwin
  • 164. Whodunnit?
    Okayyyyyyyyyy...

    I go to my member pages to check the messageboard, and wonder,

    "Wow, Hawk gave the soapbox to non-star members?"

    Then it hits me.


    Thank you, mysterious benefactor. I have just one simple, humble question...

    Why *Me*?
    [By: namor]
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  • Okay, that sounds harsh - I'm not complaining - I'm just ... floored. Speechless. Wondering why I was accorded this enormous honour. Like the geeky little kid on the school playground who gets picked first for the football team, and is ecstatic until he realizes he's in the front lines against the school's bully squad... -namor
  • Why wonder? Just accept it and pass it on when you can. Congrats! (No. I had no knowledge or part in any of these events.) -scooby111
  • I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!!!!! Welcome to the constelation/galaxy. -wolfprince
  • And congrats! (you're post reminded me of how I felt when I came home and found an email from rabbit saying "ooohhh sparkely!!!" and I had NO idea what the hell he was talking about until I saw my name on the new star members. Good memorry/feeling that I'm gonna pass on soon. -wolfprince
  • Hehehe. Take each bit of Good Karma and Fortune in stride and share with others when you can. ;) -Torinir
  • Wow... the karmic dynamo is cycling up. Welcome to the galaxy. And a thank you to whomever is out there as our community's benefactor(s): you are wonderful human beings. -teivrann
  • Yeah, that's the thing to do, get a star, pass it on, help out the needy, etc, etc. Me? I don't post nearly enough to warrant a star, and when I do, I'ma buyin' one outa pocket. -CarbonTetra
  • Like a ninja -CarbonTetra
  • With a hand gun -CarbonTetra
  • That is great namor and well deserved. Welcome to the celestial sphere! -BritishBunny
  • I'll repeat what I said on your whiteboard. Fits well in the constellation! -Rabbitt
  • Sparkle, Sparkle. Hawk, I suppose you're not telling, are you? -TechnoVampire
  • Yep, I now feel obliged to spin the wheel o' fish and point it to the next humble recipient, eventually.I think there's a saying that you can't get without giving, and this would seem to fit... -namor
  • Congrats namor. /me gonna need a new telescope with all these new additions to the constellation. -Jebus
  • whooo go you, pass the wealth, i got my star myself but i'm half tempted to gift one just to see it passed on -rhiannon
  • 165. And a big "Whumpf!" was heard...
    ... as the power in our area went out. Half the lights in the building shut off (it's only one floor), and ... well, tech's computers and phones, strangely enough. Now I am just a cubicle away from the server room, and can hear the hugs UPS' insistent, constant, MADDENING beeping every few seconds... bad thing is, the webserver I use for tech was in another room that wasn't protected, so I just had to wedge my foot in a door to get to it, because the magnetic card key locks aren't working on half the doors... get the key to the server room, where the beeping UPS sits, acknowledge the errors to stop the beeping (keep in mind I shouldn't be here :) and put my webserver on a nice cool rack. And there's still 2 hours in my shift; I wonder how long this peace will last...
    [By: namor]
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  • No power, and your posting! Wow! -Bobsentme
  • Well, the phone system and switches, and apparently the fiber line out still have power, as well as 1/2 the stations here, for a few hours, so... yeah, I can get on the internet and email and all, I'm just doing it in semi-darkness and quiet... -namor
  • namor. Sounds like a dream job to me. -Rabbitt
  • Sounds like your in Calgary. Yesterday, our power was having alot of problems, (never went out), but apparently a groundhog ran into a transformer station, and fried himself up good. -Evan
  • What if the same groundhog keeps doing it, over and over . . . . -robbor
  • 166. Next 2 calls after power outage
    1st - customer wants to pay bill via CC. Take info, walk to machine, and... it's not on the UPS, so it's dead. He's understanding, at least. Next one, list of their email accounts faxed to them. Sure! I go to print and fax after they've hung up, and... printer and fax both not on powered outlets. Grrr... add to that, I'm natually a warm individual, I'm starting to get uncomfortably warm as the A/C has also cut out... wonder what the 'go home' temperature here is...
    [By: namor]
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  • Check google for legal temparature limits... oops; pc on UPS, hub isn't... um... -Dj
  • PC on UPS, hub not. Sounds like a typical "nyetwerk injuneer" set THAT one up. If the hub / switch / router / modem or CSU/DSU isn't on a DEDICATED UPS, then you piss in the wind to put any PCs on UPSen. -ralphp1024
  • But the coffee maker's still on, right?!?! -maciarc
  • Can you still download porn? -robbor
  • 167. Finding ...
    One today - ops sends an email to tier2 (I happen to be on the list) with about 6 customers who have been hammering the auth servers. One is a business customer, so I investigate. Router customer, that's why it keeps trying over and over and over and... well, that, and their account has been closed since... last *year*? Email the guy back to ask how long this has been happening. Since *Christmas*? They've had a router of ours, plugged in, constantly trying, but never working, for over half a year, and *nobody* notices until we check our RADIUS logs? The line is even still enhanced! Rrg...
    [By: namor]
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  • SOmeone assumed that some would tell them if they needed to do anything, since all involved are either starfish or sf-techs, nothing happens untill something breaks. Don't you just love it!!! -Dj
  • Hmm. Just thining... last comment didn't really add anything. is it just me typing 'cause I'm waititng for a batch to finish, or 'dyou think someone will care what I said? -Dj
  • .....huh? did you say something? -Splunge
  • 168. Email the woe
    Looking at a website for a co-worker, which has an 'email us' sort of link on the main page. They're complaining they're not getting the emails from it. Take a look at the source, all looks good... try it out, then look up the email address it's sending to in our system... and it doesn't exist. Yeah, that might be a problem... If it's not stupid web-designer tricks, it's stupid email tricks. Yay.
    [By: namor]
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  • Is this a case of Starfish + Forntpage = £100/hour web designer? -Dj
  • Like the "Frontpage nitwits" who point to a file on their hard drive. And then there's the idiots who use Word to write HTML files containing 2 MB of printer code. -robbor
  • 169. No!
    Guy just called (we're an ISP) asking why there was no restore point on his computer past yesterday. I listened to his explanation about how he can't log in to some applications properly anymore, and told him no idea. (I have, but do you really want to get into it?) That was his entire reason for phoning. I'm, frankly, befuddled.
    [By: namor]
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  • It breaks down like this. Its a computer, this gives him access to the internet. Your his internet service provider, so therefore you must provide support for his fridge, toaster, microwave, television, car, and computer. As well as any other electrical appliance that he may want to use while surfing the internet.(SF Logic) -SFStrangler
  • EU: I can't get on the internet. ME: What happens when you try? EU: Nothing. ME: You don't see anything happen? EU: No, I just have a black screen. ME: So, no desktop or icons? EU: No. ME: So your pc won't boot up? EU: No. ME: This is a computer problem, call your manufacturer. EU: But all I use my computer for is the internet. Fix it!!! (Lather, rinse, repeat daily.) -attilathehen
  • cause your a free support number? -Harm
  • 170. Rather than the messageboard
    The main page and stories gets more comments than the message board, so I thought I'd put in my own request for karma and suggestions here. Basically, bracketmnokey reminded me of my own car... currently in the shop. Looking at $1k - $1500 in repairs. Don't ask. The owner is my roommate's brother-in-law, so he's trying to get used stuff, giving me a deal, etc. But still. Then, they get to play with roommate's nifty laptop, and decide... if I can come up with something similar, he'll trade me that for the repairs. So... I'd like any suggestions about where (I'm in Canada, remember) I could get a laptop, even a reputable online store, for under 1K preferably. Looking for a 1.4GHz CPU, USB2 if possible, 20-40GB, pretty standard stuff I think. Comment/whiteboard, whatever works. Thanks!
    [By: namor]
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  • www.overstock.com There is currently an HP Pavilion 2GHz P4 Notebook with DVD/CD-RW for $1,099.99 USD. Shipping for most ORDERS (not items) is less than $4. -PsychoKittyB
  • Check with Staples up there. The US stores are advertising an HP/AMD 2600 for $800USD -ecoli
  • kinda depends on if you are talking 1k USD Or canadian. -jard
  • Dell? You're talking about a pretty low-end laptop these days. -scooby111
  • Canadian. USD would be too much, y'know. :) -namor
  • I certainly hope that car is fast when it comes out of the shop, if you trade an hp computer for its repairs.... -obie099
  • Not sure where in Canada you are, but check out ITXchange. They sell refurb/off lease laptops that should fit the bill. <throws an old HP 486 laptop and an old Gremlin into the Karma Volcano, just to make sure> -SwedishChef
  • 171. More admin problems...
    In the midst of the explosion over spelling and grammar again, I might as well post... Yesterday I sent a ticket to our server ops to do as they've done a hundred times before, and set up shell services for one of our webhosting customers who requested it. They say it's done - I check and they've got their home directory in there twice, so it defaults to "/" on login. Nice. They correct their automated tool for it, apparently, and re-try. I log in to check, and do an ls... I'm thinking they have a lot of content for such a small site when several pages go flipping by. I notice and check quickly - they mapped the server's whole htdocs directory to their home, instead of just their directory. When I phone them back to tell them about this, the guy says, "Well, at least I bet they're not malicious..." My response: "No, but I'm logged in there *right now*, and you never know... " <pause> <clickety> "Thank god at least the permissions are intact."
    [By: namor]
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  • For now. -Mushroom
  • Simon? is that you? *what a bastard!* ;-) -wolfprince
  • 172. Do they listen?
    It's a rhetorical question. I sent in a ticket to our server ops this morning, after finding out that the problem with a website on the new server was due to a setting being turned on by default. Hour later, the intermediary calls back (don't ask) and says... that setting is already On. Yeeeeeeeeeeeah... I *know* that... And last time I yelled at them for this sort of regular occurence, I got a talking-to from my boss. It's pointless, it really is.
    [By: namor]
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  • Sounds like the DSL Escalations dept at my former job -- they don't read the tickets before they respond negatively to them. -Mushroom
  • So, a very polite EMail sent up the line. -satanstech
  • um that sounds like the place I work with. very scary!! -zippy666
  • and then when you correct them, it takes days or even weeks for them to get to you. curses -zippy666
  • 173. It happened again...
    A while ago I had a story about a customer who wasn't receiving mail because they had a rule set up to delete mail if the from address didn't contain 'an address.' Another suspected problem today resolved into the same type of thing - rule that if Subject did not contain "(no subject)" then delete the message. I swear, give customers better user-level filtering options, and they manage to mess it up...
    [By: namor]
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  • When a customer logs into thier webmail for the first time they are presented with a few options. One f the options is for email forwarding and is for a signature. When I hear someone state they are not getting email I look here first. Many customers will put in the persons address they are sending the first email to and then a message in the signature field. So every email is forwarded to someone with the first message. I have asked our admin to remove that but he says it cant be -mikeatnight
  • It's like Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL. Trebek: There's no way you can mess this up. So, let's see how you managed to mess it up. -clockkingfl
  • 174. We don't do that.
    Boss sent me voicemail from some woman on Friday. Sounds like she has email trouble. Easy enough. Call her up, and I find... they just got DSL service today, and she doesn't sound like she's got a connection. Ask how she's connected. She doesn't know. Router? She'll get their tech guy over. He gets on the phone, and sounds like the most browbeaten guy possible... meek and harmless. Ask him, he says router... did someone configure it? Yeah, Dave did. Is Dave there? No, he's gone for the weekend... Can you get into it? No. Hands me back to the lady. I tell her that the router isn't hooked up, get someone to set it up. She said the field tech did that. What? No, the field tech would have hooked up the modem and checked it out on his laptop once he saw you had a router, and left it at that. Still on your own. Yes, I understand it worked fine before... what you don't understand is that I put 2+2 together, and from talking to the 'tech' of yours there, you're changing *everything* in the office... is it too much of a stretch to figure out that maybe this is *related*?
    [By: namor]
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  • Dave's not here man.... -rhiannon
  • 175. Non-g33k
    This is only peripherally tech related, but... I'm babysitting the kids tonight, and had to install powerpoint on a computer here. Reason? Stepson is graduating primary (grade 6) and they gave all kids their own burnt CD with copies of all the stuff they've worked on over the year, pictures of their projects, etc. And a huge (90MB) powerpoint presentation, really just pictures of the kids throughout the year. I just helped him tear the pictures of the girl he has a crush on from them, then put them on floppy so he can make one his desktop background. (No, his isn't on the network, sorry) I just have to say... he may not qualify as a geek, but *awwwwwww*! I'm too young to be getting old...
    [By: namor]
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  • That is really sweet... who says romance is dead? -teivrann
  • Awww cute. It's so heartwarming to hear that fathers still support their children..... 's obsessions. ;) -scooby111
  • What a great idea. I'll have to mention it to Magenta for possible use with her elementary art students. -RiffRaff
  • If you think that is cute, you'll swell with pride when he begins cyberstalking her!! -ecoli
  • 90MB is a huge powerpoint? That's nothing compared to what I've seen. Biggest I've seen was 682MB for a sports banquet award presentation for a school. -JH
  • 176. Just a big mess
    This started Friday afternoon... order to put in a router for a customer was missed because there was no config ready, because... the request had been sent elsewhere. Customer brought in some guys from Toronto, so it was *urgent*. So, at 4:45, I'm digging up a returned customer router from the back to try and configure. Have to search how to erase enable passwords on a Cisco to do this, re-do the config... oh, great, first one has wrong IOS. Find another router. Keeps looping. Great, figure out to reset config register back, re-config, test, reboot a few times and make sure the config saves, send it out. Co-worker actually drives it to customer location. I spent an extra 30 mins at work on Friday for this. Cut to this morning. I walk in, bike gloves still on, sweat dripping, bike seat in hand, to find my manager looking glum, talking to another rep here... turns out they've been having problems getting it working. This is already 1hr before work (I like being early), and I start on it... router is up, there's a public route that we didn't know to assign to them... that done, but it's put in the wrong place, so fails and messes up their RADIUS attribute. We have to get this corrected on the back end, call managers, etc... finally done, put that in the right place, re-configure router, and ta-da. Except they're still complaining they can't get on. Co-worker had to explain the subnet to the 'network' tech - he was testing it by configuring a laptop with a 10.0.0.1 address and was surprised he couldn't get on the internet. I hope this isn't indicative of the rest of my week.
    [By: namor]
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  • I would have told that person to use .254 for his address. Couldn't tell from the information given if he needed to use a /8, /16, or /24 subnet mask. -cecil36
  • /29 additional route (yeah, small - we don't allow much more than a /27 over a DSL line) so .248. Still, not knowing the difference between public and private space.. priceless. -namor
  • 177. *choke*
    Co-worker in Tier2 sent me a screenshot of our webmail filtering options screen (where customers go to set up specific filtering rules for their account) for one customer, who had complained that they weren't getting *any* email... the rule reads as follows, please note that [] denotes a selection from a drop-down list: "If [From] [does not contain] an address" - and the selection is Delete Message. Just to clarify, they set up a rule that, essentially, means if the From address doesn't have the words 'an address' in it, it gets deleted... so, *all* mail was deleted. Apparently they started out quite irate about their missing mail...
    [By: namor]
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  • If [SF] [does not contain} a brain hangup the phone. -SpaceGhost15
  • Well, that takes care of my day! Thanks SpaceGhost! -teivrann
  • Edited out the ISP-specific details and posted to a friend's site... actual screenshot is here: http://www.thecdp.ca/filter.jpg -namor
  • Set $enduser == retard -Jerbear
  • rm dumb.usr | GenePool -RiffRaff
  • Please wait... -ThirdOfFive
  • 5,500,000,000 files deleted. -ThirdOfFive
  • i think ya missed a few groups of zero's on that one ThirdOfFive. -wolfprince
  • Like the one lady I was helping set up OLE - the test message wasn't getting through, could log into webmail. SOMEONE had set a rule that all mail from her own address was blocked! I guess that would keep SOME of the stupid out. . . -valkyrja
  • yeah, I had a similar call, except this user was killing all mail that contains an '@' -Phssstpok
  • 178. You *wish*!
    So apparently there's been a slight problem reported with DSL through our digital TV boxes... Final Fantasy 11 has been reported to cause the box to reboot. One of the Tier2 told the managers that he would be bringing in his laptop on his shifts this weekend to try and duplicate the issue... Manager was skeptical, but network guru who was around trying to figure out a nasty problem plaguing us, confirmed that the problem is real, and suggested limiting his time... but still, approval to spend some of your weekend time at work playing a game you're already obsessed over. Wow.
    [By: namor]
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  • this didn't happen.... really.... but if it did, i just have to say...you lucky sollomabeech. -wolfprince
  • I am soooooooooooooo envious...... grrr.... :P -CrystalMare
  • /me pauses Far Cry on new laptop to take a call ;) gotta love nights on weekends. -Joshtech
  • That must be one hell of a laptop to run FC on...</Jealousy mode> -flapjackboy
  • 179. Confused?
    Co-worker asks me to check our DNS mailbox this customer is telling she sent a message to about a DNSBL. Can't find, they re-send. Take a look... it's about them wanting our help getting them off of SBC's blacklist, because they have no reverse DNS for their IP, that SBC is saying is dynamic. Problem? We do DSL, the IP I instantly recognize as belonging to the local cable company, they have DNS/registration for their domain with us, but we point it at a *third* provider... Now, we may not be the cheapest at everything, but I think this is a valid argument for keeping most of your services in *one* place - especially if you're clueless.
    [By: namor]
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    180. What's that saying?
    ... "Your lack of planning does not equal my emergency" or something similar. Cust calls in this morning - yesterday they had requested a pw-protected subweb on their W2K-hosted site. That server's locked down, so they couldn't administer it themselves. They requested a password as well that was too short, and we couldn't override it. Send a ticket to the server admins to override it in the meantime, but they're still freaking... seems they sent out pamphlets already that gave that site/username/password ... yeeeeah, maybe you should have had it ready *first*?
    [By: namor]
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  • "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part". I forget to whom one should credit the statement. -snowcrash
  • I like to say "Absence of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." "Lack of" suggests that there has been 'some', when, more often, there hasn't been any! -DazZler
  • :) Six 'o this, half dozen 'o that...it's all good. -snowcrash
  • Was it the marketing dept? Ours loves to do stuff like this - send emails (outside of our network) referring to a link that is not available externally and then has a spaz when we say tough. -redevil34
  • Okay, so your name is really Dilbert? Because this sounds like something he encountered. (Why is it that, no matter what, it is marketing that kills a company?) -Captain Trips
  • Marketing checking the technical facts *before* printing a booklet? I wish. Our marketing department put in one booklet that we have a VPN between the main site and one of our other sites when it is connected directly (through fiber - it is less than 2 blocks away). When I pointed it out to them they said "It isn't?" -Sien
  • 181. Wireless dialup
    I fear for our species... call starts out, "Hi, I have dialup with <ISP> and I have a wireless card in my laptop, and I was wondering whether I could use it to hook up to my dialup account." Hahah... after I picked myself up, asked a few questions, found out he got a wireless router hooked up to our DSL modem, and was having problems (wasn't even getting an IP). Told him we don't support routers, especially wireless. So he asked if he could bring it in to one of our stores to have them help out. Again, told him no, we don't support. "So I should get one of those guys in here to set it up?" "What guys?" "You know, your field technicians..." "hahah... I mean, no, we don't support that at all. We take care of things up to the modem. Everything past that is your responsibility."
    [By: namor]
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  • I have a hardware firewall where my cable lines comes in, which provides backup dialup connections. works great. The firewall then goes to my main router, which gives plugs into my main switch with all my wired machines, and my wireless router, for my machines in other parts of the house, and my laptop. I need more toys. having 2 subnets are not nearly enough ;) -garwain
  • I have modem - switch - linux router - subnet1 in one NIC, subnet 2 in another, bridged in that, to another switch in my room, and a wireless router just acting as a switch for now... so yeah, I know what it's like. Would I ever set that up for someone this clueless? Not on your life. :) -namor
  • Honestly, why do people call their ISP when something like this happens? I know they don't call GM when they can't get their new radio to work. How hard is it to call the farking router manufacturer. -scooby111
  • namor: let alone over the phone! -karlata
  • 182. Yippee!
    Ex-gf's (from looong way back, we've kept in touch) husband works for a company that sets up the in-house systems for dealerships. A lot of those dealerships frequently have service with us. I've helped out before, but today he called me out of the blue, saying that he was at one particular dealer, and couldn't get to *one* specific website. I could, of course. Turns out they use a public class from some main office behind the router, NAT'd, and the IP for the webserver (out of that office, somewhere in Dayton, OH) was in that class. <smacks forehead> Figurre this out ina couple of minutes. The guy is telling me, "Well, can we do anything to make it work? I've got like 5 guys from Toronto here for a presentation, breathing down my neck, and this is the *one* website we need right now..." Don't envy him his job at times like this. Luckily, no computer using that address, so static route to the external interface and everything happy. Still hate the practice of using a public class for your internal network, though.
    [By: namor]
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  • Woo! Just got an email from his wife, the ex-gf... the guy's boss apparently said I saved their asses, so, "take that guy out for dinner and expense it" - getting gift certs for me and the gf somewhere nice. It's all about connections, I guess... -namor
  • It's never what you know, but who you know. Long time ago, wife's car took damage in a city construction zone and it was obviously the construction companys fault. Because we knew someone in the mayors office, everything was paid for. While taking pictures of the scene a few days later, met a couple other people with the same problem and they were getting the run-around. It ALWAYS pays to be connected. -virtualchoirboy
  • Second that. Few years ago had a dispute with our landlord - saying we needed to give 2 months notice before leaving after 2 years. Had helped one of the managers of the government tenancies branches out a couple of months before and had his card. Quick email asking, gave the negative to the landlord, and nary a word again. -namor
  • Every tech job I've ever gotten after my first was because I knew someone. -scooby111
  • For 10 years I've had this Silk Amber treen in my yard..dropping these spiky seed pods about 1" across, tons of leaves at wintertime, and damaging the gutter/sidwalk. Our next door neighbor is retired city engineer. He asked the person in charge of city trees when we were going to get our sidewalk replaced and a new tree. Saturday there was bright pink paint on the sidewalk and a no parking sign on the tree. Monday I arrive home to a stump where the tree was. I'm expecting the sidwalk repairs to be done this week too. -Starfury
  • There's a public access proxy out there, I seem to remember. That would have also got you out of the hole. I've never had to use it myself, but I'm sure I heard of it here, so someone must know. -rurwin
  • 183. Tech leading the... uh, wait.
    Sales Rep for a rural area forwards me a message today, asking me to see about this client's problems. Client is a school division, and they say they've been having trouble sending email to us. They believe they're blocked. So, I ask our email admins - they say no, nope, lotsa mail coming from them. Really, two months, they say? Still nothing. Email the client back, asking for some proof - the original was forwarded to me early today. He sends a test message to my work email (different domain, though similar, on *entirely* different systems than our actual ISP mail) then a follow-up, saying he sent a test and will look through his logs and send them. Riiiiiiight. That'll help. And since it took you the whole day, we'll pick this up again on Monday...
    [By: namor]
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  • What's the bet they've been getting "returned mails" generated by worm/virus-of-the-month, and are assuming that they're real mails that didn't get through? -karlata
  • 184. Nuts in the mix
    Roommate/co-worker was off today, but early this morn I got an email from him. Seems his brother who's got the auto shop and is taking on my car, has some issues with their printer, and could I stop by after work. Suuuure... ever a helpful tyke, to my chagrin, I cycle over there after. Drop my bag and walk over to the machine... now, this thing was clean when I re-did it and let it out of my sight. Now it's a mid-tower AT case, with the monitor balanced on top of it, and a Lexmark color printer on the side, at the back of the service bays. It sits on a workbench. I had to move out of the way of a guy trying to get some tools from the toolbox below it several times. The printer is... well, my first thought was that it would be easier to take it out and shoot it rather than get a new one. I never did find any LEDs on it; I suspect it's killed them out of shame for its condition. However, it powers on and seems to function. I had expected diseaster - they mentioned something about the driver disks not working, so first thing I do is re-install it from the files still on the HD. Flawless. Then spend a minute figuring out it's still on. Try and print a test page. A-ha! Thing gets an inch in, and jams. I spend some time at this... one of the guys wanders over and tells me yeah, he had suggested a new printer as well. I keep feeding the same page through it, opening the front cover, to try and see why... eventually I determine that one side is getting partially through, the other is getting stuck farther back. Get a small screwdriver/poker thing and pry around... nothing... get at an odd angle to try and pry my way through the paper feed tray and find... a nut. A small metal nut just out of sight behind a bulge in back. Lift it carefully out, and all is well. This took me 1/2 an hour, after which all I can do is chant to myself, "They're fixing my car, they're fixing my car..."
    [By: namor]
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  • Let's hope they don't leave extra nuts in your car when they're done with it! -miketheman
  • I don't think I have ever over hauled a motor that i didn't have some nuts/bolts/washers left over. It just happens, the natural course of events. I have asked other mechanics and they say it is impossible to not have left over parts. You see, they multiply when they are all in a can together. -Wolffarmer
  • Jeez.. that's nuts. *scampers off* -Beeker
  • Yeah, that's so screwed up. <"Bolts" after Beeker> -RiffRaff
  • Mechanics always have bolts left over. Master Technicians do not have bolts left over. In my old shop left over bolts meant I would make you take it apart and put it together properly. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. :) Its fun to scare a guy by planting extra parts on his bench, just have to make sure to let him know right away! -MGNLucifer
  • Sometimes you feel like a nut... -snowcrash
  • I'm not a Master Technician, nor even a mechanic by trade...but the only pieces I've ever had leftover from vehicle work are ones that were replaced during the work. It's one of the ways you make sure you got it right. -Grue
  • Yep - 24 screws to take a laptop shell apart, then 24 screws GO BACK when re-assembling (I was taught engineering the R.A.F. way & I'll be damned if I'm going to change now) -lineswine
  • I agree. I've had parts left over whe I was done working on a PC or a car. That just means that I get to tear it back apart and find out where they go and put them back. I had a mechanic at Midas that subscribed to the parts left over theory and didn't put the retaining bolt back into the top of my front brake caliper. The damn thing came off at 60 MPH on the freeway and almost caused a major wreck. I was luck it didn't happen 1/2 a mile later when I was on the narrows bridge. -scooby111
  • Ouch, scoob--that woulda sucked! -snowcrash
  • Glad they're not working on my car :) -Hellion
  • Somewhere I read that if a SF takes a machine apart and puts it together over and over then eventually there will be enough parts left over to make a 2nd machine. -atomicbill
  • 185. Reconnect your brain stem
    Customer gets set up with an additional public IP block on Friday. We use PPPoE - so the whole thing, WAN IP and public route, is part of RADIUS, so when something changes there, you don't notice until you have to reconnect. This customer I recognized the contact name - I'd dealt with him at a different company and he was actually pretty competent, and had the *same* setup. Today he calls in and says it's not working. I check, and can't reach it - put in a ticket with our network group to take a look. They find nothing about the route, and their Tier2 even says, their Radius entry must be screwed. It hits me. I phone the guy back, and so ensues... Me: "So... when was the last time you reconnected?" Him: "Friday, sometime." Me: "Okay, you have to reconnect to make that route active." Him: "But I'm trying to traceroute to it and it's..." Me <yes, interrupting> "You need to reconnect to get it to work." Him: "But I'm on another connection and trying to trace to it and..." Me: "You have to reset the connection to get the route to work!" Him: "But the routing..." Me: <trying another tack> "The route is part of the initialization procedure. You have to go through that to get it." Him: <light dawns> "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..." He finally saw, and was nice and apologetic, but I wish he had just listened in the first place.
    [By: namor]
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  • What do you mean I have to be online before I can surf?!? -scooby111
  • 186. Your box are belong...
    More of a drawn-out co-worker POTD as carried on in IM here. Background - I set up the guy's server with Slackware and got it initially configured. I realise I'll still get the ocasional questions when I do this, but hey... Anyhow. Him: "my /dev/hda1 is at 99% capacity and I cant see any reason why.....what can I do to solve this?" Me: (don't know his config off the top of my head): "What's hda1? the OS and everything?" Him: "hda1 is the first partition of my primary ide hard drive" Me: "yes, I *know* that... that's what hda1 *means*." Me: (clarifying) "What I mean is, where is it mounted?" I just find it funny... um. <walks away mumbling>
    [By: namor]
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  • It's mounted just under the floppy drive </sf> -madonnac
  • SF: It's mounted up my arse because that's where the last tech shoved it... -flapjackboy
  • Wouldn't that be hda0? Or is slackware different? Or am I retarded? Yeah just like... choose a, b, or c. :-) -Jerbear
  • Jerbear, least in this, starts at 1 - I know Solaris numbers theirs obviously different, as well as other flavours... but most versions of Linux I'm used to start numbering at 1. -namor
  • Strange when I used Mandrake back in the day the boot partition was hda0. Or maybe it's just been too long. This was mandrake 5. :-) I still need to throw yellow dog on my blue 'n white -Jerbear
  • Of course, they can be renamed. You could call the first partition "hda0" or "hda1" or "zippy_the_wonder_dog" as long as you update your fstab file. WHY you would do this is beyond me, but it is possible. -ThirdOfFive
  • 187. Priviledge Rant
    I go through all the trouble to get a DSL router switched out by one of our techs, and while on site, I ask him to bring in his laptop to test it... to do so, as the LAN side will have some hard-coded public IPs, I need to have him change his laptop's IP info. Normally no problem. Their laptops are *there* for testing. However, enter W2K security lockdown. Can't even touch the LAN connection properties. Freaking moronic security policies... now I have to get his supervisor out there to see if *he* can make sense of it... grrr... all to prove that a CPE PIX setup is messed. <sigh> Okay, I'm done.
    [By: namor]
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  • Locking down interface settings on a laptop? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of even having a laptop? NExt they'll glue the things to the desk. -scooby111
  • Nah, scoob, that's professors that glue them to desks. -Tekkie
  • tekkie - not true, my aunt used 2pt epoxy when she got her new thinkpad. her grandson had knocked the old presario down onto tile. -omegawolf
  • I was alluding to a Digital Dogcow story: http://tinyurl.com/2qhw5 #76. -Tekkie
  • As was I. -scooby111
  • 188. Thought it was just a story...
    Just got a call back from a guy in our company, to whom I had sent an email about 3 weeks ago. He apologized for losing my email, saying he prints off all his emails, and normally doesn't lose any, but this one got lost in the 'stack'... I thought it was just a Dilbert-ism, but I guess some people are really like that.
    [By: namor]
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  • Got this “high and mighty” who has a desktop even though all he uses it for is e-mail. AND he has an admin assistant who checks his email first so she gets rid of stuff he “doesn’t need.” She used to print the rest out but I finally got him to look at them on the computer. When he was out of the office she would print out and fax him the ones she thought he should see! He got a Blackberry device and we had to set up a rule that the only e-mails received on the device where ones she forwarded!!! -BritishBunny
  • I used to work for a big corp and we had a senior VP like this. He had 4 laptops 1 in each of his homes/offices in the UK and the US. This was because he refused to carry one with him. When he traveled he would have his assistants print everthing out and then he would make handwritten responses. Whenever we would update anything it was a nightmare synching up all 4 machines. -Hellion
  • I had a CEO once that made his assistant sumerize all his emails, attach the original email to it, print them out and place them in his inbox. The kicker is that it was a developing/consulting company and he was a high-powered developer before founding the company. -scooby111
  • My boss has his secretary print all his email, highlighting all the "important" information. -ThirdOfFive
  • Those with "personal secretaries" apparently need to find things for them to do in order to justify hiring them. It's sort of an Office Space version of Bling-Bling to have a personal secretary. -racermd
  • Welcome to the paperless office! -Captain Trips
  • 189. That's gonna charge
    Escalated to me yesterday was a repair ticket for a customer who had no synch on his DSL modem. He was irate that someone wasn't coming out that day. Fine, we arranged it so one of our field techs got out there - note that it was scheduled anyway, as our techs couldn't see the modem, just later - and I check out the resolution today. The notes? "Plugged into wrong jack was filtered"
    [By: namor]
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  • And if you catch the field tech on the right day at the right time, the starfish will be charged full price for switching jacks. -LordObsidian
  • I was at my Ex's house last week and she asked me to see if I could figure out what was wrong with her phone. It had this strange buzzing and squealing on the line. I listened for about 1/10th of a second and told her to put a DSL filter on the phone line. She was quite embarrased. -scooby111
  • 190. Blank Mind
    From our Tier2's at lunch... guy was irate. His screen would go blank after a minute of using the computer, and freeze. They had the system brought in, mouse, keyboard and all. Boot it up. Not at the computer right away. See it go blank waiting for the "Enter Network Password" screen, so think he's right. Move the mouse - nothing. Touch a key - computer wakes up. Turns out his mouse is dead, and his screensaver set to Blank Screen, activated after 1 minute.
    [By: namor]
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  • Hilarious. -steveO77
  • So he has to get a new MOUUUUUUUUSE... :) -Jay911
  • Just HAD TO SAY IT, didn't you Jay?? -ecoli
  • Oh yeah. Been waiting forever. :) Actually I got a new mooouuuuuse myself a few weeks ago, but couldn't figure out how to justify a post. :) -Jay911
  • 191. Dontcha think?
    I decided to start taking calls today, as the rest of my work is pretty lax right now. First call wants my manager. Apparently, as she explains, she's been trying to get this adjusted for a year. I tell her he's not in his office, and I can arrange to have him call her back. She goes off about how she's spoken to '40 different people there already' and asked if there was someone else she could speak to. So I ask, "Don't you think, just this once, it'd be better to leave this issue in *one* person's hands to resolve it instead?" Ooh, listen to the click!
    [By: namor]
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  • Petulant frenzy-I'm petulant, and I'm having a frenzy! </ZAPPA> -billybien
  • Once again, Billy, I applaud your perfect Zappa reference! I had forgotten about that show until now. Guess it's time to dig out my old cassettes.... -Jenzkind
  • 192. duh-rectory
    Co-worker comes up with one - customer just got webhosting set up with us, and uploads the page. However, you go to the site, and can't bring it up. Go to site/index.htm, and it comes up. Try to view the file on the webserver, and get smacked with a clue when I get the error, "File "index.htm/" is a directory" - that's right, he created a directory named index.htm, and uploaded his actual index.htm file into it. Therefore, it only loaded when you went to site/index.htm.
    [By: namor]
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  • LMAO! What a maroon! What's next for this guy, a folder called default.asp? Or better yet, he'll complain that the website doesn't look right and say that he is certain that he "put all the fonts into the css folder." -MaxarRe
  • We have a BSD server running apache that people can buy space on and upload their websites. I can't tell you how often I get to help some nitwit that uploads "mywebpage.html" and can't figure out how to get it to run. -scooby111
  • Solaris running iPlanet here - and yeah, we get enough people uploading "MY WEB SITE" as a folder and just expecting it to work, or uploading a folder with their username... I'd just never seen this before. Co-worker missed the fact that it was a directory, so it confused him when it came up... -namor
  • Apache on RedHat here, had a client get a new web developer, who called in because the site wasn't working... He had deleted the public_html folder, and placed all his files in the account's home directory. -garwain
  • Apache on W2K server here, and the company owner's cousin bought a domain and hired his cousin to host it, he did something along those same lines, put the whole website in a subdirectory. I had it fixed in no time but he's still a moron. He finally hired someone else to do the web design work on it instead of trying to do it himself; his cousin wouldn't do it and neither would I. -OgdenTechGuy
  • Now I don't feel so bad for forgetting to put "http://" in my <img src> tag so the dreamweaver default doesn't set it to the copy of the image on my hard-drive instead of my webspace. -Zentar
  • I had one of these that wasn't the fault of the EU. They were using MS Publisher (well, okay, a little bit their fault,) and Publisher decided to create a file name called "subdir\file.html" (note the \ instead of /) instead of creating a directory called subdir and putting file.html in it. -Mango
  • 193. May I have another?
    I have an account at the ISP I work for, of course. This account includes domain hosting. Co-worker/roomate uses it for his. In setting something up, I'm playing with htaccess, and can't get it to work... so put in a ticket to our operations. They call back later saying it's fixed, I test and have to say... if you're playing with my files, don't edit them as root so that I can't fr#^*ing touch them, mmmmkay?
    [By: namor]
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  • But why noooot? I want a month's credit! </starfish> ;) -snowcrash
  • 194. Did they read this?
    Our marketing dept this week is promoting the launch of a new CRM app, and going around distributing things - little toys, rubik's cubes, paddles, pens, etc... and the thing I got. Two hand paddles, with a ball made up of several little ... well, here's the first line of the instructions on the package: "Sticky ball is comprised of 32 fresh and soft natural sucking nipples." Also has this engrish phrase farther on: "It is full of joy and can build figure." 'Made in China' - never woulda guessed.
    [By: namor]
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  • http://www.boboron.com/product%20show0%20.htm -ShiftedBeef
  • Oh man Namor... I'd probably wanna suck the steel popsicle after seeing something so blatantly stunned.. -Warrick
  • How do make three pounds of fat attractive to a man? Put a nipple on it. -LaserGuru
  • That's exactly it, SB - only this one has another few sentences on it... gonna take pictures of it for posterity, I think. I've been repeating the phrase, "fresh and soft natural sucking nipples" to anyone who would listen, today... I'm in a weird mood today. Any other place, I'd probably be sued for harassment already... -namor
  • today, today... hellllllo gross redundancy! -namor
  • ROFL @ LG! So true, so funny!! -Tekkie
  • Rubber neepples </Ren & Stimpy> -lineswine
  • darnit, I can't get the pictures -Splunge
  • 195. Kids are hell
    Seeing the kids over the weekend, find out - my 12-yr old stepson has managed to convince my 7-yr old daughter, that the whites of her eyes are beginning to turn blue from playing on the computer too long. <sigh> I don't know whether to be upset or laugh...
    [By: namor]
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  • I'd vote laugh. Then I'd buy some blue food coloring and laugh more. (I don't think that stuff'd hurt... would it?) -Jerbear
  • "This vitreous humor has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down." -teivrann
  • Blue food color would sting like hell -- suspended in ethyl alcohol usually. We had one guy at uni convinced that he was getting a green tan from the CRT... -chazz
  • Funny, my eyeballs turn red when I play the computer too long. -scooby111
  • begining to turn blue you say? I think someone's been on the Spice too much :) Aren't kids wonderful? :) -fearmyroot
  • Kids are Hell, but a very cool Hell. Here are pics of our newest, my wife is set to be induced for delivery on June 4th. http://69.46.28.207/eve_pics_04/ -Hawk
  • So far I have found that kids are alot of fun. My wife just had ours on the 9th. www.jardlives.com/kaden -jard
  • My dad convinced my daughter when she was about 4 or 5 that the shape of her eyes are becoming square from watching so much TV and I caught her later the day staring at herself in the mirror to see if it was true....we had a good giggle from that -CSurfer
  • jard: I read that as "My wife just had our 9th." <ouch> -ThirdOfFive
  • Kids are great -- when they are somebody elses. Grey hair is genetic -- you get it from your kids. (That must be where I got it from, and they are only my step-kids.) Actually, I find the kids are great -- now. One is 20, the other, 23. But ten years ago, when I first met my wife, they were HELL!!!! Good news -- you will survive, and they do grow up. (Love 'em both, though. I have to -- otherwise I would have killed them as teenagers!) -Captain Trips
  • 196. Thank you for your bull.
    Co-worker in our retention department has just been left speechless by a customer who wants to cancel because we don't send out a yearly card thanking them for their business. Maybe we're just not pro-active enough, but... wow.
    [By: namor]
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  • Charge the customer double and send them a $3 card at the end of each year. -Starfury
  • Not a bad idea... Man people can get assinine sometimes. -Warrick
  • LOL - I once got a xmas card from Marlboro. -Hellion
  • If we're good and customers write in good things about us we get candy bars. If we're bad they make us go home without pay forever. This week I got a candy bar... -snowcrash
  • hmmmmmmmm food or starve. sounds about right. -burrkiss
  • "OK Sparky - you want a card, I'll put you on a Business DSL plan - it costs 4 times the price of a residential line @ the same speed. You account has benndebited for the full one year amount - goodbye" <click> -lineswine
  • 197. Teaching
    Call a customer back after getting shell/MySQL set up for their web site. Tell him it's done, and he wants to know... why the (pre-made, downloaded) perl test script he put up there doesn't work. I tell him to make it executable first. "How do I do that?" asks the starfish. Why does it always make my blood run cold when they ask for shell access, but don't know *how* to use it, or *why* they need it?
    [By: namor]
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  • Because it's like the old analogy of giving a chainsaw to a monkey. Sure, it may just cut down the one tree. It could also go horribly wrong and massacre the whole village, as well. -teivrann
  • Or it may just chop its nuts off. -karlata
  • Don't get my hopes up -DracoSuave
  • 198. Brevity is Best
    Didn't really think I'd have anything, but... boss drops this onto my desk. Investigate what history we have on a customer that's asking us to compensate them for $1500 in charges from their consultant for their connectivity problems. First ticket I pull up in our new system is fairly straightforward, from about a month ago... they tested in the CO, they don't see the modem, they dispatch someone... then, in the Clear field reason, a simple statement that says it all, really: "PLUG'D MODEM INTO JACK"
    [By: namor]
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  • Beautiful. And this guy wants $1500 huh? Funny. -steveO77
  • 199. Friday afternoons...
    It's 12:30ish Friday afternoon... one guy brought his BBQ and did smokies for the group... another wrecked his tiny play pool game and taped off a section of the carpet to play Bocchi... we've got most of our small department gathered around to watch, and all I can think is, "If only our customers could see us now..."
    [By: namor]
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  • Oh, wait, it can get better... they're now playing for money. -namor
  • Smokies? Is that like in "smokies"? Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink! -robbor
  • Say no more -Splunge
  • The company I work for is so cool - they do stuff like that about once a month. Way cool. -MamaTech
  • 200. Virus Count
    This just from my friend/nephew in Tier 2... customer getting VDSL/TV installed, can't get his computer online through it... send our tech out, he has them hook up their existing (and thankfully, still working) cable connection back to the computer... on DSL, he had about 20 ports showing strange results. Cable filters a few by default... suspicion intervenes, and he has them go to an online anti-virus scan. 45 different *types* of viruses, most uncleanable, mostly trojans. Think that's a record, for now. Windows ME system, had cable from about when he got the computer a few years ago, never any anti-virus. Poor thing; didn't it hurt bad enough with ME?
    [By: namor]
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  • Namor! Is that Different types, or varients?! Ie: One type of Netsky, or 24 varients plus others? If it's unique virii.. that's SCREWED UP! -MassiveTechs
  • Unique, AFAIK. -namor
  • That's gotta be a record...Found a system with over 600 spyware infected files some time back...definately a record in the shop, dunno about elsewhere. -csatguru
  • had one in the shop yesterday - 1400+ spyware, no real viruses amazingly, but a heap of "malware". -MamaTech
  • 201. We need a new area...
    ... for Self-LARTing StarFish stories. Maybe someone here can help me... anyhow. I left the Ex with a Pavilion 7920. No AGP slots, 1 MB onboard. Can't play some of her favourite games - like Ultima 9. I buy a 32MB TNT2 PCI card, install it. Boots fine, but... one profile on this desktop system doesn't have a taskbar. I take about half an hour - trying to find the executable for the taskbar, manually bringing up the task manager to start the system tray, etc... until what I'm seeing in the display properties finally hits me - it defaulted to "Extend my Windows desktop onto this monitor" for the onboard adapter. D'oh! Mitigating circumstance - the BIOS option to *disable* the onboard isn't there, even though the help for it says to choose the option to disable it. If anyone does email support for HP, expect some email - I can't match this BIOS to the list of those selectable.
    [By: namor]
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  • I have an easier solution. Set the PCI card as primary in windows, and disable the onboard driver. Windows won't load the driver so nothing should really complain about it. It'll still grab itself an IRQ though. Or there may be a jumper on the board you have to change. Also have you checked to see if there's a BIOS update for the machine? /hoping to be helpful. -Jerbear
  • The PCI card is now primary in Windows, and the onboard disabled there. Checked for a BIOS update, but... what the hell is a "Cognac" bios update? I don't trust that it's the proper one for the computer, so I've emailed support a nicely-worded, polite question requesting clarification. Will check for jumpers right now... none that apply to video that I can find. Thanks, though, I hope I didn't descend *that* far... -namor
  • word of advice: take whatever hp e-mail support says and automaticly assume its crap. I asked for product info and driver downloads for video once, they gave me the wrong bloody unit and not only that i had to go hunt for the driver anyways on driverguide.com. hp legacy support blows. -putahtek
  • namor - you have one of 2 motherboards: tortuga GA motherboard or cognac GA motherboard. If your motherboard is mostly yellow, it is a tortuga. -ShiftedBeef
  • I thought if it was yellow, it was a taco. -LaserGuru
  • HP does have some good engineers- they migrated from Digital. -LaserGuru
  • I don't know why, but now that you mention it. A tortuga does sound like mexican food. Maybe that's why they named it that way... (mmmm, tortuga....) -ShiftedBeef
  • I thought if a mobo was yellow, that meant the owners were smokers... -maciarc
  • damn it I can't think of a quote from POTC for the word tortuga. -drachen
  • 202. Stupid Web Designer Tricks
    Person has called in 2-3 times over the past few days to get their frontpage extensions on their unix webs reinstalled. Yes, we support this abomination, but that's beside the point. We do it, I check it out on my test machine - can log in fine, but... it has problems viewing the files. Times out, etc. No problem on other sites. Finally, today, I take look at the directory from a shell - hm. 2index.htm - 17MB in size. I think it's binary or something, so, curiously, I view it... and see my hopes dashed by this: <meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0"> It *does* look like some corrupted copy of their *entire* site's content, several times over, though... <sigh> Least the number they gave for callback says Not In Service... maybe they've overloaded that, too?
    [By: namor]
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  • That's what they get for using frontpage? -Jerbear
  • Frontpage does what it wants with your work. Microsoft keeps saying the user has control, but I don't see it. It's like version 1.0 of the Airbus or GE Locomotive software. You spend your time fighting with it instead of being productive with it. -clockkingfl
  • 203. Tougher than gunk?
    In exchange for a discount on some car repair, I'm slightly upgrading and fixing the roommate's brother-in-law's shop computer. Yeah, it's an old P133 that's got Windows and some proprietary software on it for diagnostic and parts lookups and all. Now, I've cleaned up nicotine addicts' computers, with a film of tar and... who knows what, all over them, before, but this... *this*... has a black dusty grease over everything. It's spitting out the power supply, it's heavy on the *entire* motherboard like nothing else I've ever seen, the floppy makes me weep, and... let's not even get into the Zip drive they have in there. Have a new case, new board, processor, memory, PSU, etc, but... I hate knowing that I'm essentially sending this thing off to meet its doom. I feel dirty.
    [By: namor]
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  • Compressed air will take care of that stuff in a jiffy. Just give him a few cans and tell him if he doesn't clean it out once every two months he'll get LARTed to death. -Jerbear
  • Compressed air will take care of that stuff in a jiffy. Just give him a few cans and tell him if he doesn't clean it out once every two months he'll get LARTed to death. -Jerbear
  • Dammit, dammit dammit. I should really hide my refresh button. Put tape over it or something. Grr. -Jerbear
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • puts tape over F5 -BoxOfFrogs
  • oops -BoxOfFrogs
  • Nope... compressed air doesn't seem to do it all. It... well, it feels like oil, with all the strange dust from a mechanic's shop embedded in it. Compressed air gets rid of some of the debris, but hardly smears the rest... -namor
  • Could be airborn car crud. :-/ I dunno how to get rid of that. I wonder if WD-40 would disolve it? It's non conductive so you can hose the thing down with the stuff. it'll just get slippery and smell funny. /snicker -Jerbear
  • Endust makes a special electronic component cleaner, it's made with ether (I think). Cleans that sh!t right up and doesn't leave any residue. It comes in a spray can with a little stiff brush at the end of a tube connected to the spray nozzle. -OgdenTechGuy
  • yeah, I once cleaned out a PC that had ....DOG FOOD in it. One of the covers for the PCI expansion slots was missing and a Mr. Mouse decided he liked the heat inside the computer, so he would make a home their. Always good when your PC rattles when you move it around. -Torlok2002
  • I got a pretty windowed case with cold cathodes so I have to clean it. This is a "Good Thing." -Jerbear
  • IPA - Iso Propyl Alchohol (I think) -BoxOfFrogs
  • Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to cockroaches! Imagine that you have just picked up a system who's casing is designed so that you can lift it with your fingers actually in the machine. You open the case, and scattering for darkness is the cockroaches. Horrible! -csatguru
  • How about using that stuff that mechanics wash their hands with, Orange cleaner, I think? -Bobsentme
  • I think orange cleaner conducts, and the citric acid might do bad things to mobo components. Then again it's a P133 so who cares. -Jerbear
  • I'd be tempted to use Gunk (or some other spray degreaser), then water, then canned air for the tight spots. -BayouTech
  • csatguru - happened to me too, just last week. ICK! was in for a "can't boot" thought it was a dead power supply (and it may have been but I'LL never know. We wrapped it in a plastic bag IN A HURRY and took it outside, set off a bug bomb in the plastic bag. If the computer wasn't dead before then, it fer sher was after. -MamaTech
  • Bloody odd. I was a smoker yet my motherboard and PC were and still are always stainless. What do people do, use the CPU heatsink as a freaking tobacco burner? Or do people take a cue from Dennis Leary and go "THIS PC WILL MAKE AN EXCELLENT BONG!!!"? I wonder... -HunterSThompson
  • I've used the spray cans of contact cleaner or electronics cleaner. It works wonders & won't hurt any of the contacts/electronics, etc. I've used in PC's & in stereos, TV's etc. I know here in CAN Wal-Mart & Canadian Tire carries it. Any electronics shop should carry it. Be warned, it's very cold coming out & will freeze skin if exposed long enough... -Techleader1
  • Stick it in the sink and clean it off with Dawn and a scrub/tooth brush. Try it THOROUGHLY with a hair dryer, wait 2 days and try it. Hey, it's gonna be scrap anyway, so what if you let the "magic smoke" out. -VIPERsssss
  • CDC makes a product called QD-10 Electrical Cleaner, its a fast evoporating solvent that will remove grease and dirt and other nasty stuff and its safe for electrical components. -areatech
  • 204. We don't need no security!
    Background - we have a corporate security department. Handles internal abuse issues, employee, etc. The main guy there was just let go a short while ago - no reason that we know, anyhow. However, in the past his home computers have (on more than one occasion) been shown to have been compromised and used as spam relays, and we've shut down his account a few times for this. Today, I get a message from one of the mail admins, asking me to look into this one that looks like a RCTP harvester (someone sending to every possible address at a domain to determine what mailboxes exist) - it's this guy again. I scan a bit - find that he seems to have finally firewalled his connection, but - looks like it was black ice, and it was compromised. <sigh> Wonder how easy it is to get a job in IT security here...
    [By: namor]
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  • Prolly not that hard, you just telnet in & change the dept field on your personnel & payroll records. -Digital Dogcow
  • ROFL @ DD. :-) -Jerbear
  • <wipes away tear> Thanks for the laugh DD. -scooby111
  • maybe he's doing it on purpose? -postal tech
  • Thanks DD! I had to fake a coughing fit since I was on the phone with a Luser when I read that :D -Hellion
  • I REALLY must stop drinking coffee and reading TSC...now where are the paper towels in this joint, again? -itookoverhell
  • 205. Oh, the irony...
    Customer of ours has Exchange server, keeps getting delivery timeouts when sending to our domain. Fair enough - MTU problem (yes, yes, DSL, PPPoE, it pops up quite frequently...). Advise to change, doesn't work... it's kind of pointless digging around in their router or mail server, but... go to their home page, run off of their own server, and... "Computer and Network Solutions." Great. 10-1 their router doesn't handle it properly.
    [By: namor]
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    206. Yes, I *do* that.
    Our online page for registering some accounts is down. I call our trouble-reporting office for this, and get one of the first-line techs on the phone. Little bewildered, but they're normally nice - I realize that they don't do any tech themselves, just take the issues and pass 'em on, however... I report the problem and he's having a hard time grasping it. culminating with this exchange: "The page is failing? Can you get to any web pages?" Me: *pausing and sounding quite unhappy* "I tech this stuff for a living. I *know* the *difference*. Trust me."
    [By: namor]
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  • I get that when my local cable internet provider (a certain fast moving cartoon character) has something screwy going on. No I'm not going to power cycle anything, no I'm not going to check the blinky lights. If I hadn't already done that I wouldn't be wasting your time. -Jerbear
  • I just pretend. "Okay, thats done. Nothing changed. Now what?" -jard
  • Hmm - yer answers sound just like the Starfish y'll are complaining about. I did that, I WANT A NEw MOOOODEMMMMM! -satanstech
  • satanstech - admitted it can seem that way. I have a lower tolerance for general ignorance, though. :) -namor
  • ... not to sound pompous, or anything. :) -namor
  • Namor, said that once, got bit on the ass big time! Had to eat humble pie. Now I try to keep the ego out of the picture. -ecoli
  • jard---I also work for the speedy cartoon character, and many times the SF's have said they powercycled the modem, yet almost every time I ask them to do it again, lo and behold it comes back online...so did they REALLY powercycle?, and when they pretend they did it, I just send a tech out -itookoverhell
  • Jer - just power cycle and humor em.. i know your network inside and out.. if your residential its the only tools they have... -Harm
  • by your network i mean the area.. -Harm
  • 207. Sharpen your head.
    Excerpt from a conversation as I remember it - guy was calling to set up an email address. Me: "So you want that to be at <ISP>.net?" EU: "Sure." Me: "Okay, so what email address do you want?" EU: "Huh? What do you mean?" Me: "You want an email address?" EU: "Yes." Me: "Which. One. ???" EU: *pause* "I don't know what you're asking."
    [By: namor]
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  • phase1: collect underpants phase2: ???? phase3: profit!!!! -goblin69
  • somestarfish@isp.net -scooby111
  • I would like a nice address on 5th Avenue, near the west side of the park, but not near Donald Trump. Thank you. -robbor
  • 208. This is the only place...
    ... that I feel like posting this. I left for work on April 1st, 8:30AM or so. Just got home (some detours, visiting people, y'know). My first inkling that something was wrong was seeing my Terry Pratchett collection scattered in the PUDDLES outside the back door. Ruined. My bike locked in the back porch is *gone*. That galls. I put the thing together from parts I scrounged and traded, from freaking scratch. I was looking forward to nothing else but riding it around on my vacation next week, for the first time this year. Roommate's new TV and DVD are gone. They took the strangest things. Computers are obviously here, but I'm just wondering... there are at least 4-5 in plain view if you take a quick look around the house (it's pretty small) - how safe is it? Think I'm taking my stuff with me to work later and keeping it at the girlfriend's... I'm just *PISSED*. My car broken into in the back one night a few months ago, and now this. I don't think I'll be staying here come the end of the lease.
    [By: namor]
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  • wow. not a good scene, nam. you should definitely take such action. good thing they didn't get your data, but it sucks about the other stuff . . . -goblin69
  • feelin' for ya... that totally sux! -duckhead
  • That sux! <yet another TP fan!> -LaserGuru
  • Try this on for size- come home, brandnew laptop sitting on coffee table, brand new PC sitting on PC desk, Large TV and Surround system on Entertainment Cabinet, my answering machine missing. Cords even neatly placed over the night stand it sat upon. You know, they could have just removed the tape and I would not have known for months. -reverendTech
  • Been there, and you have my utmost sympathies. The feelings of violation and helplessness were worse, for me, than losing my stuff. Strangely, the fact that they took the time to eat all my damn Oreos bugged me worse than anything. -Owie
  • I have a feeling anyone capable of breaking into your home to steal your bike does not have the mental capability not only to recognize a computer, let alone operate one. -crackshot
  • Had a neighbor kick in my door at an apartment once. Well, I can't prove it was him, but the police and I were of the same opinion. Apparently, Buddy had a little history. The only dig I got was seeing him a few years later at a convenience store and laughing that the lusers had gotten a couple of hundred but had missed the $2000USD in a lockbox. -Phssstpok
  • Not only do they rob you, but throw those poor Pratchett books out into the rain ? hangins too good for them. grrrr.. Noone touches my pratchetts.. Many moons ago I had a breakin, they took the casette recorder for my C64, and my collection of 'liberated' games.. I maged to convince the insurance company that all those games on the list were originals.. but I was boggled that they left the screen and C64 itself alone and just took the datasette.. odd.. -shayera
  • That really sucks, sorry to hear it. Had someone try to break into the apartment I lived in several years ago. They apparently kicked or shouldered the door and figured it didn't open and took off. If they had tried the door again, they'd have discovered they broke the door out of the frame and it was just sitting because it was a sticky door. Called the police, they never even came out to file a report. -CelticSkyhawk
  • Man, that totally sucks. I hope you had renter's insurance, although that only covers the physical loss. Hope things perk up for ya, dude. -RiffRaff
  • Man, I hope the rest of the week and weekend work out for you. Sorry to hear about it... with any luck these jerks will be found and tied to Gilbert Godfried for six months for doing that to your Pratchetts. -teivrann
  • Update: Police came after a couple of hours... I finally got to sleep around 5:30AM. Told work I'd come in after lunch, as I *need* more than a couple of hours. Cops seemed more interested in the computers I had laying everywhere and the fact that me & roommate were both techs. And the roommate found a bunch of stuff gone as well - like $1800 he had been saving for a small car, a bike, his jewelery, etc. Damn. -namor
  • I know the aggravation, man. I was robbed once - kicked out a window, stole a guitar and fenced it that day. I found it in 12 hours and had the burglar in the back of a police car by the next day. Never fuck with a former detective. -Skylark
  • I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me a few months ago. Stole my G4, left the P3, stole brand new Nike Shox, which had been special ordered for 3 weeks, and I had just picked them up 3 days before. Left the TV, imac (old version), and stereo. Obviously all they needed were new shoes and a damned good computer, but not the monitor. -minda
  • sounds like you live near a democrat voter base. and dumb ones at that , oh wait at least they have sense, that they possess no computer knowledge unlike our starfish callers who"think" they computa smart. -SGTARKyTEK
  • Well if they left the Pratchett books behind you know they've got no taste. They left the computers, so no brains - hmm think a starfish was the culprit? -K1W1
  • 209. Amateur Web Designers
    Now, I admit, I'm no web design guru. I just know the basics of PHP/perl/HTML/etc. Enough to figure out problems. It's those who are even below me, that really do it... I just called back someone about their web page problem - we messed something up, we fixed it, I call back to confirm. In checking that their page is now displaying properly, I find that their gallery page is messed - referring to images in the wrong directory. I decide to be extra nice, and change the references so they're correct. Page comes up fine. Talk to the guy's wife who does the site, and she has a question - "Yeah, somebody was saying that there's a problem with the size of one of the pictures..." Hm. Take a look... let's see... oh, yeah, 1.2 megs is a definite problem... Grab the picture, and it seems to be a 2megapixel image, scaled down on the page to fit, by the page design program - Word9. I hate amateurs.
    [By: namor]
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  • I hate all WYSIWYG editors. ESPECIALLY MS OFFICE related ones, like word or <shudder> frontpage </shudder>. I'll do all my coding in notepad, thank you very much. :) -Bynar
  • I admit that I am still an amature. But I at least use an HTML editor. I NEVER use M$ products. They add entirely too much $hit and are harder to make changes to. (I was "fixing" someone else's work) -PsychoKittyB
  • Same here - though instead of notepad, I use Edit Plus. Gives me a efw little niceties like line numbers, color coding, etc - but lets me do my coding manually. -Elynn
  • You can always use the programs (frontpage, pagemill) and then clean up the code (mess) they produce. Saves you typing... -Dr Jerkyl
  • Good ol' Notepad. I just don't trust anything else. Plus, it forces you to learn the actual coding, and why certain things won't work. -Bobsentme
  • Elynn: I love Edit Plus. I had 2 classes to do HTML/Web design, I used it for everything. I still use it as a simple text reader instead of notepad. Great program. -Starfury
  • DreamWeaver and UltraEdit. -LaserGuru
  • When I first started doing web pages, I used Notepad. Years later, I wised up and started using Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver doesnt put crap in your code, and it has some nifty features. Having a split screen WYSIWYG/HTML code is nice. I dont need carpal tunnel, so I use Dreamweaver :) -DemonicAngel
  • I learned on Notepad, and I still use Notepad. But we have some sort of editor at home on Milaar's system. (Of course, he was the Web Guy at the job he had when we met, back before the bubble burst.) -snowcrash
  • Dreamweaver MX all the way, baby. It produces nice tight code, and I can tweak them in the code view right in the program. -TechnoVampire
  • EditPad for me... and DreamWeaver if I'm doing anything purdy like tables. -Mushroom
  • Dreamweaver MX and Metapad (because I find Notepad irritating). But I never even touch Design View in Dreamweaver; I do 100% pure coding. I use Dreamweaver more for the familiarity of using Dreamweaver. -teivrann
  • Been using GWD Text Editor for years. Couldn't live without the syntax highlighting and macro capability (both customizable). Even has "projects" to organize your stuff. -virtualchoirboy
  • I use HTML kit, pure coding and neat ftp right to the server function -viciousTech
  • Real men code in VI. -scooby111
  • Now now scooby, next thing you'll be bragging about bootstrap loaders... -CommanderData
  • "real" men don't code. -obie099
  • I personally use Visual Interdev, but only in source mode. I kind of like the syntax highlightin. (plus I like having the autocomplete when I'm fighting with ASP code, or javascript). -garwain
  • I use HTML-Kit. It works well for my needs. -Chipsterian
  • I use debug. (j/k) -maciarc
  • No, scoob, *Real* men code with "copy con index.html" or "cat > index.html". Backspaces? We don't need no stinken' backspaces! Real men get it right the first time, every time. <bg> -ThirdOfFive
  • I personally like Homesite...it has code highlighting and will also check code (ie html and javascript) for errors. It never adds code but has a few templates. I like it alot :) -lsvtec
  • Just read this 2007-06-16. I use CodeWright. Let's you do both. -MSimmons777
  • 210. That warm, fuzzy feeling
    Had a flash of inspiration today that made me quite happy indeed... let me explain. (No, scream the masses...) One of the reps forwards me a ticket to reset the FrontPage password on one of our Unix webs (yes, we use some of this abomination). I normally take these, put them into a system for our server admin group to take care of, and phone the customer back when they tell me it's done. Today, I realized - I have an account with read-only access to all our unix webs... what I did next pulled it all together. Looked up their path in the database, used this tool to browse to their directory, grabbed the existing contents of service.pwd, used John the Ripper on a shell server we set up here to crack it (simple password - when will they learn, took 1 sec), went to a test machine, opened Frontpage, opened their site, changed the password... contacted cust. Cust down the resolution time from a couple of hours to a couple of minutes, and makes me feel all nice and squishy. <Hey, stop poking!>
    [By: namor]
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  • watch out the department of homeland security may come and take you away for using more than one brain cell at a time -DedSysOp
  • Good job, dude. But just as a reminder: my boyfriend once got fired for playing in other ppl's sandboxes. CYA is the name of the game. -snowcrash
  • Beware the wrath of your admins. Just because you *can* do a thing, it does not follow that you *should* do a thing. You would receive instant death for that here... -scooby111
  • A mitigating note is in order, then - our server admins (in this case, anyway) is actually a wholly-owned subsidiary, treated as a third-party. We tell them what we want, they tell us how much $$$. We have read-only all the time, as it's least destructive, and I need to reset passwords. The machine I cracked it on is one fully controlled (root and all) by me - so I feel a little safer, as the end result was nevertheless achieved. -namor
  • 211. The devil take me!
    This will probably give it away, but... scary things to surprise your employees with. Like the news that your company just bought the former AT&T Canada. Let the screaming commence... (did *not* see this coming)
    [By: namor]
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  • And didn't Cingular just buy AT&T wireless? Is there going to be any att left? -obie099
  • fyi - cingul*r is owned 60/40 by western b*ll/b*llsouth -omegawolf
  • lol...I just got done bitching out a cingular store manager, because they decided to plaster a paper advertisement on my car...while it was sleeting. Had to use my ice scapper to get the damn thing off. Bastards. -Bobsentme
  • 212. Reporting co-worker
    Guy sitting near me has a unique setup in this office of single-workstations - just a couple of computers, couple of monitors, KVM switch, hub, UPS... works with some servers and all. Recently, was cleaning out one of them, and decided to re-organize, and put one of the routers we have in here that has an 8-port hub instead... plugged in all the network cables he had lying around, and turned it on, reset to factory defaults... and the guy next to him starts complaining of lag, as it serves his connection. Completely unusable. We reset to defaults, see all of the LAN LEDs flickering like mad... he tells us just to unplug his station, we take the first cable and pull it... and all the activity stops. Find the other end of the 25' cable... it was a spare, from the server he moved, plugged into the same router... no wonder.
    [By: namor]
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    213. No! Not me!
    Satrfish must be catching. For some reason, I'm doing more and more stupid things lately... take today. Think I'll play around with my routing on the home machine, from work... I have a couple of NICs in it, one one a subnet that also connects to DSL, another that goes to a separate subnet solely for my use. What do I do? Decide to clear the information from eth1 (connected to modem) in order to re-do from scratch, and only when I hit enter and it refuses to even spit back a prompt, does the cold horror that I've killed my connection beyond any hope of remote recovery set in. Damnit, I've got to get dialup working soon.
    [By: namor]
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  • Dude, I'm SO there. Today I put in a log to add someone a service. Unfortunately, it was an old ticket I reopened and forgot to erase the "cancel" note from the front of the ticket. Luckily someone else caught it, but...ugh. So much for "detail oriented team player". -snowcrash
  • Ahh Yes... The almighty reset the router from work ploy!!! Hence Remote Access is disabled with no one home to reset Remote Access for ya... -haplo1024
  • heh, I'm generally the backup in case that happens here. System Admin generally works from home, and if he thinks he's going to kill his connection without getting it back, he tells me to fix it if he's not back in chat within a couple of minutes. -Splunge
  • Blah... I had my roommate reset it when he got home (it's 11:30 and I'm just getting in)... it still was inaccessible. Crap, wanna bet how much mail timed out in that period; another reboot just now solved it. Bah. -namor
  • That'll teach you to root around with a router! -robbor
  • I've done that a few times too. My system runs headless and is burried under the bed so it's a bit of a pain when I ifconfig eth1 down by mistake... whoops. -fearmyroot
  • 214. LART me
    I'm a moron. I just want to get that out of the way, first. Now, almost at the time to go home, I'm checking my mail through pine on my home box, when it complains... not enough space on device. My blood instantly runs cold... I know I don't have much, but I'd generally know if something starting taking up the extra... investigate. Hm, a test user I set up some time ago, is using all of the remainder. WTF? Check... well, now. many-spaced folder names, several deep... l33t-speak names below that. Someone got it. My fault for having a simple-guessed uid/pw, but now the forensics... I just can't believe I *let* this happen. <hangs head>
    [By: namor]
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  • Backtrack & find the little farkers, then give us the coordinates! -Tekkie
  • Yep, I agree. Just because you leave the keys in your car doesn't mean someone has the right to steal it. Find 'em and publish their info here. -RiffRaff
  • <rubs hands together gleefully> Oooooh! Can I help with the LARTING of said kiddies? -scooby111
  • Here's what I got so far - IP 217.95.132.45, March 9, 12:56 PM CST... pub stealer, part of 'DAC-FXP-CREW' - this one done by a member called Chevi, if I've got it right. Still trying to figure out *what* took up the 750MB of space... (yes, that's all I've got for now) -namor
  • Fark... another from a different class of the same provider (someone using their hacked dialup in Germany, looks like) and... they uploaded a german SVCD of Gothika. Bah. User/dir erased already, note on the way to their abuse department. Like that'll help... -namor
  • Last time was from IP 212.202.200.165 - trying to log in after I had deleted everything before coming home. Bastards. -namor
  • No, you are not a moron. Everybody makes mistakes. Doesn't matter how technically proficient you are. Just the fact that you are able to admit that you made a mistake disqualifies you from the moron brigade! -TheSingingTech
  • *hug* Cheer up already. You figured out something was wrong and are doing your damndest to correct it. That's what's important. -snowcrash
  • You wouldn't call yourself if you got mugged. And that's basically what's happened here. Just be more careful next time, and lart the bastards for me! -Bobsentme
  • It happens. Whom is in the wrong? You for setting an easy to guess U/P or them for actually doing this? Simple answer is them obviously. I must admit I regularly trundle through the logs of my linux box (after reading my e-mail with pine :) and the number of idiots throwing themselves at my FTP and SSH systems is completley ridikamalus! What does piss me off is that all these failed login attempts suck up my systems resources and bandwidth; bastards! But you do see some funny things, like the guy that used a dictionary attack to find a valid username. -fearmyroot
  • Hey, I double what TST said. The difference between Starfish and intelligent ones is that intelligent people ADMIT that they can make and will do mistakes. -Dr Jerkyl
  • Ehhh. Intelligent people I ment (There are no intelligen starfish :P) -Dr Jerkyl
  • <spaceballs>The password to the air shield is...1...2..3..4..5.</spaceballs> -Starfury
  • Update: No real FTP probes or anything in the past day. Looks like I caught it quickly enough, by the timestamps... and deleting the user and all probably gave them a clue when they got 'no such user' shortly thereafter. I'm just glad my system wasn't compromised, just a throwaway account. Thanks for the support, all... -namor
  • Wow Starfury, I've got that same combination on my luggage! -Splunge
  • 215. index be thy name...
    Checking out a problem for a webhosting customer who's complaining that the stuff they uploaded isn't displaying. I wonder why. In a bunch of uploads done a week ago, there's a new index.html file, and ... an index/index/index.htm which looks like the real site. The other kicker is that in their root folder - Dreamweaver 3.exe, and Dreamweaver 3.lnk. Save me from hapless web page admins...
    [By: namor]
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  • Well, it looks like they're illegally sharing opyrighted software. Time to call the SBA on 'em! :-P -OgdenTechGuy
  • What do you mean, I've used up my 50 megabytes? -concept14
  • Eeeendex! We don't need no steenkin' eendex! -robbor
  • 216. Modification to HP...
    So I posted a story a couple of days ago, about the help I received from an HP tech, and some of you were kind enough to respond... sorry if I haven't gotten back appropriately to everyone, but thought I'd update/rant. First, I probably should have mentioned that I was contacting support about an older Compaq presario that I was working on, in case I didn't (It's 5:30 am and I just got home, forgive me for not looking up my own previous post)... second, I finally download the update, and find... it *only* works in Windows. So, the update that I need to help finish correctly *installing* an OS, needs an OS installed... oh, the irony... I think I'm going to get one of those Windows-on-a-CD distros and do it from that...
    [By: namor]
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  • The modern day catch 22, You need windows up, to upgrade the firmware, but windows won't boot until the firmware is upgraded...<AAAaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> -Wonko The Sane
  • linux rules... install knoppix Linux... call it longhorn.. -Harm
  • 217. I have fun with techs
    So, I'm trying to fix a Compaq system for someone, and it's having an issue - that I find a fix for in one of their later ROMPAQs (think BIOS updates). Download, do what's needed to get it on the computer - but it doesn't seem to match the date - it doesn't update or fix anything. I sent a message through their support centre, and get a reply from someone, with instructions on how to download it and try it again. Comprehensive, simple-to-follow directions. Fine, but not what I was looking for. Second time, the rep goes off on a tangent about some unrelated thing I mentioned in my reply (they're different reps, too, so I guess they don't look at the history). Strike two. Third guy - tells me it looks like I'm having a problem with that rompaq, and provides me links to a further updated one on their FTP site. Home Run. I love it when techs get it right... So, a bit of a question... is the exclamation 'sweet monkey ass!" appropriate in a response, and anyone know how I send commendations to an HP tech?
    [By: namor]
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  • Yes. Job application to Dell. -Gecko
  • You often find that the dinky messages you get from large companies aren't even from a human. Kana seems to be the most popular choice and can handle some pretty complex issues; these days I'll only belive your human if I'm talking to you. -maidtina
  • Maidtina, Not even if I'm talking to them. Think CLAIRE with sprint PCS, she's smarter than some of their billing people I've spoken with. -Bobsentme
  • Well, Kana (here, at least) still needs *someone* to select the hotkeys and laugh at the incoming email.... -outofcoffee
  • Namor: I can help you with that commendations stuff. Talk to me on the white board about it -DracoSuave
  • Yeah, the HP website sucks ass right now, they're updating it I think. of course they don't tell me nothing. Too many chiefs not enough indians -LiQUidICicle
  • LiQUidICicle - I thought HP had outsourced? If so they will have an awful lot of Indians! -lineswine
  • 218. Second call
    ... of my overtime - and he's nice, yes - but we get stuck arguing for a bit, on his preposition, that computers shouldn't be susceptible to viruses by *basic design*. Yes, nice thought, and I'm glad he was coherent enough to argue - but it's a pipe dream and I'm dismissing it as nascent ideology.
    [By: namor]
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  • I dunno about you, but I don't get paid nearly enough to argue about the theories behind virii. I just make sure yere clean and put in reconnect requests for you. -CarbonTetra
  • Tell ya what, go download the M$ source code and comb through all 500million lines of code for buffer overflows and exploits and lock them down. Also, redesign the SPI's so that only approved programs can be executed. When you're done, you'll have a typewriter. -scooby111
  • Scoob, you've just gotta take your act on the road! You've fired off more hysterical comments this week than I've ever heard! And namor, that pipe dream...could it possibly be a crack pipe the luser had? -Tekkie
  • funny thing is, the caller ID had that superlative "Dr" after it, so... -namor
  • The sad thing is that this is what the lusers want, a machine that can not be infected by a viri. Hell, I've seen ideas that'll turn a desktop in to nothing more than a giant PDA being bandied about and lets face it if that's what the customers THINK they want Dell/HP and Mankysoft are going to be only too happy to pump those units out. -fearmyroot
  • Computers shouldn't be susceptible to viruses. And bears should live to be 200 years old. And I should find th winning lottery numbers every morning in my box of cereal. And beer should be free. And women should love me for my mind. Sheesh! Reality Check! -CyBear
  • Actually, there is a foolproof way of preventing virus infections. 1) Disconnect any network cable. 2) Disconnect any modem. 3) Disable any floppy/cd/dvd/other removable drives. Doing the above will prevent you from getting a virus. Doing the above will also prevent your computer from being useful, but it WILL prevent virii. -Captain Trips
  • 219. Pop goes their mind...
    Fast forward to this snippet of the conversation - trouble is, EU just getting timeouts while checking mail. "Okay, down near the bottom right-hand orner of your screen, next to the time - what icons do you have there?" EU: "Um... <ISP>, Norton Anti-virus, Norton Internet Security..." Me: "Okay, when did you get Norton Internet Security installed?" EU: "Just today." Me: "And when did you stop being able to get your mail?" EU: "Well, after I installed it and connected, could get mail, then the next time I tried, it did this..." Me: "Do you think there's any correlation here?"
    [By: namor]
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  • Fuck no! The problem *has* to be on your end because this computer is only five years old. So do your job and *fix* it! -RiffRaff
  • YEAH GAWD DAMMIT AND FIX MY TOASTER TOO -burrkiss
  • "Well, do you think there is any correlation between your VCR flashing 12:00 & you being a total starfish? -lineswine
  • dammit how can i get my porn mail if your isp keeps disonnecting me, ihaven't done anything to mah puter so its your problem :P -CrystalMare
  • Naught Namor,<Slap> How dare you use words like 'correlation' to a Starfish... ;) -Wonko The Sane
  • it worked yesterday!!!! -jas75249
  • 220. Xbox *dead*
    Guy calls up, saying he's getting an error about the DNS servers on his Xbox when he tries to connect... check the obvious - he's using a router, but he has the right DNS. Say i can't help. He gets a little upset, asks if anyone here knows Xbox... I'm about to pawn him off, but he was nice, and seemed willing to work, so I asked if he had a computer hooked up, too. He did, said it worked. So I had him bring up the IP settings on it... and it's got a public IP from our class. So it's *not* behind the router... get him to check... the PC is hooked up to the modem, the router is hooked up to the xbox, and... *nothing* else. I *wonder* why it's not getting anywhere...
    [By: namor]
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  • yeah, had one like that a few months back. guy was nice and all, but kept asking about different settings in the xbox (or was it ps2?) net settings. i played along, and found the 192.168.. then, he traces to find that only one cat5 is present in his console's quest for the holy <ISP> -goblin69
  • Nice. I'm glad I've got a PS2, since it's network adapter supports DHCP (and so does my router). <special ed> Yaay! </special ed> -PaseoGuy
  • 221. We're taking payoffs from Microsoft
    Tier 2 walks over to me a coupl of hours ago, with one of the T1 reps behind... says a guy is calling in asking about configuring dialup on his linux box, and it's not working with CHAP or MSCHAP. Fine. We only use PAP. Tell them this. The T2 comes to see me just now, has an escalation 'for the manager of internet services' <like it'll get there> frmo this guy - the T2 talked to him, and he ranted on and on about how we were supporessing open source, taking payoffs from Microsoft to squash it, and reading things from forums on the internet where people called their ISP and had CHAP turned on, etc... I was *itching* to talk to this guy, but apparently I'm too low on the chain of command. Damnit.
    [By: namor]
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  • And who, pray tell, does he think MSCHAP came from???? -technaround
  • That's the part that most got me going, "WTF?" I'm following up on that case in the morning, as nobody could reach him before I left. -namor
  • No users by that name on my home net. -LaserGuru
  • Frack- misposted from previous story. -LaserGuru
  • Heh. I had a customer who argued with me for the better part of 10 minutes about how not supporting any browser other than IE sounded like exclusive contract to him. Even pointing out that the only things we supported were IE and OE (hey, they're free, they hand them out with your OS like prizes in a Cracker Jack box) and pointing out that we don't actually CARE which browser/client he used did nothing to shut his neeping up....if it were exclusive contract, wouldn't we somehow make it impossible to USE anything else, instead of just not providing tech support for someone else's issue? -dreaming78
  • 222. I think I like sonicwall...
    First escalated issue of the day, sent to our line testers, was about a law office that couldn't get on the internet. The tech went to the CO, fixed up something, and... left it to us to call them back and test it. Fine... I left a message, they call back and get another guy, who does some troubleshooting - I can tell their router is now connected, but they still can't get online. He eventually has to stop, and I call back... get their default gateway, get her to browse to it... nothing happens for a second, then... prophetically, a page comes up, saying that the current firmware is corrupt, with a link asking them to upload a good copy. How much proof do you need that the problem lies in your own equipment? Even this SF realized it right away, saying, "So I guess the problem is with our router, huh?" Yes. Yes, it is.
    [By: namor]
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  • No. I'd have to say that the root cause of the problem is not the router. The root cause is that SonicWall employs people that are just as smart as you. <click> -scooby111
  • 223. I like the quirky ones
    Long story short - big company, has website with us. Complains updates aren't showing up for customers, though he sees the right page. I figure it out - their internal domain is the same as the external, authoritative domain for which we control DNS. They have a zone on their internal that had the IP of an old server (we did some migration mid-last-year). Talk to their IS department, get that updated, good to go. When I explained to the webmaster what the issue had been, his response, "So I guess I can call up those guys and slap tehm around, huh? They told me it was your guys fault this morning." So, I guess I caused another tech (who seemed like a good one, just missed the implications of running your own DNS for an external site) a little user-directed LART...
    [By: namor]
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  • Heh, whoops? -snowcrash
  • aol tech:"it's g-way", g-way tech: "it's linksys", linksys tech:"it's aol"... -omegawolf
  • Finger-pointing syndrome: AOL points the finger at Goatway, Goatway points the finger at Linksys, Linksys points the finger at AOL, and all the user gets is the finger... -chazz
  • 224. Do it once, shame on me...
    I get a reputation as being the drop-off point for alot of obsolete hardware - because, eventually, I use a lot of it. Before the weekend, I get a bunch, and yesterday, I finally took it out and played with it. Found a working P233MMX with 128MB RAM that would make a nice upgrade in the same class for my linux box (currently P200, 48MB). But, in checking it out - notice that the power supply fan is... inexplicably missing. Fine, I have extra - pull out one from another case, change them over... wire up the power switch, plug it in, turn it on... *POP*! The computers around me all drop dead. Eek. I trip the surge protector, and they call come back up. The worst part is... after I went over the thing to make sure it was nothing obviously wrong... I plugged it in and did it *again*... methinks the roommate is going to hurt me...
    [By: namor]
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  • lick your fingers 1st while sticking your toe in the bath water. THAT outta learn ya!!! Just dont grab onto me when you get voltage -burrkiss
  • If at first you don't succeed... -CrazyCanuck
  • ...skydiving is not for you. -CrazyCanuck
  • 225. phonetics, have you heard it?
    Maybe it's just me, but to someone who's pretty much memorized the military phonetic alphabet because of this job, it irks me to see, just now, the username: sbnsdsbs. Gah!
    [By: namor]
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  • fpmftfpf ? -modeski
  • Oh look! Someone lives in the Sierras! (grin) -Jay911
  • Stupid Bastard No Sense Dummy Serious Bull Shit. -Calydor
  • Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta etc hehe -AmdInside
  • We need out own Phonetics: Something we can just besrly get away with: L as in Luser, C as in Crazy, I as in Idiot, R as in ReBoot, etc. -satanstech
  • 226. reply reply reply reply reply re...
    Co-worker went on-site to troubleshoot some issues for a customer... while there, they seem not to be getting out of their network... he calls me up to help troubleshoot. It takes me *forever* to log into their server (like 2 minutes to get an SSH pw prompt) but, I'm finally in. Check the connection is good, start taking a look at traffic. See massive traffic between two hosts on the network. Lots of stuff in the message queue, as well... I tell him which hosts, he hangs up to go find them. He calls me on the way back..."Yeah, think I found what it was... a mailbox on each PC has an out-of-office notice sent, and there was like 1000 messages in one... <insert me starting to laugh hysterically>... and the anti-virus was checking each one <more laughte> an it was on about 454 of it, so I just turned off the reminder on them."
    [By: namor]
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  • I am out and the network too! -AmdInside
  • ROFLLMAO -wazntme
  • 227. Where did I say 'at'?
    Co-worker, new to the dept, has a problem with a user - we just set them up with a MySQL database. We have a separate database server, so we have to disabuse a lot of people of the notion of using 'localhost' in their scripts by default. Co-worker was fighting with a guy who was trying a test script on his page - going over and over and over the settings, keeps finding out they're all right. Asks me to speak to him. I test it, it works fine, the guy still complains it's not working for him. Fine, he has shell access, so we drop to that, get him to issue the mysql -h <database>.<isp>.net - and he asks at that point, those famous, magical words, "Uh, should that be an @ sign, or a dot after <database>?" Pause. Me: "Uh, that should be a dot, of course, as I said." EU: "Oh, maybe that's why the web page isn't working..." Yes. Maybe. Just maybe.
    [By: namor]
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  • Is that an upper case or lower case dot, or the dot with the little tail, or the dot with another dot on top, or the dot with another dot under it with a little tail thing, or . . or? -robbor
  • 228. That's how it *is*...
    Co-worker gives me a ticket to report, about a bunch of mailboxes on our system not working. I start to take a look - first thing I do is check out the domain name. Hm, nope, wouldn't have been getting any mail lately, as the domain expired at the start of February. Which means... DNS was cut off probably just a few days ago, and it looks like the domain is suspended... with Network Solutions. I be nice, and call the guy to tell him this (we don't work with Netsol anymore), expect it to be nice & simple... he goes off on a rant about how the domain *was* transferred to us, and it's impossible that it's like that... I eventually resort to saying something similar to, "Well, that's not how it is *now*, and if you want the domain to work, you pretty much have to talk to them. All the documentation you have about what *might* have been doesn't do much good to change reality now." He faxed in the stuff he had on the domain - which shows him signing up for webhosting, but... no registrar transfer. Gee. Colour me surprised...
    [By: namor]
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  • But, but, but you're the internet and you handle the things with all the things, and the stuff! Oooh look! Day old candy! </homer> -robbor
  • It depends on what your definition of "is" is </Bill Clinton> -RedSwingline
  • Color me gratified at the British spelling of 'colour' </512KB> <BFEG> -CTYankee
  • LOL @ CTY ! But seriously, (waitaminute, did *I* say that ?) That would mean expecting the starfish to have to READ enough to figure that out ! -Spyder19
  • 229. The future of web design
    This one makes me hurt inside... I've posted about this sister-in-law before, and her cluelessness... well, she's now divorcing that brother-in-law, but she still says I'm the only one trusted enough to touch her computer, so she tracked down my new number and called last night. Seems she's going back to school - I think community college - no, back to grade 9 to get her high-school diploma. Then, she plans to head into web design. God, please, no. She follows up this statement asking me whether I use FTP or Angelfire to make my home page. Eek. Run far, run fast.
    [By: namor]
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  • just say Notepad, and run away! -MrThou
  • I applied for a webmaster job and they were impressed that i could write html using text editors. That was scary. -nm
  • ... and there was great rejoicing! -LaserGuru
  • I used to be quiet the HTMLer in notepad. Then i stopped carring. -MrThou
  • Great, probably be another BLOG writer with horrid mispellings and no point. -Bobsentme
  • Most blogggerists suck, and should be shot. -MrThou
  • Sister-in-law divorcing brother-in-law? Which one is related to you? <grin> -CTYankee
  • I think bloggery is illegal in Virginia. -LaserGuru
  • CTY: <Devil's advocate - possibility from my own family tree>Wife's sister = S.I.L. S.I.L. husband (technically) = B.I.L. Neither is related to me</advocate> Since you know the family, think Barbara and Dan (Rachel's parents). -virtualchoirboy
  • Pretty much - Brother-in-law is my to-be-ex-wife's brother, sister-in-law is just... some woman. -namor
  • Real webmasters code in VI. <and dreamweaver> -scooby111
  • nah real web masters code with a harddrive platter a magnitised needle and a steady hand -GefahrMaus
  • Yup, but it really sucks when the needle slips though. -ThreeBucks
  • 230. holy... crap
    I just had a woman rant at me for 30 minutes... gist of it being: "My grandfather was a mathematician on the tenure track with multiple PhDs in mathematics at MIT working on this IP stuff and everything you do in computers today can be owed to the stuff that he started, and it was his dream and he killed himself because they told him to stop pursuing it and it's the anniversary of his suicide this week..." I'm kind of curious as to who this person is, but I don't think that it requires a detachment from reality or the rant I received.
    [By: namor]
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  • His name..apparently Al Gore. -persephone
  • Tell him to say high to Kurt for me! -scooby111
  • Which is a bit weird, cause I heard (only heard, never investigated) that a Lt. Colonel helped develop TCP/IP. -duckhead
  • Did you ask her if she was adopted? -Hellion
  • From "TCP/IP Illustrated Vol. 1" (Stevens 1994): "RFC 791 (Postel 1981a) is the official specification of IP." From the bibliography: "Postel, J. B., ed., 1981a. "Internet Protocol", RFC 791, 45 pages (Sept.)" If you want to look further, feel free... -chazz
  • Well, don't see their surname on there... possible it's changed, but I'm not risking the wrath to phone and ask. They seem unbalanced as it is. -namor
  • Jon Postel died a few years ago- I have to search as to why. -LaserGuru
  • Jon Postel died 16 Oct 1998 http://www.postel.org -LaserGuru
  • so this means *everybody* on the web is going Postel? <runs whimpering from fear of well-deserved LARTs> -CTYankee
  • We (Big Red) got a "I'm gonna sue you" letter from a lady that said she had CopyWrited the word "EMail" in a book she wrote years ago, so we weren't allowed to use it in our documentation. -satanstech
  • 231. I'm going to crack.
    A note in the otherwise insane saga of our email migration - somehow, a request was issued and misinterpreted... and our backup mail server was firewalled from the *entire* world - except our own users' address space. In other words, we negated the entire purpose for its existence.
    [By: namor]
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  • ROTFFLMAO! (My coworkers think I've snapped. They don't get it.) -snowcrash
  • At least it's secure now. -scooby111
  • Can we please drop bombs on the people who thought this would be a good idea. -Warrick
  • Well, there is some good news: the server should have no problem keeping up with the traffic. -KickahaOta
  • And even more good news... I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geiko. :) -MaskedMarauder
  • 232. Reporting on myself
    Hopefully I can make this coherent... anyhow, the roommate and I are both techs, and get along well enough. We set up a little older P2 as his DJ machine, with a bunch of his music in MP3 format, and a couple of sound cards. I do some upgrading, and get a better computer for it. To do this, I have to format the HD, but we can't lose his music... it's 12GB worth at this point, not bad. Now, this computer, when home, hooks up behind a switch which also connects to my linux router. Behind this same linux box, on another interface, is a hub and my computer. To keep the files when I pull the drive, I set up a share on my computer, share it to the linux box, and make the DJ machine FTP in and start uploading. I notice at this point that it's only getting 10Mbps speeds. Hm. Take a look, find out the driver for the one card won't let it do 100Mbps. So, mix things up a little, change addresses, swap cable, get the 100Mbps capable one on the switch, and resume the transfer. After all of this, I'm swearing at the thing as it's still doing 10Mbps speeds. Roommate looks over, and asks, "What's the speed on the link to your computer again?" Pause. Yeah, 10 Mbps. I wonder why it's slow...
    [By: namor]
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  • <revokes namor's techie membership> <remembers all the stupid stuff I've done> <sheepishly hands membership card back> Just say 10 'Imnotastarfish's' and sin no more. -scooby111
  • ...and don't forget the 20 Hail Simon's, and you have to wear this PFY Nametag for the next week... -duckhead
  • And lash yourself 10 times with a CAT-5 cable. -TechnoVampire
  • And give your roomie top tech points for the day. -lvl1
  • Yea, here at our shop, we have a phrase that we "invented" for just such situations where certain minor details somehow get forgotten to get reported to a certain individual who just happens to be doing the job at hand. It goes like this ... "oops" -Spyder19
  • 233. New Email
    Just a fearful rant/review - today/Saturday, the ISP I work for is upgrading their mail servers. That means about 125,000 mailboxes going to new mailservers. Yes, that's right, a cutover to new mail servers, on new hardware, different OS, different IPs, different physical location. The bad parts? It was originally scheduled for mid-January, then delayed several times... the 'set in stone' date was last night, and I'm still wondering what happens tonight... but it can't be too freaking soon, 'cause we need it. Anti-virus, spam filtering, here we come. I'm not looking forward to the myriad possible problems greeting me when I walk in on Monday morning, though, especially as this is projected to take a week to do flawlessly and seamlessly, keeping everything in production. Also considering I'm the tier2/issues/reporting/general escalations guy for my department.
    [By: namor]
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  • Think it's badnow? Wait until you hear from the lusers that actually ENJOY spam...I've been there, and it gets real ugly in one hell of a hurry...good luck! -hkypipe
  • hkypipe: Can you relate that story? I have to know the rest of this :P -grahamwboyes
  • It's also fun to explain to them why the e-mail say's "see attached file" but no attachment. They can get really nasty about that. -fearmyroot
  • flawlessly and seamlessly, i love those words, best of luck mate :. -RTFM
  • 234. This is how it continues
    So our admins are watching our mail serer, and shutting people down pretty quickly when they notice excessive traffic or viruses coming from them. Guess who gets to call one of 'em today? That in itself wasn't bad, except... this particular one, it was the second time in just under two weeks that he was disabled. I asked him about the previous time, and he said that they recommended an online virus scan, and he did that. It found a couple of things that it said it couldn't clean/fix, SO HE LEFT IT. Methinks the ban on their account should be a little more permanent for that.
    [By: namor]
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  • What's with all this bandwidth throttling lately? You sell 'em a certain amount of bandwith, let 'em use it. I watch for possible viruses, but unless it affects my system, I don't disable them. -scooby111
  • It *does* affect our system. We're 2 weeks away from a massive mail-server upgrade - because our current ones are *barely* keeping up as it is. If we don't disable these guys, servers choke. Yes, it's that bad. -namor
  • Mailservers excessive mail throttling is totally different to bandwidth throttling. Ie: if you e-mail ALL your contacts 10 times in 3 minutes = Virus city on your machine!! This latest MyDoom / Novarg A and B virus has been a pain in my neck these last 2 days, so my opinion is email throttle all you like. -PsiDOC
  • We had to do that to a customer of ours once. He flipped out on us big time. He called back about 5 times over the course of that shift. One of the techs finally asked him if he called just to yell? He said yes. He got the ol' Release button after that. -TheSingingTech
  • 235. Warm your cockles on this...
    Tech at another company sends a group of us an email, with a snippet from his HR department: "February is Heart and Stroke month..... Warm the cuckolds of a colleague's heart, show your appreciation or gratitude to fellow employee/s or member/s of your staff, save yourself from the Valentine's Day line-ups by purchasing carnations from your most excellent social committee. . . ." Two minutes later, 'My apologies on the word "cuckolds". We meant to say "cockle", which means warm the cookies of one's heart." My comment sent back - this is why HR departments have less stringent qualifications, isn't it?
    [By: namor]
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  • I hate valentine's day and all its glory, I spent Feb. 14th drink hard and I turn of my cell and pc and pda and sidekick, no contact what so ever -LowLevelFormat
  • I didn't even think of that, but it *is* approaching, hm? I'm not even gonna go there. :) -namor
  • They could not have made a more unfortunate typo, considering the meaning of the word "cuckold". :) -teivrann
  • Dangit, *that* day's coming up? What do you do with a day like that if you're not into chocolate, wine, or fancy overpriced dinners? -snowcrash
  • sc: i have ideas, but they involve ballgags and nylon ropes. I have instructions, if he needs. <ahem> -namor
  • The girl that stole my heart can have all the flowers she wants. She just needs to give me one of her little hugs and smile. -scooby111
  • Buy some of those demotivators candies :D -Coward
  • snow: take home sushi, saki, princess bride and naked twister? -omegawolf
  • shit man, why the hell do you need Princess Bride? All you need is booze & naked twister.....and maybe a roofie if she is resistant (JOKE) plz dont lart. -burrkiss
  • Hah! Got mine out of the way early... took the wife to a concert and dinner last week that she was begging to see. Told her ahead of time that if we went to it, we wouldn't have money for Valentine's. -CelticSkyhawk
  • 236. Internal Lart, please.
    I put in a ticket to our server operations on the 21st. It was about an email problem, see if you can follow - customer has domain1 through us, with several hundred mailboxes on our system. They recently got a new domain, domain2, and set up their own mailserver for it, and it alone. They have several of the domani1 mailboxes set up to *forward* to the domain2 mailbox. Problem is, it's timing out when our system tries to forward. Hence, server ops. I sent them headers, right away, when I submitted the problem. They came back with some quick, simple reponse, that was dead wrong. I called up their area and told them to look again. They tried a test session to the domain2 server and found IT DOES NOT ACCEPT MESSAGES FOR domain1 - and proclaimed that the problem (!!!). Call them up, set them straight, ask them to check again. Then they say DNS issue (again, incorrect) - then today, after I find it's still happening, they fall back on saying it's because their mail server doesn't accept domain1. Now I know why they're in a different building...
    [By: namor]
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  • All the paper MCSE's against one wall, all the real techs against the other.... what <loads shotgun> you're ALL paper MCSE's? <boom>. -fearmyroot
  • Now I know why they're in a different building... How about a different planet! -haplo1024
  • I agree with Root.. Ever played Postal 2? imagine all those people walking around as paper MCSE's.. -Harm
  • have you been hiring from acme system support (ass) again? -omegawolf
  • 237. Silly customer, routes are for...
    One of our sales reps sends an email, asking if this customer's problem has been resolved. They're a dedicated customer, with some small address space, having trouble getting to a website... that, I find, is hosted off of one of our DSL customers' boxes. First I try it from some different connections, then call up the dedicated guy to get some information, and a traceroute. It gets up to the hop before the site, so routing seems good on our network. Next I call up the customer hosting it - who seems to be a little ISP/dialin service. I get a callback from their tech late in the day... and for once he knew what he was doing. They had part of a class C, and somehow had set a route for the whole /8 to go to some of their other equipment - that /8 of course included the dedicated customer of ours. Problem solved, and if only the salesdrones *understood* what I tell them, I'd be god.
    [By: namor]
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  • namor, i AM in sales these days. watch how you phrase that. unfortunately, i know exactly what you're referring to. i spend 1/2 my time explaining why we can't sell xp upgrades for w95/98a systems. everyone in sales should be in tech at least a yr or 2 before they goto sales. -omegawolf
  • namor, i AM in sales these days. watch how you phrase that. unfortunately, i know exactly what you're referring to. i spend 1/2 my time explaining why we can't sell xp upgrades for w95/98a systems. everyone in sales should be in tech at least a yr or 2 before they goto sales. -omegawolf
  • tell that to FS(canadian version of Best Buy), damm commission junkies, then THEY Become techs. Mind you, I seen a few good ones from sales to tech -Bunglehawk069
  • *snort* FS... I tried talking to one of their salespeople, and ended up losing about 10 IQ points in the process. Sad thing is, I'd applied for a job there in my younger days, and after I demonstrated my knowledge of computers, they apparently decided I knew too much, and never called back. -soccerdude
  • 238. Where's Our Webhosting?
    Co-worker asks me about soemthing - customer is asking about a general-use formmail script on our server. Wait - this is news to me... they started out reporting they were having problems with it. I checked and found - the DNS registration, and mail is with us. The actual webhosting is with another company in town. I get bcc'd on his next email to the customer/designer saying he can't help anymore as he didn't realize it wasn't on our server. The catch? The 'web designer' WORKS FOR THE HOSTING COMPANY - and expressed surprise that it was with them.
    [By: namor]
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    239. Quick DNS Quip
    Get a ticket to submit, to restore content for one of our deactivated webhosting customers that paid up. Do a little digging - account exists now - has content. Hm. Okay, check DNS - suspended. Re-activate, wait for propagation, call the cust back. I tell him it should be working, but ask if he has a connection and can check it to make *absolutely* sure. He kicks the kids off the computer (I can hear them telling him how to close their games) and laboriously types in his site name. Pause for effect. EU: "Nope, Yahoo's telling me it can't find <www.sitename.com>" Can't find the address bar, either - apparently that went missing a while ago, and he hasn't figured it out. File-open, and he gets it. I think there are certain essentials that any webhosting customer should be aware of, don't you?
    [By: namor]
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  • You'd like to think so, wouldn't you? -pixel
  • you beat my giant which means you must be exceptionally strong! -putahtek
  • INCONCEIVABLE! -Darth
  • ou keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. </princess bride> -SerenityNow
  • D'oh, stupid Y! -SerenityNow
  • You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less well known is this: 'never go in against a Techie when DNS is on the line'. Ha ha ha!! -scooby111
  • They're probably the "web designers" who use MS Word to generate HTML pages and end up with a 650 Kb file that is mostly page formatting and printing code. -robbor
  • or a single page website with 200 pics of their kids and family and using a gig on the server because they use front page -YellowDart
  • My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my DNS, prepare to die. -Captain Trips
  • 240. Hold Music
    I know our company has some lame elevator music on hold, but I was phoning another company's support today, and in the middle of waiting to speak to someone, the hold music changed (seems I was shuffled to overflow) ... now, I ask you, when was the last time you heard NiN as hold music??? Almost makes me want to work there...
    [By: namor]
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  • Just out of curiosity, was it the song Closer? -PharaohYami
  • Nope, March Of The Pigs, if I remember correctly. -namor
  • Having to call our stores, I get lots of hold music varieties. Oprah, pop, rock, etc. -Bobsentme
  • I think you mean Opera... unless it's really listening to a self-motivating, freind of Dr. Phil's... -Nonamys
  • No, but I heard a muzak version of White Zombie's Electric Head once. -scooby111
  • There is a company that we deal with that uses a local radio station as their hold music, and somehow I almost always get put on hold at the time that the station goes to do a traffic update. I always pass along the information to them when they pick up the line again, and leave them to wonder how I can know that info when I am over 1000 miles away. :) -JH
  • The one time I did a genuine spit take in a public place was when I realized that the mall's Muzak system was playing an elevator-music version of _I Want Your Sex_. -KickahaOta
  • How about a Muzak version of Springtime for Hitler? The other folks in the dentist office thought I was having a fit. -LaserGuru
  • Scoob, that's totally b*tchin'! Where did you hear that? :) -snowcrash
  • the best one I heard was either Bittersweet Me or Man In The Box :) -Bunglehawk069
  • Back when Pink Floyd's "The Wall" came out, I had a dream I was in a mall and heard a muzak version of Comfortably Numb. Imagine my relief when I woke and realized it was just a dream. Flash forward about 5 years. Imagine my freak-out when I was in a store (K-mart, I think) when you can guess what I heard come over the muzak! AACK--nightmares sometimes come true!!! (Thank the gods I know I will NEVER hear Grateful Dead muzak -- Robert Hunter [their lyricist, and administrator of Ice Nine Publications, who holds their copyrights] has already told them "NO! NEVER! FORGET IT! AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!") -Captain Trips
  • The hold music for the company I worked for (as we were discussing here long ago, where the hell is Robeart now?) was a skipping 45 second sample of Vivaldi, specifically a violin part which made you think you were listening to a mosquito. That's what customers heard until they hung up screaming. But our Broadband Dept had an album of adventure movie theme songs as their hold music... yay, Indiana Jones and James Bond! -Mushroom
  • the hold music for our billing department has got to be the worst...its a 1 minute looping sample of some terrible violin music...at least it doesn't skip like Mushroom's company...the hold music for tech support is a bit better, its like 10 pop music tracks from the 80's/90's in a loop, and they change them every couple of weeks. My favourite place to call for hold music used to be clearnet (before they were bought out by telus), they would let you choose what kind of hold music you wanted to listen to...it was great -Deimios
  • Muzak Pink Floyd??!!! Arrggg, travesty! -CommanderData
  • In a eubtle twist one time (not at a band camp though) I was phoning tech support from work and we had DI.fm going through a rather nice set of speakers, the tech on the other end asked us to turn it up :) -fearmyroot
  • 241. The Anti-Spam
    Get a ticket to check out - user not receiving mail on their main account. They don't even know the password, but I find it out anyway. Send a test message. It arrives... so I phone them up to see. The older woman who answers says that she's been expecting something from her daughter, and it just all shows up in Norton's Spam folder. Even the test message I sent shows up there. Great. Tell me how this is my problem?
    [By: namor]
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  • Electricity is connected to the computer. The computer's hardware runs on the electricity. The OS runs on the hardware. The monitor displays the output from the OS. The keyboard and mouse receive input to the OS. The computer connects to the internet. Email comes from the internet and is filtered by anti-spam software. If the user can't get their email, it's the ISP's fault. -scooby111
  • Er... Well, depending on how old she is, it could technically apply as Spam. It's not real snail mail and really, what is Spam? Stuff Posing As Mail. <.< >.> Shutting up now. -PharaohYami
  • Update: Was complaining about not getting mail from a specific person at another company. I send test mail o him, he responds. Ask him to send to another - it shows up in my testing account. He even CC's her. I check her mailbox - 11 items. I call her up, ask her to check - she gets 6 new items in the inbox, 2 in the spam folder, so she's missing 3... oh, she found them in the Deleted Items! How *Wonderful*... -namor
  • 242. Way to mess with my mind
    I'm phoning some computer stores around my work on break, looking for a Slot 1 adapter (yeah, yeah). I call up one place, and the guy answers, "<MyISP> Internet, how can I help you?" Uhh... damn, I realized a few seconds of open-mouthed silence later that he had call display and recognized the number that showed... nice.
    [By: namor]
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  • ROTFLMAO! You should have asked him about his DSL service. -scooby111
  • 243. Rule 1
    Cust calls up - explains - they just transferred their site from Yahoo to us (DNS only) and... were wondering where all the updates they did over the past year (while it was with Yahoo) have gone. Found out they had no local backup (I *hate* frontpage for making it too easy not to) and were somehow expecting it just to all 'happen' as part of the change to a new host. No Yahoo login/info, no hostnames, nothing I could have done had I *wanted* to. So, Rule #1 - BACKUP!
    [By: namor]
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  • Rule 2: Learn to backup *snickers* -Bunglehawk069
  • Rule #3: verify the backup and do test restores. -scooby111
  • Rule #4: No member of the staff is to mistreat the abbos....if there's anybody watching. -CarbonTetra
  • Rule #5: No Poofters! -chazz
  • Rule 6--there IS NO RULE SIX! Rule 7, no poofters. -KickahaOta
  • 7 goto 1 -burrkiss
  • And just, may I ask, is wrong with a few poofters? -obie099
  • I knew that was coming. :) -Mushroom
  • Shoulda been a "what" in there somewhere, sorry... -obie099
  • Rule #9: All closed minded men will be trepanned to allow for additional intelligence to be installed. Rule #10: You never talk about Fight Club! -fearmyroot
  • Rule 11: See rules 1 and 2. Over and over again. -teivrann
  • And this semester, I don't want to catch *anybody* not drinking. -Darth
  • Rule 12: The ULTIMATE RULE: "If you don't know what you are doing, PAY SOMEBODY WHO DOES!!!!" -TheSingingTech
  • 244. Parents
    Co-worker to me this morning: "Hey, you remember how my box at home was going up and down constantly?" (I use it for shell services sometimes) Me: "Yeah." CW: "Well, I found out that my dad at home, when he needed to plug in his laptop, was just pulling the powerbar out of the wall, and plugging in his laptop, and when he finished, plugging the powerbar in again." Do people not look at what they'll be affecting when unplugging other devices??
    [By: namor]
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  • No. No they don't. -smellystudent
  • That would require them to think, of which we know most starfish are incapable. -Jenzkind
  • Not only do they not look, they don't care. One of the biggest pet peeve of mine is that people are no longer considerate. It's always me, me me! -NoblesDad
  • I saw a story on the internet not long ago (couldn't find it on CNN) where an janitor in an african hospital was unplugging life support machines each friday. It took the doctors 3 weeks to figure out why patients in the same room kept dying. -Bobsentme
  • Bobsentme: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/cleaner.htm -ThirdOfFive
  • After I read: "Hey, you remember how my box at home was going up and down constantly?" I thought this was going to be one of those dirty posts. I'm very disapointed. -Bioguy
  • 245. Internal Muddle
    Okay, try and figure this one out. We have a web page where customers can sign up for special functions. One of those is dying at the end of the submission. I give it to the guys that run the servers - they say there was some code change, here's the error. I give it to another group, which runs our billing systems from which all information is pulled, to see if it's some issue arising from their domain. Was given to them on the 31st; waits till today when I call in and ask that it be escalated. Get a call, give the guy information, they want to know why I didn't give it to the server guys. Keep working. Now, I just got a call from somewhere in a relate, but not-quite-the-same group, saying nobody can work on this until Monday. What? You mean someone's already called you? Strange, he says. <sigh> This will take a while...
    [By: namor]
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  • OK, now it's time to get the guy who cleans the floor on the line. The bullsh*t is getting pretty thick in there. -scooby111
  • A floor lead told me to pass this boggled case off to the Computers dept. Why? Because along with the goofed up item we're trying to fix, a computer part was ordered. Bzzt, wrong answer! -Mushroom
  • HAr...I read this as "dying" being one of the special functions...I'm like WTF??? -Arviragus
  • Yeah so did I...although would that be bad? I'll take a spam filter, pop-up blocker, and a massive coronary.... "<seinfeld> no "SUP" for you, call back 1 year...no warranty...pay 35 dollah </seinfeld>" -Ticketman
  • LMAO at Ticketman!! That was soooo funny! -grahamwboyes
  • 246. Technically should be in the forums, but
    Okay, I know this should be in the forums - but that gets a lot less traffic a lot less often, it seems, and I was wondering... anyone else seeing strange behaviour lately, especially to do with ARP? Seen a few machines now, captured some packets and trying to see what starts it - but they start saturating some of their upstream by requesting ARP entries for entire subnets at a time. It's been bringing some customer DSL routers to their knees, as well. I see no current virus threat which would explain it, and I'm wondering whether anyone knows what... vulnerability, or activity, is causing this.
    [By: namor]
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  • Wait... damn, just might have been Welchia. Grrr... but a rash of customers getting re-infected or... something. Gah. -namor
  • Could be that all the little johnny and janes have all got new PC's that are firing up and wandering around the net for the very first time, no firewalls, no A/V. On the other hand it could well be some script kiddie with 'L' plates on up to no good. -fearmyroot
  • maybe deleting the arp cache would help -AngelicTech
  • its probaly that new virus that disbales all anti virus, and firewalls, and prevents normal shutdown, so it can invite attackers -axjdo
  • Hey, FMR, what are "L" plates? -JoeLugian
  • Well, Welscha should have expired on Jan 1 2004 and shouln't ... exist anymore. -Phssstpok
  • 247. Let there be power!
    We have one customer, where a third-party support essentially sold them our DSL, and supports it. They call in if they can't reach the router we set up, which leads to a whole bunch of issues sometimes. We've been called out about 4 times this past month because, as they say, it's 'disconnecting frequently.' When we test it, it's fine. Last couple of times, someone noticed a trend - it goes up around 7-8AM, goes down around 4-5PM. Hm. Finally relay this to third-party support, and followed up today - they haven't had any issues since instructing the customer to move the router/modem to a 'different power bar' so that it wouldn't be switched off with the rest at the end of the day. Go figure...
    [By: namor]
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  • woah..not the user's fault...head exploding... -nightmaredns
  • No, it actually sounds like an IT screw up...weird, I thought they never made mistakes. -lsvtec
  • 248. Just the error, damnit!
    I don't have to talk to these much, but today I had to call back a store that had been having disconnection issues. Their computer guy was on vacation, so I asked the woman who answered the phone if they were still having problems. Result? "I can get on the internet, but I can't send mail." "Okay, what error do you get?" "It just won't send." "Alrigh, but normally there's some progress bar or indication that it's sending, right? Does it get that, or not show anything, or...?" "It just says it can't send." "Great, but what *specifically* does it say?" "That there's an error..." Lovely.
    [By: namor]
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  • That kind of crap gets my blood boiling. Basically, if they don't know 'exactly' what the error is, we get to send them back to try again. Unless they are on on a cell phone. -lsvtec
  • Reboot. Then READ. :) -Mushroom
  • i tell them to recreate it, then read the whole thing, I dont care if its in flippen binary, YOUUR READING IT -MrThou
  • "What does it say?" "That there's an error." "Okay then, you have to do something in order to fix it. Thanks for calling." -Jay911
  • along similar lines: EU: My password is being rejected. ME: What does it say in the username field? EU: My username. Also: EU: I can't send to a specific recipient. The following account has permanent fatal error. ME: What account does it say has the error. EU: The e-mail address I'm sending to. -Coyotebd
  • "dude you got a tatoo" "Dude so did you" "What does mine say?" "Sweet" "what does mine say?" "Dude" "what tdoes mine say?" SWWEEET" you get the idea.. -kmonson
  • well usually it does stuff then things. but now im getting a box saying i can't do the things. you know what i mean? -Harm
  • 249. Route it to HELL!
    I know I've been quiet lately, but this one gets me. Have an email forwarded to me, filtered through a few people. Simply, this one customer of ours, on DSL, static, hosting their own page, had someone complain they couldn't reach their site. They sent in a word document with a picture inserted of the trace they did from their desktop.. great. Get network to look at it, as it seems a hop too short. They come back and say, yes, it's getting there, no problem found. If there's a problem, it's probably on their server. Call the original person, and after explaining why I was calling, he said something like, "Oh, didn't you know? Turns out their IT department had blocked our site for some reason." Gee, why don't they check that sort of thing FIRST? Now I'm the one looking like an idiot ...
    [By: namor]
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    250. Nwak
    Got an email this morning from one of the internal helpdesk guys - asking me where someone would go if there was a problem with one of our speific internal pages used for ordering. I said I would generally handle it... so I know I set myself up for this one. I get a call later in the day - a sales rep, a particularly gormless older woman, calls in, asks for me. Gets transferred. The guy forwarded on my email, so... yeah. Turns out it's just when she puts a username/pw into a particular part, it gives her an error about the data, like it didn't find the user. If she gives the information to other people here to enter, it goes through fine. Cue useless drivel about how it's a problem with the page, all the time wondering why it was foisted off on me... <twitchdribbledrool>
    [By: namor]
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    251. Linux Users
    Nothing against them, personally. But I got a message at my desk from the front-desk girl just a minute ago, asking if one of the network cards we provides for DSL works under linux, or has drivers. Specifically, the ISA version. (We use D-link cards, in case you're curious) I say yes, but what's wrong with the normal PCI version? He couldn't find drivers for it, she says. I rush up front, to find the guy gone. Here's the thing: the manufacturer's *own* support page lists linux drivers for the PCI card - the quite standard via-rhine linux driver; I use it myself. Methinks the guy wasn't searching hard enough...
    [By: namor]
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  • me think he is linux wannabe ! just a nOOb trying to make a mess out of a very little problem . I would just like to check he linux setup that should be a mess. well if he has mandrake good for him if not . well if he uses might SLACKWARE then he is way in over his ass . usually linux users don't asked they google -kennz
  • slackware is my distro of choice, and I *know* that both of them work in a default install. :) -namor
  • That makes it funnier, virtually every nic (except some of the ones on nforce2 boards) works on a defult install of a good distro -nm
  • Jebus a starfish has found the penguin! Everybody to the shelters, this is not a drill! I think almost every distro (even dinky small ones) have via-rhine floating around... besides even if they don't I think theres's a generic PCI NE2000 or compat' driver that usually works if your unsure (been a while since I actually went from CD). -fearmyroot
  • debian or knoppix for me :p -SGTARKyTEK
  • Debian for me. I found the via-rhine module in the kernel 2.4 source when I needed it. I also have machines running other non-Linux systems but prefer Linux on the whole. -EmleyMoor
  • 252. troubleshoot like a monkey
    I get an escalation the other day - remove this email@oldisp.com forwarding. I have to forward it off to have it removed, as it's a remnant of an old system. Get a call back later on - can't be found *anywhere*. Give the customer a call - find out, he moved his domain elsewhere, and is getting spam from what looks like a catch-all on it. It's with mydomain.com, get his uid, pw, and find, right there, FORWARD ALL MAIL to <userid@localuniversity.edu>. yeah, that could be doing it... in no way should this have gotten past the first person.
    [By: namor]
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  • Ooooh! Ooooh! Ooooh! </Joe E Ross> -LaserGuru
  • 253. Life is messed
    It's the things like this... a friend of mine had a friend (26 yrs old) with leukemia who died this past weekend. She was pretty broken about that. Then, just an hour ago, apparently the mother of one of our billing reps called into the queue, and told them - her son wasn't going to be in, he just passed away in his sleep last night... he was 23-24. What the hell is going on? I just had to hug the manager who came to tell me because she was obviously losing it... Sorry, not the appropriate place, but I'm just overcome by life's foibles, sometimes.
    [By: namor]
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  • sorry for loss, man ! my sympathy ! -kennz
  • Namor, that just sucks. Seems to be the Monday from hell for a number of our community. Keep your chin up & know that we're thinking of you. -Tekkie
  • And they always seem to go in three's. My SO's grandmother is close to passing through the veil herself; you have my condolences. -snowcrash
  • Actually, seems my nephew's grandfather did it recently as well... was somewhat expected, but I guess that completes the three around here. Damn. Just... damn. -namor
  • Damn Namor.... I thought my day was going insane.. but gah.. you have my condolences to say the least. -Warrick
  • I'm sorry, as well. You have my condolences and good toughts. -FistLaw
  • Sympathies from Magenta and me, namor. Hang in there. -RiffRaff
  • Pardon the language, but shit happens. I'm sure there is a higher power helping those we lost. -tlpervert
  • My condolences as well. I lost one of my fraternity brothers a few weeks ago, it's just so wrong having to go to a funeral of someone younger than yourself. -redevil34
  • No apologies needed. You have my sympathies. -TheSingingTech
  • namor gets a big hug from CD. -CommanderData
  • Damn.... you make teching for S*C look like a picnic... all my sympathies... -HappyCrappy
  • My condolences as well. -phsspok
  • Sorry for your loss mate, hang in there. -lineswine
  • 254. Friends Computers
    Ex's new 'friend' asks if I'll put a new 40GB HD in her father's computer, as a surprise. Sure. Bring it over. Well, I'm here, and got it in... and it's another Starfish Special. Kazaa (full version, no less!) on startup, with some P2P application and Points Manager in the taskbar, two extra IE toolbars, IE popups at boot... gah! Load spybot, and the first thing it finds is... Gator. Luverly. Another lovely Saturday night...
    [By: namor]
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  • Ouch. I think there should be a special LART simply for Kazaa users.... -techiegoddess
  • It gets better. Install Google toolbar, AVG, reboot - notice that it found Sobig.C. Download Sobig.C removal tool - crashes, even in safe mode. I hate manual removal... -namor
  • While you are removing sobig.. "Whats Sobig do? Is it bad? How did i get it? was it email? It was email, wasnt it? Did i email it to everyone? But i have norton! Is there anything else? whats spyware? Isnt that illegal? It should be. Whats avg? but i have a norton disk. Why is norton bad? **WHACK**... me: Hello 911? I need an ambulance sent to 14562 Main st.... -crackshot
  • *flips through his dispatch cards* "I don't have any information on "luser neepage", sir. I think you're on your own." :) -Jay911
  • 255. Evil laughter = not good sign
    Lately, I've been put in a new position in my department, taking care of all tickets/escalations for the business group. I take one the other day, customer complaining of slow speeds. They've got DSL, and a router (that we set up, oh so long ago) and want someone to fix it. I put in the ticket, get a call back from testers (the line guys/field techs) - the last 3-4 times, we proved it to customer equipment. Do I *really* want to go ahead with it? Sure, I say, what's the worst that can happen? Well, this morning we're getting the local tech out there (it's a rural location) when apparently the customer called - the customer found the problem. Running VoIP hooked up to their DSL line, as well as - ta-DUM! - one of the computers had an FTP server that was taking all of the traffic. Gee, Y'THINK that would cause slowdowns? End result: we're charging them for the diagnosis and time, in the hope that it causes them to think twice about calling us *first*.
    [By: namor]
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    256. I'm going to go cry now.
    Okay... this new position is going to break me, sooner than I thought... There's a new group in charge of some of our databases. I put in a request to find, and remove, what I suspected to be a duplicate entry (an email address seemed to have been appended to two accounts, no idea which from our end). I get a message that they "did what they could, please test." Okay. I notice that I can't find the address on the intended account at all, anymore. Test emails go nowhere, but at least now they're not bouncing. Call that group, get a woman with a thick accent. Ask what they did. Silence. "We modify. You test and tell us whether successful." "Okay, I understand that. However, it's not working. Could you please tell me exactly what modifications were made?" Silence. "Please test it. Okay, I go check it now. <click>" AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
    [By: namor]
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  • The release of nuclear LARTs has been authorized. Coordinates, please? -RiffRaff
  • <sob> Update: Sent it back telling them: "If there are duplicates, remove them from the *other* accounts." Next line reads <modified>: "the alias should be kept for the user id ******** or for the other uid that has had the identical alias." Nuke away. -namor
  • The what coworker moron is idiot identical alias moron idiot coworker is delet moron -crackshot
  • 257. README
    Co-worker msgs me about a site - guy had some problems with it, it's *finally* up and running, but - has a problem with some PHP. I look at it, and it's returning a "No Data" error... great. Look at the files. I'm no PHP genius, but I get him to tell me the package name, grab it off sourceforge and look at the readme. First couple of lines say MODIFY THIS FILE... I take a look. The file he put on the server has THE BASE DEFAULTS! Which, really obviously, won't work. <sigh> I may not troubleshoot code, but I can work my way through massive heaps of stupidity...
    [By: namor]
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    258. What part of YOU don't you understand?
    Cust calls in - want to set up a dialup connection. The accoun was just created yesterday, and they've now got a modem installed. I ask - "We're installing Windows 98 now." Uh... okay, determine that, no, it's actually done. Now, I always ask if they're in front of the computer, and this time, I get this response: "Yes, we're in front of it." Me: "Okay, but are *YOU* in front of it?" EU: "Yes!" Me: "Okay, can you double-click on the My Computer icon please?" EU: "Hold on, let me get you to talk to the tech who's at the computer now." Grrr.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • They were in the same room.... -Cuedain
  • ...Sharing the same brain. -Bobsentme
  • ...cell -RTFM
  • ...mate -RiffRaff
  • "They were in the same room, sharing the same brain cell mate?" <wanders away muttering "and they say *I'm* crazy> -ThirdOfFive
  • "You're crazy!" -Bioguy
  • Maybe multiple personalities? -billybien
  • 259. What's wrong with printing?
    So, I get back in from getting some cappuccino this morning, and find in my in-box... a missive, from a customer who had called in earlier this morning. Anyone else getting people calling about these emails from a "john@<theirowndomain.com>"? Seems to be taking the recipient's own domain and prepending a john@ in front and sending... viruses or something, I'm sure. Well, I told this one to get the headers. They did. Then they WROTE THEM OUT and faxed them in. Yes. Hand-written headers, down to the punctuation itself. I'm amazed... and, considering the business, not really secure in ordering any meds off the internet anytime soon.
    [By: namor]
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  • Yep, we are getting John@ and James@domain.net Not sure what it is yet, expect funny to here customers talk about the details. -MightyMouse
  • That's the MinMailC virus. Check it out at www.sarc.com -SwedishChef
  • Hm. Not mimail.c, does appear to be Mimail.E, though... thanks! Pretty bad when you can tell a virus just by a vague description of it over the phone... I still think those headers are going up on a 'wall of shame' sometime soon. -namor
  • Yea, we got it too. And attached was a photos.zip file. Unzipped, it's photos.exe file. I hate virus writers! -JoeLugian
  • Virus writers are the arsonists of the digital age. Set a fire and gloat over the fallout. Spammers are the used car salesmen of the digital age. What does that make the creators of minmail? Sleazy used car salesmen who start fires so that they can sell you a new car. <shoot zem all> -scooby111
  • mimail virus folks...gotta love it -CiscoJones
  • We got that virus here and man I laughed when a tech here got it but she didn't open the attachment. We sent it to our Support (thinking we would get something good) and they went to open it but it came up as a virus. The funny thing we sent it to our Abuse Dept thinking it was a employee here (as that is what the james@ourdomain.net is) when we sent it we put in caps its a virus. The stupid Abuse guy OPENED up the email and infected his computer. It was funny. -linuxrules
  • I would agree with your comments on spammers and virus writers. It's curious to note the convergence of the two. What can be done? The only solution they will respond to is physical harm. Break their fingers with a pair of pliers, one knuckle at a time. And then smash the rest of the bones with a ball-pin hammer until they are powdered. -Wraith556
  • Get the feeling I don't like virus/worm writers, spammers, script kiddies, port sniffers, etc? -Wraith556
  • I find it hard to be angry at virus writers. Virii these days are discovered relatively quickly, and antivirus definitions for said virii are released almost as fast. Unless, of course, the patch involves MS crapware being patched, in which case we owe the virus authors a debt of gratitude. They make it easier to provide examples of just how incredibly CRAPPY MS software is. -EvilOtto
  • 260. Anyone else get these?
    I get these from time to time... "Hi, I'm a student at <college or university> and we're supposed to get information for this class project..." Scenario this time was 350 cross-country users in remote locations, server-centric database app, and what bandwidth requirements would be like. How am I supposed to answer that? Gah! Why do the schools/teachers get them to get 'real world' information??
    [By: namor]
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  • Lazy student. And ignorant teahcer too. What is the app, how much bandwidth does it consume at idle and peak, what other apps will be in use, blah blah blah... Do they even think about this stuff before they assign it? Additionally, if its for a computer class, they should be figuring it out for themselves. Otherwise, have fun with them and figure for golden access...t3 for each user, and 6 alone for the Cluster! (we'll show them idiots how Unreal gets it done!) -GargoyleTS
  • When I was in comp-sci the only real-world project that involved talking with a real company was a research project to see the potential of the company as an employer, and most of the info was usually available on the companys website, and if not, the receptionist could usually answer the questions. -garwain
  • Why is it that Receptionists are supposed to know everything about their company? That only works if they've been in the business for 20+ years, and are married to the boss. Half the time we try to route you [generic] to the department that *can* help you, but since you [again, generic] refuse to leave a message, nobody ever returns the call. I swear, it's easier to just make it up! -Fireflower
  • So make it up. The receptionist should know general information about the company or be able to direct the caller to another resource like a website or publication. -scooby111
  • 261. Mail Swervers
    Get a guy calling in, checking on a ticket that was submitted the other day. They can't send mail out, except to our local domain. They're running their own exchange server, in and outbound. Relaying denied messages. I get a copy of the bounceback, start questioning... can't figure it out, and this guy (yes, he runs the server) says, "We've changed nothing!" Heard that before. Get one sent to my own domain (my own, special setup :) and... "Wait. Why is it relaying all outbound mail through our backup mail server...?" He's going to check where that's possibly set and get back to us. Goooooood boy...
    [By: namor]
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  • Here's yer sign. -scooby111
  • Devil's advocate: Does he have any PFYs who could have monkeyed with something that they shouldn't have and screwed this up? Or is he possibly just the kind of jackass who would do the typical luser thing? -PaseoGuy
  • 262. Simple Terms
    Ahhh... the end of vacation is nigh! I'm relaxing, just home for 1/2 hr, my roommate's gone... phone rings. Someone looking for him. I ask if I can take a message... then he asks, "Do you know anything about computers?" Sigh - we're both techs at the same company, so the odds were good... I was, sadly, honest, and said yes. This time, it was only OE not allowing attachments, but you never know where it'll lead...
    [By: namor]
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  • "Do you know any thing about computers?" -- ME: "Yes! I can turn them on. I can type a letter. Oh! I can surf the internet!" -- Just because you tell the truth doesn't mean you have to tell all the truth. -scooby111
  • Well my friend. This is a multiple-choice question you'll have to answer 1)You guess the answer wrong - 1 LART, 2)You guess the answer right - LART yourself, 3)I have to tell the answer - <sound of gun loading>; So, Which answer do you have? <waiting spinning gun around finger> -Dr Jerkyl
  • Yes! Computers are those women the military hired during World War II to calculate artillery coordinates! -TechTheKnife
  • 263. 180 turnaround
    Had this guy call a while ago - where it was determined his son was probably suckin up his 3Mbps line. Well, today he's less nice. Full of groaning about whether it's worth it, and how bloody useless it is. Etc, etc. go through troubleshooting. Odd errors. Timeouts. Modem and hub in son's room. Get him on the line... hm, no, no link light on modem... the hub is dead, you say... no sh*t. And the son is the one who had called in earlier in the day, and on which basis we already had a tech on the way. I got an apology, but that sort of thing is too little, too late.
    [By: namor]
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    264. Starfish can do *what*, now?
    Found while looking up information on real starfish (just moved my aquarium here, looking at maybe getting one...) and found this: "Starfish are capable of extruding their stomachs outside of their bodies, and digesting their food externally. When consuming a bivalve, they can actually insert their stomach into the bivalve's shell and digest the organism right there!" So... beware! If I've got this right, they can suck out your brains...
    [By: namor]
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  • NOOOOOOOOOOOO! say it ain't so! -samurai
  • So now we have starfish running around mumbling "Braaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnsssss" and "FIX IT DAMMIT" intermittantly? GREAT!!!! Just great. Im moving to Antartica -burrkiss
  • That sounds about right -RTFM
  • That does it, I'm locking myslef in my room for the rest of my life -nm
  • You can also shop there head off and not only will the head grow back, the other peiece you cut off will make another starfish... -LowLevelFormat
  • Hmmm no head, that would explain a lot. No head = No brain -raggi
  • No, it just feels that way sometimes... -technaround
  • As if they haven't been sucking my brains out through the phone for years now... -maciarc
  • Hmmm that explains the "IQ falling" feeling everytime I tech for one... -lineswine
  • 265. DNS for dummies
    Have a guy from a local computer store call. Short story - he's trying to set up a DNS server on Windows 2003, running ICS for a couple of workstations on a hub behind it. Oh, wait, with one NIC. Was getting an error, didn't have it handy. Wanted to establish a 'trust' with our DNS servers... I kept questioning him. At one point, he asked for some senior personnel, or Tier 2. I laugh and tell him he got the best person to talk to anyway. *Finally* figure out what he wants to DNS server for - so he can type in things like "ping machine1" and have it work, instead of "ping 192.168.x.x"... introduced him to the windows Hosts file... This was the most entertaining cross of clueless tech almost, but not quite, getting it.
    [By: namor]
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  • Musta been one of those TV MCSE's. -scooby111
  • Microsoft issues certs to transvestites? -FistLaw
  • I can just see it now! Dr. Frank-n-Furter: MCSE! -TheSingingTech
  • "In just five days, I can make you a MCSE." With apologies to RHPS. -Captain Trips
  • I can make you an MCSE too. I can take you tests for you for $50,000. All I need is a fake ID. -scooby111
  • HA HA HA - I've been working on a DNS problem at work, and I cannot belive some people! -Wonko The Sane
  • Update: Found out later that day (How unlucky am I to get the same guy, each of the 4 times he calls?) and find... his server is behind a DSL router on another private subnet entirely, and... he wants to use Active Directory to authenticate the workstations before they'll route. <sigh> Finally convinced him just to put them on the same network. -namor
  • Umm wouldn't it make more sense to put the 03 server on the same subnet. Not that he even needs DNS if he is using netbios names when he pings and the other is local -raggi
  • 266. They find you...
    I drive to my almost-an-ex's place after my shift, instead of going to my new home today, to visit my daughter... just there maybe 20 minutes, phone rings, it's for me. It's the guy whose computer I fixed some time ago, and surprise, he's got a new problem. I listen until he stops, then tell him, "I really can't deal with this right now." He hangs up, and I'm left dumbfounded. How the hell does he know when to call? Damnit, one person who doesn't get my new phone #...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • Your customer's have your dayghter's home phone #? I'm confused. -scooby111
  • Used to my home phone #, as of... about 2 weeks ago. When I moved out of the lesbians' house. Divorce in progress. Anyone *really* need an expanded explanation, well... I think I've alluded to enough lately. -namor
  • dang man, feel bad for you...going through a divorce myself but least mine didn't flip that way. feel your pain man. -Axiom
  • 267. You figure it out.
    Had this one last night. It requires some technical background. Our DSL modems synch up at about 3.5Mbps. Your account is what limits your speed (PPPoE). Now, we have customers with 3Mbps accounts (they pay a premium, as they're labelled businesses), and part of their package is a second login. This second login, *also* gets the full 3Mbps possible. So, a guy calls, who sounds very nice, very polite british accent. He's getting crappy speeds. takes a while for pages to come up. Used to work fine. Have him try one of our test sites (internal 60MB test file) - 6K/s. Ooookay. He says it's mainly for his son that he set it up, who just got home. It clicks. I ask him to have the son shut off his connection. He yells up at him. Done. We test - 300K/s+. I explain things (it took a while) and ask if he sees the connection. He gets his son to pick up the connection - and what a snotty bastard. He insists he just turned his computer *on* after coming home. Says he can't explain why it speeds up the other connection. Now, I checked everything - even had the line tested, and there was "massive" ATM traffic on it while the guy was sitting idle. *Something* was going on while this guy sat there trying to get a few webpages. Now, I ask you - whom would you believe?
    [By: namor]
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  • I believe the snotty bastard, of course I also believe in the easter bunny, Santa Claus and that Elvis and Jim Morrison live. -Zero
  • The question is: Who did the DAD believe? -scooby111
  • Elvis is dead? -LaserGuru
  • DO NOT say that! Elvis is NOT dead! LONG LIVE THE KING! -Bioguy
  • No he's not. He just went home. -scooby111
  • Virus, perhaps? Blaster or some other such evil that causes traffic? -Loren
  • All the pr0n the kid was downloading? -DorBak
  • According to Earl McCray from the Ottawa sun Elvis lives in Tweed Ontario? -Zero
  • Earl McCray is dead? -LaserGuru
  • Elvis lives in a retirement home with JFK and battles evil Egyptian entities named Bubb Ho-Tep. -LaserGuru
  • 268. I do what now?
    Just got a call from one of the senior guys in our network dept. He was wondering if I knew much about Linux. Reason: Big customer, threatening to leave because they're having VPN issues. Push is on them to figure out something. I don't know why my name came up... but they're using old RedHat boxen, PPPoE, and some apps I've never heard of (so I don't do netadmit/security/vpn for a living) for it all. And asks if he'd mind if he added me into the call later... um, HELP? (Sorry, our network guys do Cisco, mainly, Solaris second, if we're lucky)
    [By: namor]
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  • What type of company do you work for? Honestly if a customer is demanding you help them with a OS that you guys don't support or even know will work with your system give em the boot. There is reasons for having standard software and OS's.. did the customer calling in have the authority to just ditch you guys or is he is peon for the customers company. He is probably just pissed because they can't get it to work and they know its not supported. So they will say they are going to ditch your company if you don't help. -darkmayo
  • I work for ISP/telco/all around provider. Marketing was giving a bit of a push to networks to keep the customer, so I understand why they're trying to find *some* way, though it's not really in our scope. Happened before. ("Cust: We have problem with your service!" "We show it's the router on your end of the T1. Your issue." "You fix or else! Our (VP of something) is on your board of directors!" "Okay, do you have any information on (older product, no longer supported)? "No, fix without us paying you extra!") I imagine this will go through a few days of in-fighting, and die a strange, quivering death. -namor
  • Yea I guessed it was an ISP of sorts... was it the customers network people calling you guys or the customer itself. If they don't have people on there side that know whatever linux distro they are using then they really can go sod off. But a colaboration between your network guys and there guys should result in something. -darkmayo
  • They told me which kernel (which gives me which specific distro version, almost)... so I have some information, but really, without details and some information on the various VPN packages/etc going on, not much *I* am even going to be able to do. I just don't know how they decided *my* name was a good one for, "Know linux?" Still, can't be all bad, come promo time... -namor
  • Shit, take it from me, VPN under linux is *not* a walk in the park if you haven't fought with it before. There's a hell of a lot of information you're going to need to work out what's going wrong, and frankly, if they knew what you need to know, they'd know how to fix it. -karlata
  • 269. I'm a gibble.
    I had to call in an ex's husband to fit ends to some CAT5 I had run, because... apparently, even with the simple, diagrammed instructions, I still couldn't make functional cable to go from my server, to my computer in the bedroom. That's it; I admit to a deficiency. For all my supposed network ability, I can't do some practical facets of it. I ask you; is that luser-like, or...?
    [By: namor]
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  • That's okay... went to an onsite call on Saturday after work to install RAM and FFR a system, then install Win98 for the customer. Everything was going great until I realized I'd forgotten my Win98 boot disk. Used their Win95 boot disk to F/F, but it wouldn't allow me to boot with CDROM drivers. Had my laptop, but of course I hadn't brought the floppy drive, so I couldn't create one there. Fortunately, I was able to use their second Win2K system to download what I needed from bootdisks.com. Handy little site; I highly recommend it. -RiffRaff
  • Making cables is one of those deceptive little tasks that many net admins dread. It looks sooo easy. Easy to screw up. I'm a pretty good hand at it, but I only do it now when I have no choice. Buying pre-made cables is way easier and less complicated. -scooby111
  • I had a CCNA ask me to make a cable for him while he was onsite. I lost all respect for cisco certification in like less than 5 seconds... -Yuri
  • Personally I hate making cat5 cables up, as it normally takes me two/three attempts to get it right. Yes it is indeed one of those horrible things you always try to palm off on to someone 'junior' to you. -fearmyroot
  • Your not a luser, you at least can admit to your mistakes/handicaps, that puts you way above the luser line -neuman1812
  • When I was doing support, the accountant had a nack for making cables, so I let him do it.... -tarax
  • Tell the truth, I've never yet made a bad cable (touch wood). Couple of times I thought I had, but it was a blown net card. Simple enough: looking at the side of the RJ-45 away from the latch, always the same coding: or/wht, or, grn/wht, blu, blu/wht, grn, brn/wht, brn. Pain to get them to line up sometimes, is all. -chazz
  • That's what I did to get the ends straight (someone else did the inital end) ... then cut them both off and started again. Seems so much easier watching someone else... -namor
  • I cant make 8pin cat5 cables.. Just dont have the dexterity to get 8 little colored wires into 8 little channels in the proper order all at the same time. So I just make 1,2,3,6 cables. -klous
  • It does take a little practice to get them right. Part of the secret is to pinch the indiviual wires tightly and then cut them evenly across. If you go through a lot of cables then it's a hell of a lot cheeper to buy wire and connectors than pre-made. My last duty station was constantly changing system placements for different Wargaming scenarios. I got more practice than I ever wanted :) -Hellion
  • I was watching the cable-guy hooking me up with a new cable for my internet and remarked that I could slap together a Cat-5 in 5 minutes, but it would take me 20 minutes to put the end on that cable he just did in 30 seocnds. He replied that it would take him that long to put on a CAT-5 end. -Brf
  • 270. Good woofy...
    I'm at the ex's, taking care of kids tonight, when I get an IM from a friend at work still... a URL. Personal webspace of the ISP I work for... one of the first sentencesive you a clue: "These are all AMATURE pictures taken of me, I am a 33 year old mother of four childeren . I am 110 pounds, Dirty blonde hair, 5ft7inches tall." All pictures are gone... broken links. Apparently, it was brought to their attention by the guy calling in having trouble updating it. As I refresh, the main picture starts appearing... and, uh, sorry, *NO.* Wanna bet I hear about this page at our abuse address in a week?
    [By: namor]
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  • Wow, your ex lets you stay with the kids in the house? Neat. Wish mine would... -snowcrash
  • 271. F like F*** you...
    At the ISP where we work, we're making some changes - like migrating all customer lookups from one set of legacy servers that now should only handle hosted zones, to new ones for caching/lookup only. As a result, we're sending out emails to almost every customer, advising them of this, and it includes a link to a web page, which actually has a script they can download, and run, that will check and replace the old ones. NO HASSLE! I get a call from an old guy who could hardly read the email. God forbid he understand it. Ask him to click on the link in the email - no connection. Get him to connect first (DSL) and he brings up the page... finally just decide to make sure it's needed... He has a hard time hearing, apparently, so I'm spelling it out... "W...I...N...I...P like poppa... C like Charlie... F like Foxtrot..." when he interrupts, "I typed H... should we start over?" Me: "No, just hit backspace and type in F." Him: "Backspace? Where's that?" Gnah. Finish it, tell him to hit Enter... Him: "Where's that?" Can you really expect me to believe that with your demonstrated level of typing expertise that you've never *looked* at your keyboard before?
    [By: namor]
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  • Wonderful.. I love it when the ISP's we work for make changes, and give us a bit of notice. -Warrick
  • Oh, we've had notice. We knew they were going out. We made the changes to these new servers... well, maybe a year ago? Just the other ones continue to work, they're just trying to take the load off, so to speak, so that they *can* lock them down. They provided a script, a nice email, a simple page, and everything for the completely clueless to make the change as easily as possible... and this guy still failed the test. -namor
  • 272. Why doesn't it work?
    Usual Schpiel - woman responds, "Yes, you can help me... I'll just give the phone to the tech who is helping me..." Next person is a guy, asian by the sounds, bit of an accent. Goes into the history to explain... they had installed a Dlink DSL router/wireless AP for her DSL, because there used to be two computers... the other computer is gone, it's just hers, so they've removed the router, and now they can't connect. So, lead him through the PPPoE connection setup in XP. Eeeeeasy call, I figure. Then he asks, at the end of that, after he's connected and seen it working, "Okay, so what was the problem?" <sob>
    [By: namor]
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  • *blink* *blink* "Sunspots" <click> -scooby111
  • Excess static electricity caused by over useage of <urm....> slide rulers within a 50km area. -fearmyroot
  • Ma'am would you please leave well enough alone -LowLevelFormat
  • Not enough ether in your ethernet. -Mushroom
  • eithernet stockings -Wolffarmer
  • 273. Moving
    Just a note... not that anyone will *need* to get ahold of me this weekend, but... I'm finally moving out, borrowing my bro's pimped-out little truck for it tomorrow, and today I'm cleaning my computer room/bedroom. (about a 20'x10' room in the basement) I've already left about 6 old cases and such out back for trash. I've got a couple of boxes of parts and maybe some crap monitors to join it later. That said, I'm taking about 8 full computers in various states, a half-dozen monitors, printer, dumb terminal, and... well, a few boxes of cables/parts/drives. All I'm asking now is... how the hell did I accumulate all of this? Hopefully there won't be an outage, either - my mail/DNS server is going for the move tonight, and I had to IM my DNS manager at home to ask him to set up a zone for it, and transfer the settings at the root servers. Whee. Least I took over a friend's box and set it up as mail depot in the meantime. How sad is it that I can't live without my email?
    [By: namor]
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  • nameor, I know you have your priorities but remember that you're gonna need your socks & stuff, too. -Tekkie
  • Moreso, how good are all of those machines if put together and assembled with parts. -Warrick
  • If you need a hand with something let me know, I'll see what I can do. -Disallowed
  • Glad to see I'm not the only one with my priorities in order. Computers first... cat second... everything else comes in a distant third and lower... <g> -RiffRaff
  • Um.. .lessee... the computers and stuff are mostly socket 5's with ... well, crap. I'm boxing up even the ISA cards I think I might still use. Ooh, just found a 4GB drive and P200... took that out. And for the rest - I'm taking a bed, clothes, and some pots/pans. Gonna be minimalist living for a while. -namor
  • Namor, be a raw foodist like me and you won't need pots and pans :) Oh wait...there's the juicer, blender, food processor, dehydrator... -grahamwboyes
  • *directs Magenta to RiffRaff's comment and hands her a LART* Swing away, girl. -Calydor
  • RiffRaff is going to need boxes and boxes of chocolate and art supplies for Magenta after she reads that comment. "Cat second," indeed... ;) Good luck, namor! -snowcrash
  • ... and a comment on pets. Last time we moved (in to here - about 2 years ago) the fish were taken out of the old place last, and moved into the new, first. Try annoying 8" Oscars for very long, and they bite back. -namor
  • No, no... you don't understand. I'd be moving *to* her house, so she's not on the list of things to take with me. </quick thinking> -RiffRaff
  • LOL, Riff :) -grahamwboyes
  • namor, Mecha-Godzilla is attacking the city and you're the only one close enough to hack it... I'm sending you what we know by e-mail... oh crap... -WildKard
  • 274. Where does it go?
    I just saw this li'l DSL modem attached to a test machine on the floor, that looks to be like it was a customer return. (we supply the modems here) Why do I think so? Because taped to the end of the power adapter going to the modem is a handwritten note, saying, "Fits in back of black box which sits on daewoo cdrom" you just *know* that this one calls her computer, "My CD-Rom."
    [By: namor]
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  • removes sign from keyboard that reads "Type here" and slowly sneaks away. -rokitt
  • Quick prank: if you put a label on the case labelling it "tower", she'll never get it back together again. :) -teivrann
  • Nah, label it "Daewoo CD-ROM"... -karlata
  • You could always line up 2 shovels & tell her to take her pick <ducks> -lineswine
  • 275. I told you once...
    Woman's call started out with her not being able to send email. Then she tried it again to get me the error message - and it sent. Then she asks why her co-worker hasn't got it yet. Next, "Oh, wait, it seems our whole itnernet is down." Go on to find the account - she, of course, had no account information, but I found it anyway. It took 5 minutes to find that they have a router, at which point I had to explain what that was, and ask her to reset it. "It's got a white wire; do you want me to pull that?" Yeah, pull my white wire... Reset didn't work, and I can't go any farther, so I tell her so. Disconnect, and ... Caller ID shows the next caller is from the same place! I answer, expecting it to be the same person - it's the heavily-accented person I heard in the background of the other call, asking if we're having internet troubles. What does it take to get through to them?
    [By: namor]
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  • Ain't no LARTing strong enough... -teivrann
  • What does it take? A brain transplant on their end and some electroshock therapy... -snowcrash
  • First I think of a tech. Then I take away all reason, accountability, and intellegence. That's how I understand an EU. -scooby111
  • Brain transplant? Ya mean a bain implant right? -ThreeBucks
  • We're talking starfish here right? Why waste a brain, after all they seem to live to long without one, why give them the chance to live longer???? -redevil34
  • 276. Can't stand it anymore
    All of my calls are being really... stupid and difficult this morning. This one stuck out - a guy who sent in a request to transfer a domain to us has been emailing me, back and forth, for the last few days. We're just about done, he's saying he still can't log in (Frontpage - ugh). I find a problem with the password, ask him to try again. Latest email - still no go, but he attached a picture of the error. He requested a .com - HE'S BEEN TYPING IN .ca. The .ca doesn't even exist. I wonder if that's why...
    [By: namor]
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  • Blame Canada! -klous
  • With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads all full of lies. -scooby111
  • Heyyyy, we dont have beady little eyes -Smith
  • That we do not.. we have nice eyes. -Warrick
  • Indeed we do. I've been told that twice. -AceOfShades
  • No argument on the flapping heads? -Tekkie
  • Full of flies, no less -Grembo
  • er, lies -Grembo
  • 277. Getting all the nuts
    Woman calls in, unable to connect. Get her to look at the DSL modem. It indicates it can't synch - I find because there's no trace of DSL on her line. Also, the Ethernet indicator is dead. Ask her if the modem is plugged into the computer (which I know is already on). She says it is. A little while later, asking her to trace the connection, she tells me, "Well, it goes into this linksys box, which goes into the back of the computer." "Okay... and is *that* on?" "No... it's funny, usually there are some blinking lights on it, but now they're all dead." "Okay, is it plugged in correctly?" "Yes, I told you, the plug goes from the modem, to this box, to the computer..." <gritting teeth> "No, I meant the physical power outlet ... is it plugged in there properly?" "Oh... I don't know. I'm not too technical." just had to tell her to figure that part out herself, and we'd take care of the DSL.
    [By: namor]
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  • hmmm! now I know who you work for namor .. lolz -kennz
  • No doubt. I've pretty much stated, in previous stories. -namor
  • sorry not paying attention to the your post in the past .. now I now thats why I got that old grumpy network camera guy .. -kennz
  • check my nick :P. reminds me of the guy who was having routing issues. after finally convincing him to bypass the router, (or so he said) he's still getting a 192.168.x.x ip even after release/renew. the he REALLY removed it and i got him connected. -itsnotmyrouter
  • 278. Which freaking proxy?
    Just have this guy on the phone... has DSL, explains very easily that he can connect, but not get certain pages. Checking his connections, I find... he has OUR MAIL SERVER specified as his PROXY... he even put in the POP port for it! I don't think I can even explain to him why this is wrong... or HOW he got that in there.
    [By: namor]
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  • I thought internet explorer is my email software .. ( duck lart ) ( missed ) hehehehe. -kennz
  • 279. I finally have to post this.
    Okay... remember a few weeks ago, I was cleaning up this disgusting P200? Well, the guy got a bit of money, and while I was setting it up last time, asked for my recommendation. For whatever he was doing, I didn't care - well, he bought a new Compaq 2.4GHz, complete with monitor, scanner, and sub/satellite speakers. I actually earned some money going over there and physically setting it all up and walking through the XP install/updates. Showed him how to listen to CDs/etc while typing his documents or whatever. I've already had two calls... first, because it disconnected his internet when it went into powersaving, second... he spoke to the techs at the ISP where I work, and they told him to get ad-aware, apparently. He ended up at the local big-box computer dealer, and... bought Net Nanny. He called wondering what/why he got this, and what he was supposed to do... <sigh> Thank ye gods, I'm moving out and getting a new ph# in a week, I'm not answering any more of this.
    [By: namor]
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    280. Roller Coaster
    Had a good one today - not horror, but it's nice to relate. Guy calls in, he sounds jovial enough, says their connection keeps dropping. They resetnt eh modem/router, and it comes up - then in two minutes, it's down again. I paused, then said, "Sounds like a fun ride." He laughed and said, "Yeah, kinda makes it hard to get your porn when it's going down all the time!" I don't remember what I said after that, but I'm sure it was inappropriate... least he laughed.
    [By: namor]
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  • Pornsite goes up pornsite goes down.. -rockytech
  • No, No, Pornsite go up, pornSTAR go down. -Disallowed
  • Up connection Up willie....Down connection Down willie.....Up....Down.... I think "In and out" would be better, but I have a woman, and her name aint Rosy Palm :P -burrkiss
  • Who need porn when it's going down all the time? -scooby111
  • I'm a pervert, he's a pervert, she's a pervert, we're a pervert, wouldn't you like to be a pervert too? </bad 80's commercial> -RiffRaff
  • Since we're on the subject of bad 80's commercials, who else thinks a complete pervert thought up the Juicy Fruit commercials? "Take a sniff, pull it out, the taste is gonna move you when you pop it in your mouth..." That may be the case, but get the guy to shower first. -teivrann
  • 281. Owies
    I hate how this one started out. Problem as described: Customer of theirs is cc'ing them on some emails, and they get the text - but not the attachment. "Well, since the other recipients get the attachment, but not us, it *must* be your fault!" Ah, the righteous fury of the just. After 20-30 minutes back and forth, trying to get things done (she was halfway competent in moving around Windows and knew her mail client, thankfully) I figured out - the remote recipient was using old Internet Mail client, and the other recipients were at *his* location, behind their server - and their outgoing server was using Mimedefang. The attachments were type ms-tnef... which it seems OE couldn't deal with so didn't even show it as a download, so they thought it wasn't *there*. In the end, not our problem, but it was nice to prove it.
    [By: namor]
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  • Outlook 97 is sending out emails encoded as rich text. This is only partly the fault of whoever's sending the file; most of the blame rests on the shoulders of that starfish-Kraken, Microsoft, for attempting to put in One More Annoying Useless Feature(tm). -teivrann
  • Yeah, looked it up and found that. Still a moronic thing, with the old client they were using (people I spoke to were using OE 5.5.). -namor
  • 282. Pissy night.
    Went out for co-worker/friend's birthday tonight at a relatively upscale, nice restaurant. Good service, cute waitresses abound, it's a nice evening. After waiting about 20 minutes after we've finished dinner, I ask for the cheque. After 30 minutes, she says it'll be a while, she's had to divide all of the bills. (It's a group of 11, not that big) Over the next 90 minutes, it turns out they had some sort of computer crash, had to re-do it. Then the computer, once up, had to mess up the bill and charge us for things we didn't have, in the wrong portions, etc. Finally get us to re-sort who-had-what by hand, they re-enter, and we go to pay. Oh, wait, Interac is down. Lovely. Credit goes through, and finally, we're out of there at 11. My thought through all of this - and they want to put WINDOWS in ATM machines? I'm going to stockpile... just need a spot to put the bunker...
    [By: namor]
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  • I want windows on ATMs, I'll be a millionare. I'll just have to keep all those millions in my mattress. -nm
  • What do you mean, want? A lot of ATM's I use are Windows driven with touchscreens. The closest one to me was showing a nice BSOD all weekend a couple of weeks ago. -psychotech
  • I saw one crashed a few weeks ago, but it looked like OS/2, more. I'm just scared for the stability - more end-user-driven commercial machines I see with Windows, and this example tonight just served to sour me on them some more. I'd rather have a system that took some learning but was rock-solid and tolerant of mistakes. -namor
  • Yeah, ATMs already run windows. I was at the bank laughing at one of the ATMS that had CTD to win2000. Felt like taking out all of my money from the working ATM. -Coyotebd
  • When T3 came out, I took a friend to see it and booked our tickets through a web purchasing site. When I went to the ticket dispenser kiosk to get the tickets. Just after swiping my credit card (which is how to get the tickets), the machine crashed... to a Win98 desktop. Couldn't get my tickets either, the theater had to take me on my word that I'd made purchases already. (Won't be using that service again...) -Jay911
  • The last one I saw had crashed to a w98 desktop too. -chameleon
  • Where can we send your money today? -redevil34
  • 283. Who in the what-where?
    Old guy calls up, says over the past couple of days, his internet has been "going haywire" and is unusable, and he wants some help fixing it. I find the smallest possible dialup account for him. Ask him if that's it, and he says no, they have service through <cable ISP>. That account is just for the email. Oooookay... so, is it email, or the entire internet connection that doesn't work? The entire internet connection. So, I ask, why not call <cable ISP>? He counters with, *we* set it up. No, wait - relative of his who used to be a tech here but is now much higher set it up. I'd say he should also fix it, but then I'd be in the same situation a lot...
    [By: namor]
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  • "haywire"- Just gotta love those technical terms. -LaserGuru
  • What are you talking about: "Haywire" is a great word! Like, "the DNS server has gone haywire!" or "you idiot, you block akaimi at teh firewall, thats why windows update has gone haywire!" -nm
  • Personally I prefer joojooflop. And when things really go bad, I swear "Smeg!" -chazz
  • Is Chazz a Red Dwarf fan? -lineswine
  • 284. This looks like a job for... nobody.
    EU: "Hi, I'd like technical support." me: "Sure, what can we do for you?" EU: "Um... here's my account number... ********" Me: "Alright, that's a dialup account for *** & ***... what can I help you with?" EU: "We need a hookup." Me: "Okay, what sort fo a hookup?" EU: "You know, like for the phone line..." Me: "... uh, you mean like a phone jack?" EU: "Yes! A phone jack!" Me: "Uh, you'd need to contact-" EU: "There's one here, next to the computer." Me: "Uh... can't you use that one then?" EU: "Yes, I think so." *click* What???
    [By: namor]
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  • lol -burrkiss
  • <blink> -Spyder19
  • 285. The reason for waiting
    This one was just long. Had to go through a whole bunch with this one doctor with residential service at his business. His complaint was slow speeds... after tweaking his W2K box, and reinstalling a bunch of stuff over an hour, we get back online to test it.. and it's still slow. Line guys tell me it's a *perfect* line, no problems there. So it's his computer. I can deal with that. The thing that struck me was, halfway through the call, he puts the phone aside for a second, then I can hear him - "Yeah, you can bring the patient in. Yeah, just have them come in and sit down. I'll be with them in a second." Then he picks up and spends another 1/2 hour with me on the phone. I know you want your internet, but please, there are more important things...
    [By: namor]
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  • The bigest cheapskates on the planet are doctors in private practice. They won't spend money on anything. -Bioguy
  • I have a siliar situation. I am on with a guy who is an on call cardioligist and he is moor worried about his modem the the fact that his pager went off twice -Servo
  • Hey, I think thats my doctor -Disallowed
  • 286. I have to tell on myself
    So, I decide to mess around with my computer room. The mini-tower that was holding the P133 that was running my site just wasn't ...snazzy enough. I take a big, steel monster of a case, believe it's meant as a CD-Rom tower, and put a 166MMX board and stuff in there. Shut down systems. Put the cards in the new system, power on. Go through a bit of a freaky process when it CAN'T FIND THE HARD DRIVES! Okay, using the same case, put in the original 133 MB, all is fine. As I'm powering it on and seeing that it works, it clicks - that MB had previously *only* been using SCSI... I think I had disabled the onboard IDE. A couple hours later, I shut it all down and re-do it. It's true - disabled. Re-enable, all is fine. Sick. Now, I get to download and re-do the kernel. How's that for saturday night fun... I should start drinking.
    [By: namor]
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  • how about being stuck in a computer room, with a bunch of EMachines, clogged up with so much crap, you'd think a toilet will blow. Oh and no calls, and allergic to caffefine after all these years -Bunglehawk069
  • I can beat that. Try clearing out your computer room, because you won't be able to take all the crap with you when you divorce the lesbian wife you married and move out at the end of September. Yeah, my life is fucked up. On a side note, anyone in central canada up for a housewarming/divorce party in October? ;) -namor
  • where ya hail from? -Bunglehawk069
  • About 29k west of the the longitudional centre of Canada. That oblique enough? :) -namor
  • Namor, what a completely useless reference that puts you in probably the same city I am, assuming you're in the only realy city there and not one of the little towns that surround it. When's and where's the party? -Disallowed
  • You actually mean Wpg? Damn, where do you work around here, then? -namor
  • Yeah, we're in the same city. I'm in one of the bigger call centers in town, no names on a public forum as it will get me fired. Whereabouts are you working? -Disallowed
  • Dis: don't hurt me, but I work for the ISP part of the local telco. :) I'm guessing you work down Scurfield or similar...? -namor
  • Me and every other underpaid tech in the city. Lucky guess :( -Disallowed
  • 287. in front of it all
    My sis-in-law has DSL through the company I work for, and she was having troubles the other day. Unbeknownst to me, she called up tech support - from her work. She tells me later that day, the tech was suitably unimpressed. Go figure. She says she also told them that she'd just get me to take a look at it, can gave them my name. "Oh, yeah, I know him," says the tech. I'm surprised nobody from tech came and smacked me upside the head that day...
    [By: namor]
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  • Then y did she call in the 1st place? -burrkiss
  • 288. No Input Required
    Schpiel, then... EU: "Hi, I was wondering, I'm from... oh, hey there's Kenny... Kenny! Are you free for a ... oh, good, he is, I think I can handle this now, thank you, goodbye." Poor Kenny...
    [By: namor]
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  • must ...resist...killing Kenny jokes..... -rockytech
  • ... you bastard! -LaserGuru
  • "They've killed Kenny!" /Alien -phanatik
  • That's a terribly appropriate cartoon reference, as most of our Lusers have the intelligence of Timmy -Disallowed
  • Is anyone here from Ireland? Especially Kilkenny? <ducks> -lineswine
  • Timmy! -catman1229
  • 289. That's what I told you...
    This was only a minute call, but fun. Woman is getting disconnected from dialup whenever opening OE. Figure out where she is, check - Hang up after... is checked. Uncheck it. Tell her that's it, and as we're saying good-bye, I hear a co-worker saying, in a sing-song voice in the background, "I *told* you that was it..." So there's enough collective knowledge around the office to figure it out, but they still have to call in to have their hand held? Oy, vey.
    [By: namor]
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  • About a month ago I set up and old 98 portable for my neighbor. Worked fine for me. Then it wouldn't stay connected for them. Took me about 15 minutes to figure out what was happening and to find the "button". -Wolffarmer
  • 290. My waste of time
    That old nasty P200 is still here... I finally figured how to deal with the stuff I transferred to the linux box from the old HD. Made it a samba share, mounted it, run virus scan on it. Yeah, I *just* realized that it'd doing this, about 1GB of stuff, over the network. I suck. And only two porn diallers/trojans found so far. Gee.
    [By: namor]
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  • Only two porn diallers? Our receptionist was complaining about how slow her PC was. I ran Ad-aware over the PC. The result was 92 items! Including our favourites Gator, IGetNet, and others. Ad-aware scans are now done at least weekly here, and daily for my home PC. And we keep Ad-aware up-to-date. -Wraith556
  • I went on site to check out some 'suspicious' computers. I ran Ad-Aware, and each computer had between 490-540 objects! -zimmy
  • i usta use ad aware but they dont want to use it on our network apparently it sends crap too. We use Spysweeper and may become the beta for their corp version.....joy.....guinea pigs. -SGTARKyTEK
  • 291. Blinkey!
    Sitting in Tier2 on my break, see the hub which happens to connect a DSL modem to the W2K test machine, and the linux web/shell server, that the activity light for the W2K machine is... solid. It's uploading constantly. I check into it, going so far as to grab some packets - it's pinging entire subnets, as fast as it can. Yay, viral/trojan activity I guess. Other tech says, "Yeah, I formatted that machine the other day, and the windows update site wasn't up, so I just left it..." <smack> D'oh, crap.
    [By: namor]
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  • Earlier today my co-worker AIM'ed me (he sometimes works from home) to have me "pull the plug" on his W2k machine. I look over to the hub and see the activity light for his computer on solid. Yanked that right out. I don't even wanna look. This is after I spent 15 hours two Fridays ago updated 300+ workstations in our call center. He was supposed to do his. Dumbass. -Jeckler
  • I support a community where the land owners get a free PC and 12 months cable internet access when they buy land. Was helping a EU get connected over the phone and they had just fired up the PC for the first time when wammo, Blaster worm in the first 2 minutes. Welcome to the Internet ! -TechNeck
  • 292. Holy crap, it's true.
    I get a call about 8PM tonight - this friend of sis-in-law that I've helped before has called. He says he gets to his main screen, then can't click on anything. I try to get more information, but he just can't click on anything. Fine, I head on over. Lo and behold, it's true! Boots up, fine, then... nothing. Explorer not responding. It hangs, it bluescreens... it's Windows. The 30 items (I think a couple are old viruses) can't help, but even in safe mode, it does this. I take the bloody thing home with me to work. Reinstall Windows on top of itself. Works once, then fails on reboot, same thing. This is *messed*. Of course, the "Porno Yellow Pages" links on the desktop gives me an idea of what I'm working with... <sigh> Gonna be a long night with this nicotine-stained crap. I just had to get that out of my system...
    [By: namor]
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  • Gonna have to charge them double. -firebird2k2
  • Three words: Fdisk, Format, Reload. -TechnoVampire
  • Try pulling the drive and putting it as a slave in another PC, then hit it with an A/V program? -fearmyroot
  • Toss it, and replace it with a new machine (with a nice little markup)? -garwain
  • Update: It's a P200MMX/32MB/2GB HD... I've got about the same sitting here that I was going to give away. However, I just pulled out the HD, slaved it to my linux desktop, and copied the entire thing over. We'll see about scanning and copying the stuff back in a bit. Least this guy pays me. -namor
  • im sure that the nicotine stains are not the only stains on that computer... -rockytech
  • Boot to DOS and run FProt? -RiffRaff
  • 293. Moronic
    Remember story from last week, about my fight with cellphone maker, about the phone not allowing downloadable ringtones? I get internal bulletins all the time about various stuff in our company (local telco, I work for the ISP portion). After sorting through the stuff after vacation - I see they're testing the *exact* phone I have for just that. Someone's messing with my head. Think tomorrow I'm going to be finding out exactly who's taking care of that, and see how I can find out what they're doing... just further shaking my faith in another company's support. Sorry if anyone works there (motorola), but this is just confusing now.
    [By: namor]
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  • Get a nokia with an Irda port and an irda adapter for your pc. I have one and it rocks. Only annoyance is that all the operator logo proggies i have wont work on xp as they need a com port and xp sees it as actual irda rather than pretending irda is a com/lpt like win98 does -Quinn
  • the phone was a special through my work.. does 2-way SMS nicely, which was the main requirement, but what can I say, I like messing with the options. :) -namor
  • Nokia 7650 & Bluetooth adapter, mmmmmm -RTFM
  • 294. Anyone work here?
    I'm trying to get my phone (motorola 120e) to download some new ring tones. I visited motorola.ca, looked up the phone, the reference manual tells you how to... trying to do it from my own server yields an error. I gather from research that the mime type it needs is incorrect. Send a form to their support - receive a response - my phone doesn't support that feature. Oooooookay. this is going to be one of those *bad* experiences, I think... Sorry, I typicall take the week of my bday off, so I'm a little short of any other tech content.
    [By: namor]
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  • Haaaapppy Birthday to you! -Tekkie
  • Happy birthday to you... -bentm99
  • Happy Birthday. On a sidenote, I HATE ringtones. People always have to choose the dumbest song and turn the ringer volumn up to full so you can hear their phone from down the block. Phones were not meant to play music, let alone loud music. -AceOfShades
  • <rant>Let alone loud bad music.</rant> Set it to a normal ring tone and you will be unique in a sea of cell phones with bad music (?). -ecoli
  • I pretty much just want to do it to figure it out. There no *need*, it's just... interesting. -namor
  • What wireless carrier do you have? Try going to www.howardforums.com and check out the forum of your carrier. Someone there will probably know how to do it. -letsgoflyers81
  • Hey now. As a musician, I got really tired of all the shittily orchestrated ringers out there, so I started programming my own. Now I have a nice collection of jazz ringers, and I love it. -drblunt
  • I decided that phones made every piece of music sound naff. So, on the basis that a naff piece of music would at least sound correct, I programmed in the background music to Bubble Bobble. The theory failed: it was naff squared. -rurwin
  • update if it matters: response from the droid was that they've sent the reference guide off to be fixed, and the phone doesn't support it. guess i'll be putting 'em in keypress-wise. -namor
  • I recorded Iron Man by OZZY with cell phone number tones on my cell phone. Its sound beautiful -alexcorvice
  • 295. More unbelievable
    Chatting with a co-worker/friend who works this week (I took the week of my bday as vacation) he tells me the horror.. today, a customer asked for his manager, because he wouldn't give the guy his *HOME* address, or phone number. Why? To send him some information on multi-level marketing. Co-worker's response, "Sir, I've dated girls who haven't had that privilege." He still argued it was his *right* to know. Just... wow.
    [By: namor]
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  • "Sir, just send it to the company. Yep, that's right. My name is Bob Lumberg." What are these people ON, and why aren't they sharing? -snowcrash
  • If the managers there are like they are around here, he probably caved and gave that information to the customer... -sharkfin
  • My reply to the MLM scumbag - "Sure bub, it is public knowledge....I'm in the phone book - all you have to do is guess who I am....now fuck you & the horse you rode in on!" -lineswine
  • Get it right , its...."fuck you & the INTELLECTUALY SUPERIOR horse you rode in on!" -Digital Dogcow
  • INTELLECTUALY SUPERIOR - a MLM "get rich quick" arsehole? Doesn't this tosser realise that Amway et al make more money from selling the "you too canm make a million in a week" twaddle to the gullable than they do from selling overpriced soap?.....oh DD you are one sarcastic puppy - that is why we all like you so much! -lineswine
  • 296. Don't you know?
    Guy calls up - wants a new email address set up under their account for the new girl. Sure, got an account #? no, but has their business name... under which there are a dozen entries in our billing system. Ask him for his email address, so I can maybe find it based on that. He gives me <firstnamelastname@isp.net>. Hm. Doesn't exist. I comb through the accounts, finally find it a couple of minutes later. Oh, hey, there's an email address here of <firstname1971@isp.net>. "Yes, that sounds like my email address," he says. WTF? I actually argued with him as to *why* he couldn't have told me *that*. "Are we going to argue about this instead? The *last guy* found it easily enough..." Yeah, and I bet you gave him the right information last time, too.
    [By: namor]
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  • Did the previous tech have a crystal ball or psychic powers? -lineswine
  • yep, digital esplink, I had that installed a few years ago.... -Spyder19
  • 297. Let's be nice.
    Woman phones in, wants to remove an email account under their domain. It's 4:45. I verify, start on it, and she asks, "So, how long will that take, 20 minutes, half-an-hour...?" I respond with, "It'll be about 5 minutes." "Oh... could you maybe postpone that a bit, then? He doesn't work here anymore after 5..." Get the idea that *he* doesn't know that, yet?
    [By: namor]
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  • Fuck nice, lets be brutal, its more fun!. & anyway Momma always said <forrest gump flashback> honesty was a virtue. -Digital Dogcow
  • DDC, are you sure that wasn't "honesty is vrtual"? -wolfprince
  • 298. Just not getting it
    EU calls up - sounds like a gravelly-voiced man, until I found out its name is 'Betty'. She's complaining about delays getting her email... fair, I think, with the virus outbreaks recently. Asked to quantify... it's about 5 seconds to retrieve a 2K message via POP. Okayyyy... and then - "Yes, it's my University mail server." What? Squeeze me? Not our server, our connection's working otherwise... what do you want of me?
    [By: namor]
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  • Your immortal soul and mental health. -Calydor
  • No dice, Calydor - Support techs have neither a soul nor mental health. :~p -RiffRaff
  • sorry Riff, i only half agree on this one. I've managed to keep my soul. Mental health.....what's that? not sure if i ever had that to begin with. -wolfprince
  • I say it's management that has no soul, or heart for that matter... -Spyder19
  • Hey, I still have a soul. It's a tattered, shriveled, agoraphobic thing, but it's still hangin' on :) -Hellion
  • Hey anyone needs a soul, I got plenty of spares, I reap em on a regular basis, they smell a bit of canabis, real-ale & damp bed-sit's, but what the fark do u want for nothing? -Digital Dogcow
  • 299. Lawyers involved?
    Short story: Guy calls up wondering is we can change his DNS.. turns into longer story, about how the domain hasn't been working since just before the weekend. He wants an explanation of that, as he explains, "I'm going to get my lawyer involved... I mean, that site makes a couple million dollars a year, so you divide by..." Yeah, I get it. Check into it - hm. Here's an idea - take some of that million and pay the yearly domain renewal on time!
    [By: namor]
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  • a couple of million? must be a porn site -postal tech
  • What was the site? -SwedishChef
  • They make antler fixtures (yes, real antlers) and log furniture, it looks like. Draw your own conclusions. :) -namor
  • Hmmmmmm...antlers make me horny <ducks larts and peanuts> -FistLaw
  • www.furnitureporn.com ? -nascar
  • http://www.rusticdecorating.com/antlerlighting.html http://www.elenhunting.com/store/merchant.mv?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=EHIO&Category_Code=AF -Tekkie
  • 300. Hulk smash VPN!
    I hate these ones. We all have the ones about clueless techs, but I'm sure this beats a couple. Guy calls up, says he's the tech for this auto dealership - they have a problem communicating with their other store. He called in earlier, the rep suggested he have something like account information to go on. Fine, he gets me this time. He has... contract numbers... no, no help. Circuit numbers? No, those aren't yours. No username? Account numbers? Then I find enough information, get into the routers on each end of the VPN. and find... it's the one side that can't communicate with "some server" on their side. Great, so what's the IP? You'll call and find out... but it's in *YOUR* office! Gnah! In the end, a reboot one one side cleared it up... the worst part - his words, "You know, I like dealling with you guys..." Yeah, maybe because we do the work for you. I've started keeping a list of places to apply for a tech position if I ever leave here, and this one just got added...
    [By: namor]
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  • Here's one - I had a tech call in last night to insist that the software my company supplies was causing the RPC errors on his customer's XP machine. When I explained that the customer had a virus, he acted like he'd never heard of the thing. *sheesh* And yes, he was getting paid because I kept hearing the customer complain in the background about how much money "the DSL company's software was costing" her. -mwicks
  • 301. Two in a row...
    Oy, vey, why? First call, I told him not to type his domain into the login box, but he was muttering the letters under his breath when he got there... I had to scream, "STOP!" before he actually recognized it. Next is a simple OE setup with a very pleasant woman... who couldn't understand the difference between, "Beside" and "under". Trying to get her to find the Tools menu - "Okay, find the File menu." "Got it." "Okay, beside that should be 'Edit'..." "Hm... no, there's New, Open..." "No, no, that's under the word File, right?" "Yes." "Okay, I want you to look to the *RIGHT* of that... what do you see?" "I see New, Open..." AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
    [By: namor]
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    302. I am humbled
    I was reminded of this by some of the comments in the slashdot story about Techs/EUs... y'see, yesterday, I had a customer call who had a large site with us, and programmed some large enough CGI scripts (think 2000 lines of perl), and one wasn't working. He wanted logs to look at, and we don't dump those to their web dirs or anything, just process them for hits on another page, etc. I don't know perl, but I can get through a program's idea - he took me to where he had narrowed it down, told me exactly what was happening, and what he figured the problem was. I documented it all, take it to our webmaster... he calls the guy, gets the raw logs, send them, we're good. Pointed out a tiny error about 1,000 lines up in the code from where he was looking. I'm sure the developper thought he was speaking to a simple tech monkey (who knows, maybe) but, at least he had the presence of mind to not take it badly, and still worked with me to get the information across. That's a good relationship, but now I feel like taking a course in perl, damn it...
    [By: namor]
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  • You think tech support is insanity....wait'll you get a load of Perl (puzzling error requiring liquor) -MacDaddy
  • 303. Pictures
    We have this one computer in here right now - checking through his favourites, it's all hydroponics, marijuana, etc. Looking through pics, some normal stuff - then an entire folder devoted to the guy and friends puffing away on what looks like some fine greenery. Subfolder contents? Customer getting progressively more naked and ... uh... tumescent, in front of his computer. People, these aren't even hidden or protected - what do you *think* the techs do when they get your computer?
    [By: namor]
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  • Ok, I confess...don't have a clue what tumescent means. -phsspok
  • It means "abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas".....Eeewwwwwwwwwwww! -rokitt
  • Yikes, what a visual...almost wish I hadn't asked. -phsspok
  • I meant he was showing off his erection. Common enough allusion, I thought. -namor
  • I wipe the drive with autoclave anytime I need to send it back. . . . (Though I never have photos like that on tehm) -nm
  • Did ya break out the wipes and wash your hands? -scooby111
  • Ewwwwugh! Just! Ewwwwugh!!!!!/ I have nothing further to add! -Digital Dogcow
  • Guess he took cyber sex to a whole new level...raping the hardware...poor computer, it needs to be sent to a rape crisis center after you get it working right. -testing123
  • spermguard for the keyboard anyone ? -Spyder19
  • 304. No way to run...
    Calling another local ISP to ask them for something, this is their main number it seems... when I get: "The mailbox for ... <ISP Name> ... is full. Please hang up now." Farking lovely. This is going to be fun.
    [By: namor]
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  • hey thats a good way not to take calls. -postal tech
  • ....works for our network specialists -leonine
  • Lots of FARKING going on lately and no one's any happier for it. Is this DD's influence?? -scooby111
  • Farked if I know Scoob' !!! <bfeg> -Digital Dogcow
  • I work for Earth...., why doesn't our mailbox get full?? -STJ
  • 305. Now I'm pissed.
    Okay, now that I'm at home, I'll post this. Monday was a holiday here, so the last day I was at work was Friday - on which I got monitored. We get the results of our quality monitoring sessions the next day. So, today, this gem turns up in my inbox. I got a lowly 40-something % score. Why? Mainly, I work in business, it was a residential tech call for a minute, I explained we were having server issues - but didn't offer a callback or some assurance as to when it would be back up. The "didn't make sure to verify customer's detail's" was just icing - that caller ID thing is there for a reason, and I'm pulling up the account by number and matching it to the name by the end of my opening schpiel. G'd damn, monitor the quality on one of the bitchy router issues that I *actually* have something to do with, and see how I do. Grrrr. Okay, bitch over. *My* patch of cyber-screen!
    [By: namor]
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  • Heh heh, here in NZ (and UK and Oz) pissed means drunk (we'd say "pissed off" for angry). Something like that would probably make me want to get pissed! -K1W1
  • and they wonder why our boring little jobs are stressfull :( no wonder we have to resort to drinking... mostly coke but hey it's not very good for you. -Joshtech
  • It's the same for us. I score a constant eighty-something because I don't follow the BS script they dumped on us to the letter. I'm actually more interested in resolving problems than jumping through hoops and reading wordy openings and closings. BTW, there is nothing on the form questioning weather or not the issue was resolved correctly. It is theoretically possible to score 100 and be totaly ineffective. -leonine
  • Scripts? We don't need no stinking scripts! </bad Mexican accent> -LaserGuru
  • I know what you mean, QA has been all over our arses, and they just keep squeezing the vice. I have to say "Thank you for that information" like 12 times per call. I would hate to be a customer and hear that so many times... -Rizzen
  • If they want to set scripts, then I reckon they should have to generate an issue and then call in themselves to see how following the script helps (or not) -Splunge
  • 306. Line != line
    It took me 30 minutes to figure out this one... first off, she had no clue about the terms. She was given my department's number by the last person she talked to, who set up an order for a business telephone line to be installed. For DSL. Transferred to me to set up the account for it. Turns out she phoned her sales rep who should have handled it... they got a new workstation that she needed a lan drop for, hooked up to existing equipment. Great. "The last person who put this together or knew about it left the company a year ago..." Lovely. No sort of IT, no support, nobody there knows anything about their setup. I guess it's a testament to the equipment that they've run pretty much trouble-free that long. Sorry, hadda rant because it'll now take half my morning, I bet, to find and get the right people to stop one order, and start another and get it all set up.
    [By: namor]
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  • I work for an ISP which is also a phone company. One time a simular confusion occured where the local Ford dealership called and wanted "A new DSL line" he was transfered to new services and actually ordered a new DSL line. However when the DSL installer showed up to wire the new jack, What they wanted was actually a new LAN CAT5 ran from their DSL router to a new location in the building. -klous
  • Yeah, i hate it when they let their ignorance show. Had somebody recently request us run a DSL line to his office, my response, "Do you need your own private DSL service, which would require you to call (phone company ISP) or do you want to have a LAN wire ran to the office?" "Yeah, that second one is what I want to do" Ignorance may be bliss, but my tolerance to it is nill (at least i ask about things i don't know the names of instead of just sputtering out something of similiar knowledge) -testing123
  • 307. Figure it out.
    Trying to get her to reset her router - "Okay, just unplug it." EU: "I can't tell which of these plugs it is." Me: "Okay, forget about the sockets, unplug the adapter from the router itself." EU: "Which one is it?" "How many do you see there?" EU: "There are three wires, two gray and one black." "Okay, which one looks like a power cord...?" EU: "They all look different." "Alright, two look like larger phone-cord ends, right?" EU: "Right." "Unplug the other one." I don't think she actually turned on her brain for that exchange at all.
    [By: namor]
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  • ahhh, but you are assuming she had a brain, remember the average starfish doesn't have one to turn on *grin* -ExTechGirl
  • Since there were only three cables, you could have just told her to unplug all of them (one at a time!) and plug them back in. -ltu1542hvy
  • Would *you* trust your users to not mix up the two network cables when putting them back? I don't. :) -namor
  • 308. Question...
    What do you have if: All the pictures in IE are rendered as red x's? You cannot open internet options because an error about restrictions pops up? Yet you have no policies key in the registry? And going to windowsupdate brings up, apparently, some spanish error message? That's right, a farked-up OS! Then she has to ask, "Well, we were just going to wipe it all and install XP tonight anyway..." Great, *WHY* are you calling me? Except to have two little kids *screaming* and crying for attention in the background whenever you're not paying attention to them? All in all, a bad 1/2 hour.
    [By: namor]
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  • Love working on something that you later find they are going to throw away real soon. Why can't they just ask to nuke um at the begining of the call. -Wolffarmer
  • 309. Pick the wrong pins!
    There was a dropoff in the other day, and I learned of the story through one of the guys... he had complained of strange computer issues since he had installed our NIC for DSL service. Our tech isolated it to the CPU fan being dead, and so had him take it to where he got it - a local computer place that we have a good relationship with as a retailer. As the guy's telling me about this, another tech comes over and goes, "That one? Apparently at the store they found out he had plugged the wake-on-LAN cable into one of the motherboard's CPU fan power slots." Yes, sire, just looking for any set of pins and plugging the cable in works better than LOOKING for anything that's clearly *labelled*...
    [By: namor]
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  • "my computer crashes when I stop using the Internet!" -WildKard
  • Sorry... that *seemed* funny to say after a few hours without sleep. -WildKard
  • To be followed up with the "Fisher Price My First Motherboard", where everything is actually labeled and you can't plug anything in the wrong way. -teivrann
  • I actually think that might be a good idea hehe. I would get my kids one (if I ever have any) failing that they can have some of my spares lol -Quinn
  • just eliminate the ID10T error completely give them mouse with no buttons and a keyboard with no keys can't fark anything up if you can't click or type -alexcorvice
  • Actually, (the well-known) Murphy stated that the chance of anybody, given the possibility to connect a cable in two different ways *WILL* produce problems, has been developed to implict almost anything a (L)user can do wrong.... -Dr Jerkyl
  • 310. *ALMOST* aN EUPOTD...
    Calling our network guys because this one customer has been having troubles dialling in since our Cisco updates... I mention it's a dedicated dial customer, and, verbatim: "Dedicated dial? What's that?" I sat and sputtered for a bit... I swear, this will kill me. Or them.
    [By: namor]
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  • It is a contradiction in terms really. Dedicated is usually a term reserved for ISDN and above connections. Dialup is anything below that. Even some ISDN's are dialup. When you said Dedicated Dialup, you basically threw the guy for a loop. He did not expect starfish to come from your mouth. I would suggest saying 'Dialup with a static IP' instead. (Or whatever the case may be.) </net admin soapbox> -Gecko
  • If it were ISDN, I'd say ISDN, and have SPIDS for him. Were it a 56K frame-relay or whatever fractional, I'd have a circuit ID and tell him what it was. Dialup with dedicated IP, maybe make more sense, but we've got it coded that way everywhere - it *should* make sense, or at least have him ask which *type*, not what *is* that. No matter. I finally got one of the best guys to grudgingly take a look, I call up the customer - he's turned off his modem 15 minutes ago and is going elsewhere. Damnit. -namor
  • 311. NMP - Not My Problem
    Usually I hate that, but... customer can connect, can't get email. Error says can't connect to our POP server. Fine. Open telnet, hostname, port 110. Hm. Failed. Instantly. It's blocked - but our server is up. Scan his IP - SMTP and POP open on his, running... WinRoute! Tell him something's blocking the connection (why is he running that if he's only got one computer?) from that machine specifically - "Okay, I've got WinRoute open, where do I go in here?" Uh, sorry... next!
    [By: namor]
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  • I always thought it was NMFP. -scooby111
  • Standard acronym around here for such occasions: LMNOP - Look man, not our problem. ;-) -techiegoddess
  • I thought that was an S.E.P. (somebody elses problem) -leonine
  • Then there's BTSOM - Beats the S*&% outta me. Coined it in the 80's and its gotten a fairly wide acceptance. -technaround
  • LMNOP, eh... heehee. sorry for the blatant theft, but it looks like i've got a new siggie. can't wait for the questions. ;) -mousie
  • I'm still partial to the military terms; SNAFU (Situation Normal All Farked Up) & FUBAR (Farked Up Beyond All Repair) -Hellion
  • SNMP: *so* not my problem -monitor lizard
  • 312. Hook me up baby...
    Some shop calls up with our normal residential DSL account, wants to know how to hook up his laptop. First he tells me two other computers are already connected to it... through a hub. Then he thinks it's just one that makes the connection... I tell him we didn't set it up, so I have no idea. "Okay, but all I'm asking is how to hook up my laptop to it!" "That depends on how your existing setup makes the connection." "Well, how is that?" "I don't know, ask the guy who set it up." Ad nauseum. Grr... I imagine this call to a car dealer: EU: "I need this part to fix my car." "Okay, what kind of car?" "You know, a car? They drive on roads?" "What model and year of car, though?" "It's one with wheels - I bought it from you guys... you know, the part!" <sigh>
    [By: namor]
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  • Is your DSL working? It is? Good. <click> -scooby111
  • You mean there's more than one way to setup a network? <Scratches head in bemusement> -Hellion
  • <homer> But I need the thingy for the thingy that goes with the thingy. </homer> -robbor
  • Hellion - it's the difference between them all connection with individual PPPoE logins through the hub, or one computer doing ICS behind it. That's the most I wanted to know. -namor
  • 313. What does it take?
    If I didn't already have one started in my basement, I'd open a halfway house for abused and abandoned computers... one I've been staring at in the tech area as a dropoff today is odd. Burnt-looking from the smoker, black duct tape over the floppy area... because it's secured by one screw, in an abnormal bracket, under the CD-Rom. The floppy also starts anytime you access anything - like IE, regedit, etc. Turns out he has a simple virus, which I removed, and... on a 3GB drive, his downloads folder is filled with ~40MB of some few porn clips, and the rest is porn diallers, porn diallers, porn diallers... coulda sworn this model *came* with a modem installed... I guess that's why there are some gaping slots at the expansion ports in back...
    [By: namor]
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  • Don't gaping slots and porn just go together? -LaserGuru
  • I used to do charity work fixing up "old" computers. It was strangely rewarding. There's still a problem where many of them get launched out a window and not donated/fixed up for anybody :) -WildKard
  • Wildcard- http://computer-recycle.org/ -LaserGuru
  • Hm. I'd actually like to do something like that.. I had volunteered for a kids' organization a while ago but had to quit as I couldn't spare the time to mess with customizing web scripts. Old hardware I like. Maybe I should actually research what there is in my area.. -namor
  • 314. The lengths we go to...
    That same tar-stained computer is still here, next to me, and I just had to relate... now, I have mostly older computers here, and a surplus of AT keyboards. I do *not* have many PS2 keyboards. They're all used, but this thing, though older, being some proprietary (have I mentioned?) Packard Bell, uses PS/2, as well. I have no adapters, but dug up an old, withered PS2 keyboard for it, unable to spare any from the other systems. And *NO MATTER WHAT*, I cannot get this thing to type an 'a'. What I finally did was make a share on on computer, make a text file in it with a single 'a', then share the drive and copy the file over. Now I get to copy and paste it wherever I need, because CTRL-V works! Gah... the sooner this thing is out of here, the better.
    [By: namor]
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  • ALT-065 -bentm99
  • or ALT-097 for lower case. -bentm99
  • Been a while since I thought someone could embarass me... but the extended codes like that I do *not* know off the top of my head, even being an ex-BBSer and all. -namor
  • You could always copy-paste from Character-Map too ;) -Brf
  • That I could. Would you believe I did a custom install of ME that didn't include the character map? <shame> Thanks, bentm99 - in DOS, wiping the fraggled thing, alt-097 works, and I'll remember that till I'm senile, now. -namor
  • No problemo, Namor. That's what geeks like me are for. -bentm99
  • A custom install of ME? That is like mixing your hemlock with a little arsenic. -Brf
  • I admit it's bad for installing ME, but this system, from experience, has *odd* issues with 98. Other things which make me feel stupid tonight: I download AVG free edition, which emails you a serial... (I get it sent to a made-up alias for spam tracking) that I only check on one of the usual machines... then proceed to highlight it and CTRL-C, before turning back to the other machine and... wishing I were in bed. -namor
  • Hahahah.... that is like when I am in the server room at work... with 6 NT servers and two VMS servers on the same rack. I will be looking at one screen and typing on a completely different keyboard and wondering why nothing is happening. -Brf
  • Didn't ME come with an on-screen keyboard or was it 98? -lancasterjl
  • 315. A Rant For The Road
    HOW THE HELL did this piece of valkyrie vomit manage to get infected by a backdoor in TWO DAYS? Wondering why no setup programs would complete, I started scanning online, and found one. Netstat showed two open connections to various IRC servers already. Manual hack later, and I'm still not convinced. In the process of wiping the OS and reinstalling AGAIN! I wonder what presents I can fit into this thing to give back to them... add to it the fact that my brother-in-law just phoned asking when it'll be ready as the guy's asking after it... Gnnnnnnnnnnhhh....
    [By: namor]
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  • Valkyrie vomit? -RiffRaff
  • Alliterative And Apt -K1W1
  • www.trend.com .... free online cans that work miracles -crackshot
  • I managed that once, actually. Installed Win98 on Jan 2nd, FFR'ed on Jan 4th. Not sure how I managed to get five vira onto the disk, as all I really did was check email (webmail based!) and hang around a couple of secure telnet chat rooms. Yes, secure, I was a moderator on one of them, I know what users can and can't see, and I trust the mods on the other one. I literally did -nothing- that should be able to install vira and backdoors, and yet it happened. -Calydor
  • The beginning of this month, my ISP moved into a new datacenter, and a few of us had to rebuilt out servers to fit on the new rack (before we were on tables, and could use regular cases), now once I had a MB that would fit the 1U case, my linux box swapped over with ease, but one of the guys who has spent 10+ hours rebuilding his win2k server forgot a service pack, and within 3 hours of the server going live, it was infected with the SQL Slammer, and within another 30 mins, our entire subnet was DOSed, and it was almost 3 hours before they could get back there and disconnect the machine. That has got to set a record! -garwain
  • If you're in a chat room, I think someone can drop a bot on you. -phanatik
  • 316. Nicotine and Your PC
    Two days ago, my sister-in-law phoned... they generally leave me alone for all but the baffling tech problems, but this... y'see, they upgraded to a 1.something GHz machine, and sold their old one (proprietary POS Packard Bell 233) to some friends. These friends recently started having problems with it, talked to their ISP (not mine, the local cable provider) who couldn't help. They ask if I'll do anything... sure, what the hell, there's an empty spot on my desk. They even drop it off. This thing is... sick, for lack of a better word. Physically, I've never seen anything so thick with yellow greasy stains from nicotine... Aside from that problem, they had about 800MB of porn that is now on our public drop for it, and has now been formatted to fix the bizarre behaviour. <sigh> You throw these things away, they keep coming back. Better the evil you know, I guess.
    [By: namor]
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  • "They ask if I'll do anything". You might want to watch that! [wink, win, grin, grin] -LaserGuru
  • There is WHAT kind of spot on your desk? -phanatik
  • GROOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! -ltu1542hvy
  • Just remember kids--Smoking kills---computers! -redfaery
  • We constantly get in computers coated with yellow nicotine from inhouse smokers. Last week we had one of these, and I was starting to throw things because I recently quit smoking and was having a bad tech call, and my co-worker suggested I could always just lick this computer's case if it got bad enough... hehe ;) -OzarkBard
  • And somehow some people think that smoking is not harmful . . . if it can kill a computer what do you think its going to do to a person? -DarthLuke
  • Oh wind your necks in Health-Nazi's. Some of us need that stuff to breathe in your foul monkey-planet atmosphere. :0P -Digital Dogcow
  • Gloves and a mask, gloves and a mask... -scooby111
  • Hah.. okay, to respond - I keep a spot on the 10-11' of desk space in my computer room for one computer that I'm working on or something, it was currently just between things, and it's not that I object to people smoking, just that the original owners (my relatives) were smokers, too, and it was *white* (well, a very light beige) when it left their place... I'm gonna have to let their friends know to not smoke *Directly into* their computer, or something... OMFG... I just took out the power supply to get at the CPU (I hate Packard Bell now) and the fan on it pointing at the inside of the case looks like a gorilla's hairy, yellowed ass. I wish I had a digital camera in moments like this. -namor
  • After my grandmother passed away, I helped my parents clean the place. Grandma was a heavy smoker for 60 years. We always thought the kitchen ceiling was a toffee brown colour. After a wipedown with a sugar-soap and vinegar solution, we found out the colour of the ceiling was cream. It's turned me off smoking for life... -Wraith556
  • So... about that public drop... -TechnoVampire
  • Nicotine and caffeine, because breakfast is the most important meal of the day..... -CommanderData
  • Before my aunt died she gave my mom her car as her eyes were so bad she could not drive. She was a heavy smoker. When we got this car it was so gross nasty inside from her smoking in it without opening the windows. And the smell... I nearly puked every time I would get in it. We cleaned it really good but still we could not get the stains out of it. Totally turned me off of ever smoking... -rockytech
  • I have to keep smoking. The tar and nicotine is the only things left holding my lungs together. -phsspok
  • I smoked for ## years. I quit when the surgeon standing over my hospital bed told me the size of the tumor he had just removed from inside my head and that there was still some question as to whether it had reached my brain. -Foyle
  • When I signed up with the Chicago Musicians Union, they said I had to either start smoking, start doing blow, or start shooting up. So I chose the cheapest of the three, to go along with the drinking habit detailed in Chap. 3 of the Charter. < g > -drblunt
  • Weak lungs from a lifetime of asthma keeps me away from smocking, that and I had to ride with a co-worker at a previous job who would nearly cough up a lung and he was the one driving...I was ready to grab the wheel every time. -QuaziTech
  • 317. The message boards help...
    There's a post in a message board abotu the SiS900 chipset and conflicting MACs... this just hit home. Scenario - guy's called in several times over the past couple of days - first he diagnosed his switch as bad, which seemed accurate. Thing is, he has three computers going to a switch, each logging on separately through the DSL modem. After the weekend two of them, (his servers) won't stay on for more than 5 minutes. He got a new switch, same issue. Then I'm talking to him yesterday, and he *FINALLY* mentions that, hey, those two were *UPGRADED* over the weekend, right when the troubles started! They also have onboard NICs... SIS900's - and a post about conflicts from the message board here comes flooding back. He got a PCI NIC, plugged it into one, and *all* troubles stopped. Gee, guess switches don't like conflicts, who woulda thunk... bah, users.
    [By: namor]
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  • Some Switches use the MAC address to route packets, and they get confused with 2 PC with the same MAC address. -Wonko The Sane
  • That was sorta my point... I can see MACs causing a conflict or issues with any kind of network device (well, maybe not all, but...) so completely expected the results, and was ranting more about his inability to tell me about the critical upgrades until several calls and a couple of days later. -namor
  • I dont know what's with those damned SiS900 integrated NICs. My modems hate em. Every time I get someone calling, "Im getting error 678, 716, 666, and 999." And every time I find the SiS900 in the middle of DM. After swapping with our NIC, it works just fine. Its time to ban cheap motherboards. Get an ECS, they are cheap but at least they have support. -psxdefector1
  • psx: I think the guy mentioned that they put some ASUS boards in there, which gave me pause for a minute. -namor
  • Conflicting MAC addresses? That's not supposed to happen. The manufacturer is supposed to set a unique address for every NIC that ships. I just don't get this one. -Xiphiplastron
  • 318. Listen to the farking thing!
    Opening schpiel, then woman starts off explaining how she forgot her voicemail password and she needs us to do something as she hasn't been able to get her messages and... yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, only thing, you've reached business internet. (Yes, I work for the local telco) I ask her how she got to me, after telling her I couldn't help, and where she'd ended up. She said, "I called <telco main number>, pressed 3, then my phone #, then 5, just like I always do, but your options have changed." Sure enough, I call the same number, and #3 EXPLICITLY states, "To reach Internet Services..." Then she gets mad and hangs up in a huff because I suggest she call back and LISTEN TO THE OPTIONS! WTF is with these people..
    [By: namor]
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  • How many times has she called that she had the options memorized? -Wolffarmer
  • Phone tree options should be randomized, change everyday. This should keep people on their toes. You could also put confirmation messages, "You pressed 3, are you sure you want business internet support. If "YES" press 1, if no, hang up and listen to the Goddamn'd options again. -techskier
  • 319. Lies, all Lies!
    It started off innocently enough - connection down. Finally find it was disabled the last day of last month for non-payment - several month's worth. They paid it the other day but it hasn't posted. Re-enable account. Now - today we had a big DB outage, and it's taking several hours as far as we know, to process any requests. I tell him it'll be much later this evening that the account is updated and can connect. *Now* I've got a hassle. Can't let him talk to me sup - they're gone just after 4. Can't let him talk to the people who would get it done - they're all internal. This goes round and round for about 10 minutes, I finally try and get one of the tech supervisors - and when checking, I notice that the re-enable request has already completed, and his connection is up. WTF??? I hate to say it, but they did better than usual and I was dreading essentially telling the customer that I lied and put him through that trouble for nothing - but I guess he noticed it was working and hung up shortly a couple of minutes after being on hold. Works for me.
    [By: namor]
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    320. It keeps disappearing
    Same EU as my previous EUPOTD - I'm now trying to get him to navigate to the network connections, and I tell him to open up the Network control panel... and all I hear is... EU: "Sh*t! Sorry... it disappeared... uh... hrm, let's try that again... it keeps disappearing! Why is it disappearing?" Finally get him through, get him to disconnect his current connection, then ask him to open the connection again to change the username. We change it. He gets a 691. We bring up the connection again, I tell him to remove everything in the username. He asks if he should bring up <ISP> name again. What? He says it disappeared. GRRRRR 30 MINUTES OF MY LIFE TO CHANGE A USERNAME THAT I WON'T GET BACK!
    [By: namor]
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  • Why would you want the username back? :) -Robster2001
  • he was probably holdin down the esc key or somethin like that. I had someone at school a few years ago ask why, when they kept click on the Start button, it'd flash and go away.. well, they had a textbook open, resting on the Esc key.. :P -DaSwish
  • 321. Analog vs digital
    Just got this one - office calls up, saying he's been having trouble for a couple of months with their Internet being intermittently slow. By example, he tells me, "Like right now, the hourglass is just sitting there, something it'll take 15-20 minutes." I found there was a router between our DSL modem and his computers, but that he thought it was our equipment because, "I ran this Windows PC diagnostics something-or-other, and it tests the modem, and when it gets to 60%, it fails!" <sigh> Had to explain of course it will fail - it's looking for a dial-up modem in your computer, and you don't have one. Yay. I can't blame him for not completely understanding, but at please accept the fact that Windows doesn't know much outside of its own self..
    [By: namor]
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  • Windows doesn't know much withing itself, either. -fxdwg6922
  • 322. Dug up one
    I was cleaning out some old papers (like faxes from over a year ago) today, and found my favourite - I had asked the "admin" of a site calling in to fax me details of the error they were getting when sending out. I had made a 'wall of shame' centered around this fax I then received - it's a cover page, specifying their title as "IT Specialist", and one page - containing the screenshot of what you get when you get the properties of an email in OE. Yeah, this'll help. A couple of them even specified - "Location: Deleted Items". Yeah, I need to brush up on my resume...
    [By: namor]
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    323. Now *this* is odd...
    I'm sitting over in the Tier2 tech area, when their manager comes up, with a teacher from her son's school. He's having trouble getting some software from email some other tech sent. Background when I asked: Her son graduated last night, and she lent him her little digital camera (kind we sent out with DSL installs some time ago) - which, apparently, he used for a few upskirt pics. They confisticated the camera, and needed the software from us to get the pics off of it for evidence. Their Outlook 2000 is locked down and can't get attachments, though, so she asks Tier2 for support. I get involved and am currently trying to get it up on my personal domain for their download. Yes, so I'm nice. Manager's comment - "It seems like I'm raising a little pervert!" Uh, I guess so... aren't we all? I almost feel sorry for helping to bust the guy, though... :)
    [By: namor]
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  • Ain't illegal. So his parents are going to get mad at him. -scooby111
  • Yeah, better nip this in the bud, before he turns into another Joe Francis, millionaire CEO of Mantra Entertainment. (Offsite link to GirlsGoneWild web site omitted because it is NOT work-safe.) -Foyle
  • There was a note on cnn.com yesterday saying that "video voyeurism," which could conceivably include something like this, is now going to be a felony in New York. -ltu1542hvy
  • Besides, I'm sure somewhere in the school policies this would fall under something like "misuse of school property" -karlata
  • the word "precocious" comes to mind. Another up and coming PFY? -Mephiston
  • Heh-heh heh-heh....He said "get it up on my personal domain" -Brf
  • Big Kerfuffle in Oz at the moment over the 3G video and camera Mobile/cell phones. Basically they are banned from public swimming pools etc ect. The link is work safe http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,6610264%255E13208,00.html -TechNeck
  • 324. No Network For You!
    Maybe this should be a misconception - cust had her DSL installed at her business by the local computer store, who *also*, it seems, hooked up a router and 5 computers to it. She now ends up calling me, because, "You guys set it up!" to get *another* one on the internet. Free. Nonononono... she hung up after I suggested she talk to that company again. There goes my optimism for the day.
    [By: namor]
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    325. Not so bad...
    Company has a router with us - we set up, manage, support, etc. First words after calling in, "Do you guys have a problem with DSL in <city name>?" Uh... no. Find out - his machine alone cannot resolve our pop server address. That's it. He already knows the router's working as he can get web pages, and anything else. I ask him why he asked whether we had any DSL troubles, he said he thought it might be the line... I can understand some confusion, but surely you realize it's one helluva stretch to go from issues with the line to *one* particular malfunctioning sympton on your PC? Am I outta line here?
    [By: namor]
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  • one of my headlights burnt out, should i replace my battery and alternator? -useless
  • Nah, you're outta gas. -Jeckler
  • 326. Clueless to clue.
    This started with an EUPOTD - "I need to download the software for the internet onto my computer," to her telling me she was handicapped and needed her neice to help her. Her neice then took over and was *perfect* - was already in the dialler creation and explained it in simple terms, and we were done in, no kiddnig, 30 seconds. What a turnaround.
    [By: namor]
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  • Was Guiness notified, that has to be a world record :) -leonine
  • Liar!Liar!!Liar!!! -misterallno
  • 327. Annoying Neepage
    Short story version: Cust calls up yesterday to get Frontpage extensions added to her site. Was missed, started today. Now it's near the end of the day, I can't see that it's done (oops - we had other server issues) and she keeps going on and on and on... apparently the company she's doing it for paid a buttload of money for advertising in some publication that came out early - on Saturday. They were expecting Wednesday. Okay, you call in *two* days before the advertising's due to come out? My thought is, the site should be *up* and *functional* at the time you book the advertising... not procrastinating until a day or two before. She didn't even know what I meant by 'index.html'. My new official Pet Peeve - you cannot call yourself a Web Designer if you *only* know FrontPage.
    [By: namor]
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  • wow. did you get the name of the client? I bet they're gonna be looking for someone new to do their work. mwuhahahahhahaa. i could make a few bucks here. ;) -mousie
  • 328. Ramble, ramble, ramble...
    Cust gets lots of spam. Using new program that doesn't allow filtering like her old one did. 20 minutes later, after she's discussing how to read through the headers to send to our abuse department, she mentions, "I went to a seminar a while ago and got a free copy of this Spamkiller software - do you think that would work?" Grrr... YES! At least give it a *try* and don't molest our poor little abuse monkeys...
    [By: namor]
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    329. Neepage
    Just to start off - everyone in our department has heard of this customer. They scream the loudest over the simplest things, they've been publically arrested before (not related to that screaming) and various things, but we all know the name. I was dealing with a minor issue that I was surprised to find involved them - two bills returned for domain renewals, saying they were cancelled last year. Check - we know them so well, there are notes of the email, complete with headers, from this person requesting that they be renewed, just before we did so. Now, the building next door (cellular dealer) calls in saying that they're there... and they'll be stopping by to see this proof, as they think I'm fabricating it. Woooooonderful. I get up there, have to talk to the woman, when this big burly guy comes in, and apparently they're together - she shows him, he glances at it and turns it face down, saying, dismissively, "Immaterial." WTF? Grr. I ended up just shutting it all down and crediting the piddly domain renewal charges if it would get them out of my hair, but these people have to be heard to be believed.
    [By: namor]
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  • Never credit a A$$hole - it just encourages them. -scooby111
  • Do what i do. Stonewall there is always a company policy that you can make-up -youpeople
  • I would have just let, say, a manager do it - our previous one had reversed charges, so I at least followed precedent, bad as it feels. I'd rather have had them duke it out with a manager - but the current is on vacation, and the backup wasn't around. So I took over - fair play, right? -namor
  • BOFH man. No credits!! Ha! -firebird2k2
  • Probably took the neanderthal all day to learn the word "immaterial" -SparcMan
  • 330. Spank me, spanky me very much.
    Another rep says he has one of our installers on line with a linux question, will I take it? Sure! Bad idea. This is an installer who has a heavy accent and doesn't always get it. At a customer's location, says he's trying to set up the DSL connection on Linux 9. Redhat, I find. I don't know RedHat, and he eventually gets me to talk to this guy directly, who *also* has a thick accent. Walk him through adsl-setup on the command line to be nice, doesn't take, he has very rudimentary knowledge of this. Tell him I can't take him any further, as it's unsupported. His exclamation: "But it was an option! I was told it can work! It works in XP!" Great. Then use XP. Get off my line.
    [By: namor]
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  • Thanks. Another point in my "Why Linux isn't as great as you may think:" List. I have nothing against it. I actually like it, but I'm a little tired of people knocking M$ ut of habit. -scooby111
  • Me too, but you do have to admit, Ol' Billy-boy has made it pretty easy to do... -obie099
  • I knock anyone who can't use their system adequately, and has no desire/ability to learn. I like linux, I prefer to use it for some things, but gotta admit, Windows is the basis for a lot - of games, especially. -namor
  • I am with you on that one, scooby. I'm the first to admit that there is plenty wrong with MS software, but it irritates me to no end when people blindly knock it without knowing what they're talking about, which seems to be the majority of Mac and Linux fanatics that I run into. -ltu1542hvy
  • 331. Abuse me, too.
    Answer the phone as normal - EU: "Hi, this is **** from Wisconsin, and I'm getting attacked..." Great. I forgot that our netblock's admin contact phone # goes here in some cases. She tells me that *** (the contact name on our netblock) is trying to hack her. I'm trying to get the details... like what sort of attack, from what IP, etc - she starts giving me the mailing address listed as well. Well, her problem - call was probably a couple of minutes longer than it *needed* to be but she's the one calling long-distance... just told her to get the raw log files from Norton (bah, already!) and forward them to our abuse email. Bets we never see it.
    [By: namor]
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  • I'll take that bet. If I win, you have to talk her thru making a tin-foil hat over the phone. -scooby111
  • Yeah I had some clueless moron "goober with firewall" contacting us from Nevada just to tell me that our netadmin is pinging his PC. Needless to say I couldn't make this idiot understand he wrong and too paraniod. -fxdwg6922
  • 332. Optimism
    Spoke to a woman about simple email problem, then at the end she asks, "Are you any good at LANs?" I hesitantly say yes, and she ask - she can't see the other computers on the network anymore. Find it's XP, walk her through putting the icon on the desktop, that's all it was. At the end, she says, "You're amazing!" And as a joke, I reply, "That's what everyone tells me..." Her: "Hmm, even your girlfriend?" "Uhh... wife, but yeah, sure." I should stop joking with them before one of these backfires.
    [By: namor]
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  • I was talking to my Step-mother one day and she told me to be optimistic about something and I responded "Life has sucked all optimism from my body." -Bioguy
  • Tech support sucks all the optimism and good cheer out of its grunts. *nod* But somehow the callers still think we should be happy... -snowcrash
  • The supervisors think the same thing -mrwolfie
  • Backfires?? Sounds like it worked fine. :) -scooby111
  • 333. Will people work for free?
    If you don't read slashdot (shame on thee!) then how about this - with the recent move of support to India, it seems that companies are looking for even *cheaper* outsourcing opportunities. Read: http://slashdot.org/articles/03/06/06/1226232.shtml?tid=98&tid=99
    [By: namor]
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  • *nod* It will come around again and stop being outsourced entirely eventually. -scooby111
  • I called it. There it is. There are people out there who can obviously live on $.01/2 per day. -MadJack
  • I work with an American ISP in India, and I am paid Rs.7000.00($350.00 approximately) a month. You know, I can buy a 150 cc Bike from Honda with my 7 months earnings. Let me say, we won't work for less, but it seems less because you at America work for more. -misterallno
  • misterallno, I hope you don't think us US techs are blaming you for their loss of jobs. Greed runs so rampant in many corporations' management that someday soon, they may look at India as another waste of money. Since many of the countries dislike the US anyways, why not have them listen to all the "ugly americans" so the countries will have a better excuse to hate the US. -ab1normalh
  • Wll, lessee. We don't want to work for less than $10 an hour minimum, some, like those who work for Eh?Oh,Hell! make $8. That's $64 a day. That may seem like a lot in India; but even at $10-$11 an hour, after income tax and all the required deductions for company medical insurance, it takes an entire two weeks pay to pay the rent. That leaves two weeks pay to take care of things like paying for electricity, telephone service, ISP, car payments, gas, car insurance, and then find something left over to eat on. It's not like we're being greedy here. We're just trying to live. -MadJack
  • boycott those bastards putting us out of a job. its bad enough when our caller complain about the tech in india not speeking english -youpeople
  • Anytime I find someone who has outsourced to a place like India, I will tell them to go peddle there products to those they are employing. C*mcast closed a call center here to move it to Canada. I called and canceled their service and when asked why, told them without a job, can not afford them. They'll (outsourcers)eventually get the message. -obie099
  • 334. Lovely Logic
    Woman calls in to my business department in error - she tells me she wants to cancel as she's never been able to connect anyway. I transfer her, and in the meantime, look up the logged connections for her account. There are three. Going back to the start of the year. Send a little msg to the guy who got her after that, and he replies in a little bit - "she says she dosen't know how to connect and that we should teach her how to use it before we sell it to her."
    [By: namor]
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  • Sure! While we are at it, lets have all the car dealerships teach the starfish how to drive before they sell them a car! Yet another point in the argument for requiring a computer operator's license! -firebird2k2
  • Why would you buy something that you have no clue how to use? I wouldn't buy a farm combine. Why do these farking idiotic farmers keep buying computers? -scooby111
  • The power of suggestive selling. When was the last time you had to sit through a zillion combine commercials during two hours of television? -obie099
  • 335. Geekette
    Just got this call transferred through, and I *enjoyed* it! Background: she started off with billing problems - then got into webhosting questions. She was talking about hosting the domain she registered on her own computer, she's setting up a second computer specially for it, additional IP, etc, and talking about setting up a MUD on it and all. (the domain was ***bbs.com, so I was thinking old-school) - but she sounded young, and cute, and interesting... I didn't want to hang up. Near the end of the 20-30 minutes I spent on the phone discussing things with her, she finally mentioned - she's blind! Until she said that, I *never* would have guessed. Wow. Utmost respect coupled with a strange desire to stalk/meet her somehow.
    [By: namor]
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  • I had a similiar experience but reversed. I had to call up SBC one night due to my DSL having major issues. Was on the line with one of their support reps for almost 2hrs but during that time there was a lot of indirect flirting going on. Though she did flat out tell me if I was local to her she'd take me out for night on the town and show me a good time. Her threat to email stalk me never happened though, but the call was fun over all. -WhiteTiger
  • Those kind of calls are cool. I got to help a lot of disabled Gulf vets in the four months I worked for AAFES. Was great to comisserate, especially with some of the girls in the nav who were there, too. -MadJack
  • Hmm, a ***bbs.com address ... I only know one of those around anymore ... -Calydor
  • I just meant the *** to represent some arbitrary prefix, it's not actually a three-letter name. Pretty sure I was on a dialup version several years back, though. -namor
  • One of my first really difficult calls working here was with a woman in CO. She had to be around 30 just from how she spoke and during our conversations she kinda dated herself. Flirted a lot, despite a pretty big age difference, ended up sending post cards back and forth for a while. That was the only time I teched a call for her though. -CelticSkyhawk
  • 336. So... what's the problem?
    EU: Our internet is down. And, (paraphrased) the ENET light on the box isn't on. Me: Hm. Okay, so what sort of device/router is the modem we supplied plugged into. EU: It's this <router> thing here, it's not on right now. Me: Okay, that's why there's no ENET light on, and why it's not working. EU: So, what' the problem here? Me: <thinking> Exsqueeze me?
    [By: namor]
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  • Please make sure the O-N/O-F-F (spelled out) is in the O-N position. -WhiteTiger
  • R-U-N-N-O-F-T -obie099
  • Dumb as a bag of hammers. <g> -RiffRaff
  • At least the hammers have useful reason for existing. -Hellion
  • Is the innernet busted? Mah PC light is off... AAAAAAARGH!!! HULK SMASH!! -LaunchpadMcKwak
  • 337. I love this part, really.
    Background: I run a mail server at home. I have it set up on a static IP, in such a way that I cannot even relay through my own ISP's mail servers. It is an island unto itself. I use it for just this sort of situation. Another rep comes to me, this cust is getting relaying errors. Everything looks fine. Tell him to point it at my mail server, I'll get detailed logs and we'll see. This time - I see the connection - from the local cable company, which we are not. Of course, relaying denied. Customer vehemently denies having Shaw, or even a VPN, which was my second thought. They go back and forth a bit... until finally, our rep gets back on the phone with him, and the guy says, "Your network guys are gonna think I'm a tool..." He was using his laptop, to dial into a box which was connected with someone else, and mail out through them. And only *just* realized/admitted this might be an issue. Yeah, buddy, we do.
    [By: namor]
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  • "here's yer sign!" -lineswine
  • 338. Hate me a little bit.
    So... In another department I frequent here, there's a guy who has a second job at a computer store, recently made manager. I'm off Tuesday, go out with the wife to the mall, see The Matrix, walk around, meet this guy in the middle. Asks if I want some computer stuff they have laying around. Apparently, it was there when he took over, it's not on the books, and not worth his time to fix/decide price/sell/account for, etc. So ... go back there, it's an HP system, so proprietary. Sure, I'll take it. Don't know what it is... wife wants it because, "It's pretty!" So she's claimed it. Get home, it's a Celeron 900 - double the current main machine. The only fault? One of the two 128 MB simms is faulty, and only tests up to 50MB before dying. I'm *used* to getting full systems up to a P-200MMX, but a 900? Wow. And, yes, this is my way of gloating. :)
    [By: namor]
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  • I will work for parts -virusjtg
  • Sweet! Good going! -TechnoVampire
  • When my old 366MHz HP broke (connector on MB broke), I wnet searching for a few days. Checked UBID, found a HP 1GHz/128MB/40GB HD refurb there. Bid and won for $310 shipped (mid last year). Got it with no OS. Tried the HP recovery procedure for the recovery partition, it restored the factory loaded default of XP with the HP programs. -technaround
  • So the wife liked it because it was pretty. Doesn't sound like it took much to Cel-er-on it. <laughs maniacally, and quickly flees> -Hellion
  • ya can't beat free stuff and food...even if it was non-functioning you could still find a good use for it....i had a dead pc sittin' in my closet, needed the space for something else, so i took it out to the local firing range, set it up, and blew it to hell...if you don't believe me, i have pic's of it...just sucked 'cause i was trying to zero out a scope with it as the target (and paper targets taped to it)..still did a nice job on it though...by the way...who else is packin' heat on here? -testing123
  • Yep, nice little thing. It'd be my gaming machine, if I could get a decent graphics card in it. (1-4MB shared onboard? Yech.) Here's to a Windows jukebox/email machine for the wife... <sigh> Anyone needs an early pentium in my area, you're welcome to them, though - my basement is filling quickly... -namor
  • Hellion, LART, LART, LART. That was painful. <winces> -scooby111
  • LOL Cool! A techie friend of mine recently offered to do car repairs in exchange for pizza, but you definitely got a damn good deal! :) -snowcrash
  • <Duck, laugh, dodge, laugh, hit deck and crawl away> I know but I couldn't resist. -Hellion
  • nice. out of jealousy, can i wreck your day and advise you to skip the Matrix viewing. not worth your time. trust me. (*sniff* i feel cheated on the storyline!!! =( ) -mousie
  • Mousie - Didn't wreck my day. i thought the plot in the first one was a little shaky, and from everything I've heard about this one it's even worse. Anyone who want to shoot me feel free the range is open :b -Hellion
  • <tired from swinging LART and missing> <pulls out rapid-fire BFG 9000 LART> Hold still and quit squirming. -scooby111
  • HA! I just picked up the (L)user CEO Force Field. I am invunerable. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a. -Hellion
  • testing123 postal tech if he is still with us also packs much heat you two should discuss weapons -alexcorvice
  • 339. Whatchu smoking, Willis?
    Guy was a tech, I'll give him that - first schpiel: "We have an office in (location) that has DSL through you, with a router, using VPN client software to connect to us, and as of yesterday, it seems you're filtering a protocol they need to do so." Okayyyyy... so I try and get information - he has the current IP. That helps. Get it. It's not familiar. Belongs to (large backbone provider/ISP). Tell him that. Nice, he was: "Hm... you're right. I'm gonna call them back and ask what they're smoking over there." I love it when I speak to someone who *can* say that sort of thing...
    [By: namor]
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  • I wonder if he wanted some too? ;) -snowcrash
  • Probably. I usually ask. -PaseoGuy
  • 340. You're gonna hate me...
    How often do you hear, "You guys have to increase your average handle time." Yes, it's true. Y'see, we handle business calls. We get a lot of mis-directed residential calls, which we transfer to the appropriate department - those calls are bringing our times way down. Our manager realizes that this presents an incorrect view of the work we do, so it was one of those things in our meeting today. I just thought it extremely... odd.
    [By: namor]
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  • Can't win fer losin'... -RiffRaff
  • Let them blabber on about their life stories. At the end say "sorry, you're in the wrong department, I'll transfer you to the right one" -Jardinsky
  • transfer the call, and stay on the line listening for 5 minutes? -garwain
  • All I can say about that is, "huh." -snowcrash
  • PHB alert! -hkypipe
  • We used to have to worry about call times, then we started charging for support on older products. If they're paying for the call, we're likely to stay on the phone until it's fixed, so we have no more mandate to keep call times down. Fewer calls overall, $$$ for tech support, happy techs, happy manager. -pixel
  • hkypipe: not PHB, actually. Really good manager, trying to get our stats to show reality - that calls show we need another body, rather than the falsity, that our AHT is good enough and we don't. -namor
  • Man Namor, I can only suggest that your boss try to find a different call-tracking solution that'll let you put an excuse in on transfers or not include calls transferred to another dept within the first minute. Or have a blast blabbin your ass off! :) -GargoyleTS
  • hell no i have never heard that i work in outsourced support and they are never done telling us to keep aht down :( -apisto
  • 341. They do their own surcharge.
    Thought this was simple enoguh - got account information willingly at the start of the call. Then the guy asks me if that username was for high, or low-speed internet. Okay, it's DSL - high. End of call? NO! All he knows is high and low, no DSL or dialup or what the hell it means. He wants hi-speed on this other computer in another office there. Fine, I suggest, get someone to network it. He says, no, they were once told that then, someone could use those computers to get into their "mainframe" <you have a mainframe? I *highly* doubt it> from the internet. Fine. So he's okay with $100 in extra charges for the additional dialup on the main account, the $100 for moving another jack to that office, and $40 more a month as well for the DSL. At the end, I respectfully asked if he had any IT staff there, and he said he was it... I suggested he get a consultant. Serve 'em right. My knuckles hurt from hitting my little metal filing bin here during this call, now...
    [By: namor]
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    342. What???
    Cust calls in - wants additional email box. Setting it up, I ask what password they want on it. She asks if she can set it to what the main account's password is. I explain that we can't see that - it's all encrypted, but if she can tell it to me, that's what I'll use. Then she says, "That's okay, I don't think I know what it is, either." WTF? If you* don't know it, why would you use it on a new account setup? The lack of sense is what gets me, here...
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • "Remember Password" The most annoying check box ever put on any type of application login prompt. -WhiteTiger
  • It's a handy feature for the email program / DUN / whatever to remember a password for you, but it's no substitute for remembering it yourself! With the number of sites I have to log into on a regular basis, I like having IE fill in the info for me, or a cookie remember me. -garwain
  • 343. Unnerstand, damnit.
    Guy has normal residential DSL at his business. Calls in as he's being billed an extra $300 on his internet bill this month, and wants to know why. I explain: DSL is unlimited, but you can dial in on the same account for $1/hr. So, someone with the uid/pw and some time I guess had some 300 minutes to spare... I took the longest time even explaining what dial-up *WAS*! "You have broadband, fast internet access, right? Okay, how did people get on the internet before that?" Silence. Lucky me, I get the tech from their head office in another province later in the day - who was *much* nicer to talk to, but said I apaprently freaked him out a bit when I said that you get use "that dialup thingy" anywhere there was a phone line.
    [By: namor]
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  • doh -useless
  • Whoops - "can use," not "get use." -namor
  • Okay, I'm confused. Some one has DSL and it comes with a "roaming" dial-in access for travel? This access is billed @ $1.00 an hour? this user got billed an extra $300.00? wouldn't that have been 300 hours logged into dial-up? That like half a month continous connection. Anyone who uses dial-up can tell you that that danged near impossible... -obie099
  • Near impossible, unless someone reaalllly likes their porn! hee hee hee! -MacDaddy
  • 344. I don't know HTML...
    ... but webmasters certainly should. Woman calls up, saying a site of theirs (keep mentioning that you have 5 domains with us, yeah, keep going) has a problem with a form. On her husband's, it brings up the mail program. On hers, it just sends the contents. Obviously the problem is with this, "New XP Program" on his. Look at the source. Lookie that, form action="mailto:..." Try explaining that. Have to explain to him, the webmaster. At least he was nicer, but still - shouldn't you look into it *yourself*, BEFORE calling me?
    [By: namor]
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  • of course not, they are the webmasters, so the look after the page, and design the page, but if anything goes wrong, then it's TS's job to fix it... -garwain
  • Here be a PRIME example of one of by biggest irks. Owning a farkin copy of Dreamweaver does not make u a farkin Webmaster, any more than owning Photoshop makes u a Graphic Designer, or owning a farkin pair of training shoes makes u a farkin Olympic Athlete. Employers - PLEASE SIT UP & TAKE FARKIN NOTE!!! -Digital Dogcow
  • I own a cpoy of Visual Studio.NET. Does that mean that I don't know C#, C+, C++, ASP.NET, or any other programming languages?? Crap, what do you mean I have to lean it? I bought the software!!! -scooby111
  • I actually didn't have a problem with the guy, once she let him on the phone. I *did* have to show him the same error on two of the sites he administered, but he recognized and admitted the mistake. I could still hear *her* neeping in the background, though. -namor
  • Speaking as a webmaster (among other things), slogging through HTML isn't nearly as bad as through, say, C code, but it can be tiring, and if you've got a bunch of table tags, trying to find that missing close carat can be a real pain. Of course, Dreamweaver has made me lazy, as I can now highlight an object in Dreamweaver, and it'll take me right to the specific statement in the code. But I do agree, if you don't know how to tag, maybe you should learn first, before you decide to wear the "webmaster hat". -drblunt
  • ACK! One of my biggest pet peeves too. Front Page does not make you a Webmaster, Photoshop does not make you a Graphics Designer, and MSWord does not make you a professional publisher. -MacDaddy
  • DD: you seem to be missing quotes aroung the word "owning".....I'm torn between believing EUs will buy software that they think will make them godlike, and knowing that they're too cheap to actually pay money when Mel knows a guy who can burn it for $5... -karlata
  • MacDaddy: tell me about it. I don't know what the hell those programs do, as I stay far away from their HTML "capabilities" - but two examples: Cust wants to change their front page - I figure from talking to him it's easier if he emails it to me and I'll upload it. I get it, it's made in Word, and missing the image files. Take another two days back and forth before I just edit a quick 'n' dirty redirect page for him. The other - finding out their site isn't up after, "But I uploaded the files like you said!" and seeing a multi-MB .pub file in it, and associated gunk. Bah. -namor
  • In my opinion, when it comes to HTML, nothin' beats Notepad. Using dreamweaver is just like using a calculater to figure out what 24+529 is. Granted, if you're new to the language, programs such as that can help with their built in libraries, but the not-so-lame way to learn is to, gasp, buy a BOOK on the subject :D. </personal expression> -DaSwish
  • That's why I like CSS. One page to power a 5 jillion page site, and all you have to do is throw in a little HTML here and there for images and the like. Of course, it doesn't matter how well the language or program works if you don't farkin' know how to use it. -flare
  • For me when it comes to ASP and HTML on a windows machine, I kind of like MS Visual Interdev and its syntax highlighting. Usually I'll just use VI in a SSH session when working in PHP though. -garwain
  • 345. Sometimes it's you.
    I have to tell on myself. I'm playing with one of our DSL routers, and I've got it hooked up via console cable, and do: erase flash. Everything go bye-bye. Now, I have no CCNA, nothing. I figure out what I need to set, I get an IOS, I have TFTP set up. I try to get it to download. All I get are timeouts and then errors about ARP timeouts. I try it remotely from work. I come home and I try it. I can't see *anything* coming in on that interface, even. Finally, just now, I realize - hey, I should have plugged something into the LAN side, shouldn't I... Yep, I'm a moron.
    [By: namor]
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    Comments

  • D'oh! :-) -PaseoGuy
  • I was calling dead-beats who dont pay bills and got into a loser's cell phone voice mail, and got the 'please press 1 to leave a message' I hit the 1 key on the keyboard, then hit it again, then again (while swearing at the cell phone comp), then i realized i had a EU moment (pure stupidity.)...time for me to go home. -burrkiss
  • Hooked up my DVD player at home and was wondering why oh why it didnt work till i saw the plug dangling there... <sigh> luser moment -rockytech
  • Burrkiss - see the story I posted a couple of days ago ;) (Search for my name) -grahamwboyes
  • This kind of thing happens all the time. My coworker was Setting up BGP for one of our swipesand was banging his head against a keyboard for quite some time trying to figure out why it would not work. then suddenly it started to work. He spent almost an hour trying to figure it out before he finally realized all he had to do was wait for it to update. -scooby111
  • about 2-3 years ago I used to support those little Cisco 67x series routers. They don't run IOS - they run CBOS - and even after you've erased the flash rom there's a way to do a break and upload a new rom into it with xmodem - you might search around the net. -Yuri
  • Yuri - thanks, but it's an 800-series DSl modem/router. I had to manually do IP_ADDRESS= and all that, and got an IOS on it after I plugged it into the LAN. Just lucky I already had ARP and TFTP going from playing with a Javastation. -namor
  • You haven't lived until you've had to connect a serial cable to the device so that you can telnet into it to reset the device because you have no idea what the ip address is.... -BunnieTechBabe
  • telnet over serial cable? o.O new one on me. I always thought that was 'console' -Gecko
  • Not if you're using the serial cable to do PPP.....although I'd rather doubt that on a router... -karlata
  • 346. Sell them a clue.
    When you have to go this far... trying to get her to type the '@' symbol, as she's never heard of it before: Okay, hold down your shift key, okay? EU: okay. Me: Now, press the 2 key at the top of your keyboard. What do you see? EU: Nothing. Me: You pressed the one on the right side, huh? EU: Yes... Me: Okay, hold down shift, and press the '3' key AT THE TOP. EU: Okay, I see a number sign. Me: Hold shift and press the '1' key AT THE TOP. EU: I see an exclamation point. Me: Hold down shift and press the '2' key at the top! EU: I see this strange squiggly thing, hold on, let me delete it... ME: NO! Also found she spelled her login as USername@i.s.p.net. Wonderful. I'm dead inside, thanks to these people.
    [By: namor]
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  • My mother got a letter from her aunt saying that her email address was LUser6 at c.s.com Like that. My mother is competent with computers, broadly speaking, but she couldn't figure out that one. -DavidHM
  • 347. EVERY page?
    Customer just called in and got a co-worker - what she wanted? A book or directory of EVERY PAGE on the internet! "If I want to buy a car, I can just go to that page." WTF? Yeah, just back that dump truck up to our doors and we'll print it off...
    [By: namor]
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  • Yeah you d***a** EU. IT'S CALLED GOOGLE! Sheesh! -EUsBYTE
  • She'll probably call the phone company and ask for the number of "everybody" in case she ever needs to call them. -batduck
  • No, she probably thinks the phone book already has everybody in it. -QuaziTech
  • ok, we'll start printing that right now, come pick it up next month, and bring some frinds with a few moving vans -useless
  • Not to mention she would need a new version every 6 hours or so. -TechnoVampire
  • I've heard a lot of dumb stuff, but THAT has gotta be the most dumbass request ever made! -MacDaddy
  • 348. They're never happy
    Just talking with our LAN support, I got this one - the next building over, they just upgraded their machines from 300MHz to 2GHz desktops. Perfect, right? Well, there's this set of apps they use - you log in to the program, then have several other icons to click on to open the app. With the 300's they were able to click on all the icons at once and wait for them to open. *Now* they're complaining that they have to open one, and it opens so fast, they have to minimize it, open the next, repeat, etc... Glad I don't get those calls..
    [By: namor]
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  • give them back their 300's and ship me that 2 GHz -Sp3edR4cer
  • Simple solution: Select all apps, hit [return]. If that doesn't work, prepare the LART. -Xiphiplastron
  • Replace the Icons with shortcuts to batch files. The batch file just does a sleep for 10 seconds or so then opens the program. Problem solved. Make it 30 seconds and they'll be begging to go back to the 'too fast way' in no time. :) -scooby111
  • Another thing you can do is to modify the shortcuts to have them run minimised -McSmiley
  • oh wah! -tarax
  • 349. More porn!
    So, it's decided - customer brings in their computer to fix, it's scanned for porn. Any that's there, is uploaded to a user account on a box I know. two-three so far since this, and 300MB of porn already. Last one I was looking through some pics, see a woman - fifty-ish, sucking back a... well, not a cold one by any means, close-up. One of the others sees, and goes, "Hey, that's the one who dropped it off!" <shudder>
    [By: namor]
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  • Excuse me while I go hurl... -Snakeeye
  • LMFGDAO -Gecko
  • <Moves to give Snakeeye a bucket, pauses to think, and gives Snakeeye EU's shoe to hurl in instead> -Wiser
  • Oh Hell, that's the funniest damn thing I've heard yet!! You just made my day!! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to Lysol my brain clean... -LaunchpadMcKwak
  • okaaaaaay, we need a large stake, some rope, kindling & a Village square & we're all set. -Digital Dogcow
  • A riot is an ungly thing ... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun! -LaserGuru
  • Sorry, I'd actually post a link to the pic - if it wouldn't be too easy to figure out too much about where I am/work from it. -namor
  • Photoshop it up, black box the nasty parts, print it up and post it somewhere she can't miss it when she comes back. -scooby111
  • Better yet print it out, when she shows up say, we thought we might have to format the drive, so we printed out hard copies of this for you . . . -quadrinaro
  • 350. Incompetent? Me?
    So, get this call the other day - starts off pretty simple - "My domain isn't working and I want to know why." Seems it expired with Netsol, and so all DNS is off and not pointing anywhere... aparently, to complicate things, a month before the expiry, he had tried to have it transferred to us. However, the admin email address is wrong. I explain this, and he blows up, calls me incompetent, and says he wants my supervisor or someone who knows what they're doing. I'm still pissed about that. Nicely got our DNS manager, who told him to renew with Netsol - and he was fine! WTF? Grr.
    [By: namor]
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  • That happens to me all the time, people are such pricks on the phone until they get a supervisor, then it's all sunshine and rainbows. They do their best to make the tech look like a fool. Luckily I'm a good supervisor and I know better. Bah @ people. -nightmaredns
  • not in my experiences. sup time is like an explosion of neepage. -LadiesMan402
  • Here, too, ladiesman. I typically get a luser asking for a sup...then when the sup tells them the same thing I did, they ask for the sup's sup! I guess they figure, If I go high enough, sooner or later someone will agree with me. That's probably true, though, which is the problem. Because the higher they go, the farther away from any actual techs they get and we get into corporate beancounters and dept. heads and even the CEO of the company, all of whom care far more that the customer is happy then that we can actually do what the luser is asking for. That's why most companies don't let the call escalate that far. -CaffeineHead
  • I just think I don't know how to deal well - I can figure out the problem easily enough, but when I tell someone, that's out of my hands, it'll take a couple of hours to come back and fix this on the back-end - I can't do much when they say, "That's unacceptable!" Really, don't know what to say to that. -namor
  • 351. I shot myself on this one...
    Imagine the scene... customer calls in, saying they can't get their Ottawa office through their proxy. First: speakerphone, one woman who is understandable, the supposed "tech" has a thick accent. It's also voice-activated so I miss some consonants and all. Figure out it's a Windows NT4 machine which can get online but the proxied clients can't. Ask some questions - takes about 30 minutes to figure out that they don't have a router, they don't know about their PPTP connection, or what kind of proxy server they use. <sigh> Told them that the connection worked, the rest is their issue, but they didn't quite get that - next question was, "So, what can we do?" I told them to try event log, check whether some services were started, etc. Asked me how to do that, then asked what I should have to start - when was it last rebooted. A week ago. Suggest they do that now. Surprise, it works. GAH! Why was that tech even there, and where did my brain go?
    [By: namor]
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    352. Business?
    Now, this one from today: ususal schpiel. Figure EU's account is residential (I'm business support). Tell him I'm going to transfer. He says wait - my IT department said to talk to you instead, and that my problems could be because we've got this router and firewall stuff here. Stupidly, I decide to delve a little deeper. His *only* problem? When he brings up IE, it says no connection is currently available, but it works when he presses, "Try Again." Hold on, transferring you to residential tech for the simple fix... <not a bastardly act, but semi-satisfying anyway>
    [By: namor]
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  • damn... everyone knows that's a nuke and pave situation ;) -heirophant
  • if it was broadband connection just upgrade to IE5.5 or 6 and send about his way -Sp3edR4cer
  • gonna kill you speed!!! your soloution is the reason for half of my "cant get online" calls! why dont you just tell them to install AOL 8.0?!?! it'l hoase their OS faster! -IcoNyx
  • I gotta agree with IcoNyx... One of the other call centers that do support for the same company as I do thinks that upgrading to IE 6 is the fix for any browsing or can't online issue. No dial tone? Oh, you need to upgrade to IE 6. That'll fix it! -NSaneTech
  • We actually got the current crop of install CDs with pristine, virginal Winsock2 registry keys for almost every Windows OS. Finding the correct one and double-clicking usually fixes a lot of connect-no-browse issues. But you're not getting that answer that easily, now... -namor
  • you think it is a symple double-click fix?!? nonono! you gotta remove winsock and winsock2 from regedit: hklm/system/currentcontroleset/services then remove comunications from add/ remove programs, THEN reextract wsock32.dll (porvided it isnt so corrupted by your so called fix that it CAN be extracted and overwritten) then reinstall communications (- vpn) and prey you dont have to DFFR! (debug, fdisk, format, reinstall for those non dell-ers... quick fix my ars!!! put (L)users into the mix??? can you say no chance in hell? besides, the problem described in the post is a redirect issue! just cheak the settings in ieunder connection... probably looking on the wrong portor some such garbage. -IcoNyx
  • The fix I described is usually simple, but not the Winsock2 - Winsock2 fix, we found (and we have a bunch of machines we mess with daily for testing) is generally just the registry. Removing/reinstalling DUN just creates a pristine key. So, importing a pristine set in and rebooting is a *lot* simpler, and works for a lot. Otherwise, it's the full nuke&pave. The issue I mentioned in the original post has to do with a couple of IE-specific keys, though. -namor
  • 353. The little old lady that couldn't...
    Tech call the other day - sounds about 80, and I find she has a bit of a hearing problem... connectivity issue, find she has a linksys router. Trying to ping... awful time trying to get to a command prompt, picture me yelling into the phone, "NO, START, S-T-A-R-T..." then tell her, "Now type ping, that's P..." Her: "King? Why do I need a king?" <sigh>
    [By: namor]
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    354. Paranoid, much?
    I don't believe this one... Customer calls up, has their new DSL service, static IP. Installed onto a locked-down NT4 workstation, which, apparently, is firewalled so that it can *only* VPN into this one IP for their head office. But it's timing out when they try. Cannot even ping/trace anywhere (like our DNS servers!) but can resolve names. Does not have admin rights, cannot mess with the firewall, so I had to say - It can either be them denying you, you denying your outgoing requests, or the machine is hosed. Either way, it's locked down too tight to tell which! What do you expect me to do???
    [By: namor]
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  • Dont you know we are still expected to fix the problem? Ha! -firebird2k2
  • he who holds the keys to the kingdom of the komputer is expected to fix it. -WildKard
  • 355. They're everwhere!
    So, I was helping out my nephew-to-be this weekend, buying some stuff for their social. We're at one store, where they have a 65" projection TV hooked up solely to a DVD player, playing Toy Story 2. Kids are watching while their parents are shopping. I see a couple get looking at the TV, they mess with the controls in a little panel in front - manage to change channels. All it's getting is static, now. They're trying to change it back to DVD, can't figure it out. I see the menu come up, they spend a couple of minutes, then effectively shrug and move on. I can't help it - I go up, take a look at the buttons, and guess that the AV/Video one is it - hit it, voila, DVD again. Then I realize - this is probably the same type of person who calls in all the time... gah!
    [By: namor]
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  • I struggle with customers all day who have trouble with the concept of turning their TV to channel 3 for the cable box to work. -MightyMouse
  • I struggle with customers all day who have trouble with the concept of turning their TV to channel 3 for the cable box to work. -MightyMouse
  • 3, as in the holey hand grenade, 3 you f^cking moron, 3! -virusjtg
  • And try walking those people thru complicated menus with a remote... that's bad. -Eloewien
  • Must be the same guy I saw the other day struggling with an ATM (see separate Tech Story from a week or two ago). -ltu1542hvy
  • Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. -notpitr
  • 'Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.' Thy foe being (l)users, of course. -TechnoVampire
  • "One, Two, Five!" "Three, sir." "THREE!" <heaves grenade> -Bioguy
  • Its amazing how many times this happens...*ring**ring* "Your cable service is total @#$@ all i get is snow on my lower channels"..."ok sir/ma'am please press 'tv' on the remote, then hit 'channel up' then tell me what channel it goes to"...."63"...(just to be evil to the morons, i tell them keep pressing the 'channel down' button until you get to channel 3...(they are too stupid to hit 03 on the remote)..."Now are you getting a clear picture?"...."yes"...<as politely as possible> "you just need to leave the tv on channel 3 Thank for calling %%%%%%%% have a nice day." -burrkiss
  • "Should we go ON 3, or should we count 1,2,3, and THEN go?" "I dunno." "Oh, fark it. 123 GO!" Mel and Danny in any of the Lethal Weapons. -MadJack
  • I don't think EUs are worth comparing to the Killer Rabbit/Monty Python... -Vertigo
  • Okay I can relate... I've tried to explain to my mother at least 2 dozen times now how to use the (universal) remote control. She's got most of it down fine; but still goes into "panic mode" if she accidently hits the TV/VCR/SAT/AUX function keys (thus changing the commands) when she didn't want to. -WildKard
  • I deliberately select "VCR" on our system so the babysitter can't watch the "MUCH" with my kids present, what does that stand for anyway? And how does a 14 year old girl eat a whole large pizza? -REDDNEKK
  • She probably ate 2 pieces, her boyfriend ate the rest and then they had sex on your couch while watching "MUCH." -Bioguy
  • REDDNEK - MUCH would be MuchMusic in Canada, anyway. And how could a 14 year old girl eat a whole pizza? Maybe she had help.. *wiping mouth* -ShutUpAndHangUp
  • Only her and the kids on the survail tapes. I don't normally take chances, except leaving that question open for you yahoo's. -REDDNEKK
  • 356. Entrepreneurs
    Okay, this is two things - I was called up to the front for a customer - they lost their website as they hadn't paid the bill, neep noop, etc. While up there, the reps are helping other custs, but before I'm finished, one of them pulls me aside, gives me a card - for a tattoo/piercing place in town. The rep tells me that he said, "He looks like the kind of guy who would be interested in poking more holes in himself." What gave it away, the ring?
    [By: namor]
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  • He probably saw you working with customers and concluded you must be a masochist. -thx1138
  • 357. What's *she* thinking?
    This one I haven't had before. Cust, sounds like a nice, younger woman, calls. Her boss told her to call in and get their static IP. Oooooooookay. Find the account, give it to her - find he's planning on getting into their computers with it and examining their mail during the night or something, or so her paranoia tells me. So, she asks me - could he really do that to every computer in the office if she wanted to? What the hell - "Well, I can think of one way, with the router you probably have, to do it..." She doesn't sound too happy. What was I supposed to do, encourage her?? Marking down that company's name so I know never to apply for such a boss, though...
    [By: namor]
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  • But I bet her personal use of the company email system goes *way* down and her attention to her job goes up. Which is probably what her boss had in mind. -Foyle
  • Even if she is using her email for personal use, I don't blame her for being creeped out. Privacy is quickly becoming a thing of the past... -AxeMan
  • I was just asked to make someone a co-owner of another person's mailbox so this person could get in it and pick through the contents without the other person knowing...gave me the creeps... -jennifer
  • We have to give supervisors access to mailboxes halfway often. Mostly it's to monitor for people who are out on vacation or something. But occasionally it's so they can see how much personal e-mail they use. Company e-mail isn't private. It says so in the Internet and E-Mail Usage guidelines that everyone has to sign every year. -sassicatz
  • Legally, the equipment belongs to the company, the software belongs to the company, and any information on the system also belongs to the company. That said, you could really screw someone when they go on vacation by giving their email addy out to every porn spammer on the planet and tipping management off that they were 'abusing' the system. -Foyle
  • I don't really care whether it's legal and within the T&C of employment - it is, to me a creepy invasion of my work life. That said, I'd rather SSH to home and check email at that address than have it sent to my work, so I'm maybe a little more aware and cautious than the normal EU. -namor
  • namor is paranoid. But is namor paranoid ENOUGH? -Foyle
  • Foyle- sounds like you got that from 'Strange Days' -SparcMan
  • 358. Confuzzled
    Cust first wants to know their new static IP. Give it to them. Hm... he says, strange, we're not getting that. We just upgraded from dynamic... haven't been able to log on. Have you changed your username yet? Yes, he says, we have... gives me the right one. (We use PPPoE, natch). He's using a router, it doesn't tell him much - I go to test it on a standalone machine, of course it works. Go back, dig a little more... find out, he *hadn't* changed the username in the router config. Hello! *WHAT* were we talking about changing it in, then??? I *just* want to know what they're thinking, sometime...
    [By: namor]
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  • Sometime? Sometime = EVER, for me... -obie099
  • 359. Is that The Escape key?
    Was taking tech calls again today... had one that boggled me. Her: "Hi, yeah, I just downloaded Morpheus and tried to install it, and now my computer isn't doing anything, it's just locked." Thinking, "how is this my problem?" but saying: "Okay, well, press ctrl-alt-delete and see if you can end it that way?" Her: "Okay... no, that does nothing." Me:"Okay, hit the reset button." Her: "Reset? Is that the Escape key?" Me: Stunned for a moment, but rallying, "Uh... no, the reset, or power button, on your tower..." Her: "My tower? I have an escape key..." Me: "No, the big box that everything else plugs into..." Her: "Big box? <sound of EU brain misfiring at this technical jargon>" Me: "If you were going to install something from a CD into your computer, where would you put it?" Her: <the shining light of clarity dawns..."Ohhhhh..."
    [By: namor]
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  • "Oohhh, you mean the cup holder!" 5 bucks says that was the next phrase out of her mouth. -QuaziTech
  • "Oh, the hard drive! Why didnt you say so in the first place?" -Snakeeye
  • "Oh! You mean my AOL Box. Why didn't you just say so, you silly tech?" -deltree/y
  • I tried that 'Where do you put your disks or CDs' line once. Answer: 'On the shelf....why?' -thefkdcanuck
  • It's the farking modem. Don't y'all know anything? -obie099
  • 360. Infuriating
    I got a little irritated with this one... I'm trying to be nice and walk them through a bit of their Netgear PPPoE setup, warned them that we didn't support it, it was just to be nice... so, tell the EU, open your browser. EU: "It doesn't work." Me: "Yes, it does... it will just give you an error." EU: "Okay, how do I do that?" I admit, not a good response, but... Me: "You know how. Just as you normally would." <pause> EU: "Is there anyone there a little more professional I could speak to?" <sigh> Finally just got her in there and verified it's right. Annoying - she called the store that put in the router for them, and they gave her the uid/pw, and said since she had a business-level account, we'd troubleshoot the router. Way to slack off, guys.
    [By: namor]
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  • Don't you know that no luser is worth going beyond your scope of support for? They usually end up not appreciating your effort fully anyway. -fxdwg6922
  • So true, remember there is a reason you don't support it in the first place. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IDOT CUSTOMERS - THAT THINK YOU DO EVERYTHING. -markvp
  • You know what I say? "I work for X corporation. They sign my paychecks so I do what they tell me to do. I'm not doing tech support for Y corporation until Y corporation starts signing my paychecks!" -Ironhoof
  • 361. I love it!
    Call comes in - usual answer. Guy introduces himself as a tech, and he has another guy on the line from another province, we need to get their email settings in to a new computer. Tech explains they use Outlook - guy on the other end goes, "Uh... okay, where is that?" There's brief silence, then their company's tech says, "You're not serious, are you?" Hit the mute button so fast I almost broke a finger... Loved the rest of the call. Hardly had to help out, and any time the (obviously clueless) EU messes up, the tech mocks him just that little bit more...
    [By: namor]
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  • what? you had another tech do the mocking for you? But that's one of the perks of the job (that and knnowing what a LART is...) -garwain
  • 362. Get off it, already, then.
    Just had this one near the end of my shift today. Guy's wondering about the domain registration he asked for. "What do I fill in here? What about here?" Ad nauseum. That's not the worst. He's chosen his domain, now he wonders about email. It doesn't bode well that he mentions, "We just got this here internet yesterday!" Wants his email address to be his domain. *just* the domain. Not .com, not .ca, no @ in front of it... can't seem to grasp the concept. It comes down to trying, "Okay, you know the at symbol? The little a surrounded by a circle? You need something, then that symbol, then your domain, like bob@domain.com." I'm greeted with silence. I think one day's enough for this one - keep him away from the machine and let your kids do it, please.
    [By: namor]
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  • Tell him the @ part is like his street address and city. He can't get regular mail just by having his name on the envelope. But use your LART first to make sure he's listening! -sassicatz
  • 363. Maybe a clue should hit...
    My brother comes over late tonight, picks up his laptop, nice and working. I've got it hooked up to the network, well, because. When he takes it, he does what is (to me) a strange thing - he stops the PC-card, before removing the cable, then the dongle for it. Doesn't touch the card itself. I tell him next time just to unplug the cable. As it's currently going through an exhaustiv virus scan, he unplugs the battery and takes it to his car, still running. Fast forward 10 minutes. I get a phone call (it's now 10:30) and he's learning - he starts reading to me, verbatim, the error MSN gives you about not finding an internet connection. About to check his network settings (he's got cable, so DHCP should all be the same, so this is strange...) a flash of brilliance hits me. "Wait - you mean you just got it home and plugged it in... remember our little speech about how you disabled the card?" *pause* "Yeah, probably have to just re-enable or re-seat it, and it'll be fine. Call back if it doesn't." I think he figured it out - he just showed up in my contacts. I'm (almost) so proud...
    [By: namor]
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    364. Ranty McRanticus
    My brother makes a good deal less money than I do. But he still manages to afford... stuff. The laptop I have here to fix (It's got two viruses again! Help!) and his little new iPaq are proof positive that I have to kill him and fake a will signing over all his possessions to me... sadly, he hasn't a clue about any. Well, so long as I get to play with them while I fix...
    [By: namor]
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  • Hee hee. I read this outloud and had someone say 'Cain was a tech and Able had an iPaq' :) -WildKard
  • ... and I was only reading it outloud for the benefit of someone at my shoulder. In case anyone's wondering why I was verbalizing. [/excuse] -WildKard
  • 365. Listen, lady...
    This was one a couple of hours before I quit... another rep signed them up from res DSL to business because they wanted a static IP, as they were told they needed one. Something about internet training and PC Anywhere. This rep, I'll give credit - found she had a router, told her the IP, told her to call their tech and get him to change the realm (we use PPPoE, uses the full username@realm type login) from xxx to yyy. That's *it*. Somehow, from what I can gather when the lady called me, she instructed her tech to change the LAN side of her router to the IP she was given. Which means she no longer can even get into the router. And leads to complaints like, "Well, you guys told me to do this, so it's your responsibility to fix it!" Look, I already talked to the guy who instructed you, and he's also amazed that you messed this up. Give up; call the tech and have him walk you through a factory reset and setup. Impossibly, I have less hope left for humanity now.
    [By: namor]
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  • I'm surprised you had any in the first place. -RiffRaff
  • I believe he must now be in the negatives now, Riff... -KuroTaka
  • H...h...hope? *puzzled look* -FistLaw
  • FistLaw: Hope (hóp)- NOUN - 1. A specific instance of feeling hopeful. 2. The general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled. 3. Grounds for feeling hopeful about the future. 4. Someone (or something) on which expectations are centered. 5. One of the three Christian values. VERB - 1. Expect with desire. 2. Be optimistic; be full of hope; have hopes. 3. Intend with some possibility of fulfillment. (Of course, none of the above apply to tech support) -RiffRaff
  • 366. Too much for their own good
    You've probably seen some stories or notes on my sister-in-law. Here's another. Last night she MSNs me asking if I want a printer. Okay... last I remember, hers worked; I just had to download the Epson drivers from their site, and install. Turns out something happened, she can't figure out how to GET the freaking drivers, never mind INSTALL them again, so... she bought a new printer. Yes, folks, stupidity keeps me knee-deep in computer parts...
    [By: namor]
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  • Hey, it's always useful to have a few extra things lying around. Like my now-depleted stack of NICs "liberated" from PCs slated for disposal. Installs at 10 bucks a pop, baby. -monitor lizard
  • Oh yes! Oftentimes, prior to taking old equipment to Ye Ole Surplus Shoppe I strip them of all useable components to replenish my spare parts inventory. I do pity the fool who ends up with my 'puter bones. -ltu1542hvy
  • *I* am the fool who ends up with all the parts... I know people much more connected who can always be counted on to give me the near-obsolete stuff. My computer room has only a clear path through the center to get to the main computer, the rest is early pentiums and strange stuff. (grabbed a 9600RPA rack modem or whatever the hell it is from work the other day before it was tossed, just because...) -namor
  • I got you all beat. I have a SPARCstation 1+ being used as the pedistal for my iMac at work. $10 off of eBay. It might even work. -Xiphiplastron
  • Hm. I've currently got a Sun Javastation that I'm trying to get going on one of my desks. And a 68K Mac... Proprietary 486SX under a table with a perfectly immaculate 386 MB resting on top of it. However, I know one guy - a hospital in the area upgraded their server, and gave the old to him if he could cart it away. The refrigerator-sized cabinets full of cards, tape reels, etc, never turned on after that... -namor
  • 367. Whadda day
    <sigh> There are always days like this... come in to work, friend there emotionally tells me he's just been fired. Downer for the day. Rest of it's fine until 1/2 hr from quitting - when I get to talk to the manager of the whole area (Boss's boss) about some customer's email problem. Then talk to Sales rep, have enough time to write down the info, dig a little, then run out of there. Go outside, find... the same tire I had changed 3 months ago is flat. Changing *anything* in slushy, negative 10C temps is not fun. Get home, figure out the email issue that has to be escalated, have a ticket made, call it in with top priority (IE: Fix It Now), but it gets bumped to Wait Till Morning. Well, let 'em fight it out, I say... I'm sleepin'.
    [By: namor]
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    368. Dear sister-in-law...
    Please, please, learn some elementary logic. "I put Norton Internet Security in, now can't log in to MSN Explorer. Why?" Not so bad until you realize I spent 15 mins through a remote session trying to figure out first what she meant her problem was, then a few to look at it and try disabling that. Second, NOBODY WANTS TO HACK YOU THAT MUCH! At least it's down to one firewall...
    [By: namor]
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    369. I swear to Gawhd
    Maybe this is a customer type... anyway. Woman called in today that her website wasn't displaying. Talked to someone else, I'm to send it to operations. I cut in and figure out that, no, the problem isn't webserver configuration, it's that they uploaded new content *today* into a sub-directory of the site and erased everything else. Fine, I figure it's a simple enough thing, call them back. My mistake. 10 minutes explaining, yes, that's how the ISP you transferred from works - it has *never* worked that way on ours, which you've been using (and according to her, updating with) for the past 6 months! I hate the whiney, "But I *swear* to *gawd* it *always* worked like that *before!*" No, it didn't. You're just clueless. How do you say that without losing it?
    [By: namor]
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    370. Linux != DOS
    Co-worker told this one from a couple of days ago. Seems he was working on optimizing some of the packages on his linux server from his Windows machine, so he left an SSH session (as root - he *was* installing system stuff) to the server. His GF had some people over, and when he came home, he found some 18yr-old playing around on his computer. The memorable quote: "I noticed you had an old version of DOS so I started cleaning it up for you." Yep... he did. Deleted the /etc directory for starters... bit of remembered conversation follows: "Are you a computer guy then?" "Yep!" "Okay, what sort of computer do you have at home?" <proudly> "HP!" "You're not a computer guy - get the f*** away from my computer and outta my apartment." Remarkable restraint, I say...
    [By: namor]
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  • I wouldn't have been nearly as restrained! I woulda turfed his azz off my balcony! -SpinyFrog
  • Woulda Terry Tate'd him into a couple of walls first... -hkypipe
  • text is not dos. pictures are not windows. Now let us all meditate on this. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm. -WildKard
  • The 18 year-old should have disappeared under mysterious circumstances, no doubt about it. You don't just hop on someone else's computer and "clean it up" for them without permission. It's a rude and potentially criminal act. However, comma, his girlfriend must share some of the blame for not keeping an eye on the kid or telling him to get away from the system. And your co-worker is also partially responsible for leaving a system unattended while logged in, and logged in as *root*, no less. I'd be keelhauled and hung from the highest yardarm for leaving a machine unattended with open SSH sessions into the company network still running. The kid needs to die a painful death, but the co-worker and his GF need to be lashed with a wet noodle as well. -RiffRaff
  • query: If he had ssh open, did he also have del aliased over to rm -rf? /boggle. -Gecko
  • I would have given this self proclaimed "computer guy" a refresher course on windows.....i.e "Pick a window...thats the one ur leaving through u dumb fuck!". -Digital Dogcow
  • I would have cared SH*T if he was or was not a computer guy. The minute the words "I started cleaning it up for you.." were out of his mouth, I would have tossed out the nearest door. Nevah touch what ain't yours. Whether it's dishes, clothes, or someone's computer. That's just soooo disrespectful!!!!!! >:( -mousie
  • More LARTing of this idiot is required, methinks. RE-educate GF not to let PPL touch what isn't theirs, especially is they have no clue whatsoever as to what they are doing. -lineswine
  • More LARTing of this idiot is required, methinks. RE-educate GF not to let PPL touch what isn't theirs, especially is they have no clue whatsoever as to what they are doing. -lineswine
  • I will now write out 100 times "I will not refresh the comment confirmation screen as this double posts!" -lineswine
  • Yeah, he didn't want me to post it, but I just thought it was *too* funny. Agreed, shouldn't have left it logged in as root - but anyone normally around knows not to touch his system. At least it was home system, not company. -namor
  • Float test in the nearest body of water with concrete overshoes. -tlpervert
  • 371. DNS, damnit!
    I was asked by a couple of people when this guy called in, and it still had to come to me. Issue: domain transferred their DNS away from us. Oops, we close the domain in ours. No issue, as we maintain separate DNS servers for hosted domains and for lookups. Cust calls us, wondering why nobody can get to their site anymore. Do a few tests - the new DNS servers are responding like there's no zone for that domain. Tell cust this. Doesn't understand, calls back. I hear another person talking about this and they're now asking for a manager. They transfer to me instead. Cust conferences in a "tech" from the new hosting company. He is *COMPLETELY BAFFLED* and has no clue as to why it's not working, and is still asking me, "So, how long until your DNS server propagates and this is fixed?" NO! Fix your own server, it's currently sitting in the corner looking stupid when anyone asks about this domain! Quote: "Hmmm, I've never come across this before." Good luck with the new hosting company, friend, if this is any indication...
    [By: namor]
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  • I had one of those once. He transferred the site to another ISP, and didn't tell us so our name servers didn't really care much about it. Conf. with other tech and the other ISPs tech goes, "Dude, it's us or them. Please make up your mind. They're great, we're great, six of one half doz. of the other and let one of us know what's up." Yes, he was paying for both ISPs. -Jazmin
  • Thank god I don't troubleshoot DNS. What a headache. -suprtechy26
  • 372. Stop yer bitchin
    Oh, so weary... Woman calls in - she has a dialup account with one username, and a few months ago got a business DSL package - under a different username and account as the sales rep didn't realize/care that they already had service that could be upgraded. They don't want two usernames and all. They want one. Try to explain things. The woman puts me on hold a few times because, "I'm calling from work and there are people waiting." I'm trying to tell her what the problem is and what I can do to *fix* it (can't just delete one, upgrade the other without some serious billing snafu, and the username is "quarantined" for a month) but she keeps interrupting, so I'm being nice and starting over .. .and over... until finally she says she'll just call back tomorrow and get someone else and start over because she doesn't have time at work. HELLO!??? I *LIKE* FIXING PROBLEMS, IT'S WHY I STAY... LET ME!
    [By: namor]
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  • you *like* it? I am presst much forced to do this shit -rockytech
  • I also hate it when people come to me and start bitching or ask questions, but then don't stick around long enough for me to answer them. -ltu1542hvy
  • It is nice to be able to gt the problem fixed especially when the previous cases show that the customer has spoken to quite a few people about the issure already. However the company I work for has now made if so that if the customer calls on the same issue on the third xall it automatically must be escalated so that kinda takes some of the challenge away -tempest
  • It's not all good, but finding out the underlying issue and a way around it, is a challenge, and keeps my brain occupied for a second, yeah. It's better than boredom... -namor
  • 373. Lovely
    Co-worker got this - cust called in saying their domain was down. Okay, what's the URL? They don't know. How do you know it's down? Because they can't get to it. Okay, can he try and get to it and then tell him the address? No, he searches via google and it doesn't come up anymore. Wonderful. Pardon me while I apply a psychic shock...
    [By: namor]
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  • had one like that... didnt know what the damn url was. Was putting in something totally different and it was not coming up. I did a search for a bit and could nto find it. Looked in the account ( the guy that was calling did not even own the damn account he was "helping them") Told the farkwit what the doming was and that it was all nice and running. -rockytech
  • "OK, sir, just let me check my Disabled Sites List... hmmm, nope, no internet sites have been dropped by any ISPs during the past 72 hours, all 37 billion are up and running slicker than shit. Just begin your search all over again - starting with 'a.ass' and your PC will automatically remember the site when you hit it again. Yes, sir, no thanks needed at all, we're here to help." -deltree/y
  • 374. More relative misery
    My sister-in-law has been holding some computer stuff for me, and as I generally pick up all that I can because A) I have the space to store it, and B) I'm a pack-rat of sorts, I head there after work one day. I walk in the door, and she comes running out of the computer room, "Help, there's something wrong with my monitor!" I *knew* something like this would happen. Seems she got "some guy at work" to upgrade the thing to XP, I give him credit for not messing it up badly and installing all updates and anti-virus, *but* - she has an old, crappy 14 inch TTX SVGA monitor - and her display properties were set to 85Hz refresh, meaning that her screen was scrunched in the middle and blurry as hell. But she'd been *using* it like this for a week! Then I get the joy of, "Oh, and this camera isn't working... and this printer... and scanner..." *All* she had to do was put the freaking driver install CDs in and run it. Well, got a USB hub and some speakers, keyboards, etc, out of it at least...
    [By: namor]
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    375. Where do they come from?
    I'm taking normal tech calls this past day, which has resulted in this sort of 45-minute call going through the internet setup wizard: "Okay, choose phone line and modem and click on next." <silence> "Uh, ma'am? What's showing on the screen now?" EU: "The same thing..." <pause> Me: Okay, so, when I say 'click on next', what exactly are you doing?" Repeat for just about every step, and you have the normal call around here, it seems. Damn you, granddaughter, for giving grandma your castoffs!
    [By: namor]
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    376. Slam.
    Grrr. A while ago, as part of our DSL promotion, you could choose to get a little digicam with your order. 640x480, USB, not a bad little thing, but anyhow... you *know* these calls will come. Just got a woman who wondered how to get it going with MSN Messenger. When I told her I couldn't help with that, she slammed down the phone angrily, even saying, "Well, you guys gave it to me, I expect you to know how to use it!" grrrrr. Like we get these free with *our* service? Bah, I say!
    [By: namor]
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  • the cam that you gave out was a logitech quickcam, not a bad item by all means. I got one, it works fine. It just doesnt work with msn messenger on XP... -damiensmith
  • Nope, not logitech - d-link. If you're in the area, you know my ISP now. :) This thing: http://www.dlink.ca/products/usb/dsc350f/index.html -namor
  • I have an old Logitech QuickCam, 640x480 resolution and it even got black and white colours! yeah! -SpinyFrog
  • Like those are really any good. I got one of those through that promo last year, if you work for who I think you do. Things are grainy as all get out, a quality digital camera that was made as a camera and not a webcam would do a lot better. -MadJack
  • 377. Two in every....
    I wasn't the one who got this call, just most of the questions. Co-worker comes up, this one office is having issues sending mail out - it times out on anything bigger than a few lines of text. DSL, PPPoE - anyone who works with that, should be thinking MTU issue right away, right? Well, they've got some SMC router, which can't set the MTU past a certain point, so have to get it flashed. They fax in the errors to him, complain that it's not working, etc, etc. Gets DrTCP to modify MTU on individual wokstations - it doesn't work. Now one machine (they're all XP) works, the others don't. Today, he finally makes some headway - finding out that *every* machine there currently has two NICs - one for the wireless setup they're getting, and one for the plain ol' ethernet one - and they've been modifying the MTU on the wrong NIC each time. I'd have lost it had I been there...
    [By: namor]
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    378. We need a rant area...
    Ok, I just have to let this out, with appropriate fudging so that it doesn't bring up any issues... anyway, I am somehow the single point of contact for all things internet with this one Big Local Company. Get a call a few days ago from one guy with a heavy asian accent, and it takes a while to figure out what he's telling me - they have soem customers who use dialup accounts with us, in other places cross-country, to dial up, then VPN into their Big Bad Fibre line at their head office. Problem: those dialling up in two specific areas cannot do this - and their traces time out past the router that is the last hop before the VPN endpoint on their end. What does this suggest to you? Exactly - routing fine, problem on their end. Well, I go out of my way - get our network guys to check it out. Of course, they tell me they need a source IP. I have him get some. Side note - I get a fax from him with IP info he got from some locations/DOS tracerts... one of which transposed two letters in the name and traced successfully to some place else *completely* and I still don't know why he included it. All indicate the same thing. Goes through networks, they say they've tested stuff, all works well on our network. Even brought in their tier 2 and did some packet sniffing to see that it seems like *their* side is doing some filtering. <gasp> Surprise! Geez... get back to him with that. He's doubting - "But it worked before and we make no change!" Well, maybe they changed the dialup pools' addressing and you have to compensate - we don't control those.
    [By: namor]
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  • Been there before. "It's all your fault I broke it and I demand it be fixed now because I can hold more shit in my rectum than anybody else and that means I'm important(impotent)!" -Kurgan
  • We do have a rant area, its the Tech Story area :) -Hawk
  • 379. rant, pt2
    Then I get a call from our company's Sales agent assigned to them. Repeat for him. Get another call from him and his tech, as he didn't understand what I said, so can I please explain to tech. Okay, tech gets it. Then get a request to be *very* sure our network is fine. Okay, do so. Send all the traces and info back, same thing comes back - check their router/firewall, as they've got something in place. Nobody on their side seems to want to talk to the right people to do that, they just escalate to their manager, who talks to people here... and now, I get an email from the Sales rep, saying that a VP of this company is related to a VP in ours, and they're starting to trickle nasty brown stuff down on us... lovely. I'll take any amount of money that I get pulled into this, even though I'm pretty much the inconsequential middle-man at this point. But give me two minutes with one of the guys who runs the actual equipment there, and I bet it'd be fixed. JUST TALK TO THEM, PLEASE! Gnah. Okay, rant over.
    [By: namor]
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  • Well, of course you'll get dragged into it... You're tech support! You should know by now that ~everything~ is your fault, ranging from hard drive crashes to the (l)ser's failed marriage to his/her hemmrhoids. -Jonos
  • How do you troubleshoot hemorroids? Are they XP compatible? -FistLaw
  • Try rubbing some Tabasco sauce on them. -ltu1542hvy
  • If that doesn't work, you can scrub them away with a Brillo pad.... -notpitr
  • Cheese grater. *Then* tabasco sauce. -namor
  • Naah, habañero sauce is much more effective :) -Antacid
  • Hell I just got blammed for a power outtage. I told the id10t to call the power company and bitch to them. -The Bard
  • 380. don't shake this hand
    Was just reminded of a story... have a 33.6 hardware modem in my linux gateway at home... for testing some dialin capabilities and PPP. Once, I had an old guy that just didn't get that turning down his modem speed would likely get him connected fine. I had to demonstrate, as he had two lines... Got him into Hypterterminal and told him to type in the sequence to dial my home number, telling him it was a test. Funniest thing was his monotone description as he insisted on describing everything - "It's dialling... screeching at me now.. getting higher..." etc, that sort of thing. I was waiting for it to ring on my box and had it answer, then started typing garbage characters on the screen... and almost lost it when he started repeating back to me what it was telling him... I know it was cruel, but at least I didn't type in anything *bad*. I think he might have caught on at that point. Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to mess with 'em...
    [By: namor]
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  • The BOFH would be proud of you! -lineswine
  • For those or you poor guys who haven't seen the newer BOFHs: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/30/index.html -Wiser
  • 381. What the ... does THAT mean?
    My brother MSNs me this morning/afternoon, just after I wake up, telling me he seems to have gotten rid of the nimda virus, but has this other one - VBS_MCON.G. Knowing how hopeless he is, I try to walk him through it step by step... none of the components are there, he seems to have firewalled himself so I can't just remote in, and then after I get him to just try a virus check with PC-Cillin, he tells me this (copied and pasted): "as soon as fix it hits pc chilll quain teen foulderr fix it closes". Now, I ask you, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
    [By: namor]
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  • PC Cillin has a 'Quarantine' folder that it moves infected files to. Also has a 'Suspicious' folder -Grembo
  • Yeah, got that figured out eventually. Thing is, when I was finally able to remote in, all he had was the *install* for PC-cillin, he's actually running Fix-It, and he hasn't a clue... I was more upset at his total lack of ability to convey any sort of useful information. -namor
  • And to think the two of you came from the same gene pool... he must be from the shallow end. :) -Robster2001
  • 382. Folder, file, what difference?
    Email waiting for me first thing monday morn from a customer - I set up his webhosting and DNS for a new website. He says he uploaded a page and it doesn't show up going to the address. Check DNS first, it's fine. Log on to server, browse over to that folder - hm. There *is* an "index.html"... try and edit it to see why it's giving 404's, and... "File index.html is a directory". Wha? Damnit, they created a folder called that, with a file "Index.html" inside it... I *wonder* why the server is crapping out when loading the site. The worst part is, they're a small computer company that just signed up. Maybe they don't have to know that much about the internet, but they should know the difference between files and folders, don't ya think?
    [By: namor]
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  • Next time try breaking the shrinkwrap on the farkin dreamweaver manual & dont give the website project to the office janitor!. -Digital Dogcow
  • 383. How much?
    So, hosting customer missing logs for a few days last month. Requests them. Our operations department puts the entire text log file since they opened the account two years ago, into the root directory. That's 800MB+ of logs. Yeah, let's just load that up in a browser and search for those days...
    [By: namor]
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  • I at least give my customers shell access, so they can grep for the date. If the (l)user has a domain or sub-domain, I have his log files in his root directory. That way, if the log grows be be several megs, they are getting billed for the space. -garwain
  • Sneaky. I like. -TechnoVampire
  • We don't enable shell by default, and have a nifty litt