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Here is all the content that skippytpodar has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
First time for everything (nt/ot)
Checked my mail today, and received my first ever juror summons. I gotta report in about 3 weeks...
[By: skippytpodar]
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I don't think they like paneling tech folks down there too much, it raises the jury IQ average too much when they do that. - Grue
Grue - you mean it goes double-digit for the average IQ when they do that? Could be worse - could take that to get a double-digit SUM ... -ralphp1024
Sometimes you need a tech just to get a positive sum! -DukeOfURL
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2.
Lazy bum...
This afternoon, we got a ticket kicked up to the Regional level, and after looking at it for all of half a second, realized the local tech who kicked it up not only shouldn't have, he was just being lazy.
The ticket itself involved a single luser being unable to log into any computer. Instead of doing even the most basic, cursory check of the luser's account, the local tech just kicked it up to us, then went home for the weekend, two minutes after receiving the ticket. The ticket was also marked as a high priority because the luser used the phrase "this affect patient care," despite being so concerned with patient care, they also left for the weekend.
So we kicked it back to the local tech, and our shift boss fired an e-mail explaining what we looked at, and wondered why what was obviously a local problem got up to our level, and why a ticket marked as high priority was marked as such when all the concerned parties left to go home shortly after submitting/transferring the ticket. Said e-amil was sent to the local CIO at the site, as well as our division chief.
[By: skippytpodar]
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One of our "senior" help desk people is late 3-4 times a week. Not just a few min but 15-30 min. When I get the call that's he's late and per process send out an email I make sure to copy our bosses boss. -Starfury
AH. She ssid, He said. I am old enough, and high enough in the hierarchy, that I can shut down the most stubborn lusers with "I do not know, have you tried google?" You do not pay me to google. If you did, it would be $100 per hour, $50 minimum. And I said that to one of our ASS@#$ customers. The owner liked it. -beatmewithstick
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3.
Attention... (nt/ot)
I friggen hate the flu... At least I'm prepared for this with Emergen-C, tea, and cough suppresant.
That is all, carry on....
[By: skippytpodar]
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It's things like this that make me glad we haven't yet invented Eye Stab over IP yet... if ESoIP existed, so would Flu Virus over IP, and the whole site could get sick. Get better soon, Skippy... -chazz
Rest and chicken soup for you! Get better soon... -TechieSidhe
Thanks, guys! I decided to tough it out and work since Saturdays are always VERY slow, and the only thing I gotta do are a couple reports I could do in my sleep. -skippytpodar
Went to see the dr. He said 'it's only a virus, you don't have a temp, so have your flu shot now:.. Someone explain to me how that's supposed to help? -wylfwt
wylfwt - it's supposed to update your virus definitions. Unfortunately for me, it just give me the flu so I don't do the shots. There are other kinds of shots that I'd rather have. -ecoli
I would have preferred the flu, spent a week laid out and a month to fully recover from Strep back in January. Get well soon, skippy! -CableSteVie
have it now... and since friday eve. chicken soup only helps if you can keep anything down. I only want to give it to my ex-wife. -srteach
recovering from it myself. Just happy now that I can safely fart again. -frprinterwiz
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4.
What crawled up your ass & died?
For whatever reason today, one of the analysts on the shift today, who is normally very quiet, laid back, and just goes with the flow, had a bug die up his ass today.
Earlier, the prior shift put in a ticket that a site was having an issue with one of its cor programs. It was put in less than 20 minutes before we came on shift, and the tech who put it in had made notes on it, and that he couldn't get a hold of anyone at the site. All of a sudden, outta nowhere half an hour ago (and over an hour after the previous shift had already left), he was messaging all the rest of us, asking if we had tried to contact the site and see if there was anything new on the issue. Since nobody answered (and since he apparently didn't read the part about how the previous shift tried and wasn't able to get in touch with anyone there), he volunteered me to try and contact the site, and asking me what the fix was for it, etc.
Now mind you, I have other things on my plate to do this shift, as did the rest of us, so if he was so insistent on getting answers for this ticket all of a sudden, then why didn't he try to do so himself, and why was he making rather sarcastic remarks all of a sudden, considering his usually calm and quiet demeanor.
So while I tried to (again) contact the local site, one of the other techs contacted the the on-call folks elsewhere, and actually got somewhere with them, and updated the info on the ticket. But considering that a) it's limited to just one site b) none of us in my group have ANY access to that site c) it's actually assigned to another group entirely that handles this issue, a couple of us on-shift are scratching our heads wondering why $analyst decided to raise a stink about it all of a sudden...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Guess: $analyst needed something on that site and was ticked because it wasn't working? -chazz
Another guess: Someone wearing a $1,000 suit poked their nose in? -Holdfast
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5.
Facepalm...
Our boss just asked us if our ticketing system was working, and the FNG responded with the following:
"I use $ticketingSystem installed on my laptop."
So is that a yes... or a no... and this guy jailbreaks PS3's and has 18 certifications and counting?
[By: skippytpodar]
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SQUIRREL!!! -Stryker One
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6.
The FNG...
The last couple of weeks, the FNG has been on a tear as of late, going into excruciating detail on personal projects he's doing.
The fact that he's got one full-time job somehow isn't enough, especially considering the starting salary for our pay-grade is nearly $70,000 a year. He wants a 2nd full time computer job, because he doesn't find Tier 3 support for 40 facilities "challenging enough." Never mind that he has a wife and kid, he already spends virtually every waking hour doing computer related stuff. He's also gone out of his way to tell us that he's jailbroken his PS3 and iPhone 5 by himself, he's built himself a Linux router for home, he personally discovered an NMAP vulnerability and insisted we all take measures against it, and today, out of the blue and while we were discussing something utterly unrelated to computers, he abruptly announced that he is brushing up on his HTML5 and CSS skills because as he put it, those HTML5 dev is good for Crackberries, smartphones and Windows 8. It stopped the conversation the rest of us were having on IM to a grinding halt. Oh yeah, and his e-mail signature lists his computer certifications/degrees/honors (all 18 of them), as well as his paygrade, a link to his LinkedIn profile, etc. And speaking of LinkedIn... my dad has a case of OCD you have to see to believe, but even he cannot possibly do something as detailed as what FNG put together. Hell, he even put in how he was an employment candidate (yes, you read that right) for $majorAntivirusCompany not too long ago, and his job description on there and in our Exchange system shows him as a "certified" IT specialist.
Even our shift supervisor, who is a really cool guy and generally gives us a lot of leeway in how we do our jobs, is going to tell him straight out in the coming weeks, to put the kibosh on any side-work or personal projects during work time in the near future, since our call volume is set to increase sooner rather than later. The one rather curious thing is that he's since stopped trying to impress us with his language skills by sticking to English, but our Division Chief still gets an occasional laugh from our first conference call, when he asked if he could put tickets into our tracking system for personal side-projects (jailbraking his PS3, building that Linux router, etc.) that he completed on work time.
[By: skippytpodar]
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*tactical facepalm* -Grue
Does he think he works at Google? -thx1138
Is it bad that I hear all that and wonder "What technical deficiency is this fuckwit trying to hide?" -Grayhawk
so he's doinig work for himself and other companies, on your dime.... and he wants to report it???!!!! -McSmiley
Funny. Everywhere I've ever worked, earning money from someone else while on the clock was an instant-termination offense. (i.e., if you are on OUR time, you work for US at that time.) -Captain Trips
I constantly tell people, who ask about personal projects, "As long as it isn't a conflict of interest..." This just beats all. -MaskedMarauder
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7.
My old boss has a sense of humor...
... I have proof.
All the techs in my old section are in the midst of doing their little dosey-do through the different areas again, this time with a little twist. Two of the more senior techs got promoted up a paygrade and are now being put in charge of bigger projects, as well as overseeing some of the more menial daily work of the lower-level techs. One of the two who got promoted was effectively our lead inventory person for the better part of the last 9 months, and she did an awesome job at it, despite getting only minimal training from the guy who retired.
Enter the next rotation... Little Miss Cleanliness has made it known that she wanted to stay at the Helldesk, and $oldBoss was having none of it. He was already at the end of his rope with her, considering she threatened him with an EEO if she wasn't one of the two people who got promoted up, which has been a typical threat from her. He didn't budge, and promoted the two people up he felt actually deserved it. And what did he do... he put Little Miss Cleanliness in the one place she dreaded going... the inventory office, and on a very short leash at that, by having her answer directly (and on a nigh-daily basis) to the tech who used to do it and got promoted up. And Little Miss Cleanliness can't go to HR to claim discrimination because both of the people who got promoted were minorities, and one was a woman, and both worked their butts off in this department & really did deserve to get those pay raises.
I wasn't there for the conversation, being that I don't come in until 3:30, but from what I've seen, Little Miss Cleanliness was PISSED. And $oldBoss has a perfectly ironclad reason why he's making her do inventory... because of all the sections she's rotated to, Inventory is the only area she hasn't worked in yet. All the rest of the techs rotated into it EXCEPT for her, and $oldBoss has been saying since he got here two years ago, that all the techs will eventually be rotated into all the sections, no exceptions...
Which brings me to part two... In addition to Little Miss Cleanliness' move to inventory, Mr. 33 Years will be moving to the Helldesk. Like in the case with Little Miss Cleanliness, the Helldesk is the one place Mr. 33 Years hasn't rotated into yet, because quite simply, he despises helping people over the phone. He simply can't stand it. His calls rarely last more than 30 seconds, before he gets frustrated, slams the phone down, and proceeds to go to wherever the problem is, and try to fix it. On the Helldesk, he'll have no choice but to stay, since there's a standing order that whoever's on the Helldesk, stays in the Helldesk office all day. If someone needs to go down to fix something, one of the other techs has to go down to fix it, no exceptions. This really will severely whittle down Mr. 33 Years' ticket count because of the fact he is known for roaming the halls and doing tickets without even bothering to grab them. Now, he'll be reduced to doing simple software installs, setting up Outlook/Exchange, and other stuff over the phone. The best part though... he's being put on the Helldesk, the day after he announced to everyone he'll be retiring later this year, so chances are, the Helldesk will be the last section he'll be working in.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oh do keep us posted on their progress, won't you? I'm quite excited to read how Little Miss Cleanliness takes to the inventory -mrfoxboy
In the immortal words of Wil Wheaton: "HOLY MOTHER SH*T F*CK!" - Your boss rocks! -unrenowned
Living proof of `what goes around, comes around`. -Gromit
these rotations should come with new nametags that say 'pwnd'. score one for the just world hypothesis. -stiffarm
You gotta get him one of these tshirts: http://www.glitchgear.com/gamer_gear/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=9&flypage=shop.flypage&product_id=55&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=30 -McSmiley
"Pick your partners, one and all, then do-si-do around the hall. Ladies to the left, Gents to the right. Are you a lady, Mr. Kent?" -Omega
Fantastic! Looking forward to hearing progress. Shows that karma is indeed alive and well :) -davidelsbury
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8.
It's official, I worked with masochists
My local site has been experiencing networking issues since last Friday, and they finally figured out the cause... Turns out, someone royally screwed up the implementation of 802.1x for our site.
Here's the backstory: We were ordered to impliment 802.1x, since we were one of the few sites that had yet to do so. Out networking chief declared that the way the people at the top recommended we should impliment it was "too difficult", namely installing a RADIUS server to access Active Directory.
Nope, instead, the networking chief here decided instead to have the hardware techs (not his own networking techs) put in a certificate with each PC to make sure it could get onto the network via 802.1x. This meant the techs would have to go to each and every PC on the network and input said certificate, a process that took nearly a month worth of double shifts. The kicker was, the certificate he gave us expired Friday morning, which automatically kicked a crapton of PC's and servers off the network. The rest, upon rebooting, began one-by-one, to fall off the network.
The worst part is, they are now looking to downgrade all the switches, and revert all of them back to sticky-MAC. Thing is, an epileptic squirrel mid-seizure could have set up a proper RADIUS server in a couple hours, avoided all of the overtime by the techs, and also avoided in continuing to make our site look like a bunch of idiots in the eyes of the rest of the Region, by not switching over to 802.1x much MUCH earlier, and doing so properly. And several of us have guessed that he purposefully gave us a certificate that would expire so soon as a means to undermine the implimentation and to go back to what he wanted in the first place.
[By: skippytpodar]
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And the reason the networking chief wanted us to put in the certificate manually? He didn't want to have any of his networking techs do a GPO to insert the certificate... -skippytpodar
and they have what against a RADIUS server? apparently KISS is an unknown concept.. -Harm
What does he have against a RADIUS server? Besides the fact it undermines his job security, which he's carefully crafted and set up by doing everything "his" way. No, I can't think of a single reason... -skippytpodar
wait, a networking chief that does not want to increase the number of networking devices, but would rather reduce end user dependencies on something he does by makeing someone else's job harder? -McSmiley
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9.
FNG...
Since it's the holiday's it's been extremely quiet at my job, and there hasn't been a single call recorded on my shift all week.
That being said, it hasn't been completely quiet. While last night, I was by myself for the Christmas shift, tonight, I was working with the FNG. One thing that I find annoying about him (for lack of a better word) is that the question he asks are usually only found in job interviews, and the answers he gives to even simple questions are not only long-winded, but they also seem to only fit in job interviews.
Like he was asking me what he felt my strong suits in IT were, what OS's I've installed, how many PC's I've built, and then went into excruciating detail about his "journey" through the world of learning about IT, and despite being married with kids, freely admits that every penny he can spare is for his "IT lab", open source, and white hat hacking. Sometimes, I think he's permanently stuck in "job interview" mode...
[By: skippytpodar]
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christ i get annoyed by people like that.. essay answers to a binary question.. -Harm
Could be worse. Had a boss who gave binary answers to essay work questions! (i.e. Me: How do you want this network set up? He: yes ) -ecoli
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10.
Wow, just wow...
My old boss called me up. That had a hair on fire ticket, in which one of the Pharmacy label printers was down, and they needed it back up & running ASAP. Since I happened to be on site, I told him I'd take a look at it.
Almost as soon as I headed down there, I hit roadblocks. One of the pharmacy techs, who has had the reputation in our department of not only being extremely needy, but pushy and prone to her own logic. She insisted that I not touch the printer until another pharmacy tech could be summoned to assist me, and so I had to just sit there for several minutes. Once the tech came, we did what we could, but nothing could make the printer work again, despite half an hour of our best efforts.
The kicker though was as I was going to leave. I let $needyPharmacist know I'd have to go to let my boss know to what I tried and that it still needed to be looked at by the printer team. She refused to let me leave until I gave her my work cell, personal cell, and other contact info to contact me right away if nobody else came to fix it. I told her that I couldn't give her that info, not only because my boss told us not to, which I wholeheartedly agree with, but because I'd have to endure her incessant calling because I was pretty much the only person available to do so, and because it would take me away from being available from taking calls for my current job. She got indignant and at that point I just walked away and said I had to get back to doing my job. Her only response was that if I did my job, it would be working. I just smiled... and as soon as I got back to my desk, I wrote up what happened, and sent it to my old boss, my old CIO, and the printer team so that they'd be aware of what I did, and also of $needyPharmacist's bad attitude so they could be prepared for it. I also let them know that a couple minutes after I got back to my desk, I heard a loud banging on the outer door, so loud I could hear it above my music, presumably by $needyPharmacist.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds like where I work, one Pharmacy staff member told me that I wasn't allowed in the bullpen area. Politely informed her that I signed the same non-disclosure agreement because I handle customer info that can actually be more sensitive than what she deals with. She insisted that I not come into the bullpen. Told her to tell her boss that they'll need to get IT to send out a tech in the future to deal with any problems with hardware in the future then (which is 1.5 hours away at best times) and then left and didn't say anything else. -spectreoflife
Same here, spectre. Our clearance grants us access to everything except the Police Weapons Storage cage, which is totally logical since there's no need for us to go there at all on account of nothing IT-related in there. Everywhere else though is fair game, up to and including the narcotics cage, since even the narcotics cage has two computers in it here. But this lady was just a c*nt to get the label printer fixed faster than I could provide her. She even decided to submit a 2nd ticket for the incident, saying I just looked at it and left, never coming back. My old boss found it before I did and immediately closed it as a duplicate ticket. -skippytpodar
I think my record is 5 duplicate tickets in the space of 90 minutes - two of which week submitted by the same person (who was aware I was there at the time when they submitted them). -Holdfast
"were" not "week" - stupid KB. ;) -Holdfast
Lightnings been said three times now, twice by you- on Family Fued, but same idjit logic
-HappyCrappy
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11.
I must say...
My first two weeks in my new job, and I must say, in what Universe would they consider this a job? I absolutely love it!! First & foremost, I love the new hours I'm working (3:30 PM to 12 midnight), which means I go to bed at my normal time & get to sleep in every. single. day. I also get to schedule things in the mornings and not have to take sick leave and still sleep in, since I rarely sleep in past 9:30. Because my schedule is Tuesday thru Saturday, I also get all of Monday off. I know what you're thinking, it must suck to have to work on Saturdays, but like I said, I get every Monday off, and come into work on Saturday in shorts, a T-shirt and sandals, and not deal with Little Miss Cleanliness turning me in for not adhering to the dress code, when she blatantly disregards it on a daily basis... I also get to avoid traffic coming both ways, and found a route that is not only slightly shorter, but also prevents me from having to fork over $20 a week in tolls.
The job itself entailed almost exactly what I was told it was going to be; namely, that the main gist is to monitor all the critical systems in the background, as well as the facility's connection, and report anything of note to the appropriate folks when something arises. We do have to deal with the periodic phone call, though full disclosure, in the two weeks I've been on the job, we've gotten a total of 1 phone call on the shift. Not per day... 1 phone call total. That's it.
That number will definitely increase since we are the only service line considered even remotely close to "fully staffed" if you don't count the fact we're still missing 3 supervisors. But even so, if our phone call level increases to the amount the day shift currently handles, that amounts to 2-3 phone calls per day, most of which will entail telling the people on the line to go suck a lemon and call the appropriate people instead of us, and which also means that most nights, there will still be nights were someone doesn't need to answer a call.
My coworkers, thus far, have been pretty awesome. The six of us are scattered all over the South and Midwest, and are a good like-minded bunch, in that we all got burned out directly dealing with people, and are all glad to be working behind the scenes. We have a pretty good banter going, swapping war stories, and generally trying to fill the time, since our new department chief has made it abundantly clear to the local CIO's that we, in no way, do local IT support for the facility any more, and cannot be compelled to do any local IT work unless it affects the region, as it may take us away from our primary job, which is a noted difference from the other service lines, which still have to provide some local support for a few months before cutting off the facility.
So as it stands now, all that we need to do is file the nightly report of the systems and shadow servers we monitor with the (very few) problems we find during the night, and report it to the necessary people so that they fix whatever we find, if necessary. My department chief has also made it abundantly clear that not only will we be doing telework in six months' time, consisting of only working on-site once a week and at home four days, but he went out of his way to confirm for us that we can work out of any site in our region. That works out perfectly for me, since I really want to work out of the next site north of me. The only thing I'm kicking myself over (and over which I really had no control to be honest) is that I didn't get the job in August, since that would have allowed me to end my lease on 9/30, and not be forced to renew it for another year. But on the bright side, it just so happens the CIO there at the next site up is a former boss of mine. We left on excellent terms, and I still know about half the IT staff there. He did mention to me that they're kinda tight on space, but $departmentChief not only has an inside track, $departmentChief told us that since we're officially Regional employees, there's really no way the local sites can say no to one of us wanting to be stationed there, and have to accomodate us, whether they like it or not. But it does benefit them, since housing Regional employees usually means they get a little more money kicked their way by $centralOffice, and no site director in their right mind has ever said no to more money for their site.
But truth be told, I'm not exactly rushing since staying here until the end of next September will allow me to save up more money, due to both the $4500 annual raise I got, and the 10% night differential pay, both of which kick in with my paycheck next Friday. Plus, I'm looking to pay of some lingering items between now and next September. Nothing major, but even so, it still amounts to a couple hundred bucks a month, and every little bit counts.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oh. and I almost forgot to mention... I haven't had to deal with the likes of Little Miss Cleanliness and Mr. 33 Years since I started. So far, the extent of is has been a single Hello to each on one day, and that's it. That, and once all the programmers leave @ 5 PM, I get to turn my iPad on, and watch episodes of shows I've missed or just getting into, or jam out to music. -skippytpodar
And then you woke up *grins* -ralphp1024
I've already pinched myself several times, and still awake :) -skippytpodar
"most of which will entail telling the people on the line to go suck a lemon and call the appropriate people instead of us" ---> Kinda sounds like my current job. :-D Actually, most of the people who call my department are calling the correct people, but sometimes we get callers who are either calling the wrong department to begin with, or calling about a problem that, upon closer inspection, isn't actually related to what my department does (networking). -CaliTech
After how may months/years dealing with Little Miss Cleanliness and Mr. 33 Years, are you sure you're gonna be able to handle the drop in stress/BS? Hasn't you system already become acclimated to dealing with them? -Stryker One
All I can say is, the sooner the better! I'm also seeing a definite drop in stress from not having to rely on the shuttle van, since I can now park on-site, instead of parking downtown and waiting forever... -skippytpodar
Congratulations, and so jealous. :) -Omega
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12.
Couldn't have planned it better...
I noticed coming in today that for the 3rd day in a row, Little Miss Cleanliness was out "sick". Her being "sick" for several days usually has been due to either her protesting against something, or because there was some drama going on and she needed to go hide for a few days.
As you can guess, $boss has been rather unhappy about this. Under the rules, he's well within his rights to ask her to produce a doctor's note to not only justify why she's been out sick, but also to make sure she's well enough to come back to work if it was in fact something legit (not likely in her case). This go 'round, the rumor mill has been churning that she is upset I got the job and am starting it next week, so this "illness" was her way of protesting being essentially left on her own at the Helldesk, in a vain attempt to try to keep me on there. That would be impossible, since not only do I work different hours entirely, but now I work for the regional office instead of the local facility, meaning as of the end of the day today, I'll no longer be working for $boss.
The best part though, was this morning... I was manning the phones as usual, when a call came in from none other than Little Miss Cleanliness herself. She didn't even sound slightly sick. The tone of her voice was more like she just didn't feel like coming into work, and she was a little annoyed that the one person she didn't want to talk to picked up the phone. She asked that I e-mail $boss for her to tell her she's taking a sick day. Before I could utter a word, and tell her she really needs to do that herself, she just hung up. And as if $deity himself had a hand in it, not two seconds after the line went dead, $boss called on the other line, so I picked it up. He asked if Little Miss Cleanliness had come in at all in the morning. I told him that Little Miss Cleanliness had just called a few seconds before, and asked that I e-mail him for her to let him know of her taking a sick day, but hung up before I could transfer her to him. He muttered that she knew the rules of taking a sick day probably better than anyone, considering how many she's taken, and should have e-mailed or called him directly. He also implied that by her calling me instead, she was trying to be shady about it, and also implied that he'd mark her down as AWOL instead of sick because it's not like she doesn't know the rules, which doesn't bode well for her at all, considering we all have our evaluations coming up for the last fiscal year, which ended on 9/30.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Do you have any way of finding out the (sounds likely) repercussions after you take the new job? :)
-BayouTech
Call me bitter, call me sociopathic, call me a fan of schadenfreude, but I *do* love to see people hoisted on their own petard like this. THe more deserving, the more satisfying it is. -Lusus
I have no doubt she will make an attempt to justify her absences and imply that unless he just lets her get away with it, he'll face an EEO complaint and just roll over. That's not $boss's style though especially since he is very big on documentation, and he won't even attempt to accuse anyone of anything unless all his T's are crossed and I's are dotted, and I think it will be harder for me *not* to find out, since my new desk is next door and several of my coworkers despise her just as much as I do. -skippytpodar
It's like when Miss Cerberus threatened to fire me because I took a week's leave (authorized by my bosses and HR) without HER permission. I asked HR how much time she had off officially and compared this against records kept by myself and the reception staff book. By the time her annual leave, sick leave, hangover leave, "that-time-of-the-month" leave, "don't feel like coming to work today" leave (mostly on Mondays, Fridays, and days before and/or after long-weekends), weekend pickup was disappointing leave, etc, she had over 4 months off 7 months into the year. The look on her face when this was revealed was priceless. But she was protected by her position as the GM's PA. -Wraith556
If I was a GM, and had a personal assistant.. the knowledge that I was only getting at best 40% of their attention would really light a fire. -MaskedMarauder
Where does a secretary have the power to authorize pto, or tha power to fire people? Her boss should grow a set and fire HER lazy ass! -Captain Trips
Does EEO count when you just plain out won't follow company rules? When I was in the hospital for a week, I was not allowed in the building without a note from my doctor saying that I could work. The doc did not give me a note, so I had to wait until they faxed one to HR. (Trust me, they called me back the millisecond that note hit the machine to get back to work.) That's just procedure. HR told me that when I called them to say I was in the hospital and was not sure when I was going to be allowed out. In our place, more than 2 consecutive call out days, you need a doctor's note. We also get written up if we hit more than a certain number of call out days in a rolling six month period. -TechieSidhe
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13.
I have to say it's a good day
I just discovered I no longer have access to enter, edit, or close out any more tickets under my current job. Apparently, since today and tomorrow are my last two days working under my current job (I was able to request Friday off due to use-or-lose comp-time that they said wouldn't carry over to the new job), the powers that be who grant access to our ticket routing system decided this morning to remove said access. My (soon-to-be former) boss told me that it's pointless to go through all the hoops to get access for what amounts to a day and a half.
So now, I just have to spend the next day and a half doing the necessary training for the new job... all three pages of it.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Life sure is tough sometimes, Skippy - innit? ;-) -Gromit
aww darn! why, Why, WHY did they take the ticket system away! Oh NOes!... still have view access right? entertaining reading at times. -Harm
This is a perfect example of Karma. You had to put up with a ton of BS and now you get to skate until Thursday...then a 3 day weekend. -Starfury
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14.
You can't make this stuff up...
This is the exact text of the ticket:
"user has a cell phone and says that it works but wants a new cell cell phone cause everyone else is getting a new one and so she can call them"
Any guesses as to how fast we're gonna deny this request?
[By: skippytpodar]
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As fast as you can find the Deny button? -DarkRookie
30 seconds. 29 to stop laughing.... -virusjtg
So wait, an older cell phone can't call a newer one? huh. never knew that. -Icelator
I can understand if they meant text or email... but call? -McSmiley
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15.
Took them long enough....
No, this isn't related to my new job... well kinda not.
We FINALLY got word that our network is being forced to switch over from sticky mac security on the ports to 802.1x authentication. Our network admin has been fighting this tooth & nail because he hates using any "new" protocol (read: anything newer than when Clinton was in office), but the central office is mandating that he use it or else, they'll make the changes for him without his input. So he's doing it, if only grudgingly.
And this is after myself and pretty much every other operations tech, our supervisor, and the two networking techs devoted to clearing out sticky mac's full time have said moving to 802.1x is long overdue.
[By: skippytpodar]
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What's sticky MAC? -DukeOfURL
In a nutshell, it's a (supposed) security protocol where a switch will associate a port with the first MAC address it sees on that port. So from that point on, only that PC will be able to use that port. If you switch PC's with someone, both of those ports will deactivate, since their respective ports will have registered seeing new MAC addresses. Huge PITA if you ask me, and we had two full-time networking techs devoted just to clearing them out every day. -skippytpodar
So your admin has never heard of MAC spoofing? Bring in a wired router, or a wireless one with its radio turned off so you can't detect it with NetStumbler or equivalent. Tell it to report the MAC address of your principal computer; plug it in between your principal machine and the wall. You now have three open network ports that report themselves to the router as the same MAC address as your original machine. An active demo of this might give your admin some pause for thought... and granted, it would be a dismissal offense, but if someone is ticked off enough at either IT or the hospital that they are willing to do this, dismissal hanging over their heads is not going to be much of a threat. -chazz
Oh, hell - they quit using that MAC technique at my outfit quite a few years ago now, it was abandoned before I started here in '06. -Grue
Our admin was always under the impression most users were too dumb or lazy to do anything even remotely close to MAC spoofing. And he was always dead set against 802.1x, claiming it was too much effort, despite the fact that clearing out MAC's sucked up two of his full time networking billets. -skippytpodar
With how often we swap out machines, that would make our lives impossible! -Captain Trips
Yeah, having a consultant workforce, hotelling, and laptops, it would be a nightmare. -McSmiley
I'm familiar with that... You just swap the NICs when you swap computers. -Mer
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16.
Returning all unused karma
I just got the e-mail a few minutes ago. They've officially extended the offer to me for the Service Line position's 2nd shift, and I didn't even have to think about it. I accepted right away.
Once they get some paperwork done on their end, which should take a couple of days, they'll be able to give me a firm starting date. I doubt they'll have me starting 10/1, since that would set a major speed record, so 10/15 would be more likely.
So with that, I'm officially returning all unused karma to the pool.
[By: skippytpodar]
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great news! congrats! -MrsQuadrinaro
congrats :)
-Diptera
Gratz -McSmiley
Congrats to ya, dude! -Grue
New pay period starts 10/7, dude. -Grue
**does happy dance** YAY! -TechieSidhe
Got my pay period dates mixed up, Grue! For whatever reason, I kept thinking 10/1 was the start lol -skippytpodar
congrats man!!! -deedadee
That's great news. Best of luck in the new position. -NightSteel
Thank kerrist for that! The suspense was beginning to get to me. I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, I've been worried sick... ;-) -Gromit
GRATS!!!!! -Harm
Congratulations!! -Hawk
Here's hoping your new position will provide you with less reasons to post here, if you know what I mean. -AmazingKreskin
Congarats -Stryker One
Grats! -ManyHats
Awesome! -unrenowned
grats -virusjtg
Woot! Grats! -reveriel
Be sure to tell Mr. 33 Years and Little Miss Cleanliness that you can't tell them just how much you'll miss them (because numbers don't come that small). :) -RDMcMains
Good idea - tell 'em that you'd like to say what a pleasure it's been working with them, but you don't like lying. -Gromit
Just got the word from their HR. Looks like they're aiming to have me start 10/21, which can't come soon enough if you ask me! -skippytpodar
Congrats!! -THETECHFROMHELL
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17.
Interview done
Just got done with the interview a little while ago...
They did the standard performance based interview questions I've heard before, and I breezed through the questions without a problem. As it turns out, one of the guys who interviewed me was a former coworker of mine at another facility, and another was someone I helped while she was doing an inspection for Research. Small world, eh?
The third person in the interview was the guy who would be my boss if I got the job. He mentioned that there's a possibility that six months to a year down the road, whoever gets the job would have the option of working largely from home most of the time, with coming in only once or twice a week at the most. No guarantees though. He did mention that the people selected would rotate in the swing shift, where we would do Sun-Thur, another Mon-Fri, and the third Tues-Sat, and do a round robin, so that way we could have rotating days off. Still, working 1530-12mid is awesome, even if I would have to come in every day for it, since if I got the job, I'd be able to avoid traffic both ways. That, and I wouldn't have to worry about taking time off for a doctor's appointment, or anything else that would require me to do something during the day. The potential boss-man also specifically said the only way he would move whoever got the job out of the swing shift is if a person left one of the other two shifts, and a swing shift person specifically told him they wanted to move to another shift.
Plus, I can opt to do a transfer to another facility around the same time the potential for the telework stuff comes around, so I can see if I can move up closer to where my folks' house is, on the off-chance the people renting my parents' house ever decided to change their minds. Not likely in the next year or two, but you never know. Plus, the cost of living in that area is much better than where I currently am, and I know the area a lot better.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Good luck -McSmiley
^Ditto -ecoli
unused keg of job karma on the way. -deedadee
Thanks all. I'm already starting to get anxious to see if I got the job or not. There is also a very good chance the potential boss-man will insist I have an office of my own separate from everyone else, which potentially means I won't have to deal with the likes of Little Miss Cleanliness and Mr. 33 Years much longer :) -skippytpodar
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18.
Much needed this week
This week was the one week I needed some good news to come my way, and today, karma delivered.
I just got an e-mail from the Service Line folks for the Tier 3 position I had applied for back in May. I was initially told in June I'd get an interview, then last month that they had told too many people by mistake that they had gotten e-mails that they had made it to the interview stage when they really hadn't, and implied I was among that group that wouldn't get an interview. Well, the e-mail I got just now was from one of the Service Line managers, asking me when I wanted to be interviewed next week.
The best part is, the gentleman specifically stated in the e-mail was for the shift I was gunning for, the swing shift. Reason I want it so bad is not only will it allow me to sleep in and generally allow me to do stuff during the morning and early afternoon without having to take time off (the shift doesn't start until 3:30PM), but any time worked past 6PM means an extra 10% pay for those hours worked. That translates to an extra 6 hours tacked on to every paycheck for me :)
Best part is, I'll be able to get a pay raise if not immediately, then within a few months of getting the job. I made up a spreadsheet a while back that after tweaking it for almost a year, gets me to within a few cents accuracy for estimating my paycheck, and I put in the amount I'll be getting if I got the job, as well as the night time pay bump, and getting the job will allow me to save a little over $1325 a month right away, then a little over $1780 monthly within a few months. I also won't need to park in our off-site parking lot, since after 3 PM, our main parking lot opens up to all employees who are working swing and night shifts, since the non-managers are locked into those shifts, and they specifically stated in the e-mail that we only switch shifts if we request it in writing and it's approved. They can't make us if we don't want to.
After a while, I'll also be able to move up to the area I want to after a year or so, once things settle down with the whole Service Line thing, and provided there's a billet there for me. So with all that being said, I'm returning all unused karma back to the general pool. Thanks all :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Good luck on the interview! -Grue
Keep the Karma for the interview. -Olorin
Best karma to ya! -ManyHats
Thanks, guys :) I'm really hopeful about this one. Just for the heck of it, I'm also gonna ask if there's the possibility of working from home most of the time, and only occasionally coming into the office, seeing as the job entails mostly working behind the scenes, and mainly doing reports and Tier 3 stuff. -skippytpodar
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19.
Lemme get this straight...
One of the people we normally have to deal with is a Clinical Coordinator. He's the type who thinks people should just stop what they're doing and help him right away.
Case in point... Today he called the Helldesk to say his HD was full and he couldn't log in as a result, insisting that this was a high priority. He was asked if this was in any way related to patient care, to which he said No. So the Helldesk person told him flat out that because it's not, then the ticket couldn't be put in as a high priority.
Well, our Clinical Coordinator friend didn't like that, and said whatever it took for someone to come down right away, so yes it really was a patient care issue, despite the fact he hasn't so much as seen, interacted with, or even touched a patient in 15 years by his own admission.
What did the Helldesk person do? Met him in the middle and put it in as a Medium.. :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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If everyone is given high priority, then no one has high priority. -AmazingKreskin
Sounds like our ticketing system setup -DarkRookie
Your techs respect the high/medium/low priority designations? Our HD will put it in as whatever designation the customer demands... and those of us working the ticket work them based on a realistic priority based on the issue. -Aelin236
Our system is supposed to identify the priority from the job type etc. Priority is generally given by the people who deal with the calls according to location and so on. A&E gets immediate attention theatres, wards, clinics, treatment areas and then admin and others. Sometimes manglement gets involved and pushes things around. -Holdfast
Make him wrestle the other "High-Pri" users for your amusement. -Biosynthetic
So, do you ever get the other end of the spectrum? Like say, "Hi... there are like flames... coming out of the back of my computer... just thought you should know... click." -Stryker One
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20.
Dammit, Dammit... (nt/ot)
Just got off the phone with my dad...
My grandfather, whom I was extremely close to growing up, and still talked to every chance I got, is dying, and may not make it more than a day. Two would be almost a miracle. This is a pretty sudden turn, since recently, he was improving, becoming more lucid, more mobile, etc. Unfortunately, moving him to a hospital would almost certainly kill him according to the doctor that was summoned, so she recommended that all that anyone can realistically do is wait...
That being said, being that he's living in Poland, it's impossible for me to go, not only because a flight would take far too long, but logistically, it would be impossible for me to stay anywhere given that my mom has already been there for a week, and both my dad and aunt are going ASAP.
So all I can do is wait for the call...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Our thoughts and prayers are with you. May I suggest that anyone else, no matter what $DEITY you worship, even if it's Blind_Chance, toss a few prayers into the ether. My prayers will be for strength for you, and an easy passage for your grandfather. -ralphp1024
((HUGS)) -TechieSidhe
I'm sorry to hear that, friend - our best to you & yours from here at Casa Grue. -Grue
My condolences. -Stryker One
So sorry to hear this news, my heart goes out to you. (In the past two years, Death and I have become rather well acquainted, but his visits are never really welcomed.) Would it be possible to give him a call and let him know how much you love him before he's gone? (Since you can't be there in person?) -Captain Trips
Thanks all. As for calling him, Captain, that's pretty much impossible given the time difference. By the time I found out, it was already past 10PM local time there. Even a. Call tomorrow would be I'll advised because of how horrible he's doing. Even the tiniest stress would only hasten things from what the doctor said to my dad. -skippytpodar
Blasted auto correct. But anyhow, I hope you get the gist of it. Even calling and having my grandmother pick up wouldn't be such a hot idea given that her heath hasn't been all that great for some time now. -skippytpodar
Condolences man... just went through that one myself. -Harm
Make the call at least. If you can manage it, possibly a video call. I know it's not the same as being there, but it's as close as you can get in time. You have our condolences. -McSmiley
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Skippy. I can just hope that if it has to come, that it does come gently. -Voz
What he said. -MadJack
Just got the official word from my dad. My grandpa passed away during the night there. He went gently and quickly. Thanks all for the kind words and karma. -skippytpodar
my condolences, skippy. -slowANDeasy
My condolences. I know it's too late for the call, but if you can, call your grandmother or maybe anyone else that was on their way there (your dad), to share some love and support with your grandmother. -reveriel
My condolences, Skippy. -SalParadise
I hate to be an ass, but I predict that your sister will blame you for his passing. *hug* -burrkiss
Prayers to you and yours. -ecoli
sorry man, that just sucks. -HappyCrappy
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21.
Dropped the gauntlet
One of the things that $boss has been riding us about has been closing out our tickets within the 5-working-day SLA we have. It's something that's become a bone of contention between our group and networking.
Reason being, our group is the sole reason why our percentages have been as high as they are within our region. Yeah, $boss has been riding us hard about getting these tickets closed, but it's often meant less work later in the week since we tend to get most of our tickets Monday morning, thus on Friday, we could let loose a little bit, something that isn't lost on $boss, and which he doesn't particularly care that we do so long as we have the numbers to show we've done our jobs.
On the other hand, a lot of the people in Networking have tended to just sit on the tickets, sometimes for months on end, letting them pile up, all the while, cherry picking the easy ones they want to do and don't involve actually interacting with the customers. Case in point was an old ticket from more than two months ago. It was a simple installation that required a domain-level admin to do, and took all of 2-3 minutes at the most, but which just sat there in Networking's queue.
That is until today. The networking chief just arbitrarily reassigned it to us and said we needed to contact the user, not them. $boss didn't take too kindly to it, and fired off a two paragraph e-mail about how our part of the department was busy enough as it is keeping up with our own work, on top of having to make the rest of the department look good numbers-wise, that he was sick of the networking chief just arbitrarily reassigning tickets back to us without so much as lifting a finger to do any actual work on it, and if he did anything remotely resembling the stuff we did in our section (keeping track of queues, closing out tickets that were past SLA, making sure the work actually got done right the first time, etc.), then our site would probably be #1 in terms of workflow in the entire region, as opposed to just middle of the road with our section doing most of the heavy lifting.
$boss CC'd both our section, the networking section, the CIO, the regional CIO, and a few other people in the hospital for good measure before leaving for the day.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oh yes, and he reassigned the ticket right back to Networking, attaching the e-mail he had sent off as an attachment on the ticket. -skippytpodar
Two things could come from this. One: Networking get a fire lit under them to get their work done in a timely manner. Or, two: Networking retaliates as only networking can do. Depending on the politics there, I'd lay bets on Networking winning this battle.
-VoiceOfSanity
Oh believe me, if he had kept this in-house, then yeah, I'd agree, but he very deliberately included the Regional CIO in the e-mail string, and she as a take-no-s&^t attitude about this stuff. That, and she's already well aware of some of the stuff they've done in the past... -skippytpodar
Then there's the possibility there's going to be a lot of unhappy people. And not all of them are going to be in Networking. [Had a situation similar to this, and the networking folks had... ways of making life miserable for others.]
-VoiceOfSanity
Time to polish off the old resume! There could be a nuclear level fallout from this one! -unrenowned
not necessarily true vos, if you can show that the were retaliating management will probably come down harder. -McSmiley
I'll say this for $boss: That's how your drop a line, and then the mic! Hope he has a game plan... -PTSTech
If you can, give us an update either here or in the break room if someone picks up that gauntlet and uses it to administer a bitch slap. -MarloVino
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22.
How many times...
... do I have to say No before people finally get the hint.
One of my friends posted on FB about how she was doing her own website, and I offered to give her a couple pointers if needed. Not even an hour later, one of her friends messaged me and wanted me to give him my contact info to give to one of his friends because said friend was also needed help with a website.
So I replied back to this asshat nicely, saying that I've been burned before, giving my info to people I thought I could trust, only for those people to give out my info to others and so on, until I'd get called at 3 in the morning for computer help when I was already running on no sleep. And I reiterated that I only offered to help my friend, not to him or anyone else.
This morning, he replied back saying his friend was a dear friend, then added my friend on the thread and asked her to speak to me on his behalf. I reiterated that I'd rather not get burned again by giving out my info to people I don't personally know, even if my friends know them.
Sheesh, how many times do I say no before people get the hint. That, and my friends wonder why I so rarely offer to help...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Should have pm'd your friend instead? Next time? -Captain Trips
Never ever offer to help in a public place. In fact, never ever offer to help for free. -Olorin
by now you should have learned to stop offering assistance. UNLESS there is compensation at an hourly rate (Grass, Gas or Ass). -Harm
Agreed with ^^ -MaskedMarauder
Especially the first part -DarkRookie
How about " I'll tell you what. They can be my friend too .... after the check clears." - XD -Necros
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24.
Say that again?
I almost had to do a double-take when I saw this...
A ticket came across my desk, and it was from a guy who said he needed Windows Media Player 9 installed on his computer, and this was a high priority because it involves patient care. So I called the guy up, and turns out the magna cum numbnuts was from HR. Last time I checked, HR didn't deal with patients. He just needed it to view some web videos for training that he was overdue on.
So yeah, it just goes to show how people who, even though they don't have anything to do with patients, still abuse the phrase just so they can cut to the front of the line.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Well that depends, from a certain point of view it might have something to do with patients...... Once you "explain the reprocussions" of abusing that phrase. He just might be one. -McSmiley
"If I'm not in a good mood, then my attention to work suffers, which in turn means that patient care suffers, hence my request to access steamymammas.com MUST be authorised with alacrity, as it is essential for cheering me up." -Diptera
One of my favorites was trying to justify Pandora access under Patient Care. I tell people like that to send an email to the help desk for documentation telling us why it's patient care. Most times they drop the issue. -TechieSidhe
We get about 2-3 of them a week here. And they usually drop it when we ask they go through $frontOffice to justify why they need streaming music sucking up the bandwidth. -skippytpodar
The problem is that when said shiny assed office dweller can't get what they want when they want it, they refer it up the management tree until it finds some non-technical individual who feels that this is more important than all this patient-care nonsense. They bring it up in meetings with other people who have never donned a set of rubber gloves in their lives and it is decided to change our priorities... -Holdfast
Luckily, our parent company has to deal with those kind of requests, like firewall changes, etc. They tend to slap those suckers down pretty quick. -TechieSidhe
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25.
Sensing a disturbance... (nt/ot)
The last couple of days, it's as if fate has been telling me I need to move out of my apartment complex...
- Over the weekend, I discovered several gouge marks on the wall immediately outside my apartment. They were a few feet from my window, which itself had a gouge mark as well. On a hunch, I sent them to my old boss, who was a police officer, and he said that, sure enough, those were bullet ricochets.
- That same evening I got a notice taped to my door to be on the lookout, and report any suspicious activity in the parking lot. Several cars had been broken into and vandalized, and whoever was doing so, was targetting foreign makes & models. My car was a foreign make & model. Lovely...
- The icing on the cake though was yesterday evening. I saw three kids hanging out, none of which looked older than 17 or 18, and one of them was talking very loudly on the phone. Even from 20 feet away, I could clearly hear both him and the person on the other end, so either the kid was half deaf or just really liked the volume turned all the way up on the phone. He was actually standing there with his buddies and saying he was seriously considering rejoining "the gang" and gangbanging again to whoever it was on the phone.
That last one sealed the deal for me right there, as if the first two weren't bad enough on there own. There've been minor nuisances in the complex, such as the upstairs neighbor either doing renovations that went well into the night with no materials going in or trash going out, or had some incredible stamina in bed. Then there were the kids in the complex, who tended to run around screaming and playing until all hours, hung out in the stairwell, which was immediately outside my door, yelling laughing, and generally being kids.
Again, minor nuisances, which I could kinda live with, but those three items have already made me start looking to move out. One of the places I was previously looking at before moving to my current locale has several units open & available, and as fate would have it, I can afford a place there now. It's only about 4 miles further away from work in terms of a commute, but being that it's on the other side of town, it may as well be a world away from my current complex. Previously, with my car loan, and several other loans, living there was outside my budget, but now that I've paid them off, I can easily afford the place. Plus, I can put my pepper plants out on the patio, and not have to fork out the extra dough for running the CFL bulbs for 16 hours a day, and then the AC for cooling off the rest of the apartment from the steam room that became the room my plants were in. Oh yes, and this place has a washer and dryer in the apartment, so no more having to take ye olde laundry out in public, and hoping that there's a washer and dryer available for me to use. That, and I've just never been fond of coin operated laundry machines... Felt like I was washing my stuff in everyone else's dirty crap, ya know?
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds like you need to start gathering moving boxes and arranging to rent a moving truck. -Starfury
No doubt, SF. And the kicker is, the place supposedly does background checks on people, but I guess they've been slacking off lately -skippytpodar
Our place supposedly does background checks as well, but it seems like they don't. Our pool area is unusable by anyone on the weekends unless you are a drunk and don't mind profanity laden hip hop and rap played at high volume. -TechieSidhe
That sounds like the pool area in my complex. And the kicker is, it's mostly kids in the pool, screaming at the top of their lungs, and generally carrying on until all hours... -skippytpodar
I guess I'm lucky... we do have kids in our complex, but they enforce the 9pm curfew for the tennis court and the pool (via the arrival of the local resident Houston policeman). The fact that we have cops living there does tend to minimize the problems...
-VoiceOfSanity
Ours is adults. If you're bored, you can also play the "guess the gang or hate group" by their tattoos. Sadly, it's a small group of people that are scaring the rest of the residents away. Our management has been told numerous times, but they are never there on the weekends, so they don't see it. -TechieSidhe
Good on you! Perhaps you could 'forget' to tell your sister you're moving, and where... -RDMcMains
I'm guessing "background check" actually means "credit check" to make sure you don't have a history of not paying your rent. Is this complex considered Section 8? -missourimule
Liquor boxes make great moving boxes, and most stores will just give them away. I use them for all my books and I've never had one split open on me. Also good for heavy objects, like disks and such. Good luck! -harryscuz
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26.
Gonna file that under alrighty then...
This morning, we had a guy walk up to our office and demand to see his tax return. The other tech and I who opened the Helldesk this morning looked at each other with confused looks and informed him that we have absolutely nothing to do with getting his tax return and referred him to the IRS website.
He rather angrily demanded that instead of a website or phone numbers going to computers, he wanted to talk to alive person to get back his tax return. We again told him we wished we could help him but he'd have better luck looking on the website to find the right number to go to.
After that, he stormed off muttering how we were useless...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Why the Frak have you not fixed my car yet? Worthless IT drones. -burrkiss
Forget his car, my wall needs re-pointing, slacker! ;) -Diptera
Is my latte ready yet? -thx1138
VALIDATE MY PARKING!!!! -Harm
*mutter mutter mutter* call yourself a HELPdesk, some HELP you are! make me do something myself and THINK.. -Harm
*mutter mutter mutter* call yourself a HELPdesk, some HELP you are! make me do something myself and THINK.. -Harm
*mutter mutter mutter* call yourself a HELPdesk, some HELP you are! make me do something myself and THINK.. -Harm
how the.... -Harm
Someone reboot Harm? He's stuck in a loop again.... -0gr3
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27.
First ticket of the day...
Lady called in a ticket because she could get on to every website except Facebook...
[By: skippytpodar]
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It's always good when they make their policy violations obvious in the first sentence. Saves investigation time. -TechieSidhe
"Thank you for confirming that our web filters conform to policy. Is there anything we can do for you in return?" -Holdfast
"Ticket forwarded to Facebook for further action. Ticket closed at this site." -Voz
Several years ago, we tried to institute web site blocking. We got a call from an executive that he could no longer access MySpace, and said that his business-related need was to keep up with his son's soccer team. That was the end of web site blocking here. -Captain Trips
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28.
Sure, we'll get right on that...
A guy walked up to the Helldesk today, asking about his laptop. His name was familiar, but I couldn't place it, so I decided to do a quick search. Lo and behold, it was a ticket assigned to me... over 2 months ago!
Turns out, I had tried to contact the guy 5 separate times to actually bring in his laptop so we could work on it, but he never did, so I closed the ticket out on 5/31 for non-contact.
Then a month ago, he brought the laptop up, but the people at the Helldesk just took the laptop without bothering to look up the ticket, and dropped it off in the laptop room without telling me, according to him. And now he's back, a month after he brought it up, asking if he could get it back. Guess he was in such a rush to get it fixed, he was willing to wait two months...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sure, I'll get that right out to you on the 1st of October. -edventure
Nahhhh, tell him you'll make it a priority, and he can have it on the 31st of September! -Voz
He can have it back on December 13th. The day after the world is going to end you know. -Olorin
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29.
Self-LART
Our secretary came in & had me take over a call from one of the telephone operators. The operator was freaking out because some software they use to monitor the security camera outside their door that they're required by policy to view and monitor after hours (since it doubles as the security camera to the side entrance of the building), was missing. The operator said her computer was just replaced and nobody bothered to put the software back on.
I looked up the basics, and sure enough, the PC was replaced, and by one of our more diligent techs, but something struck me. Her original problem was for an Active Desktop Background error, which meant that a PC replacement was hardly needed, so I delved further into the ticket notes.
That's when I saw it, and I had to do a facepalm. I had put a note in about the PC needing replacement, only the problem I was describing wasn't even in the ballpark of what her issue was. It was then I realized I had, completely by accident, written the notes for another ticket I was working on into this one & transferred it to our hardware guys, thinking it was the ticket I was really working on. The other tech who got it saw my notes and assumed I was talking about this computer, not the one I was actually working on, which really did need a replacement.
I know I'm not gonna get any heat for it today since most everyone else is gone for the day, but rest assured, my boss will be mentioning it at least. Plus, thanks to the chief of police being somewhat paranoid, the software she needs is so locked down for security reasons, only a couple techs have the permissions to even install it, so there was little I could do to install it.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oops.... -Grue
I hate days like that. -Olorin
The best policy is to take it to the boss yourself, explain your error (it diffuses so much when you acknowledge the error) and can already outline the steps that have been or will be taken to correct it. What else can they say about it at that point? It is what it is. -Magenta
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30.
Oh, now we're worried about it...
This morning, I got a e-mail from a starfish. He was asking about the laptop he brought up to us last week, asking if it was done. I didn't even need to look any further than the name. I had e-mailed him twice immediately after the ticket came across my desk, and got no response, so I closed out the ticket due to no response. Then last week, a full six weeks after I had closed out the ticket, he brought up the laptop with my original e-mail attached to the HellDesk.
Now, at that point, the tech at the HellDesk should have at the very least looked up the ticket like he was told to do time & time again. Instead, he just took the laptop straight to us after the luser left. I asked him why there was no ticket re-submitted, and he just washed his hand of it, and implied that it'd be too much work.
The irony is that, with the personnel swaps we did Thursday & Friday, this same tech is now in the group that deals with the laptops. So I'm just gonna forward the fishie's e-mail to him and let him deal with it now :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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*applause* -FuzzyElf
Revenge is a dish best served cold. -Starfury
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31.
How was I unclear...
Today is my first official day on the Helldesk, and I have no working phone. I put a request in on Thursday to have a multi-line set up by the end of the day, but nobody came.
This morning, I looked up the ticket and it stated the ticket was closed by the customer on Friday. Funny... I was out all day Friday. Turns out the telecom tech came up Friday (not Thursday like I asked) and got confused by what I wanted. Based on my (admittedly limited) dealings with the telecom folks, confusing the guy that got my ticket is not that tough to do. Apparently, instead of reading the wall jack and closet information I gave him, which said the phone I moved was moving all of 15 feet from one wall jack to another in the same office, because the desk I was getting had no phone, he assumed my extension was moving from my old office 3 doors down. Trouble is, the information that was given to him had no bearing on my old extension, and I specifically said in the ticket I didn't want my old extension transferred over (too many starfish had it and called it directly instead of putting in a work request).
So this morning, I had to put in an emergency ticket, asking them to get this phone up & running ASAP because no phone means no work.
[By: skippytpodar]
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No phone == No work == NAP TIME!!! -DarkRookie
I hate the phones here. They are all on a diesel generator. So we will lose the lights, computers and AC, but not the FUCKING phones. WEEEEEEEE! -DarkRookie
There's a reason why I like VoIP phones... when the computer network goes down, the leetul feeshies can't call you.
-VoiceOfSanity
@VoS: so is our, but its tied to the generator. -DarkRookie
I fail to understand why not being able to receive calls from fishies merit an emergency ticket. Unless the phone tech will get tangled with it again and take another week to install your phone. -buitre
@buitre: Because my boss doesn't give a rat's ass that I don't have a phoneline, he still expects me to take calls, close my quota of tickets and do work :) -skippytpodar
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32.
Lovely...
One of the programs that's used daily by about half the staff here was one that was programmed by people up the food chain some years ago. Apparently, they in their infinite wisdom, had it written in the program so that it would remember the window position every time it was launched by a particular user.
That's all well and good for users that have single monitors, but became quite the problem for users with dual monitors that switched over to laptops or PC's with single monitors. If they put the program on that 2nd monitor, then when they switch to a single monitor computer, the program will think it's on that phantom 2nd monitor, and cause all sorts of havoc. The fix is simple enough, have them log into a dual monitor setup and drag the program back to the primary monitor. This also led to no shortage of people who, instead of going with the simple option of waiting the 5 seconds it took to drag the program over, to request 2nd monitors for their new computers as well. $boss didn't like that since half these people already had our biggest widescreen monitors, so a 2nd one was out of the question for them, and also the stock of said monitors is pretty limited.
And this morning, I got another such person. Her case was complicated by the fact she's a telework employee, working from home, so her fix would involve her actually coming into the hospital, since she didn't have a 2nd monitor around anywhere. She insisted on us providing her with one after we already gave her more than $boss wanted to give her (he was overruled by $CIO), but even CIO would have a hard time justifying giving a telework lady a widescreen monitor on top of a laptop, docking station, and everything else she got, just because she's too lazy to come in herself for a fix that takes a few seconds.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Lousy programming! I do remember-the-window programming but I always validate it against the current setup and don't display the window off screen. -Loren
easy fix, happens here a lot. If the app has a indicator in the start bar at the bottom of the screen, right click it and then click MOVE. Use the arrow keys (usually the left one) to move the screen back to the live monitor. -JoeLugian
Unfortunately Joe, someone in their infinite wisdom decided the only three options available are Restore, Minimize, and Close, not the regular stuff -skippytpodar
IBM's Client Access (terminal emulator for the AS/400) has the same problem - if I had last opened it on my second screen at work, I couldn't view it on my lone screen at home (over RDP.) Unless I maximized it - then it would show on the screen at home, but only if I kept it maximized. Made it hell to multi-task. -Captain Trips
Have you tried using something like AutoIT to move the window? Its a single line command that you can turn into an EXE for the lusers to run...
http://www.autoitscript.com/autoit3/docs/functions/WinMove.htm -TPSMono
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33.
Entitled doctors...
Last week, one of the doctors here who thinks she's entitled to anything and everything under the sun because she's not only an MD, but because guys drool over her constantly, suddenly decided she wanted one of the (very few) Mac laptops. Instead of putting in a formal request in like she should have, she went straight to $CIO, who approved the request without a second thought, or without bothering to look up her name which showed she already had a $rhymesWithHell laptop which was only given to her a month earlier.
And as I said, she's one of those people here that most guys drool over and send tails a-wagging. One of our former employees had a one-night fling with her, and one of our information security people is actively trying to get into her pants. She's cute as hell, and I don't blame them, but she uses that to get what she wants. Which brings me to this morning. She talked to one of the guys here, asking for a Mac docking station. He told her we didn't have any, and to talk to $boss, who is already leery of her because after one day of having the Mac, already put a ticket in saying she didn't know how to get into it the day after we were forced to give it to her. I told her we don't have Mac docking stations, and considering the state of the budget right now, it's unlikely we'll ever get any, assuming we could even find them.
She then replies back, saying she wants to get on the in-house wireless, which again would be nigh-impossible, as the software we use to authenticate systems and allow them to get onto the wireless was written specifically for Windows-based systems, not Mac. And $boss also chimed in, asking why she was asking for all this. Her response? So she could do rounds and presentations, and she replied back, asking for a temporary laptop with the wireless software installed and set up so she could do work. $boss said we just didn't have any available, and she'd have to use whatever was available in the area to do whatever it was she needed to do.
[By: skippytpodar]
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If she sucks you off, will you give her the Wifi password? -burrkiss
I have yet to see a CEO or Upper Manager say "no" to a doctor. We tell them no, they have learned they can immediately turn around and whine to the president, who will tell us to give them what they want, even if it violates our policies. -TechieSidhe
We want a picture of this person. Pics or it didn't happen O:) -virusjtg
Suggest she do her presentations on her existing Dell laptop. -thx1138
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34.
No-show-palooza
Last week, a lady put in a ticket complaining that she couldn't get into her laptop. Somehow, my name got attached to it, and suddenly one day, I got two nastygrams from the lady claiming I was supposed to show up at her office for some 9 AM appointment to help her out with this. I checked to make sure I wasn't going crazy, and I didn't call or e-mail her about any such appointment.
So I reply back to her saying that for the laptop service, she really does need to come up here with it and we could help her out since out network ports up here don't disable the instant another PC plugs in, even a legit one. So what does she do? She just comes up to the Helldesk, drops off the laptop and says she'll be back and expects it to be fixed.
I pop open the laptop, and right away see the problem... The laptop spent so long away from the network that it still assumed her old password was the current one, so when she changed it in the AD, she tried to use the updated one on it, with no luck. I contacted her to inform her of this and no answer on her phone. I e-mailed her, and again no answer for two days. On the 5th day, I closed out the ticket because it had been open too long and $boss was getting strict on us closing tickets within SLA. I noted down dates & times I tried to contact her with no success to make sure my behind was covered.
The next day, an updated ticket from the same lady got in my queue, saying how she was upset I never got back to her, how I should have come down to her office, etc., to fix the problem, and how when the Helldesk tech tried to tell her I attempted to contact her two separate times, she accused him of lying. I again called her, and after the cursing out, I told her all she needed was to have the passwords updated on the laptop, which required the laptop to not only be plugged into the network up here, but required her to be physically here to actually type in said passwords. So we tenatively scheduled an appointment and she was a no-show. I contacted her again and yet again, tenatively scheduled for her to come up today at 2. I waited... and waited... and waited. I even helped $boss move his desk into his new office down the hall while waiting, and 3:30 rolled around, still nada from her. So I closed out the ticket, saying I made two attempts to schedule her, and she was a no-show both times.
3:45 rolls around, and a brand new ticket from her comes in with the exact same ticket as before, saying she couldn't get into her laptop, etc... Oh JOY. The good thing is, I myself am moving to the Helldesk tomorrow, so I will no longer be dealing with this starfish... Thank $deity..
[By: skippytpodar]
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How lengthy was the email to her boss about her failure to help you help her? -TechnoVampire
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35.
Zombie-proof houses...
Saw a story on Yahoo of the most zombie-proof houses. No surprise, the vast majority were incredibly expensive, and one just happened to be very close to where I live. It's literally built like a European style estate, has a moat, solid wrought iron front entrance gate, and the only thing it really lacks in the sole drive up to the house is a functional drawbridge, which is easily overcome by the fact that the two gazebos to either side of the house provide outstanding overlapping fields of fire, making the way up a natural chokepoint ::snicker::
http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/25791-Sw-167th-Ave_Homestead_FL_33031_M59316-60278?mlslid=A1619665
[By: skippytpodar]
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cheaper way. but some cheap land.. - get around a dozen (maybe 20 call it) used end of life shipping containers. the the house into a ( lack of a better term) castle configuration with interior courtyard. on the cheap admitedly - and could use some re enforcing ( realy.. you could easaly build some ramparts and dig a few " moats" ). -Harm
But it still wouldn't look as cook. The outdoor light poles are cast-iron dragons, and the house has an indoor theatre, game room and a 6-car garage. That, and there's plenty of land on either side of the driveway leading up to the moat to plant crops and also cultivate some peppers. :) -skippytpodar
And what makes you think water will stop zombies? They're dead, do they still breathe? -chazz
I already considered that, and figured since most of their higher functions are either turned off or destroyed, then swimming is pretty much out of the question and they'd sink -skippytpodar
I already considered that, and figured since most of their higher functions are either turned off or destroyed, then swimming is pretty much out of the question and they'd sink -skippytpodar
And walk along the bottom of the lake / pond / river / inlet until they reach the other shore. Decreased metabolism would suggest that if they need oxygen, they could well be able to absorb it as if lungs were gills... -chazz
Moats are useless against zombies. The real defense against zombies is a house on stilts. -Loren
And here I thought http://www.missilebases.com/ was the way to go ... -Necros
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36.
You can't fix stupid...
This morning, I walk in, and there was already a flood of tickets about starfish being unable to print. It was caused by our main print server getting hung upon an application, which caused it to freeze. $boss started the reboot process, all the while, people were still calling in, despite being told by the Helldesk that the server was down and there was nothing anyone could do about it until the server was brought back up.
One lady I e-mailed, explaining the server was down and she needed to wait until it was brought back up before she could print, decided to enter a brand new ticket, with the text reading as follows: "User says she received an email from Skilly, stating they know the perint server was down due to the print server hanging, and it may be a while before the users are able to print." So yeah, she put in a ticket, saying she got my e-mail. I closed out the ticket, and now I have to continue with the flood of other tickets from people experiencing the same problem.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Er, Skippy, not Skilly... Sheesh, caffeine must not have kicked in yet! -skippytpodar
Yes, you can fix stupid. However, it's currently illegal to kill people just because they're stupid. I rather like the "Remove all the warning labels, let Darwin sort it out" method, though. -ralphp1024
usually the same person opening a second ticket for the same issue sends routes them right down to the bottom of the pile, even if i was already fixing their problem. -boxcar
We finally pinned down the cause of why the print server was on the fritz. One of the techs here decided to install & activate fax services on the print server. Why? Who the heck knows, but instead of finishing the installation and rebooting yesterday evening like eh should have, he just left for the day. The last couple steps in the installation hung, and by a quirk in how Server 2008 R2 is set up, he had to be the one to log back in and reboot it. Bear in mind, he actually one of the more knowledgable techs, the one most actually go to when they have trouble. Considering the other day, he started ragging on another tech for plugging a USB A connector into an ethernet jack, we decided it was only fair that we all go rag on him now... :) -skippytpodar
We have a duplicate UID code for stuff like this. -Starfury
"All the technology in the world doesn't matter if the majority of your population is mind numbingly stupid." - from alt.sysadmin.recovery
-VoiceOfSanity
Idiocracy is prophecy. -Stryker One
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37.
The clouds parted, the heavens opened
And I don't have to be at the Helldesk with Mr. 33 Years. OK, granted, Little Miss Cleanliness will still be there, but I will at least concede that not having Mr. 33 Years around there, screwing everything up, is a good thing.
Plus, those two fight like an old married couple ready to kill each other. Not hearing that constantly will definitely be a break for my sanity.
[By: skippytpodar]
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"And there was a great rejoicing. And after they finished rejoicing, they put on their clothes and went down to the pub to rejoice some more."
-VoiceOfSanity
Tell us the rest of the story- Where did they put Mr 33 yrs?? Someplace deep and dark?? -jerrybear
And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... -Captn92
Skip a bit, brother... -chazz
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38.
No time like the present
As I'm sure is common practice, we have a rule in place that if we don't get a response back from a user within 5 working days despite at least 3 attempts to contact them, we are within our rights to close out the ticket, and state we couldn't get a hold of the user.
So you can imagine my surprise when I came back from my three-day weekend, to find 3 laptops from users whose tickets have long since been closed were on my desk, each with a printout of my e-mail, asking them to bring the laptop up, attached. One I had closed a month ago, and the other two I closed out early last week. If the numbnuts at the Helldesk had bothered to look at the dates on the emails I had sent, they would've seen how old they were, but did they bother to check? Nope. They just saw my name on the email and dropped the laptop off on my desk without even bothering to check the status of the ticket.
$boss has already told the Helldesk to check the status of laptop tickets before bringing laptops back to us, but it's a rule that's been summarily ignored by everybody there. I've already shot off an e-mail to $boss, asking that they be "reminded" to check the status of the ticket associated with a laptop when they bring it in for servicing. Whether they follow it in the next week is up to them, since a couple of them are coming in here to do laptop stuff, and I'd like them to be on the other side of that fence once or twice to see how it feels.
[By: skippytpodar]
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39.
Yup, I'm in Hell
Just found out that $boss is doing another round robin of all the techs in my paygrade. He's sending me to the Helldesk, which is where Little Miss Cleanliness resides, but he's also sending Mr. 33 Years there too. It's official... I'm gonna be in Hell. I can only hope that the phone call for that interview comes sooner rather than later.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Welcome to Heck. Hopefully you get early release for good behavior. -TechieSidhe
Welcome to Hell, and here's your accordion.
-VoiceOfSanity
Welcome to the HellDesk! Here is your chain with time controlled ankle clamp. Please attach it to your desk as soon as your day starts else you will counted absent even if you are hear. Account creation, tool access, and training will happen when we fell like. (Right now it feels August for account, July for access, and training sometime next year.) -DarkRookie
What is this "training" you speak of? I do not know this word. -TechnoVampire
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40.
Never fails...
Thirty minutes after I close out a work order requesting a laptop because they failed to bring up the necessary paperwork in time, they bring up the necessary paperwork.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Now they get bumped to the bottom of the Q -burrkiss
Exactly... They made me wait all that time, now I get to return the favor. -skippytpodar
Yeah. You see, this was supposed to be in a little bit ago. Tell you what. I'll get it right into queue for you. -AngrySup
"Oh, you submitted it a week ago? Well, of course we'll do everything we can - I'll put it in the priority queue." Remember, children, FIFO is still a priority queue! -LDFeral
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41.
Why $deity?
I can never understand this...
$boss has a very cut & dry policy stating that we are not to give out extensions to anyone outside of our department. In fact he himself put in bold, underline, italics and all caps "DO NOT GIVE OUT INTERNAL EXTENSIONS" right on the call list. Reason being is that there was a major rash of people doing work without work orders being put in, or them doing work on the side without wanting to put work orders in, so he had all of our extensions changed as a result to put the kabosh on that, and have people call the Helldesk to have work orders put in, and have them worked on in the order they were received.
But of course, there's a couple of people on the Helldesk who, either because they didn't read it or are outright ignoring it, give the extensions out anyway. This morning, I've been called no less than 5 times by the same guy, all regarding different issues. First was a printer issue. Then there was an Outlook issue. Then he forgot how to set a printer as a default. Then he needed to get his PKI set up, and the list goes on. All within the span of 30 minutes, and all because the Helldesk gave him the number to a tech, instead of answering the questions themselves, or putting a ticket in.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds like someone from the helpdesk needs a LART...and for the boss to get involved. -Starfury
I've got a name and a company directory. Bwhaa haa haa... -AngrySup
Sounds like a clear cut write-up-able offense to me. Any chance you could get the boss to follow through on that?
-BayouTech
Gee, wasn't there a recent transfer to the Helldesk who might be irritated with your group? -ManyHats
Perhaps a simple public (or pubic) beating will suffice. -FuzzyElf
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42.
I love Fridays...
Today, I was supposed to take part in a 4-hour "team building exercise" here at work that was supposed to go all morning, and which was supposed to address the rampant issues going on. This was pretty much forced on us by the very supervisor who is one of the problems in this department by virtue of his being aloof and all but blind to what's going on, as well as catering to and enabling the very troublemakers causing the problems.
So as fate would have it, I was specifically requested by a remote user bringing her system in to have it updated this morning, the same morning the "team building exercise" was taking place. Not only is this user one of the higher-up's who our CIO sucks up and caters to hand and foot, she's actually one of the legitimately nicest users we have, and is the rare breed of user that not only listens to and follows what the IT techs have to say, but we've got her to the point she knows exactly what to write down, what info we need, etc., when she calls in, which isn't often nowadays.
So essentially, I got out of a 4-hour massive waste of my time I'd never get back to do something that took me all of 20 minutes this morning. And best of all, the entire morning, I have carte blanche to tell users to come back in the afternoon per my boss. Oh yeah, it's payday and the Heat won the championship...
[By: skippytpodar]
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GOOD for you ! A fine day SIR A fine day! -beatmewithstick
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43.
Boss LART
Early last week, I got a ticket across my desk about a user who had a laptop lock up due to her being overdue in bringing it in for updates, as the encryption is designed to do every 90 days if it fails to connect to our encryption server. I e-mailed her to bring it in, and she replied quickly enough that she'd bring it in on Monday. Monday came & went, and she was a no-show. I e-mailed her a second time, asking her to bring it in. Wednesday was our SLA date to close it out, so I closed the ticket stating she never brought it in despite two e-mails and a promise to bring it in.
So today, she just comes up to our Helldesk, drops the laptop off as if nothing happened and wanted it done by the end of the day. The Helldesk folks didn't even bother to look up the ticket to she I closed it for her not bringing it in time, which meant that by bringing it in today, she automagically got pushed to the bottom of the heap.
As soon as they brought it to me, I felt a disturbance in the Force, as if something compelled me to check the Event Logs. Sure enough, the lady hadn't even logged into the laptop since October 21st of LAST YEAR. I screencapped it, and forwarded it to $boss, along with the notes. He sent off a nastygram to the lady, who as it turned out, was just a secretary, asking why she needed a laptop if she hadn't even bothered to turn it on in 8 months, especially since she's just a secretary, and also why she decided to bring it in now, when I asked her to bring it in on Monday. No response yet.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Let me guess, she's probably scheduled to go on vacation in the next week or so and needs it to post on Facebook, I mean...do lots of hard work.... -TechieSidhe
Or perhaps if she "proves" that it is not sufficient for her needs she feels she will get an iPad. -Holdfast
For her needs an Etch-a-Sketch would be over-specified. -Gromit
She throws a towel over the laptop, plugs it in to charge, and her cat sleeps on it. (My own cats were horribly disappointed when I finally got rid of my old CRT monitor.) -MeanDean
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44.
I'm sure she has nothing to hide...
A ticket came across my desk this morning that had some odd wording. The lady who was the president of our local union was complaining she couldn't print. The tech who took her call asked she power cycle her printer just to make sure. She outright refused to do so, and just wanted a tech to come and get her up and printing again.
Curious, I grabbed the ticket and went over since her office was literally 50 feet away. I power cycled the printer just like the Helldesk tech asked her to do, and voila! The printer began printing again. Just to verify everything was kosher, I tried to log into her PC but saw that she was already logged in and the PC was locked.
So I asked her to unlock her PC, and instead of unlocking it, she completely unplugs everything from the power strip, save for the printer, which thankfully was plugged into a separate outlet. She plugs everything back in, and then logs in as if nothing happened. When she did that I thought two things... First: Who could possibly confuse unlocking her computer with completely shutting it down by unplugging it. Second: Normally, people who do that usually have something to hide.
So I closed the ticket out after verifying she could print, and took the printout of the ticket, pasting it prominently on my Wall as the ticket of the week.
[By: skippytpodar]
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And you bumped her to the list of people to monitor...? -Divinar
<I support reasonable labor unions> -AngrySup
She is not an IT Technician. There is a strict definition of what she can touch, and what she can not touch. God forbid she touch that, as that might put someone else out of work. *Note - you spent time going to her desk. </LART shelter engaged> -AngrySup
What I'd do was bring up the login screen and direct her to put in her password, or at the very least dive forward in slow motion yelling "NOOOOOOOO!!" the moment she reached for the cord. -AmazingKreskin
I would just check up her PC on the log of the system that monitors for dodgy stuff (MP3 & movie files for starters), and I would make sure that the A/V is fully up to date. -Holdfast
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45.
Priceless
Discovering the reason someone's work cell phone bill is sky high is because they're using an average of 6-7 times the number of monthly minutes provided on your work cell to make personal phone calls at all hours: Expensive
Being bitched out for three months in a row after you inform them that the paperwork they signed clearly states they are are responsible for any and all overage charges: Aggravating
Finding out that they had two entire pay checks taken away from the sheer amount of overages, got demoted & knocked down a pay grade after "someone" forwarded all the information to the inspector general's office, including a breakdown of the minutes usage, tapes of the afore-mentioned bitch-out sessions, in which you stated you can use the cell however you want in direct violation of the paperwork you signed stating otherwise and the three written warnings you received from $frontOffice: Priceless...
[By: skippytpodar]
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there are somethings money can buy....for everything else there is a massive LART! -gashach
I'd love to do that. Unfortunately, a lot of the folks who run up large charges are the same folks who travel overseas (on company business) and therefore the charges are viewed as being necessary for work. However, there was the person who ran up a good bill while on vacation...
-VoiceOfSanity
I just don't understand the mindset of thinking you can get away with crap like that. -thx1138
That would be how a friend of mine lost his gov't contractor position. If I didn't know where he was, I would wonder if he was working for you. Well, it was that, PLUS, he was using the minutes to run a side consulting business. -TechieSidhe
Wow, that sounds like an Orbital LART if I have ever heard one... -Griffin2020
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46.
Nu math
Just had a fishie tell me that some random construction noise is coming from above, on the 9th floor. Unless the building suddenly flipped, then the 9th floor below the 10th, not above it... ::tink::
[By: skippytpodar]
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/me hums new Math by Tom Lehrer -DarkRookie
ahh - not standard relativity. -Harm
Quick, look out the window. If you see Shelly Winters and Ernest Borgnine trying to escape out a propeller shaft room, well... -MeanDean
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47.
Spoiled rotten...
Up here at our northern clinic, we have a direct hard line to our main facility. All traffic (and I do mean ALL) goes through that pipe directly through to our main facility. So it never ceases to amaze me how at least once a day, a ticket comes in, saying "$terminalProgram takes up to 30 seconds to connect to $terminalSystem," at approximately the same time every day. What time do you ask? Lunchtime.
For whatever reason, people seem to think that most people going on the Internet to check their Facebook, Twitter, go on YouTube, or head over to see videos on Yahoo will in no way slow down connections to our terminal emulation server, which has to travel down the same pipe as these sites that they've opened up within the last year. We've told people this time & time again, to expect there to be slow times, and to go to those sites sparingly as connections to work servers must be the first priority. That and they should just be glad they're here and not in one of our outermost satellite clinics, the ones where you're likely to hear Dueling Banjos, loud country music, and rednecks in their trucks barreling down the road (hey, what do you expect, cowboys originated here after all).
We've also discussed the idea of doing bandwidth throttling through the pipe, to give a priority to work-related items, but the best our "networking" department came up with were blank stares & drooling.
[By: skippytpodar]
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HEY! I think your and my networking department are one in the same. I can feel the blank stare when I am on the phone with them. -DarkRookie
Facebook & Twitter need to be outright banned, case closed. There is no business reason these brats need access to those two. They want to access it during their lunchtime? Let them do it from their smartphones.
-BayouTech
The sad thing is that a recent survey showed the top two expectations that new "graduates" have of their workplace are 1. access to their social media sites, and 2. the ability to work remotely. OK, let me know how that works out for you. -AngrySup
In this job market, the "graduates" should just be thankful they have a "workplace" at all. -Stryker One
PacketShaper, Cymphonics, NetEqualizer. That *should* be in order of cost and functionality (high cost & functionality to lower cost and functionality), but I don't keep up with pricing much as I'm not a sales architect type. :P -TechMama
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48.
Sensing a disturbance... (slightly nt)
Why do I get the feeling that shortly after I leave work today, and drive up to Disney for my long awaited vacation, I'll get an e-mail or a phone call that my leave is cancelled? Considering $boss is out sick for a few days and the acting is Little Miss Cleanliness, I just have a bad feeling about this. We shall see...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Surely such a thing as cancelling pre-arranged leave time cannot be done by an ACTING supervisor? It would need to be done by someone equal to, or superior to, your supervisor? An acting supervisor should be there to make the decisions requiring authority that arise while the boss is away, not countermand what he/she has already decided. -Aelin236
I wouldn't put it past her. She's made crazy demands before, and when she didn't get her way, she'd file an EEO complaint, including the time she wanted to get the next paygrade, even though everything in her employment jacket said she wasn't qualified (and still isn't even to this day IMHO), and just recently, to try and get one of the techs she didn't like out of the office she was only just moved into, to think of a couple off the top of my head. -skippytpodar
That communication device you carry...well it does have an OFF option you can use. Can't make you come in if you never get the call. -Starfury
What Star said. If you on vac, your not oncall. PERIOD. -burrkiss
Star Wars Weekend shave started! Wish I could join you again but have other plans for Memorial Day weekend. Hope you have a blast! -JoeLugian
No worries, Joe. She did in fact just try to call me to see about swinging by $mainOffice tomorrow morning before heading up, but I told her I was on leave tomorrow, and I could hear the sound of ultimate defeat in her voice. And considering our CIO, who is the only other person who could cancel my leave, has already left for the day, there ain't a thing she can do about it! Woo hoo!! -skippytpodar
be sure and send her a postcard -stiffarm
To quote the old song... "Then someone hands you a note from Central/Telling you your flight's been cancelled/Just the same you're going for a ride."
-VoiceOfSanity
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49.
Cue Twilight Zone theme
I just spent 45 minutes walking around with the telephone guy. He's not $contractor, he's one of us and works in the building full time doing nothing but telephone support. He just asked me to escort him to several telephone closets, and trace out the lines for him for a couple problem phones.
First off, by virtue of the fact he's been here longer than me & I'm just filling in for a tech that's out, shouldn't he know better where the telephone closets are, and secondly, since he's the telephone guy, shouldn't he be the one to do the line traces? I dunno, maybe it's the after effects of no sleep, too much caffeine and stress getting the better of me...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Yes a phone guy should know how to do that. As should a network guy. Welcome to the area of VOIP. -virusjtg
you didnt need a Lines uy, a Key guy and a Directions guy? what kinda govment organization is this? there should be at LEAST 18 other people accompanying you :P -Harm
" It's a TRAP! " < Runs Giggling > -Necros
My inside voice is screaming that it actually IS a trap and that was a test to see if you'd be a good fit to be moved to telephone support. Any chance that would involve a pay increase and eliminate 33-year-induced headaches??? -virtualchoirboy
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50.
Ever get that feeling...
Ever get that feeling when you wake up, it's gonna be an extremely anti-social kind of a day? Yeah, that's me today...
[By: skippytpodar]
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That's been me all week! -Captain Trips
Days that end in 'y' -virusjtg
thats pretty much everytime i wake up. i'm just not very social.. even at home i'm quiet. -Harm
I was playing D3 last night, when I looked up it was 3 o'clock in the morning... -unrenowned
That's when you're logging into @ssbook instead of Facebook, and $hitter instead of Twitter. -VoiceOfSanity
think i may skil d3... 's bad enough i have to have the LCD on my kepboard display the time so i don't end up playing fallout 3 or some such till the wee hours of the morning ( its 3 .. i work at 8.. well screw sleep! may as well play another few hours.) -Harm
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51.
Curing dandruff by decapitation
Yesterday, I got pestered by our inventory tech because the lady across the hall form him said she needed her printer replaced. According to her, she was getting blue streaks down any paper she printed so bad, it made the paper all but illegible. So finally after the fourth phone call from the Office of 10,000 Questions, as I refer to our inventory guy's office, I head over.
The massive streak in question? A barely discernable vertical streak less than the width of a human hair. That's what she was complaining about. I clean the photoconductor on the blue toner cartridge, and saw that the toner was very low (~10%) according to the web interface on the printer, which the lady denied, insisting they "just changed it." I called horse hockey, finished cleaning the photoconductor, did a couple test prints, and all seemed well.
Or so I thought. I get a call back a few hours later whilst dealing with a major $frontOffice laptop issue, from the Office of 10,000 Questions. I needed to drop what I was doing to replace the printer entirely because Mr. 33 Years recommended it be done. I told him I couldn't drop what I was doing, and that if it needed to get done that badly, another tech would have to do so, since this $frontOffice issue I was on took priority. After two more e-mails, asking why I hadn't gotten it done, I replied back with two things:
- That I told the user she needed to replace the blue toner on the printer as it was below 10%, and while we are responsible for basic cleaning as a part of preventative maintenance, we however, are not responsible for replacing toner cartridges, since that would almost certainly increase our ticket load by 40% at a minimum.
- Why should we do the cure-dandruff-by-decapitation method, replace the entire printer as Mr. 33 Years recommended when all the user needed to do in the first place was just replace the toner cartridge?
[By: skippytpodar]
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On the other hand, if Mr. 33 Years had a case of dandruff... -PTSTech
Hassan Chop!!!
-VoiceOfSanity
I think I see the problem here and I'm pretty sure it could be solved with a quick amputation at the neck of Mr. 33 Years. Either that or a defenestration. Not exactly sure of which will provide better relief, but I know one of the two will work... :-) -virtualchoirboy
Doubt the building is tall enough for a good defenestration. -RDMcMains
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52.
I love Fridays...
Today, Mr. 33 Years and another tech were having a "discussion" (read: heated argument) in front of a customer about what was wrong with her PC. The other tech believed it to be an issue of hard drive corruption due to it having been shut off unexpectedly so many times during a recent rash of power hiccups in her part of the building, which all the evidence was consistent with, and Mr. 33 Years thought it was just an issue with her profile.
He wanted to completely wipe her profile, along with her .PST files, personal files etc. You can imagine that didn't site well with the customer, and both she & the other tech vehemently argued against doing so since those documents' loss would be a disaster because of the customer being an outreach coordinator for Veterans. I got into it by rather sarcastically saying to the other tech "Now, remember, Mr. 33 Years knows what he's talking about, he's been here for 33 years."
That really set Mr. 33 Years off and he went on this tirade about how he does all the work, how I don't do s&^t, and that as long as he's here, I'll never amount to anything. I couldn't help but laugh because of how quickly I got under his skin. The other tech and I both agreed after Mr. 33 Years left that he was full of it, and just scheduled a Disk Check like the other tech had originally wanted to do in the first place. Lo and behold, that cleared out the issue for the time being, long enough for her to back up all her documents and .PST files to a network share, and to just replace the PC since it was well past warranty anyway.
[By: skippytpodar]
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why fix the papercut with a bandaid when you can amputate. -gashach
Really? Wipe her profile? Delete all the data, with no backup? -McSmiley
How would I know? According to him, I can't do s&^t... ::snicker:: -skippytpodar
Again, HOW THE HELL is he still employed there? -Stryker One
Sounds like Mr. 33 used to work for Best Buy! -unrenowned
Y'all support PSTs? Those things are evil and the bane of our existence! Our users believe that deleting an email will bring them 7 years bad luck, and then whine when the damn things get too big and corrupt themselves. -TechieSidhe
Outlook and its fscking .pst files can all fsck right up a smoldering HDD and die screaming. Thanks. -Seamus
Actually, we have .pst files but my company will guide people (who don't want to read the "easy backup" document) through the process. Myself, I have a .pst for each year of employment. -unrenowned
Personally, I'm wondering why data that important is being stored locally under someone's profile. Also wondering how Mr. 33 Years (assclown) still has a job. (Is it really that difficult to fire a federal employee, and do you know if your boss has started any kind of paperwork to do so?!?) -BayouTech
Support PSTs ? I thought you said PyST! ( Link: http://www.pcgamer.com/2012/01/07/saturday-crapshoot-pyst/ ) -Necros
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53.
It's times like this
... I wish my job had ready-made foxholes in a can for me to crack open & jump in, and save myself from the barrage of tickets and tirades from angry customers calling all at once.
And I thought it was bad earlier this week... sheesh.
[By: skippytpodar]
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What did the Powers That Be screw up this time? -chazz
No individual thing this time, just a mass of tickets, angry starfish, and people wanting things NOW two hours after they put in the request for something that takes me 2 days to prep. And there's also the matter of a doctor who put in a ticket yesterday, wanting a Macbook Air so he could check his e-mail while he goes on vacation for two weeks to Europe. Um, no... -skippytpodar
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54.
And with this, my point is proven...
Just to prove my day has gone completely down the tubes...
For the last two weeks, our inventory guy has been pestering me to get this laptop done for one of our liasons because the liason is pestering him to get a new one. Finally, just to shut everyone up, I got the laptop done Tuesday afternoon, but not before the liason decided to e-mail my boss, his boss, and anyone else who would listen about how the laptop he has now is slow, and he really needs a faster laptop, when the only faster one we have is one he didn't want in the first place because he thought it was too big. Bear in mind, this guy is taller than most basketball players I've met and even at the Big & Tall stores, he still has to get his clothes custom made.
So I e-mail him Tuesday, asking him when he can come up Wednesday (yesterday) to log into the laptop so $encryption can pick up his credentials, sign the necessary paperwork, turn in his old laptop, etc. His only response was whether he could log into his computer at work while he's on the road. After that, all I got were crickets. Wednesday came & went, and I saw not a hair of the liason. Then about an hour ago, as I was enjoying my lunch, he fired off an e-mail to me, the inventory guy, my boss, and our CIO, asking why his new laptop wasn't ready. So I forwarded my e-mail from Tuesday back to him, CCing the same people he did, and highlighting the parts where I asked when on Wednesday would be a good time for him, and he replied back saying he was unavailable all this afternoon, and could only come tomorrow either at the asscrack of dawn or at the end of the day.
That's fine and dandy with me, seeing as I have off tomorrow, and will be shutting my phone off, and logging into World of Warcraft for some well-deserved carnage.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Turning off your phone...it's it nice that they come with an "off" button? -Starfury
So,How soon can you have HR call for his immediate dismissal due to having massive amounts of pr0n when you get his old laptop < Wink, Wink. Nudge, Nudge > -Necros
I just put my phone on silent and leave it in another room. I'll check it for missed calls when I feel like it. -Wraith556
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55.
The joys of consolidation...
We're currently on our last legs of doing the printer consolidation for the entire building, and on the last two floors, we've had no shortage of people paraphrasing Charlton Heston's "cold dead hands" quote. In fact, one person got so belligerent with a tech removing a printer, she even went so far as to call the police on the tech who wanted to remove her printer. The kicker of it all, we were leaving a printer literally outside the door to her office, but no, she wanted to keep the one on her desk, and walking the 7 feet to the printer in front of her door was somehow too much effort.
Long story short, the police sided with the tech, since legally & financially, all computer equipment in the building belongs to my department, and not to the hospital. Even when the lady sent a major nastygram to the Front Office complaining that her printer was being taken away and she printed out confidential information, they replied back with two items. 1) Why was she printing out confidential information when that wasn't in her job description as one of the janitorial supervisors, and 2) They ordered us to do so.
And today, I got some of the backwash from another case. Over the weekend, a tech removed quite a number of printers from an area that had an average of one high-yield printer to every person in there, and the lady (a doctor) called first because the printer she tried to use wasn't working. She then went onto this diatribe about how someone came in and removed several printers, leaving them with "only" a dozen or so printers in an office area of 40. I informed her that the Front Office ordered us to do a consolidation for the whole building, and we finally got to her area. She insisted that I bring all the printers back down and hook them back up, huffing & puffing and asking if I knew who I was talking to, but I just told her if she wants them back, she'll have to talk to the Front Office. She hung up.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Wow, calling the cops? Whoever that was needs a talking to. -NightSteel
Yep...we have the same issue here at %WePrintStuff. One office user has a large color printer under her desk (from a manufacturer that has no business making printers), and her office is less than 10 feet away from a very large, production quality Xerox Document Centre. She prints everything on "her" printer (at 12 ppm) instead of walking across the hall to the 75 ppm machine. Then she complains that 1)everything takes to long to print, 2)the quality is horrible. I have told her the Xerox is much faster and higher quality, but she insists that she prints confidential data...yep, confidential production reports...heh. -Griffin2020
I'm sorry but i have to ask this, what in the HELL is wrong with the people you support? She called the POLICE when you tried to take her printer? There is no other way to say this: that's fucking ridiculous. I hope they arrested her for making a false police report. -boxcar
People tend to be quite possessive of equipment here, under some belief that even though my department or our regional IT office purchased it, it is still somehow "their" equipment and not ours. People with laptops, air cards, cell phones, etc., are worse. They claim they "need" the equipment for immediate use because of my favorite phrase "patient care", then either don't use it at all, as evidenced by the event logs on the laptops, or in the case of air cards, proceed to cancel their home internet service, using the air card as their primary home internet service, and cell phone as their primary personal phone, and we're stuck with the bill. -skippytpodar
We've been consolidating printers here at $We_Keep_ISS_Up, and we've had similar issues with the users growling and barking at the techs. Just wait until the next changes, when we go from one contract to a new one... *chuckle* "There's gonna be fireworks!" [Getting the popcorn ready]
-VoiceOfSanity
You mean, You *didn't* threaten the beligerant individual with removal from the campus for threatening bodily harm and while you just happened to record it on your phone, threated to have HR simple keep a copy in their records ? < Evil Grin > -Necros
(Possibly) stupid question: Did your Front Office communicate the printer consolidation plan to the rest of the company, or at least to the manglers? -BayouTech
They did sever times, as did we, and by & large, we got silence, except for a couple people who were concerned their printers were on some hitlist we had yet to generate. Surprisingly enough, three departments actually volunteered to be the first ones, and those went incredibly smoothly, and one of the departments even wondered how they were left with as many as they had been. -skippytpodar
Otay, I'll admit to being very territorial when it comes to stuff I use, but that's just because I'm three cherries short of a fruitcake, recognize this, and can work around it. That said, my first reaction to losing a printer would be "Awwww...", and not "911? Help! They be stealin' ALL mah printarz!" Seriously, what the hell is wrong with these people? -Lusus
Skippy...our doctor's favorite phrase for trying to get away with things besides "patient care" is "meaningful use." (A big phrase in EMR implementation) -TechieSidhe
The stupid bitch is "one of the janitorial supervisors"? I'd drop her arse in to HR as soon as humanly possible.It's about time some of these over-paid babies got a dose of the "real world", as in "It's OUR I.T. kit & you're just the users". I'll stop now before I go postal on these fuckwits. -lineswine
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56.
Operation Cockblock
One of my coworkers and I have devised a plan to expose Mr. 33 Years for the asshat that he is, and it is quite deviously simple.
Essentially, he's continued that habit of just grabbing every ticket he can, doing the easy ones, and then waiting on the others, closing them after a few days, regardless of their status, due to the fact we have a 5-day requirement before we have to close out tickets unless there are mitigating circumstances. In his case, there are never any and he just closes them out after 5 days no matter what.
The reason for the plan is two-fold. For starters, he's 5th in the overall ticket count for the year due to his method of madness. Also, our boss, as good as his BS detector is, hasn't drilled down much deeper than the ticket count, to see trends, what tickets are being taken/completed & by whom, and follow-up with the customers to see if the work actually got done. By sheer dumb luck on Mr. 33 Years' part, there have been shockingly few complaints by people, either because the people have been too busy to put in one, or they just don't want to have togo through the motions again & put in yet another ticket in, and do a rinse & repeat with Mr. 33 Years.
So, my coworker and I have decided to turn the tables on him, by grabbing as many of the tickets as we could and actually doing the work on them, leaving the customers happy, and preventing them from dealing with him. Just today, we've split almost 25 tickets between the two of us, and limited him to a grand total of 3.
With any luck, this should prove quite interesting, especially if we keep his numbers this low, since our boss requires a minimum of 5 tickets to be done per day on average, and with low numbers, he should definitely begin to take more notice of what Mr. 33 Years does.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I like it, sabotaging a useless coworker by being more productive, it's perfect, it'll solve the problem and there isn't a single moral problem with it. -Icelator
Yeah, but then they'll expect you to continue at that breakneck speed. Forever. -Divinar
That's the cool part of the plan. Keep it up for a week or two. Then ask for a day off (you or your partner in crime). Use the excuse that you need a rest since you have been working super hard. Mention you wouldn't need the rest if everyone worked harder. >:) -MarloVino
It would be interesting to hear his explanation to the boss as to why he's not closing out very many tickets... -wylfwt
I can guarantee you this, the first word out of his mouth will be "Mira". Seems to be his favorite word of all time -skippytpodar
What you do is grab all of the easy tickets, and most of the others, leaving him with only the difficult and convoluted users and/or issues. -Griffin2020
Please let us know what happens. -Stryker One
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57.
But this is urgent!
This morning, I get a request across my desk from a luser for a laptop. She got all the appropriate signatures taken care of, and had a ticket put in. So I proceeded to put that into my to-do pile as I normally do for such requests.
Not five minutes later, I get an urgent e-mail from her, saying she needs the laptop by Friday morning at the latest because she is on travel. Three problems here... first off, she's trying to jump the line ahead of other people who are patiently waiting. Secondly, she made the mistake of CCing my boss on this one. Thirdly, nothing in her request made any mention of her needing it during any kind of timeframe.
So my boss fires back an e-mail to her, CCing me, saying the request will be done in the order it was received, and in the second sentence, specifically told me to continue working on my existing tickets that I had for previous customers. Well, that didn't sit well with her. She replied back, saying she needed to impart the urgency of her needing a laptop for travel as soon as possible, etc., and how important she was to the facility, etc., etc. My boss simply replied back, asking "If this was urgent, why was it never stated in the original request sent in only this morning? Also, I know exactly who you are, and even $newDirector in $frontOffice has explicitly stated that everyone, even him, will wait their turn in receiving a laptop. If you wanted the laptop earlier, then you should have put in the request earlier."
No reply yet...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Can't tell you how many times I've wanted to tell someone that the lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on mine.. you have your boss telling it to them for you! How cool is that? -NightSteel
We have a laptop reservation system at $We_Build_Jets, that is designed as a first-come, first-served situation. Now, if you need it yesterday, the folks who run those laptop centers tend to laugh at you... especially in the high volume locations. -VoiceOfSanity
I get these all the time. Generally, it's someone who is going on travel and says "Oh, by the way, I'm leaving to _______ tomarrow and need a VPN account and my laptop updated and ....." -ravensentinel
Does "travel" = "vacation", perchance? -lineswine
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58.
Busted
This morning, a doctor brought in his personal laptop from home, and wanted one of us to fix it up so he could connect to our systems. I told him straight away that we're not allowed to touch people's personal equipment at all, and that it's an instant firing offense if we do.
So of course, being the good doctor, he didn't take well to that and decided to fish around and ask anyone else who was willing to fix it since he claimed he was on-call this weekend. I sat there and snickered, wondering who'd be dumb enough to work on it. When Mr. 33 Years got asked, instead of saying the same thing I did, he said he'll work on it.
About 45 minutes later, $boss came in to ask me a couple of the usual questions on work orders, and saw out of the corner of his eye, Mr. 33 Years working on a laptop he didn't recognize. He asked Mr. 33 Years where he got the laptop, and once he found out that this wasn't our equipment, told him to immediately take his hands off of it, stop working on it & call the doctor to come pick it up. $Boss also said that if he caught anyone else working on people's personal stuff, they would, at the very least, be written up, if not fired on the spot. They went back & forth about how the doctor was on-call, but $boss wouldn't have it since we're still not allowed to touch people's personal stuff, for a whole laundry list of reasons.
So in that sense, Mr. 33 Years got kinda lucky, but I was still smiling and laughing on the inside at how badly he got busted...
[By: skippytpodar]
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That pretty much counts as a final warning. -Calydor
I gotta wonder if a little birdie didn't whisper in $boss' ear.... -Grue
But if "it's an instant firing offense if we do." what is Mr. 33 years doing still there? -Divinar
Div- if it's an "instant firing offense", maybe they're still looking for matches to set him on fire? -Voz
Because on the surface, Mr. 33 Years does a high number of tickets. Had my boss not been so bogged down with way too many other duties (like doing the job of half the networking department by himself), he'd see that Mr. 33 Years is either taking the easy tickets, doing the bare minimum on more complicated tickets, or just closing tickets out regardless of whether he completed them. -skippytpodar
Regardless of how many tickets Mr. 33 closes, he should have been written up for this. -thx1138
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59.
There's your problem...
Last week, I fixed a problem for a luser, which was blindingly simple. All they needed was to have drivers installed on a computer so they could print to this one label printer. Simple enough, any desk monkey could do it in their sleep... Or so I thought...
Not 10 minutes after I get back to my desk, I had an e-mail, a voicemail, and yet another phone call from the same guy neeping that he couldn't print. I ask what the issue was, and he said he just got an error. I told him to resumbit a ticket in. He didn't like that. Despite the fact that I fixed his previous issue, and even had him test it out himself to make sure he knew how to print, he insisted that I come back down to fix his problem. So I got a chance to actually go down to see the issue...
There were no labels in the printer. He seemed legitimately shocked that he actually had to put labels in it himself.
[By: skippytpodar]
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never underestimate human stupidity... it has a way of constantly digging itself deeper. -Harm
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-theres-your-problem.html#mkcpgn=twdsc2 :-) -virtualchoirboy
This where I post the show stopping intermittent error a draftsperson at Boeing used to have, namely "LaserJet 4MV out of paper" ? -ralphp1024
"PC Load Letter. What the f*ck does that even mean?" -Griffin2020
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60.
Dealing with The Genius, Day 2
Seeing as the laptop he was sqwauking about yesterday hadn't been used since time immemoriam, I figured I didn't have to rush on it... or so I thought.
This morning, he sent a very nasty e-mail to our CIO about why he hadn't gotten the laptop back, why the tech who went up there this morning (the same one who was there yesterday according to him... eg: me) made some nasty remarks to him, and also why couldn't he get any carts back.
When this got forwarded from our CIO to my boss, my boss replied and BCC'd me, saying the following:
- I hadn't been up there at all this morning, on account of me repairing the main printer for the Release of Information department, which they needed to actually print paper copies of records that were requested by patients, gubmint agencies, etc., so my boss was wondering who actually mouthed off to the Genius this morning, or if he was just blowing smoke up our collective asses
- The Genius himself stated that the medical carts had been stolen, so my boss pointed out what the head of networking said, namely if they had in fact been stolen, then where were the police reports stating as such, since the Computer Usage agreement everyone in the entire building has to sign before they can even log into the computer for the first time, let alone get their first paycheck clearly stated that any and all instances of equipment theft are to be reported immediately to the Police
- there were over 2 dozen tickets waiting in the queue ahead of his first ticket, and another dozen in front of his 2nd ticket asking to look at the exact same laptop, so what makes him more important than anyone else
- this behavior is eerily similar to when a networking walljack got busted by everyone's favorite Genius, then he promptly put tickets in on a nigh-daily basis to get it fixed, when we were not only aware of it, but it had already been forwarded to the contractors for them to fix, and when there were other computers in that same room that he could have used
- the laptop in question was so old & outdated, the image for that model had long since been deleted from our imaging server, so redoing the laptop from scratch would require me to abandon all my other tickets and completely make a new image from scratch for an old laptop
- regarding the "stolen" medical carts, my boss wondered out loud why the Genius didn't just ask one of the liasons for his department, who just so happened to be in charge of the medical carts, more specifically where the carts supposedly assigned to the 12th floor were located, or whether to even just get one cart...
There were other things, but you get the idea...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Aw, he needs to file a Butthurt Form: http://nexua.org/niji/butthurt-form/ -Grue
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61.
OK enlighten me...
If, as you the customer, claim, this has been going on for over a year now, then:
- why did you only call this in today?
- why are you claiming that this is suddenly affecting patient care?
- why are you insisting that this is suddenly a high priority for us?
[By: skippytpodar]
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Because some-beetle uphill noticed, and started their ball rolling on down. -LDFeral
Launching clue brick bomb to your location... -KrazerKap
Our doctors' new word to try to get something fixed NOW is "meaningful use." (If you work with EMR, that makes sense) Never mind that it's something they broke, has been broken for a year, and has nothing to do with EMR. They think those two words will get us to move quickly. It's the new "patient care" or "stat." -TechieSidhe
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62.
The Genius strikes again
Got not one but two hair-on-fire tickets today from the Genius of the 12th floor, stating that he could no longer get into a laptop up there. Of course, several of us groaned because it meant having to hear one of his 15-minute rants on how he could single-handedly fix while simultaneously proving in said rant he knows precisely didleysquat about how to fix a computer.
So we drew lots and a coworker and I drew short straws to ninja the laptop from there without him looking but regretfully he was standing right in front of it. We still somehow managed to get it out if his cold-dead fingers with minimal trouble, and I brought it back down. Upon firing it up, I quickly realized that there were several problems...
Firstly, the encryption timer had run out on the laptop. The time only runs out under two circumstances:
- If a person takes it outside the building and doesn't return it to us within the 90 days
- If the laptop doesn't leave the building and nobody even bothers to turn the laptop on within the 90 days
He fit into the latter category. In fact, the laptop had been turned off for so long, it still had a very old version of BlackICE, even before IBM bought it out, nor had the AV been updated in well over a year, which normally happens automatically whenever the laptop is on the network.
So yeah, this guy's gonna have some 'splaining to do, since he claimed this laptop was used every day for electronic consents, and it was urgent it be brought back to him ASAP. And this was after he demanded we give him the administrative override passwords yet again so he wouldn't have this problem, something which would cost anyone of us who gave it to him not only our jobs & security clearances, but it would also likely mean a rather length stay in Leavenworth...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds like this guy needs some help. Loading up the Clue Brick Cannon... -KrazerKap
I say bury him in a fire ant nest up to his nipples after shoving a honey-coated 1/2 pond of raw hamberger down the front of his shorts...and put an ipod with an endless loop of celine dion in his ears to boot. It's been another one of THOSE days...The Stabby-Stabby kind... -ChildofCthulhu
To be honest, I say give him some rope. The next time he asks for the passwords, reply with "you know I can't respond to verbal requests...". Let HIM create the evidence of his attempts to bypass security... :-) -virtualchoirboy
Oh he's sent several e-mails to that effect, and he's been told not to ask anymore, but he is either too dumb to read the replies or has balls the size of grapefruits and doesn't care about the consequences. The jury is still out on which it is... -skippytpodar
If only there was some way to slip him an invalid password without linking it back to you. Then watch him get caught trying to exceed access authority.... -virtualchoirboy
Is there any chance that this guys actions/inaction's, could lead to Leavenworth? -Stryker One
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63.
No remote access for you
One of the doctors here who easily fits into the "I'm a doctor so you need to feed my every whim" category has been raising a stink the last couple of days.
A few months ago, a new policy came down that under no circumstances were we to allow anyone to remote into their own computers. They could only remotely access the terminal server. Otherwise what would be the point of even having a terminal server? The other day, she brought in her laptop, insisting that she be immediately bumped to the head of the line and have everyone and their brother work on her problem, all because she could no longer remote into her PC from the outside. She freely admitted that she already knew of the policy but because she is a doctor and was willing to go to $frontOffice, that we should accomidate her, when (predicting she would be one of the "problem children" in terms of this request) we already made sure that all the programs (all two of them) she ever used were on the Terminal Server anyway.
So an hour ago, she replied back to my e-mail, again reminding her that per policy from the Central Office, she needs to use the Terminal Server, and not her PC, she threatened to have my job. Needless to say, I forwarded her response to my boss, our CIO, and $frontOffice.
[By: skippytpodar]
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she can have your job...if you can have hers :) -gashach
One time I had a lawyer at the firm I work at threaten my job...and I had a recording of the phone call. Just because he had an issue that he never told us about and then calls when he's in a place with dial up speed internet it's MY fault Word isn't working. Funny thing is....I still work there and he doesn't. -Starfury
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64.
Remember the time?
I dunno, call me an idealist, but I'd like to think that if someone is a higher pay grade than me, then overall, in general, it's safe to assume they also know more than me when it comes to computers.
If you recall, a few weeks ago, I mentioned a coworker who asked me some of the most basic computer questions, leading me to wonder how she got to the higher pay grade. This afternoon, I couldn't help but shake my head. She's not a bad person, WAY nicer than Mr. 33 Years or Little Miss Cleanliness ever could be, she sometimes just asks very basic, day 1 questions that can easily be answered by a cursory Google search, or by a the application of a few seconds' worth of common sense and/or knowhow. So this afternoon, she approached me to show her not only how to swap out memory in a PC, but also how to get into the BIOS for said computer, as well as answer on the spot, why the prompt for it took so long to come up. This led me to wonder how she could have lasted as long as she has in this department without knowing how to do either one. And our boss is putting her as a lead in the section of our department where she will undoubtedly come into contact with this sort of thing again multiple times, along with more advanced stuff. And in our department, by virtue of the fact she has the higher pay grade, people are supposed to be the ones going to HER for advice on how to fix things, not the other way around.
Sometimes, you just gotta wonder.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sometimes it's who you know, sometimes it's affirmative action, and sometimes it's just a matter of looking convincing in an interview. -chazz
It's really who you know or who you blow. -Stryker One
<paraphrase> "...and no talking about memory or RAM." "Silly, memory is RAM! Ha ha Ha!" </end The IT Crowd quote> -ravensentinel
<devils advocate> Maybe she has good managerial skills? </devils advocate> I had a great manager once, didn't know much about computers but he kept us out of trouble, the department was financed properly, we had the tools we needed to get the job done, we knew he had our backs, etc. He moved on due to politics and a better job offer. -ecoli
so many reason it could have happened - very few logivcal or "Good" ones. but hey - if shes a good Manager IE defers what she doesnt know to the techs and backs them up - no real problems. -Harm
Does she have nice tits? -Divinar
Does she wear kneepads? -Wraith556
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65.
An oldie but a goodie
The e-mail post on the soapbox reminded me of a something that happened with my dad...
He called me and was quite upset (not hard to do for him), saying his coworker gave him the address to a website, and couldn't get onto it with his browser. I asked him for the URL, and instead, he gave me an e-mail address. It took a second for it the depth of what just happened to sink in, but I told him that was an e-mail address, not a website, and it was just to send him e-mails. This is already after I had, twice, explained to him the concept of e-mail, including one infamous instance where he yelled at me because the company had added a 1 after the username he wanted because that username was taken. He somehow assumed that because I, all of 14, could tell a major ISP that my dad wanted that username for his e-mail, and they would somehow immediately comply.
The conversation lasted for 45 minutes as I, for the 3rd time, explained that this was not his website, this was his e-mail address, and that he gave it to my dad so that they could write e-mails to each other.
[By: skippytpodar]
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ever ya wbout the time my dad wanted to register a few domains and left his gold card in my room for about a month? many a thing were purchased. refused to admit he didnt have it on him until attempting to take a cabe about a month later " ya SURE ya got yer visa/" YEA!" ya positive?" "YEA" treley so?" |yes? what of it?" "OKAY! no and here ya go. cabs waiting" ahh good times got my first longsword that way. -Harm
I clearly remember back in the dark ages of the 1980's my dad trying to explain email to my mum. After numerous attempts, her last question was 'but how does it get into your mailbox?'. As in a physical mailbox at the front of your house. Sadly, 30 years on the situation hasn't improved at all with my mum -PoglaTheGrate
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66.
OK, someone explain to me...
... how a computer tech who is a higher pay grade than me, for whatever reason, feels the need to ask some of the most basic computer questions like how to attach files to e-mail, how to run a search on the Internet, or how to put paper in a printer tray.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Someone's uncle is a VP. -AmazingKreskin
"One Trick Pony" and the trick involves kneepads? -Grue
Huge... tracts of land? -chazz
um.. nepotism? knee pads? demontrations of negative presures on a spreacle object transversing through a smaller diameter tube? -Harm
@Harm: I think kneepads covers the third thing -DarkRookie
It's not what you know, but who you blo... um know...yeah, yeah, that's it... it's who you KNOW... :-) -virtualchoirboy
Sounds like a genuine MCSE - Microsoft Certified Solitaire Expert. -Captain Trips
they're great with punchcards -stiffarm
Some companies are very anal about stationary. VERY anal. Signing for each ream, full per page auditing and interdepartmental billing for it levels of anal. Worth making sure you aren't in such a department before just brimming the bins again. How many mail clients have you used? Sometimes you just can't find "attach" no matter how hard you look. -fearmyroot
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67.
Many thanks!
Many thanks to the kind person who gifted me a star :)
::hums Sir Mix-A-Lot::
[By: skippytpodar]
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Welcome back to the galaxy! Assflation is imminent! -Diptera
I think that you have been ass-similated.
-ecoli
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68.
Here's your sign...
Sorry for the lack of formatting, my star has dropped. Anywho, if you recall, the other day, I wrote about a lady who kept neeping she wanted "her" laptop back right away after calling saying it needed said updates. This laptop hadn't even been turned on since last November... This necessarily led into another problem. Supposedely, said lady was part of the home-based care team, meaning she went to people's homes and using a VPN connection and a work laptop at their home, would give patients basic medical care who couldn't otherwise travel to our hospital for outpatient based care. It's a novel idea, and one I've always fully supported, since I've got two grandparents who require such care on a nigh-daily basis. She picked up her laptop this morning, only to shoot off this long-winded e-mail to me and others about how she can now no longer log into her VPN "all of a sudden". Our infosec guys check... her account was disabled for lack of use in January, which tracks since VPN accounts as of last October have a 60-day trigger to disable if not being used. They respond back saying as such, and that it had been re-enabled, and would continue to be so for 60 days, provided she could successfully log into it by the 5 PM cutoff. Otherwise, the disable flag would re-establish. This wasn't good enough for her, and she responded back how she just got a CAC card from the infosec guys, and how they should have checked it out then, even though CAC cards and VPN have nothing to do with each other in our organization as of yet, involve completely separate systems, and are in no way linked yet. In fact, the possession of one has nothing to do with your ability to get the other as of yet. This back & forth kept going, but the gist of it was that she felt she had every right to be excluded from the 60-day timeout, even though logging into VPN just one time successfully within that window would reset the timer, and the nature of her job being what it was, meant she would supposedly be logging in via VPN several times a day. How she didn't even log in once since November, let alone turn her laptop on, since she took no leave of absence, and by all accounts, was out in the community, has thus far stumped everyone in my department.
[By: skippytpodar]
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The only word that comes to mind is "FRAUD" - and her patients should be checked on, to see if they're still alive! -Divinar
...or even exist! -Voz
I would take the evidence of disuse to her supervisor. If she hasn't used the VPN in 60 days, how is she providing care to her patients? This is a bigger issue than a starfish proving rule #1 - this could even be a HIPAA issue. -Captain Trips
Another vote for fraud. I'd be thinking about alerting whoever her licensing board is. -Loren
I was out on Friday, so I apparently missed the fun. My coworkers responded to the e-mail by saying the lady in question is now a supervisor as of last November (curiously the same time she effectively shut down the laptop. My boss questioned out loud to her if she hadn't touched it in four months, why she even needed it since by her admission, she only needed to attend meetings and now didn't go out in the field, contrary to what she initially claimed. -skippytpodar
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69.
Dropping names and taking crap
About 2 hours ago, a user submitted a ticket to get a laptop. He then proceeds to get the necessary paperwork filled out, signed off, and submitted to us in a speed that would make Usain Bolt green with envy. The Helldesk people then promptly drop my name into their conversation with him, only for him to Instant Message and e-mail me while I'm helping a customer who was waiting for over a week for her printer problem. Both times, he was asking when the laptop will be ready for pickup today before I'm even aware there is such a ticket for him. Then one of the Helldesk techs come in, and hands off a copy of the paperwork to me, since I happened to be the only person in the office at that second. Didn't say when it was supposed to be done, just that the paperwork was completed.
So I calmly replied back to him when I looked at the ticket, that it hasn't even been assigned to anyone yet, that we had well over 100 tickets ahead of him, including people who have been waiting patiently for over 3 weeks for a laptop, and we will get to it when we are able to do so. He basically ignored that whole thing, and insisted I call him right away. I replied that I was still on the phone with a customer who had been waiting patiently for my help for a couple weeks, and to wait his turn.
Needless to say, I'll be sending an e-mail to the Helldesk & CCing my boss, explaining the concept of having people wait their turn, and not dropping the name of techs who aren't even assigned to tickets to customers, or giving customers our names and direct extensions against policy simply to placate them because of the Helldesk's own lack of balls.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sound like a normal snafu to me. We get the same thing if we have to send a repair to an authorized location. We're the contact, not the place we sent it to. -spectreoflife
The suit wearers normal course of action is to nag your boss constantly until they get tired of it and tell you to escalate the call. -Holdfast
But why should he have to wait? He's an important person; his mom told him so. -MeanDean
Some of them are certainly "special". -Holdfast
Ahh, yes...sounds like the the ticket needs to be put into Pending for "Attitude adjustment" -Griffin2020
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70.
The Dick
We have a user here that seems to absolutely enjoy being a belligerent dick to anyone and everyone in our department, and I was his most recent target. Sent him an e-mail asking when would be a good time to bring in his laptop for me to update his PKI, which is simple enough to do. No response for 2 days. Forwarded the e-mail, and again asked when would be a good time.
Three days later, he replies to my 2nd message and sends a nastygram to me, my boss, and his boss about how he's been waiting 4 months on this issue with no resolution and how nobody has contacted him. My boss looks up the ticket, sees the timestamp on when the ticket was submitted was 45 minutes prior to me sending the first e-mail to him, as well as my notes on how I sent a 2nd e-mail after getting no reply, so $boss called him out on it. He quieted down for a few days and gave me a date & time he could come.
He ended up being a no-show, so I sent an e-mail to him this morning asking if he still needed help. His response back was that he in fact had a Mac Laptop, and not a Windows-based laptop. That piece of info would have been great to know, since the CAC card readers we have are in no way compatible with anything Macintosh, and he only has certs on his CAC card. I informed him of this, and his response was that he had already been told this by other techs just last month. Again, would have been nice to know that.
He also asks if there was ever a ticket put in for putting PKI onto his Crackberry. I checked and came up with bubkis. I replied back and said there wasn't one in for him, and to call our Helldesk to put one in. He replied back, saying he in fact did have a ticket in from January (assigned to someone else), and was still waiting to hear back on it. Yet again, nice to know. He essentially called me useless for not knowing that he already had one in after he asked if there was one in.
Yeah, sure, I'll just go ahead and be magnanimous and move him to the bottom of the list.
[By: skippytpodar]
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That's why, if they give me the "months ago" routine, I will ask for the ticket number.
-Captain Trips
LART his ass back to the stone age. -virusjtg
"An' it's One, Two, Three, Four...Sit and Spin you Skanky Whore! Gotta Gotta Get Up t' Get Down....Gotta Gotta Get Up t' Get Down...." -vacuumtubes
................I cannot believe I'm the only one to think of this. "Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick. How much Dick is that? I dont know, but thats a lot of Dick." -burrkiss
I can :) -skippytpodar
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71.
Utterly useless...
I swear the people that work in our travel department are complete useless wastes of oxygen. Last week, I forwarded them the confirmation that I'm going to the Net+ boot camp course to them, confirming whether they need to do my travel like last time, which was a huge hassle unto itself and involved much more unnecessary paperwork than I had to do for any other travel I did for the gubmint, or if I can do so myself on their travel website. I got a response back, saying that I can do so myself.
So today, I put in my request for travel, and within 10 minutes, the same lady who replied back saying I can do the travel request myself now, replied back asking if I had an approved travel request in. Um, lets see here... I need an approved travel request to put in a travel request for approval, that you responded back with, by saying I can do this myself. She then proceeded to cancel my travel orders, then replied back to my original e-mail saying I needed to fill out three forms prior to ever submitting a travel request, only to un-cancel my travel request and put it on hold until I get the forms filled out.
Needless to say, this is all getting forwarded to my boss because he was assured that we are now responsible for putting our own travel in.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds like Mr. 33 Years' dream job... -RDMcMains
Any of these folk resemble Alan Arkin crossed between his roles in Catch 22 and Freebie and the Bean? -jerrybear
ahh red tape and |process" helping someone higher up justify their paycheck. -Harm
Sounds like you work for the government.
-Griffin2020
@Griffin - Yes, he does. In the military, in fact, if only peripherally. -RDMcMains
I have have this problem many times. 11 years so far in gov't and military and anything that sounds easy...isn't. -ravensentinel
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72.
Due to unforseen problems...
Got in this morning, and the first e-mail I open up was regarding the migration of our Sharepoint site. The entire text read "Due to unforseen problems, the internal SharePoint has been moved back to $originalLocation."
Unforseen problems he says? Could those problems have anything to do with the fact that until this morning, he didn't even tell anyone he was moving the entire Sharepoint site, nor provided a link to the new one?
[By: skippytpodar]
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Old story comes to mind about being early to your own hanging and then making loud noises "Let's get this show on the road!" -jerrybear
My company LOVES to do this. I don't get it, we always have to report outages, only to find that it was a migration... -desseb
10 years ago, I would've gotten bent out of shape, raised hell, and get a resolution in place. These days, I just snicker and document. -AngrySup
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73.
The trifecta
Found out that my boss approved me to go get my Network+ certification next month, the week after my birthday. It'll be my third official Cert, and upon completing it, I'll be the first in my department that has all three of the main CompTIA certs (A+, Net+, Sec+).
Also, my boss mentioned once I get my Net+, he'll approve me for more advanced classes like CCNA, CISSP, and up. Sweetness!
[By: skippytpodar]
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Once you nab your cert, pick up a CCNA book. The first few chapters you probably already know. But if you don't, you can get a good head start on them. -unrenowned
PM me, skippy. I have some CCNA materials for you. -TechieSidhe
Good luck! Techies unite! -KrazerKap
http://ccnaskills.com/ --Guy writes Cisco's official study guides. This site has vlsm and summary route drills along with labs. -adarklite
So, you get to the CCNA level, you can BET the next call will be "I've put my password in wrongly 3 times, it's locked me out [bargle, rage]" -lineswine
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74.
Thank $deity
Today was the official move day for all the operations folks. We essentially did a round robin to a different section. In my case, I went back to doing laptops, which is where I started here in the first place. I'm glad for it too because I don't have to deal with Little Miss Cleanliness much any more.
The bad news is, Mr. 33 Years is gonna be moving into doing laptops, but since we also deal with printers, he may just be doing a lot of that. I wonder how many people he will tell "Just wait until it is smoking, then give us a call."
And in case you're curious, yes, he's actually said that to customers...
[By: skippytpodar]
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75.
That was easy...
Problem: User called & I asked for her extension. She did not know. She hung up.
Resolution: User hung up.
Easiest.Ticket.Ever
[By: skippytpodar]
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No dead air tickets are the easiest -DarkRookie
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76.
Good news/bad news
The good news: I can park on site for the time I have my rental car.
The bad news: I left my badge and my toll sticker in my car which is getting repaired. Meaning I can't pay for tolls (they no longer accept anything other than the sticker anymore) until I get my car back.
At least I'm getting my car back tomorrow evening. With new AC, brakes, timing belt, speed sensor and an oil change.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Drive a GM made car? You must have hit 50k miles for all that stuff to have broken. -Bioguy
Actually, a Hyndai Santa Fe. The AC was due to what I thought was a minor fender bender a couple years ago. As far as the brakes, they weere the original, and I have almost 93,000 miles on it :) -skippytpodar
You don't brake much, do you? -Calydor
I'd say at a minimum 75% of that mileage is from highway driving to and from work. -skippytpodar
Brakes? We don't need no steenkin' brakes... -chazz
If you don't pay your toll, we can't buy no rolls! </Men in Tights> -ecoli
Rolls? That horse was a Rent-a-Wreck, not something made in Conventry! ;) -MadJack
MadJack: That would actually be Crewe. </nitpick> -lineswine
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77.
Sending Karma
Just read the news report about all those car crashes that occurred in Gainesville. I travelled that stretch of highway $deity knows how many times, and I know first-hand how easily the fog & smoke can roll in on it, so sending karma to all the people hurt in those crashes.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Just north of the mess. It may take another day to fix the road from the fires. Pileup was caused by idiots not slowing down from 70-80 mph due to lack of visibility. -PolarCoyote
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78.
Paranoia, she has it.
Got a rather unusual ticket routed to me this morning. A lady called to neep that someone remoted into her PC while she was looking at sensitive information, and wanted to know who it was, as they didn't announce who they were, didn't call, and almost immediately cancelled the connection.
Sure enough, it was one of the Helldesk peeps who had inadvertently logged into her comp by accident because he accidentally typed a 6 instead of a 3 while trying to remote into someone else's computer via IP. I tried to tell this lady it was an honest accident, but she was adamant that the Helldesk guy be reported to $boss for accessing her computer with sensitive data. My response? "Ma'am, every person in my department have security clearances and are authorized to log into any PC on the network, owning to the fact that it is in fact our equipment, and we have a need to access all systems in the hospital. The director, your ultimate boss, cannot override us on this matter as she is not in our direct chain of command, and even the chief of police, while he is the only person in the entire building with a security clearance higher than us, cannot tell us we cannot log into a computer that is connected to our network. The technician made an honest to goodness mistake, and a very minor one at that which all of us have made at one point in time or another, so unless you have never, in your life, made a single typographical error, not even a very minor one, then I suggest you refrain from casting the first stone."
After huffing & puffing and demanding to talk to my boss (I told her he would be happy to explain the same thing to her), she hung up, and I closed out the ticket.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Clap! Clap! Clap! Eloquently done! flawless victory. -Harm
*In Halo Multiplayer Voice* Perfection! -KrazerKap
Finish her! -ravensentinel
maybe she was just trying to respond the way hipaa training told her was necessary, no need to be a dick about it. -stiffarm
Stiffarm - given the OPs reference to "Chief of Police" etc, where does the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act come into play? (The clue is in the title...) -lineswine
HIPAA- one of the most USELESS, feel good acts ever to go on the books. There is nothing in HIPAA that says that I cannot see the information, it simply says that we, as a group/company/organization must make every effort to prevent the information from leaving our custody without authorization, and if something does happen to the information, it tells us how we have to respond. And neeping to HellDesk is not the stated response. -Griffin2020
Boom! Headshot. Gotta love the people who never make mistakes, their sh*t does not stink. They will never own up to their mistakes. -Xultaneron
LOVE your response. LOVE IT! Virusjtg and I have a user here that USED to act that way; after it was explained to her (AND her boss) the true meaning of Christmas, problem went away. Yours was handled much better though... -PTSTech
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79.
Laying the smacketh down
Yesterday, I was out on account of a nagging earache, I had to call in as I was too dizzy to really do much standing, let alone driving. My Blackberry dinged that I got an e-mail, and it was from this lady who claimed I had been assigned two moves tickets, and never did them. She went on and on about how I needed to get them done ASAP because it was affecting peoples' ability to do their jobs, etc. etc.
So a little while later, $boss chimes in, since she decided to CC him in on it. He proceeds to go on a 5 paragraph smackdown about how I wasn't even assigned to one ticket, and how for the 2nd ticket, I was only assigned to it after my shift had ended on Monday, so there was no way I could have worked on it. He proceeded to whip out the SLA agreement that HER boss signed, stating we had two work weeks to complete ticktes marked as a low priority, which both of her tickets were marked, and that it had been less than two days since she submitted them. He also made mention of how there were almost 150 people in line in front of her, and he was sure that those people in front of her, all with equally valid issues, and none of whom had sent such a nasty e-mail, and that none of them would appreciate a line-jumper. He continued on that she will wait her turn like everybody else, and if it was a true emergency, she should have stated it as such in the original ticket.
no response back from the lady yet...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Hang on to $boss.. sounds like a keeper! :) -Diptera
Better buy him a keg! -unrenowned
Awesome boss.
File l-user under "annoying. go to the back of the line."
And look into the SLA to find out what allows you to lengthen the time to completion... "Attempted to move PCs, user's not available." "Attempted to move PCs. New location is not cleared off detritus." -Griffin2020
Mwahahahaha! I love it! -Voz
There are times I wish we only restricted Office Communicator to just the techs. This lady has messaged me no less than 7 times since I got back to my desk. First she was wondering when it was going to be done less than 5 minutes after I got back to my desk, then kept neeping about wanting it done right away. Now she's complaining that she suddenly wants a 2nd monitor on the computer. -skippytpodar
If she wants another monitor, that will have to go "upstairs" for approval first. Then it will have to go to finance, and we know how long that takes. Then it will have to go into the Project queue. -Holdfast
Sounds like someone is scrambling to provide reasons for no work done in the next few weeks. -Calydor
Has the request been buried in peat moss yet? -Stryker One
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80.
$deity help us all
Oh $deity...
$boss is out today, and against everyone's better judgement, made Little Miss Cleanliness acting supervisor today. This could get interesting, and by interesting, I mean Hades would be preferrable to coming in to work today.
[By: skippytpodar]
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/me gives skippytpodar $20 for Charon. Send back pics and videos. -DarkRookie
Umm...you might want to get that 20 converted to drachmas first. Not sure if Charon takes US Dollars! -TechieSidhe
hmm well i can vouch that you were with us all day - in fact i have receipts from lunch and a trip to the pub pre lunch.. you were definetly no where near the campus during the unfortunate incident on the staiir case.,. Even have Vidoe of you paying my parking ticket! -Harm
And the best part is, she decides to dump three move requests on me today & ask that I get them done by the end of the day. I call the contact person, and they want to wait until 2 PM, but yet another cow-irker is asking me every 5 farking minutes why I haven't gone yet to do these moves. -skippytpodar
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81.
Good news/Bad news
The good news: Beginning next month, I'll be switching back to the section I started with, namely dealing with laptops & Crackberries. $boss has decided to do a little dosey-do within our group, as certain techs have become complacent and need to be switched around. To be fair, he's moving everyone around, and I'm not complaining since dealing with laptops seeing as I had a genuinely good time working on them. I've also spoken with my coworker who's also moving, and I'll be getting his desk which is by the window and looks east over the city, and is legitimately a great view.
The bad news: Mr. 33 Years is also moving to that section, and he is also gunning for that desk. My coworker and I had a good laugh this morning because Mr. 33 Years tried to pull rank and say because he's been in the gov't 33 years, he gets that desk by default. Oh yes, and despite the fact I asked last week, Mr. 33 Years is claiming that because he asked yesterday, he asked first. I've already prepared myself by making sure my PC is ready to go next week, as well as getting some computer locks on the off-chance he decides to try and move my computer while I'm not here next Friday.
[By: skippytpodar]
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82.
How not to fix a virus problem...
Yesterday, I got an e-mail from $boss, saying there was a nasty virus on one of the PC's in our department. I tracked it down to one of the programmers, who tended to go to less than secure websites a little more than he should have. I unplugged his computer, and set it on the workbench in my office to work on it the first chance I had.
About half an hour later, after coming back from another hair-on-fire ticket, I found that the PC had been moved by Mr. 33 Years to his work bench, and he plugged it into the network despite the note on the PC clearly stating by me that the PC had a virus on it, and was not to be networked. I unplugged it again and shot off an e-mail to the LAN manager, seeing as the fact it was back on the network triggered another alert. Sure enough, that alert was triggered, and informed him that it was plugged back in by Mr. 33 Years, despite the note on it.
I got the necessary files off of it for the programmer, since he had no shortage of cheat sheets & how-to's for the stuff he took care of, and a scan found a trio of trojans on his PC, so I let him know that he should be a little more careful with those Russian websites. The LAN manager also fired back an e-mail to me that he would be speaking with Mr. 33 Years on the benefits of not violating policy by plugging a known infected computer into the network, and also the benefits of not working on other people's tickets without their knowledge or permission.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Yay!!! Gold star to network manager!! -ravensentinel
mind you, a good network admin would disable the port that an infected machine was on, at least until the machine was disconnected. Mr 33 years would (hopefully) begin to wonder why his bench has no network connectivity. -McSmiley
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83.
I call hassenpfeffer
Yesterday, we got a hair-on-fire ticket from one of the nurses in our Quality Manglement department. She insisted that she could no longer log into the computer because it had the computer name in the domain field, that this was affecting patient care, and she needed to log in right away. The ticket got routed to me, and immediately, I groaned because most everyone knows of my hatred of Quality Manglement for several reasons.
First of all, without fail, every last nurse in there is a prima donna. They think they run the whole place, all other work should be dropped when they come by so they could be tended to hand & foot. Also, the number of patients they see combined is in the VERY low single digits... per year. Ironically, they drop the "this affects patient care" excuse more than most other departments, which is saying a lot. Invariably, when one of us techs comes down, the problem is something simple, and there's only a 50/50 chance it even vaguely resembles the problem they described.
Such was the case for this ticket. I logged in and immediately saw the problem... The NIC failed to get an IP address. I checked all the standard stuff, and no dice, so I grabbed all the pertinent info and forwarded all the networking techs. Sure enough, the network jack that the computer was hooked up to was on our Bogus VLAN (the guy who named it was a fan of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure), which meant several things happened. The only reason a jack gets put on the Bogus VLAN is because there was at least two straight weeks of no active connections on that port during networking's monthly switch check. Also, I checked the logs, and sure enough, the last time anyone was even logged into the PC was October 12th. Heck, the last time the PC was even turned on was October 14th, as verified both by the logs, and by the virus definitions having last been updated then.
Normally, I would have brought this up to the user were it not for my aforementioned disdain for Quality Manglement and the employees therein. That, and stuff like this has already been brought to their attention, namely to keep their computers turned on, to actually use them regularly, and to not insist that we drop everything to help them when they freak out with the IT equivalent of a paper cut. All we got in response were their pleas of ignorance, blank stares, and the sounds of the ocean when we got too close to them.
[By: skippytpodar]
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There are some who no matter how hard you try, will never listen, will be incapable of understanding, and be unwilling to cooperate. These are the ones you want to revoke not only their computing rights, but their rights to breed and breathe.
-VoiceOfSanity
+oo ( infinite.. can't remeber the command for it though) -Harm
"Records show this computer has not been turned on for two months. Clearly it is unnecessary to your work, and will be removed and reassigned. Thank you for bringing this to our attention." -chazz
^I so often wish that I could do this...and I have on more than one occasion. The secret is to get management buy-in, wait until a time when none of the perpetrators is there, then quietly and swiftly remove the machine (could even be replaced with an etch-a-sketch). -Griffin2020
^I so often wish that I could do this...and I have on more than one occasion. The secret is to get management buy-in, wait until a time when none of the perpetrators is there, then quietly and swiftly remove the machine (could even be replaced with an etch-a-sketch). -Griffin2020
"This etch-a-sketch hasn't been switched on for several years; this affects patient care!" BLARGLE </std. Luser drivel> -lineswine
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84.
There are 4 lights!
The last 48 hours, I've been asked to head to $frontOffice no less than 5 times to fix a problem involving the chief of nursing losing network connectivity.
The first time, surely enough, she did indeed have her PC get kicked off the network. I disabled/re-enabled the NIC, and shazam, her PC was back on. I showed her it was working, then left to go on my merry way, closing out the ticket.
The next 3 times she called to complain, her PC was on the network, working fine, and she was logged in. Our network tech logged in and showed that there were no problems with her port whatsoever. So this morning, when she called yet again, I was asked to check it out...again.
This time, when I pinged her PC, all were timeouts, and by extension, remoting in to her machine was impossible. I went down there, and this time, her PC was in power save mode. On a hunch, I revived the PC, logged in, and sure enough, her NIC settings for power save were all screwed up. It basically forced the NIC to shut off when the PC went to power save mode. And take a wild guess when everyone's favorite Uncle "told" us (read: forcibly implemented then informed us) to put in a policy on all PC's to have them go into power save after an hour of no use. Yup, the morning she started calling.. Thus far, she's been the only person to complain about this problem, and I'm hoping she's the last.
[By: skippytpodar]
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*nod* There was briefly a GPO pushed out silently that did the same after two hours on our systems, with the ability to change that locked out. Once the relevant parties at the HQ side of things realized that this would prevent overnight patch pushes, it was just as silently reverted by GPO push. *grin* -Grue
Devil's advocate: If the Wake-On-Lan function were properly implemented before the push-out of the patches, this wouldn't (shouldn't) be a problem (from a patch standpoint). I suspect that even now, more than 10 years after it has been available, most enterprise organizations have a standing rule/directory/whatever to leave the computers on 24 hours for this very reason.
-BayouTech
WOL has been requested for implementation, and Security Ops has denied it without explanation. *shrug* -Grue
The folks in charge of such things in both Grue's and my departments for the Uncle tend to be cagy and arbitrary in equal measue. They are also notorious for making decisions based on the principle of "Oooh, shiny!" -skippytpodar
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85.
Engage Clue by 4 (part 1)
A few days ago, I got a work request to install 2 PC's in a particular room with the standard stuff. Seemed easy enough, but that lady who put it in seemed unusually persistent, calling me twice a day to see when I will have them done and brought down for installation.
So finally, I got them finished and brought them down. Only, when I arrived at the room she specified, there were no desks... and for that matter, no furniture in the room at all. She explained to me that she wanted the computers mounted on the wall with a wall mount for the monitors as well. I attempted to explain two things to her:
*since that would require drilling into the walls, she would first have to get Engineering involved.
*we have no wall mounts whatsoever to even put up against a wall, and only Engineering (seeing a pattern yet?) has authority to purchase those items.
She whined and neeped that she's been waiting for "months" for these PC's and wants them done before she retires at the end of the month. She also insisted that the computers stay with her until I personally installed the mounts. I just told her that would be impossible, and I'd have to take them back with me to my office, as she wasn't an employee of our department, and she insisted that I get all of it done by the end of the day.
[By: skippytpodar]
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86.
Engage Clue by 4 (part 2)
I got back up to my office and let my boss know the situation. He backed me up & shot off an e-mail to the lady, again explaining that Engineering would have to install the wall mounts before we could even do a thing with these computers, and closed out the ticket, saying just that in the closeout statement.
So this afternoon, she submitted in yet another ticket, this time saying she wanted two PC's, but this time including that she wanted them mounted on the wall. The help desk tech read the previous ticket, and yet again, explained to her she needed to contact Engineering to install the wall mounts before we could install the PC's, but she was insistent that the ticket get submitted in anyway. She said she had talked to Engineering, and got nowhere with them. Gee, I wonder why...
[By: skippytpodar]
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"I want two PCs on wall-mounts!" "That's adorable. I want a flying purple unicorn that eats lusers and shits money, and my idea is a Hell of a lot more likely, sweetie." -Seamus
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87.
Good news/bad news/really bad news
The good news: After pretty much falling in love with my iPad, my mom bought one and it arrived yesterday. She called me up just to tell me that she got it, and that she was waiting for me to come this weekend for Thanksgiving week before she opened it up, just so I could show her how to use it, set up the App Store account, etc.
The bad news: Ever since Monday afternoon, I started feeling under the weather, and as of last night, it got bad enough I decided to call in sick today. Tomorrow seems likely as well, since the person I likely got it from was out almost a week with it...
The really bad news: My dad is not only itching to try and get me to show him how my mom's new iPad 2 works, including asking me asinine questions that no human can conceivably try and answer without drooling first, he also called me up today (I lied and said I was at work in a meeting with my boss), because the IPTV box my dad got so he could watch his TV channels from Poland came today. He was trying to set it up, and the ethernet cable I put in the back of the credenza that goes to the wall jacks I installed didn't work. Meaning either the switch they're all connected to failed, or the cable that leads from the switch to the router fell out again on account of having no locking clip. That, and getting him to configure the wireless on it, which would take me all of 45 seconds, would be a 4 hour exercize, and if I were at work, I'd almost certainly get a reprimand letter for it, on account of our boss not letting us take non-emergency personal calls. I didn't tell him all that seeing as he'd just mangle it all up, so I told him to wait until this weekend, and I would fix it. Little does he know that past Monday, I went ahead and ordered all new Cat-6 and an extra HDMI keystone & cable set, and am giving them my 16-port gigabit switch just for this sort of thing.
My only hope is that I can get all of it done without him coming down to the basement every 5 minutes to bother me with "What's this?" ad nauseum. He is still convinced that because he was able to go wirelessly from his laptop to the printer (which was plugged into the wireless router), that somehow the printer itself MUST be wireless instead of wired.
[By: skippytpodar]
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hmm - how to keep him out of the basement while your working.. i've used the " You want this done or NOT? cause its seeminglike NOT each time you interupt." but i can't see that going over well. - HOpe you Feel better soon! -Harm
Make the iPad work first. Give iPad to dad. Explain to mom why, while dad can't hear. Go fix the cables in peace. -Calydor
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88.
Boss LART
As some might recall, $boss implemented a rule that if we contact a person at least three times within a 5-day period, and they fail to respond after the 5th day, we have every right to close out the ticket for the customer's failure to respond.
Yesterday, I had two such tickets to close, and had noted in both tickets when and by what method I tried to contact the people. This morning, one of the people rather angrily came up and insisted on chewing me, my boss, or whoever would listen, a new arsehole. Being that my boss' door is open whenever he's in, he overheard this, and came right out to see what the hell was going on. $starfish was pissed that I closed the ticket, that I didn't do the work, and now she can't use anything in their new office because she ended up moving the equipment herself yesterday. My boss pulled up the ticket, and saw in my ticket notes that I not only e-mailed her twice, I also left her a voicemail on her landline & cell phone, and also went to her former office on Friday and knocked on the door with no response.
Her response to all that? "What, I actually have to respond to you guys? I'm the customer here, and whatever I say, goes! Plus, I was in and out of the office all day Friday. What am I supposed to do, wait there?" It went on & on, but my boss told her, that I made every good faith effort to contact her, and it was on her to make sure she contacted me back. As she was leaving, she huffed & puffed about going to her supervisor, to which my boss responded that he'd be pleased to meet them and would be more than happy to tell them that she moved IT equipment without our written authorization or permission.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I think somewhere in there an "oops!" is probably going to be inserted... as in $starfish having just made a few tactical mistakes. The first was, of course, ranting at you with earshot of $boss, and then her ranting at $boss. -VoiceOfSanity
The LARTs that starfish apply to themselves are the best. -ralphp1024
A boss that has your back? A boss that doesn't cave to an irate luser's rantings and ravings? A boss that has a spine? Surely you jest -PoglaTheGrate
Pogla: I never jest. And don't call me "Shirley". (well, someone hadda say it) -Grayhawk
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89.
New toy
I got a new toy today. They had a special at the PX on a 16-megapixel Fujifilm camera that had a telephoto zoom lens and several other features that my current camera sorely lacked, like recording 1080p HD movies. Plus the LCD screen on my old camera was shot to hell, so there was no way for me to preview pictures or change any settings, since aside from picture size and type, all other settings reverted to default as soon as I turned the camera off. Since I was in a rather celebratory mood on account of moving into a new place, and had more than enough on my payroll deduction to cover it, I jumped on it. I got a 16GB card on top of it. After doing some digging, I discovered the camera can take at least a 64GB card, and there's some specials on Newegg. Kinda sucks that the PX didn't have anything bigger than a 16GB though, but hey, at least I can now use the card reader in my laptop.
Now if my old landlord can hurry up and give me my security deposit back so I can go to Disney World to put the new camera through its paces.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Thought you might enjoy this. Finally found a profile for Mr. 33 years: http://www.infoworld.com/d/adventures-in-it/it-personality-types-8-profiles-in-geekdom-313?page=0,8&source=rs -ravensentinel
"Sir! Your empire has fallen, your sons are captured, and you're wanted for crimes against humanity! What are you planning to do next?" "I'm going to Disney World!"
-VoiceOfSanity
I'm not sure how accurate that is using only 8 questions --Although you can come off as The Angry Support Drone or The Scary Sysadmin, you are undoubtedly The Über Geek to the core. -DedSysOp
Heh i got the split personality the scary sys admin and the promiser. -deedadee
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90.
Careful what you wish for...
In response to Mr. 33 Years' complaints that nobody else takes tickets from the queue, which is interesting since he had the fewest tickets assigned to him in the queue, our boss decided to evenly and randomly assign tickets to everyone.
Now he's complaining that he has too many tickets, and is trying to either hawk tickets off onto others, or trade the ones he has for easier ones. Just goes to show, careful what you wish for, you may get it.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Why is he STILL alive? Er... I mean, employed, why is he still employed? -unrenowned
Karma!!! -TechMama
He should just let that job go to make room for someone who would appreciate it and do a better job. wow. -LilFarkette
"Look, you steaming, festering pustule, you brought this onto yourself. If you can stop whinging about every little thing not going your pathetic little way the world around you wouldn't have to bitchslap you fifteen times a day with Reality. Shut the fuck up and get to work... If you even know what that entails." -Seamus
Gives ticket-scalping a bad name....
-vacuumtubes
By any chance can you bring in voice recorder or have one on your station? Would love to hear what the powers that be would say to how much time he's wasting trying to not do his job. -spectreoflife
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91.
Wrong job, numbnut...
This last week, I've been trying to contact this one user because he reported that a monitor was displaying fuzzy images and according to him, was giving people headaches. I went up there, and none of the monitors matched the serial number he gave us, and he had decided to leave early for the day. I went back down to my office, and updated the ticket, asking where the monitor was. No response.
Two e-mails and an attempt to call him later, he finally called the helldesk, saying the monitor was in a locked room that only he had the key to. OK.... I went there, and he not only had already disconnected the monitor & put it on the floor, he also proceeded to go on a mini-rant about how our wireless system sucks, dropping our CIO's name in the process, wanting a smaller PC on a desk that had plenty of space, asking I fix a broken mouse, and nigh-demanding the administrative override to our hard drive encryption.
I explained to him that, first, we in MY department are responsible for fixing issues, and he was not to mess with OUR equipment. Unplugging it and moving it by himself was not only something missing in his job description, how could we fix a problem when it's already been removed. Secondly, if he had other computer issues, tickets needed to be put in for each one, and he shouldn't tack issues onto existing tickets. Thurdly, giving him an administrative password to a national encryption system violates so many of the rules & regs, they'd throw me out of the building so fast, I'd leave skid makrs. Plus, if I did that, there'd be a cell in Leavenworth with my name on it.
Plus if he wanted to know the IT stuff so badly, how about he apply for a job in my department first and go through the training.
[By: skippytpodar]
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A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, a little more knowledge is deadly, and if they had even more knowledge than that they'd be on our team! (We have our users like that - think they know how a network works because they were able to hook their Wii to their DSL router at home.) -Captain Trips
Any more knowledge than that would require a working brain and sense of judgment... -AnneBWalsh
Heh, I'd be the ass that says to the guy, what do you mean it's fuzzy, the picture is displaying a perfectly fine black screen. Then I'd leave, close the ticket and state that the problem couldn't be duplicated due to the EU removing said equipment from its normal environment without authorization. -spectreoflife
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92.
Priceless
We had our first meeting since switching over to the new ticket system, and our supervisor said overall, he liked how the new system was being done, and asked if we had any questions or concerns.
Right away, Mr. 33 Years asked why info like the person's room number and phone extension wasn't in the e-mails that were sent out for ticket notifications for him to view on his Crackberry like under the old ticket system. Our boss responded that this was by design, since he expected us to view the tickets at our desks, assign them to ourselves, and only then were we to go work on them. He didn't want techs to just pop into that office as soon as they get the e-mail, do something on it, only to have another tech assign the ticket to themselves & go there & realize the work was either done, or be told that someone else was already there. He said doing that was a waste of the other techs' time, and he wouldn't stand for it.
The look on Mr. 33 Years' face... priceless!
[By: skippytpodar]
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"Well good, I expect you to 'sit' while haveing your smart arse handed back to you on a silver platter." -ravensentinel
Hmm... has anyone tried giving him commands like one would use to train a dog? perhaps with a cookie reward when he does Stay right? or is that a HR issue? -Harm
or carrying a spray bottle.. spritsing him with it when he does bad? -Harm
Hmm. Followed before long by 'Hmm. Why are response times down? The users are complaining about it taking a lot longer to get problems fixed.' 'Well, we used to be able to fix problems while we were there, now we have to go all the way back to our desks to find out we have to go right next to where we were to begin with...' -Vulpis
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93.
Three reasons to feel good today
- The medicine my doctor gave me Friday is working wonders for me.
- Both Mr. 33 Years and Little Miss Cleanliness are off today
- As a way to mock both those two, myself and the other guy they're headhunting have given each other the nucknames of DDS1 and DDS2 (DDS = Don't Do S#!+)
[By: skippytpodar]
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As opposed to the names "Thing 1 and Thing 2"?
-VoiceOfSanity
"Thing 1 & Thing 2! Thing 2 & Thing 1! They can't do anything, Anything, ANYTHING under the sun!" (EG) -MadJack
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94.
Top Ten Most Hated Jobs
Didn't want to bump the CoD free weekend link, but: http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/113308/10-most-hated-jobs-cnbc
Is it really any wonder that not only is an IT job #1, but there are three more entries for IT on that list? And is it also any wonder about our cumulative stress level?
[By: skippytpodar]
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Let's see... food service, food service, food service... Nope. Huh. Don't know if I should feel slighted or relieved. -MeanDean
The COD free weekend is over now... so the link can go. But I will mention that Steam does seem to run similar promotions fairly frequently... -chazz
#6, that's me. Ironically, I really like the place and people I work at and with. -Stryker One
Only a certain type of person enjoys #1, otherwise it will beat you down and suck out your soul. -VIPERsssss
somewhere in a mix of 3,5 and 8 for me.. -Harm
I like my job and I like what my place of work is for. I am not so keen on being managed by people who have no idea about what IT is for, or for that matter what a hospital or a National Health Service is for. -Holdfast
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95.
Sometimes you just gotta laugh...
Last week, we switched over from our own in-house help desk to a Regional help desk that supports 17 other sites. We knew there would be kinks and that there would be some things that slipped through the cracks.
Perfect example: Someone called the Help Desk this morning to complain that when they went to Yahoo Mail, it said their browser was not up to date, and wanted to have her browser updated. Yes, this was an actual ticket assigned to us. No, the Regional help desk does not consist of contractors, these are actual employees of ours who have read the same mandates we have. Those mandates state quite clearly we cannot under any circumstances help users with their private e-mail accounts, and under no circumstances are people to use third-party e-mail addresses whatsoever for business in our facilities, especially considering we have a national Exchange cluster that would be more than adequate for whatever business needs they desired...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Kick that bullshit right back to them, and threaten dismemberment should it ever happen again. -AmazingKreskin
... and i have highlighted the reveant parts of the documentation , which explicitly states WHY i'm NOT helping you. -Harm
Way ahead of you. Already notified the head of the help desk about it, and just to cross my T's and dot my I's, I made sure that this lady really was talking about her personal e-mail. -skippytpodar
Hrmmm....AD Users and Computers...then navigate to user account....disable. "Why yes, it should be working for you now!" -ravensentinel
you can always block yahoo mail altogether at your firewall/ proxy server. -McSmiley
So, what's the site ma'am? Uhuh. Username? Password? Hmm, let me see...... <deletes everything>, nope, can't see anything here at all.... sorry. -Enzedder
Asking for a browser update does not necessarily equate to help with personal email. You shouldn't be running out of date browsers anyway. Also, it doesn't sound like she said she was using this account for business. It may have been omitted from the story, but it was probably a personal account. Unless your company has a policy against accessing personal email while at work, there's technically nothing wrong with the request for a browser update. -ThinkGuy
If it was yay-who mail, I would put dollars to donuts that it was personal. I have yet to find a company that uses that for corporate messaging...I'm just saying... -Griffin2020
If it was yay-who mail, I would put dollars to donuts that it was personal. I have yet to find a company that uses that for corporate messaging...I'm just saying... -Griffin2020
Griffin is correct. She freely admitted she was trying to access her Yahoo Mail for personal use. I flat out told her we don't support people's personal e-mail addresses in any way, shape, or form, and if she wanted to view her personal e-mail, to do so at home, since the browser version on the PC's is determined by us, not by one single person outide the IT department who wants to view her personal e-mail account on work time, at a work computer and using her work's internet connection. -skippytpodar
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96.
That didn't take long
Since moving over to the Regional Help Desk, Mr. 33 Years has had the darnedest time logging into the new ticket system. That alone has provided some hilarity, seeing as he has been complaining endlessly about how much it sucks. He's been going around to everyone, insisting they log in for him, print out all the tickets (sound familiar) so he can work.
What's really hilarious is that he has been calling the managers of the Help Desk so much to complain, and is insisting they personally help him, that they've stopped taking his calls altogether. Bear in mind, this is only a week after we switched over. He has yet to get the hint, and I imagine their voicemail system is more than half full from him alone.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Does this guy have some serious dirt on somebody in a high-up place or is it really that difficult to get rid of him?!
-BayouTech
Since it's (un)Civil Service (at least that's my estimate, given the hints Skippy's left here), yes... it's very hard to get rid of someone. Once you get past the probationary period, it takes a LOT of documentation in order to remove someone out of Civil Service, especially when they get up around the GS-12 and higher levels. I know, I worked for a while at a Navy facility, we had a GS-14 who was the source of a lot of virus outbreaks... but I couldn't do anything but document the incidents. I wanted to give him an Etch-A-Sketch, but they wouldn't let me...
-VoiceOfSanity
can take YEARS to fire someone. seriously YEARS!. everything has to be documented out the yin yang - and it has to be an unbroken chain - IE if the person goes on sick leave or does a temporary lateral move - you may have to start from scratch. People can play the system to their advantage if they know the rules - and there are a good number of problem people that do. I used to hear a saying from thoise i knew in the military "Failing UP". if they can't demote someone - they get promoted to a possition where they shouldn't be able to cause problems. -Harm
Mr 33 years sounds a lot like a co worker of mine...watching the wheels turn is a lot like watching grandpa try to program the VCR -Captn92
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97.
When will then be now? Soon...
Seems like everyone in my department is having a Spaceballs the video tape moment today, and I was no exception.
I got thrown a ticket from one of the Helldesk people, who mistook the status inquiry I wrote on said ticket back in May for my in-depth involvement on it. And since Little Miss Cleanliness was originally assigned the ticket, we were all confused as to why it was closed 3 months ago, when the work was never done to begin with.
It also didn't help that she was on vacation last week and this week, which is convenient since tomorrow is when the contractor was sceduled to come and install the software Radiology paid $insaneAmount for. I got the stuff done, notated on the ticket that it had to be re-opened & done by someone else at the last minute.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I knew it! You're surrounded by assholes. -flapjackboy
Prease meet my family: Ah So Long, Ah So Dong, Ah So Dum, Ah So.... -CyBear
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98.
Unintended consequences...
A couple weeks ago, Mr. 33 Years declared that I needed to get my own work bench because as he put it himself, he set up both the benches and so therefore they are both his own benches, and no one else's.
One of my coworkers happened to be moving to the office next door and just such a work bench became available. So yesterday I moved it in behind my desk with barely enough room to spare. The reason? Mr. 33 Years' microwave was blocking the way. He ended up having to remove it from the area, albeit grudgingly, because I told him that while he told me that I needed a new bench, he failed to specify what kind of bench, where I was going to put it, etc.
As a side effect, now I don't have to smell the reek coming out of the microwave. Mr. 33 Years was notorious for microwaving some rather foul smelling things including fish, octopus (yes, you read that right), and other things I couldn't readily identify.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Microwaved octopus? Blasphemy! (I do love me some octopus...but microwaving it? Evil.) -TechieSidhe
Well played Dr. Koothrappali...</Sheldon Cooper> -ChildofCthulhu
This guy has a personal microwave?!?! Is it by chance because of the stuff he "cooks"?
-BayouTech
"It's mine." Yeah, a few years ago we had someone take that attitude when I touched the monitor screen at his desk. He had been with us for two days, and yelled "DON'T TOUCH MY SCREEN!" I pointed out to him that it wasn't HIS but <COMPANY'S> monitor, he yelled back "DON'T TOUCH MY SCREEN!" Just how damaging to a LCD screen is a fingerprint? And if it isn't yours, (especially if you are a temp on his last leg) you don't have the right to be so pissed off. (He later wrote a 3-page e-mail to *HR as to how hostile a work environment we had, because he didn't like how loud a cabinet behind him was slammed. Needless to say, he was invited to never return - and we were warned to not let him in the building, and notify our manager if he was seen - he'd promptly be arrested! He must have written some NASTY letter to HR.) (Note to self: do not blast HR when you've been a temp less than a week.) -Captain Trips
if your not a Permanent employee - NEVER slam HR. in fact head down, nose to the grind stone work yer ass off trying to get hired Permanently. -Harm
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100.
There goes our bandwidth...
This morning, I was reading a bit of the morning news on Yahoo when I saw that an embedded YouTube video was actually showing up. Thinking it was a fluke since our proxy had been previously set to block all things YouTube with an iron fist, I clicked on it. Sure enough, it began downloading the video & playing it. Just to make sure I wasn't going completely crazy, I typed in YouTube's URL, and it came right up. No ominous text about it being blocked, or that we should only use our connection for official use.
The kicker of this is that my employer does have a presence on YouTube, mainly info for vets, et.al., but for those of us mere peons, instead of allowing us access to those videos, the powers that be took the ham-fisted approach, and blocked YouTube entirely. It seems they had a change of heart at some point, and I can only imagine how fast word will get around and the bandwidth will get sucked up...
[By: skippytpodar]
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They did the same here. But they didn't block it. They did a quality of service on it and it only get's alloted what seems like dail-up speed. Same for facebook. Oddly, myspace is blocked altogether...which I could care less. -ravensentinel
Youtube gets lower priority here, so any video will load, but typically takes 30-45 seconds before it actually starts. Apparently enough people considered it to be an issue that we had to create a page on the Help Desk wiki to instruct HD techs how to inform the users that this is deliberate, and not a bug. -AmazingKreskin
Something like that would sure be nice, but my employer has a scorched earth policy with these things, wherein they will tell us what is "work related" and everything else by default gets blocked. This has led to a lot of legit sites being blocked, and the process to get a site unblocked is notoriously draconian, to say nothing about how long it takes. -skippytpodar
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101.
Really?
The last few days, Little Miss Cleanliness has been on a tear, insisting EVERYONE clean their hands with soap, and if she didn't see someone do it, then it didn't count. She's even gone so far as to make copies of a little sign in every room showing the exact steps a person needs to wash their hands to her satisfaction.
As you can guess, this has led to a fair bit of mocking, and even the boss was laughing and shaking his head because he knew we all washed our hands and I almost couldn't believe that someone would be bringing up stuff like this that was better left in grade school. So this morning, it was my turn to have some fun with it. I went to use the restroom in the office, and as soon as I got out, I lathered up and proudly showed my hands and said "Hey, look, I'm using the soap!" right in front of everyone. Little Miss Cleanliness didn't think it was funny...
[By: skippytpodar]
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What's next? A little twenty-second timer in the bathroom that everyone has to hit to make sure they're scrubbing long enough? (I know, I know, I shouldn't give her ideas!) -AnneBWalsh
Next she'll be going around with that little spray that shows all the germs on your hands under a black light. (oops...gave another idea) -ravensentinel
We just got the same "wash hands, sterilize cubicle, use hand sanitizer" speech. There seems to be a trend. Our managers had to watch these videos of the horrors of unclean hands in their last meeting. -TechieSidhe
According to our managers it is supposed to be a minute now. Oh well, doesnt matter that much with all the TB and Cdif patients we get. -OldScratch
I got MRSA from work....and washing my hands apparently didn't make a darn bit of difference. 4 freaking days in the hospital... -TechieSidhe
I operate on the policy , "That which doesn't kill you, just postpones the inevitable." -edventure
MRSA does indeed suck. Hurts like a mofo too. I got it on my foot in '09 and managed to convince the doctor that instead of going to the hospital, I should just stay home. Turned out to be a good decision on my part, since my bills for it were already high enough as it was, and didn't feel like tacking on a couple thousand in hospital bills on top of it. The antibiotics were horrendously bad on my system though... -skippytpodar
People like her are why superbugs are becoming more prevalent. We need to clean, sure, but not so much that the bugs have to evolve into something nastier, & let our natural defenses fight for us. Now, go tell HER that... ;) -MadJack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1NyGmn4D80 -DedSysOp
And this is why you should eat cheap ass bologna and hotdogs from the supermarket. Sure, it tastes horrible and mustard can only cover that so much. But the health benefits in the exposure to whatever germs the allowed maximum amount of feces and insect parts contained far exceed the 15 minutes of disgust a week... -GargoyleTS
<DA> In a nearby hospital setting, tests found that 50% of the DOCTORS washed their hands as often as they should </DA> -minchazo
Prank suggestion: substitute the liquid dispenser soap with Astroglide. -MeanDean
So.... how long before she's invited into the Mens to make sure you chaps have washed your hands? <evil grin> -Enzedder
So.... how long before she's invited into the Mens to make sure you chaps have washed your hands? <evil grin> -Enzedder
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102.
I knew it...
Last night, my computer started to take much longer than usual to boot up. I decided to run a chkdsk on it, not realizing that a chkdsk on a 1TB hard drive is generally going to take a long time. Little did I know it was going to take as long as it did. It didn't finish until 1 AM, and being the sadist that I am, I just HAD to stay up to see what the result was.
Sure enough, there were quite a few bad sectors, and I felt inclined to swap out the drive. I decided to slap in my SSD in there, which is what I should've done when I got my new PS last month, but it dawned on me that I was due to have my PC refreshed anyways, so I popped the Win7 DVD in and started my machine from scratch.
It was almost 4 AM before I realized I had been going on autopilot getting my PC back up & running. Considering I had two big meetings where my presence was not optional & quite a bit of work to do, I was hardly going to be calling in. So I took the hit, went to bed & caught 90 minutes of shut-eye, while the final install (Win7 SP1) was going through its paces.
I'm seriously considering taking a half-day today after my 2nd meeting to go grab some sleep at home...
[By: skippytpodar]
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I did that a couple of weeks ago when I finally built a new system...but it was worth it! -AniMaL
oh done that one more times then i care to admit ( sometome due to a game... or losing track of time) coulpe Blue Demons should keep you going till noon. -Harm
Food replaces sleep. Unless you're sleep eating, in which case, food supplements sleep. -LDFeral
Reminds me of college, me and a few buddies spent the entire night before a major exam setting up a LAN to play Red Alert 2, it was 5 AM before the cheap router crapped out, I took the test at 7 and scored an A, then slept for 12 hours. -OldScratch
sissy. I've been up until 4:30 am twice this week, and I have to get up at 6:30. The other two nights I was up until 2:30 and 1:30. And I'm 51 years old. -figglywig
What is this "sleep" of which you speak? (injects another caffeine shot into his I.V.) -ecoli
Age and brand of the 1Tb??? -jerrybear
PS=PlayStation, I assume? -Stryker One
That's why I don't do stuff like this on worknights. I usually don't even play (already installed) games on work nights - too much potential for a time sink. -thx1138
@Stryker - No, Power Supply. He had to have it replaced not that long ago. (Why would a Playstation affect his PC's hard drive anyway?) -RDMcMains
same here THX... i have to limite myself to " onay 1 round and i have to log off by 10.. at the latest" down to to the weekend. way to many " crap.. it 2 AM.. ummm.. gitta log out and get a few hours sleep.... 30 more mins can't hurt... is that the sun?" -Harm
I'd be quietly working in the evening in my old houses' basement on some hardware issue or other...then LadyL would tell be to come out - mainly as it was morning. She made me put a clock in the place after that, which I promptly manage to "lose".
Can someone say "A.D.D."?
A.D.D. -lineswine
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103.
Don't do favors... (part 2)
The other day, I mentioned that I had replaced some monitors in the warehouse for people who had a legitimate need of new ones.
One of the folks, turns out, also needed a new PC, as the CPU fan was defective, and caused the CPU to overheat. It was a newer model PC, so I only had a PC one step up from hers. I replaced it, and asked that she put in a ticket for it afterwards. She did so, and I closed the ticket out as soon as it got routed to my box.
Now she seems to think I am her personal IT guy. I just got an e-mail from her that she needs the hard drive from her former PC to be taken out and put into the new one. A couple problems with that. First of all, she's already been told that for work like this, a ticket really does need to be put in BEFOREHAND. Secondly, I asked her specifically if there was anything she needed form the previous computer, and she rather clearly said No. I only keep computers with only the standard builds on my cart for a day, maybe two at the most before turning them in or reimaging them. Thirdly, she's already been told by my boss that for any further work, she needs to put in a ticket first, and to stop e-mailing me & our inventory guy.
So I replied back, CCing my boss, and letting her know she really does need to put in a ticket for this, and due to the time since I've replaced it, there's no guarantee the information on it is still on there since we generally wipe drives for computers that have been replaced, and in this case we do so prior to sending it in for a warranty repair as the CPU fan was covered under warranty.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Lusers always need something from the old HD. -Loren
One of my favorite sayings for my (former) security department, (long story, not for now) after being taken advantage of too often- "A favor, done too often, becomes a duty". The fishies of the world must be constantly reminded that doing something for someone does NOT commit you to being their bee-yotch! -Voz
I've had that happen here with a few people...you fix ONE major issue and suddenly they're e-mailing directly for everything or when the call asking for you. A few got so bad I started ignoring their e-mails until they got the hint. -Starfury
Just spoke with our inventory guy, and he relayed to me that the folks in the warehouse are not too happy with my response, but I just shook my head and told him, that no matter how closely we work with them, they still have to put in tickets like everyone else. -skippytpodar
Aww, poor babies have to follow the same procedures as everyone else. -thx1138
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104.
Flashbacks
I vividly recall a ticket I got about 5 years ago to replace a keyboard at another location. The reason? The keyboard was, bar none, the nastiest, filthiest piece of computer equipment I've ever come across. Upon going to the office of the person involved, I could see why. Far be it for me to complain about one's weight, as I am not the fittest person in the world, but this person, in the space of an average desk, had over 25 containers of food, each capable of holding 64 ounces in various stages of being emptied out, not to mention Family Size bags of chips, all of which were opened and in varying stages of having been eaten as well. Crumbs, dust, soda spill stains, etc., were all over what desk space was visible underneath the containers, paperwork, et.al. strewn about the desk, and she was wondering why her keyboard suddenly failed. I was half expecting rats to start coming out at some point, and the keyboard was so filthy, I felt compelled to put on two pairs of latex gloves prior to even touching it. The coup de grace was when said lady grabbed a new, unopened bag of Family Size Doritos from the desk, opened it, began grazing on it while walking to the elevator stating "Alright, I'm going to Wendy's for lunch! See you all in a bit." I had to pause & wonder to myself how this lady could have a job if all she did was eat food all day, as her frame suggested she was easily north of 400 pounds. Again, I'm not the fittest person in the world, but even I was shocked at how poor this lady's diet was.
I told you that story to tell you this, for I found a serious contender to that state of uncleanliness. Again, I'm not one to complain since I'm not totally OCD about cleanliness, but I do at least employ basic common sense in such matters. I got a ticket this morning regarding a mouse periodically failing to move. I went down there to rule out using a reflective surface, dirt in the optical sensor, etc., but I quickly ruled all them out. This particular lady, while she didn't have nearly as many containers of food, would easily find a place on the show "Hoarders" because it was plainly apparent she didn't throw anything away. That and her floor had clearly forgotten what it was like to have been cleaned. So I went up to get a new mouse, and it took me a full 5 minutes to get to the back of her PC due to the dirt & dust on her floor, to say nothing of the boxes, paperwork, and other miscellaneous items in this black hole of an office. As soon as I left, I felt the need to go wash my hands an extra long time, and my pants looked like the had changed colors in parts due to the substantial collection of dust & dirt on them.
[By: skippytpodar]
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If I were you, she should be reported to HR. Her behavior could easily be construed as being a health risk to her peers. And I'm sure that level of clutter and filth can be classed as a fire risk. Not to mention how unprofessional that all is. -Aelin236
As a fat chick, I want to LART her, because she is a walking stereotype. This crap is why people look at us the way they do. -TechieSidhe
Wondering why systems aren't physically checked before they get to this point as part of a preventative maintenance plan. -RiffRaff
@TS, there are fat people (Such as you as you say or myself) and then there are "Good God! You do not need that 5th bag of chips and 13th doughnut to survive! Eat a freaking vegetable!" She sounds like the later. -0gr3
Reminds me of the new office chairs and desks we got in recently, our admin assisant complained about something being wrong with her chair (she is north of 400), one of the guys looked at it and determined that the steel piston had bent in less than 3 hours of use. Also reminds me of why we hired her, so there wouldnt be any "distractions", however as much paperwork she loses the distractions would have caused less work. -OldScratch
TechieSidhe,as a "Defensive Tackle-sized" male, I second your LART request. I'm the heaviest guy in my section, yet most of clutter comes from the other guys. I don't mind, I just hate getting blamed for ALL the mess. -udoshan
I'm by no means thin and neither is my wife...but 400 is NOT a number that you should claim as your body weight. I've been trying to diet/exercise but it's not easy. -Starfury
As I mentioned, I'm hardly the picture of someone who's physically fit either (I'm off that mark by about 70-80 pounds depending on the doctor you talk to), but when I heard this lady say she was going to Wendy's as she was eating a newly-opened bag of Doritos, it made me seriously consider never eating a single Dorito again, or any chip for that matter. And I do recall this lady having been administratively disciplined more than once for not doing her fair share of work in her office, and her response was that she was constantly overwhelmed with work. Not from what I saw... -skippytpodar
I once did an assignment in a place that is known for gathering govt. data.
In this place, a "special chair" had been bought & then discarded by the ex-user...she of 350lbs plus, the usual ones not being big/strong enough for her.
Words fail me. -lineswine
Reminds me of these two Coyote stories. Read the first link for background abou the keyboard then the second one for revenge.
http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=83593
http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=83596
-qnadad
I recently had to wear rubber gloves to deal with a keyboard. It had "passengers". I don't know what they were - too small, but they moved - untill I killed them all with methyl alcahol. Then I put the mouse & KB in a yellow bag (biohazard) and asked for it to be burned. Happily, it was not in a ward, treatment or public area. Then I used a lot of strong soap - on me! -Holdfast
Reading all this makes me realize a mistake I made 3 monthes ago, back then a sewer line burst over a computer we use for patient information, the keyboard was "soaked". I threw it out, but in retrospect, I should have given it to my mother in law. -OldScratch
In general, my users are freaking disgusting! There are keyboards I will openly borrow medical gloves to touch. Although, I can tell you that doctor's pagers have an unholy attraction to toilets. -TechieSidhe
One of the places I do hardware work is a school. Student got sick and spewed over the keyboard. The teacher had to be told three times before she would throw the keyboard out. I don't care how short on keyboards we are, I'm not going to clean that mf even if that means I have to buy a new one out of my own pocket. -chazz
As a far from thin person (damn you stress eating), this almost makes me feel better about myself. Damn, I build up wrong habits due to stress, but not at work and not to that extent. Hell, I worry about my health from gaining weight and I'm still WAY off the mark that she's on, reading that makes me wonder how she's alive. -reveriel
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105.
This is why I don't do favors...
Late last week, I agreed to replace a couple of older monitors for some people down in the warehouse. They were in need of replacement anyway, and had a legitimate ticket in for their replacement with all the necessary approvals.
Almost before I got done screwing in the last cable connection to the first monitor, I got asked no less than three times by others in the warehouse when I was going to replace their monitors. I told them to put in a ticket for the ones they wanted to have replaced, and if my boss approved it, then whoever is assigned the ticket would replace them.
This morning, there were a flurry of e-mails going back and forth between my boss, the warehouse people, and our inventory guy, wondering why the other monitors weren't replaced, besides the ones I had already done. Apparently, a couple of the warehouse people had dropped my name a few times, saying I would do it for them as a favor, and they didn't need a ticket to get new monitors. I chimed in and stated that the ones I replaced had legitimate tickets in for them with all the necessary approvals, and told anyone who asked that they needed to also have a ticket in, and have it approved by my boss before I'd even come down there to do any such replacements, assuming of course the tickets would even be assigned to me.
Two of them finally got the hint after some more back & forth e-mails, put in tickets, simply saying they wanted new monitors, without providing any justification of why they felt they needed new ones. A cursory check showed both of them had already gotten their monitors replaced less than a month ago by another tech, so getting new ones was absolutely unnecessary. That, and they kept insisting on being first priority, to which my boss responded that he hadn't even approved their request yet they had already received new monitors a month ago, and assuming of course he would approve them (which was doubtful), the requests would be filled in the order they were received, provided there was sufficient equipment to accomidate them, seeing as a monitor replacement when the current one was functional is hardly a high priority.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Must be a DoD wide thing. -ravensentinel
Sometimes, I do not understand humans... -Fortytwo
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106.
Never fails...
Just goes to show that all of Mr. 33 Years' supposed "experience" in the field doesn't count for much.
Got a hair on fire ticket from $frontOffice that the CAC card reader wasn't working on $director's PC, saying that there was no CAC card reader installed. So I logged in to $director's PC and sure enough Device Manager showed drivers were never installed for the CAC reader. Snagged them from the network, got it installed, and verified $director could get in & was happy with said results, all in under 2 minutes.
As I walked out of $frontOffice, I bumped into Mr. 33 Years, and he had a replacement CAC reader in his hands, saying he was 100% sure the reader was defective, and he had assigned the ticket to himself. Funny, because the both $director and $directorSecretary said I was the only person to come down to try & fix the issue, and I had already fixed it by installing the device drivers. Also, when I left the office I distinctly remember NOT seeing his name on the ticket. So how could he be so sure it was a defective reader I wondered to myself.
I told him I had fixed it (after he had alread interrupted me mid sentence three times, a personal pet peeve), and she was good to go. The look on his face was priceless as I told him it was simply a case of needing the latest drivers, and $director was all fixed.
[By: skippytpodar]
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You did, of course, mention this incident to his boss...right? Incompetence like this can not be tolerated - what would he have done had you not stopped him - installed the new unit and then blamed who/whatever for it also failing? -Captain Trips
As I've mentioned before, and am sure to mention again... An epileptic squirrel mid-seizure has more technical prowess than he does. His fix to this was the equivalent of a car mechanic replacing the whole engine because she ran out of gas. -skippytpodar
Why is this waste of oxygen still employed there?! -unrenowned
Who does he go see "with the doors closed"& him on his knees to still have a job there? -lineswine
So.. you're saying he really sucks some CAC? -NightSteel
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107.
Thank you for volunteering me
Yesterday, I found out that I was volunteered by my boss to do printer consolidations for the entire facility. A few months back, we discovered that there were far too many printers that got doled out by previous manglement, and nobody really noticed until the $hospitalDirector saw the bill just for toner and paper for the last quarter... over $500,000!
So she immidiately got with our CIO to hash out a plan to reclaim as many printers as we possibly could, come hell or high water. We knew that it'd be quite a struggle because having a networked printer on your desk is viewed as a status symbol in these parts. Many people claim that their need for a printer is due to confidentiality, when in fact the real reason for most of them is because they're simply too lazy to walk to 10 feet to the nearest printer. Or they say they need it for the workload, only for us to log into the printer they use currently and discover that their "heavy workload" consists of printing 5-6 pages maybe 2-3 times a week, if that.
Some areas have gotten so bad, there is a networked printer designed for use by 20 people in an office on every... single... desk..., and the previous manglement, much like with laptops and encrypted flash drives, handed these things out like candy on Halloween, without any regard for the costs or their actual need for it.
So as a test, some of us went down to Engineering, and discussed it with their chief. She was in agreement that they could do with fewer printers as well, since they got saddled with some of the costs of it as well. We hashed out which ones they could do without, and which ones they needed, along with placement. We set the date it would happen, et.al., and when we went down there, the staff freaked! They refused to let me so much as touch the printers, they kept second guessing me, saying they "needed" all of them, only for me to reply that this was approved by their chief, the director and our CIO. It wasn't until their chief actually came out and told them what was up that they grudgingly let me do what she asked me to do, reclaiming about 60% of their printers in total.
After I reported what happened, and the results, they decided to wait a bit for the next step, and I let them know I'd rather just stick to fixing stuff, and not do special projects like this because I didn't feel like dealing with this in pretty much every department I went to.
[By: skippytpodar]
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The only way you'll get the printers is to pry them from their cold dead hands....or go in at night and Ninja the extra's away. People don't realize how much $$$ it costs to run those things. Some of the printers in the law office I work for eat 1 case of paper a day...and I'm sure that 1/4 or more of the printouts is just recycled. -Starfury
I second the ninja suggestion, unless you want to go all pirate on them. -minchazo
We're a little different on handling this one: the appropriate Division Director is told to reduce the printer count, that person sends out an e-mail saying it's going to happen...and then decides which ones will be removed. At the scheduled date & time, we log into the printer and disable it, locking the front panel as one of the steps. We then go get the non-functioning printer the next day before the users arrive. -Grue
The "printer-as-a-status-symbol" mentality is exactly the same in the past government environments I've worked in, although it was never as bad as what you've described. Also, some of the higher end HP Laserjets have a "secure-printing" feature that holds a print job until the user keys in some sort of code on the panel buttons. As far as costs go, just think if all those printers were low end consumer-grade color lasers- the supplies cost would easily be double!
-BayouTech
Amen to the GRUE- But I would still love to volunteer for some Ninja hours-just thinking about the whinging is making my face hurt from the 100 yard grin! -jerrybear
Additionally, part of the reason that the worker-bees revolted is that they were not told that they were giving up their precious status symbols and found out when you + co-workers went to actually get them. If they were told in advance by their management that the printers were being reclaimed, well, they'd still gripe, but the management would/should take the bulk of it before you ever arrived. -BayouTech
So I see the DoD printer consoldiation has hit your part of the DoD as well! I'm enjoying the same thing. Just spent $18,000 on a new Xerox for our office so we can reclaim the printers on everyone's desk. I plan on taking back the scanners as well since the Xerox scans to email... -ravensentinel
If you need to remap the network printers then just crerate a script in notepad. The first line deletes the old printer, the second mapps a new network printer and the last sets the default. Just copy the remove or add lines for each printer.
rundll32 printui.dll,PrintUIEntry /dn /n \\Server\Printer
Start \\Server\Printer
RUNDLL32 PRINTUI.DLL,PrintUIEntry /y /n \\Server\Printer -AniMaL
I miss having a printer at my desk. =( It made it so easy to print out D&D character sheets... -Aelin236
So, what happens to all the now unused printers? E-bay? Craigslist? Go home with employees? Dumpster? -Stryker One
In our office, "confidential" means that they don't want to get caught printing pictures of their kids or their religious materials. -TechieSidhe
Here at $We_Built_Jetliners, they've been on a printer consolidation kick for some time now. With our site dropping a bit in size, we're going to be consolidating even moreso, to the extent that there will be *NO* personal printers attached to systems. This is going to be enforced even in the executive offices, and since the VP&GM for the site has signed off on this decision, well... he's also on the list of having his printer removed. So nice to have such support starting from the top down... -VoiceOfSanity
VOS- Post when you actually get the printers from VP & GM...they may have signed off on it, but my experience with upper manglement has been that what they sign off on does not normally apply to them. -Griffin2020
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108.
The good day trifecta
It's Friday, it's pay day, and a cute girl not only notices you, but asks you where you've been and strikes up a conversation with you.
To paraphrase the immortal words of Ice Cube, I have to say it's a good day.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Ask girl out for drinks. Could be the start of something wonderful. Worst thing she could say is no. -virusjtg
Its Friday, Its Pay day ( and i have some disposable income left after paying the bills" and the cute girl starts up a conversation, moving it to the pub after work, buys a few rounds and take you home. EPIC WIN ( and to placate the youtube cat - thats Vaginal!) -Harm
:good day"...so far. The building could always collapse, or a user go postal, or ____________. -ravensentinel
In the unspoken words of "Smiling Bob", Keep It Up! -Grue
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9gRzmCf1EI -- In case you want to hear 'good day' a few more times. Eesh, my brain dredges up the weirdest things because of random phrases.. -NightSteel
You didn't even have to use your AK. -AmazingKreskin
The start of a good saturday is her panties lying next to your bed in the morning. -burrkiss
No Burrkiss - the start of a good saturday isn't the panties ( cause if it wa a good friday gawd knows where those were left or if they were there to begin with) its either waking up to breakfast spontaniously being made - or a number and text on your phone stating they'll be back for round 2 after re hydrating and feeding the pet. -Harm
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109.
Just keeps getting better today
Found out 20 minutes ago that I got a raise!
[By: skippytpodar]
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To paraphrase someone famous that I can't remember at the moment - "Who does a guy have to fdisk around here to get a raise?" -ecoli
Wow, congrats! -Seamyst
Congrats! -Starfury
NICE! now go use that raise to by the cute girl a few rounds! -Harm
Awesome news, Skippy! -Seamus
I'm a union worker so I get raises (COLAs) every June. -areatech
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110.
Whiskey Tango...
I got an e-mail this afternoon from the head of our travel department, stating that the auditor found a couple charges on my travel card that were made outside of the dates I was officially on travel. Seeing as I had already submitted all my paperwork for both times I was travelling, and they had all the receipts to boot, I took a look at what the auditor said were the charges in question.
I noticed right away that they were all for things I had to arrange ahead of time for my travel, like transportation, etc., but since they were outside the date range I was on travel, they got red-flagged by the auditor. I replied back saying that all that stuff was related to my travel, and the head of travel thanked me for the info, and reminded me that travel cards are only for official use.
Yes, travel for work, the gift that keeps on giving :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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You didn't hear? You're not supposed to pre-plan anything. Fly by the seat of your pants....on your own bill! -ravensentinel
"Yeah, we'll just go ahead and forward you another copy of that memo." -AmazingKreskin
"reminded me that travel cards are only for official use" I fucking HATE that. You DID use if for official use, so WTF are you telling me for???? -burrkiss
At $hitty programming limited I had to delivery a package to a client after the courier company made a major stuff up. The mileage claim was disallowed and my pay was docked for the time because a marketer had made the claim I was out "joyriding". Did not make me happy after complying with the mandate to ensure customer satisfaction and I was never given the opportunity to state my case and refute the allegation. After that, I refused to make hand deliveries and used same-day express couriers, at 10-20x the cost of reimbursing me for fuel cost. The Salesperson, whose sale I had save, repaid me out of his commission, and said he was disgusted by the company's actions. Marketer then wondered why I wasn't very nice to her afterwards. -Wraith556
Whoever is keying in the travel receipts is likely doing so on a form that is specifically programmed to accept input of a certain type in each field, and for the date fields, will pop up an error message if the entered date in the fields falls outside of the trip duration (and may even need supervisor-approval in order to make the receipt process correctly). As for the BS reminder about the travel cards, they may have to follow a script requiring that they say them, even if they feel that they are a waste of time (which I think we can all agree should not be necessary in a government environment, but......). That, or they've become so used to reminding other travelers to do so because of fraudulent/mis- uses that they're working on autopilot. -BayouTech
Who the heck doesn't book flights and hotels in advance, if possible? An audit system which can't cope with that is totally broken. -Chromatix
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111.
Remember Rule #1...
... the customer always lies.
Got a ticket in this morning, saying that a starfish couldn't get her computer to even turn on. I grabbed it & went down there, thinking it was a simple matter of her "accidentally" hitting the button on the power strip. Not even close. The monitors were both on, and as soon as I hit the power button, all the lights in the PC came on, but nothing came on the monitors. She first said she did absolutely nothing to the computer at all.
As soon as I got underneath the desk to take a closer look at the DVI cables, thinking at first the DVI splitter was loose, I saw plain as day that the video card had come completely out of the PCIe socket, and with such force that the faceplate for the video card had been made flat. She amended her previous statement by swearing that all she did was move the computer, and as soon as she did that, everything shut off. I reminded her that if she really wanted to move the computer that badly, to call us, and we would do it, because her method was the equivalent of using a .50 Calibur Desert Eagle to kill a gnat.
I managed to reseat the video card, and also got the faceplate in the general shape it should've been so that it would be seated properly, and reminded her of the dangers of moving a computer by herself & to be more careful in the future, lest she get a bill from us for breaking equipment.
[By: skippytpodar]
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That's mine and Dr. House's rule too. -ravensentinel
Fortunately sounds like the card became unseated without damaging the card or the slot; especially if the plate was deformed! -Seamus
Wait! She moved the computer while it was on? -docbrown01
Kick her in the slit & ask her if it hurt? -lineswine
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112.
Weekend inventory fun
This weekend, I volunteered to take part in the wall-to-wall inventory. A couple of others volunteered as well, including Mr. 33 Years. Pretty quickly though, Mr. 33 Years made a nemesis, in the form of the person in charge of the Logistics department, and by extension, the inventory. This gentleman is a former US Marine, who is the type that can judge character at a hundred paces and be even more accurate than the sharpshooter badge he proudly displays next to his Eagle Globe & Anchor.
Within 5 minutes, Mr. 33 Years declared he knew precisely what to do, and tried bossing everyone around as if he owned the place. That didn't sit well with the head of Logistics. He put Mr. 33 Years in his place within moments, stating Mr. 33 Years will do as he's told, go where he's told, etc. As you can guess, Mr. 33 Years was flabbergasted someone would talk to him like that, and protested, but the head of Logistics would have none of it.
After hasing that out, the head of Logistics put me, our intevory liason, and a couple others on his team, and put Mr. 33 Years and others to go do some of the menial stuff. As the weekend wore on, it became pretty apparent that the head of Logistics wanted nothing to do with Mr. 33 Years. During one of the breaks we had so we could upload what we had scanned, Mr 33 Years' scanner wasn't working right, and the head of Logistics told Mr. 33 Years that it was the responsibility of all to make sure their stuff was working, and if it couldn't upload, then the areas he coverd would have to be done again. Mr. 33 Years took it as an accusation he wasn't doing his work. The head of Logistics reiterated that he was simply stating that it was everyone's responsibilty to make sure stuff was working.
Yesterday, during lunch, the head of Logistics told Mr. 33 Years to make sure that some of the room numbers he looked into was accurate, and to go back down to make sure. Mr. 33 Years' response?: "I don't need to go down. I have a photographic memory, and this info is accurate." The head of logistics just shook his head, taking mental notes of everything that was going on.
So this morning came, and the head of Logistics came up to talk to our CIO about the progress made on the inventory. He made mention of Mr. 33 Years' bad attitude and backtalk towards him, and noted that myself and one other person were standouts, and that I was responsible for finding almost $2 million in equipment that was previously listed as lost or turned in, but no one was previously able to find, and told our CIO that I "was a breath of fresh air." He also saw to it that Mr. 33 Years won't be on next weekend's group for the remainder of the wall-to-wall inventory.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Fucking karma, how does it work? Just like that. -SalParadise
It sounds like the Marine shot himself in the foot -Park7
I read it that the head of Inventory is the Marine and Mr 33 years is the toad-pretender.... Somehow made me think of the fake Navy Seals being unmasked lately.. -jerrybear
You are correct, jerry :) the Marine is the head of Logistics/Inventory, and Mr. 33 Years was being the d-bag this weekend :) -skippytpodar
I love to see justification of one of my principles like this. I've long believed that you get out of life what you put into it. If you put in "good" effort, you get "good" results. Put in a crap effort and life will s#!7 all over you... :-) -virtualchoirboy
How the fuck do misplace $2 million in equipment? -Stryker One
@StrykerOne: I believe skippytodar is employed, in some manner, by the U.S. military. 'Nuff said? -MeanDean
Wait a minute! You mean someone in management knows what they're doing, hard work and quality get rewarded, losers and incompetent get punished? Are you sure this is reality? Every other story here goes exactly the other way. -MisterCommon
The Few. The Proud. The Marines. Guy sounds like he has a work ethic much like my sister's, the former Marine. In our online gaming kin, she's The Enforcer. :) -TechMama
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113.
iPad2, I has one
This afternoon, I saw at the PX they finally had a supply of iPad2's in stock, so instead of waiting for a day or two, I decided to snap up the 32GB model before they all sold out, if for nothing else, for the sake of my own mental health. I even had to sit there and explain to several people that they were paying an extra $200 just for the privilige of having a cell phone antenna in the iPad, not including whatever data charges they would incur with their chosen provider.
[By: skippytpodar]
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all your ipads are belonging to us. -deedadee
eeeeewwww Apple -DarkRookie
Crapple... It's Craptastic! -unrenowned
Fruit Spoils.... -Crai
I-Pad 2? Pfft. It's all about the Human Cent-I-Pad now. -p3bk4c
If you ever get tired of it... you know how to reach those interested... :P -linuxmatt
played with one at the kinsa sisters in laws place. their toddlers LOVE it. i watched other use it.. did not touch. -Harm
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114.
Maturity... he lacks it...
Last week, a couple of tickets came in to move some computers around, which had been approved by our supervisor. I snagged them, and went over to the locations to do some scouting. The PC's in question were all old and on our list to be replaced anyway, so I informed them I'd be giving the fishies new computers, to which they were quite excited.
The next day, I was pulled at the last second to go to one of the outlying clinics for two days because the person who was assigned to go had a family emergency, so I had to put the tickets on hold. My first day there, Mr. 33 Years decided, without even asking me, to reassign the two tickets to himself. He waited on them for a few days before even lifting a finger on them, and only got one of the two even close to done.
This morning, before I even had a chance to crack open my soda, Mr. 33 Years comes up to me and says that I need to do the work orders he took from me. I flat out told him that since he took them from me without even so much as asking, and they've been in his queue now for almost a week, he needs to do them. He threw a hissy fit, saying that I shouldn't expect help from him again, and proceeded to take his name off the remaining ticket, and put it right back into the general queue.
[By: skippytpodar]
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The big question, with apologies to Alice - how can he help you again when he hasn't helped you yet?
-SalParadise
The idea that he couldn't help you any more is preposterous. He couldn't help you any LESS than he already has, if he hasn't helped you at all thus far. -AmazingKreskin
One of those guys that when they leave it's like getting three hard workers who know what they're doing--? -jerrybear
My question is: How can this bonehead DROP tickets? I can see self-serve of tickets, but not dumping something that has already been picked. -CTYankee
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115.
Um, yeah...
Customer put in a ticket just a moment ago. The text:
"Computer turns off when hibernating. Please fix."
Went there, and the computer in fact was hibernating. So in essence, she wanted me fix a problem, in which the computer was doing precisely what she was telling it to do. I had to explain it to her that this was roughly the equivalent of that little thing most people do at night, in which the technical term for is "sleep", is a daily problem for people and needs to be fixed. Only then did she understand the error of her ways.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sleep is for those who can't handle coffee -Diptera
Sleep is for those who can't handle alcohol! -ecoli
Forced sleep ( IE Voltage overload! BEEP power off) Is for those that can't handle alcohol. Or indulged past manufacturers specifications. -Harm
What is this sleep? We have no sleep. -AmazingKreskin
Sleep is for those that don't put alcohol in their coffee. -ravensentinel
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116.
So much for experience...
This morning, it seemed like Mr. 33 Years was on a tear. One of the things he's been tasked with doing is to make sure the pharmacy boards are up & running in the hospital, which are set up in the waiting areas to display the patient's name on a big-screen TV when their prescriptions are ready to be picked up. It is a job so simple, a squirrel could do it, since it only involves remoting into two computers, and logging into one program on each computer with a basic user/pass, and then letting it run for the day.
However, Mr. 33 Years feels this is too difficult for him, and he was trying all morning to push it off onto the rest of us, to which we all said no, seeing as our supervisor all told him more than once that this is his project, not anyone else's, not to mention the fact we all have other things to do. What Mr. 33 Years failed to realize is that our supervisor is keeping notes on when Mr. 33 Years complains and tries to push stuff on us, since the sup's office is right across from us and his door is always open when he's in. In the time Mr. 33 Years took to get two sentences out, he could've been done remoting into both and making sure the pharmacy board program was running. Also, our supervisor is keeping tabs on how many tickets are re-opened after the techs fix the problem & close them out as being done. Of course, every tech will have one or two here & there if the problem crops up a 2nd time & our supervisor knows that stuff like that is a normal part of any IT shop. Mr. 33 Years' re-opened tickets are already well into the double digits for this month alone, and the total for the rest of the techs put together are in the very low single-digits for the last 3 months, with most of us being re-tasked to work on Mr. 33 Years' re-opened tickets on top of the new ones that come in daily, since the people tended to be pretty upset and asked he not come back down.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Sounds to me like someone better polish off his resume... -unrenowned
You can polish a turd...... -MarloVino
MarloVino--Mythbusters actually succeeded in polishing a turd. Admittedly, non-human. -Loren
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117.
Gee, thanks...
Today, I get any e-mail from $travelFolks, saying I needed to close out my Expense Report, and verify my receipts have been sent in for the travel I was on last month for my A+ cert. I went in, double checked that all my expenses were in order, and finalized the submission. A few minutes later, I get an e-mail from one of the travel ladies, stating that I won't be getting reimbursed fully for my travel.
The reason? I parked in the long-term parking at the airport instead of taking a taxi. I responded back, asking why this was never told to me before I went on travel, and her response back was that it was my responsibility to know this information. Bear in mind, this is after I had already submitted and got approval for my travel reimbursement for my Security+ training in May, and nothing was mentioned then when I also parked at the airport, and included the amount I paid for parking then too. Now that I look back, it does explain why I didn't get the full amount the travel website said I was getting back for my Security+ travel.
And now I know why they say our travel department is among the worst in the agency I work for...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Yeah, gotta love it - Uncle won't pay for LT parking when it's cheaper to do that and pay the mileage for the POV, than it is for either the POV round-trip twice (for dropoff/pickup) or a taxi/limo/shuttle bus to the airport. -Grue
And she even quoted a website that, at best, gives a rough guesstimate for how much a taxi would cost from point A to point B. It quoted something like $70 less for a round trip from my front door to the airport, but I'm quite weary of such sites, since it doesn't take into account the rather unscrupulous drivers that take the scenic route. -skippytpodar
And this is why I am glad I live on a base that has all those schools. But at the same time, that means I don't get to go anywhere. -ravensentinel
So, it's your responsibility to know these things? Whose responsibility is it to make sure those facts are widely available? THEIRS! (I think you should appeal on this basis.) -Captain Trips
Yeah, travel planning is kinda interesting at my place of work. There is website that you MUST use to book all you travel and you MUST use a hotel & airline from that site, even if you can find a better deal elsewhere. Interestingly, as long it's on the site, they have no problem in paying for you to stay at 5-Star resort. The only time I had pay was after the 4th time I upgraded my rental car to a Corvette. -Stryker One
Sounds like some corporate ball-buster was trying to make bottom line for the month. I'd go back and ask her where that material was posted about what's covered and what's not, and if it's not posted or linked with any info that you were given you have a strong case for not being informed appropriately and that it should be covered. Otherwise the best after that will be to request that it be made clearer to everyone else in the future what is and isn't covered and that will be their job to do. But, ya, smacks of denying based on the small print hidden on the backside of the horse's ass... -spectreoflife
You compare what it would cost for the taxi vs what it would cost to park and choose which is cheaper. This is simply prudent economics, they shouldn't have to tell you that. For me it's always come out cheaper to park on every business trip I've taken. -Loren
and as I read this, I am on a work related trip where I parked my car in long term parking for the week. sure hope I don't have the same thing looking at me when I get back, 'cause I never even thought about it. -Ramblin
So the Company Secretary (who signs off on all travel purchases) decided that I should not travel from Airport A -which incidentally is where I work - but drive to Airport B for a flight £50 cheaper. She was a bit disappointed when I claimed for parking for the week - £100 and petrol at 50p per mile there and back - £50, plus 3 hours travel overtime -£60. Ho Hum -dadtaxi
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118.
Never gets old...
As much as I bitch & moan about some of the starfish and cow-irkers here, one thing that never gets old for me is when I get a kudos e-mail from a starfish, and they CC my boss and the department chief.
I had scheduled with a lady to have her drop off a PC with us, one that we issued to her over a year ago, and which she used at home. Immediately I saw several red flags when I booted it up. First of all, the PC had no encryption whatsoever on it. That alone would be a firing offense for whoever issued it to her, and she would unknowingly also get in trouble for having an unencrypted device outside the station, since any device that is taken off-station has to have encryption of some sort on it, and that includes cell phones. So I immediately threw our encryption on it, and also did all the updates I originally planned anyway.
When she came back up, I explained the situation to her, and she was understandably nervous that she had left the place with an unencrypted PC, since she knew of the little incident where a contractor had done the same, and in his case, 250,000 patient files were on the PC, and got fired as a result. I let her know she didn't have any but that since it was out PC, I was still encrypting it so that we'd be kosher with the regs when the inspectors came a-knocking.
After walking her through how to log into the encryption, and then get onto her VPN (which I also had to update since her's was on a VERY old version), she was able to get back up & running. When she got back to her office, she sent a really nice e-mail to me, my boss, and the CIO, saying what an awesome job I did, and how I'm an asset to the organization. This now makes the 8th kudos e-mail I got since I got here :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Nice. -thx1138
Funny you say that...I got my 1st today!! Oddly, from a lady I absolutely despise working with but was in a oddly chipper mood today. -ravensentinel
ravensentinel - must have just upped her meds dosage and she's still adjusting to them. -sarge
Have each one put into it's own frame, or on it's own placque. -AdmiralLaurie
Congrats! I still remember the only kudos e-mail I ever got. Why is it harder for people to thank then to complain? -ProfessorFrink
Well, Frink, it's because to apologize, they first have to admit they're wrong. And THAT'S not normally going to happen! -Voz
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119.
Um, why?
Despite the vast improvements done for my group since our new boss came on board, one of the few remaining issues is the moving of PC's around for people. It's a rather asinine practice IMHO, since starfish are laboring under the mistaken impression it is their equipment, and not the Uncle's equipment, not to mention the fact that an inordinate number of move requests involve moving two of the exact same model of computer, all with the same software installed. This is forcing us to do extra work, since our networking group in its infinite wisdom has decided it still wants to use Sticky MAC on the switches instead of 802.1x. (another story for another time...)
So today, I get two tickets routed to me to move 4 computers around due to "space concerns" (the exact phrase on the tickets). I go down to do a quick look-see, and the doctor in question who submitted the ticket was there. Her real reason for moving the computer? She wanted to make sure her PKI was on her computer in her present office, instead of her former office. I just shook my head and informed her that the reasoning for her move was the equivalent of deciding you need to get a new car simply because your present car ran out of gas. I explained that all she really needed to do was call our Helldesk and they'd walk her thru the steps over the phone, of getting her PKI set up again on her present computer in a couple minutes.
[By: skippytpodar]
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You might want to sugest removable drives. Then you need to move one it would just be unlock, swap, lock done! -AniMaL
Or what about roaming profiles? (Yeah, we've gotten "I want to make sure I have the same Internet" as the reason fro moving the machine!) -Captain Trips
No hotswappable drives (especially external) or roaming profiles for us. All of our base are done by scripts, which copy their My Documents to their network shares, so they should have everything already be portable. The only gotcha is most people don't recall that no matter how many times we tell them. It's significantly easier to move one's arse from one PC to another, instead of moving a particular PC to that arse. -skippytpodar
Wipe down both computer keyboards, mice, cases and monitors with armour-all wipes. Then just swap all the stick notes from one to the other. Move completed. >.> -GargoyleTS
Moving people to other existing PCs becomes considerably more difficult if there is any non-standard software/hardware involved, and especially if said hard/software is an absolutely critical component of their job (or even if they believe it to be). This goes doubly for any custom programming or scripts that would depend on a unique PC number/asset tag for any one person. -BayouTech
Yeah, that's our "solution" too. Even if the computers are identical images, well, it's easier to just type in your password then to do ctl-alt-del, erase the old user name, and enter your own. Hell, some of our users don't even KNOW their user name - and it's "first-initial-last-name!" -Captain Trips
CT: Saw that time and time again at a previous enterprise environment. Solution (seen at following enterprise environment): adjust the registry key from the policy editor on the server end to automatically blank the userid when the PC boots up to the login screen. The users will have a hard time forgetting it because they have to retype it every time they log on to the network. -BayouTech
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120.
Arise!
I've been leaning pretty heavily on my laptop for the last couple of months, ever since my PC's power supply blew up and gave of the magic smoke. All attempts at getting it via warranty were exhausted, and I was given no shortage of reasons as to why I couldn't warranty it, ranging from the downright lame excuse that the power where I live sucks, to the power strip I bought should cover it, to which the power strip company said the power supply manufacturer should, and so on. So I threw my hands up after over a dozen calls, and finally got the dinero last Friday, and ordered my new PS.
I was pretty limited by which ones I could get, since the number and wattage requirements of the components in my system demanded I get at least 1500 watts. So I went with a 1600 watt modular power supply available FrozenCPU, and I confirmed it should be delivered to me tomorrow. Oh yes, and I checked, the wiring I have in there currently can plug right into the PS, so I won't have to take out the wiring I have in there now.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Holy power sucker batman! What kind of rig do you have? -0gr3
Not using that beast has probably helped your power bills. -Wraith556
1500?!~ christ dude, i don't know of any residential UPS's that won't start screaming the second you power that up! a friend has about the same as well as a new APC and it does NOT like that power draw (triple SLI 460's.. cause he could i guess. ) -Harm
@0gr3: Let's see here: i7 Quad Core, Asus Rampage 2 Extreme Mobo, 12GB triple channel DDR3, 2x BluRay burners, a 64GB SSD, a 1TB HD, an nVidia GTX295, a SoundBlaster X-Fi Elite, and 9 internal fans -skippytpodar
That's a hell of a machine to check email and surf porn. -Bioguy
That overkill ain't it? I have a 2600K OC'd to 4.5Ghz, 4GB's DDR3, 560ti, 64GB SSD, 2TB HDD, 6 fans and a XFI Fatlity sound card running off a HX650. -0gr3
That's not a machine. This is a machine: SuperMicro X8QB6-F motherboard, 4 Xeon X7560s, 256GB DDR3-1333, 2 GTX480s, 8 Cheetah ST3600057SSs, Blu-Ray Burner, all in a SuperMicro SC747TG-R1400B-SQ case. All of this 32 core, 64 thread monster, plus 4 30" UltraSharps, can be yours for as little as $42,000. -Stryker One
When I win the lottery, Stryker, I'll be sure to one-up, you. But I'll be content to just have 1 30" LCD LG screen to use in the meantime :) -skippytpodar
umm i got a q8300 running on a xfx board.. umm 9800 gt, 4 gb ddr2 ram... 1 60gb drive and 1 1TB drive.. dvd burner.. umm.. tahts about it... lappy is a toshiba x300 - used for games and surfing pron.. mainrig is used for games. I'll upgrade the vid card and ram if i can.. then i'll do a new build in a few years. -Harm
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121.
w00t
Finally got finished with my A+ Boot Camp course, and demolished both tests. I got 796/900 on the A+ Essentials exam yesterday, and 850/900 on the A+ Practical Exam this morning. So now I have an official CompTIA A+ Certification to hang right next to my Security+ Certification :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Congrats! How was it? I am going for it sometime this year. -0gr3
The exam is a pretty fair mix of knowing terminology, "what would you do" type stuff, and other ones where they throw you a curve ball, and it could be any one of three possible good answers. The first one is more terminology and customer support, and the second is more of applying knowledge on how to fix a problem. Most people who have worked in IT front line support for several years stand a good chance of walking into the test and passing it, but going through a boot camp course to brush off some of the dust on old tech you may not have seen in a while (which is fair game) never hurts, as well as recent stuff. The book we had covered quite a bit about Windows 7 and gave a good intro to IPv6, as well as covering things like ISA cards, Windows 3.1, etc. -skippytpodar
Congrats the only bad thing about the comptia certs is now they are only vaild for 3 years. Pre 2011 they are lifetime certifications though. -deedadee
congrats - however your post made me realize i spend way too much time on Facebook as I couldn't find the like button LOL -frprinterwiz
nice job! -thx1138
I tried to [like] it too! Congrats! -Divinar
Congrats. -adarklite
Yep, I gots me my A+ pre 2011. And, I took a sample Network+ test online last night and passed it. -Stryker One
which boot camp training did you go through? I am considering the whole certification process... how much did it run ya? -figglywig
Congrats!!! Wish A+ and Sec+ was all I needed. Apparently I'm supposed to be certified on every piece of major software/hardware we have. Fun!! -ravensentinel
Welcome to the club...I'm only, oh, fifteen years ahead of you (Yup, did mine in Feb 1996) *grins & runs* -lineswine
FWIW, at least all of us pre-'11 A+/N+ can keep them 4ever, compared w/ trying for MCSE. Shit, as fast as you finish, yer outta date again! "Your certs are for 2k3? Sorry, we're 2k8/2K10 now, 2k3's being retired. You're certed for XP? Oh, that's no longer supported, you need to re-cert for Win7!" Ay-yah... -MadJack
So now that you are certified Skip, does this mean you can call help desks, yell and scream at them and be generally beligerant because you don't know how to check if a cable is plugged in or not? -PoglaTheGrate
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122.
I love these types of tickets...
Description: "I am having trouble with Excell"
That's it. That was the whole ticket. I had to send a response back, asking for more details, such as the extension we can call, where the user was, WHO the user was, what computer they were on, and the most important question of all... what exactly was their problem with "Excell"
[By: skippytpodar]
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You mean, other than the extra l at the end? -ChildofCthulhu
If they can't state what problem they are specifically having - perhaps a psychologist may help? " My mother used to use Ecel to track my piano lesson progrss! T WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER! the pie charts? ohh the pie charts and graphs!" -Harm
I'd expect a response from the Help(*snort*) Desk along something like this: "That's not our job to ask."
-VoiceOfSanity
JUST FIX IT!!!! -burrkiss
"Someone needs to get up in there and FIX IT!" -AmazingKreskin
WHY HAVEN'T YOU FIXED THIS YET! THE EMAIL WAS SENT LIKE 10 MINUTES AGO!!!! -0gr3
I had one the other day that read "I need a database named <stupid name>." -Aelin236
I get these all the time: "I'm having a problem, call me" That's it. No phone number. Luckily, I can look it up as they're all internal users but really? Can you not even attempt to describe the issue? -JoeLugian
"Unable to reproduce. Closing ticket." ;) -Diptera
Diptera wrote: "Unable to reproduce. Closing ticket." The problem is, they *ARE* able to reproduce.
-VoiceOfSanity
Just reply "Press F1" and close the ticket. -Gromit
"Captin, what we have is a Message Fragment. It could be "I am having trouble with Excellence" or "I am having trouble with Excelling", I am having trouble with (His/Her) Excellency", or even "I am having trouble with Excel Corp." The message must have been cut off. We need to find out the rest of the message." heheheheheheheheheheheh -MadJack
@MadJack: that's from Crimson Tide :) -JoeLugian
25 pts to Joe! ;) -MadJack
"What we have here, is a failure...to communicate." </HadToBeSaid> -lineswine
there's an old book, "tales from the tech line" i read a long time ago with stories from a site similar to this one...now gone, unfortunately. ok, to the point: in one of those stories, a Luser sent an e-mail saying he was having some sort of problem with his e-mail: he could send but not recieve e-mail...and he left his e-mail address and NO OTHER CONTACT INFORMATION! -Erictheblue
Shouldn't that read "I am havening trouble with Excell" -atomicbill
>Eric> http://www.techtales.com/tftechs.html -Stryker One
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123.
Shuffling the deck
The new supervisor of our section has hit the ground running, and has several people, for lack of a better way of saying it, wondering how much longer they're gonna be here. He's already taking to rather radically reorganizing the section, since he feels several of the people in higher pay grades have become far too complacent in their current roles, not to mention several people in the lower pay grades. So they've been shifted to begin doing radically different work, as of one week from now.
A few of the higher pay grade folks have already taken issue with him, saying that he's forcing them to take on additional work, which is code for saying they're being forced to do actual work for a change. He's responded back rather bluntly that because they're being paid more, they should be expected to know more and do more work, so they should quit whining, and either put or shut up.
That being said, I'm being shifted from the Helldesk to working Tier 2, which is a good thing, since I've been working the phones since early February, and I needed to break outta here with a quickness.
[By: skippytpodar]
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If government workers had to produce as much as private sector workers we could shrink the govt. payroll by 40% or more I'm guessing. -Starfury
i think fear of geting canned is a great motivator. Private sectore - you can be fired - public sectore - it takes YEARS for that to happen.. meanwhile several consultants are hired to get teh work done - and not renewed once the work IS done.. -Harm
I'm thinking several economies would benefit from the golgafrinchans' methodology and shoot the 'middlemen' and middle management out into space...or into slave labor camps...yeah that'd be cheaper and more entertaining. -ChildofCthulhu
But then it would only be a matter of time before the rest of us are eaten by the giant mutant star goat. -AmazingKreskin
I hated working for the govt as a contractor because I noticed how hard it was to fire the govt employees. We had one guy come in drunk, and they couldn't seem to ger rid of him. If you were a contractor, however, you could be fired just because. I am so glad I am out of there. -TechieSidhe
Sounds a lot like the whole Blue Badge vs Orange Badge thing at M$. Blue = M$ Employee (Best Pay, Best Benefits), Orange = M$ Contractor (whipping boy). -Stryker One
I worked as a govt. contractor for a short while myself. GS-14 = can't cut him from the Internet as he infects the network with every email-transmitted virus and runs his MLS company out of his cubicle. Contractor = canned for simply looking cross at the GS-14 for being a security risk.
-VoiceOfSanity
New word--gov-nugget. -vacuumtubes
green badge = expedable. red badge = fuck up as much as you like. its not easy being green. -Harm
Hey hey guys and gals, not all Govt workers are that slack! I work for a Govt disorganization here in NZ, and I'm almost single-handedly responsible for the entire network (admittedly because my offsider can't do his job properly). :) -Enzedder
hey I resemble that remark "slacker .gov worker" that is. -deedadee
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124.
Disney Geek-Out weekend (ot)
Went to Disney this weekend with my friend from Miami. It was the first time I have ever been able to go to all 4 parks in one shot, and I had an absolutely amazing time.
I also got the chance to meet up with JoeLugian whilst there with my friend, and the three of us had a great time at Hollywood Studios for the Star Wars weekend. I was able to ride the new Star Tours a third time, since the 2nd time I was on, the ride had a glitch in the 3D camera on the last part, and they changed us to a different one so we could ride again. There was also quite a bit of drinking, story swapping, and general good times that were had, and I can't wait to go again, hopefully this time over the 4th of July :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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I was on the star tours ride in the late 80's...i still remember it. I also remember going on space mountain sitting next to my mother. I was more scared of her then the ride. she had me in a headlock the whole time. -gashach
Sorry I could not make it. I will try to get up there for the 4th of July. -TechieSidhe
Apparently Star Tours has been revamped entirely - into 3D, new layout in the simulator, and three different programs run randomly (so you have to ride multiple times if you want to do all three Star Tours adventures.) -Captain Trips
Did you do Mission: Space? And if you did, was it the real ride or the de-fanged version?
-VoiceOfSanity
Had a blast too, my new friend. Can't wait until next time! -JoeLugian
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126.
(nt/ot) RIP Macho Man
Macho Man Randy Savage passed away today in Tampa. He had a heart attack whilst driving with his wife then crashed into a tree. His wife only got minor injuries, but she's expected to pull through.
Guess this means he was the first round draft pick for the Rapture tomorrow. If the world does end (doubtful but I've seen stranger things happen), I wonder if he will be handing out complimentary Slim Jim's at the gate. I remember watching him go up against Hulk Hogan, Ted DiBiase, and other greats of the '80's.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Guess he's reunited with Miss Elizabeth, his first "manager"... -BayouTech
True story: Slim-Jim plant in Garner NC closed today... -PTSTech
Son of a.... I'm going to miss him. One of my favorites. -unrenowned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JsdDCq1-I8&feature=player_embedded#at=16 -MadJack
As my son said Friday night as his band played a show, "Snap in to the afterlife!" -SalParadise
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128.
LART (Everyone's got a boss)
Yesterday, we had the Regional CIO come by for a Q&A session. I asked him about the Windows 7 pilot project.
Because I was one of only two people in my department with experience in installing and configuring 7, my boss had asked me to get in on that project. He also wanted us to be among the first to have it so we could be among the first to deploy it. However, the person in charge of it failed to respond to the numerous e-mails. The Regional CIO was two bosses above this person, and I noted that despite half a dozen e-mail requests, all I heard back were crickets. He got on the phone right away to him without missing a beat, asking the project head "Is there any reason why Skippy isn't getting access to the files for the Windows 7 project?"
After 30 more seconds, he got off the phone and continued the Q&A without missing a beat. The e-mails verifying I was in the project were waiting for me by the time I got back to my desk.
[By: skippytpodar]
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*Awards Skippy 1 BOFH point (plus one additional point for style).* -virusjtg
Zaphod awards you 10 out of 10 for style, and awards the CIO several million points out of 10 for nonchalance. -AmazingKreskin
And that, dear friends, is how a CIO is supposed to handle those types of problems. At least the CIOs who have a clue or two. (This one clearly had more than a few clues.) -VoiceOfSanity
Treat this CIO like gold. Ones like this are rare and should be treasured. -Wraith556
The next one will be a clone of the Rick Moranis character in Space Balls! -jerrybear
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129.
Going down!
First off, down burrkiss!
Now that I got that out of the way.. This morning, I cam ein and was immediately flooded by queries as to when the systems would be back up. Not knowing anything, I told people to call the Helldesk, and they'd help. Soon as I got up, I was notified that our entire network, as well as all our major servers had gone down, and had been out of commission since 10 PM last night.
Shockingly enough, the calls were rather sporadic, and incolved fishes who didn't hear the overhead announcements every 5 minutes that said the systems were down and to go to their contingency plans. One lady also called, wondering how long it was going to be before the Internet came back on because she "needed" to watch videos online, and implied said videos were of a little wedding taking place in England (some of you may have heard of it).
The kicker though was a lady coming up, asking me that since the network was down and as she put it "I had nothing to do" that she wanted me to help her with her iPhone because she was worried it was being hacked and needed help. I told her flat out that we don't touch people's personal cell phones, and if she really needed help with it, to call her provider. I had to repeat that 3 times before she got the hint, all this in between calls.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Maybe you should call this guy: http://notalwaysright.com/q-wally-fied/11320 -unrenowned
On that last entitlement whore? "Lady, if YOU have nothing to do because the network is down, that means that WE have more work than ever before! I don't have time to help you with your iPhone, even if it were allowed under company policy. Now, please, let me get back to getting you back to work!" -Captain Trips
"Lady, it's not like we drive the car, and don't have to work when it's not running; it's more like we maintain the car, and when you break it, we have to drop everything to try to fix it and make everything right with the world!" -Voz
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130.
Sure, I'll get right on that
Lady calls in on behalf of a doctor who "can't be bothered to call himself." She say she computer keeps freezing and needs a tech there RIGHT NOW to fix the problem.
Besides the brilliant diagnosis of "just keeps freezing", dropping names of people who don't work here any more or have finally earned a friggen day off from crap like this, and the fact you belive that this is somehow more urgent than any of the other 4529385209742102134 problems we have to deal weith, sure, we'll get right on it...
[By: skippytpodar]
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It should be legal to brand this class of luser with "Da Rules": 1)user must be in front of PC; 2)NO, your assistant, receptionist, mail clerk, vending machine dude, grounds maintenance specialist, butter-n-egg man, or gerbil whisperer does NOT count; 3)PC must be on; 4)user must be prepared to FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE. -PTSTech
Our docs never call us directly. They have their office manager or secretary do it, and all we get is "Doctor X says it isn't working." Any attempt to get information is answered by "the doctor is in an exam room." Then they want you to come out right away, and when you do, you sit for an hour until the doc is available. -TechieSidhe
Ah, so no different than being a patient... -AdmiralLaurie
AdmiralLaurie wins. Flawless victory. Twice. -Seamus
Lawyers do this too. And the secretaries always seem surprised when you tell them you need more details beyond 'it's broken' and someone to be at the computer. -Starfury
I think that some Doctors & Consultants do it right. It is the more middle ranking ones that behave as you describe. -Holdfast
The other day, I was able to close a ticket of this nature. We had been waiting for the VP to come back so his assistant could schedule us access to his computer, and as it turns out he never came back - he no longer works here, so no more problem, so ticket closed. Sometimes these things take care of themselves.... -Captain Trips
I hate to say this, but it's the same in any industry when you're dealing with upper management, executives, professors or anyone else who "doesn't have the time" to sit and walk through a five-minute series of steps. I have to schedule time for some of our executives through their Office Assistants just to look at a machine, not to mention fixing issues. (Although in my case, the executives in question are busy wrangling contracts for business, and do require being available for fixing real issues.) -VoiceOfSanity
VoS- "five-minute series of steps." BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Sure! If they're competent and the issue isn't that they utterly b0rked the thing. -Seamus
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132.
Telemarketer fun
Yesterday, two minutes before we close up shop, a call comes into the Helldesk, and is routed to my phone. I answer it on speakerphone and do my standard schpeal, only to realize this is a telemerketer... from India... on behalf of Micro$oft. She was asking who the person was who purhcased software for us.
Those of us remaining at the Helldesk couldn't resist the fun of playing with said telemarketer, especially since she was calling two minutes before we closed. We informed her that the accounts for such purchases were national and to contact the President at the White House. What she did next made us laugh our asses off. She asked who the President was.
A couple guys were laughing so hard at that, they were brought to tears, and we kept telling her that because we had national purchases for such things, to go to Washington, but she was just not getting the hint, and ecoming increasingly irate. We just told her if she had a problem, to contact the White House at her earlierst convenince if she wished to lodge a complaint.
When we told her that, she got so pissed off, she just hung up, rather angrily speaking something we couldn't understand as she hung up.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Nicely done! -linkv
Lesson: if you are going to pretend to be from this country, at least know a little bit about it. Especially the name of what might be the most powerful man in the whole world. -Captain Trips
202 456 1414, if she needs a contact number :D -madonnac
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133.
Somewhat of a relief
Just got the e-mail a few moments ago. Virtually all the people in my part of the gov't are considered "excepted" employees, meaning that even if/when the furlough hits, we'll still be going to work on Monday.
It's a bit of a relief, in that while there's no guarantee I'll be paid on time (all depends on how long this furlough lasts), I'll be guaranteed full back pay as soon as it ends. For previous ones, people who were furloughed got back pay, but that's something that was done at the whim of lawmakers, since it required a special resolution to be passed.
So that being said, karma is hereby returned.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Here at $We're_Trying_To_Launch_A_Shuttle, most of our folks that are on the government sites (JSC, Sonny Carter, KSC) are already planning to move into the company facilities if the shutdown does happen, and until it ends. For us here in $Urban_Sprawl, Texas, that's about 30 or so people for now. And there will be folks at JSC working the space station support, just not so many of them. -VoiceOfSanity
My wife was told to expect two hours of overtime in order to shut down the office for an extended time. Overtime to prepare for no money???? -CyBear
My only real problem with the potential looming shutdown, should BO decide to go through with the veto of the extension bill, is that our men and women in the military will stop being paid, while there are many employees stateside who are not under threat of harm that will. That is simply not right. -Griffin2020
What I find wrong is that congress will still get paid. They should be the FIRST to have their pay suspended, give them motivation to get things resolved. -Captain Trips
This stupid shutdown is further delaying my school financial aid. The damn gov't hasn't finalized the budget so my school can't award aid which means I don't know yet if I can afford my summer classes. -Aelin236
I work for this wierd gov't you speak of but I'll be one of those not working and not getting paid. Karma doesn't buy much Ramen. -ravensentinel
Frankly, I believe that public office should be a minimum wage position. -unrenowned
I'm with unrenowned - paying minimum wage would at least mean that while we're still not getting what we're paying for, at least we'd be paying less for what we're getting. It's not as if the quality can go down much more, if any! -NoHelpAtAll
I quote Will Rogers: "There should be one day - just one - where there is open season on Senators." -VoiceOfSanity
VoS: Check out H. Beam Piper's "Lone Star Planet". The entire state of Texas picks up and moves to its own planet, on which it is perfectly legal to kill politicians. -AnneBWalsh
AnneBWaslh - I read that book many, many years ago (I had a large number of H. Beam Piper's novels back then). Now I live in Texas, and it's not much different... given the chance, they'd probably implement it. (The Texas legislature consists of 181 people who meet for 140 days every two years. This catastrophe has now occurred sixty-three times." -VoiceOfSanity
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134.
Karma request
As many of you have undoubtedly heard, the gov't is in danger of shutting down if a budget resolution or some form of stop-gap isn't passed.
Regardless of your political stripes, I'm asking for some karma that I don't get furloughed, since if I do, that means I don't get paid, and even with my paycheck coming in a couple days, I'll have just BARELY enough to squeeze by for a couple of weeks, maybe a month at the most.
So any karma for an avoidance of, or quick resolution to this would be appreciated.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Having been through Federal furloughs myself, and now that my wife is facing another, I feel for you. However, in every previous furlough I experienced, the missed days were paid once the budget was passed. Not to say it might be different this time. Thus, when all is said and done, these "shutdowns" are just a political ploy that actually waste money and subject the employees to undue stress and a mad scramble to compensate for late/short paychecks. I truly hope the short term hardship gets made up for you, here's some karma to get you through! -CyBear
Here are a few Kegs-O-Karma™ to see you through. Hope the idiots in DC get their acts together, but I doubt it. -ecoli
Good luck, dude! This is one time where my job status has a hidden benefit - as I'm paid out of Disaster Relief funds instead of the Federal Appropriations, I'll be one of the handful still in the office if the shutdown happens. -Grue
A friend's husband will be furloughed if the shutdown occurs, so yeah, I feel for you (and him). Sending some karma your way! -Seamyst
karma being sent
-MrsQuadrinaro
<sarcasm> Gotta love petty politics. </sarcasm> In Oz, we had that happen in the 1970s. Labor had the lower house and Government (Gough Witlamm) and the Liberal/Nationals had the upper house. End result, the upper house refused to pass supply bills for government funding resulting in the collapse of the government. The Liberals were appointed by the Governor General to replace the Labour government. The constitution was then amended so that supply bills could not be blocked. -Wraith556
lucky us - the work force rarely stops. unfortunatly our parliment can't get along and we have had now 3 elections in the last 5 years. -Harm
Yeah, I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck right now, so all I can afford to send is a little bit. -Stryker One
1) I'm no longer gainfully employed, but I'm still on this mortal coil. 2)Here's all the karma I can spare, via the "Karma Kameleon", special delivery. Bon chance mate, it sounds like you need it. -lineswine
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135.
Enlighten me...
Had a luser come by today, requesting she get her laptop back. Normally that's all well and good, were it not for a few problems...
She brought her laptop to me 2 MONTHS ago for the usual updates, patches, etc., saying she'd be back in a couple days to pick it up. In those interveneing two days, I discovered that she hadn't even so much as turned the laptop on since 6/30/10. So between July and the end of January, the laptop was essentiall doing nothing except being a glorified dust catcher and paper weight.
I decided to lay a trap for her after the 2nd day I had it, wherein I'd call her all innocently, saying her laptop was done and to come pick it up. Just one catch: her voicemail and her Outlook mailbox were both full. Even her cell phone went straight to a full mailbox. After doing my due diligence, I shoved the laptop away in the storage area, waiting for her to come back, which she finally did today.
When she came, she pled ignorance, now stating the laptop was somehow broken. Apparently being broken and being neglected are the same thing to her. I reply that there was nothing wrong with the laptop except perhaps user error, and that being that it was so long since she even so much as turned the laptop on, she'd need her bosses' approval just to get the thing back, and if her boss had any questions, I'd have no problems sending $boss screen captures of the Event log, showing when the last time the laptop was even turned on, and CCing my boss, and our CIO.
[By: skippytpodar]
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NICE! flawless warlock of winning! Tiger blood Victory! -Harm
Or just tell her that the laptop's been reassigned for two months to someone who will actually use it, that the event log and details of her full mail/voiceboxes have already been passed along, and that if she doesn't like it she can argue with the CIO. -Geminii
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136.
About Yesterday
Yesterday, someone farked up... bigtime.
Our patching system here has been an absolute disasterpiece since well before I got here, and yesterday was all the proof our CIO needed. Just after lunch, the helldesk began getting a flood of calls from people whose computers were rebooting every 5 minutes. Half of them were convinced it was a virus and the other half were screaming bloody murder that they lost work because of this.
When our CIO got wind of this, he sprung into action and found out what had happened. Turns out, the person responsible had moved a PC from one directory to another in our Active Directory, and it somehow triggered our patching system into doing a Discovery action. That would've done nothing on it's own, were it not for the fact that no time span whatsoever was defined for when patches were to be pushed out, say in the middle of the night. So as soon as the Discovery action finished, the patches were pushed, forcing each computer in the hospital to reboot somewhere in the range of 7-10 times. Oh yeah, and the systems were rigged that if someone shut the PC down prior to the patches finishing, the patches would start all the way from the beginning, so we had to warn people not to shut their computers down all the way.
If this was a one-time thing, the person in charge of the patching system would've not been in nearly as much trouble as he was, since the CIO found out this happened multiple times prior to him coming on board, with nothing being done to fix it.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Yep. "OOPS!" is appropriate.... -Grue
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137.
Beyond belief... almost!
The last few months, there is a doctor who has become a nemesis of sorts for the Helldesk. Every time he calls in, he invariably begins the conversation with "Uh... yes.. this is $dumbassDoctor MD!" (He always makes sure to emphasize the MD).
He continues with "I... I cannot get into my computer" with an extremely thick accent. Even getting him to the point of providing a valid computer name or IP so that we could even remote in has taken our helldesk techs the better part of three weeks of repeated calls on his part. Once we got him to do so however, we discovered that the problem rarely lies with his inability to get into a computer, and more with his inability to USE a computer.
Even something as breathtakingly simple as remembering his own password is a chore for this man. In one day, within a 45 minute stretch, he called no less than 4 times because he had forgotten his password that many times, requiring us to reset it for him to put in a new one. Much to his chagrin, our systems remember the last few passwords he used, so he would often get frustrated to the point of calling again, exasperated, because he can't put in the password he wants, not realizing that because we reset it, he can't use it again for several more attempts.
And in an effort to provide continued entertainment to this storied site, we will be recording him and posting it up at the first opportunity. Due to the hilarity of dealing with him, we just couldn't keep it to ourselves.
[By: skippytpodar]
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These are the types that you want to simply walk them through putting in a simple password, computing security be damned. Things like Susan123, and just have them keep incrementing the last numbers. Eventually it'll take hold.. unless all that medical knowledge has pushed out any remaining operational brain cells. -VoiceOfSanity
That presumes he's any good at the doctorin' either. The emphasis on the emm-dee kinda suggest -LDFeral
i tend not to want to trust my wetware to someone that can't remember a password.. -Harm
Hmm... in my book MD stands for Mentally Deficient. Case proven. -Gromit
MD's are the epitome of the phrase "book learned fools." Don't get me wrong - with all their medical knowledge, I wouldn't want anyone else "working on my wetware" -- but with all that medical knowledge crammed into their brains they have no room for anything else - including almost all non-medical sciences, technology, and even social interaction. (When you think they've spent at least 12 years doing nothing else but learning medicine 8 days a week, 25 hours a day, well, it's understandable that they know nothing else...) -Captain Trips
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138.
Facepalm!
This morning, our CIO approached me and said that a lady's supervisor called him to say that she couldn't work on some overdue items that the front office needed to have done several days ago. Her name wasn't ringing any bells with me, so I went down to her office. I recognized her face as someone who dropped off their laptop a few days prior and it hit me.
She had come by because the internet connection on her laptop was flaky at best, and if she so much as looked at it wrong, the connection would drop, and so would her VPN. I diagnosed it as a bad internal cellular card whcih is buried so deep in the laptop that taking it out would require sending it back to $rhymesWithHell.
I walked her through how to set up the laptop to connect to her wireless router at home, and while her lappy was still booting up, I casually asked her if she had a desktop computer at work that she used regularly. She confirmed that she did have one with a dual monitor setup on her desk.
Immediately, I wanted to just smack her upside her head. She was basically sitting around, doing nothing for a week, while she had a desktop to work on, and yet her boss was yelling at our CIO because she was convinced that she needed a laptop to do something the desktop could do 1201979084390463245342732473294 times faster.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Take a pic of her desktop setup with something in it that identifies her, then send a message back up the chain asking why she didn't use her fully-functional at-work desktop computer to do the urgently needed work.... -Grue
*seconds Grue* -virusjtg
Um, her data's on the laptop? (runs and hides in the corner behind a hologram of a wall) -McSmiley
I play the 2GB Thumb-Drive card to counter your "Data on the Laptop Only" Maneuver. -ChildofCthulhu
I will trump CoC's usb drive with a Network File Server. And point out how this is so fucking typical of users -- get lazy, then try to blame I.T. (At some companies it actually works!) -Captain Trips
We were told not to use "shadow IT" (translation: don't solve your problems yourselves, wait for the overloaded and unresponsive tech people to do it) last year, in the same meeting where we were told that we were still expected to get all our work done no matter the state of the technology... -AnneBWalsh
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139.
Bittersweet predictions...
Last night, I had a nearly 2 hour conversation with the person who replaced me on laptops at my previous station. He said I correctly predicted how bad it was going to get before I left, and that the new shop sup they placed there was at the root of the problem.
In essence, the new shop sup there decided instead of leading from the front as he consistently claimed he was doing, he would rather leave for hours on end to talk with his buddies or an increasing entourage of women, and "conveniently" leave his cell phone on his desk as to not be disturbed. More than once, this has led to someone else being called to not only fix a problem requiring the shop sup's attention, but to find the shop sup because upper management became frustrated at trying in vain to get a hold of him. On the flip side, if one of the technicians is gone from their desk for more than 5 minutes, they often get a call from the shop sup.
In addition, he micromanaged, armchair quarterbacked, and rather defensively insisted that his way was right, as opposed to things that involved day-1, common sense customer service topics, like making sure the customer understood how to log into VPN, get through the encryption, and to update the antivirus on their own so as to not come in every 2 weeks to have us do the update for them. My replacement has taken the brunt of this, and despite being personally picked by the CIO to work on laptops, the shop sup is wanting to take him off laptops to work on tickets out in the floors, leaving nobody to do laptops.
He also insisted on blindsiding people with more & more work & expecting them to drop whatever it was they were doing to do this new work, then wondering openly why their previous work wasn't getting done.
[By: skippytpodar]
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After that shit parade, it almost seems like in bad taste to congratulate you on your foresight; perhaps this will have to suffice- congratulations? -LDFeral
Must be military. Sounds about how things ran when I was in. -ravensentinel
Sounds a lot like my old job... having fled to Texas, life is much, much calmer for me. I still do tech support, just for a much smaller and more laid-back group. -VoiceOfSanity
Oh yes, and I seemed to have started a trend. In the few months since I've left, five more people from just the techs' section have left for greener pastures, and those remaining are becoming increasingly vocal about morale, since it seems like when morale can't possibly get any lower, manglement whips out a shovel and digs the hole a little bit deeper. -skippytpodar
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140.
Game on!
I got called into my boss' office today. She said she got complaints from someone that I don't wash my hands for a sufficient amount of time. She thought the complaint was crap, but had to tell me anyway to appease the person who complained.
I knew precisely who my boss was talking about, and the war of mockery has officially begun. If they want to waste everyone's time by complaining over how people wash their hands, then they deserve to be mocked...thoroughly.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oh this should be good. You should now take 5x as long washing your hands. Especially if this individual is present waiting to use the sink. -Caboose447
Do you work in a hospital too? -Holdfast
15 seconds with ordinary soap is enough to kill 99% of the bacteria on your hands. No need for more, and no need for anti-bacterial soap (unless you wish to further the evolution of microbes...) -Captain Trips
Loudly sing the happy birthday song twice while you wash your hands. That should be 15 seconds. This is what we trained the mentally challenged to do after visiting the potty. -Bioguy
Singing songs seems to be part of medical training. I was taught to sing "Nelly the Elephant" while doing CPR! -Holdfast
Very true, Holdfast... A trick we're currently teaching in First Aid/CPR/AED training to help students keep their rhythm in "hands-only" CPR is the old Bee Gee's song "Stayin' Alive" from "Saturday Night Fever". Of course, as I point out when I'm doing training you can also get the right rhythm from Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust", though it's not as good a choice for saving lives, unless you've got a really dark sense of humor! -Voz
I once walked out of the bathroom at work (where I had already washed my hands), when one of the women in the office called out "I hope you washed your hands!". I sighed loudly, raised my eyes upwards and make a show of licking my hands "clean". Their expression of disgust was priceless :) -Diptera
You work with Adrian Monk? -clockkingfl
...and when your boss asks why you were gone an extra five minutes on break you can now point out that you must thoroughly wash your hands. -CelticSkyhawk
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141.
Fine, I'll just do this myself
Anyone whose currently in the US military, VERY recently retired from it, or who works for a certain Uncle knows what a PIV/CAC card is. It's not only an official ID card, it also doubles as a security device since it lets us log into computers with it, and it also lets us send encrypted e-mails thanks to PKI certs on an encrypted smart chip embedded in it.
Why is this important you ask? I got my PIV card back last summer prior to transferring to my current station, and since transferring to my current station, I have been unable to log into any PC here with said card, despite my boss's wishes that we switch over to solely using the card, instead I've had to log in the old-fashioned way. I also couldn't even view my encrypted e-mails because my certs were stored on my card, which the computer wouldn't recognize. I've gone to Washington, to my boss, to anyone who'd care to listen, and nobody in their right mind could figure out why I couldn't log in with my PIV.
That is, until today. It turns out the answer was staring me right in the face, and since I don't regularly log into AD, I didn't notice it until today. The networking folks have farked up my account and put information in the wrong field on my AD account. Instead of my e-mail address, they put my domain username instead in the field where it asks for your e-mail. I change it, and voila! I can log in with my PIV card again. I verify it wasn't a fluke, and now I can read my encrypted e-mails again.
[By: skippytpodar]
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yay...encrypted porn! -gashach
how many times does that happen I wonder... not uncommon i hear in miliraty establishments. High turn over rate for net admins.. or the ones that stay are burned out. -Harm
Seems like our place. I've had to sometimes send something to Networking three times before a user's e-mail is set up right - can see inbox, can change inbox, can send from inbox - three linked issues should only take one request to complete. Not three. -Captain Trips
And forget about anything more complex... -Captain Trips
That or the EDI number is not entered in AD. The email on the card is different than the new one at your command. Or they havent made there Certs available to windows via Active Client. I deal with this once every few days for some fish. -Crai
Funny you should mention this. I deal daily with these issues (working directly with CAC's in a AD environment) on this base. 80% of the time they get it right, but the other 20%...boy when they mess it up, they REALLY mess things up. And god forbid if you leave them an open ended question to fix it like "hey, this guy can't log in...any idea why?"...you'll be there for days. Might as well find the problem yourself. -ravensentinel
I'll sum it up in 2 words so even a 5 sided funny farm survivor can understand. Military Intelligence. -Necros
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142.
No good deed goes... unnoticed?
This morning, I was on my way to pick something up in our warehouse, and the new chief stopped me in the hallway, asking me to step in his office for a second. He let me know that he's been noticing that myself and a couple others have been really stepping up to the plate recently, staying after hours to make sure things got done, especially during the time he's been here, and that it hasn't gone unnoticed.
As such, he's been calling us in one by one this week and giving us tickets for the Jon Secada concert happening this weekend, and letting us know that if we keep up the way we have been, there'll be more and better things to come.
Did I mention I like the new chief?
[By: skippytpodar]
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...and that's when your alarm clock went off? -chazz
And what point did you remember you had ate some bad mushrooms over the weekend? -ravensentinel
And this is how they draw you to the Dark Side...<cool, glad to hear you got some of what you deserve!> -CyBear
" then the kardashians sisters appearded naken under the desk and offered to fill my kinkiest desires" -Harm
Maybe I'm getting old, but...who is Jon Secada? -Captain Trips
Jon Secada?! Is that a reward or a punishment? -Stryker One
Punishment. -Divinar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSqPbZnVjXQ he's not half bad but he's not half good either. -0gr3
This boss sounds like one of those rare 'keepers' you hear of... -MadJack
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143.
More of a guideline...
Today, I had to send out a not so gentle reminder e-mail to several starfish. In late December, I told them that there were several critical software updates that (the key word here) NEEDED to be installed by the end of January or else they would be unable to log in remotely. If they failed to bring the laptop in, their VPN accounts would be disabled without worning and with extreme predjudice. This would be done by HQ, and I could do nothing to stop it.
Yesterday, HQ was nice enough to at least give a list of the people whose accounts were due to be disabled, so today the flood of calls came in from people who "suddenly" were unable to remotely log in. Sure enough, almost without fail these were the same people whose accounts had been disabled for not bringing in their laptop. And to prove the people read the e-mails I sent out, I made sure to force a read receipt to be sent back to me, and all but two of them had read the e-mails I sent out. I also gave the remaining people a two week window. If they failed to bring in their laptop to me within those two weeks, then I would forward all the e-mails to their department head as well as the chief of staff, informing them that they failed to return our equipment as directed, per the agreement they signed when they received it. Being the harda$$ the chief of staff is, I have a feeling that we'll have a supply of laptops relatively soon :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oooooh, nasty. Good one.
-VoiceOfSanity
Applause! That was a wonderful read, full of wit, win, awsome and pwn! -AdmiralLaurie
Let me add a little more gas on the fire... here at our company, they are now disabling Office/Outlook if a loaner laptop is overdue. This is to force users to a) contact the loaner laptop center and arrange delivery and b) make folks realize that they can't keep loaner laptops for an extended amount of time. Yes, it's mean, cruel and unfair, tough s#!t. We don't have laptops to give folks permanently, what makes you think you can keep one that's meant for travel? -VoiceOfSanity
I'm in charge of our loaner equipment and we have wireless data cards. One lawyer wouldn't return one and finally said "it's lost" so I had it disabled. On her next trip a frantic call comes in "My wireless data card wont' work" and I get to tell her that the cards was reported LOST by her and that the number was ported a a new card so she was going to have to use whatever wi-fi she could find. -Starfury
But I didn't think it applied to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. -thx1138
um, reporting it as lost and continuing to use constitutes fraud, and, as a lawyer, he should know better. Possibly followed up by disciplinary action. -McSmiley
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144.
Random fact (nt/ot)
I was watching a show on prisoners in various countries over the weekend, and in the program, a warden in Belgium stated that under Belgian law, it is perfectly legal to break out of prison in that country. However, if you escape while wearing your prison-issued clothes, you can still be charged with theft of said clothes if you fail to return them. The warden who was interviewed stated that an inmate had escaped and mailed the clothes back, dry-cleaned no less, and was never charged with any additional crimes.
So in other words, the A-Team could've avoided charges if they were all jailed in Belgium...
[By: skippytpodar]
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I think that, if caught, the criminal would still be jailed to complete his sentence, and probably no pardoning... -Dr Jerkyl
Could be on the principle that if you're breaking out, there's prob'ly good reason. You know, the beatings and such. -LDFeral
The beatings will continue until morale improves! He escaped, his morale improved & no more beatings. -AussieFoot
I watched this. I heard that and actually had to rewind to make sure I heard it right. -ravensentinel
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145.
So far, so good
The master image I created last week seems to be an unqualified success. I've already gotten a couple of our new laptops done with it. The tech who originally made the (unnecessarily complicated) image was initially quite upset the other techs and I went behind his back and made up a new image, but today, he's seemed to have cooled his heels a bit.
Now one of the things I have to overcome is making sure my boss knows that even with this new image, I can't just churn them out quickly in the next two days seeing as I'm pulling double duty on account of several people being out today.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Whaddaya mean, you cannot fully reimage and finish a machine in an hour? -Griffin2020
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146.
You did what? (nt/ot)
This morning, I woke up to quite a shock. I normally get the bulk of my paycheck direct deposited into my main checking, and a portion direct deposits into my savings, which is just enough to cover my rent every month. Today was a pay day for me, and I had just sent out my rent check yesterday, so I needed to transfer some money so I could make sure the check was covered for the rent plus my upcoming bills.
Imagine my surprise when I logged into my bank's website and saw that my savings account was completely gone from my account list. Understandably freaking out, I called my bank and they said that because my account had a zero balance for 30 days according to them, they closed it automatically. I explained to the lady on the line that I get paid every two weeks, so there was no way it was inactive, and I most definitely kept a balance on it.
She offered to reactivate my account and my job's finance department will hopefully try to run the $500 direct deposit again once it gets reactivated, but in the mean time she said I needed to put in a token amount to make sure it doesn't get deactivated again, since it would again after a couple of days if I let it go to zero.
[By: skippytpodar]
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time for a new bank. -gashach
Better still, new credit union! -CTYankee
Definetly time for a new bank.. these guys seems innept. -Harm
hee. On the other side, I had a bank account with a bank that I removed all funds from to switch to another bank, but didn't even think about actually closing the account. Three years later they sent me a new debit card on my 'inactive' account. I called, and they said they could re-activate it as soon as I made a deposit. -AngrySup
Skippy: what bank is this that pulled the stunt? -unrenowned
Yes please do tell. My favorite is that the inept bank my husband's company chose (before he bought in) will not allow him to cash his own paycheck there, drawn on THEIR bank, because he doesn't have a PERSONAL account. -MrsCheezil
A friend had a kids account his parents opened for him, he emptied it and thought that would close it but a final interest payment for something like 30 cents went in afterwards. Years later he gets a notification from the bank, he can't withdraw the 30 cents unless he pays about $40 in back fees. -AussieFoot
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147.
Reinventing the wheel...
The last couple days here, a group of us techs have gotten together because some of the master images for the laptops have become unmanageable due to another tech's meddling. Well, meddling is probably not the most appropriate phrasing... it's more that he's making things unnecessarily complicated.
You see, he's all about doing things a certain way that he's used to. Problem is, that the rest of us can do these things in far fewer steps, and some things he's done were just unnecessary. It's causing things in his images to become convoluted, to break easily, or to otherwise not work at all. For example, with the new image, we can't even install a critical VPN app at all, which is required on all laptops that go outside of the office.
And these images he's been doing have taken him at least 4-6 weeks to do, whereas I started on one yesterday doing just the necessary components, and including drivers, Window$ updates and other programs we can put on prior to reimaging, and the only step I have left is to sysprep the darn thing. And that is counting being interrupted, going to meetings, etc. Oh, the coup de grace occurred yesterday, in that the one image I needed to use to reimage a laptop with, he decided to delete from the server without bothering to tell us, because he felt the image was wrong... and it was one he had made in the first place.
[By: skippytpodar]
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So, in the end, he was right. Like a broken clock. -LDFeral
Tough call. You may have to keep "personal" copies of working images, just to be safe from Deletin' Pete. Is the black sheep aware that his 4-6 weeks of work was for naught? I'd suggest you don't bring up the fact you created a suitable replacement in less than 2 working days. -Xal
WTF? Re-imaging shouldn't take more than like ~30min, unless we're talking about Terabytes of data here. -Stryker One
Stryker - he isn't talking about creating the image file. I agree, that takes < 30 minutes. It is the many hours of work creating a working system with all the right stuff before that. I generally find that takes about a day of my time, but sometimes, you just have to leave it running Windoze update for as long as that takes. -Holdfast
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead." -- rfc1925 -rurwin
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148.
Little Miss Wants Attention
I got the e-mail below from a lady that got one of our laptops.
I set up the desktop and screens, however I am unable to login.
I was not provided with any instructions and was told everything was already set up with my profile.
This is what I entered at the initial prompt
Username: tried “luser” and “$domain\luser”
Password: entered the one for my desktop, laptop, etc.
Domain: $domain
RESULT: INCORRECT LOGON. PLEASE TRY AGAIN
Please advise.
She decided to send this e-mail to me, my boss, her boss, and our CIO, as well as two techs who helped her out briefly on a day I was out. My boss replies back to her and asks if she had changed her password since the last time she even logged into a computer which was October last year, and she replied back insisting it's the same password, even though we have a network policy in place forcing users to change after 90 days. So unless she changed her password in the last week of October, then she's definitely blowing smoke up our collective rears. My coworkers and I were also rather amused that she stated she got no training, since we all sit for at least half an hour with each user and explain to them how to log into the laptops, how to use VPN, etc.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Why in the world would you train your users? Why wouldn't you ever change your password? Why, why, why!! (heart attack) -ravensentinel
Tell your boss when she last changed her password - AD will tell you down to the second. -Holdfast
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149.
You know what I call that?
We have this one tech in our shop, who several others in the shop despise, and can see where they're coming from. She tends to be blatently sarcastic with people, and whenever she doesn't get her way or someone calls her out on something, she gets downright meanspirited.
Today, I was waiting to help offload some equipment for one of the telework people we have here, and she passed by, saying "Just look at you Skippy, answering everyone's questions and going the extra mile." Unable to help myself, I replied "Yes, that's called 'Doing my job.'"
She walked away.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Extra Points for actually getting her to shut up. -udoshan
Need one of the new Taser machines-three sets of deployable cables bring new meaning to 'Can you hear me now? Now? NOW!? -jerrybear
PWNED -Starfury
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150.
No matter how many times...
A few weeks ago, we began using a new version of our VPN software. One option in the VPN software allows it to preempt the Windows login and allows them to get things like their network share on the laptop. I fought against them activating this ability for a number of reasons, not the least of which was over just how slow (2.5-3Mbit/s) the cellular cards were. The fastest login I saw with this method was 20 minutes after they entered their VPN info because of the volume of the scripts the network team was running.
The new version of the software came with a glitch that after a few reboots, the VPN software has a fight in the background over who really gets to start up first on the laptop and log in. Invariably the encryption wins, breaking the VPN's ability to start first, making the laptop BSOD in the process. The only bandaid fix on the VPN's website involved running registry hacks in Safe Mode after the VPN software was already broken, so we had to wait for it to actually break, as any attempt to do so prior to it breaking would fail and it would break anyway. Even the fix was no guarantee it would keep working.
I tried to impress upon my boss that this is something in the software, and that we need to switch people over to logging into the VPN AFTER they log into the laptop, instead of before, since it would totally bypass the problem, and then they could just remote into the terminal server, but $boss is adamant that we do it their way because "that's how we always do things".
[By: skippytpodar]
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Classic "5 Monkeys & the Banana" story. -RiffRaff
Can't you just write a batch file so once logged and then on the VPN the script would reconnect their shares? I think that would be the easiest solution.... -0gr3
you mean they always do things wrong? -McSmiley
Make sure you have this in writing - your advice and reasons followed by his reply. Then when it does break down and someone tries to shift blame onto you... -Holdfast
New boss? Last I heard, yours was pretty good... -CTYankee
In other words, Document, Document, Document. -Stryker One
@CTYankee: This is one of the mid-level supervisors, not the new CIO -skippytpodar
"The new version of the software doesn't work the way we used to do things. Here's the new way." -Geminii
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151.
Sounded like a good idea at the time...
This morning, there was a huge push over the network to update a piece of software. Even though it's installed on every computer (since we never know when it's gonna be needed in a new area), it's only really used on mobile PC's, which constitute perhaps 5% of the computers we have.
However, we started being hit with calls of the software swearing that it's still on the old update and refusing to update. It didn't take long for the root of the problem to be discovered. Normally, when the software is launched, a line in the INI file checks against the server if the files it's about to use are a different version than on the server. If not, then it goes on it's merry way, but if there are any files of a different version, it downloads only the files it needs. That way, the network wouldn't be bogged down, and the only place where the software would need to be updated was on the server.
In their infinite wisdom, the networking folks decided to just push the entire installer across the network to the PC's, but they failed to update the server. So after a 10-minute wait per computer, when the people who actually use the program launch it, the INI file kicks in and sees the file versions are different, and download the files onto the PC, reverting it back to the previous version and forcing a restart.
Now we have to wait for the networking folks to get off their rears and update the server so that the vicious cycle can stop.
[By: skippytpodar]
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"Sounded like a good idea at the time..." If only Bill Clinton had used that line, the impeachment trial would have been dismissed on Day One. -Jonos
I feel your pain. I am cleaning up from an upgrade of Win from Vista to 7. The user data was supsed to be preserved in the push and only PCs with hardware problems "Should" have any problems... Do you believe it? Thank goodness I didn't because we had a whoping 43.6% sucess rate! Over half had problems ranging from loosing all their data (fortunatly it was backed up) no push (manual install is now required) or System crash (no viable OS)... Can you say FAILURE!!! -AniMaL
I use that phrase all the time, usually with "woke up with a tattoo reading MOM across his ass" -CTYankee
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152.
That was easy
My dad came by this weekend, and I discoveredthe culprit behind his laptop woes. He did infact have a piece of malware that he managed to remove himself, shockingly enough, but the malware was sneaky enough to leave behind a couple parting gifts.
First, it had set up his default page as www.google.net, instead of www.google.com, which was suffient to confuse my father. Secondly, it had activated his proxy settings, but left the proxy server blank, so that when he launched IE, it would try to go to a proxy of nowhere, and give him the errors. I removed that, and voila, all was fixed. I also switched him back to the regular Google page just so he wouldn't be so confused anymore, and that as they say was that. All in all, I was glad it was something really simple, since I don't have XP discs anymore, and my dad only got used to using Windows XP 5 years after it came out. Hell, he still uses Office 2003.
[By: skippytpodar]
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To be fair, so do I. But that's mainly because the only component I use at all is Word, and even that, only once or twice a month or so. -AmazingKreskin
Nicely done! My dad called me Saturday with computer woes, and yesterday I ended up doing a nuke and pave. (His XP disc? Only has SP1 on it. Not even 1A.) -Seamyst
Hell, how many of us still have free copies from work that we'd rather use than go out & buy new? Until I have the bucks to spend on building a brand new machine (or, at least, buy a refurbed one of the proper specs) that'll support running Win7 like a gazelle, I'm stickin' with my XP disks. (One with SP2, as well as the ORIGINAL Hell OEM release they gave us), Office 2000, and a lot of other apps for the systems we supported back in that lifetime, which still work perfectly well with XP. Until then & there's plenty of good apps for 7 worth spending $$$ on, I'm stickin' with what I've already got. Hey, it still works just fine, ya know! ;) -MadJack
I still use Office 2000 and XP at home. I've used Office 2003 and 2007, and I wouldn't pay a penny for any of the new features in 2003, and I'd pay full price to NOT use 2007 and their stupid "Ribbon" interface... -Divinar
there's free M$ software if you have an email address with a .EDU extension. It was on Gizmodo.com or Lifehacker.com in the last 3-4 days. -CTYankee
between what my two schools have given me I have 3 xp pro licenses and an xp home license, they are mine, all mine. -Icelator
They only pried the 98SE discs out of my grip when I bought a new motherboard and couldn't get any 98SE drivers. I'll set up dual-boot XP/Win7 when I do my next hardware upgrade. -AussieFoot
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153.
Deny Deny Deny...
For the last few weeks, one of the things my coworker and I have had to suffer thru has been persistent reboots of systems we're in the midst of updating and/or getting ready for people. The reboots have a five-minute countdown, are always for a single piece of software, and there's no way to cancel it since it's being run by a domain account. Between that, the tendency of said countdowns to show up while we're trying to install something, and the fact that we have to suffer through 6-8 of such reboots per machine, it's become annoying. It wouldn't be so bad if we could just leave the units overnight to catch such updates, were it not for the fact that my coworker and I have to install encryption software on the equipment, which preempts Windows, forcing a registered user to login before passing it on to Windows. And these updates seem to take place well after we throw the encryption on the machines.
My coworker and I have made this aware to our boss, her boss, as well as the networking manager, and anyone else who would care to listen. The network manager, who (rather conveniently) rarely leaves his office, is vehemently denying these are taking place, but is the same person who wrote login scripts so convoluted, even he can't find where the Exchange server name is to change a single letter on it to fix an ongoing issue with the Exchange server naming scheme having being changed.
In almost all the weekly reports I've written since I started here, I've devoted an entire paragraph solely to this issue, detailing how many times it had affected me that week, as well as how many (and which) customers it occurred to in that week. And yet, the network manager is still the sole person convinced that it isn't taking place.
[By: skippytpodar]
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time to drag his/her ass over EVERY time it occurs. no questions. "you need to see this". do it 20-30 times, they will find the problem quickly! -gashach
Bring in video camera / web camera and record the event. Also, does the reboot show up in the Event Viewer logs? -Stryker One
On occasion I have had pushes of software from $Big_Aerospace_Company that I couldn't accept due to the fact that I was hip deep in getting something fixed. What I learned is that if you have admin rights, you CAN kill the process so that the next time you boot up, it'll try to load again. I don't recommend this to everyone, mind you... -VoiceOfSanity
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154.
Needs seasoning
In an effort to get people cross-trained in my department, all the newer Tier 2 techs, myself included, have to go thru a month's $helldesk rotation. This month was my month to do so.
Hopefully, I won't be driven insane by the calls...
[By: skippytpodar]
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I did a few months of helldesk myself, and while I was way overqualified (immediately started getting #1 for calls completed... hmmm) I do have to say I learned a few things that have come in handy. However, it was still miserable. Hope your experience isn't too bad! -Mer
Sometimes I wish this upon our techs then maybe they would see that this is why they need to do their jobs. -PhishPhucker
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155.
Not again...
My dad's laptop has lost the ability to go to webpages... AGAIN!
He called me last night right as I was enjoying my dinner, and asked for "a few minutes" of my time, which ended up being a 45 minute convo wherein he did his usual wandering off in random directions, while I tried to walk him thru things. He stated he ran Malwarebytes and two supposed viruses came up, one of them called "Google", which he swears he never heard of, and after a 10 minute rant about how people who write viruses should be shot then hung by their unmentionables, told me that immediately after he deleted the viruses, he was unable to get to any web pages.
I went through the standard set of potential culprits, which for me, normally takes on the order of 5-10 minutes with anyone else over the phone, but he seemed to be going off on random tangents moreso than usual, so this lasted another half an hour. He also made the "suggestion" that I try to remote into his laptop, but I reminded him that I couldn't being that said laptop was unable to get onto the Internet.
What especially amused me was that it took a good five minutes' of convincing to have him reboot the router just to rule it out, when he was worried that it would kick my mom's laptop off the internet, when her laptop wasn't even turned on! He also wanted me to try and remotely reinstall Internet Explorer via the Internet, when I didn't even have any XP discs with me, along with the aforementioned lack of connectivity on his part, as well as how adamantly he was right that an alternate browser is named Godzilla and not Mozilla, and that I was wrong. But what do I know, I just have a Master's in Comp Sci.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Once again, family leans on you (pretty hard) to do tech support and either refuses your instructions or is otherwise very confused at your directions. You need to be more unavailable for these types of calls; otherwise that GRRR feeling you had at the point when the call ended will eventually cause an ulcer or worse. -BayouTech
Didn't Lizzie Borden start in tech support for her family? -Holdfast
Should be a tech rule... if it is not one already, never support tech for family. -ZombieBear
I gave up on teching for my blood family *long* ago, after simply explaining the concept of a password was called "making it into a dinosaur egg". -AdmiralLaurie
I'm having similar troubles with my da's laptop. There was a rootkit, plus viruses. I'm still trying to get the network adapters, and usb, back up and running -LDFeral
And that's why I never answer the phone during dinner. -thx1138
My dad's a mechanic. If I ever have problems helping him out, I can just use a car analogy :p -minchazo
Nothing I EVER said was right to my Father. NOTHING. My father used Filemaker on a mac for 20 years for EVERYTHING. For writing letters, for making lists, and even for DRAWING ARCHITECTURAL PLANS of the plant he worked at, to scale, mind you. But not for making databases. When he retired and wanted to make grocery lists and medication lists on the computer, he thought he had to dial into his old computer at work to do it. When I explained I could set this computer up to do the same thing as the old one he balked at me and told me not to treat him like an idiot. I installed Filemaker. He never once used it. -MrsCheezil
Oh no, he deleted Google. Well. no more searching for anyone. I guess we'll have to use yahoo from now on. ;) -McSmiley
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156.
First post!
Sorry, always wanted to do that!
At any rate, I wanted to wish my fellow TSCers a very merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and a belated Happy Hanaukah, happy winter solstice, and every other wither-related holiday I may have missed.
[By: skippytpodar]
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er... wither = winter. Caffeine hasn't kicked in yet. -skippytpodar
no no.. wither may be a propo :P Happy Holidays to you as well Skippy! -Harm
Happy holidays! May you all stay safe and warm, and may no one get snowed in during holiday travel. -Seamyst
May Festivus be as good as can be expected, and may the forthcoming Wintereenmas be the best ever! :) -Diptera
I had a co-worker snarling in my ear because another wished me Happy Holidays. I don't know what all the acrimony is about; it's a comprehensive phrase for all the various holidays. And in that spirit, I wish every one a very Happy Holiday season! :) -Tekkie
Happy Christmans, and a Merry New Year!!! -duckhead
Scary Solstice, everyone! :E -Seamus
However one prefers to hear it phrased, heartfelt good wishes of the season, no ulterior motives, no matter how you observe it (or don't).
(Don't be a humbug! ;) ) -MadJack
Greetings & Felicitations of the Season! May you have an enjoyable winter season/end of the commonly accepted calendar year/celebration in the family and/or religious traditions of yor choice! -geeklady
Grrr.... its a holiday and it happens to be called "Christmas" for whatever reason, so - as a confirmed atheist I can still say to all and sundry enjoying the holiday celebrations - Merry Christmas. And to all those picky about nomenclature - Bollocks. -Gromit
Merry Christmas from NZ too to all! -Enzedder
another NZ'er here, in the spirit of Walter "Screw you, its Merry Christmas" -ApolloSZ
That's rather picky about nomenclature on your part, isn't it, Gromit? ;) -Tekkie
Merry Christmas to ALL! :) -Angelace
Just to cover all the bases http://www.nightscribe.com/Entertainment/pc_holiday_greeting.htm -Stryker One
Merry Christmas from Oz. I hope everyone stays safe and happy. To those of you across the pond battling the cold and snow, I say "nyah, nyah" - ours will be a very pleasant 28c according to the forecast. :-P -LadySharky
I don't remember which OLD novel I first read this in, but..... "Och, c'mon, Spock, fa la la la la, la la la..." "To falalala is not logical. Your species' fascination with this thing called Christmas..." (Hey, nobody ever said Christmas was a VULCAN holiday!) -_0 -MadJack
Mele Kalikimaka to you all as well. -Omega
God Jul till er alla! From Scandinavia, the home of Santa... -Dr Jerkyl
Heh. I have not celebrated Christmas as Christmas in a couple of decades now. The reasons for this are many and varied, including no real family to celebrate with. I can appreciate the sentiments, however, and do wish everyone a peaceful season here. -VoiceOfSanity
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157.
It's a Monday alright...
This morning, my boss got notified that several computers went missing. Not a good way to start a Monday morning...
A group of us went down there, only to discover the area was under renovation over the weekend, and the contractors decided in their infinite wisdom that it was a good idea to put the PC's complete with monitors, cables, the works in trash bags and outside the rooms they were renovating. Well, surprise surprise, five of the computers they did in this manner went missing sometime between when the contractors got done and when we came in this morning.
So now do we not only have to figure out where the hell these computers are located, we also have to find replacement equipment so the people can actually do their jobs.
[By: skippytpodar]
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My first thought is janitorial crew if the equipment had been put into trash bags. You may find everything in the dumpster. -CelticSkyhawk
Yeah, I agree with CSH. Hopefully said dumpsters haven't been emptied yet. -Seamyst
hopefully they didn't get thrown into the dumpster either. -JH
Placed in trash bags == trash to be disposed of. Equally possible is that the sanitation company has already emptied out the bins outside the facility. -VoiceOfSanity
Heck no, YOU don't have to figure out where the computers went - the damn contractors do. Accountability. Ask 'em if they know what that means.
-Ramblin
Ramblin - At my company accountability means that you're qualified to be hired by Finance, it does not mean anything else. *sigh* Just as responsibility means you can work in public relations. -VoiceOfSanity
My wife leaves stuff in white plastic bags all the time that look like trash bags. Yesterday I threw away what I thought was trash but it had $10 worth of makeup she just bought. -Blankman
I hear ya VOS, and it is pretty much the same at the gubmint agency where I work. Just one of those things that frosts my a55. -Ramblin
*sigh* My husband threw away my brand new boots because they were still in the shoe-store bag... -TechMama
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158.
The clouds parted, the heavens opened...
This week, the new chief of our department started, and he hit the ground running. In his first meeting with us the other day, and told us flat out that anyone who consistently failed to do their jobs, who slacked off, and who lied to him, would find their time in this department short & unpleasant, and he had no problem firing those who broke the rules. However, anyone who busted their hump, who was willing to learn, and did their jobs, was going to be rewarded, as he believed in promoting from within. He said he knew that everyone has off days, days when they're not feeling 100% or life gets in the way, and if someone needs to take a couple days, then they're more than welcome to, since he would rather have someone take a day to decompress, relax, and come back 100% than have them get distracted and ot do their jobs as well as they could.
He told us that found the lack of money for training appalling, and was going to find the money to get all the techs as many certs as possible, even if he had to go right to $centralOffice and twist their arm. He was also somewhat disturbed by the fact that the techs were paid so low compared to people doing the same jobs in other facilities, and his first two orders of business were to find a place where the techs were paid at least a full grade higher than our current one here, get a copy of their position description, and then submit it to our HR here so we would get paid what he felt we deserved, and to also get the money needed to get us our MCSE, A+, Net+, and Security+ at a minimum. He also said he had an open door policy, and anyone could come to him at any time with a problem, concern, whatever, and that he might not have all the answers, but he'd do his best to help.
[By: skippytpodar]
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If that man isn't blowing smoke, he's a keeper. -Seamus
Hear that noise? That is your boss running full tilt into manglements ineptitude and "we can't spare money for that - they will just leave when they get trained" attitude. But Good Luck anyway. And here is a Keg-O-Karmaâ„¢ for your boss. -ecoli
Did he open with a joke? It's an important factor in $Bullshit procedure. -LDFeral
" Then the alarm went off..." -Harm
and in 3 weeks he will be replaced by someone who knows nothing and only cares about whats good for the bottom line of the board's pocketbooks. -drachen
Mebby it's the cynical side of me coming out, but I would take everything he said with a grain of salt -PoglaTheGrate
I am jealous.... -Themoparking
I give him a month at most. -thx1138
Has anyone checked the temperature in hell lately? -Stryker One
Where do you work, again? I may want to apply... -Omega
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159.
I have a bad feeling about this...
Starting in the middle of the night, I began to feel a bit of a sore throat, but initially dismissed it as nothing. Then this morning when I woke up, I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck. Still, working on auto-pilot, I took a shower, got dressed, and went to work, only to discover three other people also came in sick today, so it should definitely be a fun day...
[By: skippytpodar]
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...and it'll be a sparse crew tomorrow. Get well soon! -Grue
EK! oh dude... advil cold + sinus, pleanty of tea and neo citran DAY TIME! ( i've confused the 2 previousely.. ohh thats NOT a fun work day) once your home - MR noodlesw with as much hot sauce as you can stand ( burns the crap from your throught) nyQuil green fucking death coma inducer and plenty of rest. -Harm
I knew on Saturday that I'd be sick this week... Spent a 3 day weekend with a sick lady friend. Oh well, it's nothing more than an annoyance for me. -garwain
DayQuil & NyQuil. These can be you very best friends. -Stryker One
A cup o' hot tea, 1TBsp of lemon juice, 1TBsp of honey ____
and 2 fingers _
of rum _
_
____
Drink 3 and sleep. You will wake up feeling perfect and not one bit hung over. -0gr3
Feggy...It killed my ASCII art. It is supposed to be the index finger and pinky as the two fingers. -0gr3
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160.
Riddle me this...
Why should I care that you got paint all over your sleeve?
[By: skippytpodar]
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"It's my starfish, I'll paint him whatever color I want!" -AmazingKreskin
OH! ak beat me to it. -Harm
Why should you care? Because he borrowed your shirt. -AussieFoot
Hmm... I must be having one of those days, read that as peed on.... -spectreoflife
Because you might be one one of my kids, which means you are about to transfer it to my couch/remotes/laptop/file server/numerous keyboards/dog/cats/tablet/HTPC/phone/car seat/bed -Bloke
Because it happened while I was painting your yoohoo GOOOOLD!!! [Giggle!]</GoldMember> -ChildofCthulhu
Prepare for big painty hug! -Madrigorne
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161.
Ruh roh (nt/ot)
Yesterday, I drove home from work, only to discover that the road immediately in front of my apartment building was totally cordoned off by the police for two blocks, right up to the intersection I use to turn onto the street, and the whole area was crawling with police cars, cops, and reporters.
I managed to find an alternate route to my place, park and get home, so I turned on the news, as the front entrance was within the cordoned zone. Apparently, in the building next to mine, a man was being evicted from his house by the police and had locked himself in. They called up the building maintenance man to unlock the door, and while the guy tried to unlock it, the man barracaded inside shot through the door and killed the maintenance man. The officer in turn shot and wounded the man barracaded inside after breaking the door down by force, and was himself slightly hurt, not by direct fire, but because of gunpowder burns from a near-miss at point blank range. They both went to the hospital.
What especially sucked was that it was the maintenance man's first (and last) day on the job...
[By: skippytpodar]
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do you mean this story? http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/11/22/1938020/miami-dade-officer-involved-in.html -ecoli
Indeed, you are correct, ecoli! And until I read that article, I didn't know which apartment in the building the guy was in, and now that I do know, it's kinda creepy, because that happens to be my apartment number in the next building... -skippytpodar
Glad that they got the right building! Feel sorry for the maintenance worker and his family. -ecoli
As am I, on both counts! I feel really badly for the worker's family -skippytpodar
Oh wow, I saw that article yesterday, and I thought it was a crappy thing to do.. bet eviction procedures are going to change now, cops are going to be clearing apartments before the locks get changed.. -NightSteel
one of the places I lived had a shooting (apparently) INSIDE the building while I was home. blood on the 5th and second floors as well as the elevator. i found out about it while on my balcony having a smoke - from my neighb ours below me. stating we wern't allowed out on the apartments. didnt hear a thing either as i was watching a movie and playing an FPS. -Harm
So... the move has worked out well for you then Skip? -PoglaTheGrate
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162.
Fatality!
A number of the areas we have in the building have computers on wheels, which are hooked up to batteries so people can use them without needing to be connected in all the time. One major flaw came to light today... a distinct lack of balance.
One of the nurses took such a cart into an elevator to use it on another floor. Upon the opening of the elevator doors, she pushed it out only to have the cart trip and promptly fall on it's back. This broke the arm that was holding the monitor on it completely off, but by some miracle, the only other electronic piece which got damaged was the wireless antenna.
One of the other techs and I found a cart that had a bad battery pack, and we swapped the bad pack with the good one on the damaged cart, and sent the cart back on its merry way.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Why am I reminded of a Dalek ? -Spyder19
you mean the batteries are not mounted below the center of gravity of the cart as well as the cpu? -McSmiley
Are these workstations on wheels used by nurses for dispensing meds? -CelticSkyhawk
Let me state that we have a couple of these in our workcenter. They are used by the folks in shipping/receiving, and they tend to overload the top of the cart while the batter/power charger is on the lower part. They haven't caused an accident... yet. -VoiceOfSanity
We have "mobile computers with batteries" too...we call them "laptops" -lineswine
Give them one of these: http://content.funnyhumor.com/pictures/portablepc.jpg -Dr Jerkyl
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163.
I'm back!
OK, so I've been lurking for a while now, mainly to get an idea of the place here, seeing as my previous locale made me slightly paranoid, against my better judgement.
But anywho, I'm back, and am glad to say I already feel infintely better. Maybe it's something to do with the weather here, who knows, but the warm balmy skies are a definite improvement. My coworkers are all cool, and my boss is the type I like: She tells you what needs to get done, and pretty much leaves you alone to do your job, only coming by when she needs to. I was also told that we're due to get a new head of the department in a little over a week, and he's been around the block a few times. It should be interesting to see how he steers the department.
Beyond that, I'm settling in quite nicely in my new place. Furniture has already been bought & delivered, and aside from a few minor additions, I'm all set. I do like the location, as do several friends, who have already come over in stark contrast to my previous residence. I'm still pinching myself, wondering how I got so lucky to get a place right on the beach. But yeah, I guess after several jobs in a row where I was treated like crap, the universe took pity on me and saw fit to have me come here.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Congrats skippy. -Rabbitt
Conga-rats! -Diptera
Grats man! the job, the local, infinetly better then the last few years eh? good on ya and good luck! oh and if a telescopic cam could be installed and directed to the beach.. i'm not sayin anything - just sayin. -Harm
Congrats to ya, dude - don't forget to update your contact info! -Grue
Hehe...have fun & give 'em hell, Cap! -lineswine
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164.
Not a bad way to start a Friday
Since yesterday afternoon, my counterpart at the sister facility and I noticed an unusual pattern, in that a significant percentage of the executables and scripts were failing, and badly. At first we chalked it up to the fact that the networking folks decided in their infinite wisdom, to redo the paths for the network file server, of which most of the scripts were based on, thereby breaking them. However, we also began noticing that even regular executables were failing that had nothing to do with the scripts, so we were essentially dead in the water with laptop updates.
This morning, I came in, and got a call from my counterpart that they had discovered the root cause. A virus had taken advantage of the system yesterday after lunch and proceeded to go in and make changes to the executable installers, rendering a whole host of them all but useless. It's being fixed now, but until it's being resolved, my counterpart and I can do little but wait for the AV people to clean it up and do a restore of the files from before the virus.
[By: skippytpodar]
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We had that happen inside our company, where something came in and started mucking with anything that had an .exe on the end. Much chaos ensued. -VoiceOfSanity
can you tell us what kind of infection you got hit with? -slowANDeasy
W32/Sality variant. -VoiceOfSanity
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165.
My boss and typo's
Because of the sheer volume of equipment I'm dealing with just prior to leaving for Miami, it was inevitable I'd make a minor typo here and there when logging stuff in. However, my boss seems to think any and all typo's are worthy of insisting I bring everything I've done to a screeching halt and I write up a detailed explanation of why the information was wrong.
The first time it happened was earlier this week. My boss noticed that a pieceof wquipment that was assigned to one of the network guys was off by one number. He e-mailed me, the network guy, and his boss, insisting on a written explanation as to why what I put in was one number off what was assigned to him. I replied back with a simple four-word e-mail: "it was a typo". The end? Not really
This morning I got another one from my boss. This time, the first number was off by one from the one assigned to the guy. And again, my boss, insisted on a write-up as to which one was correct and why an error was made. So again, I responded back simply by saying it was a typo and I would correct it on the spreadsheet.
In all honesty, I just don't have the time to stop every time my boss insists I write up something for every minor typo, since I have to deal not only with updating several hundred pieces of equipment, each of which taking several hours apiece (days in the case of slow computers), but also the people who bring them in, pick them up, all associated issues that may arise should something go wrong, plus whatever else I'm getting assigned on top of this.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I want a written explanation why you insist on using apostrophes in the word "typos" and also what "pieceof wquipment" means! :P -Tarantulus
I would write him an explanation so long I would need a whole tree to print it and a wheelbarrow to deliver it. -ThinTheHerd
well, While it is important to keep inventory tracking (thank you s-ox compliance) YOu should be able to get away with "It was a typo, the correct number should be %number%." then make the correction. -McSmiley
Maybe they'll fire you. Would that be a relief? -LDFeral
Fuck that bitch. Let Gawd sort 'im out. -vacuumtubes
Sounds like our "Quality Analysts" here... -CrystalMare
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166.
Bad news/Good news (nt/ot)
Got a call this afternoon from the apartment complex I've been looking at moving into since finding out I got the job in Miami. The two people who were looking to move out and had 1bd/1br apartments both decided to renew their leases, therefore leaving them without any apartments I could afford.
The manager did refer me to another place that ended up looking infinitely better. It's a condo right on the beach in Miami Beach. Best of all, it's $200 less than what I would have been paying for had I decided to go with the original place. And when they said it was right on the beach, they weren't kidding. I Google Mapped it, and there's a private footpath right to the beach, and the apartment faces the beach, so I'll be getting some hella good sunrises in the morning. I was pretty much sold on it after $realtorLady mentioned that, and asked her to send me the info for the requisite background check, and to begin the process of renting the dadgum place.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Grats! I would strongly suggest flood insurance (assuming Congress has officially renewed the program; I should check with my old co-workers about that...) -Aelin236
Waiting for the other shoe to drop... -Stryker One
The other show is me asking for a place to crash the next time I go on vacation. -ActingUpAgain
,,,Or Magenta and myself the next time we go hurricane chasing... -RiffRaff
Nice!! I second the recommendation for flood insurance, if it's at all possible. -Seamyst
No,no,no. Flood insurance won't do. You need the 'Holy Shit! A hurricane is a'comin' insurance. A tad bit different and a bit more expensive. Then again, any place near the beach in this state has high insurance rates. -DarkRookie
Wouldn't the landlord be the one to carry the flood insurance? Or would you be required to have a separate item on your renter's policy to cover your possessions in the event of flood loss? -cecil36
in my expiriences Renting.. the landlord covers Nothing . renters Insurance is worth it. the 1 time something DOES happen ( seen this happen to friends) its on your side. landlord will only repair damage to the apartment.. anything of yours is your own problem. -Harm
Harm is correct. If the landlord has a policy, it will only cover damage to the building, not the contents... unless he lives in the building in which case you can just bet it will cover the contents of his unit only. To cover the contents of your unit, you must get your own renter's insurance. This only makes sense, actually; as the landlord is not allowed to inspect your possessions, he has no way of assigning an actual valuation to them, and thus does not know how much insurance to take out. -chazz
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167.
At long last...
I finally got a call from Miami today. My official start date down there is October 25th, and I'll be driving down there October 16th and 17th. I kinda wished it would've been earlier at first, but this actually works out better because it's given me more time to save up for the move down and a deposit for a place, and also for gas money and a motel room on the way down.
And now for the countdown of days :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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congrats! -Ramblin
Congratulations - may it be everything you're hoping for! -ActingUpAgain
Wish you nothin but the best of luck! -starfishmagnet
Again, if you happen to wander near Tampa on your way down, we'd love to see you! I am glad to hear it's all working out. -TechieSidhe
Congrats! I was getting worried for you since they seemed to be avoiding contacting you. -minchazo
Kewl!!! Good luck :) -CrystalMare
Congrats, good to hear. :) -Olorin
Cool - 'gratz! -Grue
Congrats! (Seems to be the day for such things, let's hope the karma gets everywhere it needs to!) -SalParadise
Woot! -MrsQuadrinaro
Great! Glad to hear it, I hope everything goes smoothly. -NightSteel
Yay!! -pixel
Thanks all. I was beginning to worry, since even with my employer, and with this being a transfer, a start date shouldn't have taken so long, but I'm glad to have one. And with this, all karma is hearby returned to the pool. -skippytpodar
Great news! Congrats! -sassicatz
have to swing over to the gulf side and say hello. -docfl
At least the not knowing is over! I hate the not-knowing, waiting is ok, but not-knowing is a killer. -evolvedstarfish
Congratulations, my cyber friend, you needed at least an answer, and it was good! -beatmewithstick
Gratz! Hit up the beach if ya can! -KrazerKap
Congrats :) -Diptera
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168.
Taking bets
We are finally getting some much-needed relief here at the shop, thanks to three new hires. One of them is starting today, and right now, the rest of us are taking bets to see how long it will be before NASA Certified will be giving him the "I'm the greatest technician in the world" speech that he gave to the rest of us when we got hired on.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Could we get a recording of said speech? Some of us need a good laugh. -TechieSidhe
I say 15 seconds after NASA is introduced to said newbies. At which time you ask NASA to run into the back and grab some fallopian tubing so you can do some cable management in the system you're working on, give you some peace and quiet. -exzyle2k
I can manage to keep a straight face when listening to these clowns only by remembering that if they really WERE all that great, they sure as h#ll wouldn't still be working a cr@p job. -TieDyedDinosaur
I had a nice and simple opening line when I would meet new techs that I had to train: "Before you assume you know more than me, prove it." And then I would point to the test system that was completely disassembled (with the power cord plugged into a power strip that was NOT plugged into the wall). Only 1 person out of 16 figured out why it wouldn't start after putting the whole thing back together... -unrenowned
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169.
And why is this critical?
Within 30 seconds of walking in the door today, I got a hair on fire ticket, saying a keyboard was loose on one of the mobile carts. I had enough time to down a few Twizzlers and drink some soda before heading up there. Good thing I did too.
I went up to where the person said the cart was... nowhere to be found, nor were any staff for that matter. I finally found someone and they directed me to a different cart that was working just fine. I spent the next 15 minutes in vain searching, and finally by chance, I saw the cart in question... in use by a doctor in the middle of what appeared to be a major meeting. I got the cart out of the conference room without too much of a hassle, and sure enough the railings for the keyboard tray had snapped, rendering the tray all but useless. It was a dead giveaway that someone leaned on the tray, since these weren't designed to hold up much more than 10 pounds, and thats pushing it.
So now, I have to wait for the nurse who put it in to do a report on who damaged it before we'll give her a replacement.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Probably her. This is the "he who smelt it, dealt it" rule of help desk tickets. -TechieSidhe
"I don't know. I was just sitting here and heard some kind of plastic 'snap!', and then the keyboard wouldn't stay. I didn't DO ANYTHING!" *bitchbeats the fishie soundly bout the head and shoulders with the entire cart* -Seamus
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170.
Quick follow-up
As a quick follow up to my story this morning, nobody's owned up so far to the broken keyboard tray, which has become symbolic due to the fact that this is a recurring problem. Doctors are blaming nurses, who are blaming doctors right back, and other people are simply saying that they reported it because there was a sign on the cart that it was broken.
I fired off a second e-mail, this time to the liasons for nursing and medicine, to be careful with the carts because the damage isn't covered by warranty, and that we're not responsible if someone leans on the tray, only for it to break, making them fall and crack their heads open. I think that wouldn't look too good on a report.
[By: skippytpodar]
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It's the work of the employee called "Nobody." I hate that. Just freaking admit you did it. I get more upset when I have to play detective than for someone to just come out and admit they did it. -TechieSidhe
What if the rails were on a suspended arrangement that slowly clicked down, one step at a time, as weight was put on it, until it hit the 'reset point', and fired the damn thing up to the ceiling? Click, click, click, cl-WHAM! To them, it would seem to be random, keying to the addiction/aversion centers of the brain. -LDFeral
I see "Not Me" and "Ida Know" have graduated from the 'Family Circus'.... -MadJack
Where I work, they like to blame the student doctors. -Holdfast
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171.
One crazy week
This week has been nothing but craziness...
For starters, this week, I had to begin in earnest a mandatory update of all laptops by September 30th... all 800 of them. This includes making updates that easily take 30-45 minutes apiece, assuming no interruptions. I clocked myself, and even on the fastest laptop we have, the updates still took the better part of 3 hours, considering the sheer number of them. And that was without interruption. This week, I managed to get almost 20 done, and am barely keeping my head above water with them, but I was told the coming weeks will only be workse because the service with the biggest number of laptops is due in two weeks.
Oh yes, and then there was yesterday's DNS server crash, which made me stop working because without an IP address I couldn't do squat given how the vast majority of the updates requred access to servers, and the head of networking is anal about doing static IP's for anything. So that set me back by half a day. I still managed to knock out half a dozen yesterday which was a feat until itself.
Between all that, I had to find time to get a physical, get a TB test, finish all the associated paperwork, get it scanned and sent to HR electronically so that they'd have it to send to Miami. Once Miami gets the paperwork, I'll be able to finally get an official start date then, thank $deity.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I hope that you are not doing these laptops one at a time? Line up 10 or 20 and have them do it at the same time. -ecoli
Ecoli, my thoughts exactly. Line them bastards up, hell stack them ontop of each other, fire up the update software... 800 could easily be done within a month. But then again, we don't know if there's wireless access, or if there isn't if there are enough cables available... -exzyle2k
Knowing skippy's luck it's on a 10mb hub. -McSmiley
with a 2mb connection -slowANDeasy
With bad cables going only 512kbps, if he's lucky -DarkRookie
Ah, 800 laptops to update manually... I'd set up a ghostcast server from my own spare parts, make a dozen boot CDs, then just walk around slapping a CD in each machine, and let them go at it (of course you need to manually set up one machine, and make an image file, and tell everyone without a roaming profile to fark off and start saving to the network...) -garwain
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172.
Fun with Thursdays
This morning, I came into a crisis. Our DHCP server was down. With that, came the requisite flood of tickets from people who, against policy, shut their computers off every night, as well as people whose DHCP lease reset after the server went down. Only after I came in did they finally do an overhead announcement that we're having issues and to not call the help desk to generate more tickets, since until the server came back up, there was nothing to be done.
This also leaves me in a lurch because the project I'm currently working on requires me to have a steady stream of laptops plugged in via a hardwire and get updates from the network, and even if I were to do a folder dump to a DVD or a jump drive, I'd still need the network because the majority of the items I need to install are actually batch scripts that grab things from network shares. So no DHCP means they can't grab an address and thusly I can't do my job. And to think this is a Thursday, and not a Monday.
Oh well, at least I'm getting my physical done here today at 1 PM. They'll transmit it to my new job as soon as they're done, and that should presumably clear the last hurdle as far as paperwork goes, and I'll know soon when I'll be moving down to Florida again :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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I never could get the hang of Thursday's -- A. Dent -Starfury
So Happy Its Thursday. -TieDyedDinosaur
I thought it was friday today. I am disappointed and confused. -LDFeral
TDD: Even better when the opportunity arises where you can say So Happy It's Thursday & Payday. -MadJack
What no static IP range available at your disposal? -kennz
Interesting... our company requires the users to turn off their computers every night, as software pushes are set up with the company GPOs that are run on boot. And since they're trying to save $$$, we're turning off lights in bathrooms, conference rooms, hallways with windows... *sigh* -VoiceOfSanity
@kennz: No. The network admin decided that static IP's for things like printers was a bad idea, and forced us to change them to DHCP. The havoc that was wrought the other day when the DHCP server was down was a case in point as to why static IP's were needed in the first place. -skippytpodar
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174.
Suckers for masochism...
It seems like ever since I got back from my vacation, and also made the announcement that I'm transferring down south, my new shop sup has been riding me to do more and more stuff before I left while the other technicians have been all but sitting idle.
For instance, on Tuesday, my shop sup was tasked to install a new computer. Yesterday, he forwarded it to me to do, mainly so he could have more time himself to do stuff, like go see his "secret" girlfriend on the first floor, which pretty much everyone knows about.
And then today, he called me yet again, this time because he needed me to empty out a cart, chock full of PC's, monitors and peripherals. When I told him I had to call the head of the hospital back at her house because her laptop wasn't working, he told me to not only get it emptied out but sent down to the dock within the span of 20 minutes... in an area which the elevator requires a key to go to. It took me over an hour after I got off the phone with the head of the hospital just to find someone with a key, and another half hour to find which floor the elevator was on. I managed to get it done, but not before I got several more tickets shoved my way which needed to be done ASAP as well.
And they're wondering why I'm getting outta dodge?
[By: skippytpodar]
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time to start putting your feet up. what are they going to do to you? -gashach
So... are you going to go out with a bang, at least? -Seamyst
fucque th' douche... -vacuumtubes
So you had to empty the cart first, and then take it down to the dock? Just wonderin'- was the cart so long that it wouldn't make the turns in a fire stairwell? After all, you didn't have to take it UP stairs... Could also satisfy a little of the "going out with a bang" sentiment that was expressed here, as well. -Voz
"I can't say I've been *missing* work... ha ha ha!" -- Peter Gibbon -Mushroom
FOGMO: F**k off, got my orders....bossman needs to hear it... -CTYankee
I thought the point of elevators was to go to every floor? -drachen
Passive agressive? -McSmiley
My guess: he had to find the elevator to unlock it. Then he could ride it to where the trolley was. -Chromatix
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175.
Who knew?
I bumped into $currentBoss today in the hallway and he congratulated me on getting the new job down south. He also mentioned to my new boss down there when $newBoss called & asked for a recommendation, that I mainly handled laptops, flash drives, etc., and that's exactly the type of person my new boss needed, since he had a bit of a clusterfsck on his hands regarding those very devices.
Speaking of the job down south, no word yet on when I'll be starting there, but it looks like it'll be fairly soon. I'm still narrowing down places to live after some friends who've lived down there, as well as $newBoss, recommended I look at a couple places, and have a revised short list. I'll be discussing them with my future roommate in the next few days, and hopefully we should be able to decide soon, since if they pull the proverbial trigger soon, it'll be nice to just sign the lease and go. I'll try to avoid doing so sight unseen if I can help it, but if push comes to shove, I can always get my friends down there to scout the places out :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Congrats! -rosemetal
Residence hunting karma headed your way! -unrenowned
even Google Earth helps in a pinch, to scout things out a little -ThinTheHerd
Using google earth is a good idea, you might at least be able to see if there are lots of chalk outlines on the sidewalk... -AlanSmithee
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176.
Returning all unused karma
Just got the official call a few minutes ago. I was offered the job in Miami, to which I immediately accepted. No firm start date as of yet, but by the way it sounds, it'll probably be sooner rather than later that I begin there :)
So with that, all unused karma is hearby returned.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Here's to taking the first step into the rest of your life. Good luck figuring out how to deal with your family in all of this. -NightSteel
RIGHT ON!! BOOYEA! oh man that is one hell of a life changing phone call! All for the better :) -Harm
Congrats on the chance at a fresh start. -evolvedstarfish
Yippee! Congrats! When do you start? -MrsQuadrinaro
@MrsQuandrico: No firm date yet, but if I had my way, somewhere around the end of September/beginning of October. I figure that would give me enough time to find a place and get settled -skippytpodar
Congrats! I'm guessing Miami is a ways from where you currently live. -Starfury
Welcome to Florida from another Floridian! Are you going to drive down or fly down? -TechieSidhe
Congrats! -minchazo
Congrats... Miami's on the exact other end of the state from me (panhandle here) but we can use the extras. -VoiceOfSanity
Bad news - the job is as a victim on CSI:MIAMI... You are killed by a Starfish and your body washes up on the shore... -Wonko The Sane
Congrats, that's great to hear. :) -Olorin
Been following your story, and when I read this my heart just thumped! Congrts, skippy! I'm so happy for you! -sassicatz
Congratulations indeed! -Grue
Congrats man. I you swing down toward Tampa on I-75 instead of I-95, I would like to meet you. TechieSidhe as well. -DarkRookie
Congrats! Remember, when finding a place, you WILL need plenty of guest space. Your place will become your family's designated vacation "hotel". -ManyHats
Good news! -MadJack
Congrats :) -Diptera
Definitely swing across to Tampa, Say hi. -docfl
I disagree with ManyHats: get a studio apartment so you have no room for house guests. -thx1138
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177.
Looks like I needed a bit more karma...
On my way home today, I got in a car accident. It was a relatively minor fender bender, and I was the lead vehicle involved. I basically braked, and the lady behind me didn't in time, so she hit me. The damage to our cars wasn't bad and neither of our airbags went off. We exchanged info and waited for the police to come. They declined to write tickets for us at the time, and sent us on our way. Throughout the whole thing, I was surprisingly calm. I guess the good news today still had me going from earlier.
I guess this was a good thing in the sense that it didn't happen during my trip to Indy, nor did it happen during my impending move to Miami. I'll be contacting $insuranceCompany shortly to give them the girl's info and get my car fixed ASAP, since I'd like it nice and shiny for my trip to Miami :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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at least it should be her fault, not yours. -gashach
Karma phasers set to "fix." And fire. -KrazerKap
Sending what I can spare. -Stryker One
Good luck!
-Grue
Check your insurance policy details. They may try and pressue you into using a specific mechanic/panel beater. If your policy states you have a choice of repairer, find a good one and use them. If they have a list of repairers, do some research and pick the best one. Karma your way -PoglaTheGrate
I was in a fender bender last year and the driver at fault had a policy with one of the worst insurance companies in existence. What you may want to consider is filing the claim against your insurance, and let your company file a claim against the other driver to recover your losses. -cecil36
I've already contacted my insurance company and started the claims process. I gave them all the info, the girl's name, her license plate number, and her insurance policy number. It should be pretty straight forward from thispoint on since I know from previous experience that my company is good about getting the job done :) -skippytpodar
So, we can just drive into each other now. That's my understanding at least. -ThinTheHerd
Was in a accident and the car that hit me was same insurance company. They sued themselves for the money. no wonder insurance is so high. -docfl
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178.
Little slow on the uptake...
Abut two and a half months ago, a moratorium was issued on some of the devices I handle, forbidding me from handing them out to anyone beyond who already had one. People who had these devices could continue to use them sparingly, but this basically left about 4 dozen people hanging who still had pending requests for these devices, after it was discovered that the security had been fatally compromised on them, meaning we'd have to scrap all these devices and buy completely new ones. Tha process is still ongoing, and may take a bit of time, and basically forces me to recall the ones already doled out to people once we get the new ones in. Considering some of the people I have to deal with, I'd consider even getting back half of them a victory.
So you could understand my surprise when, this morning, I got an e-mail from someone about just such a device. She was wondering if she could come by and pick one up. The problem? Her e-mail was in response to one I had originally sent to her and about a dozen others... 4 MONTHS ago. All the others had picked theirs up within a week of that e-mail, well before the moratiorium took effect or even before we were aware of the security having been compromised.
So, being that I'm starting my vacation as of the end of my shift today, I decided to be benevolent. I simply told her that due to the moratorium, I couldn't issue any more out, but that she'd be put on the list for a new one once all the proverbial ducks were put in a row.
On the inside though, I was laughing my ass off...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Consolation prize for her: Dixie cups and string. -vacuumtubes
too hard for luser to comprehend. How bout, a flintstones play telephone, or worse, barney! -AdmiralLaurie
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179.
Many masters...
The command structure of my department can get a touch convoluted at times. Sure, we have our CIO, the assistant CIO, and supervisors on down the line, but at times, there's a pretty big amount of not only overlap, but butted heads.
Perfect example: A liason contacted the assistant CIO regarding a piece of equipment that was requested several months back, but has yet to hear anything. The assistant CIO, in turn, e-mails my shop sup who e-mailed me. Now, between my show sup and the assistant CIO lies the head of my division, and is the person who has final approval over equipment, but wasn't included on this original message. Until it leaves his queue with his approval, no one else sees the request. However, I have the ability to look into his queue and see what requests are on his plate. I peek in, and lo & behold, there's the equipment request in question, having been in limbo for the last 6 months. I reply back with the information to the assistant CIO, my shop sup, and the liason, and CC the head of my division to maybe grease the wheels a bit.
Not 10 minutes after I send this message, I get an e-mail back with my name both in the To: and the CC: field, asking not only why I would CC the assistant CIO on the message, but also the status of another, completely unrelated piece of equipment. I reply honestly that the liason initially messaged the assistant CIO, so I wanted to keep him in the loop on this request to the conclusion, and also answered his other question regarding the other equipment.
Needless to say, I was somewhat amused by the e-mail, since it not only didn't answer my question, but I also had the feeling he didn't want the assistant CIO to know anything about the ticket.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I understand. I have a fat tub o' shit boss who wants every email sent to him for approval before I send something. He is an IDIOT and doesnt know shit from applesauce. -randyskier
"Let me tell you, Bob -- I have SIX bosses!" -Captain Trips
The term is "plausible deniability". I've seen it used often when it comes to equipment requests, with the thought process that if they sit on it long enough, the requester will give up. -VoiceOfSanity
Perhaps he simply forgot about the request - too hard or whatever - and doesn't want the Assistant CIO to know of his incompetence? -JohnAdriaan
"i've only got one, so i can't let you have it, because then i'd be out!" i've read this several places...including "Dilbert". -Erictheblue
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180.
You know...
... it's going to be an interesting day when you wake up on a Monday morning and feel good for no particular reason BEFORE you've had anything caffeinated.
[By: skippytpodar]
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even without the liberal application of C2H5OH (alcohol) ? -ecoli
Maybe with a spike of its ethyl counterpart? Mmmm, tastes like blindness. -LDFeral
Check your house for a pod. -Stryker One
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181.
Remind me
Why, oh why, do I work where my sanity and patience are tested on a nigh-hourly basis.
Got a hair-on-fire ticket from a nurgse who couldn't get a cart to power on. The fix? I changed the (drained) battery out for a fresh one, and put the old one in the charger for the evening shift. Bear in mind, the nurses are the ones responsible for doing that, and the nurse manager, who is the one who put in this ticket, has been informed of this more than once.
[By: skippytpodar]
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I remembered getting a call up to the OR once, because one of the touchscreen monitors wasn't working. 5 min to the theater, 5 min scrubbing down, 5 seconds to wipe an alcohol swab across the screen to clear the accumulated gunk. Just tried not to think about how talc and blood makes a sort of cement. -LDFeral
@LDFeral, that sounds suspiciously like my last blind date date...talc and blood really tend to cool off the moment of passion. The scrubbing up was afterward. -ChildofCthulhu
We had this 110 girl that was a 'cable guy' and would con dispatch into sending another tech out because the "ladder cant reach" I started a whole "sexual harrassment" problem when I went out, slammed my ladder on the pole, climbed up, touched the safety strand, climbed back down, put the ladder back on the van, and said "Grow some fucking balls" and left. -burrkiss
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182.
How does No sound?
Got a voicemail this morning when I came in. A liason was wondering why I still haven't given a laptop to a person she requested get one. I called her back, and she gave me the ticket number. Turns out, she had put it in last night around 10 PM, many hours after I and rest of the IT staffhad already left for the day. I told her this, and also according to the records of the ticket, it hadn't been approved by my boss yet, which is why up until her voicemail, I wasn't even aware such a ticket existed. I let her know she'd have to wait until at least next week before my boss comes beack, since he's on vacation this week, and even then, she'd have to go to the back of an ever growing line because there were several others waiting for laptops, and I have none to give out.
[By: skippytpodar]
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next thing you know she will be asking for a new mouse -Hawk
... you could give them a swift boot to the head! -Harm
Give them a pizza box. If left out long enough, it might attract a mouse. :) -MaskedMarauder
give 'em an etch a sketch! -ecoli
Give 'em an edited See and Say " The Tech say .... NO Laptop for you!" -Harm
F*cking people baffle me. -MrsCheezil
Makes you wish you could throw a penalty flag doesn't it. -DuckyFuzz
These people piss me the f*ck off! I.T. is comprised of humans; not freaking robots! We have lives outside of work; and those lives do not revolve around work. When the office is closed, so are we. Get the f*ck off my phone! -unrenowned
Wouldn't it be great if you could hand out yellow cards at your work. Request submitted not signed off by their manager YELLOW! Two yellows and they get a red... all IT privlages revoked and they are forced to use an etch-a-sketch and one of these http://www.ted-kyte.com/3D/Pictures/Breadboard.jpg -PoglaTheGrate
What are these yellow and red flags? -Divinar
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183.
Need I say more?
A hair-on-fire ticket came in about half an hour ago, submitted by a secretary on her own behalf. Here is the exact text of the ticket:
"Mouse is not operating properly - sticks when operating. I need a new mouse."
[By: skippytpodar]
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Clouded eyes or sticky balls? -ChildofCthulhu
sticky desk? -drachen
Maybe the mouse is leaving sticky sh*t. -Park7
My question is who let the mouse in the operating room?!? Of course it will stick! Does it even have a medical license? -0gr3
"Burn motherfucker....burn." -vacuumtubes
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184.
Monday morning musings...
Is it sad that I have an Excel spreadsheet detailing how much money I'd receive after taxes if I had won the lottery, as well as how much I'd earn everyday if I put those winnings in an interest bearing account/management fund?
And t-3 weeks until my vacation...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Thats what we call the "Kentucky Retirement Plan" around here. -Darkridr
the 649 retierment plan up here.... win the lotto and you can retire, eventually. ( although id be perfectly extatic with 25K.. aside from the car My personal debt would be gone.) -Harm
Every year the paper does a survey to find out people's retirement plans. Amazingly, at least a quarter of those surveyed seem to believe that their retirement will be financed by a lottery win... And rightly it was proclaimed that the lottery is but a tax upon the stupid. -chazz
We're doing a lottery pool here. All of us agree that if the per-person payout is over 2 mil after taxes we're quitting on the spot. -Starfury
In Canada and Australia as well, lottery winnings aren't taxable - although earnings such as interest etc earned from the winnings, is. I kind of prefer that idea.
It's not entirely fair to denigrate those who have a lottery win as their retirement plan, they probably said "The only way I can retire is if I win the lottery" which is kind of my situation, post divorce etc I had nothing left. -AlanSmithee
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185.
Mystery machine
This morning, I got yet another hair-on-fire ticket about a computer. The mouse wasnt working, but that wasn't what made it interesting. The person who called it in couldn't tell the help desk what computer it was, what room it was located in, or any other information beyond that, just that some computer somewhere on her floor had a mouse problem of some description.
So I go up and surprisingly find the computer in question in short order. The problem wasn't with the mouse, oh no my friends, it wasn't that simple. The PC was overheating to the point that the mouse jumped around only once every 2-3 seconds. I put in a call to the vendor since this was a warranty issue, and close the ticket out.
[By: skippytpodar]
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you didn't try to remove the cover first and vacuum all the crud out? -Bioguy
I once had a nurses PC that was overheating. I found all the ventialtion holes taped over. When I started to fix that, she objected because it had been blowing warm air at her! -Holdfast
@Bioguy: A couple things prevented me. Firstly, it was in an encased cart, and the only key we had was down int he office. And also, we're not allowed to touch the PC itself whilst under warranty as the cart itself is in a grey area in terms of support. -skippytpodar
"I feel a disturbance in the force. Somewhere, a computer is distressed. Somewhere a computer needs help. Somehow, we need to find out where that computer is- we're its last hope..." -Voz
Is it bad that I read the title and immediately thought of Scooby Doo? -BarmanVarn
BarmanVarn: "Scooby-doobie-doo! Where are you?" No, you were not the only one. :) -PCChaos
@Bioguy please don't tell me you use a vacuum to clean PC's... that's asking for trouble right there! An air compressor, or compressed air cans are the way to go! -Caboose447
@ skippytpodar: I should have realized it was something like that. My apologies. -Bioguy
@ caboose447: sure, I vacuum computers out all the time. The ones I work on are in hospital labs. The insides are usually chock-full of nasty dusty stuff. I use a special vacuum with a filter that is approved for copier toner. You really don't want to blow air into a computer in a lab, the dust will just go all over. Plus, when you have the computer apart you can reseat the ram, remove the heat sink and apply new thermal transfer grease, etc. -Bioguy
And the ole "Suck or Blow Debate" rises again... -CyBear
Actually, ANY fast moving air can generate static electricity, blown or sucked. It's the air movement. (Doubt that? Where do you think the static charges we call lightning come from?) -ralphp1024
Mye ex vacuumed the air exhaust vents on my (then)brand new stereo reciever and it never powered on again. I've never used a vacuum near electronics since. YMMV -ThinTheHerd
I have used a vacuum cleaner to clean the PC. I have the nozzle near the open side, and use an old toothbrush to make the dust airborne. The dust gets sucked into the vacuum cleaner nozzle. And, I wear and anti-static strap grounded to the PC case. Worked for me over 10 years. Nothing has been terminally zapped yet. -Wraith556
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186.
So much for sleeping in...
Backstory: Calling my parents each and every weekend without fail is a must. This is due to the fact that they seem convinced that failure to do so even once is tantamount to disowning the family. I cannot tell you the number of times my parents have called me, waterworks turned up to 10, for failing to call when I had things to do, like work, going out on dates, doing homework, helping others, and the list goes on. E-mails are woefully inadequate, since my parents rarely access their e-mail accounts more than once a month. My father, especially is notorious for calling me at all hours, expecting me to drop what I'm doing, no matter how important. In fact, I've had more than a couple girls I was dating simply walk out on me because my dad called repeatedly on a date until I had little choice but to answer the call, thinking someone in the family had died, only for him to simply to yell at me for not picking up before simply wanting to talk for "five minutes", his way of saying he wanted to talk for over an hour.
So this morning, I got a call from my dad at 7 this morning only to tell me to call later around 10-11 because my mom wanted to sleep in. Besides the obvious problem of him calling me at 7 in the morning after a late night, the other problem is that the time he specified is the time I normally call them anyway...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Well, at least they are still there. I called my father every week before he died, he still wrote me out of the will for not calling him. (He would forget I called 10 minutes after the call.) Long story, much bitterness put into the past. Be glad you still have both of yours around, it beats the alternative. -Captain Trips
oh yeah, my grandparents are paranoid I'm being abused here and even want me to use a "code word" to signal when to call the police. uh huh, riiiiight. -AdmiralLaurie
I would cast Don't Answer The Phone on that monster. ;-)
Actually a friend of mine told me a story: He was talking with a friend, and his friend's phone rang. The guy checked, rolled his eyes and didn't answer. My friend asked about it. His friend explained it was his mother calling again, she called a lot, and he didn't want to talk with her. Shortly after that, she was struck by a kid involved in street racing, dying the same afternoon her son rolled his eyes and didn't answer. Then my friend told me, 'Call your mother! And your sisters. Do not miss an opportunity to tell people you care about that you love them.' -FuzzyElf
There's nothing wrong with your parents wanting you to contact them frequently. However, them yelling at you because you slipped once, well, that's bordering on co-dependence... :-) -vacuumtubes
Something's wrong here. I can go weeks without talking to my parents, and I live up the street from them (literally a minute or two on foot). Sometimes at church, I'll wave to them from across the chapel. -charred
Hey you might want to forward your calls to his number before you go to bed the night before you expect his call tee hee -THETECHFROMHELL
Get a new number via Google Voice, give it to your parents, create a custom voice mail message that tells them you are in the bathroom and then just relax... -unrenowned
Ummm, these are the same ones who give you small trinkets or other useless items for special occasions and pretty much favorited your sister over you, right? And have caused potential relationships to burn out before they've started, right? Looks like someone is responding to emotional blackmail and it will continue for as long as you let them. -BayouTech
My mother calls once or twice a year, I call about half that. We get along fine by not trying to get along. -Mushroom
Sure glad my parents don't pull this crap. If they did, I'd dictate hours for them to call or just not answer outside of a specific time until they got the message. -Spacegoat
Hah. This being about parental-types, it's easy to draw the line, hard to hide behind it. -LDFeral
If someone has died, they'll still be dead when your date is over. But if you are on the organ transplant waitlist, take the call. -concept14
There are days that I am pessimistic, then concept14 comes along and makes me feel optimistic. Quit messing with my mind!! -unrenowned
There's a reason that electronic communication devices have an "OFF" button... why are you taking ANY calls on a date? -ManyHats
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187.
Some days...
... you have to wonder about the people I deal with.
Today, I was forwarded an e-mail from my boss that was sent to him by a liason. He was asking if I had gotten in touch with someone about a laptop they were supposed to receive, wondering why this person never got it. For starters, my boss knew that I got the request Thursday, and got a laptop from the warehouse Friday, but both days, the imaging server was down, so getting it ready last week was nigh impossible, meaning the earliest I could even start on it was two days ago. I did so, and tried to contact the person every way I could, and upon sending her an e-mail, got an auto reply that she was going to be out until next week. Lovely...
So I replied back, saying that I did indeed try to contact her, and that she was out of the office until next week. The liason, who was CC'd on the message, replied back to me going, "Oh yes, she's on leave this week."
So let me get this straight, you're wondering why I haven't given a laptop to someone who isn't even here this week?
[By: skippytpodar]
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right...because that is why she needed it. and the leave was scheduled 18 months ago as well. -gashach
I recently went on vacation- three days in, I get a phone call from my manager 'Uh, hey, LD- we haven't seen you at work for a couple days, so if you have five minutes, give me a call back. It'll just be a quick call.' Of course, being on vacation, and out of the country, I didn't feel much like calling back to inform him that I had: been approved to go on vacation, two weeks ago, by him, and confirmed this two days before leaving. 'Hilariously' they fired almost everyone else, but me, by my return. Layoffs! Dismantling Job Security Since 1982. -LDFeral
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188.
Wednesday fun, S&M style...
First of all, down Burkiss, down!
Now that I got that outta the way, here's my day so far...
- Woke up VERY late, took a quick shower, and hopped in my car, only to realize I forgot to get gas yesterday on account of being unbelievably tired
- Ended up in a six-mile traffic jam that tacked on an extra 30+ minutes to me already being late beyond having to stop and get gas
- Found out upon coming in that one of the techs conveniently called in sick on the day he had a big move to do, forcing all of us to reshuffle our tickets to make sure it got done.
- Got a hair-on-fire ticket from a nurse who said a computer wasn't connecting to the network. Turns out the wireless security was borken, and the PC needed to be re-imaged.
- Before I could leave there, the nurse shanghai'd me into looking at a flatbed scanner with a 50-sheet feeder. They were insisting on finding away to increase it to 60 sheets. They claimed it was affecting patient care, and they insisted I fix it right there and then. Since I didn't work on scanners and it said plain as day, that it was a 50-sheet max, I told them to submit a ticket in, and have someone order a bigger feeder for them instead of making someone fix it who didn't have the equipment to do so.
- Was told by a fellow tech that the PC imaging server was hosed, and I couldn't image anything, which sucks since I'm the admin for that server, and the people who were working on it never bothered to tell me it was broken.
- Started getting tickets for the basement, meaning that I now have 3 floors worth of tickets to manage on top of laptops, PC imaging, encrypted flash drives, and the inventory.
- On one of the tickets in the basement, I got yelled at by a secretary for failing to "knock first and announce myself properly" when I arrived at her desk through a wide open door. Apparently, she was under the impression I had to announce myself to her and everyone in the patient waiting area my intentions of being there, because she said there were people claiming to be employees and patients walking around. The issue she had? A computer needed to be moved 4 feet from one desk to another.
- Was forwarded a ticket by my counterpart in our sister facility to work on a laptop with connection issues at our sister facility. I forwarded the e-mail notification to the supervisor there, thinking that maybe this was a mistake, and the supervisor's response was "OK, thanks!", but was still assigned to me.
- Went down to see a customer about an issue where her PC shut off suddenly and inexplicably. I went down there, only to find that somehow the power strip had been all but unplugged. I reseated it, and everything came back on. Since the monitor's power button was stuck anyway, I agreed to replace it.
- Was stopped in the hallway by one of the liasons. She said one of her people was to get in touch with me soon because a surgeon who's particularly troublesome to get a hold of (even within her own department) was wanting her encrypted flash drive, but wasn't always available to get it. She said he was going to call me to see if I was available, then call the surgeon to see if she was available, then if we both were to drop whatever it was we were doing and meet.
- Got another hair-on-fire ticket about how, since doctors on the whole floor could no longer add their own printers to their computers and/or have their own $2500 network uber-printer in their office, they were somehow unable to see patients, that this was affecting patient care, and they wanted all this to be resolved immediately
And after that, I'm finally on my lunch break...
[By: skippytpodar]
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so a slow morning then? -gashach
As to the 50-page scanner being converted to 60 pages, let's quote Scotty: "I can no change the laws of physics, Captain!" -Captain Trips
Yeah slow day indeed. Btw its gets worst after lunch... -kennz
I can fix the 50-page scanner issue from here! When it runs out, add more paper. -ActingUpAgain
STOP FARKING TEASING ME WITH THOSE TITLES. Or else.......... -burrkiss
that title made me think of something silly i saw: at the local fairground, there was a porta-john with a logo that said, "B&D toilets"! -Erictheblue
The phrase, "affecting patient care" must be the medical equivalent of the politician's favorite phrase, "for the children..." :-P -vacuumtubes
60 pages? Just take everything you want to scan, and photocopy it on to 40gsm paper... :) -Diptera
@VT: They use the phrase "affects patient care" whenever they want to have something done quickly, or to hop ahead of everyone else in the queue, even if it's for just a new mouse, or for handholding while they figure out the complexities of right-click. -skippytpodar
Mebby I'm getting too much like Burkiss, but I read his comment as "don't tease me with those titties" -PoglaTheGrate
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189.
More fun with Dad
So much for having a long weekend of no computers to fix...
Yesterday evening, my dad called me to tell me that my mom's laptop was (yet again) on the fritz and it needed to be fixed right away so she could check her e-mail, go on eBay, QVC, and HSN.
The problem boiled down to her IE not working properly for whatever reason. The instant it'd start up, it would freeze, which meant that either her cache got way too big for it's britches, or some recent patch borked itself. The former would've been easy enough to check... if I could get a word in edgewise with my dad. What would normally be a set of instructions taking all of 30 seconds to explain to him, turned into a 27-minute dad-rant of being unable to get a word in edgewise, wherein my dad ranted about how he hates M$ patches, how he swears to never update his PC, how he's checked the wireless is working and that I need to fix it RIGHT NOW.
Whilst my mom was here last during the X-Mas holiday, I installed a little program called CCleaner, that cleans out the temp cache and other files MS leaves lying around but doesn't need, even the windows update uninstallers. It normally runs quite fast, normally taking less than a minute. I managed to get my dad to start it up to his usual barrage of questions, and it stayed at 0% because of the sheer volume of temp internet files, and it stayed there for what felt like forever. My dad said he'd call back as soon as it was done.
So far, no call back, meaning it was either fixed, or my dad just gave up.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Caller ID. It can be a life saver. -Stryker One
In a perfect world, I'd agree Stryker, but my dad is the type who thinks that if you fail to pick up the phone, even for the most legitimate reason on the planet, then you must be ignoring him deliberately. I've gotten more than a fwe toungelashings from him about not picking up the phone. He also picks up the phone every time it rings, even if it's a telemarketer, but he doesn't understand how they always know to call when he's home. -skippytpodar
So, your daddy throws temper tantrums, and you tolerate it? -Stryker One
I had to starrt charging mine. It seems to be working. -ThinTheHerd
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190.
Fun with USB
Several months ago, I mentioned that we had a piece of software pushed out that locks down the USB ports to the point that they're all but useless, even for devices we dole out to people, and would even go so far as to send a notification e-mail of the incident to the IT security folks, unless they had a waiver on file for that specific device, signed by everyone up to and including the Hospital director..
Recently, the IT security folks began cracking down by sending out nastygrams to people who plugged unauthorized stuff in to USB ports, including Crackberries, iPods, personal flash drives, external hard drives, you name it. As a result, people are turning right around and calling into the Help Desk to complain about getting these e-mails. Because I deal with encrypted thumb drives, they almost by default come to me. Yesterday, I wasted an hour of my life on the phone with a lady who was adamant she never plugged anything into any USB ports despite the fact that there were two seperate incidents on the e-mail she got, showing that it was her username logged in at the time, the computer in her office, during two times she admitted she was using the PC. And today, I got yet another ticket from a lady who insisted she only plugged in her personal Crackberry just to charge it. I didn't call her yet, but I magine that's gonna be another fight where they'll claim ignorance (despite the torrent of e-mails saying not to do it), and the fact that they should charge their stuff at home, not here.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Tell them to get a wall mounted USB charger and use that for their crack (berry) -srteach
I can see a USB device being plugged in w/o them knowing about it - I know if I was at that company, I'd have a hard time not pranking my friends that way. [I had a "missing" USB drive plugged into my computer for 3 months once. Can you tell I never look at "My Computer"?] -Shevaresh
Does the software even lock out power to the USB port? If not, then she shouldn't complain since she can still charge her device, she just can't use it. -MisterCommon
So can you actually do anything about these complaints, or do you just tell them to go bug the person who made the policy? -Geminii
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191.
About that printer...
Backstory: The setup for our print server system is completely convoluted, and way more complicated than it ever needed to be. Not only do printers NOT have static IP addresses, but for reasons only known to a few who have since left, someone had the brilliant idea to tie to specific ports on our switches, to the point where a simple printer move involves the networking folks having to make changes to switches, as well as the programmers rebuilding queues because their physical location is changed.
Got a ticket the other day, saying someone had moved into a new office, and they had a printer that was never hooked up. Tried twice to call the person, no answer. Finally after a third call and an e-mail the guy finaly responds back, saying he moved from an office to an office with a newer printer, but he wants *his* printer in the office instead of the new & shiny(and working) one. Little does he know the can of worms he wants to open.
After 10 minutes of going back and forth, trying to explain to him that it's far more complicated than simply picking one up and dropping one off in it's place, especially since by default, he got an upgrade, the fishie relented, and I was finally able to just install the printer. He also said he was having trouble getting onto a website, and because he's a social worker, he feels he should have the right to go anywhere. So I stay connected remotely to his PC and have him go to the site. Turns out, he was trying to get to some random comic strip site I've never heard of, which was blocked by people much higher up the food chain than either me or the fishie. I told him he'd have to submit a formal request to the folks in $centralOffice, and to pray he didn't get laughed at too much...
[By: skippytpodar]
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Yeah. I have a degree/title/fancy position and no need to actually have the admin access- but I demand it, due to my <previous stated awesomeness>. I will also screw things up so bad with said password that it'll be your fault for someone else giving it to me. -LDFeral
see, I 'm the Senior sanitary engineer, I'm higher up than the Director of IT, cuz I'm senior, and an engineer. -McSmiley
"We didn't buy the option which allows us to do that. It's a good idea, though, and if you'd perhaps see your way towards making a budget donation in the next cycle... hello? Hello?" -Geminii
There is a reason that workers and diseases start with the word social. ;-) -Necros
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192.
Oh, by the way...
The four words in the title are the bane of my existence...
I had a lady who isn't too knowledgable about PC's to begin with, and brought in her laptop. She claimed to be getting constantly kicked off her connection to work, and so I checked things out. Sure enough, she failed to heed Skippy's warning about bringing in the laptop regularly to update $antivirus, but being that it's Monday and I had insufficient fuel (read; caffeine) to LART anyone yet, I updated it for her to the most recent update.
Right as I shut down the laptop & handed it back to her, she blurted out that she needed to get Outlook configured on the laptop. Considering how slow the laptop was to boot up, I gritted my teeth and fired it back up, especially since I was already late for a meeting on another issue. Setting it up took all of 10 seconds, but it would've been nice if she had mentioned it while the laptop was still turned on the first time. Oh well, it's Monday...
[By: skippytpodar]
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"while I got you on the line, can you also help me to connect my xbox, since you seem to know what your are doing,etc.etc.etc, lather rinse and repeat, always repeat." It never ends. -atomicbill
Detective Colombo. -AussieFoot
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193.
Earthquacke party! (as posted on /.)
At around 2:10 this afternoon a 5.5 earthquake hit Canada, and we felt the tremors as far as way as across the border where I live. The building swayed a bit, and people were slightly startled more than anything, so unless that's the 5th sign of the apocalypse or something, we're all OK :)
[By: skippytpodar]
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Oh, calm down, it was only a 5.0. Nothing to worry about, just a bit to shake up your Magaritas!
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsus/Maps/US10/37.47.-80.-70.php
-Captain Trips
Whats an earthquake? -DarkRookie
A guy I know moved up here to escape earthquakes. He said they make him violently nauseous. I always wondered what that'd be like- but I'm not to anxious to find out. -LDFeral
I've been through a couple of earthquakes, and let me tell you, Tornado Alley never looked so good! -duckhead
5 floors up it was fun :) epicenter ws prctically below my ex's family cottage. man you shoulda seen all the people scramble like the sky was falling. upside was the roads home were clear as everyone bugged out just after 2. -Harm
I've never experienced an earthquake. The couple that we've had here were so small I either slept through or just kept working and didn't notice. -AussieFoot
5 pointers ain't nuthin', we've had a few of those since the big one on Easter Sunday. It's if your rarely impacted part of the country/world isn't built to withstand 'em when you have to wrry. -MadJack
Seems the 'quake made a bridge fall down in Quebec... but then, it being Quebec, I'm surprised that there was only one. -chazz
I'm 50 km from the epicenter. It was cool watching the lake wiggle. Dial-up, not so cool. -ThinTheHerd
felt the quake where I worked, then went home and my town was hit by a Tornado. Makes me wonder what Mom Nature is upset about! -govtech
I didn't notice anything at my office, but then again, I could have just dismissed it as a truck rolling by on the road. The big trucks shake us up all the time. A friend of mine, about 100 miles south of me, in vermont, said things were falling off her bookcase though. Why do I miss all the fun? -garwain
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194.
Definitely a crappy problem
Got an emergency ticket saying a keyboard tray on a computer cart was borken, so I went up there to check it out. I couldn't find it at first, but the nurse who reported it said she wheeled it into a patient bathroom. Lovely.
I took a look at it, and discovered that the tray slide was mangled & bent as a direct result of someone leaning on it, which has been a common occurrence. Upon them breaking, several nurses have fallen right to the ground, even bumping their heads on the cart, the wall, or the floor. However, either through a combination of a collective failure of logic (or dain bramage) and multiple e-mails going out to the nurses and their supervisors, the nurses have failed to stop leaning on the keyboard trays, so we still come across these at least once or twice a month, and are quickly running out of replacement carts due the company's lack of willingness to supply us with replacement parts anymore (long story).
So one of the few remaining replacements is being sent over to us, and we're hoping they finally get the hint, as this has already been brought to the attention of the powers that be here...
[By: skippytpodar]
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If they've been told multiple times what the problem is, doesn't that make future events 'willful destruction of hospital property'? -Calydor
Need to modify them with a preasure release so that if too much pressure gets put on them they just flip down. Have it so it takes more than typeing but less than someone leaning on it. -Belunar
Maybe if you put the staff on stimulants, they won't feel so tired that they have to lean on the keyboards. -Park7
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195.
Wow...
It never ceases to amaze me.
I just got off the phone with two ladies regarding laptop issues. The first one seemed oblivious to the concept of time. I had sent her an e-mail on June 11th, telling her & five others that their laptops was ready. The five other people on that e-mail had not only responded, but also picked up their laptops last week, but with her, I waited... and waited... and waited. When I told her I when I sent it, her response was "But you sent it on the 11th!" Very good, little fishie, you can read, but that still doesn't excuse you from being unable to figure out that today is the 21st, and I was ready to give your laptop to someone else, someone who really needed it, especially after the neepfest you gave, saying how you NEEDED the laptop for patient care. Well, enlighten me, how many patients could you not care for during the last 10 days without this laptop, when I specifically wrote in the e-mail that I needed YOU to respond to ME with a date & time to pick up the equipment YOU requested? Thought so...
The first lady passed off the phone to another lady who proceeded to motor off the fact that her VPN account was no longer working & had somehow expired. I logged into the VPN portal, only to discover her VPN account was active and working just fine. I mentioned this to her, and her response? "Well, it stopped working after my computer told me some kind of antivirus needed updating," a dead giveaway she hadn't updated her $antivirus software on her laptop, despite the fact I make darn sure to show everyone how to update it before handing the laptop over to them, since the VPN software we have checks to see if it is more than 2 weeks out of date.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Never forget rule #1. -atomicbill
I thought rule one was: They're lying to you. Maybe we can convince Hawk to set up a special page for permanent, numbered rules. I have a feeling it would turn into a wiki or something, though. -LDFeral
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196.
It generally works better...
... when you plug it in.
Got three emergency tickets from one of the wards, each saying the same doctor reported a laptop not working. I went up there, only to discover all THREE were completely drained of power. I plugged the three into outlets, powered them up, and went on my merry way after making sure they were working properly.
On my way out, I made a mental note to not make an appointment with that doctor. If they couldn't figure out a) laptops needed power to function b) laptops must be periodically plugged into a power outlet to recharge the onboard battery, then it was probably a good idea to avoid this doctor, as common sense had escaped them...
[By: skippytpodar]
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I've got field techs that do the same thing. -Caboose447
Aren't they wireless? Or have y'all not upgraded to the new Tesla brand laptop batteries yet? -ChildofCthulhu
A friend's wife works for a local medical group and we ask her which MD to see and which to avoid. -Starfury
the phrase "common sense" is not always applicable as the majority of the populace seem to be made up of starfish thus the "common" sense might be made up of starfish logic. -ecoli
gotta ask: what's this MD's specialty? Maybe one that you would never need, 'cause the plumbing's all wrong? -CTYankee
@CTYankee: No clue, and I didn't want to ask either. -skippytpodar
As I mentioned yesterday to a co-worker. - "These days, common sense, isn't." -ApolloSZ
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197.
You sure we don't need more techs
Today, two of the techs are out today, leaving us with a shop of three. The powers that be have previously stated that the numbers we currently have are adequate. However, if even one person calls in sick or is on vacation, the entire shop goes straight to $hotPlace, to say nothing about two calling in sick.
There are two BIG factors contributing to this. Firstly, we're all assigned floors and/or areas to work on. This has fostered a mentality of "not my floor, not my problem" among several of the techs. If a problem arises, and is not in a tech's assigned area, and that tech whose area it is is out for the day, then the problem can sometimes fester. Calls are then invariably made to people higher up the food chain by starfish as to why it's not being fixed, etc. This results in techs being called away from their assigned areas to go fix the problem by less-than-pleased manglement. This inordinately makes the tech in question surly, as they feel as though they're getting shafted and/or pulled away from their work to do someone else's job. This also leads to pigeonholing the starfish into relying on one single person to handle an area, who may not necessarily feel like sharing pertinent information about how something works, or a particular way to fix something, or who decides to call in sick whenever they feel like it.
Which leads to my second problem. Some of the techs, who shall remain nameless, leave some of the tickets assigned to them to essentially rot because they feel such problems are beneath them, or because their area is so large, it tends to overwhelm them. As a result, some of the techs here have open tickets in the double digits, and maybe one or two have any notes at all describing what's been done, if anything. In my case, I'm the designated backup for boh people who called in sick today, which means I have to deal with all the tickets that come in from of 5 of the 7 floors we have here in the building, along with any current open tickets.
Other places I've worked at, where the tickets are put in a communal pot of sorts, whoever's available works on the tickets, and fixes it if they can, so that only rarely are tickets left more than a day or so in the queue, even during the busiest times. Plus, this lets the manglement see who's doing what kind of work, and who's cherrypicking the easy tickets out for themselves. This way, the loss of one or to techs isn't as dire as it would be if they had assigned areas. That, and at the end of the day, fewer tickets are left open.
But then again, who am I but a tech who's worked under both systems and seen how both work (or don't). Each has some pitfalls, but coming from experience, I know that the central pot of tickets tends to work best for a lot of reasons, and gives the powers that be more ammo to work with, not only in terms of how much work is being done, the quality of the work, but also who's doing the work, and it tends to bode better for the hard working folks when it comes time for their annual review.
[By: skippytpodar]
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So, no cute nurses on your assigned floor, eh? -Bioguy
Central pot works better than assigned area, but still has its pitfalls, namely cherry-picking, which you mentioned. We've all done, I do it all the time, especially during slow times when the queue hasn't been tended in an hour or so. Better is a dedicated/designated person who assigns tickets based soley on rotation, with the occasional "specialist" assignment if that person knows a certain tech has experience with a particularly difficult problem. -Jeckler
One of the placews I worked at several years ago had both a ticket system, which forced you to take the first ticket out of the queue, regardless of what it was, and wouldn't let you reassign it or close it out unless and until you at least wrote something of substance (2-3 sentences worth) up in the work log. More often than not, we could tell who really worked on things, and who was pulling BS out of their hind end. And the supervisors also made sure the techs stayed on top of the tickets they had, and regularly logged into that system. -skippytpodar
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198.
Bring me Otis...
Got an e-mail from a doctor of the PhD variety today, asking if she could keep the laptop I ussed to her beyond Thursday, which is when she was due to give it back to me from a temporary assignment. Naturally curious, I asked why. She responded because she hasn't gotten the replacement laptop yet.
She was given this laptop three months ago, with the understanding that she, as the head of the department, would immediately order a laptop for herself to use with department funding, as her service is only partially funded by us, and as such, not all of the equipment she uses is compatible with ours. She decided to only put the order in for a laptop a few days ago, as she had totally forgotten she even had to do so (lack of plannung much?). Since it's out of my perview, I told her I had to let my boss know so he'd could vote yay or nay on it, as he doesn't like it when people are even 10 minutes later bringing in their laptops. She guffawed and responded with "I've been here for 20 years!"
Needless to say, that made me bristle a bit, since I could quite frankly give a rat's ass how long someone's worked here, they shouldn't be treated differently because of it. Then she decided to switch gears, to the fact she couldn't get into her encrypted thumb drive. I told her she needed to plug it in, so she promptly put me on speaker, went to the other side of the hallway, opened up her laptop and asked what to do next, as opposed to the PC she was sitting at when she called me. I had her plug it in, only to discover the drive's encrypted portion got corrupted, meaning I had to nuke and pave it.
[By: skippytpodar]
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and by ussed, I mean issued -skippytpodar
Do they leave their common sense at the Uni? -Dr Jerkyl
Didn't you know, lack of planning on their part is, of course, your fault. -Stryker One
This looks like yet another job for the steel reinforced, spiked rough, wooden teaching stick! Great for either wallopings or insertions! -ChildofCthulhu
Hmm... http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Board_of_Education -LDFeral
oh.. otis there you are.... carries otis over my shoulder proceeds to hand over Otis.. -kennz
I smell a potential follow-up... -unrenowned
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199.
It amazes me sometimes...
Sometimes, it amazes me how these doctors get as far as they do, given how selective their reading ability is.
Case in point, when I usually have equipment prepared for them, I write in the e-mail I send that it's best to usually schedule a time with me a day in advance to pick it up, and simply coming up is a bad idea, as I may be out & about somewhere fixing an issue for someone else. This hasn't stopped a steady stream of them from coming up unannounced, or replying to the original e-mail, wherein I've underlined the part that says "one day in advance", by writing "Can I come up now?", as was the case with one today.
I sent an e-mail to six people, letting them know their equipment was ready. Five other people, all nurses or administrative folks, had no trouble replying with a date & time they could come up, which was duly noted on my calendar and a reply sent confirming the date & time. The one doctor on there, supposedly didn't notice that I not only said to e-mail me back as well as my previous request, but he replied back saying he couldn't get a hold of me by phone, and wanted to come up right away. I replied saying I sould squeeze him in this afternoon, to which I got no reply at all. Not yet anyway.
[By: skippytpodar]
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Reply with, yeah, I couldn't get ahold of you by phone, so I'm stopping by to have my surgery. I'll be there in 20 minutes. -duckhead
But they're *doctors*, so naturally they're more important than everyone else and therefore the rules don't apply to them. -flapjackboy
I just got back from driving my dad 200 miles to his surgery appointment. Had to get up up at 4 am to be on time. Dr. made us wait 7 hours in plastic chairs. Then rescheduled. -ThinTheHerd
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200.
Leqst I could do...
This morning, I had to drive to our sister facility, which is actually on the way to my assigned site, to drop off some software to $networkAdmins.
On my way back to my car, $policeChief stopped me and said he needed a favor, and took me to his office. He needed to had $wirelessSecurity installed on his laptop so he wouldn't have to be tethered all the time. Since he did a big favor for me a couple months back, I figured it was the least I could do for him.
By the time I got done with his laptop and $assistantChief's as well, most of my morning was already taken up, and seeing as it's Friday, it made the weekend come that much faster.
[By: skippytpodar]
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So, do we want to know what favor he did for you? ;-) -Mushroom
Wish I could say, but commenting on an ongoing investigation is generally frowned upon ;) -skippytpodar
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
Filling your desktop to capacity with icons is a valid reason to request two larger monitors from IT.
[2013-05-23]
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2.
That your inability to access your e-mail is somehow the same as your computer being completely unable to turn on...
[2012-12-11]
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3.
Co-irker misconception: It's OK to ask in a conference call whether your personal pet IT projects that you do on work time, instead of your personal time, would be allowed to be put in as work tickets to account for your time, especially if your boss, his boss, as well as the Regional head of IT, and the regional IT chief's boss were on that conference call...
Had our weekly conference call for my job, and one of the newer IT staff that came on board actually asked that. Two of the supervisors could barely contain their laughter, and our boss flat out told him, and that he really should do his personal projects at home...
[2012-11-16]
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4.
The best way to notify people that the computer network is down is to attempt to send an e-mail to everyone saying the network is down...
[2012-10-17]
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5.
When submitting a ticket saying you're getting an error in Outlook, there's no real need to put the text of what the error actually says in the ticket you're submitting. We can automagically divine that without you telling us.
[2012-10-15]
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6.
If the e-mail exchange server goes down, it's the end of the world, and patient care will be impacted severely.
[2012-10-02]
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7.
That we, as a government agency, will be only too happy to fix your problem accessing your Facebook profile and your personal Yahoo mail on work time and using a work computer.
[2012-09-25]
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8.
Even after I tell you the person you're looking for and the only person who can realistically help you is out sick today, it's still ok to come back three more times and ask if he's in today...
[2012-08-20]
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9.
Even after being told that it's being taken away from everyone due to rampant abuse of the privilige, of which you are among the worst offenders, it's OK to still submit a high priority ticket to have your ability to send and receive text messages on your work cell phone restored...
[2012-08-13]
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10.
It's OK to call me while I'm working with another customer who's been waiting three days for service, and demand that I stop that phone call so that I can work on you being able to view your calendar, despite your ticket being all of 2 minutes old...
[2012-08-09]
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11.
It's OK to put in a high priority ticket because you can't figure out how to put paper in a printer.
[2012-08-09]
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12.
Sure, it's totally OK for you to cal at 7:27 in the morning, and expect one of us to come down to your office & set up a computer to be fully working by 7:30 in the morning. Never mind the fact that none of the techs in that group are even here yet, nor are the networking folks to verify that the wall jack you want it connected to is even hot. Oh yeah, and it's totally OK to side step the whole needing-a-ticket requirement for equipment :)
[2012-07-30]
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13.
That we will forward your work cell phone to your personal cell phone because you left your work cell at home. I guess you spending the 30 seconds sending an e-mail to people saying to call your personal cell is just more complicated than the 5 minutes it took to come up here.
[2012-07-23]
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14.
We will move all your stuff from our main building to the off-site clinic in the next county, including your desk, chairs, office supplies, and everything else, even though we're just the computer department and we have no means of moving that stuff without requisitioning it from Engineering.
[2012-07-16]
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15.
Boss misconception: It's OK to gripe to your subordinates about how they need to pick up the pace on tickets when you didn't look at their tickets to see how they've made multiple call attempts, e-mails, and walking there in person & knocking on the door, without any response from the customer, and which require the customers to either bring in the equipment, or to be there logged in...
[2012-06-19]
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16.
It's OK to call IT because the label printer near you is displaying the error message "Ribbon Out: Replace Ribbon", and you need to figure out what that means, even after IT has told you three separate times according to the previous tickets, tickets which seem to come on a regular time interval.
[2012-06-11]
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17.
It's OK to put in a work order, requesting to move a PC at a specific date & time, a full week AFTER you wanted it done, immediately followed by two more, requesting explanations as to why it was never done.
[2012-06-11]
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18.
It's OK to request a mobile broadband card after you've already gone on travel and are at the location you're travelling to, and expect us to hand-deliver it to you at your location.
[2012-06-05]
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19.
You, the customer, are completely out of commission and unable to do any function of your job because your mouse isn't functioning.
[2012-05-29]
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20.
It's OK to keep e-mailing us as to when a laptop will be ready after you've already been notified by myself and my coworkers no less than three times over the last week that said laptop has been ready since last Tuesday afternoon.
[2012-05-07]
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21.
You have every right to ask for administrative rights on your work laptop which you take home for the purposes of installing whatever the heck you want on it, without any regard for it being against regs for someone to have admin rights, not to mention that any and all software installations must be approved by us, and be installed by us.
[2012-03-08]
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22.
If you submit a ticket for a website you're having difficulty with, and your only description of it is "its the one I always go to", that'll narrow it down better than the URL, the name of the website, or any other identifying description, since we really don't know who you are.
[2012-03-05]
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23.
It's alright to keep calling every 20 minutes and insist that someone come right away, because a slight, barely noticeable, smear on every 20th page or so constitutes an emergency work order on a printer. This is especially so when you're 75th in the queue, and even more when you're printing out articles that have nothing to do with your job at all...
[2012-02-07]
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24.
When putting in a request to have a menu added, there's no need to specify WHICH menu from among the horde of menus in our system you really need. Even telling us what department you're in will narrow it down to only a few hundred.
[2012-01-30]
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25.
It's OK to ask me for information two days after I sent it to you via e-mail with a confirmation receipt that you read the original e-mail.
[2012-01-25]
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26.
If you are requesting I add a network printer to your computer, I don't need information like your approximate location in the building, which computer you would like it added to, or anything more specific than the fact you are a nurse. That will only narrow it down to 90% of the entire building, and I also don't need your extension to call you so I can confirm such details with you, I will just automagically figure this out by myself.
[2012-01-17]
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27.
When you put in a request to our help desk, you don't need to tell us what you want. We can figure that out all by ourselves.
[2012-01-03]
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28.
Your desire to have the computer on the floor in a registered and marked fire egress lane, which violates OSHA rules, Joint Commission regulations, and several other regulations to boot, overrides my employer's desire not to get written up for said violation the next time an inspection comes through.
If you persist in neeping at me, I will gladly send you to $frontOffice so you can explain to them how having an extra square foot or two of desk space is more important then keeping our accreditation, and by extension, our jobs.
[2011-12-15]
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29.
cow-irker misconception: It's ok to talk to yourself about personal problems nobody has any desire to know, sing to yourself so off-key that people swear they heard dogs howling a block away, and generally act as if you have an imaginary friend, despite being in your 40's...
[2011-10-25]
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30.
It's OK to call our help desk and expect them to help you when all you do is yell at them, complain that someone is remoted into your machine, interrupt them mid-question, and refuse to give them even basic information such as who you are, what the problem is, etc.
[2011-10-20]
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31.
It's OK to call twice a day to request the status of a ticket to have four computers put in a room, when the room has no electrical outlets, no furniture, and no network jacks.
[2011-10-05]
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32.
It's somehow OUR fault that you went on an unauthorized site on work time, with a work computer, had a nasty virus load itself on your PC, and then forced us, per policy, to remove our computer, reimage it after failing to remove the virus to the satisfaction of the security folks, and then yell at my boss why a piece of software wasn't installed when you got the computer back after you told us that you don't remember the name of the software, and don't have any of the media for it either.
It's also somehow our fault that you had to reschedule several patients because your computer was no longer functional as a direct result of you getting the virus, including a patient that had to fly in, paying for that ticket out of their own pocket.
[2011-09-29]
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33.
Dad misconception: Plugging a printer with a wire into a wired router makes it a wireless printer.
[2011-09-26]
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34.
Another dad misconception from this weekend: It's OK to confuse two completely different monuments in two completely different countries, and also assume that because one got blown up, the other did too...
[2011-09-26]
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35.
More a cow-irker misconception.. It's OK to tell a luser to call us back when the printer starts smoking because you don't feel like replacing a printer fuser that throws fuser errors on the printer faster than a pedophile throws out candy at Halloween. And yes, Mr. 33 Years really did say this to a luser recently.
[2011-09-20]
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36.
It's perfectly alright to stop me in the hallway whilst I hold a hot coffee in one hand, and a hot breakfast sandwich in the other (because the place didn't get its shipment of bags on time) to try to give me your laptop & tell me about your problem for the third time after I already told you to call the Help Desk, and then three minutes later, come to my office as I'm about to take a first bite of said sandwich to drop off said laptop, after I again told you to call the Help Desk FIRST.
[2011-09-08]
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37.
It's OK to call and insist that we help you for a program you have been specifically told not to use, that is made by a company we have no licenses or contracts with, nor do any of our technicians have any knowledge or training on.
[2011-09-07]
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38.
It's OK to make assumptions of one medical condition to another completely unrelated condition based on what you read in a pamphlet, especially if you're experience in the field of medicine is best described as "nonexistant".
[2011-09-01]
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39.
It's OK to request a completely new computer because you claim that your current, top-of-the-line, PC does not have an external device that we can install in 5 minutes, and is the size of a hockey puck.
Tell you what, let's do an experiment. Let's have you go to the local car dealership. Let's tell them you also want to buy a new car because your previous one ran out of gas. Let's see how quickly they laugh at you...
[2011-08-30]
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40.
It's OK to stop me in the hallway for three "simple" questions, that turns into a 45 minute clusterf^&* when I'm busy enough as it is today.
[2011-08-17]
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41.
More of a cow-irker misconception:
That we will believe you when you say you got 4 PC's imaged and ready to go yesterday, while the server containing said images & ancillary software requred to update them has been down since Monday morning due to an electrical problem in the room in which it was located.
[2011-08-10]
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42.
It's OK for $shuttleBusDriver to tell the people waiting on the shuttle bus at 7:43 that the 7:45 shuttle has already left, so we have to wait until 8:00 to leave. This is especially good to do after several of us have been waiting 10+ minutes to go.
[2011-07-18]
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43.
It's completely alright to e-mail me and ask me when I will come down to fix your problem the day after I come down and fix it for you, right in front of you, and verify with you its been done to your satisfaction.
Had an e-mail in my inbox from $starfish asking when I will be coming down to fix her blurry monitor the day after I went down there and fixed it for her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, and asked her if the monitor was no longer blurry. Sheesh, I swear its as if the universe somehow got the whole cause-effect thing flipped immediately surrounding whatever space she occupies.
[2011-07-05]
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44.
Crying and whining will get you exactly what you want every step up the manglement ladder you go, no matter how many times you've been told No to your face.
[2011-05-11]
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45.
It's totally acceptable to be too important to call us directly, and having one of your peons call us instead for an issue we need to speak to you, and you alone, to fix.
[2011-04-21]
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46.
When we're trying to explain the problem to you and how to fix it, it's OK to just keep talking over us.
[2011-04-20]
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47.
That you should to speak directly to a supervisor that no longer works here simply because you can't log into your computer anymore, instead of talking to the Helldesk first.
[2011-04-13]
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48.
That I will know the exact details of what happened to a computer which you brought in on my day off, including what work was done on it and by whom, when there's absolutely no documentation whatsoever of you ever even bringing it here.
[2011-04-11]
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49.
When asking for a piece of equipment that requires you to contact someone to set up a remote access account, it's perfectly alright to ignore the part about contacting those people to get your remote access account set up, come up, and expect it to be done, because I somehow know all the personal info we need for you to set it up.
[2011-04-07]
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50.
Mis-spelling Google.com is the same as not being able to get onto the Internet.
[2011-04-04]
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51.
It's perfectly alright to move a color printer out of an area yourself without permission because you "don't like it there" when your boss, as well as the department chief, my department, and others all agree the original area was the best place to put it, and then expect it to work when it's unlugged from the network and not a Wi-Fi enabled printer.
[2011-03-16]
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52.
Co-irker misconception: It's a good idea to push down updates in the middle of the day, each one requiring a reboot, is a good idea.
[2011-03-09]
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53.
That it's OK for a customer to expect me to know who they are, where they're located, what quasi-computer related problem they're having, what their phone number is, or any combination of the above from the following transcription of a voicemail: "Hi, it's me, I'm having a problem. Call me when you get a chance. Bye."
[2011-03-07]
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54.
A laptop is not a computer
[2011-03-04]
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55.
That after I specifically come up and tell you to wait until I contact you, it's OK to still come up twice a day and ask if "your" equipment is ready.
[2011-01-25]
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56.
WThat when I tell you to look at the taskbar by the clock, it's OK to promptly recite EVERY icon on your desktop, of which there are apparently dozens, as well as every notification window and/or error message before you get to where I want you to look.
[2011-01-06]
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57.
There is absolutely no difference between the letter "o" and the number "0", when typing in a username that requires the "0" and not the "o".
[2010-12-29]
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58.
The word "pet" is an acceptable requirement for a field that required at least seven characters, as are "mother", "father", "dog", and "cat", all of which were used before they realized I wasn't kidding when I said the field needed an answer of seven or more characters...
[2010-12-22]
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59.
If you haven't even logged into your laptop in 180 days, as evidenced by the fact that your laptop was kicked off the domain for 180 days' of inactivity, it's OK to come to my office in a huff that your laptop isn't working, and you need it back by tomorrow.
[2010-12-08]
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60.
That the elevators in our building just know which floor you're going to by reading your mind, and the buttons with numbers that happen to match the floors are just there for show.
[2010-11-26]
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61.
That my coworker and I will know the exact WEP key for your personal in-home wireless that was set up by someone only your roommate knows, while you were out of the country.
[2010-11-24]
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62.
It's alright to come up to me and try to start a conversation whilst I am not only busy, but have no desire to talk to you.
[2010-11-23]
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63.
That you don't need any connection to the Internet at all to be able to access things like the web pages, e-mail, VPN, or anything else on the Internet.
[2010-11-23]
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64.
That getting a new laptop will somehow fix the fact that you don't even know the basics on how to use one.
[2010-11-19]
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65.
It's OK to invade my cubicle space while I'm in the midst of helping a customer on the phone and ask me to go to a random webpage that has no relevance to my job at all.
[2010-11-17]
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66.
Because I'm "the laptop guy", I'll know how to configure a software program I've never heard of to do what it likely never intended to do on a laptop that's not supposed to be in the building.
Some guy brought in his personal laptop, and expected some random CAD program I've never heard of to play music.
[2010-11-12]
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67.
Boss misconception: It's OK to yell at me because:
- I added my computer back onto the domain so I could do my job, with the only notification that I had a virus on the computer was sent via e-mail, which requires my PC be on the domain for me to access.
- I had a customer come in and wanted to have her problem expedited to the network people because her account got deleted after YOU explicitly told her that if there were any issues to call YOU directly
- another supervisor asked me to forward the pertinent account information to him, thereby helping the afore mentioned customer get her account back up and running.
So in other words, it's OK to yell at me because I was trying to do my job, I was trying to help a customer get in contact with the right people, and because I did what a supervisor asked me to do.
[2010-10-05]
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68.
Have a couple this week...
Co-irker misconception #1: It's perfectly acceptable to remap an entire network drive used by the entire department, using all new naming conventions, therefore breaking all batch scripts, without bothering to tell anyone, then expect them to figure out where everything is on their own so they can do their jobs as well...
[2010-09-30]
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69.
Co-irker misconception #2: Despite already working on a major laptop update project, as well as being the sole person in charge of taking things to & from the loading dock despite three other people in the shop sitting on their asses doing not much, not to mention having to deal with people interrupting me every 15 minutes, and needing to figure out how to fit 20 hours of training into half a workday so that I don't get written up and declared deficient on my final work apprasal, it's alright to dump a list of equipment that hasn't been seen since before I started here, and expect me to find it by the end of the day.
[2010-09-30]
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70.
That I will know the exact settings, including the WEP key for a wireless system belonging to a company completely unrelated and unaffiliated with my own, and that I will troubleshoot your inability to get to your personal e-mail, which you shouldn't even be checking on your work laptop at all, let alone from another company's wireless connection.
[2010-09-20]
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71.
That we have an infinite number of power supplies for every known model of laptop in existence.
[2010-09-15]
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72.
As much as I might feel some obligatory measure of sympathy for you, I don't need to hear how your entire family is sick with strep throat for 15 minutes before you decide it's finally time for me to assist you with the problem that takes all of 45 seconds, 5 letters typed in, and one or two clicks of "OK" to fix the issue that you're having, especially when there over 30 people behind you also waiting to be called back. I'm an IT guy not a counselor.
[2010-09-02]
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73.
Boss misconceptions: It's OK to not only keep asking me the same question as to why it takes me so long to do 25 software updates, each of which needs to be done manually and which vary wildly from a simple 2-3 minute update to a 45 minute script to update to Office '07 (3 hours if it has less than 1GB of RAM), but the nearly 100 Windows updates I need to do per machine, and to somehow expect a different answer than the previous 5 times you've asked in the last week.
Misconception #2: It's also alright for you and others to push work on me when I'm working on the above "critical" project, and wonder why the above project is being slowed down, to say nothing about random people coming and dropping off equipment so I can actually do the above work.
[2010-08-31]
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74.
It's alright to request updates twice a day for something I've already told you, your assistant, and your boss will take me at least two weeks to complete, provided of course I don't get any distractions, or have any emergencies.
[2010-07-26]
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75.
Just because I work with one aspect of my department that is only superficially related to wireless, it means I will know every intimate detail of a what is going on with the wireless system at our sister facility 30 miles away, despite also not being one of the folks that handles the network.
[2010-07-22]
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76.
"Dropping it off later so it can be done today" means coming one minute before my shift ends for something that takes at minimum, four hours to complete.
[2010-07-22]
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77.
It's OK to have my boss force me to reschedule my time with the in-house Police three times to get a new work ID card, just so my boss can leave early Friday afternoon to go get his own card.
[2010-07-16]
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78.
Calling siz times in the span of five minutes for the same two computers will somehow make me get there any faster.
[2010-07-14]
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79.
Boss misconception: That I will know when & why a piece of equipment was given to someone by somebody else at another location, when there is no existing documentation as to who gave it to them, when it was given to them, and for what reason.
[2010-07-08]
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80.
That it's perfectly acceptable for you to put in a hair-on-fire uber urgent ticket, without mentioning the computer's location on the floor, what the exact problem is, and to top it all off, as soon as you put the ticket in, you decide to go to breakfast, making me waste 30 minutes of my day simply waiting for you to come back, only to discover you unplugged your mouse...
[2010-07-06]
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81.
Co-irker misconception: It's perfectly alright to do maintenance in the middle of the day on a server that several people use, without telling anyone, especially one of the admins for that server, and expect them to do their jobs, part of which requires them to use that server to image new machines...
[2010-07-02]
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82.
I will be able to tell you the exact history of the device I'm assigning to you, including who had it last, why and when they returned it, when it was manufactured, and a complete listing of all the files that have ever been on it and their contents.
[2010-06-25]
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83.
This is a two parter:
That
- there's a difference between issuing equipment to you and giving it to you
- you can simply ask for equipment to use, and I can simply give it to you, despite there being a moratorium on giving out the specific equipment you want to anybody, for any reason.
[2010-06-15]
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84.
Replacing a mouse is somehow a high priority when there's another computer 5 feet from you not being used.
[2010-06-10]
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85.
#2 for the day:
That we here at $agency have battery replacements for your home laptop.
[2010-06-10]
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Tech Rules
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1.
The day you discover that $centralOffice inspectors have arrived, and both $regionalDirector and $stateCIO are here is the same day you come in to work wearing a Rock Band t-shirt. Lucky for me, I'm in a corner of the department where I have to turn around to be seen ::snicker::
[2013-04-02]
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2.
You know you have a problem with people picking up their phone when $hospitalOperator is forced to say the following on the overhead paging system:
"$majorClinic, please pick up your phone immediately... $majorClinic, please pick up your phone immediately."
And bear in mind, the clerks are REQUIRED to pick up the phone within two rings if they're not otherwise on the phone, even if they're busy doing something else.
[2013-02-09]
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3.
If you're gonna request Pandora be allowed on your machine, make sure you can actually justify that it's a need for something related to your job, and not just because you're too cheap to buy a radio or an iPod and bring it in for music. Last time I checked, Clinical Pharmacists didn't have any need for it. I could see Recreational Therapy... Clinical Pharmacy, not so much
[2012-11-29]
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4.
In Florida, the land of manatees, Seminole Indians, the House of Mouse and key lime pies, even in the 21st century, elevators cannot read your mind and know which floor you want. You still have to press the button corresponding to the floor you want. And don't give me any nasty looks if you're closer to said buttons than I am, I expect you to be a mature adult and press it yourself...
[2012-11-29]
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5.
I honestly don't give a rat's ass who you work for, who's coming to visit this place, and how bad of a priority this is, we will do absolutely no work without an accompanying ticket. If you don't like that, I'll be only too happy to transfer you to my boss, who will tell you the same thing. And oh yeah, in the whole time you spent arguing with me, you could have put in the farking ticket three times over.
[2012-10-09]
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6.
Insisting on having people's desktop icons being saved to their network shares instead of locally on the machine will not teach them that they shouldn't save every.bloody.file onto their desktop, and only serves to strengthen & reinforce the behavior, especially when people are requesting a 2nd monitor for the sole reason of having more files & shortcuts on their desktops...
[2012-09-06]
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7.
We get that you're busy, we get that you're a doctor, and we get that you have to see patients... you still have to put in a ticket for your computer problem like everybody else. Just because you're a doctor & you gotta see patients doesn't mean you get to jump ahead of the ::checks:: 85 tickets already in the system.
[2012-08-02]
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8.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to fix it yourself. You will invariably make it worse...
Just got back from trying to fix a label printer, and upon arrival, it already looked like the Tazmanian Devil had a two-week bender of speedballs and went to town on the poor printer. It was so bad, after an hour of attempting to remove stuck labels from underneath a roller well, I decided replacing it was less of a headache than continuing my efforts. And of course, everyone I talked to claimed ignorance as to the state of the printer.
[2012-06-21]
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9.
If you sound like a woman on the phone, I will, by default, call you ma'am. Don't get offended if I do so, and please don't ask to talk to someone else, because I will guarantee you, they will almost certainly make that mistake as well with a voice like that. I'm here to help you, not piss you off...
[2012-06-04]
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10.
I honestly don't give a rat's ass what kind of printer it is, or how it's connected to your computer, you still need to contact the Help Desk first and have them put in a ticket. I'm sure you like having your work documented as well, don't you?
[2012-05-24]
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11.
If I send you an e-mail on Monday, to come up on Tuesday and you're a no-show, it's OK to e-mail me Thursday afternoon to come up when I have other people scheduled.
[2012-05-17]
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12.
"But, I didn't read it!" is not a valid excuse when you say you didn't know that bringing in your laptop every 90 days is a requirement on the single page agreement you've already signed.
[2012-05-17]
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13.
Trying to get a ticket to become a high priority because of "patient care" holds no meaning when your job description has nothing to do with patient care whatsoever...
[2012-05-07]
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14.
If you bring in your laptop in for updates, and I tell you that I will contact you when it is done, don't start bugging me every 45-60 minutes about when it will be done. It will only make my desire to actually help you dwindle further than the feeble amount it is already at, especially if the system logs on the laptop show just how little you really use it.
[2012-04-17]
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15.
If you're gonna neep about how a ticket wasn't done correctly, and how two people didn't get a printer added to their profile in addition to yours, nor how anyone came to your office or contacted you, make sure you get your facts straight, such as:
- how those two other people were never mentioned in the ticket at ALL
- how I went down there, and nobody in the office you specified knew who you were or where you were really located
- how I noted each time I called a grand total three times, but since you had no voicemail set up, couldn't leave a message to ask where you were really located
- how I sent two separate e-mails, asking when would be a good time to remotely connect to your computer so I could get the job done and with the proper information
- how YOU replied to one of those e-mails, despite the fact that in that reply, said that nobody contacted you at all regarding this ticket.
I swear my Monday is off to a great start...
[2012-04-09]
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16.
Having several computer certifications, a Master's Degree in IT, and over a decade of experience under my belt is still woefully inadequate to prevent lusers to respond with "Are you sure?" when I answer their computer questions...
[2012-04-09]
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17.
Despite the many and varied improvements & innovations done to elevators, the one thing they still cannot do is read minds, so you must still press the button corresponding to the floor you wish to go...
[2012-03-13]
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18.
When the Event Log shows a 4-month gap between your last shut down and me turning it on this morning for a "rush" update, don't lie to me and tell me you use your laptop all the time. The Event Log, like cake, is not a lie.
[2012-03-08]
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19.
Trying to jump the line, ahead of the 90+ people whose tickets are in the queue is a bad idea, especially when there are two other customers who have waited several days to a couple weeks to get their stuff fixed in the room when you say you're important.
[2012-03-07]
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20.
If you're going to have a hair-on-fire ticket saying you need a ribbon replaced in your label printer, don't expect me to do anything if you don't have any rolls of ribbon to replace it, and the supply office is closed for the day. I will mark the ticket as a lower priority, no matter how badly you neep that you thought we had them, and not Supply, even after you've been told to go to Supply to get those rolls..
[2012-03-05]
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21.
If you're submitting a ticket on behalf of a user to get menus in our system, it helps to know which user needs them and what menus are required...
[2012-02-03]
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22.
When you're rarely, if ever, in your office, don't answer your phone, don't respond to repeated e-mails we know you've read, nor do you answer the door when we knock, it kinda makes it tough for us to help you out, especially when you call to neep that nobody's there to help you with your asinine computer problem.
[2012-01-23]
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23.
While I don't really mind getting credit for closing out tickets, I'd prefer if the reason they weren't closed was something other than laziness...
[2011-12-05]
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24.
Dear Little Miss Cleanliness: If you're going to sing to a particular song, at least try to do so somewhere remotely on-key. And if you could also select songs people actually want to hear, we'd appreciate it.
[2011-12-05]
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25.
Calling us literally a dozen times in the span of 4 hours, all for a problem as simple as "my program won't open" without specifying WHICH of the several dozen programs installed, will not make us come down there faster when we have other broken computers to fix. Nor do we care that you've worked here for 16 years, that does not in any way get you better service. Plus, now our supervisor is aware of you, as is our Help Desk, so we know who you aare, we know your number, and we know your MO.
[2011-11-02]
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26.
Attention starfish, suctomers, lusers, and any & all variations of those who ensure our continued job security: When you talk to the local Helldesk regarding an issue, please don't try to troubleshoot an issue whilst on the phone with them, especially if what you are trying to do is
- extremely far afield of what is actually required to fix it
- going to make the problem worse
- contrary to the policies in place which say that we, the IT department, are supposed to fix the problem
- only going to make you look worse since the only conceivable way that failure could have taken place was due to luser error.
[2011-10-27]
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27.
Any neeping on the part of a customer should be accompanied by the tech playing a recording of a baby crying profusely.
[2011-10-25]
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28.
If the work order you placed simply states you want a computer placed in a specific room, don't throw a hissy fit when I put a standard computer with a regular monitor. If you wanted dual widescreen monitors, a UPS, and a high yield color laserjet printer, PUT IT IN THE TICKET!
[2011-10-13]
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29.
Please, for the love of $deity, do not decorate your office with so much of the color purple, it looks as if you killed Barney & his entire family, painted the walls in three coats of their purple blood, and skinned them alive to use as upholstery and a covering for your desk.
[2011-10-05]
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30.
I don't give a rat's ass who considers kim-chi a delicacy, it still looks & smells worse than anything my mom's dog ever vomited up. And for the love of $deity, don't bring it to work!
[2011-09-29]
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31.
Be specific about what the problem really is when you call our Help Desk. One PC not on the network is not even remotely close close to 5 PC's not being able to use a specific network program due to ACL's.
[2011-09-14]
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32.
Do not, I repeat, do NOT, email me directly with a ticket number to ask for the status when:
- I only helped a couple people in your office a few months ago because I was was shanghai'd into doing it in the first place by another tech due to said tech's screw-up
- there is only myself and one other technician working on the floor today instead of our usual compliment of five
- of the 32 pending requests we have in our queue, yours is 26th on our list
- it's been less than a day since you submitted it
- the ticket hasn't even been assigned to ANYONE yet, let alone to me
- our boss is adamant all tickets come in on a first-come, first-serve basis, no exceptions, not even for $frontOffice
- there is little to no chance either myself or the other tech can get down there to fill your request today
- any time in your office invariably requires one of us to wind up staying the better part of a day with drive-by requests that were never put in, which we can ill afford to do with only two techs working
Take your pick, Sunny
[2011-09-02]
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33.
A program taking "two to three seconds to launch instead of one second" does not fit our definition of slow. And if you're sitting there timing how long it takes a program to launch, you have too much time on your hands anyway.
[2011-08-30]
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34.
The next time you call for a keyboard issue, how about you give us the following information:
- The correct room
- The tag number for the PC and NOT the monitor
- A description of what the problem really is
Just got back from a luser who called in for a keyboard issue, saying several keys were sticking. He gave the wrong room, the tag number for the monitor (which was much better hidden) instead of the computer, and turns out the issue had nothing to do with the monitor or the keyboard. He just wanted to talk to a tech because his daughter was starting college & wanted a laptop, and didn't as he put it "want to go to Best Buy and be forced to buy something." I walked away and told him he was wasting my time, and if he tried this again, he'd have to talk to my boss...
[2011-08-18]
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35.
If you work on a ticket and complete the work, CLOSE OUT THE TICKET. Don't leave it in there for three days, only for someone else, like myself, to go to the office and see the work has already been completed.
[2011-08-17]
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36.
If you're going to work on a ticket, assign the ticket to yourself first, THEN begin working on it. If a ticket doesn't have a person assigned to it, I will assume it's fair game to be taken, so don't get all pissy when I grab a ticket that's unassigned that you're working on.
[2011-08-16]
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37.
When creating a training video for us IT folks, please select a person who does not consistently miss syllables while talking from a script that's obviously right in front of his face. And for the love of $deity, pick a better microphone, instead of a cheap $2 one from $brickAndMortar.
[2011-08-15]
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38.
Calling 4-5 times a day for something that takes our programmers several days to accomplish will somehow make them work faster. This goes double for you if you first requested the work be done less than 24 hours ago and you claim its been "several days" since you requested it.
[2011-08-05]
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39.
Just because I'm "the IT guy" doesn't mean you should stop me in the hallway to complain that you can't get a hold of someone who isn't even in my department. Unless you expect a blank stare and maybe even the occasional head tilt, then all I can give you is the look of me as I'm walking away from you.
[2011-07-27]
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40.
For the love of all that is good & right with the Universe, please do not brew coffee with a horrid smell (that can best be described as rotting meat having been soaked in napalm and lit) in a room full of others who have warned you never to do so again.
[2011-07-13]
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41.
Unless you are a) exceedingly attractive b) someone I personally know c) someone who in the due course of my job I must deal with reguarly and have good rapport with, please do not come up and blindside me with a random conversation about something I not only know nothing about, but have absolutely no interest in whatsoever.
On my way to a hair-on-fire ticket from the front office, a random guy turned a corner, and just began talking to me about some elevator trouble that happened on some day as if I knew anything about what elevator troubles go on. I simply said I had to get going and moved on my merry way.
[2011-06-16]
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42.
If you, the customer, must come into our office, which is a very small room with limited ventilation, please don't wear some foul-smelling excuse of a perfume, and especially not so much of it that could choke a rhino at 100 paces. Stuff like that tends to linger for hours.
[2011-06-16]
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43.
When you install a patch on the SQL Server in the middle of the day, make absolutely sure it doesn't forcibly stop an essential service, like let's say... the SQL Server service?
[2011-05-13]
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44.
No matter how much you neep about how often you check your e-mail, if the computer says the last time you synced your e-mail Inbox was in 2009, I'm believing the computer, especially if the e-mails in your Inbox are fron only as late as (surprise surprise) 2009!
[2011-05-13]
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45.
If you require help with a desktop computer, be at the computer so I can get at least the basic info, like what's wrong with it, what model it is, what the name of the PC is, or serial number. I swear if I hear the vally-girlesque "I don't know!" one more time from you, Otis is coming out.
[2011-05-02]
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46.
Do NOT physically move a computer without telling us first. Did it ever even occur to your little fishie brain that moving it without telling us is the entire reason why you can't log into it? I didn't think so...
[2011-05-02]
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47.
When we have a massive network outage, involving all our major servers, and being the one and only priority we have being as this is a farking hospital, do NOT come up to me, insisting that I have to help you with your personal iPhone, because you think it's being hacked. I can't touch personal equipment on the Uncle's time, and I most certainly will not help you with an issue that has nothing to do with this hospital or its ability to run smoothly. Your iPhone is your problem, not mine!
[2011-04-29]
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48.
If you say that you put a ticket in a month ago for a problem, yet the ticket system says you only put it in two days ago, then I'm trusting the ticket system...
[2011-04-25]
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49.
The fastest way to get a hold of a user to confirm an appointment to pick up equipment is to close out their work ticket stating "unable to comtact user", and specify dates, times & methods you attempted to contact them. Close it again if they neep "but you never called me!" (especially when you did) or "but I thought it was for something else!"
[2011-04-20]
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50.
Knowing every detail of every program ever written is tantamount to a hair dresser knowing every detail of every haircut ever done on every human going back to prehistory.
[2011-04-19]
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51.
Never... Ever... hack the accounts of a hacker's significant other. You will experience a world of digital pain.
This morning my best friend's fiance's e-mail and Facebook accounts got hacked. Being that my best friend knows various programming languages better than I know my own name, and can hack like nobody's business, whoever did this to his fiance is in a world of hurt.
[2011-03-15]
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52.
If you absolutely must fart in a room, at least try and make sure that there is another person who normally gets blamed for it in the room as well :)
[2011-03-08]
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53.
These are not YOUR computers. Thes are OUR computers. We're just allowing you to use them so long as you're employed here, unless and until you give us a reason to delete the account we've set up for you.
[2010-12-29]
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54.
The day I need a person who is the sole custodian of a username/password combo I need to update a faulty system is the same day they begin their time off until next week.
[2010-12-29]
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55.
The equipment we have issued to you is not your equipment, it is the company's; we're just allowing you to use it... So don't expect the same equipment back when we have 15 identical items to give you, and the one you had happened to be issued to someone else.
[2010-11-24]
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56.
Don't strongarm my boss into making me rush down a PC that you need RIGHT NOW, only to say you don't really need it for another two weeks. I will turn right around & close out the ticket.
[2010-11-19]
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57.
Please, for the love of $deity, do not put on a radio station that only plays five songs in random order, which all belong to a genre nobody else in the office even remotely likes. After the 543965938234096329841623945th time of hearing the song, I want to toss the radio at your desk out the window.
[2010-11-19]
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58.
My office is not a place for you and a coworker to hide from your boss for 2-3 hours every day when you don't feel like doing work. Your unwillingness to do your job is not my problem, and I most certainly don't want to babysit your ass & make small talk with you when I have to repeat myself four times before you get it.
I want to feel like I've actually earned my paycheck.
[2010-11-19]
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59.
The boss bringing caffeine to techs first thing on Monday morning is a good thing.
[2010-11-15]
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60.
The number of times you ask me how much longer it will take to fix the problem, will only serve to increase the amount of time I will fix it at a geometric rate.
[2010-11-12]
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61.
If you were one of the last people to turn in your equipment Friday afternoon, and I specifically told you there was hardly any guarantee I can get this done before lunchtime today, don't come in all pissed off that I didn't even get started on yours, especially since there were half a dozen people ahead of you also needing to have their equipment updated, and the e-mail got from my boss specifically stated that these updates required 2-3 workdays to do prior to them being returned to you.
[2010-09-20]
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62.
Do not, I repeat, do NOT simply push tickets off on me when I already have a full plate to begin with. With the laptop updates alone taking up the time from when I walk in the door to when I leave to go home (frequently late), I not only have insufficient time to get my own tickets done, but there is no way I can or want to do your work for you simply because you don't want to do the work yourself.
[2010-09-08]
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63.
Please, please please, do not send in the following type of ticket any more: (copied and pasted here as-is)
"user says that the cart is not working. user says that she is in a different location and does not know what is wrong with the cart but was only told that it is not working"
[2010-07-23]
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64.
If I tell you precisely what my shift hours are, do not, I repeat, do NOT, try and ask to meet with me an hour before it starts on a Monday. I guarantee you, that will only incur further wrath, above and beyond all the neepage I've gotten from you already...
[2010-07-23]
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65.
Just because you got an e-mail from someone I've never heard of, saying you need to schedule a time with me to pick up a piece of equipment from me, doesn't mean I'm going to ignore a moratorium on giving out that piece of equipment.
[2010-07-16]
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66.
Because I'm the only one who feels any sort of obligation to pick up the phone when it's ringing, that by default makes me the person that all the work gets dumped on within the department.
[2010-06-23]
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67.
When replying to an e-mail, it's not OK to write your entire reply in the subject line.
[2010-06-11]
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Customer Types
1.
The over-excited puppy
This starfish is someone who, the instant you come to their office and say you're there to fix their problem, jump up & down with excitement, then proceed to ask you a million questions about how they can help, what they can do, what sort of experience you, have, and everything else, all before you even get them to tell you what the problem is, when it started, etc. They also stick with you like Velcro and refuse to leave you alone to do your job by asking you every question under the sun about topics that you either have no interest in, know nothing about, or otherwise distract you and break your concentration so you could just do your job.
[2012-06-21]
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2.
The Genius
This is a sucktomer several people in my department have had the displeasure of dealing with over the years. He is a nursing assistant who is the low nurse on the totem pole, but feels within his rights to boss everyone around and tell them how to do their jobs. He makes it a point to tell people their faults in excruciating detail, which extends to the realm of IT as well, in which he immediately tells us that we're wrong and offers his own opinions, which he insists are the correct way to fix something, no matter how far afield from reality they are.
In my first encounter with him, he put in a request to have a dual monitor setup put into an office. It seemed simple enough on paper, were it not for two problems. First, was that the desk in question was barely large enough for one computer with a single monitor (and I do mean barely). Secondly, there already was a computer on the desk. He insisted I install the 2nd one there anyway, along with measurements down to the millimeter on how he thought it would work.
He also puts in requests at least twice a month to our boss to gain access to the networking/telecom closets so that he can do networking himself (fat chance), and his desire to get a job in our department, despite a glaring lack of any IT skills whatsoever, not to mention that his pay grade is so low, he'd have to wait a minimum of 3 years before he even becomes eligible for a job in our department just on pay grade. He has also requested that we give him the administrative override password for the OS encryption we have in place on the laptops, even though he doesn't even have such a laptop from us, and there is no chance he'll be getting one from us any time soon, on account of the fact that nobody in his own department can give us a reason why he needs one. And this is the same department which is infamous for flimsy excuses when they put in equipment requests.
Then there was the matter of today. He put in no less than 3 work orders for the same computer being unable to connect to the network in the span of a single morning this weekend. A coworker and I went up and it was the same PC whose network cable was forcibly ripped from the wall, thus damaging the wall jack, but not before they put it back into the wall in a half-assed attempt to cover their tracks. My coworker had already put a note on the PC the other day, but said had mysteriously disappeared, indicating that someone would come by soon to repair the network jack.
We did get a good laugh on the ticket notes that The Genius kept insisting he knew exactly what the problem was, namely that we had somehow "restricted" the NIC card, but because he wasn't an administrator, he needed one of us to come ASAP to fix it.
[2011-12-12]
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3.
Miss Above Everyone
She thinks that doing things like calling the Helldesk, waiting her turn on tickets involving keyboard replacements, and other menial tasks that are not hair-on-fire critical, are demeaning to her and beneath her. As such, she will sit there & wait until you come by, insist you drop whatever it is you're doing, even if you're on your way to the ER to fix a computer crashing next to a patient having a heart attack to replace her mouse.
[2011-09-07]
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4.
The speed talker
Thus starfishie talks a mile a minute, and by the time you've typed in three words of the problem description, they've already finished an entire paragraph, and you have to ask them to repeat themselves, further torturing yourself, since they go at speeds that would make any world record speed-talker jealous.
[2011-05-12]
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5.
The relayer
This starfish calls to make sure you're there just so they can tell you a coworker is calling you shortly regarding a problem.
[2011-05-03]
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6.
Dr. High & Mighty
This doctor is a step beyond the typical doctor that believes all are below them. Not only do they think that as a default, they willingly berate one and all for the slightest deviation from what they believe they deserve. Example. Dr. High & Mighty came today demanding a Macbook Air, when we not only have none to give, but if we did, it would have to be approved by both her boss, the chief of staff, the hospital director and my chief. And this is before she could even come up to get it. Yet she is up here yelling in my face how the fact she has to wait for approval is a collossal waste of her time and she doesn't need their approval to have what she wants.
[2011-05-02]
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7.
Mr. Specialized Software
This sucktomer, prior to handing over their laptop to you for updates, insists on imparting to you how they have all this specialized software, IE favorites saved, and everything else that they claim is "work related", then proceed to go into detail on every... single... program... they say they have on it. The update you will take far less time then their schpeal, and when you apply it, it doesn't know or care about any software they have on there, to say nothing about whether the software they have on there is even allowed by the company, they insist that this software not be touched, or else there will be "consequences".
Sure thing, buddy, especially considering this is the company's laptop, and you're just using it at our discretion, not the other way around.
[2011-01-12]
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8.
The conch
Apologies to those true conchs from the Key West area.
The conch is a customer who is so dim witted, you can hear the ocean merely by being in proximity to them. A lady that came in yesterday was an example. She did the three fingered salute to log into a PC, and was horrified to discover that there was already a username in the username field and had no idea what to do, so she came up and insisted someone come down to fix the problem. I came down and whilst hlding back laughter, showed her the miracle that was the Backspace key. Then in an unimaginable moment of idiocy, she asked "But what if it happens again?" So I had to start from the beginning...
[2011-01-05]
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9.
Paint peeler
This is a sucktomer whose breath is so foul, it can cause paint to peel off a wall at ten paces. They will also invariably be oblivious to the concept of personal space.
[2010-06-25]
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Co-Worker Types
1.
The new guy
Since starting at my new job, virtually everything has been awesome, and except for one of the people on my shift, all of us have been working for the Uncle for quite a number of years. The last person to get hired on has only been working for the Uncle for less than a year, and we can definitely tell he's still VERY Green.
For example, he's doing everything in his power to impress us with the fact that he (supposedly) knows several languages to look smart, though a couple of us on the shift who do know a few could tell easily he's just doing a cut & paste job from Google Translate. Also, he (again supposedly) has a list of certifications that could choke an elephant, which the rest of us find dubious for someone so green in the IT field, since he did mention that he got hired pretty much straight out of college, and despite all those certs, still makes rookie mistakes. He's also looking to build his own Linux router and a few other projects for home use, and he asked the boss in an open conference call that contained several other high-level supervisors, if he could put all that in as a work ticket. We could HEAR several of the supervisors try & fail to stifle their laughter when he asked that, and our boss flatly told him no, that personal projects for home definitely don't qualify for work tickets. And speaking of which, it's pretty obvious he has no experience with any ticket routing system, since myself and two others have had to show him the basics of the system, including how to log in.
All in all though, it's more adorable and humorous than anything else, kinda like watching a puppy try to act like a big dog, or a kid wanting to work on something & get a pat on the head for their efforts. A couple coworkers have likened it to the chickenhawk in those old Foghorn Leghorn shorts, and I tend to agree, though none of us have had the heart to tell him this, because we don't wanna do anything to keep him from breaking the occasional monotony of no calls or e-mails.
[2012-11-16]
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2.
No privacy? No problem
One of the programmers we have here has absolutely no concept of privacy whatsoever. He has no problem asking VERY personal questions, then gets offended when you don't want to answer. He also has a nagging habit of staring over your shoulder and asking you about what you're reading. That, and he sounds and acts VERY gay, even though he swears he's straight. Everyone who speaks to him has first assumed that he's gay because he has a higher pitch voice and a lisp, speech pattern & sense of style one would stereotypically associate with a gay man, made all the more funny by the fact that he has a middle eastern accent.
He's also had a nagging habit of asking anyone what certain (very simple) words & phrases are in English that can be Googled. Plus, the guy can't handle pressure to save his skin, and frequently nags about how he's under so much pressure, even for doing the most menial of tasks.
[2012-08-30]
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3.
The opinionator
This co-irker promptly gives everyone within earshot their opinion on any topic under the sun, whether those people within earshot want to hear it or not.
[2012-06-13]
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4.
The Placator
This boss is one who will blindly side with the customer and placate whatever insane demands they can think up, even if it is against company policy, will cause the department to go over budget, is something we simply don't carry, or is something that will only cause us, the techs, more work & grief..
Case in point, our acting CIO came in, and instead of backing our play because $cellCarrier is being insanely slow getting one single user's cell phone put through the enterprise activation, he decided that we should just get her a new cell phone entirely. Bear in mind, the phone we've already been waiting on them to do the activation is a new one, the user just went over everyone's heads to the acting CIO and said she wants an interim cell, not knowing that it takes the same amount of time to get an interim one set up as it does a temporary one, despite us already having contacted her & telling her we're waiting on the carrier to do its part. And it's not like we can have a ready supply of cell phones ready for such an occasion since doing so is against policy, and only adds to our already bloated monthly cell phone bill.
Oh yes, we checked on her cell phone usage, and we pretty much confirmed that she used her "old" work cell (the Crackberry she got just six months ago) pretty extensively and at all hours for personal use...
[2012-06-07]
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5.
The Creep
This cow-irker is a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen. He blatently hits on women, and insists on touching everybody whether they him want to or not. A couple women have gone so far as to tell him to his face that if he touches them again, they'll break his fingers.
Any time one of the techs is helping any woman who is the slightest bit attractive, if he's in the proximity, he'll be over there offering his assistance, even if the issue the woman is having has absolutely nothing to do with his job.
[2012-03-02]
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6.
Mr. 33 Years
This co-irker declares on a nigh-constant basis that he has 33 years of work experience in the field, that he does all the work for the shop, and has to figure things out for everyone.
And yet this is the same person who was directly quoted as saying "We don't need to know anything technical in this job", and is constantly shirking his duties to the point that he literally hands off tickets after printing them out, only for him to promptly take credit for all the work everyone else did.
And despite being a lower paygrade than most others (much to his surprise), he bosses everyone around, and as soon as someone even mentions evenly splitting up work requests, he becomes beligerent and refuses to take part in it, saying he's already done most of the work orders, when most of them were never so much as touched.
As for the ones he has touched, the Helldesk has estimated that over 30% of the callbacks they get for tickets recently closed were to fix his screwup's, far more than any other single tech. In fact, the Helldesk manager equates his troubleshooting skills to be on par with an epileptic squirrel mid-seizure.
[2011-07-06]
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7.
Little Miss Cleanliness
This co-irker is a germophobe to such a degree that she thinks it is her business to make sure everyone washes their hands to her satisfaction. If she did not personally witness them washing their hands after something as menial as picking up a screwdriver, to say nothing about the basic hygeine done after going to the bathroom, then she promptly them to the boss for failing to wash their hands. She also brings it up at every meeting, and gets indignant when people roll their eyes at her, and this is after she's been told in no uncertain terms that if she decides to concentrate more on her own work instead of being the equivalent of a 2nd grade bathroom hand-washing monitor, she wouldn't be in such hot water with the bosses.
[2011-06-15]
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8.
The abrasive one
This co-irker, as good as he is, is known for being extremely abrasive with people. Perfect example: Today, I was on the phone with a luser, trying to get her Outlook set up, when he walked right up, interrupted me mid-sentence, and began spitting out how to fix the installation of a program I was having trouble with on the Win7 test bed.
I told him I was on the phone and to wait, and HE got offended, walked away, and is now refusing to talk to me, because $deity forbid, he wait all of 30 seconds while I got the luser off the phone before he told me what the fix was, or via e-mail.
[2011-06-02]
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9.
The explainer
This cow-irker proceeds to explain every... friggen... thing... to you in excruciating detail, far more then you would ever need to know, and about things you a) have no desire to know, b) know more than adequately to do your job, or c) seem to recall having explained to them more than a few times.
[2011-04-26]
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10.
The 5-minutes boss
This boss is convinced any and every task, no matter how complicated, and no matter how many interruptions I'm bombarded with, can be completed in under five minutes. This includes reimaging a machine, updating all the software in it, as well as installing encryption, allowing the software to encrypt the hard drive bit by bit, as per company policy, installing & updating the AV, firewall and Window$, as well as other software prior to us even giving it to the luser... all that can be done in under 5 minutes.
[2011-01-24]
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Customer E-mails
1.
Subject: Sure, I'll get right on that...
"User is requesting a printer for $room. He states that he prints out classified documents and does not need to walk to get them."
[2012-06-14]
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2.
Subject: E-mail from Little Miss Cleanliness
"He is getting a no access message. He is currently at the training. Please call him @ $cellNumber in 20 minutes."
Yes, that's the entirety of her initial e-mail. OK, first of all, I dare her to be more ambiguous. Who is "he", where is "he" at, and what training is being referenced in the e-mail as well as what location. Secondly, is there a work order in, why do I specifically need to do this, since I was the only one she sent this to.
I replied back with "Please provide more information. Who is "he"? And is this in reference to an existing work order?". Little Miss Cleanliness' response was only that it was a person I had assisted last week to verify their wireless card was active on their laptop, which still didn't really narrow it down since on a slow week, I still see about a half-dozen laptops.
[2012-06-11]
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3.
Subject: Makes an amoeba look like Einstein...
"Hey skippy, when I delete an e-mail from my work account on my Crackberry, it won't delete from my work account on my computer. What do I do?"
"Delete it from your computer too..."
[2012-06-08]
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4.
Subject: I dare you to be more self-contradictory
Actual reply from a person in leadership asking if she needs any files backed up before I reimage her laptop:
"No files needed to be backed up that I can recall. If possible, could you back up the files I have saved on the desktop?"
[2012-05-16]
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EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
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1.
Coworker: "If I had a penny for every time I had to tell a nurse to use another computer, I'd be richer than Bill Gates."
[2013-02-12]
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2.
Me: ::rattles off the list for causes of Occupational Burnout in Wikipedia::
coworker in office: "Where did you find our job description online?"
[2012-06-12]
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3.
"Why would I need to know English words?" - spoken in English, no less...
[2012-02-01]
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4.
"Yeah, Mr. 33 Years told me that all I need to do to clear out the virus is remove something called the CMOS and put it back in after 10 seconds."
Upon hearing that, I finally knew what it felt like to go insane.
[2012-01-18]
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5.
Coworker: OK, will this tell me which virgin it is?
Me: I hope by virgin, you mean version...
[2011-11-30]
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6.
Easiest ticket of the day so far: "User called about an issue but did not know her number. She will call back."
Solution: Closing ticket due to customer's inability to remember her own number.
[2011-10-05]
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7.
"Is there any way to stretch the power cables?"
This was asked to me by a starfish who moved her entire desk by heself after she injured her shoulder (try to figure that one out), and had the power cords hanging in front of the PC because they wouldn't go around behind the desk. I had no extenders and there wasn't a wall plug in range of the power strip in question.
[2011-10-04]
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8.
"We don't need technical things in the ticket" - Mr. 33 Years.
[2011-09-20]
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9.
Coworker: "I'm not feeling $program."
Me: "Technically you can't. It's a piece of software."
Down Burrkiss!
[2011-09-15]
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10.
"I need to keep the hard drive bigness." - starfish who was insistent she keep the 2nd hard drive in her PC, which she uses to store CAD drawings and e-mail archives going back to the mid 90's
Oh yes, paging Burkiss!
[2011-08-02]
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11.
NOTD: Sack Fleur
[2011-04-28]
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12.
First call of the day: "Yes, this is $luser, I just wanted to make sure you were there and your service is working."
He just called to make sure someone was here. He wasn't in our dept., but he just wanted to call and see we were here nonetheless.
[2011-04-18]
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13.
"That thingy" - used to describe an item an old lady had in her hand and she expected me to know precisely what it was.
Paging Burrkiss...
[2010-11-23]
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14.
"But I don't have a click!"
This after I told the lady to click on Next.
[2010-06-14]
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