|
Here is all the content that suprtechy26 has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Dead Industry
I have just learned that my entire department is being shipped overseas to India and everyone is getting laid off in the next 18-24 months. Thankfully I am being moved to upper mgt and not losing my job. However, don't call lme traitor as I am moving out of the industry all together and into something else like sales or maybe medical Biotechnology. Something other than TS
Guys and Gals I understand the frustration at all of this. But look, government will not do anything, industry won't do anything and I will take Neil Boortz's advice and take care of myself. I'm not gonne piss and moan over a dead animal, I'mm gonna get out and change my skills as necessary to something else. It's hard to start over but there is little choice in the matter
The industry is dead. It needs to be shot and sent to pasture.
I understand its upsetting. As a member who has put his blood and sweat in this business for 8 years and spent more than 100,000$ on certificates and degrees its frustrating. But I cannot stress enough that you must find something else. America is the land of opportunity, there are many more jobs in other lines of work to get into. Hey, I'm 27 years old and I find myself now going back into school as a freshman at college trying to get a International business mgt. degree. My CIO is being laid off as well. Its over people. Get out while you can don't wait for this ship to sink I'm telling you now.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
They can have this job when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. -Bobsentme
Might I recommend the below for your soon-to-be-laid off colleagues - I have one myself.
http://www.cashncarrion.co.uk/?listPos=&productID=105&search=&op=catalogue-product_info-null&prodCategoryID=4 -paranoidepiphan
I wish I could make comedy out of this. And i do laugh about it. But its very frustrating. So much time into this industry and its just taken from me. Well, if my Grandmother can declare bankruptcy and start over at age 63 so can I. - suprtechy26
We need a Union of Western Techs for bargaining power to prevent our jobs going overseas. -phanatik
I'm breaking into the coding arena... and I'm hoping that it's not hit as hard. -duckhead
In the state of Washington, there is a tech union. Doesn't prevent M$ from having lots of H1B work or sending "support issues" overseas. So...regime change at home, extra skills in business, and we're still treading water? -snowcrash
24 hours after I decided to follow my husband to Sunny California, my office announced that due to industry realignment, we'd be closed forever by the end of the year. Coworkers are jumping ship, and drowning in the extra work, and I just say "It's lovely in CA this time of year" -Fireflower
You know, these kinds of things are difficult for me to read, especially from seasoned techs. I just recently got out of school, and am *temporarily* doing TS because of the crappy economy. But when I hear a tech saying_get_out_while_you_can_ it makes me think I made a mistake in my career choice. However, there are some jobs that will never be able to be outsourced, and that is where I will concentrate my energy toward. I dunno, it just seems very discouraging...I am studying for certs, still continuing my education, and getting on the job experience....is it all for not? Am I wasting my time? -lsvtec
lsvtec - probably. Get into sales or something that can't really go abroad. Just so long as you can live with yourself... "Yes sir, this Packard Bell computer is top of the line, 100% reliable, a purchase you'll never regret *SEG*". -paranoidepiphan
Not to discourage you but yes, you are waisting your time. I hate to hear myself say that but its true. Use the money you get off this temp TS job and get an education in something other than TS. In 5 - 6 years 80% of the TS workforce will be overseas. As much as I hate it there is nothing that can be done to stop it. My CIO is being laid off, my whole department is going. A letter I wrote to a senator got written back with an affirmative "There is nothing we will do about it now or ever.." Basically telling us to go and get F***ed. Don't spend another dime on certs or any degrees towards CIS. Its over, turn out the lights. -suprtechy26
I'm glad that my job is just a stopover point to get general experience before I try breaking into either field I'd like to..
-Warrick
Wasting your time? I disagree. There are still plenty of tech jobs in the US. It's just the call centers that are closing. I have never worked at one and I am still a tech. If you truly like the technical field, find a job at an actual company doing tech support for internal companies. 99.9% of them will never outsource jobs. Then there's always network administration, server/datacenter support, IT consultants, etc. All of which require physical proxmity to the systems that you manage. If suprtechy26 wants to get out of the field, let him. Fark it. We don't need people who don't want to advance. We also do not need PFY's right off the street that are just doing it for a summer job or until they get something better. Go flip burgers or something. -scooby111
I agree with Scoob. Find a job providing internal support. Even if they outsource, they still need a physical presence, so the outsourcers will be local and you can go and work for them. -LadySharky
It is very hard to watch your job go to another country. I am down to 4 days left and I swear it's like a divorce. I mean it's a relief that i wont be dealing with starfish ... but I have been at this center for so long - I feel like I am losing more than just a paycheck. -AngelicTech
When I was born 25% of workers in US were farmers, now 2%(I'm 51). I took my farming knowledge and computer skills to a nearby packing plant and support automatic bagging machines. Wal-Mart can't import all little bags of taters from China. Make over 40k too. -volmtech
|
|
3.
Family Member Starfish moment
My Sister in law, who is Intelligent in the line of work she is in - Lawyer, is not so bright on everything else.
Well she decided when she bought her cellphone that she would get insurance on it so if it stops working she can get a new one, free of charge.
Me and wife were at her house when I heard her walk in ranting about her cell phone to someone. Complaining mostly about how shitty the service is and all of that.
I thought she was just chatting with a friend. Then all of a sudden I hear these words.
"Listen, your the insurance department. My cellphone doesn't work at all, its busted into a million pieces.... How do you know I'm talking on my cellphone right now?" as the room goes silent
Me: **Blink blink**
I look at her, I look at her cellphone, then I look at the LAN line and just nod and mutter "Uh-huh".
She promptly hung up the phone and said "Shut up" then stormed out.
Hey lady your the starfish calling up Insurance on your cellphone claiming its in a million pieces, not me.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
My girlfriend (yes, sorry girls I'm taken) started working at a call center for cell phone support. The amount of assholes and people bitching at her personally blows me away. -MightyMouse
I know what you mean - my sister is training to be an accountant yet still runs up HUGE amounts on credit cards buying clothes and things. Had a massive fight with her about that and I still have red eyes (from howling, I am a sore loser) -CommanderData
the cc bills arent yours. your not losing. (just dont loan money) -burrkiss
Accountants, Grr, Grr, Grr, Lets just say Grr, Grr, Grr. -RTFM
Hey! come on now, Accountants are vital!....otherwise Lord Buddha would have nowhere to put all those souls that were maggots in their last life" -Digital Dogcow
Companies want to Cut cost, why don't hey send ACCOUNTING Overseas. After all, you don't have to speak english to do math. -Bobsentme
Yep- The abacus is universal. -LaserGuru
I work in a cell phone call center (not my first choice, I'm a computer tech by trade.) and I have to say that people who call in here for any reason can be just as if not more brain dead as a computer EU. How much brain power does it take to operate a device with a mere 23 buttons?? When I say a send button how CAN you confuse it with any other button??</rant> -0110110
guy who sits a couple of desks away - we just started a VDSL TV service, and his GF works in that department. Some of the things they have to deal with, as well... computers may be a little higher on the 'intelligence' model, you'd hope, but TVs have been in use in most homes for a lot longer... how many people have *no* idea scares me. -namor
send button? isn't that 7363? why do you want me to dial that? </starfish> -madonnac
most lawyers know the meaning of fraud (that just means that do it more covertly) -nm
|
|
4.
Told you so
Customer moron calls in saying he wants to change the system default settings so a different database query comes up when he enters into the system.
Inform him the database system is set up to default to that query to improve system performance. Changing those defaults will reduce performance and cause you when you go into the system to take a few minutes to get in.
He doesn't care, wants it changed. I try to tell him there is no way to set the defaults. "Oh yes there is.." Fine moron.
Show him how and he sets the database to come up with "all products". System takes about 7 minutes to come up. (l)user: "Man now the system is running slow, what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, I warned you about system performance."
(l)user: "I didn't realize it would take this long. How bout we change it back."
"Sorry it is set now and you can't change it."
Upset rep NEEP NOPP. "Sorry" **click**
Called back later to speak to mgr. Manager tells him sorry, you set it. If you want it changed you will have to send in the equipment for a rebuild. More neepage. MGR pulls out the LART. "I apologize but this is what you wanted, my tech warned you repeatedly. Regardless if you think he didn't. We have the conversation recorded. I'm sorry your stuck with it." .... "Same to you pal" **CLICK**
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
call his manager and tell him what the guy did and what he said, including profanity. i love it when you can get someone fired for being a dumbass or worse
-postal tech
In this job I can get someone booted. I rarely if ever do however. Only 4 times in the 3 years I've been here. See my previous posts about this. If I can too many people I won't have anyone to support thus no job. But then again no more morons either which is probaly why I keep watching the begginning scenes of 28 days over and over again. No People AHHHH Hhahahaahh Yes yes!! -suprtechy26
|
|
5.
Dont believe me....
Talking to a friend yesterday who is in Sales. Very intelligent, definately not a sales-puke.
Anyway, I start telling him all the stories about the calls I take. He absolutely thought I was kidding. I told him over and over, yes I actually spoke to someone who put the mouse itself in the middle of the monitor after I asked him to put the mouse cursor in the middle of the screen.
He could not believe people where that dumb and said I was making it up.
Fine... Take him to my office afterhours. Let him listen to about 10 monitored calls that I set aside as my top 10.
No Laughter no emotion. Just sheer shock and alot of head shaking on his part.
He said if he ever met one of these sods he would just woop their butts because they are such morons. He said "Stupid people tick me off." Well. I guess that says it all doesn't it.
Verizon guy>Can you Believe me now? Good /verizon>
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Hey, there are days when I can't believe the calls I get... -garwain
|
|
6.
What in the blue fricken heck... Pt 1
Customer tard calls in saying all of her addy's for her clients are abreviated. Meaning that Road is RD. and Drive is now Dr. She thinks the system is wacked.
I repeatedly ask her if the addresses are correct and she says yes they are. I flat out tell her "then there is not a problem." "No, I worked hard to change these addresses so they read Road and Drive as D-R-I-V-E and not DR. The system changed it." "Oh no pal. Its an issue fix it. I want this escalated."
"OH Okay. I'll escalate it."
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Oh my farking god... -Warrick
Escalate it to your ass then dump on her. -TechTheKnife
|
|
8.
nice try BEST TRY Prt 1
My wifey's parents rave about how they bought their washer and dryer from Best Try and got this cool service contract on it for 3 years. They say its awesome that after it broke down after a year they got it fixed and then it broke down 3 more times and they got it fixed three more times.
You can imagine me shaking my head at this. "and how much was the service contract?" about $110. Shaking my head even more.
You can imagine the amazement deer in headlights look when I tell them. "Did you know the service is covered under warranty anyway, not to mention the fact that washers or dryers are not supposed to break down after only a year of service if they are built correctly?"
"Yeah but we got the service for free."
"Yeah and you waisted $110 on service you didn't need." I read the warranty contract. If said machine were to break down within the warranty the manufacturer is supposed to replace the machine with no cost or service it for free.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
I work for one of the manufacturers - warranty is repair only, *never* replacement, and after 1 year manufacturer warranty, a service call can cost between $45 and $119 - and that doesn't include the labor and parts, so they *did* get a bargain -madonnac
2 words: House Insurance -David25
|
|
9.
nice try BEST TRY Prt =2
They argue with me about this. WTF!!! I have a washer and dryer that I've had for 8 years and its only now giving me hassles. Noone realizes the service contracts that Short Circuit Bities and CON USA offer are a farse and waist of money.
So our Dryer goes out finally after 8 years of dedicated service. My wifey and me goes out to sears to look for one. We see one that interests us. Sales PUKE comes up and starts going into this and that and then mentions we can purchase a sales contract for $150. my reply "Ummm no!" Wifey starts disagreeing with me. Sales Starfish says "What happens if it breaks down within the year you have it. My reply "Are you kidding? If it breaks down within a year then its not a good machine and you shouldn't have sold it to me. My dryer lasted 8 years so you tell me." Turn to wife and sales idiot "It's my money, I will spend how I please. so NO SALES CONTRACT. Get it? In fact, you know what? Your right, the quality of your machinery wouldn't last a year so I won't buy here. Thanks." Sales puke starts getting all indignant "Umm It will last more than a year..blah blah." Nice try idiot. Go weezel yourself back under the rock from which you were born.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Don't know how it works in the States but in the UK goods have to be 'appropriate to their purpose' - fridges, washers etc are expected to last more than 1 year so even without an 'extended' warranty you should always demand ( and receive ) a replacement - and I should know 'cause I do the IT for Trading Standards ! Extended warranties are one of the biggest ripoffs going. -Westgate
Another supporting argument ==> http://clarkhoward.com/library/tips/extended_warranties.html -RedSwingline
The service contracts are a huge ripoff. I bought a refrigerator last year and declined the extended warranty. They've harrassed me every week since then with some piece of mail or phone call. The warranty just ran up and they just stopped calling. -CelticSkyhawk
you got that from a sales guy at SEARS?? i'm really surprised. sears usually keeps well-informed and competant sales folk. -mousie
It depends on what it is you're buying. I got the store's extended warranty option on my new digital camera, because the mfr warranty is only a year and I *know* that the day after it expires, the camera will develop some weirdness that would otherwise be covered. -pixel
Friend got a deep freeze for a wedding present - didn't work right when delivered. No extended warranty. They had to bitch to get a tech out, then the company finally replaced it when that didn't do. We were amazed at the troubles it took to get *that* far... -namor
I worked at a Service Merchandise in their Electronics Department. When our store closed, A lot of people ended up losing out on their Extended Service agreements because the 3rd party that sold them no longer accepted them. -Bobsentme
Extended warranties are a ripoff as a rule... Tempo here went bust because that's how they made their money and people got wise to it. If you feel you must have a service contract, you shouldn't, generally, take the shop's own. I do, however, take the shop's own from Richer Sounds, as it's very cheap and refundable if not called on, and I also take the John Lewis one on some goods. I have one with Iceland on my freezer, simply because it covers the contents too. -EmleyMoor
My parents got an extended warranty with their 25CD stacker that included free cleanings for 10 years. After 2 years, they decided it needed a cleaning, and the place was out of buisness... their money was gone, and some management guy was probably living quite comfortably. The local electronics store would have cleaned the think every year for about half the price anyway... -garwain
The IT manager purchased a CD burner for one of our workstations that came with a 10 year extended warranty (for some insane fee of course) He thought it was a good deal, until I pointed out that if he'd saved his money, it would probably buy a better burner in and have change left over if the burner dies after the warranty runs out. I never actually get the extended warranty on electronics because most of the stuff I buy will either be defective and break within a few months, or will be slated for replacement by the time it reduces itself to a disfunctional pile of circuits. -garwain
Only time I bought an extended warranty was for a car. I was commuting and putting 30k miles on it per year. 60k warranty would have been done in 2 years. Extended to 100k, and the tranny wnet at 80k. Whew, saved my bacon, just that once. Never bought another extended warranty on anything else, though. -CyBear
The reason that they push the extended warranty is that they get commi$$ion on it. It's the sam reason that auto dealers push it. They make almost no money on the sale of the actual hardware, they get almost all of their money on the undercarriage anti-rust coating and the warranties, etc. I used to know a guy that did the undercarrige coating for Ford. The standard coating that comes with the car is really the best you're going to get. If you want to pay to have them do it again, ok. If you want the 'deluxe' coating, he'll stand on one leg while spraying your car... -scooby111
Far as I'm concerned the best thing is a no-questions-asked 2 year (or more) replacement plan. When my digital camera died at about 1 yr old walked in with nothing but the camera and walked out with a brand new model since the old one was no longer being sold. Far as a washer/dryer goes it better damn well last a while :) -DarthLuke
*Agrees with no extended warranties needed* Thats my policy .... BTW, my first washer-dryer set from Sears lasted 19 years (had to do a few minor repairs on them myself now and then), if I get anywhere near that out of this set I'll be amazed ......... :-) -Navman
in future shop, there warranty is actually very good. I've seen people walk in with a fubared MX420 and walk out with a Ti4200. Believe me people, legit complaints and that can really benefit you. -Bunglehawk069
I agree with CyBear, sometimes with a car its not a bad idea. But a fuckin washer should last a lot longer than that. -WickedClown
|
|
10.
Sometimes the Hackers are right.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=528&ncid=528&e=1&u=/ap/20031114/ap_on_hi_te/al_jazeera_hacked
Sorry guys to say this. But sometimes the Hackers are right. I say bravo to this guy. This is like jailing a soldier for killing Saddamm. Al Jazerra..Al Myreer..Ack Mahmbreeer.. or however the heck you say it, sucks.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Sad, but I can realistically picture this guy showing up at the county jail to start his community service, only to have all the cops pat him on the back and let him goof off the 1000 hours community service. -OzarkBard
Yes, lets just let people hack sites they don't like. If I hack Hell or Micro$haft I'm sure I'll be going to jail for a long time, not just 1000 hrs of community service -nm
I actually agree with the ruling. What he did only furthers the divide between West and East. It had no beneficial consiquences, and borders on a racial/religious infringment. I know alot of people won't agree with me, but I don't like CNN. I find it has a strong right-wing christian bias. But I'm not about to take out thier website. I value the Freedom of Speech. And if Mr. Rancine was as patriotic as he assumes he is, he would realize that even your enemies have freedom of speech as protected by the UN Charter. The USA isn't the be-all and end-all of the world, it's only a part of the world. Sorry for the rant, come to think of it, this guy is in Norco? It's a good possibility he's a customer of mine. That's scary. -Zentar
You tell 'em, Zentar! There are plenty of things on the web that I don't like, but those people have just as much right to their opinions and expression thereof as I do. -sassicatz
I agree with Zentar. While I don't agree with many people's view, they have a right to them and to talk about them. Actions are another matter. I am glad to see that the Gov't here is actually going ahead with punishing him and letting the world know it. Any one who wants to gripe about it being a slap on the wrist or too extreme, I will only say that it was a simple re-direct, not a scam or fraud trying to get people's money, or a masquerade trying ruin the website's reputation. Essentially, this was a prank (albeit with poor timing and taste),and I think the punishment fits. -GargoyleTS
Well Said Zentar! I agree with the Ruling. Had this happened to the US Goverment Website, you can believe it would be called another act of Terrorism, and the culprit treated like a terrorist. This man did indeed deserve the sentence he so rightly pleaded guilty to. -Bobsentme
Every bit a right to express their opinion to as Osama does huh? Hey, the hacker got punishment. I never said I disagreed with that. All hackers are criminals but still, you have to laugh at the guys point. -suprtechy26
The difference is actions versus words. I haven't watched enough of Al-Jazeera to judge, but I'm told they are the Arab culture's equivalent of CNN. They have a strong Muslim bias. Let me put it to you another way, what if a guy in Saudi Arabia shut down CNN? It's the same thing, but the names changed (why does that phrase make me think of a song?). Just because he targeted an Arab-news organization doesn't make him right. Now if he castrated Osama and made him walk around in a blue burqa... that would be different.. I'd agree to that. -Zentar
Uh, you're thinking Western thoughts: that people have the right to disagree with each other and the government. Not Middle Eastern thoughts, where disagreeing with religious authority is an offense punishable by extreme means. They're into tit-for-tat, afterall; showing dead Americans one day and displaying the American flag with "Let Freedom Ring" the next seems a fair balance to me. :) -Mushroom
Just a quick point... I visited Al Jazeera's website... all help content is for Windows 98 and IE 4 and 5. If this was one of our customers calling in to complain about getting hacked, we would all be making fun of them. -OzarkBard
John Adams sucessfully defended the British soldiers involved in the Boston Massacre, because he believed they deserved a fair trial under the law. If we do not enforce the law fairly and equally , it becomes a travesty. I do believe Al-Jazeera is unbalanced, but that has noting to do with the issue (if you believe CNN, Fox, ABC, et al are balanced, I have some work from home opportunities for you). What this guy did is illegal and upatriotic and he deserves to be punished. <opinion of a Desert Storm combat vet, one of many> -LaserGuru
I can put this another way: There's a strip joint downtown in my city, and some smart alec but a big "End Sexism" on the wall in spray paint. I agree with the statement, I don't agree with the method. After all, Marshall Mcluhan said "The Medium is the Message". It's still vandalism. -Zentar
Let's say you're a Christian and your neighbor is Jewish. Does that give you the right to force your way into his home and take down his menora because you don't believe in Hanukah (sorry if that's spelled wrong, I'm agnostic), or him the right to break into your house and take down your Christmas tree? What that guy did was illegal and wrong and he deserves the punishment he got. -Jenzkind
okay, this is gonna piss a lot of you off... but as a wounded veteran of the first Gulf War, I personally think that hacking al jazeera IS a community service, and they guy deserves a fuckin medal. They ARE NOT the equivalent of CNN, were you can get unbiased reporting. I was 38 miles from Bahgdad in the first one, and we stopped... we shoulda took care of business then. If we had, MAYBE the camel jockeys that pulled off 9-11 woulda thought twice. USA USAUSAUSA!!!!! -HappyCrappy
I'm all for free speech and what the guy did was wrong and illegal. But you gotta admit, it was funny ;) -Grembo
HappyCrappy - First off, I know some Gulf War I vets, and I am grateful for what they've done. They have suffered a lot. I have access to BBC and CBC, and they show both sides of the story. CNN doesn't. They are on the field, fair enough, but they are reporting what the military will let them. As for "camel jokeys" (this is very racist), I do think Saddam should have been gotten by Bush the First. Or those other times when the Kurds were told the US was going in to help, but they got stood up. You're hinting at that most of the 9/11 hijackers were affiliated with Saddam, when in fact there are from Saudi Arabia (a few were from other nations, but NONE repeat NONE from Iraq). Bush the Second has been in bed with the Bin Laden family for decades (do a google search for "Bush Bin Laden" or read anything on the Texas oil business). I have a great deal of respect for service men and women, and I don't think this is the correct forum to discuss politics, but I don't see how you can parrellel Bin Laden to Saddam. The men HATE each other. An alliance is impossible. They are both big fat bullies who want to be king of the hill. They don't share power well. Plus they have different veiws on the role of Islam in state politics. I refer you to any of the awesome documentaries published by the CBC or BBC. America does not have a fair and balanced MAINSTREAM 24 hour news station. -Zentar
As for did I think it was funny, yep. Just like I did the spray paint on the wall... PEACE! -Zentar
HappyCrappy, you give soldiers a bad name. -EvilOtto
|
|
14.
My name is none of your business
I'm getting em all today, believe me.
"Why am I giving you all this information. What's your last name?"
Me: "I don't have to give that out. I need your info to verify your identity as a customer that is all."
(l)user: "Oh really? I give you my name but you can't give me yours. How do you figure this is fair, huh?"
me: "Very easily maam. I gather your name with the good intention to provide a service to you based on my company screening and authorizing me accordingly until they fully trust me. Judging by the tone in your voice your intentions to gather my information are for bad purposes and nothing about you is verified or screened."
(l)user: "Oh common. I want it so I know who I'm talking to so I can complain if I want to, not to hunt you down. Geesh, I doubt that has ever happened."
Me: "Not to long ago a tech specialist was shot and killed by a disgruntled customer after the techs supervisor gave the first name, last name along with the techs address to the customer. So yes, it has happened. Now, can you give me your information please."
The story about the tech getting shot wasn't true but the (l)user got the point. Sometimes if they ask or press I just say my last name is Smith. What are they thinking?
Yes let me give you all of my information including address and SS number. Eventhough I have no idea who your are and for all I know is a psycopath with a gun. These people have no BRAINS!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
"Not to long ago a tech specialist was shot and killed by a disgruntled customer" ROFLMAO!!! Nice touch, that ;-) -Rooty
ROFL... I put "customer shoots tech support" into Google to see if any news stories pooped up, and a TSC post was the 6th listing! Seriously, I thought I had read about something like this happening in New Jersey, maybe sometime in the past year or two? -RiffRaff
Shite.. good call man. Where I am the company we're contracting for, wants us to start putting our last name in the notes.... two words, BITE ME. -Warrick
Hell, I've been called at home by irate customers wanting an RMA for an out of warranty product. Scarry... -TechOgre
My name is Bill Lumbergh. Yeahhhhhh
-RedSwingline
<office space>It's not that hard to pronounce na-yee-nanajar, Nayeenanajar </office space> -techskier
Dusty Rhoades and Rusty Nailles are two other good tech names.
Not to mention Bob Buttafucko ...
-ralphp1024
Pat McGroin -teivrann
Dick Hurtz, from Holden (honestly a real town name, just ask postal or techskier), ME :-)~ -PaseoGuy
You mean you didn't give her your cell phone number so she could get personal tech-support 24/7?? -CiscoJones
Dick Knibbler. -sassicatz
Helena Handbasket... Wilma Fingerdo... this is starting to sound like a drag queen conference -teivrann
I think I'll be Anita Bonghit </Simpsons> :) -Jenzkind
I always liked Richard Cranium (Dick Head)or Rich Buthole (bu tholie). -atomicbill
well, actually, my call center in Canada had a guy from one of the Gulf States drive up with a knife to stab the guy he had talked too... He got as close as right behind the guy. That was BEFORE we had passcards. -Zentar
Dick Trickle. (All you NASCAR fans know THAT is a guy's REAL name!!!) -TheSingingTech
<red lectroid> "BigbutTE'! TAY!! TAY!!!" </red lectroid> -Captain Trips
Tapioca Johnson -burrkiss
My favorite fake name is "Greg LeMongelo." That's lemon jello with a french pronuciation. -Bioguy
<Starts to gnaw on Warrick's leg> -Wiser
Dick Trickle!!!!! Funny to see a guy smoke a cig during pit stops :) -RunningWolf
Dick Army...nuff said -billybien
I'm a smith, Agent Smith. It was inevidable that you would call, Mr. Anderson. -MaskedMarauder
There was a late night DJ on the radio over here called Dusty Rhodes. However, the funniest one was Classic FM's first woman DJ - Sandy Beech! -EmleyMoor
Zen - i remeber that! that was actually just after i was hired! -Harm
|
|
15.
You assume to much.
Idiot (l)user calls in.
(l)user: (real snobbish tone) "Yes I'm in the bentley( can't remember the exact name she said but it was one of the nicer ones) hotel in new york and it says here that high speed internet is provided for my convenience. Which port do I plug my internet cable into. I'm sure you've been in these kinds of hotels before right?"
Lady, they don't pay me enough for that and if making tons of money means I have to get an attitude and intelligence like yours you can stick your damn green where the sun don't shine.
Me: " Umm your gonna have to ask the hotel which line is for dialup because the system you have is a dialup connection not a broadband."
(l)user: "You mean I don't have the best (huff). Well then I'll have to look into that. Let me call up to the front desk deary and find out then call back. (sniff)"
Goddam its not even 9am and I already have a headache. Thanks alot bimbo.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
oh. mygawd. -mousie
Wait a minute... when she acted rude and arrogant towards you, it DIDNT make you want to help her more? Imagine that. -crackshot
"Lady, you ain't got the best because you ain't paid for the best." I find the richer people are (or think they are) the more singey they become over 'optional extras'... like NO, Microsoft do not give you Office when you buy Windows! No, I'm not going to install a warez version on a CORPORATE machine, hell I don't even have a warez version of any software <cough cough, points at halo>. -fearmyroot
Lifts off FearMyRoot's halo, starts polishing it, "what-EVER did you do to get this so dirty?!" </1950's retro clip> -CTYankee
Assumption is the mother of all fuckups. -PaseoGuy
I knew an appliance repair man. He use to do work all over this area which includes a town filled with rich snobs. (Sun Valley/Ketchem, Idaho) When I first met him I need an expensive part and he was willing to let me take it and pay him later if I wanted (I paid cash anyway) Then he told me that when ever he does business in those areas he demands cash upfront. Said he has been stiffed more times by those folks than all the others combined. -Wolffarmer
I thought FMR meant that he had a pirated copy of Halo. :) -ShutUpAndHangUp
I stay at the ritz in New York every chance I get. Sure I can't afford food for the rest of the year, but that one night is worth it. :/ I hate people. . . . -nm
Reminds me of this ... http://www.lonebraincell.com/attachments/mememe.wav -teivrann
|
|
17.
Solve it nowwwww
Get a call over the weekend from a (l)user saying it is taking forever to download her e-mail.
I ask her if someone may have sent her a large file. "No, I don't think so. I just want it to work, make it work."
Me: "Welllllllllllllll if there's a huge e-mail being sent it will take a while to download. You can either wait for it to download or I can transfer you to the e-mail d-base support team to check for you."
(l)user: "No I know its something else. You can fix it so just do it, I don't want to wait."
Me: "Listen I can't take control of anything that is on the server side from here. I have to get you over to the proper department if you would hold for me please."
(l)user: "I'm telling you its not a large file."
Now these peoples managers send them 50mb files all the time. For some reason thinking this is sensible.
Me: "Okay, let me transfer you to someone who can help" Then I transferred her and dropped off. Well 2 days later I see the case pop up in my inbox. The idiot called back to complain she got transferred without permission. Sorry moron, I have it recorded and I clearly state I am transferring so you lose that one. She called back and the poor tech that got her got ripped a new one and attempted to transfer her and he waited on the line with her. She waited 2 minutes and then hung up. We have yet to hear from her since a day ago. SHITE ALMIGHTY!! If she would wait on the phone for 3 minutes it would take DB 2 seconds to remove the e-mail. I hate these people.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
But you should have solved the problem! Well, actually i would have had her account mysteriously disabled for a few weeks, maybe a credit card detail gone missing, and of course even more mysteriously, I would be on the E-Bay Site, purchasing stuff. Of course, its not all interconnected, but it may just teach the Starfish some manners! -Lynxphoenix
Oh I just think of these poor sods as the people manning a German Machine gun in Call of Duty.. Right as I've flanked them with my M1 Garand and am completely out of their line of sight with the Machine gun.
-Warrick
Sure, what's your username and password? <logs onto webmail> <deletes any email over 50KB> Done. You're welcome. -scooby111
50mb emails, sound like the mail admin needs to reset limits down to something reasonable like 10mb. I locked the sending limit down to 2mb for a few weeks, amazing how quick the lusers got the idea that huge emails are a bad idea -raggi
We don't have that level of access for most of our pentagonal fishies either. But we work around by going to an online email client that will show the size and let us selectively delete messages. We just make sure to verify with the fishie if it's ok to delete it first. -helldesk
helldesk: Just telnet to the POP server using their user/pass info and delete the messages there. -RiffRaff
|
|
18.
Lets outsource
There should really be a federal law that makes it unprofitable to do this stuff. Much like import taxes or something. Something that rapes the company blind if they outsource IT to another country. My up the ladder sods mentioned this. Eventhough they told me and my mgr they would outsource and move both of us to an executive level job it didn't seem right. 1. We felt it was a bogus and it was just to entice us to go along with it. 2. Okay fine, we make out like bandits while 100 other people, including 3 who are my close friends, 1 that is my Brother in law, and 1 that is a guy who basically saved my life **long story**, get canned for some idiotic (rant deleted due to racial slur) gets to make out with american jobs.
After a big think Me and my mgr flat out said no and if they did we would both tell every customer about what was going on and that they would know they signed a contract thinking they were paying a 15$/hr tech and instead are paying 15$/hr tech but only getting a 2$/hr outsourced member while the other 13 goes into the company coffers. So far my CIO has balked and said "That's what I thought, I'm telling the VP no." Somehow this doesn't quell my worries but we shall see.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
What he didn't tell you is what he's telling the VP 'no' about. He really means that he's telling the VP that 'no, these two guys won't be with us'. Farking games. I'm so sick of the games. -scooby111
Good luck dude... though to be truthful, I AM an outsourced tech (Canada as opposed to US but still)..
-Warrick
Grrr. The only problem is that my CIO could say No to outsourcing until his face turns blue but ultimately its not up to him. Its up to 8 or 10 people in the board who have never fielded a customer call. But guess what? I know all thier phone number and I have control of the phone system. Can we say re-rout all calls to said numbers. hehehehe AHHHHHHHHHHHahahahaha -suprtechy26
</rant> It's federal law that makes outsourcing possible, and enticing...it's called NAFTA, and it's total, complete, bullsh**! You really think our government cares about us pions and our jobs? Nope, they'd rather give the corporations their big breaks!</rant> -Jenzkind
Jenzkind, you've mentioned that before, and I have to argue. NAFTA allows outsourcing to Canada (where I am, and where the techs are a little cheaper) and to Mexico, but NA is North America. Last time I looked, the main outsource sites in India, Vietnam, and Russia were not in North America. And I don't think GATT has anything to do with outsourcing either. No, what makes outsourcing possible is cheap telecommunications. Even without NAFTA, jobs that are purely communications, like TS and programming, will be outsourced to wherever. What NAFTA does is allow factories making physical goods to be moved to cheap-labor Mexico. But a lot of companies are discovering that you get what you pay for... -chazz
Jenzkind, like chazz said, those jobs are not coming to Mexico either. If they were, I would invite you guys to come and help us here. And chazz, now we are not even getting those manufacturing jobs. Guess what? They're going to China now because we wanted to get decent wages and the multinationals don't like that. -Vulture
Vulture, Jenzkind -- and there isn't a free trade agreement with China, although there is a "most favored nation" status there. Does kind of make NAFTA look irrelevant. -chazz
As far as NAFTA allowing companies to move to cheap manufacturing coutries I must quote Lloyd Bentson--"That horse done left the barn"--These companies had few problems doing this before NAFTA was even thought of. This shows how much ignorance and disinformation can be a powerful weapon when used by protectionist idealogues. Before NAFTA US goods entering Mexico had a much highter tarrif than goods entering the US from Mexico. This has been remedied. In 1993 our agricultural exports to Mexico totaled a little more then $3 billion(or is that 3 thousand million..:) They are well over $6 billion now. -Ungolythe
|
|
19.
Roll it out -who cars if it works. Prt1
Before I begin let me say that I have nothing against software engineers and that I doubt all are starfishy's as I am sure there are many SE's on this site whom I do not wish to offend. The ones at my company for some reason have decided to remove their brains to the recycle bin and are complete morons.
That being said
Software engineers meet with me and my Mgr to tell us about the most recent software updates. They explain how the end (l)users will have to connect to pick up the update remotely. No problem, has happened before.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
20.
Roll it out -who cares if it works. Prt2
Heres the catch" the SE says. Whats going to happen is they will get an error because a program fault causes the connection to drop. ( At this point me and my Manager start rolling our eyes ). He then goes through 30 different steps to correct the problem that we must walk the (l)user through which includes a regedit. At this point my Manager raises his hand and says "Hold on!"
"So basically your releasing an update that doesn't work."
Se: "Yes. Unfortunatly it doesn't work but here are the steps to make it work."
Mgr: "Wait a minute. Answer me a question. Why are you releasing an update that doesn't work?"
Se: "Well... We have to get this update out otherwise we lose money on the contract."
Mgr: "Ohh okay. And when I get 5,000 (l)users calling in and I don't meet my obligations to the contract for my time to answer we lose money anyway. But you didn't answer my question, you knew the deadline, you had months to complete this update, so what's the deal? Answer my question."
SE: (Beginning to sweat) "UHhh oh Ummm Gee uhh I didn't think of it that way. Maybe I'll speak with the dep. head and see what we can do."
Welllll guess what happens. We get an e-mail that gets sent to the (l)users force to comm and do the update. Apparantly the SE's decided just to ignore my mgr's executive power and the Dep Head just did the update anyway.
Noticebly when the announcement went out my Mgr. said these words at his desk "WTF!!" and no he did not say fudge.
My Mgr, Operations Mgr, The SE Dep head, and the Cheif information officer have been in a closed door meeting for the past 30 minutes. I am hoping that SE Dep head is getting ripped a new one.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Good. The minimum amount of steps should be involved when dealing with starfish. Personally I accept reghacking on internal releases of internal software but not on stuff the public/paying punters see. Hope the SE turds involved with this get ripped a new one >:-) -fearmyroot
Yay! It compiles! Ship it!!! -CarbonTetra
Nuclear Lart Detected....You have 30 minutes to evacuate. Suggest using the escape tube on 2nd story. -Bobsentme
I sympathize! We're "under new management" (power base moved to Dallas) and we had to deploy new workstations to two departments without adequate testing. We spent two weeks after each rollout fixing problems that should have been fixed in the image. Then they updated IE6 with SMS and broke every web app we use. We're still cleaning that one up. -sassicatz
Let me just say that the manager in this story is one of the few competent people in the world. Do you have any idea how COMMON that SE's attitude is in industry? Ship first, patch later.... -Rooty
keep us updated
-postal tech
THey must've worked for MS in the past. NT 4, 2K, and XP are all patches for the original NT, IMHO. -PaseoGuy
|
|
21.
Followup to Rollout
Meeting over. I see SE Dep Head comes walking out still pissing and moaning, muttering something. Now Mgr comes to me and says the following about what happened.
Se stated his side and then my Mgr stated his side.
CIO and Operations supposedly were not impressed with the flub up of SE.
SE apparantly tried to spout that he had no choice. The deadline is tomorrow for the update to go out.
CIO calmly stated( according to my mgr ): "Had you come to me to inform me that you needed a few more days to fix these problem I doubt it would've been an issue with the customer. I sent you an e-mail stating this."
CIO then produces a copy of the e-mail. Then asks the same question my MGR did. "Why wasn't this done in the time allotted?"
SE: "Uhhh oh ummm. We had other projects that came up to get in the way...."
( here comes the line of the day from the CIO )
"Your inability to plan and organize projects so they meet their concurrent deadlines doesn't justify you placing a load on the HD. Did you already send out the e-mail to the field?"
SE: "Yes"
CIO: "When are you sending the update?"
Se: "It has been setup to download tonight at midnight"
CIO: (looks at the clock and the date ) "Well you have about 10 hours to make this update work and I don't think I need to tell you what happens if it doesn't.
SE: "But I was planning on leaving early and I have a Holloween party with my kids and..."
CIO: " Not anymore. Get on it."
Meeting over. You make the call. Nuclear Lart or a Global thermal NUCLEAR LART!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Bwaaahahahaha! If you fark up, you gotta pay the piper. Staying late and working to correct your mistakes is all a part of the job. -scooby111
Your CIO kicks ASS!!!! Our managers (and VP) just pass the buck and ignore the problems. -Bobsentme
That's just beautiful. *wipes eyes* -pixel
This rollout has me ROFL! I regularly put out updates to office software that have not been fully tested for the main reason that I don't know enough about the information that has to go into the software to truely test it. Co-workers then start phoning in, and I fix the bugs, and release a new version. Of course I have my bosses permission to use the co-worker as beta testers, so I can get away with it. If it was a program used by customers, I would never think about releasing a version that I know doesn't work! Deadlines be damned, I do quality work, and would would rather take a verbal beating for not meeting a deadline than a larting a minute from customers for releasing a poor quality program! -garwain
your CIO ROCKS!!!!! -burrkiss
awesome CIO. Glad to see some cocky ass SE's(not saying to the SE's on this site) get what's coming to them -Bunglehawk069
garwain- So, you don't work for Microsoft? -LaserGuru
Just....Wow! Your manager is one helluva guy, and the CIO is on the same level! 1 corporation with its shit together, too damn many to go! -GargoyleTS
That's no moon! That's a LART station! -TechnoVampire
I wish I had a CIO like that... -Snakeeye
Wow! A CIO AND a manager with that rare commodity "common sense" - they make up for the pathetic attitude of the SE - "release it & let the HD sort it out" - the SE brought it upon himself....tough shit a$$hat. -lineswine
That ROCKS!!!! -hkypipe
|
|
22.
Don't call me Baby
Female (l)user calls in and we are going through some troubleshooting steps on a remote network access dialup issue. Nothing big.
Except not one farking phone number is working. All of them give no answer. Not unusual really. So I figure - no problemo. Switch to the 800.
Me: " Well. I'll tell you what, maybe, we should try the 800 number." (l)user: "WHAT?!!! I'm not your baby you sexist pig, how dare you call me that. I want your manager."
Me: "Excuse me Maam I said Maybe not baby."
(l)user: "No you did not, stop trying to cover up I want a supervisor nowwwwwwwwww!!"
Me: "I am the super on this desk so your talking to the highest authority and I'm telling you what I said. Now do you want me to solve your issue or not?"
(l)user: "Oh no, theres someone above you I know it. You A**hole."
Me: "Maam I don't appreciate abusive language and this call is being recorded."
(l)user: "Well I don't appreciate being called baby. So I can call you an A**hole if I want to, so what are you going to do about it."
Me: ( at this point I am so wanting to let loose ) "I am sorry but the abusive language your displaying will no longer allow me to continue on this call." **CLICK**
Geeeesh lady. Too much Cocaine for you.
Called customers manager. Let him listen to the call. Manager backs me up and says "You clearly said maybe. I think she needs a serious talking to. I've been meaning to deal with her so this gives me a reason. I'll take care of it." ** Click**
OHHH to be a fly on the wall.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
People like that obviously have other issues not pertaining to internet. Call her back posing as a VP or such and say: "Tell me about your father..." -billybien
No, ma'am, I did *NOT* call you "baby;" I called you a "rude, obnoxious bitch who needs to have her attitude checked." *THAT'S* what I really said. <click> -RiffRaff
Next time you get her start out the call with, "So, what are you wearing?" -scooby111
Sounds like there might not be a next time... :)
-BayouTech
I don't recall the comedian's name: "I made a Freudian slip the other day at dinner. What I meant to say was, 'Please pass the pepper, Dad.' What everyone heard was 'You f*cking prick, you ruined my childhood!'" -Mushroom
Oooooh - a LARTfest is called for, methinks. -lineswine
"...No, I didn't call you 'baby'. I called you my hot, sexy little bitch. Isn't that better?" Go jump off a cliff, you twerp! I hate people like that. -PaseoGuy
Hmmm - hearing aid time? -tlpervert
Just say "So I'm an a$$*le; have you been there to check it out?" -Dr Jerkyl
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, i'm an asshole!!! A SS HO LE!! </denisleary> -EvilOtto
|
|
23.
Burn (l)users burn
Okay so maybe someone dying isn't that funny but is anyone else shaking there heads at knowing in the back of their minds some of the people burnt up while trying to escape the fires because they 1. ignored the evacuation orders and 2. waited until the house was burning down around them to leave, are either AOL (l)users or just plain stupid?
Is it a terrible thing for a voice to laugh in the back of my head glad that the gene pool is being cleansed of these idiots?
I have really been in TS for too long when I find joy in the destruction of (l)users.
YO PEOPLE that warm sensation your getting while sitting in your house is not the heater turning on. GET OUT you morons.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
I'd go back into a burning bilding for my cats, my daughter or family..... Sounds like a Darwin Award contender. -RunningWolf
Oh I understand that, save the family, cat, dog whatever other living thing may be there. But waiting around until the mountain falls down when all the sirens are going off two days in advance kind of seems ridiculous. -suprtechy26
"This is burrkiss how can i help you?" I dont have internet!!!! FIX IT. "Well sir, since you sound intelligent (pffft) do you have any idea why?"...."Well there is a big fire outside that has burnt done the telephone poles, but thats not it, ITS YOUR SERVERS FIX IT!!!!...."Hold for a minute." <burrkiss goes out and gets a 100' fan and places it to spread the fire quicker to the EU>..... -burrkiss
There was a fire in an office building in Chicago recently where several people died in the stairwell from smoke inhalation. Problem was they could get into the stairwell but all the doors were locked so they couldn't get out. Our office is like that and has been a major complaint of mine since the beginning. Wasn't sure if you were talking about that fire or the wildfires in California. -CelticSkyhawk
what RunningWolf said, except for the animals. I love my cats, but fluffy's company isn't worth 2nd degree burns. -scooby111
Its college dorm fire alarm story time! So the fire alarm goes off in my dorm at about 4AM. I waste about 5 minutes hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock and then fumble with it to try to turn off the alarm. I finally realize that its the alarm and then in a sleep deprived state wonder if I really ahve to leave. When I remember that this dorm seem to catch on fire every year, i finally decide to leave. the I gotta find my pants. Total time to leave 10 minutes. Assuming that the average starfishy has much less common sense than me, i would say waiting a day or two rather than 10 minutes seems about right for them. :P -nm
Haha. "Hello sir, please hold." *waits for (l)user to burn! BURN!!@ -Issyl
It is, after a fashion funny. But, it is more than anything else quite sad. -Warrick
I've been swamped with calls from the sandiego area all day. Even had one who was forcefully evacuated by neighbors while he was on the phone with me. They don't care if they burn to death as long as they get to play online solitaire. I say let the fools burn. It will help clean up the gene pool. *looks at clock* shit 10 min till I have to be back on the phones. I've had 30 calls before my lunch and 24 calls waiting already. -samurai
the roof the roof the roof is on fire, we dont fucking care let the mother fucker burn -postal tech
My first career was in wildland firefighting in CA. I echo your statement. Ya see that GIANT column of smoke that is just over the next ridge? Well little fishy, it's going to be a GIANT wall of flame in this neighborhood in about a half an hour. They want to argue the finer points of extreme fire behavior with you for half the time they could be getting out of Dodge. I once scorched the paint and melted all the plastic off my engine in SoCal. Oh BTW I lost all of my stuff (while I was between homes) in the Oakland hills fire that destroyed my mothers home, so I can appreciate what it's like to lose everything. -DMenscha
Hey, even as I type here at work, my house is on "yellow alert" type of status -- the fire is only a couple of miles from it, and could jump the 805 freeway at any time, thus threatening my home. I will do anything I need to save it, EXCEPT risk my life. It is my home (well, mine and the bank's), but only a material posession. NOTHING is as important as your life, or that of your loved ones. (My wife and our pets are at my sister-in-law's house, which is in a safe area.) -Captain Trips
This guy is a definite Darwin Award contender - much like most of the user i deal with http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,7680716%255E1702,00.html -PsychoTecMonkey
Word now is that the worst fire in San Diego (the "Cedar" fire) was started by a hunter setting a signal fire. He got separated from his buddy, and set the fire to find him. He is now being held in custody. He is lucky. I am probably only one of thousands who would gladly beat the shit out of him for what he has done. Something like 300-500 homes lost, (including 5 of firefighters), at least 10 lives lost in this one fire, 200,000 acres burned. All because one poor hunter got lost. I hope he burns in hell (even though I don't believe in such a place) because he has put the county through it. -Captain Trips
Aww for the love of GOD.
-Warrick
Warrick? Which god should we love? After all, there are so many. -Captain Trips
|
|
24.
DO NOT Support Family
No matter how many times I tell myself to not get caught into the trap, I always do. The horrible black hole of Ts'ing a family member.
Walk into a family members house because they called me saying they had major computer problems. Walk over and find all kinds of grud loaded. Gator, Bonzai A-hole, Kazaa, you name it. After explaining to said family the dangers of downloading such things they understand this. Try to uninstall all of the crud but to no avail. No problemo, nuke and pave - takes me 30 mins flat. All done. Reinstalled their DSL service. Walk away and they go up to use the internet. Sure as the sun rises 10 minutes later I get called that they can't get on. DOH!! Setup DSL and for got to setup IE to login to DSL. No problem. Family member is sitting at the computer. I say "Great, get up and I'll fix it." FM: "Well, show me how and I'll do it." Me: (kindly)"If I do it myself it will take 2 minutes if I stand here and show you, it will take 45 so please move." FM: "No. Show me how I want to learn" Me: ( Knowing this family member quite well. The last time I taught this person something which was downloading and saving, from previous indications in this story you saw how that turned out. No need to give them more weapons to hurt themselves.) Well the back and forth goes on for about 5 minutes when I finally say "Sorry then figure it out yourself, I am not showing you. You can stand and watch otherwise figure it out your damn self." Got up and left. 2 days later after they finally broke down I came over and fixed it in 2 minutes. Snoody remark from FM was "Well I could've done that." BS!! THEN FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF NEXT TIME.
point: Supporting family members is Good because you can back talk them and LART them all you want without getting in trouble. BAD because you don't get paid for this crud.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
EU:"I want to learn." ME: "Want in one hand, take a shit in the other, see what fills up first." -RedSwingline
Sounds like a friend of mine. I killed an hour of drive time for a 5 minute problem and the SOB doesn't even offer me gas money for my services!.... So you can add friends as well as family to that list! (well of course I did clear up a problem for some friends who were more local and they not only gave me the bottle of vodka I asked for as payment they included a $25 gift cert to a local bar/restaurant I go to :) ) -RunningWolf
they are the ones who will more than likely question your knowledge. THen they say "well the guy I bought this from said this" well bring him here and I'll debate him over this. Never again do I here of him -Bunglehawk069
I don't take money or gifts from friends/family unless they offer. But it's my way or I go home. -Zero
Most of my family that I help with computers will at least make me dinner or buy me a 12-pack. My father-in-law is the biggest idiot by far and does nothing but ask me questions about the technology. We're not talking intelligent questions, more like, "So what's the difference between a PII and PIII processor?" I could get into details but the one time I tried before, he got a glazed look and said, "Riiiiiight. So are those the only differences?" -CelticSkyhawk
I demand payment. Fine, you want me to fix your computer? I need babysitting on Tuesday and wednesday night or a nice prime-rib dinner. -scooby111
I always charge for family services. At least $30, but it really depends on the problem and how easy it was to fix. Harder problem = more $$$. Kinda nice being the only computer genious in the family...that means I get all the money. Wee! -paul
Don't get paid? Say what now? I charge normally, you no pay the invoice I take you to court, Business is war after all. -fearmyroot
swingline thats my pop's favorite saying...wish in one hand shit in the other -SGTARKyTEK
I tried last week to re-install a printer on my father in-law's pc, when he kept cutting me off, I told him call back when he was ready to fix it. Hasn't called, or bothered me since.
-Bobsentme
I dont mind helping them cause my family is 90% auto repair so I strach there back they strach mines... I got a 89 Nissian that runs like a 2004 Nissian...hehehehehe -LowLevelFormat
LLF, that's the deal I have with my mechanic -- I tend his computers (he has about six: his own two, his wife's, and one for each of the daughters who has moved back in with them); he keeps my '84 Camry running real sweet. As far as family goes -- they're far enough away that if they call me in, they pretty well have to keep me overnight and feed me... and that works out very well. Plus they pay for parts. They have offered to pay travel costs, but so far I have refused, since travel has always been at my option rather than theirs -- I fix their computers when I'm ready to, and they don't complain about how long it takes me to get ready. <grin> -chazz
I never could charge family members for TS'ing for them. I am too nice a guy. However, we have worked out a nice barter system. I help them out, they watch TST Jr. so my wife and I can have a nice evening out! If you don't have kids yet, wait. Once you do, that will be worth a WHOLE lot more than money!!! -TheSingingTech
a friend coined the phrase 'chicken warranty' (as in - you turn up with puter, you turn up with chicken (or pizza or some meal type thing) to feed my five kids - cause my time isnt being spent feeding them if im looking after your boxen! oh, and ive notived that if you dont charge SOMETHING, they regard your efforts as valueless people seem to attach more value and respect to stuff that costs them somehow. go damnwell figure. -timelady
Amen to that Timelady - also if I DO make the mistake of free workj/parts I always tell them it has a money back guarantee - it usually takeas a while, but sooner or later they get it. -lineswine
I once asked my brother (who blows me away with his computer knowledge) "Why the hell did you buy Dad a G*tew*y?" His answer? "So that when he has problems, he can call THEM and not bother you or me." So the Goat has a use after all. -Captain Trips
Most of my family are far enough away to have to keep me overnight and feed me if they need help. I have, however, set the rule that if they buy hardware from someone other than me and can't get it to work in the first place, get their supplier to deal. After that, come to me, and do not answer yes/no questions with anything else, otherwise it costs £50 and I refuse to come back for at least a week! I instituted these rules after my father bought a printer of a make I wouldn't have recommended, from a local supplier whom I happen to trust. Can't get it to work. Calls me in. Before I even get him to carry my kit upstairs, he has started. Before I've even seen the thing... I have come prepared for nuke & pave in case that's what it needs... he persists in telling me "it's a software problem". "Has the printer been tested?" "Yes, it's a software problem." "In front of you?" "It's a software problem! Bloody hell, why don't you listen to me?" <cue screaming fit from me, him commanding me to leave and my mother defending me>. Eventually I get started on it... nuke & pave after half an hour - no go. Advise obtaining new motherboard... do so... printer works, but system breaks if a sound card is fitted. Get shop to investigate. Sure enough, faulty motherboard. We get that sorted in the end... pave continues when the machine comes back. Eventually, after three days of hard work and one of amazing stress, I get an apology for the rough treatment. At this point I say "OK, but next time you buy hardware from the shop and can't get it to work, don't bother telling me until you have had the fault adequately diagnosed. I am prepared to fix it if I am told what needs fixing, or if it's all kit you got from me, but not otherwise." -EmleyMoor
|
|
25.
Friends don't let Friends buy Prebuilt 1
Talking to a longtime friend. Very smart, but very computer illeterate but certainly not on the level of starfishy because at least he listens to me and tries.
Comes to me to say his computer is running slow, he hooked up a cable modem and has cable internet but pages still take 2 - 3 minutes to load. I ask him what kind of computer he has. Not sure but he knows its anywhere in the area of 2 -3 years old. Well I say... I think its time to buy a new PC.
So he tells me he certainly is and he asks about the Dells and Compcrap for $600 prebuilts and all. He also says he can go to a computer store and get one for $1,200. ** Shakes head**. In I ride with my red cape and big red S to save the day.
"Okay look" says I. "Do you have a monitor?" Yes. "Do you have a keyboard." Yes. "How old" About 6 months. "Then you don't need to spend that money for something that 1. Will be more than you need. 2. Will not be upgradeable or customizable.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
my computer is 4 years old (almost) AND I AM NOT REPLACING IT :p and it aint prebuilt either. -SGTARKyTEK
|
|
26.
Friends dont let friends 2
So I say to him. "How bout you keep you monitor and keyboard. I build you a PC for 345 or so with all the top of the line products?" He says he already has a case with nothing in it he just didn't know what to do from there and gave up and figured he would just buy a Dell.
Got nothing against Dells. Reliable computers, but why pay 1000 bucks when you got everything you need. I begin to salivate knowing with a case already bought, I could fill the thing with all kinds of goodies. He gives me the case and $400. I laugh like Dr. Frankenstein. "YES!! I can build it." Go to work immediatly. I fill the thing with an Asus board, Top of the line memory, Plexor CDRW, you name it. Put it all together. Power it up. "It's ALIVE!!! AHHHHH hhahahaha. ITS ALIVE!!!!" Give it back to him fully loaded and came in at $300. 100 dollars under budget, he let me keep the extra. Thing boots in 2.3 seconds.. well I'm exagurating a bit but still. Sometimes being a tech is GREAT!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Cool deal. How 'bout the specs? -tekazoid
yes yes.... tell us more about this machine.... ;) -mousie
$300 whats that <tap tap> £179.69, I'm interested to see what 'top-of-the-line' kit is in there myself for that price. I'm guessing a NForce 2 or a all onboard Asus unit, cheapy maxtor HDD and a few sticks of PC2700 with maybe an XP 2000+? -fearmyroot
But having friends buy pre-built computers ensures that you do not have a lifetime contract of tech support... which we all know is alot tougher to do with family and friends. -pcmacman
Yes tech supporting friends/family is a pain as regardless of the problem it's never the ISP/software it's always the computer you've built/given them. And they never pay their bills because they are friends yada yada, personally I'm sending most people to Dell these days, true I don't make any money but I don't get any hassel :) -fearmyroot
I built one of my friends a nice machine for 800, he went all out though. I got him an Athlon XP 2600+, 512 of DDR3200, Geforce 4 w 128, New case, monitor, keyboard, etc... It ran nice. And for the record, the more expensive dells are reliable, but when you start going for the 400 machines, they are absolute junk. total, 100% left over junk. I've had to work on a few of em, and i dont know, but dell dropped the ball. -crackshot
suprtechy, you are the tech of the week for not letting a friend buy prebuilt. *salutes* -teivrann
::plays Mighty Mouse theme music:: Hear I come, to save the day!!!!! -Rooty
2-3 years and its too slow for web browsers? WTF? -nm
I heard my music!!! -MightyMouse
|
|
27.
Executivess Obsoletus
Executive protplasmic waste moron, probably older than dirt and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is. "I've been with the company for 30 years... blah blah"
Network changed the address book for e-mail so it is now sorted by department and district, so on and so forth.
He doesn't like this change. Says he's had it the other way for 10 years and wants it back immediatly. Me: "Well sir, as far as I know they changed it and it was requested by corporate. If you don't like the change I will not be able to do anything about it. You will have to check your corporate contacts."
(l)user: "Listen here sonny boy.." ( I aint your son and I grew up years ago, so I aint a boy either.) Me: (Interupting) "I apologize for the change but I will note your complaint and forward it to the appropriate contact. Any further inquiries will have to be taken up with your corporate contacts." (l)user: "You messed this all up." Me: "I didn't program it, I only support it. Change is good, try it for once." **click** Thank god its Flyday
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Techs 1 : Moron bosses 9,543,234,123,651,745,853,1.3 Way to go Supertechy! -crackshot
didnt realize the game was that close..tight spred there! -neuman1812
Where the hell did all my points go?? Was I making up for previous negative points, or is management cheat--- nevermind. -scooby111
|
|
28.
Why the pizza box has Instructions...
Cust calls in.
We had a system d-base reload and we sent out specific instructions to backup all necessary data before connecting to the network as some of it may be lost. I think we sent out 10 e-mails about it.
Lo and behold there is always one and most cases, more than one.
(l)user: "Yeah I connected to the network and information in my department 101 folder is missing." Me: "Did you get the e-mail about the fact that you need to back up your info." (l)user: "Yes but it never said anything about backing up company folders." Me: "Maam just because it is named after a company department doesn't mean its a company folder. Its data thats on your hard drive and it should be backed up." (l)user: "Well the e-mail didn't specify that. It just said data. I didn't know it meant all data like that. Maybe in the future it should be more specific." Me: ** Banging head on desk**
Maybe if you had a few brain cells you'd figure it out yourself. Grrrrr... this is why pizza boxes include instructions to take the pizza out of the box first before cooking.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
These are the same people who back up their entire hard drive to the file server (windows directory and all) when you tell them to save their data to the server so that it gets backed up at night. -scooby111
"Sir/Ma'am/Starfish, the word 'data' is included in your job description, and as such, you should know what it means and encompasses. If you don't understand, then perhaps contacting HR for retraining or working in another field (Wallmart) might be in order? Thank you, have a GREAT day!" *click* -FistLaw
is it wrong for me to enjoy it when things like this happen? no, probably not. -afflictionwisp
It IS fun, however... -hkypipe
|
|
29.
The repeater has returned Prt 1
Unfortunatly it appears as though I have an equivilant miss cry baby on my hands. This is the same women that for some reason thinks that when you tell her the answer she doesn't want to hear she repeates her problem over and over again. I have no Idea where she learned or got into the habit of this but it gets her nowhere.
Our remote connection to the network is down and she calls in. Eventhough we have a very clearly stating message saying the network is down when they call. You still get the 1 or 2 starfishy's filtering through asking. This one is no different. The call then goes like this.
(l)user: "Yes I heard your network message when I called in but -I'M- having network problems. I can't dial in, it says connection denied, remote host unavailable."
Me: ( Oh boy here we go ) "Yes I know. Like the message said. The network is down and you will get a remote host denied message. This will not allow you to log in at this time. Our technicians are working on it but we have no eta. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
(l)user: "Hmmm yeah but I as in me is having network problems. Sooooo what can I do to fix it."
Me: " Well you as in being you are also on the same network meaning the outage does apply to you as well. There's really nothing else I can do as far as that."
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
30.
The repeater Prt 2
** silence as her sub 286 particle processor of a brain analyzes this ** (l)user: "Welllll okay. So there's nothing I can do to login because the network is down."
( Joy as a ray of hope breaks through that she might actually understand something. Yet I was fooled, never underestimate the power of the dark side) Me: "That is correct. Please try again later and you should get in then."
( Bzzzz houston we have an error ) (l)user: " Okay. So I am trying to dial in to the network and its giving me this error...." SHE STARTS REPEATING THE DAMN PROBLEM AGAIN!!! This lady doesn't quit.
( now I hate having to do this every time but the instructions on my LART device are very clear- LART subject repeatedly as necessary until intelligence improves. -)
Me: "Okay, I understand you can't dial in. The network is down and that is why you can't dial in. The message stated that very clearly but I can state it for you again. Our network is down, you can't dial in this means you and the other 5,000 individuals we support. I apologize for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
(l)user: "Sooo I can't dial in?" Me: "No" (l)user: "You sure that's the problem." Me: "Yes" (l)user: "Noone I can speak to in support". Me: "I am support and I'm telling you it is down. Is there any other problems with your computer?" (l)user: "No not really but..." Me: "Great thank you for calling in then." **click** ( CHRIST this lady is gonna drive me to alcholism)
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Oh boy, my favourite combination - A miss CB candidate and a downed network. suprtechy you need a beer. -CommanderData
Too bad you couldn't play Strong Bad's Techno song for her on endless loop! -Tekkie
Mom can I have a cookie? NO! Mom can I have a cookie? NO!! Mom can I have a cookie? NO!!! Mom can I have a cookie? NO!!!! -rockytech
Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? (Argh! - I Give in ) YES! -Wonko The Sane
It should have been - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? NO! - Mom can I have a cookie? <SLAP> (Now you Idiot take NO for an answer.) -Wonko The Sane
<The Simpsons>"I like to add in that you are gonna get months of, Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad?Can we have a pool dad? </Bart and Lisa> I see, let us celebrate our new descion </Homer> -LowLevelFormat
...with the adding of chocolate to milk. -iFox
nah, see you got to play with them.. tell them something to the effect of "Oops, your account has been locked out, it will be working again in exactly 6 minutes and 23 seconds. I'm looking at the timer count down" If she calls back, tell her the same thing again. Mwu ha ha ha ha.. I'm so EVIL -crackshot
You're mistake here was to ask if there was any other problems or anything else you could help with...in the lusers mind, this means try again even if it's the exact same thing. -redevil34
Brampton Missouri? no your in Bronson Missouri.
MA gimme a cookie.
No Dice.
This ain't over. -darkmayo
lol...Branson, Missouri sucks.....yeeee-haww and beat your spouseville -Bustedson
Preparing Cruise Missile.. locking on target...
-Warrick
|
|
32.
(l)user math. 0+0= 5
Idiot (l)user calls in saying she is inputting her inventory. She says "A product is showing up here that I don't have what do I put for quantity?"
Me: "Uhhhh if you don't have it I would think that would be zero." (l)user: "R U sure? Because I don't want to put the wrong number."
Me: "Well. Since you don't have anything the quantity would be zero. Why would it be anything else?" (l)user: "gee I don't know but I guess your right." ( Umm Lady why wouldn't I be right. Is there some new math rule saying if you have nothing in one hand and nothing in another you have 2 of something? )
(l)user: "I see here on the instructions it says to put a number in the quantity field for each product." *** Gets the gun out ** Me:" Maam. Zero is a number that you can put in there." (l)user: "RU sure? Zero is a number." Me: "Yes I'm sure." (l)user: "Ooookay. I'll do that but I still think there has to be a number in there." Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! " Zero is a number."
(l)user: "Ru s..." me: "YES Im sure. Good day." **Click**
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
If it wasn't illegal I should lift some of our inventory records. Last time I looked we had some negative inventory. How the hell does that happen? (Duh obviously the people doing the inventory don't give a shit) -RunningWolf
RunningWolf - negative numbers (at least where I used to work), indicated that the items were back ordered. -DorBak
But if I have nothing on one hand and nothing on the other hand, that equals 2 since I still have 2 hands! :-P -ResidentLuser
But zero is not a number. </Zen> -RiffRaff
Much as I hate to support (l)users , 0 isn't actually a number <runs off to beat himself to a bloody pulp for being so pedantic> -Westgate
In computers, 0 is most definately a number. (SCSI BUS, IDE BUS, The first field in a database.) -- The concept of 0 was mastered a thousand year ago by our arabic brothers. -scooby111
Meditate on the concept of zero. Then meditate on the concept of infinity. Then kick back at least two pina coladas and get out your old college physics book and turn to "quantum theory". The user will seem less annoying. ;) -snowcrash
Ummm, ever hear of binary? If zero isn't a number then how is my computer working? -Hellion
Often I have negative amounts of RAM in stock, because when I run out, I just sell off what I have in one of my machines, then replace it when the next order arrives. Since I'm then selling TESTED RAM, instead of NEW RAM, I occasionally charge extra if the user complains about it not being brand spanking new. -garwain
The postulation that zero is not a number is more philosophical than mathematical. My comment was a TIC reference to those people who argue about it. -RiffRaff
Hellion - your computer works by electricty running through electrical components. in PC's binary is a concept of on and off not necessarily one's and Zero's <runs away laughing maniacally ducking LART> -Traytor
Come on, 0 isn't a number it's a letter. comes in capital and lowercase variety </luser> -Disallowed
|
|
33.
Merry go Round Prt. 1
As I'm talking to this Idiot I could here the Carousel music going. This type no matter what you tell them takes you in a circle. Background is moron accidentally deleted her sales data but wanted us to recover it. (l)user: "I got a call from your department to say I have to recreate this data." Me: "That is correct. Your remote and you removed the data before you synced to the server so we don't have a copy, you will have to recreate it." (l)user: "RU kidding. Do you know what I do. I don't want to recreate all that data. Can't I just ignore it?" Me: "That is critical and federaly regulated data. It has to be recreated." (l)user: **sigh** "Yes I know but if I don't recreate it no one will know anyway, ( except that the call is recorded moron!)" Me: ( yeah right lady you want me to tell you to do something illegal so I can be the one arrested and not you. Fat chance.) "I can't tell you that maam. Only your manager can authorize anything of that nature." (l)user: "That's gonna take forever. Can't you recover the data?" ( And the merry go round continues) Me: "As I said. You deleted the data before you synced. We don't have a backup if we never see it." (l)user: "well then I can just not create the data and forget it." (now I'm getting dizzy from the ammount of circles I've turned) Me: "All of that data has to be recorded for federal regulations. I can't tell you not to recreate it, I dont have the authority. Only your manager does."
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
But, can't you restore it? -DS615
|
|
34.
Merry go round Prt. 2
(l)user: "Okay I accidentally deleted the data because I thought it was last years report. I didn't sync yet but I know you guys keep a copy of my information. Can't it be recovered." (GEES lady, so restating your problem is gonna make me get the data?) Me: "Yes I know, that is what you stated yesterday on the ticket I recorded. As I said, we do keep a copy but only if you've synced. That data is lost, I've already confirmed it with the data admin. It has to be recreated." (l)user: Okay so it wasn't recorded so I can ignore it then." ( WE'VE GONE OVER THIS ALREADY!! Me: "I can't tell you to do that. That data is regulated by federal law. I can't tell you to do something that is against company policy. Only your manager can take responsability for that." (pulls out the Clue-By-4 and readies it for action) (l)user: "Well I don't think its against company policy." Me: "Not a problem, then ask your manager and he can authorize you not to report for that day. I can't tell you to do that."
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Doot doot doddle doodle doot doot doo doo... -Hellion
Sometimes one wonders if lusers are being DELIBERATELY recursive. -notpitr
|
|
35.
Merry go round prt. 3
This goes on for about 10 more minutes then she states (l)user: "Okay look. This is what happened, I went in and saw the date and I misread it as 2002 so I deleted it..." ( OH MY FRICKIN JESUS S CHRIST!!!) She starts stating the problem again. I cut her off and listed off the following.
Me: "The data is lost because you didn't synchronize before you delete it. You have to recreate it per company policy. I can't tell you or suggest to you not to, only your manager can authorize a non-report day. I've already stated that admin checked, twice. We don't have the data and you have to recreate it. Any other issues will have to be taken up the chain. Is there anything else I can help you with?" (l)user: "Well I don't think I can do that. I deleted what I thought was last years data and I need it recovered." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Me: "I have other customers waiting on the phones. I've already explained to you the solution to your issue. Is there anything else I can do for you today." (l)user: So I can forget the data then?" Me: "Maam, I know you want me to tell you to do something illegal but I've already said I can't authorize that. Ask your manager. Unfortunatly I can no longer continue this call as there are others waiting." (l)user: "Oh no you don't your gonna answer my question the way I want it answered." Me: "No maam..... I'm not and this call has been recorded. Thank you for calling." ** CliCK**
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
The wheels of the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round... -rockytech
suprtechy26, you gotta tell us how this turns out, if you find out.. :) -Jay911
I agree, this is too idiotic not to keep track of. "You're going to answer my question the way I want it answered" ... too priceless. Those are the best people to smack down out of their power trips. "We don't have the data, your only option is to recreate it." Once that gets through the several layers of calcified cranium, you can almost hear their egos deflate. -teivrann
Don't you love the part where the silly cow spent more time whining about redoing the work than it would've taken her to simply REDO the work? <cue Cosmo>Redo!</cue Cosmo> -hkypipe
Wow. That's too rich. You should have said: "This call is being recorded. I'm afraid that I am going to have to inform <regulating agency> of your attempt to circumvent government regulations." Or: Call her boss... -scooby111
|
|
37.
Ain't no hurrican big enough...
Moron calls in. "I know you guys are in Alabama, are you going to be effected by the Storm." ( Me thinking, great where is this going.) me:" Umm no. Not even closely or remotely possible." (l)user: "Okay great because I'm here in NC just wanted to make sure." Check his profile and see he's in River Bend near Jacksonville, right in the frickin path!!! Me: " Uhhhh Shouldn't you be in a shelter or something or evacuated?" (l)user: **Laughs** "I got work to do son. (I'm not your son Pal!!) Ain't no hurricane gonna stop me. Just making sure if I needed help you where there." ( Note: I can hear all kinds of crud going on in the background like shutters rattling and everything) (l)user: "Yeah its pretty bad here but I'll be allright." Gee I didn't ask, nor do I care if your allright, and honestly right now I'm cheering for the Isabel to wipe you off the planet and clean up the gene pool. That's two in a row guys. Must be a full moon out or something because I'm getting them today.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
And so it begins... -hkypipe
We have em in NC... didnt get any calls from that area yet but im waiting -rockytech
hkypipe: Thanks to you, everything I read today will be in the voice of Kosh. -Xiphiplastron
"Here on the six oclock news, there was only one fatality from hurrican isabelle when somehow a computer was picked up by a gust of wind and crushed the person sitting at it. There was no explination as to why the moron was still working at the....." -crackshot
Is this guy's name Homer, and does he routinely stand in the way of launching cannonballs? -teivrann
Actually it's a waning crescent. Last full moon was the 10th, next is the 10th of October. http://www.ameritech.net/users/paulcarlisle/MoonCalendar.html -TechnoVampire
Xiphiplastron: Cool, glad I could help... -hkypipe
It didn't take long for one of our hubs in Virginia to go bye-bye. Fortunately for us it looks as if they might be without power anyway so we haven't got any calls about it! -TheSingingTech
|
|
38.
I should never have woken up
I'm not even an hour into my shift and already I got two e-mails from the HD manager saying two customers called in yesterday to complain about me, eventhough
1. I've never heard of their names before.
2. There's no case recorded of them calling in
3. Ive already checked the call recordings for yesterday and of all the calls I took, not one was me speaking to them.
Now top that off with the second call I get of the day is a rep complaining about the system for 5 minutes then says I'm not helping her and then says the magic word of the day (wait for it) "Unacceptable". Then says I'm the worst tech shes ever spoken to and decides she will call back and speak to someone else.
Good luck lady, the queue's only about 10 minutes long. Yeah, good move there.
Another customer to add to the LART list including a call to her boss about her inappropriate use of language. I don't think these customers have learned not to mess with me. See previous Lartings and you can find these people in the unemployment line.
Anyway, it appears I shouldn't have woken up at all and a few more calls like this and I am done like dinner for the day.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Sorry pal - I know the feeling.
Not a surprise that the "manager" didn't check his facts first is it?
I'd go after the SOB chapter & verse, with all relevant docs in & slam 'em on his desk....demand a written retraction of the claims he made & make sure the HR droids add it to his & your personal files.
Failing that BOFH the wanker! -lineswine
It is SOB's like your dealing with... tha make me wish murder was legal... Best of luck to you -ZEN35
Help... I'm 30 mins away from being at work, and you're scaring me... -namor
I think this would pall under self defense---Or at least justifiable homicide :) -chris98b
Dont feel bad, I'm the rudest SOB this side of the mississip ... according to stupid starfish who cant follow the most simple instructions available to mankind. . . Ahh, thank god my rotorcraft training is complete, I'm an instructor now, and in the next few weeks I may be able to leave TS forever ... -chattech
|
|
39.
Reminds me a of an Admin
A comment on here reminded me of a story. I used to work for compcrap executive support, which means we support all the backend users including network admins, system directors. Highly technical, rarely any (l)users. There was however, and there always is, one that is the exception. This annoying Network admin whom was apparantly hired for looks rather than intel called in for the simplest tasks including once where they asked for the location of the "any" key. I will leave the gender out since to me it is not important. Another incident that did not inspire my confidence was when I asked her to reboot a file server they hit the main power cutoff switch which turned off the entire NOC room and brought down the whole company network. Why they were not fired was they blamed the incident on me. WRRRRONG MOVE!!!
Next time she called I told her I would send her a set of instructions for the problem in question. Sent it from an unamed e-mail address and put in instructions to delete all DLL files in the system folders on all folders. (ooo evil) She of course calls in a panice saying none of the servers would boot. Told her to send me an e-mail with exactly what she did. A little editing and some slight wording. Sent it to her boss. 1 week later, new voice on the phone. Very technical and easier to work with. Joked with them for a while about how that other person was canned.
That would be victory number 100 and (l)users- 0.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Sweet BOFH man... I like it. -namor
suprtechy26 100, luser 0, LART yield ~100 megatons -teivrann
That'll do! <nods> -Digital Dogcow
So if you're leaving the gender out, referring to the person as "her" and "she" was a random choice, right? :) -Robster2001
Wow... -hkypipe
That was down right EVIL and HATEFUL !!!!! How could you ever do that to someone!?!?!? Damn you......... God I wish I had thought of that !!!!! The force is strong with you !!!!!! Way to go !!!! :) -ZEN35
It always amazes me how the HR folks have absolutely NO CLUE on whom to hire in many cases. Isn't it the worst to get a paper tiger in the seat and find out that you have to do their job for them, or get them fired so you don't have to deal with them anymore? -snowcrash
It is horrible to get someone fired but when she accused me of causing her mess by turning the wrong power switch, which in turn, got me written up for something that was her fault, and then called back later to complain about me further and almost got me fired. OH Heck NO, its on at that point. The gloves come off and the LARTING begins. -suprtechy26
One more graduate of the BOFH school of sys admin. Bravo. -K1W1
Simon would be proud. -lineswine
Let me see - if the (L)user has just 1% of the knowledge needed for the post she would NEVER have carried out the instructions in the email, or would
at least queried the email addy it was sent from. I bet she was a real sucker for email viruses/worms on her home PC.
Serves the bitch right - she screws up through HER lack of knowledge/common sense & then tries to cover her own fuck up by almost getting you fired?
Bollocks to that my friend, she deserves all she gets - she shouldn't have got the job in the first place - I'm willing to bet there were far better experienced/skilled people who went for the same job & didn't get it.
Think of it as you were striking a blow for for all those poor sods who got passed over so this waste of breating air could get the job & still balls it up royally.
Chances as HR/Management didn't get rid of her straight away simply because these tossers NEVER like admitting they made a mistake.
On that subject, dooes anyone else have a tale of management covering up a monumentally bad decision? -lineswine
Bravo, what's she doing now? MacDonalds? "would you like fries with that?" -RTFM
|
|
40.
Just..just Damn!!
What else can say. The users phrase actually tells this story for itself. Background is rep went from using the mouse keys on his laptop which were silent to an external mouse.
(l)user: "My mouse is making clicking sounds when I click on it and i want to stop. What settings can I turn off in the laptop to make it stop doing that?"
I thought at first he was talking about the click sounds generated by windows as one of the WIN2K themes. But it wasn't. He was actually talking about the clicking noise coming from the mouse.
Me thinking, is this even worth me attempting to take the time to explain this concept to him?(Shaking head in utter amazement)
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Hi, my head is making rattling sounds when I shake it, how can I stop that? -hkypipe
My rattle is making mouse sounds - can you get it to stop? -WildBuddha
My laws of physics are annoying me, can you rescind them? -teivrann
the bomb over my head is making an awful sound..can you make it st....... -neuman1812
teivrann :<levitate> I'm already working on a few, which ones were you thinking of ? </levitate> -Spyder19
No problem, sir <smashes palms over lusers ears so he goes deaf> <picks piece of paper and writes> There you go! -Dr Jerkyl
|
|
41.
Am i the only one?
Am I the only one who thinks this is like really really wrong on the Music industries part. http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/internet/09/09/downloading.music.ap/index.html
I don't even download but I still wouldn't buy a CD for $15 regardless and this is supposed to make me want to now?? Suing 13 or even 11 year old kids?? Do they think this will somehow increase their music sales somehow? What about the percentage of the 1,000 they are suing that are not legitimate? I also wonder how many of the users caught were using AOL.
End users increasing, Stupidity amassing by the hour, kids getting sued. Oh yes the apocolypse is upon us now my friends.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
It's all about the money. If they really wanted to stop file sharing, it would be easy. -LaserGuru
The RIAA and MPAA are more monopolistic than MicroSoft is. I mean, Coke has Pepsi, Windows has Linux, and music has what? cover bands? I mean sure you can say The Beatles had The Rolling Stones, but The Rolling Stones don't have "She's Got A Ticket to Ride", so there is no competition there. If they go after file sharers, they may as well go after cover bands as well. 'Cause the cover bands are actually performing the music written by the original artists. So what's a worse violation? Performing a cover song, or downloading one? Movies are worse. I mean, there's no way you can remake a movie, same plot, different props/actors, etc and have that compete against each other like Coke and Pepsi. Would somebody please stop this planet! I'd like to get off this ride.</rant> -testing123
Whats next? Used book stores? -Netlight
What gets me is that no matter how ridiculous the lawsuits actually are, these people think that they should be absolved from legal damages because they "didnt know that it was illegal to download music". I'm sorry, but as much media coverage as there has been on this subject, if you dont know it's illegal by now you must be living under a rock or are so farking stupid that you deserve to be caught. -firebird2k2
Actually there is some question about the legality of file-shareing. Because no one's ever not settled, the DCMA has never been tested. -nm
While i also agree "i didnt know it was illegal" is NOT an exuse to get out of a lawsuit, i think the Music industry's actions are outrageous. The have become more powerful than most government agencies, can issue supenoas (spelling?) without a judge's signature, and are being allowed to control other large companies, at the governments consent. Its insane -crackshot
Okay so I copied the following directly from the ZDNet web site : Mark Lemley, a law professor at the University of California at Berkeley, predicts that the RIAA will encounter problems if it sued someone who shared his or her Internet connection through a Wi-Fi wireless network. "Opening a computer to a Wi-Fi network...is definitely not an act of direct infringement, so the RIAA would need to find the people who actually did the uploading," he said. -Phssstpok
But internet sharing might be a problem with their ISP. -LaserGuru
True, it might be an issue with the ISP, but we're talking about the difference between a 5 figure lawsuit and having one's service canceled for violating some company's policy. -Phssstpok
I don't advicate file sharing but I don't agree with the industry comparing it to someone walking into a store and stealing a CD. I mean PLEASE!! They steal from consumers by charging 15- 20$ for a 1 dollar CD. Not only that now they go after their own customers. This is like me suing (l)users for their incompetence. This reminds me of the Nazis accusing the jews of all the countries problems. The music industry is accusing file sharers for all their problems. How about the fact that they overcharge, how about the fact that these pampered musicians are a bunch of holier than though drug addicts? Yeah, this makes all kinds of sense to me and I'm sure now CD-sales will return to normal now.....not. -suprtechy26
Only in America can an organization that has been proven guilty of price fixing and other monopolistic tactics sue a large number of citizens for obtaining their product through alternate means. I believe that once found guilty, the companies that comprise the MPAA should have lost all rights to materials published under their labels. I also think that the DMCA (and it's European counterparts) present far too many opportunities for abuse and should be repealed immediately. -Antacid
Err, sorry, that should have been RIAA, not MPAA (although I'm no fan of the MPAA, either). -Antacid
I think the file sharers are just giving them a dose of their own medicine, and they're not liking it. Even with the iMusic, it's overpriced. 12 songs = 12 bucks, cost of a used cd still. Maybe if they'd drop it a quarter a download and allow you to burn it to cd as mp3 or cda it'd be more worthwhile to people. I just don't see how they can justify 20$ for a cd. A minimum wage kid has to work 4 hours to be able to pay for it, and only get a few good songs out of it (max). Also, (this applies mostly to the MPAA) why don't they put out more DVD boxed sets of some old shows. I mean, how many tv shows are out there that people absolutely enjoyed, yet the TV Network execs thought it was crap and cancelled it, and threw it in their vaults never to be released??? Only way some people can get it is through file sharing (Space: Above and Beyond anyone?). And why would anybody want to pay a dollar for a music download? I'd pay a quarter, but not a dollar. Maybe $.50 (but that's pushing it). Although I will say that I do like where the MPAA is heading with their Movielink.com stuff. I just don't like the limited movies, and wish they would have movies that came out in the theaters available for DL (I'd pay ticket price to watch new movies at home on my PC). Sometimes I think that the RIAA comes from the same genetic backgroud that most of our EU's come from. Putting people on the same level as drug dealers, car jackers, and rapists for downloading is just plain retarded. So you downloaded music, what should your punishment be in my opinion...nothing. Why? Because 20% of our population does it. That's 1/5th of congress that can potentially be elected out of office, and they're not gonna lock up everybody that does it either. It's relatively unenforceable.</second rant> -testing123
I think the important question that seems to be largely unasked here is, by what means does RIAA know who is downloading what? It seems to me they must be breaking some kind of law to know who is moving what data from what site. -DarthDOS
Darth- That is something Congress is looking at. -LaserGuru
T123- Hmmmm. You know those ads the gov have been running equating drug use with support for terrorism? A similar case could be made here: Buying music = making money for the stars = buying drugs = terrorism. Ozzie is a perfect example (the boy has smoke himself retarded). Or, in Michael Jackson's case supporting pedophilia and general wierdness. -LaserGuru
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is legal to have multiple copies of something you purchased in different formats, so long as you don't actually give those copies to anyone else. ie, I bought a Cusco cd, but want to listen to it in my car, which only has a tape player, I have the right to copy that cd to tape... This would lead me to the conclusion, that if you have a random song on LP, 8-track, CD, DVD, Cassette, etc. then you can also have it on mp3. I say, if the above is correct, we should all pull down EVERY song we have on any format, (but only those tracks) and let the riaa try to sue us.. then counter sue for harassment.... after all, how are you supposed to get that favorite song you have on 8-track into your mp3 player but to download it. hehehe. -KuroTaka
Next thing you know, Black & Decker will be issuing lawsuits against people who loan tools to their neighbors because sharing tools hurts profits. -RiffRaff
I agree Laser. These so called stars are supposed to be idols for kids, and in come cases entertainment for adults. But letting people like Ozzie and Jacko running around doesn't get my sympathies any. Just watch a couple episodes MTV Cribs, seeing the stuff that all the stars have, and then the RIAA saying that filesharers are "hurting the artists". Well what about the RIAA hurting the people? I mean hell, how are filesharers hurting them? Because the artists couldn't get a 20 bedroom mansion and had to get an 18 bedroom one instead? Or they couldn't get one extra sports car that they really really wanted? I would love to just be able to get a small piece of that pie, even a crumb off of it would make me happy. But they're so gluttonous that they would not only lick their plates clean, the crumbs would be vacuumed up and served as a whole other meail. Sorry for the rants, just hate seeing something so one sided, unfair, and rediculous be allowed to happen in this country.</3rd rant> -testing123
Or Budget, could sue you for loaning your car to your friend. They would have had to rent one from Budget and they lost the sale.....the list could go on. -burrkiss
I remember a radio interview with a recording industry exec about high CD prices VS low production costs. The industry line was that you're not paying for the media but for the content. The interviewer then noted that if it's the content, then you should be able to have the media replaced if damaged or updated as technology changed. The industry exec was then adamant that is not the case because you should then BUY a replacement or update. Basically, the RIAA, MPAA, and other affiliates such as the ARIA (Australian Recording Artists Association), are trying "...to have their cake and eat it too." -Wraith556
Good one Burkiss, I like the Budget analogy. One thing everyone seems to be forgetting is that the MP3 format is horribly inferior to WAV. If I'm going to buy music online, I refuse to pay the same amount I'd pay for a WAV file on a CD. Also, if you guys have been following this as I have (I have an anti-RIAA sticker on my car), MIT and Berkley have challenged the subpoenas, as has a Jane Doe. They are getting away with this cuz they can, instead of inventing a new marketing model. It's intellectual laziness, same as the starfish we deal with everyday. Makes me sick that this is allowed and it's why I'm getting my ass out of the US as soon as I can! -FistLaw
Just putting in my 2 cents here, which I think is about what the artists get from each sale. (Actually, I think it's more like 25 cents.) Most of the cost of cd's goes to the promoters, the producers, the distribiters, and RIAA. The artists actually see *very little* of your $20, so RIAA really doesn't have validity to their claims! (I'd rather buy the discs directly from the artists, myself. Like the Grateful Dead [excuse me, "the Dead"} do -- heck, they're even direct-selling cd's of their latest concert tour.) -Captain Trips
testing123--re: you're first post-- http://www.rathergood.com/chicken/ -Tekkie
|
|
42.
Well....Thats what you get
Well this one starts about a month ago. Farkin (l)user called in about month ago. First time was to say she didn't think she was getting e-mails because she synced with the server and nothing showed up. My response was "Well, were you expecting anything?" Her response was that she possibly was. It then took me 30 minutes to explain that just because she synced doesn't mean there will "always" be new e-mail there. I send her a test e-mail and it gets to her in 2 seconds. "looks like there's no problem to me" Says I. Her response. (l)user: "Well I just don't think you know what your talking about." BZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz. That would be the last straw alarm PAL!! Promptly tell her the problem is fine and hang up. Next I proceed to sign her up for every online advertisement, SPAMMER list that there is. I think I counted about 100 different sites I sent her e-mail addy to. I figure hey, if she wants e-mail, she's gonna be getting e-mail.
Move forward today, now a month later. Said above offender calls in to report she is receiving numerous ammounts of spam. My response "Odd how that happens" ** SNICKER**. She now wants her e-mail addy changed and wants us to fix it. My next response Me: "I have a case here where you said you weren't getting any e-mail. It appears you are now eh" Laughingly joking trying to get a response or an apology. Nope. (l)user: "Your right, the system was unacceptable then and it is now. So fix it." BZzzzzzzzzzz. Wrong answer again ** insert explicative here**. Me: "No problem. I'll get right on that and let you know." After hang up, logged a ticket to change her e-mail ID and asked Admin to change to a specific address. Then promptly signed that one up for 100 spammers. We'll see how long this LARTING goes on before she learns how to properly speak to TS. ** EVIL LAUGHTER**
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Shoot her. Cheaper... quicker... more enjoyable. -RiffRaff
Ah, but he did shoot her...with the Spam Cannon! Muhuhahahahahaaaa! -ResidentLuser
Gotta love creativity. Is using spammers as a LART considered self-defense or a pre-emptive strike? -teivrann
"Shoot her. Cheaper (no, cost of ammo is up)... quicker (yes, 1 shot 1 kill or maim)... more enjoyable (@#$@# NO THATS BEAUTIFUL)" sorry Riff your batting 1 for 3 -burrkiss
My Help Desk does something similar. There's 10 of us, we'll pass a name around and make sure that our favorite callers have to keep calling. ;) -Jester
Seriously cool...if at first you don't succeed, LART, LART again! -lineswine
Oh yeah, that's so good! I don't normally agree with such an action, but in this case it's just too necessary. As you say, she NEEDS to learn to treat TS better! -wedge
|
|
43.
I am not a secratary Part 1
(Names have been altered to protect my identity)
A little background is reps in order to get some problems resolved have to have them done by operations. To do that they of course have to have a case logged before. Some (l)users are trying to be clever by now asking to be transferred directly thinking we are complete idiots and we will do whatever they say. Nice try morons.
Rep calls in asking for a Alice in operations and she need to be connected to that person. The persons name doesn't even ring a bell and I didn't even her listed. I then tell her I don't have specifice numbers for the operations or second level ( I do but I aint telling her that). I then tell her if she has a specific issue I will be glad to help her and then I can get a message to operations. I can't just transfer her to anyone in the company without knowing why.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
44.
I am not a secratary Prt. 2
She then goes off in a rant and begins repeating over and over again that she needs to be transferred. Knowing this lady is nuts I respond to her. Me: "Look lady I am not a secretary. I am a highly trained and skilled computer technician willing to help you with your computer problems. I don't do transfers to numbers or people directly even if they did leave you a message and if they did, they would've given you specifics. Now I am not transferring you anywhere unless you have a specific problem. Now how can I help you?"
(l)user: "Yes I would like to be transferred" **BZZZZZ** Wrong answer, terribly sorry but thanks for playing, What we have for her Jonny?
Jonny: Yes we have a lovely Clue By 4 up side her head for her and also an all expense paid trip to the island of Dial Tone. **Crowd: OOOoooooo, Ahhhhhhhhh***
Me: "I'm sorry I cannot comply with your request. I will certainly get a message to operations and see if they can call you back. Thank you for calling. **CLICK**
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
hehehehehehehe... Attitude Adjustment, thy name is Dial Tone! -RiffRaff
Ummm. Sure, let me transfer you. <Transfer's her to Janitor's closet.> -scooby111
Highly skilled yes. highly trained doubtful -burrkiss
Oh I hate those types!!! Used to get this all the time - attorney has a prob (can't figure out how to open IE/OL/whatever). Calls sec and tells her to have a tech sent up. Sec calls us and says "my attorney wants a tech now". We say what's wrong, sec "I don't know, he/she just said send a tech so you better send one now they don't have time to mess around". YEAH RIGHT!!, and have my manager, the tech on-call, and the tech supervisor call and yell at me for sending techs on calls without any problem description or ts'ing - NOT!!!!! Usually results in pissed off attorney but hey, showing them how to double click an icon on their desktop will usually take care of that and the accompanying ego. -redevil34
|
|
45.
I made the mistake but you fix it. Prt 1
(I'm getting em all today)
Background is our customers have inventory they must keep track of through item numbers which they enter into their inventory system.
Rep calls in and says she put in the wrong item number for a product she was selling in her inventory system. She sold them on 19 seperate transactions the previous month up to now and only noticed it today. Note that this is her mistake, not a system issue. Now if a rep makes a mistake on a sale they must go back and recreate the sale which may include getting a signature from the person they gave it to. Rep neeps up and down saying it will take 3 weeks to re do all of those calls and doesn't feel like it. I say Me: "Well you did make the mistake and it is policy that you correct it". Well that was the wrong thing to say. 10 minutes of neeping with her wanting to speak to the inventory manager, supervisor, ceo, whatever.
Mind you these are government regulated products with strict guidelines for selling.
Think about it - "Gee uh listen here Mr. Bank teller. I made a mistake. I put down that I deposited 20$ and instead it should have been $2,000. I don't want to provide any proof or redo my deposit can you just give me the money. Teller: Ummmm no-
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
46.
I made the mistake but you fix it Prt. 2
Informed her I will get inventory control to look into it and call her back. I call over to inventory control tell them 1. Rep admits it is her mistakes 2. Quote "Refuses" to redo the calls and wants us to fix it instead. Inventory manager says "No problem I'll take care of it." and I can hear the smile in his voice.
An hour later get a call from her manager stating he has terminated a rep and wishes to issue a ticket to return her equipment. Wouldn't you know its our wonderful friend who didn't wish to fix a mistake she did. Now she don't have a job. Ooooo good one there genius. Next time listen to good ole suprtechy and fix your mistake.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Tell me you somehow contacted her and rubbed it in. Please tell me you did...<eg> -Gecko
It's Gloatin' Time! -TechnoVampire
OMFG! There *IS* justice in this world! -CyBear
This reminds me of a good story. Most of you know I was a guest of the federal government for a few years. For one of those years, I was a clerk in the woodshop, keeping track of inventory, payroll, etc. Nice cush job - no real hard work involved. One day, this luser showed up to work wearing a shirt that had been pressed so that it had vertical creases every inch or so, all around it. He was obviously very pleased with his effort to "be stylin'." So my boss gets this little gleam in his eye and says to him, "Oh, by the way, it's your turn to empty out the dust collector today" (probably the dirtiest, sweatiest job to do in that shop). This luser gets one of those "You've-gotta-be-kidding-me" looks on his face, then said, "I ain't fixin' to do that." (Big mistake.) My boss just got this big shit-eating grin on his face and said, "I was hoping you were going to say that," and locked him up in solitary for refusing a direct order of a staff member. Guy not only lost his pay for the month, he also lost his nifty shirt. <eg> -RiffRaff
Sounds to me like she made a serious fuckup and was trying to get you guys to cover it up for her so she wouldn't get fired. Then when her manager was informed of the problem, confronted her about it, got busted, and then got booted. Either way, WTG! -testing123
I didnt know you were inside Riff. What was the reasoning? Something cool? fraud? computer theft? -Quinn
No, Quinn. Firearms charge. You would have thought it was for hacking, though, because the assistant warden took one look at what I did for a living and slapped a "No Computer Access" restriction on my record. And by "no access," they meant no computer books, no computer magazines, and I was not allowed to work in the library because I would have had easy access to the actual network. Imagine going three years without being able to so much as touch a computer. Bastards. Finally, three months prior to my release, I received special permission from the warden himself to have my boss send in a few computer manuals so I could start re-learning what I'd forgotten. Took me almost 6 months to get back up to speed, and even now I run across the occasional thing I know I should know, but I've forgotten. Quite the experience <shudder>. -RiffRaff
Goddess Riff, that sounds horrid. Glad that you are back in the land of Tech though. -CommanderData
rif did you you have your very own BFG9000:) i personally believe fire arm laws are unconstitutional....so does the constitution. :p -SGTARKyTEK
|
|
47.
This urks me
Check out this story on CNN. Its work safe. http://www.time.com/time/globalbusiness/article/0,9171,1101030825-476405,00.html?cnn=yes
Note the Indian guy in there talking about how happy he is about getting money for a new car and all that crud because he has a job as a Help Desk Manager in India. SCUSE ME?!!! Okay so americans get kicked out of their home, have to declare bankruptcy, and basically have their lives ruined after getting laid off while this jerky is living it up. Way to go USA, looks like the terrorists are winning.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Wipro Spectramind had only 200 employees at the end of 2000; now it employs 5,100.
Wow. -VaporWhere
Any of yawwl read WIlliam Gibson's Neuromancer books?, Chiba city & the shades dont seem all that unlikely these days do they? -Digital Dogcow
Makes you wonder. Some time back, the US was trying to find gainful employment for the out of work Russian nuclear scientists so they wouldn't go to work for the bad guys. It would be ironic if the current worm/virus storm were developed and released by a laid off tech worker whose job went East. -LaserGuru
I am so happy to be working as a field technician now. I actually get to touch products. Customers can tell by my attitude that day whether I'm approachable. And, you can't outsource my job to someone working in a foreign country. -Xiphiplastron
The company I work for has a call center in India. They make $85.85 (USD) per MONTH. At a savings like that to US companies it's a wonder ANY of us have jobs. -Alistir
Reading the post again: It's not the Indians fault that US companies are flogging the jobs out. It's just to bad that their introduction to American culture is based on Nike and McDonalds. -LaserGuru
Looks like a good career right now would be security- computer or electrical. -LaserGuru
Yes, Wipro Spectramid, I know them well. Makes me VERY glad I build PCs for our company now instead of buying them from a vendor... -hkypipe
Terrorists are winning because the US-based multi's are going to India? Um, okay. -rtek
Look at it this way, over time the Indian econemy will grow and eventually their call centre staff will be paid the same or more than what you guys are, after that they move on to another country and another, until eventually they return to when they started as it's now cheaper there than in the other countries. Of course thats both wishful thinking and if indeed it does happen we'll all be long dead by the time the American econemy has collapsed enough to make this possible. -fearmyroot
Awwww c'mon LG, cut the McEvil Empire some slack, at least they aint trying to sell the Indians any beef!!!. http://www.mcdonalds.com/countries/india/ -Digital Dogcow
DD- True, but that's pure economics. Do you think the Maharaja Mac (mutton) would do well in the US (probably sell pretty good in Oz though)? -LaserGuru
FR- You're a little slow- look at http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilbert-20030803.html -LaserGuru
|
|
48.
What you can Do (real version)
This was posted with that ridiculous article for consumer report which by the way I recycled into my bathroom and used it to wipe my arse with because that was how much it was worth. Here is the original suggestion to (l)user on what they must do and I will post Supr techies version in the next post. Stay tuned.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Consumer Reports suggests these tips for dealing with software problems:
• Don't be in a rush to try out new versions of software because they are frequently buggy. If you do install an upgrade, make sure you really need the new features provided.
• Download critical fixes from the software-makers' Web sites.
• Light PC users should back up their files monthly. If you're a heavy user, then consider doing it weekly or daily. One fast option may be burning the data onto compact discs.
• Programs such as Go-Back Deluxe for Windows machines and Retrospect Express for Macs can restore systems to where they were before the glitch happened.
• Consult a reference book such as "Troubleshooting your PC for Dummies" or "Upgrading and Troubleshooting your Macintosh."
• When you call, start by asking the tech person's name and/or ID number. And take notes during the conversation, in case you need to complain to a manager.
• Techs are under pressure to move on to the next call, so if you feel pressured, ask to speak to a specialist or a manager. Be persistent and stay on the phone until your problem is solved.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Im going to print this out and wipe my booty with it too. -burrkiss
These same suggestions were on that useless CNN artical. -MightyMouse
Techs are under pressure to move on to the next call, so if you feel pressured, ask to speak to a specialist or a manager. Be persistent and stay on the phone until your problem is solved. <> u can just piss of to that s**t Im getting my balls booted for AHT as it is... -s0nix
Take notes during the call *in case you need to actually fix the bloody computer instead of whining to a manager that it isn't working yet* -smellystudent
</vomits> That.... that.... that's horrible... -Veinor
|
|
49.
What you can Do (Edited ver.) Prt 1
And now my version...
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Consumer Reports suggests these tips for dealing with software problems:
• Don't be in a rush to try out new versions of software because you won't be able to understand them anyway. If you do install an upgrade, make sure you read the FARKIN manual you idiot. Actually, if you feel like upgrading the proper procedure is to put that little plastic square thing you refer to as a "compooter" back in its box and send it back.
• Download critical fixes from the software-makers' Web sites but make sure they don't have names like AOL, Bonzai Fagboy Buddy, or Microcrap because, I'm sorry that little Blue ape is not critical to your system and TS will not help you fix it. Don't come crying to TS for answers because we have the automatic right to hang up on your dumbass for thinking your installing a critical fix and then realize its actually AOL and then wonder why you can't connect to the network.
• Light PC users should NOT use the farking computer at all. If you're a heavy user which means you know what right clicking and left clicking is, then it is against the law to consider yourself an expert and call up TS to brag about it. One fast option may be burning the number to TS because we dont want to hear your crap today.
• Programs such as Go-Back Deluxe for Windows machines and Retrospect Express for Macs cannot restore systems and are the most horrible pieces of software out there. Just because you installed it doesn't mean your data is back or worse yet, just because you bought the software and its still in its shrinkwrap also doesn't mean the data you just toasted is recoverable to where they were before the glitch happened.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
50.
What you can Do (Edited) Prt 2
• Consult a reference book such as "Troubleshooting your PC for a complete and farking moron" or "Bashing and burning your Macintosh which you should've never bought in the first place." This assumes you actually read and if you don't... DON"T BUY A COMPUTER much less attempt to troubleshoot or upgrade it.
• When you call, start by admitting you are an idiot and then graciously shower the techie with apologies and wisk upon them the godlike idolism they deserv. Take notes during the conversation and forget who the techie is. If you ask to speak to a manager be prepared for the Techie to hand you over to his Super Mr. CLICK.
• Techs are under pressure to move on to the next call by idiotic insecure managers who have nothing better to do then yell at techies. So if you feel pressured, DEAL WITH IT. Asking to speak to a specialist or a manager wil cause you to be transferred to Commander Data in which you will experience the most horrible wrenching of insults ever known to mankind in which you will be left feeling so horrible you will thankfully blow your head off and clean up the gene pool of your dumbarse. Be obedient as a lapdog and stay on the phone knowing the person on the other end is 100 times smarter than you and you must pray to them daily in order to get your problem resolved.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
i like this version much much better! lol!! -mousie
you forgot to mention the EU's backtalking and consequences....but other than that Encore!! Did you send that to Consumer Reports or give them a good LART'ing, and explain why they're full of shit? (Already fought one media battle, don't wanna fight another just yet) -testing123
Its missing a line at the bottom "And NEVER call back" but apart from that, I like it. -Digital Dogcow
I'll have you know that I've never made anyone go that nuts just by swearing at them! I have to rev up the chainsaw as well........ -CommanderData
|
|
51.
Complete loss of control Part 1
This story is only for the most patient of tech so read at your own risk
Background of this is I have started my own business in the mortgage industry and am slowly phasing myself out of computers all together. In a couple more weeks time I'll have made enough at my new venture to get out of TS forever. This of course has made me care less and less about customer service. Anyway on to the good stuff.
Company recently rolled out several new sotware packages and one of them is made to track (l)users product inventory. Unfortunatly it is not accuarate and since these reps are held liable by law and face criminal charges if it is off they get noticebly nervous. Some are valid concerns and others are as downright ridiculous as chicken little screaming the sky is falling. (cont...)
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
52.
Complete loss of control Part 2
Cont..)
Customer calls in and the first thing out her mouth was "This system stinks, your not gonna be able to help me, and its because of you that I'm gonna be fired and thrown in jail.." Oooo like I care. Now I had just taken the full but ripping from 2 previous reps so I was not in the most pleasant of moods. Go into the system and pull up an inventory report. Its off a bit and I attempt to explain that not all of the inventory she disbursed has been recorded yet, therefore it is not right. Response: "Well it should be able to pull up what I have. I wanna know what I have on hand ( meaning in her possession)"
Me: "Well only you know that since you would need to count it."
(l)user: "I need to what? Don't talk to me with technical talk. What's my inventory? It says I have more than I should"
Me: "Maam ( B**ch ) I don't know what your inventory is go count it."
(l)user: "But what's in here doesn't match"
Me: "Have you given out products? (l)user: "Yes" Me: "Have you recorded it?" (l)user: "No" Me: "Well that's why your off in the system. Record your products and there you go."
(l)user: "No I want to know what I have. This system stinks why should I have to do this. You have no idea what your doing and your too stupid to figure out what Im saying is the system says I;m off and I want you to fix it so its on."
Oh its on now. Complete loss of control at this point. 1. She's now attacking me verbally. 2. I could care less about her problem and the shere thought of her in jail makes me smile with evil euphoria. 3. I'm leaving anyway and don't really care.
** DING DING DING*** Let the LARTING BEGIN Cont...
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
53.
Complete loss of control Part 3
Cont.)
It gets really brutal from here so the weak of heart need to turn away.
Releasing all things pent up in me for the last 6 years of TS I decide to unload on this rep and boy she is dead meat.
Me: "(insert lusers name) Listen, I am not going to take your comments thrown at me. You called me for help and I am trying to help you. I didn't write the software, nor can I control it. The system is set up so you have control of it. The report you run is based on what you do. Its very simple, count what you have, read what the report says, minus or add anything you haven't reported and there's you answer. I don't have to explain to you how to count do I? That was something you learned in 1st grade but I will be happy to instruct you again. Its easy 1, 2, 3. Now is there anything else I can help you with or can repeat for you"
(silence for a few moments probably shocked out of her mind) (l)user: But... who.. Who in the hell.."
Me: "You called tech support maam. I'm a tech support analyst we have training on this subject and have been well versed in how to resolve your issue. I suggest instead of getting upset that you listen to what I am saying in the future. I think we are clear on this now."
Rep now begins to weep. Me smiling gleefully that I made her cry.
l)user: I... I want your manager (sniff sniff) I can't believe this. You are fired pal.. so fired.
Me: "I am the manager here and I will be reporting your abuse to your manager. However if you like my manager is Harry Truman at 1800- kissmyA** and the office is located at the crosstreets of -Goto Hell Blvd- and -I'm hanging up now drive -" **CLICK**
(Cont..
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
WOW! She really did have it coming, too. I salute you, sir! -hkypipe
I am in tears of pure glee! Thanks you , suprtechy26, thank you -crackshot
OH how do I wish I could have done that to the original Miss Crybaby! -CommanderData
|
|
55.
**munch munch** Starfish Prt 1
(l)user calls in while eating in my ear, chomping and mashing like a horse. I cannot and will not accept such gross sounds going on in my ear. They have broken suprtechies rule of decency and I know I have the right to hang up on you. so starfishy gets a little quote from me stating "Maam please do not eat in my ear and call back when your done" **Click**
ID10T Calling back to scream and yell at the next analyst to pick up the phone, while still munching on whatever in the heck it is she was eating and you can imagine the sound that made. "Yes I was just ** munch munch ** speaking with someone ** gulp ** on the phone ** burp **...."
(l)user asks for a supervisor only to get me back on the phone because "I am the supervisor"!!!
When I got on the phone she started into her rant while continuing to chew. These were very disgusting sounds coming from her mouth while she was talking.
After she got done ranting I calmly told her it was me she was speaking with on the phone and the reason I disconnected the call was because quote "I was no longer able to stomach the eating sounds coming from the phone. I would be better able to serve you if you would please finish what you are eating". Another 5 minutes of screaming and yelling while just absolutely horrid mouth full of food sounds coming out. Finally ended the conversation with "When you learn to chew with your mouth closed to please call back **click**".
Cont...
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
HAHAHA!!! Well done... -hkypipe
|
|
56.
**munch munch** Starfish Prt 2
3rd call back from this women wanting to speak not to the supervisor but the manager now. "Again that would be wonderful me. :-)" She is shocked to get me on the phone and she noticebly has finished whatever it is she was devouring. She now wants my manager and I told there is noone else above me that is here. I then tell her that since she seems to have finished what she was chompin on I would be more than happy to resolve her issue. Got her resolved and she still ends the conversation with I will be calling my manager and the CEO of our company because I want our contract cancelled **click** .
Ooooo how little does she know. I have access to all the recording tapes and can edit them accordingly to my wishes, adding in harsh language, abuse, threats, or whatever else it is I desire. **evil laugh** Last time a fishy tried to mess with me they got their little toushes canned for making terrorist threats to an individual help desk analyst. Its amazing what one can do with media editing and a lot of talent.
Cont....
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
|
|
57.
**munch munch** Starfish Prt 3
Meeting with HD director with client contact on conference, director also used to be an HD techie. Director asks what occurred because he is speaking with the client manager contact on the phone who says she got a call from one of the IT Vp's about an issue. That's right - this (l)user talked to everyone but God apparantly trying to complain. ** Internal evil laugh ** Produce tape of call(s) with some few choice foul language inserts in it. Client says (l)users actions were unquestionably unacceptable and as usual the HD's actions were appropriate. Client inserts quote "I hate it when people eat in my ear while on the phone, add in the inappropriate language, and this reps actions are totally out of line." Client states they do not need to hear any more and gives us the "keep up the good work" montra and hangs up. Said tape was sent to all the execs in the company to whom this (l)luser complained to.
1 day later, (l)users manager calls in to log a ticket with us to return reps equipment who has been terminated from the company and to schedule a pickup of reps equipment today. I laugh for quite some time after I hang up. That would be Suprtechy- 2 (l)users- 0. Good luck finding a new job starfishy!!!!
Side note: An e-mail was sent to all the (l)users in the field with a description of the call and telling them to let this be an example of what NOT to do when calling in to the help desk. Even had a line that said "The HD professionals are to be treated with as much respect and decency as they would expect and verbal abuse or threats is grounds for termination from the company." OOooooo I love my job!!!!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
True BOFH style...! You have my outmost respect! -Cronoz
Bravo! -hkypipe
suprtechy26 - I bestow upon you the title "Speaker to Starfish". [apologies to Larry Niven] -LaserGuru
Outstanding! Much respect & paying homage at the feet of a master BOFH! -Witchfinder
That is beauty -Wolffarmer
We are not worthy... we are not worthy... Excellent job! <g> -RiffRaff
<opera clap> Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore! Well done, old chap! -SwedishChef
In my opinion - just what they deserve. Chewing in my ear on a call is one of my pet peeves - but I don't have that sort of authority, so BRAVO! -namor
Where do you work? That is totally sweet. -rockytech
Most excellent, a plan of action with a win against te (L)user. Personally speaking that is one of my pet hates to and one reason why I do not answer the phone when I'm eating my lunch at my desk. The other reason is (obviously) it's my lunchtime dammit. -K1W1
NNNIIICCCEEE!!!! -TechnoVampire
I shed tears of joy and thanks at this oh so wonderful stroke of justice -crackshot
You should freelance as a professional LART implementation expert - god knows we could use one of those here (Incidentally, I know how CD must feel with miss crybaby, we have a certified whining expert on our tech team, I don't think I've ever heard her stop since she was hired over a year ago..) -Mephiston
That's me, the long suffering corrupted CD (think it was a dodgy disc drive ;-)), people who have to deal with this kind of crud always have my sympathy -CommanderData
<bows to the Almighty Himself>
-burrkiss
|
|
58.
I hate it when that happens
I must be getting crazy or something.
I submitted case notes accidentally with "Starfish called in about comms..." DOH!!! Mgr. caught it and asked what the call was about then laughed it off.
Customer (who can see our case it. notes) caught it and asked what a starfish was. Had to explain on a phone conference call that I misspelled the troubleshooting I was doing I actually meant something else and my type it in program messed up. Accepted the answer and trailed off.
My manager still laughs at me for
Never ever read TSC while taking a call.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Yeah. One of these days I'm going to ask a customer what their lusername is wihthout thinking about it. -RiffRaff
ouch, could have been painfull -Destynata
future versions of ticket software will automatically replace the words "starfish", "LART" and "go to hell" -WildKard
|
|
59.
Teenager Virus
EU:"I have a virus on my computer that downloaded all this porn onto my computer and installed this dialer." Me: Umm yes that would be the 14year old teenager virus, or perhaps the "sleezy sexstarved husband virus". EU: (silence, obviously not geting my sarcasm) Wow... how do I get rid of it. Me: (thinking, well I guess I'll play with her a little more here) Yes for the teenager virus you would need to install the "Discipline and severe punishment" program and for the sleezy husband I would suggest the "harsh divorce or cold couch" that oughtta do it. EU: (Finally getting it) Ohhhhh you mean this isn't a virus someone would have to download this (snort). I'll kill him!! Thank you buh bye. Me: Thanks for calling. -- Not sure which "him" she meant, husband or son, but I definately would not want to be at that dinner table tonight.--
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
I thought teenasgers were parasites: par·a·site n. Biology. An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host. -LaserGuru
"Honey, I'm home!" "Oh, Ward. The Beaver's been downloading porno again!" -Bioguy
<devil's advocate> Having been married to a frigid bitch for many a yarn, allow me to say that not all married men who download porn are sleezes. Some are simply pursuing a sexual alternative to adultery since they can't get any in their marriage. Just something you might want to think about the next time you run into a similar situation. </devil's advocate> -RiffRaff
Brbrbrrrrr, been there, done that, still paying for it... -Hellion
Guess I'm a sleaze, then - married, gettin' some, still look at it, but it's known. Then again, if it turned up on the kid's computer... -namor
*Nods* No other comment. -scooby111
By-the-By, I meant the frigid ex-wife, not a pissed off girl friend :) -Hellion
Am i a sleaze if I get some, but still check out the pron, cause i dont get enough? -burrkiss
What is this "some" you folks are talking about? I am into week 47 of 48 of chemo and am now a virgin again. -atomicbill
<devil's avocate> Let me also mention that with lax security settings and IE, it is possible to download a dialer program without intentionally looking for porn. Tho generally you'll be alright if you stick to 'respectable' sites. Not always tho; cybersquatting and hacks *do* happen out there on the WWW </devily> -WildKard
Am I a sleaze for being female and looking at pr0n? ;-) -FunkyMonkey
No, but are you single? Or yes, and are you single? :) -Jonos
|
|
60.
Wrong number in Bruce Almighty
Apparantly In the movie, God tries to reach Carrey's character by leaving a phone number on his pager. But instead of the usual generic 5-5-5 prefix used in most films, the number in this movie is one that's actually in service. Apparantly alot of people in different states where the number does work have been getting all kinds of phone calls asking for god of course. "A spokeswoman for Universal Studios tells Colorado's Rocky Mountain News the number was picked because it doesn't exist in Buffalo, N.Y., the movie's setting." WTF!!! Tell me that (l)users aren't at the helm of Universal studios. LIKE DUH!!! Yeah it doesn't exist in buffalo but what about the rest of the nation you DOLTS!!! Sounds like our programmers who put our help desk number in system errors caused by their lack of intelligence. IE. "There is a fatal system error: Please call the help desk at 1-800-###-####" When they call its the fact that they forgot to put a date in or something. AHHHHHHHH!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Good idea. Next time they should only release it in Buffalo. -scooby111
Sounds like the story about several phone companies having to discontinue the phone # 867-5309, because of people calling and asking to talk to 'Jenny' -chaz
the iFox giveth, and the iFox taketh away. -iFox
whats funnier, one of the North Carolina phone #'s actually connects to a church. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&ncid=757&e=10&u=/ap/20030528/ap_on_fe_st/bruce_almighty_church -leonine
The whole *point* of 555 is of course to have "telephone numbers in movie and TV"... it's an accepted standard. These days I wouldn't be surprised if the person who's getting rung up couldn't get a lawsuit out of it. (Studios ignored procedures and contradicted Academy guidelines) -WildKard
actually, in every area code the 555 exchange points to the phone company. It's not designed for the sort of abuse it gets when a number like that appears on the silver screen, but it is better that way than having it go to an individual... -chazz
And believe it or not, numbers in the 555 exchange are now being released to the public, under certian conditions of course. -Snakeeye
Also, semi related, my old hometown started using the 912 exchange about five years ago. They are now discontinuing it becaue it has led to too many false 911 calls. -Snakeeye
I'm sorry, but what kind of moron rings a number they see in a movie anyway? I've seen international numbers on movies before, do these farkwits ring them as well? -karlata
excellent point karlata! -WildKard
and the answer is yes, they do -mrwolfie
|
|
62.
I tried I really did
This happened a long time ago. Got DSL, hooked up the modem, did all the install. The automated software installation didn't work. oooo big shocker there. Did it manually because I knew how. Got to some tcp/ip settings. Went to the manual to find all the settings and the farking thing says "Call tech support" DAMMIT!!! All I need is the farkin numbers and DNS settings. **Huff**. Called in telling myself not to say I work in tech support because I hate to hear it. Guy gets on the phone Tell him exactly what I need. He kind of sighs like he's heard the question a thousand times. Starts walking me through small stuff I've already did blah blah blah. I was very very patient trying not to seem like an ass. Call was going on 20 minutes. I promised myself I wouldn't but I did anyway. so I said in a very calm friendly voice "Well.. I promised myself I wasn't gonna say it but Ill be straight. I work in tech support so if you want to, you can just give me shortened highly technical version and we can go from there." (silence) and me feeling like crap because I probably offended the guy. he says "Well, not a problem I dont mind that at all." Call was done in 5 minutes. DSL up and running no problemo. Guy thanked me for letting him know and I explained why I kept my mouth shut because I know it annoys me. he said it usually does to him but I wasn't lying to him because he could tell I do. Everyone says they are with a smug remark and they haven't. Sooo if you do like me its okay to drop the "I work in tech Support line" But do it carefully.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
It's all in how you do it. You weren't telling this guy that you knew better than him because you work in tech support and you weren't trying to impress him with how much you knew. You had the right spirit about it. That's fine. I've gotten techs that don't tell me they're techs, but I can tell they are by how competent they are. They always seem to follow instructions and know what I mean no matter what I say. They never question me. OTOH, I get people who say first thing "I'm a (network admin, head of IT, blah blah) so I KNOW it's not..." Those guys make me lose my patience quick. -CaffeineHead
I tend to be one of the ones that just follow what's said. But yeah man, you had the right spirit about it. -testing123
I usually don't have to tell them that. Just be straight and to the point and they usually pick up on it pretty fast. The last call I had to make was 2 minutes top. ME: "I can't get my DSL modem to pass thru all the ports to my server. I tried XYZ, what am I missing." TS: "Well did you try bridge mode?" ME: "It has a bridge mode? That wasn't documented. How do I do it?" TS: "Just check the box in the web interface under XYZ" ME: "Great! I have a static IP, can I just put the IP address and DNS servers in my network settings then?" TS: "Yep" ME: "Thanks, it works now." <click> -scooby111
|
|
63.
Family members are not supported
Tech support outside work should be made into a forbidden law. My wifes family needed a computer. Preached to them about avoiding a certain computer USA store and another claiming to be a best buy. Broke down and finally agreed to biuld one for them for less than 300$ with all the bells and whistles. 5 people who have no idea what they are doing half the time are in this house using it. I'll leave one day and come back the next to find everything and god installed on it. Not only that I started getting calls every 5 minutes, I drew the line when they started phoning me at work. Got stern and told them not to call me at work anymore and if they did I would be taking the farking thing away from them. It at least taught me how to secure a system. Locked down all files and setup seperate profiles with Guest priviliges and I didn't even friggin get paid for this crap. Their smart enough to somehow disconnect and uninstall the entire internet software but can't friggin find the start button. Moral of story DON'T SUPPORT FAMILY MEMBERS!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Yeah, god.exe is a real bear of a program. As soon as you start surfin pr0n, it just pops up windows for www.hell.com, non-stop. -drblunt
I feel your pain. I didn't build my family's pc's, but have become their tech support. They NEVER read the compatability lists for the software they install and NEVER disable their Anti-virus. Of course, this usually hoses their system and guess who gets to fix it. -rightclick
Heh...we had to do that to a couple of our customer's computers because Junior kept going in and completely screwing things up. So after the third time in, we said, "F*** that!" And gave them all guest priveleges. And we've never heard from them again... -techiegoddess
Interesting thread. I have been saying for a long time, that all annoying behaviours I encounter in alleged adults in the workplace - be it luser or co-irkers - are essentially some childhood trait whose development was arrested. -DarthDOS
Oops.. Posted on the wrong item.. DUH!! -DarthDOS
I've got a NICE .reg file to lock down a PC, it stops you using the right mouse button on the desktop, disables the Start button, hides all drives except A, won't run batches... etc... Want a copy ? -Wonko The Sane
|
|
64.
Never TS Family
It is very very difficult to TS family especially if they are your wife!! Wifey comes up and says the printer won't print. Found out the printer queue is locked. She went in another room for something and I rebooted the computer. Once she came back she said "What did you do?" and I told her I had rebooted the computer. She then began to get a shocked look like I killed her kitten or something. "How could you, have some respect. Dont' just reboot the machine." 1- hour of arguing how the computer is just a peice of plastic later I no longer do any maintanence or things that need to be done on the computer while she's around. Guess she thought rebooting was like euthenizing the computer or something. Geeeeees!!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Its my mother who I hate to troubleshoot for. Doing anything for her tech wise is like pulling teeth. -quadrinaro
Be glad it wasn't a Unix box. "I had to kill your process."
"Oh my god, you murderer!" -Foyle
Lemme guess: "Reboot" to her is "Reload" to us. -TechnoVampire
Reminds me of the 'fluffy bunny' woman here who goes completely mental if you delete files, she likens it to abortion........ -CommanderData
Hey, DLLs are people too. -Kurgan
"If you prick us, do we not bleed hexadecimal?" -Kurgan
After hearing these horror stories about TSing for family members, I'm eternally thankful I have the mother that I do. When she needs help with anything, she makes careful notes of EVERYTHING she's done up to that point (she's not quite as computer literate as I am, so not everything is relevant, but hey, at least the effort is there.:)), she has a wonderful type of terminology, "The thingy goes clicky-clicky when I try to print!" But all kidding aside, she's never argued with me, has only LISTENED to what I've asked her to try, and if worst comes to worst and I have to do it myself, LEFT ME ALONE! -lunarpaladin
|
|
65.
Psyco Salesman
At work minding my own business. Phone - rings. End user on the other line and I can hear lots of talking in the background. Anyway, EU says shes in a compu store (insert major USA comp franchise here) and eventhough we don't support questions like this and wanted to know if 512mb of "slam" video memory was a whole lot because that was what the salesman was telling her. (me with confused look and a slight chuckle). Me: "First of all there is no such thing as "slam" memory. Secondly that would be a pretty impressive video card with 512mb even more so since it doesn't exist either." Without further mention told her first to run from that store since the salesman is an idiot. Secondly informed her I believe the salesman was referring to RAM memory and yes 512mb is a lot. Next thing I hear is her putting the phone down. I hear her in the background telling this sales guy there is no such thing as "Slam" memory and her telling her that her tech on the phone told her that. Suddenly hear the sales guy say "Well your techies don't know **insert explicative**. Slam memory is used for video." Heard some more shouting going on before I finally heard her walk out of the store. When she got back on she thanked me for saving her from buying a 1500$ computer. Promptly awarded her by giving her the address to a local ma & pop shop where she got the same computer for about 370$. Sure, it was out of my support but well worth it to save an EU from buying from those a-holes at cromp_usa.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
Way to go! Serves the sales drone right - you oughta go down and LART him! -hkypipe
OK. LART? I get it from the context, but what does it stand for? -scooby111
Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool - basically a good sized 2x4. -Hatedsl
AKA a Clue-by-4. -TechnoVampire
|
|
66.
You went where for what?!!!
Just got off the phone with a complete moron. Guy called in saying he had traveled from his home to a friends house, to office depot, and now was at Kinkos. He even said last night he stayed at a hotel in his neighborhood. He did this because he said he could not connect to the internet and thought that going to another phone line would help. As it turns out he locked himself out of his password after attempting to change it. 2 seconds, unlocked, he connected fine. This is quite possibly the most idiotic moron I have ever talked to. When I asked why he seriously thought, eventhough the screen came up and said "PW locked unable to connect", it was something to do with his phone line. He only said "I thought maybe it was the phone line and a different line would get me in I had no idea it was the password." Gee I wonder what didnt give it away. The fact that he couldn't connect or the big fat error screen which explained it quite clearly.
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
For being an utter MORON like that he does deserve to spend as much money as possible on hotels and such. Wow, what an idiot! -ltu1542hvy
Stayin in a hotel to connect? wow - would that be the most expensive dial-up service I've ever seen! -Falldownboy
Stayin in a hotel to connect? wow - would that be the most expensive dial-up service I've ever seen! -Falldownboy
The funny part is that most hotels use digital PBX's and you can't connect anyway thru them. You can fry your modem by even trying. He might have gotten lucky. -scooby111
this guy dont deserve the money he has nor his computer. I wouldnt give him a 486 AT /w 4 megs of ram and a 120mb hd, I would feel bad that the computer had to be owned by someone more obsolete than it.. =) -DoYouGotRoot
Yea, why is it that lusers who can't tell the difference between a mouse and a joystick are able to buy top of the line, $3000 laptops capable of handling the computing needs of a small country, while I have to scrounge for spare parts to keep my old Tecra P1 running? Something is inherently wrong with this picture. God, I hate, loathe, & despise people like that. -RiffRaff
wow there gonna be quite the competition at the moron olympics this year -Hawking
riffraff: 1 word - ego -omegawolf
Unfortunately stupidity is often a licence to breed. -Chadius
|
|
67.
I toldya So
The way our software is set up it automatically puts in the password for the rep when dialing in to get to the internet. It's built in to the Cache memory. Sometimes it gets a little off and puts in the wrong password causing an error. The best way to get it working is to reboot the system to clear the bad data and let it go through. Now that you got that, on to my story.
Dude calls in saying He needs his password unlocked because he knows its locked. (right) I tell him to shut down and reboot and he says "Yeah I did that already." Yeah right, meaning were gonna get an error. I explain why I need him to reboot but he neeps and nops. So fine, no problem. I take him in and let the software dial in and it gives a hosting error rejecting his password then just quits never giving him the chance to enter the password. Classic symptom of bad data meaning he should've rebooted. I say to him "This is the typical error of it putting in bad data so we should go ahead and reboot." EU: " Nah that aint it my passwords locked can you unlock it?" Okay you farkin jerky if your so smart come on over here and you can be the tech person. I calmly ask him to reboot so it will work. He pushes back again.
Now personally I have never understood this about users. They call me, I give them the way to fix it, they don't want to do it so why do they call. As I'm about to tell this guy I can't help him any further he finally reboots. After it reboots and dials Whatdya know he gets connected fine. Even after he's in he still neeps to me that he thinks the password is locked out. I explain he should be working and he curses and hangs up. Thanks alot a-hole I hope you have fun wacking off to pron sites thanks to me. AHHHH!!!
[By: suprtechy26]
Comment on Story
Comments
I hate that too... they call to get our help and then dont wnt to follow our instructions so they seem to be "smarter" then we are. If you are so damn smart do it your damn self -rockytech
I know! Why on earth do they call if they don't do what we tell them and "know how to fix it better than us." Well then, don't call! -Yoda47
User problems aside, sounds to me like your dialer program came out of beta testing 1 bug too early. -Antacid
hehe yeppers what I do when they say "Nope its not that!" I just stop and say "OK what is it?" that usally takes them a few seconds then they realise they don't have a frigging clue -ronsimonson
The whole system is a bug but thats another story all-together. If any developers are out there NEVER write a program that automatically inputs a password its just too much trouble to be worth it. -suprtechy26
|
|
Customer Misconceptions
1.
Because you say it is an issue it becomes an issue. Eventhough a tech will tell you 12 times its not a big deal and nothing that needs to be sent up to programming. Since the customer says so, it must be. Fark my 7 years of tech experience, Fark my 100 different certifications. The customer says its so and therefore the laws of physics must comply. Let me call up MIT and inform them that their theories of energy are completely wacked because billy bob Joe customer says so. The powers out, his battery on the laptop has run down but somehow theres something wrong with the laptop because it won't turn on.
I say it can't run on a dead battery and no power. BUT!!! Wait, new theory of energy coming here. New Theory from Moron - A laptop can run eventhough the battery is dead and no power is coming to it and since it can't therefore said laptop is broken and must be serviced.
There you have it folks. The new theory of energy. Things can run WITHOUT power to them. Remember that from now on. ** BANGS HEAD ON TABLE ***
[2004-01-20]
|
|
2.
Screaming and moaning will not make me help you any more than I have to. However courtesy and all around respect will.
(l)user: "Well, you helped my co-worker with that problem.." Yeah because that co-worker listened while I instructed them and was thankful for everything i did to them. While you seem to wish to fight me with every ounce of streangth you have.
[2003-11-17]
|
|
Tech Rules
|
1.
Its a system problem or a software problem. No matter what. Who cares if they dropped the computer, didn't follow procedure, downloaded a virus, loaded AOL. Its the system not the user at all.
[2004-04-15]
|
|
|
2.
Neeping and moaning causes a rift in the space time continuum making me work slower, not understand a word you say, and generally makes me eventually wink your existance from my database.
[2004-03-03]
|
|
3.
"Shoulder Rat" = When a customer calls in and they have a helper who knows nothing about computers but thinks they do. You can normally hear them in the background giving instructions against what you are trying to do. Very annoying.
My exact quote to one shoulder rat was "Can you please tell the person attempting to help you to please not interupt my instructions otherwise he can help you instead." This after he told the customer to reboot the computer after we were going through a token install making us start the 40 minute process all over again.
[2004-02-18]
|
|
4.
Big companies like AOHell and microshaft treat customers like the idiots they are.
Such as AOL trying to pass off their new "optimized" software like its finally going to work correctly now. They even claim that the skeptics agree. Annnnd which skeptics would those be? The overpaid washed up actors you hire for your TV ads?
Show me one technical professional who has been in the industry for at least 7 years who says AOL is great.
[2004-01-29]
|
|
5.
Just because it is NOT the answer you want to hear, doesn't mean it is wrong.
You submitted the product contract date with the incorrect date. You have to create it again. Screaming and shouting at me because thats not what you wish you could is irrelevent but will cause me to report you to the FBI for federal guideline violations punishable up to $50,000 in fines and 5 years in jail.
Wow the phone gets so quiet at that point. "well I guess I better redo it." well I guess you better. **CLICK**
[2004-01-28]
|
|
6.
( There aren't any stupid questions just stupid people? )
Well... Unfortunatly there are plenty of stupid questions and an ever growing mass of stupid people.
"What's this cable with two flat ends on it." That would be a USB cable. "A what? a UPS cable? Why would UPS need me to have their cable, is it for sending mail with them?"
[2004-01-27]
|
|
|
7.
Company owned equipment is a privilage, not a right. When you leave the company it must be returned. Shouting at me because I left you an accusatory voicemail saying I will file a theft report if the equipment is not returned is irrelevent. You didn't pay for it, it aint yours, give it back. If after 4 months you don't, its considered theft. End of story.
[2004-01-07]
|
|
|
8.
Gosh, as much as I would love it to be, starfish disease does not limit itself to race, color, creed, gender, and sometimes religion. If it did, at least I can target my Tak nuke to eliminate them. Unfortunatly Starfishy are everywhere and when you kill one 100 more pop up. What an epidemic.
[2004-01-06]
|
|
9.
Here's a real rule for you.
There are too many tasks or inventions in this world that are so simple noone can figure out how to use them.
If you want an example, how about trying to get someone to turn off their num-lock.
[2003-12-30]
|
|
10.
Telling me what to do will not get you what you want from me.
Asking me nicely with respect and decency most likely will.
(col Jessup) I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely. (/ColJessup)
[2003-12-03]
|
|
11.
You know its time to quit TS when you watch a guy trying to shoot his lawyer with a gun and your cheering for the man with the gun.
I don't advicate violence but what does it mean when I see a guy trying to blow his lawyer away and I all of a sudden start laughing insanely?
[2003-11-07]
|
|
12.
What was once wierd is normal and what was once normal is now wierd.
Ex: Telling someone 8 years ago that you are going home to check your e-mail and play games on the computer all day was wierd. Today telling someone you hardly, if ever, use e-mail and have no idea what a computer is today, is now wierd.
[2003-10-28]
|
|
13.
That people in a free country like to be told what to do and can't possibly think for themselves. Me: "The network is down for now and I don't have any estimated time of when it will be back up." (L)user: "Sooo what I should I do now. Should I wait, try again later?" Me: "Well sure you can try later or wait or do whatever. There's no limit to the potential of things you can do with free time." (l)user: "Yes but I'm not sure what to do, should I just sit here and wait or come back."
FARKING Christ idiot I don't care what you do with your free time. Go run aroound, jump off a bridge, or wack off in your home. Hell, its a free country do whatever the heck you want just as long as your not on the phone with me. GOOD BYE!!! Buh Bye!!! Sionara!! Ta ta!! **CLICK**
[2003-10-17]
|
|
|
14.
Shut your traphole about complaining about the system or the software. I didn't write it, I didn't program it. I could care less about how its causing you a headache. Just tell me the problem, follow my instructions, then get off my phone. Period.
[2003-09-30]
|
|
15.
If its too damn easy they don't understand it either.
For a call to be marked as incorrect data the sales rep only needs to put a check in the box that says "incorrect data" if they make a mistake on a sales call.
Before they had to do a series of steps, go online, all kinds of stuff. Now they just have to mark a box.
Except for some reason telling them this in one sentence shocks them that they can't understand that its simple.
Me: "Okay so you go in like you would normally to create a call and put a check in the box."
(l)user: "Ummm what? Just click the box. Create a call?"
Suddenly their braincells are meshed and they forget how to do something that they do 10,000 times a day.
[2003-09-18]
|
|
16.
-The Off Switch rule of relativity-
Be sure to use this when a (l)user neeps and nops for 20 - 30 minutes about not understanding the whole entire meaning of common sense and the necessity of right and left clicking. This is the process by which E=TS(squared)
End Use Neeping = Techie ear Shut off (times) Surfing web minutes until Said (l)user is done ranting Squared.
[2003-09-05]
|
|
|
17.
Your system is crashed and we are working on getting it back up. Having your manager to call in and yell at me as well will not get the problem fixed any faster guaranteed and will actually result in your issues spontaniously ending up at the bottom of my to-do list today. That's like getting your 3 year old sibling to fight your battles when you are 50.
[2003-08-12]
|
|
|
18.
Not a rule but a game. Get a (l)user to say this over the phone and you win the daily double prize. "Es-Iam Sofa King We Tod Ed"
[2003-08-11]
|
|
19.
It is a mental rule that is frustrating that when you ask them to do a simpl task for some reason it sounds like they are taking thier house apart. Ex. Me: "Unplug the USB cable from the back of your laptop and replug it back in" (l)user: "Sure let me do that" ** Crash** Bang** Russle Russle** ... an hour and half later "Okay I did that."
Jesus S. Christ I didn't ask you to take apart the friggin house to unplug a small 3 foot cable.
[2003-07-17]
|
|
|
20.
Definition of Starfishy = Waiting an hour in our queue, yelling and neeping about it for 10 minutes only for me to tell you to scroll down to find the button that you said was not there.
[2003-07-16]
|
|
21.
(l)user language:
"It's a problem" - The (l)user is making a mountain out of mole hill
"This is urgent" - Definately not urgent but for some reason they think the fact that it is.
"This is an emergency" - No more an emergency than a broken nail
[2003-07-09]
|
|
22.
How to kill a (l)user.
Send out computers rigged with massive explosives and wire a red key on the keyboard that sets it off.
On the outside of the box and in the instructions be sure to note in big letters to NOT ever push the red button on the keyboard. Anyone dumb enough to press the button oughta weed out the gene pool of all the idiots well enough.
[2003-07-03]
|
|
|
23.
Get OFF the phone with me. Don't sit there and ask me why it broke, it doesn't farkin matter and you don't want me to answer that question believe me!! Don't sit there and complain about the software for 20 minutes!!! I've resolved the problem, your times up, now get off my phone before I hang up on you!!!
[2003-06-24]
|
|
|
24.
Just a note. If your gonna post a link in TSC please post whether it is a safe link or not. Most of us are still working when we read and dont' wanna get fired for pulling up a dirty link no matter how funny it may be. Specially since my work monitors any downloaded content.
[2003-06-19]
|
|
|
25.
Yes please call me after you've swam through a bottle of jack daniels so I can hear you completely sloshed on the phone try to tell me your locked out of your remote access account. "I uhhh (hick) am uhh loooocked out (hick) I think. Say, you ever hear of those uhhh mini passwords or uhh something. Anyway, uhhh I need help Uhh umm.." Me: Sure sir lemme direct you to get your account unlocked and then I will transfer you to AA as well.
[2003-06-06]
|
|
|
26.
Ask me something and if I decide it is way to complicated to walk you through don't get upset at me posing stupidity to save my sanity. I.E.: (l)user: I'm quitting tomorrow and I want to backup all my personal data on to a Cd-rom. I heard that der somewhere you can burn data on to one of these here Cd em R's. Can you walk me through. Me: (thinking well 1 - We don't support it 2- NO way in heck am I waisting 3 hours of my time to walk you through it. 3- The damn software doesn't work anyway) "Gee sir, Unfortunatly that function is not available. Have a nice day. BUH bye.
[2003-05-27]
|
|
|
27.
The phrase "You sure you know what you are doing?" is forever banned. The next L(user) that asks gets a severe LARTING and gets to meet my friend First name dial last name tone and his cousin Mr. Click
[2003-05-21]
|
|
|
28.
No means No. Like your parents told you when you where 5. No, means do not hit the next button during the installation process means "DON"T HIT THE FARKIN BUTTON!!"
I mean what and I say what I know. If I say something you don't want to hear that doesn't mean its wrong. Me: Well I know it's taking 2 hours to download a 30mb e-mail through your dial up connection but you'll just have to wait until its finished. EU: (silence) Sooo is there anything I can do to get this e-mail? Me: (wash rinse repeat) I know it's taking 2 hours to download this file but you need to wait until it downloads. Dialup is not fast so 30mb may take a while. EU: (silence again) Soo, is there a problem with my system. Me: (wash rinse repeat for the 5th time) You must wait until it downloads it. There's nothing wrong with your system ( other than the person behind the keyboard) , your using dialup its slow. Please wait. I have other customers holding and I have done all I can do have a nice day **click** AHOLE!!!!!
[2003-05-20]
|
|
|
29.
"G** Dammit, Jesus Christ, Unacceptable, Fark you, Sh**, and your software stinks" Are not technical terms I understand which will help me resolve your problems and will cause me to get temporary deafness and/or suddenly make my phone disconnect the call.
[2003-05-07]
|
|
|
30.
If the worlds future is dependent on the level of competency that calls in on my phone then we are all doomed.
[2003-04-17]
|
|
|
31.
We techs have a switch. It's called the neeping-nopping switch. The instant you idiot (l)users begin to neep and nopp about how a piece of software stinks or whatever *click* the switch goes on and my hearing goes off and I go surf the web until you actually tell me what the problem is. Wanna save yourself time then shuddap and just tell me whats wrong so I can put a bandaid on that gunshot wound and send you on your merry way.
[2003-02-18]
|
|
|
32.
There's no crying in Tech support. However, uncontrollable weeping over the degredation of humanities intelligence, AKA stupidity and ID-10-t errors is still allowed. As is Desk head bashing and merciful self suicide by impaling oneself with a pen.
[2003-02-17]
|
|
|
33.
I've figured it out. If the terrorist want to win all they would have to do is kill all of the techies. The choas that ensues with all the stupid end (l)users running around destroying every system they touch would be more than enough to kill every living thing on this earth.
[2003-02-10]
|
|
|
34.
Don't talk to me about the weather, your citys weather, yesterdays news, your mother, or your personal problems while the laptop is rebooting. I don't want to hear it and could care less. Just shaddup and reboot for christs sake.
[2003-02-06]
|
|
|
35.
If you do not cooperate and do not give me any information that I need because your too impatient to listen then expect nothing but the same cooperation from me as a techy. EU: "I really need this fixed can't you fix it over the phone". My thoughts - (I most certainly can but since your too much of an FCB*first class B%$#ch* you get to wait in my call back queu until I get back to you sometime in the next millenium.) It's very simple as a wise man once said.. Help Me, Help you.
[2003-02-06]
|
|
|
36.
Serious Rule that should be plastered on billboards. As is the same with cars. The more you learn about computers the more money you save. Why buy a computer from Dell or Compaq with a bunch BS loaded on it for 1000$ when you know how to build one for 100$. Why pay a TS contract for 2000$ a year when you know how to fix it your damn self. Course if everyone followed this I wouldn't have a job so please disregard.
[2003-01-30]
|
|
Customer Types
1.
The bombshell
This is the customer that you will go for an hour of troubleshooting before they drop the bombshell that would've resolved the issue in 2 seconds.
Ex: after spending an hour attempting to recover new and archive e-mail because they said their e-mail blanked out. Even though I asked repeatedly. The bombshell comes. "By the way I haven't synced to server in 2 weeks would that be an issue?" Or better yet. They can't connect to the network. After asking about the network cable 100 times and an hour of TCP/IP ts'ing. The bombshell "Oh you wanted the cable plugged into the wall?"
[2004-04-15]
|
|
2.
The Runner
This is the customer who neeps and nops about a problem for 20 minutes insisting the whole time it is your fault. Then when you go through steps and finally make them realize it is them who messed up they quickly run off the phone quicker than speedy gonzales on crack.
Ex: "My computer won't boot, everything is messed up Blah blah blah its your software blah blah... ** 20 minutes later"
Me: Did you install anything? "Yes, I put AOL on because I wanted to...."
(Silence)
"Ummm umm well I'l take care of that and call back BYE **click**"
-forest gump- Run (l)user RUN!!! -end Forest gump-
[2004-03-05]
|
|
3.
Chicken Little
This is the customer that blows every single farkin thing out of proportion until they've got everyone including management involved trying to inform said person that it is not a big deal and they will not lose their jobs over the fact that the system inventory is off by one plastic file folder.
If it was off by 100 or if some of the other thousands of pieces of government regulated inventory worth millions of dollars goes missing I would say its legitimate. But one stinking folder worth about 96 cents is not. This fact will not get you fired. You making a fuss and causing stress levels in your whole damn department while calling your boss, ON HIS VACATION MIND YOU, as well as exhausting productive time in a meaningles task WILL!!!
[2003-12-23]
|
|
4.
Foghorn Leghorn
I got a customer whom I have spoken about before whom I refer to as Foghorn because he 1. never shuts up 2. goes on for 12 minutes about his dog 3. When he does get to the problem it takes 30 minutes to explain it. I won't say what state he's from because it would offend. Foghorn: "I got a problem, I said I got a problem boy, you listening to me? Darnet boy are you listening?" Me: "yes" Foghorn:"Now listen to me carefully boy ( Call me that again sir and there's a LART incoming in your future). I;ve got this dem here printer thingy that my dog dun knocked off the table. he's a good old lab, bought him from my pappy bout 2 years ago as a puppy and I'd say he's about 2 years old. ( WOW you did the math all by yourself). He's brown not too big but he causes a rucous every now and then. Anyway, I got one of them there service contracts so it can be replaced if its bust..." Me: "Yes sir I see you do let me set that up for you.."(cuts me off. The Nerve!!) Foghorn: "Well thats fine just send it to this address. Blah blah. I've lived there for about 10 years now, not too far out in the country...
On and on this goes. I feel like taking a clueby FOUR and whacking him . AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUTTUP *** THWAP **
[2003-10-15]
|
|
5.
The Problem Q-er
This is a customer who instead of calling when the first problem happens chooses to wait until they have 10 different issues and then call in with them all at once. Beware of this (l)user for their special powers include extreme idiocy, rudeness, and the powerfull poison word of "unacceptable". Typical symptoms of contracting this type of (l)user is after you easily resolve their first problem in seconds they say the dreaded phrase "Well.. my next problem I have is...". Thankfully with my company policy its 2 problems per call. If they start on the third I say "Sorry there are others waiting, please call back for another tech. Bye. **click**"
[2003-09-15]
|
|
6.
The repetetive Child
They keep asking "why"
You cannot communicate to get e-mail the servers are down
"Why?"
Because the servers are down, I just said that.
"Why?"
It would take me too long to explain it and you won't understand it anyway.
"Why?"
Because your puny little brain would never be able to handle the ammount of information I would dish to explain why servers go down.
"Why?"
AHHHHHHH!!! Because the little blue Server fairy came by and kicked it!!
[2003-07-09]
|
|
7.
"I got no time, no time, no time...."
This customer calls in and before you can even friggin complete the call they interupt to tell you they can't stay on the phone and hang up. ARGHHH!!! It sucks because 1. I can't close the farkin call due to my HD's policies and 2. I know their gonna call back. Jesus S. Chryst if you don't have time to call don't call. This one (l)user has 5 cases open that I can't close because they keep calling in with different problems and then says they will call back because they don't the time to be walked through the steps. Get a life LADY!!!!
[2003-06-26]
|
|
8.
Enquirer wants to know
This is the customer that any TS person hates to go through the rebooting process with because they begin to talk about everything meaningless including the weather, their current relational status, what they saw on tv last night. They go even further by asking you the same questions. Avoid this customer at all costs as it may lead to terrible diseases such as SUICIDE!!!
[2003-05-22]
|
|
9.
The questioner
Questions everything you ask. Me: Go ahead and shut down and reboot. EU: R U sure? I did that already? Me: Go ahead and type in a password Eu: A password, what's a password? Not sure what you mean ** here it comes ** do you know what your doing? (( no your farkin jerk they hired me for my good looks. For frickin sake just shut up and do what I say. Grikey my 4 yr old nephew listens better than you))
[2003-05-21]
|
|
10.
20 Questions
These are the reps who are panicky, stupid, and downright rude. Aside from this no matter how well you fix the problem they ask a series of 20 questions for no apparant reason dragging out the call 20 minutes after the problem is resolved. Me: "Okay looks like that reboot resolved the problem have a nice da.... (L)user: "Yeah why did this happen? What did I do? How can I prevent it? What's the weather like? Are you in the same state as us? Why did it do this again?...." Ahhhhhhhh just shuddap and get off the phone
[2003-04-17]
|
|
11.
Desperate Clamps
These are the reps who refuse, despite your best efforts, to get off the phone. Fixing the problem, assuring them 100 times it is okay, or cutting off the conversation never works. I call them "clamps" because they hang on the phone like clamps. Me: "So it looks like your password is working and your able to communicate" User: "Ummm yeah let me just check everything... So I can communicate now". Me: "Yes your fine, you can communicate." User: "Hmmm well, have you guys been getting calls about this?" Jesus S christ your problem is fixed and when I say your fine and resolved it means GET OFF THE PHONE.
[2003-04-17]
|
|
12.
Oblivious to reality.
This quote seems to sum up another customer type. The ones who are oblivious to their stupidity.
"Some people walk through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem they leave behind."
[2003-04-17]
|
|
13.
Read between the words/lines
This is the type of customer who says something but behind their words really means something totally different. IE: "I never touched the computer" Between the lines - I wasn't watching what I was doing when I was on that nakedteens site and dropped the computer on the floor. OR "I'm an MCSE, CNE, BFD so you can talk to me" or better yet "I work in computers" Translates to - I saw a computer in a store once and punched a key on it to make it do something so I must know what I am doing in computers.
[2003-02-06]
|
|
14.
I think I can.
These are the customers who think they know what they are doing or wish to impress you with some knowledge they read in a tech magazine. They normally spout of Acronyms with no idea what the meaning is. "Yes my hard drive NIC says it has an IP (instead of IO or interupt) error. Think you can help me set these B-I-O-S (spelling it and not saying it) settings correctly so I can connect to the ISP." Ummmm yeah sure since i have no clue as to what you actually need. This particular person just needed to set up their modem but threw fancy language because they read it in a magazine somewhere.
[2003-01-30]
|
|
15.
An inch for a mile
These are the ones that after helping them with a problem that took 2 seconds to resolve they start piling it on until your on the phone with them for an hour. They normally start out with "Thanks, well while I have you on the phone..." EX:
(l)user: Yes I need to change my background picture. Me: Right click desktop..done. (l)user: Well great, now while I have you on the phone... Me: AHHHH!!! no.
[2003-01-24]
|
|
Co-Worker Types
1.
The slacker
This is type of tech who knows nothing about the manner of taking calls. While I see one tech sweating and slowly degenerating into madness while they take 80 calls I see another with their hands behind their heads reading their personal e-mail and maybe take 20.
There are techs who slack and take no calls. I usually can those idiots faster than lightning. It doesn't seem fair when 1 tech takes 60 calls while another takes 15???
I've bitched to the manager who went up the ladder and now they just decided to hire more people. Okay fine, don't mind the help. Yet the people that are slacking are now doing it more!!!! My Mgr complains about the queue lights and tells me "Must need more people". Then I show him the stats. John doe over here is punching out 60 calls a day while Jane over there is maybe taking 20 and has taken 20 different 10 minute breaks. Don't feel like firing Jane but he's got to understand the problem and lay down the hammer to back me up here. Last sunday 10 calls in queue. Saw 3 people taking calls and 5 others having a convert at a co-irkers desk. I go into a complete frenzied rage. "What in the blue farkin heck!!!" Mgr speaks to me the next day to say don't worry I'll get more help and to not hammer so hard on queue lights. I only shake my head and thank him that at least he cares and I do like the extra help. But it doesn't resolve the problem. He's treating the symptoms, not the disease. In essence if every tech took 60 calls a day, we wouldn't have a queue thus leading to less stress and less of my hardworking best techs from going to the insane assylum while I get stuck with the idiotic slackers who couldn't turn on a switch lite if it was labeled, but then what do I know, I'm only the stinking super. **end Rant
[2003-11-03]
|
|
2.
Do the impossible and call me back
Exact wording from our networking crew to have us attempt with a normal every day run of the mill (l)user in response to them having issues downloading information from a server. Mind you the problem only requires that the networking crew enable this reps account. Instead we get this
"Verify that the Server can be "pinged" from the client by
entering the following command from DOS prompt:
ping machinename/IP Address defined in DOCCPID
Gee okay let me see. The average (l)user can't even lace up their shoes straight without falling over backwards and you me to walk them through a complicated remote server pinging process that would challenge even a tech??
[2003-08-19]
|
|
3.
Do nothing in work or in life
These are the ones who conversate with other coworkers and spreading the LAZY virus all over while the phone queue's are blowing up and leaves me on the phone to answer everything. Guess what pal I'm the supervisor and I see your 2 calls a day 1hr long talk times. Take a hike buddy, your fired.
[2003-02-10]
|
|
Customer E-mails
1.
Subject: File name is ouihkpjshfkjhf
Rep called in receiving an e-mail from a co-irker. Exact file name attached was: thisfile.doc.rex.exe.zip.tmp.txt
And he wonders why it won't open. First LART the idiot who sent it then delete the file and tell them to send it properly. "Oh but the send can open it fine..." Yeah and I can load a gun. JUST DO IT!!!
[2003-09-23]
|
|
2.
Subject: Ummmmm DUH!!
Exact wording of the e-mail.
"I cannot send e-mail to anyone. I seem to be having a problem with it. I seem to also be having a problem sending an e-mail to you people as well."
ummmm Hmmm gee. E-mail looks fine to me. My Reply: "It appears your e-mail is working fine since we received e-mail from you right now."
Gees get a clue.
[2003-08-14]
|
|
3.
Subject: Intelligable BS
I think the EU might have been drunk when he sent this. Maybe you can interpret it because I sure as heck can't. Mind you I did nothing to change the text everything is word for word.
E-mail:
Yes, umm hello. I need help with the screen I think. One of lines is all over with the mouse. Plus the power for cord doesn't seem to need help with. Also my internet software connection installed ... but not really? Can you help? Umm like I also can't find some buttons. (editors note: it really starts to go down hill from here ). Yes I need some chips to make some things go faster.. Yeah and over their cookie jar. Please help with problms or help walk over my things with me. (end e-mail) Ummmm okay sure let me just go ahead and reply to that with a big fat WTF!!!!
[2003-01-30]
|
|
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
1.
"I pushed a button on my keyboard and it said I gave the keyboard a disability.." (l)user translation = She disabled the keyboard and a message came up and she misread it.
The keyboard isn't the only thing with a disability.
[2004-03-03]
|
|
2.
(heavy backwoods southern accent
"Well you see I done went to a hotel and I plugged in the big phone line. Now I come home and I done plug in the little phone line and the compooter done don't work no more."
Oh okay. So its not network cable and phone cable. Its now the big phone line and the little phone line. Got it. I have changed all of the technical manuals I have ever read over the past 8 years. I am soooo glad I "done do dat now ain I a smart?"
[2003-12-08]
|
|
|
3.
After going through 10 minutes of finding the start button and 40 minutes on the whole call. "Why did this call take so long?" - Response in my head (Becuase your a moron). I refuse to answer on the grounds I might obliterate you.
[2003-11-20]
|
|
4.
"Make the internet faster"
Me: ..... Are you the gatekeeper?
"No"
Me: There's your answer
**Click**
[2003-10-30]
|
|
5.
In response to me telling her that I will not troubleshoot something that is out of the scope of our support contract. "You underestimate me, I will have your job for this.."
Lady, you wouldn't want my job but if you really want it that bad, by all means. YECK! Can you imagine (l)users doing TS?
[2003-10-29]
|
|
|
6.
Not a (l)user but overheard while a coworker was speaking with my HD trainer. "You want me to walk them through what?! Do your remember who we support? Their so stupid they blink and they think its a new day and I couldn't direct them to look at the sky above if I pointed them to it." Unfortunatly he was speaking the truth but the trainer only trains what accounting tells her must be taught.
[2003-10-28]
|
|
7.
"These aren't only stupid questions are they?"
Absolutely not. Stupid people always come packaged with stupid questions. Funny how that happens.
[2003-10-27]
|
|
8.
From a very hot sounding female end (l)user. "I've got all the parts necessary now can you show how to get ME working?"
She had windows ME. Uhhhh I'm sure I can do a house call and arrange something for you.
Same call 2 minutes later. "I got this one wide long part for my port but I don't where to stick it." (/beavis laugh) I think after this call a cold shower is in order.
[2003-10-24]
|
|
9.
"You don't really sound like you care." DING DING DING.. what we have for her Johny.
Good guess B**** because here's a real shocker... I DON'T!!!
[2003-10-17]
|
|
10.
Me: "Go ahead and unplug the power cord from the printer." (l)user: "Sure. I'll go ahead and do that...**click**
Umm that wasn't the power cord. Smooth move ex-lax starfishy.
[2003-09-29]
|
|
|
11.
"If I don't get my inventory right I could get fired or arrested." Why do they keep saying that as if I care about it. If you get arrested for being an idiot why would I mind?!!! This is why I could never be a 911 operator - "Okay perform CPR on him for me by beating on his chest" Uhhh is that with the right hand or the left hand beat?
[2003-09-26]
|
|
|
12.
Not a (l)user but a co-worker overheard obviously answering a personal call. "Microcrap Technical support how may I piss you off today" ** Fell out of my chair on that one**
[2003-09-17]
|
|
13.
Client/(l)user commenting on trying to submit a time sensative report. You can't submit it until the date of the report.
"This report says 09/15 but I can't edit or submit it. Why?"
Me: "Because it has a date 09/15. You can't edit it until then." (l)user: "Okay... so I'm in the form and I want put in my information and it won't let me."
Me: (HELLO Mcfly!!!) "As I said, the report will not let you edit it until after the date of 15th. Today is the 11th." (l)user: "Okay... so I can't edit it today." Me: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" **CLICK**
[2003-09-11]
|
|
|
14.
"I'm in the uneditable- Read only view and I can't edit anything. Why?" Do I really have to answer this one without swearing in 5 different languages??
[2003-09-03]
|
|
|
15.
"I can't believe you guys were on holiday on Monday when i needed work done." Me: You shouldn't be working on a holiday that's what there for. I had a great time BBQing at the lake. "Well, I just think you guys should've worked." Me: BITE ME!! ** Click** ( yes I really said that)
[2003-09-03]
|
|
|
16.
"It asked me while going through the re-write process on my cdr to label the CD. I did that but when it was done and I took the CD out, there was no label on it with the name I gave it." Ummmm yeah tell me I don't have to explain this one to them.
[2003-08-22]
|
|
|
17.
"I got this e-mail that told me to delete this jdb something or other fill" Me: "Ignore the e-mail its a hoax, if you delete it you'll have trouble booting your laptop." (l)user: "You sure. How would you know." My exact quote Me: "Do you really want me to answer that given that your talking to the help desk and a Senior technical computer suppor specialist with 8 years of experience, 5 certifications, and about 1,000,000 other users have called in already with the same question. So would you rather believe me or the rougue stranger who sent you a chain letter that, since you have no technical experience, would follow without question?" (l)user: ** Silence ** So I should ignore the e-mail. Me: "Yes" **Click**
[2003-08-19]
|
|
|
18.
"This manual says to pull up and refer to the task manager for what programs are running. Well none of my programs are running and I want to speak to this task manager right now." Uhhhh sure let me transfer you, his name is Dial, Dial Tone. **Click**
[2003-08-14]
|
|
|
19.
Me: Your login is the first 8 digits of your social security number. (l)user: You mean my SSN? Me: No maam the first 8 digits. (l)user: Isn't there 8 numbers in my SSN. Me: No there's 9, you need just the first 8 digits. (l)user great the first 7 got ya, Thanks bye -click-. Yeah lady, you'll be back.
[2003-07-02]
|
|
|
20.
Not an end user phrase of the day but Kittylizards reply quote of the year. Had to post it. to damn funny not to. "Actually sir, just kidding. BUT, act now, and for the low low price of 149.95, I'll be more than happy to sit here, feed you a load of garbage for the next fifteen minutes, end up changing absolutely nothing, and leave you with that fulfilled sense of a job well done. All major credit cards accepted, act now!"
[2003-06-12]
|
|
|
21.
Quote from user whom after 10 minutes of screaming and cursing about his internet being down suddenly realized his phone cord was not connected. "The stupid bus just pulled up and I need to get on it while eating my footinmouth pie. goodbye."
[2003-06-11]
|
|
|
22.
Actually overheard from a co-worker. "No I'm sorry sir but Fark you and Kiss my arse are not coming up as a valid account number and without account information I will have to disconnect this call. Thank you for calling goodbye." Had me laughing the whole day.
[2003-05-21]
|
|
|
