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Here is all the content that tubaboy has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Yay promotion
So I've moved in to the world of middle management. THe plus side a lil more money, the down side its graveyard. Good thing I'ma night owl. I know i havent posted ina while, and anyone that doesnt remember i work ina call center for an ISP. Glad not to be taking calls, but i'm already tired of bitching at people to stay on the phones. but anyways, if anyone needs some spare karma, i dont need mine for a lil bit. Cheers!
[By: tubaboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Buy yourself a Tazer! Nothing wakes them up like a Explosive noise followed by 'Bzzzzzt!" -jerrybear
More money plus an evening shift would be ideal for me! - elcapitane
Here have a piece -DarkRookie
I know of a few defunct companies that are selling their shocky-monkeys, cheap! -Biosynthetic
So...how does it feel to be treated like a chinese handcuff getting it from both ends...ducs and dives for LART shelter -drakenfly
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4.
no mo' phones!
no more starfish, at least for a bit. No today i start working with new little baby techs/ Im looking forward to it... wait... new techs dont come mute buttons.. Yep 3 days, thats how long it will be before i long for the starfish asking me to set up her outlook express
[By: tubaboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
New techs have a mute button i call it "the stare" and they shut up nice and quick. Also i tell them when starting a new part of the training process i inform them they have three questions and to use them wisely,makes them pay attention alot more -starfishmagnet
I'm fighting a swarm of disturbing mental images regarding 'where' the mute button will be located in said new techs... -TheGhost
In most police departments, to carry a taser, or the new pepper foam, you have to be tased or sprayed (or wipe some under your eye) to be certified. I'm thinking that if their new, to train them to use Otis, we could find their sleepy button... I mean... MUTE button... easily. -TechnoTherapist
Mute button, located between the legs, depress with foot, repeatedly. -drachen
In 6 months, only 1 of your class of 20 will still be there. Why is that? -olschris
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
This is a me misconception. That customers will understand simple instructions like:
Restart your computer, (Slow down boy, youre getting to technical!)
Hit the enter key (I dont have that!)
Whats in the address bar? (Dont get fancy boy!)
These are not responses i want to hear this early in the morning, especially, when i havent had any coffee. this starfish is lucky that I cant reach through the phone at point at the enter key for him... with his face!
[2008-06-05]
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2.
That I wont become slightly annoyed (and by slightly annoyed, i mean super pissed off), that after spending 5 minutes explaining how to get into safe mode, when i ask you whats on the screen, you say the desktop, and when i ask you about the F8 key, you say, you forgot. i need a stick.
[2008-05-30]
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3.
if you have a third party router, a third party router a DIFFERENT third party wireless adapter, and youre a <bleep> i'm going to fix it as fast as possible. on the contrary, youre going to india, ill transfer you myself. Thankyoucomeagain </apu>
[2008-03-17]
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4.
That when the electricity is off due toa storm, that you can connect wirelessly toyour router with you laptop. best advice? go outside and see if you can pick up a connection there
[2008-03-15]
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5.
That The term "My internet is down" covers everything down from "My Computer crashed" to "I forgot my email password" Ugh.
[2008-02-15]
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6.
More of a a cow-irker misconception. That because i dont come into work into noon that i will be well rested, happy and ready to take calls this morning. Isnt the rule: the later you go to work the later you stay up the night before. but i gotta stop going to sleep at 7am, lol
[2008-01-12]
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7.
That I want to be here and that Im happy to be here trouble shotting when my girlfriend took the day off and wanted me to, too! F U guy that cant find your control panel in windows 98...
[2007-12-28]
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Tech Rules
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1.
If i tell you I am unable to remotely access your computer, it does not mean im an idiot that doesnt know what i'm doing. Dont you think if i could access your pc to import your address book, i would have done it by now. Oh and when you ask for a supervisor im going to let the supervisor know your an ass too, then im going to mute my mic and laugh at you while you get larted by my supervisor. Then im going to laugh some more when you realized it took two F-ing seconds to do it yourself. Thank you and good night!
[2008-03-17]
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2.
When i ask you to read the warning that popped up on your screen. "Warning: blah blah blah" does not provide me with enough information to help you with your situation. If you do not want to put forth the effort required to read me the warning, I will not put forth the effort required to fix that warning. period.
[2008-02-23]
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3.
When I ask you for your phone number, I don't want you to punch it in to the phone, I dont want you to write it down and mail it to me. i don't want you to FRIGGEN SEND ME SMOKE SIGNALS, i want you to tell me your phone number starting with the area code first. /wrists
[2007-12-14]
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4.
1) The End of an ethernet cord does not *magically* become an antenna when you buy a laptop that you want to use wirelessly. 2) You will not get a better wireless signal by duct taping that ethernet chord TO THE CEILING!
[2007-11-30]
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Customer Types
Co-Worker Types
1.
One thats kicking in screaming
That guy thats been off the phones for two months working special projects, then is back to getting b1tched at by sucktomers in stereo. If it wasnt for the girl sitting in the cubicle next to me, I think I'd shoot myself in the head. but at least I can start submitting again!
[2008-05-08]
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Customer E-mails
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
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1.
WOW..."OK ma'am, go ahead and click on run...then when that comes up I need you to type CMD." "Wait wait wait, this is still loading....ok...ok....so type RUN DMC?" siiiiiiiiigh. wow. Congrats ma'am, you WIN in your stupidity
[2010-06-09]
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2.
Me POTD: im going to walk around thrusting into the air for the rest of the day when people ask what im doing ill say hopefully humping a ghost right now
[2008-11-10]
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3.
"since i cant use your free security, do i get a discount on my dsl?" go to hell.
[2008-06-21]
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4.
CPOTD: "When you're ready to stick it in, just let me know and I'll time you" in regards to resetting a modem
[2008-05-10]
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5.
Me: "Now can you see your modem right now?" Cu: "Now youre going to have to talk English to me young man!"
[2008-03-05]
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6.
"I...P....Where is the config button?" I wanted to tell her so bad it was next to the any key
[2008-02-01]
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7.
email name: "angelmuf@isp.com". she sounded like it too, lol
[2008-01-31]
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8.
MEPOTD: "Well, that can't be good..." as I stare a the blue screen of death on a laptop thats been out of the box for 2 hours
[2008-01-28]
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9.
MEPOTD part 2: "Now i know thats not good" when my own laptop got the same blue screen of death. Turns out when winamp is expanded to full screen in vista when there are two monitors connected it goes "FU!!!" at least i found the culprit. how i never have done that on mine in the 6 months ive had my laptop, i have no clue.
[2008-01-28]
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10.
"Who is tom?!?!? Is he a a pedophile?!?!? Should I call be the police?!?!?!" A lady calling about tom as her daughter's friend on myspace.
[2007-12-28]
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11.
me actually: "Now dont use the internet or you might break it" to a little old lady after a two hour call to hook up her router.
[2007-12-21]
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