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Here is all the content that unrenowned has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Burrkiss is a writer for Tosh.0 ... NSFW
http://m.comedycentral.com/toshvideo.rbml?id=/scent-of-a-woman or direct video link:
http://mtvnmobile.vo.llnwd.net/kip0/_pxn=1+_pxI0=Ripod-h264+_pxL0=undefined+_pxM0=+_pxK=18639+_pxE=mp4/44620/mtvnorigin/gsp.comedystor/com/tosh/season_05/tosh_508_scent_of_woman_1280x720_3500_h32.mp4?tosh_mobile_web&_fw_vid=mgid:cms:video:tosh.comedycentral.com:424751&_fw_sid=Tosh_Videos_mob
[By: unrenowned]
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3.
AMEN!
The Bastard (and PFY) explain "Just"
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/11/09/bofh_2012_episode_11/
[By: unrenowned]
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EVERYONE has their own "But, I just..." Why can't they understand that if we do it for them, then we'll have to do it for their friends b/c "You did it for them!", and then their friends, and then THEIR friends, and so on and so on etc etc ad infinitum ad nauseum... If one's an exception, EVERYONE'S an exception. So NO ONE is an exception. (Unless they're one of us, in which case they're not subject to the rules we subject the outsiders to... (VHVEK9G) -MadJack
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4.
Nurse refuses inhaler AND locks child in
Nothing like watching a child die over a technicality: http://www.clickorlando.com/news/Nurse-refuses-student-inhaler-during-asthma-attack/-/1637132/13560430/-/wm13uaz/-/index.html
Hm...
(Problem) Child is having asthma attack & parent/guardian signature not on file for inhaler.
(Solution 1) Give child their inhaler (still sealed in the box, with child's name, doctor and instructions on usage).
[Result] Possible lawsuit, goto Solution 2.
(Solution 2) Call 911
[Result] Could potentially save a life and would be the correct solution; nurse is idiot, goto Solution 3
(Solution 3) Lock door of office and watch child suffocate.
[Result] Child slumps against wall passing out from lack of oxygen to the brain.
[By: unrenowned]
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omfg really? REALLY?? How can anyone be so goddamned stupid? Don't send him home for it...no no, keep him there and take away what is literally a life saving medication and call his mother in. Put him in a stressful situation and when he starts having problems stand there and do nothing but insure NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP EITHER! I hope that stupid bitch loses her damned job for such poor judgement. Her and the person who hired her, and the school district peons who decided life saving medications should be taken away immediately instead of simply sending the child home. Oh and smack the shit out of the morons who didn't say "well he's had asthma for years now and that generally doesn't magically go away so maybe we think instead of parroting rules made by fucktards." -GargoyleTS
Well, they didn't have a Signed Form - if they did what they should've, they coulda got sued! SUED! THE DAMAGE TO THE REPUTATION OF THE BOARD WILL BE IRREVERSIBLE! Yeah. -LDFeral
Okay -- I can see part of this, as nurse could get fired and SD could get sued for giving the kid an unapproved medicine. But the nurse did not call 911, which is standard procedure for any case of breathing difficulty, so she breached policy there rather massively. I hope the nurse loses her job over this, because she should not be in a position where her misinterpretation of policy can cost lives. -chazz
Watch it turn out that the parent did turn in the proper paperwork... But misspelled "sternocleidomastoid" and so they threw the papers away. -MeanDean
this really pisses me off! For one I am an asthmatic, second I have a sister who DIED from an asthma attach! Every asthma attack is serious and potentially life threatening and this "nurse" should know that! (nurse in quotes as I really doubt her credentials). Also, this was a senior in high school! I can understand needing my signature for medication for my 6 year old, but a 17 year old???? What is this world coming to??? I took tons of meds in school - they all had my name on them and I never had to have parent permission!!! -MrsQuadrinaro
As someone with asthma, this totally horrifies me. -redfaery
Step 1. Kid has asthma attack. Step 2. Watch kid die. Step 3. Profit. (There has to be a step three here somewhere....why else would a nurse violate The Hippocratic Oath?) -Captain Trips
wholy crap!.. i'm usually the first person to advocate survival of the fittest.. but that is so beyong Moraly WRONG i cant belive it!. now say that had been an epi pen that didnt ' have a signature" that kid would DEFINETLY been dead! okay.. we have gone WAY overboard as a scociety with this drug thing when it comes to having to have parental signature for perscripption MEDICATION! WTF are they thinking? hes selling its of his inhaler? ( its probably happened.. i was yound once, we all were). i thik this burocratic bullshit of Cover our assses so we cant ever be sued! has gone way to fraakin far. Dust off and nuke from orbit - there no intelegent life down here. just a threat to survival. -Harm
I have an autistic son who has asthma. Because of his autism, he cannot speak and we have to watch him and look for clues as to when he is having problems. I am so thankful that his school teachers and nurse know him well and take care of him. We are in constant contact with the teachers and nurse and they know what to do. I cannot imagine dealing with a nurse who is more concerned over a possible lawsuit and rules that do not fit every situation than she is about saving a life. Losing her job and nursing license is the absolute minimum that should happen to her. -jwinc7
I was told about this Wed night during my show, had to see for myself.... just... Damnit! -ShujinTribble
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6.
In celebration of Winter-een-mas!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVHGy9XEF9I ShujinTribble was kind enough to point this one my way. Great job man! GAME ON! And play it like you MEAN IT!
[By: unrenowned]
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7.
Saw this today, had to share
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoyrqnWYdL4
This is just too awesome NOT to share! Enjoy!
[By: unrenowned]
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Video warning, natch, and context makes some of it NSFW... "things you can say to your X, but not your girlfriend". Had me laughing, anyway, and that's hard to do. -chazz
"SHE'S GOING DOWN!!" -Harm
Classic! Gotta love 'Who's Line" - MadJack
You've got to love ABC network "family" programing ;-) -AngrySup
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8.
First!
For the day, the month and the year! Nothing like starting the year off right with a ménage à trois
[By: unrenowned]
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Hippy Nude Beer! ;) -MadJack
*downs coffee and aspirin* happy new year, everyone. Gremlain and I passed a bottle of champagne back and forth and cheered the fireworks. -AdmiralLaurie
Hate to break it to ya' dude but ... using both hands doesn't count as a 3 some ! < Running for the LART Shelter > -Necros
What if it is me,myself and I? Does that count?
docfl -docfl
having spent hangover day on the road home.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! FRRAKIN TRUCK!?! oh these wipers suck.. gas is HOW much? are we home yet? -Harm
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9.
Merry Everything!
To all TSCers: May your <insert holiday of choice> be truly awesome.
[By: unrenowned]
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Merry Christmas to ya! -Grue
Festivus! Now for the Feats of Strength! -Biosynthetic
Happy Winter-een-mas! -Spacegoat
@Spacegoat: That's not until the 25th of January. -unrenowned
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10.
More job openings
Find them in the forums here: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=173628#173628
[By: unrenowned]
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11.
Job opening in Herndon, VA
I've posted a job opening (a little urgent from the sound of it) at GDIT in Herndon, VA. They are looking for someone to start no later than Jan 3, 2012.
Sr Principal Web Developer w/TS/SCI and Full Scope Polygraph
Here's the forum link: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=173312#173312
[By: unrenowned]
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I used to work for GDIT... Can't say it was that great of an experience. =/ -Mer
They've been good to me. And a coworker in another department was going to be laid off last year but her boss helped her get a lateral move into another position she was qualified for. -unrenowned
I don't think everyone would necessarily have a bad experience like I did, but this is what happened to me: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=11084 -Mer
Well, I don't know of any call center positions, so anyone looking into this shouldn't have to go through anything like that. It took me about a day to get my system (while they imaged a new machine) and then I spent a week watching introduction videos and taking training courses before I was given my access. I know GDIT allows telecommuting as well; though it varies from department to department. -unrenowned
We had a bad experience with them here as a contractor. Taking 50 people to complete a single job that should take 4 or 5, not completeing the work to the customers spec, not cleaning up behind themselves, and over all the manager was a bit snooty and started to refuse to answer our calls because we complained. She then went on to complain to a co-worker while I was in the room and she didn't know I what I looked like (sneaky sneaky). In the end, we dropped them from the $17 million dollar contract and picked up someone else who was all around a pleasure to work with. In general, I refuse to work for General Dynamic's....any dept. -ravensentinel
Don't confuse GD with GDIT. -unrenowned
Now, if it was Massive Dynamic offering the job, would you hesitate to take it? -Stryker One
Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No.
[buzz]
Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.
[ding]
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
Moe: A date.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Moe: Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
[buzz]
Moe: Sears catalog.
[ding]
Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
[buzz]
-Biosynthetic
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12.
If you work for Time Warner...
You may want to quit. The next life they take might be your own...
http://www.woio.com/story/15681533/time-warner-workers-death-sparks-a-carl-monday-investigation
[By: unrenowned]
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they still Have US call centers? i thought that was all off shored to the phillipeans (or was in the process as of several years ago). When i worked for TWCBC - all the TL's HAD to be trained on the panel defibs. Managment - so TL's and above. -Harm
I'm sorry, if I were the worker performing CPR (seeing as I have the cert and all - everyone should!), here's how it would have gone down: Manager: "get back on the phone and take care of customers." Me: "STFU or you'll be needing this next." It seems no one has a heart, soul or balls anymore. -SalParadise
Sounds like someone is up for criminal negligence, too. An AED (Automatic Electronic Defibrilator) was down the hall, in the first-aid room. The room was locked. And the person with the key was offsite and unavailable. (I ran into this where I worked 11 years ago - the first aid kit in the upstairs lunchroom was empty, the one downstairs was locked after hours. When I complained, I was told that HR has a full first aid kit in their office - which is locked after 5, although people worked in the building until after 8. Also, when I complained how the upstairs kit was empty, did they fill it? No, they just removed it entirely. Fortunately, all I had to deal with was a paper cut, not a heart attack.) -Captain Trips
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13.
Today is your day
To all the fathers that have played a role in their child/rens' lives; to all the dads who sacrificed their own happiness; for those men who will do whatever it takes, not because they must, but because they want to:
Happy Father's Day!
[By: unrenowned]
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I second that. -AdmiralLaurie
+9001 -0gr3
THIS!! -MadJack
Dad taught me damn near everything I know: How to fix stuff, how to learn stuff, and how to cope with those that can't do those two things (and make a little cash offa them)... Cheers, and thanks, dad. -Lusus
Hear, Hear! -CTYankee
Well, in a way I do those things because I must - as in, there is no choice in it, my daughter needs something and I'm there with it - it's in my nature, I "must" do it because there is no choice - I can't NOT do stuff for her, no matter how much I might want to (which I don't.) It's one of those instinct things - of course I MUST do for her, as there is no way I can NOT do for her. (And now that her brother's gone, well, it's only more so. She's my only child, I have no choice but to bail her out, even if I do feel that staying in will teach her to not drink and drive. Oops, I said too much...) -Captain Trips
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15.
Rest in peace Mr. Hopper
May 17, 1936 – May 29, 2010
As "Billy" - "Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut."
As "King Koopa" - "Yes. Dino, lizard, hold the mammal, no worms... and, uh, spicy."
I will miss him...
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/Media/dennis-hopper-death-ripples-hollywood-twitter/story?id=10785628
[By: unrenowned]
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"The whim of a madman" I like that!" </Speed> -MadJack
DAMN! -Harm
How can you forget your lines, I never gave you any -PoglaTheGrate
"...now if all that's true, tell me: am I lying?"</true romance> -AmazingKreskin
He was one evil, egg sucking son of a snake! I ran out Sunday and picked up Super Mario Bros. (my DVD went missing). I'll also cherish my copy of Speed as well! 2 of my fav. movies with him in them. And as the villan in both too! -Caboose447
Interesting note: Mr. Hopper was laid to rest in Taos, New Mexico, where he wrote and directed 'Easy Rider'. Seems appropriate. -EMTGeekGirl
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16.
For the mother's out there...
For all the mothers that actually *LOVE* their children: Have the most WONDERFUL day possible.
For the rest, I present a story that may, I say MAY enlighten you. I hope...
We start our story with me taking the little one back to the grandparents' house on his mother's side. Normal back story is that I have my parents attend each custody exchange with me as witnesses (approved by the court) because of everything his mother has said/done in the past.
Upon arrival we exit my vehicle and there are hugs all around until his "mommy" comes out of the house. Cue little guy becoming an instant recluse. Sadly, this has become the norm whenever his mother is around (yes, I'm taking notes for the court). At this point trying to talk to him doesn't really yield any results unless I whisper in his ear.
So I am telling his "mother" about the little bump on his head from him running full-tilt into another child while playing on the beach (documented, I'm not stupid) and other little tidbits from the weekend when I turn to him and say: "I'll give you a call tomorrow okay big guy?" Suddenly "mommy" pipes in with her mind-numbing drivel: "No you won't. He won't be at my house this entire week. He's staying here with {her mother}." (Cue me -> LOLBat) "Oh really?"
Luckily for me, her mother is still civil and recommends the house line and personal cell in case she's out and about, but states that she should be home. Now, frankly, I don't care WHO you THINK you are, but if you are going to leave MY son anywhere that I don't expect him to be, you had better well F*CKING tell me in ADVANCE! In keeping the peace, I hold my tongue; after all, her mother had the courtesy to encourage continued contact with my son.
Now that I know "mommy" doesn't want me to call, this results in two (2) reactions:
#1 - Oh, I'm calling now! And in telling her I am going to call, she produced the nastiest grimace to grace a human face I have EVER seen. (SUCK IT B*TCH!)
#2 - I take our son around to the side of our car and have him tear up the mother's day card (much to his satisfaction as he didn't want to go back anyways) we picked out for "mommy".
Now some of you might be asking, "pray tell Mr. Unrenowned, why did you have your son tear up the card instead of encouraging the relationship between son/mommy on this blessed day?" My response is quite simple:
The only thing blessed about today with regards to my son and his "mommy" is that she delivered him without him coming to harm. For that I am thankful to all the universe (Pantheism) and her physical body (sans her entire personality). With regards to encouraging a developing relationship, I no longer try. Every time I try to remind him about how much his "mommy" truly "loves" him he becomes a recluse and frankly it takes about 1 HOUR to get him out of that state. This is the waste of organic material people refer to as "his mommy".
What's truly sad about all this is: she tried so hard to lock me into a corner that would end with me losing all my freedoms and giving her all my money. So far all it has done is: lock her into a loveless marriage with a wife beatercaused whatever unknown hell with both children (her daughter is not mine so legally I can do nothing, but it still hurts since I helped raise her for several years)caused her to move to an area that is 1.5 hours away from the nearest McDonald's which has ZERO cellular reception (all carriers, I've tried)caused her to become even more bitter than she has ever been in each passing year
This Mother's Day I truly pity her and all women who are just like her. I refuse to acknowledge her as his "mommy" except in the respect that she donated some DNA (thank $deity that mine seem to be dominant).
For those of you who claim the name "mother" in genetics only:
Fathers like me will, I say WILL, make sure our children know EXACTLY what kind of slime you really are.
[By: unrenowned]
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Man, I'm really sorry to hear that. As a weekend parent myself, and going thru the same issues with my ex, I can to an extent sympathise. Any parent that doesn't appreciate the awesomeness that is their kid(s), well... Sorry, but I know too many people who *can't* have kids & would love to have the opportunity that they're blowing. </rant> -rosemetal
I hope I don't sound too dense here, but don't you have enough independent witnesses to force the courts to reverse custody? -Captain Trips
@CT: Simple answer: NO. My family telling the truth leads to her family telling lies in court. The judges treat it as He-Said, She-Said and continues to partially side with her. I don't have the finances to procure a child advocate yet (at least 2 more years, minimum) and her family has sway with Social Services in her home state where she currently resides (although the case is maintained in my state). -unrenowned
oh man. Sorry to hear about all that. She should marry my sister-in-law's ex (he ain't my brother in law, since I married my wife well after they got divorced).
They'd be perfect together. -tech4alltrades
Oh by the way, here's some KarmaKola for you and your son just on the general principle of it. -tech4alltrades
Ah yes - fight tooth and nail for shared custody, but then dump the child off on your parents when you actually have custody. For some people, it's about winning instead of about what's best for their child. -thx1138
Damn, that sucks. I feel especially sorry for your son, although it's good that he's already recognizing (at what I'm guessing is a young age) she's not a "good" mommy. -Seamyst
Kind of reminds me of my step-son's dad. It's getting to the point that after about 6 years that he's started calling me Dad on occasion. -Phylok
Unrenowned, there are no words to express what I'm feeling. I'm crying, and very little brings me to tears anymore. But sh!t like that is a surefire way. I hope for your sake they reverse custody. Lying in court is perjury, and is illegal. Point that out to the judge, or I could be wrong it could simply be lying whilst under oath. But I'm not sure. Anyway, give him plenty of hugs, make sure he knows he's loved. And take care. -AdmiralLaurie
@AL: Oh he knows he's loved by me! Whenever I pick him up it takes a few whispers in his ear and then he has his arms firmly around my neck. Won't let go until I have him firmly in his booster seat (just graduated from car to booster this weekend). All the way "home" (that's what he calls my house, his "mommy's" place is referred to as {her husband's first name}'s house) he'll tell me how much he missed us and loves us, all the things he wants to do, asks how long until summer so he can go to school (loves to learn), etc... -unrenowned
If your munchkin is in a booster seat now, he may be old enough for the court to take *his* wishes into account. He-said-she-said between your parents is all well and good, but I bet what your son would have to say on the stand would be pretty damning. -NightSteel
@NS: I've brought this to the attention of my atttorney and he pointed out that until he's 8 y/o, the court won't listen to him w/out a child advocate. Like I said, I won't be able to afford one for at least 2 more years. I have to assume that I'm going to eat the entire cost of one (that means across state lines travel and observations) since my ex WILL claim welfare/unemployment as a defense at this time. Also, since the courts side with women more often than not, that means they won't hold the lack of employment over her head. Basically, I, being the male, will end up paying the entire thing out of pocket. I just don't have it or I'd be in court right now. -unrenowned
If her current So is a known wife beater as you say, theres the dangerous environment angle that might be worked. -McSmiley
@MS: My son has told me about the punching and kicking and her daughter said something similar at her school (but mother has connections to social services so it's off record). The first time I see a black eye (or anything else that could be seen as being caused by this, I'll be making an anonymous call to their local police department). -unrenowned
-in our state Child Advocates are volunteer, and trained by the court, so they are not beholden to any side, only the child's...might check into anyway...things are different in every jurisdiction. -Magenta
Sounds like you have a sound case, except for the money to pursue it. Keep at it, perhaps someone who will work "on spec," "pro bono," or something like that. And look into the child advocate issue -- any agency that truly cares about the welfare of a child won't let money stand in the way of justice! -Captain Trips
whiteboard or email me, we can exchange horror stories. -HappyCrappy
Although it is sad, it does make me feel better that someone else is in a similar situation to me... I won't go into detail, but after hearing your tales of woe, I don't feel so bad about my kids and my ex -PoglaTheGrate
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17.
Okay, so we have a complaint!
http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=83054 Since we have had a registered complaint (and I don't have a star) I submit to you, much goodness from the DogCow: http://moofburger.blogspot.com/2010/05/ifun-with-iphones.html
[By: unrenowned]
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I had to laugh at the reference to "Logan's Run". -Wraith556
Now, I have no experience with Apple Stores, in either the US or the UK... but geez, he comes across as an asshole. And he apparently doesn't know basic punctuation (I winced at each "it's" instead of "its"). -Seamyst
...and now, there is a star. -vacuumtubes
I would as soon pull all my teeth, myself, with rusty pliers, than go into another APPLE store again! Never more, quoth the raven! -jerrybear
I have to say though, I've had better experiences in an Apple Store than say, Comp-USA back in the day when you had to chase down and tackle a rep just to find out how much something is because they refused to put price tags on stuff. I'm guessing their slogan was, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it." -Biosynthetic
VT or whoever gifted me the star: Thank You! -unrenowned
That was funny First because the fish has an Apple product so all of his pain is self induced and sec because the Jobs zealots are really that way. You know Full of themselves they think there shit's purple and smells like rainbow sherbet -Crai
Oh $deity no. It's not Crai's fault, there was no way to know that the Digital Dogcow is in no way a fish. Dogcow's been MIA for so long that his legend is bound to be fading a bit. I'll be in the sub sub basement of the LART shelter waiting for this to hopefully pass by. -StylinTechie
Reading through the other blog posts DD finds what some of us already know. Tech Support is like kindergarten. All day you sit reading to people who can't (and won't) do it for themselves! -Wraith556
Crai, that ain't no 'fish, that's our own Digital Dogcow. Look up some of his more classic tales! -Captain Trips
that explains exactly why i'll muck with cups and nvidia driver problems and all the other linux frustrations for a million years before i'll be an apple customer/tool. thx for the link. -stiffarm
<Loonacy> Apple dumped the geek/hobbyist market to go after the highly profitable moron/trendy market. (bash.org) -Seamus
Just finished reading through the whole site. Ok he isn’t a fish but he still loses cool points for the fact he willingly bought an Apple product and then entered an Apple store. I mean really what more can you expect from the Acolytes of Jobs? These are the people that Abercrombie and Fitch make. There the same breed of Emos. Just a different wrapper. Anyways I love the kindergarten teacher bit that is very true. Iv book marked his page maybe he will post more in a month or six lol. -Crai
Seamist, um, yes his punctuation can be a little off, but he's not an asshole. If I'd gotten the runaround like that, well, however, that aside, a lot of the comments are things he didn't say. And he did have a right to mention his right to a replacement, even if he didn't get it. At least he didn't make a great big noisy fuss. -AdmiralLaurie
Sale of Goods act did not apply - it is only for the company who sold you the device - O2 should be the one who fixed it.... -Wonko The Sane
Crai, it is understandable you did not know as dd played the drama llama card a long time ago here. I never cared for him even before we had words over me calling a mac a doorstop (stemming from my own experience of a senior tech using a mac for a doorstop while we moved systems from one room to another)i was apparently deserving of his ire as i had offended his frail and delicate sensibilities by besmirching his glorious apple. To be frank i was slightly happy when he threw his toys out of the buggy and left as his condescending attitude was as welcome to me as a dose of AIDS. Some people here still have an affinity for him though, different strokes for different folks i guess -starfishmagnet
Over time I've appreciated Dogcows stories on this site, but that one made him out to be just a jerk. As a guy that like the quality of his product, why does he care what the people in the store look like? He made it out like their hiring practices were discriminatory when it comes to age or attractiveness, but he was just as discriminatory. The three step process makes a lot of sense. Conceirge points you to a salesperson or a 1st tier support person based on your needs. 1st tier support weeds out all the stupid user errors so that Geniuses can spend their time working on the real problems. It's all a matter of appropriate triage. If he was so concerned about time frame, then he also should have known that they were busy and he can make an appt online to get faster service and not waste his time. Whether you like Apple products or not seems to be irrelevant, Dogcow does. But what I saw was Dogcow being a dick to people because he didn't like the way they look and because they didn't magically pull a new phone out of their ass to bow to his whim. He also misinterpreted the law when he tried to strongarm the girl into just giving him a new phone right away. He might as well have been screaming, "I want a new mouse!" He was completely in the wrong on this one and has become the fish he once complained about. -YourLastHope
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18.
Cthulhu: choose your own adventure!
http://arstechnica.com/staff/nate/2010/04/tentacular-tentacular.ars
This is awesome!
[By: unrenowned]
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19.
rest in peace
Mr. Fieger
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8515729.stm
[By: unrenowned]
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"The band being hailed as the new Beatles"... for one song... It's quite comforting/scary to see that shoddy journalism is not limited to the Duopoly that exists in Australia -PoglaTheGrate
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20.
HAPPY WINTEREENMAS!
http://www.wintereenmas.com/
[By: unrenowned]
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Blessings of pwnage upon you! -BarmanVarn
May your thumbs never ache; may your circle-strafe hand never hesitate; and, win or lose, may your game be fun! -unrenowned
and all I saw was, "Happy Winter-enemas!" I need to go home.... -figglywig
Egg-nog enemas? (no I'm not going to post the link about the guy who died from an alcoholic enema) -AussieFoot
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21.
RIP Mr. Woodward
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8362367.stm
[By: unrenowned]
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I'm pretty sure 2009 is going to be known in the annals of history as the year of the dead celebrity. -AdeptusMechanis
Rest In Peace, Equalizer -udoshan
"Shoot straight you bastards!" -Wraith556
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22.
Just a thought....
I believe we need to make technology more difficult to use... Hear me out.
Think about it, we always get calls/emails/etc about how hard it is to use some piece of technology that we find very easy (because, frankly, most of it really was designed to be easy).
So now imagine that we've made the technology much harder to use...
How many people would give up using cell phones? Or computers? Or any number of items?
Would they all give it up? No. We would still have idiots calling about how hard it is to use something. But now we have an appropriate response to get them off the phone quickly!
"Sir/Ma'am, it's designed that way. If it's too hard for you to use, then you are not supposed to be using it! Thank you for calling!" *CLICK*
Granted, this is not a perfect idea. It was just a random thought that floated through my head today.
[By: unrenowned]
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And while we're at it, can we get stupid warning labels removed from consumer products and just let nature sort itself out? Instead of warning: Oven is hot after use, please do not climb inside. Just let the dumb@$$ become a crispy nugget in the oven. -AdeptusMechanis
The one drawback that I see to the "You're stupid" *CLICK* method, is that businesses will carefully monitor their calls to see how many are handled this way and how much less time is spent supporting customers. If the time spent on support due to this method drops by 75%, then companies will get rid of 75% of their support staff. -Park7
If they took away warning labels, there'd be nothing funny left in the world. http://www.pagog.com/2007/12/16/stupid-warning-labels/ -Biosynthetic
I disagree Bio, the funny would just be different, it would come in the form of headline news. Such as: Man tried to iron clothes on body, died from serious burns, good riddance. Or: White female killed by drying hair while in tub, how stupid is that? -AdeptusMechanis
I gave up hope when I saw "Caution: Product may be hot after heating." Time to build the asylum. -DrAardvarkian
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23.
Recap of my first week
We begin by me stocking up on Jolt for work.
First day is a bunch of orientation, expectations and meeting the group.
Orientation was sorta dull but meaningful and the rest ... it was a BLAST!
Awesome group of people to work with (impression number one)
Next couple of days are spent shadowing, listening, and even throwing in some of my thoughts (which were actually listened to and considered).
Ironically, I was even told by one boss that another of my peers thought I had a good head on my shoulders.
Error, error! Backup system in danger!
Proceed over the next few days working with one gent on the issue; both of us using our tech troubleshooting skills to their fullest. Finally, on Friday, we nailed it!
During middle of week spent time with my three bosses in a meeting where I basically played "note taker" and couldn't have been happier.
It allowed me to see how the three people worked together in a planning environment and frankly, I was EXTREMELY impressed with the lot.
There's going to be a lot more going on as the next couple of weeks come into play.
I'd be scared of the amount of work I know is going to be headed my way IF I was working with anybody other than the people I've spent the last week with.
Folks, that combination of job-obtaining karma you sent me was truly a blessing; once again I am sending more of it to all the folks at TSC who need it even if they don't ask for it!
Remember, this stuff takes some time to work, but it is very effective!
You know, if this keeps up, I won't have any stories other than general shenanigans (these guys and ladies know how to really have a good laugh).
[By: unrenowned]
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I'm going to pistol whip the next person who says shenanigans! -exzyle2k
"Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy sh*t on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?" </Super Troopers> -unrenowned
*offers pistol to Striker* -burrkiss
Alright, who let Burrkiss near the firearms?! -unrenowned
Mine is going great too :). I work with a great bunch of guys, and so far haven't dealt with ANY starfish :) -PCRaevyn
::starts running:: Shenanigans shenanigans shenan.. OW! -Grayhawk
Uhm, it's spelled with a Y. And do I really want a "pistol" from burrkiss? -Stryker One
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24.
Happy Father's Day
Saw a card that said: Do you know how father's day started? about a month after mother's day someone said, "Hey wait a minute!"
Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there!!
[By: unrenowned]
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Thanks, but I'm not a father. At least, I don't think so... ;-) -Gromit
I'm a father to two boys. I urge ALL fathers on TSC to hug their children EXTRA tight. Those of us who stiil have fathers, hug them while you still can, like I wish I could still hug mine. -udoshan
I just wish that my father had been a father to me the last few years of his life -- something I WON'T let happen to my kids, uh, step-kids. (Although they will admit I was more a father to them than their own - he tried to be their friend and not their parent, and succeeded. And they know it, they honor both him and me today!) But today, we will be honoring my father-in-law! -Captain Trips
I'm not a father either, I've been ACCUSED of being a father once, but, she couldn't produce the child as proof... -Spyder19
Spyder: Don't you mean she couldn't "Reproduce" ;-) -Necros
*waits by the phone with microphone, coffee and comfort foods* this should be fun... -AdmiralLaurie
The next door rug rats, whom I've ignored for the last 4 months (cuz they run around screaming in their yard) wished me a "Happy Father's Day!"
<sniff> -CyBear
For some "father" is just another way of saying m*th3rf*ck3r. -AussieFoot
Thanks! As part of my father's day duties I had to dispose of the dead mouse our cat left in the back yard...but my wife took care of killing the big spider in the bathroom. -Starfury
Actually, if I'm recalling correctly, that card is telling the Real Story in that that IS how Father's Day came about ... -emdeebee
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25.
Job hunting update and closure.
Here's the original post: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=79559
Now for the update:
That job interview went well (better than I thought it did) however, I didn't get the job. They hired someone else who was better qualified and already with the company. Now it is important to state that I firmly believe it is a GOOD thing that a company promotes within rather than getting someone with a lesser skill set to take it (as long as it is done right) and I feel that this company is keeping true to their very nature (which makes me want to work for them more).
Now, here's the really good part:
Apparently, my resume was passed within the same company to another department looking to add some fresh blood and so I was called back for another interview.
I was given an overall view of what it would entail, the kind of training I would receive and what would be expected of me (no sugar coating).
I know that some people might be thinking: "oh no, not overseas travel!" Actually, yes, there is the *possibility* that I would have to travel (with compensation) abroad with a team for a week or two out of an entire year. Frankly, this excites me.
I love traveling to new places be the experience good or bad, I can still say that I did it.
Well, the other day I received a whole LOT of paperwork, crossed the T's and dotted the ... lowercase j's.
A few days later: "Dear Mr. Unrenowned, we'd like to offer you..." arrived in the mail. Signed, faxed, sealed, and mailed back. I start at the end of this month!
I now am starting fresh, with a company that has a good track record with it's employees, a nice firm contract with the government, and a whole lot of training waiting for me.
And I think the best part of this is that I will be able to afford to take my son on a nice little weekend vacation this year!
My friends, all the karma you sent to me obviously worked, I am forever grateful to you all. I am returning to the karma pool all the unused karma in hopes that it will help everyone else as well as, if not better, than it has helped me.
To those of you still searching, be persistent, call some of your old buddies/friends and let them know that you are searching (if you haven't already), I'm sure that you all will find something and things will turn around! I believe in you all!
[By: unrenowned]
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Congrats. I'm just starting my hunt now. -srteach
congrats, PARTY IN THE LART SHELTER WOOHOO!!!! -Icelator
Overseas travel for your Job is always an adventure... In the fun sense of the word. My job required me to travel out of Canada 12 times in the last year, twice in Europe, twice in Mexico, Columbia, then Saudi Arabia... Incredible! The life experiences you get are invaluable... I've traveled less in the last two months because of the worldwide recession, and I'm starting to get fidgety... Ze plane Boss, ze plane... :) -QcTech
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!! You're getting a HUGE CONGA-RATS this Wed night! -ShujinTribble
Congratulations to ya! -Grue
good luck to you -DarkRookie
Nice one matey, make the most of it, especially the travel.
You KNOW that Europe, for instance, has electricity & running water, right? -lineswine
Good news!! -MadJack
LS: Yeah, but they still use outhouses for the most part, right? (G,D&R) -Grayhawk
Congrats! This recent batch of job karma really seems to be doing the trick! -DarthIndy
Congratulations! -rosemetal
one down and some to go! YAY! if I'm not next, I hope somebody else is! -HappyCrappy
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26.
Karma Request
Background:
As you may have read previously, my job has:
* downgraded my status
* cut my hours
Well yesterday I received a call, a rather, nice call.
It seems someone at a particular IT company is "interested" in me (reviewed my resume) and would like me to come in today for an interview.
I'm not going to state which company, but I'm familiar with them and would really like to work for them.
My personal karma doesn't tend to fare well in the whole "job market" area so I haven't been doling it out others (but seems to do okay so far for some personal problems).
I'm requesting a small loan of Karma Credit for this interview.
This job would put me back up to my full work week with my current pay (plus good incentives/benefits) and a possible (read: desire) long-term career with the company.
It would also mean that I wouldn't feel so bad when my buddies are talking about their jobs and all I can come back with is: yeah... I work for $Retailer... (not very fond of where I work).
Best part is that it would be nice and close to home giving me much more time with my son when I have him in town.
I am so tired of the retail scene and really, REALLY want to do some important/significant IT support work.
I've been trying for this for a long time and this would not only get my foot in the door but would also be a nice long contract netting me much more experience than I currently have and make some really good connections.
I want a career and this job would be exactly that.
Thank you.
[By: unrenowned]
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I'll light the Karma Kandles when I get home, unrenowned. Here's hoping they snap you up from the retail gig. -Tekkie
Karma vibes away -Dragones
Karma truck is being loaded up now. I have a little surplus. Also some advice: Think about the job they want you to do. Then think about how qualified you are for it. If you are, be confidant when you talk to them about it and yourself! If you're not, think about how quickly you learn new tasks and skillsets and how a small investment of time on their part could give them an abundant return and how great of a worker you are. In either case, let them know you _are_ the person for the job and employing you would benefit them and the company for many years to come. -FreakyFerret
My KarmaKup is overflowing these days <taps KarmaTree, simmers out the water, and sends concentrated Grade A Dark Amber Karma.> Apply liberally to affected area and a short stack of pancakes or waffles, your choice. Keep us posted? -CTYankee
What excess karma I have is heading your way. And I really wish you the best of luck. -cert2b
*casts karma* -compbrat
Job Karma on the way.
-Ramblin
May things go well for you, friend. -Grue
Hoping your quest works out better than mine is.... -HappyCrappy
The Engine of Epic Karma is firing on all cylindars! -elcapitane
Karma Tutu.....ON! Ugh, this better work *throws up while looking in the mirror* -mugglemage
JOb karma coming your way -THETECHFROMHELL
Karma to full! Engage! -Forte
another karma kettle on the stove, karma tea's in the box above the counter and the karma biscuits are in the oven. -AdmiralLaurie
After the 'karma kettle' comments, I suddenly recall a certain lyric from 'Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey" "but the kettle's on the boil, and we're so easily called away..." Prolly just as well (G). So, I'll use an old favorite. "Karma 5" .54s loaded with Job rounds, Karma STARMs with interview warheads on the rails. FIRE!" -MadJack
->-- ->-- ->-- Karma-laden lawn darts are in the air and on their way to you! -Grayhawk
Trans-Atlantic JobKarma on the way across the Pond from grot-ridden UK. Beware though - it's lefthand drive Karma so make sure it keeps to the right path. -Gromit
My Job Hunting/Retention karma has been pretty potent lately. *casts level 10 Karma* * -silvermoon
good luck for you -DarkRookie
*hugs and gets karma all over* Good luck! :D -Ara
My new Ectokarma batch is still undergoing heavy testing, but I 'have to' wish you the best of lucks, with or without it. Best of lucks. -TheGhost
*casts karma* -rosemetal
Kareer Karma on its way -Zoomer
Dropping a 2 liter of KarmaKola in the post for you right now. It's "GetJob" edition with extra caffeine!
-Darkridr
Well, I think the interview went well. I was very, very nervous, and I think it showed. I did explain that I was a little jittery due to the fact that I was so excited to be there. Surprisingly I didn't get asked the tech based questions I was expecting but more along the lines of schedule availability and working with others. I also discovered that my resume was passed along to other branches of the company and even forwarded to a few other companies! I have no idea how I'm going to repay all the karma that caused that, but I'm sure going to give it my best. Both in whatever job/career I end up getting (if any) as well as here in TSC. I'll tell ya, I've been around for years (before I even created an account) and I've got to say: THIS IS ONE AWESOME FAMILY! -unrenowned
Dropping air cargo containers of Karma. (There may be some leftover pop-tarts inside as we had to use air cargo containers we retrieved from Afghanistan). -Biosynthetic
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27.
Karma does not like me....
Backstory:
I work retail (I know...) and am in charge of a department as well as do the majority of the tech repair work. I'm a former field technician with the same company. So I know a lot of the in's and out's and get a lot of respect from my team because of it.
Today I was told that, because of the higher-ups (read: above the store level), I have one of two choices to make:
1) Stay in my current position and probably be let go in 2 months or
2) drop to a lower position, reducing my hours by 13.
Now, with regards to choice #2, I've been informed that, under no certain terms, I would be given as many hours as possible with the position (more sales == more hours and vice versa), my pay would not be cut, and my benefits would stay intact.
My boss has gone out of his way to point out that he does not want me to leave and that, while it may not seem like it, thinks choice #2 would be in my best interests.
I know a lot of you are screaming "bail out" but I've had this man fight for me in the past and I truly believe that he is not pulling the wool over my eyes on this one. He is one of the rare types of managers that actually cares about his employees and I figure I'm going to stay.
I think that this is my wake-up call to go back and finish off a degree (even if it's in something general) and by the time I finish, if my hours/position hasn't improved, to gracefully exit and seek another job.
My biggest problem is that I keep second guessing myself since all the crap with my ex, the courts, and custody battle. Am I on track with my logic here? Or am I just having another wistful thinking moment? I appreciate the feedback.
[By: unrenowned]
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Get it in writing how many hours you are supposed to get. Nobody wants to be stuck in a job where they don't get enough hours. -Ratfor
Keep the job, but keep looking for a better one. -Stryker One
In the policies laid down by one of our former presidents, trust...but verify. -vacuumtubes
Amen to the keep the job and work on education, AND try thinking of ways to improve their processes, partly so you can write this on your next search applications, and partly to rub their noses in it. My gut feeling is you're hosed anyway in three months or so, so, why not make them the 'Really Stupid Clowns' in the piece? And make the underlings all sorts of "If they did it to _____, they'll do it to me even quicker. -jerrybear
promises are worth the paper they're not printed on. edumacate! -stiffarm
I'd stick with them, but definitely deal with the learning stuff & start looking for alternate work Just In Case. Getting the "downgrade agreement" in WRITING is a Very Important Thing. -Grue
Go for 2. You still get paid and you have an extra 13 hours a week to look around for a better job. Think of it as them paying your job search if they come through on the no wage cut. -Zoomer
Do not put faith into your belief that someone is not pulling the wool over your eyes UNTIL you are 100% certain that such person isn't ALSO having a hand-knit sock pulled over HIS eyes at a higher level. This message has been brought to you by Sad Experience. -emdeebee
Only thing I'd add is, once you have the degree, if the job is still there, hang onto it until you have the new one. You are much more employable if you still have a job. -chazz
Didn't Circuit City make a similar decision that bit them in the ass big-time? -thx1138
What they all said. -MadJack
The only problem with asking for the amount of hours in writing is with Retail, there are no guarantees. Especially with a system such as More Sales = More Hours. -exzyle2k
All I can add is this: Get it in writing. -Captain Trips
I'm sure I don't need to add get it in writing. I'd be concerned that if you're being paid over your grade level, then you may be the obvious choice if they need to get rid of excess head-count. It may be a good idea to have a long talk with your manager about where you both see your career going from here on, and it may be a good idea to suggest that you get a degree in a business oriented subject. It may help the higher-ups view you as management-material. -rurwin
The question I have is, if they can afford not to cut your pay and benefits, then how come they can keep you when they can't if you keep your *position*? You need to know why the position is being cut in the first place to better choose your options. -Enzedder
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28.
Up-Date - OT/NT
UpDate with a Capital "D"
So as you know from my posts in the forums and also one past NT/OT post, I had a yound lady ask me out.
As many of you well know, I went through some bad stuff with my ex that led ended up in a couple of court battles over our son. So frankly, I haven't been up for the dating scene for almost 2 years now and was quite nervous/scared when she asked me out.
Well I took a chance and I am glad I did. This young lady is very smart and has a wonderful sense of humor to match. Good taste in food, music and a wonderful conversationalist.
She is currently finishing off her PhD and already has a good grounding for her career. She genuinely is a good natured person who also enjoys learning about people, different cultures, and religions.
Frankly, she is a diamond among coal (no offense to the female members of TSC). She has expressed interest in a second date and I happily agree. I will continue to get to know this wonderful example of the human race and maybe, just maybe, if $diety is willing, an unbreakable friendship will develop between us.
Two extremely positive notes:
* She loves children and...
* She can properly assemble a computer!
For the first time in almost two years, I've started to believe that I can open myself up to people again.
[By: unrenowned]
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Sounds like how Magenta and I met. Best of luck to you! -RiffRaff
Very cool, I'd say, "May the force be with you..." but ah... heck, best of luck and... oh hell, who locked the LARTShelter. -spectreoflife
Good luck indeed! -Grue
Good to see you getting a break, Unrenowned! You deserve it, man! -Seamus
Sounds great man, life may suck sometimes but every now and then it doesn't. -Icelator
Smiles happily. You lucky man. I wish you the best of luck. -AdmiralLaurie
I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted. -raneshem
Approaching a PhD AND can assemble a PC? Lightning CAN strike... Good luck! -Voz
"Oh Honey, Talk TCP/IP to me!" -TieDyedDinosaur
Yay! Good luck! *Hugs!* -Ara
Good luck, man! Best of wishes to you both. -Darkridr
Darkridr: you make it sound like I just proposed. Actually, I'm going to take this nice and slow. By the way, we will being going on a second date. Why do I feel as giddy as a school girl?... No, wait, don't answer that! :) -unrenowned
No, not proposed. I just want you both to get what you want and need out of this thing. I said nothing about rings and sharing bathroom space lol -Darkridr
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30.
So long...
Since the link of the day is so awesome, and I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of a potential job, I'm posting this link here:
http://www.gpf-comics.com/comics/gpf20090114BuSvC.png
Apparently Jeffrey T. Darlington is a big fan of HHGTTG. :)
[By: unrenowned]
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On a side note: http://tinyurl.com/8wh528 Steampunk has been VALIDATED!! Let the mods begin!! -unrenowned
heh heh, Bob disks...I'd forgotten that sorry link in the devolution of $100 sponges that led to fista -stiffarm
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31.
Human vocal cords (OT)
Here we have it folks, proof of how fast human's can send data to a computer over the phone: http://www.reallifecomics.com/comics/2009/20090109_2144.png
[By: unrenowned]
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14.4K? Must be pre-puberty! -Captain Trips
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32.
How my family's Christmas ended...
Back information: My family is one of a growing number that is religiously split. So it is common to celebrate both Jewish and Catholic holidays in my home. Okay, moving along, there's left-overs in the fridge and plenty of chocolate-covered-everythings on the table.
We end our story with me crying as I read my son a story about the Littlest Angel to help him sleep. I'm crying because I've realized that no matter how bad it got today and yesterday, I had my littlest angel in my arms and SHE wasn't able to do anything about that and in FACT: if she hadn't "won" in court, he would have been spending this time with her. It wasn't about me keeping him away from her, or her trying to keep me away from him, no, I was crying because it worked out that I've been able to spend three blessed days with my son in celebration of Hanukkah and Christmas; I was also crying because it took me this long to see past my own pain to realize this. Sure my logical mind understood, but my emotional side wouldn't let that through. Tomorrow I go to work, but I get to come home to my son. And I get to keep coming home to my son until he goes back up to his mother's on January 4th, 2009.
I am truly blessed that I get to both end AND start a year with my son. I get to end on the note of love and begin on the very same note. And here's the truly blessed part that I've come to realize: I surrounded my son with love.
My son became ill at dinner last night, but I didn't get angry or upset; I didn't yell or scold; I held him close and told him it was alright, that he didn't do anything wrong, to let it out and that everything would be okay. I did everything that she would not have done and I did it not to spite her, not to try to be better than her, I did it because that is just how I am inside, I did it without thought, without hesitation, without expectations and he has gotten better.
During our call to his mother, she let's me know at that moment after I tell her about him being sick, that "yeah, it's going around heavily up here." That would have been great to know before I brought him down so I could get some medicine to help him out instead of having to wait for a store to open on holiday morning after the fact... But, I forgot, I'm wired differently, I care about him.
I also realized something else today: that I am truly blessed to have the parents that I do as they raised me properly to become a caring father. It is because of them, that I will be able to teach my son in the small amount of time that we will have together, as the years go by, how to be a caring and loving individual. These last three days were loaded with problems, but looking back I've realized that everything I have done is for my son.
Sure, I can say that I'm better than her, but that does nothing to benefit my son. Instead, I've realized that I am a man who loves his son with all his heart. And I will do everything in my power to show him what love really means. So tonight, when I was crying, I realized that they were tears of joy at the wonder falling asleep in his little bed surrounded by those that love him and that nothing in this world can undo that.
My son, you are the greatest gift in my life. I will treasure you always no matter what happens. And I will always do my best to be there for you when you need me, even if I have to travel around the world. This holiday season, I was given the gift of my son's laughter, smiles, cries, tantrums, and gentle snoring.
I don't think I could have asked for a better gift.
[By: unrenowned]
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SOLID WIN. Regardless of what your ex has to say, he knows you actually give a damn, and that's what counts. Congratulations on the time you have together! -Grue
I should also mention that one of the best gifts I have been granted (aside from my biological family) is TSC. The support and love you have all shown me over time (as well as the few kicks in the pants), plus the stories the others have posted of their times and tribulations, have helped me through the worst of times. TSC has become a virtual home filled with love and friendship and maybe someday I'll be able to repay in kind all that you have blessed me with. And to those of you still struggling, I give unto you my heart, hopes, and prayers (my karma doesn't seem to work so well) everyday that passes. -unrenowned
That is absolutely AWESOME. W00t! -Seamus
Unfortunately for him, I had a vision while reading this of what his future will be like. (Bear with me on this.) When he grows up, just what will his opinion of our court system be like -- after all, THEY are the ones who determined he would be better off with his mother than with you! THEY are the ones who determined that she could love him better than you, when all his experience says the opposite! I'm afraid it will cause him to lose confidence in our court system, although he WILL grow up knowing which parent TRULY loves him, and who is the one who used the system for her own ends! Just don't lose heart, and every chance you get with him, show him what love really is! -Captain Trips
The reality of it is none of it matters in regards to her. You will be the best parent you can be. It is not a competition as you have already seen. When you son is 14 or 15 depending on the state he will be able to choose where he wishes to live. In till then be the Father you already are. Many of us understand what you are going through from all sides even his. As the movie said “any boy can get a girl pregnant but it takes a Man to be a Father†You and your son will pass this crucible and be stronger for it. Much Karma for you. -Crai
I saw a plaque in a magazine that reminded me of your situation... It said "God's 3 answers to your prayers: 1) Yes 2) Not Yet 3) I have something better in mind"... Hopefully your son develops a shell against the attempts of your ex to warp his perception of things. -exzyle2k
My ex-wife put our kids through hell for several years.. with her selfish, self-asbsorbed attempts of getting what what she wanted.. and not what was best for them. One day, she just realized she'd been wrong. Crazy shit. Now, she and her husband and me and my fiancee are all the best of friends.. and the kids are doing great. It takes time for wounds to heal and for people to mature enough to put the children first... but someday maybe your ex will wake the fuck up and get to that point.. Til then, I throw you and your boy all the Karma God left me after my ordeal... Use it sparingly.. =o) -Animortal
(*Quietly smiles*) -ShujinTribble
There should be more parents like you in the world. My sons are the greatest gift God ever gave me and I let them know every day...even when they get into mischief. -persephone
I'm tearing up, reading this. So very happy for you, man. -soccerdude
that's really awesome, happy holidays -PCRaevyn
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33.
To all of you...
who study/practice/live the faith:
Happy Hanukkah!!
Tonight, being the first night, I think we should open with a little Adam Sandler just so we can get all that goyim Christmas music out of our heads for just one night! Oy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrd9p47MPHg
[By: unrenowned]
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Karma and blessings to you and yours, Unrenowned. Blessed Solstice, etc. -Seamus
happy Hanukkah to those that celebrate. -compbrat
I hate adam sandler's humor. And I find Hannukah Harry to be demeaning. But that's just my opinion. I hate Christmas even more, though. Try going through December with everyone telling you how you should be joyous and celebrate the birth of their god! (Sorry, folks, he ain't my god, and I don't see how god can have a birthday. I know -- if it is his birthday, let's give him that starship he needs!) -Captain Trips
Aw, c'mon, cap, don't go all Scrooge on us! It's already cold, gray, and wet out here!(G) Religiousness of the actual holiday to one side for the moment, it's just a 'feel good' time of year. Considering how grouchy we can get in this line of work, it's good to have the pendulum swing back to the plus side, if only for a short while. -MadJack
Just look at it this way, Trips.. you're living in a country where you can tell them all to fark off with thier babble, and still take the paid day off. The down side, they can still babble. Its the trade we make, man.. have a peaceful New Year anyhow. *grin* -Darkridr
I don't know. If it's a "feelgood" time of year, how come it always makes me feel bad? And as I said, it's about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Seems to me that our society has become rather pathetic when Jews understand the meaning of Christmas better than Christians! (On top of that, I had a major argument about xmas gifts with my wife last night. Merry Fucking Christmas!) Every year, it's the same -- "but you should feel HAPPY that it's a joyous time of year." Well, I don't because it ain't. (This rant is brought to you by recent marital discord. Please do take it with a grain/lump/pillar of salt.) -Captain Trips
Sux to have anything that brings the holidays down. Hang in there. -MadJack
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36.
ShujinTribble's shoutcast
Well folks, I've been listening in for the last three weeks and I gotta tell ya:
HIS SHOW ROCKS!
80's Hits
80's Movie Tunes
80's Cartoon Theme Songs
You get the picture
You guys have got to tune into this!
It's every Wednesday night from 9:30pm to 1:30am EST and you can interact (make requests/comments; careful, he does read some of them on the air as I found out embarrassingly enough) via IRC, IM, or from the game Second Life
Here's the link to his info: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/456057/
Shujin: awesome show today! Keep up the excellent work!
[By: unrenowned]
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I'm DEEPLY flattered... Thanks for spending your nights with me and the crew! -ShujinTribble
Additionally, if anyone wants a copy of a past week's show, they're captured live strait to disk as well - aprox 4 hrs at 128kbps Stereo = ~230MB files... so it's possible to send, just ungainly - but I think various IM X-fer systems would work. (Or did you want that in an email?) -ShujinTribble
I keep wanting to catch his show, but my son's just started doing a Wed. night radio show, and that's been taking precedence. He's been doing great at it, which makes his mother and I, both of whom have *years* of radio experience, quite proud. *sniff* I will tune in one of these nights, Shujin! -SalParadise
Oh, sure, Sal... I understand. Nepotism RAWKS! -ShujinTribble
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37.
GTFO of my store AND the gene pool!!
A "lady" approached me today regarding a printer. We shall call this ... person, Fat Bearded Bitch (yes, facial hair...).
FBB: "Your selling this printer for $XXX.XX and your going to give me a discount on it."
Oh really now?? *My brain realizes that this is a Jedi mind trick that is NEVER going to work!* Fat chance in hell lady!
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, I can't do that."
FBB: "Why the hell not? I want this printer and your going to lower the price!"
Me: "I can't do that, this unit is not on sale and it's not on clearance. Besides, the sign next to the unit clearly indicates that we are currently out of stock so I have none to sell you at this time. I can, however, order you one from our website but it will still cost the same as this unit."
FBB: "Then your going to sell me this display and your going to really discount it since it's not a new one!"
*At this point, about a billion of my brain cells die from the stupidity spouting from this brainless gob's oral snatch that smelled like an anchovy's vagina suffering from a yeast infection!*
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, but due to company regulations, we cannot sell display models until such time as the model's status is changed to clearance and any remaining stock is depleted." Read: FOAD!
*Cue heavy breathing on FBB's part as clearly her brain is experiencing a heavy overload due to complex words...*
FBB looks at my name badge: "Your not a manager?! I wanted to speak to a manager!!" Really? Then why didn't you ASK FOR ONE in the bloody first place, you stupid bint?! It's not like my attire even resembles that of management...
I try to bring my blood pressure down a touch as I can feel some of my brain cells collapsing under the force *POP!*
Me (in my oh-so-nice voice): "Not a problem ma'am, I'll just be a minute!"
I give my boss the head's up on what's happening then stand back to watch.
Boss-man: "Can I help you?"
FBB: "That boy won't sell me this printer!" *Excuse me?! Who the FUCK are you calling a boy you HAG?!*
Boss-man: "Neither that MAN nor myself can sell you a product that is currently out of stock unless you wish to order it through our warehouse." *I'm buying his ass a CASE of beer! Maybe even three!*
FBB tries to perform another one of her piss-poor Jedi mind tricks and fails miserably. Eventually she storms out of the building while loudly declaring: "I'm going to shop around at some other stores!" *YAAAHHH!! Leave! Go away! DIAF!! GTFO OF MY STORE!!*
Some days I wish I could bring my version of Otis with me to work http://tinyurl.com/3kw2wo and give it a good workout!*
[By: unrenowned]
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More women should have beards. -Ratfor
Yeah, it gives you something to hang on to! (bonus points if you get the ref...) -Shaede
Blackadder of course! -starfishmagnet
More chlorine for the gene pool please.
You could have asked her "did you sit on some cottage cheese? OH MY GOD ITS YOUR ASS"
-randyskier
What is that thing, a slim-jim or a tire iron? -vacuumtubes
"Many people have come to believe that there ARE no dwarf women..." "It's the beards." -Noncompliant
Its a tire iron; just like the one I own. -unrenowned
Shaede: You. Bastard. "Let's hire Jeremy Irons to play the villain, but give him this E-Vile™
voice to completely ruin the point of his presence." -Seamus
"Ma'am 30% discount if I can video tape you shaving your beard?" Then upload said video to y0u tube and email a link to the local news station. -TechBuckett
yeah what was that article advising people to try doing stoopid demand shopping?
How the hell is that going to work?
-zippy666
"...smelled like an anchovy's vagina suffering from a yeast infection!" BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I had to clean the coffee off my monitor because of that! <wipes away tears from laughing so hard> :) -rokitt
VT- either one will work to get inside a car when you're locked out! -Voz
I feel your pain, but gotta say I love the first sentence in the dialogue...sounds like one of The Gord's customers :) -QBC
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39.
Llama [NT/OT]
Isn't it amazing how a child brings out your inner-nerd?
Case in point:
I was watching Caillou with my son and they were showing an animal farm.
The farm showcased animals such as:
Just at that point I had this go through my head: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama
I apologize if I have now gotten this stuck in your head also...
[By: unrenowned]
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I had that damn stong stuck in my head while I was in Prague! -Ara
what does it imply about your brain when you realize you memorized some of these... rather poetic... lyrics... MAKE THEM GO AWAY!! <sings>...doorknob, ankle, cold...</sings> -Datura
I wish. I'm still trying to get "Wolves of the Sea" out of my head, and it's been three days. -Rissa
Had Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther" theme running through my head all day on Friday. Finally got rid of it, went to my dad's house on Saturday, and the movie was sitting on top of his entertainment center, bringing the theme back for another several hours. ARRRGH! -Grayhawk
"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." -AmazingKreskin
But where are the Zombies ? -Necros
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41.
Not want to bump the super cool linky!
Anybody else remember this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9FDXoYs_fM
Frankly, I remember some seriously good times when this song was released.
That and a serious LACK of monetary debt...
[By: unrenowned]
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I liked that song, reminds me of some good times. There was a lot of good music out at the time. -ProfessorFrink
Am I the only one that thought the link was a Rickroll? :P -RamenMcTavish
RMT: I don't RickRoll people, I "beat them to death with their own shoes..." </name the movie AND character> -unrenowned
Wayne's World. Party time. Excellent. -SirJosh
now days if you stood with a camera and filmed the airport like they did in the video, some brown baggers would show up and the crew would end up in cuba.
-drachen
Hey, I think my insomnia is cured. -Stryker One
After my time. -concept14
Bloody Hell! I've not heard that tune before, BUT I remember (just that type of public telephone (the phone, not the red telephone box - the classic G.G. Scott designed one outlasted this type by many years). The phone has a std sort of phone & 2 buttons, marked "A" & "B", in circles. The "A" in a circle can just be seen fleetingly in the video. You pressed "A" when the called party picked up, or "B" to retrieve your deposited coin. At one point I used to joke (with people of my own age & older) that the answer to all technological problems was to "Press button "B" & get your money back." It usually got a laugh & a knowing smile. -lineswine
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42.
Who is the driver?
So...
Who is the owner of a black SUV with Maryland tags: PCWIDOW
[By: unrenowned]
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Probably means her hubby is into porn, and she isn't gettin any... -srteach
The internet is for... -AmazingKreskin
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43.
The unit does NOT have AIDS!
Story of this: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=74605
*Fish brings in unit for virus removal. Folks, I have NEVER in my life seen a unit SO freaking full of backdoor virii, system hijackers (read: disables all controls), and download trojans!
I call the customer back and tell him that it's going to need a Nuke-n-Pave as our tools and talents will NEVER guarantee 100% removal on a system this badly infected.
I show my co-lurker and he just falls over laughing.
Customer finally shows up and wants to know how bad it is.
I hand his unit to him and tell him that "this unit is so heavily infected its almost like it had AIDS!"
Cue the sounds of said unit hitting the ground at the speed of gravity and the additional sounds of plastic pieces flying all over.
Suctomer has the balls to tell me that I'm going to repair the damage for FREE since I "made" him drop it!
Cue me tell him, "I'll be right back, I need to get approval first." *Read: Not gonna happen sparky!*
I head into the back and laugh my rear off for a good full two minutes while one of the store manglers just looks at me.
I finally explain it to the mangler and he starts laughing his ass off too!
After we calm down I walk back out to the floor and tell him it's a no go as he had it firmly in his hands before he dropped it. Thus making it his responsibility to have it repaired, not ours.
Suctomer: "Neep neep, nop nop!" (5 to 7 minutes worth).
I finally had it and say, "Listen, you dropped it, not me. You want us to fix it, it's going to cost you. And if you can PROVE that there has been at least ONE case of a person getting personally infected with AIDS from a digital computer virus, then, and ONLY THEN will we talk about us fixing it for free."
Suctomer: "Neep neep nop nop neep neep nop nop!"
Me: "No, I NEVER said the unit had AIDS, I said it was like it had AIDS; merely a comparison, nothing more."
Suctomer starts leaving and I can't resist at this point so in my best Punjab voice I say:
"Thank you! Come again!"
I think I may be on my way to becoming a real jerk...
[By: unrenowned]
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Wow, I guess that is what we get for having someone not only listen, but understand. -ProfessorFrink
Did the fishie leave the bits there, or "Scoop 'n' Go"? -lineswine
Offer to sell the $uctomer a hearing aid? Or go all Wizard of Oz on him and offer to sell him a brain? -CTYankee
"Real Jerk" is merely the second step up the ladder of tech. Let us know when you make it to the elevated status of A$$HOLE. Once there, you then have to become proud of that fact before you can reach true nirvana. -TubPorsche
I would say that you are most definitely endowed with an innate level of talent that, given proper opportunity to express itself, soon demonstrate remarkable levels of BOFHness. I foresee the possibilities of great things, evilness assumed. Congratulations, we applaud your accomplishments! -TieDyedDinosaur
Unrenowned, if someone asks you if you are a Gord, you may say yes. <ROTFL> -TheGhost
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44.
The roaming tech - Part III
Two days later:
Another technician of my status walks in and drops a bomb on my head: “I need to ask you some questions about installation the other day. I've been informed that you did not complete the work as required as she cannot print and that you refused to fix it. Can I please have your side of the story and any notes you made on the account?”
*Blood boiling* Me: “Sure...”
I give it to him straight up, no sugar coating, nothing.
His jaw hits the floor when he hears about the VPN issue and the lengths that her IT Administrator and I went through trying. Luckily for me, this Spanish Inquisitor is extremely knowledgeable when it comes to networking (his background mimics my own somewhat...) and we've always gotten along.
Him: “You do realize you went well beyond what is expected of you?” Me: “I always do the first time. But never again for this woman. In fact, I've added notes to my account that state I will not every touch a work order from her again.” Him: “I'm sorry, I will get this straightened out immediately.”
Me: 2, Bitch: 0
[By: unrenowned]
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Sounds like the people I work with. That's why I no longer do more than they ask. -War1ock
Nice.. -drachen
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45.
The roaming tech - Part II
I finally convince her to go up stairs and she informs me that all the lights on the router are off. “What did you do to my network! Why didn't you set it up correctly?!”
*sighs* “Ma'am, your router is not getting power, it's not an issue with settings. Please try plugging it into another wall socket.”
Cue more huffing and puffing that I set it up wrong and that I HAVE TO FIX IT NOW!!
“Ma'am, your going to have to plug it into another socket.” She finally does after arguing with me and guess what? It doesn't work. “Ma'am, I'm afraid that either the power cord or the router itself is no longer working.” Bitch: “You screwed it up!”
Me (smacking the phone on the counter top): *BANG BANG BANG!* Bitch: “What was that?!” Me: “Sorry, we have some construction going on around here. Ma'am, I need you to pack the router back up, take it to the store, and get a replacement. I'm going to call the store ahead of you and have them pull one from their shelf and place it at the customer service desk for you. Just go straight to the service desk.”
Her: “No! You come here and fix it now!” Cue me smacking the phone against the counter a couple more times.
Me: “Sorry ma'am, the workers are at it again. I couldn't hear you very well. I need you to get to the store like I said so we can get your network up and running again, please call after you have done so, I need to go now, bye!” *CLICK!*
A couple of hours later I get a call from the Bitch again. She informs me in no uncertain terms that a guy at the store said I screwed up!
Great, time to LART a storefish; I get his name, recognize it IMMEDIATELY, and prepare his grave! Long story short on that one: I took it to the store mangler and district mangler at the same time. He's currently working inventory...
Back to the story:
Suctomer informs me that she has it all hooked up (not Rule #1, she actually had it hooked up correctly!). The next 30 minutes passes as I talk her through the process of opening My Documents folder and then the Network Backup folder, and FINALLY opening the document that does a walk-through of restoring the router's settings.
When it is all said and done, I get this little card: “But I still can't print when I'm on the VPN!! Fix it, NOW!”
Me *Banging the phone on my head at this point; no, really*: “Ma'am, both your company's IT Administrator and myself explained that your VPN will not allow it. You have to save the file you want to print, disconnect from the VPN, and THEN print it out. Just like your administrator told you when I was there.”
Her: “Well, I don't feel that you know what your doing and this should have never happened in the first place!”
Later, after we go around in circles for another 25 minutes, and as I'm hanging up the phone, one of my buddies turns to me and says, “What the fuck? Dude, I'm buying you a round!”
Me: “I'd rather you make it a round of cheese sticks instead of alcohol, I really don't drink anymore.”
Deal...
[By: unrenowned]
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how 'bout a round of ammunition? -stiffarm
one round of ammunition ain't going to be enough.... maybe one truckload of uranium tipped shells... it's hard work getting through the starfish neural armour... -TrueTenacity
Similar to Neo, Starfish can stop bullets with only their mind, except theirs works by sheer stupidity refuting the laws of time and space. -LazyLemming
Only takes one if you're gonna nuke 'em from orbit, boys... although without knowing what kind of neighbors this starfish has, that *might* be a tad extreme. Wouldn't want to do in a possible tech-in-the-making, after all... -lowlyte
Where's the long story of the storefish LART? Pretty please? -VFox
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46.
The roaming tech - Part I
This happened a couple of days ago, but I just couldn't keep this one bottled up anymore.
I perform on site network installations for suctomers as well as various other services.
I'm very good at setting this equipment up, securing it to the point that it would aggitate the best of war drivers (search google if your not familiar with the term), can work with both the home and/or industrial level systems and have yet to have any problems other than the ones created by said suctomers.
To put it plainly, I'm damned good at what I do.
This woman calls me up complaining that I didn't setup her network correctly..
Oh really? (Rule #1) This statement coming from Miss “I don't know anything about computers.”
Okay, I'll bite: What's wrong?”
Cue her 30 minute explanation of how she can't print anymore and her two systems cannot get online.
Here's the setup: Two laptops, one wireless, the other directly connected to said router; wireless printer.
Now, if you caught the part about the laptop that is wired to the router not getting on the net, you've probably guessed either an ISP/Modem issue, or the router died.
Door #2 folks.
Supposedly, it's been like this for four (4) days. So your saying you've waited four days to tell me your having a problem, and you want me to fix it now... Right... Not gonna happen lady. Let's do some penalty trouble shooting.
Boy, did this piss her off! First I ask her to check the front of the router and see if any of the lights are on.
She huffs and puffs about having to walk up a single flight of steps (lady, I was at your house, your in good health, it's not like your 300 pounds overweight).
She keeps telling me how I should come out and fix it because her gut instinct tells her that I set it up incorrectly!
Gut instinct?
Someone pass me the bat!
[By: unrenowned]
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"Gut instinct" - Isn't that really all a starfish has in the first place. -redevil34
why do these people seem to think that attacking somebody is the best way to get the result they want? Even when I'm sure I'm right, I usually talk like I screwed up and need to have the professional straighten it out (at first, anyway). Works like a charm! -CTYankee
offer to go out and look, but...."If I'm right and you're wrong, that's $500 *cash* you'll be giving me. Have the cash when I walk in; I'll hand it back if I'm wrong. Still interested?" -CTYankee
CTY: I'd be fired for pulling a stunt like that. At best all I could do is charge a return visit fee which is really small anyways... -unrenowned
Yeah, my gut instinct says Lil' Miss Fishie is full of shit. -flapjackboy
..and as for waiting 4 days? Of course they will wait, and it's automatically your *TOP* priority to come and fix it because it's been out for 4 days...meh, hanging isn't good enough for some of these types.... -fdiskcuresall
'that's funny because my gut instinct tells me Hitler should have started with your family!' -drachen
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47.
I saw this today...
Today was a very interesting day for me, while it went mostly horrible (no, I don't want to talk about it because it's not really good material for TSC) I did see this little gem of a bumper sticker and I wanted to share.
If you can read this... Thank a teacher. If you can read this in English... Thank a soldier.
I found a link to one that looks a lot like the one I saw: http://www.bumpertalk.com/bt/images/items/BD110A.jpg
Have a good night all.
[By: unrenowned]
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If you think only an ignorant redneck fuck would have that on his/her car, thank a GOOD teacher!! -TranceGemini
*giggles at Trance* -smellystudent
TG, that was bitchy. Also, those people who you're denigrating (in EVERY sense of the word) are the reason you can get away with such snide remarks. Try it in Beijing, Kabul, Lahore, or anywhere in Darfur, & report back. GHOST! SHE'LL NEED YOUR HELP ON THIS ONE....'CAUSE SHE'LL BE *DEAD*. -CTYankee
http://xkcd.com/84/ -madonnac
I'm having trouble seeing the second line of this bumper sticker as anything but blind fervorous diatribe, as the only times that I can think of that our country has been invaded by a foreign army, THE INVADERS SPOKE ENGLISH. (Canada and Britain. Were there others? I'm not counting attacks that did not land troops or did not involve an actual State of the Union.) Unless, of course, the original writer is refering to our "liberation" of California during the Spanish-American war? I somehow doubt it. Of course, some of us might be speaking French or Russian in Louisiana or Alaska, but not due to the power of the American army. The power of the American DOLLAR bought both of those territories outright from their former rulers: no troops necessary. </soapbox> -LoTech
It's referring to the defeat of the Axis powers in WWII. Had we lost, it's commonly said, we'd be speaking German. -OgdenTechGuy
That's a bit of a jump. Unless Unrenowned saw this bumpersticker in England. -LoTech
Bitchy? I'd go with "educated" but hey, what do I know, right? Those soldiers in IRAQ (note: nowhere near the US) are obviously fighting for OUR FREEDOM (note: which exists in the US). Uh-huh. Now if you'll excuse me, I have American History homework to be doing--the kind where I don't read into redneck oops I meant "patriotic" propaganda. -TranceGemini
Pre US america, there was an extension of a european struggle on this side of the pond. Had the french and her allies won, north america would be frenchier. Perhaps dutch-ier. -putahtek
also, had america not been militarely strong the islands of hawaii would be speaking japanese. Dont even get into the possibility of what the japanese could have done from there.
-putahtek
Did I mention Russia yet? In all likelyhood "red dawn" would have been a reality had The military not kept up in the arms race. In all likelyhood canada would have been the first to be russianised. -putahtek
perhaps the chinese would take advantage of military weakness to spread communism after our meddleing in korea. I here they were some pissed off after we got too close to the border. because the west has a lot of bad asses standing guard we are kept as we are. -putahtek
TranceGemini was in no way denigrating soldiers. He was denigrating that bumpersticker. -thx1138
I am very glad that the soldiers exist to protect the nation where I live from attack. I don't agree with the way the US seems to think it has the right to patrol the world and tell everyone else how to handle their business. -TranceGemini
If you enjoy your right to express opinions via bumper stickers on your vehicle... Thank the ACLU. -MeanDean
MeanDean's comment made me giggle like a schoolchild! -TranceGemini
i wasnt freaking or nothing, it may be blunt and redneck, but the sticker probably un-truthy. -putahtek
I think a lot of this "propoganda" comes from the desire to not see soldiers treated like the ones that served in vietnam. coming to the aid of an american ally and getting shot at and killed only to return to taunts like "murderer" "baby killer" I prefer this extreme to the other. -putahtek
if you could read this bumble sticker you may need to thank MadJack for showing some ijit how to set the font size -stiffarm
Just to put the record straight, we were fighting Germans in WWII TWO YEARS before the US came out to play...we'd already staved off "Operation Sealion' (The German's play to invade the UK) around September 1941, after we'd put much of the Luftwaffe somewhere in the English channel.
Thanking American soldiers for that? I don't think so!
(The war in Iraq is sponsored by Halliburton...vote Halliburton in 2008 & cut out the middleman) -lineswine
umm, ok Captain UK, it says THANK A SOLDIER, did you have nursemaids fighting Gerry? NO? you had YOUR soldiers doing it. -Roadhazard
lolz, Stiffarm! THX, dude, Trance is gonna getcha (but not why you think. Anyone see the typo I see? (g)) -MadJack
Holy sh*t! Somehow I managed to start a flame war. *bfeg* Sorry... It's my first... -unrenowned
trance- I *DO* think you just denigrated soldiers. If you aren't speaking Japanese, or german, or arabic as enforced first language, well, then you better thank ME, many of my ancestors, and EVERY other soldier, TWAT. -HappyCrappy
Happy Crappy: If you're not speaking Cherokee, thank some idiot white douchebag for killing or torturing an entire race. My family arrived here as legal immigrants at the turn of the century. I'm sure yours did something similar. The people before us? Showed up unannounced and started killing the natives. Thanks, I can speak American English now? Wonderful! A bastardization of a Germanic, Latin-raping language, I'm excited to say I speak it quite fluently--chévere! When exactly did YOU keep ME from speaking ARABIC, HappyCrappy? Or did I miss a large-scale continental invasion? By the way, they'd more likely be speaking Urdu. Get your racism right, idiot. I don't respect anyone who expects me to lick his boots for supporting Bush's--or, who said Halliburton's? You're right--Halliburton's war. Puh-lease. My cousin is going to Iraq and you know what? He doesn't get a cookie either. He chose to enlist knowing what was going to happen to him. I don't see any reason to be super-crazy proud of him. He's teaching the whiny children in charge that if they want to bully the other kids to get their way, then they should! Everyone who thinks that the US has the right to run about the planet playing Big Brother needs to grow right the fuck up. You ARE a redneck, HC, and proud of it. That's really fucking sad. -TranceGemini
P.S. Roadhazard, Lineswine actually did serve in the air force in UK afaik...so maybe you'd like to calm it down with the "Captain UK". Just a hint. -TranceGemini
ok...ive had enough of this opinionated BS! I CALL BOOBIES and end the flame war! -gashach
On a side note... *applauds Trance Gemini*. Well said. -katinahat
Trance, you are so ignorant, you deserve no rebuff. All I can say is I'm as racist as YOU are, and I have a purple heart. -HappyCrappy
My commentary that I live in the US and thus am speaking English due to the sixteenth- through eighteenth-century English-speaking invaders was ignorant? Well golly gee! I guess, technically, considering where I was raised, I could be speaking Dutch right now...not French, likely, since Champlain et al had very little interest in this area. Though I suppose if my family had stayed in Ireland/Germany/etc, I would be speaking Gaelic or German, no? Ok then. I still don't see how I'd be speaking German in the US, since despite a handful of U-boats approaching the East coast of America, the Germans never landed troops (ah, yes, they did land a handful of spies, who were all summarily caught) in America at any point. The Japanese would not have been stupid enough to even try, and if they did, they would have done so on the West coast, and their forces would not have made it across the continent to the East coast. As for speaking Arabic, on what planet would an Arabic- or Urdu- speaking country have a military force capable of invading the United States, subjugating all of its people, and forcing its language on us? First they'd need an air force to do so, and while they may own planes, I have yet to see a Middle Eastern nation which would send them over here. So ignorant are my statements that they make perfect sense! DEAR LORD SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY AND PLEASE, PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO BE A GOOD LITTLE BUSH-WORSHIPPING BRAIN SLUG! -TranceGemini
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48.
Job Misconception - Help
The fact that your stores are not doing well is apparently my fault, when it is in FACT their own bloody fault for not following directions...
Click link for more information: http://tinyurl.com/39y2os
[By: unrenowned]
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Damn.. can only suggest, "Document-Document"... if you trained them and they signed off on it and are not making the sales, you at least have the ability of showing "Look, blame THEM for loosing the sales".. but wtf do I know? -ShujinTribble
The problem is, that while I have documented the issues, the people in my position are blamed regardless... -unrenowned
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49.
I like big butts and I cannot lie...
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Yeah! Daddy's got a fat @$$!!
[By: unrenowned]
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No I Do--OhhhhhhhH!!!!!! -ShujinTribble
Nice booty there, unrenowned :) -ManyHats
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50.
Manning up
I would like to man up if I may. *Please disregard the lack of formatting, I went to purchase a star but recently moved and my card information is not updated. Hawk, I'll be expecting to hear from you soon :) * I recently made a post http://tinyurl.com/ysrevw requesting assistance in an affair that was childish to say the least. I realize now that the actions I had in mind were not only childish but down right fishy in nature. While the motive may have been sound for a LART, my earlier actions were not worthy of commendation. Reading and re-reading my original post I saw not only how silly my request was but how much abhorrence it generated. Truly, I let my emotional state (buffered by the sorry state my mind has become of these trials as of late and soon to come) govern my judgment. I can only state that I wrong and that I will strive to give TSC, it's community, and it's reputation the respect it sorely deserves.
[By: unrenowned]
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Comments
fine, say seven hail Otis's and your forgiven. Appologies take balls. kudos for having balls. -SpitefulTech
sacrifice five starfish, turn to the rising sun, and cast their mangled corpses on the fire of atonement. or a simple oops has sufficed;) -timelady
Get your star, and go forth to sin no more, my son. ;~} -RiffRaff
It happens, and this is such a great group of people to commiserate with. Now lets turn our forces back on the truly evil ones.....starfish everywhere! -thatgirl
Admitting the error of your ways and doing it no more is proof of your non-fishiness. I agree, it takes serious guts to admit you were wrong and apologize. Enjoy your star, so that we can also! -missourimule
Remain vigilant, brother, and swear fealty to the God Emperor ($Diety, Random Number Generator, etc.) during morning Firing Rites, and all will be well. [/Chaplain Cassius] -Seamus
The three hardest words to say sincerely in the English language - "I am sorry". A sincere apology takes guts, gumption and humility. Karma and kudos for that. -Loon
As a former pizza guy, it was real, REAL hard to not fire up the flamethrower in the break room. Now I'm glad I didn't - kudos and a handshake, sir. -MeanDean
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51.
Need TSC's assistance
Here's the store and request:
http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=120129#120129
[By: unrenowned]
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Comments
overkill much? -Tarantulus
Just make your mum a bloody pizza already! In the time you wasted with the post you could have been happily munching down on a far superior product! How ever I feel your pain as I have let far to many arguments slide on the point that maybe I did remember incorrectly ..... But you know the truth. -thatgirl
Just make your mum a bloody pizza already! In the time you wasted with the post you could have been happily munching down on a far superior product! How ever I feel your pain as I have let far to many arguments slide on the point that maybe I did remember incorrectly ..... But you know the truth. -thatgirl
sorry for the double post! -thatgirl
go read the board for your what you need to learn. -Motient
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52.
Plllllleeeeeaaaassssseee!!
Somebody! ANYBODY!! Please, for the love of $diety, CALL MURPHY OFF!! Day started out well enough, took care of a couple of systems, walked a new hire through the in-take process (again...), had the ex's folks remove all her crap from my house, closed out a huge sale for the company, helped a man carry his ultra-large size printer to his car, then ... WHAM!! He trips, he stumbles, he knocks your's truly about who in turn drops his company issue bag containing company issued laptop... Needless to say, when I got home, said lappy screen is now spider-webbed... PLEASE CALL MURPHY OFF ALREADY!! I GIVE!!
[By: unrenowned]
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This is a good reason to use a backpack-style computer bag, rather than the ubiquitous briefcase or shoulder-bag styles. It's better for your spine too... -Chromatix
As soon as you learn the, "I will NOT help someone I don't have to" rule.... -ShujinTribble
Murphy goes where Murphy wills. It's not a case of calling Murphy off, more like trying to avoid attention! Bad luck dude but at least it was company issue and not your own personal kit. -Loon
no good deed goes unpunished, i know this well "I bought a my parents house trapping me there for 3 years before the contract said I could sell it without penalty, thus helping them when they couldnt pay the rent. The week I signed the deeds, my mentally i'll brother moved in on the sofa and has been there since" -r3tude
Learyban's Law: Murphy was full of giggly schoolgirl optimism. Things that are not supposed to be physically able to go wrong, will. -Learyban
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53.
Verizon DSHell
*Sorry about lack of formating, I'll get another star when funds come in*
So I get a call today at work from a little old lady who wants to buy a *blink blink* Internet Explorer disc...
Apparently somebody at Verizon told her the reason why her DSL wasn't working was because IE wasn't present.
After verifying that it WAS indeed present, we worked our way over the phone down to the problem.
Guess what the problem was? Go on, take a guess...
Verizon had canceled her account...
[By: unrenowned]
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Somehow, I'm not surprised. -Seamus
If only it were always that easy. I had a trip to a client where Verizon told them they needed to reinstall their browser. The problem? Bad piece of equipment at their end. It only took 2 hours to convince them of that. -Xiphiplastron
Yeah, but Verizon DSHell CS reps aren't always that smart, either. The *first* time I tried to set up an account with them for my new apartment, they said "the lines don't have any copper, they're all digital", and said I couldn't have DSL through them. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?? Second time around they actually knew what they were talking about and set me right up. -Seamyst
I'm sorry, but some of our techs are F*CKING idiots. That's why I'm on a new team that does nothing but check and see if the agent did all T/S properly and correct it if not. -Wolfie0827
Wolfie: If your working for Verizon DSL, your team isn't very effective :) *bolts for the LART shelter post haste* -unrenowned
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54.
Thank you Jay!
Today I would like to thank someone who made me laugh when I needed it most: Jay.
I had a warranty job that needed getting done. Problem was: customer spoke only spanish and no spanish speakers in the store.
Customer ended up submitting the PC issue through a service that translated. A service that my pal works under. When asked to yield the translated notes, we both became quite shocked that said notes started in english but ended in spanish!!
Luckily for me, Jay was quick to re-submit the notes to finish the translation and we exchanged some funny (HR acceptable) jokes.
Jay, I really needed those laughs today! It helped me get through the day when I was at my worst. I look forward to working with you again!
Oh, I also told Jay about the site and I hope your reading this right now!
[By: unrenowned]
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55.
Happy Father's Day!
Happy Father's Day to all of the men out there willing to stick by their children through thick & thin, good & bad, ugly & grim. Today is the day you stand proudly before the world and declare "WHERE'S THE BLOODY REMOTE?!"
Happy Father's Day!!
[By: unrenowned]
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Hear here! A tilt o' my mug to all the daddies out there...I can't wait to join the ranks myself. -beerman
But no more than 2. -Stryker One
It is an honorable thing to raise children once you actually make them. </experience talking> -srteach
I don't have any kids,,,,that I know of. As a friend once said, "Live on love and eat the babies." -atomicbill
Thank you kindly. -ShujinTribble
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56.
Firmware (down Burrkiss)
This is my first tech rant pertaining to my new job as a field PC technician. Please standby..
I was called out to a store location because apparently a starfish decided that updating their computer's BIOS was important and decided to download the first firmware update that they could find.
End result: Computer no longer works.
Solution: Buy new motherboad (mgr's idea, "since it's under warranty").
Could have just replaced the machine too...
Now my little monkeys, guess who is the only person authorized by HP to make this mobo install?
So I go in, and start this shindig going (since it's already been sitting around for 3 days since "somebody" decided NOT to process the order properly).
All during the time that I am there, I am being bombarded by customer question after question. I finally turn to one of the ladies behind me who is working a register and ask her where everybody is. Her answer: "There's only 4 of us tonite, and 1 is on break." Okay, so this means we have a manager in her office hiding, one person out for at least 30 minutes, one person handling register, and one person covering the ENTIRE store who just happens to be in the warehouse gathering stock for the shelves.
Where am I in all this?
In a specially designated area that is completely visible to ALL in the store where I am gutting and reassembling a Full Tower system which is loaded to the hilt (internally) wondering whiskey tango foxtrot. Needless to say, a 30 minute job became a 1hr, 30 min job that I never got to finish because the unit only had one DVI connection and our test monitor was VGA...
Okay! I'm over my hours for the week, I don't get overtime (but I do get a really great mileage rate that makes up for it by leaps and bounds), I cannot currently test the system, I'm going home and I'll be back on Monday.
Cue manglement: "Why Monday? How about tomorrow?" No ma'am, I don't have any hours left, sorry. M:"How about Sunday? we don't want to keep the customer waiting anymore." Nope, next time have the other manager properly file the work order accordingly, see you next week!
[By: unrenowned]
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Comments
Congrats on the new job. And I understand your frustration with incorrect work orders/orders in general. I *constantly* have to make up for someone who can never get Canadian RMA orders right. And guess who always gets yelled at for the fsck up? -beerman
Maybe if you play your cards just right could get them to work in an overtime claus or something simular. Personaly, I feel not getting overtime or some other type of compensation for taking time out of ones personal life and working longer hours is a crime. -Belunar
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57.
So far so good...
So here's an update to: http://tinyurl.com/2fhqg8
I am currently scheduled for an interview with said company's Regional General Manager on Wednesday of next week. Now the second part comes into play: me not bombing my interview. I'd like to thank all of you here at TSC for your karma interventions and thoughts. If I swing this job my family and I should be able to make all of next month's bills and keep our residence. Also we still have unpaid doctor bills so it should really help us get started on paying those.
Thanks again for your support TSC!!
[By: unrenowned]
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You may have all the karma I can spare. -MSimmons777
->-- ->-- ->-- Another round of Karma-Laden Lawn-Darts-o'-Doom are in the air en route to your position! -Grayhawk
A wonderful crop of Karma-shrooms just sprouted. Clouds of Kspores are headed your way! -TieDyedDinosaur
Y'all know me. Always cooking Karma Chili. Try some Karma Grape Dumplings while you're at it. Careful! They are addictive! -56Kdaytrader
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58.
Dear TSC, please send karma...
Hey folks, I could use some karma right now. My wife and I are close to losing a lot of amenities that we enjoy, like heating/ac, running water, etc. I'm currently applying for a field technician position with a certain company. Now while I have a decent resume going for me and some of said company's lower managers recommending me, its still not a given that I'll get the job.
ANY would be greatly appreciated in this manner!!
[By: unrenowned]
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You can have my some of my karma, i need special karma in the shape of lethal objects to sort my problems : ) -r3tude
Dark Streams of Karma headin' your way. -adarklite
I'll try to think happy thoughts for you, unrenowned. But you may not want them; my happy thoughts seem to be working backwards lately.... -taieena
KarmaJet is fully loaded and taxiing... -PTSTech
<Boxes up three pallets of Karma Khameleons and ships them UPS Red> Good luck dude. -Armakuni
Aint got much... I'll just blow a little off the thimble-full I know about. Good luck -ShujinTribble
Karma Patties fried to your taste. Or is that peppermint patty getting blazed...? Can never remember. -namor
::does the Hammer dance of Karma:: ... alright STOP... Karma time! -elcapitane
Here's another bowl of Texas Karma Chili for you! -56Kdaytrader
->-- ->-- ->-- Karma-Laden Lawn-Darts-o'-doom are en route! -Grayhawk
throws a dozen Starfish on the Karma Grill.... how would you like these??? Rare - Medium - or Well-Done???? -duckhead
May your way become straight, friend. -Grue
More Good-Job-Karma-Muffins are baking away for you right now! (These are the kind that drop good-job-karma-crumbs all over the office of the company, to entice them into hiring you...) -ManyHats
A block of frozen CanuckKarma's on its way. It should be thawed out by the time you get it! -Frazzled
good thng the karmrsupials are going through population explosion here - so i will send many yr way:) -timelady
Karma is on the way! -Zimmerit
All the good wishes I can think of coming
your way. -IceRuby
You got it! Firing Karma Kannons(tm). I just got out of that situation, and I know how hard you must be struggling. Good luck! -computerdoc
You got it! Firing Karma Kannons(tm). I just got out of that situation, and I know how hard you must be struggling. Good luck! -computerdoc
<slides a tall frosty mug o' karma down the bar of life> -beerman
Here, freshly bakesd karma cookies and a *hug!* -Ara
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59.
moving on
I've decided to swallow my pride and finish my college education. Time to leave construction behind and move onto web development.
Can't take the two courses I need to graduate until the fall but I think I'll pad on down to Worst Buy and fill in some time on their dork squad or something... I hear that the local mall near me also needs some employees over at Spencer's Gift shop, sounds interesting enough.
Wish me luck on the local job hunt!
[By: unrenowned]
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WorstTry is a fun place to work. I do have to say though, that it depends almost entirely on how competent your local MeekSquad is and what kind of GM runs the store. I do admit though, they have you whore out in store and on site services as well as service plans. -ThreeBucks
That said - Good Luck on your hunt for the many-striped beast of Employment! -ThreeBucks
Good for you. Ain't nothing like self-improvement: Chop your own wood and it'll warm ya twice. -vacuumtubes
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60.
Murphy knows where I live
Well today started off harmlessly enough. I enjoyed a healthy breakfast of Pepsi (24oz). Giddily drove to work from my new place happy over the fact that my fiance and children can move into our new home at around January 15th of next year (taking packing and affairs that need to be taken care of on my fiance's end). Also giddy over the fact that my new alarm clock (which is specially designed for people with sleeping disorders) actually woke me up early enough to make my lunch for work so I don't have to over-pay at the "chuck-wagon" and get sick again.
So, all-in-all, good day going into work. Arrive at work: BONUS! There's an AVAILABLE parking space close to my crane area!! So now I'm happy. Good day going on until approximately one and a half hours into it. Now it goes down hill...
Get a phone call from my mother. My grandfather died an hour ago... Okay, cue the dramatic music as my @$$ hits the ground, literally. Alright, day goes from good to bad. So on the good side, none of my bosses give me any static on the way out and I get best wishes by all. Now the fun part: have to wait half an hour while they track down the numbnuts that blocked my car in with his truck. Turns out it's one of the more grumpy operators' vehicles... Day turns worse.
Now for the fun part: Check the mail when I get home to find I have a letter from my new car insurance company. Letter states that I was processed incorrectly and that I owe them more money... Great, just what I frickin' need before I drive 7 hours up to New York... (Day="Piss Poor").
Not asking for karma, looking instead for street address, family members' names, and daytime work hours of Murphy... Have cash...
[By: unrenowned]
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Umm, your fiancee is having an affair? I keed,.. I keed. If I ever find out where Murphy lives, you'll have to stand in line. -deskmonkey
When you said you got a spot near your crane, all I could think of was Tim Taylor's Nomad.... If you need to be anywhere near THIS end of the state (Buffalo) let me know - you'll have someone to talk to, or just take you to lunch. (And as DSO & Trancie can attest, the damned coffee machine is great too) -ShujinTribble
ST: I'll be in Apalachin, NY. -unrenowned
Sorry to hear about your loss, and sorry to hear about your day. When all this is over, come back and have a laugh with us. It'll make you feel better. -TheGhost
Let the good Dr hear what's really in your heart... Sorry to hear about your loss. My condoleances. -Dr Jerkyl
*hugs and happy thoughts* I'm sorry. :( -taieena
You have my condolences and best wishes... -PTSTech
Condolences from Casa Grue, friend. -Grue
I am a Murphy. I'll contact your local branch and tell them to move on to the next target. Though we are contractually obligated to make events happen in 3's, we'll consider the numbnuts who parked you in as one, even though that wasn't us. -Murphy...helping you fill your Karma reserve since 1604 -JTSBrown
Don't forget to say a prayer for your grandpa at the Christmas celebration. Then enjoy the celebration and envision him enjoying it along with you. Gone but not forgotten! -TieDyedDinosaur
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63.
Construction LART Follow-up
Follow-up of yesterday's post: http://tinyurl.com/hwn8r
The LART that was dealt yesterday to a Labor worker was continued into today. Today we (Ron and myself) discovered through our Superintendant whom violated the signalling rules. Said person was walking around today trying to physically contact any crane operator for a pick. Apparently part of the punishment was a complete revoking of all walkie talkie rights. I got to throw in my own LART on top of that as the (safety) rules STRICTLY state: no person shall enter a danger area without the expressed approval/permission of a qualified employee. In other words, without Ron's or my permission, the guy couldn't get close enough to tell us what he wanted. And I wasn't about to climb down, walk 35 feet, find out what he wanted, walk 35 feet back, climb up, talk to Ron, etc. etc. etc... I'm not in the delivery service and Ron doesn't take messages :)
[By: unrenowned]
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that is the PERFECT catch22 lart. -burrkiss
You really have to show that kind of caution when dealing with an easily deadly tool like a construction crane.
-illiterate
are you hassling my dots? -SGTARKyTEK
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64.
Construction LART
Now that I have a butt bigger than Pluto, does that make it a planet?...
This LART comes courtesy of my crane operator Ron. Please enjoy my first true story (I figured it was worth getting the star before my next paycheck).
Setting: crane operations at the National Harbor project located in Maryland; me receiving instructions on proper crane operations (particularly dealing with the on-board computer system).
LART worthy offense: A call comes over the walkie that a pickup is needed for a cage to the sixth floor of Convention Center (currently still under construction; max 30 floors if I remember correctly). During alignment of said cage, voice (Laborer) over radio says,"Pick it up for a minute." Now, all people (including the ones that don't speak ANY english... don't ask...) have been instructed that without PROPER operating instructions, a lift will NOT occur (here's some of the basics: Boom up/down, Swing left/right, Cable up/down; with these, you can have the crane operator do anything needed with a lift). Said voice was informed (by Ron) that unless they use proper wording (which he was 10 seconds ago...), nothing was going to be moved. Said voice proceeded to drop the "F" bomb a couple of times...
LART: Crane Operations Superintendant was on same channel listening; Labor Operations Superintendant was on same channel listening (in other words, head boss of Laborers); Ron told him: "Fine, if you refuse to listen to me, I'm not moving anything for you, I'm placing this load back on the ground, and if you have a problem with it you can talk to my Superintendant as well as your's because they are both listening in and are STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!"
Needless to say, the laborer's attitude did a 180 in about 10 seconds flat. Ron and I laughed ourselves silly for about 30 minutes.
[By: unrenowned]
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When I say "true" story, I mean that anything I posted before under Tech Story wasn't really a story... Sorry for any possible confusion in advance... -unrenowned
Nice ass -deskmonkey
I usually don't swing that way, but ya, nice one... -TechOgre
Nice Lart. Nice Star. Big (and I mean huge)Butt. Congrats. -Rabbitt
about your butt: is it round and orbits the sun while not orbiting another larger planet? Welcome to the heaven's as the night shines a little brighter.
-drachen
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65.
No want bumpy the linky
http://tinyurl.com/gsh4a
I know some of you have seen things like this happen before. But just try it for yourself. Either click the link, or go to google and enter Failure.
If I don't get all LART'd to hell, I'll spring for a star next paycheck...
[By: unrenowned]
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Comments
its old. funny, but old. Pretty god way to exploit the way googles conducts its searches. -xtc46
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_bomb -namor
Thank you Namor, I learned something new today. :) -unrenowned
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html -SFStrangler
SFStrangler: You owe me a coffee, and a new keyboard. Hehehe. -ThinTheHerd
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66.
SuckBuy Strikes Again...
Just went to BB to get a new mouse (Logitech user for life) and an external harddrive for backup purposes (tired of the old DVD+RW routine). After selecting the mouse, I went for the HD. The walking blueberry of the computer dept. decides to open his mouth and ruin my day. "Oh, you don't want THAT! Get a internal drive that uses an IDE connections, they are much better!!" If he had said EIDE or SATA, okay, a little credit, but I'm using firewire connection for the external and plus, I don't WANT any more internal harddrives than I already have (count 'em 3). I just gave him a look of death, watched as his face went pale white, turned and bought the mouse while commenting that if it weren't for somebody in the computer department, my bill probably would have been $250 or more (mind you the GM of the store was chatting it up with another walking blueberry). Somebody is going to get less hours this week at work... (oh yeah, almost forgot the running tradition here: first post!)
[By: unrenowned]
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Comments
Yeah those blueberries are so bad, I have a stock "script" I use on them (if a snarl doesn't scare them off first): "No thanks, I know exactly what I'm looking for, no, I don't want anything different, no I don't need your advice, no I don't need the extended warranty either." -TechnoCat
Maybe that's why I like Fry's Electronics so much. They have so few sales associates that they're always too busy with answering SF questions to bug me. Well, that and my best friend works there and gives me his employee discount. :) -Antacid
BTW, I made my own external firewire solution from a Baby-AT case & 2 firewire to PATA-100 bridge cards. It took just a little dremmel and drill work to mount the bridges to the back of the case, but I now have 2 hard drives (for backups) and one CD-RW drive (the one in my laptop is sloooowwwww) available at home when I need them. I recently got my hands on a DVD-RW drive, so I think I'll be mounting that in there soon. -Antacid
Antacid: I'd love to get the mod plans for that or at least some pics. -unrenowned
I'm sure I could post some pics, but you might be underwhelmed. It's a really basic mod. -Antacid
In Fry's, if you *do* have questions, just ask the customer next to you. Odds are, he knows more than the sales drone anyway! -Divinar
In Fry's, try standing in front of the hard drives and asking a salesdrone where they are. (Bottom shelf, crowded store, I didn't see them before I saw him.) He went away for five minutes, came back, pointed to another drone, said, "you'll have to ask him when he's done with that customer, he has to get them from backstock." I then turned about, saw them at my feet, grabbed one, and went to pay. Yup, Fry's drones are fried! -Captain Trips
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
More of a software designer misconception: That when the software you designed for receiving and printing faxes is consistently tossing up an error once a week; it must be a problem with the content of the faxes in question and that it is perfectly okay to request that we submit that content of those faxes to you.
[2012-02-15]
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2.
More of an "ex misconception": that leaving your fax machine on instead of your answering machine will discourage me from trying to call my son. Really? I have access to several fax machines as she will soon discover upon arriving home...
[2012-02-13]
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3.
Just saw this on Not Always Right: http://notalwaysright.com/common-courtesies-not-for-commoners/12784
I live near the town referenced in that post. I swear, if I ever find out who that kid is and who the kid's teacher is, I'm going to give BOTH of them an ass whooping!
[2011-07-29]
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4.
This -> http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/10188 is another rare case of a starfish pointing out what we all know in the tech industry...
[2011-02-19]
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5.
This is just another example of all that is wrong with most of our users... http://notalwaysright.com/what-she-needs-is-a-skynet/9685
[2011-01-24]
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6.
In this misconception,*I* AM the customer:
My misconception:
That when I (the law-abiding customer) use the torrent system, to acquire a legal Linux ISO that ComCrap will NOT interfere with my net access.
Several of my buddies in the surrounding area have all had the same experiences... Getting really fed up...
[2010-11-28]
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7.
Boss Misconception:
When you (the boss) have me spend countless weeks organizing the secured storage closet and secured repairs room, please do not go and stuff 2-3 desks worth of "stuff" in these areas. None, I repeat, NONE of the "stuff" required any kind of security at all.
Also, please do not use our mobile ESD utility cart as an additional storage option as it would cause us to fail an ESD audit. Thank you.
[2010-05-10]
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8.
Coworker Misconception: That a SATA HDD will connect to a board using the IDE ribbon cable... *head->desk*
[2009-05-24]
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9.
More of an Applicant misconception:
When you claim to have both your CompTIA A+ and Net+ certifications, have a resume that reads like a network professional of 20 years with 2 degrees (one masters and one bachelors), and are applying to a simple tech bench job at $retail company, that *I* who just so happens to have his CompTIA certification (and subsequently know that each cert comes with a CompTIA Career ID number) that I will NOT call you out on it... Nice try...
You may be able to fool the management staff, but not me. Either provide your card or have CompTIA send us an email (very easy to do once you log in to their site certify.comptia.org/careerid and selecting Publish Credentials).
[2009-05-22]
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10.
Corporate-Misconception: that I am more than happy to keep mental track of the last two weeks of sales of each individual in my department, write up a report regarding said sales (every week) and means of improvement, especially considering:
* my department has been cut down to three personnel (counting manager and myself)
* I'm the only person fixing the computers
* I'm closing the department almost every night
* I'm not allowed to have any overtime under threat of termination
* I get yelled at when a customer asks me a question, I give an answer, then they don't buy anything because they just wanted some information...
[2009-04-14]
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11.
Manager-Misconception: that I deserve to be repremanded due to the fact that customers come to me seeking answers but don't always buy something.
[2009-04-14]
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12.
It's perfectly sound to come into my store, get into an arguement with each other, then expect me to resolve your problems. I just fix computers, GTFO and DIAF!!
[2009-04-04]
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13.
More of a Me-misconception....
when a pretty lady asks me for my phone number, do not forget to also obtain said pretty lady's phone number also. *If your reading this and your initials are T.F., I hope to take you up on the dinner/conversation offer*
[2009-03-16]
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14.
That handing me a illegal copy of a Windows XP Pro 64-bit installation CD (1 of 2... 2 was nowhere to be found) that I will be happy to perform a complete factory restore.
Excuse me?
Your system wasn't designed for a 64-bit OS to begin with (think original P4) and we cannot and will not use illegal copies of installation media.
I'm sorry that your relative lost your restore CDs but maybe you should take it out on his sorry arse rather than try to blame me and/or the company I work for.
How about this:
How about I get the name and address of your relative and turn him over to the parties in Redmond, WA (piracy at microsoft.com) who would LOVE to have a "chat" with him about piracy law...
What's that? You're losing money without a functional computer? ... How about all the money that's lost every year to piracy?
How about the fact that you never made backups? How about the fact that you cannot buy Windows XP anymore and I direct you to our "lovely" prefab systems with the ever popular Windows Fista?
HOW ABOUT I SHOVE A VISTA UP YOUR ARSE?!
[2009-02-01]
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15.
More of a "me" misconception: I saw the title of this article and misread the name as Burrkiss: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090115/ap_on_go_co/senate_burris
[2009-01-15]
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16.
That because you own a Dell brand computer, you have to ask me (several times) as to whether or not a certain printer will work on it...
I was asked this question no less than 8 times today, 3 of which was by the same exact customer, AFTER explaining that ALL the printers we sell would work on a Dell...
SHOOT ME!
[2009-01-12]
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17.
Here's the update to my custody battle:
http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=142477#142477
[2008-12-12]
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18.
Background: that we are on a crunch to get our department/store perfectly up to spec before a visit from the higher ups; many facets of my department have yet to be started due to severe budget/labor cuts; I usually spend 75-80% of my day on a register (at a manager's insistence) instead of getting the departmental work done. Boss Misconception: After a 30 min heart-to-heart about the importance of getting the work done before leaving today, then placing me on register for 90% of my shift, that the work is going to get done and that I'm really gonna care.... FAIL!!
[2008-12-06]
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19.
That when your laptop incorrectly shuts down because you put it in sleep mode, pulled the plug for over 24 hours and the battery died, somehow, just SOMEHOW, the fella at my store installed Spyware/Adware on your system because the unit attempted to boot into Repair Mode automatically...
MAKE THEM GO AWAY!! PLEASE DEAR $DIETY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!! MAKE IT STOP!!
[2008-10-26]
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20.
That I will give you a discount on a repair after hearing that its going to cost you $50 to replace the timing belt on your car. Ma'am, this is a computer, not your car and this is a place of business, not a charity!
[2008-08-08]
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21.
That a system, which originally had Win95 pre-installed, that was then upgraded to Win98SE, and from there to WinXP Home, can be upgraded to Vista.... On the positive side, the guy understood why it couldn't be done after I got done explaining it...
[2008-07-23]
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22.
Marketing Misconception: when you provide a service that the MAJORITY of your customers are completely unaeware of, it might be a good idea to make a couple of TV commercials that actually focus on the service provided rather than the icon of said company....
[2008-06-19]
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23.
Co-urker Misconception: that I won't friggin chew you out when you've spent 20 minutes locking in the only bathroom on your freaking cell phone when I have colonitis and really, REALLY need to go!
I'm 2 seconds away from ramming that phone up yer rear, so get it in gear and get the f**k out!!
[2008-05-30]
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24.
SUV Driver Misconception:
That when I have my turn signal on and it has blinked no less then 4 times and I'm already more than 50% of the way into the middle lane (from the right lane), that it perfectly fine to speed up while in the middle lane, move to the left lane, then try to merge back into the middle where my car is, blowing your horn the entire time... Just be glad I don't carry a gun, f*cknugget!
Something about the SUV drivers around here just make me want to do bad things to them...
[2008-05-21]
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25.
That when the tech that *I* personally trained tells you that the device you are looking for is $dildo1 and NOT $dildo2, then for the love of $diety, LISTEN to him! Do NOT call me expecting me to say that he does not know what he is talking about! Do NOT call me and tell me that you *think* he might be wrong! And YES! he does have what you need in his hand so please STFU and DIAF!!
[2008-05-15]
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26.
That I will fix your computer for free after you dropped it (creating lots of little flying bits of plastic) when I stated, "this unit is so heavily infected its almost like it had AIDS!"
[2008-04-10]
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27.
That just because you were told that a WinOS install was 60 dollars, it doesn't mean that I'm going to give you a full install copy of the OS for free...
[2007-10-29]
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28.
Just because I won't give you a copy of WinOS free of charge, I'm suddenly a racist? Maybe MY ancestors shouldn't have HELPED your ancestors fight for and ultimately gain their freedom! Let's meditate on this... Ooommmmmmm......
[2007-10-29]
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Tech Rules
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1.
Midgets? Hell yeah midgets! (just for Burrkiss)
http://www.macspoofed.com/networking.php
[2010-04-12]
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2.
More of a self-preservation rule: do NOT use your Ninja Remote to turn off the televisions in the bar during a basketball game. Especially when three quarters of the bar is filled with guys all wearing basketball jerserys and all of them look like they can kick yer arse!
[2008-05-02]
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Customer Types
1.
Can't Count De Money...
Insists that a printer which costs about $50 (which uses ink carts that cost ~$45 - tricolor, and yields ~120 pages) is a better buy than the printer which cost about $85 (which uses ink carts that cost ~$25 - per clr, and yields ~800 pages)...
I've done the math, here it is on paper...
You spend more buying the cheaper one when you factor in ink..
Suctomer: "You don't know what you're talking about."
ORLY??
Here's your printer, here's the ink, have a wonderful day, now GTFO of my store!
[2008-10-12]
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Co-Worker Types
1.
Norton is best.... *spit*
This co-worker has bought-in (more like bought-off) to the whole "Norton" hype of being "the best." Even after demonstrating that ESET's NOD32 trumps NAV2009 (at not only being better at removing infections but also being better at preventing the infections in the first place) this "guy" still thinks that NAV2009 is "the best." ... Whatever helps you sleep at night man.
[2009-05-31]
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2.
This is me...
After finding out that Blizzard is making Diablo 3!!
http://www.userfriendly.org/cartoons/archives/08jun/xuf011630.gif
[2008-06-30]
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Customer E-mails
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
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1.
A friend of mine-phrase/response-OTD: We were joking about porn and I asked if she liked midgets; her response: "Only if they are Asian amputees."
I think she's a keeper!
[2010-05-20]
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2.
Seen on the sign of an Adult Novelty shop: "Pickup your own stimulus package here. 25% off!"
[2009-07-03]
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3.
Customer comes walking through our front door talking on a cell phone. First thing I heard, "well I didn't do it, but you got my sister to do it!" .... Let the games begin!
[2009-01-16]
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4.
"I need a new hard drive please; the guy at Best Buy told me a virus is destroying mine and that I need it replaced." ... HOLY FRIGGIN' SOAP-ON-A-ROPE!! Where does Worst Try find their employees?! This is the third time in the last week and a half that a customer has come in and told me this!
[2008-11-27]
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5.
Me-POTD in response to a question: My boss asked: "You know what?" Me: "He's on second." *Let the quotes begin...*
[2008-09-16]
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6.
Happy National Hot Puppies Month! http://www.factmonster.com/spot/hotdog1.html
[2008-07-01]
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7.
Son-PotD: I'm sitting in the ER with my son (long story, no karma needed yet) when another older child starts throwing a tantrum. My son (almost 2) points at the kid and says "starfhwish". Makes me proud.
[2008-02-04]
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