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Here is all the content that virtualchoirboy has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
NT/OT TechComedy in danger... sort of
A little misleading title, but I wanted to get your attention in the hopes that you'll contact your congress-critters. Rep Lamar Smith of TX introduced a new piece of garb... um... legislation yesterday that is basically a wish list of rules that "Hollywood" wants put in place to help them squash any potential competition. The way H.R.3261 is worded, ANY web site that accepts user-generated content (links, posts, comments, etc), MUST implement methods to monitor ALL postings and prevent infringement. If they don't, copyright holders and file notice and get advertisers and payment processors to suspend business dealings with them - in other words, a death knell for most sites. It's a truly HORRIBLE piece of legislation that also has provisions to require ISP's to "block" access to "sites dedicated to infringement" or face liability. Can you say Chinese Firewall anyone? I knew that you could. Call, write or email your local critter today and tell them to do whatever they can to kill this bill. Thanks. (My source: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20111027/00083116531/)
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Stupid unintelligent snotty-nosed dragged up tosser. If that ever became law we'd give Hawk all the help he needed to host the TSC site from the UK - thankfully dickheads of that ilk tend to get nowhere over here. - Gromit
crapp.. US adopts that and the northern neightbour will quikly act to try and enable that as well. -Harm
Some laws are best ignored - like the one in Indiana (I think) where pi=3.00 (to make math easier on the constituents.) -Captain Trips
Unfortunately, ignoring this one will lead to Chinese style censorship by the gov't and private companies getting sites knocked off the Internet. I fear the results if we sit by and do nothing. -virtualchoirboy
it's time for a congressional lart. sharpens barbed wire on baseball bat -AdmiralLaurie
Well, there's a good chance if this passes, this will also kill just about every board that include any kind of content, even those belonging to the congress critters themselves. CNN, RIAA, NASA, Facebook, Google, USA Today, Washington Post, etc, watch out. -McSmiley
oh, almost forgot. Whitehouse.gov -McSmiley
EFF link: https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2011/10/disastrous-ip-legislation-back-%E2%80%93-and-it%E2%80%99s-worse-ever Use the link inside this to contact your Congresscritters. -BayouTech
And, in other news, idiot legislators want to change the day of Halloween to make it more 'convenient' (much the same way they arbitrarily changed the start & end of DST). http://www.governing.com/A-New-Tradition-Conn-Lawmaker-Wants-To-Change-Halloween-Date.html If it's not designed as a distraction, it's something simple enough that no one will pay attention to, and it'll slip right on through. 3621, while ideas like it have come before have all died, is still dangerous, and requires the attention it needs to ensure it's death. -MadJack
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2.
NT/OT Censored Internet
For those that weren't aware, the Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously approved the COICA bill today. The gist of the bill is that it gives the Justice Department the authority to have ISP's block domains from being accessed by domain name. Censorship of the web is on it's way to the US unless we fight it. More info at TechDirt here: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20101118/10291211924
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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So the US system is better than what we have in the UK why? There isn't much difference as far as I can see. -Holdfast
Goddammitsomuch. -Seamus
Yes, this is extremely unfortunate... but it's not done yet. The bill still has to be passed by both the Senate and the House (plus, I think, the House Judiciary Committee?), AND then be signed by the President. -Seamyst
Don't worry, it'll never pass. Remember, the government CARES about your rights. (Did I just say that ?) -Spyder19
I can hope it doesn't pass, but "Hollywood" is pushing real hard on this one (a.k.a. misdirection and quoting of debunked studies every chance they get). With so many Congress-critters in their pockets already, I worry sometimes. -virtualchoirboy
The only surprise on that list was from Minnesota. Say it ain't so, Al! -udoshan
Please. Congre$$ is so fuckin' ossified, the thing'll never get off the Hill. -MadJack
those folks that sign bills into law do not even read the bills, so this one has a fair chance of making it all of the way! -ecoli
And then the poor monkey-like idjits in Canadia will consider copying it. It's like having managers with no CIO they have to listen to (for what that's worth). -LDFeral
It will pass. You will be censored. Information is power. Get back to work. -ThinTheHerd
it made me feel sick to my stomach to realize that one of my senators is on the Judiciary Committee and voted to move this along. I just sent him a letter which expressed my profound disappointment. A useless gesture, perhaps, but if I don't express my disappointment, then who will? I urge anyone who has a senator that voted for this to do the same. -SalParadise
Thank you SalParadise, for taking the initiative to actually DO something. Check this out while you're at it... http://uswgo.com/patriots-can-now-be-banned-from-adding-any-strangers-as-friends-on-facebook.htm -Spyder19
Slashdot reports this morning that a senator from Oregon has blocked this. If you're in his district, write to thank him... -chazz
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4.
Storm learnings (T/OT)
It's tech, but not humorous... at least until I got back up and running it wasn't. I can look back and laugh now.
Anyway, this past Saturday, we had some nasty storms roll through the area with some HEAVY lightning. Now, me being the average tech that I am have made an effort to protect the bulk of my electronics with surge protectors of one form or another - heavy duty for critical machines, standard power strips for non-critical (e.g. the kids). I figured that should deal with most problems and I'm fine. It also had an extra layer of "protection" in that there were no above ground wires (phone, cable or power) that connect to my house - they are all underground from 50-100 ft away. Made me foolishly think that I was pretty well protected against lightning strikes...
... Murphy had other ideas.
According to some general research my dad did after he got hit by lightning (which he only NOW decided to share with me), the strike doesn't even have to be to your house. In fact, it can be up to a quarter mile away. I was the victim of just such a strike. Took out 6 pieces of equipment (so far) that have, fortunately, been easy to replace. All of these were lost due to insufficient protection on... the phone lines (not the power).
- New DSL Modem/Router/Wireless router. This was the first step on the surge. Came in over the phone lines and wiped out the modem. Was an especially painful loss as I had just bought this 3-4 weeks ago to replace my 7 year old DSL modem.
- 1 of 4 ports on an old broadband router I was using to share the connection. Basically, the connection from old router to new DSL modem died.
- 1 of 4 ports on a second old broadband router. Same reason as above.
- 2 line business phone.
- Caller ID box used with 2 line business phone.
- Mini parallel print server for my ancient laser printer.
Of course, on the flip side, this turned out to be a good thing albeit expensive:
- New new DSL modem/router/wireless router seems to be performing FAR better than the previous one.
- Replaced 2 older broadband routers with a new 16 port switch. This also replaced 2 brick power connections with just one.
- New 2-line phone has caller id built in plus some additional features that I was getting ready to spend some money on anyway (e.g. caller id for call waiting, voicemail indicator, etc)
I have also added some surge protection to the phone line for DSL to try to prevent a repeat. The last step will be to replace the mini-print server. I only just discovered that and sincerely hope it's the last piece of hardware I have to replace.
The lesson here is to protect every wire, no matter the source. If it comes into the residence from outside the residence, find a way to put surge protection on it if you can. I can look back and laugh now, but please learn from my experience.. :-)
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Whenever I go away for a while, or it looks like electrical storms will happen, I unplug the computers from the wall and take the phone line out of the ADSL modem/router. It has worked for me so far. -Wraith556
It doesn't even have to be a strike. The induced ground charge follows the movement of the cloud. This can cause quite large currents in the ground as a charged cloud goes overhead. -Gerund
UK telephone master sockets come equipped with gas surge arresters fitted internally.
The fact that we have a small percentage of lightning strikes the US has, I think BT have foreshadowed such events. -lineswine
Lightning struck our house last month (We're grateful that my grandmother had the foresight to have lightning rods installed on our house when we moved in 20+ years ago). The strike left "trippy patterns" on my CRT (which thankfully went away after power cycling it), killed the NIC on my mobo, and killed the USB port next to it. At least the router and modem survived and none of the other computers were affected. One of my TV's is still displaying images predominately in purple though... -LinuXtreme
What kind of parent plugs their kids into a power strip? Unless... OMG! VCBs FAMILY IS A FAMILY OF CYBORGS! -Stryker One
Stryker - yeah, I noticed that too. *eg* -Seamyst
Been there, done that. My first computer with a modem. Add Thunderstorm with lightning to ingredients and you get a fried modem. Learned my lesson well. Surge everything and unplug everything non-essential during storms. Glad that there was a bright side to this story though. Must be nice to have an upgraded phone and free up some extra power slots. At least until the next great new toy. :D -PCChaos
I am IRON MAN!!!</Ozzy> -virtualchoirboy
What are you talking about? This is my only chance to upgrade my equipment..."Honey, look at this mess, I've got to replace all of it..." -AngrySup
Meh, surge protectors only go so far. The best course is to unplug all the expensive stuff. Nature makes lightning, man makes surge suppressors. Guess who wins. -edventure
Re: Wraith's comment. My girlfriend suggested unplugging all our stuff before we went to Chicago weekend before last. Thunderstorms were predicted (hell, there are always thunderstorms here the first two weeks in June). I told her it was a good precaution to take, but I was downloading three Grateful Dead shows so I just planned to leave my computer on all weekend. -thx1138
When I worked for an ISP, a power surge through the telephone line was the cause of numerous calls after every major thunderstorm. The best ever was a surge that hit an All-in-One printer over the FAX line zapping the printer big time, then over the USB cable to zap the PC. I was surprised to see 4 or 5 seperate scorch marks on the mother board, not just the USB connector. -CyBear
I think I was particularly lucky it wasn't a direct strike, just particularly close. That being said, we also discovered this morning that the kid's night lights were burned out too. I think I'll be finding little issues for the next couple weeks. Still.. I'm liking the new kit. Seems to be performing better that the last batch of new kit. -virtualchoirboy
Can you say electro-magnetic pulse? Many years ago the us of a set off a big h-bomb in the Pacific. It was 200 miles high and over 400 miles from Hawaii. The emp from that thing blacked out most of the state and did many millions in damage. Lightning does the same thing but on a smaller scale. -atomicbill
Surge protectors will also do nothing when the ID10TS at Puget Sound Energy come along to do some "construction" and manage to screw up reconnecting the underground power lines to your house. There isn't supposed to be 120V on the neutral. -Stryker One
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5.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls...
It tolls for thee.... Microsoft.
I'm sure many of you have seen this and I didn't want to bump the LOTD, but another article from Slashdot really makes the Vista-hater in me jump for joy:
PC Magazine editorial bashing Vista.
Slashdot journal highlighting some of Vista's problems.
I like a lot of what MS has done for the industry in general, but this latest fiasco deserves to die a slow and painful death. I can only believe that this will drive people to Linux in droves as time marches on... :-)
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Ugh - guess I should have left the URL's as is instead of getting tricky: PCMag =
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1895,2171472,00.asp and Slashdot Journal =
http://yro.slashdot.org/~twitter/journal/177855 Sorry.. -virtualchoirboy
{Read-read-read-read....} DAYUM..... -ShujinTribble
Recent versions of Windows... 98, ME (Mistake Edition), 2000, XP, ME V2 (uuhhh Vista) -Gerund
I read that article. I did notice that the PC magazines seemed to bend over backwards to pump up Vista. I guess the strain must've been too much and they're finally telling the truth. Vista is crap and you're better off keeping XP...or switching to Linux. -Starfury
My girlfriend wants me to either select or build a PC for her. We're going with XP. Better to stick with what we know, and I know Vista is a real P.I.T.A. -Wraith556
After careful deliberation, and hundreds of hours of testing, I have come come to the same conclusion. It just... sucks. It looks good, but that's all. -ThinTheHerd
The only thing now... we need developers to start building Linux versions of everything we have to have Windoze for... -MadJack
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6.
Better late than never...
I intended to submit this yesterday, to thank my benefactor (CTYankee) for my ass enlargement, but he came over last night and received thanks again in the form of beer and a meal.
This was in addition to the birthday festivities and much consumption of alcohol last Saturday as I am truly appreciative of the gift.
However, I feel I would be remiss if I did not thank him publicly, so here I am to say out loud for all to hear...
THANKS DUDE!!! You rock!
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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*Wyld Stallions Air Guitar!* -ShujinTribble
aw, shucks! *blushes* Glad to for a friend. -CTYankee
hmm... he gave you an ass enlargement. Could he be expecting something in return? Now, I'm not implying anything, but if you were a girl and he gave you a breast enlargement... ;-) <Shujin, pleas tell me you did NOT lock me out of the LART shelter again!> -TheGhost
(MWUHAhahahahaha.....) Faraday Cages built with Proton Accelerated lattice-work works for keeping him out. -ShujinTribble
He's more than welcome to come over and help me polish off the 2-3 cases of beer that remain, but that's where I draw the line. After all... I'm certainly no Burkiss... (grin) -virtualchoirboy
I'm sure there's a joke here about choirboys and asses. (but seriously, congrats!) -Parilla
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11.
Chinese curse come to life... (NT/OT)
We've all heard that Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times" at one point or another. It looks like I'm getting a MEGA dose these days. First the wife has a momentary lapse of reason and accidentaly backs the family mini-van into a dumpster taking out the rear window and damaging the door. Fast forward three weeks and I'm heading up to the Lake George, NY are to help de-winterize her family's cabin. Cue one transmission failure on an exit ramp to a major highway. While trying to push the vehicle out of the way so I don't get rear-ended at 50-60 MPH, I manage to rupture my Achilles tendon. So now you're thinking it's all bad, but wait..... there's more. From the conference call invite I got earlier today and the hints my boss is dropping, it's looking like I'm getting a nice promotion and a paid move to headquarters. This will set me up to be a corporate "big shot" in a couple of years. As for Karma, I am gladly spreading any and all job Karma I can spare on the premise of what goes around, comes around. I'm just hoping that it comes back as health Karma so that surgery for the tendon repair on Friday goes well. In spite of it all, I'm still smiling and laughing it up. You can spend your time worrying about the problem or you can just deal with it. I choose the latter. Hope everyone is having a LESS interesting time than I am right now.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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best of luck with the surgery dude!!! -starfishmagnet
Good luck with the surgery. May you always be too lazy to care about the troubles in life, and lazy enough to enjoy when those troubles provide you with rest from more common troubles. -MarkerMage
Good luck with the heel & with the job, dude!
-Grue
<karma>My your surgeon be steady of hand and your promotion be grandiose!</karma> -unrenowned
I'll be honest... I don't know if I have spare karma or not right now....*IF* I can sind a few bits, I'll send them your way. Good luck in the meantime. -ShujinTribble
Hope your heel heals well, VCB. :) -Galandar
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12.
Scary law passed in Australia (NT/OT)
Not sure how many saw this ( http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/more-than-ever-watch-what-you-say/2006/04/02/1143916406540.html ), but it basically amounts to this: if you send an email to someone suspected of a crime or of being a threat to national security, the Aussie gov't now has the *right* to monitor your email for 12 months as a B-party. All email. Not just stuff to the suspect that got you flagged in the first place, but everything - as if you are now a suspect. Granted that it may only apply to Aussie citizens, but in this day and age, can you really be sure?
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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So, this means they'll be monitoring the spammers, right? What happens if a spammer forges your email address and send it to a known suspect? Would you get watched, or the spammer? -docbrown01
Depending on whether or not they trace it back to the spammer or just accept the "From:" address as is, it could be either. This is part of why it's so scary to me - I've had at least two of my email addresses forged over the last 5 years, one of which was used worldwide. I know because I got angry remove requests from all over including Australia, NZ, UK and a couple fun ones from Russia. -virtualchoirboy
US allies following in our footsteps. My condolences to our pals down under. -sassicatz
I read today where the USA used Patriot Act, which is meant to combat terrorism, to nail a food wholeseller dealing in stolen baby formula. Uh huh! -CyBear
Wait, *any* crime? You guys get monitored if you email someone who's suspected of being a jaywalker? -Parilla
This is typical of little johnny howard (our prime minister) and his draconian laws about terrorism, what wank. they just want to be seen to be doing somthing. our opposition party are a bunch of wimps and we aussies are the loosers. if you are thinking I' pissed off about all this you are correct! -macbeth
I'd better watch myself. Being involved with target shooting, I'm already a "person of special interest". Mind you, if they did tap my internet connection, they'd be mind-bogglingly bored with YahooGroups messages, various forum posts, and assorted downloads of add-on game mods and video clips from StileProject.com (although the latter might be compensation, Jade Hsu's video is "interesting"). -Wraith556
Curious, how would that even be possible? What's stopping me from running my own POP/SMTP servers here at my house? Or using Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo!, or any other free email service out there? The government would need co-operation from a LOT of people that would be EXTREMELY reluctant to give it. -Mango
yeah, those of us with our own domains find this the sucktitude..... -timelady
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13.
Mother Nature strikes again...
Here's to hoping our brothers and sisters in tech across the pond are safe and sound. Know that are hearts and karma are with you: http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/03/20/cyclone.larry/index.html?section=cnn_topstories
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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I've been through a couple of hurricanes while on Long Island... but nothing compares. Any folks down under care to chime in / lut us know you're OK and who we haven't heard from yet? (Wanna know how best to spend what little karma I got) -ShujinTribble
Did it get as far as the Commonwealth Games? Ther's an awful lot of people in Melbourne presently for them. -lineswine
Just for those who are interested... TC Larry went into the Queensland coastline some 100km south of Cairns, near the town of Innisfail. Winds there were clocked at over 200km/hr (that's 120 mph). So far there's no reports of fatalities in the region. [Why do I know? Because I have co-workers in the Brisbane area, where the company I work for has a rather large presence.] They also have TC Wati in that region as well, but it looks like it'll curve before reaching the Queensland coastline. You may all disregard this if it's too much information. *chuckle* -VoiceOfSanity
BlackCat, Splunge - check in, will you? (they're both based in Brisbane which is too damn' close for comfort to the storm centre). -Gromit
The storms are further north of Brisbane than the distance between Sydney and Brisbane (over 1200km). Melbourne is another 900km south of Sydney. Most of the storm hit between Townsville and Cairns (about 200km apart). So far no reported fatalities, but some injuries, massive crop damage to banana and sugar cain plantations, and possible flooding in Cairns when the rain run-off comes down the rivers. -Wraith556
Splunge checking in here, and no worries down south in Brisbane. The furthest north I've ever lived is Bundaberg, and I'd probably need to go 3 times as far as that (a 4 hour drive) to be bothered by Larry. -Splunge
Wraith: NOOOOO, not the sugar cane! There was tonnes of cane around Bundy. The cane can't seem to get a break though. Either it's being washed out by cyclones, or burnt to a crisp by the farmers (and if you ever get the chance to see a cane fire, do so, it's an awesome sight). -Splunge
Bananas will double in price now for us! :( -avkinkygirl
BlackCat here - sorry I took so long to check in (but they're right, Brisbane is a long way from Innisfail). I've been running around after my sister who's visiting who just incidentally lives *very* close to were Larry hit and was flying down on Tuesday (she was originally in the direct path but it veered a little north), but happily she just lost power and got a bit of wind (no damage). -BlackCat
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14.
Ummm..... Oops!
Not sure how many Slashdot or Techdirt readers there are here, but I figure this might give some of you a chuckle thinking of how this might end up: http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=29805 and the comments on Slashdot http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=177830&cid=14748871 It's amazing what just a couple minutes of digging by someone with a little knowledge can turn up.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Oh, and the TechDirt story that led me to it: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20060221/0318222_F.shtml -virtualchoirboy
ROFL... that is just great... all the policing agencies that can't get this guy, and a bunch of geeks find him for them... I wonder if they'll even go and bust him now.. one reply on slashdot has named the strip club, car dearlership, and gas station he mentioned, and put a map up as to where he believe this guy lives. Just classic. -duckhead
Awwwww - da poor widdle scumbag. -Divinar
he shouldn’t be too easy to find, particularly with Kreb’s colourful description - Might that be 'shouldn't be too difficult to find'? -TieDyedDinosaur
Aha! ... <coordinates entered. Missile ready to launch. Smart bomb programmed to hit precisely his bedroom.> Now I just ... Oh damn! Guys, does anybody have a google earth picture of the site? Stupid thing doesn't work on Win ME! :( -TheGhost
In other news, the body of an unidentifed male was found anal-aly impailed on a pine tree with the letters 0X80 carved on his forehead. -drachen
Spiked! -TieDyedDinosaur
Interesting. I need to read up on photo metadata. Anyone have some good links, or automated tools? I've got a bunch I'm gonna go be paranoid about. -namor
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16.
Somebody PLEASE tell me their kidding...
My brother in law recently ordered a Dell E510 PC. We figured the biggest problem with Dell's tend to be their support, but hardware tends to be acceptable. We have had one problem after another, but here are the biggest: 1) $100-$200 charge for tech support: He's had the thing in his possession for less than a week and they want him to pay for support. They will refund the money IF they fail to solve their problem. 2) 15% restocking fee: If you get fed up and return it, unless it's due to hardware defect (not software), there is a restocking fee. 3) And this one's the best - NO PARRALLEL AND NO SERIAL PORTS. One of the pieces of software I use requires a parrallel port dongle for authorization - I guess Dell didn't think of that when they decided to save $2 per machine. Oh well. Time to find a PC vendor I can live with to recommend to my friends..... or maybe I'll just tell them not to get PC's anymore and save myself the hassle of fixing it later.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Having to deal with this at the same time as the stomach flu means I didn't spell check: their = they're -virtualchoirboy
<da>If you *knew* you needed the parallel port, why didn't you make sure that model had one?</a> -Divinar
I agree with Divinar there. And I'll add another /da - You buy the cheapest Dell, you get something that even eMachines and Time would turn down selling. You want the good one? Pay a bit more. Or better - find a good screwdriver shop in your area and use them instead of Hell - err, Dull - err - Intel's Retail Division. </da> -ralphp1024
Anything you buy from dell, you get what you pay for. More often than you dont even get that. -momo
Um, I hate to sound like an apologist here - I like my Dell computers. Almost everyone I know has one. I spent a significant amount of money on them to get good ones. And the bottom-line ones aren't worth more than the box they ship them in. -Divinar
Friend got a Dell, P3-500, ATI All-in-One, back when it was all shiny and new... I've got it now, and the thing just doesn't quit. Any of the lower-end I've worked on though, may as well be bottom-barrel e-machine. -namor
*pats his athlon 64 HP* goooodd compy... -HappyCrappy
Currently using a base-end Dell at work, and I haven't had any real issues, although I'm not pushing it hard. (When they upgraded us to Server 2003 & XP at all the properties, and were trying to set up Active Directory, "Gee, for some reason...", there was a problem with the 166 Mhz MMX Pentium they had me using up until then! Our corporate guy was quite complimentary, though, when they came in to set up the new/cheapest replacements about how fast I had it running for a 166! At least THAT made me feel good... -Voz
I understand the <da> comments, and wish I was to blame. The b-i-l made the purchase via web without me looking over his shoulder, so I had no control over model choice. But doesn't anyone remember when there was a minimum of tech support included for free? Say maybe the first 30-90 days? Not any more. And a restocking fee? And after getting him to send me a photo of the back of the PC, there are no ports other than network and USB on the back - no PS/2 mouse, keyboard, serial or parrallel ports at all. I understand cheap is cheap, but get real - this is TOO cheap. -virtualchoirboy
Had to pay for support? Must've not purchased ANY warranty. All Dell's come with 90days anyway. As for Parallel and Serial ports not being in the PC, it's called "Legacy free" Those ports are hardly used anymore and I agree witht eh comment above: If you needed a serial port, should've mae sure the machine included one.... -JoeLugian
As for the support, he accepted the default selection when ordering over the web. He had the PC out of the box for mere HOURS and he was asked to pay for support. -virtualchoirboy
Dell... no way. Proprietary junk and weirdass buisiness practices they can ONLY get away with because they're mail-order-only. Any OEM Desktop I have would be either HP or Sony. They're not perfect either, but they're workable. -linkv
These discount places are getting so cheap with what they include and don't include, I swear I'm going to assume nothing and ask if the bleepity thing comes with a power supply and backplane (they usually advertise the RAM, CPU, and hard drive, so those *should* be there)! -TechMama
I lookedup the model, and it is really designed to be a media center pc, not a desktop work horse. -beatmewithstick
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18.
Free Karma for everyone..... (NT)
My buckets are overflowing with good luck Karma, so I am liberally handing it out to anyone and everyone that wants some. So far, in the last week, the following has happened:
- My father and I finalize the model number on the gift he is getting us.
- Get a call back from an interview a couple weeks ago saying HR will be calling me with a job offer.
- My wife and I celebrate our tenth anniversary by going to Provincetown (Cape Cod, MA) for two days WITHOUT the kids.
- Get the call from HR with the verbal offer of a new job.
- Get the written offer letter plus benefits package: 36% more pay, bonus program, 401(k) w/ company match, medical, dental, vision, hearing, disability, life (including for spouse and children), three weeks vacation (prorated to one week for remainder of the year) and tuition reimbursement.
- Accept delivery of the anniversary gift at my parents house: A new Panasonic TH-42PD50U 42" Plasma TV.
- Talk to current employer about current and future projects and he decides it will be easier to keep me on as a part time consultant evenings and weekends (per MY schedule) than try to train a new developer.
Best part of the job transition is that after my two weeks here (last day July 8), I am going away for a week on a family vacation that has been planned for months and for which I saved a healthy chunk of money from last years bonus check. I start the new job after a full week off.
After nearly 4 years of job hunting for something that could pay all the bills, the struggles have finally paid off.
Anyone need some Karma? Dip on into the bucket - take as much as you want.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Whew!!! Someone up there LIKES you! Congrats! -ecoli
so thats where all my good karma went, make good use of it -Deadagent
Congrats on all the wonderful things!! I could probably use a bit-o-karma at this point, lol -TeChMoMmY
GRATS! And Yay for you and happy anniversary and etc, etc... :) -taieena
BIG congratulations! And thank you for the Karma offering, I'll take some (haven't still heard from the work I was interviewed for...). -NordicPT
We love it when good things happen to good people!!! Congrats! -Ulfgaard
Ohhhh MEEE MEEEEE MEEEE I'll take some karma.. send it this way!!!!!! -kryliss
Congratulations! What a fantastic week! -sassicatz
Wow. Just WOW. -Grue
Many congrats, dude! Sorry to have been pouring cold water on your enthusiasm earlier...was just paranoid that you'd get f**ked both ways. Never been so happy to be *dead wrong*.
BTW, I'll bring over some MP if you want to condition the new screen properly <grin> -CTYankee
CTYankee - he's going to PTown, so he might just end up getting f*cked both ways!!! <ducks and covers> -SalParadise
Sal: All past tense events, but I was forewarned before heading to PTown by many people as to the "colorful" community. Personally, I took that to mean it's a great location and we had a lot of fun. -virtualchoirboy
Hope it's not too late to grab some of that karma -- going to the Yu-Gi-Oh U. S. National tournament on Saturday and could really use it. -Mewtwo
Many congrats, dude! May the shiny things up in the sky smile upon you s'more! -TranceGemini
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19.
British Standard Handfuls?
While finally getting a chance to peruse my GMail account for the first time in a couple weeks, I ran across this one in the May 8 edition of News of the Wierd:
* To conceal an enormous open-cast mining operation about 10 miles from Newcastle, England, and to reduce the cost of carting away millions of tons of debris, the mining company recently hired artist Charles Jencks to incorporate the waste into a reclining female sculpture, a half-mile long, running along the A1 highway, with breasts forming peaks 100 feet off the ground. The "Goddess of the North" is expected to take three years to finish, will have footpaths over and around it, and be slightly larger than the "Angel of the North" metal sculpture 15 miles to the south.
Figured it's worth posting so our neighbors across the pond can prepare for the influx of randy male techs looking for 100ft (33m) mammaries...
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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I suspect there will be more traffic 'down south'! -TieDyedDinosaur
I kow were i'm vacationing! Nesseled quietly between huge naughty bits! -Harm
What kind of boots will she be wearing? -teivrann
It was reported that in order to get the proportions right they have engaged the services of a well-known local model, a Miss Norma Snockers. She has, however, since married and is now known as Mrs. Norma Stitz. (It must be true, I read it in the Sun...) -Gromit
Titties bigger than CD's!!!! -burrkiss
um, I'm all for cleaning the genepool but shouldn't we start with the idiots first, then followed by the pervers? -drachen
Boobies! -Pawn
Now, is the road going to go BY, or THROUGH the sculpture? <HEK9G!!!> -MadJack
Yeah, they could make a tunnel start in the ((censorored by Hawk)) -burrkiss
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20.
For the MP fans out there...
Perusing through some of the emails I haven't gotten to in a while, I ran across this one in the News of the Weird - Life Imitates Art section:
According to a February report in the Israeli daily Ma'ariv, Itzik Simkowitz is suing a pet shop owner in Beersheeba for selling him a sickly Galerita-type cockatoo (price: the equivalent of about US$2,000) that died shortly after Simkowitz got him home. As in a classic Monty Python sketch, the shop owner initially insisted that the parrot was merely lethargic and needed time to adjust to his new surroundings, but when the parrot (to use the Python dialogue) was shown to be "a late parrot," "an ex-parrot," "a stiff," and to have "joined the choir invisible," the shop owner still refused to return the money. [The Australian-AAP, 2-11-05]
The original column is here: http://tinyurl.com/clb8s
I love this planet sometimes!
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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"This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot." --- GADS, I love this sketch!!! -ecoli
HELLO POLLY!!! -SFishWrangler
Perhaps it was pining for the West Bank? -Digital Dogcow
I want a new PAAAARRRRROOOOT! * running madly away* -Z0nker
This is your 9 am wake up call! WAKKEE WAKEE!! * thud bang bop thud floor* -Harm
Did the other Aanimals in the shop say Kaddish for the bird? -lineswine
I wonder if the shop owner offered to replace it with a slug... -flapjackboy
Or even send him to his brother's shop in Notlob, I mean Bolton. -flapjackboy
Maybe he just needed to take the bones out.... Oh, wait - SORRY! Wrong sketch. -ShujinTribble
Birdy num nums -ProfessorFrink
Of course he was nailed to the perch..If I hadn't he'd have muscled up to the bars and VOOM! Mate, that parrot wouldn't Voom if you put a thousand volts through it! -Starfury
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21.
(NT/OT) A "Must Buy" for MP fans
I recently picked up the "Special Edition" of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and before I even got home, I was laughing my ass off. The list of "additional features" alone makes it worth the price and I haven't even had a chance to watch it yet. Clipped from Amazon, here are some of my favorites:
* Available Audio Tracks: English (Dolby Digital 5.1), English (Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono), Japanese (Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono)
Yes, you read that right - MP in Japanese
* Commentary by Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones, plus general complaints and back-biting by John Cleese, Eric Idle & Michael Palin
* High definition widescreen presentation with pink frilly edges
* Subtitles for People Who Don't Like the Film (taken from Shakespeare's Henry IV, part II)
* Exciting "Follow The Killer Rabbit" Feature!
* A special version for the Hard of Hearing
* A glorious extra 24 seconds absolutely free
* Three Mindless Sing-Alongs
* How To Use Your Coconuts (an educational film)
Oh, the possibilities here
* A Load of Old Rubbish - a surprise package of mystery items specially included for the mentally challenged
I found it at PriceCostco for $13.99, although it should be much more anyplace else.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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hmm pay day is tommorro.... gonna have to pick that up! -Harm
This edition is awesome, I got it a few years ago and the special features are hilarious. It even has the lego version of the camelot song on it. If you try to view special features on disc one the result is great. -DAKE
I've had that one for a while now! My favorite feature is "Knights of the round table" performed by Legos!! -ITNaziChick
We watch that at least once a week here.. usually on Saturday when it's dead... well.. not quite dead. -torgo
Damn you all... now i have that song running though my head. I think i shall have to go home and watch it. Oh and my fav part of that dvd, are 2 scenes that are in japanese with the english transliations of the japanese in subtitles. I know that one of the scenes is for the French Castle part 2 (the one with the trojan rabbit). -BunnieTechBabe
You know... I have it on tape, but now... ah might as well huh? Good ol' Monty Python goodness! -ShiftedBeef
The Lego bit is awesome. -CommanderData
And now for something completely different- Spamlot on Broadway. http://www.montypythonsspamalot.com/ -LaserGuru
I like the extra bit in castle anthrax. -VIPERsssss
Fuck Monty Python and their retarded-slapstick, intelligence-insulting brand of humor. *strolls to the shelter* -burrkiss
</watches burrkiss try to open the door of the 'LART shelter'>Oh no! He opens it up to find a SUPERNOVA! </watches from several hundred light-years away> Pretty... -Veinor
<sings>"I have to push the pram-a-lot!" <mad dance on table....> oh shit, I've got one line going round my head now. -Criptonite
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22.
Non-system disk...
I get home after a long day the other night (this whole week has sucked), and am relaxing in front of my PC when my phone starts to ring. I look at caller ID and groan - it's the boss at the funeral home. My first thought is that I will have to go on a house call cause someone's day sucked worse than mine.
PHB: Mike, my computers broken again. I keep getting this error when I start. Can you fix it?
ME: Not unless you tell me what the error is.
PHB: Oh, yeah, I guess you need that, huh. Hang on, let me try again.
insert pause while he gets in front of the PC and starts it up
PHB: Okay, it says Non-system disk or disk error....
ME: (cutting him off) Oh, that's easy, you have a floppy disk in the drive. Just take it out and restart - you'll be fine.
PHB: But I took the disc out already and it's still happening.
GROAN I had *just* finished a nuke and pave on his machine about 6 weeks ago and did NOT want to have to do it again. Granted, he only uses it for AOHell and HellBay auctions, so there's no data backup needed, just nuke and pave. Still, don't want to have to do it again so soon.
light bulb flash
ME: When you took the disc out, what did it look like?
PHB: Round, I guess
can you see where this is going yet? If not, can you really call yourself a tech?
ME: Okay, that's a CD, not a floppy disk. Look about halfway down your PC. There should be a second button somewhere near the power button. Hit that one.
PHB: Looking. Oh, there it is.
insert sound of floppy being ejected from a drive
PHB: (in an annoyed voice) Now what the heck is this black thing?
ME: That is the cause of your problem. You PC is fixed. *Son's name* probably did it, so make sure you beat him severely when he gets home.
Now, the best part of telling him to beat his son is that *junior* is a rookie cop on the town police force and still lives at home. Always nice to LART a cop using a starfish to do it.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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LOL... good story. :) -EagleEye
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24.
How the h*ll does it do this???
If you've never seen it, try stumping the computer in a game of 20 questions. I tried coral, a lake and a pomegranate - each time it figured it out (and always before question 20). http://y.20q.net/ (demographic info questions at the beginning are COMPLETELY optional). Have fun folks...
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Oh yes, this is fun... last time I tried it, it had trouble with abstractions such as elemental particles. I'm gonna try it again and see if it's smarter... -teivrann
Okay, a few more tries and I found something it has a hard time with.... BEER!!!!! -virtualchoirboy
STARFISH: Similar Objects: a sea slug, a shrimp, a trilobite, a lobster, a seahorse, a jellyfish, a crab, an octopus, copper, a dinosaur, acrylic finger nails, a pirate. -bracketmonkey
Got it on Griffin. :-þ -exzyle2k
it apparantly has failed health class. it can guess nothing involving gender realtions.. :) -KalAshlar
Cool. It got "star ship" and "cash register" but missed "laser scanner" and "eye glasses case." I was surprised that it did get the first two. -Captain Trips
28 questions to guess starfish. I played before reading everybody's comments. -Zayda
28 to guess blanket, too. -Zayda
I completely stumped it with sodium. -EagleEye
It got "fan" in 19! 19! How did it take 19 to get a fan??? -OgdenTechGuy
This response is hilarious: "Does your mother know what you are thinking about?
I am not allowed to talk about stuff like this, but, I am guessing that it has something to do with drugs?" -chefque
Oh yeah, I forgot, it was right...:) -chefque
Well, it got "thought" in 20....although I have to wonder about the "does it weigh more than a duck" question....guess at some point it was thinking a witch :) -karlata
29 questions to guess a screwdriver. Of course it disagreed with some of my answers, but oh well. -NightSteel
Tried a witch, never got the 'weighing more than a duck' one... :( Stumped it though. -soccerdude
Just to be evil I tried it with LART. It took 30 questions to come up with 'barbell' so its not totaly dumb... -Gromit
Some folks have interesting ideas about where a "wooden spoon" is NOT used...and the computer seems to think that said spoon is NOT a "vegetable" - but a PLASTIC spoon IS! -Grue
i stumped it with my breakfast. an english muffin -rhiannon
it didnt get "the moon" (guessed hill). Although when it got it at question 25, it thought it wasnt relaxing. -trs998
It doesn't know: A mother, a wily tree-octopus, or a plush virus. -CarbonTetra
It didn't get a paddle (canoe/kayak) in 20 tries? wha??? -CTYankee
Close. It guessed a eucolyptus tree, then a pine tree. I was thinking of a redwood tree. -CyBear
Took it 28 questions to guess 'telephone'. -AmazingKreskin
stumped it on LSD... lol -HappyCrappy
It didn't guess "tech support", although it tried "human beings", "cyberspace" and "government". -Geminii
It also guessed that I was thinking about "something to do with drugs" -Phssstpok
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25.
Wife LART
Imagine, if you will, a quiet scene in a home office with a diligent tech-savvy individual working on an old PC for his son to use. Having recently set up a new home network with wireless for the wife in the 2nd office, wires for himself and the kids, he is busy trying to get the son's PC connected to start downloading patches, updates, virus signatures, Ad-Aware.... (you get the idea). After 30+ minutes of struggling, constantly getting 169. addresses, he gets up and actually LOOKS at the back of the PC. Noticing the complete lack of a network cable, this "tech" promptly walks into the 2nd office and says "Honey, smack me upside the head please". Without batting an eyelash, she does. She THEN asks "Why?". I relate the story to her and what does she do, you ask? Of course, offers to smack me again. I'll make a tech out of her yet.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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I think she already is - she smacks first, then asks questions later *grin* -teivrann
You can feel the love between them as well since she offers a second boot to the head without being asked. -Starfury
Would that have been a "reboot"? -ecoli
No ecoli, I think that qualifies as a dual-boot! -redevil34
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27.
She's a keeper (Pt 2)
5) sister-in-law's PC had a dying hard drive, but couldn't get my PC to recognize to back up the data (and yes CTYankee, I tried the freezer trick), 6) my PC no longer boots completely (get Win2K logon, enter info, machine returns to Win2k logon). So, why is "she a keeper", you ask? While I am struggling with #4, 5 and 6, wife looks at me and says "You want anything?" I reply, "Well, Taco Bell sounds pretty good right now but you're ready for bed and I'm too tired." Wife:"What do you want, I'll go get it". True to her word, she throws some pants and shoes on and goes and gets me TB so I can slave away into the night. Didn't resolve any of the issues, but proved beyond a shadow of a doubt why I said "I do!"
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Sorry for the length, but I had to vent somewhere. The printer is toast and further proof that the wife is the best - she is letting me get a new hard drive "just in case" mine is going "tits up" -virtualchoirboy
Nothing to apologise for, you've landed a keeper there. Congrats :) -NightRain
I'll trade?? J/K mine is coming around. She is finally realizing I can do house hold chores and play video games in one day. She doesn't beat me as hard now when I try to play. -MightyMouse
No complaints. She's a definite keeper. Similar to my wife, which is why we said our "I do's" 6+ years ago! Congrats. -SwedishChef
(sniff) how romantic! (sniff, gets hankie) -TechieSidhe
<Tries to restrain himself, thinks 'What the hell, if I don't say it some other idiot will'> The weather in CT must be pretty warm, VC, otherwise Mrs. VC would have needed more clothes than that. Still, nice for the guys at TB to have their evening brightened up. <and so saying, Gromit - who should know better but NEVER does, legs it once more for the LART-shelter..> -Gromit
(whimpers) Lucky... MM.... -Warrick
Buy that woman some flowers RIGHT NOW! She deserve them! -CyBear
Yup, she's a keeper. Take out to eat at a NICE restaurant! -ecoli
Is this a Fosters commercial? Treat her well. -LaserGuru
you're a luck man. congrats. <wanders off contemplating a long life alone> -wolfprince
I suspect Mrs. virtualchoirboy is related to Mrs. TechOgre. Good for you! -TechOgre
My husband will be out of town for a while, so I'm definately going to miss him- he does those kinds of things since I'm trying to get my degree and work full time... it's wonderful having someone who takes care of you, isn't it? -Eloewien
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28.
She's a keeper (Pt 1)
This story, dear readers, proves why some of us were crazy enough to get married in the first place. My day yesterday was not one I would wish on anyone, except maybe the worst of the starfish out there. During the day yesterday, I dealt with 1) slow leak in drivers side tire requiring it to be pumped up every 8 hours, 2) horrendous traffic trying to get family minivan home for wife to take oldest spawn to martial arts (15 minute commute was 30+), 3) worked two jobs with the 2nd being at a funeral home with an obnoxious family, 4) exploding ink cartridge in our printer (alright, it didn't REALLY explode, but all the ink came out in a VERY short time frame and got all over everything - desk, carpet, wife), (more)
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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29.
Cop Karma?
Been away for a few days on family vacation (Lake George, NY for those who care), but it seems our karma has run amock. During a day of doing the tourist thing, we decide we have had enough and meander back to the family vehicle. Wife makes one last stop while I drag the urchins... I mean my wonderful children to the van. Get there and an officer is in front of the vehicle and just finishing up the parking ticket. He looks up and says, "Sorry, but I'm just finishing". I reply, "Oh well, what's the fee?". Officer: "$9... or your first born" Me: "Kenny.... out of the van." We all laughed, the officer looks up and says "Tell you what, how about this..." and VOIDED the completed ticket. Got off scott free. To any and all that need karma at the moment, take mine. I've got plenty.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Sounds like a bargain. <does the math...> I'll save nearly $300,000!!! -scooby111
9 bucks???? That's all - hell that's cheaper than parking in a car park - last parking ticket I got was 30 gbp (60 gbp if you leave it longer than a month) - that's around 50 usd... -Shaede
What a cool cop! -mccallister
9 bucks?!?! i just got a parking ticket on friday for $95 (authorized parking only) -DedSysOp
That is cheaper then the parking garage where I work. Maybe I should move up there. -JH
I left LA because of parking. Partially. Worst one - $90 parking ticket + $180 in miscellaneous towing fees - temp towing zone (sign hidden by foliage/busted street light, only towable between certain hours so tons of other people parked there when I put my car there) Roomie picked the bill up because he found the spot for me, parked in it and led me to it to switch cars in exchange for using my spot in the garage while his car had expensive filming equipment in it. *sigh* -valkyrja
Good one! -CTYankee
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30.
Karma overload (NT)
First, any Rush fans will want to stop reading right now. Second, I'm expecting that we're (wife and I) a victim of a hoax, but if not - Holy Crap, Batman! We have apparently won one of 40 seats at a special XM Radio event with Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson in a "Storytellers" like setting on August 3rd in Washington, DC. Of course, with the wife being the bigger fan, she will be the one attending. Needless to say, we are aprehensive, but excited. Heck of a way to spend that week - event on Aug 3 and seeing them in concert three days later. Whatever we are doing with Karma, let's keep it going - maybe it will turn into something positive for all of us.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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DUDE That is fricki awesome. O am so jealous. I would love to see a full report of this. RUSH is the greatest band ever. -mikeatnight
I am so jealous now.. I saw them in concert a few years ago. Totally awsome... -rockytech
AAAAUGH! Congrats on the ticket score, of course. The two most recent times Rush came through here, I couldn;t go see them. The one just recently, my wife's just had her surgery, of course. The prior time, a major client scheduled a system move for that day...a week before the concert. Couldn't get them to change their minds, and I was the only tech qualified on their system. Go enjoy - I haven't been able to! -Grue
Congrats! The wife called and let me know, too...I'll pick on your spelling offline <EG> -CTYankee
Aw, they never play near here! And I may be the only person in a 3 county area who listens to them, so I don't know anyone who'd go with me on a long trip to see them. Congrats on winning the tickets! -Tekkie
Dude, you are soooo God-damaammmnn lucky! I had to miss the Houston show due to the eBay conference (it was great, BTW), but I've had the opportunities to see them many times before. (And you can probably tell by my pic who one of my major inspirations is!) :) -BayouTech
BayouTech, you have that right! An excellent, innovative drummer who can write lyrics that are thought-provoking and intelligent--Neil Peart rules! -Tekkie
Update: This appears to be genuine, but with a catch. We are responsible for travel and accomodations - no biggie since I have relatives in DC and it's only a 5-6 hour drive. We are sooooo psyched. And CTY - I'll LART you later. You have to expect spelling mistakes when in a state of euphoria after midnight and trying to brag.... <eg> -virtualchoirboy
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31.
Fantastic "Feedback" (non-tech)
For anyone who is a fan of Rush and classic 70's rock, I STRONGLY recommend the new album (out today in the US). They did a great job on recreating a few classics. In fact, the only disappointment is on "Summertime Blues" (didn't recreate the boss' voice). This is the first time they have ever done covers, and as far as I'm concerned, they NAILED it.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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RUSH is my favorite band. I meant to go out today and get the new album. I saw them in Nashville on the current tour and when they played "The seeker" I went NUTS!!!! -mikeatnight
Huh, a cover album. I've got all their other albums (they are my favorite band, too) but I'm leery of a cover album. I've nearly worn out my 3 copies of "Vapor Trails" so maybe I should give it a try. -Tekkie
I have to say they did an excellent job of maintaining both the sound and feel of the original song while managing to inject the definitive Rush style. My coworkers are going to be PISSED tomorrow as I will probably be playing this all day. Fortunately, my boss is just as big a fan (he even bought 4 tickets to the Aug. 6 show in Hartford, CT - 2 for him and 2 for me). He may be the bosses kid, but he has at least one redeeming quality. -virtualchoirboy
I am going to pick up a copy on Firday when I am off -rockytech
At the risk of a severe larting, who are Rush?? *ducks* -RainbowBoy
Oh, you poor deprived RainbowBoy - go to your local music store and scare up a copy of any Rush album. Listen to same in a situation where you can pay attention. You'll never be the same.... -Grue
Not a fan, just appreciate the work of Geddy Lee, Neal Peart, and Alex Lifeson. "The Analog Kid" got me through my teenage years. -Mushroom
I am a big fan, to the annoyance of most of my friends and family. I haven't bought any other artist's work in probably 10 years & know almost all the lyrics to all the songs. Amazing musicians & Peart's lyrics are incredible. -Tekkie
Rush is up there with my favorites (I have an extensive music collection). I can't wait to get a copy of this one. -leonine
Spooky....I had just come across my copy of 2112 and put it in when I came to this post. -phsspok
Nah. Permanent Waves was the last decent album. -rurwin
Sorry, I wasn't answering you, phsspok, yours is the only title I recognise. Everything else everyone is talking about is way too late. Xanadu contains the longest hyphen in music history. -rurwin
It's probably obvious by my profile pic who one of my major influences is.. :) Not surprisingly (especially since Neil uses these in his setup), many of the Vdrums.com forum members are huge fans too. -BayouTech
Rush rocks! I saw them here a few months ago for free. I came across the local rock station's van and when I pulled up to say hi, they gave me free tickets to a bunch of cool stuff. It was an awesome concert. Even better for free! -JH
I've found whenever I begin to feel bad for our little fishies, couple of listens to 'Temples of Syrinx' brings the proper mood back... -objekt404
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32.
Just shoot me now...
I *thought* I had made progress to get the owner of the small co I work for to think. Silly me. This is the same guy from "My keyboard is beeping!". Comes into my office and asks me to help him play a news video someone sent him. I get to his smoke filled lair and watch as he clicks "play". Video starts and yes, there is no sound. I take a look at the speaker icon in the tray and sound is NOT muted. One sudden flash of starfish-inspired brilliance later, I turn up the volume on the speakers and (glory be!!) wonderful sound issues forth. His response: "Oh, wow".
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Amazing how sound comes out of things when the speakers are plugged in, the unit's switched to "on", and the volume adjuster is set at an audible level... ;) -snowcrash
"I was told that I could listen to my radio at a resonable level" </milton from officespace> -jard
He has speakers ? Wow....Hold on..day dreaming.... -persephone
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33.
Should I be afraid?
Earlier tonight, my 3 year old son starts up his computer (running Win98) and when a scandisk screen pops up, proceeds to press 'Esc' to bypass it. The machine finishes booting, he launches his game and starts playing. I'm sitting at my PC, no more than 5 feet away and not one peep out of him. In fact, if I hadn't been turning to talk to the wife, I never even would have known. I think instead of being afraid, I'll just be glad that he's most definitely not a starfish and might be able to take over the role of family geek for the extended family some day...
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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I thought that training your children to be Tech Support qualified as Child Abuse -satanstech
Hmmmm, this is what *Daddy* does....but Mommy said I shouldn't use the words Daddy does....<BFEG> -CTYankee
Sweet! That is truly awesome. (Plus, next time you're on the phone with a starfish, you can honestly say, My three year old can do THAT!)" -hkypipe
Helldesk held both our sons on his lap when they were babies,while working on his computers.Our 5 year old probably knows more about them than the SF's that call in...hell, he probably knows more than I do. -persephone
Your 3-yr old his own computer? Woah. -kman52000
Kman: My son's two, and has his own computer. He's not quite that Technically savy, but he can turn it on and launch his games from the desktop. </proud pappa> -Bobsentme
on the downside, he'll have a system that never ever gets scandisked ;) -WildKard
My three-year old can navigate my home website (with all his games) and launch whatever he feels like. He can also point out a CPU, a hard drive, a PSU, and a video card. I let him help me install new programs witm me. -scooby111
Since I started helping the extended family transfer work and do initial setups with new PC's, I get the old ones once done. The two boys had been sharing a PC, but I am about to set up another machine to eliminate the "but it's MY TURN" fights. As for the scandisk, I perform routine maintenance on the machine once or twice a month after the kids go to bed. When he gets older, I'll teach him the rest. -virtualchoirboy
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34.
They CAN be taught I tell you!!!
My employer is a very small firm - 11 ppl total, 2 part time. One of the part timers is on the west coast, we're east coast. The first time I helped the CA sales guy, he was a supreme starfish. He was at the office last XMas and had me help him for a couple hours - more fishiness. A few more phone calls and lots of emails later, I think he has finally graduated from being a starfish to being just a regular, semi-competent user. Sent me an email tonight simply as an FYI to let me know about a recent problem, all the steps he took to resolve it and even included a copy of a couple of emails sent to tech support. Not one neep, nop, bleet or complaint. Just well thought out logic. I now have faith.... they CAN be taught!!
[By: virtualchoirboy]
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Comments
If they can be taught, then they weren't starfish to start with, just uninformed. I have worked with the same internal clients for 14 years, and some of them still can't grasp the concept of files and directories. -LadySharky
I concur with LadySharky - starfishiness - er, starfishitude(?) - is more than lack of ability, it's also the total lack of willingness to LEARN, combined with the arrogance required to make them think they know MORE than you do even though they had to come to you for help... -hkypipe
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35.
Programmer's Rant - Update
(back story) http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=30566 (/back story) I have been slogging through his code since that story and given up. I went back to the original QBASIC program and using the understanding I had from the f*cked up code, managed to recreate 2 of the 3 functions I needed in 6 hours today. Tomorrow, I will be expanding the 2nd function to allow user parameter input and then writing the third function. Damn do I feel both brilliant and farking stupid all at the same time. Why oh why didn't I do this from the beginning? <looks for nearest bottle of booze> Hopefully, I will get it finished tomorrow and thus qualify for a piece of the $30K - $60K in revenue these new functions will generate.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Musta hit the booze too hard. Back story is REALLY here http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=29879 <giving up and going to bed now> -virtualchoirboy
Per the booze: Near in space, or time? It *IS* Friday, dude....and the packies don't close until 8 PM. If you need a delivery boy and someone to gripe to, ask the lady of the house if I'm welcome bringing beer? <grin> -CTYankee
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36.
Which MP character are you.
I am Sir Lancelot: A vicious and bloodthirsty knight, you will kill anything to look good. You're also very sneaky and very clever. No one likes to have you as a wedding guest. Despite all this, you're a good friend who saves people from "certain temptaion."
http://quizilla.com/users/jackee/quizzes/What%20Monty%20Python%20Character%20are%20you?/
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Damm same here...pity about the Gain infested results page... -Waylander
Hehe, I'm King Arthur. Bloody Peasants! -modeski
French Guard. I'm French! Oh My God Nooooooooo! -BritishBunny
I'm Sir Bedevere. *wanders off to build a giant wooden rabbit* -flapjackboy
Apparently, so am I. (Well, if I have to be a man today, I might as well be king.) -snowcrash
I'm the rabbit... with big pointy teeth! It's the killer bunny! Run away! Run away! -Eloewien
King Arthur, here... Run away! Run away! -soccerdude
King Arthur, here. (Idealistic and *not* very bright...suits) -CTYankee
I'm the rabbit, cute and cuddly, but deadly -eNiGMaTech
Sir Lancelot. No big surprise here, according to Magenta. -RiffRaff
Sir Lancelot... and it befits well, I'm afraid.. bloody ainglish pigs!! -HappyCrappy
I'm the rabbit, too! <grins> -sassicatz
These results CAN'T be accurate. I'm King Arthur, too! -da5ve
I am Arthur, King of The Britons! -StylinTechie
Black Knight! Yes!!! -ShiftedBeef
I'm Bryan and so's my wife! -DracoSuave
I'm French, but I'm english. Argh!! Identity crisis! -pmillipede
LOL - Lancelot -Hellion
"Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"
-omegawolf
I was reading this and about to post "Screw the quiz, I'm the killer Bunny!". Still, I thought "Why not take the quiz anyhow." Turns out I'm the rabbit after all! *does happy dance* -Mathias
Sir Lancelot! Yes!! -ThirdOfFive
I am...THE BLACK NIGHT! NONE SHALL PASS! -kman52000
I am Sir Lancelot as well. must be all the dealings with star fish that made me into this. -Servo
I would take the quiz on the off chance I would be a killer bunny but then I'm probably the only living person who does not like Monty Python and just don't get the (?)humor. Sorry BritishBunny. Let the M.P. larts begin. Oh for more of Benny Hill. -Rabbitt
*blink* OK, this can't be right, can it? A geek who doesn't find Python funny? I didn't know that such people existed. -flapjackboy
Sir Bedevere here also -CommanderData
I'm the bunny! I'm the bunny! W00T!!! -Warrick
King Arthur, *starts calling everyone 'old woman* -DedSysOp
NO!!! Sir Robin... I WAAAAAAAANT A NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW MONTYYYYY PYYYYYYYTHON CHARACTEEEEEEEEEEER -BoxOfFrogs
This page cannot be displayed? Does Monty Python have a page as a character? -RTFM
I'm a French Guard I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?! -csatguru
I'm lancelot too... must be a tech thing. -Jerbear
I'm a Killer Rabbit!! Hmmm.....guess I better HOP to it then! <g> -rokitt
Sir Lancelot. Got any fresh victims? -TechnoVampire
French Guard I'm French...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -neuman1812
I came up as King Arthur when I took the yest this morning after reading The Langalist Plus newsletter. So did Fred. -OgdenTechGuy
I AM FRENCH (Canadian) It's all Holy Grail referrences. I personally find myself quoting the Frenchman often "Now go-away before I insult you a second time." Guess that was reflected in my answers! I fart in your general dir-ection! -Zentar
I'm King Arthur. I wanna be the rabbit!! -Tekkie
Hmph. Sir Lancelot here, too. -Grue
Im the rabbit...Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointed teeth! -rockytech
Another Sir Lancelot -volmtech
two more comments - One: for some reason, *does happy dance* floors me everytime I read it....it's like a {happy} switch. and two: When the Black Knight said, "NONE SHALL PASS!" Why didn't King Arthur look at him, pause, then say, "Oh, alright...I'm a nun! Please clear the path!?!" -CTYankee
Sir Lancelot -Motient
Another Beveyere here. I may not burn witches, just power supplies in web servers. But I didn't mean to... -teivrann
Looks like i'm Arthur as well. "What -- African or European?" -chazz
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37.
Programmer's rant
<rant>If you take the better part of two weeks and work with 1000 lines of old code and tell me that you are going to make a module that I can just plug into my existing 11000+ lines of code, don't make the old code work only as a standalone application that requires text files for input and have output only to the screen. And if you had any clue, you would have discovered the meaning of the words "variable scope", "comments" and "meaningful variable names".</rant> Working with this pile of SH*T (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for the last 3 days and likely have many more ahead. 95% of the 100+ variables are declared global, the ones that aren't global are passed back and forth to every sub or function whether they are needed or not. Variable names are REALLY descriptive like "F", "X", "XL", and "XR". In the 1000 lines of code, I'd be lucky if I could find 75 comment lines. And best of all, the asshat who spent 7-10 days working on this and said "here you go" is out of the office for the next week plus and can't help until he gets back. Gimme a bottle of anything (F*ck my cholesterol!) and I'll go back to sleep. Maybe it's all a bad dream....
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Hmmm....You have my sincerest sympathy. My wife is a code monkey ( im a board basher, and a network pimp), and the same thing happened to her. So we took a couple of laptops round to his house and camped outside until he fixed it. Rented a hotel and everything. It took three days and a broken window. We still laugh about it -LeutiusM
I HATE global variables. I hate them so much I once spent nearly a month rewriting one company's product to eliminate them entirely. -CommanderData
<Tosses Virual a cold six pack> Sympathies man. LeutiusM may have the right idea. Take a laptop and camp out on this sod's door step. -ecoli
You have my sympathies. Apparently, the guy who had my job before me didn't believe in passing variables to functions. 2,500 lines of code, 100% global variables, *ALL* declared as variant (VB's equivalent of C's void pointer). I wound up rewriting it from scratch. -ThirdOfFive
mmmmmmmmm, spaghetti gaaaaaaahhhhhhhh</homer> -VIPERsssss
Did he GOTO? I don't comment my code AT ALL, but I use meaningful variable names, and I pass arguments to my functions. Perl rules! -Veinor
http://mindprod.com/unmain.html -jard
that kind of code is called Job security code -DracoSuave
Talked to the guy late Friday and found out he had simply taken an old QBASIC program (10+ years old) and "made it work" in VB6. Since the old program was essentially one sub, he declared every variable global so that he could convert the 80+ GOTOs into subs and functions. Bastard "thought" that would be good enough. I have complained to his boss that what he promised is not usable and I will have to start from scratch, costing me at least 2 weeks of work. Unfortunately, the guy is too useful for field installs of our equipment, so he won't get fired, likely just removed from all coding promises. -virtualchoirboy
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38.
Not a story: Free copy of VB.Net
For any programmers out there, MS is offering a free copy of VB.Net Standard Edition (I know, it's only standard, but free is free). You have to watch 5 training videos (5-8 minutes each) and then a short 10 question survey (why VB.Net, do you want more spam... I mean newsletters). Standard disclaimers of one to a customer, while supplies last. If you care, great. If not, move along to the next story. http://msdn.microsoft.com/vbasic/atthemovies/
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
You don't really have to WATCH the videos, just RATE the videos. I bluffed my way through 'em, but I was gonna watch 'em until I started the first one and the sound was all distorted beyond recognition. -OgdenTechGuy
Huh, USA and Canada people only... -Wonko The Sane
My bad about the USA and Canada only. Should have mentioned that. Sorry to those across the various ponds. -virtualchoirboy
My copy is on the way! Thanks for posting this!!! -JoeLugian
Mine too. Sweet!!! -hkypipe
Videos are Fuzzy. I Know absolutely nothing about VB so I may actually watch the videos - mine's on the way -satanstech
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39.
Should be a link...
...but I'm poor. Got this from CTYankee and not sure why he hasn't posted here yet. The world needs to know: http://www.overclockersclub.com/?read=8316618 and from the company themselves: http://www.tempratech.com/chill1.html . Oh the possibilities...
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Thats just disturbing. Cool, yet distrubing
-burrkiss
Awww, that is COOL! *no pun intended* Now, see, this is a great example of utilizing modern technology. I'll buy a six pack just to try it! :) -rokitt
that is quite the CHILLING prospect... to have beer... cool.. ITSELF! watch out, the fridges of the world will revolt! I can see it now... huge fridge picket lines trying to ban the development of this technology... <falls off chair in daydreaming stupor> -Bynar
In related news: Still no cure for cancer. (But it looks like they're working on it.) -scooby111
i'd be curious to see if this technologiy could be applied to cooling cpu's..probably not though since the affects are only temporary but hey ya never know -kmonson
Perhaps an emergency overheat protection system. System registers temp in excess of maximum safe temp set in BIOS, and triggers the system to cool the CPU down, then if the technology permits the cooling system resets to be used again. -OgdenTechGuy
Price of Pepsi pre-I.C. Can: $.60 || Price of Pepsi post-I.C. Can: $4.95 -Gecko
Nice. It's just too bad that they probably won't be on the market before my next camping/fishing trip :( -Hellion
And how would it affect all the men who put their cans between their legs? -ab1normalh
why, it will have a chilling effect, of course! -CarbonTetra
Well CT, most alcoholic beverages *have* a chilling effect, depending on quantity.... -Dr Jerkyl
so where do we puncture the cans for "shotgun" parties -rednexxtech
Attention small companies and sturggling 3rd parties... PAY ATTENTION! At least if you're in a business that requires bottling... er... canning. -WildKard
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41.
Office Space fix...
Sorry, no star, but this was too much fun to pass up: http://www.phydiux.com/bill_lumbergh_soundboard.cfm
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
http://www.gotorion.com/orion/page1.php?&n=boards&f1=boardsd -billybien
I am going to have way to much fun with this. -jard
VCB- It sounds real cool if you click on mutiple sounds. A sussuration of Lumberghs. -LaserGuru
Yeah. I'm going to sort of disagree with you here... yeah... I don't really think this is the sort of thing we want to have here in techcomedy, yeah. This is concidered 'funny' and might not be sort of the calibur of thing we look for in this operation. So I'm going to go forward and ask you if you'd like to come in saturday, and, yeah, we'll need you to come in sunday too. Thanks. -DracoSuave
...And while you're at it, get yourself a can of roach spray... -billybien
Oh boy!! Thanks ever so much!!</grovel> I am going to have some fun with both of those sites! -ecoli
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42.
Knowing is half the battle... (Pt. 1)
... unless you are a starfish. While working on setting up a new server with our new code (for a customer), the AV on our regular server goes haywire starting to find virus after virus. After 32 alerts pop up in about 3 minutes, we figure the virus is actively running on someone's PC. Go to track them down and SF in charge of NEW server setup says "The AV on the PC's will catch it, go back to setting up". One of us ignores him and traces it back to..... the ancient laptop the SF just connected to the network. We get him to disconnect and the alerts stop. We think - problem solved. Can you say "flawed thinking"
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
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43.
Knowing is half the battle... (Pt. 2)
(Part 2) About 5 minutes later, SF RECONNECTS to the network and says in his infinite wisdom, "The AV software will catch the virus, it's caught everything so far". We reply "except for the stuff it doesn't know how to catch". His reply? "This laptop is so old, the AV software MUST know about anything that could possibly be on here". He steps away from his laptop for a minute to get something from his office and we shut down the laptop. When he comes back, we tell him it was infecting "critical new software we are shipping to customers". He agrees to run a virus scan from a clean boot disk.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
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44.
Knowing is half the battle... (3 of 3)
(Part 3 - Final) The scan starts and, miracle of miracles, it starts to find virus infected files. So far, EVERY potentially executable file has been listed as infected (i.e. exe, com, dll, ocx). It has been running since before 10:00am EST and just a few minutes ago, started on "Program Files". 6 hours just to scan and disinfect the Windows directory. I will post an update with the final tally.
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
Wow, I don't think I'd even bother. Reload it or pitch it. If it has that many problems I doubt AV will be able to fix it anyway. -Hellion
Agreed. FFR that fucker. -RiffRaff
Got a big magnet? <stops shaking because I can post again> -LaserGuru
Note to the laptop--three easy steps to remove said viruses: Take the gas pipe.... -vacuumtubes
We did an AV scan just because we were curious as to how badly infected the machine was. Over 1300 infected files - basically every executable in Windows, System and Program Files. A complete FFR is in the works (unless we just throw it in the dumpster), but first we going to see (tomorrow) if the damn thing will even start after that (without network connection of course). There were still 200+ files that Norton could NOT repair. Anyone up for a game of "Shoot the starfish"? -virtualchoirboy
They let ya do that in CT??? Can I send ya a resume? What's the cost of livin' like??? <rubs chin> Hmmm, Do I still have an active resume on Monster... :D -Hellion
Anyone want to come up with a DOOM wad file that replaces the imps with starfish, and the fireballs they throw at you with feces? "Starfish Doom." It'd sell like mad. <g> -RiffRaff
Riff, if I find my old DOOM WAD creater software I'll give it a go. Been a while mind.. -CommanderData
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46.
Victims of oursourcing - rejoice!!
Unfortunately, it is only in the UK so far (and banks to boot), but the backlash against outsourcing has started. Now if only I could get US firms to realize.
http://www.nationwide.co.uk/mediacentre/PressRelease_this.asp?ID=507
[By: virtualchoirboy]
Comment on Story
Comments
I am so thnakful that my company decided to outsource to a US company, rather than India like they orginally were thinking; And, that US company is just going to hire all of us! I consider myself one of the lucky ones! -Jenzkind
any HP techs that work in the pocketpc dept here? I kinda wonder if the ipaq support is outsourced and if so if its outsourced to more then one building.. seems like every time i've called in on this POS ipaq I bought my mom I get a totally different answer and some techs insit on getting information other techs don't seem to need. -kmonson
US firms DO realize it. Just as soon as it becomes more cost effective to bring them back, they will. As more customers demand competent, understandable tech support, they will have to change gears. It's happening, but just not very fast. -scooby111
The weak dollar hurts outsourcing. Wait till it goes back up. -LaserGuru
fuck you too. i'm an outsource, bitch! but we do suck, so i guess it's cool. -whyme
ok, i'm a fucking retard. i didn't read this post or the article correctly. just disregard anything i've said. starfish moment. -whyme
I'm outsourced but only to Canada. The cable ISP I work for has some of its own call centers in the states and it outsources to the company I work for, that then builds call centers and hires people to provide more support for the ISP. Honestly if it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't have a job - in like three months I probably had three jobs - two were temp and one sucked so much ass I quit. This sucks ass too but not in the backbreaking fingers bleeding every day way. The job market was crap here until they put in this call center (I've been working there almost three months now). I hope they never stop outsourcing to here. However I think outsourcing to places like india (no offense) is crap because no one understands them! I have had to deal with them and I have no idea what the hell they're saying. I'm just like 'send me a tech already'. I have customers who need further support out of my scope and i refer them to wherever they need to be and they say 'well I've already called there and it's in india and I can't get anything fixed I can't understand them'. I think outsourcing to another english-speaking not heavily accented (they usually don't catch on until I say 'out' *grin*) places are okay. But yes it's still taking jobs away from the US. It's a double-edged sword. The price for services would skyrocket without outsourcing, and people would be up in arms over what they had to pay. Can't win for losing. -discordkitty
well said i too am in the same place. Once the IT industry when down the tubes here- jobs dried up quikly. outsourced TS is what we former IT people have to fall back on. (its a rather high and painfull fall). this being said however i doo aggree that jobs shoudl be kept in their repective countries.. unless by some outstanding reason outsoursed TS would be an imporovment. -Harm
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Customer Misconceptions
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1.
That my office door being closed means you should just walk right in. I am in the middle of a major addition to some software of ours (yes, I am a programmer too) and need to be left alone, thus I close the door (foolishly) thinking that people will only bother me if it's important. Enter the co. pres. every 15-30 minutes just opening the door without knocking asking me to do some farkwit task like fix Outlook on his laptop or help him edit his latest PowerPoint presentation. Just shoot me now so I won't be in trouble when I can't deliver the changes on time.
[2004-02-04]
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Tech Rules
Customer Types
1.
(NT/OT) One of VT's F'Nuggets?
http://www.autotrader.com/fyc/vdp.jsp?ct=p&car_id=243640881&dealer_id=62515529&car_year=2001&model=INSIGHT&num_records=25&systime=&make2=&start_year=1981&keywordsfyc=&keywordsfyc=&keywordsrep=&keywordsrep=&engine=&certified=&body_code=0&fuel=&awsp=false&search_type=both&distance=0&marketZipError=false&search_lang=en&make=HONDA&keywords_display=&color=&page_location=findacar%3A%3Aispsearchform&min_price=&drive=&default_sort=priceDESC&max_mileage=&style_flag=1&sort_type=priceDESC&address=17602&advanced=&end_year=2009&doors=&transmission=&max_price=&cardist=570
... If true VT (and Riff for past experiences), I can begin to understand your pain!!!
[2008-05-18]
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Co-Worker Types
1.
The bosses kid
The child of the owner of the company. Has daddy's ear and can do no wrong. Anyone who even hints at BK's wrongdoing or improper behavior gets a thrashing. Regular hours are 9-5. Kid comes in at 10+ and leaves between 3-4. He's in charge of the company purse strings and the worst part....... he's my boss.
[2004-02-04]
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Customer E-mails
EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
1.
OMFG.... sometimes, the owner just gets it. Some background: I work for a small family owned business and report to the owner's son. Every Monday morning, we have a staff meeting and everybody attends. As usual, the BK (boss' kid) is being his surly self and berating everyone because the meeting is not going in the direction that he thinks it should. Towards the end, he's collecting his papers and getting ready to walk out when someone starts talking production/operations and he says "Oh, is that what this meeting is supposed to be about?". His father replies with:
"We'll continue the meeting when you decide to behave yourself."
BWAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Every once in a while, he just gets it. Took everything I had not to laugh out loud.
[2004-11-22]
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2.
(actually a bumper sticker) Just because you HAVE one doesn't mean you have to BE one!
[2004-08-18]
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3.
Bumper sticker, actually: Your computer may beat you at chess, but not KICKBOXING!
[2004-05-13]
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4.
"I'm more technologically DE-clined than inclined" - from our West Coast rep who (despite a complete lack of technical skills) was taking an Intro to HTML course. At least he's trying <shudder>
[2004-01-22]
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